Do you know what this is about?
No clue. Got the same memo you did.
Hey, did you guys get the memo?
We got the memo! We got the memo!
We had to share a memo. Who sent the memo?
Let's just hope it's not from Trout.
God,
please let it not be Trout. Amen.
Amen. Amen.
(ALL GASPING)
Well, hello team!
Karen! You came back!
Chief, you have no idea what we've been through.
It was awful! Trout was hell.
Mostly for Lassie, but this feels rich.
I mean this feels like home again.
It does, doesn't it?
So that's why it's gonna be even harder for me
to say what I'm about to say now.
(GASPING)
You're having another baby!
What? No.
Oh!
I came back to say goodbye.
I've accepted a position up north, Bay Area,
effective immediately.
Chief, you can't leave.
You're not even back yet.
Guys, this is the hardest professional decision that I've ever had to make
and that's all because of you guys.
God, we've been through a lot together.
I'm damn proud of the work that we've done.
I had some time to give it a lot of thought...
So, excuse me, who's the new chief?
That's still undetermined, Carlton.
Oh! KAREN: Okay.
This new job is an opportunity for me
to build the brand new station from the ground up,
keys to the castles.
Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
So is there a shortlist?
And, if so, am I on it?
What is your role in this situation?
I'll put in a call, Carlton.
You'll get an interview.
(WHISPERING) Get in here.
I think we're done here.
Mmm-hmm. SHAWN: Yeah!
It's been a privilege, Karen. Thank you!
We're gonna miss you the heck out of you, Chief,
but this isn't goodbye,
cause there's no such thing as goodbye.
Goodbye, Chief!
Catch you on the flipside.
Shawn. Yeah?
Leave the fish. Mmm-hmm.
Yep, this does not belong to me.
I don't want you to go.
Juliet, take a seat.
Alright, Carlton.
You are the man who will be chief.
It's just a formality.
You're at the top of the list, so act like it.
(GRUNTING)
Woo! Ha!
MAYOR: Oh, no, no, there was no list.
I had narrowed it down to a few candidates
and you weren't one of them.
But then, Karen Vick called
and practically begged me to consider you.
(CLEARING THROAT)
Hiring the great city's new chief of police is a...
Well, it's a big moment for me.
That water is not for the interviewees.
(COUGHING)
You ever heard of Archie Baxter, Detective?
(COUGHING) Excuse me.
He was my uncle.
He was the only father I ever knew.
He brought me out here, in the back of a station wagon in the '60s.
Decent man.
Salt of the earth.
Teetotaler.
He was married to his work.
He made his living as a crime reporter.
Back then, this town was owned by the mob,
including the police.
But he dug a little too deep
and got murdered for it.
That was in 1967 during the tenure of Chief Olson Watt.
Watt was a very fine man, sir.
Olson Watt was a duplicitous, bald bastard
who stonewalled anyone who tried to find out the truth.
And that is the kind of thing
that won't happen on my watch.
I will fight for those who...
Huh!
I'm just gonna leave now, sir. (CLEARING THROAT)
Oh, God! (ELEVATOR BELL DINGING)
People, we have a case.
One which will have no small impact on my future
as Chief of the Santa Barbara Police Department.
This file is my ticket to immortality.
Strode, read the autopsy report and keep it clean.
Ah!
Former SBPD coroner, Slippery Dick Miller.
Boy! There is a blast from the past.
Carry on, Strode.
Okay, we are, uh...
We are looking at one, uh, Archie Baxter.
Uh, looks to be about six feet, uh, two.
Woody, there's no body.
Oh, is that a relief!
I thought maybe I was the only one that couldn't see it.
What the hell am I doing here?
Archie Baxter was killed in 1967.
The SBPD swept his case under the rug.
So? I was not in the force in '67.
Wait, how... How old do you all think I am?
What does the cold case have to do with you being chief, Carlton?
Because Archie Baxter was just like me. I know how he thinks.
He was a hound for justice and it got him killed.
Plus he was the mayor's uncle.
Oh!
Keep reading, Strode.
Cause of death,
blunt force trauma to the chest...
MILLER: Internal bleeding from impact.
Fatal sternal fracture, eight broken ribs.
Guy's heart's gotta look like a whoopee cushion. Whoa!
This dude really axed it to the Fat Shack.
Dusted.
FUBAR.
Wipeout.
(EXHALING)
Blood alcohol level suggests
that he was moderately to severely cootered, man.
Fiction! Archie Baxter was a teetotaler
and the police report indicates
that a sky blue Cadillac Eldorado
was seen driving away from the crash site.
Don't you get it?
Someone wanted his death to look like an accident.
And we're gonna find that someone
and the mayor's gonna make me chief and it's gonna be glorious.
Now, saddle up and let's ride.
Lassie needs us.
It's time to throw on our love beads,
grow out our treasure trails,
go beyond the Valley of the Dolls.
Now who wants to light my fire?
I do! I do.
In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity
I'm not inclined to resign to maturity
If it's all right then you're all wrong
But why bounce around to the same damn song?
You'd rather run when you can't crawl
I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth
I know, you know They just don't have any proof
Embrace the deception Learn how to bend
Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end
(SCREAMING)
GUS: Ah, the Mirror.
Santa Barbara's political and cultural heartbeat.
Her pages are interwoven into the fabric of our local community, Shawn.
Yep.
I'm pretty sure there's an app for that now.
Yeah. CARLTON: Found it!
It's not much to go on. But it's all we've got.
(BOTH SCREAMING)
What the hell?
Come on, man, you know that moment needed something.
CARLTON: Crime reporter.
He dedicates his life to the pursuit of the truth
and all he has to show for it is a cardboard box full of crap.
Hello. What's this?
That is the Limelighter Lounge
owned back in the day by Rodney Caruso.
Rodney Caruso, the infamous mobster?
Is there any other kind?
I don't know. Ask Richard Grieco.
Dude, how dope would it be to be in the Mob?
Hmm. Or even married to the Mob?
Just look at that and tell me what pops out at you.
SHAWN: Ah, it looks like the cleaner's is open, that's cool.
GUS: I see a little kid who should probably be in school.
SHAWN: Couple of drunk cops.
Ooh, that's a good looking bulldog.
Drunk cops,
in the middle of the day, patronizing a Mob joint?
That must've been what Archie was after.
Hey, Watt!
You care to explain this?
That's a good looking bulldog.
Cut the crap!
I'm clocking two of your guys walking out
of Rodney Caruso's joint, drunk,
in the middle of the day. Maybe they were thirsty.
Well, they were thirsty the day before that and the day before that.
What are you driving at, Baxter?
How many of your guys are in Caruso's pocket?
I have neither the time nor the patience
to explain myself to a two-bit reporter.
You barge in here like this again,
I'll have your job.
Now, get the hell out of my office.
I'm sure somewhere there's a cat stuck in a tree.
Go write an exposé about that.
I'll be back.
Next stop, Limelighter Lounge.
Come on, guys.
Are you gonna steal a dead man's desk thermometer?
Fine!
CARLTON: All right, sock it to me, partner. What did you find?
Well, I searched the records room.
Watt never launched an investigation into Caruso
in his entire tenure as chief.
Not one inquiry.
Well, isn't that interesting as hell?
Man, it's gonna be all musty in here.
You're musty. Your mom is musty.
I think we should all split up.
Cover way more ground that way.
I'll go with Jules and this whole thing
will become an invested date. Ha!
See what I did there you guys? Grow up!
So, why are you so on fire
to help Lassiter with this case?
It's not just Lassie, Jules.
It's Rufus Sewell, it's Sophie B. Hawkins.
I mean they're all born in '67.
Ah, I'd love me some Sophie B.
Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover.
You are.
Well, then I guess I must be doing this for us.
Because you'll be bumped up to head detective
when Lassie gets promoted to chief.
Naturally, I'll get a title bump as well.
Something like, uh,
first lover in the night time. Hmm?
Maybe a little bit of bacon.
You don't know this for sure.
Okay, I suppose I don't.
We'll workshop the title.
But it's moot because you are gonna be in
and we're gonna get a hot tub
and I'm gonna buy you a dolphin. (GASPING)
And you can name her Cher who was also born in '67.
That doesn't sound right to me, Shawn.
There's nothing in there.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?
What is that?
What does it look like? You gonna steal that?
It's a victimless crime, Shawn.
You realize that's not the whole fryer?
JULIET: It's just the basket.
GUS: Man, you don't know...
CARLTON: O'Hara, look at this!
I will be damned
if that isn't Chief Olson Watt
living it up at the Limelighter.
Whoa, Lassie, just forget about Watt for a second
because that is my guy.
Rodney Caruso
and his smoking hot girlfriend,
Scarlett Jones. (CLICKING TONGUE)
Oh, come on. I can say that about women from other centuries.
Rodney Caruso was a cold-blooded killer, Shawn.
I bet it would've made one hell of a capo
at La Cosa Nostril.
Nostra. Oh, I don't know.
I may have a wandering spirit,
I'm not great with a blade but...
I'm good. What?
Myles Velour Jr. And the Velour-ettes.
He was as cool as the other side of the pillow.
(GRUNTING)
My old man listened to all of those records when I was little.
(FUNK MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING)
WATT: Oh, I got one bullet left.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Well, well, well.
Chief Watt.
It is so good to see you loosening your tie a little bit here.
After all, mi casa es su casa, mi amigo.
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
Forgive this interruption.
The next round is on me.
Oh! (ALL LAUGHING)
I like that.
(CONTINUES SINGING)
Thank you!
The mayor was right about Watt.
First, Henry gets popped by a dirty cop and now this.
There are more stains on Santa Barbara's carpet than I care to steam.
Carlton, we're gonna need more than old photos
and police records that don't exist.
Watt is dead. Caruso is dead.
Even Myles Velour cashed in his chips.
So, unless there is someone alive we can actually talk to...
Melba Birdsong.
Gus, we can't just make up a fun name.
We need an actual human person we can put screws to.
Melba Birdsong was one of the Velour-ettes, Shawn.
And I know she's still alive because she's appearing in Sounder, the Musical.
It's playing at the Old Cosmopolitan.
My dad and I have tickets
and yes, I found the other piece to the fryer, so...
Suck it.
MELBA: Myles!
He was smooth as the Lord makes 'em.
Ooh, I knew it!
And the Lord makes 'em smooth.
(LAUGHING) Yeah!
Miss Birdsong, you were about to tell us
what you remember about Olson Watt.
MELBA: Well, there ain't much to tell.
Back in the day,
I made it my business to stay away from the police.
You never spoke to him? Not me!
I heard Myles talk to him, a time or two.
Watt wasn't playing games.
MYLES: I don't know what you're talking about.
WATT: I know Caruso's a rat.
I'm gonna clean up this sewer.
You know where the drop is going down. Now give it up.
Hey, I'll smack it out of ya.
Listen man, easy, easy.
His business is his business.
When you have a cat like Caruso as your boss,
you just keep your nose clean, you dig?
I'm just a ham-and-eggs man.
What? Boss man doesn't even dig me, you dig?
I only got this gig because his chick is a fan of the funk.
Scarlett Jones.
(CHUCKLING) She's a twist, baby.
Every now and then, I do a private clambake for him and Scarlett
and you don't wanna know no more than that, Chief.
So Watt wasn't dirty after all.
Well, it was a long time ago.
But from what I can remember,
the Chief was one of the good guys.
Melba, why are you so nervous?
I'm not nervous.
It's okay.
Caruso can't hurt you now.
Yeah, you don't want to be keeping your secrets for dead white gangsters, sister.
Let that bird fly.
(SIGHING)
Myles was like a brother to me.
Mmm.
He wasn't being straight with the Chief because he had his own problems.
What kind of problems?
Myles used to handle Caruso's money for him from time to time.
The problem was Myles loved to gamble.
Uh!
First, you steal from me,
and then you lie to me.
I cannot wait to see what you do for an encore, my friend.
(CHUCKLING)
You must think I am a damn fool. No.
A clown who rides the bull at the rodeo. No!
No, Boss!
Perhaps one of those tall, skinny people with the curly hair
who pretend to be stuck in a box,
or walking against the wind.
Street mime.
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't put a bullet in your head, right now?
I'm just a ham-and-eggs man.
(CHUCKLING)
(SOBBING)
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Boss.
It's the chips. They keep calling me.
You are lucky, my friend.
Lucky that my woman loves the way that you bring in the noise,
the way that you bring in the funk.
You're gonna repay your debt to me and then some.
You're going to do everything I tell you to do
exactly when I tell you to do it.
Sounds like it was gonna take more than a couple of private shows
to work off Velour's debt to Caruso.
(CLEARING THROAT)
What's that picture? Me, Myles
and Paella Powell.
I slapped the hell out of that bitch once.
CARLTON: It's also the same type of car
that was seen at the crime scene,
a sky blue Cadillac Eldorado.
Oh, yes, that car was Myles' baby.
So, Myles Velour killed Archie Baxter.
Caruso made him his hatchet man.
He did it to save his own skin.
Oh, that's impossible. He was...
I solved the case.
I'm gonna be Chief of Police.
Hey! No! You can't just go in...
Terribly sorry to interrupt, sir,
but I think you're going to want to see this.
Seriously?
John Lavin's a candidate?
He's been collecting disability for over a decade
and he doesn't even walk funny.
I was shot in the chest.
You wrote a screenplay last year! So?
What the hell is your problem, Lassiter?
You have some nerve barging in on me like this.
I know who killed your uncle, sir.
Are you freaking kidding me?
Do you think I don't know about Myles Velour?
Didn't I tell you
that I have been obsessed with my uncle's case since I was a boy?
That I have all his possessions at my house?
Well then, sir, you know that Velour was a spineless yes man
with a gambling addiction.
What I do know is that he was arrested for starting a bar fight
after a show in Kansas City on the very night that Archie was killed.
That is a matter of public record, Detective.
So, if that's all you've got,
I suggest that you apologize
to me, to John, and to Agnes on the way out,
because you'll be leaving now.
I'm ridiculously sorry, sir.
You sold a script last year, man.
What are you even doing here?
(CHUCKLING)
Oh, no, it was that bad.
He's been inconsolable since we got back.
Well, serves him right.
Dude was all over brother
just because he had a bouffant and a blue Caddy.
Gus, that's not true.
Oh, honestly I haven't been paying attention.
Here's a question. Hmm?
Is Scarlett Jones still alive?
Beats me! Easy enough to check though. Why?
Because all we know for sure
is that Archie Baxter was after someone
or something in this picture.
And that
is Scarlett Jones.
Carlton, splash some water on your face. We got a new lead.
Huh?
Yep, that's the one.
You sure? Because it's been over 40 years.
Of course, I'm sure. I may have the bod for sin
but I have the memory of an adult elephant.
He was obsessed with this picture.
Did she just say she had a bod for sin?
Yes! She needs Jesus.
(CHUCKLES)
Can I smoke? What do you think?
I think you want me the same way a land turtle wants crab apples.
(STAMMERING) Just answer the questions, please.
Well, what's in it for me?
Baxter was asking you about your boyfriend Rodney, wasn't he?
The fact that half the police force
was already on the payroll, right?
Huh? Ring any belly bells?
Oh, sugar! Is that the dragon you're chasing?
Well, I hate to burst your yummy little bubble,
but Archie Baxter was a deadbeat drunk.
And there was only one thing in that photo that he was after.
ARCHIE: Jonesy!
You again!
It's okay.
Jonesy!
Ooh!
So, did you talk to her yet? Hmm?
Did you talk to her? Oh, down boy!
Your lipstick's showing.
You said you were gonna talk to her for me.
You said you were gonna put in a good word.
You're just yanking my chain.
(SCOFFS) Not for all the tea in China.
Uh, just look at her!
Look, can't you see?
Right there.
So beautiful.
She just looks right through me.
I don't know why you carry that stupid photo around when you can look...
No, Jonesy... Shh! Don't point.
She's gonna think I'm staring at her like some
desperate kook.
It's never gonna happen for you, Archie.
Let's just say Melba prefers a softer touch.
Stop torturing yourself. Let me call you a cab.
What do you mean a cab?
(STAMMERING) You lying...
Get off, I'm fine.
Now can I smoke? No!
Do you mean to tell me this whole murder charade is just about some
crush that didn't pan out?
Murder? Archie Baxter wasn't murdered.
He stumbled out of there and drove himself off a cliff.
Everyone knows that.
Now is there, um, anything else?
Or shall we just skip to dessert?
No! No! No!
Uh, thank you.
You're free to go. It's just a monumental waste of time.
That's why Myles didn't get up on that.
Melba has a thing for the ladies.
I have a whole new respect for Melba toast.
Come on, you guys, it takes a lot of courage, resolve
to live your life as an old, black lesbian.
Bet your ass it does. You know that's right!
SHAWN: You know what I mean? BOTH: Mmm-hmm.
What the hell am I doing?
There is no case here. There never was. Mmm-mmm.
I will just have to
rely on the strength of my interview with the mayor
and my people skills.
Ooh!
I'm so screwed.
That's not optimal.
It's not... It's not great. Mmm-mmm.
(SIGHS)
Mmm.
(SNORING) (CHUCKLING)
You wake up. I need to ask you something.
Yes! Yes, we have tickets to Howard Jones at the Santa Barbara Bowl.
Guess who's opening? I'm giving you one hint.
Chief Vick asked me to be her head detective.
Homicide, obviously.
Uh...
Wow!
But, you know if Carlton's promoted, I'm...
I'm looking at the same opportunity here. You were right.
You know he told me as much already. See?
(SIGHING)
Plus, I'm here.
Oh, right!
Plus, you're here. Of course.
And you know the...
The pay will be so much better here
because of time served.
I mean it's really a no-brainer which
is why, as flattering as it is, I'm...
I'm not really considering it.
Plus you know, San Francisco is littered with
shallow, entitled,
49er fans.
Ugly on the inside type people, right? Right. Right.
Don't need that, you know... Right.
I said you can't park your car there.
ARCHIE: (IN GRAVELLY VOICE) Carlton!
Carl...
(COUGHING)
Carlton, come on man. Wake up!
Huh!
Oh! Don't be dumb.
You're dreaming. I'm a ghost.
We haven't got much time. Sorry!
Avenge me!
I was murdered.
You drove yourself off a cliff, you drunk, degenerate lunger.
I never had a drink in my life.
My nephew told you that.
Except that night in Korea when Stalin died.
Stinking red.
Now you listen to me.
Scarlett Jones had plenty of reasons to lie.
Come on. Think about it.
You're better than this.
You stay the course.
You're all I have.
Adieu!
Remember me!
What are you looking at?
You still see me?
Oh, there I go.
(GASPING)
CARLTON: Shake a leg, Strode.
She was lying, Strode.
Scarlett Jones must've been covering for boyfriend, Rodney Caruso,
because he left her everything
and any case brought against him would've affected her directly.
So who killed Archie Baxter?
If I knew that, do you think I would be standing here
with you at 3:00 a.m.?
Now, I'm wondering something.
You're wondering if a woman in a camisole
was wearing this bear's head
mere seconds before your arrival?
No, I'm wondering is there anything else
that could've accounted for Baxter's level of intoxication?
I asked myself the very same question.
So I checked levels of gamma-glutamyl transpeptidase in his blood,
which as you know, is usually very high in people who drink.
Not in the case of Mr. Baxter.
That man's liver was dead sexy and I'm not even a liver man.
I mean, I'm not, not a liver man.
So Baxter wasn't drunk. Probably not,
but the level of phenobarbitone in his blood
suggests the presence of barbiturates.
Barbiturates?
How the hell did Slippery Dick Miller miss that?
We pathologists have come a long way since the Age of Aquarius.
This confirms it, Strode.
Scarlett Jones is a liar
and Baxter was after Caruso.
I am so close, I can taste it.
Oh, me too. I'm gonna bounce.
Thanks, Strode.
Oh, and Lassie, if you...
If you happen to run into half a bear in the alley,
don't shoot it.
You got it, buddy.
SHAWN: It's 6:00 in the morning, Lassie.
We're missing something.
It's called sleep.
This place is as close as we're gonna get to solving Baxter's murder.
We gotta keep looking. Where?
It's a victimless crime, Shawn.
Follow me!
Gus! (YELLS)
Everybody in.
Everybody out!
Bingo!
Caruso's calls were being tapped.
That's a thing, right? Tapped?
If Caruso's calls were being monitored,
there are bound to be tapes around here somewhere.
This could be the break that we need.
If Archie's behind this, I know exactly where to find them.
Come on, gang.
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
Mr. Mayor, I'm so terribly sorry to interrupt.
He gets a home interview?
And you're serving lemonade?
I'd offer you a glass, but you're not really great with liquid, are you?
(LAUGHING)
Shut up, Cancelosi.
Alright, Mr. Mayor, uh...
I'm on the receiving end of some very serious vibes
about your uncle Archie Baxter
and we just need to take a look at some of his personal belongings.
Do you, now?
I seem to recall you having some very
serious vibes about me... Hmm.
Which happened to be dead wrong and almost cost me my candidacy.
Good point, Mr. Mayor, but I made Shawn promise never to mix
politics and the supernatural ever again.
Yeah, maybe we can put our differences aside now for a common goal.
Yeah. Which is what?
Bringing justice to the memory of Archibald Baxter.
Please, Mr. Mayor, indulge us just this once.
We need to see some of your uncle's belongings.
You've been awfully quiet this morning, sweetheart,
like a silent ninja,
which makes me think you're either planning
to assassinate a Japanese warlord or
you're giving some real serious consideration to taking that job.
Nope!
I've made up my mind.
So you better help solve this case if you want a hot tub.
Are you sure?
CARLTON: He might be right. There's nothing in here.
Myles Velour, Velour de Luxe Volume 1?
What?
Huh.
Why are there two of those?
Because someone recorded over this one.
(R&B MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING WITH TAPE)
Shh.
(CONTINUES SINGING)
CARUSO: (ON TAPE) What the hell is puce?
Can't we just paint it purple?
MAN: Puce is purple, sir. CARUSO: Oh, that's fine.
Then paint the office puce.
I like puce very much.
Caruso liked puce.
Let's see what else we got?
SCARLETT: Baxter came around again.
That's Scarlett Jones.
He's asking even more questions.
MYLES: Baby, baby!
You worry too much, girl.
He asking about Rodney, right?
Yeah, so far.
That's 'cause he ain't on to us, sugar,
and he ain't never gonna be.
What the hell were we thinking being out so close to that club?
Now he's got that photograph.
He's probably already made copies.
MYLES: Oh baby, baby!
SCARLETT: Myles, Myles, are you listening to me?
Holy cow!
The mobster's moll was having an affair with the cocoa crooner.
SCARLETT: This problem of ours isn't gonna go away on its own, sugar.
MYLES: I smell what you're cooking now, jelly bean, but
(CHUCKLING) I can't get caught with my cat in the cradle.
SCARLETT: Just slip me your keys at the club tonight.
I'll take care of it like I take care of everything else around here.
I can't believe it.
While trying to uncover corruption within the SBPD,
Archie stumbled upon a secret that even he wasn't prepared for.
Caruso's lady was making nighttime noises with the cocoa crooner.
Since when does he say "Cocoa"?
If Caruso got wind of the affair, he'd kill them both
and Scarlett knew that Archie had a picture
proving that their hands were both up in the cookie jar.
He's... He's in some kind of zone.
CARLTON: Scarlett Jones drugged Archie.
She tailed him out of Limelighter knowing that his
faculties were significantly compromised.
And then like a lady, blonde she-viper,
she struck when he was at his most vulnerable.
(CARS BUMPING)
(CAR CRASHING)
Into a watery grave he went.
"Watery grave" is a nice flourish. Mmm.
It's decent at best. CARLTON: Sure.
Maybe Archie Baxter ended up being partially eaten by freshwater eels,
but it wasn't two weeks later that Chief Olson Watt used your uncle's findings
as the basis to call in the Feds who then
swept organized crime out of our beloved Santa Barbara for good.
Why didn't Watt tell anyone the truth?
Oh, when the Feds took over the investigation, they put a gag order on Watt.
He gave his testimony in court but that was all he could do.
I'm sure it was very difficult for him.
He died not long after the court case. Yeah.
I'm sure it haunts him in his grave.
I think we are digressing here. What's happening right now?
Watt's emotions? No one cares.
As I was saying, Tom, I'm a scratch golfer
and you're welcome to take the Tesla for a spin, anytime.
Save it, Jim. We're finished here, okay? Crap.
Lassiter!
I wanna see you in my office first thing in the morning. We have much to discuss.
I won't mince words, Detective.
I didn't think you had the stones.
Sure, you have an admirable record and you've been here forever and a day,
but I was looking for that certain "it" factor
which you simply haven't exuded.
Ever!
Until yesterday!
Sure you were pulling most of your leads straight out of your rumpus, but...
Once the smoke cleared, you brought me,
and what's left of my crappy family,
some much needed and serious closure.
For that I am...
(SCOFFS)
Well, just call me grateful.
Please, Detective Lassiter!
Have some lemon water.
Thank you, sir. I was just doing my job
and you will be happy to know that
that scaly temptress Scarlett Jones will be prosecuted
to the fullest extent of the law.
Great!
So let's get on with it.
You're my new chief! Congrats.
And don't get cocky on me.
Thank you, sir.
You have no idea how much this means to me.
Oh, I think I do.
I can assure you with the team
I've already assembled on paper, the future is...
Easy there, tiger.
I haven't finished laying the land. Have a seat.
There are conditions.
And believe you me, these conditions are in place for your own good...
(ALL APPLAUDING)
Afternoon, O'Hara.
Good afternoon, Chief.
That was quite an entrance.
That was unexpected,
but not unappreciated.
You have long since earned their respect and admiration,
just in case you were wondering.
So, how does it feel?
And why aren't you at your desk?
In your chair?
Come on. Let's do this.
All right! All right! All right!
Here it is.
(IMITATING A PHONE RINGING)
(CONTINUES IMITATING)
Lassiter. (CLEARING THROAT)
Chief Lassiter.
All right, all right. I admit it.
Feels pretty good.
Oh, pretty good? Well, try again.
(IMITATES RINGING)
It feels
like a pure crack screw job is what it feels like.
You dedicate your entire life
to one thing that really matters.
They tell you, you've gotta...
Carlton, you wanna tell me what's going on here,
'cause you're kinda freaking me out a little.
It's no good, O'Hara.
I can't sit behind that desk and pretend I don't wanna be out there with you,
watching each other's backs and
raiding some psychopath's den of death.
Carlton! I said, it's no good!
It's your lifelong dream.
You read your mother her Miranda rights
at seven years old for parking in a loading zone.
Do you remember telling me that?
Now you can't tell me
that you're actually getting cold feet about accepting your birthright.
Swaggerty won't let me keep you.
I see.
Self-righteous son of a bitch is flanking me with all his own people.
Like I need propping up! He says it is for my own good. That I...
I lack experience in an executive capacity.
He told me to take it or leave it.
You're gonna be transferred.
There's nothing I can do about it.
You're still the Chief of Police.
What's it worth?
You've never left me out there. Not for one day.
You know you have to do this. No, I don't.
You're still my subordinate, so you listen to me.
We have spent eight long years
putting our lives in each other's hands.
I've watched you fight.
I've watched you almost die.
But you didn't let me.
That's a two-way street.
I never would have gotten here without you.
You've been so much more than a partner.
You're my confidante.
You showed me immeasurable patience,
and loyalty.
You are very important to me, Juliet,
and I don't always do a really great job of letting you know that.
So, I'm telling you now.
You deserve to be this department's head detective
just as much as I deserve to be it's chief.
And I'm not going to do that without you.
So, I've made my decision.
Me too.
You inspire me, partner.
Always have.
You've believed in me since day one.
You have given me courage
and strength and taught me accountability
and how to ration my ammo in the event of a nuclear holocaust.
You're welcome for that.
You have a family to think about now.
It's time to turn the page, Carlton.
And you know what? Just knowing
you would make that sacrifice for me,
gives me all the clarity I need.
What the hell are you talking about?
Everything happens for a reason.
I'm going with Karen.
And you are gonna be chief,
and it is all gonna be okay.
Obviously, you have to go and I understand that. I...
You have to go so we're gonna do whatever it takes.
Will we?
Maybe you don't come to San Francisco, right away.
You know, maybe you stay here and sort out stuff.
You know, I'll need to get settled anyway,
and it's just five hours up the Interstate. So...
Can say that again. It barely qualifies as long distance.
I mean, let's be real.
I could run to you in like half a day.
Well, I mean maybe if you were a train.
Well, you should never underestimate my caboose.
You know what?
Why don't you stay here tomorrow? What?
I'll drive myself.
Oh come on, no way! You sleep in.
No way! Yes way, Shawn.
I just thrust this on you without even considering your situation.
I mean, we haven't even talked about your dad.
He'll be fine. He has a TV.
I want you to come to San Francisco.
I do!
When you're ready, okay?
Come when you're ready.
That is fair, right?
And reasonable? That's reasonable.
Can you feel me being reasonable,
because I'm kind of freaking out right now. Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Come over here.
Come lay next to my body. Right here.
Put the rest of your gray pantsuits in the bag
and then come lay down.
They are not all gray.
They're mostly gray and they're money and I love them.
And I always have and I love you.
Oh, the alarm is gonna go off so early.
There's zero percent chance that I'm gonna hear that.
You have to shake me hard, you know?
Okay!
I'll help you carry your stuff down.
That bag is the corner is like 700 pounds.
It's gonna be 4:30, Shawn.
We're gonna have to play that by ear here.
We're gonna do whatever it takes.
Okay.
Whatever it takes.
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