1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:00:22,422 --> 00:00:23,456
Huh.
3
00:00:26,868 --> 00:00:28,093
Hmm.
4
00:00:29,888 --> 00:00:30,923
Hmm.
5
00:00:31,731 --> 00:00:32,727
SPORTSCASTER:
Buckle up.
6
00:00:32,812 --> 00:00:34,150
We're going to overtime.
7
00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:35,451
(whoops)
8
00:00:35,754 --> 00:00:37,305
What the hell is this?
9
00:00:37,390 --> 00:00:39,021
Warriors and Knicks overtime.
10
00:00:39,256 --> 00:00:40,774
Ashley... five stars.
11
00:00:40,859 --> 00:00:42,613
Natalya... four stars.
12
00:00:42,698 --> 00:00:44,109
Cornelia... one star.
13
00:00:44,194 --> 00:00:46,146
What,
because her name was Cornelia?
14
00:00:46,230 --> 00:00:47,218
That's not her fault,
15
00:00:47,303 --> 00:00:49,211
you should give her parents
one star.
16
00:00:49,903 --> 00:00:51,721
It's my amends list for Al-Anon.
17
00:00:51,806 --> 00:00:54,179
And you hid it
behind my panty drawer?
18
00:00:54,264 --> 00:00:55,359
Freak.
19
00:00:56,340 --> 00:00:58,250
I wasn't hiding anything,
I lost it.
20
00:00:58,335 --> 00:00:59,859
I wrote that a year ago.
21
00:01:00,744 --> 00:01:02,996
You know, I don't just vent
about you at Al-Anon.
22
00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:04,062
I do the steps.
23
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:05,271
SPORTSCASTER:
Let's get ready for the tip-off.
24
00:01:05,355 --> 00:01:06,609
Except that one.
25
00:01:06,953 --> 00:01:09,547
Yeah, you're gonna catch
the highlights, pal.
26
00:01:09,953 --> 00:01:12,867
So, you owe an amends
to all these women?
27
00:01:13,123 --> 00:01:15,225
And some of their husbands.
28
00:01:15,821 --> 00:01:17,272
And what do the stars mean?
29
00:01:17,364 --> 00:01:18,744
How hot they were?
30
00:01:19,015 --> 00:01:21,431
It's how bad
my behavior was.
31
00:01:22,094 --> 00:01:23,545
Candy was four stars?
32
00:01:23,630 --> 00:01:24,713
Yeah.
33
00:01:24,806 --> 00:01:26,789
(laughs):
Actually, in both departments.
34
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:29,723
(clears throat)
35
00:01:30,734 --> 00:01:33,727
So,
you wrote down this list
36
00:01:33,811 --> 00:01:34,781
of, like, a thousand names,
37
00:01:34,889 --> 00:01:36,462
and you haven't gotten
in touch with any of them?
38
00:01:36,546 --> 00:01:37,546
Correct.
39
00:01:38,012 --> 00:01:39,898
And, by the way,
where is my name?
40
00:01:43,921 --> 00:01:45,622
Oh, wait, here I am.
41
00:01:47,037 --> 00:01:48,706
Different Bonnie.
42
00:01:50,294 --> 00:01:52,496
[♪ ♪]
43
00:02:02,695 --> 00:02:04,390
*MOM*
Season 08 Episode 13
44
00:02:04,536 --> 00:02:07,032
Episode Title:
"Klondike-Five and a Secret Family"
45
00:02:07,117 --> 00:02:08,994
Aired on:
April 08, 2021
46
00:02:10,884 --> 00:02:13,492
Interesting.
My amends list
47
00:02:13,577 --> 00:02:14,930
was a bunch of
laws I broke.
48
00:02:15,015 --> 00:02:16,936
Yours is a bunch of hearts
you broke.
49
00:02:17,020 --> 00:02:20,587
My Al-Anon sponsor had me look
at my patterns with women,
50
00:02:20,672 --> 00:02:23,243
and I did a lot
of damage there.
51
00:02:23,327 --> 00:02:25,845
I was either drawn
to drama or creating it.
52
00:02:25,968 --> 00:02:27,703
Like you create it
with me?
53
00:02:28,293 --> 00:02:29,406
Sure.
54
00:02:30,507 --> 00:02:31,797
So I...
55
00:02:31,882 --> 00:02:34,401
made this list
and then I lost it.
56
00:02:34,531 --> 00:02:36,889
If that's not a sign
from my higher power...
57
00:02:36,974 --> 00:02:38,531
Yeah, nice try.
58
00:02:38,616 --> 00:02:40,601
At least I had drugs
and drinking to blame.
59
00:02:40,844 --> 00:02:42,851
Yeah, you had alcohol.
60
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:44,648
I had a penis.
61
00:02:45,211 --> 00:02:48,601
Both weapons of mass destruction
when used irresponsibly.
62
00:02:48,742 --> 00:02:50,537
Well, there's your list.
63
00:02:50,621 --> 00:02:52,023
There's your phone,
get cracking.
64
00:02:53,044 --> 00:02:54,132
(chuckles)
65
00:02:54,617 --> 00:02:56,734
I know I should.
66
00:02:57,382 --> 00:02:59,279
I just don't know what to say.
67
00:02:59,757 --> 00:03:02,882
And that's where, once again,
you are fortunate to have me.
68
00:03:03,328 --> 00:03:06,593
No one has made more amends
to more people than I have.
69
00:03:06,678 --> 00:03:08,492
It's the reason
I learned Spanish.
70
00:03:10,321 --> 00:03:13,429
I've done them in person,
on the phone, in song.
71
00:03:13,710 --> 00:03:15,962
I'm not gonna sing to anyone.
72
00:03:16,046 --> 00:03:18,164
The DMV lady loved it.
73
00:03:18,491 --> 00:03:20,609
♪ I'm sorry I drove us
off a bridge ♪
74
00:03:20,694 --> 00:03:22,531
♪ During my three-point turn ♪
75
00:03:22,616 --> 00:03:26,086
♪ But I was tripping balls
on acid. ♪
76
00:03:28,968 --> 00:03:30,718
Don't be shy
with the jazz hands.
77
00:03:31,554 --> 00:03:32,638
I-I don't know.
78
00:03:32,723 --> 00:03:34,541
I've got six pages of past here.
79
00:03:34,626 --> 00:03:36,726
Well, let's start
at the beginning.
80
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:40,253
What's the story
with five-star Ashley?
81
00:03:40,337 --> 00:03:43,437
Uh, she was a girl I started
dating right out of college...
82
00:03:43,522 --> 00:03:45,707
Redhead, psych major,
loved to ski.
83
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:46,809
Get to the stars.
84
00:03:47,281 --> 00:03:49,742
I slept with somebody
she knew.
85
00:03:49,827 --> 00:03:51,010
Go on.
86
00:03:51,095 --> 00:03:52,813
And when I moved to L.A.,
87
00:03:53,016 --> 00:03:55,664
I accidentally on purpose
didn't give her my new number.
88
00:03:55,775 --> 00:03:56,892
That's it?
89
00:03:56,977 --> 00:03:58,495
And I kept her
Supertramp album.
90
00:03:58,580 --> 00:04:00,836
(scoffs) Supertramp?
You did her a favor.
91
00:04:01,625 --> 00:04:04,461
Let me tell you, honey,
making amends is a lot like sex.
92
00:04:04,546 --> 00:04:05,763
The first time,
it's awkward
93
00:04:05,852 --> 00:04:07,237
'cause you don't know
what you're doing.
94
00:04:07,321 --> 00:04:08,873
And then you get better
at it and it's fun,
95
00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:10,375
and eventually
you get so good,
96
00:04:10,445 --> 00:04:12,257
you set up a camera
and film yourself.
97
00:04:13,123 --> 00:04:14,336
Hypothetically.
98
00:04:17,752 --> 00:04:19,336
Should we have waited
for Bonnie?
99
00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:21,005
She never waits for us.
100
00:04:21,089 --> 00:04:22,506
But you know she's gonna
get more mad at me
101
00:04:22,590 --> 00:04:23,607
than the rest of you guys.
102
00:04:23,691 --> 00:04:25,742
Don't worry, if she comes
after you, I got your back.
103
00:04:25,826 --> 00:04:27,640
- Thanks.
- Incoming.
104
00:04:27,922 --> 00:04:28,978
Seriously, Wendy?
105
00:04:29,063 --> 00:04:30,314
You couldn't wait?
106
00:04:30,578 --> 00:04:32,117
We tried to tell her.
107
00:04:32,201 --> 00:04:33,328
What was that?
108
00:04:33,413 --> 00:04:35,732
How you survive seven years
in prison.
109
00:04:36,061 --> 00:04:37,111
Give me the cake.
110
00:04:37,196 --> 00:04:39,047
I need it
after the morning I just had.
111
00:04:39,132 --> 00:04:41,453
You know, you don't
have to come every day.
112
00:04:43,322 --> 00:04:44,711
At my urging,
113
00:04:44,796 --> 00:04:47,548
Adam decided to embark
on his amends journey.
114
00:04:47,748 --> 00:04:50,234
Let's just say the first one
did not go so well.
115
00:04:50,319 --> 00:04:51,836
She's dead?
116
00:04:52,044 --> 00:04:53,507
Jazz hands.
117
00:04:54,550 --> 00:04:55,989
(women sympathizing)
118
00:04:56,074 --> 00:04:57,325
Oh, so sad.
119
00:04:57,410 --> 00:04:59,328
Kicked the bucket
six months ago.
120
00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:01,820
Dead. That's a tough one
out of the gate.
121
00:05:01,905 --> 00:05:03,515
Yeah. He still gets
credit for trying.
122
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:04,517
Mm.
123
00:05:04,602 --> 00:05:07,188
I remember my first time
tackling my amends list.
124
00:05:07,273 --> 00:05:09,382
Did you have Agnes
at the switchboard connect you
125
00:05:09,467 --> 00:05:12,177
to Klondike-five,
zero-one-nine-eight?
126
00:05:13,286 --> 00:05:14,470
No.
127
00:05:14,734 --> 00:05:16,318
It was in a phone booth,
128
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:20,154
and I had to do awful things
to get the change for the call.
129
00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:22,318
Mm. I had a whole
section of my list
130
00:05:22,403 --> 00:05:24,591
that was just
"things I set on fire."
131
00:05:25,189 --> 00:05:27,540
Adam's taking this woman's
death very hard.
132
00:05:27,625 --> 00:05:30,021
I caught him crying while
he was brushing his teeth.
133
00:05:30,358 --> 00:05:32,552
It's so gross when men feel.
134
00:05:33,062 --> 00:05:35,740
Yeah. It's like women being
umpires... who needs that?
135
00:05:35,825 --> 00:05:37,009
Oh, God.
136
00:05:37,094 --> 00:05:38,978
I'm sorry, were you an umpire?
137
00:05:39,063 --> 00:05:41,841
I bet you looked real cute
in those gray slacks.
138
00:05:42,036 --> 00:05:45,622
No, this makes me realize it's
time I get to my big amends.
139
00:05:45,707 --> 00:05:47,525
You mean like not having
my back with Bonnie?
140
00:05:47,610 --> 00:05:49,879
Why don't we let that one go,
sweetheart?
141
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:53,227
So, who is it?
A fella you done wrong?
142
00:05:53,312 --> 00:05:54,458
(gasps) Oh, I know.
143
00:05:54,543 --> 00:05:56,685
Did you set someone on fire
in their jail cell?
144
00:05:56,997 --> 00:05:58,669
What is it with
you and fire?
145
00:05:58,777 --> 00:06:02,748
Oh, honestly, it's just
so beautiful while it destroys.
146
00:06:04,344 --> 00:06:05,982
Someone talk.
147
00:06:06,255 --> 00:06:08,544
It's the steakhouse I robbed.
148
00:06:08,762 --> 00:06:10,193
I've driven by it
so many times.
149
00:06:10,278 --> 00:06:12,230
I've just never had
the courage to go in.
150
00:06:12,315 --> 00:06:14,904
Yeah, me, too,
but for very different reasons.
151
00:06:14,989 --> 00:06:18,192
The only steak that costs $4.99
is called horse.
152
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:20,552
You know what?
153
00:06:20,637 --> 00:06:22,237
I'm starting to think
it was the husband.
154
00:06:22,896 --> 00:06:24,380
He's too nice,
and they wouldn't use
155
00:06:24,465 --> 00:06:26,669
an actor like that
unless he murdered.
156
00:06:26,955 --> 00:06:28,982
And that guy had
a show, remember?
157
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:31,464
Remember, he lived on a boat
and gave free legal advice
158
00:06:31,548 --> 00:06:32,764
to other people
that lived on boats?
159
00:06:32,848 --> 00:06:34,850
What was it called?
Boat's La?
160
00:06:35,903 --> 00:06:38,056
I-I don't really care. Yeah,
well, neither did America.
161
00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:39,991
That's why it's not
on anymore.
162
00:06:40,689 --> 00:06:42,377
Aren't you gonna open
that beer?
163
00:06:42,672 --> 00:06:44,191
No, you can have it.
164
00:06:46,144 --> 00:06:48,370
Unless you want me to
end up on a pool floatie
165
00:06:48,455 --> 00:06:51,081
in the Bellagio fountain,
no, I cannot.
166
00:06:52,584 --> 00:06:53,852
(chuckles):
Sorry.
167
00:06:55,277 --> 00:06:57,279
(chatter on TV)
168
00:06:59,940 --> 00:07:01,442
(scoffs)
169
00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:04,147
What's going on?
170
00:07:04,232 --> 00:07:06,222
You have barely said
a word all day,
171
00:07:06,314 --> 00:07:08,554
and now you're not paying
attention to NCIS: New Orleans.
172
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:09,758
And this is a good one.
173
00:07:09,851 --> 00:07:12,569
The crawdads ate the
guy's fingerprints off.
174
00:07:13,339 --> 00:07:15,446
I'm f... I'm fine.
175
00:07:15,714 --> 00:07:17,515
Oh, my God.
176
00:07:17,599 --> 00:07:19,597
Are you still upset
about Ashley?
177
00:07:19,682 --> 00:07:21,066
Hello, that was Tuesday.
178
00:07:21,151 --> 00:07:22,996
The official mourning period
for a girl you dated
179
00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:25,613
during the Reagan
administration is over.
180
00:07:25,948 --> 00:07:28,933
You women all want us
to be vulnerable until we are.
181
00:07:30,277 --> 00:07:34,231
You're sad because
you kissed a girl who's dead.
182
00:07:34,644 --> 00:07:35,847
I mean,
if it's any comfort,
183
00:07:35,932 --> 00:07:37,884
I had sex with someone
while he was dying.
184
00:07:38,256 --> 00:07:39,777
Actually, wait.
185
00:07:40,113 --> 00:07:41,581
That happened twice.
186
00:07:42,505 --> 00:07:44,440
I think I'd like to be alone.
187
00:07:45,352 --> 00:07:47,792
Seriously?
You're pushing me away?
188
00:07:47,877 --> 00:07:49,361
I just need some space.
189
00:07:49,698 --> 00:07:52,350
Are you still in love
with Ashley?
190
00:07:52,527 --> 00:07:54,112
Do you have a secret family?
191
00:07:54,197 --> 00:07:56,516
Oh, God,
I got to get out of here.
192
00:07:56,676 --> 00:07:57,925
To go and see them?
193
00:07:58,010 --> 00:07:59,683
What is it,
little Adam's birthday?
194
00:07:59,768 --> 00:08:00,667
You're crazy.
195
00:08:00,752 --> 00:08:02,527
Why is this affecting you
so much?
196
00:08:02,612 --> 00:08:03,972
It just is, okay?
197
00:08:04,057 --> 00:08:06,008
Where are you going?
I'm trying to help.
198
00:08:06,109 --> 00:08:07,827
- Try less.
- (groans)
199
00:08:07,919 --> 00:08:11,386
Legal Seagull!
That was the name of the show.
200
00:08:13,879 --> 00:08:16,120
Hi, hello,
are you the manager?
201
00:08:16,745 --> 00:08:18,003
Who's asking?
202
00:08:18,278 --> 00:08:20,263
Well, my name is
Tammy Diffendorf,
203
00:08:20,348 --> 00:08:21,878
and when this was
an Outback, I...
204
00:08:21,963 --> 00:08:23,964
Hey, we chose
to change the name.
205
00:08:24,076 --> 00:08:25,745
They didn't leave us.
206
00:08:26,259 --> 00:08:28,284
Okay. Well, nine years ago,
207
00:08:28,369 --> 00:08:30,659
I robbed this restaurant
and I went to prison.
208
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:34,402
And since that time, I've gotten
sober and changed my life.
209
00:08:34,487 --> 00:08:37,292
And I just really want to make
amends for my crime.
210
00:08:37,377 --> 00:08:38,461
Oh, I remember.
211
00:08:38,546 --> 00:08:41,031
You wore a catsuit and hit us
on cops-eat-free night.
212
00:08:41,683 --> 00:08:43,105
That security footage
was a staple
213
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,706
at the Christmas party
for years.
214
00:08:45,323 --> 00:08:47,378
Also a staple at my trial.
215
00:08:47,810 --> 00:08:49,561
You know what
the real crime is?
216
00:08:49,958 --> 00:08:53,261
Nine years later,
I still work here.
217
00:08:55,752 --> 00:08:57,636
Anyway, um...
(clears throat)
218
00:08:57,721 --> 00:08:59,347
I can't take back what I did,
219
00:08:59,432 --> 00:09:01,908
but I want you to know
from the bottom of my heart...
220
00:09:01,993 --> 00:09:02,993
(phone rings)
221
00:09:03,454 --> 00:09:05,236
Excuse me. (Clears throat)
222
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:08,078
Hey, Bon, I'm kind of
in the middle of something here.
223
00:09:08,162 --> 00:09:09,179
Have you seen Adam?
224
00:09:09,264 --> 00:09:11,859
He took off in the RV,
and he's not answering his phone.
225
00:09:12,092 --> 00:09:12,937
Oh, my God.
226
00:09:13,022 --> 00:09:14,224
Is this blood?
227
00:09:16,685 --> 00:09:17,554
I'm sorry, Bonnie.
228
00:09:17,639 --> 00:09:19,773
I haven't heard from him,
but I'm sure he'll be back.
229
00:09:19,858 --> 00:09:22,336
Are you? He basically
drove off in a house.
230
00:09:22,421 --> 00:09:25,173
There's nothing to stop him
from starting a new life.
231
00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:28,711
(gasps) And he just learned
how to remove his fingerprints.
232
00:09:37,984 --> 00:09:39,490
DARRYL:
Follow my logic here.
233
00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:42,726
A hamburger is meat
between two pieces of bread.
234
00:09:42,811 --> 00:09:44,047
How is that not a sandwich?
235
00:09:44,132 --> 00:09:46,797
Because it's a hamburger.
It's its own damn thing, D'rryl.
236
00:09:46,882 --> 00:09:48,333
Please stop using
my name like that.
237
00:09:48,418 --> 00:09:51,037
I will when you finally
make a point, D'rryl.
238
00:09:51,339 --> 00:09:53,090
All right, smart guy,
239
00:09:53,288 --> 00:09:55,468
- what about a patty melt?
- Not a sandwich.
240
00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:56,970
(groans)
Stop embarrassing yourself.
241
00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:59,874
It's a melt,
it's right there in the name.
242
00:10:00,146 --> 00:10:01,351
I can't even look at you.
243
00:10:01,436 --> 00:10:04,005
Will you two
please shut the hell up?
244
00:10:05,499 --> 00:10:06,656
Excuse me?
245
00:10:06,741 --> 00:10:09,393
I've been listening to you
jackasses for 20 minutes.
246
00:10:09,485 --> 00:10:10,797
Is a hot dog a sandwich?
247
00:10:10,882 --> 00:10:12,166
Is a taco a sandwich?
248
00:10:12,251 --> 00:10:14,242
Is a jelly doughnut
a sandwich?
249
00:10:14,710 --> 00:10:17,129
Who cares?
We're all gonna die!
250
00:10:18,054 --> 00:10:19,789
What's your problem,
Wheels?
251
00:10:20,812 --> 00:10:22,273
Don't you call me that.
252
00:10:22,358 --> 00:10:25,265
Oh, okay. Chair?
253
00:10:28,393 --> 00:10:30,429
(levers click)
254
00:10:36,151 --> 00:10:37,268
Sorry about that.
255
00:10:37,353 --> 00:10:39,071
My friend's husband seems
to be missing.
256
00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:40,633
Oh. You might want
to take a look around
257
00:10:40,717 --> 00:10:41,929
and see if he's here.
258
00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:44,393
We get a lot of angry
men eating alone.
259
00:10:44,540 --> 00:10:46,211
I'm sure the Bloomin' Onion
cheers 'em up.
260
00:10:46,296 --> 00:10:47,923
Hey, we don't offer
that product or anything
261
00:10:48,007 --> 00:10:49,757
that infringes on
its trademark.
262
00:10:51,767 --> 00:10:53,937
All right, let's
wrap up the apology.
263
00:10:54,022 --> 00:10:55,875
I've got a sneeze
guard to wipe down.
264
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:58,406
- It's actually an amends.
- What's the difference?
265
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,218
Well, an apology is just
saying "I'm sorry."
266
00:11:00,303 --> 00:11:01,367
An amends is an attempt
267
00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:03,470
to actually change the way
you live your life.
268
00:11:03,555 --> 00:11:05,740
- That's part of an apology.
- No, it's not.
269
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:07,233
- It is where I come from.
- No, no.
270
00:11:07,347 --> 00:11:09,139
An apology is just
saying you're sorry.
271
00:11:09,224 --> 00:11:10,781
You're not actually
doing anything.
272
00:11:10,866 --> 00:11:12,383
Totally disagree.
A sincere desire
273
00:11:12,475 --> 00:11:14,187
to change must be
included in any apology,
274
00:11:14,272 --> 00:11:15,203
or it doesn't count.
275
00:11:15,288 --> 00:11:16,718
No, see, the word "amends" comes
276
00:11:16,803 --> 00:11:18,984
from the root word "mend,"
meaning "to repair."
277
00:11:19,069 --> 00:11:21,988
So an amends is a...
an attempt to fix things.
278
00:11:22,096 --> 00:11:23,242
Are you gonna stand
there and tell me
279
00:11:23,326 --> 00:11:24,906
an apology doesn't fix things?
280
00:11:27,549 --> 00:11:29,468
This got kind of intense.
281
00:11:29,553 --> 00:11:31,273
Which is strange 'cause
I really don't care.
282
00:11:32,257 --> 00:11:33,992
Look, I'm just trying
to work my program
283
00:11:34,077 --> 00:11:36,028
so I can be more
spiritually evolved!
284
00:11:36,210 --> 00:11:37,996
If you really want to make
a difference in the world,
285
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:39,530
how about you and I go
out to the parking lot,
286
00:11:39,614 --> 00:11:41,945
you hop in your car
and run me over?
287
00:11:45,818 --> 00:11:47,302
Hey, Nancy.
288
00:11:47,387 --> 00:11:48,304
Marge!
289
00:11:48,389 --> 00:11:50,468
Did another one of your lambs
lose their way?
290
00:11:50,469 --> 00:11:51,126
(laughs)
291
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,601
Not officially one of mine,
292
00:11:52,686 --> 00:11:54,003
but he's married to one of mine.
293
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,390
Adam Janikowski.
294
00:11:56,441 --> 00:11:59,094
Do you guys still accept
the Discover Card?
295
00:11:59,421 --> 00:12:02,724
Yeah. You should be getting the
friends and family discount.
296
00:12:03,846 --> 00:12:06,098
Janikowski's ride's here.
297
00:12:06,737 --> 00:12:09,622
Let me guess.
You nailed him on a 647?
298
00:12:09,824 --> 00:12:12,000
Boy, you're good. Huh.
299
00:12:12,085 --> 00:12:14,236
Could've had him
on a 415, too.
300
00:12:14,321 --> 00:12:15,906
- A fight?
- Mm.
301
00:12:15,991 --> 00:12:17,797
Who would fight a man
in a wheelchair?
302
00:12:17,882 --> 00:12:18,836
Someone who got punched
303
00:12:18,921 --> 00:12:20,718
in the face by a man
in a wheelchair.
304
00:12:26,635 --> 00:12:28,226
Thanks for coming.
305
00:12:29,512 --> 00:12:31,564
Sorry I called you
instead of Bonnie.
306
00:12:32,047 --> 00:12:33,664
I just can't deal
with her right now.
307
00:12:33,749 --> 00:12:35,600
Sometimes she makes me
so mad.
308
00:12:35,778 --> 00:12:38,697
And you end up punching somebody
who doesn't deserve it.
309
00:12:39,445 --> 00:12:41,570
Been there,
just never got caught.
310
00:12:45,108 --> 00:12:47,527
Warning: I am not
having a good day.
311
00:12:47,658 --> 00:12:50,160
Terrific,
and sitting next to me.
312
00:12:51,714 --> 00:12:53,953
You can't whisper when the
person's right next to you.
313
00:12:54,038 --> 00:12:55,222
It doesn't work.
314
00:12:55,307 --> 00:12:56,593
She does it all the time.
315
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,560
What are you doing?
316
00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:02,320
You're like a kid at the zoo
poking a stick through the bars.
317
00:13:03,062 --> 00:13:05,718
First, Adam took off in
his stupid house-on-wheels,
318
00:13:05,803 --> 00:13:07,961
and now he won't answer
my calls or my texts.
319
00:13:08,046 --> 00:13:09,797
Marjorie isn't
answering my texts.
320
00:13:09,882 --> 00:13:12,382
This one took my call
but was very distracted.
321
00:13:12,612 --> 00:13:15,429
Hey, I was mid-amends with the
manager of the place I robbed.
322
00:13:15,681 --> 00:13:16,731
He's an interesting guy.
323
00:13:16,816 --> 00:13:19,686
Did you know the first steak
ever was served in Italy?
324
00:13:20,384 --> 00:13:22,260
I'm guessing the first steak
ever was served
325
00:13:22,345 --> 00:13:24,312
when a cow got hit
by lightning.
326
00:13:24,526 --> 00:13:25,927
In Italy.
327
00:13:26,914 --> 00:13:29,125
I just... I don't understand
why he's so upset.
328
00:13:29,210 --> 00:13:30,376
And why is he shutting me out?
329
00:13:30,460 --> 00:13:32,077
I'm in his corner
no matter what.
330
00:13:32,162 --> 00:13:34,547
Did you let him know that
whatever he's feeling is okay,
331
00:13:34,632 --> 00:13:35,797
and you can handle it?
332
00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:37,402
While being patient
and understanding
333
00:13:37,487 --> 00:13:39,422
with both looks
and your tone?
334
00:13:40,849 --> 00:13:43,265
I don't know. Maybe.
335
00:13:43,350 --> 00:13:45,068
I-I might have been
a little insensitive.
336
00:13:45,153 --> 00:13:48,234
I can't be sure unless Marjorie
is here making a face at me.
337
00:13:49,887 --> 00:13:52,398
The odds of you being
insensitive are pretty good.
338
00:13:53,015 --> 00:13:56,468
That's very insensitive
of you to point that out.
339
00:13:56,555 --> 00:13:58,740
Wait. Was that insensitive
or just annoying?
340
00:13:58,825 --> 00:14:00,695
Where the hell
is Marjorie?!
341
00:14:04,676 --> 00:14:06,577
This is nice.
342
00:14:06,787 --> 00:14:10,240
- You got your own fortress of solitude.
- Yeah.
343
00:14:10,325 --> 00:14:12,928
I felt like I needed
to be alone with my thoughts.
344
00:14:14,481 --> 00:14:16,187
Then I thought,
345
00:14:16,507 --> 00:14:18,576
"Now I'm alone
with my thoughts."
346
00:14:19,694 --> 00:14:21,445
And then my thoughts said to me,
347
00:14:21,530 --> 00:14:23,448
"Why are you leaving us alone
with you?"
348
00:14:23,912 --> 00:14:25,007
And next thing you know,
349
00:14:25,092 --> 00:14:27,076
I'm bailing you out
instead of your wife.
350
00:14:27,327 --> 00:14:28,726
Yeah.
351
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:30,898
So what's going on?
352
00:14:30,983 --> 00:14:32,501
Beats the hell out of me.
353
00:14:32,632 --> 00:14:34,216
I started making my amends.
354
00:14:34,301 --> 00:14:36,086
Number one on the list
is dead.
355
00:14:36,171 --> 00:14:37,955
It knocked me sideways.
356
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,592
And then I got in my first
bar fight of our new century.
357
00:14:40,677 --> 00:14:43,234
Mm. That still doesn't
help me understand
358
00:14:43,319 --> 00:14:45,271
why you didn't call Bonnie.
359
00:14:45,647 --> 00:14:48,211
Because Bonnie couldn't
understand why I was upset.
360
00:14:48,950 --> 00:14:51,119
Uh, and neither can you.
(chuckles softly)
361
00:14:52,398 --> 00:14:54,297
You know,
Bonnie's always talking
362
00:14:54,382 --> 00:14:55,898
about how helpful you are.
363
00:14:56,387 --> 00:14:58,572
Whe-When does that part
kick in?
364
00:14:59,781 --> 00:15:02,515
When you get honest
about what's really going on.
365
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:04,273
Oh, that was good.
366
00:15:05,662 --> 00:15:08,437
Well, one thing...
Might be it, might not...
367
00:15:10,029 --> 00:15:11,586
I didn't tell her
the whole truth
368
00:15:11,671 --> 00:15:13,240
about what happened
with Ashley.
369
00:15:15,819 --> 00:15:17,906
You're gonna play it
that way, huh?
370
00:15:17,999 --> 00:15:19,422
Okay.
371
00:15:20,182 --> 00:15:21,719
We broke up
because I slept with somebody,
372
00:15:21,803 --> 00:15:23,476
and that somebody
was her mother.
373
00:15:24,285 --> 00:15:26,837
I'd appreciate if you wouldn't
look at me right now.
374
00:15:27,070 --> 00:15:28,929
I'll stare into my coffee.
Go on.
375
00:15:29,014 --> 00:15:31,816
I didn't sleep with her once.
I slept with her seven times.
376
00:15:32,668 --> 00:15:34,753
You might want to grip your seat
for this moment.
377
00:15:34,838 --> 00:15:36,679
There was one day
where I slept with them both.
378
00:15:38,383 --> 00:15:40,242
How much of this
does Bonnie know?
379
00:15:40,327 --> 00:15:43,211
Not much. There was some
heavy editing of the truth.
380
00:15:43,570 --> 00:15:45,093
(sighs)
Oh.
381
00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:48,030
I did this horrible thing
that I've lived with for years,
382
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:51,535
and now there's no way for me
to ever make amends to Ashley.
383
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:55,890
Not direct amends, but
you can make a living amends.
384
00:15:55,983 --> 00:15:58,071
We don't do this to stay
in the guilt and shame.
385
00:15:58,156 --> 00:16:00,037
We do this to move forward.
386
00:16:00,822 --> 00:16:02,992
So, how do I do that?
387
00:16:03,077 --> 00:16:05,195
You can start
by living differently
388
00:16:05,295 --> 00:16:08,247
so that it never happens
with anyone else.
389
00:16:08,332 --> 00:16:11,035
Well, I already do that.
390
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:17,176
Maybe part of living differently
is being honest with Bonnie.
391
00:16:19,140 --> 00:16:21,507
Even if it's hard,
even if it hurts.
392
00:16:21,592 --> 00:16:23,510
Oh, it's gonna hurt.
393
00:16:24,679 --> 00:16:27,375
At this point,
it'll hurt either way.
394
00:16:28,182 --> 00:16:30,890
Thanks... for being here.
395
00:16:31,771 --> 00:16:33,968
If I can ever do anything
to repay you, like,
396
00:16:34,053 --> 00:16:35,003
like...
397
00:16:35,088 --> 00:16:38,107
You can loan me this thing next
time there's a music festival.
398
00:16:38,417 --> 00:16:41,640
I can't even go anymore
'cause I have to pee too much.
399
00:16:44,818 --> 00:16:46,770
So, to review...
400
00:16:47,651 --> 00:16:50,603
You cheated on Ashley
with her mother,
401
00:16:50,688 --> 00:16:53,125
you cheated on her
mother with Ashley,
402
00:16:53,210 --> 00:16:56,062
you chose not to
tell me those facts,
403
00:16:56,147 --> 00:16:57,765
you got arrested in a bar fight,
404
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,469
and then called Marjorie
instead of your loving wife.
405
00:17:00,688 --> 00:17:04,692
To be fair, those events took
place over a 40-year period.
406
00:17:05,732 --> 00:17:07,156
Still stings.
407
00:17:07,510 --> 00:17:09,843
You're right.
I'll add you to the list.
408
00:17:09,928 --> 00:17:12,234
No, no, you already have
a Bonnie on your list.
409
00:17:12,319 --> 00:17:14,172
This one's gonna need jewelry.
410
00:17:15,578 --> 00:17:17,507
I should have shared
with you first.
411
00:17:17,592 --> 00:17:19,109
Why didn't you?
412
00:17:19,256 --> 00:17:20,992
'Cause I was ashamed of myself.
413
00:17:23,467 --> 00:17:25,593
Ashley and her mother
ended up not speaking,
414
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:27,396
and that was all on me.
415
00:17:27,794 --> 00:17:29,375
Oh, honey.
416
00:17:30,039 --> 00:17:31,492
You sit in those meetings,
417
00:17:31,577 --> 00:17:34,329
and you hear all the ways that
people have hurt each other,
418
00:17:34,414 --> 00:17:35,813
and you start thinking
about all the stuff
419
00:17:35,897 --> 00:17:38,234
that you've done
that you're not proud of.
420
00:17:38,319 --> 00:17:42,890
I mean, I felt so awful
about so many things.
421
00:17:42,975 --> 00:17:44,406
And I...
422
00:17:45,242 --> 00:17:47,879
started to worry, "How...
423
00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:52,195
How can Bonnie ever feel
the same way about me again?"
424
00:17:54,313 --> 00:17:55,914
I like the way you look at me.
425
00:17:56,078 --> 00:17:57,718
I don't want that to change.
426
00:17:57,803 --> 00:17:59,554
Oh...
427
00:17:59,824 --> 00:18:02,562
After all the things you've
learned about me over the years,
428
00:18:02,647 --> 00:18:04,156
how can I sit here
and judge you?
429
00:18:04,241 --> 00:18:06,726
I mean, I love that
you have a past.
430
00:18:06,811 --> 00:18:09,531
Your past is what's
made you you.
431
00:18:09,616 --> 00:18:12,875
And-and it's something to talk
about if the cable goes out.
432
00:18:14,433 --> 00:18:18,486
And... I am sorry if
I was a little hard on you
433
00:18:18,656 --> 00:18:19,573
when you were being...
434
00:18:19,658 --> 00:18:22,010
- Emotional?
- Yeah.
435
00:18:22,095 --> 00:18:24,846
I'm happy to know
you're someone
436
00:18:25,086 --> 00:18:27,070
who's capable
of remorse.
437
00:18:27,155 --> 00:18:28,657
I mean, given that
half the world decided
438
00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:30,617
shame is no longer
a thing anymore,
439
00:18:30,702 --> 00:18:32,336
it's kind of refreshing.
440
00:18:33,859 --> 00:18:35,086
Thank you.
441
00:18:35,184 --> 00:18:37,286
And you know what else?
442
00:18:38,606 --> 00:18:40,273
I think I owe you an amends.
443
00:18:40,851 --> 00:18:43,273
Man, this amends thing
is just a carousel
444
00:18:43,358 --> 00:18:44,929
- you can't get off, isn't it?
- Mm-hmm.
445
00:18:52,705 --> 00:18:54,670
Are we seriously
eating here?
446
00:18:54,755 --> 00:18:57,312
You all smell that,
don't you?
447
00:18:57,591 --> 00:18:59,039
Oh, hi, Lou.
Table for four.
448
00:18:59,155 --> 00:19:00,639
Are you messing with me?
449
00:19:00,724 --> 00:19:03,343
My friends and I eat out
about 17 times a week,
450
00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:05,328
so I figured we'd work you
into the rotation.
451
00:19:05,538 --> 00:19:08,257
How about you go ahead and dust
off one of those tables for us?
452
00:19:08,342 --> 00:19:10,226
Is this still part of
the whole apology thing?
453
00:19:10,311 --> 00:19:13,351
Amends. Do not go there.
He will not yield.
454
00:19:13,847 --> 00:19:15,698
All right, ladies,
follow me.
455
00:19:15,884 --> 00:19:20,179
And I never said this, but skip
the surf, stick to the turf.
456
00:19:21,062 --> 00:19:22,117
Your fish isn't fresh?
457
00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:24,037
It's not even fish.
458
00:19:25,609 --> 00:19:29,382
Where is she?
Where is she?
459
00:19:29,467 --> 00:19:31,240
You look high,
I'll look low.
460
00:19:31,610 --> 00:19:34,484
Geez, you think
they charge more for eye-level?
461
00:19:34,569 --> 00:19:37,154
Probably.
It's like a grocery store.
462
00:19:37,559 --> 00:19:39,077
I feel bad
for the bottom row.
463
00:19:39,170 --> 00:19:41,445
Stuck down there
like the off-brand soda.
464
00:19:41,932 --> 00:19:45,502
Their loved ones have to pop a
squat just to say "I miss you."
465
00:19:46,980 --> 00:19:49,445
Think you could save the op-ed
for the drive home?
466
00:19:49,535 --> 00:19:51,386
Yeah. Sorry.
467
00:19:51,493 --> 00:19:52,937
Hey.
468
00:19:53,073 --> 00:19:56,459
Here she is,
right next to her mother.
469
00:19:56,973 --> 00:19:58,624
I bet they made up, huh?
470
00:19:59,020 --> 00:20:00,437
I hope so.
471
00:20:00,922 --> 00:20:04,281
I'll just put the flowers
in the little vase
472
00:20:04,365 --> 00:20:06,050
and let you do your thing.
473
00:20:06,492 --> 00:20:09,968
(quietly): By the way, he grew
up to be a really good man.
474
00:20:17,411 --> 00:20:19,086
Hey, Ashley.
475
00:20:19,380 --> 00:20:20,632
It's Adam.
476
00:20:20,716 --> 00:20:22,716
Sync corrections by srjanapala
477
00:20:23,305 --> 00:21:23,277
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