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>> PRINCIPAL VAGINA HERE
DON'T LET THE NAME FOOL YOU.
I'M VERY MUCH IN CHARGE
REMINDING YOU THAT TONIGHT IS
OUR ANNUAL FLU SEASON DANCE.
I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I
HAVE TO SAY THIS, BUT IF YOU
HAVE THE FLU, STAY HOME.
>> HEY.
>> THE FLU SEASON DANCE IS ABOUT
AWARENESS, NOT CELEBRATION.
>> Morty: [ SIGHS ]
>> YOU DON'T BRING DEAD BABIES
TO PASSOVER.
>> Morty: OKAY. HERE WE GO.
H-HEY, JESSICA.
UH...
>> WHAT'S UP, MORTY?
[ SNEEZES ]
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> Morty: UM...
>> WAIT, WAIT.
WERE YOU ABOUT TO TALK...TO HER?
>> Morty: WELL...I MEAN, I WAS
THINKING ABOUT IT.
>> DUDE, STAY IN YOUR LEAGUE.
LOOK AT HOW HOT SHE IS.
YOU DON'T SEE ME GOING TO A
BIGGER SCHOOL IN A WEALTHIER
DISTRICT AND HITTING ON THEIR
PRETTIEST GIRL.
>> GEE, THANKS, BRAD.
>> I THROW BALLS FAR.
YOU WANT GOOD WORDS?
DATE A LANGUAGER.
>> Jerry: TRY NOT TO WORRY ABOUT
IT, MORTY.
YOU'RE A GOOD KID, AND THERE'S
NOT A PREMIUM ON THAT RIGHT NOW,
BUT YOU'LL BE GETTING GIRLS
SOMETIME AFTER BRAD'S OUT OF
SHAPE.
>> Morty: [ Sighing ] YOU'RE
MISSING THE POINT, DAD.
I DON'T WANT GIRLS.
I WANT JESSICA.
>> Jerry: AH, WELL, I REMEMBER
FEELING THAT WAY ABOUT A YOUNG
LADY NAMED "YOUR MOM," AND
THAT'S NOT AN URBAN DISS.
YOUR MOM WAS MY JESSICA.
I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I SAW
HER.
I THOUGHT
>> Rick: "I SHOULD GET HER
PREGNANT, AND THEN SHE'LL HAVE
TO MARRY ME."
>> Jerry: I BEG YOUR PARDON,
RICK INAPPROPRIATE.
>> Rick: SORRY, PLEASE PROCEED
WITH YOUR STORY ABOUT BANGING MY
DAUGHTER IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'M NOT SURE YOU WANT TO TAKE
ROMANTIC ADVICE FROM THIS GUY,
MORTY.
HIS MARRIAGE IS HANGING FROM A
THREAD.
>> Jerry: MY MARRIAGE IS FINE,
THANK YOU.
>> Rick: JERRY, IT'S YOUR
HOUSE WHATEVER YOU SAY IT IS
IS HOW IT IS BUT I THINK A
BLIND MAN COULD SEE THAT BETH IS
LOOKING FOR THE DOOR.
I BARELY HAVE A REASON TO CARE,
AND EVEN INOTICED.
>> Morty: COME ON, RICK!
DON'T TALK ABOUT MY PARENTS LIKE
THAT.
>> Rick: LISTEN, MORTY, I HATE
TO BREAK IT TO YOU, BUT WHAT
PEOPLE CALL "LOVE" IS JUST A
CHEMICAL REACTION THAT COMPELS
ANIMALS TO BREED.
IT HITS HARD, MORTY, THEN IT
SLOWLY FADES, LEAVING YOU
STRANDED IN A FAILING MARRIAGE.
I DID IT.
YOUR PARENTS ARE GONNA DO IT.
BREAK THE CYCLE, MORTY.
RISE ABOVE. FOCUS ON SCIENCE.
[ SLURPS ]
>> Morty: ALL RIGHT, WELL, I'M
GONNA GO GET DRESSED FOR THE
DANCE.
>> Jerry: YEAH, I'M JUST GOING
TO...CHECK ON YOUR MOM.
>> Rick: MORTY, HAND ME THAT
SCREWDRIVER, HUH?
I'M ALMOST FINISHED MAKING MY
IONIC DEFIBULIZER, MORTY.
IT'S GONNA BE GREAT.
>> Morty: HEY, LISTEN, RICK.
Y-Y-YOU KNOW HOW YOU SAID THAT,
YOU KNOW, LOVE IS A CHEMICAL AND
ALL THAT STUFF FROM EARLIER?
WELL, I WAS THINKING, YOU KNOW,
W-W COULD YOU MAKE SOME SORT
OF CHEMICAL THING HAPPEN INSIDE
OF JESSICA'S MIND, YOU KNOW, SO
WHERE SHE FALLS IN LOVE WITH ME
AND ALL THAT SORT OF THING?
YOU KNOW, LIKE, MAYBE MAKE SOME
SORT OF LOVE POTION OR
SOMETHING?
>> Rick: MORTY, THAT'S SUCH A
POOR USE OF MY TIME.
IT'S BENEATH ME.
HAND ME THE SCREWDRIVER.
>> Morty: YOU KNOW WHAT?
NO, RICK!
I'M NOT GONNA HAND YOU THE
SCREWDRIVER.
I-I'M NOT GONNA HAND YOU
ANYTHING EVER AGAIN, RICK!
I'M ALWAYS HELPING YOU WITH THIS
AND THAT AND THE OTHER THING.
W-W-W-W-W-WHAT ABOUT ME, RICK?
W-W-W-W-WHY CAN'T YOU JUST HELP
ME OUT ONCE ONCE FOR ONCE?
>> Rick: [ GROANS ]
YOU'RE GROWING UP FAST, MORTY.
YOU'RE GROWING INTO A REAL BIG
THORN STRAIGHT UP INTO MY ASS.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
LISTEN, THIS IS CALLED OXYTOCIN.
I EXTRACTED IT FROM A VOLE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT A VOLE IS,
MORTY?
YOU KNOW WHAT A VOLE IS?
IT'S A IT'S A RODENT THAT
MATES FOR LIFE, MORTY.
THIS IS THE CHEMICAL RELEASED IN
A MAMMAL'S BRAIN, YOU KNOW, THAT
MAKES IT FALL IN LOVE.
ALL RIGHT, MORTY, I JUST GOT TO
[BURPS] COMBINE IT WITH SOME OF
YOUR DNA.
>> Morty: OH, WELL, OKAY.
[ ZIPPER OPENS ]
>> Rick: A HAIR, MORTY.
I NEED ONE OF YOUR HAIRS.
THIS ISN'T "GAME OF THRONES."
>> Morty: OW!
>> Rick: ALL RIGHT, MORTY.
WHOEVER YOU SMEAR THIS STUFF ON
WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU, AND
ONLY YOU, FOREVER.
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, MORTY?
>> Morty: HECK, YEAH!
THANK YOU, GRANDPA RICK.
HEY, THERE'S NO...DANGERS OR
ANYTHING, OR SIDE EFFECTS,
RIGHT?
>> Rick: W-W-W-WHAT AM I, A
HACK?
GO NUTS, MORTY. IT'S FOOLPROOF.
EH, UNLESS SHE HAS THE FLU.
>> Jerry: BETH, DO Y-YOU STILL
LOVE ME?
>> Beth: UGH, WHAT KIND OF
QUESTION IS THAT?
>> Jerry: THE "YES OR NO" KIND?
[ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ]
>> Beth: JERRY, DO YOU WANT
HOMELESS PEOPLE TO HAVE HOMES?
>> Jerry: YES.
>> Beth: ARE YOU GONNA BUILD
THEM?
>> Jerry: NO.
>> Beth: THEN WHAT GOOD WAS THE
"YES"?
>> Jerry: WAIT, I-IS LOVING ME
THE HOUSE OR THE HOMELESS
PEOPLE?
>> Beth: LOVING YOU IS WORK,
JERRY HARD WORK, LIKE
BUILDING A HOMELESS SHELTER
NOBODY WANTS TO SAY NO TO DOING
IT, BUT SOME PEOPLE PUT THE WORK
IN.
SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
DO YOU SEE ME WORKING HERE?
DOES THIS CONVERSATION SEEM
TEDIOUS TO ME?
>> Jerry: SORT OF.
>> Beth: THEN I OBVIOUSLY SORT
OFLOVE YOU, DON'T I?
[ CELLPHONE CHIMES ]
SO STOP ASKING, AND MAYBE I'LL
LOVE YOU MORE.
CRAP, THEY NEED ME AT THE HORSE
HOSPITAL.
>> Jerry: PUH! THIS LATE?
>> Beth: THE RACETRACK HAD A
STARLIGHT DERBY.
THERE WAS A SEVEN-HORSE
COLLISION, AND DAVIN'S THERE
ALONE.
>> Jerry: [ Thinking ] DAVIN.
DAVIN.
DAVIN! DAVIN.
DAVIN! DAVIN!
>> [ Rapping ] ♪ ♪ FLU, YO ♪ ♪
♪ YOU GOT TO BE AWARE ♪ ♪
♪ AWARE OF ALL THE FLU ♪ ♪
♪ UP IN THE AIR ♪ ♪
♪ I'M-A GET ME A SHOT ♪ ♪
♪ AND MAKE THE FLU GO AWAY ♪ ♪
♪ FLU-HATING RAPPER ♪ ♪
♪ JUST RAPPING AWAY ♪ ♪
♪ YO, YO, FLU-HATING RAPPER ♪ ♪
♪ IT'S A FLU-HATING RAPPER ♪ ♪
>> Morty: HEY, THERE, JESSICA.
WHOA! OH, WHOOPSIE!
>> OH, MY GOD.
MORTY.
YOU LOOK REALLY NICE TONIGHT.
>> Morty: WOW, THANKS.
>> I LOVE YOU, MORTY!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT BURNS!
>> Morty: OH, MAN!
I-I LOVE YOU TOO, JESSICA!
>> [ SPITS ]
IS THIS PUNK BOTHERING YOU,
JESSICA?
>> LEAVE HIM ALONE, JERK!
I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM!
HE IS MORE MAN THAN YOU WILL
EVER BE!
[ SNEEZES ]
>> [ Rapping ] ♪ ♪ THIS IS ABOUT
FLU AWARENESS ♪ ♪
♪ GOT TO BE AWARE OF THE FLU IN
THE AIR-NESS ♪ ♪
♪ YO, I'M A FLU-HATING RAPPER ♪ ♪
>> OH, MAN, MORTY.
[ SIGHS ]
I'M REALLY SORRY.
>> Morty: OH, WELL, N-NO
PROBLEM, BRAD.
>> THERE'S SOMETHING SPECIAL
ABOUT YOU, MORTY SO SPECIAL.
MMM, YEAH.
>> Morty: WHOA, TAKE IT EASY!
>> GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM!
>> BACK OFF!
I'M TRYING TO BE WITH MY MAN!
>> THAT'S ENOUGH, BRADLEY!
WE DON'T WANT YOU INJURING YOUR
BALL-THROWING ARM.
>> OH, COME ON,
PRINCIPAL VAGINA.
I JUST...
>> NEVER LEAVE ME, MORTY.
NEVER!
>> Morty: UH, SURE.
I MEAN, O-OF COURSE NOT.
W-WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT WAS ALL
ABOUT?
>> WHO CARES? JUST HOLD ME.
>> LET ME GO! I LOVE YOU, MORTY!
[ SNEEZES ]
LET GO OF ME!
[ SNEEZES ]
MORTY!
>> Jerry: SHE'S GONNA BE ALONE
WITH THAT GUY ALL NIGHT.
>> Summer: YEAH, DAD, DIGGING
AROUND THE INSIDES OF HORSES.
IT'S NOT A VERY ROMANTIC
SETTING.
>> Rick: WELL, SUMMER, THERE'S
ALWAYS THE POSSIBILITY THAT SHE
MADE THE WHOLE WORK THING UP.
MAYBE DAVIN'S DIGGING AROUND IN
HERINSIDES.
>> Summer: GRANDPA, SO GROSS!
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT MY MOM.
>> Rick: WELL, SHE'S MY
DAUGHTER, SUMMER.
I OUTRANK YOU.
OR FAMILY MEANS NOTHING, IN
WHICH CASE DON'T PLAY THAT CARD.
>> Jerry: SHE'S NOT RESPONDING
TO MY TEXTS!
>> Summer: CAREFUL, DAD.
JEALOUSY TURNS WOMEN OFF.
>> Jerry: WELL, ISN'T THAT
CONVENIENT?
>> Rick: NOT FOR THE MEN THEY
CHEAT ON, NO.
>> Jerry: OKAY, I'M...GOING TO
GO OUT...FOR SOME ICE CREAM.
AND MAYBE STOP BY THE
HOSPITAL...TO SUPPORT MY WIFE...
WITH MY CONFIDENCE.
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
>> Summer: GOD, GRANDPA, YOU'RE
SUCH A DICK.
>> Rick: I'M SORRY, SUMMER.
YOUR OPINION MEANS VERY LITTLE
TO ME.
HOW COME YOU'RE NOT AT THIS
STUPID DANCE EVERYONE LOVES SO
MUCH?
>> Summer: SCREW THAT.
I DON'T WANT TO GET SICK.
IT'S FLU SEASON.
>> Rick: IT IS?
>> Summer: YEAH.
>> Rick: UH-OH.
[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> Morty: PLEASE JUST LET THIS
WORK OUT.
>> [ MOANS ]
DO IT, MORTY. DO IT.
RIP MY CLOTHES OFF AND MATE WITH
ME FOR LIFE!
[ GROWLS ]
>> Morty: UM...
CAN WE MAYBE GO SOMEWHERE MORE
PRIVATE?
>> JESSICA, GET A HOLD OF
YOURSELF!
[ GRUNTS ]
YOU DON'T DESERVE TO CARRY
MORTY'S GENES.
>> [ Rapping ] ♪ ♪ I LOVE MORTY ♪ ♪
♪ AND I HOPE MORTY LOVES ME ♪ ♪
♪ I'D LIKE TO WRAP MY ARMS
AROUND HIM ♪ ♪
♪ AND FEEL HIM INSIDE ME ♪ ♪
>> Morty: OH, CRAP.
[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]
>> MORTY!
>> Rick: MORTY, COME ON!
WE GOT TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS
BECAUSE IT USUALLY NEVER
HAPPENS, BUT I MADE A MISTAKE.
[ BOTH PANTING ]
COME ON, MORTY.
WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.
COME ON.
>> MORTY!
>> Morty: [ WAILS ]
>> ARE YOU OKAY?
>> Morty: I'M FINE!
>> OH, GOOD.
IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED TO
YOU, I WOULD KILL MYSELF.
I LOVE YOU BAD, MO-MO!
[ ALL PANTING ]
[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]
>> MORTY, THE PRINCIPAL AND I
HAVE DISCUSSED IT, A-A-AND WE'RE
BOTH INSECURE ENOUGH TO AGREE TO
A THREE-WAY!
>> Rick: I DIDN'T REALIZE WHEN I
GAVE YOU THAT SERUM THAT JESSICA
HAD THE FLU YOU KNOW,
T-T-T-T-T-T-T-THAT MIGHT HAVE
BEEN VALUABLE INFORMATION FOR
ME, MORTY.
>> Morty: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING
ON, RICK?
>> Rick: WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?
T-T-T-THE SERUM IS PIGGYBACKING
ON THE VIRUS.
IT'S GONE AIRBORNE, MORTY.
>> Morty: OH, CRAP.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO, RICK?
>> Rick: IT'S GONNA BE FINE,
MORTY, RELAX.
I WHIPPED UP AND ANTIDOTE.
IT'S BASED ON PRAYING-MANTIS
DNA.
YOU KNOW, PRAYING MANTISES ARE
THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF VOLES,
MORTY.
I MEAN, THEY THEY MATE ONCE,
AND THEN THEY, YOU KNOW,
DECAPITATE THE PARTNER.
I MEAN, IT'S A WHOLE RITUAL.
IT'S REALLY GRUESOME AND TOTALLY
OPPOSITE.
THERE'S NO LOVE AT ALL.
I-I-I BASICALLY MIXED THIS WITH
A MORE CONTAGIOUS FLU VIRUS.
IT SHOULD NEUTRALIZE THE WHOLE
THING, MORTY.
IT'LL ALL BE OVER VERY SHORTLY.
[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]
UH, BY THE WAY, MORTY, I KNOW
YOU DIDN'T ASK OR ANYTHING, BUT
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN HAVING SEX
WITH YOU.
THESE SERUMS, THEY DON'T WORK ON
ANYBODY RELATED TO YOU
GENETICALLY.
>> MORTY!
[ ALL GROANING ]
>> Rick: OKAY, WELL, SOMETIMES,
SCIENCE IS MORE ART THAN
SCIENCE, MORTY.
A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T GET THAT.
>> Jerry: [ GASPS ]
[ TIRES SCREECH ]
COME ON. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
HELLO!
>> MORTY!
>> YOU'RE NOT MORTY!
BRING US MORTY!
[ GUN COCKS ]
>> Jerry: NOBODY'S KILLING ME
UNTIL AFTER I CATCH MY WIFE WITH
ANOTHER MAN.
>> I HAD SEX WITH BILLY.
>> BUT YOU WERE ALREADY
PREGNANT!
>> YEAH, SO WHAT'S THE WORST
THAT COULD HAPPEN?
>> WE INTERRUPT "PREGNANT BABY"
WITH BREAKING NEWS.
>> Summer: [ GROANS ] COME ON.
>> THIS JUST IN MORTY SMITH'S
WHEREABOUTS ARE STILL UNKNOWN.
>> Summer: WHAT THE HELL?
>> THE ONLY THING THAT IS KNOWN
IS...HOW CUTE HE IS.
>> I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, I WANT TO
MAKE LOVE TO HIM AND THEN EAT
HIS HEAD.
>> I LOVE HIM MORE THAN YOU DO,
HAROLD!
>> YOU WISH, YOU STUPID BITCH!
>> MORTY'S MINE!
>> MEANT TO BE TOGETHER!
>> [ SPEAKING ARABIC]
MORTY!
[ SPEAKING ARABIC]
[ BANGING ON DOOR ]
>> WHERE IS MORTY?
>> Summer: [ SCREAMS ]
[ CONVERSING IN NATIVE
LANGUAGE]
>> Morty: OH, MY GOD, RICK.
THE WHOLE WORLD IS INFECTED!
>> Rick: YEAH, IT'S PRETTY WILD
HOW FAST THAT SPREAD.
I'VE REALLY OUTDONE MYSELF.
>> Morty: OUTDONE YOURSELF?!
W-W A-ARE ARE YOU KIDDING
ME, RICK?
THIS IS NOT OKAY!
NOT ONLY DO THEY ALL WANT TO
HAVE SEX WITH ME, BUT, YOU KNOW,
NOW THEY WANT TO EAT ME
AFTERWARDS!
>> Rick: YEAH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I WAS THINKING.
MANTISES ARE THEY OPPOSITE OF
VOLES?
I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY, DNA's A
LITTLE MORE COMPLICATED THAN
THAT.
YOU KNOW WHAT, THOUGH, MORTY?
THIS RIGHT HERE'S GONNA DO THE
TRICK, BABY.
IT'S KOALA MIXED WITH
RATTLESNAKE, CHIMPANZEE, CACTUS,
SHARK, GOLDEN RETRIEVER, AND
JUST A SMIDGE OF DINOSAUR.
SHOULD ADD UP TO NORMAL
HUMANITY.
>> Morty: I DON'T THAT
DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, RICK.
HOW DOES THAT ADD UP TO NORMAL
HUMANITY?
>> Morty: WHAT, MORTY, YOU WANT
ME TO SHOW YOU MY MATH?
I'M SORRY A-ARE YOU THE
SCIENTIST OR ARE YOU THE KID
THAT WANTED TO GET LAID?
>> [ EXHALES DEEPLY ]
WELL, I'M GLAD WE SAVED ALL
THOSE HORSES, BUT I'M ALMOST
SORRY WE'RE FINISHED.
>> Beth: YES, IT'S SATISFYING
WORK.
>> UNH-UNH-UNH, IT'S, UH
IT'S MORE THAN THE WORK.
I LOVE BEING IN THAT STERILIZED
ROOM, SEALED OFF FROM THE WORLD.
IT'S THE ONLY TIME I CAN REALLY
THINK...AND FEEL.
[ SLOW MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> Beth: HMM, UH, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING?
>> I'M PLAYING AFRICAN DREAM
POP.
WHAT DO YOUDO AFTER A LONG
NIGHT?
[ CLICK ]
>> Beth: OH, HA, UM, HEY, I B
I'D BETTER GET GOING.
UM, JERRY'S BEEN TEXTING SOME
PRETTY HIGH-MAINTENANCE STUFF.
>> BETH...
>> Beth: WHAT IS IT, DAVIN?
>> JUST ONCE, I'D LIKE TO
KNOW
[ SNEEZES ]
...W-W-WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO GIVE
YOUR SON A BATH.
>> Beth: WHAT?!
>> WHAT DOES MORTY'S SKIN SMELL
LIKE?
HOW SOFT...
[ GRUNTS ]
HOW SOFT ARE HIS PRIVATES?
>> Beth: LET GO OF ME, DAVIN!
[ GLASS SHATTERS ]
>> [ ROARS ]
TAKE ME TO MORTY.
>> Jerry: [ GRUNTS ]
>> YOU'RE NOT MORTY.
>> Jerry: NO.
I'M MR. CROWBAR, AND THIS IS
MY FRIEND, WHO IS ALSO A
CROWBAR.
>> THAT'S...STUPID.
>> Jerry: [ GRUNTING ]
YEAH?
WELL, LOOK WHERE BEING SMART GOT
YOU.
>> Beth: JERRY! THANK GOD!
>> Jerry: GOD?
GOD'S TURNING PEOPLE INTO INSECT
MONSTERS, BETH.
I'M THE ONE BEATING THEM TO
DEATH.
THANK ME.
>> Beth: THANK YOU, JERRY.
THANK YOU.
>> Rick: TAKE A GOOD LOOK DOWN
THERE, MORTY, AND SOAK IT IN,
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, ONCE I PULL
THIS LEVER, IT'S ALL BACK TO
NORMAL.
>> Morty: JUST DO IT ALREADY.
>> Rick: WELL, TECHNICALLY,
MORTY, THERE'S NO RUSH.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, O-ONCE IT'S
FIXED, IT'S DONE.
IT'S FIXED.
YOU KNOW, WE COULD WE COULD
JUST ENJOY IT FOR A LITTLE BIT.
I MEAN, L-L-L-LOOK AT HOW CRAZY
IT IS.
I MEAN, MORTY, W-W-WHEN'S THE
NEXT TIME YOU'RE GONNA SEE
SOMETHING LIKE THIS?
I MEAN, SOAK IT IN, YOU KNOW?
IT'S IT'S PRETTY NEAT.
IT'S PRETTY INTERESTING.
>> Morty: THAT'S IT, RICK!
I'M PULLING THE LEVER.
[ GRUNTS ]
>> Rick: W-WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE,
MORTY?
LOOKS LIKE I WAS RIGHT AND YOU
WERE WRONG, HUH?
I-I-I-I-I-I-I BET YOU FEEL
PRETTY STUPID RIGHT ABOUT NOW,
HUH?
I-I-I BET YOU FEEL LIKE THE
WORLD'S SMALLEST MAN THAT YOU
WERE DOUBTING ME ABOUT THIS
WHOLE THING, MORTY.
>> Morty: OH, RICK, SOMETHING'S
NOT RIGHT.
>> Rick: [ SIGHS ]
YEAH, YOU.
YOU'RE NOT RIGHT EVER.
>> Morty: NO, NO!
LOOK, YOU IDIOT!
[ ALL SCREAMING ]
[ ALL SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE ]
[ ALL GROANING ]
[ ALL ULULATING ]
>> Rick: BET YOU'RE LOVING THIS,
MORTY.
THIS MUST BE THE BEST DAY OF
YOUR LIFE.
YOU GET TO BE THE MAYOR OF
I TOLD YOU TOWN.
[ SLURPS ]
YOU'RE WELCOME.
[ SLURPS ]
>> Jerry: HOLD ON.
>> Beth: [ WHIMPERS ]
[ ENGINE REVS, TIRES SQUEAL ]
[ GUN COCKS ]
>> Jerry: I WISH THAT SHOTGUN
WAS MY PENIS.
>> Beth: IF IT WERE, YOU COULD
CALL ME ERNEST HEMINGWAY.
>> Jerry: I DON'T GET IT, AND I
DON'T NEED TO.
[ BOTH MOANING ]
>> Summer: MOM! DAD!
>> Both: SUMMER!
>> Beth: [ SIGHS ]
>> Jerry: WHERE'S MORTY?
>> Summer: I DON'T KNOW.
DO YOU THINK GRANDPA RICK HAD
SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS?
>> Jerry: IT'S NOT FAIR TO
ASSUME THAT, SUMMER.
>> Beth: OH, NOT FAIR?
GIVE ME A BREAK.
HE IS A SELFISH, IRRESPONSIBLE
ASS, AND HE LEFT MY MOTHER.
A REAL MAN STANDS BY HIS WOMAN.
[ BOTH MOANING ]
>> Summer: Tchoo.
Tchoo-tchoo-tchoo. Tchoo-tchoo.
>> Rick: BOY, MORTY, I REALLY
CRONENBERGED THE WORLD UP,
DIDN'T I?
WE GOT A WHOLE PLANET OF
CRONENBERGS WALKING AROUND DOWN
THERE, MORTY.
A-AT LEAST THEY'RE NOT IN LOVE
WITH YOU ANYMORE, THOUGH.
THAT'S A HUGE STEP IN THE RIGHT
DIRECTION.
>> Morty: OH, MY GOD!
IT'S A LIVING NIGHTMARE!
HOW COULD YOU BE SO
IRRESPONSIBLE, RICK?
>> Rick: ME IRRESPONSIBLE?!
YOU ALL I WANTED YOU TO DO
WAS HAND ME A SCREWDRIVER,
MORTY!
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTED TO
BE WANTED ME TO BUCKLE DOWN
AND MAKE YOU UP A...ROOFIE-JUICE
SERUM SO YOU COULD ROOFIE THAT
POOR GIRL AT YOUR SCHOOL.
I MEAN, G W-W-W-W-W W
ARE YOU KIDDING ME, MORTY?
YOU'RE GONNA TRY TO TAKE THE
HIGH ROAD ON THIS ONE?
Y-Y-Y-Y-YOU'RE A LITTLE CREEP,
MORTY.
Y-YOU'RE A YOU'RE
YOU'RE YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE
CREEPY...CREEP PERSON.
>> Morty: ALL RIGHT, FINE.
I SHOULD HAVE JUST LISTENED TO
YOU WHEN YOU REFUSED TO MAKE THE
SERUM.
I'M WILLING TO ACCEPT MY PART OF
THE BLAME FOR THIS, RICK.
BUT I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU GOT TO ACCEPT YOUR PART OF
THE BLAME!
I'M NOT THE ONE WHO FOULED UP
THE SERUM!
I'M NOT THE ONE WHO WHO
WHO WHO HAPHAZARDLY, YOU
KNOW, MIXED A BUNCH OF NONSENSE
TOGETHER AND CREATED A BUNCH OF
CRONENBERGS!
YOU GOT TO FIX THIS, RICK!
>> Morty: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
MORTY.
YOU KNOW, W-W-W-WE ARE IN A
PRETTY DEEP HOLE, HERE, BUT I DO
HAVE ONE EMERGENCY SOLUTION THAT
I CAN USE THAT'LL KIND OF PUT
EVERYTHING BACK TO NORMAL,
RELATIVELY SPEAKING.
HERE, MORTY, PUT THIS ON WHILE I
DO A LITTLE BIT OF SCOUTING.
[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]
>> Morty: WOW, RICK, I GOT TO
SAY YOU REALLY PULLED A
RABBIT OUT OF YOUR HAT THIS
TIME.
I MEAN, I-I REALLY THOUGHT THAT
THE WHOLE PLACE WAS GONNA BE
MESSED UP FOR GOOD, BUT HERE,
YOU DID IT Y-Y-YOU YOU
YOU FIGURED OUT THAT CRAZY
SOLUTION, LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO.
WHOO!
THAT'S SOME GREAT LUCK.
>> Rick: COME ON, MORTY.
LUCK HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
I'M GREAT.
THAT'S THE REAL REASON.
NOW, MORTY, WHAT DO YOU SAY,
BUDDY?
WILL YOU HAND ME A SCREWDRIVER
SO I CAN FINISH MY IONIC DIS
DEFIBULIZER?
>> Morty: SURE THING, RICK.
HERE'S A SCREWDRIVER.
>> Rick: ALL RIGHT, MORTY.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WE GOT ONE SCREW TURN...AND TWO
SCREW TURNS...AND...
ALL RIGHT, MORTY, HERE WE ARE.
>> Morty: OH, MY GOD, RICK!
IS THAT US?!
W-W-W-WE'RE DEAD!
WHAT IS GOING ON, RICK?
I'M FREAKING OUT!
>> Rick: CALM DOWN, MORTY!
LOOK AT ME! CALM DOWN, MORTY!
>> Morty: NO, I CAN'T DEAL WITH
THIS!
>> Rick: CALM YOURSELF, MORTY.
>> Morty: I CAN'T DEAL WITH
THIS, RICK!
>> Rick: CALM DOWN, MORTY.
>> Morty: THIS CAN'T BE REAL!
>> Rick: YOU GOT TO CALM DOWN,
MORTY.
>> Morty: W-W-W-W-WE'RE RIPPED
APART!
>> Rick: SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO
ME!
IT'S FINE. EVERYTHING IS FINE.
THERE'S AN INFINITE NUMBER OF
REALITIES, MORTY, AND IN A FEW
DOZEN OF THOSE, I GOT LUCKY AND
TURNED EVERYTHING BACK TO
NORMAL.
I JUST HAD TO FIND ONE OF THOSE
REALITIES IN WHICH WE ALSO
HAPPEN TO BOTH DIE AROUND THIS
TIME.
NOW WE CAN JUST SLIP INTO THE
PLACE OF OUR DEAD SELVES IN THIS
REALITY AND EVERYTHING WILL BE
FINE.
WE'RE NOT SKIPPING A BEAT,
MORTY.
NOW, HELP ME WITH THESE BODIES.
>> Morty: THIS IS INSANE.
>> Rick: LOOK, MORTY, I'LL GRAB
MYSELF, YOU GRAB YOURSELF, OKAY?
I MEAN, T-T-T-THAT SEEMS FAIR TO
ME I MEAN, THAT SEEMS LIKE A
FAIR WAY TO DIVVY IT UP.
>> Morty: RICK, WHAT ABOUT THE
REALITY WE LEFT BEHIND?
>> Rick: WHAT ABOUT THE REALITY
WHERE HITLER CURED CANCER,
MORTY?
THE ANSWER IS DON'T THINK ABOUT
IT.
IT'S NOT LIKE WE CAN DO THIS
EVERY WEEK, ANYWAYS.
WE GET THREE OR FOUR MORE OF
THESE, TOPS.
NOW, PICK UP YOUR DEAD SELF AND
COME ON.
HASTE MAKES WASTE.
I-I-I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'VE
CONSIDERED THIS DETAIL, BUT
OBVIOUSLY, IF I HADN'T SCREWED
UP AS MUCH AS I DID, WE'D BE
THESE GUYS RIGHT NOW, SO, AGAIN,
YOU'RE WELCOME.
>> ♪ ♪ LOOK ON DOWN FROM THE
BRIDGE ♪ ♪
♪ THERE'S STILL FOUNTAINS DOWN
THERE ♪ ♪
♪ LOOK ON DOWN FROM THE BRIDGE ♪ ♪
♪ IT'S STILL RAINING UP HERE ♪ ♪
♪ EVERYBODY SEEMS SO FAR AWAY
FROM ME ♪ ♪
♪ EVERYBODY JUST WANTS TO BE
FREE ♪ ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY FROM THE SKY ♪ ♪
♪ IT'S NO DIFFERENT WHEN YOU'RE
LEAVING HOME ♪ ♪
♪ I CAN'T BE THE SAME THING TO
YOU NOW ♪ ♪
♪ I'M JUST GONE ♪ ♪
♪ JUST GONE ♪ ♪
♪ HOW COULD I SAY GOODBYE? ♪ ♪
>> Summer: YOU KNOW, THE THING
ABOUT A SHARK...
HE'S GOT LIFELESS EYES...
BLACK EYES, LIKE A DOLL'S EYES.
WHEN HE COMES AT YA, HE DOESN'T
SEEM TO BE LIVING UNTIL HE BITES
YA, AND THEN THE THE BLOOD,
AND THE RED, AND THE WATER...
>> Jerry: [ SIGHS ]
YOU EVER WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO
RICK AND MORTY?
>> Beth: SOMETIMES.
BUT, I'M ASHAMED TO ADMIT, NOW
THAT THEY'RE GONE, I'M FINALLY
HAPPY.
>> Rick: HERE WE ARE,
CRONENBERG MORTY A REALITY
WHERE EVERYONE IN THE WORLD GOT
GENETICALLY CRONENBERGED.
WE'LL FIT RIGHT IN,
CRONENBERG MORTY.
IT'LL BE LIKE WE NEVER EVEN LEFT
CRONENBERG WORLD.
>> Morty: YEAH, CRONENBERG RICK,
BUT, YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA MISS
CRONENBERG WORLD, BECAUSE
EVERYONE WAS CRONENBERGED ALL
ALONG LIKE US FROM THE
BEGINNING, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, I-I WISH WE HADN'T
GENETICALLY RUINED CRONENBERG
WORLD BEYOND REPAIR LIKE WE DID,
YOU KNOW, AND TURNED EVERYONE
INTO REGULAR, NORMAL PEOPLE JUST
WALKING AROUND.
>> Rick: DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT
THAT SORT OF THING,
CRONENBERG MORTY.
LET'S GO MAKE OURSELVES AT HOME,
HUH?
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