1 00:00:03,403 --> 00:00:05,701 2 00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:12,978 3 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:20,074 Who are the real-world Illuminati ? Find out @ saveanilluminati.com 4 00:00:28,628 --> 00:00:29,788 Yep. 5 00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:32,258 Yep. 6 00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:35,093 Yep. 7 00:00:35,835 --> 00:00:36,824 8 00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:42,934 You know what it could be? That damn starter motor. 9 00:00:43,576 --> 00:00:45,544 You getting good compression? 10 00:00:45,678 --> 00:00:46,770 Yeah. 11 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,477 I know what's wrong with it. 12 00:00:49,682 --> 00:00:51,047 It's a Ford. 13 00:00:51,451 --> 00:00:53,976 You know what they say Ford stands for, don't you? 14 00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:56,645 It stands for "Fix It Again, Tony." 15 00:00:57,424 --> 00:00:59,756 You're thinking of a Fiat, Dale. 16 00:01:00,493 --> 00:01:03,360 "Fix It Again"... 17 00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:07,993 I'll tell you what you do. 18 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,662 You take them spark plugs out, and in that little hole... 19 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:13,365 you put oil round there, just like Bobby Unser said: 20 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:16,238 "The shock'd go bo-boom," just like that. 21 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,910 Well, I wish it were that simple, Boomhauer. 22 00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:22,908 But I'll tell you what my truck really needs. 23 00:01:22,982 --> 00:01:24,006 Leadership. 24 00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:26,851 Detroit hasn't felt any real pride... 25 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,184 since George Bush went to Japan... 26 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:31,849 and vomited on their auto executives. 27 00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:33,557 Who's ready? 28 00:01:36,529 --> 00:01:37,928 29 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,560 You all catch the Seinfeld show last night? 30 00:01:41,634 --> 00:01:43,727 - Yep. - Hell, I missed it. 31 00:01:43,803 --> 00:01:46,863 See that part where dang old George comes in there? 32 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,840 He talks about tasting his own burp. 33 00:01:48,908 --> 00:01:52,105 And Kramer comes sliding in just like he always does. 34 00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:55,909 I tell you what, man, them dang old New York boys. 35 00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:58,011 Just a show about nothing. 36 00:02:01,321 --> 00:02:03,585 37 00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:34,220 What you listening to, son? 38 00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:35,811 I don't think you'd like it. 39 00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:36,878 Well, why not? 40 00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:39,220 I like this new generation of music. 41 00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:41,186 42 00:02:41,761 --> 00:02:42,819 WOMAN: Hello? 43 00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:43,988 44 00:02:44,063 --> 00:02:46,691 Mother of God! It's all toilet sounds! 45 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,533 Where did you record this? 46 00:02:48,601 --> 00:02:50,068 I bought it at the mall. 47 00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:51,694 It's the Funny Phone Jerks. 48 00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:55,798 HANK: Let me tell you, Bobby, there's nothing funny about these sounds. 49 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:59,911 What that person on your tape has is a medical disorder. 50 00:03:00,213 --> 00:03:02,272 Now you get ready for the game, okay? 51 00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:03,539 Yes, sir. 52 00:03:03,549 --> 00:03:03,878 Yes, sir. 53 00:03:04,249 --> 00:03:06,046 That boy ain't right. 54 00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:07,851 55 00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:08,852 HANK: Oh, God! 56 00:03:08,921 --> 00:03:11,219 Luanne, I thought you went home! 57 00:03:11,290 --> 00:03:13,781 No, Uncle Hank, Mama and Daddy are still fighting. 58 00:03:14,026 --> 00:03:15,926 Well, you're welcome to stay. 59 00:03:15,994 --> 00:03:18,690 But for God's sakes, girl, lock the door. 60 00:03:18,797 --> 00:03:21,425 I've got a minor son living in this house. 61 00:03:21,767 --> 00:03:23,029 62 00:03:24,102 --> 00:03:27,663 So are you ready to kick some Wildcat butt, Bobby? 63 00:03:28,106 --> 00:03:29,198 Okay. 64 00:03:29,341 --> 00:03:32,640 Now don't you worry, son. You just do your best. 65 00:03:32,711 --> 00:03:34,372 Don't listen to her, Bobby. 66 00:03:34,446 --> 00:03:38,405 If you want to win, you're gonna have to do better than your best. 67 00:03:38,483 --> 00:03:40,110 How do I do that? 68 00:03:40,185 --> 00:03:43,120 You gotta give 110 percent. 69 00:03:43,555 --> 00:03:45,750 That's what'll give you that winning edge. 70 00:03:45,824 --> 00:03:49,282 But what if the Wildcats give 110 percent, too? 71 00:03:49,628 --> 00:03:51,687 Well, then you gotta try even harder. 72 00:03:51,763 --> 00:03:54,288 How about if Bobby gave 112 percent? 73 00:03:54,766 --> 00:03:56,461 Sure, that'd work. 74 00:03:56,535 --> 00:03:59,504 Or maybe 113. 75 00:03:59,638 --> 00:04:00,627 76 00:04:00,706 --> 00:04:02,799 Yeah, yeah, that's even better. 77 00:04:02,874 --> 00:04:04,171 No, I don't know. 78 00:04:04,242 --> 00:04:06,142 13 is a very unlucky number. 79 00:04:06,211 --> 00:04:08,509 Look, we're not talking about 13. 80 00:04:08,580 --> 00:04:11,105 We're talking about 113. 81 00:04:11,183 --> 00:04:12,616 And even... 82 00:04:12,684 --> 00:04:15,710 Okay, give 112, what's the difference? 83 00:04:15,787 --> 00:04:18,688 Look, Bobby, just do your best, okay? 84 00:04:19,224 --> 00:04:20,384 85 00:04:21,994 --> 00:04:24,258 HANK: Swing, Bobby! Swing! Swing! 86 00:04:24,496 --> 00:04:26,191 87 00:04:26,264 --> 00:04:27,162 Ball one. 88 00:04:27,232 --> 00:04:29,257 Good eye, honey, good eye. 89 00:04:30,235 --> 00:04:32,066 Oh, for crying out loud. 90 00:04:33,939 --> 00:04:37,204 Bobby, you can't make an omelet without breaking eggs. 91 00:04:37,275 --> 00:04:40,438 And you can't get on base without taking a swing. 92 00:04:40,512 --> 00:04:43,208 The pitcher could walk me, couldn't he? 93 00:04:43,315 --> 00:04:45,442 Don't play lawyer-ball, son. 94 00:04:45,550 --> 00:04:48,348 Now you hit the next one out of the park. 95 00:04:51,123 --> 00:04:52,750 HANK: Run! 96 00:04:53,258 --> 00:04:54,247 Run! Run! 97 00:04:55,193 --> 00:04:56,217 98 00:04:56,294 --> 00:04:57,591 99 00:04:58,930 --> 00:05:02,058 HANK: Look at the batter, boy! Watch the ball! 100 00:05:02,167 --> 00:05:03,191 Huh? 101 00:05:03,268 --> 00:05:04,394 What? 102 00:05:04,469 --> 00:05:07,802 Hey, don't look at me! Keep your eye on the ball. 103 00:05:07,873 --> 00:05:09,841 Keep my eye on the what? 104 00:05:09,908 --> 00:05:12,604 Stop looking at me, boy! Watch the ball! 105 00:05:12,678 --> 00:05:14,441 Can't hear you, Dad! 106 00:05:15,147 --> 00:05:16,136 107 00:05:17,182 --> 00:05:18,206 108 00:05:18,283 --> 00:05:20,979 Don't worry, Bobby. You played a good game. 109 00:05:21,386 --> 00:05:26,380 I gotta stop in here for a minute, and get me some WD-40 and a tap and die. 110 00:05:26,892 --> 00:05:28,883 111 00:05:30,529 --> 00:05:33,327 INTERCOM: Manager to Register 47, please. 112 00:05:34,199 --> 00:05:36,531 I hate this place. 113 00:05:36,802 --> 00:05:39,498 Excuse me, where is the hardware department? 114 00:05:39,571 --> 00:05:41,971 Where is the hardware department? 115 00:05:43,909 --> 00:05:45,900 CLERK: What exactly is it you're looking for? 116 00:05:45,977 --> 00:05:47,808 The hardware department. 117 00:05:47,879 --> 00:05:50,370 But are you looking for, like, a tool or something? 118 00:05:50,449 --> 00:05:52,644 What difference does it make? 119 00:05:53,251 --> 00:05:54,946 What difference does it make? 120 00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:58,717 Okay, I'm looking for a tap and die and some WD-40. 121 00:05:58,957 --> 00:05:59,946 Huh. 122 00:06:00,058 --> 00:06:01,753 Well, what is it you're trying to do? 123 00:06:01,827 --> 00:06:05,957 I'm trying to buy a tap and die and some WD-40... 124 00:06:06,064 --> 00:06:08,555 and get out of this godforsaken store! 125 00:06:08,633 --> 00:06:09,657 126 00:06:09,735 --> 00:06:11,134 And what is a tap and die? 127 00:06:11,203 --> 00:06:12,693 Okay! Forget it! 128 00:06:12,771 --> 00:06:16,263 Let's say I want a hammer! Do you know what a hammer is? 129 00:06:16,341 --> 00:06:18,502 That's what I want! A damned hammer! 130 00:06:18,577 --> 00:06:20,977 Now where in the hell would I go? 131 00:06:21,046 --> 00:06:24,106 That's that Hank Hill fella that lives on the block next to us. 132 00:06:24,182 --> 00:06:26,650 WOMAN 1: Has a temper, doesn't he? WOMAN 2: Sure does. 133 00:06:26,718 --> 00:06:29,380 Makes you wonder who gave his boy that black eye. 134 00:06:30,255 --> 00:06:32,450 You're going to have to pay for that, dude. 135 00:06:32,524 --> 00:06:33,718 HANK: You're fired! 136 00:06:34,926 --> 00:06:36,917 - Ella says she saw Hank hit his son. - Really? 137 00:06:37,529 --> 00:06:40,020 Well, I heard he threatened a clerk in Mega Lo Mart with a hammer. 138 00:06:40,232 --> 00:06:42,200 Did you hear about Hank Hill? 139 00:06:42,267 --> 00:06:43,427 He beat up his son. 140 00:06:43,502 --> 00:06:46,733 Some ladies in Mega Lo Mart tried to stop him. He beat them up, too. 141 00:06:46,805 --> 00:06:49,399 Somebody really ought to report him for the boy's sake. 142 00:06:49,741 --> 00:06:51,675 ANTHONY: You say he hit his son with a bat? 143 00:06:52,444 --> 00:06:55,072 No. That is definitely not acceptable. 144 00:06:55,147 --> 00:06:56,478 I wish I could, ma'am. 145 00:06:56,548 --> 00:07:00,314 But the regulations say we can't take custody of the boy without an interview. 146 00:07:00,385 --> 00:07:03,946 Don't you worry. He's in the system now. I am on my way. 147 00:07:06,258 --> 00:07:07,247 148 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,487 DALE: Hey, I know what's wrong with your truck. 149 00:07:10,562 --> 00:07:13,156 It's your "pollution control." 150 00:07:13,298 --> 00:07:15,823 I heard on talk radio you don't even need them. 151 00:07:15,967 --> 00:07:18,026 They're just an egghead government plot. 152 00:07:18,103 --> 00:07:21,664 How is cutting down on pollution a government plot, Dale? 153 00:07:21,873 --> 00:07:23,534 Open up your eyes, man. 154 00:07:23,608 --> 00:07:25,872 They're trying to control global warming. 155 00:07:25,944 --> 00:07:28,139 Get it? Global. 156 00:07:28,213 --> 00:07:29,305 So what? 157 00:07:29,381 --> 00:07:30,370 158 00:07:30,482 --> 00:07:32,677 That's code for UN commissars telling Americans... 159 00:07:32,751 --> 00:07:35,413 what temperature it's gonna be in our outdoors. 160 00:07:35,487 --> 00:07:37,114 I say let the world warm up. 161 00:07:37,189 --> 00:07:40,647 See what Boutros-Boutros-Ghali-Ghali thinks about that. 162 00:07:41,059 --> 00:07:42,822 We'll grow oranges in Alaska. 163 00:07:42,894 --> 00:07:43,826 164 00:07:43,895 --> 00:07:46,420 Dale, you giblet-head, we live in Texas. 165 00:07:46,531 --> 00:07:47,520 166 00:07:47,599 --> 00:07:49,590 It's already 110 in the summer. 167 00:07:49,668 --> 00:07:53,297 And if it gets one degree hotter, I'm gonna kick your ass. 168 00:07:53,605 --> 00:07:54,594 169 00:07:54,873 --> 00:07:57,933 What in God's name is that thumping sound? 170 00:07:58,109 --> 00:07:59,098 171 00:07:59,277 --> 00:08:01,802 PEGGY: Bobby, why don't you go out and help your daddy? 172 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:04,508 You have been watching way too much TV, son. 173 00:08:04,649 --> 00:08:06,378 Come on, Bobby, up. 174 00:08:06,484 --> 00:08:08,315 No more TV. Turn it off now. 175 00:08:08,453 --> 00:08:10,250 176 00:08:11,990 --> 00:08:13,890 God love that poor man. 177 00:08:13,959 --> 00:08:14,948 178 00:08:16,461 --> 00:08:18,088 There. That's better. 179 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,160 180 00:08:24,135 --> 00:08:25,261 181 00:08:26,705 --> 00:08:28,935 Hello, I'm a social worker with the state. 182 00:08:29,007 --> 00:08:30,998 Would you mind if I talk to you for a minute? 183 00:08:31,076 --> 00:08:32,737 PEGGY: Sure. Come on in. 184 00:08:33,445 --> 00:08:35,436 HANK: Damn it. There it is again. 185 00:08:35,513 --> 00:08:39,313 Where is that thumping coming from? It's driving me crazy. 186 00:08:40,051 --> 00:08:42,178 Could be far-off helicopters. 187 00:08:42,254 --> 00:08:44,381 UN helicopters. 188 00:08:44,489 --> 00:08:45,922 Dale, what are you doing? 189 00:08:45,991 --> 00:08:48,926 Give me some light! Now! I can't see! 190 00:08:49,761 --> 00:08:50,785 My arm! 191 00:08:50,862 --> 00:08:52,090 My head! 192 00:08:52,330 --> 00:08:54,093 193 00:08:54,599 --> 00:08:55,691 God! 194 00:08:56,067 --> 00:08:59,002 Mrs. Hill, would you say your husband has a bad temper? 195 00:08:59,070 --> 00:09:00,162 Who, Hank? 196 00:09:00,238 --> 00:09:02,832 No, Hank is as gentle as a lamb. 197 00:09:03,675 --> 00:09:07,611 Dang, no more bouncing that ball! 198 00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:09,647 Hank, we have a visitor. 199 00:09:14,152 --> 00:09:15,881 So your assertion, Mr. Hill... 200 00:09:15,954 --> 00:09:18,684 is that Bobby got the black eye at his baseball game? 201 00:09:18,757 --> 00:09:22,386 That is not my assertion. That's what happened. 202 00:09:22,460 --> 00:09:25,293 - Have you ever hit your son, Mr. Hill? - No! 203 00:09:27,032 --> 00:09:29,262 HANK: What the heck are you writing? 204 00:09:29,334 --> 00:09:31,825 All you gotta write is one word, "no"! 205 00:09:31,903 --> 00:09:35,532 Mr. Hill, I feel that you're coming from an anger mindset. 206 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,904 And if you're projecting this anger onto me... 207 00:09:37,976 --> 00:09:40,604 it gives me grave concerns as to how you facilitate... 208 00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:42,442 your son's growth in private. 209 00:09:42,514 --> 00:09:46,746 Mister, I have not begun to project my anger onto you. 210 00:09:46,885 --> 00:09:49,820 ANTHONY: Mrs. Hill, how did you get this here on your forehead? 211 00:09:49,888 --> 00:09:51,856 This? Bobby threw his baseball at me. 212 00:09:51,923 --> 00:09:54,016 You threw a baseball at your mother? 213 00:09:54,092 --> 00:09:56,083 Hank, it was an accident. 214 00:09:56,695 --> 00:09:59,926 So would this be the same "baseball" that gave Bobby the black eye? 215 00:10:01,566 --> 00:10:04,967 Dale, you sure you want to be messing with Hank's truck when he's not around? 216 00:10:05,036 --> 00:10:07,368 DALE: I'm gonna help get him this alternator off. 217 00:10:07,439 --> 00:10:08,497 218 00:10:08,573 --> 00:10:11,599 Dale, I think you released the brake cable. 219 00:10:11,676 --> 00:10:12,665 Dale! 220 00:10:12,744 --> 00:10:14,143 DALE: No, I didn't. 221 00:10:16,047 --> 00:10:18,140 I guess I better get going. 222 00:10:18,450 --> 00:10:20,111 I got some edging to do. 223 00:10:22,587 --> 00:10:24,748 ANTHONY: Do you work outside the home, Mrs. Hill? 224 00:10:24,823 --> 00:10:27,849 Yes, I do. I'm a substitute Spanish teacher. 225 00:10:27,926 --> 00:10:30,486 226 00:10:30,762 --> 00:10:32,389 And you just have the one son? 227 00:10:32,464 --> 00:10:33,431 228 00:10:33,498 --> 00:10:35,363 Yeah, we would've liked to have more kids... 229 00:10:35,533 --> 00:10:38,434 - but Hank has a narrow urethra. - Peggy! 230 00:10:38,503 --> 00:10:41,267 - In fact, Hank's sperm count... - That's enough. 231 00:10:41,339 --> 00:10:43,773 What in the hell did you tell him that for? 232 00:10:43,875 --> 00:10:44,899 He asked me. 233 00:10:44,976 --> 00:10:49,174 He asked you how many kids we have. He didn't ask you about my glands. 234 00:10:49,414 --> 00:10:52,713 Please, Mr. Hill, loud is not allowed. 235 00:10:53,051 --> 00:10:55,542 What the..."Loud is not allowed"? 236 00:10:55,620 --> 00:10:57,383 Now you listen to me, mister. 237 00:10:57,455 --> 00:11:00,288 I work for a living. And I mean real work. 238 00:11:00,358 --> 00:11:02,656 Not writing down gobbledygook. 239 00:11:02,827 --> 00:11:05,295 I provide the people of this community... 240 00:11:05,363 --> 00:11:07,888 with propane and propane accessories. 241 00:11:07,966 --> 00:11:08,955 242 00:11:09,033 --> 00:11:12,002 When I think of all my hard-earned tax dollars... 243 00:11:12,070 --> 00:11:16,097 going to pay a bunch of little twig-boy bureaucrats like you... 244 00:11:16,174 --> 00:11:18,301 it just makes me want to... 245 00:11:19,177 --> 00:11:20,269 God, it just... 246 00:11:20,345 --> 00:11:21,369 247 00:11:21,446 --> 00:11:22,378 PEGGY: Hank? 248 00:11:22,447 --> 00:11:26,474 Honey, bring me my BC Headache Powder and a glass of water. 249 00:11:26,751 --> 00:11:28,343 PEGGY: All right, Hank. 250 00:11:28,419 --> 00:11:31,252 Now, you listen here. You see that boy? 251 00:11:31,322 --> 00:11:32,482 That's my boy. 252 00:11:32,757 --> 00:11:36,193 And if you ever try to take him away, so help me God... 253 00:11:36,261 --> 00:11:39,594 I'll tear you a new one bigger than the Grand Canyon. 254 00:11:39,797 --> 00:11:42,425 Now I want you to get out of my house. 255 00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:43,933 You're not welcome here. 256 00:11:44,002 --> 00:11:47,961 I mean now, before I give you a black eye! Git! 257 00:11:48,039 --> 00:11:50,303 258 00:11:51,009 --> 00:11:53,239 DALE: You want to know about ol' Hank? 259 00:11:53,578 --> 00:11:54,567 Well... 260 00:11:54,712 --> 00:11:56,907 Hank's got a lot of problems. 261 00:11:57,015 --> 00:11:59,882 Hey, baby! How about a couple of beers! 262 00:12:00,184 --> 00:12:01,481 Sorry, sug', I gotta go. 263 00:12:01,553 --> 00:12:04,249 I got another migraine treatment with John Redcorn. 264 00:12:04,322 --> 00:12:07,155 DALE: Nancy, you've been going to that healer for 12 years... 265 00:12:07,225 --> 00:12:09,591 and you still get headaches every night. 266 00:12:09,661 --> 00:12:12,061 Healing process takes time, honey. 267 00:12:12,163 --> 00:12:13,755 268 00:12:14,332 --> 00:12:16,163 ANTHONY: Getting back to the Hill family. 269 00:12:16,234 --> 00:12:18,464 Have you ever seen Hank hit his child, Bobby? 270 00:12:18,536 --> 00:12:22,165 Hank? No sir, Bobby's his pride and joy... 271 00:12:22,340 --> 00:12:25,070 because of his narrow urethra. 272 00:12:25,243 --> 00:12:26,232 273 00:12:26,311 --> 00:12:28,438 - Are you absolutely sure? - 100 percent. 274 00:12:28,513 --> 00:12:31,641 You can ask my son. He's Bobby's best friend. 275 00:12:31,716 --> 00:12:32,910 Joseph! 276 00:12:33,017 --> 00:12:34,575 What is it, Daddy? 277 00:12:34,652 --> 00:12:36,381 You ever seen Hank hit Bobby? 278 00:12:36,454 --> 00:12:37,819 No, never. 279 00:12:38,022 --> 00:12:39,080 See? 280 00:12:39,691 --> 00:12:41,454 You can just move along now. 281 00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:44,323 I've been calling y'all better than a month now. 282 00:12:44,395 --> 00:12:47,125 Gripe about y'all every time that dog crosses the street... 283 00:12:47,198 --> 00:12:50,167 starts yapping his jaw 24 hours a day, and nobody answered. 284 00:12:50,234 --> 00:12:54,398 How you supposed to do anything about that dog if you just get on your computer? 285 00:12:54,472 --> 00:12:57,066 Ain't gonna come over here and shut that dang ol' dog up. 286 00:12:57,241 --> 00:13:01,678 BOBBY: And then some weirdo came over and was asking us a bunch of questions. 287 00:13:02,013 --> 00:13:05,210 Yeah, he asked me if your dad ever whupped you. 288 00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:07,714 - He hasn't, right? - Of course not! 289 00:13:07,785 --> 00:13:10,117 You know my dad. He's all bark. 290 00:13:10,555 --> 00:13:12,648 That guy got him mad, though. 291 00:13:12,724 --> 00:13:16,353 My dad was like, "Get out of my house! 292 00:13:16,461 --> 00:13:19,521 "My boy ain't much, but he's all I got!" 293 00:13:20,198 --> 00:13:21,187 294 00:13:21,299 --> 00:13:23,563 You do great impressions. 295 00:13:23,935 --> 00:13:24,993 Let me try. 296 00:13:25,503 --> 00:13:28,063 "I'll tear you a new one! 297 00:13:28,239 --> 00:13:32,505 "When I get my hands on you, you little pea-brain... 298 00:13:32,944 --> 00:13:36,243 "I'll bust your butt into little pieces!" 299 00:13:36,781 --> 00:13:38,146 I knew it! 300 00:13:38,983 --> 00:13:42,146 Good God, Peggy, this was on my Road & Track. 301 00:13:42,820 --> 00:13:45,812 Luanne! Honey, can we talk to you? 302 00:13:45,890 --> 00:13:48,222 Wait! Not while I'm here. 303 00:13:48,292 --> 00:13:49,281 304 00:13:49,394 --> 00:13:50,827 LUANNE: Mama's in jail. 305 00:13:50,895 --> 00:13:53,159 She was saving a quart of beer for before bed. 306 00:13:53,231 --> 00:13:55,699 Daddy threw it out. She went after him with a fork. 307 00:13:55,767 --> 00:13:58,327 The trailer tipped over, everything went upside down. 308 00:13:58,403 --> 00:14:01,236 It's all gonna be on Real Stories of the Highway Patrol! 309 00:14:01,305 --> 00:14:05,173 And the wig I styled for the Beauty Academy is ruined. 310 00:14:06,210 --> 00:14:08,474 What am I gonna do, Uncle Hank? 311 00:14:08,613 --> 00:14:09,773 312 00:14:09,847 --> 00:14:11,041 There, there. 313 00:14:11,182 --> 00:14:14,777 You can stay with us till your mama comes home. 314 00:14:15,353 --> 00:14:19,153 You'll style a new wig better than before. 315 00:14:19,857 --> 00:14:21,882 I'll let you use my tools. 316 00:14:22,894 --> 00:14:24,623 Thanks, Uncle Hank. 317 00:14:26,230 --> 00:14:27,857 She has got to go. 318 00:14:27,932 --> 00:14:29,058 319 00:14:31,035 --> 00:14:33,868 Bobby, are you all right? Come on out. 320 00:14:33,938 --> 00:14:35,701 I thought I told you to get lost. 321 00:14:35,907 --> 00:14:36,965 Come on, Bobby. 322 00:14:37,241 --> 00:14:40,142 I can put you with a nice foster family in North Arlen... 323 00:14:40,211 --> 00:14:42,873 where you can develop healthy life adaptations. 324 00:14:42,947 --> 00:14:44,278 And they've got a pool. 325 00:14:44,348 --> 00:14:46,111 Honey, let's give him Luanne. 326 00:14:46,184 --> 00:14:49,017 I got a girl in here you can take right now. 327 00:14:49,087 --> 00:14:51,715 Don't you want to live in a house with a pool? 328 00:14:51,889 --> 00:14:52,821 No. 329 00:14:52,890 --> 00:14:54,152 See, twig boy? 330 00:14:54,225 --> 00:14:56,750 Now get your skinny butt off of my property. 331 00:14:56,828 --> 00:15:00,286 Bobby, I know you can't talk in front of him. 332 00:15:00,364 --> 00:15:03,663 HANK: I said git! Get out of here! ANTHONY: Okay. 333 00:15:03,735 --> 00:15:07,262 - You are out of control! - You're out of control, Twiggy. 334 00:15:12,810 --> 00:15:16,007 - Thanks for the latte, Kenneth. - Anthony, could I see you a minute? 335 00:15:16,948 --> 00:15:18,973 So on this Hill family case... 336 00:15:19,050 --> 00:15:22,247 you couldn't confirm any actual abuse, but you still recommended... 337 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:23,685 the state take custody? 338 00:15:23,855 --> 00:15:26,790 Yeah, I mean, the whole neighborhood was Redneck City. 339 00:15:26,858 --> 00:15:29,452 Did you see in the report, how he dented my Geo? 340 00:15:29,527 --> 00:15:31,893 "Redneck City." That's pretty funny. 341 00:15:32,029 --> 00:15:34,463 - Where you from, son? - Los Angeles. 342 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,234 Let's see here, "hit by a baseball." 343 00:15:40,037 --> 00:15:41,061 So... 344 00:15:41,139 --> 00:15:42,436 How did you like ol' Harvey? 345 00:15:42,507 --> 00:15:43,599 346 00:15:43,674 --> 00:15:44,766 Who's Harvey? 347 00:15:44,842 --> 00:15:46,901 He's the Little League coach. 348 00:15:46,978 --> 00:15:49,606 You did talk to the Little League coach, didn't you? 349 00:15:50,281 --> 00:15:51,248 350 00:15:51,783 --> 00:15:53,114 351 00:15:55,253 --> 00:15:57,915 Son, have you lost your mind? 352 00:15:58,022 --> 00:16:01,958 Wait! Dad, you're not supposed to yell at me anymore. 353 00:16:02,326 --> 00:16:04,157 The guy from the state said... 354 00:16:04,228 --> 00:16:08,995 your hostility invalidates our parent-child contract. 355 00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:11,796 You're quoting that twig boy at me? 356 00:16:11,869 --> 00:16:13,359 Hank, the neighbors. 357 00:16:13,437 --> 00:16:16,770 Remember, he said, "loud is not allowed," Dad... 358 00:16:16,841 --> 00:16:18,809 or they'll take me away. 359 00:16:19,343 --> 00:16:20,332 360 00:16:20,444 --> 00:16:21,775 Oh, God. 361 00:16:23,381 --> 00:16:24,507 362 00:16:24,582 --> 00:16:25,879 363 00:16:26,450 --> 00:16:27,508 Hello? 364 00:16:27,585 --> 00:16:30,383 BOSS: Is this the Hill residence? Who am I talking to? 365 00:16:30,454 --> 00:16:31,614 Bobby Hill. 366 00:16:31,689 --> 00:16:34,317 BOSS: Son, this is the State Social Services. 367 00:16:34,392 --> 00:16:37,020 We're calling off our investigation of your father. 368 00:16:37,094 --> 00:16:41,428 The worker that visited you will be leaving the office and going back to LA. 369 00:16:41,499 --> 00:16:44,764 You please tell your parents we apologize for the misunderstanding. 370 00:16:44,836 --> 00:16:47,134 Okay. I'll tell them. Bye. 371 00:16:47,338 --> 00:16:49,101 Bobby, who was that? 372 00:16:50,942 --> 00:16:52,409 Wrong number. 373 00:16:56,747 --> 00:16:57,907 374 00:17:08,893 --> 00:17:10,758 LUANNE: I borrowed your truck this morning, Uncle Hank. 375 00:17:10,828 --> 00:17:14,924 It wouldn't start at first, because of a clogged fuel line, but I blew it clean. 376 00:17:18,169 --> 00:17:21,073 Hey, Bobby, go plug this in the garage for me. 377 00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:22,138 BOBBY: Okay. 378 00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:28,938 Want to see something cool? 379 00:17:32,617 --> 00:17:33,709 HANK: What in the heck? 380 00:17:33,785 --> 00:17:36,811 Don't you see I'm working here? Close the dang door. 381 00:17:37,255 --> 00:17:39,246 Bob, just keep put, stop! 382 00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:40,551 Stop hitting that button! 383 00:17:40,625 --> 00:17:41,717 Give me that thing! 384 00:17:41,793 --> 00:17:46,025 Dad, that's not respectful adult-child growth dialogue. 385 00:17:46,098 --> 00:17:47,998 I'll give you dialogue... 386 00:17:48,066 --> 00:17:51,229 that's not coming from a center of anger. 387 00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:53,802 Please return the garage door... 388 00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:56,739 to its factory-preset down position! 389 00:17:59,277 --> 00:18:00,904 That is cool. 390 00:18:01,813 --> 00:18:03,906 391 00:18:05,016 --> 00:18:06,847 HANK: Bobby, hey! 392 00:18:07,919 --> 00:18:10,046 Please respect... 393 00:18:10,288 --> 00:18:13,519 my fence's right to be a fence. 394 00:18:14,292 --> 00:18:15,316 Now! 395 00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:18,495 396 00:18:19,731 --> 00:18:21,756 BOBBY: You can't do nothing. 397 00:18:22,934 --> 00:18:23,992 HANK: Hey! Hey! 398 00:18:24,369 --> 00:18:26,132 BOBBY: You're all wet, Dad! 399 00:18:26,238 --> 00:18:27,762 400 00:18:29,808 --> 00:18:31,173 BOBBY: Creak. 401 00:18:31,676 --> 00:18:33,166 402 00:18:33,745 --> 00:18:34,609 Boing! 403 00:18:34,679 --> 00:18:37,807 PEGGY: What on God's green earth are you making those noises for? 404 00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:41,216 They're sound effects, like that guy on Police Academy. 405 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,914 That's what I'm gonna do when I grow up, I've decided. 406 00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:46,253 And Dad can't say boo about it. 407 00:18:46,324 --> 00:18:50,124 PEGGY: Bobby, a man from the Child Protective Services just came by. 408 00:18:50,829 --> 00:18:54,959 He said that he told you last week that this investigation was off. 409 00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:56,456 410 00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:59,167 Please don't tell Dad! 411 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,871 Son, I have to. He's been worried. 412 00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:04,841 - But I like him better this way. - How come? 413 00:19:04,910 --> 00:19:07,811 I can make him love me even when I screw up. 414 00:19:08,413 --> 00:19:10,313 Is that what you think? 415 00:19:12,517 --> 00:19:13,541 416 00:19:13,618 --> 00:19:15,245 It's hard, Peggy. 417 00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:18,748 I don't want to lose my little boy, my only son. 418 00:19:19,724 --> 00:19:21,214 But it's hard. 419 00:19:21,293 --> 00:19:22,783 Well, you can relax. 420 00:19:22,894 --> 00:19:25,658 The investigation has been off for a week... 421 00:19:25,730 --> 00:19:27,630 only, Bobby didn't tell us. 422 00:19:27,699 --> 00:19:29,633 - I'll kill him! - All right, calm down, honey. 423 00:19:29,701 --> 00:19:32,966 Now let me explain. He didn't do it to be mean. 424 00:19:33,038 --> 00:19:35,973 Bobby honestly doesn't think that you love him all the time. 425 00:19:36,041 --> 00:19:37,872 That's crazy. Of course I love him. 426 00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:40,036 Very good. Now, say it to Bobby. 427 00:19:40,111 --> 00:19:41,578 What are you talking about? 428 00:19:41,646 --> 00:19:45,639 I want you to tell Bobby that your love for him is unconditional. 429 00:19:45,750 --> 00:19:48,116 I can't say that. I can't! 430 00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:52,214 You know how I was raised. What my father's like. 431 00:19:52,290 --> 00:19:56,226 I got my shins blowed off by a Japan man's machine gun! 432 00:19:56,628 --> 00:19:59,620 So don't come crying to me with your problems! 433 00:20:00,865 --> 00:20:02,526 Honey, I'm begging you. 434 00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:05,195 For the sake of this family, you have got to do it. 435 00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:07,602 He's waiting for you out on the porch. 436 00:20:07,672 --> 00:20:08,661 Jeez. 437 00:20:08,907 --> 00:20:11,432 Damn twig boy comes over here... 438 00:20:12,911 --> 00:20:14,105 439 00:20:14,946 --> 00:20:15,935 440 00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:17,845 You... 441 00:20:18,617 --> 00:20:20,107 You're my son. 442 00:20:20,986 --> 00:20:23,181 Well, you know, with everything... 443 00:20:23,788 --> 00:20:25,415 that entails. 444 00:20:26,324 --> 00:20:27,313 445 00:20:27,792 --> 00:20:28,781 446 00:20:30,695 --> 00:20:31,684 You know... 447 00:20:31,896 --> 00:20:35,798 feelings of fondness and more... 448 00:20:35,867 --> 00:20:37,164 449 00:20:37,235 --> 00:20:39,203 You know what I mean, don't you, boy? 450 00:20:39,704 --> 00:20:40,728 No. 451 00:20:41,006 --> 00:20:41,995 452 00:20:42,340 --> 00:20:43,329 Well... 453 00:20:43,608 --> 00:20:44,905 454 00:20:45,243 --> 00:20:48,337 That's a hell of a weird sound. I never made that before. 455 00:20:49,247 --> 00:20:50,236 I... 456 00:20:50,715 --> 00:20:51,704 you... 457 00:20:53,084 --> 00:20:54,278 family. 458 00:20:56,655 --> 00:20:59,351 HANK: You're not making this easy on me, boy. 459 00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:01,581 Okay. 460 00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:04,358 I love you no matter what you do. There! 461 00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:06,659 Let's go get something to eat! 462 00:21:06,798 --> 00:21:07,856 I'm not... 463 00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:11,100 just a big disappointment to you? 464 00:21:11,169 --> 00:21:14,627 Disappointment? No. You make me proud. 465 00:21:15,073 --> 00:21:18,304 I've been disappointed by just about everything else in this town. 466 00:21:18,376 --> 00:21:20,139 But you? Not once. 467 00:21:20,645 --> 00:21:22,510 Damn it, you're my boy. 468 00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:25,073 You know better than that. 469 00:21:25,150 --> 00:21:26,139 470 00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:27,509 ANTHONY: He punched him! 471 00:21:27,585 --> 00:21:29,780 I knew it! I told them! Did you see that? 472 00:21:29,854 --> 00:21:31,583 See what, twig boy? 473 00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:33,788 ANTHONY: Never mind. 474 00:21:42,933 --> 00:21:44,696 475 00:21:45,305 --> 00:22:45,387 Who are the real-world Illuminati ? Find out @ saveanilluminati.com