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-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.org ] ==-
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Thank God it's covered in warning labels
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because this antifreeze looks delicious.
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Peggy. Look.
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Hank, we are not getting an HDTV.
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They are too lifelike.
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Luanne would be walking into it all the time.
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No, it's Bobby. He's watching football.
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He's too close to the screen.
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Should I go?
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No, don't disturb him.
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...at first I thought Bobby was just standing in front of the TV
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watching all the colors, but then...
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he actually cheered.
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Congratulations, Hank.
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Now your life is finally perfect.
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You guys should come over and watch the Cowboy game tomorrow.
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I have to capitalize on this.
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Otherwise, we'll be right back
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to watching his troll doll performances.
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Yeah, man, talkin' 'bout that ol'
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dang ol' "Trolleo and Juliet," man.
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That ol... Dang ol' awful, man.
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Well, that was a great play, wasn't it, son?
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Don't you think it was great?
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Don't you just wanna watch football forever?
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Be cool, Hank.
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I'm cool. I'm cool.
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Yeah, it was great.
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Mr. Dauterive, will you pass me the chips?
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Got dang it, Bill. Pass him the chips!
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The bowl... it's empty!
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We're out!
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That's okay. That's okay.
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We'll just go to the kitchen
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and get more chips.
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Bobby, you stay right here
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and watch that game...
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which you are enjoying.
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Well, he seems interested.
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We gotta close the deal, and get this kid to a real game, quick.
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Yeah, man, we got a dang ol' Big 12 Championship
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in dang ol'... over in Houston this year, man.
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Texas/Nebraska. That's perfect!
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A big game, a trip to the Rose Bowl at stake,
an intense rivalry...
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Bobby'll get a real sense of the hatred
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that makes football so great.
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Son, remember the day you found out
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cakes could be made of ice cream?
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Well, today is gonna be better.
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Wow. This is gonna be some day.
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Hank, I have mapped out a route to the game
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that is the least likely to distract Bobby.
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There are no amusement parks, malls, or magic shops.
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If I missed something, use this.
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It only buys you three minutes, so use it carefully.
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Uncle Hank, Uncle Hank, I made you a mixed tape for the drive!
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Do not accidentally play side B
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or you will fall in love.
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Here we are, Bobby.
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Alamo Field.
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So, this is football.
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$25?! Where's the regular parking?
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There is none.
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Because everyone's a V.I.P. At Alamo Field.
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Wow, look at all that cool stuff.
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Hey, you want some souvenirs?
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Let's get you some souvenirs.
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We can redo your whole room in Longhorns if you want.
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Ooh, wastebaskets!
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Dale, you got the tickets?
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Yep. One for you. You.
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And you.
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"Texas vs. Nebrasky"?
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Dale, you idiot, you bought fake tickets!
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Impossible.
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Well-played, Octavio.
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What are we gonna do?
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Man, we're gonna have to go to a dang ol' scalper, man.
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Scalper? Boomhauer, that's illegal.
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I'll get the tickets.
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Uh... hi.
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My son just started liking football,
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and I really need him to see this game in person.
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You see, he normally like stroll dolls
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and things that fly around, and...
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Tickets are face value, plus a hundred.
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A hundred?!
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Uh, th-thanks for bringing me
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those tickets I forgot, old friend!
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I'm glad I was able to repay you
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the money I owed you for an unrelated matter.
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Aunt Peggy, why aren't you going to the game thing?
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Mmm, let's just say that my style of cheering
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is not consistent with the new stadium regulations.
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You call that a coin toss?!
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Aghh! I'm dizzy.
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We're so high up because of those damn luxury boxes.
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They're ruining football.
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And possibly baseball, too,
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but it's harder to tell.
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Look, that box is empty!
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What a waste. A real fan could be sitting in there.
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Ah, that blimp scared me.
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Dad, the birds flying below us are blocking my view of the game.
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Do you think if I threw some popcorn
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over there, they'd get out of the way?
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Bill, throw your popcorn at the birds.
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But it was $12!
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Dad, I'm kinda thirsty. Can I go get a soda?
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Sure, nothing like a cold drink at a great game.
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Here's a ten...
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Uh, better make that a 20.
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The concession stand
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can only make Bobby like football so much.
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The Longhorns have to do their part.
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God, they can't even tackle.
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They can't even move the ball.
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They can't even punt!
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Well, I'm sure glad Bobby's not here to see this.
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Yeah. Uh... wait!
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Does Bobby know an oil tycoon or a Saudi prince?
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'Cause he's sitting in a luxury box.
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What?
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Bobby?
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Bobby?
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Hey, Dad, check this out.
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I can watch the game and support my lumbar at the same time!
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Bobby, what are you doing? You can't be in here.
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But you said real fans could be sitting here,
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I'm a real fan.
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Check out how close we are to the field!
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You can smell the grass.
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The ref just threw
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some kinda hankie thing,
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and Nebraska had to move back four or five lines.
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Look, Bobby, I know it's nice, but we can't stay here.
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We have to go.
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Interception!
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Th-These boxes are very expensive, Bobby.
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Yeah, look at him run!
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Run! Run!
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Yeah, all right!
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Well, I guess we have to go now.
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Uh, yes, yes, we, we should go.
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Go, Horns, go!
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Go, Horns, go! Go, Horns, go!
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Go, Horns, go! Go, Horns, go!
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Go, Horns, go! Go, Horns, go!
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Go, Horns, go!
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Uh, maybe we should leave.
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All right, another first down!
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Huh, uh... maybe we shouldn't leave.
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The Longhorns were doing terrible,
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and the momentum shifted right when we got here.
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We've got mojo on our side now.
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What's mojo?
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Mojo is a magical, fragile thing.
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It's when you've pleased the god of football
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and he decides to shine his glorious bounty upon your team.
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If you anger him, he takes it away.
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We got the mojo! The Longhorns have to win!
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Oh, they have to! Oh, I hope with all my hope!
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Me, too, Bobby. Me, too.
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Hank!
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We were worried sick. And our seats were awful.
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Wow.
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This place is fancy.
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Free beer.
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Free hot dogs!
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Free drawer space!
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Hey, throw me the ball!
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Hey, throw me the ball!
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Dang it, Dale. Knock it off!
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If you guys keep acting like jackasses,
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we'll get kicked out of here.
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And if we get kicked out,
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the momentum might shift back to Nebraska and then we lose.
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And if we lose, Bobby'll hate football
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and live an unfulfilling life.
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And then he will die.
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Man, Hank, you've really thought this through.
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Hold onto your hats, folks.
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The Longhorns are driving down the field!
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I'm gonna watch the game unencumbered.
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So long, jerk!
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Dessert cart.
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Uh, is Jake Middleton here? This is supposed to be his box.
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Jake Middleton? The old Nebraska quarterback?
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One of the greatest play-makers in the history of the game?
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This is his box?
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Um, yeah.
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Yep, he's here. Hold on.
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We're his family.
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Ned Middleton, pleased to make your acquaintanceship.
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Wh-Why are you wearing Texas clothes?
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Irony.
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Ol' Jake's out there with a kid from the Make-A-Wish Foundation.
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And it's that kid's wish that they not be disturbed.
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Oh, and it was also his wish
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that we eat all the desserts and you bill it to Jake.
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So leave the cart and be on your way.
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Wrap him up, college boy!
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Come on, do I need to show you how to tackle?
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Huh? Huh?
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I think they should fake
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like they're gonna give it to the guy who runs,
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but instead throw it to the guy who catches.
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That's a play action pass to the tight end.
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Bobby, you just earned yourself a beer.
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Now I can't let you drink it,
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but you can savor the aroma of mine.
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Touchdown! Touchdown!
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No, no, no, no. You can't stop smelling.
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When I touched your shoulder and you sniffed the beer,
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Texas took the lead.
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You're right! But you're gonna hold this beer
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00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:52,246
under my nose the rest of the game?
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I once watched the entire second half of a game
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with a roll of tape on my head.
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And that was just preseason.
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This is for the Rose Bowl!
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Oh...
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Defense! Defense!
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Defense! Defense!
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00:11:09,769 --> 00:11:11,760
This smells like sick.
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Just hold on for ten more seconds.
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Down! Set!
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Hut!
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00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:23,874
Whoa, Nelly!
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The Nebraska coach is knocked out cold.
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Assistant Coach Will Benton is going to have to step up.
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Doesn't look like he's ready for the job.
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I think he's crying.
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If we hold 'em for one more down,
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we're going to the championship.
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This is interesting.
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Hey, man, dang ol' not it, man. Not it!
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Not it.
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Too close to call.
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Fine, I'll do it.
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If things go south,
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I can always pretend I'm a fax machine.
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Hello?
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Hold, please.
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Uh, Hank, you got a call.
247
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Who the heckis calling me here?
248
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It's the assistant coach for Nebraska. What?
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And you're Jake Middleton. This is his luxury box.
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Good luck.
251
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:12,690
Uh... hello?
252
00:12:12,865 --> 00:12:14,890
Oh, God, Jake... Jake, I need a play.
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I-I-I-I don't know what to do.
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The fans'll kill me.
255
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And they'll do it with tractors and farm machinery.
256
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Uh, um...
257
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Give me a minute.
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Nebraska wants Jake Middleton to call a play.
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Wingo!
260
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Just think of the dumbest play you can and the Longhorns win.
261
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Yeah. Do it, Hank.
262
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Win it for the Longhorns!
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I can't give a fake play. It's dishonest.
264
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It might even be illegal.
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Hank's right.
266
00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:41,051
We could get in trouble. Don't do it. It's wrong.
267
00:12:43,129 --> 00:12:45,723
Then again, I'm not sure if helping Texas is ever wrong.
268
00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:47,866
It isn't! God bless Texas!
269
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,764
Do you knowhow many laws you've broken today
270
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:53,200
trying to get your son to like football?
271
00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:55,965
Go, Horns, go! Go, Horns, go!
272
00:12:58,244 --> 00:13:00,974
Uh, yes, this is Jake Middleton.
273
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:04,605
Okay, here's what you, uh, we should do.
274
00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:06,980
Have the quarterback pitch the ball to the halfback,
275
00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:09,587
who will quick-kickit to the coffin corner.
276
00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:11,087
A quick kick?
277
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:12,552
But we'd just be turning the ball over.
278
00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:14,420
Well, uh, that's why it's a good play.
279
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:17,393
Uh, Texas will never be expecting it.
280
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:19,155
Well, yeah. It's stupid.
281
00:13:19,331 --> 00:13:20,992
Hey, you called me.
282
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:23,362
If you didn't want Jake Middleton to give you the play,
283
00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:25,333
you shouldn't have called Jake Middleton.
284
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:26,403
Yes, sir.
285
00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:28,699
It's done.
286
00:13:28,874 --> 00:13:30,466
Dad, they're setting up!
287
00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:41,676
Defense! Defense!
288
00:13:44,924 --> 00:13:46,391
This is exciting!
289
00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:49,187
Hank, you should really come in here and see this.
290
00:13:49,361 --> 00:13:50,623
And it's desperation time...
291
00:13:50,796 --> 00:13:52,559
Six fifty-nine! Six fifty-nine! Hut! Hut!
292
00:13:52,698 --> 00:13:53,790
He takes the snap...
293
00:13:53,966 --> 00:13:55,797
A quick kick?!
294
00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:58,402
The Longhorns look confused, they scramble...
295
00:13:58,537 --> 00:14:00,767
All Texas has to do is let the ball roll dead
296
00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:02,373
and it's lights out!
297
00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:04,942
Holy Moses! That's a live ball!
298
00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:08,238
Nebraska wins! Nebraska wins!
299
00:14:10,983 --> 00:14:12,848
No!
300
00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:17,881
Dad... why did this happen?
301
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:26,129
Hank!
302
00:14:26,298 --> 00:14:27,788
Hello, Hank? Hank!
303
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:29,264
Wha... uh, what happened?
304
00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:30,993
We won, right?
305
00:14:31,136 --> 00:14:32,467
We're, we're going to the Rose Bowl, right?
306
00:14:32,638 --> 00:14:33,605
We cheered.
307
00:14:33,772 --> 00:14:35,069
Snap out of it! We lost!
308
00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:36,366
Well, you lost.
309
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:37,509
Oh, no.
310
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:41,736
We were so close.
311
00:14:41,947 --> 00:14:45,713
Is it okay that I feel like I don't want to live anymore?
312
00:14:45,851 --> 00:14:47,341
Yes, Bobby, that's normal.
313
00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:55,720
Why?! Why, why me?!
314
00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:57,590
Why? I am a good person.
315
00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,789
When charities send me free address labels,
316
00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:01,490
I don't use them.
317
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:04,033
Why?!
318
00:15:11,143 --> 00:15:13,270
Coach, congratulations.
319
00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:15,913
That quick kick was a stroke of genius.
320
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:18,311
Well, I have to give credit to Jake Middleton.
321
00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:19,940
The man who called that play.
322
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:21,143
What?
323
00:15:21,287 --> 00:15:22,379
I didn't call any play.
324
00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:24,216
My plane was late. I just got here.
325
00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:26,653
Really? No wonder it didn't make any sense.
326
00:15:26,825 --> 00:15:28,850
Well, whoever it was in that box won the game for Nebraska!
327
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:31,820
Oh, my God!
328
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,695
Okay, they just caught a glimpse of me.
329
00:15:38,837 --> 00:15:41,704
They can't identify you if they just catch a glimpse.
330
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:44,172
Bigfoot, Loch Ness Monster, Jack Ruby.
331
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:46,244
Caught and stuffed, every one.
332
00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,106
When all those Texas fans find us,
333
00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:49,942
they're gonna tear us limb from limb...
334
00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:51,014
from limb!
335
00:15:51,216 --> 00:15:53,207
We gotta get out of here fast,
336
00:15:53,419 --> 00:15:55,046
but we can't let Bobby know what's going on.
337
00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:56,915
Seeing us get our asses kicked
338
00:15:57,089 --> 00:15:59,114
will turn Bobby off football forever.
339
00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:01,521
I found some more of the mini-eclairs,
340
00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:03,889
so I'm starting to settle down.
341
00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:06,327
What's everybody doing on the ground?
342
00:16:06,498 --> 00:16:07,965
Uh, it's a tradition.
343
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:10,465
We're, uh, pretending we're longhorns.
344
00:16:10,602 --> 00:16:13,594
You know, grazing after a hard-fought game.
345
00:16:16,175 --> 00:16:18,075
That sounds like fun.
346
00:16:18,243 --> 00:16:20,234
Moo!
347
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:26,880
After the graze, we do what is called a Longhorn stampede.
348
00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:30,818
We race out of the stadium to the car as fast as we can.
349
00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:34,016
Okay, ready, set, stampede!
350
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:36,525
Wait, I don't have my belt or my shoes.
351
00:16:36,695 --> 00:16:38,560
Don't leave me!
352
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:41,165
All we have to do is get down the escalator and then we'll...
353
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:42,527
Oh, no!
354
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:44,397
It's our waiter!
355
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:47,095
I totally could identify the guy that called that play,
356
00:16:47,272 --> 00:16:48,603
not that anyone's asking me.
357
00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:53,636
Quick, this way.
358
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:13,558
We made it!
359
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:14,996
We're free!
360
00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:22,936
I need to hit something!
361
00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:25,269
Someone give me a reason to hurt somebody.
362
00:17:25,511 --> 00:17:27,445
Violence is the answer.
363
00:17:27,579 --> 00:17:29,240
We're in the lion's den, Hank.
364
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:30,871
I must tell you, there's a good chance
365
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,711
I will betray you before the day is through.
366
00:17:34,753 --> 00:17:38,018
Ah! Let's just stay together and make our way to the van.
367
00:17:38,190 --> 00:17:39,623
Quietly.
368
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:41,885
I'd feel safer if my pants could stay up.
369
00:17:46,498 --> 00:17:48,762
I heard that guy who called that play
370
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,266
was a Nebraska fan,
371
00:17:50,436 --> 00:17:52,700
who kidnapped a Texas fan and stole his jersey.
372
00:17:52,871 --> 00:17:55,203
I heard they raised a Nebraska baby in Texas,
373
00:17:55,374 --> 00:17:57,604
so it could move between groups undetected.
374
00:17:57,776 --> 00:18:00,506
He was wearing one of those old school jerseys.
375
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:01,943
Like that one!
376
00:18:02,114 --> 00:18:04,207
Oh, Lord.
377
00:18:04,383 --> 00:18:05,543
Get him!
378
00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:12,914
Dad, what are they doing to that guy?
379
00:18:13,058 --> 00:18:15,049
Uh, it's another tradition, Bobby.
380
00:18:15,227 --> 00:18:17,161
A little post-game roughhousing,
381
00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:18,957
like puppies do.
382
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:21,828
Yup, there's the... the biting.
383
00:18:21,967 --> 00:18:23,594
Hey, man, you got dang, like that,
384
00:18:23,735 --> 00:18:25,726
take off that dang ol' jersey, man.
385
00:18:29,641 --> 00:18:33,907
But, Dad, these are Nebraska T-shirts.
386
00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:35,707
Well, that's right, Bobby.
387
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:39,045
That's what, uh, football Sportsmanship.
388
00:18:39,218 --> 00:18:40,981
That's a sign of goodwill.
389
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,884
Yay, Huskers.
390
00:18:49,561 --> 00:18:51,654
Get in! Get in! Get in!
391
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,025
Let's get out of here!
392
00:18:59,838 --> 00:19:01,135
S'go! S'go!
393
00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:02,773
S'go!
394
00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:06,771
Hey, someone's leaving.
395
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:16,614
All right, here we go.
396
00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:21,653
Okay, the baby's in, time to go.
397
00:19:24,696 --> 00:19:26,288
And... now we go.
398
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:32,360
Would you just get in the got dang car and move!
399
00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:34,403
Are you talking to me?
400
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:35,698
Yeah, we're talking to you!
401
00:19:35,874 --> 00:19:36,932
You're the one blocking the street.
402
00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:38,474
Come on. Move!
403
00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,941
We don't take that from a Nebraska fan!
404
00:19:41,079 --> 00:19:43,547
It can get all kinda crazy up in here if you want.
405
00:19:58,230 --> 00:19:59,697
There's an opening. Go! Go!
406
00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:03,493
No one's letting me in.
407
00:20:03,669 --> 00:20:04,795
What are we gonna do?
408
00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:09,929
Go, Big Red! Go, Big Red! Go, Big Red!
409
00:20:10,108 --> 00:20:12,235
Come on, buddy. Join the convoy!
410
00:20:12,444 --> 00:20:14,105
Go, Big Red!
411
00:20:14,279 --> 00:20:15,507
Just go, Dale.
412
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:22,080
Sorry about the game, Bobby.
413
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,382
All football games aren't like that.
414
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:25,955
They're not?
415
00:20:26,124 --> 00:20:27,455
No, I promise they're not.
416
00:20:27,593 --> 00:20:29,185
That's too bad.
417
00:20:29,361 --> 00:20:30,760
But some are, right?
418
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:32,796
All the running and yelling and stuff.
419
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,830
And we can go again, can't we?
420
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,793
We sure can.
421
00:20:37,936 --> 00:20:40,268
The Longhorns may not be going to the Rose Bowl
422
00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:41,929
but they might go to the Gator Bowl
423
00:20:42,107 --> 00:20:43,540
or the Peach Bowl
424
00:20:43,775 --> 00:20:47,973
or, heaven forbid, the Pacific Life Holiday Bowl.
425
00:20:50,816 --> 00:20:52,340
If we're going all the way to Nebraska,
426
00:20:52,551 --> 00:20:55,486
I'm gonna need a pit stop.
427
00:20:59,558 --> 00:21:02,026
Excuse me. We're looking to buy a new TV.
428
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:03,728
Our old one gave out.
429
00:21:03,962 --> 00:21:04,553
Psst-psst.
430
00:21:05,063 --> 00:21:05,893
Here, kitty-kitty.
431
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,759
Come here, kitty.
432
00:21:08,967 --> 00:21:11,026
Do you mind if I open this window
433
00:21:11,236 --> 00:21:11,861
and let this kitty in?
434
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,969
And I think we need one
435
00:21:14,139 --> 00:21:16,403
with a little less definition.
436
00:21:55,213 --> 00:21:57,010
Wrap him up, college boy!
437
00:21:58,305 --> 00:22:58,450
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