Uncle: Ah... Ah... Ah...
(Sneezes)
Jackie!
Jackie: Yes, uncle.
Uncle: More hot tea, please!
Jackie: Yes, uncle. I have already put the kettle on.
Uncle: One more thing... (Sniffles)
Uncle's toes are chilly!
One more thing!
Uncle needs more cold and flu season garlic!
Jackie, groaning: Ohh... More garlic?
(Kettle whistles)
Uncle: Jackie! I hear water boiling!
What is hold-up?
Jackie: I am getting your garlic, uncle.
Jade, perhaps you could...
Jade: Sorry, uncle Jackie.
Love to help, but I gotta take care of the customers.
Tohru!
(Humming, music in headphones)
Uncle: Jackieeee!
Jackie: Coming, uncle!
Ah... Uh... Aah!
(Sighs) Here you are, uncle.
Is there anything else you need?
Uncle: Yes. Rest.
(Jackie exhales)
Stop making noise!
(Ding-ding-ding-ding)
One more thing.
Jackie: Yes, uncle?
Uncle: Another demon power has been released.
Jade: Cool!
Uncle: Aaiii-yaahh!
It is tchangzu, the thunder demon,
defeated in ancient times by magic castanets.
Jade: Castanets, huh?
Sounds like a road trip. Spain, Mexico?
Jackie: The bottom of the ocean.
It is a sunken ship.
And there are letters on the hull.
Jade: A-n-I-c.
Whoa! The castanets went down with... The Titanic!
Jade: What do you mean, it's not the Titanic? Àthe name on the hull...
Black: Ends with a-n-I-c.
It's the oceanic.
Sank in the arctic waters in 1932.
According to the passenger manifest,
there was a troop. Of flamenco dancers on board.
No doubt used the castanets in their act.
Jade: The Titanic, oceanic. Àpotato, pot-ahto.
It's still deep-sea salvage, and that is mondo coolio!
Jackie: It is mondo dangerous, Jade.
The ship sits at the bottom of an icy ocean.
Black: Fortunately, section 13 has a new submersible vehicle,
especially designed for... (Sniffs)
What is that odor? Smells like...
(Jackie sniffs)
Jackie: Uncle.
Tohru: I pleaded with sensei àto stay in bed,
but he would not listen.
Uncle: Uncle is needed. Demon chi is very powerful.
Black: Oh! So is that garlic.
Strikemaster ice: Y'all ready to shred?
Mc cobra: Tahoe is gonna be off the hook! Yeah!
Drago: And where do you three snow bunnies think you're off to?
Strikemaster ice: Gonna bust a move on some fresh powder, dawg.
Drago: Wrong answer... Dawg.
All three: Yo!
Strikemaster ice: A'ight. I feel ya, d.
You vibin' on some new demon chi?
Drago: Big time. The power of thunder,
contained in a pair of immortal castanets.
Strikemaster ice: Castanets, huh? Ole!
So where they gonna be at... cabo?
Mc cobra: Sweet! Yeah. We could catch some primo rays.
Drago: The castanets are under water.
(Shudders) Not exactly my cup of chi.
Strikemaster ice: Why you say that, d.?
Don't tell me you're scared of a little surf.
Drago: Scared? No.
I just dislike being under water
because then I can't do this!
Just because I won't be going on this little sea hunt
doesn't mean you three can't.
You'll need a submarine.
Strikemaster ice: A sub? See, now, that's kinda tricky, yo.
Mc cobra: Not like we're gonna find one
with the key still in the ignition.
Strikemaster ice: Yo, ho, ho! Hold up, chief!
My boy dj fist's got a bright one.
Jade: Whoa!
That is one kean-o submarine-o.
Black: Section 13's newest prototype.
Able to withstand 3,000 tons of pressure,
lateral maneuverability, retractable pincer arms.
Jade: Well, what are you landlubbers waiting for?
Let's shape up and ship out.
Jackie: You are not going, Jade.
Jade: Jackie! I saw the movie Titanic 12 times!
That makes me a total expert on sunken treasure.
Uncle: Jade must listen to Jackie.
You cannot go on sub with us!
Jackie: And neither can you, uncle.
Not with your cold.
All those germs in a tiny, enclosed space...
Ow!
Uncle: Uncle is not infectious! Ah-choo!
And you cannot perform removal spell yourself!
Jackie: I realize that, uncle.
But tohru and I can retrieve the castanets,
and you can perform the removal spell later on dry land.
Black: Makes sense.
Uncle and Jade: Ohh...
Drago: Well?
Strikemaster ice: It's all good, dawg.
We got everything we need.
Drago: You have a submarine in there?
Strikemaster ice: Naw, we got tools.
Cobra and fist gonna build you one.
Drago: I wouldn't trust those two to mow my lawn!
(Clanking, drilling)
Strikemaster ice: Word up, d. These two got mad skills!
Drago: They're gonna have mad scars if...
Mc cobra: Somebody order a sub?
Strikemaster ice: Yo, that is one sweet ride.
Come on, d. Give my boys some props!
Strikemaster ice: Yo, got it. Keepin' it low-key.
Black: All right, Jackie.
Brace yourselves for splashdown.
Jackie: Balance, tohru.
Tohru: Jackie?
Jackie, muffled: Ohh...
Are we there yet?
Maintain course, tohru.
I believe the oceanic àis directly below us.
(Sniff, sniff)
What is that odor?
(Sniff, sniff)
Jade: Hi, Jackie.
Jackie: Jade...
Jade: I know, I know. Too dangerous.
But you need me, uncle Jackie.
Ok, fine. I'll leave.
Jackie: Very funny!
We are 20,000 leagues under the sea, and...
(sniff, sniff)
Oh! Why do you smell like garlic?
Jade: Not me.
It's coming from...
Uncle: Hi, Jackie.
Jackie: Uncle!
Jade: Great minds think alike.
Uncle: Wipe sourpuss off face!
Uncle is not infectious!
Now get uncle a blanket. It's freezing in sub!
Strikemaster ice: Dropzone dead ahead, homies.
Yo, fist, drago say east or west of the glacier?
Strikemaster ice: Yo, we don't ski till we get the chi.
You feel me?
Jackie: Tohru, you must drive more carefully!
Tohru: I do not understand.
There are no rock formations in this area.
Jade: Uh, Jackie?
Uncle: Aiiii-yaaaah!
Giant crab monster!
Jade: I never thought I'd be on this end of a submarine sandwich.
Jade: Oh, uncle! Isn't there some kind of
"crab be gone" mojo you can do?
Uncle: Magic must defeat magic, not overgrown shellfish!
Jackie: You are right, uncle!
Crab must defeat crab!
(Jackie, uncle, tohru, Jade yelling)
(Lobster screeches)
Tohru: Oh... I fear we are only making him angrier.
Jade: Let's see how you do against a video game pro.
Hang right, crew. We're about to experience a little turbulence!
(Screeches)
Make a wish.
Yes! He's crab cakes now!
Uncle: Aiii-yaaah!
Jackie gasps: It is the oceanic!
Jade: Come on, slowpoke.
Jackie: Jade, you are staying inside the sub.
Jade: Ohh...
Jackie: It is an enormous ship.
Finding the castanets among the wreckage will not be easy.
Uncle: So use chi-o-matic!
Jackie: Under water?
Uncle: Baggie seals in freshness.
(Metal creaks, shifts)
Jackie: Ow!
But uncle, we found the immortal castanets!
Uncle: Yes. And chi-o-matic is soaked like overcooked noodle!
Cannot do removal spell until it is dry! (Sub engine struggles)
Tohru: I believe we may have a bigger problem, sensei.
Uncle: I know! Uncle is running out of garlic!
Tohru: No. I'm afraid our submarine is not rising to the surface.
Jackie: Hmm. It must have been damaged by the giant crab.
We will have to jettison some weight.
Tohru: I'm sorry. I am not a very good swimmer.
Jade: No prob. I'll go.
Jackie: No, you will not, Jade.
I will go.
Jade: Fine! But only because you weigh more...
A lot more! A whole lot...
Uncle: Jackie!
Do not surface too quickly or you will get the bends.
Jade: He gets a German luxury car?
Jackie: No, Jade. The bends is a condition
that occurs when a diver rises too quickly.
Tohru: I have heard that the pressure change can cause wooziness,
delirium, or worse.
Jackie: Yes. I will swim very, very slowly.
Strikemaster ice: Yo, peep this, dawgs.
The man with the castanets.
After we get them clackers, we can leave chan to sleep with the fishes.
Mc cobra: Oh, that's whacked. You lost him, bro!
Strikemaster ice: Yo, chan must have booked for the surface.
But it's all good. We'll be waitin'.
Jade gasps: Jackie!
Uncle: Aaiii-yaah!
Uncle told him not to swim quickly!
Nephew never listens.
(Jackie grunts)
Luckily, I avoided betting the gends.
I... hee hee hee!
I mean I... ooh!
Ground is all wobbly like pudding!
I like tapioca.
Jade: Ooh! Can't this crate move any faster?
Tohru: Unfortunately, no.
Uncle: Jackie can take care of himself.
Right now, it is uncle who needs help.
Chi-o-matic must be bone-dry to operate properly.
Tohru: Perhaps you can use this.
Jade: You brought a hair dryer on a deep-sea mission?
Tohru: Ocean air gives me the frizzies.
Strikemaster ice: Let's do some thrashin'!
Jackie: Hello, neighbors. Nice day.
Strikemaster ice: Oh, yeah!
Nice day to bust open a can of whoop-chan!
Jackie: Oh, pretty!
You made a snow angel.
Strikemaster ice: Get him, yo!
Jackie: We play Patty cake?
Strikemaster ice: All right, fool. Enough reindeer games.
Hand over the castanets.
Jackie: Cast a net? Oh! We go fishing?
I like fishies!
Strikemaster ice: Chan, you feelin' all right?
Jackie: Peachy keen.
Jade: Come on! We gotta find Jackie!
Uncle: Uncle will stay here,
finish styling chi-o-matic.
Strikemaster ice: Yo, got me a burnin' desire
for those castanets, chan.
Jackie: Ooh! Pretty fireworks.
Is it Chinese new year already?
Jade: Didn't anyone ever tell you smoking's bad for your health?
Strikemaster ice: Shrimp, you headed for the Barbie.
Jackie: Oh ho! We play freeze tag?
You are it.
Jade: Avalanche, comin' at ya.
Tohru: Jackie, are you all right?
Jackie: Yes, but you two are very wobbly.
Wobbly is a funny word.
Rhymes with gobbly. Hee he.
Jade: He has so got the bends.
Jackie: I do? What a nice car!
Yay for me!
Oh! Hello again, buddy!
Jade: Charge!
Uncle: Yu mo guai guey à fi Dee tsao...
Ah-choo!
Yu mo guai guey à fi de tsao...
Drago: Crunchy metal outside,
gooey chi filling inside.
Uncle: You want a piece of uncle?
Drago: Gonna be several pieces of uncle when I'm through!
Uncle: Eeeeaaaaah!
Jackie: Hee hee! Look at the flying old man!
Jade: Climb aboard, t. I'll steer.
Tohru: We're coming, sensei.
Uncle: Take your time! No hurry.
Jackie: Wheeee!
(Drago growls)
Drago: Anyone up for some flame-enco dancing?
And now, for the main attraction...
Uncle: Aiii-yaah!
Drago is absorbing power of tchangzu,
the thunder demon!
Jackie: Ooh! Pretty.
Drago, as Elvis: Tchangzu. Tchangzu very much.
And don't even think about following me.
Much as I'd love to stay and chill,
I'll leave that to you.
Jackie: A skating rink. Fun!
Jade: Well, this turned out well.
Drago gets the thunder power,
we're stuck in the middle of the ocean on a melting chunk of ice...
(Sniffs) And somebody so needs a breath mint!
Tohru: And it appears that a storm is brewing.
Black: Need a lift?
Jackie: Whirly-birdy!
Black: Jackie has a bad case of the bends.
Needs to decompress for 48 hours.
Same for uncle.
Uncle: Let uncle out!
Jade: Poor guy. Totally delusional.
Tohru: I do not understand, Jade.
Why did you tell captain black that sensei had the bends?
Jade: You kidding? That garlic smell was making me gag!
I figure, 2 days in solitary,
good-bye, major stink.
Uncle: Let uncle out! Aaiiii-yaaah!
Jackie: I hear knock-knock. Who's there?
Hee hee. I like monkeys.
And wax lips.
This is a nice phone booth.
Ooh, look, I can make funny sounds with my underarms!
Hee hee hee hee! Oop... 'scuse me.
Jade: Hey, Jackie, do you like to surf the web?
Jackie: I want to surf something I want to surf.
I'm not like...
How do you say? Surf the whole day.
Lotta people just... nothing to do, just surf, surf.
No, I just surf one thing. The things I want to know I surf.
Then after that I leave.