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Oh, Luanne, this is the best half-birthday ever.
Wait.
It's not even your real birthday?
My people die young, Uncle Hank.
I gotta get in all the celebrating I can.
You guys gonna love this place.
It's down home.
Yes, since you gentlemen came all the way
from New York to discuss business,
I thought you might enjoy some authentic Texas barbecue.
Yeah, we figure you come to the zoo,
you want to see the animals.
Hush puppies,
double shortenin' biscuits, batterfries...
Not exactly health food.
Yeah, do they fry everything down here?
Wait.
I don't see a "no transfat" sticker on this menu.
Do you people actually still use transfats?
Most cosmopolitan cities in America
have banned those.
Even Philadelphia.
Yeah, I bet they still have an operator.
"Hello, I'd like to place a call
to Hillbilly 77803."
This is Nancy Hicks-Gribble.
Is Arlen too fat?
Local civic leader Ted Wassonasong thinks so,
and this tastefully-cropped video
is a shockingwake-up call.
That is why I am bringing a bill to the city council
to ban the sale of food cooked in transfat.
What?
This is outrageous!
What's a trans fat?
It's what people put in food to make it delicious.
But I love delicious food.
Dad, you have to stop them.
Oh, I intend to.
Don't worry, Bobby.
We will eat potato chip chicken again.
New York, Philadelphia,
Los Angeles, Arlen.
What do these cities have in common?
Right now, nothing.
But they could share
a future free from diabetes, obesity, and heart disease.
It is just this easy.
Ah. Yeah.
Uh, excuse me.
Hank Hill.
We know who you are.
The last thing Arlen needs is a food ban.
Are you saying you are for childhood obesity?
No, of course not.
I'll have you know my son is obese!
Calm down.
I'm not saying transfats are good for you,
but banning them isn't gonna solve all those problems.
Tell that
to that guy's poor, pathetic fat kid!
The government should not be deciding
what we have the right to eat.
Besides, all sorts of foods can make you sick.
Rare burgers, raw oysters.
If you ban transfats, you might as well ban that stuff, too.
Fantastic idea.
Let's ban raw oysters and rare burgers, too.
No, no, that's not what I'm trying to...
All in favor...
Aye!
Super.
This food ban is asinine!
I wish the government would just ban itself.
Wrap your head around that, fellas.
I'm just glad the government is keeping me safe.
Now, I can snack my way to a healthier me.
Delicious.
And no trans fats.
Bill, we've been down this road before.
Sugar-free!
Light beer!
40/30/30!
You don't have to worry about me anymore, Hank.
The government is doing that now.
Welp, they did it!
They killed Sugarfoot's. What?!
Those food bans put us right out of business.
Turns out those transfats were in every thing we served,
even the mints.
You can't close Sugarfoot's.
It's an Arlen institution.
Where are we gonna celebrate our birthdays
and sports victories?
I don't know what else to do.
I guess I could turn it into a salad joint,
but sooner or later someone'll use a spinach field as a toilet
and I'll be back in the same boat.
Where am I gonna go for my biscuits, honey?
Or my corn fritters?
I'd pay anything for one last piece
of Sugarfoot's fried chicken.
Anything?
This is wrong, Mr. Strickland.
You're the greatest American I know.
If anyone can fix this, you can.
You're right, Hank.
I'm gonna mull this over
and see if I can't come up with a solution.
Mr. Strickland is mulling it over.
What the?
Hey, tight ride, Mr. Strickland!
I did it!
I solved our problem!
Y-You bought a lunch truck?
And I rehired my crew from Sugarfoot's.
Now we can sell whatever kind of food we want.
We're in the illegal food business!
Eh, I'm not sure that's a good idea.
Nah, it's a great idea!
I'll be just like Joe Kennedy running whiskey
during Prohibition.
Which helped him become the father of a President.
Well, I, I like the sound of that.
But you could get in a lot of trouble.
You said the food bans were un-American.
What's more American than breaking an unjust law?
This is a fight for freedom, ol' Top!
I'll do it.
For America.
Doughnuts were one of my little joys.
If the government takes away puppy breath
and really good yawns,
I'll have nothing left to live for.
I might be late getting home from work, Peggy.
Buck has me working on a, uh, a side project
that's not, uh, technically, uh, legal.
Go on.
Well, I'm... I'm driving a lunch truck.
And, uh, we're gonna sell all that stuff that the city banned.
So you'll be a criminal.
And I'll be the wife of a criminal.
Well, uh,
I, I guess technically, but, uh...
And all the while we'll be living a typical suburban life.
It's just like The Sopranos commercials.
It's not like that at all.
I'm trying to change the law.
Of course you are.
And good luck with that.
You have a strong brow, Hank.
I don't say that enough.
Just a couple minutes before we open.
I think we're gonna change a lot of minds today.
Elvin, how those biscuits coming along?
They're gettin' golden brown.
They just about done, Mr. Buck.
I'll give 'em the poke test.
Hold on. Okay, everybody, stop what you're doing and gather' round.
Now, we're doing something important here.
This truck is a lone voice crying out
that the hardworking people of Arlen
should be able to eat whatever they want.
Our cause is righteous.
But people are gonna look for ways to demonize us.
That's why we have to do things right.
We have to be cleaner and safer than the rest.
We have to refrigerate food when not preparing it
and wash our hands often.
Now let's put on our hairnets and paper hats
and go out and sell some freedom.
What can I get you, sir?
Burger. And how'd you like that cooked?
I... I got a choice?
Well, you do here, friend.
Hey, they've got all the banned food in there.
That's right. Remember to tell your friends about us.
Sugarfoot's Express... the food you want
at a price that reflects the risk involved.
Who's next?
Order up, rare.
Mr. Hank. Mr. Hank. You best come on up here.
Uh... hello, Officer.
I heard you've got some interesting food here.
Thought I better come down and take a look.
We're glad you did.
Uh, we got fried chicken, uh, fried okra,
and a special side salad for our boys in blue.
Mmm.
Elvin, one bag of side salad for Arlen's finest.
With, uh, how about, uh, hmm...
a 200 Island dressing.
Mm.
All right, you better make that, uh, 300 Islands.
Yummy.
Well, how 'bout that?
The cops are on our side.
We must be making a difference.
Oh, thank God, Sir Burger stopped using transfats.
These fries really help me
get through my energy crashes.
I've been having a lot of those lately.
I can't take it!
I'm dying for a raw oyster.
I never liked them before, but now that they're contraband, I must have them.
Uh, can you guys keep a secret?
You bet. Mostly.
Buck and I have a truck
that serves all the banned food.
The secret lunch truck. Nancy's been trying to get that on camera.
I gotta go tell her.
Uh, that's why I swore you to secrecy, Dale.
They banned that food to save us.
Think about it, Hank. If the government isn't deciding what we can and can't eat,
who will, huh? Who?
I need a nap.
Yes?
I have an anonymous tip
for Nancy Hicks-Gribble.
What is it, Bill?
Well, I'll be damned. I didn't even know you could fry a pickle.
Ted?
But the food bans were your idea.
A contradiction on the surface.
But, unlike many, I have the discipline to enjoy these indulgences.
That's right, Hank Hill.
Ted Wassonasong better than you.
Perhaps it is education.
Perhaps breeding.
The debate rages on.
Oh, no, Hank.
We got company.
The news.
Let's bug out.
You heard Mr. Strickland.
This is not another drill. Let's go.
Get rid of the evidence.
Okay, honey.
Speed up.
Gun it. It's already yellow. We'll never make it.
Well, it's either that or toss out Little John.
Do it, Hank.
Damn.
I ran a red light.
Hey, fellas.
Fancy driving.
He saw us?
Why didn't he give us a ticket?
Because he believes in our cause.
He's a fellow freedom fighter.
But what does that have to do with reckless driving?
Plenty. Let me tell you about another reckless driver,
a man named Paul Revere.
You see, he had a horse that ran
very...
Oh, screw it, 'OI Top.
We're bribing the cops to stayin business.
He's on the take?
Uh, Mr. Buck? Uh, we need to stop by the "green grocer"
and withdraw more "salad."
Relax, he knows.
Dirty cops, too?
You are walking a razor's edge, Hank.
Now, whisper it again, about the cops.
Hey, guys. Not a big deal, but I need you to sign this for school.
You got detention for chewing gum?
You can't serve kids frito pies for lunch
and not expect them to do something
about the breath issues involved.
But you know chewing gum is against the rules.
It's an unjust rule.
I'm fighting for what I believe in, Dad.
What's happening?
We're liberating Europe from the Nazis, Hank.
Tom Landry?
That's right.
Before I won two Super Bowls, Hank,
I flew a B-17 in WorldWar II.
Everyone knows that.
I wanted to talk to you about your lunch truck.
So did a couple of my friends.
We don't think you should be breaking the law, Hank.
What? But that's what you all did.
Mr. President, you were a loyal British subject
until they pushed you too far.
And you suspended habeas corpus during the Civil War.
And, Tom, you broke all the rules
with your revolutionary flex defense.
You're on a slippery slope, Hank.
You're ignoring posted traffic laws.
And now Bobby is chewing gum.
But I thought you'd be proud.
We're not.
Krauts, two o'clock high.
You think we could get mayonnaise outlawed, ol'Top?
Uh, Mr. Strickland, what do you think Tom Landry would think of what we're doing?
Top, well, how the hell should I know?
I, uh... I can't do this anymore, sir.
It just doesn't feel right.
Rooster?! What's he doing with a lunch truck?
An illegal lunch truck?
It's my territory now, Strickland!
I'm taking over Arlen's illegal food business!
You're finished, Strickland!
Finished?
How's this for finished?
Retaliate.
Let's get 'em, honey.
Who is Rooster,
and why is he attacking us?
He's an old acquaintance of mine from Arkansas.
Dirty as the day is long.
Rooster, when I'm done with you,
your nickname's gonna be Chicken!
Doubtful!
This whole thing has gotten way out of hand.
I thought this truck would help, but it's making things worse.
I don't think I can be a part of it.
Oh, you can't quit now, Hank!
If we walk away, Arlen will be at the mercy of Rooster.
You want that?
Okay, fine, I'll help.
But just until we get rid of Rooster.
All right!
And then we missed the lunch rush
because Rooster slashed our tires.
I'm losing a turfwar I don't even want to fight.
Plus, Rooster's food isn't even that good.
What? You've eaten from Rooster' struck?
Just once. Today.
I had a hankering for some ceviche. Subpar.
Dang it, Dale, I'm trying to drive that guy out of town.
Yeah, man. That ain't cool, man.
I'm sorry, Hank, but I...
You okay there, Dale?
Yes. No.
Oh, God.
Raw ceviche from a moving truck.
What went wrong?
Well, it serves you right, Dale.
Yeah, man.
Dang ol'... oh-ho.
You, too?
That's what happens
when you sell people poison.
Luckily, I have nothing to worry about,
thanks to my government-approved diet.
Bill, I didn't want to have to do this,
but I think you should take a look at yourself.
Oh, God.
Thanks to Rooster,
half this town is hugging their toilets!
Yeah, must be some kind of food poisoning.
I guess your constant whining about hygiene
and refrigeration actually served a purpose.
I don't recall whining.
Now all we got to do is let everybody know
it was Rooster who poisoned them,
and we'll get all the business.
We won, ol'Top! We won!
Well, as long as those food bans are in place,
no one has won.
And I'm not sure they're ever going away.
From your mouth to God's ear, Hank.
Yes?
Nancy, it's Hank Hill.
I've had enough.
I want out.
I think I can help, sug.
Oh, hey, can we use your facilities?
We've been peeing in Snapple bottles all week.
The only thing your got-dang bans accomplished
was to drive people into the shadows
to eat where they got poisoned by a criminal.
Rooster and his crew don't care about food safety or hygiene.
And Channel 84's
Nancy Hicks-Gribble can prove it.
She has video evidence of Rooster's blatant
disregard for maintaining a sanitary kitchen.
That video includes shots
of everyone who broke the law
and visited Rooster's truck in the past couple days,
including people we all might recognize.
We could all watch the tape.
Or you could repeal the food bans.
I say we repeal the bans.
Yes, let us return the power of choice to the people of Arlen.
And attach a small addendum to the bill which orders
the destruction of that tape. All in favor?
Aye!
Do you know why these hush puppies taste so good, Bobby?
Trans-fat? Because you're not breaking the rules to eat 'em.
Right, Peggy?
Hmm? Oh, yeah, yeah, rules good.
Hey, bad boy.
What do you say we skip out on the check, huh?
No. How' bout this?
We load up my purse with packets of Splenda.
By the time they know what hit them,
we'll be long gone. No.
- But I thought you'd be proud. - We're not.
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