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contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
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00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:28,000
Ripped By mstoll
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Yup.
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Yup.
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Mm-hmm.
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Hey, hillbillies,
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my delinquent nephew
coming to town.
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Don't buy him beer!
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00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:42,967
I know rednecks like
to buy beer for kids.
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He'll ask. He like to party.
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Don't buy him beer!
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00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,079
Hey, you guys want to come
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00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:50,682
to my vernal equinox party
tomorrow?
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No.
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Before you answer, remember,
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00:00:53,820 --> 00:00:56,482
the vernal equinox is
when the stars align
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in the configuration of an
arrow pointing to earth,
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as if to say, "Come visit here."
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I'll read a thoughtful essay.
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We'll shriek ceremoniously
and eat tapas!
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God, no.
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BILL:
Hey, guys!
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Ow!
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My knee!
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Bill, you got to promise me
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you won't do that
in front of the aliens.
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They hate slapstick.
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DALE:
Nancy,
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00:01:20,847 --> 00:01:22,314
have you begun making the tapas?
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00:01:22,449 --> 00:01:24,144
This will be the visitors'
first experience
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with food on this planet.
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I want them
to have a little taste
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of everything.
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Is this going to shrink down?
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This is huge!
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00:01:34,227 --> 00:01:35,694
What-What Will I
tell the aliens?
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00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:38,023
"I hope you like this,
because if you don't,
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00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:39,290
there's
nothing else?!"
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00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:41,457
Dale, I'm doing the best I can.
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I'm sorry I don't know
alien protocol.
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BOBBY:
Come on, seven!
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(Joseph grunts strangely)
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(laughter)
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Seven!
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00:01:49,542 --> 00:01:52,477
That's the third seven in a row
you've blown out of your nose.
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00:01:52,579 --> 00:01:53,807
You're amazing!
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00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,541
It's either lucky dice
or a lucky nose.
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There's only one way
to find out.
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(grunting)
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NANCY: Boys, please stop that!
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I don't have time to take anyone
to the emergency room!
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(strange grunt)
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00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,395
CELL PHONE:
♪ She's my cherry pie. ♪
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00:02:10,563 --> 00:02:11,587
Oh, that must be, uh, Minh.
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00:02:11,764 --> 00:02:12,788
Cool drink of water. ♪
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00:02:12,999 --> 00:02:14,432
Such a sweet surprise. ♪
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Taste so good,
make a grown man cry ♪
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Sweet cherry pie,
oh, yeah ♪
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Dinner is served.
♪ She's my cherry pie ♪
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00:02:21,941 --> 00:02:24,375
Put a smile on your face
ten miles wide... ♪
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00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:26,172
Now, be sure you've
got your phone off
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00:02:26,379 --> 00:02:27,971
when the aliens get here.
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00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,378
It could startle them, which
could result in our death.
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00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:32,382
Not to mention,
it's pretty rude.
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00:02:35,188 --> 00:02:36,450
Hey, Nancy, did you know
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00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:38,284
that John Redcorn, the
children's musician,
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00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:40,858
has been trying to reach
you here at the station?
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00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:42,426
Well, I-I have no idea why.
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00:02:42,562 --> 00:02:43,722
I barely know that guy.
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00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:45,091
Well, he seems to know you.
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00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:46,960
I want you to do
a feature on him.
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00:02:47,066 --> 00:02:49,057
What?! But I do news.
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00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:51,261
We're moving you off
the news desk to features.
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00:02:51,404 --> 00:02:53,565
It seems, people aren't
interested in hard news anymore.
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00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:56,266
They say it's boring
and makes them sad.
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00:02:56,442 --> 00:02:57,704
That is not my fault.
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00:02:57,877 --> 00:02:59,708
I always said
we shouldn't do the sad stuff.
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00:02:59,879 --> 00:03:01,005
No, people love you.
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00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:02,307
Look at this mail.
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00:03:02,482 --> 00:03:03,813
"We love the
blonde woman."
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00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:05,542
And, "Nancy real good."
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00:03:05,718 --> 00:03:07,447
And, "I want to
lay with blondie."
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00:03:07,587 --> 00:03:09,919
Really? Oh, that's
flattering!
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00:03:10,056 --> 00:03:11,546
But, um, shouldn't I start
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00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:13,385
with a better get
than John Redcorn?
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00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:14,788
No, Red corn's hot.
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00:03:14,961 --> 00:03:16,553
He's burning up
the pre-tween market.
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00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:19,096
And can you see if he'll
play my stepkid's birthday?
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00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:21,165
Of course, I get stuck
organizing the party
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because my stepkid's
real dad's too busy.
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Too busy? Too drunk!
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00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:32,741
And... it's equinox!
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00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:36,645
(high-pitched silly shrieking)
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00:03:36,816 --> 00:03:38,977
(loud breathy sounds)
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00:03:39,185 --> 00:03:40,982
(strange musical vocalizing)
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(grunts)
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(tires screeching,
engine revving)
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(engine revving, tires squeak)
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Em!
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00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:02,267
(speaking Laotian):
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00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:03,909
Alien?
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00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:04,769
Aa-len.
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00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:06,037
Alien.
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00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:07,578
Oh, my God, it worked!
105
00:04:09,515 --> 00:04:11,710
Your language... it's beautiful!
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00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,851
You want me to get in there?
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00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:22,219
Okay, okay, I'll get in.
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00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:27,060
Good-bye, Earth!
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00:04:29,969 --> 00:04:32,460
2048.
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00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:34,539
Hey, your clock's
on military time.
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00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:35,972
Why would you have milita.?
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00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:37,269
Oh, my God!
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00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:38,399
That's not the time.
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00:04:38,578 --> 00:04:40,205
That's the year!
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00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:42,575
You're not an alien.
You're a time traveler!
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Let me out of this thing! Eject!
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(engine revving)
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00:04:51,557 --> 00:04:54,025
What do you do
with a drunken bear? ♪
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Early in the morning! ♪
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00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:00,495
Oh, I'm so glad
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00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:02,658
that your regular makeup
lady got meningitis
122
00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:04,430
so I can do your makeups.
123
00:05:04,570 --> 00:05:06,401
That's great, Sug.
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00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:10,775
Did you get a cat?
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00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:12,708
A blonde cat?
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00:05:12,845 --> 00:05:14,745
Um, no.
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00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:17,008
I don't have a cat.
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00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,674
Nancy.
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00:05:18,851 --> 00:05:20,819
John Redcorn.
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00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:24,080
Go, Nancy.
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00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:25,815
I'm Nancy Hicks-Gribble,
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00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:27,789
reporting live from
Captain Bears Pizza.
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00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:29,519
John Redcorn,
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00:05:29,696 --> 00:05:32,494
you enchant Arlen's children
and tweens.
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00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:34,327
Tell me
about your personal style.
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00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:36,901
I wore this vest
especially for you.
137
00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:40,665
This is the Native American
symbol for forbidden love.
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00:05:40,773 --> 00:05:42,400
(giggles)
Oh.
139
00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:44,203
Well, that's a fun fact.
140
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,403
Um, speaking of fun,
141
00:05:46,546 --> 00:05:48,878
what's your favorite
local hot spot?
142
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,983
REDCORN: Remember when
we found your hot spot?
143
00:05:51,150 --> 00:05:52,549
Bobby, room.
144
00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:54,914
But he's getting out his guitar.
145
00:05:55,054 --> 00:05:56,282
NOW!
146
00:05:56,422 --> 00:05:58,413
(grunts)
147
00:05:58,591 --> 00:06:01,560
You better call me
if he sings "The Oatmeal Blues."
148
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:06,198
I hope for Dale's sake
this isn't what it looks like.
149
00:06:06,332 --> 00:06:08,857
The... rekindling and whatnot.
150
00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:11,697
Nancy swore to me
she would never whatnot
151
00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:13,567
with that man again.
152
00:06:13,673 --> 00:06:15,834
REDCORN: Guitar playing is
about strumming the instrument
153
00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:17,840
in many intimate ways.
154
00:06:17,977 --> 00:06:21,208
I caress the strings
gently with a feather.
155
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:24,873
? Hi yai hay,
and so it rings true?
156
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:28,851
Calling people back
is the right thing to do! ♪
157
00:06:30,590 --> 00:06:33,218
For Channel 84, I'm
Nancy Hicks-Gribble.
158
00:06:33,359 --> 00:06:34,451
Good night!
159
00:06:34,594 --> 00:06:36,357
And... clear.
160
00:06:39,432 --> 00:06:41,263
Luanne, would you help me
161
00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:42,799
with this earpiece?
REDCORN: Here.
162
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:46,269
Let me help you.
163
00:06:46,372 --> 00:06:47,737
(gasps)
164
00:06:47,874 --> 00:06:49,364
Is that my hair?
165
00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:52,034
You always did
make me feel strong.
166
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:59,074
(bird screeches)
167
00:06:59,218 --> 00:07:02,119
(panting)
168
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,722
I've done it!
169
00:07:03,856 --> 00:07:05,949
I've traveled to 2048!
170
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:08,959
Al Gore was right.
171
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,529
I wonder what ocean
this used to be.
172
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:16,565
And man has devolved
back to crawling.
173
00:07:16,669 --> 00:07:18,762
No, wait, that's just me.
174
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:22,841
It's times like this I wish
175
00:07:22,975 --> 00:07:26,706
I had a friend
named The Professor.
176
00:07:26,846 --> 00:07:29,940
Note to self: Don't make
too many notes to self.
177
00:07:30,082 --> 00:07:32,277
Probably can't
get more cassettes.
178
00:07:38,891 --> 00:07:42,691
So, they changed the name
of Arlen to Fartland.
179
00:07:42,829 --> 00:07:45,354
Oh, cold, hilarious fate.
180
00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:48,557
What happened here that would
make them do such a thing?
181
00:07:53,105 --> 00:07:54,868
What can I do for you today?
182
00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:56,635
Your lips are looking
a bit thin.
183
00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:59,745
You want me to plump them up
with some more of your butt fat?
184
00:07:59,879 --> 00:08:02,541
Well, sure, but first,
could you look at my hair?
185
00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:04,478
I think it's been
falling out lately.
186
00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:06,084
Hmm. Hairs tough.
187
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:08,483
Let me try something.
188
00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:10,418
Well, that should have hurt.
189
00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:12,182
What's happening to me?
190
00:08:12,358 --> 00:08:13,985
Well, it's difficult
to determine the cause
191
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,923
of female hair loss, and
192
00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:17,222
then it's hard to cure.
193
00:08:17,396 --> 00:08:18,658
So, what should I do?
194
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,731
Well, there are some
shampoos on the market
195
00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:21,959
with outrageous claims.
196
00:08:22,134 --> 00:08:23,829
You could try those,
197
00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:26,564
but if they don't work, you
should be prepared for this.
198
00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:28,572
See, right now, you're... here.
199
00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:31,074
In six months, you'll be...
200
00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:32,370
here.
201
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,343
Oh, my God!
202
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:35,606
Oh, I tried it again.
203
00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:37,578
You're definitely
losing your hair.
204
00:08:45,958 --> 00:08:47,721
(knocking)
205
00:08:55,401 --> 00:08:57,665
What are you doing
here, John Redcorn?
206
00:08:57,803 --> 00:08:59,270
I wrote a song for you.
207
00:08:59,438 --> 00:09:01,633
It's about a beautiful tree
named Fancy.
208
00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:03,231
Ignore the end.
209
00:09:03,409 --> 00:09:05,309
The tree becomes a home
for a squirrel
210
00:09:05,444 --> 00:09:06,411
with body image issues.
211
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:09,071
(strumming guitar)
212
00:09:09,248 --> 00:09:11,307
I'm sorry, John Redcorn,
but you've got to go.
213
00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:12,678
We broke up already.
214
00:09:12,818 --> 00:09:14,251
It was hard, but it's done.
215
00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:16,888
REDCORN: Please, Nancy.
Don't we owe it
216
00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:18,480
to ourselves to be happy?
217
00:09:18,658 --> 00:09:20,717
What's John Redcorn doing here?
218
00:09:20,793 --> 00:09:22,784
Don't be obvious, but look over
219
00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:25,692
at my 1:00, your 6:30.
220
00:09:27,366 --> 00:09:29,732
Dang it, Boomhauer.
I said don't be obvious!
221
00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:32,804
I thought that whole business
was over with.
222
00:09:32,939 --> 00:09:35,669
Of course I still
have that arrowhead.
223
00:09:35,775 --> 00:09:37,504
Huh.
224
00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:40,908
I thought in the future,
there'd be more things hovering.
225
00:09:42,815 --> 00:09:45,340
You must be Hank's grandson.
226
00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:47,349
I knew your grandfather.
227
00:09:47,486 --> 00:09:50,387
He was, hmm... okay.
228
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,490
A little jowlier than you.
229
00:09:52,658 --> 00:09:54,023
Cut that out.
230
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,388
BILL:
Hey, guys.
231
00:09:55,561 --> 00:09:56,619
Ow!
232
00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:57,729
MY knee!
233
00:09:57,797 --> 00:09:58,923
Oh, my God.
234
00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:00,759
Bill's about to say, "I'm okay!"
235
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:01,889
I'm okay.
236
00:10:02,034 --> 00:10:03,331
Wait.
237
00:10:03,469 --> 00:10:05,835
I wasn't transported
to the future.
238
00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:08,065
I've been transported
to the past.
239
00:10:08,207 --> 00:10:09,469
Yesterday!
240
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,099
(Nancy giggling)
241
00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:14,170
Oh, God, that's under the vest.
242
00:10:14,313 --> 00:10:15,837
Oh, no!
243
00:10:15,982 --> 00:10:17,415
(sighs) We can't
let this happen.
244
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:19,541
If Nancy sees him
spouting all this nonsense,
245
00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:22,279
it's just going to drive
her back to John Redcorn.
246
00:10:22,488 --> 00:10:25,480
Yeah, well, man, she ain't got
too got-dang ol' far to go, man.
247
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:26,853
DALE:
Oh, my God!
248
00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:29,393
If this is yesterday,
then I could...
249
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:31,553
run into myself.
250
00:10:31,697 --> 00:10:33,221
If that happens,
251
00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:35,867
the space/time continuum
will be compromised,
252
00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:38,129
and the world will explode!
253
00:10:38,237 --> 00:10:43,106
You know, Dale, we should probably keep
this time travel stuff between us,
254
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:47,111
because if the government
finds out, they'll, uh...
255
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:49,875
They'll do what, uh,
you know, the government does.
256
00:10:50,016 --> 00:10:51,381
Those bastards!
You're right.
257
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:53,508
I think the other me
is close by.
258
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,348
I hear the sound of my voice.
259
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,149
If I ask, I was never here.
260
00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:01,588
DR. SCHIFF:
Nancy,
261
00:11:01,727 --> 00:11:03,354
your test results show
there's no medical reason
262
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:04,485
for your hair loss.
263
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:05,688
Your iron level is normal;
264
00:11:05,865 --> 00:11:07,355
your glands all secrete
perfectly;
265
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,434
and your heart is
in excellent condition.
266
00:11:09,568 --> 00:11:11,160
I don't care about my heart.
267
00:11:11,303 --> 00:11:13,362
My heart isn't admired
on television!
268
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,974
My heart wasn't voted "prettiest
heart" in high school!
269
00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:17,632
My heart isn't so high and thick
270
00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:21,213
it once had a low-flying bird
get stuck in it!
271
00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:23,712
Nancy, female hair loss
is not uncommon.
272
00:11:23,783 --> 00:11:25,751
It's usually caused
by stress or heredity.
273
00:11:25,918 --> 00:11:27,408
Well, it must be stress.
274
00:11:27,553 --> 00:11:29,350
The hair in my family gets
bigger every generation.
275
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:30,784
Well, in that case,
276
00:11:30,956 --> 00:11:32,355
I've got some great
anti-anxiety medications
277
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:33,583
I can prescribe.
278
00:11:33,759 --> 00:11:35,090
Let's go
to Dr. Schiffie's cabinet,
279
00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:36,354
see what we can do.
280
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,690
Oh, you're really
going to like these.
281
00:11:38,831 --> 00:11:39,957
Alakazam!
282
00:11:40,099 --> 00:11:41,896
Alprazolam!
283
00:11:50,142 --> 00:11:52,110
This scarf is so pretty.
284
00:11:52,311 --> 00:11:54,336
Do you think
it thinks I'm pretty?
285
00:11:54,513 --> 00:11:56,879
Man, these pills are great.
286
00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:59,348
(glass breaking)
So doctor say hair loss caused
287
00:11:59,518 --> 00:12:01,315
by something stressing you out?
288
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:02,785
I say it toss up
289
00:12:02,955 --> 00:12:04,980
between idiot husband
and idiot son.
290
00:12:05,157 --> 00:12:06,954
Who you love and
don't want to hurt.
291
00:12:07,093 --> 00:12:09,357
I should wait in the car.
292
00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:11,656
I don't want my baby
to catch your stress
293
00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:14,425
I am not giving birth
to a bald baby.
294
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,376
You think I'd be stressed out,
but I'm not.
295
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:27,173
I feel freaking fantastic.
296
00:12:29,949 --> 00:12:32,713
(laughing)
297
00:12:35,054 --> 00:12:38,046
You know, I'm addicted
to these pills.
298
00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:39,589
(deep breath)
299
00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:42,626
Well, if it's not stress,
it must be heredity.
300
00:12:42,795 --> 00:12:45,628
I know what I have to do.
301
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:52,768
What the heck are you wearing?
302
00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:55,340
I'm going spelunking.
303
00:12:55,474 --> 00:12:56,941
I've got an extra headlamp
and backpack thingy
304
00:12:57,076 --> 00:12:58,202
with your name on it...
305
00:12:58,377 --> 00:12:59,639
in masking tape.
306
00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:00,812
You interested?
307
00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:01,639
No.
308
00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:03,246
Neither am I.
309
00:13:03,415 --> 00:13:05,542
That's why I know I won't
run into myself there.
310
00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:06,742
And after this...
311
00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:07,944
ice dancing.
312
00:13:08,087 --> 00:13:09,452
And then, flossing!
313
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,790
Sorry to just drop in
on you like this, Mom.
314
00:13:15,928 --> 00:13:17,190
I lost my cell phone.
315
00:13:17,329 --> 00:13:18,626
I've had the worst week.
316
00:13:18,764 --> 00:13:20,459
You've had a hard week.
317
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:22,328
My foot bath died.
318
00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:24,902
Then I had another one
of my recipes stolen.
319
00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:26,867
Mother, please.
Just listen to me.
320
00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:28,473
Oh, all right.
321
00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:29,869
But Mommy needs her Xanax first.
322
00:13:29,942 --> 00:13:30,909
You want one?
323
00:13:31,110 --> 00:13:32,270
No. No.
324
00:13:32,444 --> 00:13:34,105
Well...
325
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:35,474
HO.
326
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,276
Look, I've lost...
some hair recently,
327
00:13:38,417 --> 00:13:39,816
and I was wondering
328
00:13:39,952 --> 00:13:42,284
if female hair loss runs
in our family at all.
329
00:13:42,421 --> 00:13:46,152
Bless me for being so honest
and such a good mother.
330
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:49,590
Sugarbear, truth is:
My hair fell out long ago.
331
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:50,922
This is a wig.
332
00:13:51,096 --> 00:13:52,358
Oh, my God!
333
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,090
Don't tell your father.
334
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:55,360
So, it is hereditary.
335
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:56,661
Not exactly.
336
00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:59,067
We're not so dissimilar,
you and I.
337
00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:01,139
Did I ever tell you
about Frank Torres?
338
00:14:01,307 --> 00:14:03,138
Your life-drawing teacher?
339
00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:07,303
I remember every day of the ten
years we shared our secret love.
340
00:14:07,446 --> 00:14:11,348
Our affair was like floating
on a cloud made of a rainbow;
341
00:14:11,483 --> 00:14:15,647
our lovemaking, exciting,
but virtually motionless.
342
00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:18,085
I-I can't believe
what I'm hearing!
343
00:14:18,257 --> 00:14:22,489
Frank. How he loved to dance
wildly to no music at all,
344
00:14:22,661 --> 00:14:24,288
just the sound of the pounding
345
00:14:24,463 --> 00:14:26,693
of his fist on his leg.
346
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,458
All right,
347
00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:30,569
you've made your dramatic speech
for the night.
348
00:14:30,669 --> 00:14:32,466
Can we get back
to my problem now?
349
00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:33,594
Sugarbear,
350
00:14:33,739 --> 00:14:35,229
I mention all this
351
00:14:35,407 --> 00:14:37,466
because the stress
of ending my affair with Frank
352
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:39,702
is what brought on my hair loss.
353
00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:41,038
What?
354
00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:42,613
By the time my shrink discovered
355
00:14:42,748 --> 00:14:44,875
my subconscious yearning
was to blame,
356
00:14:45,017 --> 00:14:46,917
it was too late to get him back:
357
00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:48,314
He died.
358
00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:50,318
Just like my old foot bath.
359
00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:52,151
So, what you're telling me is...
360
00:14:52,324 --> 00:14:53,951
if I want my hair back,
361
00:14:54,126 --> 00:14:56,720
I have to get back together
with John Redcorn?
362
00:14:56,929 --> 00:15:00,956
Or you'll regret it
for the rest of your life.
363
00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:05,769
Hey, Hank Hill,
364
00:15:05,871 --> 00:15:06,929
my nephew missing.
365
00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:08,596
If you see 17-year-old
366
00:15:08,774 --> 00:15:10,742
in tricked-out hot rod,
call the police.
367
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:12,606
I always do.
368
00:15:15,047 --> 00:15:16,173
Hey, Nancy!
369
00:15:16,348 --> 00:15:17,337
I'm off to lifeguard school
370
00:15:17,449 --> 00:15:18,780
and I needed my Speedos.
371
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,112
What?
No chance
372
00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:21,446
of seeing myself there.
373
00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:23,247
What is going on with you?
374
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:24,821
Hank! Dale!
375
00:15:26,725 --> 00:15:28,215
(sighs)
Nancy,
376
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:29,952
there's something I
think you should know.
377
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,086
Okay, it's a long story.
378
00:15:32,264 --> 00:15:33,322
It begins
379
00:15:33,465 --> 00:15:35,330
when I got into a time machine.
380
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:36,423
Dale!
381
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,126
Oh, right, I've got to be quick.
382
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:40,761
Damn my love
of flowery storytelling.
383
00:15:40,906 --> 00:15:42,066
Nancy...
384
00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:43,503
tomorrow's not guaranteed!
385
00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:45,200
You should live for now!
386
00:15:46,211 --> 00:15:48,736
Meaning, if you're thinking
about doing something,
387
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,711
but are hesitant
for some reason,
388
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:52,612
you should go ahead and do it!
389
00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:54,719
Like wearing that crazy hat.
390
00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:56,514
You, too, John Redcorn.
391
00:15:56,655 --> 00:15:58,247
If there's something
you're thinking about doing,
392
00:15:58,390 --> 00:15:59,550
you might as well do it!
393
00:15:59,725 --> 00:16:00,987
Do it now!
394
00:16:04,663 --> 00:16:05,994
You heard him, Nancy.
395
00:16:16,575 --> 00:16:17,940
Now, let me get this straight.
396
00:16:18,110 --> 00:16:19,805
John Redcorn have to...
397
00:16:19,878 --> 00:16:21,345
love the hair back onto you?
398
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:22,572
PEGGY;
Uh-uh.
399
00:16:22,748 --> 00:16:24,306
That story cannot be true.
400
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:27,510
Oh, I bet Bunny's writing
a fake memoir.
401
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:28,642
I'll warn Oprah.
402
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,152
No, it's true.
403
00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:31,881
And if I don't get
back together with him,
404
00:16:32,024 --> 00:16:33,491
I'll go bald.
405
00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:37,186
Just like his broad, smooth
Native American chest.
406
00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:39,194
I know that giving yourself
to Redcorn
407
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:41,390
would be both exhilarating
and wonderful,
408
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,263
but you are a married woman!
409
00:16:43,402 --> 00:16:47,361
But my hair is my job, and my
job is my family's livelihood.
410
00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:49,997
So I'd be sleeping
with John Redcorn
411
00:16:50,142 --> 00:16:52,007
as if our lives depended on it.
412
00:16:53,645 --> 00:16:55,306
I know what Jesus would do:
413
00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:58,712
He would resist the temptation,
even if he had to go bald.
414
00:16:58,917 --> 00:17:00,248
And he had great hair.
415
00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:02,650
Oh, what am I gonna do?
416
00:17:02,788 --> 00:17:06,280
I'm just a swirling tempest
of emotions, Sugs.
417
00:17:06,425 --> 00:17:07,949
Frustration.
418
00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:09,253
Humiliation.
419
00:17:09,395 --> 00:17:10,384
Fear
420
00:17:10,562 --> 00:17:11,529
Desire.
421
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:12,562
Guilt.
422
00:17:12,664 --> 00:17:14,325
Oh, just do it,
423
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,960
but don't do it too much
or you end up with moustache.
424
00:17:24,843 --> 00:17:25,969
Wow.
425
00:17:26,145 --> 00:17:27,806
This is gonna be a great party!
426
00:17:38,457 --> 00:17:41,085
(bell rings)
427
00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:43,990
(engine revving)
428
00:17:44,129 --> 00:17:46,290
So, I'll meet you there?
429
00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:49,826
Did he tell you
where the party is?
430
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:52,704
(Xylophone playing)
431
00:17:57,943 --> 00:18:01,435
(singing): Then the squirrel loved
herself exactly as she was ♪
432
00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:06,150
Thanks to the beautiful... ♪
433
00:18:06,318 --> 00:18:08,013
' Fancy ♪
434
00:18:25,971 --> 00:18:27,336
Excuse me, ma'am.
435
00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:29,306
Oh, I'm a friend
of John Redcorn.
436
00:18:29,408 --> 00:18:33,037
Lady, all these women are
"friends of John Redcorn."
437
00:18:33,212 --> 00:18:35,180
Nancy!
438
00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:37,373
Hey!
439
00:18:37,516 --> 00:18:38,847
I assume you didn't come here
440
00:18:39,017 --> 00:18:40,484
to get your caricature done
with a monkey.
441
00:18:40,652 --> 00:18:43,018
But, if you want one,
I can get it at half price.
442
00:18:43,155 --> 00:18:45,715
I changed my mind, Sug.
443
00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:48,189
Let's start what we finished.
444
00:18:53,165 --> 00:18:54,154
(knocking on glass)
445
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,872
Fatal flaw!
446
00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:02,340
The end is approaching
quicker than anticipated.
447
00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:03,941
Okay, I don't know
if you knew this,
448
00:19:04,109 --> 00:19:06,669
but I can't use any
toilet but my own,
449
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,643
I can only hold my bodily fluids
450
00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:11,078
for six days and 52 minutes.
451
00:19:11,216 --> 00:19:13,116
Yes, Dale, I'm well aware.
452
00:19:13,252 --> 00:19:14,981
So I have to go potty!
453
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,746
I'm destined to run into myself
454
00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:18,549
in my bathroom.
455
00:19:18,757 --> 00:19:19,917
Listen to me.
456
00:19:20,058 --> 00:19:21,787
You have to stop talking
about this.
457
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,053
But I feel bad
about not warning Nancy.
458
00:19:24,229 --> 00:19:25,719
You haven't told Peggy?
459
00:19:25,864 --> 00:19:28,298
No, because I don't want
to scare her.
460
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:29,992
And you shouldn't want
to scare Nancy.
461
00:19:30,135 --> 00:19:31,193
I don't!
462
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:32,769
Then just be cool.
463
00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:34,168
Everything is okay.
464
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:36,366
Now, I'd like to get back
to my family
465
00:19:36,542 --> 00:19:37,634
and my chilli taco.
466
00:19:41,246 --> 00:19:43,714
So you're telling me
the end of the world is near,
467
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:45,009
and you're just gonna...
468
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,776
hang out with your loved ones?
469
00:19:46,919 --> 00:19:48,409
And eat tacos?
470
00:19:48,587 --> 00:19:50,384
Yep.
471
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,456
Huh.
472
00:19:54,326 --> 00:19:56,487
This train stops at the hotel.
473
00:19:56,662 --> 00:19:58,095
We can go back
and order room service,
474
00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,425
watch a movie.
475
00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:01,123
Or we could just get
right to the sex,
476
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:02,200
whichever.
477
00:20:02,334 --> 00:20:05,565
Nancy!
478
00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:07,501
(train blows whistle)
479
00:20:08,473 --> 00:20:09,708
Dale?
480
00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:10,766
What are you doing here?
481
00:20:10,909 --> 00:20:12,171
Hello, John Redcorn.
482
00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:13,175
Dale.
483
00:20:13,312 --> 00:20:14,643
Nancy, I don't want us
484
00:20:14,813 --> 00:20:16,882
to spend one more minute apart.
485
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:18,850
I want to be with you for
the rest of my life.
486
00:20:18,984 --> 00:20:20,212
So what if that's only...
487
00:20:20,352 --> 00:20:22,115
35 minutes away.
488
00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:25,154
Now, I'm not saying the world
is going to end in 35 minutes,
489
00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:26,757
but if it did,
490
00:20:26,925 --> 00:20:29,291
I know exactly
where I want to be:
491
00:20:29,428 --> 00:20:31,760
In the arms of my trusty wife.
492
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:34,764
You are as beautiful
as you are trusty.
493
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:37,692
Now, let's go home.
494
00:20:37,836 --> 00:20:39,827
I want you in the bathroom
with me when it happens.
495
00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:40,939
What?
496
00:20:41,106 --> 00:20:42,573
Nancy...
497
00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:46,177
my lover, my teacher,
my friend...
498
00:20:46,345 --> 00:20:49,371
I don't want to see me
without you.
499
00:20:50,716 --> 00:20:52,513
Come on.
Let's go!
500
00:20:52,651 --> 00:20:54,346
Hold that train, sir.
501
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,229
I hope I made the right choice.
502
00:21:04,363 --> 00:21:06,729
Well, this is the only
wig shop in Arlen,
503
00:21:06,865 --> 00:21:09,595
so, you don't really
have much choice.
504
00:21:09,701 --> 00:21:11,168
You're right, Sug.
505
00:21:54,446 --> 00:21:56,573
DALE:
Oh, cold, hilarious fate.
506
00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:07,500
Ripped By mstoll
506
00:22:08,305 --> 00:23:08,516
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