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Ripped By mstoll
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ALL:
Surprise!
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HANK:
Heh-heh.
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Eh, we get her every year.
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This is the one day a year
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my Dad disappoints me.
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Feeling a little left
out, are ya, Bobby?
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00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,158
Well, you shouldn't.
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I got something in the truck
just for you.
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You like your birthday bone,
don't you, girl?
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BOBBY:
Look, everybody!
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(humming)
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What the hell is that?
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It's my new pet, Josh!
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Lucky gave it to me.
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He's gonna be such
a great father.
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00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,481
Get that snake off
you this instant!
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I will not sit by
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and watch you be strangled
in my very own home!
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Lucky, you're taking
that dang thing back.
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I don't know, Hank.
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Snakes make pretty cool pets.
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They don't have legs, so they
can't run away from you.
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00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:37,729
And no matter
how hard you cuddle it,
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you can't break it.
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00:01:39,365 --> 00:01:41,856
No! Snakes are
awful pets.
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00:01:41,968 --> 00:01:44,368
It's like a breathing stick
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00:01:44,504 --> 00:01:46,972
staring at you all weird.
Now put it down.
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Okay.
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00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:51,769
(shrieking):
It's coming to kill me!
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It knows I'm a Christian!
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(Hissing)
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(Shuddering)
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Whoa, I ain't never
seen it do that before.
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00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:02,415
It's agitated.
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00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:09,794
Somebody go get Dale.
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If I leave,
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you guys will let me
back in, right?
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(Whimpers)
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People should just have dogs.
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00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:35,614
Well, Dale, what do you think?
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00:02:35,755 --> 00:02:37,313
You think you might
want to grab it?
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00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,515
This is going to
take time, Hank.
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00:02:39,692 --> 00:02:41,159
I'm trying to break its spirit,
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00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:42,988
but it's an Alpha
snake whilst I am
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clearly a Beta snake.
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(All gasping)
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00:02:48,568 --> 00:02:51,036
Clever opening gambit.
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00:02:51,137 --> 00:02:52,627
Game on.
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Ha!
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00:03:00,547 --> 00:03:02,447
Welp, it's in the
toilet. Too late.
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00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:04,447
No, it's not.
Quick, grab it.
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00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:06,814
Sorry, Hank.
I'm a private contractor.
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00:03:06,953 --> 00:03:08,511
This is now a public matter.
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00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:09,781
Once that snake's head
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00:03:09,956 --> 00:03:11,548
crosses the rim threshold
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00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:13,055
it's the county's problem.
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00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:15,990
Countys problem?
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00:03:16,162 --> 00:03:17,823
Come on. Do something.
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00:03:17,997 --> 00:03:21,091
Not to worry, the County Animal
Control guys are the best.
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00:03:21,234 --> 00:03:23,225
I have personally seen
Tommy and Rollo
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00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:24,734
kill a gopher with a pigeon.
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HANK:
The species
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is a Burmese python,
around six feet long.
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00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:36,744
It escaped down
the toilet at 11:46.
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00:03:36,916 --> 00:03:38,349
So what do you want us
to do about it?
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00:03:38,518 --> 00:03:40,315
Uh, I'd like you to catch it.
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00:03:40,453 --> 00:03:42,887
(Sighing)
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00:03:45,491 --> 00:03:47,482
Little League field's clean.
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00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:52,863
They don't pay us
enough for this.
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00:03:53,032 --> 00:03:55,330
And this yahoo wants us
to catch his pet snake.
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It's not my pet,
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but it is your job.
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Yeah, well we don't get
paid the kind of money
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00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:03,669
the cops and firemen do.
Not even close.
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00:04:03,843 --> 00:04:05,970
But when City Hall's
run over by possums
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00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:08,239
they don't make 'em
disappear; we do.
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00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:09,779
Yeah, you think it's just magic.
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00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,440
Well, it's the kind
of magic you do
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00:04:11,618 --> 00:04:13,745
with a ball peen hammer
in a deserted place.
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00:04:13,886 --> 00:04:15,820
This is the magic I believe in.
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I pay my taxes and
you find that snake.
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00:04:19,125 --> 00:04:21,025
People hate them
and if they find out
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00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:23,253
that a six-foot one
is loose in the sewer,
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00:04:23,396 --> 00:04:24,522
it could cause a panic.
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00:04:24,697 --> 00:04:26,858
Panic? Hmm.
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00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,467
Maybe this could cause a panic.
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00:04:28,568 --> 00:04:30,263
Mr. Hill,
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00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:32,770
I am putting this matter
to the top of our agenda.
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00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:34,873
Here's a form that
will expedite things.
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00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:37,238
Ah, finally.
Paperwork.
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00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:38,674
Now we're getting somewhere.
94
00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:42,643
That guy's serious.
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00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:44,113
We might have to do something.
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00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,444
We are going to do something:
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Nothing.
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00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:50,279
The longer that snake
is out there,
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00:04:50,423 --> 00:04:52,948
the more the town panics,
the more valuable we become.
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That snake is our ticket
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00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,093
to crazy overtime.
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00:04:59,699 --> 00:05:01,132
Well, all I know is
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00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,361
I had to raise
a little hell in there.
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00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:05,596
But sometimes that's
what you gotta do
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00:05:05,738 --> 00:05:07,638
to get the proper forms.
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00:05:07,774 --> 00:05:09,002
MIGUEL HERNANDEZ: And switching
now to a breaking story,
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00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:10,506
we go live
to the Heimlich County
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Animal Control Department.
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A 12-foot-long Burmese python
escaped earlier today.
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00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:17,148
From what we can piece together,
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an untrained animal hobbyist,
Hank Hill,
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00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:21,913
purchased this animal as a joke,
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grew bored with it,
and apparently
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flushed it down the toilet.
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That's not true!
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I don't believe this.
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They're lying on the news.
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Are they talking about Josh?
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00:05:32,298 --> 00:05:34,095
People think these animals
make good pets,
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00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:35,825
but they don't.
They're cold-blooded killers.
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00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:37,197
Literally.
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00:05:37,303 --> 00:05:40,067
(sighs):
Chilling. And now we
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00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:42,471
go to our own Nancy Hicks
Gribble, live on the scene.
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No, no. Don't show
our house. No!
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Thanks, Miguel.
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00:05:46,979 --> 00:05:48,503
Neighbors, such as myself,
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00:05:48,648 --> 00:05:52,448
describe Mr. Hill as a quiet
and somewhat rigid man
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00:05:52,585 --> 00:05:54,644
and the last person
you'd expect to release
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00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:56,755
such a deadly threat
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00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:57,890
into this community's
hearts and homes.
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00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:01,086
(Sighs)
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00:06:01,227 --> 00:06:03,161
You know, I always thought
we'd be on TV
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00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:05,025
for being murdered in our sleep.
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00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:10,025
Dang it, my phone is
ringing off the hook.
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00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:11,830
You boys need
to catch this snake.
136
00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:13,734
That's what I told them!
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00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:16,741
We are doing
everything possible.
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00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:19,004
The snake that was set loose
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00:06:19,178 --> 00:06:20,702
in our community is
a vicious predator
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00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:22,940
and it cannot be
caught on the cheap.
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00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,310
It's going to take time.
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00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,581
It might take
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00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:30,655
time and a half.
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00:06:31,824 --> 00:06:33,621
Golden time...
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00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:34,886
and hazard pay. Thank you.
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00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,926
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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00:06:37,096 --> 00:06:38,654
Our budgets too tight as it is.
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00:06:38,798 --> 00:06:41,266
This is a crisis
of public safety, Don.
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00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:44,801
It appears my colleague
here is soft on snakes.
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00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:48,271
Are you kidding me?
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00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:50,205
Nobody hates snakes
more than I do.
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00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:52,538
Well, you sure have a
funny way of showing it.
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00:06:52,712 --> 00:06:54,043
If anyone knows my history,
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00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:55,477
he knows I'm tough on snakes.
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00:06:55,615 --> 00:06:56,741
That's right.
Uh-huh.
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00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:01,350
As chairman, I move we allocate
157
00:07:01,554 --> 00:07:03,488
more money to snake eradication.
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00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:05,352
This isn't about money!
159
00:07:05,558 --> 00:07:07,924
Just make these people
do their jobs.
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00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:10,324
I say we don't just allocate
"some money,"
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00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:12,828
we allocate all money needed!
162
00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:16,191
I say on top of that
we get these boys
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00:07:16,335 --> 00:07:17,927
another full-time
Animal Control Officer
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00:07:18,037 --> 00:07:20,005
to help win my war on snakes.
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00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:27,643
Hmm.
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00:07:30,049 --> 00:07:31,641
(screams)
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00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:34,480
Dale, get on your
cleanest jumpsuit
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00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:35,951
because you are going to apply
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00:07:36,155 --> 00:07:38,316
for that job
with County Animal Control.
170
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,153
An opening?
171
00:07:40,326 --> 00:07:43,489
But I don't have the chops
to work with Tommy and Rollo.
172
00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:45,722
Why do you like
these guys so much?
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00:07:45,865 --> 00:07:48,993
So far all they've done is
blame me and asked for money.
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00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,433
Well, I always blame you
and ask for money.
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00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:54,096
Maybe I could fit in!
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00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:58,199
Mr. Gribble?
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00:07:58,377 --> 00:08:00,345
Yes, ridiculous name. I know.
178
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,505
What makes you think you
can be a snake hunter?
179
00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:05,446
To be honest, I have no business
even sitting here
180
00:08:05,618 --> 00:08:06,949
with you gentlemen.
181
00:08:07,086 --> 00:08:09,646
I am unqualified, uncertified,
and untrained.
182
00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:11,255
I have no references.
183
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:12,686
I am prone to nervousness,
184
00:08:12,859 --> 00:08:14,486
and when nervous,
I vomit in my mouth.
185
00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:19,392
Dale, you shouldn't be
so hard on yourself.
186
00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:21,157
As a matter of fact,
187
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:23,359
you're exactly
what we're looking for.
188
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,470
Really?
189
00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:25,537
Are you sure?
190
00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:26,627
Go on home,
191
00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:28,171
make love to your wife,
192
00:08:28,307 --> 00:08:30,400
and then come back here
ready to be a hero.
193
00:08:30,576 --> 00:08:31,543
But...
194
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:32,939
But she's at work.
195
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:35,047
I'll figure it out.
196
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,581
(humming)
197
00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:39,116
He's perfect.
198
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:40,651
That moron couldn't find a snake
199
00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:42,320
if he was wearing it
for a necktie.
200
00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:45,984
Kill you later!
201
00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:48,150
Oh, what the hell.
202
00:08:48,294 --> 00:08:50,228
(Squirrel chittering)
203
00:08:56,168 --> 00:08:58,068
There's no reason
for this panic.
204
00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,172
There's never been one instance
205
00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:03,298
of a snake jumping out
of a toilet and biting someone.
206
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:04,704
I even went on the...
207
00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:07,107
(sighs):
The Web.
208
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:10,306
It's funny how much one little
snake can change a man's life.
209
00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:12,110
My bathroom used to be
210
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,310
where I went to find
comfort and peace.
211
00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:16,682
Now it's the sum
of all my fears.
212
00:09:16,822 --> 00:09:19,120
Yeah man, it's like I don't even
have a dang ol' place
213
00:09:19,258 --> 00:09:21,089
m read my dang a! Newspaper
no more, man.
214
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,660
Don't worry about a thing.
215
00:09:22,795 --> 00:09:25,491
Now that Dale Gribble,
Animal Control Specialist,
216
00:09:25,631 --> 00:09:27,428
has joined what
my wife, the media,
217
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,501
has dubbed Team Snake Hunt,
218
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:31,296
that snake is all but caught.
219
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:32,701
Sha sha sha.
220
00:09:32,805 --> 00:09:34,602
BILL:
Whoa.
221
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:37,607
And best part of all,
I'm working with my idols.
222
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:40,303
It would be like Boomhauer
working with Wilt Chamberlin
223
00:09:40,446 --> 00:09:42,141
or Hank working with, uh...
224
00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:44,977
Dr. Propane,
I'm assuming.
225
00:09:45,117 --> 00:09:46,311
(sighs):
Just promise
226
00:09:46,452 --> 00:09:48,352
that you'll catch
that snake soon.
227
00:09:48,487 --> 00:09:50,352
I get more looks and whispers
228
00:09:50,489 --> 00:09:52,957
than that bank teller
who's in between genders.
229
00:09:55,561 --> 00:09:57,995
Well, this has been
a great first day.
230
00:09:58,130 --> 00:10:00,291
You guys have
introduced me to sudoku
231
00:10:00,466 --> 00:10:02,798
and we came up
with our theme song.
232
00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:05,096
Now, this might be
the pedicure talking,
233
00:10:05,237 --> 00:10:07,432
but when are we gonna catch
that snake?
234
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:09,337
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
235
00:10:09,475 --> 00:10:12,273
If we rush into this,
then the snake has won.
236
00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:14,369
Huh.
Gentlemen,
237
00:10:14,513 --> 00:10:17,073
here are your beers
and your banana splits.
238
00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:18,740
Enjoy.
239
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:21,681
And by the way, your bill
has been taken care of.
240
00:10:21,821 --> 00:10:24,187
Thank you, Team Snake Hunt!
241
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:26,917
(Applause)
242
00:10:27,059 --> 00:10:28,890
(giggles)
243
00:10:29,028 --> 00:10:30,017
WOMAN:
Thanks, guys.
244
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:31,424
Hey!
245
00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:36,726
NEWSCASTER:
We begin
246
00:10:36,902 --> 00:10:39,063
with an "Arlen Snake Alarm"
update.
247
00:10:39,238 --> 00:10:40,000
(Sighs)
248
00:10:40,339 --> 00:10:41,601
Just turn the channel.
249
00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:44,634
I hope you're proud
of yourself, Hank.
250
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,937
'Cause of you, I gotta find
someplace besides the commode
251
00:10:47,079 --> 00:10:48,205
to do my business.
252
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:49,609
Huh?
253
00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:51,080
I didn't have anything to do
254
00:10:51,250 --> 00:10:52,182
with this snake.
255
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:53,182
It was a gift...
256
00:10:53,352 --> 00:10:54,819
To, to my son...
257
00:10:54,954 --> 00:10:57,184
See, it was my dog's birthday...
258
00:10:59,525 --> 00:11:01,493
Uh, no one has anything
to worry about.
259
00:11:01,694 --> 00:11:03,491
The toilets are safe.
260
00:11:03,696 --> 00:11:05,857
Don't buy into this
media frenzy.
261
00:11:05,965 --> 00:11:09,093
Let's hear you say that
sitting on a toilet, honey.
262
00:11:10,736 --> 00:11:13,204
It was one of the few
pleasures in my life,
263
00:11:13,305 --> 00:11:14,966
and you took it away.
264
00:11:15,107 --> 00:11:17,041
(Sighs)
265
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:18,610
ANNOUNCER (on TV): For the
shopping experience of a lifetime,
266
00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:21,713
drive up to the McMaynerbury
Mall, snake-free since 1982!
267
00:11:27,653 --> 00:11:29,018
(Hissing)
268
00:11:31,057 --> 00:11:33,525
Damn, waiting for this foam
will be the death of me.
269
00:11:33,659 --> 00:11:35,854
You know, the firemen have
a self-frothing machine.
270
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,859
Yeah, and the cops
have new headquarters
271
00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:39,861
and those matching ATVs.
272
00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:42,160
Why are we always at the
bottom of the food chain?
273
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:44,293
Because they all have
bond measures.
274
00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:45,459
You know how it works,
275
00:11:45,604 --> 00:11:47,299
cops can't catch criminals
276
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,772
unless Bond Measure C passes.
277
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:52,207
(mocking in child's voice): Librarians
will shut down the children's weading woom
278
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,437
if Bond Measure L doesn't pass.
279
00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:56,376
Hmm.
280
00:11:56,515 --> 00:11:59,279
If Team Snake Hunt gets
its own bond measure,
281
00:11:59,485 --> 00:12:02,818
we can have any cappuccino
machine we want.
282
00:12:02,955 --> 00:12:04,013
Hell, yeah!
283
00:12:04,156 --> 00:12:07,489
Bond Measure... S
for Snake.
284
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:08,888
What do you say, brother?
285
00:12:09,028 --> 00:12:11,258
I don't know anything
about bond measures.
286
00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:12,954
That's the beauty of it.
Nobody does.
287
00:12:13,132 --> 00:12:14,759
But they all vote "Yes"!
288
00:12:14,867 --> 00:12:16,528
And once the bond measure
passes,
289
00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:18,500
then we'll catch the snake?
290
00:12:18,637 --> 00:12:20,104
You got it, buddy.
291
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:23,265
Once Bond Measure S passes,
that snake is toast.
292
00:12:27,146 --> 00:12:28,340
(Camera shutter clicks)
293
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:45,454
(screaming)
294
00:12:49,135 --> 00:12:50,864
(no audible dialogue)
295
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:04,483
(sighs)
296
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,312
I keep looking up at the sky
297
00:13:06,485 --> 00:13:10,148
and wondering if Josh is
looking up at the same sky.
298
00:13:10,322 --> 00:13:12,085
You'll feel better
after you build a bear.
299
00:13:12,224 --> 00:13:13,384
KAHN:
Hey, Hank Hill,
300
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:15,720
snake scandal devalue
my property more
301
00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:18,091
than Dauterive sunbathing
on front lawn.
302
00:13:18,230 --> 00:13:19,595
It true. I checked.
303
00:13:25,404 --> 00:13:28,567
Dale, you'd better have
a snake in that backpack.
304
00:13:28,707 --> 00:13:30,174
Don't be ridiculous.
305
00:13:30,342 --> 00:13:32,367
How would I put a snake
in my pack
306
00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:35,309
with all my sophisticated
snake finding equipment:
307
00:13:35,447 --> 00:13:38,041
Like my personal ionic
air purifier,
308
00:13:38,217 --> 00:13:40,811
my anti-fog mirror
and CD player,
309
00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:43,386
and my monogrammed
flotation device?
310
00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:45,353
What do you need
with all that stuff?
311
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:46,856
(Laughs)
312
00:13:47,059 --> 00:13:49,357
Don't be embarrassed
by your ignorance, Hank.
313
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,019
You, as a citizen idiot,
314
00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:53,222
would have no idea
how to catch a snake.
315
00:13:53,365 --> 00:13:54,332
Dang it, Dale.
316
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,331
I made you get that county job
317
00:13:56,468 --> 00:13:59,562
to make sure those guys did
their job and caught that snake.
318
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,640
Have you even looked down
in the sewers?
319
00:14:01,807 --> 00:14:05,243
We don't just willy-nilly go
down in the sewers, Hank.
320
00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:07,470
It takes strategy, planning.
321
00:14:07,646 --> 00:14:10,308
In fact, Tommy and Rollo are
in the Snake Control Room
322
00:14:10,482 --> 00:14:13,280
as we speak
planning our next move.
323
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:14,351
The what?
324
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,488
The Snake Control Room?
325
00:14:16,622 --> 00:14:18,556
That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.
326
00:14:18,724 --> 00:14:20,487
It's probably just
the copy room.
327
00:14:20,626 --> 00:14:21,991
The copy room?
328
00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:23,822
I don't think
all the monitors, sensors,
329
00:14:23,996 --> 00:14:26,590
and tracking devices would fit
in the copy room.
330
00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:30,292
I think the Snake Control Room
is more like the Danger Room
331
00:14:30,402 --> 00:14:31,494
from the X-Men.
332
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:32,571
So you've seen it?
333
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,070
Of course.
334
00:14:34,173 --> 00:14:37,142
I mean, uh,
I've been outside the door.
335
00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:39,710
I don't have clearance to...
336
00:14:39,845 --> 00:14:43,008
It's, uh, it's a lengthy
review process.
337
00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:44,046
Huh.
338
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:45,979
Come on, Dale.
339
00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:49,053
We're going to see what those
giblet-heads are really up to.
340
00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:53,555
Guys?
341
00:14:53,692 --> 00:14:56,490
Um, I know you said
never to bother you
342
00:14:56,662 --> 00:14:58,061
when you're in the War Room,
343
00:14:58,197 --> 00:15:01,633
but I need to talk to
you about something.
344
00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:04,394
Guys?
345
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:06,864
(techno music playing)
346
00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:23,946
You were right, Hank.
347
00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:26,489
They're frauds.
348
00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:30,186
We're going into the sewer.
349
00:15:30,362 --> 00:15:34,162
Let's go kill a snake
and a bond measure.
350
00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:44,365
These public sewers are
labyrinthian... tine.
351
00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:46,875
Since Tommy and Rollo
never actually trained me,
352
00:15:47,012 --> 00:15:48,877
we could get lost down there.
353
00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:51,847
I'll become one of the
mysterious sewer people.
354
00:15:52,017 --> 00:15:54,850
Over time, my memories
of the English language
355
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:58,251
will disappear, and I'll be
forced to invent my own.
356
00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:00,551
(Speaking gibberish)
357
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:02,685
Get moving, Dale.
358
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,399
"Dear Ex-Idols:
359
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:18,703
"Someone needs
to catch that snake
360
00:16:18,877 --> 00:16:20,469
"and I guess it's gonna be me.
361
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:23,410
"P.S. I signed
for your executive dartboard
362
00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:24,846
"from The Sharper Image.
363
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,110
It's on the wall."
364
00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:28,276
Holy crap, he's
going in the sewer.
365
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:30,284
That Boy Scout is gonna
crash our gravy train.
366
00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:31,684
We gotta stop him.
367
00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:38,621
We're actually
inside Arlen's colon.
368
00:16:38,797 --> 00:16:42,062
It's kind of spooky down here.
369
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:44,863
Do you think poop has ghosts?
370
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:49,908
Apparently, not everyone was
afraid to use their toilets.
371
00:16:54,546 --> 00:16:58,380
Look, it's a wheel
from a child's tricycle.
372
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:01,850
This is a place
of terrible beauty.
373
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,682
ROLLO: Wait, did you
hear something?
374
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,050
Dale?
375
00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:06,748
Wait a second.
That was Rollo's voice.
376
00:17:06,892 --> 00:17:08,359
They're after us!
377
00:17:08,494 --> 00:17:10,121
Well, how'd they even
know we were down here?
378
00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:11,193
Probably the note I left.
379
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:12,694
Come on!
380
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,662
We've gotta hurry up
and catch that snake.
381
00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:18,301
(Squeaking)
382
00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:24,766
The snake!
Quick, grab it.
383
00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:28,513
(screams, grunting)
384
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:31,615
(grunting):
I got a hold of it!
385
00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:33,547
It's trying to wrap itself
around me,
386
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,516
but it didn't count
on my strategy
387
00:17:35,687 --> 00:17:37,882
of me wrapping around it!
388
00:17:38,023 --> 00:17:39,388
(Laughs)
389
00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:43,958
(grunting)
390
00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:45,723
I did it!
391
00:17:45,864 --> 00:17:48,731
I'm not sure
that's Bobby's snake.
392
00:17:49,968 --> 00:17:52,664
Oh, my God, it's not.
393
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,801
Oh, Lord in Heaven above.
394
00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:03,539
Don't worry, Hank.
395
00:18:03,682 --> 00:18:06,378
I've got three weeks of
exterminating to catch up on.
396
00:18:06,518 --> 00:18:07,780
Where to begin?
397
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:11,651
Eenie-meenie-minie kill!
398
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:15,191
(Grunting)
399
00:18:15,327 --> 00:18:16,191
Ha!
400
00:18:16,328 --> 00:18:17,260
Dale!
401
00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:19,796
Look at that vermin pit.
402
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:21,763
More like money pit.
403
00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:23,801
Dale, stop killing our money
right now.
404
00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:30,503
What the hell happened to you?
405
00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:33,873
You used to be reptile-
and rodent-killing machines.
406
00:18:34,079 --> 00:18:36,946
Now you're practically
veterinarians.
407
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,141
Hey, nobody gave a damn about us
till the snake showed up,
408
00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:41,286
and no one will give a damn
about us once it's gone.
409
00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:43,115
That's why you kill?
410
00:18:43,255 --> 00:18:44,882
For appreciation?
411
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:46,388
From people like him?
412
00:18:48,827 --> 00:18:50,624
You know why you should do it?
413
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,128
Because it's your job
and you're getting a paycheck.
414
00:18:53,265 --> 00:18:55,495
Or how about you do it
415
00:18:55,601 --> 00:18:57,592
because right now Dale's wife,
416
00:18:57,769 --> 00:19:00,101
Channel 84's
Nancy Hicks Gribble,
417
00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:02,571
is on her way
to the Animal Control Office.
418
00:19:02,674 --> 00:19:04,733
She's gonna expose
what really goes on
419
00:19:04,943 --> 00:19:06,934
in that Snake Control Room.
420
00:19:12,684 --> 00:19:13,651
What do you want?
421
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:15,878
I want you to end this madness
422
00:19:16,054 --> 00:19:18,420
and publicly repudiate
Bond Measure S.
423
00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:24,124
(Hissing)
424
00:19:24,296 --> 00:19:25,558
There's Josh!
425
00:19:27,966 --> 00:19:30,230
Are you with me, brothers?
426
00:19:34,306 --> 00:19:35,432
(Grunting)
427
00:19:35,574 --> 00:19:36,905
Yaw.
Yam!
428
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,271
Ugh.
429
00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:40,344
Hey, if, uh, if Bobby asks,
430
00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:41,945
we let Josh go on a farm.
431
00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:43,206
DALE:
Yah!
432
00:19:43,382 --> 00:19:44,508
(Rollo laughs)
433
00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:50,012
And since my raison d'etre,
434
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:53,920
i.e. The Burmese python,
has been eradicated.
435
00:19:54,059 --> 00:19:56,619
I hereby resign my position.
436
00:19:56,795 --> 00:19:59,195
But what about
future snake threats?
437
00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:02,528
Don't we need Bond Measure S
to safeguard our children?
438
00:20:02,634 --> 00:20:03,760
Oh, yes, the children.
Yeah, what about 'em?
439
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,731
Bond Measure S is nothing more
440
00:20:09,908 --> 00:20:11,933
than an expensive
government boondoggle
441
00:20:12,077 --> 00:20:16,013
that in no way will help us with
our efforts in Animal Control.
442
00:20:20,185 --> 00:20:21,709
With one percent
of the precincts in,
443
00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:23,514
we are projecting
that Bond Measure A,
444
00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:25,816
The Clean Air for Our Children
to Breathe bond measure,
445
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:28,449
will pass 62%to 38%.
446
00:20:28,594 --> 00:20:29,959
Oh!
447
00:20:30,128 --> 00:20:31,857
You hear that, little baby?
448
00:20:31,997 --> 00:20:34,056
You're going to be
able to breathe.
449
00:20:34,199 --> 00:20:35,496
As did Bond Measure F,
450
00:20:35,601 --> 00:20:37,330
The Children Are Our Future
initiative,
451
00:20:37,436 --> 00:20:39,495
with 67% of the vote.
452
00:20:39,605 --> 00:20:42,130
Children really are
our future, you know.
453
00:20:42,307 --> 00:20:43,569
And in a stunning upset,
454
00:20:43,775 --> 00:20:46,403
Bond Measure S
for a Snake-Free Arlen
455
00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:50,014
squeaked by
with only 59% of the vote.
456
00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:52,446
Tell me
about the farm again, Dad.
457
00:20:52,618 --> 00:20:55,917
Uh, yeah, well, uh,
it's a really great place,
458
00:20:56,054 --> 00:20:59,023
I tell you what,
especially for a snake.
459
00:20:59,191 --> 00:21:02,957
You know, lots of, uh,
lots of mice, I guess,
460
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:04,653
that, uh, that Josh ate.
461
00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:07,060
That's Josh, all right.
462
00:21:07,232 --> 00:21:08,358
Tell me more.
463
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:12,869
Well, it's a...
it's a good farm.
464
00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:53,171
(Dale speaking gibberish)
465
00:21:55,500 --> 00:22:03,500
Ripped By mstoll
465
00:22:04,305 --> 00:23:04,298
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