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There he is.
Go on, ask him.
Oh, no.
What's this?
Mr. Hill?
Uh, oh, uh, hey there, Inez.
Will you speak at my quincea馿ra?
Uh, well, what's a quincea馿ra?
It's a celebration, Hank!
Inez is turning 15, and in Mexican culture,
that's when she's recognized to be a woman.
I'm so happy, Hank!
Uh, well, I'd love to speak at her,
uh, party, but, uh,
I-I don't really know your daughter all that well.
The party's a month away,
so you have plenty of time to get to know her.
Why don't you come over to my house tomorrow?
Uh, well, the-the thing about that is...
I'm kind of on-on the spot here.
Great!
So, I'll see you tomorrow at my place!
Man of honor?
That's quite an honor.
I would not be involved in a quincea馿ra, Hank.
Do you know what goes on at those things?
I do. They sacrifice the oldest woman in the room
to make room for the new, younger woman.
Well, I can't back out of it now.
I already told Enrique I'd speak.
At least he thinks I did.
What can I say about a 14-year-old girl
that I only see a couple times a year?
All I know is
she ate fruit salad at the company picnic.
What did you eat?
This could be your own private hideaway.
Ugh! What's with those guys in the alley?
Oh, those guys?
They're never there.
So,
what do you think of this house?
Pretty freaking cool, huh?
Uh, no. I hate it here.
I mean, why don't you understand what I'm looking for?
I want something real.
This is real, man.
Honey, this is real estate.
You don't get it.
Asa, I have shown you over 30 houses now,
and I still have no idea what you want.
I want a house.
This is a house.
This neighborhood is nowhere.
I feel like I'm nowhere.
Okay, let's keep looking then.
Sorry about the instant potatoes.
That whiny client is taking up all of my time.
You're still working with that giblet-head?
Why don't you just pass him off to another realtor?
Because I have invested too much time with him
to do that.
It-It's like when you've lost so much money at blackjack
that the only smart thing to do is keep playing.
Well, I'd trade places with you if I could.
I really don't think I'm the right person
to speak at Inez's party.
I don't speak Spanish,
and most of the people who will be there
will probably want to hear some Spanish.
Well, I do know a lot about Mexican girls and quincea馿ras.
Why don't I come over to Enrique's tomorrow
and help you?
Right after I show Asa five more houses he won't like.
You know, everybody gets a big party except for me.
Mexicans have 15, Jews have 13,
rich girls have sweet 16.
Everyone has some crazy day except for Christian boy.
Your baptism was amazing.
So I've heard.
I don't think anyone has dibs on 14,
so that could be mine.
It could be called a Sweet Fourteen-o.
There could be dancing and music,
and then I'd have to eat 14 hot dogs before sunset,
or I shall remain a boy forever!
Where is Peggy?
Hey, Hank!
Come in, come in.
Inez is waiting!
This is where I watch TV,
and in there... that's my bedroom.
That's where I sleep.
And that's a bathroom.
We don't need to talk about
what goes on in there, huh, Hank?!
Yeah, that looks like a pretty
sturdy stage.
That's for the quincea馿ra
for the band and for you.
I'm also going to make a trellis
for Inez to walk through,
like a symbol.
On that side, she's a girl,
then on that side, she's a woman.
I might try sending my wife Yolanda
through it backwards!
Uh, this is gonna be some party.
I always do it up.
And you haven't heard the best part.
Right after Inez becomes a woman,
she's going to spin around
as a thousand rose petals rain down on her from above.
Wow. Yeah.
It's great. I spare no expense.
Come on, Yolanda.
Hank and Inez have a lot to talk about.
Uh, so, uh,
tell me a little bit about yourself.
That's a pretty bird.
Birds, huh?
Okay. Birds.
Come on, Peggy.
No!
Come on, you haven't even seen the house yet.
Take me somewhere else.
What are we doing here?
I just have to run in and help my husband learn
about a 14-year-old Mexican girl.
I'll crack the window for you.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
You must be Inez.
Such a beautiful woman.
I cannot believe
you haven't been quincea馿rad yet.
I'm glad you're here.
It's not going so well.
Don't worry.
People naturally open up to me.
Okay, I broke the ice.
Now you take it from here.
Uh, I should actually get going, too.
I hope you got everything you need for your speech,
because Buck Strickland's coming.
You have to do a good job so he understands
why I chose you to give the speech over him!
Buck really wanted to give the speech, Hank.
Oh, no.
He ran.
I'll take it!
Really?
Oh, yeah, I love it here.
This is real.
This is what I was talking about!
No whiteys.
Oh, he-he doesn't live here.
Enrique does.
Enrique, meet your new neighbor!
Viva La Raza!
Uh... okay.
Okay, see you at 10:00. Sweet.
Hank, that is the fifth cool person I've talked to
that wants to move into Enrique's neighborhood.
Asa's friends are a honey pot,
and I'm the only realtor bear with my paw in them.
Why does that Asa guy want to live
in Enrique's neighborhood anyway?
Why do you ask, because he's white?
No, because he's weird.
Well, that weird guy's loan was pre-approved.
Probably because he has rich parents.
And all of his friends are young, starving artists
who also have rich parents.
Artists?
But that neighborhood seems pretty family-oriented.
Hank, cool, young people are good for neighborhoods.
They come in and bring new life...
art, music, a funky night life.
Yeah, if you say so.
I just need help with this speech.
I didn't get much out of Inez except that she likes birds.
You got to help me, Peggy.
I-I... I'm sorry, but I do not have time today.
I have to find a three-bedroom loft space
for someone named DJ Peanut Butter.
Maybe Bobby can help you.
He knows some 14-year-old girls.
Well, there is one in my class.
But she was held back because she's a dumb-dumb.
Bobby, now, just help your father.
Fine, but we should really be working on my Sweet Fourteen-o.
That's gonna sneak up on us.
Okay.
The thing about girls is,
they're all obsessed with the popular girls.
Love 'em or hate 'em, they want to talk about 'em.
Bring up the popular girls, and I promise
your problem will be getting her to shut up.
Uh, tell me about the popular girls.
Well, there's this girl Gabriella.
She wears eyeliner and bracelets up to here.
And then there's Amelia.
She wears boots, and she says she has a car,
but I don't think she has a car.
And then there's Anna, and she's got glitter in her eyeball,
and I think her hair might be fake, but I don't know,
but she put a towel on her head one day...
What did I tell you?
I knew she'd open up to you.
Do your Desperate Housewives, Inez.
You stole my man.
I know your secret.
I'll tell everyone.
You burnt down my house.
It's like we live on Wisterias Lane, Hank!
Okay, maybe I could ask a question,
and then Inez will just answer that question.
Does that sound good?
Sure!
First question... do you have any hobbies?
I like soccer, and I... I like to go to the movies.
Really, soccer?
So you like sports... kinda.
Well, you got some girl there, Enrique.
Everyone in the neighborhood just loves her.
Yeah, she's like me, Hank.
This is the best fish taco yet.
And I could drink horchata forever.
Hola, m韋amilia!
Cervezas, amigo!
These guys.
Check it out.
My boy, Chester, just produced this.
Let me know what you guys think.
This music makes me feel weird and depressed.
I'm changing it back.
Whoa.
I think this ese might be in the wrong barrio.
You know where you are, gringo?
What?
Hey, Hank, you want another taco?
Because I just ate your last one.
Oh, right.
He's with you.
Yeah, Hank's my friend.
Any friend of mi hermano is a friend of mine.
I don't even know these guys, Hank,
but they always know me.
It's real weird.
I think
this place is just perfect for your gallery.
I'm looking for someplace to, uh,
something a little more...
I dunno.
Like a loft?
Every house in this neighborhood
can be converted into a loft.
I'm in.
Do you have a light?
Always.
Boy, Enrique's neighborhood sure has changed,
I tell you what.
All these "artists" moved in so fast.
And they all look the same,
real skinny and walk slowly.
The people you are referring to are hipsters.
They walk slowly
because they got no place to be, man.
Yeah, well, Inez and I don't like 'em.
It's hard enough to be a girl on the verge of womanhood
without everything changing around you.
And things are changing fast now.
Oh, Hank.
That's beautiful.
Don't tell us that.
Save it for the quincea馿ra.
You know, Bill, you're right.
That could be a good angle for my speech.
I gotta write this down.
Hank! It's salmon!
They put salmon in the fish tacos, Hank!
What are you talking about?
Look at it!
It's salmon!
They're ruining everything!
Oh, no, not the fish tacos.
Maybe you could talk to Peggy.
Maybe she could sell those funny people houses somewhere else.
Well, I did, and Peggy says
that those people are actually good for your neighborhood.
Bring in some new life.
And salmon is very high in omega-3's.
I don't want a new life, Hank.
I liked my life and my tacos the way they were.
Okay, Enrique, just calm down.
You need to be focusing on Inez's party.
I'll talk to Peggy.
Thanks, Hank.
And show her this.
Peggy, we gotta get going to that quincea馿ra.
You should get ready.
What are you doing?
Texting is the new talking, Hank.
That thing looks kind of expensive, Peggy.
Well, it is.
But I've been making a lot of money lately.
I am flipping Little Mexico like a giant, golden quesadilla!
Uh, yeah, about that.
Enrique wanted me to talk to you
about the people you're bringing to his neighborhood.
Hank, neighborhoods change with time.
Hispanics didn't always live there.
Who knows who lived there before them?
Native Americans probably owned those houses.
But they're hipsters, Peggy.
I promise you, Hank, Enrique will thank me.
His neighborhood has become the hot spot of Arlen.
And if he really doesn't like it,
he can just sell his house for a huge profit.
Well, I guess you're right. Ooh,
someone just texted me back.
QRS smiley face.
What do you think that means?
I can't believe how far we had to park.
All these electric cars can't be for Enrique's.
No. DJ Donkey-Oats is also having a party tonight.
Ugh. Is everyone a DJ?
Yes.
Hey, Hills, thanks for coming.
This is a happy day.
Let's all be happy, okay?
So, Hank, you got your speech ready?
I think I'll do Inez proud.
Inez, you look beautiful.
So, are you ready to walk through that trellis?
I can't believe this is happening.
It's like a dream.
Oh, and guess who came?
Anna and Gabriella!
Really? They're talking again?
That's great!
But what about Carlos?
This could get really uncomfortable.
Hank.
I'll be videotaping your speech.
And the sacrifice.
Everyone, welcome!
Thank you all for coming to this special day.
When Inez was born, it was the happiest day of my life.
Aww.
Yes.
I'm so happy I can do this for Inez.
And a great man made this possible.
My boss, Hank Hill.
Oh, and I could have done it.
Hank spent the last few weeks
getting to know my family better,
and he brought his wife Peggy with him.
Peggy started selling houses around here.
She really changed things, huh?
And now our rent has gone up
and we can't afford to stay here anymore so we have to move.
I don't know where I'm going to go.
I don't know where Inez will be a woman!
I don't want to move!
I'm scared, Hank!
Yeah, Hank, get up there!
Do it to it, buddy!
Woo!
Well, that was a disaster.
I can't believe that Enrique doesn't own his own house.
He's lived there for over 20 years.
Who rents a house for 20 years?
I'm pretty sure Inez's room is an addition.
But the neighborhood is getting nicer.
If anything, the skyrocketing rents attest to that.
Oh, Hank, I've been a bad Realtor.
I abused my power, I sold irresponsibly.
Well, it's not all your fault.
Uh, yeah, yeah it is.
Hipsters were attracted to me because I am cool.
And I played it up.
Peg, the cool Realtor,
slapping fives and throwing up peace signs.
I'm disgusting.
Please, God,
give me one more crown!
Pineapple?
Oh, pineapple!
Uh,
I just wanted you to know
that Peggy feels terrible about what's happened.
We both do.
I'm freaking out here.
Yolanda doesn't want to move, and I don't know what to do.
Well, I don't get it.
You make good money here.
Why don't you own your house?
Aww, you sound like my cousin.
"You gotta buy, interest rates are good."
I live for today, okay?
I like to have a good time.
You mean you spend all your money on parties?
And funerals.
What am I gonna do?
None of us want to move.
Inez doesn't want to go to a new school.
She can't go to a new school.
She just started eating lunch with Anna and Gabriella.
Okay.
How about this?
Now, I'm just thinking out loud here.
There was a practice in realty called redlining
that kept blacks from owning in certain neighborhoods.
Now, that was obviously bad.
But if we used it against hipsters,
in my hands, I think it would be a very effective tool.
Peggy, no.
This could work, Hank.
The neighborhood would go back to the way it was,
housing prices will stabilize
and Enrique can afford to stay.
Or... how about this?
What do hipsters like?
Cool things.
So we invent a place called "Cooltown."
In Cooltown,
music's always playing and everybody drives convertibles.
Ugh, it sounds like Austin.
Bobby, you are almost right!
Really?!
Almost.
The thing that I've learned about these people
is that it's not about where they want to be,
but where they don't want to be.
Brilliant!
Welcome to the neighborhood!
Who are you?
Hey, man, we're dang ol' neighbors, man.
Talking 'bout... go watch football, man.
Come on, talkin' 'bout "Go Longhorns," man.
So, you guys want to come over for Grey's?
Idol? How about game night?
Uh...
Hey, neighbor!
I'm Bill!
I own my own house.
I am a homeowner.
Now I pay mortgage instead of rent.
I'm building equity!
We should celebrate!
Well, I'm really happy for you, Enrique.
But maybe you should lay low for awhile.
My neighbors and I have to keep pretending
like we live here
until we get rid of the rest of the guys.
Yeah, then we're going to celebrate!
You heard of a housewarming,
this is going to be a house inferno!
How about for now we celebrate with a beer.
Yep.
Maybe just some donkey rides for the kids.
Thanks, Mr. Hill.
This is really great.
Now then,
I believe we have a little unfinished business.
And now I'd like to say a few words about a young girl...
uh, I mean a young woman named Inez...
They put salmon in the fishtacos, Hank!
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