1
00:00:01,692 --> 00:00:05,821
Look, I'm not paying 70 smidgens
for a broken defraculator.
2
00:00:05,822 --> 00:00:08,690
That is multiphase
quantum resonator.
3
00:00:08,691 --> 00:00:10,837
- Well, does it defraculate?
- No.
4
00:00:10,838 --> 00:00:12,228
Then it's a broken defraculator.
5
00:00:12,229 --> 00:00:14,646
Like you would even know
dick about fraculation.
6
00:00:14,647 --> 00:00:18,268
Your planet just got cellphones
and the coverage still sucks!
7
00:00:18,647 --> 00:00:20,491
Yeah, yeah, and your
species eat sulfur.
8
00:00:20,492 --> 00:00:22,359
So lets say 60 smidgens.
9
00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:24,060
I tell you what...
I'll do you a favor.
10
00:00:24,061 --> 00:00:25,214
I throw in a fart.
11
00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:27,293
Hey, Rick...
12
00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:29,417
You think maybe I could get
something from this place?
13
00:00:29,418 --> 00:00:30,673
Like a souvenir?
14
00:00:30,674 --> 00:00:32,659
Like just to have, like
something cool, you know?
15
00:00:32,660 --> 00:00:34,293
Not here Morty.
We'll stop somewhere else,
16
00:00:34,294 --> 00:00:37,028
because you know,
there is always another pawn shop.
17
00:00:37,029 --> 00:00:38,700
OK, I just...
18
00:00:38,701 --> 00:00:41,906
You know, I thought that robot over
there, looked pretty cool, you know?
19
00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:43,643
Oh, it looks cool, huh?
20
00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:45,281
- That's why you want it?
- Yeah, you know?
21
00:00:45,282 --> 00:00:47,778
I mean... it's different
from the stuff on earth.
22
00:00:48,377 --> 00:00:51,475
And you know, you take me to all these
crazy places across the galaxy
23
00:00:51,476 --> 00:00:53,516
and you know, I don't
really have anything to...
24
00:00:53,517 --> 00:00:55,198
to remember all those trips by.
25
00:00:55,199 --> 00:00:58,102
It'd be kind of cool like
a souvenir, you know?
26
00:00:58,103 --> 00:01:00,594
Like what if you passed away
or died or something?
27
00:01:00,595 --> 00:01:02,577
I wouldn't even have
anything to remember
28
00:01:02,603 --> 00:01:04,323
all the cool stuff
we did, you know.
29
00:01:04,324 --> 00:01:06,618
Okay, 60 for the resonator
30
00:01:06,619 --> 00:01:08,402
and my grandson wants the sex robot.
31
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:16,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
32
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:50,400
So we're just going to pretend
this isn't happening?
33
00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:52,806
I'm not saying that's a bad idea.
Just asking.
34
00:01:53,052 --> 00:01:56,017
Rick, why did you let Morty
bring that thing into our house?
35
00:01:56,018 --> 00:01:57,474
What do you want from me?
36
00:01:58,166 --> 00:02:00,346
He thought it looked cool,
you know what I mean?
37
00:02:06,445 --> 00:02:08,207
Alright, back to...
back to...
38
00:02:08,208 --> 00:02:09,699
back upstairs.
39
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:15,015
Well, I'm intervening.
40
00:02:15,016 --> 00:02:16,907
Intervening with puberty?
41
00:02:16,908 --> 00:02:19,716
You'll turn him into Ralph Finnes
in Red Dragon.
42
00:02:19,717 --> 00:02:22,481
He is at that age,
let's just be proud of him.
43
00:02:22,482 --> 00:02:25,090
Jesus, did I really set
the bar that low?
44
00:02:26,103 --> 00:02:28,240
Rick, could you come
with me please?
45
00:02:28,241 --> 00:02:29,434
Quickly!
46
00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:33,355
OK, now if we here squeaking
we intervene.
47
00:02:35,252 --> 00:02:36,904
Where is the sex robot Morty?
48
00:02:36,905 --> 00:02:38,371
That is Gwendoline.
49
00:02:38,372 --> 00:02:39,490
I mean the robot.
50
00:02:39,491 --> 00:02:41,991
She started beeping, and then
transformed and tried to fly away.
51
00:02:41,992 --> 00:02:43,971
Strange.
That's usually the man's job.
52
00:02:43,972 --> 00:02:45,533
You know what I'm
talking about, Morty?
53
00:02:47,494 --> 00:02:48,259
Morty.
54
00:02:48,506 --> 00:02:50,019
That's my catchphrase,
remember?
55
00:02:50,020 --> 00:02:52,731
Remember how I cemented
that catchphrase?
56
00:02:52,732 --> 00:02:54,338
Alright, alright
seriously though.
57
00:02:54,339 --> 00:02:55,769
Let me grab this thing.
58
00:02:57,790 --> 00:02:58,635
Come on.
59
00:02:58,795 --> 00:03:00,499
- Rascal.
- Okay... unacceptable
60
00:03:00,730 --> 00:03:02,276
What is going on?
61
00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:03,740
Alright...
62
00:03:04,722 --> 00:03:05,888
What is that?
63
00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:10,380
I think Morty's robot was designed
for more than long weekends.
64
00:03:12,264 --> 00:03:14,918
Genetic compiler,
incubation chamber.
65
00:03:14,919 --> 00:03:16,739
Yeah, this here is some
kind of baby maker.
66
00:03:16,740 --> 00:03:20,340
And that there is half Morty
and half... who knows... what.
67
00:03:20,341 --> 00:03:22,626
It's my bad guys
I'll take care of it.
68
00:03:25,536 --> 00:03:27,052
Hey listen,
you guys quarantine
69
00:03:27,053 --> 00:03:29,161
the house when Summer
brought olives from Mexico.
70
00:03:29,707 --> 00:03:31,591
This thing could grow
to the size of Delaware.
71
00:03:32,071 --> 00:03:34,406
It might eat brains
and exhale space AIDS.
72
00:03:34,407 --> 00:03:35,465
We gotta be careful.
73
00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:37,282
I lost the chance
to be careful, Rick.
74
00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:39,160
I'm a father now, you know?
75
00:03:39,161 --> 00:03:41,528
It's time for me to be responsible.
Isn't that right...
76
00:03:41,529 --> 00:03:42,854
- Don't name it!
- Morty Jr.?
77
00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:43,896
Oh crap, he named it.
78
00:03:43,897 --> 00:03:45,941
Well Dad, it's a living thing.
79
00:03:45,942 --> 00:03:47,234
And it's half human.
80
00:03:47,235 --> 00:03:49,388
And it was born on America's soil
which entitles it...
81
00:03:49,389 --> 00:03:51,375
Jerry, majoring in civics
was your mistake.
82
00:03:51,376 --> 00:03:52,859
Don't punish us for it.
83
00:03:53,706 --> 00:03:55,626
Fine. I'm gonna take this
thing into my workshop,
84
00:03:55,682 --> 00:03:57,116
and do a little
bit of investigating.
85
00:03:57,117 --> 00:03:59,300
Do not let that thing
out of your sight.
86
00:03:59,301 --> 00:04:02,081
It looks harmless now, but it could
grow into something dangerous.
87
00:04:02,082 --> 00:04:05,133
- Like the Insane Clown Posse.
- Yeah, good one, Jerry.
88
00:04:05,134 --> 00:04:08,012
2003 just called and
wants its easy target back.
89
00:04:09,441 --> 00:04:11,316
He is a like little me.
90
00:04:11,317 --> 00:04:13,941
You don't think he'll turn
into a monster, do you?
91
00:04:13,942 --> 00:04:15,280
They always do.
92
00:04:16,245 --> 00:04:18,184
1995 called, they want...
93
00:04:18,185 --> 00:04:21,251
their "certain year called wanting
its blank back" formula back.
94
00:04:21,252 --> 00:04:23,639
Why, Jerry?
Why expend the effort?
95
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,479
Life is effort,
and I'll stop when I die.
96
00:04:27,753 --> 00:04:28,840
Out.
97
00:04:28,841 --> 00:04:30,280
- What you doing?
- Well, I can't solve...
98
00:04:30,281 --> 00:04:31,510
the problem my way thanks to...
99
00:04:31,511 --> 00:04:33,523
your family's primitive
biological hang ups.
100
00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:35,749
Gross. I might have just touched
one of Morty's loads.
101
00:04:35,750 --> 00:04:37,218
But maybe I can find
suitable parents
102
00:04:37,219 --> 00:04:39,641
for Morty Jr. on this
robot homeworld,
103
00:04:40,234 --> 00:04:41,679
which is...
104
00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:44,515
Gazorpazorp in the
Andromeda system.
105
00:04:44,516 --> 00:04:46,735
- Scoot Summer.
- Don't you need a new companion...
106
00:04:46,736 --> 00:04:48,911
now that Morty is
in the family way?
107
00:04:48,912 --> 00:04:51,133
I don't do adventures
with chicks, Summer.
108
00:04:51,134 --> 00:04:53,473
Oh right, because there is
something about having a wiener...
109
00:04:53,474 --> 00:04:55,714
...that would make me better
walking through a hole?
110
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:57,749
Oh crap.
111
00:04:58,486 --> 00:04:59,544
Grandpa Rick!
112
00:05:00,613 --> 00:05:02,213
Help!
Help!
113
00:05:07,843 --> 00:05:08,787
Grandpa Rick!
114
00:05:08,788 --> 00:05:11,122
Still think it's a good idea to go
through a hole without a wiener?
115
00:05:11,123 --> 00:05:13,295
- I wanna go home!
- Yeah, no duh.
116
00:05:17,993 --> 00:05:20,104
Great, now I have to
take over a whole planet
117
00:05:20,105 --> 00:05:22,152
because of your stupid boobs.
118
00:05:22,624 --> 00:05:24,065
You're doing great, Morty.
119
00:05:24,066 --> 00:05:26,586
Really you think? I mean
I'm not doing much of anything.
120
00:05:26,765 --> 00:05:27,892
What do I do if it cries?
121
00:05:27,893 --> 00:05:30,202
Then you put it down
and let it cry itself out.
122
00:05:30,203 --> 00:05:31,297
Yeah, right.
123
00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:34,475
We tried that technique on Summer
and she is gonna end up stripping.
124
00:05:34,476 --> 00:05:37,205
Isn't she?
Yes she is.
125
00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:40,778
She is gonna strip her attention
because she was denied it.
126
00:05:40,779 --> 00:05:43,053
Stop filling it with
your own insecurity.
127
00:05:43,054 --> 00:05:44,404
You're gonna turn
it into Mort...
128
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,330
more... more... more of you.
129
00:05:47,331 --> 00:05:49,390
Well, we can't all be raised
like reptiles
130
00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:51,351
by a mentally-ill scientist.
131
00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:52,352
What the...
132
00:05:54,717 --> 00:05:57,717
Listen to me. I am not
rewarding this behavior.
133
00:05:57,718 --> 00:05:59,440
Knock it off both of you!
Give me him!
134
00:05:59,441 --> 00:06:00,971
Give me my baby!
135
00:06:00,972 --> 00:06:03,671
You're both nuts.
I'm gonna raise Morty Jr. myself.
136
00:06:04,934 --> 00:06:07,720
Where is your hands?
There's your hands.
137
00:06:07,721 --> 00:06:11,033
And that's how we
play happy hands.
138
00:06:11,552 --> 00:06:14,006
Oh, you are going to
ruin that kid, Morty.
139
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:15,583
At least we can agree on that.
140
00:06:23,610 --> 00:06:25,017
Thanks, dumb dumb.
141
00:06:26,522 --> 00:06:28,583
I said "thanks, dumb dumb".
Go get more.
142
00:06:28,584 --> 00:06:30,268
Summer, put your burqa on!
143
00:06:30,269 --> 00:06:32,474
That burqa is a human rights violation,
144
00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,774
and I spent a lot on this top.
145
00:06:34,775 --> 00:06:37,269
Look, I'm trying to repair
portal gun with
146
00:06:37,270 --> 00:06:39,486
with bunch of sex doll parts
and I have to do it one-handed
147
00:06:39,487 --> 00:06:41,856
to keep these belushis from
cutting you off.
148
00:06:41,857 --> 00:06:43,897
The least you could do
is be ashamed of your gender.
149
00:06:44,462 --> 00:06:46,001
What's the deal with this place?
150
00:06:46,002 --> 00:06:47,642
Why is it such a sausage planet
151
00:06:47,643 --> 00:06:50,517
and how did such
backwards idiots invent robots?
152
00:06:50,518 --> 00:06:53,543
Obviously at some point
the Gazorpians became so
153
00:06:53,544 --> 00:06:56,119
evolved that they replaced
females with birthing machines.
154
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,463
The resultant lack of
distraction and handpecking
155
00:06:58,464 --> 00:07:00,322
allowed them to focus
entirely on war,
156
00:07:00,323 --> 00:07:02,168
so they bombed themselves
back to the stone age
157
00:07:02,169 --> 00:07:03,745
and now they just fight
with each other over
158
00:07:03,746 --> 00:07:05,702
fake pussy with sticks
and rocks all day long.
159
00:07:05,703 --> 00:07:08,101
You think it's efficient
to get rid of women?
160
00:07:08,102 --> 00:07:09,809
You ever see a line
for the men's room?
161
00:07:09,810 --> 00:07:11,730
Are you hea... Do you lis...
You hear me, summer?
162
00:07:17,758 --> 00:07:20,521
The... plot... thickens.
163
00:07:25,792 --> 00:07:27,280
You might wanna cover
your eyes, Summer.
164
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:29,203
Yeah, like it was my
dream to watch.
165
00:07:33,067 --> 00:07:34,644
Summer, grab hold.
166
00:07:40,201 --> 00:07:42,507
Grandpa Rick,
where are we going?
167
00:07:42,508 --> 00:07:45,716
Well obviously Summer, it appears
the lower tier of this society
168
00:07:45,717 --> 00:07:48,240
is being manipulated through
sex and advanced technology
169
00:07:48,241 --> 00:07:49,946
by a hidden ruling class.
170
00:07:49,947 --> 00:07:51,553
Sound familiar?
171
00:07:52,137 --> 00:07:53,399
Ticketmaster.
172
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,575
There we go, Summer.
Hey brother.
173
00:07:55,978 --> 00:07:56,945
Hey bro.
174
00:07:56,946 --> 00:07:58,762
Nice racket you got
going on here.
175
00:07:58,763 --> 00:08:01,642
Listen, I'm Rick Sanchez
from earth dimension C-137.
176
00:08:01,643 --> 00:08:03,574
Don't mean any harm.
Coming in peace.
177
00:08:03,575 --> 00:08:05,731
It's all cool in the...
178
00:08:05,964 --> 00:08:07,352
good in the neighborhood.
179
00:08:07,353 --> 00:08:09,313
That was what I was trying...
That's what I meant.
180
00:08:12,438 --> 00:08:13,430
Oh, I get it.
181
00:08:13,431 --> 00:08:16,081
The old "behind every
great man amazon" twist.
182
00:08:16,082 --> 00:08:17,416
Silence!
183
00:08:20,829 --> 00:08:22,871
Your slave is ill-mannered.
184
00:08:22,872 --> 00:08:24,334
- My slave?
- We assume...
185
00:08:24,335 --> 00:08:25,928
you are from a more
primitive world,
186
00:08:25,929 --> 00:08:28,038
where men are still permitted
to be servants.
187
00:08:28,039 --> 00:08:30,622
If he is a rogue male, tell us now,
and we will kill him.
188
00:08:30,623 --> 00:08:32,114
He's my slave.
He's my slave.
189
00:08:32,115 --> 00:08:33,485
He is definitely my slave.
190
00:08:37,644 --> 00:08:39,384
Oh boy, what's the opposite of...
191
00:08:40,364 --> 00:08:41,974
Am I right ladies
and gentlemen?
192
00:08:42,346 --> 00:08:43,865
You guys kidding me.
193
00:08:44,918 --> 00:08:48,210
Morty Jr., you're gonna be a special
little guy, aren't you?
194
00:08:49,257 --> 00:08:50,755
You're my special little guy.
195
00:08:54,362 --> 00:08:55,154
DA
196
00:08:55,155 --> 00:08:56,273
What was that, Morty Jr.?
197
00:08:56,274 --> 00:08:58,678
Were you gonna say Dada?
Say Dada.
198
00:08:58,679 --> 00:09:00,094
Death!
199
00:09:00,095 --> 00:09:01,165
Dada.
200
00:09:01,566 --> 00:09:03,566
Domination!
201
00:09:03,592 --> 00:09:04,735
Dada?
202
00:09:04,736 --> 00:09:06,943
Destruction, domination.
203
00:09:07,601 --> 00:09:08,890
Nice.
204
00:09:14,782 --> 00:09:17,982
The spider in sector C
is still alive.
205
00:09:17,983 --> 00:09:20,691
Plan your route accordingly
and expect delays.
206
00:09:20,692 --> 00:09:23,827
We're not telling you what to do.
We're just sharing how we feel.
207
00:09:23,828 --> 00:09:26,983
And now, weather. Is anyone
else cold or is it just me?
208
00:09:29,297 --> 00:09:32,574
I am Marsha,
ruler of Gazorpazorp.
209
00:09:32,575 --> 00:09:34,072
I am here if you need to talk.
210
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:35,495
What is this place?
211
00:09:35,496 --> 00:09:38,987
Paradise. We built it during
the great passive aggression,
212
00:09:38,988 --> 00:09:41,012
when females separated
from the males
213
00:09:41,013 --> 00:09:44,044
due to their increasingly
destructive behavior.
214
00:09:44,491 --> 00:09:47,246
- I'm here if you need to talk.
- I'm here if you need to talk.
215
00:09:47,247 --> 00:09:49,971
From here we dispense
mechanical surrogates
216
00:09:49,972 --> 00:09:51,736
to maintain our population.
217
00:09:51,737 --> 00:09:55,012
Fertilized surrogates are
returned here to our nursery.
218
00:09:55,013 --> 00:09:58,113
The females are placed
into educational program
219
00:09:58,114 --> 00:10:00,792
where they can discover a
service to our paradise
220
00:10:00,793 --> 00:10:02,611
that fulfills them most.
221
00:10:02,612 --> 00:10:04,275
The males...
222
00:10:05,132 --> 00:10:07,217
they get to play outside.
223
00:10:08,418 --> 00:10:10,449
That was just a baby.
224
00:10:10,450 --> 00:10:12,976
And within a day he'll be
an adult male Gazorpian,
225
00:10:12,977 --> 00:10:15,614
one of the most aggressively
violent creatures in the universe.
226
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:18,032
Wait a minute.
We're here because a male Gazorpian
227
00:10:18,033 --> 00:10:19,534
was born on our planet.
228
00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:25,914
You speak when you're
spoken to ding-a-ling.
229
00:10:25,915 --> 00:10:28,311
It's true though. One of your
babies was born on earth.
230
00:10:28,312 --> 00:10:30,505
Are you the ruler of this earth?
231
00:10:30,506 --> 00:10:31,589
How did you know?
232
00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:33,614
- The quality of your top.
- Do you love it?
233
00:10:33,615 --> 00:10:34,970
I love it.
234
00:10:34,971 --> 00:10:37,128
I'm here if you need to talk.
I'm here if you need to talk.
235
00:10:37,129 --> 00:10:38,650
- I'm here if you need to talk.
- I'm here if you need to talk.
236
00:10:38,651 --> 00:10:41,693
If the Gazorpian is male
your earth is in grave danger.
237
00:10:41,694 --> 00:10:44,591
We will give you passage back home,
so it can be terminated.
238
00:10:44,592 --> 00:10:46,715
But first, mojitos!
239
00:10:47,098 --> 00:10:48,617
We don't have time for mojitos!
240
00:10:48,618 --> 00:10:49,818
You are insulting them.
241
00:10:49,819 --> 00:10:52,018
I don't care Summer.
This place is the worst!
242
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:53,185
I wanna go home!
243
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:54,805
Well, it really doesn't matter
what you want
244
00:10:54,806 --> 00:10:57,166
because this is a sane place,
where women rule.
245
00:10:57,167 --> 00:10:58,866
You know what I have
to say about that?
246
00:11:01,653 --> 00:11:03,963
I can not believe... my ears.
247
00:11:09,181 --> 00:11:11,436
Boy, who let the
frogs out, huh?
248
00:11:11,437 --> 00:11:12,579
Grandpa!
249
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:15,558
- Grandpa?
- That sounds patriarchal.
250
00:11:15,559 --> 00:11:17,789
It means father of fathers.
251
00:11:17,790 --> 00:11:19,839
Then this one is
not your slave
252
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:22,650
and your earth is yet another
planet dominated by men.
253
00:11:22,651 --> 00:11:24,650
It's not dominated
by us, okay?
254
00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:26,305
On earth men and
women are equals.
255
00:11:26,306 --> 00:11:29,858
Equals? We make 70% of your
salary for the same job!
256
00:11:29,859 --> 00:11:30,897
Seize them!
257
00:11:32,847 --> 00:11:35,350
Was this really the time
to make that point, Summer?
258
00:11:37,485 --> 00:11:38,909
This is for you Daddy.
259
00:11:39,206 --> 00:11:40,375
Oh man.
260
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:42,711
Okay.
Listen to me Morty Jr.
261
00:11:42,712 --> 00:11:45,004
I gotta tell you
something very important, okay?
262
00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:46,797
Killing is bad.
263
00:11:46,798 --> 00:11:47,818
Bad.
264
00:11:47,819 --> 00:11:49,385
You are silly, Daddy.
265
00:11:49,386 --> 00:11:51,676
No, Morty Jr.
I'm being serious, okay?
266
00:11:51,677 --> 00:11:53,772
You need to put your energy
into something else.
267
00:11:54,093 --> 00:11:56,691
I mean what about dancing?
Would you like to learn how to dance?
268
00:11:56,692 --> 00:11:59,626
I like to dance...
on the graves of my enemies.
269
00:12:00,459 --> 00:12:02,034
No, Morty Jr.!
270
00:12:03,571 --> 00:12:05,601
Daddy, can I go outside?
271
00:12:05,602 --> 00:12:07,139
No, absolutely not!
272
00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:09,522
But that's where all the people
and the animals are.
273
00:12:09,523 --> 00:12:11,305
Yeah, but you can't go
out there because...
274
00:12:11,677 --> 00:12:13,482
The air is poisonous, for you!
275
00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:15,715
You will die if...
You'll die instantly
276
00:12:15,716 --> 00:12:17,344
if you ever leave this house.
Do you hear me?
277
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:19,549
- For real?
- For real times a million, buddy.
278
00:12:19,550 --> 00:12:23,662
So let's just stay inside...
let's try dancing. Right?
279
00:12:23,663 --> 00:12:25,492
Look at me.
We're gonna dance. Come on.
280
00:12:25,493 --> 00:12:27,560
Join, dance with me here.
We love to dance.
281
00:12:27,561 --> 00:12:28,827
Why do we love to dance?
282
00:12:28,828 --> 00:12:30,372
Because I said so!
283
00:12:32,957 --> 00:12:34,321
- Nice.
- Nice.
284
00:12:39,391 --> 00:12:41,781
So, what are you in for?
285
00:12:41,782 --> 00:12:43,761
Because I got a big...
you know...
286
00:12:43,762 --> 00:12:45,517
penis between my legs.
287
00:12:45,518 --> 00:12:46,585
What are you in for?
288
00:12:46,586 --> 00:12:49,144
The worst crime
a female can commit.
289
00:12:49,145 --> 00:12:53,927
Veronica Ann Bennett, I find you
guilty of having bad bangs.
290
00:12:53,928 --> 00:12:57,551
You ever noticed the ones with bad
bangs always have three names?
291
00:12:57,552 --> 00:13:01,405
You are hereby sentenced to...
the silent treatment!
292
00:13:02,412 --> 00:13:03,596
This is gonna be cake.
293
00:13:03,597 --> 00:13:05,439
No!
Jackie!
294
00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:07,601
Rick and Summer of earth.
295
00:13:07,602 --> 00:13:09,974
For the crimes of treason
against woman kind
296
00:13:09,975 --> 00:13:12,468
and for creating the sound
of which we do not speak
297
00:13:12,469 --> 00:13:16,151
because it does not exist,
you are hereby sentenced to...
298
00:13:16,152 --> 00:13:17,448
What? A night on the couch?
299
00:13:17,449 --> 00:13:18,531
Death.
300
00:13:19,249 --> 00:13:21,025
I hate you so much right now.
301
00:13:21,026 --> 00:13:23,925
This will be the first
instance of capital punishment
302
00:13:23,926 --> 00:13:27,647
in our society in 500 years
due to our awesomeness.
303
00:13:27,648 --> 00:13:29,747
So we are forced to improvise.
304
00:13:29,748 --> 00:13:32,764
We placed a large
boulder on that ledge.
305
00:13:32,765 --> 00:13:35,463
Holly shit! You're gonna
crush us with a boulder?!
306
00:13:35,464 --> 00:13:37,137
No! Stop interrupting!
307
00:13:37,138 --> 00:13:41,218
The boulder falls onto a lever
that will launch...
308
00:13:41,219 --> 00:13:42,523
- Knives.
- What?!
309
00:13:42,524 --> 00:13:44,555
Just give me a gun,
I'll kill myself.
310
00:13:44,556 --> 00:13:46,009
Stop interrupting!
311
00:13:46,010 --> 00:13:47,988
The knives will...
312
00:13:47,989 --> 00:13:49,171
Fine!
313
00:13:49,172 --> 00:13:50,911
You were right the
first time, okay?
314
00:13:50,912 --> 00:13:51,986
The boulder crushes you.
315
00:13:51,987 --> 00:13:53,677
I just didn't want to
admit you were right.
316
00:13:53,678 --> 00:13:55,208
- Happy?!
- Just ignore them.
317
00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:57,049
- Ignore them.
- Such an asshole.
318
00:13:57,804 --> 00:13:59,033
Look, I'm sorry, Summer.
319
00:13:59,034 --> 00:14:01,125
I feel bad that I let you
drag us into this.
320
00:14:01,126 --> 00:14:03,174
I wish could have been
a better grandpa to you.
321
00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:04,528
And you know, for
what it's worth,
322
00:14:04,529 --> 00:14:06,765
that is a really nice cute top,
that you're wearing there.
323
00:14:06,766 --> 00:14:08,400
Top?
My top!
324
00:14:08,401 --> 00:14:09,496
My top!
325
00:14:09,497 --> 00:14:11,877
The same top you
complimented earlier.
326
00:14:11,878 --> 00:14:13,937
Look! Look at the tag!
327
00:14:13,938 --> 00:14:14,950
Read it!
328
00:14:14,951 --> 00:14:15,969
It says...
329
00:14:15,970 --> 00:14:17,790
Mark Jacobs.
330
00:14:17,791 --> 00:14:19,731
Mark? Jacob?
331
00:14:19,732 --> 00:14:20,985
These are names of the penis.
332
00:14:20,986 --> 00:14:21,872
Yes.
333
00:14:21,873 --> 00:14:24,552
An earth man made this top.
334
00:14:24,553 --> 00:14:27,434
Maybe on your planet
separation of the genders
335
00:14:27,435 --> 00:14:28,678
is the right thing to do,
336
00:14:28,679 --> 00:14:32,440
but on earth, a certain
percentage of males are born gay,
337
00:14:32,441 --> 00:14:35,633
which is why my clothes
are better than all of yours.
338
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:38,137
It's true.
339
00:14:38,138 --> 00:14:42,086
And sometimes the truth hurts.
But it must be accepted.
340
00:14:42,087 --> 00:14:44,011
Like if I told you
that you're using
341
00:14:44,012 --> 00:14:46,030
a wrong color foundation
for your skin,
342
00:14:46,031 --> 00:14:49,097
and it ends at your neck
making you look like a party clown.
343
00:14:49,098 --> 00:14:50,781
Okay.
Ouch. Noted.
344
00:14:50,782 --> 00:14:54,512
But the fact remains if you impose
Gazorpazorp's laws on earth
345
00:14:54,513 --> 00:14:58,247
you're no better than the men
whose farts shall remain unspoken
346
00:14:58,248 --> 00:15:02,441
And if you think my top is cute,
you cannot execute.
347
00:15:03,975 --> 00:15:06,449
Very well. Give the earth people
spacecraft
348
00:15:06,450 --> 00:15:08,685
so they may head
back to their weird planet
349
00:15:08,686 --> 00:15:11,221
where women are kind of equal,
but not really.
350
00:15:11,222 --> 00:15:13,140
Good job, Summer,
and thanks girls.
351
00:15:13,141 --> 00:15:14,656
You girls are really...
352
00:15:14,930 --> 00:15:16,102
something, I tell you that.
353
00:15:16,103 --> 00:15:18,169
You know,
when we first got here
354
00:15:18,170 --> 00:15:20,106
- I was like...
- Give them a ship, now.
355
00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:23,432
Morty Jr.! Smoking?!
356
00:15:23,433 --> 00:15:24,730
That is not okay!
357
00:15:24,731 --> 00:15:26,054
What are you gonna
do, ground me?
358
00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:27,551
I can't go outside anyway!
359
00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:29,988
So what? You could
do things inside.
360
00:15:29,989 --> 00:15:32,318
You could play guitar,
you could masturbate...
361
00:15:32,319 --> 00:15:34,940
I don't wanna masturbate,
I wanna conquer the planet!
362
00:15:34,941 --> 00:15:36,112
Oh, here we go again!
363
00:15:36,113 --> 00:15:37,893
Who do you think
is gonna love you
364
00:15:37,894 --> 00:15:39,917
if you conquer the
planet Morty Jr.?
365
00:15:39,918 --> 00:15:41,699
Love.
That's all you care about.
366
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:44,353
What about weapons? What about
domination of the enemy?
367
00:15:44,354 --> 00:15:46,153
Alright, that's it, no
more History Chanel!
368
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:48,798
This TV is for cartoons
and video games only!
369
00:15:48,799 --> 00:15:50,418
I hate video games!
370
00:15:50,419 --> 00:15:52,072
You take that back!
371
00:15:52,984 --> 00:15:54,266
Give it to me!
372
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:58,107
I didn't mean!
I didn't mean that!
373
00:15:58,108 --> 00:15:59,534
I didn't mean to do that!
I'm sorry!
374
00:15:59,535 --> 00:16:01,077
I can't take this anymore!
375
00:16:01,078 --> 00:16:03,537
I'd rather breath poison than
living another minute with you!
376
00:16:03,538 --> 00:16:05,173
No! No, no, no! Stop!
377
00:16:11,678 --> 00:16:13,193
My life has been a lie!
378
00:16:13,194 --> 00:16:14,998
God is dead!
The government's lame!
379
00:16:14,999 --> 00:16:16,839
Thanksgiving is about
killing Indians!
380
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,020
Jesus wasn't born on Christmas,
they moved the date,
381
00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:20,640
it was a pagan holiday!
382
00:16:21,269 --> 00:16:22,526
- Oh, Dad!
- Yes, Morty?
383
00:16:22,527 --> 00:16:24,414
My son is gonna
take over the planet,
384
00:16:24,415 --> 00:16:25,899
and I am too young to drive.
385
00:16:25,900 --> 00:16:27,244
Can you help me get him back?
386
00:16:28,136 --> 00:16:31,186
I suppose, Morty.
I suppose.
387
00:16:31,604 --> 00:16:36,726
But first a deep sip from a very
tall glass of "I told you so".
388
00:16:41,737 --> 00:16:43,897
Oh my god, please Dad,
come on!
389
00:17:29,971 --> 00:17:31,694
Dad, there he is!
390
00:17:33,746 --> 00:17:35,833
Oh God.
Hey stop that!
391
00:17:35,834 --> 00:17:37,676
Oh my god, oh my god, Dad!
392
00:17:39,020 --> 00:17:40,530
Morty Jr., no!
393
00:17:40,531 --> 00:17:42,464
It's me.
It's Dad.
394
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,699
It's okay.
395
00:17:44,700 --> 00:17:46,356
Put the car down Morty Jr.
396
00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:47,311
No!
397
00:17:47,312 --> 00:17:50,617
Where's your hands?
Where's your hands?
398
00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:53,455
My car!
399
00:17:53,456 --> 00:17:57,040
d And that's how we play
handy hands. d
400
00:17:58,064 --> 00:17:59,725
- Out of the way, Morty!
- No!
401
00:17:59,726 --> 00:18:01,600
Morty, that's one of
the most violently
402
00:18:01,626 --> 00:18:03,359
aggressive creature
in the universe.
403
00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:04,856
He's my son!
404
00:18:04,857 --> 00:18:07,964
And if you hurt him,
you have to kill me, Rick!
405
00:18:13,497 --> 00:18:16,778
Dad, I'm so confused.
406
00:18:16,779 --> 00:18:18,890
I know Morty Jr.
I'm sorry.
407
00:18:18,891 --> 00:18:20,802
I ended up lying to you
and yelling at you
408
00:18:20,803 --> 00:18:22,484
just like my
parents did to me.
409
00:18:22,485 --> 00:18:25,074
You know parents are just
kids having kids.
410
00:18:25,075 --> 00:18:27,794
One minute you like how
a shiny robot looks,
411
00:18:27,795 --> 00:18:31,600
the next minute you're in
a fist fight with your alien son.
412
00:18:31,601 --> 00:18:32,995
I'm an alien?
413
00:18:32,996 --> 00:18:35,586
We all have bad impulses,
bad thoughts.
414
00:18:35,587 --> 00:18:38,635
We just have to learn to channel them
into something constructive.
415
00:18:38,636 --> 00:18:41,371
But I want to murder
everyone I see.
416
00:18:41,372 --> 00:18:44,564
Well you know, maybe there is a job
out there for people that feel that way.
417
00:18:44,565 --> 00:18:46,271
Actually, there is.
418
00:18:46,272 --> 00:18:47,712
Hi, I'm Brad Anderson.
419
00:18:47,713 --> 00:18:50,322
Creator of the nationally syndicated
comic strip "Marmaduke".
420
00:18:50,651 --> 00:18:52,837
You should consider
being a creative.
421
00:18:52,838 --> 00:18:54,575
I'm hunted by
uncontrollable thoughts
422
00:18:54,576 --> 00:18:57,790
of mutilation and sexual assaults
on a nearly daily basis.
423
00:18:57,791 --> 00:19:00,385
But you know? I channeled
it all into my work.
424
00:19:02,138 --> 00:19:04,304
I never got that impression
from reading Marmaduke.
425
00:19:04,305 --> 00:19:07,055
Well, did you get the impression
I was trying to make you laugh?
426
00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:11,390
Tell me that wasn't
Brad Anderson.
427
00:19:12,027 --> 00:19:13,598
See, you hear that, Morty Jr.?
428
00:19:13,599 --> 00:19:15,750
Maybe you could try being
a creative of some kind.
429
00:19:15,751 --> 00:19:17,953
Maybe? I always
have sort of wanted
430
00:19:17,954 --> 00:19:20,042
to see my face on the
back of a novel.
431
00:19:20,043 --> 00:19:23,056
I mean what I really wanna do
is slit people's throat,
432
00:19:23,057 --> 00:19:24,427
but, beyond that.
433
00:19:24,428 --> 00:19:25,939
I know you can do it, son.
434
00:19:25,940 --> 00:19:28,965
I think it's time
I get a place of my own.
435
00:19:29,122 --> 00:19:31,729
I promise I call you every day
I need money
436
00:19:31,730 --> 00:19:33,816
or a place to do laundry.
437
00:19:40,764 --> 00:19:43,924
So, I assume this novel
your son writes
438
00:19:43,925 --> 00:19:45,929
is gonna pay for my rear Axel?
439
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:50,743
Isn't it interesting Summer,
that after all that stuff we just did
440
00:19:50,744 --> 00:19:53,090
nothing really mattered,
there was no point to it.
441
00:19:53,091 --> 00:19:54,826
Kind of makes you wonder, huh?
442
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:56,912
- About nothing
- Are you sure it doesn't make
443
00:19:56,913 --> 00:19:59,849
you re-evaluate your policy
about taking girls on adventure?
444
00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:01,884
No I'd say given
what we've been through,
445
00:20:01,885 --> 00:20:04,251
that I was right the whole time,
and any epiphanies
446
00:20:04,252 --> 00:20:07,521
about gender politics were
projection of your feminine insecurity.
447
00:20:07,522 --> 00:20:09,859
But hey, why don't you
have pink spaceship?
448
00:20:09,860 --> 00:20:12,326
Go ride around,
and have a jolly old time.
449
00:20:12,327 --> 00:20:13,464
Maybe that'll shut you up.
450
00:20:13,465 --> 00:20:15,837
Dad? Summer? Where were you
guys this whole time?
451
00:20:15,838 --> 00:20:17,680
On Gazorpazorp.
Where were you?
452
00:20:17,681 --> 00:20:18,977
I was reading a newspaper.
453
00:20:18,978 --> 00:20:21,395
Oh, that's interesting, Beth.
You know it's funny...
454
00:20:21,396 --> 00:20:23,700
I heard about a little bit
of news, myself.
455
00:20:23,701 --> 00:20:24,812
Take a look.
456
00:20:25,127 --> 00:20:26,146
Take a listen.
457
00:20:32,310 --> 00:20:35,147
This world... still got a...
still got a chance!
458
00:20:37,137 --> 00:20:38,542
See you guys next week!
459
00:20:38,543 --> 00:20:40,017
See everybody next week!
460
00:21:10,078 --> 00:21:12,729
Mortimer Smith Jr.
New York Times best selling author.
461
00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:15,055
Your book is about innocence,
the definition of it,
462
00:21:15,056 --> 00:21:17,104
and inevitably
its impossibility.
463
00:21:17,105 --> 00:21:18,828
Is it autobiographical?
464
00:21:18,829 --> 00:21:20,773
Certainly.
I mean,
465
00:21:20,774 --> 00:21:22,785
all writing is, in my opinion.
466
00:21:22,786 --> 00:21:24,557
But, my...
467
00:21:25,820 --> 00:21:27,244
My father...
468
00:21:27,245 --> 00:21:30,348
kept me locked in the house
until I was a teenager.
469
00:21:31,167 --> 00:21:34,173
And there was violence and...
470
00:21:34,592 --> 00:21:36,107
threats of poison gas.
471
00:21:36,842 --> 00:21:38,727
- But also dancing.
- But you persevered
472
00:21:38,728 --> 00:21:41,266
and created this masterpiece
from your suffering.
473
00:21:41,267 --> 00:21:42,944
Smith Jr.'s mind-bending novel,
474
00:21:42,945 --> 00:21:44,887
"My Horrible Father"
in every store
475
00:21:44,888 --> 00:21:47,594
and on everyone's mind pick
it up, we'll be right back.
476
00:21:47,799 --> 00:21:49,564
It's a thankless job, Morty.
477
00:21:49,873 --> 00:21:51,401
You did the best you could.
478
00:21:51,402 --> 00:21:52,971
I hope he's eating enough.
479
00:21:55,971 --> 00:21:59,971
Preuzeto sa www.titlovi.com
480
00:22:00,305 --> 00:22:06,815
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