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Ladybird,
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stop licking my money.
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Dad, guess what?
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I finally saved enough money
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to buy a brand-new Game Station.
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Your first major purchase. Congratulations, Bobby.
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If you want, I can take you down to Jensen's Electronics World.
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That's okay.
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I was looking on eBay
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and Gadget Champ seems to have the best price.
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They sell your e-mail address
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and pass the savings on to you.
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Bobby, you can't make major purchases
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from a stranger on the Internet.
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If your game breaks down,
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do you think the Gadget Champ's gonna come fix it?
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I don't know.
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Well I do. He won't.
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Son, business is like life.
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You have to find people you trust
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and stay loyal to 'em.
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That's why I have a guy
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for about every purchase I make.
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Phil Wilkerson for my insurance.
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Bill Honnell for my tools,
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Eddie Holcomb for my...
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The car died, again.
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Luckily Bill was right behind me when it happened
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so he gave me a lift.
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Huh. He was behind you
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the last time it broke down.
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Well, that's lucky.
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I-I guess.
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I need a new car, Hank.
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Well, all right.
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At least I get to take Bobby to see my car guy, Tom Hammond.
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Son, I'm gonna show you the right way to buy.
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Okay.
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I don't need to go anywhere else, Bill!
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Why don't they make brown cars anymore?
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This is it!
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Hank, I think I found my car.
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A convertible?
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That's pretty funny, Peggy.
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Uh... Oh.
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It's my choice, right, Hank?
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Well, if I were you, I'd go big.
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A towering SUV says strength, power,
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and in some subcultures of America,
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potent fertility.
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Uh...
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Peggy wants a convertible.
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She knows you're a heterosexual, right?
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It's Peggy's car.
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It's not like I'd ever be driving it.
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But it'll be in, your driveway.
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Uh, I hadn't considered that.
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Oh, good Lord.
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You see Bobby, when you're a loyal customer
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of an established brick and mortar business,
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you can trust that you're getting the best deal,
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on a car with a roof.
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Apparently boring comes standard on these models.
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Hank, these are just not doing it for me.
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Well, don't rush it.
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Consider all the factors, including safety.
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Hank Hill, is that you?
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Well, get your butt over here.
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Well, looks like I've been spotted.
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Better go get my hellos out of the way.
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Shall I box that up for you
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or would you rather wear it home?
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Oh, I'd love to.
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But unfortunately,
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my husband doesn't want me to buy a convertible.
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I bet your husband doesn't want you
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to vote either, does he?
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I'll tell you what.
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Why don't you come on in and see
what the 21st century feels like?
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Oh, yeah! I'll take it!
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Well, you know normally I would never
let you ride on a lift like this,
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but since you're riding with Charlie,
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I know you're in good hands.
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Okay, ride's over, Bobby.
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Let's go buy a car.
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All right!
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Lower me down, Charlie.
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Just sign by the X's,
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and this baby's all yours.
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Should I be doing this?
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A carefree convertible owner would say yes.
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So...
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yes!
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Mmm. I'm sorry, but this is sticker price.
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Which according to my research is way too high.
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You girls.
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What, what crazy research is that?
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A combination of Internet, phone calls,
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and what I like to call, my horse sense.
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So let's talk business.
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Well, all right. How about this?
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That is close.
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But this...
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is closer.
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Hey, Hank.
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Hey, Mr. Draper.
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Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
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Boy, you wore me down, Peggy.
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Just in time. I was getting ready to pretend to walk out.
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Okay, just sign by the X's and it's all yours.
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Peggy?
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Tom?
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What's going on here?
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I was buying a convertible.
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What? Hank Hill, you son of a gun.
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Why, I didn't know Peggy was your wife.
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Good to see you, partner.
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Well, it's good to see you, Tom.
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I just wish it was under happier circumstance.
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Oh, I'm sorry, I just got caught up in the moment.
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I guess because I just wanted it so bad.
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I'll go look at sedans.
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Mr. Hammond, do you have any brown ones?
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Well, now, hold on. You know what, Peggy?
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If you really want this car that bad,
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then, well, then you should have it.
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Really? Yep. Why don't you go get some water
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and let me and Tom finish up this deal?
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Thank you, Hank! I got him down to a really good price.
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Well, I'm sure you did.
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Bobby, I'd like you to meet Tom Hammond.
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My dad loves you so much!
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He did it again!
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All right!
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Congratulations, Peggy!
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You should have been in there, Mom.
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They told stories, shook hands,
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and then we got a new car.
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Now just remember not to tell anyone
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about the deal I just gave you.
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This is the highest clearance, Hank.
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I know, level ten.
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Okay, since you're family,
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I think it's time I let you both in on a little secret.
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Well, here it is,
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the Hank Hill special.
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Wait, that can't be right.
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That would mean you paid sticker price.
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And not a dime more. Right, Bobby?
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Right, Dad.
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Well, I'll see you both at home.
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Way to go! Congratulations!
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I love it!
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What's the matter, Peggy Hill?
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You don't like car?
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You should, it better than mine.
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No, I love the car. Bobby,
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you can practice your parade wave later.
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Run inside. Okay.
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Oh, this must be juicy. What is it?
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It's not the car.
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It's the price that Hank paid for it.
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Hank got his "special deal," right?
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Dale always talks about Hank's special deal.
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He talks a lot about Hank.
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Well, as it turns out,
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his "special deal" is really just sticker price.
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Sticker price?
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No one pay sticker price.
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You have to tell Hank Hill he's a chump.
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You can't let him keep getting ripped off.
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Oh, you can never tell Hank, sug.
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Can you imagine what he'd do if he found out
his friend's been lying to him for 25 years?
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Nancy's right.
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It could get ugly.
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That forehead vein finally gonna go.
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I guess I will just have to take this to my grave.
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And since I know things about each of you,
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I expect you to do the same.
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Redcorn,
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Banxi kasae laywan lap.
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Where are you going?
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We're going to get my Game Station
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from Dad's electronics guy.
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You have an electronics guy, too?
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Don't you shop around for anything?
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I mean, the new dishwasher, you shopped around for that, right?
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Well, I let Jerry Biddle at The Appliance Center
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do my comparative shopping for me.
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He said he personally checked every store
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in Heimlich County and couldn't find
anyone that could beat his deal.
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Fantastic.
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Hello, neighbors!
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So, Hank, I hear you bought new car.
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Expensive, new car.
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Oh, look, it's Ted Wassonasong.
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Ted?
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Where you see Ted?
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Hello, Uncle Hank.
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Is Aunt Peggy home?
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She's supposed to go with me to buy a crib.
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I want it to be as much like my uterus as possible.
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You should take Dad with you.
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He just bought Mom's car
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for sticker price and not a dime more.
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Sticker price? Oh, no!
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Dang it, Bobby, that was supposed to be a secret.
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But Lucky always says that people who pay sticker price...
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Okay, now, I will tell a secret.
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I have to use prescription deodorant!
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Sticker price?
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Everyone knows sticker price is the sucker price.
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You're a sucker, Hank Hill!
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Okay, what's going on, Peggy?
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Everyone out.
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How much you pay for this pen,
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Hank Hill?
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Hank, I do not know an easy way to say this,
220
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so, I guess I will just say it
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the slow and painful way.
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No one pays sticker price.
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Tom Hammond ripped you off
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and has been ripping you off for the last 25 years.
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What? The price I was gonna pay for that car
226
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was $2,500 lower
227
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than your "special deal."
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You overpaid for that car,
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and probably every car
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that you've ever bought from him.
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So, you're looking to buy a car, are you?
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Uh, yes, sir.
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But, uh, this is my first car,
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so I don't really know what I'm doing.
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You see the price on that sticker?
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Well, that's the price you're gonna pay for this car.
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Not a dime more for the football star.
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Wow! Well, thank you.
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Now, you've got to promise me you won't go
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telling anybody about the deal I just gave you.
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Yup. Yup.
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Mm-hmm.
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I'm a chump.
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There, I said it.
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That's it, as your friend,
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I have no choice but to put you
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on an immediate suicide watch, Hank.
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I'm not going to kill myself.
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Then I'm putting you homicide watch,
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because you're gonna kill something,
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and if it's not yourself, it could be me.
252
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It seems like it's all good, man.
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Next thing you know them dang ol' reporter come by
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talking 'bout, "W ell, Hank always seemed like
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a very quiet man, you know."
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Gun!
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You, too, can be rich like
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Dr. Money and have champagne for breakfast.
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And caviar for your cat.
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How much return do you want for your investment?
261
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Maybe it's a good thing this all happened, Hank.
262
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Bobby should knowhow things really work.
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Now at least when the world crushes him,
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he'll see it coming.
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But I don't want the boy thinking
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the world is a dishonest place.
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But sometimes it is.
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Come here, son. It's time I told you how the world really works.
269
00:12:16,035 --> 00:12:17,798
If you don't mind I'm gonna take your wallet,
270
00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:20,030
push you to the ground and then kick you in the gut.
271
00:12:20,206 --> 00:12:23,073
Um, okay.
272
00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:27,108
No, no, dang it.
273
00:12:27,279 --> 00:12:29,110
It doesn't have to be this way.
274
00:12:29,281 --> 00:12:31,749
I'm gonna go see that bastard Tom Hammond.
275
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:42,154
Oh, no! Hank Hill, wh... not two times in one month.
276
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:45,058
Have mercy, man, I've got a mortgage, for God's sake.
277
00:12:45,231 --> 00:12:46,391
Stop it, Tom.
278
00:12:46,532 --> 00:12:47,965
It's all over. I know.
279
00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:50,034
Y-you know what, buddy?
280
00:12:50,169 --> 00:12:52,262
That you've been selling me a bag of lies
281
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,099
for the last 25 years.
282
00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:55,467
How could you, Tom?
283
00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:00,809
Well, what can I say, Hank? I'm a salesman.
284
00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:02,846
I know, you're a salesman.
285
00:13:02,982 --> 00:13:05,177
That's why none of this makes any sense.
286
00:13:05,351 --> 00:13:08,582
Look, I just want the $2,500 back
287
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,779
that I over paid for Peggy's car.
288
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:12,423
I wish I could help you, Hank,
289
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,354
but the paperwork's already gone through.
290
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:15,551
The deal's official.
291
00:13:15,728 --> 00:13:17,161
Dang it, Tom!
292
00:13:17,329 --> 00:13:20,162
You not only lied to me, you lied to my son.
293
00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:21,527
How would your son feel
294
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:23,827
if he came home from the Army and he...
295
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:25,061
wait a second.
296
00:13:25,204 --> 00:13:26,899
Is your boy even in the Army?
297
00:13:27,072 --> 00:13:29,632
Mm, my boy's a stand-up comedian.
298
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,174
In Austin.
299
00:13:31,343 --> 00:13:33,277
But a deal's a deal, Hank.
300
00:13:33,412 --> 00:13:35,380
I don't believe this.
301
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:38,949
You know what, Tom? I'm going to teach you what loyalty means.
302
00:13:39,084 --> 00:13:40,381
Mark my words.
303
00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:54,930
Ain't it the truth?
304
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:57,227
Yes, it is. And I'm telling you right now,
305
00:13:57,369 --> 00:13:59,769
that Tom Hammond has got to be stopped.
306
00:13:59,939 --> 00:14:02,703
I know! I did a whole term paper on the damage
307
00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:05,673
people like Tom Hammond are doing to the world.
308
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,143
Well, there is no way I'm letting Tom Hammond
309
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:11,181
make this world a place that don't want my son to live in.
310
00:14:12,451 --> 00:14:14,578
I want to join your fight.
311
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:18,019
Well, all right. You can meet me at the car lot at 5:00 a.m.
312
00:14:18,157 --> 00:14:19,647
5:00 a. M?
313
00:14:19,892 --> 00:14:21,655
Okay.
314
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:46,383
Hey. Bah!
315
00:14:46,518 --> 00:14:48,986
It's me, Alex from the copy store.
316
00:14:49,121 --> 00:14:50,213
Who's that?
317
00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:51,721
And why are they crawling?
318
00:14:51,957 --> 00:14:53,891
That's Falcon and Sparrow, my friends.
319
00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:55,651
Man, we're so stoked!
320
00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:58,558
We had so much fun coming up with code names last night.
321
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,131
It feels so good to finally be doing something.
322
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:02,928
Well, that's right, it sure does.
323
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:05,332
Would have been better if you guys had been on time, though.
324
00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:07,496
Now I've got to go get ready for work.
325
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:10,200
We weren't late. We were hitting
the other side of the dealership.
326
00:15:10,342 --> 00:15:11,536
Oh, well, that's great.
327
00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:13,770
Well, I guess our work here is done.
328
00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:15,971
If you guys ever need any propane, look me up.
329
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,911
Propane?
330
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:21,848
Aww, that would have been great!
331
00:15:21,987 --> 00:15:23,852
Next time.
332
00:15:43,208 --> 00:15:45,142
Yep, Bobby, right about now,
333
00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:46,676
the dealership should be opening up.
334
00:15:46,845 --> 00:15:49,780
I'd love to see Tom scrambling
335
00:15:49,915 --> 00:15:51,678
to take all those flyers off the cars
336
00:15:51,850 --> 00:15:53,317
before the customers get there.
337
00:15:53,485 --> 00:15:56,454
Ooh, I'd love to see that cheater's face!
338
00:15:56,588 --> 00:16:00,149
Well, I am just glad you did not drive my car through his ass.
339
00:16:00,359 --> 00:16:02,122
I didn't know how you were going to do that,
340
00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:03,761
but you sounded serious.
341
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:09,597
So how's your morning going, Hank?
342
00:16:09,835 --> 00:16:12,099
Pretty darn good, I tell ya what, and yours, Dale?
343
00:16:12,338 --> 00:16:15,273
Well, Joseph went to his first sleepover last night.
344
00:16:15,607 --> 00:16:17,666
Didn't go so well; he's a cuddler.
345
00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:19,468
So I had to go pick him up.
346
00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:21,407
Hmm, sorry to hear that.
347
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:24,810
Not done. On our way home, we saw an explosion coming
348
00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:26,847
from Tom Hammond's car lot.
349
00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:28,678
Then we saw what looked like your truck
350
00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:30,445
driving away from the lot.
351
00:16:30,589 --> 00:16:32,056
What?!
352
00:16:32,224 --> 00:16:33,486
So why'd you do it, Hank?
353
00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:35,149
And more importantly how,
354
00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:37,124
because it looked like a really good job.
355
00:16:37,262 --> 00:16:38,991
Oh, Hank!
356
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:40,688
You must cover your tracks.
357
00:16:40,866 --> 00:16:42,424
We'll have to kill Dale.
358
00:16:42,601 --> 00:16:44,296
There's nothing to cover up.
359
00:16:44,436 --> 00:16:45,835
I didn't blowup anything.
360
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,939
I was just passing out flyers.
361
00:16:48,073 --> 00:16:49,597
Dad, I'm confused.
362
00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:53,075
So you should trust people until they betray you,
363
00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:54,974
and then try to blow'em up?
364
00:16:55,114 --> 00:16:57,378
Yes! No, Bobby!
365
00:16:57,549 --> 00:16:59,244
I wasn't trying to blow people up.
366
00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:01,876
I was just putting flyers on the cars.
367
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,046
Alex and his friend, the Falcon,
368
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:05,622
must have done it after I left.
369
00:17:05,791 --> 00:17:07,850
Okay, okay.
370
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,927
So you did not blow up the cars.
371
00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:12,155
You were just a disgruntled customer
372
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:14,924
hanging out with someone named the Falcon.
373
00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:17,058
Now, if that's the story we're going with,
374
00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:19,136
that the story I will memorize.
375
00:17:19,271 --> 00:17:20,829
It's not a story, Peggy!
376
00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:22,770
It's the truth.
377
00:17:22,908 --> 00:17:25,001
I'm gonna go talk to the police and straighten this out.
378
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:31,643
Excuse me, do you remember a tall, sickly looking kid
379
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,513
with one of those mustache beards
380
00:17:33,685 --> 00:17:34,879
who was in here last night?
381
00:17:35,020 --> 00:17:37,386
You mean him?
382
00:17:37,589 --> 00:17:39,079
No, that's not him. Him?
383
00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:41,351
Or him?
384
00:17:41,593 --> 00:17:43,185
Sir, we got a liberal arts college
385
00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:44,828
and a halfway house down the road.
386
00:17:45,030 --> 00:17:46,395
You've got to be more specific.
387
00:17:46,598 --> 00:17:49,624
So, Mr. Hill, how many sickly kids
388
00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:51,668
did you say helped you blowup the lot?
389
00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:54,806
Three. Wait, they didn't help me blowup the lot.
390
00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:57,807
They did it by themselves. So you were just the ringleader?
391
00:17:57,943 --> 00:18:00,343
No, I told you I didn't blow up anything.
392
00:18:00,512 --> 00:18:02,503
Wait, am I a suspect?
393
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:04,513
Tell him no or he could lawyer up.
394
00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:05,947
Frank,
395
00:18:06,118 --> 00:18:08,211
the video surveillance has been checked.
396
00:18:08,387 --> 00:18:10,287
We have a positive ID on the perp.
397
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:12,185
The name's Hank Hill.
398
00:18:12,458 --> 00:18:14,517
You probably heard that.
399
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,122
I was just putting flyers on the cars.
400
00:18:20,332 --> 00:18:23,165
The other guys were the ones blowing up the cars.
401
00:18:23,335 --> 00:18:25,200
By "other guys" you mean the imaginary kids
402
00:18:25,404 --> 00:18:28,066
the cameras just happened to not pick up?
403
00:18:28,207 --> 00:18:32,234
The cameras didn't pick 'em up because they
were dressed in all black and most of the time
404
00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:34,139
they were crawling around on their bellies.
405
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:35,576
I'll give it to you straight, Hank.
406
00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:37,341
You're looking at major time for this.
407
00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:39,644
And the hole's getting deeper with every lie you tell.
408
00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:41,683
That's not my husband!
409
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:43,253
What's my next line?
410
00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:44,581
I'm blanking, Hank.
411
00:18:44,723 --> 00:18:45,712
Okay, enough.
412
00:18:45,924 --> 00:18:47,118
It is me on the tape.
413
00:18:47,326 --> 00:18:49,260
Good-bye, Hank!
414
00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:52,794
But I swear to you I did not blow up any cars.
415
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,399
I was just putting flyers on the cars
416
00:18:55,567 --> 00:18:57,501
because I wanted other people to know
417
00:18:57,636 --> 00:18:59,433
Tom Hammond has been taking advantage of...
418
00:18:59,605 --> 00:19:01,004
Stop right there, Hank.
419
00:19:01,173 --> 00:19:03,869
Well, speak of the devil, and Charlie, too.
420
00:19:04,042 --> 00:19:07,671
Officer Brown, that's the lying,
cheating man you should be arresting.
421
00:19:07,846 --> 00:19:12,010
I know you're mad, Hank, but I didn't
think you'd be mad enough to torch my lot.
422
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,984
The only thing I'm guilty of is trusting you.
423
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:18,351
Well, I'll tell you one thing.
I may go to jail, but I've zipped my lips
424
00:19:18,524 --> 00:19:19,491
for the last time.
425
00:19:22,861 --> 00:19:25,489
J.B., I've been in business
426
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:27,188
with Hank Hillfor 25 years.
427
00:19:27,399 --> 00:19:28,627
If he says he didn't do it,
428
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,392
then by God, he didn't do it.
429
00:19:30,536 --> 00:19:32,163
Can we at least
430
00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:34,272
watch the rest of the tape, Tom?
431
00:19:34,473 --> 00:19:35,963
Do you know how many strings I had to pull
432
00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:38,167
to get the conference room with the VCR?
433
00:19:38,310 --> 00:19:40,904
There's no need. Now I'm not pressing charges.
434
00:19:41,079 --> 00:19:43,013
Hank's the most honest man I know.
435
00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:45,309
If he looks you in the eye, and shakes your hand
436
00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:47,849
and tells you he didn't do something, then he didn't do it.
437
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,518
So what say we just leave this all behind us, Hank?
438
00:20:00,232 --> 00:20:01,426
Let's go home, Peggy.
439
00:20:08,106 --> 00:20:10,199
You really believe he's innocent, Tom?
440
00:20:10,342 --> 00:20:14,438
Hell, no. But, I know Hank. He will not let this die.
441
00:20:14,580 --> 00:20:17,174
He'd fight us all the way. Hell, he'd be up at the Supreme Court
442
00:20:17,349 --> 00:20:20,341
telling Judge Scalia that I gouge my damn customers.
443
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:22,918
Do you know what that could do to my business?
444
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,955
It ain't worth it.
445
00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:28,685
I sold that man five cars at sticker price.
446
00:20:28,860 --> 00:20:31,192
All in all it was a pretty good run.
447
00:20:35,467 --> 00:20:36,661
Hey, I'm Chet Haddock.
448
00:20:36,802 --> 00:20:37,928
What can I do for you?
449
00:20:38,103 --> 00:20:40,003
Hi, Chet, my name's Hank Hill.
450
00:20:40,138 --> 00:20:42,265
That name sounds familiar.
451
00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:46,235
Oh, right.
452
00:20:46,378 --> 00:20:48,369
Uh, how can I help you, sir?
453
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:49,706
By helping my son.
454
00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:51,907
Hey, Chet, I'm Bobby Hill,
455
00:20:52,050 --> 00:20:54,541
and I'm interested in buying a Game Station.
456
00:20:54,686 --> 00:20:56,847
Is this the best price you can give me?
457
00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:02,624
After I take another ten...
458
00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:05,662
no, no, 20% off, it will be.
459
00:21:05,797 --> 00:21:08,197
Chet, looks like you're gonna be
460
00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:09,891
my electronics guy.
461
00:21:52,044 --> 00:21:54,137
Hank always seemed like a very qulet man, you know.
462
00:21:55,305 --> 00:22:55,522
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