1 00:00:01,401 --> 00:00:03,699 [Soft instrumental country music] 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:11,074 Who are the real-world Illuminati ? Find out @ saveanilluminati.com 3 00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:18,416 What do you say we tee off together? 4 00:00:18,485 --> 00:00:20,214 Sure thing, Willie. 5 00:00:27,927 --> 00:00:29,656 BOTH: Dead solid perfect. 6 00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:40,937 I've always wanted to sell propane... 7 00:00:41,007 --> 00:00:43,134 and propane accessories, like you do. 8 00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:45,837 I guess this dang music thing came up. 9 00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:49,513 Well, ain't no changing the past, I guess. Let's jam. 10 00:00:49,682 --> 00:00:52,082 [Playing guitars softly] 11 00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:03,618 [Playing badly] 12 00:01:03,763 --> 00:01:05,424 [Anxious moaning] 13 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,062 What in the name of God? 14 00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:13,127 Bobby! 15 00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:14,529 [Moans] 16 00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:16,335 [Guitar strumming] 17 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:20,345 [Theme music] 18 00:01:44,704 --> 00:01:46,763 Son, have you lost your mind? 19 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,707 Aren't you supposed to knock first? I could've been naked. 20 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,971 Bobby, how many times have I told you? 21 00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:54,104 Betsy is not a toy. 22 00:01:54,214 --> 00:01:57,706 She's a 1963 Guild solid-top... 23 00:01:58,251 --> 00:01:59,240 [Sniffing] 24 00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:00,976 What's that smell? You been playing this with your feet? 25 00:02:00,986 --> 00:02:02,886 What's that smell? You been playing this with your feet? 26 00:02:02,988 --> 00:02:04,717 That's cheese, Dad. 27 00:02:05,523 --> 00:02:08,720 Why would there ever be cheese on Betsy? 28 00:02:08,994 --> 00:02:11,428 It's funny. It's a comedy routine. 29 00:02:11,496 --> 00:02:14,693 You know, you play the guitar with a piece of cheese and you go: 30 00:02:14,766 --> 00:02:17,792 "Hey, look at me. I'm Eddie Cheddar!" 31 00:02:17,869 --> 00:02:18,858 [Bobby chuckling] 32 00:02:19,304 --> 00:02:23,206 - You know, it's from Celery Head. - What is a Celery Head? 33 00:02:23,341 --> 00:02:26,435 He's the world's best comedian. He glues things! 34 00:02:26,644 --> 00:02:30,102 Like he glues a Kleenex box to a tennis shoe and goes: 35 00:02:30,682 --> 00:02:33,651 "This is in case you have a runny nose." 36 00:02:33,752 --> 00:02:37,347 That's not a joke, son. That's a waste of good glue. 37 00:02:37,622 --> 00:02:40,420 Well, he makes $3 million a year. 38 00:02:40,592 --> 00:02:42,321 You must've got that wrong. 39 00:02:42,394 --> 00:02:45,488 People don't pay money to see things like that. 40 00:02:45,663 --> 00:02:49,099 Now, Robert Klein, that's something you pay money for. 41 00:02:49,934 --> 00:02:53,529 - [Yawning] What is going on in there? - I'm worried about our boy. 42 00:02:53,605 --> 00:02:57,735 Some green-haired freak told him to rub cheese on my guitar. 43 00:02:57,942 --> 00:03:01,969 You mean Celery Head. I saw him on Entertainment Tonight. 44 00:03:02,514 --> 00:03:04,641 PEGGY: He makes $3 million a year. 45 00:03:05,250 --> 00:03:06,239 [Sighs] 46 00:03:06,651 --> 00:03:09,677 Luanne, good Lord! Put on some pants! 47 00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:10,778 I'm wearing shorts. 48 00:03:10,889 --> 00:03:11,913 [Screams] 49 00:03:11,990 --> 00:03:13,981 Don't scare me like that! 50 00:03:16,027 --> 00:03:19,019 Look at this, Peggy. The boy chipped Betsy's bridge. 51 00:03:19,164 --> 00:03:22,691 And he woke me up from my Willie Nelson golfing dream, number three. 52 00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:25,759 Calm down. It is just a bunch of wood and some wires. 53 00:03:25,837 --> 00:03:29,603 Wood and wires? I've had Betsy since high school. 54 00:03:29,774 --> 00:03:33,175 I took her to the prom. I love this guitar. 55 00:03:33,244 --> 00:03:37,010 Do you understand what I'm saying? Do you understand what love means? 56 00:03:37,082 --> 00:03:39,175 Yes. I love my family. 57 00:03:39,317 --> 00:03:43,617 Yeah. Now you're getting it. That's the kind of love I have for Betsy. 58 00:03:44,355 --> 00:03:47,791 - I'm going back to sleep. You coming? - I'm already up. 59 00:03:47,859 --> 00:03:50,760 Besides, I wouldn't want to make Betsy jealous. 60 00:03:50,829 --> 00:03:53,923 HANK: Luanne, would you please not sit like that? 61 00:03:54,566 --> 00:03:56,193 [Making engine sounds] 62 00:03:56,267 --> 00:03:59,236 "I sell propane and propane accessories. 63 00:03:59,304 --> 00:04:02,603 "I tell you what. Shut up, Dale." 64 00:04:06,744 --> 00:04:07,733 [Crash] 65 00:04:07,846 --> 00:04:10,371 Willie, no. That's a one-way street. 66 00:04:10,448 --> 00:04:11,574 [Horn blaring] 67 00:04:11,716 --> 00:04:15,174 HANK: What happened to my truck? BOBBY: Your mower hit it. 68 00:04:15,253 --> 00:04:19,849 Maybe I ought to send my mower to one of those children's psychologists. 69 00:04:20,758 --> 00:04:22,020 [Grunting] 70 00:04:22,093 --> 00:04:25,859 LUANNE: Are you mad about something? PEGGY: Mad? Why would I be mad? 71 00:04:25,930 --> 00:04:30,697 Just because Hank pays more attention to that silly guitar than he does to me? 72 00:04:30,768 --> 00:04:31,962 [Screaming] 73 00:04:32,270 --> 00:04:33,669 Lay off the gas. 74 00:04:33,738 --> 00:04:36,468 If I break another nail, I'll fail my manicure final. 75 00:04:36,541 --> 00:04:38,736 Are you having trouble at the beauty academy? 76 00:04:38,810 --> 00:04:39,834 No. 77 00:04:40,578 --> 00:04:42,739 I'm also failing braid work. 78 00:04:42,981 --> 00:04:46,314 Braid work does not come natural to the women in our family, honey. 79 00:04:46,384 --> 00:04:48,784 You know it, I know it, and the whole town knows it. 80 00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:49,842 [Horn blaring] 81 00:04:49,921 --> 00:04:51,980 Sounds like your horn's going off! 82 00:04:52,056 --> 00:04:54,024 HANK: You really think so, Bill? 83 00:04:54,092 --> 00:04:55,354 Oh, yeah. 84 00:04:55,827 --> 00:04:56,816 Damn it, Hank! 85 00:04:56,895 --> 00:05:00,831 You know I can't have loud, sudden noises while I'm meditating! 86 00:05:01,032 --> 00:05:04,263 I was a nose hair away from attaining inner peace! 87 00:05:04,969 --> 00:05:05,958 Shut up! 88 00:05:06,037 --> 00:05:07,026 [Horn stops] 89 00:05:07,138 --> 00:05:09,402 Don't even try to take credit for that. 90 00:05:09,474 --> 00:05:13,535 It was not done by me. It was done through me. 91 00:05:14,179 --> 00:05:15,203 [Metallic clank] 92 00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,544 What is that chinging noise? 93 00:05:17,916 --> 00:05:19,747 One of those stealth helicopters... 94 00:05:19,817 --> 00:05:22,945 with computerized noise-cancellation capability. 95 00:05:24,022 --> 00:05:26,081 They're still working the chings out. 96 00:05:26,157 --> 00:05:28,489 How did you know about the stealth helicopters? 97 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,654 Alt. Conspiracy. Black. Helicopters. 98 00:05:32,096 --> 00:05:35,725 I tell you what. That Internet, man. You just go in there, point and click. 99 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,893 Get in and talk about ww. W com. 100 00:05:37,969 --> 00:05:40,096 Mean, you got them naked chicks on there. 101 00:05:40,171 --> 00:05:42,901 You go click, click, click. It's real easy, man. 102 00:05:46,377 --> 00:05:48,277 HANK: Bobby, give me that club! 103 00:05:48,346 --> 00:05:50,940 Son, maybe I'm not getting through to you. 104 00:05:51,015 --> 00:05:52,277 Let me explain. 105 00:05:52,350 --> 00:05:55,148 You got to respect other people's things. 106 00:05:55,353 --> 00:05:59,312 You do not use a man's pitching wedge to hit clumps of mud. 107 00:05:59,557 --> 00:06:02,185 It's not mud, Dad. It's dog doo. 108 00:06:04,128 --> 00:06:05,720 HANK: That boy ain't right. 109 00:06:05,797 --> 00:06:06,855 [Hollering] 110 00:06:06,931 --> 00:06:09,399 Excellent workout! I got my rotator cuff rotating. 111 00:06:09,467 --> 00:06:11,230 My face feels weird. 112 00:06:12,337 --> 00:06:14,168 - Carlos! - Carlos? 113 00:06:14,305 --> 00:06:16,273 You name your things, I'll name mine. 114 00:06:16,341 --> 00:06:20,209 What about that thing named Bobby? What are we gonna do about him? 115 00:06:20,278 --> 00:06:23,475 He seems bent on destroying everything I own. 116 00:06:23,648 --> 00:06:26,708 Why can't he turn that energy into something useful? 117 00:06:26,784 --> 00:06:30,151 Like that boy with no legs who ran across Canada. 118 00:06:30,221 --> 00:06:33,281 Maybe you need to spend some time together, just talking. 119 00:06:33,358 --> 00:06:35,622 You and Bobby. Mano a mano. 120 00:06:35,727 --> 00:06:38,924 - I can't now, I'm going golfing. - Take him with you. 121 00:06:38,997 --> 00:06:41,522 We're riding a full 18 holes today. 122 00:06:41,866 --> 00:06:44,767 You know what that kind of stress can do to a boy? 123 00:06:46,738 --> 00:06:49,764 Bobby, I apologize for yelling at you. 124 00:06:49,841 --> 00:06:52,469 But sometimes, you just don't listen. 125 00:06:52,677 --> 00:06:56,044 It's like you got a problem with concentration. 126 00:06:57,782 --> 00:06:58,976 Bobby? 127 00:06:59,117 --> 00:07:00,277 Bobby! 128 00:07:00,351 --> 00:07:01,545 Bobby! 129 00:07:02,086 --> 00:07:04,145 Hey! You just killed me! 130 00:07:04,255 --> 00:07:06,018 You needed killing. 131 00:07:06,124 --> 00:07:08,024 I've been thinking, son... 132 00:07:08,092 --> 00:07:10,856 and I realized, you don't have any goals. 133 00:07:11,362 --> 00:07:14,763 You've got to figure out what you want to do with your life. 134 00:07:14,832 --> 00:07:17,027 Okay. Can we go to Six Flags? 135 00:07:17,402 --> 00:07:18,391 [Sighs] 136 00:07:18,670 --> 00:07:21,002 I think you need a role model. 137 00:07:21,139 --> 00:07:23,664 Someone to emulate. A hero. 138 00:07:24,108 --> 00:07:26,668 Someone besides that Broccoli Neck. 139 00:07:27,412 --> 00:07:31,007 How about Eddie Stillson? Can I emulate him? 140 00:07:31,149 --> 00:07:34,482 Now, there you go. Eddie Stillson. Which one's he? 141 00:07:34,552 --> 00:07:37,919 Is he the space shuttle astronaut or the stock car champ? 142 00:07:37,989 --> 00:07:40,787 He got to the end of Level 6 in Scream Ninja. 143 00:07:40,858 --> 00:07:45,727 Bobby, when I say "hero," I don't mean some weird Game Boy freak. 144 00:07:46,097 --> 00:07:49,931 If you don't watch it, you're gonna end up like Jason Adderly's boy. 145 00:07:50,702 --> 00:07:52,727 Deal me out this hand, Jason. 146 00:07:53,071 --> 00:07:54,766 I'm about to bust. 147 00:07:55,073 --> 00:07:58,600 Sorry, I thought, this was the bathroom. Oh, good Lord! 148 00:07:58,676 --> 00:08:00,109 [Panting] 149 00:08:01,212 --> 00:08:02,941 You know Howard Adderly? 150 00:08:03,014 --> 00:08:05,915 He's my number-two hero, after Eddie Stillson. 151 00:08:06,617 --> 00:08:09,586 Bobby, you need to be lectured all afternoon. 152 00:08:09,887 --> 00:08:12,822 Peggy, I'm taking the boy golfing, and that's that. 153 00:08:19,263 --> 00:08:20,287 [Grunting] 154 00:08:20,365 --> 00:08:23,425 Careful now, Peggy. Betsy isn't strapped in yet. 155 00:08:23,501 --> 00:08:26,868 Do not tell me you're taking that thing golfing with you. 156 00:08:26,938 --> 00:08:30,396 Don't be silly, Peg. Just bringing her in to get fixed. 157 00:08:30,742 --> 00:08:34,803 Sit in the middle, son. I want to make sure Betsy's in front of the airbag. 158 00:08:36,180 --> 00:08:38,978 HANK: So, Bobby, we've got to think of a hero for you. 159 00:08:39,050 --> 00:08:43,316 - Do you have a hero, Dad? - I sure do. And it's Willie Nelson. 160 00:08:43,588 --> 00:08:44,612 How come? 161 00:08:45,156 --> 00:08:47,954 You might say he's been my inspiration. 162 00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:51,960 See, Willie grew up in Texas, and I grew up in Texas. 163 00:08:52,463 --> 00:08:54,897 He loves golfing and playing guitar. 164 00:08:54,966 --> 00:08:57,400 I love golfing and playing guitar. 165 00:08:57,468 --> 00:08:59,902 He's had trouble with the IRS. 166 00:09:00,071 --> 00:09:04,872 And I must have spent six hours last April on that 1040 form. 167 00:09:05,443 --> 00:09:06,967 "EZ," my ass. 168 00:09:07,612 --> 00:09:09,881 Do you have a hero like that? 169 00:09:11,249 --> 00:09:12,739 Willie Nelson? 170 00:09:13,818 --> 00:09:17,652 You're just saying Willie Nelson because I said Willie Nelson. 171 00:09:17,722 --> 00:09:19,747 No, I like Willie Nelson. 172 00:09:19,824 --> 00:09:22,452 He's got long hair. He's Alternative. 173 00:09:22,526 --> 00:09:24,153 Now, you take that back. 174 00:09:24,228 --> 00:09:27,061 I followed that man from Country Western... 175 00:09:27,131 --> 00:09:29,622 to Country, to Adult Contemporary... 176 00:09:29,700 --> 00:09:31,998 and that's as far as I'm going. 177 00:09:32,069 --> 00:09:34,367 Here, son. Take a look at that. 178 00:09:34,472 --> 00:09:37,873 That's Willie Nelson's own personal golf course. 179 00:09:41,012 --> 00:09:44,539 LUANNE: I am going to show that braiding machine who's boss. 180 00:09:44,682 --> 00:09:48,118 Go on, Luanne. Show this town there's a braider in the family. 181 00:09:50,187 --> 00:09:54,146 I'm not scared of you. This time I'll beat you at your own game. 182 00:10:01,098 --> 00:10:02,588 Miss Kremzer! 183 00:10:03,601 --> 00:10:05,068 Someone! 184 00:10:05,736 --> 00:10:07,260 HANK: It's the bridge, isn't it? 185 00:10:07,338 --> 00:10:11,331 The bridge is the symptom. Thread asymmetry is the disease. 186 00:10:11,809 --> 00:10:12,935 [Sniffing] 187 00:10:13,210 --> 00:10:15,508 Smells like bellybutton. 188 00:10:15,613 --> 00:10:18,343 My son was playing it with a piece of cheese. 189 00:10:18,449 --> 00:10:20,474 You mean, like Celery Head? 190 00:10:21,319 --> 00:10:23,446 "Look, I'm Camembert Humperdinck." 191 00:10:23,521 --> 00:10:24,510 Les. 192 00:10:24,622 --> 00:10:27,614 Go in the back and alphabetize the guitar strings. 193 00:10:27,692 --> 00:10:30,217 - Alphabetize by letter, or... - Les. 194 00:10:30,728 --> 00:10:32,093 - Okay. - All right. 195 00:10:32,163 --> 00:10:34,893 Cheese or not, this is a sweet, sweet guitar. 196 00:10:35,166 --> 00:10:38,602 - Is she for sale? - Not hardly. Just fix the bridge, Earl. 197 00:10:38,669 --> 00:10:40,330 [Sighing] I didn't think so. 198 00:10:40,604 --> 00:10:44,938 Most guys would sell their wives before they'd sell a guitar like this. 199 00:10:45,876 --> 00:10:47,969 I got to remember that one. 200 00:10:48,112 --> 00:10:50,137 Heck, I got a million of them, like: 201 00:10:50,214 --> 00:10:51,943 "Women are a lot like a guitar. 202 00:10:52,016 --> 00:10:54,610 "They both come with strings attached." 203 00:10:58,322 --> 00:11:00,119 Actually, those are the only two. 204 00:11:00,191 --> 00:11:02,216 Most women would be threatened by Betsy. 205 00:11:02,293 --> 00:11:03,885 But not me, I don't care. 206 00:11:03,961 --> 00:11:06,020 I'd like to see that guitar come home... 207 00:11:06,097 --> 00:11:09,464 and chicken-fry a steak after substitute-teaching all day. 208 00:11:11,135 --> 00:11:13,296 Why, thank you, Mrs. Hillman. 209 00:11:19,043 --> 00:11:21,773 BILL: Santy Claus. HANK: What are you talking about? 210 00:11:21,879 --> 00:11:24,370 Santy Claus. He could be the boy's hero. 211 00:11:24,482 --> 00:11:28,748 In one 24-hour period, he delivers toys and joy to every child on Earth. 212 00:11:28,853 --> 00:11:30,980 Santa Claus is for babies! 213 00:11:31,422 --> 00:11:33,617 You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch. 214 00:11:34,658 --> 00:11:35,647 [Grunting] 215 00:11:36,627 --> 00:11:37,719 [Groaning] 216 00:11:38,763 --> 00:11:41,527 Damn Russian titanium alloy. 217 00:11:48,039 --> 00:11:49,700 [Birds chirping] 218 00:11:53,244 --> 00:11:54,575 [Bill clearing throat] 219 00:11:56,447 --> 00:11:57,471 [Sighs] 220 00:11:57,548 --> 00:12:01,279 Maybe it's just first-hole jitters. Got any tips, Boomhauer? 221 00:12:01,419 --> 00:12:04,980 [Muttering] I'll tell you what you do. You just keep that arm straight. 222 00:12:05,056 --> 00:12:08,219 You put your left hand still, man. Just speed it the hell up. 223 00:12:08,292 --> 00:12:10,419 HANK: Let's roll. Come on, Bobby. 224 00:12:14,832 --> 00:12:17,198 Oh, man! I'm out of cigarettes! 225 00:12:17,802 --> 00:12:20,669 BOOMHAUER: Dang, y'all just hit the hedges. Fore! 226 00:12:21,405 --> 00:12:24,067 Mr. Gribble, who's your all-time hero? 227 00:12:24,208 --> 00:12:26,699 You are, if you get me some smokes. 228 00:12:26,877 --> 00:12:29,903 So, the stripper says to the priest... 229 00:12:29,980 --> 00:12:31,277 Bill, the boy. 230 00:12:31,348 --> 00:12:32,474 [Stammering] 231 00:12:32,550 --> 00:12:36,179 She says, "I decided to repent... 232 00:12:36,253 --> 00:12:38,721 "and become a nun." 233 00:12:38,789 --> 00:12:42,782 [Laughing] A dang old nun, man. I tell you what, man. 234 00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:45,385 BOOMHAUER: That's funny. BOBBY: Hey, Dad, watch this. 235 00:12:45,463 --> 00:12:46,987 HANK: No, son. Don't. 236 00:12:48,699 --> 00:12:49,631 [Whistling] 237 00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:51,258 DALE: All right, Bobby! 238 00:12:51,335 --> 00:12:52,734 HANK: Well, I'll be. 239 00:12:52,803 --> 00:12:55,704 HANK: Son, you just might be the next Lee Trevino. 240 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:57,865 Without the crazy accent. 241 00:12:58,275 --> 00:13:01,142 Tell you what, I'm going to let you tee off on this hole. 242 00:13:01,212 --> 00:13:02,304 Okay. 243 00:13:04,148 --> 00:13:07,606 That's okay, Bobby. You can do it. Just choke up on it. 244 00:13:07,718 --> 00:13:09,845 And swing less like a girl. 245 00:13:13,357 --> 00:13:14,415 [Screaming] 246 00:13:14,492 --> 00:13:15,516 [Gasping] 247 00:13:15,593 --> 00:13:18,687 - Can I get a do-over? - Bobby, hop in! 248 00:13:18,796 --> 00:13:21,162 Hank, dispose of the witnesses. 249 00:13:21,632 --> 00:13:23,463 Dale, come back here! 250 00:13:26,403 --> 00:13:27,893 Willie Nelson! 251 00:13:28,739 --> 00:13:31,139 Check his pockets for cigarettes. 252 00:13:33,644 --> 00:13:36,704 HANK: Willie Nelson! Oh, my Lord, are you okay? 253 00:13:36,881 --> 00:13:39,315 - Am I bleeding from the ears? - No. 254 00:13:39,950 --> 00:13:41,975 I must be okay, then. 255 00:13:42,286 --> 00:13:45,380 Oh, Mr. Nelson, I am so sorry! 256 00:13:45,589 --> 00:13:48,490 My boy is new to golfing. Oh, gosh! 257 00:13:48,826 --> 00:13:52,023 I'm your biggest fan. I go to every concert I can. 258 00:13:52,096 --> 00:13:54,758 I've been to every Farm Aid, except one. 259 00:13:54,832 --> 00:13:57,357 I don't much care for that Bryan Adams. 260 00:13:57,468 --> 00:14:01,837 Damn! I wish I had my guitar here with me for you to sign. Here. 261 00:14:02,273 --> 00:14:06,972 Why don't you make it out to, let's say, "To my best friend." 262 00:14:07,144 --> 00:14:10,739 No, I don't want you to lie. "To my good friend." 263 00:14:13,250 --> 00:14:15,980 "To my number one fan, Hank Hill." 264 00:14:16,954 --> 00:14:19,980 Hey, Willie! You know, I play guitar, too. 265 00:14:20,157 --> 00:14:23,285 I also play golf. But you already know that. 266 00:14:24,261 --> 00:14:28,459 But you probably don't know, you're my hero. 267 00:14:28,832 --> 00:14:30,459 He took our cart. 268 00:14:30,534 --> 00:14:32,798 - Was he bleeding from the ears? - No. 269 00:14:32,870 --> 00:14:36,033 - He must be okay, then. - You don't understand. 270 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:40,267 A man only gets a chance to meet Willie Nelson once in his life. 271 00:14:40,377 --> 00:14:42,504 It's supposed to be special. 272 00:14:42,580 --> 00:14:46,573 We meet on the golf course. He compliments my perfect swing. 273 00:14:47,117 --> 00:14:50,814 We start talking about music, cut an album, go on tour... 274 00:14:51,155 --> 00:14:53,316 open a chicken franchise. 275 00:14:54,024 --> 00:14:56,117 How's that going to happen now? 276 00:14:56,193 --> 00:14:59,185 It's my fault for ever taking the boy with me. 277 00:14:59,396 --> 00:15:01,125 I said I was sorry. 278 00:15:02,399 --> 00:15:04,094 Are you Hank Hill? 279 00:15:04,935 --> 00:15:05,924 Yes. 280 00:15:06,971 --> 00:15:10,964 BOBBY: I'm tired of being a lack of focus. I'm going to show them I can do better. 281 00:15:11,041 --> 00:15:13,009 I'm going to make my dad proud. 282 00:15:15,045 --> 00:15:17,036 I'm gonna not tell Dad about that. 283 00:15:22,319 --> 00:15:24,287 [Fancy doorbell chiming] 284 00:15:26,624 --> 00:15:27,989 [Grunting] 285 00:15:41,572 --> 00:15:44,666 - Hey, is that Ben Crenshaw Turbo Golf? - Yeah. 286 00:15:44,942 --> 00:15:47,536 I can never get it past the bunker on the third hole. 287 00:15:47,611 --> 00:15:50,910 Try letting it go just below the mark on your drive. 288 00:15:50,981 --> 00:15:53,449 Hey, I know you. You're the kid that rakes my lawn. 289 00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:55,747 No, I'm the kid who hit you in the head. 290 00:15:55,819 --> 00:15:57,946 - With a rake? - No, with a golf club. 291 00:15:58,022 --> 00:16:01,126 You been raking my yard with a golf club? I want my quarter back. 292 00:16:01,559 --> 00:16:02,685 [Phone rings] 293 00:16:03,728 --> 00:16:06,856 HANK: Hill residence. BOBBY: Dad, guess where I am? 294 00:16:06,931 --> 00:16:08,364 I don't know. Let's see. 295 00:16:08,433 --> 00:16:11,527 Crushing Dwight Yoakam's voice box with my five iron? 296 00:16:11,603 --> 00:16:14,902 BOBBY: I'm at Willie Nelson's. And he wants you to come over. 297 00:16:14,973 --> 00:16:17,703 Son, you're teasing the gorilla in the monkey house. 298 00:16:17,775 --> 00:16:20,642 WILLIE: Willie Nelson here. Practically blind in one eye now. 299 00:16:20,712 --> 00:16:24,409 WILLIE: But I got your son here. HANK: I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Nelson. 300 00:16:24,482 --> 00:16:27,747 Bobby's never stalked anyone before, and he's not very good at it. 301 00:16:27,819 --> 00:16:30,447 I mean, he shouldn't be stalking anybody. 302 00:16:30,522 --> 00:16:32,752 I'll come get him right away. 303 00:16:33,324 --> 00:16:35,189 [Cheerful country music playing] 304 00:16:38,329 --> 00:16:39,626 [Kids laughing] 305 00:16:44,636 --> 00:16:45,625 HANK: Bobby! 306 00:16:46,704 --> 00:16:48,797 Out of my way, rooster-boy. 307 00:16:49,674 --> 00:16:51,107 [Guitar strumming] 308 00:16:52,443 --> 00:16:53,432 Betsy? 309 00:16:54,579 --> 00:16:56,410 HANK: What the... BOBBY: Hey, Dad! 310 00:16:56,814 --> 00:16:59,374 Hey, Hank. Bobby's been telling me all about you. 311 00:16:59,450 --> 00:17:02,817 I hear you're a guitar player, and that you got a narrow urethra. 312 00:17:02,921 --> 00:17:03,945 Bobby! 313 00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:07,651 - And he had me autograph your guitar. - You signed my guitar? 314 00:17:07,725 --> 00:17:10,387 "To my number-one fan, Willie Nelson." 315 00:17:11,329 --> 00:17:14,355 LUANNE: "The fox chases the rabbit around the tree trunk and..." 316 00:17:14,432 --> 00:17:15,421 [Phone rings] 317 00:17:15,967 --> 00:17:17,491 I was so close! 318 00:17:17,735 --> 00:17:18,827 [Sobbing] 319 00:17:19,637 --> 00:17:21,901 PEGGY: Hill residence. HANK: You'll never guess! 320 00:17:21,973 --> 00:17:25,739 I'm at Willie Nelson's house. He says we're all invited to his barbecue. 321 00:17:25,810 --> 00:17:27,243 Gee, I'd love to come. 322 00:17:27,312 --> 00:17:29,507 But Ann Richards and I are doing our toenails. 323 00:17:29,581 --> 00:17:32,141 WILLIE: I don't think so, I'm looking at her right now... 324 00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,685 and she's playing tetherball with one of my roadies. 325 00:17:34,752 --> 00:17:36,447 HANK: See? That was him. 326 00:17:37,121 --> 00:17:39,021 Oh, my Lord! What do I wear? 327 00:17:39,090 --> 00:17:41,251 HANK: It doesn't matter. Wear any old thing. 328 00:17:41,326 --> 00:17:45,456 Just don't forget to bring Betsy's orange, woven shoulder strap. 329 00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:49,667 Betsy sure is a beaut, Hank. I think Trigger's getting jealous. 330 00:17:49,734 --> 00:17:53,067 Why, thank you, Willie. It sure means a lot coming from you. 331 00:17:53,538 --> 00:17:55,438 You know what they say: 332 00:17:55,807 --> 00:17:59,004 "I'd sell my wife before I'd sell my guitar." 333 00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:04,545 [Muttering] I tell you what, you did that old Mr. Tambourine Man... 334 00:18:04,616 --> 00:18:07,016 talk about "Come play a song for me." 335 00:18:07,085 --> 00:18:09,485 Then you changed your name to Zimmerman... 336 00:18:09,554 --> 00:18:10,782 and y'all born again. 337 00:18:11,389 --> 00:18:13,755 [Muttering] A whole bunch of kids are going around. 338 00:18:13,825 --> 00:18:17,158 Mad Dog Denim going platinum. Who knows? 339 00:18:17,228 --> 00:18:20,561 Accounting firms and dang old Boomhauer. 340 00:18:21,332 --> 00:18:24,358 Ma'am, you're going to want to angle that glass. 341 00:18:25,870 --> 00:18:29,636 - You're blowing it. - You're gonna get nothing but foam. 342 00:18:33,711 --> 00:18:34,700 Yep. 343 00:18:34,979 --> 00:18:37,709 Mr. Hopper, I just loved you in that movie. 344 00:18:37,782 --> 00:18:42,185 - The one where you played a mad villain? - Come on, Peggy, you wild thing. 345 00:18:42,253 --> 00:18:46,155 Let's drive straight down to Mexico. Come on. Right this minute. 346 00:18:46,224 --> 00:18:49,660 Mexico. I wonder what a wife goes for down there. 347 00:18:49,727 --> 00:18:53,060 One guitar? Two guitars? I will have to ask Hank. 348 00:18:55,700 --> 00:18:57,964 [Speaking Spanish] 349 00:18:58,269 --> 00:19:02,365 He's not treating you right, Peggy. A delicate flower like you. 350 00:19:02,473 --> 00:19:04,634 Do you want me to kick his ass? 351 00:19:05,043 --> 00:19:07,511 You are so sweet to offer, Dennis. 352 00:19:07,578 --> 00:19:10,138 But Hank would flatten you out like a bug. 353 00:19:10,214 --> 00:19:13,843 No. This is something Peggy Hill has to handle on her own. 354 00:19:14,118 --> 00:19:15,585 [Hollering] 355 00:19:15,653 --> 00:19:17,120 You go, girl! 356 00:19:21,125 --> 00:19:23,650 That's some boy you got there, Hank. 357 00:19:23,728 --> 00:19:24,956 [Grunting] 358 00:19:25,596 --> 00:19:27,996 It's nice of you to say that. 359 00:19:28,066 --> 00:19:31,900 But Bobby's got no direction in life, no heroes. 360 00:19:32,103 --> 00:19:34,571 When I was his age, I worshipped you. 361 00:19:34,672 --> 00:19:36,765 Well, and Jesus, of course. 362 00:19:36,908 --> 00:19:39,900 - Ever think you're too tough on the boy? - I don't know. 363 00:19:39,977 --> 00:19:44,539 Just today, he chipped Betsy's bridge, ran into my truck with the mower... 364 00:19:44,682 --> 00:19:48,277 dinged up my favorite wedge, and then dinged you up worse. 365 00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:50,412 Hold on there. You think about it. 366 00:19:50,488 --> 00:19:53,457 Bobby wants to play your guitar, ride your mower... 367 00:19:53,524 --> 00:19:55,458 and swing your golf club. 368 00:19:55,593 --> 00:19:59,495 I believe that kid does have a hero. And his name is Hank Hall. 369 00:19:59,597 --> 00:20:01,087 Hill. 370 00:20:01,165 --> 00:20:02,257 Yeah, right. 371 00:20:02,767 --> 00:20:03,927 Bobby. 372 00:20:04,502 --> 00:20:05,491 Bobby. 373 00:20:05,603 --> 00:20:06,592 Bobby! 374 00:20:06,704 --> 00:20:10,663 - What? - I just want to thank you for... 375 00:20:10,908 --> 00:20:14,503 helping me meet my hero, and having him sign my guitar. 376 00:20:14,679 --> 00:20:16,840 I helped him put ointment in his eye. 377 00:20:16,914 --> 00:20:19,815 I'm going to show you something you can do with a guitar... 378 00:20:19,884 --> 00:20:22,011 that doesn't involve cheese. 379 00:20:23,121 --> 00:20:25,919 This is a song I wrote a long time ago. 380 00:20:30,695 --> 00:20:33,323 Well, I know a gal with a purty leg 381 00:20:33,564 --> 00:20:35,657 She's a gal who can fry my egg 382 00:20:36,968 --> 00:20:41,234 And her name is Peg-gy 383 00:20:42,106 --> 00:20:44,802 Well, Peggy-Peg, Peggy-Peg 384 00:20:44,876 --> 00:20:47,276 Peg-a-leg 385 00:20:47,345 --> 00:20:51,475 Oh, Peggy, my Peg-a-leg 386 00:20:52,083 --> 00:20:56,213 Well, I love you, and I love you, Peggy-Peg 387 00:20:56,287 --> 00:20:57,276 Well... 388 00:20:57,388 --> 00:21:00,846 Then it just sort of goes off into a Buddy Holly riff. 389 00:21:01,058 --> 00:21:03,219 - Oh, Hank. - Peggy! 390 00:21:04,328 --> 00:21:07,855 I didn't realize you were there. Here, Bobby. Go practice. 391 00:21:07,932 --> 00:21:10,423 BOBBY: Are you sure it's okay for me? HANK: Git! 392 00:21:10,501 --> 00:21:14,096 I was headed over here to knock you six ways from Sunday with that guitar. 393 00:21:14,172 --> 00:21:18,233 Then I get here and you're playing that old song of yours, and... 394 00:21:20,011 --> 00:21:21,979 I love you, Propane Man. 395 00:21:28,352 --> 00:21:30,377 You braided that perfect, Luanne. 396 00:21:30,588 --> 00:21:33,352 But next time lighten up a little on the glitter spray. 397 00:21:42,732 --> 00:21:45,963 HANK: What's that chord you hit on the... 398 00:21:46,669 --> 00:21:50,571 You just got to hold it just a little longer before you go to F. 399 00:21:54,978 --> 00:21:57,469 HANK: Now? WILLIE: That's a good spot, yeah. 400 00:22:00,483 --> 00:22:01,882 WILLIE: Do it again. 401 00:22:02,305 --> 00:23:02,703 Who are the real-world Illuminati ? Find out @ saveanilluminati.com