(sighs) Summer.
It's what America does best.
Heck, we were born in the summer.
(gasping)
Oh, my goodness.
Will you look at this outdoor sofa and coffee table?
Wow.
See, the trend today is to make your outdoor space
feel less backyard-y and more living room-y.
Come on, Hank.
Sit with me.
Dream with me.
Well, I'm a guy who can sit on just about anything,
but this furniture is gotdang lovely.
Let's buy it. All of it.
What? Well, I...
I... This is all happening so fast.
I don't... Don't fight it.
I need new pots for the summer.
I'm planting hibiscus to attract hummingbirds, bees,
anything, really.
I'm thinking, "new hammock."
For me, laying and swaying in a hammock
is like a steady morphine drip
without the risk of renal failure.
(gasping)
Is that what I think it is?
Sancta Madre de Dios!
Hank! Hank!
It's beautiful.
(sighing)
This will, no doubt, be the best summer of our entire lives.
Yep. Yep.
Well, I tell you what, man,
I'd love to just chill back and dang ol' grill and chill, man,
but I'm gonna head up to Canada this summer, man.
Canada?
A man only has so many summers, Boomhauer.
Why would you waste yours in a country
that's dismantling its Navy?
Talking about house-swapping with an ol' Canadian family,
for, um, eh?
House-swap?
There's going to be Canadians living here,
walking around, touching things
for three whole months?
You're going to be gone for an absurd amount of time.
What if we all make new friends or get remarried?
It could happen.
Love is funny.
Have fun.
Hope you got your shots.
Boomhauer, don't you dare come back a hockey fan.
Well, man, you know I got to do what I dang old got to do, man.
-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.com ] ==-
(sobbing)
Miss him. Miss him.
Ripped By mstoll
Yep.
Yup.
Yep.
Look, I know we all miss Boomhauer,
but he wouldn't want us crying in our beer.
It looks like
the Canadians are here.
Boo!
Now, be polite, Dale.
We're Americans.
We're the world's welcome mat.
It doesn't matter if they're from Canada, Laos,
or, God forbid, California.
Right now, they're from Rainey Street,
and it's our patriotic duty
to show them what good neighbors are all about.
Fine. Whatever.
Holy jeez!
This looks like one of those spicy motels.
Well, we wanted something different
than the lake this year.
I think we got 'er.
(chuckling) Oh, dear.
I'm just going to slip this young lady
behind the Chesterfield.
(knocking)
Hello and welcome to the United States.
Peggy Hill, at your service.
Hank Hill. Good to meet you.
Gordon Huskins. It's a pleasure.
Oh, sorry.
This is my wife Maureen and our son Ollie.
How tall are you?
Four foot eleven.
Oh. Right on. That's 150 centimeters.
Hey, I sound tall in Canada.
I wonder if I'm thinner there, too.
Keep talking.
That's a good-looking T-shirt you got there, Gordon.
You in the mower business?
Oh, I wish.
But I've got a thing for McCullum mowers.
Canadian outfit. Ride high. Ride strong.
Ride McCullum.
Now, that's a slogan.
Maureen, this is for you.
And join me, won't you, on a 50-state tour of America?
Here's Texas barbecue sauce,
Washington apples,
Vermont maple syrup.
Oh, that's so nice.
But we always travel with our own pure maple syrup.
It's like they say.
"You don't want to drink the water in every country." Eh?
(chuckling)
Uh-huh.
I am telling you, Hank,
those Canadians are not who they pretend to be.
That woman insulted me and every maple tree in Vermont today.
Peggy, they're probably not used to dealing with neighbors.
Canada is vast.
They might go months without seeing another person.
Oh, Hank. You're just easily enchanted
by anyone in lawnmower apparel.
That's why I wore my John Deere beefy-T on our first date.
No, I'm a good neighbor. That's all.
I can handle this.
Remember when that old widow couldn't take care
of her yard anymore?
Who forced her to move?
I did.
(knocking)
(with French accent): Hello. My name is Suzette.
I live next door.
Yeah, man, dang of bonjour, man.
Here. I brought you some coffee crisps, huh?
Huh. We need to properly position the kegerator.
Some place where I can keep one eye on the grill
and one eye on the game.
I might need to lay down some chalk lines
to make sure I get the angles right.
Eh! How's it going, everybody?
Maureen made a nice tray of her brownies, eh?
So, what do you say? Let's get at 'er!
Well, thanks, Gordon.
Hey, we're going to watch Super Bowl XIII later.
The Broncos' "orange crush"
versus the Cowboys' "doomsday defense."
Want to pull up a chair?
Oh, thanks, but you know,
I prefer the fast-paced Canadian three-down system.
I mean, American football is a real snoozer, huh?
Enjoy your nap, though, eh?
(chuckling)
I'd like to put that chuckle of his in a sandwich
and make him eat it.
He's okay, Dale.
That must be how they trash-talk in Canada.
With little chuckles.
Tell you what. Peggy's dying to throw a party
to break in our new patio furniture.
I'll invite the Canadians.
You'll see. They're regular folks.
But enough of that.
We need to build a bar worthy of housing our kegerator.
With this sophisticated new furniture,
I feel like we should be talking about art or-or politics
or-or this new furniture.
I'm confused, Aunt Peggy.
I feel like we're inside, but I'm pretty sure we're outside.
Thank you, Luanne.
Yeah, it's a lovely outdoor couch,
but I'm starting to get a little rash.
Probably all the petrochemicals in the synthetic fabric.
(chuckling)
Looks like everyone else is doing fine.
It might be that your skin isn't used to
warm sunlight and friendship.
You might be right.
Because these bugs don't seem to hate it, either.
Ooh, all right! It's going to be that kind of party.
Gentlemen, I know you've all been waiting patiently
and now, to commemorate our first draft beer of the summer,
I present to you your very own personalized frosty beer mugs.
Grab one.
These will be kept here for you, always chilled, always ready.
Uh, wow.
Gordon, I'd be honored if you'd use Boomhauer's.
Cheers, everybody!
♪ Now that we're here ♪
♪ It's time for a beer ♪
♪ What could be more apropos ♪
♪ Alamo, Alamo ♪
♪ My one true amigo ♪
♪ A... GORDON: Ugh!
Well, I guess it's a fine beer,
you know, if you're not into flavor, but you love
going to the washroom all night. (chuckling)
Oh, sorry.
Maureen's giving me our secret signal to leave.
Good to meet all you.
(party music playing)
This mug is Boomhauer.
Gordon left him for dead in those geraniums.
If you ask me,
I think America's building a wall on the wrong border.
This can't be right. Nobody's that rude.
There has to be some kind of cultural misunderstanding.
(siren chirping)
(stereo clicks off)
Uh, how can I help you, officer?
This your house? Yes, sir.
We received a noise complaint.
Noise complaint? Nobody's making any noise here.
I get so angry
when people aren't respectful of their neighbors.
Did you ever stop to think
that maybe there's a bigger world out there
than what's happening right here?
Here's a warning.
You don't want to see me again.
Wait. Which neighbors would call the cops?
Everybody's here.
Except the Canadians.
I can't believe Gordon called the cops on us.
He's going to be sorry when he sees me today.
It's about time you woke up, Hank.
Anger is more fun when shared.
Mom, can I have another half liter of OJ, please?
What?
Bobby, we speak English in this house.
But, Dad, Canada's metric system makes so much more sense.
A yard, a foot, an ounce...
That's so random.
Why not measure things in squirts and dog's tails?
(sighing): All right. That's it.
No more Ollie. No more metric talk.
This is America, dang it.
We know what we're doing.
I got to go straighten this out.
Hey there, Hank.
Can I make you up a rye and ginger?
Nothing says summer like an R & G.
No. I want to talk about last night, Gordon.
Oh, yeah, what a nice party, eh, Maureen?
Super nice, Gord.
(sighs)
You know, in America, it's okay to call or just knock
on your neighbor's door if there's a problem.
You don't need to call the cops.
Oh, sorry about that.
We're not familiar with your local customs.
You know, Hank, you really ought to think
about getting a McCullum mower.
(whispers): Quiet as a casket!
And it won't damage your grass blades.
That's what's making your lawn look so brown.
(chuckles)
You talking about my grass blades, Canada?
(chuckles) You know, maybe I'll stop by that new McCullum dealer
later on, see if they'll let me test out a new model.
Give Boomhauer a proper mow while we're here.
I told Boomhauer I'd take care of his yard while he's away.
Oh, yeah? Well, if you think you have the right to his land,
who am I to get in your way?
Okay, fine.
Real good, then.
(laughs)
Oh, man, dang ol' ooh-la-la, man, ol'...
(country rock playing)
You know, before this, I always drank out of a can.
I never knew beer was yellow.
(sighs) That Gordon Huskins.
All he talks about is how great Canada is
and what's wrong with America.
I dodged bullets in the killing fields for two extra years
instead of going to Canada.
(phone rings)
Outside the Hill residence, Peggy speaking.
Oh, yes, Gordon. Oh, of course.
Well, thank you.
You bet.
Uh-huh, okay, I'm hanging up now.
Hank, that was Gordon.
They're whining about the music
being too loud. They're reading.
Dang it, that man is not ruining my summer.
If I want to get rid of those Canadians,
I'm gonna have to do something
I've never done before:
be a bad neighbor.
(turns up music)
Go ahead, fellas, live it up!
Yeah! Oh, yeah!
(loud country rock playing)
(all cheer)
(hoarsely): Oh, can we please stop this, Hank?
I can actually feel my liver through my shirt.
We can't let up. This is for America!
GORDON: All right, you turkeys,
I got a two-four of Slewback's.
You want to throw down?! Let's throw down!
Have a seat.
Ah, now, this is a beer.
Why can't America make a decent ale?
Probably because we're too busy making medical breakthroughs
and blockbuster movies and going to the moon!
Yeah, well, we invented zippers, penicillin
and the Zamboni!
I love Canada's national anthem.
Too bad they don't play it much at the Olympics!
And your money has a girl on it!
You Americans,
you're so gosh-darn ignorant and self-centered.
Tell me who our prime minister is.
Why?
Bottom line, Gordon:
my Mason could kick your McCullum's ass.
Oh! Oh! That does it, eh?!
Yay! Yeah!
That'll learn him.
Don't mess with Texas!
(lawnmower revving)
What the heck?!
(all gasp)
He's mowing Boomhauer's lawn with a Canadian mower!
Not if I have anything to say about it!
(all chanting): U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
(all cheering)
BILL: Look, he's ready to turn!
KAHN: Take that, Canada!
PEGGY: Ho, yeah!
Way to be, Hank!
Hank! That crazy Canuck is mowing your yard!
Bwah!
(engines revving)
(both yell)
(siren whoops)
Oh, God.
.085
That's a D-W-I for Y-O-U.
.09
Huh. You win, Canada.
Are you da toof fairy?
Give me a dollar!
(laughs)
Hank Hill, you're free to go.
Son! Welcome to the club!
Come on now. Give me a hug!
Thanks, Mr. Strickland.
Who's this?
J.J. Womack.
I'm your best friend in the world right now.
Old J.J.'s gotten me off the hook
more times than I can count.
Don't know how he does it and don't ask.
What about me?
You're a foreign national
who committed a criminal offense.
May God have mercy on your soul.
Hank, you gotta help me!
Oh, you mean, bail you out of trouble?
How terribly American that would be of me, eh?
(singing gibberish)
♪ Diggle-diggle-do! ♪
(Speaking French)
They say jail can make a man hard,
but you look okay, Hank.
Maybe a little harder, but not much.
Well, the DWI still goes on my record,
but thanks to Buck's lawyer, I won't lose my license.
But I have to go talk to some high school kids
about drinking and driving
and look at some dead bodies at the morgue
and stay off my lawnmower for six months.
Six months with a push mower?
That's hard time, my friend.
But still, it's kind of sad
that Gordon is stuck in prison indefinitely.
Yeah, kind of feel bad for the guy, too.
But come on.
It's not like he'll be tortured...
officially.
Hey, good news, everyone.
Gordon got another death threat.
But it's okay, they moved him to a single cell
with a roommate who, they tell me, has his back.
(car approaches)
BILL: Boomhauer!
There he is!
Hey, there!
Hello, Jeff.
Oh, my, it's the 15th already?
Would you mind if we stayed a little longer?
Gordon's in a bit of a legal spot.
Man, I'm kind of coming back
to my dang ol' love nest, man.
Suzette?! What are you doing here?!
What about Jean Paul?
Jean Paul? I hope he stay
in that aluminum mine forever, uh?
I finished with that guy.
C'est ca, c'est tout. That's it! That's all!
I see.
Well, yes, of course, we'll be out right away.
Ollie and I will just sleep in the rental car.
"Give me your tired, your poor,
"your huddled masses," et cetera...
Maureen, Ollie, you can stay with us.
What are neighbors for?
Are you sure you don't want to stay inside?
Oh, absolutely not. We don't want to be
any more of an imposition than we already are.
And frankly, I feel like we are inside.
That's very kind.
What about the chemicals?
I may have imagined those chemicals.
I imagine you're right.
It's hard to enjoy a cold beer
while others in the world don't have a roof over their heads.
Hard, yes. Impossible, no.
(sighs) You know, Canadians might be sanctimonious
and bland, but America has been
protecting Canada ever since England stopped.
Who's there when tyranny strikes
or when earthquakes hit or tsunamis roll?
We are.
Fellas, we've got a neighbor in trouble,
and it's time we did something about it.
I'm not gonna pretend I feel sorry
for your Canadian friend because I don't.
But I could take pity if the price was right.
We're cash poor at the moment,
but you look like a drinker.
Perhaps we could barter.
Good-bye, old friend.
You treat her right, Womack!
Keep her lines clean, you hear!
Gordon, you're alive!
Was it terrible?
Did they humiliate you?
This must be quite a sacrifice for you, eh?
You have no idea.
(wailing)
(sighs) Beer from a can.
It's barbaric.
See ya, guys.
If you're ever up in Canada
to get reasonably priced pharmaceuticals or, you know,
a breath of fresh air, huh, look us up.
Keep your stick on the ice! (cackles)
The nerve of that guy!
So ungrateful.
Didn't even say thank you for getting him out of jail.
Or for giving up our kegerator,
which had replaced trash day as my favorite thing
about this neighborhood.
No, he didn't.
But you know what?
We were good neighbors, and we did the right thing.
That's what matters.
Yup.
Yep.
Mm-hmm.
Ripped By mstoll
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