Tohru: Unh! Oh!
Jade: That's it, big guy. Only 2 more miles.
Tohru: Oh, I can't... I can't make it.
Jade: Can't isn't in our vocabulary.
Feel the burn!
(Tohru groans)
Uncle: Aiiyaa!
Jackie!
Jade: What is it, uncle?
Uncle: A drum!
The immortal relic used to defeat po Kong,
the mountain demon.
Demon chi has been activated!
Jackie: Canada.
Stone walls. Must be Quebec.
It's a walled city.
We'd better move quickly.
After losing the thunder demon chi,
drago will be more determined than ever.
(Tohru breathing heavily)
Jade: Going somewhere?
Jackie: Canada. The mountain demon chi is in Quebec.
Jade: Cool! I can practice my French.
Croissant, crepe, creme brulee, baguette.
Tohru: Mmm! Baguette.
Jade: No baguette, tohru!
Think lean and mean protein.
No bread, no pasta, no rice, no cookies, no cake.
Jackie: No Quebec.
And no argument.
You have a big math test tomorrow. Remember?
You stay here with tohru.
Jade: Aww. Tohru: Ugh!
(Chi-o-matic sputtering)
Jackie: Is it broken?
Uncle: Not anymore.
Jackie: "Ancient rice and artifacts collection?"
Rice? I thought we were searching for a drum.
Maybe that thing is broken.
Maybe it's that new containment jar.
Uncle: Since when are you the big-time expert?
New containment jar not a problem.
Uncle made so device can hold
more than one demon chi at once.
Does not affect the way detector works.
Now knock.
French woman: Bonjour.
Comment allez-vous à aujourd'hui?
Jackie: Maybe we should have brought Jade.
Jackie: Uh... Bonjour.
My name is Jackie chan,
and this is my uncle.
We are from America,
and we are looking for an ancient drum.
Do you have one?
French woman: Bienvenue.
Entree, entree.
Merci de venir.
Amusez-vous.
Uncle: Uncle knows that people collect many things...
But rice?
Chopsticks?
Jackie: Wooden chopsticks.
Uncle: Carved from ancient drumsticks, used to play
immortal drum.
Jackie: But which ones?
Drago: Chan fried rice, anyone?
Uncle: Aiiyaa!
Jackie: Drago!
Drago: I'd say it was good to see you, chan,
but why start the day with a big, fat lie?
Jackie: Uncle!
The chopsticks!
We will have to take them all!
French woman: Qu'est-ce à que c'est?
Jackie: Watch out!
Uh, you know, I never did get your name.
Uncle: Aiiyaaa!
Drago: So how would you like your uncle to be cooked?
Rare, medium or well-done!
Jackie: Strike.
Uncle: Maybe uncle should retire?
Drago: Dead end, old man,
in more ways than one.
(Tohru grunting)
Jade: Come on, tohru.
You need to get in shape.
No pain, no gain.
Almost there.
(Tohru grunts)
Jade: Perfect! That was one.
Way to push yourself, dude.
Eating right is cool, you dig?
If you don't, your butt's too big.
Sorry, pal.
Think lean. But cheer up!
There's a tasty tofu Patty back home with your name on it.
(Tohru groans)
Jackie: I don't think I've ever been so tired.
(Yawns)
Uncle: No yawning!
We have work to do!
(Yawns)
Jackie: I know, I know.
We must find which chopsticks
contain the mountain demon chi.
(Uncle yawns)
(Grunts)
Jackie: You falling asleep!
Uncle: Stop pointing finger!
You are the one falling asleep!
Jackie: No, I am wide awake!
But you, you are doing this!
(Imitates yawn)
Uncle: Not sleeping.
Resting eyes.
But maybe tea will help you keep yours open.
Uncle will put kettle on...
In just a minute.
(Both snoring)
(Stomach growls)
Tohru: I heard you the first time.
(Both snoring)
Tohru: Ohh, I hate fish...
And tofu Patty.
Mmm. Yummy pork fried rice.
No. Jade said I should not have rice.
One bite couldn't hurt.
Jade.
Hmm.
Pretty.
(Drago growls)
Drago: I can't believe we're back in this lame junkyard!
The space needle lair, gone!
The thunder demon chi, gone!
And any faith I ever had that you 3 were
strong enough to beat Jackie chan, gone!
Strikemaster ice: Yo, dude,
step off the blame game.
It wasn't our fault.
Drago: Then whose fault was it?!
Mc cobra: Yours?
Drago: You wanna guess again?
Mc cobra: Nah. I'm cool.
Drago: I'm through losing everything to Jackie chan.
I want that mountain demon chi.
And then it's payback time.
Oh, yeah, it's gonna be something chan's never gonna forget.
Hear what I'm sayin'?!
But first thing's first.
Strikemaster ice: Uh, are we supposed to follow him or what?
Both: Huh?
Jade: 5 pounds?!
Uncle: Aiiyaa!
Jackie: Mommy!
Jade: How did you gain 5 pounds in 2 days?
You've been cheating on your diet, haven't you?
Haven't you?!
You know what that means.
Tohru: No! No, please. Not push-ups.
Jade: Drop and give me 20!
Tohru: That scale's an antique.
Perhaps it is defective.
Uncle: Nothing in uncle's shop is defective!
(Chi-o-matic sputters)
Jackie: Make that almost nothing.
Uncle: Detector not defective,
just temperamental.
Now hurry and dig through the chopsticks.
We are behind schedule because you fell asleep.
Jackie: So did you.
Uncle: Uncle merely resting brain.
Jackie: How is it possible?
None of these chopsticks contain the demon chi?
Uncle: Maybe you dropped pair?
Jackie: I did not drop anything.
Besides you were the one holding the bag.
Just admit it. I'm right.
That machine of yours has gone haywire.
Uncle: Uncle not saying yes. Uncle not saying no.
Uncle not saying haywire.
Uncle will run test.
Happy?
Jade: You've got to be kidding me!
7 more pounds in one day?
Don't even try to tell me you're not cheating,
'cause I know you are!
Tohru: I may have been... Snacking.
Jade: On what, concrete?
Uncle: Aiiyaa!
Uncle's been robbed!
Jackie: What did they take? Ancient carvings, rare paintings?
Uncle: Bagels!
Jackie: Bagels? Jade: Bagels.
Uncle: Doughnuts, soup, hummus, everything's gone!
Jackie: What kind of thief steals only food?
Uncle: Hungry thief.
Calling police.
Put out apb for uncle's cream cheese.
Jackie: Uncle, the police don't have time
to track down your...
Jade: Besides there is no thief.
It was just tohru...
Cheating on his diet.
He's gained 7 pounds since yesterday!
Tohru: Maybe I'm retaining a little water.
Jade: Yeah, maybe you're retaining the pacific ocean.
Drago: This is more like it!
The right crib. Makes all the difference.
Strikemaster ice: Place rocks, d-man!
Mc cobra: Yeah, and these night vision things
are off the hook!
Drago: If you think this is sweet,
just wait'll we bring it to the chans!
Strikemaster ice: Bring on the hurt...
Mc cobra: Bring on the pain!
Strikemaster ice: Yo, so what's the plan, d-dude?
Drago: Surprise attack on the antique shop
owned by chan's uncle.
Strikemaster ice: Cool. Hit 'em on their own turf.
Drago: We're gonna take down the chans,
take down section 13,
and then all the demon chi will finally be mine!
It's gonna be my turn to call the shots!
Strikemaster ice: For reals, homes.
Security guard: Hey, who's in there?
Drago: We don't need any unnecessary heat right now.
Meeting adjourned.
Don't forget the swag.
Jackie: Uncle, it's very late.
Are you all right?
Uncle: Uncle is fine.
And so is chi detector.
Chopsticks do not have mountain demon chi.
Jackie: Then where did it go?
Jade: I knew it.
He is so weak.
Whoa! So not nutritious.
Tohru: Food!
Jade: Aah! Aah! Jackie! Uncle!
Uncle: Why can't niece use indoor voice?
Jade: Told ya. It's like he's a giant trash compactor.
(Jackie gasps)
Uncle: Not trash! Priceless antiques!
Drago: Approaching target of opportunity.
200 yards and closing.
Continue stealth mode.
Mc cobra: Why is he talkin' into the headset?
Yo, we're right here.
Strikemaster ice: Dude's into protocol.
Drago: The chans will never see this coming.
Or anything else ever again.
Take no prisoners.
Jackie: I don't know how it happened,
but tohru must have absorbed the mountain demon chi.
Jade: Ya think?
Uncle: Aiiyaa!
Han dynasty noodle cabinet!
Tohru, uncle's shop is not an all you can eat buffet!
No! Stop! Not Tibetan prayer table!
Cost uncle small fortune!
Jackie: Uncle! Forget about the table!
We need to remove. The demon chi from tohru.
Uncle: How about plastic mahjong set?
Much better for digestion!
Jade: Whoa. Looks like tohru's done with the appetizers.
Jackie: And moving on to the main course.
Uncle: Uncle's afraid today's special is San Francisco!
Jade: Hurry! We must remove the mountain demon chi from tohru
before he turns the entire city into breakfast!
All: Whaa! Hyah!
Drago: Game over, chan!
Strikemaster ice: Whoa! Looks like somebody already crizzashed this partay!
Mc cobra: Drag.
Drago: Grrr!
I smell demon chi.
Jackie: Tohru, stop!
Jade: Whoa! He is so gonna have heartburn.
Uncle: Too far away. Must get closer!
Jackie: Aah!
Oh, no! Not now!
Ow!
Bad day, bad day.
Jade!
Uncle: Aiiyaa!
Jade: Aah! Aah!
Tohru: Jade.
Jade: Aah!
Drago: It's over, chan!
Your family tree is about to be chopped down!
Strikemaster ice: Whoa! Earthquake?
Jade: Tohru quake!
(Tohru grunting)
Tohru: Arrgh! (Snorts)
All: Aah!
Drago: Yo, jolly green freak show!
You've got something that belongs to me,
and I want it back!
(All grunting)
Uncle: Jackie! The blowfish!
Jackie: Whoa!
Jade, stay here.
Jade: This time, I think I will.
(Uncle chanting in Chinese)
Jackie: Uncle!
Wait!
If you remove the mountain demon chi from tohru,
he will be crushed!
Jackie: No! Tohru!
Tohru: Ugh!
Drago: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!
(Uncle chanting in Chinese)
Drago: No!
Drago: You're gonna pay for that!
Uncle: Uncle doesn't have cash.
How about I.O.U.?
(Chanting in Chinese)
Drago: Aah!
(Uncle chanting)
Tohru: Ugh! What's happening?
Jackie: Uncle is trying to remove drago's fire power.
Jade: Yes!
(Uncle chanting)
Drago: Aghh!
Ugh!
My fire power!
This isn't over!
Jackie: Actually... I think it is.
Strikemaster ice: Yo, don't sweat it, d-man.
We got your back!
Jade: Ooh! Uncle really put drago's fire breath on ice!
Jackie: And now. - Section 13 will finally have
all the demon chi powers under control.
(Tohru burping)
Tohru: Ooh, sorry.
Must've been something I ate.
Jade: Yeah, well, I hope you enjoyed your little binge,
'cause from here on out, I have 2 words for you.
Celery sticks.
And don't think that just because you saved us and everything
you get to skip your workout tomorrow, 'cause that's not gonna happen.
Tohru: Unhh!
Jade: Hey, Jackie, have you ever flown a plane?
Jackie: Actually, I did.
Not the commercial one, of course, the private jet,
with the pilot and the copilot let me to drive.
But I'd really like to learn helicopter.