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Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
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Ripped By mstoll
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Thank you for helping us
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register for our baby
shower, Aunt Peggy.
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Well, when I heard you planned
to get all your baby supplies
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at 7-Eleven, I decided
it was time to step in.
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There are plenty of times
that I wish I had a device
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to hold me upright
in the bathtub.
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(beep)
Got it.
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I can't believe that
in less than two weeks
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I will have a
teeny-tiny little baby!
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There's still
so much I don't know.
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Well, you don't have
to know anything...
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Because I will be
giving you and Lucky
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the greatest gift of all:
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my 13 years of experience
as a mother!
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And a real gift, too, right?
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Of course.
Thank you, Aunt Peggy!
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I guess all I have to worry
about is giving birth,
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and you'll teach me
how to do everything else.
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That is right.
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And take it from me,
giving birth, Luanne,
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will be one of
the best days of your life.
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It was for me,
thanks to modern medicine.
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Okay, honey, I'm gonna give you
a little something for the pain.
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Don't worry, Peggy,
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I'm here for you.
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(happy sigh)
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I did not fully wake up
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until the ride home
from the hospital.
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That's what I want,
Aunt Peggy...
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A foggy memory I can
treasure for a lifetime.
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WOMAN (over speaker):
Welcome to Want-A Burger.
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00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,965
I'm Jane. May I take your order?
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You may. I'd like a triple-meat,
triple-cheese meal
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with hot lemon pie
and a large soda. That's...
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That's all the sodas
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mixed together?
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You... know what I want?
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Of course I do...
You're a regular, honey.
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"Honey"?
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You're not Jane!
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Who's Jane?
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The drive-thru lady.
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(chuckles):
We sort of have a thing.
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Ah. Well, I'm not supposed
to say anything,
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but the drive-thru people
don't actually work here.
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But I talk to her every night.
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Well, they work out of a call
center in Buckeye, Arizona.
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It's cheaper that way.
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Arizona?
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Well, then...
that's where I'll go.
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I'll go to Arizona and find her
and tell her how I feel.
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(chuckles): Okay. I'm
really gonna do it!
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Knock yourself out, sir.
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WOMAN:
Isn't that sweet?
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WOMAN 2:
All right,
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time for another game...
Give the paper a tug.
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I don't know what this game is,
but I bet I win.
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Watch this!
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(laughs)
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For every one of them squares,
you owe that baby ten bucks!
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But...
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I'm just a kid.
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You best pay up, son.
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This is a rough-looking crowd.
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Yeah. Maybe they'd
all feel more at home
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if I served the cake
up on cinder blocks.
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(doorbell rings)
(suppressed laughing)
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That must be my baby sister.
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Notice how I waited
to get drunk?
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(quietly): No wonder
she's the last one here.
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Most tractors won't go
over ten miles an hour.
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Hey, baby sis!
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Luanne,
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this is Myrna.
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Myrna, this is
my beautiful wife Luanne.
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And this is our beautiful baby.
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(chuckles):
Well, I hope.
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Well, it's great to finally
meet the both of you.
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And you must be Peggy.
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Thank you for inviting me
into your lovely home.
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You're welcome.
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And I bet these little ones
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would like some juice.
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They aren't allowed
to drink juice.
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They'll have water
and read a book.
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Those kids ain't right.
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I must admit,
you're not what I expected.
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I thought you'd be a lot more...
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Rustic?
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What a polite way to say
what I was thinking.
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I wasn't happy with the environment
in which Lucky and I were raised.
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All our family dinners were
preceded by my father saying,
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"Hey, look what I found!"
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Well, score one for nurture.
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Oh, and you don't have
to worry about these two.
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I live right across the street,
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and I am teaching them everything
I know about raising a child.
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Between you and me,
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when Lucky called and said
he was going to be a father,
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I-I cried, right there
in yoga class.
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See this scar?
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It's where my head
hit the coffee table
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when Luanne told me.
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Did you know Lucky
once served me
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something he called
"fancy squirrel"?
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That is nothing.
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Luanne once got stuck
on an escalator.
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(laughs): Well, thank
God they have us.
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(laughs):
I hear that.
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(chuckling)
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(both sigh)
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Bill, I know
you're pretty fired up
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about driving to Arizona
for love and whatnot,
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but you ought to consider
your other option:
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not driving to Arizona.
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What Jane and I have
is special, Hank.
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Too special to let New Mexico
keep us apart.
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So long, fellas!
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So, Bill's taking a solo
road trip through the desert.
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How much of Bill's body
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do you think vultures
will refuse to eat?
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Ah...
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And this one is from me.
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(guests murmuring)
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Trust me,
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it will be your "breast" friend.
(chuckles)
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(forced chuckle)
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I... don't get it.
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But thank you for
the horseshoe-shaped pillow.
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It will bring
the baby good luck.
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I-It's for feeding the baby.
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You do realize that you're going
to have to feed the baby, right?
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00:05:57,148 --> 00:06:00,152
With all due respect,
Luanne and I don't need
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00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:02,870
some fancy pillow
to feed our baby.
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00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:05,662
Monkeys don't need pillows
to feed their young.
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00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:08,786
I'm not following you.
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00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:11,004
I've watched
a lot of nature programs,
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and it seems to me
most of life's questions
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00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:16,293
can be answered
with another question:
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What would a monkey do?
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PEGGY: And here's something
else for you two.
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I saved every single thing
that Bobby ever wore,
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sat in or spit up on.
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I only hope they bring you
as much joy as they brought me.
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LUANNE:
Oh, my gosh!
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00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,732
Thank you, Aunt Peggy!
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00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:42,160
We meet again, Mr. Giggles.
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00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,618
(gasps)
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00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:46,706
You're not actually going
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00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:48,416
to give this stuff
to Luanne, are you?
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00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,581
Oh, no. I'm just
gonna let her borrow it
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00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:51,669
till Bobby has a child.
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00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:55,544
We've learned so much
about parenting
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since this mobile was made.
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It wasn't designed to
stimulate baby brain growth.
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00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:01,714
Oh, you modern mothers!
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00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:03,932
You need all those
gadgets and gizmos.
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00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:07,394
Back in my day,
we had to get by on gumption.
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And Bobby turned out just fine.
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(zany music plays over TV)
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Yes. And if Bobby is the kind
of child Luanne wants to raise,
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she should certainly
follow your advice.
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(guests gasping) WOMAN:
This is gonna get good.
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Now, hold on,
there is nothing wrong
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with how I raised my child.
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00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:27,073
I'm just saying it might be
a good idea for Lucky and Luanne
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to take a childcare class,
so they can learn,
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or unlearn, whatever they need.
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Fine.
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Why don't we all go...
Perhaps we'll all get
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00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:38,674
a refresher on what's
important to a child,
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00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:39,919
and what's just
a desperate attempt
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00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:42,171
to prove to the world
that you're a good mother.
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00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:47,183
Fun!
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00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,892
Welcome to Baby Care Basics.
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00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,686
I'm Gloria, your instructor.
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00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:55,650
We will cover many
topics in our course,
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00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,688
including how to soothe
a teething baby. Oh!
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00:07:58,687 --> 00:07:59,609
I know this one.
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00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:01,318
My Aunt Peggy told me.
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00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,861
Scotch on the gums.
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00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:06,699
GLORIA: No. Giving
a child alcohol
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00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:08,413
is never advised.
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00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:09,702
Well... not a lot.
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00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:11,700
Just enough
to take the edge off.
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00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,668
I find if I freeze a peach slice
189
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,704
and wrap it in a washcloth,
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00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:17,547
the baby gets
soothing pain relief
191
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:19,291
and a serving of fruit.
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00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:20,382
Mmm.
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00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:21,672
We will also discuss
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00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:24,717
how to help a baby
sleep through the night.
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00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:26,090
Maybe let someone else answer.
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00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:28,717
Oh-oh! Aunt Peggy
told me that one, too.
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00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:30,640
Put it on its stomach
198
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:33,229
and surround it with lots
of pillows and blankets,
199
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:34,643
so it feels secure.
200
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,683
Oh, my, that-that's
outdated information.
201
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:39,027
We now know
that's quite dangerous.
202
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,646
No one should listen
to this woman.
203
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,529
In fact, I'm going to take
this doll away from you.
204
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,448
I'm not sure I'm comfortable
with you practicing on it.
205
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,542
(Luanne sobbing)
206
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:02,088
I can't believe...
that I got kicked out of...
207
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:03,710
our baby class.
208
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,883
My baby's gonna be
here in two weeks!
209
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:09,053
I don't have time to learn
what I need to learn!
210
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,177
We're gonna fix this, baby doll.
211
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:13,554
I will go to the video store
212
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,682
and rent every monkey
movie ever made.
213
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,683
No, I will fix this.
214
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:20,481
I'll have Jason
pick up the kids today.
215
00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:22,229
I'll stay here
until the baby is born
216
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,697
and teach you everything I know,
which is a lot.
217
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,407
You do not have to do that.
218
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,322
Yes, things have changed
since I had Bobby,
219
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,446
but I still know
how to raise a child.
220
00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:33,198
And there is nothing wrong
with any of this stuff.
221
00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:35,913
(clown squeaks)
222
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,287
Um, I think we're gonna
start listening
223
00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:40,288
to Myrna now, Aunt Peggy.
224
00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:42,666
It's not that we don't love you,
225
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:46,211
it's just that, well,
we want our baby to live.
226
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:49,306
I have read every book,
magazine and blog
227
00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:50,719
dedicated to childcare.
228
00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,717
Lucky, you will need
to baby-proof this house.
229
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:54,060
Can do.
230
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:56,680
When I'm done, not even
the wiliest of babies
231
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,647
will be able to get in here.
232
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,189
And, Luanne, I will make sure
you have a drug-free,
233
00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:02,982
stress-free hypno-birth.
234
00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:04,900
No, no, no...
Trust me,
235
00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:07,695
you need hard,
class-three narcotics.
236
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:09,692
MYRNA: Drugs are for
sick people, Peggy.
237
00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:12,286
Luanne isn't going to treat
her baby like a disease.
238
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:14,372
Like you did with your son.
239
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,998
JANE: It must be cold out
there in the desert tonight.
240
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:22,713
I have my love to keep me warm.
(chuckles)
241
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:25,959
I'll talk to you when I get
to Truth or Consequences.
242
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,178
I'll have a salad
243
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:29,341
and a diet soda.
244
00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:30,634
JANE:
Staying in shape, huh, honey?
245
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,095
(gasps):
"Honey"?
246
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:36,261
I thought I was "honey"!
247
00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:37,683
Is that you, Bill?
248
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,477
How many other honeys
do you have?
249
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,691
Is it just him, or do you say it
250
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,685
to every salad-eating
playboy in a Taurus?
251
00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,312
JANE: What? Good-bye, Jane!
252
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,437
Forever!
253
00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:48,610
Wait, no! Bill, come back!
254
00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:51,860
You know what?
A lemon pie sounds pretty good.
255
00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:54,158
And this Myrna is
filling Luanne's head
256
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,202
with all sorts of crazy ideas.
257
00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:59,622
And Luanne is soaking them up
like a simple, obedient sponge.
258
00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:01,627
Well, Myrna was right about
259
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:03,713
some of these hand-me-downs
being dangerous.
260
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:07,084
I'm not sure pacifiers
come painted anymore.
261
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:10,428
I still have plenty to teach
Luanne about being a good mom.
262
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:12,718
She just won't listen to me.
263
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:14,842
Luanne needs to learn
this stuff on her own.
264
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,435
It might be time to push
her out of the nest
265
00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:18,849
and get our freedom back.
266
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,682
Come on, Peggy, push with me.
267
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:25,185
Maybe you're right.
268
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:28,689
Besides, if I fight,
I'm gonna lose her.
269
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:31,191
I will have to bend.
270
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:35,661
Thanks for helping me
baby-proof, gentlemen.
271
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:36,700
No problem.
272
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:39,324
One of the many joys
of being a parent
273
00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:41,292
is all the stuff
you get to assemble
274
00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:42,627
and then, later, disassemble.
275
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:45,208
Myrna says we're supposed
to crawl around
276
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,832
to find out what's dangerous.
277
00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:51,715
It's amazing.
278
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:55,432
To an unsuspecting baby, almost
anything can become a weapon.
279
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:57,676
For example, this weapon.
280
00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:02,681
Lucky, I know you care a lot
about what your sister says,
281
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,557
but maybe it's time
you and Luanne
282
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,150
started thinking for yourselves.
283
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:07,689
No can do, Uncle Hank.
284
00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:08,732
(Dale choking)
285
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:13,691
(sighs)
286
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:16,410
Choking hazard identified.
287
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:23,664
I can't wait to show you
the new nursery, Aunt Peggy.
288
00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:26,670
And I cannot wait to see it.
289
00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:30,542
Myrna.
290
00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:33,131
Ta-da!
291
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:38,637
Oh, my!
292
00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:40,727
Myrna says everything is
black and white and red
293
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,686
to help the baby see and think.
294
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:43,680
Really?
295
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,307
Hmm.
296
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:48,025
I wonder if that's why
the Nazis chose those colors.
297
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:49,394
Over here is the
tummy-time station
298
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,943
where Luanne will give her
baby three ten-minute
299
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,986
strength-building
sessions per day.
300
00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,861
And these DVDs are gonna
help my baby's brain.
301
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:59,203
This worm has so much wisdom.
302
00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:04,288
(echoing heartbeat)
Oh, for God's sake.
303
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:07,083
That's what it sounds
like inside my womb.
304
00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:09,547
It's what you would hear
if I swallowed your ear.
305
00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:11,507
Isn't this room wonderful?
306
00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:13,342
Well, I think
you captured the...
307
00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:15,632
I mean, I think it's...
308
00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:18,510
I think it's awful.
309
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:21,305
Luanne, it's joyless.
It's creepy.
310
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:24,646
Peggy, this is awkward enough
without you critiquing our nursery.
311
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,435
This is Luanne's nursery.
312
00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:28,399
And if she keeps
listening to you,
313
00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:30,234
her kid is gonna
end up like yours,
314
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:33,230
a book-reading,
water-drinking robot!
315
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:36,073
Um! guys...
316
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,692
Not now, Luanne!
Not now, Luanne!
317
00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:40,036
I think the baby's coming.
318
00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:42,489
Ow!
319
00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:47,710
Why can't Luanne just give birth
320
00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:50,205
in a gotdang hospital,
like everyone else?
321
00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:52,252
You are preaching
to the choir, Hank,
322
00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:54,421
but no one is asking me anymore.
323
00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:57,011
Well, I guess a waiting room
is a waiting room.
324
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,676
Luanne, or should I say Myrna,
325
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,966
doesn't want us
in a waiting room. Uh-uh.
326
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:03,718
She wants everyone with her
as she gives birth...
327
00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:05,095
In that tub.
328
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:08,564
Bah!
329
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:10,604
What doctor agreed to this?
330
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:11,897
There is no doctor.
331
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:13,941
The baby will be delivered
by a facilitator.
332
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,188
That man
333
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,282
in the open robe and Speedo.
334
00:14:19,317 --> 00:14:20,569
Ugh.
335
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:22,662
This is gonna ruin
baths for me forever.
336
00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:26,408
(pop top opens)
337
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:31,163
Do all these people
really have to be here?
338
00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:33,585
Trust me, this is
the best way for your baby
339
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:36,175
to enter the world... surrounded
by a support network.
340
00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:39,717
If we open up all the windows,
can I light a hibachi?
341
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,510
Here comes another contraction.
342
00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,884
What do I do? What do I do?
What do I do?
343
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,977
Okay, deep breaths, Luanne,
like we practiced.
344
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:48,391
You're in a wheat field.
There's a gentle breeze...
345
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:54,942
Okay, a breezy,
painful wheat field.
346
00:14:54,936 --> 00:14:56,688
Lots of wheat, lots of pain.
347
00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:57,654
I hate this wheat field!
348
00:14:57,814 --> 00:14:59,691
I think I need to walk around.
349
00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:03,069
Excellent. It's good to walk around
during the beginning stages of labor.
350
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:04,662
"Beginning?"
351
00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:07,165
(deep breaths)
352
00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:09,705
Myrna, would you get
me the Enya CD?
353
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:10,952
You'll need something stronger.
354
00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:12,704
I'll get chanting monks.
355
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:13,670
Aunt Peggy?
356
00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:16,707
Can I talk to you?
357
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:18,709
Get me out of here now.
358
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:20,256
Consider it done.
359
00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:28,719
(groans)
360
00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:30,312
We are busting Luanne
out of here
361
00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:32,398
and getting her to a hospital.
362
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:33,687
Hold on a minute, there.
363
00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:35,685
What if she gives
birth in my truck?
364
00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:38,609
You know there's a limit
to what Armor-All can do.
365
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,902
I hate this!
366
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,946
Hank, this is happening
with or without you.
367
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,241
Bobby, you need
to cause a distraction.
368
00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:47,659
Do you think you can do that?
369
00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:50,666
A chance to flex
my improv muscles.
370
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:52,205
I like it.
371
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:54,454
Mm-mm, wait for
Luanne's signal.
372
00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:00,339
(deep breaths)
373
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:04,635
Um, Myrna, um, can you get
my floaties from my purse?
374
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,765
I can't swim so good.
375
00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:12,848
It's hard to believe in just
a few hours, we'll have a baby.
376
00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:15,475
And you'll be thin again.
377
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,647
Bobby, now!
378
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,983
Cannonball!
No!
379
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:22,569
What are you doing?
380
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:23,691
Get out of there!
381
00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:25,910
This is what happens
when you give kids juice!
382
00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:28,655
You're tainting
the birthing tub!
383
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,703
Double meat meal, please.
384
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:36,545
JANE: Bill? Is that you?
Where have you been?
385
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:38,460
Not that it's
any of your business,
386
00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:40,129
but I had lunch at a Luly's...
387
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:41,967
and it was delicious.
388
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:45,429
Oh, really? Mm-hmm. They know
how to treat a guy there.
389
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:47,139
What are we doing?
390
00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:50,601
Why are we trying to hurt each other?
I don't know. I miss us.
391
00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:52,891
I miss us, too.
I can be there in an hour.
392
00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:55,390
What are you waiting for, honey?
393
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:57,016
Hmm.
394
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:01,692
What's going on, Baby Doll?
395
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,360
Where are we going?
396
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:06,280
We are taking Luanne away from
this glorified hot tub club
397
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:07,447
to a proper hospital.
398
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:08,695
I want to go someplace
399
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,992
where there's doctors and
nurses and painkillers.
400
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:13,707
Now, Luanne, we
thought this through.
401
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:15,417
Myrna said a birthing center
402
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:18,162
was the first step
on the road to a perfect baby.
403
00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:19,880
Oh, I am getting
in this truck, Lucky.
404
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,671
And you can either come with me
or you can stay here with Myrna.
405
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:25,632
I will stick by my mate.
406
00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:29,220
Which, by the way, is precisely
what a monkey would do.
407
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,761
She's onto us! Let's roll!
408
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,513
All right, everybody in.
409
00:17:37,181 --> 00:17:38,603
I will check you in.
410
00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:40,272
Then I'll go chat up
the janitor.
411
00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:42,111
They're the ones who
really run these places.
412
00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:47,693
(gasping)
413
00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:49,444
You know what I think about
414
00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:52,242
when I accidentally smack
myself with a hammer?
415
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:53,615
The Cowboys.
416
00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:55,287
Maybe you should think
about the Cowboys.
417
00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:57,285
(panting)
418
00:17:57,285 --> 00:17:59,959
I hope I'm doing
the right thing, Uncle Hank.
419
00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:02,673
Everyone keeps giving me advice.
420
00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:06,545
I have ideas, too, but no one
wants to listen to 'em.
421
00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:09,013
Well, this is your baby, Luanne.
422
00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:11,303
No one else is gonna
raise it for you,
423
00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:13,677
especially not your aunt and me.
424
00:18:13,676 --> 00:18:16,680
Maybe it's about time you
started thinking for yourself.
425
00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:18,977
Sometimes I can't tell
the difference
426
00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:21,943
between thinking and being
quiet, but I'll try.
427
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,153
Well, you're gonna
make mistakes.
428
00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:26,568
Lord knows I must have
made some with Bobby,
429
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:29,693
judging by some of the
asinine stuff he does.
430
00:18:29,692 --> 00:18:32,286
But you have to start somewhere.
431
00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:34,781
Luanne, stop.
432
00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:36,332
We need to get you out of
here before it's too late.
433
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:39,706
Actually, Myrna, we've decided
we're giving birth here.
434
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:41,454
PEGGY:
That's right, Myrna.
435
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:42,706
They have decided
436
00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:44,048
to give birth the right way,
437
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,713
the Peggy way.
438
00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:48,712
No. Wait.
439
00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:50,930
I don't want to do
this your way either.
440
00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:52,673
I want to do this my way.
441
00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:57,683
I love you so much, Aunt Peggy,
and I want your advice,
442
00:18:57,678 --> 00:19:00,181
but, Lucky and I need
to do this on our own.
443
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:04,606
I will be right in the waiting
room if you need me.
444
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:06,445
I know you will.
445
00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:09,156
Let's go have a baby.
446
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,242
And maybe a huge settlement.
447
00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:14,658
There will be lots of things to
slip on when this is all over.
448
00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:27,254
(indistinct chatter)
449
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:30,961
(gasps)
450
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:33,259
Jane?
451
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:34,632
Bill?
452
00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:38,344
You didn't tell me
you were so... old.
453
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:41,063
You didn't tell me
you were so young.
454
00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:43,399
I'm not young. I'm 17.
455
00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:45,610
I'm just gonna drive home now.
456
00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:47,645
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
457
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:58,198
(sighs)
458
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:09,630
I tell you what, this Goofus
fellow is a dumb-ass.
459
00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:10,964
Look at me,
460
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,338
I'm on a Japanese subway!
461
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,463
(door opening)
462
00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:19,389
It's a girl.
463
00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:21,479
And she's beautiful.
464
00:20:24,849 --> 00:20:27,693
HANK (sighs):
This is one good-looking baby.
465
00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:29,687
They did a great job
cleaning her up.
466
00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:32,031
Ooh, you're a little cute one,
I tell you what.
467
00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:36,072
She bears a strong resemblance
to my side of the family.
468
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,571
Course that might change
once she gets teeth.
469
00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:42,708
So, what's her name?
470
00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:45,704
Well, we have decided
to name her
471
00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:48,673
after one of our favorite
things...
472
00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:51,050
Lasagna.
What?!
473
00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:53,715
Lasagna Kleinschmidt.
474
00:20:53,711 --> 00:20:55,679
They gave you
the good stuff, didn't they?
475
00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:59,050
No, we just like
the name Lasagna.
476
00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:01,723
There is no way I'm gonna sit by
477
00:21:01,719 --> 00:21:03,517
and let you name
your child after...
478
00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:06,311
Luanne needs to make her
own decisions from now on.
479
00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:09,436
But no, honey, her name
is not going to be Lasagna.
480
00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:10,732
(camera shutter snaps)
481
00:21:52,061 --> 00:21:53,779
What would a monkey do?
482
00:21:56,500 --> 00:22:04,500
Ripped By mstoll
482
00:22:05,305 --> 00:23:05,231
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