1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Who are the real-world Illuminati ? Find out @ saveanilluminati.com 2 00:00:26,469 --> 00:00:29,217 Jeez, Chavo, you look like a giant baby on film. 3 00:00:29,217 --> 00:00:31,058 Make sure that little red light's blinking. 4 00:00:31,058 --> 00:00:33,628 Thank you for that amazing advice. 5 00:00:33,628 --> 00:00:35,330 Thank you for being so sarcastic. 6 00:00:35,330 --> 00:00:36,631 Take it easy. 7 00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:47,089 Ready? 8 00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:49,925 I am currently standing less than 200 meters 9 00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:53,229 from where Chavo here cowered like a bitch in a bush, 10 00:00:53,229 --> 00:00:55,666 but somehow managed to get a picture 11 00:00:55,666 --> 00:00:57,868 of this thing's right calf and buttock 12 00:00:57,868 --> 00:00:59,236 before it disappeared into the bush. 13 00:00:59,236 --> 00:01:00,906 And here's a fact: If I go down, 14 00:01:00,906 --> 00:01:02,340 you're like a dog without a bone, chica. 15 00:01:02,340 --> 00:01:04,677 Dude, I would pick up that camera and forge ahead 16 00:01:04,677 --> 00:01:06,312 like Denzel picked up the flag in Glory. 17 00:01:06,312 --> 00:01:08,282 There have been a spate of recent sightings 18 00:01:08,282 --> 00:01:10,084 of what has locally gained traction 19 00:01:10,084 --> 00:01:12,854 as a Bigfoot-type creature. But wait, there's more. 20 00:01:12,854 --> 00:01:14,723 Yeah, show them the transmitter. 21 00:01:14,723 --> 00:01:19,028 We have planted a number of these motivational devices 22 00:01:19,028 --> 00:01:21,832 in order to entice our favorite squatch 23 00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:23,767 into giving us a little encore. 24 00:01:23,767 --> 00:01:25,302 Calm down, Chavo. 25 00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:27,138 I know how much you love dark meat and technology. 26 00:01:27,138 --> 00:01:30,042 Careful, that's a $200 tracking device in there. 27 00:01:32,312 --> 00:01:34,046 What the hell is that? 28 00:01:34,046 --> 00:01:35,995 Would you stop it? That is a ridiculous sound. 29 00:01:35,995 --> 00:01:37,350 Forget you, Shawn. 30 00:01:37,350 --> 00:01:38,919 You know I'm allergic to pine needles 31 00:01:38,919 --> 00:01:41,255 and most types of dirt. Plus, it's raining now. 32 00:01:41,255 --> 00:01:43,391 If I don't start smelling slow-roasting brisket 33 00:01:43,391 --> 00:01:44,893 in the next two minutes, we're turning around. 34 00:01:44,893 --> 00:01:47,195 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Shawn frigging Spencer? 35 00:01:47,195 --> 00:01:49,632 You really came. This is the boobs. 36 00:01:49,632 --> 00:01:51,769 Uh, Kate, favor. 37 00:01:51,769 --> 00:01:53,804 Wow, you look just like your picture on the blog spot. 38 00:01:53,804 --> 00:01:55,172 I thought it was a screen cap 39 00:01:55,172 --> 00:01:56,908 of Angelina Jolie in Original Sin. 40 00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:59,778 Shawn, who are these people, and why do they know your name? 41 00:01:59,778 --> 00:02:00,913 We know your name too, Pootie Tang. 42 00:02:00,913 --> 00:02:02,281 Wa da ta. 43 00:02:02,281 --> 00:02:04,750 Oh, Gus, we're just joking with you 44 00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,180 because you're sweet enough to melt 45 00:02:06,180 --> 00:02:07,220 and drizzle on two scoops of me. 46 00:02:07,220 --> 00:02:10,091 This is Chi-Chi--uh, Chavo. 47 00:02:10,091 --> 00:02:11,425 He hid in a bush when he heard you guys coming 48 00:02:11,425 --> 00:02:12,960 because he thought you guys were Bigfoot 49 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:14,897 and he forgot to take his Midol this morning. 50 00:02:14,897 --> 00:02:17,032 Okay, I was going for a low, ominous angle, 51 00:02:17,032 --> 00:02:19,769 - and also, I don't have ovaries. - That's debatable. 52 00:02:19,769 --> 00:02:22,706 - Uh, Bigfoot? - Yeah, Bigfoot. 53 00:02:22,706 --> 00:02:24,809 Uh, did Shawn not tell you the deal, or-- 54 00:02:24,809 --> 00:02:27,279 What deal? We're on our way to the Sassy Quatch. 55 00:02:27,279 --> 00:02:29,547 It's a secret barbecue hut built into the side of a cave 56 00:02:29,547 --> 00:02:31,250 that almost nobody knows about. 57 00:02:31,250 --> 00:02:34,787 It has the best tasting corn pudding in all of-- 58 00:02:34,787 --> 00:02:37,324 Shawn, you son of a bitch. Why do you have a camera? 59 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,928 Uh, well, buddy, if I'd told you the truth, 60 00:02:39,928 --> 00:02:41,396 you wouldn't have come. 61 00:02:41,396 --> 00:02:43,231 Here's the thing. I, uh--I stumbled 62 00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:45,968 upon Kate and Chavo's blog when I was messing around 63 00:02:45,968 --> 00:02:47,970 on the Harry and the Hendersons fan site. 64 00:02:47,970 --> 00:02:49,272 - Turns out-- - Shawn... 65 00:02:49,272 --> 00:02:51,007 John Lithgow is never writing you back. 66 00:02:51,007 --> 00:02:52,309 He's never even heard of that site. 67 00:02:52,309 --> 00:02:54,212 - Okay, that is your opinion. - Look. 68 00:02:54,212 --> 00:02:55,913 If Shawn can help us find the beast 69 00:02:55,913 --> 00:02:58,183 by using his gift, and we can catch it all on camera, 70 00:02:58,183 --> 00:03:00,986 we will win the Student Academy Award. 71 00:03:00,986 --> 00:03:02,522 Dude, the Student Academy Award. 72 00:03:02,522 --> 00:03:05,091 Oh, no. No, no, no. 73 00:03:05,091 --> 00:03:06,927 I will not get eaten by a bear 74 00:03:06,927 --> 00:03:09,363 to prove that Bigfoot does not exist. Nope. 75 00:03:09,363 --> 00:03:11,967 No bears eating me. Not today, not ever. 76 00:03:11,967 --> 00:03:13,401 - Not even in your dreams. - Okay. 77 00:03:13,401 --> 00:03:14,904 - You just jinxed yourself. - Suck it, Shawn. 78 00:03:14,904 --> 00:03:16,439 At least stick around and let us show you 79 00:03:16,439 --> 00:03:18,374 the Bigfoot blind we built. It's totally rad. 80 00:03:18,374 --> 00:03:21,078 And we have a mondo stash of beef jerky there. 81 00:03:21,078 --> 00:03:24,082 - Dude, they have meat here. - Lots of meat. 82 00:03:24,082 --> 00:03:26,117 Fine. I will stay only long enough 83 00:03:26,117 --> 00:03:28,120 to refuel and put something in my stomach. 84 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:29,488 I'm famished, and I'm starting 85 00:03:29,488 --> 00:03:31,123 to see floating protozoa and whatnot. 86 00:03:31,123 --> 00:03:32,559 I know exactly what you're talking about. 87 00:03:32,559 --> 00:03:34,461 Okay, great. Chi-Chi, why don't you, uh, 88 00:03:34,461 --> 00:03:37,031 grab some wood for the fire and I'll show the boys the blind. 89 00:03:37,031 --> 00:03:38,833 Almost there, boys. 90 00:03:38,833 --> 00:03:41,370 What do you think? 91 00:03:41,370 --> 00:03:43,105 You think that's her natural gait? 92 00:03:43,105 --> 00:03:44,873 All right, look. 93 00:03:44,873 --> 00:03:46,509 I'm sorry I lied, okay? But let's be honest. 94 00:03:46,509 --> 00:03:48,077 Shame on you for believing 95 00:03:48,077 --> 00:03:49,612 there was a place called the Sassy Quatch 96 00:03:49,612 --> 00:03:51,148 built into the side of a cave in the first place. 97 00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:52,583 Man, you know all I heard 98 00:03:52,583 --> 00:03:54,953 were the key words "dry rub" and "pone." 99 00:03:54,953 --> 00:03:56,388 What are we doing out here, Shawn? 100 00:03:56,388 --> 00:03:57,923 We're not gonna be able to help these fools. 101 00:03:57,923 --> 00:04:00,192 You can say that again. Hold up. 102 00:04:00,192 --> 00:04:01,427 We should both be on camera for this. 103 00:04:01,427 --> 00:04:02,829 It's important for story drive. 104 00:04:02,829 --> 00:04:05,198 - What? - Come on, dudes. 105 00:04:05,198 --> 00:04:06,400 What is more interesting than a documentary 106 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,036 about finding Bigfoot? 107 00:04:08,036 --> 00:04:09,404 Anything but Capturing the Friedmans. 108 00:04:09,404 --> 00:04:11,472 A documentary about a documentary 109 00:04:11,472 --> 00:04:13,909 about finding Bigfoot that fails. 110 00:04:13,909 --> 00:04:15,644 I will slap you in the teat, Shawn. 111 00:04:15,644 --> 00:04:18,615 Oh, think about it, Gus. They're making Don Quixote. 112 00:04:18,615 --> 00:04:20,183 We're making Lost in la Mancha. 113 00:04:20,183 --> 00:04:22,019 - Oh, my God. - We have never won anything. 114 00:04:22,019 --> 00:04:23,421 Especially you. 115 00:04:23,421 --> 00:04:24,488 Now who do you think's gonna win 116 00:04:24,488 --> 00:04:25,991 that Student Academy Award now? 117 00:04:25,991 --> 00:04:29,495 Here's a hint: us. 118 00:04:29,495 --> 00:04:31,431 Now pull out your phone and start shooting some b-roll. 119 00:04:31,431 --> 00:04:34,668 Come on, guys, chop-chop. Gus to the world. 120 00:04:34,668 --> 00:04:37,371 Here's a news flash, Shawn: We are not students. 121 00:04:37,371 --> 00:04:39,274 Here's another one: This is the worst idea 122 00:04:39,274 --> 00:04:42,878 you've come up with since Odwallapalooza. 123 00:04:42,878 --> 00:04:46,516 Okay, first of all, organic juices and weird elixirs 124 00:04:46,516 --> 00:04:48,285 that are alive are the future, Gus. 125 00:04:48,285 --> 00:04:50,454 Just like milk was the future back in the '50s. 126 00:04:50,454 --> 00:04:52,323 And "B," yesterday, I enrolled you 127 00:04:52,323 --> 00:04:54,292 in something called hermeneutics at UCSB. 128 00:04:54,292 --> 00:04:55,561 I think it's the study of the Munsters, 129 00:04:55,561 --> 00:04:56,595 - so we should be fine. - You did not. 130 00:04:56,595 --> 00:04:58,230 I sure did. 131 00:04:58,230 --> 00:05:00,133 Shawn, hermeneutics is the study of theory. 132 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,202 - Well, that feels redundant. - Oh, my gosh. 133 00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:04,939 I could have an exam on Friday. I need to find a syllabus. 134 00:05:04,939 --> 00:05:06,640 Pretty dope little setup, huh? 135 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,344 Chavo did it in, like, 15 minutes. 136 00:05:09,344 --> 00:05:12,047 You just helped yourself, huh? 137 00:05:12,047 --> 00:05:14,917 So, Kate, what's the story with you and Chavo? 138 00:05:14,917 --> 00:05:17,521 It's just a business relationship, 139 00:05:17,521 --> 00:05:19,623 or are you guys lovers in the nighttime? 140 00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:21,993 Man, I think we should all be lovers in the nighttime. 141 00:05:21,993 --> 00:05:24,662 The human libido is way too powerful to be governed 142 00:05:24,662 --> 00:05:29,335 by a set of rudimentary laws or a button fly. 143 00:05:29,335 --> 00:05:31,738 Life's not The Notebook, you know? 144 00:05:31,738 --> 00:05:35,910 It's Wild Orchid. It's Last Tango in Paris. 145 00:05:35,910 --> 00:05:39,448 It's Jungle Fever. 146 00:05:39,448 --> 00:05:42,317 Holy hell! 147 00:05:42,317 --> 00:05:43,518 He's real. 148 00:05:45,656 --> 00:05:48,192 Oh, my God, are you seeing this? 149 00:05:48,192 --> 00:05:51,128 Dude, dude, dude! 150 00:05:51,128 --> 00:05:54,299 Shawn, if we get out of here alive, I will kill you. 151 00:05:54,299 --> 00:05:55,500 So what's my incentive to live? 152 00:06:07,850 --> 00:06:11,554 ♪ In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity ♪ 153 00:06:11,554 --> 00:06:15,058 ♪ I'm not inclined to resign to maturity ♪ 154 00:06:15,058 --> 00:06:16,560 ♪ if it's all right 155 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:18,261 ♪ then you're all wrong 156 00:06:18,261 --> 00:06:23,135 ♪ but why bounce around to the same damn song? ♪ 157 00:06:23,135 --> 00:06:26,738 ♪ you'd rather run when you can't crawl ♪ 158 00:06:29,410 --> 00:06:32,480 ♪ I know you know that I'm not telling the truth ♪ 159 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:35,683 ♪ I know you know they just don't have any proof ♪ 160 00:06:35,683 --> 00:06:37,519 ♪ embrace the deception 161 00:06:37,519 --> 00:06:38,620 ♪ learn how to bend 162 00:06:38,620 --> 00:06:40,623 ♪ your worst inhibitions 163 00:06:40,623 --> 00:06:43,259 ♪ tend to psych you out in the end ♪ 164 00:06:52,841 --> 00:06:54,376 She's gonna get eaten, Shawn. 165 00:06:54,376 --> 00:06:57,012 She's gonna get eaten and then we're gonna get eaten. 166 00:06:57,012 --> 00:06:59,949 Would you--where-- would you relax? 167 00:06:59,949 --> 00:07:01,717 Breathe. 168 00:07:01,717 --> 00:07:02,786 Think about what's happening. 169 00:07:02,786 --> 00:07:04,121 Where's Chavo? 170 00:07:04,121 --> 00:07:06,190 - He's gathering timber. - Wrong. 171 00:07:06,190 --> 00:07:07,992 He just changed into a giant dog suit 172 00:07:07,992 --> 00:07:09,327 and came around that corner 173 00:07:09,327 --> 00:07:11,030 with a big fake emu over his shoulder. 174 00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:13,165 - It wasn't an emu. - This is brilliant, Gus. 175 00:07:13,165 --> 00:07:15,335 We're no longer making a documentary about a failure. 176 00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:17,404 We're making a documentary about a hoax. 177 00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:19,231 They're circulating the rumors on their blog, 178 00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:20,708 doctoring that photo, 179 00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,577 and spreading it all over the Internet. 180 00:07:22,577 --> 00:07:26,615 Okay, fine, fine. 181 00:07:26,615 --> 00:07:28,284 You're probably right. 182 00:07:28,284 --> 00:07:30,320 But there are still bears out here, Shawn. 183 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:32,990 Black bears that feel no kinship to black men. 184 00:07:32,990 --> 00:07:34,725 - Hey. - Aah! 185 00:07:34,725 --> 00:07:37,162 Sorry, uh, I don't have a long enough lens. 186 00:07:37,162 --> 00:07:38,430 Plus, Bigfoot won't come out of the cave. 187 00:07:38,430 --> 00:07:39,998 I-I think we need to get closer. 188 00:07:39,998 --> 00:07:42,335 Actually, Kate, I am-- I am sensing 189 00:07:42,335 --> 00:07:45,271 that our best bet is to head back to the camp, 190 00:07:45,271 --> 00:07:46,873 get some more supplies, 191 00:07:46,873 --> 00:07:48,775 and come back with Chavo. 192 00:07:48,775 --> 00:07:50,178 - Power in numbers. - All right. 193 00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:51,926 Yeah, it's hard not to get a little excited 194 00:07:51,926 --> 00:07:53,187 about all this. 195 00:07:53,187 --> 00:07:55,117 We understand. But let's be smart. 196 00:07:55,117 --> 00:07:57,453 Plus, Chavo will be able to speak the creature's language. 197 00:07:57,453 --> 00:07:58,989 How do you know Squatch is Latino? 198 00:07:58,989 --> 00:08:00,457 How do you know he isn't? 199 00:08:00,457 --> 00:08:04,929 Well, gee, I wonder where Chavo could be. 200 00:08:04,929 --> 00:08:06,364 I'm here, I'm here. 201 00:08:06,364 --> 00:08:08,233 Where's the firewood, Chavo? 202 00:08:08,233 --> 00:08:10,202 Mira, I heard something, like a muffled scream 203 00:08:10,202 --> 00:08:11,370 coming from the other direction. 204 00:08:11,370 --> 00:08:13,006 Yeah? 205 00:08:13,006 --> 00:08:14,507 Well, guess what we motherfrigging saw. It! 206 00:08:14,507 --> 00:08:16,844 Dude, it trudged towards that cave, 207 00:08:16,844 --> 00:08:18,379 and you can totally see it from the blind. 208 00:08:18,379 --> 00:08:21,349 But we didn't want you to miss anything, Chavo, 209 00:08:21,349 --> 00:08:23,852 so we figured we'd all go back together 210 00:08:23,852 --> 00:08:26,088 as a group so we can see each other. 211 00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:28,057 Oh, I got it. And thank you. 212 00:08:28,057 --> 00:08:30,460 Oh, wait till you see it, baby, oh, my God. 213 00:08:30,460 --> 00:08:31,928 I am so turned on right now. 214 00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:33,030 - Yeah? - Yeah, we'll be right back. 215 00:08:33,030 --> 00:08:34,899 - We will? - Yes. 216 00:08:34,899 --> 00:08:38,304 Are they going off to do what I think they're gonna do? 217 00:08:38,304 --> 00:08:39,405 Make a new plan because we're on to them? 218 00:08:39,405 --> 00:08:41,173 They better. 219 00:08:41,173 --> 00:08:44,144 I don't think that's what they--oh, my gosh. 220 00:08:44,144 --> 00:08:46,881 Shawn, I think she's going to-- she is. 221 00:08:46,881 --> 00:08:50,785 Gus, I need to snoop around this tent, okay? 222 00:08:50,785 --> 00:08:53,121 - Be my lookout. - Okay. 223 00:08:53,121 --> 00:08:56,826 Viva Mexico, Chavo. 224 00:08:56,826 --> 00:09:00,331 What do we got here? 225 00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:01,832 Huh, that's clever. 226 00:09:05,871 --> 00:09:07,071 What the-- 227 00:09:09,443 --> 00:09:12,778 This girl is not messing around. 228 00:09:12,778 --> 00:09:14,848 What is-- 229 00:09:17,586 --> 00:09:19,387 Wait a minute, who's the big dot? 230 00:09:19,387 --> 00:09:21,890 I'm the big dot? Then what the hell is that? 231 00:09:24,494 --> 00:09:26,028 Whoa, whoa! 232 00:09:26,028 --> 00:09:29,499 Um, Gus, what's going on out there, man? 233 00:09:29,499 --> 00:09:32,703 Talk to me, Gus. Gus? 234 00:09:32,703 --> 00:09:34,505 Dude, what the heck? 235 00:09:34,505 --> 00:09:36,441 In a tree. Crazy, right? 236 00:09:36,441 --> 00:09:38,577 It's still warm. 237 00:09:38,577 --> 00:09:41,214 I think that turkey leg was meant for Bigfoot, Gus. 238 00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:42,782 So they went to the trouble of setting food traps 239 00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:44,284 with tracking devices. 240 00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:45,853 Man, they're really committing to this hoax. 241 00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:48,490 Wait, I swallowed a transmitter, Shawn. 242 00:09:48,490 --> 00:09:51,059 What if my body rejects the alloys in the composite? 243 00:09:51,059 --> 00:09:52,928 - You'll poop it out, it's fine. - What? 244 00:09:52,928 --> 00:09:55,464 All right, you guys ready to make some cinematic history? 245 00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:59,236 Get rid of that thing! 246 00:09:59,236 --> 00:10:01,172 I rarely order flan. 247 00:10:01,172 --> 00:10:03,120 If it's there for the table, sure, I'll partake, 248 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,309 but chances are, something else on the menu's gonna grab me. 249 00:10:05,309 --> 00:10:07,098 Well, then you just haven't had good flan. 250 00:10:07,098 --> 00:10:09,114 Uh, good flan, bad flan. 251 00:10:09,114 --> 00:10:11,418 Bottom line: It's eggy. Period. 252 00:10:11,418 --> 00:10:13,052 - Ugh. - It can be eggy. 253 00:10:13,052 --> 00:10:14,889 Oh, man, I should've peed back at camp. 254 00:10:14,889 --> 00:10:16,190 My molars are floating. 255 00:10:16,190 --> 00:10:17,491 All right, well, just make it quick. 256 00:10:17,491 --> 00:10:20,228 Give me the camera. 257 00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:22,831 You know, he's got the bladder of a six-year-old girl, 258 00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:24,200 but he can hold most of the tantric positions 259 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:25,368 for, like, 45 frigging minutes. 260 00:10:25,368 --> 00:10:26,903 - Wow, that's something. - Yes. 261 00:10:26,903 --> 00:10:28,405 - We have to go too. - Yeah, we got to pee. 262 00:10:28,405 --> 00:10:30,473 We are gonna catch him putting on the costume, Gus. 263 00:10:30,473 --> 00:10:32,544 We're gonna hide, we're gonna get the whole thing on camera, 264 00:10:32,544 --> 00:10:34,379 and then we're gonna keep playing along. 265 00:10:34,379 --> 00:10:36,014 Now pull out your phone and start shooting. 266 00:10:36,014 --> 00:10:38,117 We want as many choices as possible in the editing room. 267 00:10:38,117 --> 00:10:39,746 You bet. This is actually kind of fun. 268 00:10:44,860 --> 00:10:46,727 Try and get some geography. 269 00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:53,903 Shawn? He looks like he's peeing. 270 00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,572 Where is the big furry dog suit? 271 00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:57,507 I'm filming a man who's peeing, Shawn. 272 00:10:57,507 --> 00:11:01,111 This isn't right. 273 00:11:01,111 --> 00:11:03,048 Who's there? 274 00:11:03,048 --> 00:11:05,617 I've got pepper spray and Chinese throwing stars. 275 00:11:05,617 --> 00:11:07,820 I mean... I'm--I'm a ninja. 276 00:11:12,994 --> 00:11:14,962 - What are you guys doing here? - We had to go too. 277 00:11:14,962 --> 00:11:17,232 What--so you just left Kate alone at the blind? 278 00:11:17,232 --> 00:11:18,500 It's not like anybody can see her. 279 00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:19,802 I mean, isn't that the concept? 280 00:11:19,802 --> 00:11:21,237 It's a blind. 281 00:11:21,237 --> 00:11:22,838 Gus, you shouldn't hold it like that. 282 00:11:22,838 --> 00:11:24,341 You're gonna get black bars on both sides. 283 00:11:24,341 --> 00:11:26,343 Oh, oh, right. 284 00:11:26,343 --> 00:11:27,063 Katie? 285 00:11:32,384 --> 00:11:34,553 Oh, he saw me, and I saw him! 286 00:11:34,553 --> 00:11:36,421 - We made eye--eye contact. - Who saw you? 287 00:11:36,421 --> 00:11:38,391 - Who you think, Chavo? - What the-- 288 00:11:46,869 --> 00:11:48,370 Aah! Oh, my God! 289 00:11:48,370 --> 00:11:50,305 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 290 00:11:50,305 --> 00:11:51,841 Oh, my God! Oh, crap! 291 00:11:51,841 --> 00:11:53,109 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 292 00:11:53,109 --> 00:11:55,379 - Oh, my God! - Aah! 293 00:12:02,021 --> 00:12:04,890 Gus, you okay? 294 00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:06,859 I'm okay. I'm okay! 295 00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:07,859 Aah! 296 00:12:09,263 --> 00:12:10,964 Gus! 297 00:12:13,101 --> 00:12:14,435 Great move. Great juke, Gus. 298 00:12:14,435 --> 00:12:17,039 I-I can't say I feel 100% right now, Shawn. 299 00:12:17,039 --> 00:12:17,940 We lost the monster and everyone lived. 300 00:12:17,940 --> 00:12:19,308 Even Chavo. 301 00:12:19,308 --> 00:12:20,876 What the hell is that supposed to mean? 302 00:12:20,876 --> 00:12:21,844 Hey, I've got some rope in my backpack. 303 00:12:21,844 --> 00:12:23,279 I got a flashlight. 304 00:12:23,279 --> 00:12:25,348 So what, am I fodder here? I'm expendable? 305 00:12:25,348 --> 00:12:27,618 - Hang on, Nutella. - Don't worry, Gus. 306 00:12:27,618 --> 00:12:29,186 It's not like you're in the catacombs. 307 00:12:29,186 --> 00:12:31,823 Catch the flashlight, Gus. 308 00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:41,408 - Whoa. - Ew. 309 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:46,140 Aah! 310 00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:48,110 I take that back, Gus. 311 00:12:48,110 --> 00:12:50,012 You're in, like, a miniature version 312 00:12:50,012 --> 00:12:51,948 of the catacombs. 313 00:12:55,159 --> 00:12:57,929 - Ah! It stings. - Tell you what. 314 00:12:57,929 --> 00:12:59,831 Later on, you can put one on me, 315 00:12:59,831 --> 00:13:01,700 and then rip it off super hard. 316 00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:03,369 Kate... 317 00:13:03,369 --> 00:13:06,339 You're very open and sensual and European-seeming. 318 00:13:06,339 --> 00:13:08,408 - I grew up on a commune-- - That's awesome. 319 00:13:08,408 --> 00:13:10,678 But I'm in a fully committed relationship, 320 00:13:10,678 --> 00:13:12,780 and my lady and her illegitimate son, 321 00:13:12,780 --> 00:13:14,750 they count on me to make responsible decisions 322 00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:16,284 in the clutch. 323 00:13:16,284 --> 00:13:19,389 That makes me sad. And also really hot. 324 00:13:19,389 --> 00:13:21,958 Hey, uh, I don't mean to set off any alarms here, 325 00:13:21,958 --> 00:13:23,694 but am I the only one who's troubled 326 00:13:23,694 --> 00:13:25,396 by the three corpses in the hole? 327 00:13:25,396 --> 00:13:26,864 It seems pretty cut and dry to me. 328 00:13:26,864 --> 00:13:28,433 We found Bigfoot's private pantry. 329 00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:30,835 Now we've just got to go back and wait for snack time. 330 00:13:30,835 --> 00:13:32,138 Or we could be snack time. 331 00:13:32,138 --> 00:13:34,173 Uh-uh, nope, not today. 332 00:13:34,173 --> 00:13:35,976 Shawn and I will be leaving now. 333 00:13:35,976 --> 00:13:37,978 Thank you all very much. It's been real. 334 00:13:37,978 --> 00:13:40,815 Wait, Shawn, I thought this is what you wanted, man. 335 00:13:40,815 --> 00:13:42,216 The stuff we're getting is epic. We're gonna make history. 336 00:13:42,216 --> 00:13:43,951 Nope. 337 00:13:43,951 --> 00:13:45,721 He'll want me first. I'm the sweetest. 338 00:13:45,721 --> 00:13:47,389 What are you saying, he's gonna start with dessert? 339 00:13:47,389 --> 00:13:51,027 Ooh, good point, maybe not. Chavo's toast though. 340 00:13:51,027 --> 00:13:54,365 - Son of a bitch. - Lassie? Jules? 341 00:13:54,365 --> 00:13:56,267 I've never been so excited to see you ever. 342 00:13:56,267 --> 00:13:58,270 Come on, hug it out. Hug it out. 343 00:13:58,270 --> 00:14:00,906 I would rather spend all day at the mall with McNab. 344 00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:02,208 Hey, what are you guys doing here? 345 00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:03,843 What are we doing here? 346 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:04,911 We got a call from a couple of hikers 347 00:14:04,911 --> 00:14:06,480 about an abandoned blue echo 348 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,816 on the side of the road with Gus's license plate. 349 00:14:08,816 --> 00:14:10,852 You didn't mention anything about a day trip. 350 00:14:10,852 --> 00:14:12,921 - You two are po-po? - That's right, Los Lobos. 351 00:14:12,921 --> 00:14:14,222 So get that camera out of my face. 352 00:14:14,222 --> 00:14:15,858 This had better be good, Spencer. 353 00:14:15,858 --> 00:14:17,460 I just shined these shoes. That and the fact 354 00:14:17,460 --> 00:14:19,429 that you and Guster aren't dead, I am borderline furious. 355 00:14:19,429 --> 00:14:22,032 Okay, listen, listen. This is Kate and Chavo. 356 00:14:22,032 --> 00:14:23,835 They are film students making a documentary 357 00:14:23,835 --> 00:14:27,171 about finding Bigfoot right here in these woods. 358 00:14:27,171 --> 00:14:30,776 They hired me to help them track the beast psychically. 359 00:14:30,776 --> 00:14:31,744 Hired? No, you volunteered. 360 00:14:31,744 --> 00:14:33,146 We're not paying you caca. 361 00:14:33,146 --> 00:14:35,749 Needless to say, we tracked the beast 362 00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:37,151 to its domicile. 363 00:14:37,151 --> 00:14:38,753 It was startled, it gave chase. 364 00:14:38,753 --> 00:14:40,421 We barely made it out with our lives. 365 00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:41,957 But we did unearth a catacomb 366 00:14:41,957 --> 00:14:43,925 filled with the corpses of his victims, 367 00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:45,828 which he will presumably be eating later 368 00:14:45,828 --> 00:14:47,263 - along with Gus for dessert. - What? 369 00:14:47,263 --> 00:14:48,731 And we got the whole thing on camera. 370 00:14:48,731 --> 00:14:50,033 That is 0% funny, Shawn. 371 00:14:50,033 --> 00:14:51,541 Please let me shoot your boyfriend. 372 00:14:51,541 --> 00:14:53,370 Just a flesh wound, something he can walk away from. 373 00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:54,906 - Please. - Boyfriend? 374 00:14:54,906 --> 00:14:56,975 This monogamy is really starting to bum me out. 375 00:14:56,975 --> 00:14:58,042 You say you got all this on camera? 376 00:14:58,042 --> 00:14:59,378 Yes, we did. 377 00:14:59,378 --> 00:15:02,448 No, way. Come on, Lassie. 378 00:15:02,448 --> 00:15:04,885 - You saw the footage. - Impossible. 379 00:15:04,885 --> 00:15:07,088 I know. It's shocking, really. 380 00:15:07,088 --> 00:15:09,123 But no corpses can only mean one thing: 381 00:15:09,123 --> 00:15:10,892 It's the zombie apocalypse. 382 00:15:10,892 --> 00:15:12,394 Well, perhaps it's for the best right here in the woods 383 00:15:12,394 --> 00:15:14,229 - away from the populous. - That can't be. 384 00:15:14,229 --> 00:15:17,100 They were cold and ashy and pale and dead. 385 00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:20,371 I think it is painfully clear what is going on here. 386 00:15:20,371 --> 00:15:23,507 You two Nimrods have orchestrated a little hoax 387 00:15:23,507 --> 00:15:25,577 so that your film's not a total waste of time, 388 00:15:25,577 --> 00:15:27,179 and you found the perfect two chowderheads to fall for it. 389 00:15:27,179 --> 00:15:28,915 That's not true. 390 00:15:28,915 --> 00:15:30,622 Lassie, that's what we thought at first. 391 00:15:30,622 --> 00:15:33,252 - But it doesn't add up anymore. - Think about it, Spencer. 392 00:15:33,252 --> 00:15:36,490 Put your finger to your head and use your brain. 393 00:15:36,490 --> 00:15:38,092 They got a couple of their bong buddies 394 00:15:38,092 --> 00:15:39,360 to crawl in the hole and play dead. 395 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,229 You got hosed. 396 00:15:41,229 --> 00:15:45,367 But now they have gone too far, because my time is money. 397 00:15:45,367 --> 00:15:47,537 Wait a minute. How come we're ruling out the theory 398 00:15:47,537 --> 00:15:49,306 that the yeti moved his food stash 399 00:15:49,306 --> 00:15:51,642 - because we found it? - Yeti is incorrect. 400 00:15:51,642 --> 00:15:54,111 They live in much snowier climates like Hoth. 401 00:15:54,111 --> 00:15:55,447 You're right. My bad. 402 00:15:55,447 --> 00:15:57,883 Plus, I found it by accident, Lassie. 403 00:15:57,883 --> 00:16:00,186 I had to tumble all the way down a ridge to find it. 404 00:16:00,186 --> 00:16:02,589 Gus has a point. I mean, the hole was covered. 405 00:16:02,589 --> 00:16:04,358 I don't think those bodies were meant to be found. 406 00:16:04,358 --> 00:16:07,995 O'Hara, I forbid you to buy into this load of crap. 407 00:16:07,995 --> 00:16:10,265 We should arrest them and go back to the city. 408 00:16:10,265 --> 00:16:12,434 Uh, I am sensing these bodies did not get up 409 00:16:12,434 --> 00:16:14,237 and walk away on their own. 410 00:16:14,237 --> 00:16:17,241 Which also puts the kibosh on Lassie's zombie theory. 411 00:16:17,241 --> 00:16:19,476 You see... they were dragged. 412 00:16:19,476 --> 00:16:22,080 Ha! Chupalo! 413 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:23,448 What does that mean? 414 00:16:23,448 --> 00:16:26,085 You tell me what that means right now. 415 00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:28,287 Well, this is quite a haul. 416 00:16:28,287 --> 00:16:30,156 Well, this can't be right. 417 00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:31,591 According to the tracking device, 418 00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,994 Bigfoot is... one of us. 419 00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,329 Stop saying Bigfoot like he's real. 420 00:16:35,329 --> 00:16:36,631 Gus ate a giant turkey leg 421 00:16:36,631 --> 00:16:38,266 - with a transmitter in it. - Aw, come on. 422 00:16:38,266 --> 00:16:39,868 It wasn't weird to you that it was just sitting 423 00:16:39,868 --> 00:16:41,003 in a freaking tree? 424 00:16:41,003 --> 00:16:42,971 Someone would have us believe 425 00:16:42,971 --> 00:16:44,974 that these bodies went into the drink, 426 00:16:44,974 --> 00:16:47,076 which means we've got to dredge this creek 427 00:16:47,076 --> 00:16:50,447 and bring in some serious SBPD manpower. 428 00:16:50,447 --> 00:16:52,217 Now you two film geeks... 429 00:16:52,217 --> 00:16:54,419 Think long and hard about what you say next. 430 00:16:54,419 --> 00:16:56,989 Playtime is over. I will not be toyed with. 431 00:17:01,663 --> 00:17:04,264 Son of a-- God! 432 00:17:04,264 --> 00:17:05,225 Oh, my-- 433 00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:08,503 Aah! Aah! 434 00:17:08,503 --> 00:17:10,005 Aah! 435 00:17:15,146 --> 00:17:17,080 Oh, God! 436 00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,150 Don't fight the current! 437 00:17:19,150 --> 00:17:23,021 Try to grab onto something! I'm coming! 438 00:17:23,021 --> 00:17:24,423 Where-- where you going? 439 00:17:24,423 --> 00:17:26,291 Don't worry about it, Shawn. You do you. 440 00:17:26,291 --> 00:17:28,094 There he is! Come on, we can go down here. 441 00:17:28,094 --> 00:17:29,195 - Come on. - Oh. 442 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:33,634 That's what you get for calling me Los Lobos. 443 00:17:33,634 --> 00:17:37,672 Dude, this is a total bonus. 444 00:17:37,672 --> 00:17:40,042 - Aah! - What can I do to help? 445 00:17:40,042 --> 00:17:44,347 - Stay back, Chavo! - I was hoping you'd say that. 446 00:17:50,389 --> 00:17:51,990 Lassie, grab the branch! 447 00:17:51,990 --> 00:17:54,226 It's right in front of you. 448 00:17:54,226 --> 00:17:56,628 - Thank you, O'Hara! - Yes! Good work! 449 00:17:56,628 --> 00:17:59,632 Jules, you're amazing! 450 00:17:59,632 --> 00:18:01,267 Hang on, Lassie, we'll have you out of there 451 00:18:01,267 --> 00:18:04,138 in no time! 452 00:18:04,138 --> 00:18:05,506 Hey! 453 00:18:05,506 --> 00:18:07,242 That lady hawk stole my camera! 454 00:18:07,242 --> 00:18:08,377 How do you know it's a female? 455 00:18:08,377 --> 00:18:09,978 She's circling around. 456 00:18:09,978 --> 00:18:11,647 I think my whole leg just came off. 457 00:18:11,647 --> 00:18:14,283 Lassie, she's coming back this way. 458 00:18:14,283 --> 00:18:16,320 I think she's gonna drop it. 459 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:17,588 Catch it! You have to catch it! 460 00:18:17,588 --> 00:18:19,156 Catch it! 461 00:18:23,062 --> 00:18:25,331 That was the sexiest thing I've ever seen. 462 00:18:25,331 --> 00:18:28,101 - Or at least top eight. - Wow. Wow. 463 00:18:28,101 --> 00:18:30,070 All right, that's the best 464 00:18:30,070 --> 00:18:31,405 we're gonna do for now, partner. 465 00:18:31,405 --> 00:18:33,107 Stepped in a bear trap. 466 00:18:33,107 --> 00:18:35,276 Oh, what is this? 467 00:18:35,276 --> 00:18:38,614 This is so humiliating. I can't tell Marlowe the truth. 468 00:18:38,614 --> 00:18:41,016 I've got to come up with a cover story. 469 00:18:41,016 --> 00:18:42,352 Do you mind? 470 00:18:42,352 --> 00:18:43,787 Does anybody know where we are? 471 00:18:43,787 --> 00:18:45,556 Because I certainly don't, and this sucks. 472 00:18:45,556 --> 00:18:47,058 Yeah, agreed. 473 00:18:47,058 --> 00:18:48,559 We can follow the river up a ways, 474 00:18:48,559 --> 00:18:50,529 but the tracks won't be good once the sun goes down. 475 00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:52,030 Didn't you guys bring a map? 476 00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:54,232 - I kicked it into the creek. - You did what? 477 00:18:54,232 --> 00:18:56,421 That's the stupidest thing you could've done, Chavo. 478 00:18:56,421 --> 00:18:58,404 I was just kidding. 479 00:18:58,404 --> 00:19:01,175 We actually never had a map. 480 00:19:01,175 --> 00:19:03,311 Think you can move on that leg? 481 00:19:03,311 --> 00:19:05,080 Not very fast. 482 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:06,815 Damn it to hell! 483 00:19:06,815 --> 00:19:08,184 It's like we're in Bridge on the River Kwai 484 00:19:08,184 --> 00:19:09,685 but you get to be Bill Holden. 485 00:19:09,685 --> 00:19:11,253 We're gonna freeze our pinones off. 486 00:19:11,253 --> 00:19:13,190 Okay. 487 00:19:13,190 --> 00:19:14,658 We are gonna set up camp for the night. 488 00:19:14,658 --> 00:19:16,594 We're gonna back ourselves up to the water 489 00:19:16,594 --> 00:19:18,629 so that we don't have to worry about a 360-degree perimeter. 490 00:19:18,629 --> 00:19:20,198 We will build a fire. 491 00:19:20,198 --> 00:19:22,401 At first light, I will find my way out of here, 492 00:19:22,401 --> 00:19:23,502 and I will come back with the cavalry. 493 00:19:23,502 --> 00:19:25,405 Absolutely not. 494 00:19:25,405 --> 00:19:27,140 I'm not letting you go by yourself. 495 00:19:27,140 --> 00:19:29,443 Shawn, everyone has to stay here with Lassiter. 496 00:19:29,443 --> 00:19:32,113 - I'll be twice as fast on my own. - What about me, Juliet? 497 00:19:32,113 --> 00:19:33,280 I'm at least twice as fast as Shawn. 498 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:34,749 - That is a lie. - Shh! 499 00:19:34,749 --> 00:19:36,537 I'm not trying to be here all night, Juliet. 500 00:19:36,537 --> 00:19:37,853 No, Detective O'Hara's right. 501 00:19:37,853 --> 00:19:40,056 Ow! No, I'm fine. 502 00:19:40,056 --> 00:19:41,624 Fine. 503 00:19:41,624 --> 00:19:43,293 I'm certainly no gonna sleep a wink tonight, 504 00:19:43,293 --> 00:19:46,063 so I'll set up a perimeter and take watch. 505 00:19:46,063 --> 00:19:48,099 O'Hara will set up camp and protect the herd. 506 00:19:48,099 --> 00:19:49,701 Wait. Please take one of the cameras with you. 507 00:19:49,701 --> 00:19:52,138 It would mean the world to us. 508 00:19:52,138 --> 00:19:55,642 If you, uh, see anything, just point and shoot. 509 00:19:55,642 --> 00:19:56,743 What do I look like to you? 510 00:19:56,743 --> 00:19:58,345 The love child 511 00:19:58,345 --> 00:20:02,049 of Matthew Perry and...Tony Randall. 512 00:20:02,049 --> 00:20:03,299 Here. 513 00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:09,826 It's gonna get balls-cold out tonight. 514 00:20:09,826 --> 00:20:13,164 - What kind of wool is this? - It's an angora blend, I think. 515 00:20:13,164 --> 00:20:17,569 - It's delightful. - I know, right? 516 00:20:17,569 --> 00:20:19,171 Just point and shoot. 517 00:20:19,171 --> 00:20:23,576 This fire is very, very impressive. 518 00:20:23,576 --> 00:20:27,381 I had no idea that you were so rugged and outdoorsy. 519 00:20:27,381 --> 00:20:29,516 Well, that is because you steadfastly refuse 520 00:20:29,516 --> 00:20:31,386 to go hiking, camping, 521 00:20:31,386 --> 00:20:33,821 or mountain biking with me, Shawn. 522 00:20:33,821 --> 00:20:36,759 Because look what happens, Jules. 523 00:20:36,759 --> 00:20:38,527 Mother nature was not meant for us. 524 00:20:38,527 --> 00:20:43,300 It was meant for the animals and Jeff Probst. 525 00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:44,808 And you know what? Not really Probst, 526 00:20:44,808 --> 00:20:47,271 because everyone knows that after wrap, 527 00:20:47,271 --> 00:20:49,641 - he goes to the Marriott. - Man... 528 00:20:49,641 --> 00:20:52,779 I love the outdoors more than anything. 529 00:20:52,779 --> 00:20:54,480 We're all animals. 530 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:58,152 Hey, have you guys ever seen Cannibal Holocaust? 531 00:20:58,152 --> 00:21:00,254 Nothing's beeping on the Bigfoot tracker. 532 00:21:00,254 --> 00:21:01,255 Huh? 533 00:21:04,126 --> 00:21:06,162 Oh, my God. 534 00:21:06,162 --> 00:21:08,764 That's what you ran off to do? 535 00:21:08,764 --> 00:21:11,602 How--wait. What did you use-- 536 00:21:11,602 --> 00:21:15,740 We're not talking about this, Shawn, ever. 537 00:21:15,740 --> 00:21:18,443 You can all suck it. 538 00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:23,396 Stay put. 539 00:21:31,526 --> 00:21:32,727 So...cold. 540 00:21:35,565 --> 00:21:39,302 My ankle's a little worse off than I let on. 541 00:21:39,302 --> 00:21:44,208 I've lost quite a lot of blood. 542 00:21:44,208 --> 00:21:47,512 It's time to be honest. 543 00:21:47,512 --> 00:21:51,460 I'm no hero. Not tonight. 544 00:21:52,357 --> 00:21:55,589 ♪ Close your eyes 545 00:21:55,589 --> 00:21:59,661 ♪ give me your hand, darling ♪ 546 00:21:59,661 --> 00:22:02,831 ♪ do you feel my heart beating? ♪ 547 00:22:02,831 --> 00:22:05,334 ♪ do you understand? 548 00:22:05,334 --> 00:22:08,705 ♪ Do you feel the same? ♪ 549 00:22:08,705 --> 00:22:12,977 ♪ am I only dreaming? 550 00:22:12,977 --> 00:22:15,847 ♪ Is this burning 551 00:22:15,847 --> 00:22:19,451 ♪ an eternal flame? 552 00:22:19,451 --> 00:22:23,389 ♪ I believe it's meant to be 553 00:22:23,389 --> 00:22:24,558 ♪ darling 554 00:22:24,558 --> 00:22:29,264 I would like to apologize. 555 00:22:29,264 --> 00:22:33,369 I'm sorry, Marlowe. 556 00:22:33,369 --> 00:22:36,405 Sorry I wasn't strong enough. 557 00:22:36,405 --> 00:22:40,310 Mom, Althea... 558 00:22:40,310 --> 00:22:42,046 I just want to say once and for all 559 00:22:42,046 --> 00:22:46,285 that your happiness is my happiness. 560 00:22:46,285 --> 00:22:48,620 I won't be making any more off-color LPGA jokes 561 00:22:48,620 --> 00:22:50,390 during the holidays. 562 00:22:50,390 --> 00:22:53,960 ♪Watch you when you are sleeping ♪ 563 00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,464 ♪ you belong with me 564 00:22:56,464 --> 00:22:59,835 ♪ do you feel the same? ♪ 565 00:22:59,835 --> 00:23:03,773 ♪ am I only dreaming? 566 00:23:03,773 --> 00:23:07,477 - ♪ Or is this burning - ♪ Burning 567 00:23:07,477 --> 00:23:10,714 - ♪ an eternal flame? - ♪ Eternal flame 568 00:23:10,714 --> 00:23:12,851 ♪ Say my name 569 00:23:12,851 --> 00:23:15,053 ♪ sun shines through the rain ♪ 570 00:23:15,053 --> 00:23:17,323 - ♪ my whole life was so lonely - ♪ Flame 571 00:23:17,323 --> 00:23:19,058 Hey, guys. Hi. 572 00:23:19,058 --> 00:23:20,593 Yeah, how 'bout we don't attract attention 573 00:23:20,593 --> 00:23:22,429 to ourselves by singing a song? 574 00:23:24,243 --> 00:23:27,835 I'm going to die out here. 575 00:23:30,073 --> 00:23:35,545 O'Hara, you are the best partner 576 00:23:35,545 --> 00:23:38,716 that I have ever, ever... 577 00:24:04,713 --> 00:24:06,648 That is not possible. 578 00:24:06,648 --> 00:24:08,616 Oh, my gosh. 579 00:24:08,616 --> 00:24:10,287 Bigfoot took Lassie. 580 00:24:10,582 --> 00:24:14,090 Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, this is really happening. 581 00:24:14,090 --> 00:24:16,693 What are we gonna do? 582 00:24:16,693 --> 00:24:21,299 I-I think there's only one thing to do here. 583 00:24:25,414 --> 00:24:28,651 Carlton Lassiter was a decent man. 584 00:24:28,651 --> 00:24:31,688 I'll, uh--I'll never forget the time he chased Gus 585 00:24:31,688 --> 00:24:33,257 with a samurai sword. 586 00:24:33,257 --> 00:24:36,294 He just about took his head off. 587 00:24:36,294 --> 00:24:38,296 Although we may have not always seen eye to eye, 588 00:24:38,296 --> 00:24:42,868 he did have a genuine interest in upholding the law. 589 00:24:42,868 --> 00:24:47,407 And of course he had the sweet, sweet stern bush. 590 00:24:47,407 --> 00:24:48,776 Gus, you want to add anything to that? 591 00:24:48,776 --> 00:24:50,745 - No. - Stop. 592 00:24:50,745 --> 00:24:52,781 Look, Carlton is not dead. 593 00:24:52,781 --> 00:24:55,284 He can't be, I won't let him. You understand? 594 00:24:55,284 --> 00:24:56,885 Okay, now we're going to find him, 595 00:24:56,885 --> 00:24:58,254 and then we're all going to get out of here. 596 00:24:58,254 --> 00:25:00,189 Chi-Chi, how are we doing on battery? 597 00:25:00,189 --> 00:25:01,859 Uh, half, and we still have auxiliary. 598 00:25:01,859 --> 00:25:03,994 Nice, we're ready when you are. 599 00:25:03,994 --> 00:25:05,329 Jules, you're upset. 600 00:25:05,329 --> 00:25:07,032 Why are you filming this, Shawn? 601 00:25:07,032 --> 00:25:09,067 You're emotional, and if this was me saying, 602 00:25:09,067 --> 00:25:12,104 "Hey, let's go poke the hornet's nest with one of Gus's shoes," 603 00:25:12,104 --> 00:25:14,741 you would say no, and you would force me to be reasonable. 604 00:25:14,741 --> 00:25:17,411 - Shawn, I smell barbecue. - No, you don't, buddy. 605 00:25:17,411 --> 00:25:19,013 You're just-- you're distressed, 606 00:25:19,013 --> 00:25:20,982 and you're projecting a delusion of grandeur. 607 00:25:20,982 --> 00:25:22,250 - No. - Grandeur. 608 00:25:22,250 --> 00:25:24,620 No, it's smoked meat, and it's fresh. 609 00:25:24,620 --> 00:25:27,891 It's freshly smoked meat. 610 00:25:27,891 --> 00:25:29,793 That's the direction Carlton was taken. 611 00:25:29,793 --> 00:25:31,361 Let's go! Everybody, now! 612 00:25:31,361 --> 00:25:33,264 He sure knows a lot about smoked meat. 613 00:25:33,264 --> 00:25:35,366 What are we doing? What--Chavo. 614 00:25:35,366 --> 00:25:37,636 - This is the boobs, man. - No. 615 00:25:37,636 --> 00:25:39,304 No, this is not the boobs. 616 00:25:39,304 --> 00:25:42,008 Shawn, I said stay behind me. 617 00:25:42,008 --> 00:25:44,243 Three, two... 618 00:25:44,243 --> 00:25:47,314 We are currently tracking the monster in an attempt 619 00:25:47,314 --> 00:25:49,451 to also find the remains of one of our own. 620 00:25:49,451 --> 00:25:51,753 - That is overstated. - Fix it in post. 621 00:25:51,753 --> 00:25:54,023 Needless to say, we have risked everything 622 00:25:54,023 --> 00:25:56,025 in order to bring the truth behind this legend 623 00:25:56,025 --> 00:25:57,994 to the rest of the free speaking world. 624 00:25:57,994 --> 00:25:59,396 Boom, I don't care how long it's been 625 00:25:59,396 --> 00:26:01,098 since I busted out the super sniffer. 626 00:26:01,098 --> 00:26:03,968 It's like riding a bike with my nostrils and cilia. 627 00:26:03,968 --> 00:26:05,670 Look over there. That's the same cave 628 00:26:05,670 --> 00:26:07,773 we could see from the blind, which means... 629 00:26:07,773 --> 00:26:09,775 - We've gone in a big circle. - Shh! 630 00:26:09,775 --> 00:26:11,143 Stay with me, all of you. 631 00:26:17,886 --> 00:26:18,606 Uh-oh. 632 00:26:20,890 --> 00:26:22,357 Oh, my God, those are Carlton's clothes. 633 00:26:22,357 --> 00:26:25,194 Homes got roasted rotisserie style. 634 00:26:25,194 --> 00:26:27,997 Okay, uh, in lieu of everything 635 00:26:27,997 --> 00:26:30,901 that we've been through with that man... 636 00:26:30,901 --> 00:26:33,003 I can't believe I'm about to say this... 637 00:26:33,003 --> 00:26:36,408 Lassie does smell absolutely delicious. Gus? 638 00:26:36,408 --> 00:26:39,478 Amen. He's been dry-rubbed. Ow! 639 00:26:39,478 --> 00:26:41,313 What's the matter with you two? 640 00:26:41,313 --> 00:26:42,749 Look, I refuse to believe that there isn't 641 00:26:42,749 --> 00:26:44,351 a rational explanation for all of this, 642 00:26:44,351 --> 00:26:46,988 and I highly doubt that Bigfoot is dry-rubbing his dinner 643 00:26:46,988 --> 00:26:49,123 - with barbecue sauce. - Of course he isn't. 644 00:26:49,123 --> 00:26:51,393 It's apples and oranges. The operative word is "dry," 645 00:26:51,393 --> 00:26:53,195 - meaning "no sauce." - Look. 646 00:26:53,195 --> 00:26:55,598 The show must go on, right? We got to get inside that cave. 647 00:27:03,843 --> 00:27:05,811 All right, I'm sensing he's not in there. 648 00:27:05,811 --> 00:27:08,681 I'm also sensing that Bigfoot might have a green thumb. 649 00:27:08,681 --> 00:27:10,883 Which is weird, because he's Bigfoot. 650 00:27:13,188 --> 00:27:15,722 Huh, these seeds all took really well. 651 00:27:24,801 --> 00:27:28,271 Huh, well, this is surprisingly cozy. 652 00:27:28,271 --> 00:27:30,942 What is that? Is that a solar panel? 653 00:27:30,942 --> 00:27:34,112 - Carlton. - He's here! He's alive! 654 00:27:34,112 --> 00:27:37,116 Carlton, talk to me. Tell me you're okay. 655 00:27:37,529 --> 00:27:39,731 Ooh, I don't know. I may have jumped the gun. 656 00:27:39,731 --> 00:27:42,167 - Is that just his torso? - You are all heartless! 657 00:27:42,167 --> 00:27:45,544 - Oh, hey, guys. - Carlton. 658 00:27:45,859 --> 00:27:47,861 Oh, my God, we all thought that-- 659 00:27:47,861 --> 00:27:49,963 - They thought. - No, I'm fine. 660 00:27:49,963 --> 00:27:51,873 We were gonna come find you right after brunch. 661 00:27:51,873 --> 00:27:52,623 We? 662 00:27:53,969 --> 00:27:56,170 - Aah! - Aah! 663 00:27:56,170 --> 00:27:59,395 - Aah! - Don't shoot! I'm unarmed! 664 00:27:59,395 --> 00:28:01,044 Dear God, you can speak. 665 00:28:01,044 --> 00:28:03,213 Show me your hands! 666 00:28:03,213 --> 00:28:06,350 He's okay, O'Hara. 667 00:28:06,350 --> 00:28:07,418 Okay, I may have fibbed a little bit 668 00:28:07,418 --> 00:28:09,223 right out of the gates there. 669 00:28:09,223 --> 00:28:10,835 I'm armed, but I'm not dangerous. 670 00:28:10,835 --> 00:28:12,203 You look dangerous. 671 00:28:12,203 --> 00:28:13,505 I mean, I'm really dangerous. 672 00:28:13,505 --> 00:28:15,975 I'm just not vengeful or vindictive. 673 00:28:15,975 --> 00:28:17,323 It's okay, Ed. They're with me. 674 00:28:17,972 --> 00:28:19,946 Carlton, what is going on here? 675 00:28:19,946 --> 00:28:22,984 O'Hara, this here is Big Ed Dixon. 676 00:28:22,984 --> 00:28:25,086 He saved my life. Truth is... 677 00:28:25,086 --> 00:28:27,389 my ankle was a lot worse off than I admitted. 678 00:28:27,389 --> 00:28:29,124 I bled profusely, and at some point in the night, 679 00:28:29,124 --> 00:28:30,192 I passed out. 680 00:28:30,192 --> 00:28:32,329 Hey, you found my shoe! 681 00:28:32,329 --> 00:28:34,431 I found the trap with blood on it, 682 00:28:34,431 --> 00:28:37,001 saw Carlton, put two and two together, 683 00:28:37,001 --> 00:28:39,203 and felt horrible. It was my trap. 684 00:28:39,203 --> 00:28:40,372 Big Ed picked me up like a baby fawn 685 00:28:40,372 --> 00:28:42,007 and brought me back here. 686 00:28:42,007 --> 00:28:44,277 He cleaned up my ankle, redressed my wound. 687 00:28:44,277 --> 00:28:45,478 What's with the furry costume? 688 00:28:45,478 --> 00:28:47,280 And what are you doing out here? 689 00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:49,583 I've been living in these woods for over a decade. 690 00:28:49,583 --> 00:28:52,486 Sad truth is, I just lost faith in the human race. 691 00:28:52,486 --> 00:28:55,256 Now, I was an army ranger back in the day, 692 00:28:55,256 --> 00:28:59,028 so I knew I could exist at one with nature. 693 00:28:59,028 --> 00:29:01,898 I don't have to open the paper every morning and get depressed. 694 00:29:01,898 --> 00:29:03,633 You lost faith in humanity. 695 00:29:03,633 --> 00:29:05,469 You know, Gus and I thought 696 00:29:05,469 --> 00:29:07,205 about doing the same thing after we saw The Village, 697 00:29:07,205 --> 00:29:09,272 but then we didn't because that movie was horrible. 698 00:29:09,272 --> 00:29:12,711 In any event, I created this pelt suit for camouflage. 699 00:29:12,711 --> 00:29:14,413 It allows me to hunt and move about 700 00:29:14,413 --> 00:29:17,384 without disturbing the natural order of things. 701 00:29:17,384 --> 00:29:20,221 - Plus, I burn easily. - God, you're like predator. 702 00:29:20,221 --> 00:29:23,124 But totally doable. 703 00:29:23,124 --> 00:29:26,061 Well, I can't thank you enough for saving my partner, 704 00:29:26,061 --> 00:29:28,554 and I really hate to be a buzzkill here, 705 00:29:28,554 --> 00:29:30,955 but there are still three bodies that are unaccounted for. 706 00:29:30,955 --> 00:29:32,323 I suppose you wouldn't know anything about that, 707 00:29:32,323 --> 00:29:33,445 would you, Mr. Dixon? 708 00:29:33,445 --> 00:29:36,181 No, ma'am, I wouldn't hurt a fly. 709 00:29:36,181 --> 00:29:37,817 Anybody hungry? 710 00:29:37,817 --> 00:29:39,585 - Oh, yeah. - Yes. 711 00:29:39,585 --> 00:29:41,989 I've been smoking some venison outside all morning. 712 00:29:41,989 --> 00:29:45,593 Trust me, my dry-rub is the best thing you'll ever taste. 713 00:29:45,593 --> 00:29:47,462 Affirmative. 714 00:29:47,462 --> 00:29:49,965 Uh, so it smells. 715 00:29:49,965 --> 00:29:53,836 Oh, my God. You're unbelievable. 716 00:29:53,836 --> 00:29:55,706 - What? - Don't you "what?" me. 717 00:29:55,706 --> 00:29:57,874 Show me your teeth. 718 00:29:57,874 --> 00:30:00,358 You sampled the meat. It's stuck in your teeth. 719 00:30:00,358 --> 00:30:03,315 You tasted the meat when we all thought it was Lassie? 720 00:30:03,315 --> 00:30:05,651 So what, Shawn? What difference does it make? 721 00:30:05,651 --> 00:30:07,420 You're the one who said, "He smells delicious." 722 00:30:07,420 --> 00:30:10,023 I was trying to put a positive spin on a horrific event. 723 00:30:10,023 --> 00:30:11,424 I certainly wasn't gonna partake. 724 00:30:11,424 --> 00:30:13,027 I can feel my ribs, Shawn. 725 00:30:13,027 --> 00:30:14,795 Gus, it hasn't even been 24 hours. 726 00:30:14,795 --> 00:30:17,566 Okay, okay, there's plenty of meat for everyone, 727 00:30:17,566 --> 00:30:19,668 and none of it's human, okay? 728 00:30:19,668 --> 00:30:21,437 I'm gonna hoof it up to the ranger station, 729 00:30:21,437 --> 00:30:23,439 get an ATV back in here for Carlton. 730 00:30:23,439 --> 00:30:26,009 I just need to get out of this suit. 731 00:30:26,009 --> 00:30:28,679 Speaking of suits, yours should be dry by now, Carlton. 732 00:30:28,679 --> 00:30:30,081 Thanks, Ed. 733 00:30:30,081 --> 00:30:32,550 Oh, this is like crack made out of deer. 734 00:30:32,550 --> 00:30:33,853 Where is Shawn? 735 00:30:33,853 --> 00:30:36,021 Probably in the back, snooping around. 736 00:30:36,021 --> 00:30:38,091 You guys aren't at all suspicious of Ed? 737 00:30:38,091 --> 00:30:39,726 You didn't seem to have any trouble eating his food. 738 00:30:39,726 --> 00:30:40,476 Ow! 739 00:30:41,362 --> 00:30:45,333 Spencer, you better not be snooping back there! 740 00:30:45,333 --> 00:30:48,470 Pretty bare bones, huh, Ed? 741 00:30:48,470 --> 00:30:50,572 Well, what do we have there? 742 00:31:00,953 --> 00:31:03,688 I'm just saying, dude's been living here for how long? 743 00:31:03,688 --> 00:31:05,858 And he's never seen or heard anything? 744 00:31:05,858 --> 00:31:07,994 - Come on, son. - Ed Dixon's an angel 745 00:31:07,994 --> 00:31:09,997 in wolf's, bear's, and elk's clothing. 746 00:31:09,997 --> 00:31:11,464 Why would he nurse me back to health 747 00:31:11,464 --> 00:31:12,867 if he was a cold-blooded killer, Guster? 748 00:31:12,867 --> 00:31:14,369 It doesn't make sense. He's a real man. 749 00:31:14,369 --> 00:31:15,804 He's two men. 750 00:31:15,804 --> 00:31:18,007 Seven feet and what? Like, 400 pounds? 751 00:31:18,007 --> 00:31:19,809 Did you get a load of those meat hooks? 752 00:31:19,809 --> 00:31:23,202 - Can you imagine? - Imagine what? 753 00:31:47,978 --> 00:31:49,545 Hey, you guys, you should get in here. 754 00:31:49,545 --> 00:31:52,284 Damn it, Spencer, I told you not to-- 755 00:31:54,185 --> 00:31:56,486 I found these buried in the bottom 756 00:31:56,486 --> 00:31:58,022 of Ed's foot locker, soaking wet. 757 00:31:58,406 --> 00:32:00,407 - It's Jimmy del Ray. - Titus Clackum. 758 00:32:00,407 --> 00:32:01,797 Both went missing two weeks ago. 759 00:32:01,797 --> 00:32:03,596 The trail went ice-cold. They're associated 760 00:32:03,596 --> 00:32:04,883 with the Serbian crime syndicate up north. 761 00:32:04,883 --> 00:32:06,541 These guys have taken contract killing 762 00:32:06,541 --> 00:32:08,510 - to a whole new level. - What did I tell you? 763 00:32:08,510 --> 00:32:10,546 Big Ed is taking out the trash for mobsters 764 00:32:10,546 --> 00:32:12,481 - who don't even speak English. - We don't know that for sure. 765 00:32:12,481 --> 00:32:13,883 I mean, they're bound to have accents. 766 00:32:13,883 --> 00:32:16,253 Wait, there were three bodies in that hole. 767 00:32:16,253 --> 00:32:18,055 - A woman? - Not necessarily. 768 00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:21,960 Aah! 769 00:32:23,296 --> 00:32:25,264 I am sensing it was a girl 770 00:32:25,264 --> 00:32:27,200 with a dragon tattoo on the calf. 771 00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:29,228 A dragon eating something bloody and heart-shaped. 772 00:32:29,228 --> 00:32:31,037 - Heart. - Eva Kirilenko. 773 00:32:31,037 --> 00:32:32,773 I've certainly booked her enough times. 774 00:32:32,773 --> 00:32:34,642 Hooker/stripper, and guess where she worked the pole. 775 00:32:34,642 --> 00:32:36,111 Clackum's. I'll be damned. 776 00:32:36,111 --> 00:32:37,612 She must've gotten mixed up in his business. 777 00:32:37,612 --> 00:32:38,981 She should've stuck to hooking. 778 00:32:38,981 --> 00:32:40,550 All right, there it is. 779 00:32:40,550 --> 00:32:42,051 We know who the dead people are, 780 00:32:42,051 --> 00:32:43,820 and we know who killed them, and we're in his house. 781 00:32:43,820 --> 00:32:45,155 Dixon, though? I mean it doesn't even 782 00:32:45,155 --> 00:32:46,557 sort of sound like Serbian name. 783 00:32:46,557 --> 00:32:48,759 Unless he changed it from Dixonovich. 784 00:32:48,759 --> 00:32:51,463 We need to get out of here. 785 00:32:54,468 --> 00:32:55,801 Oh! Aah! 786 00:32:58,506 --> 00:32:59,627 You care to explain these? 787 00:32:59,627 --> 00:33:01,675 I found those netting salmon. 788 00:33:01,675 --> 00:33:03,511 I'm afraid you're gonna have to come with us, Ed. 789 00:33:03,511 --> 00:33:05,513 I'm afraid you're not gonna make it 790 00:33:05,513 --> 00:33:07,716 out of here alive, Carlton. 791 00:33:14,025 --> 00:33:15,809 Um, Ed? 792 00:33:17,382 --> 00:33:19,430 I have a pulse. He's still alive. 793 00:33:19,430 --> 00:33:20,885 But I don't think he's gonna make it. 794 00:33:20,885 --> 00:33:22,387 - Damn it. - So does this mean 795 00:33:22,387 --> 00:33:24,766 - that Big Ed isn't a killer? - Yeah, probably, Kate. 796 00:33:24,766 --> 00:33:26,320 But I don't think now's the time to make your move. 797 00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:27,547 It's got to be the Serbians. 798 00:33:27,547 --> 00:33:29,532 Aw, come on, man. Don't tell me that. 799 00:33:29,532 --> 00:33:31,190 How do we know Ed wasn't already working for them? 800 00:33:31,190 --> 00:33:33,504 Because he saved my life, and he served our country, 801 00:33:33,504 --> 00:33:35,072 and he lost his wife, and he's got a garden, Guster. 802 00:33:35,072 --> 00:33:36,874 Why would the Serbs be out here? 803 00:33:36,874 --> 00:33:38,510 How would they have known Gus was gonna uncover those bodies? 804 00:33:38,510 --> 00:33:40,211 Right. I didn't do it on purpose. 805 00:33:40,211 --> 00:33:42,348 Wait. 806 00:33:42,348 --> 00:33:44,116 - The pictures on the blog. - What about them? 807 00:33:44,116 --> 00:33:46,219 You guys have been posting pictures on your blog 808 00:33:46,219 --> 00:33:47,988 all over these woods this week. 809 00:33:47,988 --> 00:33:50,525 The Serbs are bound to have people keeping tabs on the area. 810 00:33:50,525 --> 00:33:52,927 You basically advertised that you were out here. 811 00:33:52,927 --> 00:33:54,563 Which means they knew their dumping ground 812 00:33:54,563 --> 00:33:56,265 has been compromised, so they sent out some mule 813 00:33:56,265 --> 00:33:57,866 to tie up the loose ends and move the bodies. 814 00:33:57,866 --> 00:34:00,203 - Including me? - No, Gus, you're probably okay. 815 00:34:00,203 --> 00:34:01,438 Of course including you. 816 00:34:01,438 --> 00:34:04,375 Everyone, all of us, and poor Big Ed. 817 00:34:04,375 --> 00:34:06,110 He made it all the way back here to warn us, 818 00:34:06,110 --> 00:34:07,511 that brave sumbitch. 819 00:34:07,511 --> 00:34:09,147 Or they let him go 820 00:34:09,147 --> 00:34:11,083 so they could track him and see where he goes. 821 00:34:11,083 --> 00:34:13,271 So some cold-blooded Serbians are coming to kill us? 822 00:34:13,271 --> 00:34:15,655 Has the Student Academy Award ever been won posthumously? 823 00:34:15,655 --> 00:34:18,225 - We need to get out of here. - Gus, no, it's too dangerous. 824 00:34:18,225 --> 00:34:19,526 That's like leading lambs to slaughter. 825 00:34:19,526 --> 00:34:21,296 O'Hara's right. 826 00:34:21,296 --> 00:34:22,964 If they want a fight, we'll give them a fight. 827 00:34:22,964 --> 00:34:25,100 - I'm really more of a lover. - We know. 828 00:34:25,100 --> 00:34:26,402 So what the hell are we gonna do? 829 00:34:26,402 --> 00:34:29,171 Well, look around this place. 830 00:34:33,611 --> 00:34:35,379 Let's get ready. 831 00:34:35,379 --> 00:34:38,350 You do realize we're in grave danger, right, Chavo? 832 00:34:38,350 --> 00:34:41,019 - People need to know. - What does that even mean? 833 00:34:41,019 --> 00:34:42,989 I have no idea. It's just a default excuse 834 00:34:42,989 --> 00:34:44,424 people give in found-footage movies 835 00:34:44,424 --> 00:34:47,194 for why they keep shooting no matter what happens. 836 00:34:47,194 --> 00:34:50,364 You guys are using me like a chest of drawers, aren't you? 837 00:34:50,364 --> 00:34:53,602 - Try to relax, Ed. - Ow, that's wrong. 838 00:34:53,602 --> 00:34:56,205 Go pro or go home. 839 00:35:00,111 --> 00:35:02,412 All right. 840 00:35:02,412 --> 00:35:04,348 I think we've done all we can do for tonight. 841 00:35:04,348 --> 00:35:06,084 With any luck, sundown will come without incident. 842 00:35:06,084 --> 00:35:07,552 We can head out of here at first light. 843 00:35:07,552 --> 00:35:09,655 I'll be keeping watch out here, you guys stay 844 00:35:09,655 --> 00:35:11,991 in the back with Lassiter, and take your cues from him. 845 00:35:11,991 --> 00:35:14,995 We are light on firearms, but he's got a gun in the back, 846 00:35:14,995 --> 00:35:18,466 and God knows what he used to do with that morning star. 847 00:35:18,466 --> 00:35:20,334 I'm sorry it's come to this, 848 00:35:20,334 --> 00:35:22,704 but we will make it out of here if we work together. 849 00:35:22,704 --> 00:35:25,274 Yeah, you know what? We're sorry too. 850 00:35:25,274 --> 00:35:26,676 No, we're not. 851 00:35:26,676 --> 00:35:29,445 - Chi-Chi! Chi-Chi! Dude! - Take cover! 852 00:35:29,445 --> 00:35:31,215 Get in the cabin now! 853 00:35:31,215 --> 00:35:32,783 - Chi-Chi! - Aah! Flip the table over! 854 00:35:32,783 --> 00:35:35,720 - Gus, flip the table! - Oh, my God! 855 00:35:35,720 --> 00:35:38,056 - What about the camera? - Kate, what are you doing? 856 00:35:38,056 --> 00:35:40,393 People need to know! 857 00:35:40,393 --> 00:35:42,161 - Oh! - Katie! 858 00:35:42,161 --> 00:35:43,161 Oof! 859 00:35:44,999 --> 00:35:46,633 Dude, she tried the Denzel. 860 00:35:46,633 --> 00:35:48,203 - We're gonna get shot, Shawn! - Where did Jules go? 861 00:35:48,203 --> 00:35:49,510 I can't just leave her out here. 862 00:35:49,510 --> 00:35:51,206 At least she has a gun. 863 00:35:51,206 --> 00:35:53,676 It's the Serbs! 864 00:35:56,313 --> 00:35:57,154 Ah! Ah! 865 00:35:59,016 --> 00:36:01,017 Holy living Mary. 866 00:36:02,588 --> 00:36:04,121 What do you think that means? 867 00:36:04,121 --> 00:36:07,059 It means we need to get out of here, Shawn. 868 00:36:07,059 --> 00:36:09,061 Shawn! Gus! Where'd you guys go? 869 00:36:09,061 --> 00:36:10,230 - Shawn! - Lassie! 870 00:36:10,230 --> 00:36:12,198 Jules knows how to shoot a crossbow! 871 00:36:15,704 --> 00:36:17,972 Everybody get down! 872 00:36:23,747 --> 00:36:24,981 This is insane! 873 00:36:26,883 --> 00:36:28,085 - Holy crap! - Uh, Kate. 874 00:36:32,157 --> 00:36:33,725 What are you doing, Lassie? Shoot that dude. 875 00:36:33,725 --> 00:36:36,328 - You stay down and shut up. - Uh...somebody help us. 876 00:36:36,328 --> 00:36:38,397 Come to papa, you son of a bitch. 877 00:36:38,397 --> 00:36:39,117 Katie? 878 00:36:40,801 --> 00:36:43,670 Um...help? Somebody help us! 879 00:36:43,670 --> 00:36:45,219 - Katie? - Somebody! Somebody help us! 880 00:36:48,143 --> 00:36:50,579 Thank you! Thanks! Where's the other one? 881 00:36:50,579 --> 00:36:52,648 Lassie, you got him. You totally shot that dude. 882 00:36:52,648 --> 00:36:55,151 Of course I got him. Don't be an idiot. 883 00:36:55,151 --> 00:36:56,586 Where's O'Hara? 884 00:36:56,586 --> 00:36:59,657 I can't see anything to the west. 885 00:36:59,657 --> 00:37:03,028 This could be my last meal, Shawn. 886 00:37:03,028 --> 00:37:04,362 Whoa! 887 00:37:04,362 --> 00:37:07,133 Carlton, cover me! 888 00:37:11,272 --> 00:37:12,572 Chavo, Kate, I need you guys 889 00:37:12,572 --> 00:37:14,141 to apply pressure to each other's wounds. 890 00:37:14,141 --> 00:37:15,743 - Can you do that? - Chavo, how you holding up? 891 00:37:15,743 --> 00:37:18,646 - I peed. I'm still peeing. - Oh, Chavo, God! My hair! 892 00:37:20,817 --> 00:37:22,785 Carlton! Shawn! 893 00:37:22,785 --> 00:37:26,656 Oh, my God! He shot Lassie! 894 00:37:26,656 --> 00:37:28,458 This is gonna be so hard on my son. 895 00:37:28,458 --> 00:37:31,762 - You don't have a son. - You know what I mean, Shawn. 896 00:37:40,974 --> 00:37:44,545 Ed, you're alive. Thank you. 897 00:37:44,545 --> 00:37:46,113 No problem. 898 00:37:46,113 --> 00:37:49,084 I feel...woozy. 899 00:37:52,189 --> 00:37:54,423 - Jules, you're so badass. - What happened? 900 00:37:54,423 --> 00:37:57,127 That dead Serb shot Lassie. 901 00:37:57,127 --> 00:37:59,597 Carlton? Oh, come on. Talk to me, Carlton. 902 00:38:02,201 --> 00:38:04,718 This really hasn't been my day, O'Hara. 903 00:38:09,616 --> 00:38:11,416 It's a damn shame. 904 00:38:11,416 --> 00:38:13,362 Here lies Big Ed Dixon. 905 00:38:13,362 --> 00:38:15,922 He was a gentle giant with a sensitive soul 906 00:38:15,922 --> 00:38:18,859 and an impressive armament of medieval weaponry. 907 00:38:18,859 --> 00:38:20,261 If it wasn't for him, 908 00:38:20,261 --> 00:38:21,963 - Gus would be dead. - So would you, Shawn. 909 00:38:21,963 --> 00:38:23,098 Now that remains open for debate. 910 00:38:23,098 --> 00:38:24,532 There is no debate. 911 00:38:24,532 --> 00:38:26,302 Bang, bang, I'm dead, you're dead. 912 00:38:26,302 --> 00:38:28,250 I would've thrown the camera at his face, Gus. 913 00:38:28,250 --> 00:38:30,340 Oh, please, there's no way you would've thrown--aah! 914 00:38:30,340 --> 00:38:31,780 - Ow! - What? 915 00:38:34,313 --> 00:38:36,648 Doesn't anybody check for a pulse anymore? 916 00:38:36,648 --> 00:38:38,549 Oh, my gosh. You're still alive. 917 00:38:38,549 --> 00:38:40,119 I-I-I'm sorry. I didn't know, Ed. 918 00:38:40,119 --> 00:38:42,488 Hold on. I need an EMT over here right now! 919 00:38:42,488 --> 00:38:44,925 Ed Dixon is alive! Hang in there, Ed. 920 00:38:44,925 --> 00:38:46,293 We're gonna get you to the hospital stat. 921 00:38:46,293 --> 00:38:48,429 Um, I kind of turned my back 922 00:38:48,429 --> 00:38:50,031 on modern medicine ten years ago. 923 00:38:50,031 --> 00:38:51,565 I'm fine. 924 00:38:51,565 --> 00:38:54,102 Can you just pull this axe out of my spine, please? 925 00:38:54,102 --> 00:38:56,239 Uh, I think you might want to make an exception for this one. 926 00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:58,141 You don't want to get a staph infection. 927 00:38:58,141 --> 00:39:00,410 Yeah, I suppose so. 928 00:39:00,410 --> 00:39:03,647 I'm getting woozy. 929 00:39:03,647 --> 00:39:07,018 Didn't anybody hear me? Ed Dixon is alive! 930 00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:48,168 That's pretty much it, guys. That's--that's our film. 931 00:39:48,168 --> 00:39:51,106 - Did that just say "Seacrest"? - Yeah, you know what, Chavo? 932 00:39:51,106 --> 00:39:53,142 I realized, uh, while I was doing the credits 933 00:39:53,142 --> 00:39:55,011 that I don't know your last name. 934 00:39:55,011 --> 00:39:58,782 I mean, I assume it's something like "Cortez" or "Jinjosa," 935 00:39:58,782 --> 00:40:01,485 or "Ponce de Leon," but, uh, I wasn't positive, 936 00:40:01,485 --> 00:40:03,454 so I just, uh-- I went with something safe. 937 00:40:03,454 --> 00:40:05,423 - That is safe. - It's genius, Shawn. 938 00:40:05,423 --> 00:40:07,226 That is the best film I have seen 939 00:40:07,226 --> 00:40:08,994 since Love and Basketball. 940 00:40:08,994 --> 00:40:10,463 Wow, that's-- 941 00:40:10,463 --> 00:40:12,032 Oh, um, I really liked 942 00:40:12,032 --> 00:40:14,034 some of the nice editing choices you made. 943 00:40:14,034 --> 00:40:15,703 The dissolve was great. And, ooh! 944 00:40:15,703 --> 00:40:18,039 The--the flashback? Nice touch. 945 00:40:18,039 --> 00:40:21,743 Well, uh, that flashback is actually how it-- 946 00:40:21,743 --> 00:40:24,180 how it looks in my head, this psychic brain of mine. 947 00:40:24,180 --> 00:40:26,549 I thought it might be nice to give you guys a little peek 948 00:40:26,549 --> 00:40:28,419 into the process that I am a slave to. 949 00:40:28,419 --> 00:40:30,387 Interesting. 950 00:40:30,387 --> 00:40:32,624 Please remove your arm from around my shoulder this second. 951 00:40:32,624 --> 00:40:34,259 You got it, chief. 952 00:40:34,259 --> 00:40:36,327 Yes, well, you're all very lucky to be alive. 953 00:40:36,327 --> 00:40:38,264 The Serbians don't mess around. 954 00:40:38,264 --> 00:40:41,068 Especially when they're wearing masks and speaking Serbian. 955 00:40:41,068 --> 00:40:42,369 Well said, pop. 956 00:40:42,369 --> 00:40:44,271 I'm also happy to report 957 00:40:44,271 --> 00:40:46,741 that Big Ed will make a full recovery. 958 00:40:46,741 --> 00:40:48,443 - Mm-hmm. - God love him. 959 00:40:48,443 --> 00:40:50,079 And if I may just add that, 960 00:40:50,079 --> 00:40:51,413 while I'm not particularly pleased 961 00:40:51,413 --> 00:40:53,682 with how I'm portrayed in this film, 962 00:40:53,682 --> 00:40:57,087 Detective O'Hara's heroics cannot be overstated. 963 00:40:57,087 --> 00:40:59,290 Yeah! 964 00:40:59,290 --> 00:41:00,858 Shawn, thanks for putting this all together. 965 00:41:00,858 --> 00:41:03,261 It was the least we can do. I mean, after all, 966 00:41:03,261 --> 00:41:05,363 you are giving up your Student Academy Award 967 00:41:05,363 --> 00:41:06,865 by offering up this footage as evidence. 968 00:41:06,865 --> 00:41:08,734 Hopefully it will bring you some comfort to know 969 00:41:08,734 --> 00:41:10,269 that the remaining killer will be prosecuted 970 00:41:10,269 --> 00:41:11,805 to the full extent of the law. 971 00:41:11,805 --> 00:41:13,774 Well, it all worked out about as well as it could 972 00:41:13,774 --> 00:41:16,377 considering that most of you have gunshot wounds. 973 00:41:16,377 --> 00:41:19,881 You ever been shot, papa bear? 974 00:41:19,881 --> 00:41:23,018 Yeah. Yeah, as a matter of fact, I have. 975 00:41:23,018 --> 00:41:25,422 Wow. That's super hot. 976 00:41:25,422 --> 00:41:28,125 Okay, well, you know, some of us do have to get back 977 00:41:28,125 --> 00:41:30,795 to running a precinct, so-- 978 00:41:30,795 --> 00:41:32,763 I appreciate that, Karen, but you're the one 979 00:41:32,763 --> 00:41:35,767 that does the heavy lifting around here. 980 00:41:35,767 --> 00:41:38,238 Drive safe, if you drove. 981 00:41:42,577 --> 00:41:44,745 "Gopher"? You credited me as "Gopher"? 982 00:41:44,745 --> 00:41:46,180 You must be out of your damn mind, Shawn. 983 00:41:46,180 --> 00:41:47,349 I put my life on the line. 984 00:41:47,349 --> 00:41:49,451 I was supposed to be C-camera operator 985 00:41:49,451 --> 00:41:51,287 and co-producer. We had a deal. 986 00:41:51,287 --> 00:41:52,788 Not to mention my points on the back end. 987 00:41:52,788 --> 00:41:54,490 You're right. This is an outrage. 988 00:41:54,490 --> 00:41:56,275 I'm gonna take this up with post. 989 00:41:56,275 --> 00:41:57,427 Cool. 990 00:41:57,427 --> 00:42:00,040 Wait a second, you are post. Get back here, Shawn! 991 00:42:01,305 --> 00:43:01,324 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today