1 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:06,400 - Cynthia... - Oh, my God! No, no... 2 00:00:06,405 --> 00:00:08,205 - I told you! - Hold on... 3 00:00:08,210 --> 00:00:09,799 Will you please... 4 00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:12,187 Not marry me? I choose Veronica. 5 00:00:12,188 --> 00:00:13,121 - What? - Yes! 6 00:00:13,122 --> 00:00:15,290 - Called it. - Why would he choose Veronica? 7 00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:16,805 Because he loves her. 8 00:00:16,806 --> 00:00:18,344 Well... if it's any consolation, Summer, 9 00:00:18,345 --> 00:00:20,592 none of it mattered, and the entire show is stupid. 10 00:00:20,593 --> 00:00:22,055 Okay, I've got an idea, Rick. 11 00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:24,222 You show us your concept of "good TV", 12 00:00:24,248 --> 00:00:25,889 and we'll crap all over that. 13 00:00:25,890 --> 00:00:27,232 I thought you'd never ask. 14 00:00:28,233 --> 00:00:29,233 Hey! 15 00:00:29,543 --> 00:00:31,584 Oh, cool! Is that crystallized Zanthonite? 16 00:00:31,610 --> 00:00:33,531 It conducts electrons across dimensions. 17 00:00:33,532 --> 00:00:36,090 Twenty percent accurate, as usual, Morty. 18 00:00:36,116 --> 00:00:38,048 The important thing being I just upgraded 19 00:00:38,049 --> 00:00:41,248 our cable package with programming from every conceivable reality. 20 00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:42,912 Wait, does that mean we get Showtime Extreme? 21 00:00:42,913 --> 00:00:45,984 How about Showtime Extreme in a world where man evolved from corn. 22 00:00:45,985 --> 00:00:47,975 We're not so different. We're both corn of action. 23 00:00:47,976 --> 00:00:51,178 Yeah. But one of us is... dead corn! 24 00:00:51,179 --> 00:00:52,208 - Boring. - Summer, 25 00:00:52,209 --> 00:00:55,426 you just spent three months, watching a man choose a fake wife. 26 00:00:55,427 --> 00:00:58,169 So what? It'd be better if the people were corn? 27 00:00:58,170 --> 00:01:00,596 Jerry, you don't get it. This is infinite TV, 28 00:01:00,597 --> 00:01:02,669 from infinite universes. Look. 29 00:01:02,670 --> 00:01:04,681 This shit is delicious. 30 00:01:04,682 --> 00:01:06,169 A movie about a guy eating shit. 31 00:01:07,325 --> 00:01:09,199 A violent Antiques Show... 32 00:01:10,463 --> 00:01:12,778 - It's a pleasure to have you. - The pleasure's all mine. 33 00:01:12,779 --> 00:01:15,204 Letterman from a time line where Jerry's famous... 34 00:01:15,205 --> 00:01:16,803 - Wait! - What in the hell? 35 00:01:16,804 --> 00:01:18,187 I agree. Where is this going? 36 00:01:18,188 --> 00:01:19,843 No, the other thing! Go back! 37 00:01:19,844 --> 00:01:21,358 Really? All right, fine. 38 00:01:21,359 --> 00:01:24,726 Glenn, this is a court order. It says you can't eat shit anymore. 39 00:01:25,601 --> 00:01:28,905 All right, Jerry, when you're right, you're right. Now I'm hooked. 40 00:01:29,461 --> 00:01:31,961 Rick and Morty S01E08 "Rixty Minutes" 41 00:01:31,962 --> 00:01:36,963 Translated back from Portuguese by paulo loppes 42 00:01:36,988 --> 00:01:42,988 Corrections by TPBfan Tweaking by XhmikosR 43 00:01:43,013 --> 00:01:49,013 www.addic7ed.com 44 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:57,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 45 00:02:00,962 --> 00:02:04,430 Coming up next on "Shmloo's the Shmloss", Shmlony has a nightmare. 46 00:02:04,431 --> 00:02:06,287 Shmlantha, Schmlona! 47 00:02:06,288 --> 00:02:09,749 Amazing. A dimension where all proper nouns begin with "Schmla". 48 00:02:09,750 --> 00:02:13,764 Schmlove, Schmlandula, Schmlonathan... 49 00:02:13,765 --> 00:02:16,165 All right, that got... that actually got old pretty quick. 50 00:02:16,526 --> 00:02:20,636 Rick, would you please go back to me on David Letterman? 51 00:02:20,637 --> 00:02:23,469 Infinity's a big number, Jerry. I don't remember the channel. 52 00:02:23,470 --> 00:02:25,270 - Go back, go back! - Jeez... 53 00:02:25,275 --> 00:02:26,849 You speak da tru-tru. 54 00:02:26,850 --> 00:02:29,631 Oh my God! Dad's in Cloud Atlas! 55 00:02:29,632 --> 00:02:32,241 I'm in Cloud Atlas! What's Cloud Atlas? 56 00:02:32,242 --> 00:02:36,442 Sometimes small tru-tru different than da big tru-tru. 57 00:02:36,450 --> 00:02:37,723 How is this possible? 58 00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,801 Infinite time lines, infinite possibilities. 59 00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,108 Including a time line where Jerry's a movie star. 60 00:02:42,109 --> 00:02:45,328 Look, you guys are getting excited about the wrong aspect of this device. 61 00:02:45,353 --> 00:02:46,728 Wa... Look at this. 62 00:02:46,729 --> 00:02:49,469 And now, another Quick Mystery. 63 00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:53,046 I just want to know who could've done something like this. It's a travesty! 64 00:02:53,047 --> 00:02:56,190 I did. See this knife and all the blood on it? Here's my fingerprints. 65 00:02:56,191 --> 00:02:58,071 Guilty! I sentence you to life in prison. 66 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:00,962 - Here's another Quick Mystery. - My mother's dead! 67 00:03:00,963 --> 00:03:03,008 And I killed her. Here's the weapon. 68 00:03:03,034 --> 00:03:04,887 And cuff me, thank you very much. 69 00:03:04,888 --> 00:03:06,551 Guilty! Sentenced to murder. 70 00:03:07,834 --> 00:03:09,474 - Here's another. - I'm the killer! 71 00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:12,639 Wow, that one was really quick, wasn't it? 72 00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:16,491 Now who wants to watch random, crazy TV shows from different dimensions... 73 00:03:17,065 --> 00:03:20,711 and then who wants to narcissistically obsess about their alternate self? 74 00:03:20,712 --> 00:03:22,912 - I want to obsess about myself. - The narcisstic stuff. 75 00:03:23,394 --> 00:03:26,924 Here. These scan your retinas, and let you view parallel time lines 76 00:03:26,925 --> 00:03:28,956 through genetically matching versions of your eyes. 77 00:03:28,957 --> 00:03:29,984 Go fetch! 78 00:03:29,985 --> 00:03:31,505 - Yes! This is so cool! - Ladies First! 79 00:03:32,061 --> 00:03:33,230 I'm proud of you, Morty. 80 00:03:33,231 --> 00:03:35,291 Hey man, I don't give a crap about myself, Rick. 81 00:03:35,317 --> 00:03:36,746 Let's watch some crazy stuff, yo! 82 00:03:36,974 --> 00:03:38,345 I'm Ants-In-My-Eyes Johnson, 83 00:03:38,346 --> 00:03:40,486 Here at Ants-in-My-Eyes Johnson's Electronics. 84 00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,585 I mean, there's so many ants in my eyes! 85 00:03:42,586 --> 00:03:45,769 And there's so many TVs, microwaves, radios... 86 00:03:45,770 --> 00:03:48,939 I think, I can't... I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock, 87 00:03:48,965 --> 00:03:50,839 because I can't see anything. 88 00:03:50,844 --> 00:03:53,459 Our prices I hope aren't too low! 89 00:03:53,460 --> 00:03:56,074 Check out this refrigerator! Only $200! 90 00:03:56,075 --> 00:03:59,451 What about this microwave? Only $100! That's fair! 91 00:03:59,452 --> 00:04:01,104 I'm Ants-in-My-Eyes Johnson! 92 00:04:01,130 --> 00:04:03,581 Everything's black, I can't see a thing! 93 00:04:03,582 --> 00:04:06,332 And also I can't feel anything either, did I mention that? 94 00:04:06,335 --> 00:04:09,285 But that's not as catchy as having ants in your eyes. 95 00:04:09,286 --> 00:04:11,955 So that always goes, you know, off by the wayside. 96 00:04:11,961 --> 00:04:14,144 I can't feel. It's a very rare disease. 97 00:04:14,145 --> 00:04:18,598 All my... All my nerves, they don't allow for the sensation of touch. 98 00:04:18,599 --> 00:04:21,889 So I never know what's going on. Am I standing? Sitting? I don't know. 99 00:04:21,890 --> 00:04:24,811 Are we sure we want to do this? Look at our own alternate lives? 100 00:04:24,812 --> 00:04:28,112 You're right. Maybe we should just play Yahtzee. Give me those! 101 00:04:29,063 --> 00:04:33,297 - What do you see? - Whiteness. Pure whiteness. 102 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:38,310 You're my best friend, Jerry Smith. I love doing cocaine with you. 103 00:04:38,315 --> 00:04:41,953 Whoa... I love doing cocaine with you too, Johnny Depp! 104 00:04:42,164 --> 00:04:43,993 Haven't we spent enough time on you? 105 00:04:45,448 --> 00:04:47,282 I'm performing surgery... 106 00:04:47,283 --> 00:04:49,637 but not on a horse, on a human! 107 00:04:49,638 --> 00:04:53,077 That's great, Beth! You always wanted to be a real surgeon. 108 00:04:53,244 --> 00:04:55,484 I am a real surgeon. 109 00:04:55,956 --> 00:04:57,659 - Ahh... uh... Summer's turn! - Finally! 110 00:04:59,356 --> 00:05:00,396 I don't see anything. 111 00:05:00,397 --> 00:05:02,409 Well, you should select a different timeline, 112 00:05:02,410 --> 00:05:04,357 I mean, if your father and I achieved our dreams, 113 00:05:04,358 --> 00:05:05,872 there's a chance you weren't even born. 114 00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:09,008 That came out wrong. That came out very wrong. 115 00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:12,178 Fine, I'll find a world where you bothered to have me. 116 00:05:15,555 --> 00:05:17,126 We're playing Yahtzee. 117 00:05:17,127 --> 00:05:20,643 - Yahtzee's fun. We love Yahtzee. - It's a fun game for fun families! 118 00:05:20,644 --> 00:05:22,800 Hey, could I get those goggles back for a second? 119 00:05:22,801 --> 00:05:26,094 It's a 45 horsepower with anti-lock brakes, 120 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,387 and it's the official car of Mr. Sneezy 3D. 121 00:05:29,387 --> 00:05:32,531 It's the brand-new... Sneezy XL. 122 00:05:32,532 --> 00:05:35,614 The horn when you honk it makes a sneeze noise. 123 00:05:36,054 --> 00:05:40,266 It's polite, it's right, and it's Sneezy... 124 00:05:40,292 --> 00:05:43,354 Deezy... Mc... Deluxe. 125 00:05:43,355 --> 00:05:45,455 Oh, I'm Mr. Sneezy! Achoo! 126 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:49,476 Huh, seems like TV from other dimensions has a somewhat looser feel to it. 127 00:05:49,477 --> 00:05:52,295 Yeah, it's got an almost improvisational tone. 128 00:05:52,296 --> 00:05:54,705 It's in theaters now! Coming this summer: 129 00:05:54,706 --> 00:05:58,854 Two brothers. In a van. And then a meteor hit. 130 00:05:58,855 --> 00:06:03,166 And they ran as fast as they could... from giant cat monsters. 131 00:06:03,167 --> 00:06:05,760 And then a giant tornado came... 132 00:06:05,786 --> 00:06:09,792 and that's when things got knocked into 12th gear. 133 00:06:10,550 --> 00:06:13,269 A Mexican armada shows up. 134 00:06:13,270 --> 00:06:15,980 With weapons made from To-...tomatoes. 135 00:06:16,006 --> 00:06:18,828 And you better bet your bottom dollar... 136 00:06:18,829 --> 00:06:22,078 that these two brothers know how to handle business. 137 00:06:22,079 --> 00:06:28,291 In: Alien Invasion Tomato Monster Mexican Armada Brothers, 138 00:06:28,292 --> 00:06:33,492 Who Are Just Regular Brothers, Running In a van from an Asteroid... 139 00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:36,300 and All Sorts of Things... THE MOVIE! 140 00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:38,050 Hold on, there's more! 141 00:06:38,051 --> 00:06:42,038 Old women are coming, and they're also in the movie, and they're gonna come, 142 00:06:42,039 --> 00:06:45,411 and cross... attack... these two brothers. 143 00:06:45,670 --> 00:06:47,727 But let's get back to the brothers, because 144 00:06:47,753 --> 00:06:49,739 they're... they have a strong bond. 145 00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:53,435 You don't want to know about it here, but I'll tell you one thing: The moon... 146 00:06:53,436 --> 00:06:56,182 ...it comes crashing into Earth. And what do you do then? 147 00:06:56,183 --> 00:07:00,076 It's two brothers and... and th-they're... It's called... 148 00:07:00,077 --> 00:07:03,743 Two brothers... Two brothers! It's just called Two Brothers. 149 00:07:03,744 --> 00:07:06,341 Holy crap, I am winning a Nobel Prize. 150 00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:08,025 Come on! Time's up! 151 00:07:08,453 --> 00:07:10,098 I'm taming a lion! 152 00:07:10,099 --> 00:07:14,712 No, wait, uh... there are film cameras. I might be a lion-tamer in a movie. 153 00:07:14,713 --> 00:07:16,583 You get the idea. I work with lions. 154 00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:23,128 Ooh, we're not playing Yahtzee, we're playing Chutes and Ladders. 155 00:07:23,129 --> 00:07:24,851 It seems like when I exist, 156 00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:27,685 life gets a little more, I don't know... predictable? 157 00:07:27,686 --> 00:07:30,120 When two people create a life together, 158 00:07:30,121 --> 00:07:33,120 they set aside their previous lives as individuals. 159 00:07:33,121 --> 00:07:37,121 Gimme a break! We're not heroes for having unprotected sex on prom night. 160 00:07:37,125 --> 00:07:40,329 Oh, I get it. Now that you know you could have had it better, 161 00:07:40,330 --> 00:07:43,467 you resent me for holding you back. 162 00:07:43,468 --> 00:07:45,659 Now that we know you think the tables are turning, 163 00:07:45,685 --> 00:07:47,875 we know you thought there were unturned tables! 164 00:07:48,140 --> 00:07:50,604 - What are you talking about? - All this time, you've been thinking, 165 00:07:50,605 --> 00:07:53,475 "What if that loser Jerry hadn't talked me out of the abortion?" 166 00:07:53,656 --> 00:07:55,700 Well now you know, you'd be a doctor. 167 00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:56,632 Whoop-dee-doo. 168 00:07:56,638 --> 00:08:00,481 You'd also be drinking wine, alone in a house full of exotic birds. 169 00:08:00,482 --> 00:08:04,155 And I'd be on DiCaprio's yacht, banging Kristen Stewart! 170 00:08:04,156 --> 00:08:05,615 You thought about getting an abortion? 171 00:08:05,616 --> 00:08:06,838 Everyone thinks about it. 172 00:08:06,864 --> 00:08:09,429 Obviously, I'm the version of me that didn't do it. 173 00:08:09,430 --> 00:08:12,290 - So... you're welcome. - Yeah, you're welcome. 174 00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:15,914 Yeah, thank you guys so much. It's a real treat to be raised by parents 175 00:08:15,915 --> 00:08:19,242 that force themselves to be together instead of being happy. 176 00:08:19,243 --> 00:08:20,791 Hey, do we have any wafer cookies? 177 00:08:22,956 --> 00:08:26,391 Oh, boy. Looks like you guys have been checking out alternate lives and realizing 178 00:08:26,392 --> 00:08:28,345 you don't have it as good, huh? That's too bad. 179 00:08:28,371 --> 00:08:30,095 You know, me and Morty are having a blast, 180 00:08:30,096 --> 00:08:32,425 We just discovered a show called "Ball Fondlers". 181 00:08:32,426 --> 00:08:34,549 I mean, I don't want to rub it in or anything, 182 00:08:34,575 --> 00:08:36,738 but you guys clearly backed the wrong conceptual horse. 183 00:08:49,514 --> 00:08:52,154 - I'm in heaven right now. - This might be the best day of my life. 184 00:08:52,307 --> 00:08:53,566 So now what do we do? 185 00:08:53,829 --> 00:08:56,036 That show "Ball Fondlers" sounded kind of interesting. 186 00:08:56,037 --> 00:08:57,306 - Dad! - What? 187 00:08:57,307 --> 00:08:59,940 They're having fun in there! What do you guys want from me? 188 00:08:59,941 --> 00:09:03,530 Every family on this block has to wonder if they're together by choice. 189 00:09:03,531 --> 00:09:05,886 Our family just has inter-dimensional goggles 190 00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:07,831 to show us for a fact that we're not. 191 00:09:07,835 --> 00:09:10,515 - We'll I'm leaving! - You can't leave, you're 17! 192 00:09:10,516 --> 00:09:12,266 Yeah, and I'm not pregnant. 193 00:09:12,270 --> 00:09:15,011 I'm gonna have better judgment than you guys had at my age. 194 00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:17,672 I'm gonna... move to the southwest and... 195 00:09:17,698 --> 00:09:20,420 I don't know, do something with turquoise. 196 00:09:21,076 --> 00:09:24,427 It's Saturday Night Live! 197 00:09:24,428 --> 00:09:25,641 Starring... 198 00:09:25,642 --> 00:09:29,772 ...a piece of toast! Two guys, with handle-bar mustaches! 199 00:09:29,773 --> 00:09:32,587 A man painted silver who makes robot noises! 200 00:09:32,588 --> 00:09:34,454 Gar Manarnar! 201 00:09:34,455 --> 00:09:39,147 Three... uh... uh, uh, uh, I'll get back to that one... 202 00:09:39,148 --> 00:09:43,048 A hole in the wall, where the men can see it all... 203 00:09:43,055 --> 00:09:51,055 and returning, for his 25th consecutive year: Bobby Moynihan! 204 00:09:51,111 --> 00:09:54,926 Interesting fun fact, uh, Moynihan and piece of toast hate each other. 205 00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:57,484 Apparently they've got some real creative differences. 206 00:09:57,719 --> 00:10:00,992 Hey, are you tired of real doors, cluttering up your house, 207 00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:03,098 where you open 'em, and they actually go somewhere? 208 00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:04,219 And you go in another room? 209 00:10:04,225 --> 00:10:05,854 Get on down to "Real Fake Doors"! 210 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:07,866 That's us. Fill a whole room up with 'em. 211 00:10:07,867 --> 00:10:11,611 See? Watch, check this out! Won't open. Won't open. 212 00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:15,098 Not this one, not this one. None of 'em open! 213 00:10:15,124 --> 00:10:16,935 FakeDoors.com is our website, 214 00:10:16,936 --> 00:10:22,655 so check it out for a lot of really great deals on fake doooooooors! 215 00:10:30,068 --> 00:10:32,469 Hey, wait a minute, Rick. I thought this was a commercial. 216 00:10:32,495 --> 00:10:34,288 - What's going on? I mean... - Relax, Morty. 217 00:10:34,313 --> 00:10:36,875 Don't worry about it... Let's just... just see where this goes. 218 00:10:37,856 --> 00:10:40,437 Step on it, we all got places to be! 219 00:10:40,738 --> 00:10:42,099 Son of a bitch! 220 00:10:44,175 --> 00:10:47,139 See, that must be where he lives... OK. 221 00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:50,930 Huh. Making himself a sandwich now... 222 00:10:53,916 --> 00:10:56,243 Hey everybody! So this is my house, 223 00:10:56,244 --> 00:10:58,522 I just made a sandwich, peanut butter and jelly, 224 00:10:58,523 --> 00:11:00,923 still here, still selling fake doors! 225 00:11:00,924 --> 00:11:03,195 - What? - Oh, my God! It's still the commercial! 226 00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,318 We have fake doors... like you wouldn't believe! 227 00:11:05,319 --> 00:11:07,659 What are you worried about? Come get fake doors. 228 00:11:07,660 --> 00:11:09,986 Call us up, and order some fake doors today. 229 00:11:09,987 --> 00:11:12,837 Don't even hesitate, Don't even worry and don't even... 230 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,955 - All right, I'm bored. Change it. - Wait wait, Rick! Hold on. 231 00:11:14,956 --> 00:11:16,722 Even give it a second thought. That's our slogan. 232 00:11:16,723 --> 00:11:18,950 See it on the bottom of the screen, below our name. 233 00:11:18,951 --> 00:11:21,550 Here's another slogan, right below that one. 234 00:11:21,551 --> 00:11:23,866 What are you worried about? Come get fake doors 235 00:11:23,867 --> 00:11:26,201 Get in here quick, get out quicker, 236 00:11:26,202 --> 00:11:28,002 with an arm of fake doors in you arms. 237 00:11:28,005 --> 00:11:29,396 Okay, okay, you can change it. 238 00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:30,797 Don't even worry about it... 239 00:11:31,532 --> 00:11:33,488 I hate Mumunmunundsdays. 240 00:11:33,514 --> 00:11:36,083 And I really could go for some enchiladas. 241 00:11:36,802 --> 00:11:37,927 Hey Rick, that's pretty cool! 242 00:11:37,928 --> 00:11:40,720 It's just like Garfield, only instead, it's Gazorpazorpfield. 243 00:11:40,721 --> 00:11:42,464 Hey, isn't Gazorpazorp where uh... 244 00:11:42,490 --> 00:11:44,655 where those Sex robots came from, remember? 245 00:11:44,656 --> 00:11:45,706 That whole thing? 246 00:11:45,732 --> 00:11:48,856 Yeah... hey, that's pretty, pretty... that's true. 247 00:11:48,860 --> 00:11:49,675 That's right! 248 00:11:49,701 --> 00:11:52,119 Yeah. Let's watch some more Gazorpazorpfield! 249 00:11:52,119 --> 00:11:54,091 Hey Jon, it's me, Gazorpazorpfield. 250 00:11:54,092 --> 00:11:58,398 Boy. [BLEEP] you, Jon. You [BLEEP] dumb, stupid, idiot. 251 00:11:58,399 --> 00:12:01,202 Come on, Gazorpazorpfield, go easy on me, huh? 252 00:12:01,203 --> 00:12:08,203 You dumb, stupid, weak, pathetic, white, white... uh, uh... 253 00:12:08,536 --> 00:12:14,161 ...guilt, white guilt, milquetoast piece of human garbage. 254 00:12:14,162 --> 00:12:16,121 Jeez, Gazorpazorpfield, thats, you know... 255 00:12:16,122 --> 00:12:18,197 you're pretty mean to me, but that takes the cake. 256 00:12:18,198 --> 00:12:22,111 I don't give a [BLEEP]! I'm Gazorpazorp-[BLEEP]-field, bitch! 257 00:12:22,112 --> 00:12:24,405 Now give me my [BLEEP] enchiladas! 258 00:12:24,406 --> 00:12:26,942 Hey, Rick, you know, did they use Bill Murray for this? 259 00:12:26,968 --> 00:12:28,346 Sounds a lot like Bill Murray. 260 00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:31,886 No, Morty, it's Lorenzo Music. In this reality, he's still alive. 261 00:12:31,887 --> 00:12:33,581 Oh, okay, was his name Lorenzo Music? 262 00:12:33,582 --> 00:12:34,593 Yeah, I'm pretty sure. 263 00:12:34,619 --> 00:12:37,047 He also did that voice of that one guy from Ghostbusters. 264 00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:39,257 Which is really strange, because it's the same character 265 00:12:39,283 --> 00:12:40,703 Bill Murray played in the movie. 266 00:12:40,704 --> 00:12:41,754 But then, when they made the movie... 267 00:12:41,755 --> 00:12:45,002 Bill Murray did the voice of Gazorpazorp... or Garfield, I mean. 268 00:12:45,003 --> 00:12:47,682 Yeah, that's pretty cool, Rick. So all that happened in this reality too? 269 00:12:47,683 --> 00:12:50,439 I don't know. Just making conversation with you, Morty. 270 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:53,640 What do you think? I-I-I-I know everything about everything? 271 00:12:54,157 --> 00:12:56,522 Did you really talk me out of the abortion? 272 00:12:56,523 --> 00:12:59,181 Well, we... we blew a tire on the way to the clinic. 273 00:12:59,547 --> 00:13:03,029 I think, in my head, I was doing it all for the kids. 274 00:13:03,167 --> 00:13:07,174 And now the first kid is going to do something with turquoise. 275 00:13:07,175 --> 00:13:10,050 What is either code for crystal meth, or a gateway to it. 276 00:13:10,051 --> 00:13:12,045 So we didn't do the kids any favors. 277 00:13:12,046 --> 00:13:17,335 So, we should stay together for each other and ourselves, or... 278 00:13:17,336 --> 00:13:18,761 Or? 279 00:13:20,432 --> 00:13:23,283 Man. Woman. And now trunk men? 280 00:13:23,284 --> 00:13:25,722 We know science has created men that have a trunk 281 00:13:25,723 --> 00:13:28,604 that allows them to have sex with both male and female partners. 282 00:13:28,605 --> 00:13:31,547 But we don't like the idea of these people getting married. 283 00:13:31,548 --> 00:13:33,999 Put a line in the sand everybody--, people! 284 00:13:34,025 --> 00:13:36,113 Vote no on proposition XW2. 285 00:13:36,214 --> 00:13:37,932 The act that says that gay... uh... trunk 286 00:13:37,958 --> 00:13:39,864 people can get married. Who needs it? 287 00:13:39,870 --> 00:13:40,995 Not on my watch! 288 00:13:40,996 --> 00:13:43,762 Paid for by Michael Dennys and The Denny Singers. 289 00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:47,448 Hi, I'm a trunk person. And I want... 290 00:13:47,474 --> 00:13:50,115 I-I feel love in my heart, too, just like you. 291 00:13:50,116 --> 00:13:53,563 I want to be able to express that love, with both a man and a woman. 292 00:13:53,564 --> 00:13:55,129 And I won't be able to... 293 00:13:55,130 --> 00:13:57,611 If Denny and The Denny Singers get their way. 294 00:13:57,612 --> 00:14:00,211 Hey, let the trunk people have sex and get married, huh? 295 00:14:00,212 --> 00:14:02,219 Paid for by... Trunk People. 296 00:14:03,082 --> 00:14:05,100 Oh, I love me Strawberry Smiggles! 297 00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:07,930 Ooh, I hope nobody ever gets my hands on me, 298 00:14:07,956 --> 00:14:10,369 and tries to steal my Strawberry Smiggles. 299 00:14:10,370 --> 00:14:12,451 I'm going to eat every last one of them, because... 300 00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:13,852 and then they'll be in my stomach, 301 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,766 and nobody will ever be able to eat them. 302 00:14:15,792 --> 00:14:18,804 Except for me, because they're going to be all inside my stomach. 303 00:14:19,047 --> 00:14:22,949 I'm... my name is Mister... Top Hat Jones, 304 00:14:22,950 --> 00:14:26,799 and God forbid anyone ever take my sniggy, little pig-dul... smiggles. 305 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,645 I'm keeping 'em all for me. 306 00:14:29,714 --> 00:14:31,129 Last bite. 307 00:14:31,927 --> 00:14:34,498 Oh, now they are all resting comfortably in my stomach. 308 00:14:34,524 --> 00:14:35,600 Ooh, am I feeling good. 309 00:14:35,601 --> 00:14:37,072 No! Get away from me! 310 00:14:37,073 --> 00:14:39,762 Get away from me and my Strawberry Smiggles! No! 311 00:14:41,660 --> 00:14:44,163 Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ! 312 00:14:44,164 --> 00:14:46,210 It hurts! My entrails are out! 313 00:14:46,211 --> 00:14:48,236 Why would you even want to eat these? 314 00:14:48,456 --> 00:14:50,477 They're soaked with my stomach acid! 315 00:14:50,503 --> 00:14:53,989 Oh, Jesus Christ! Lord and savior and spirit! 316 00:14:53,990 --> 00:14:56,024 Save me! Take me to the light! 317 00:14:56,025 --> 00:14:59,475 Oh, my God, I see Demons! I see demons are coming! 318 00:14:59,479 --> 00:15:01,201 Jeez, Rick. Oh my god! 319 00:15:01,226 --> 00:15:04,260 That's some pretty hardcore stuff, you know, for a cereal commercial. 320 00:15:04,261 --> 00:15:07,037 Well, you know, Morty, I mean, you want to sell boxes of cereal, 321 00:15:07,038 --> 00:15:09,296 you gotta, you gotta, pump the gas a little. 322 00:15:09,322 --> 00:15:10,696 Pedal to the metal, Morty. 323 00:15:10,844 --> 00:15:15,576 In a world, where muscular mannies, are coming, and they're coming strong, 324 00:15:15,577 --> 00:15:19,545 there's only three... unmuscular... Michaels. 325 00:15:19,546 --> 00:15:21,404 Get down! Hurry, run! 326 00:15:23,347 --> 00:15:28,133 And that's when real turbulent juice is coming, 327 00:15:28,159 --> 00:15:30,034 and you gotta take care of it. 328 00:15:30,035 --> 00:15:33,051 With turbulent juice, Turmulent tables. 329 00:15:33,052 --> 00:15:38,136 No room is safe from the turbulent power of turbulent juice. 330 00:15:38,778 --> 00:15:41,258 - What in the hell? - Sex sells, Morty. 331 00:15:41,259 --> 00:15:45,507 Sex sells what? Was that a movie, or like, does it clean stuff? 332 00:15:45,976 --> 00:15:47,891 Hey, Dad. W-w-what's going on? 333 00:15:47,892 --> 00:15:50,726 Oh, your mother and I are going to be spending some time apart, Morty. 334 00:15:50,727 --> 00:15:53,550 And your sister found out she was an unwanted pregnancy. 335 00:15:53,569 --> 00:15:54,422 W-w-w-what? 336 00:15:54,448 --> 00:15:59,373 Speaking of "w-w-what", Morty... W-w-what should we watch next? 337 00:15:59,399 --> 00:16:01,199 What about this? 338 00:16:01,275 --> 00:16:03,296 Baby Legs, you're a good detective... 339 00:16:03,297 --> 00:16:05,999 but not good enough, because of your baby legs. 340 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,613 So I'm partnering you up with Regular Legs. 341 00:16:08,614 --> 00:16:10,334 - Hey there. - Detective, I'm... 342 00:16:10,371 --> 00:16:12,751 this is upsetting to me, because I feel 343 00:16:12,752 --> 00:16:14,503 like I don't need no regular-leg partner. 344 00:16:14,504 --> 00:16:16,338 Baby Legs, don't talk back to me. 345 00:16:16,339 --> 00:16:18,597 Good luck you two, there's a criminal to kill. 346 00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:21,798 Wow, you sure found this guy quick! 347 00:16:21,799 --> 00:16:23,913 Uh, yeah, because I'm a good detective. 348 00:16:23,914 --> 00:16:25,591 Look, Baby Legs, it's the criminal! 349 00:16:25,592 --> 00:16:28,156 [BLEEP], I'm the killer. I'm running, running real quick... 350 00:16:28,157 --> 00:16:30,929 Baby Legs, here we go! 351 00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:34,684 That's the sound I make, when I'm trying to run fast. 352 00:16:36,739 --> 00:16:38,420 All right, I'm not going to get him. 353 00:16:38,446 --> 00:16:40,511 I'm, I-I just learned a real valuable lesson. 354 00:16:40,512 --> 00:16:43,914 I'm coming, Baby Legs! I'm... Regular Legs! 355 00:16:45,086 --> 00:16:47,156 - We got him! - Hey, that was good team work. 356 00:16:47,157 --> 00:16:48,995 Baby Legs, and Regular Legs, 357 00:16:49,021 --> 00:16:51,701 I'm proud of you two for working together, and Baby Legs, 358 00:16:51,726 --> 00:16:55,218 I know it was hard for you to come to the conclusion that you need a partner. 359 00:16:55,394 --> 00:16:58,056 - But I'm proud of you that you did it. - Hey thanks, chief! 360 00:16:58,057 --> 00:16:59,566 Now get the [BLEEP] out of here! 361 00:16:59,567 --> 00:17:01,667 Pretty cool, huh, Morty? Oh. 362 00:17:01,670 --> 00:17:03,056 Uh, I thought it was cool. 363 00:17:03,057 --> 00:17:05,307 I don't give a [BLEEP] what you think, Jerry. 364 00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:12,553 Hey, uh... Y-Y-Y-You doin' okay? 365 00:17:13,754 --> 00:17:15,167 I-I-I kind of know how you feel, Summer. 366 00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,004 No, you don't. You're the little brother. 367 00:17:17,005 --> 00:17:18,796 You're not the cause of your parents' misery. 368 00:17:18,822 --> 00:17:19,950 You're just a symptom of it. 369 00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:23,449 - Can I show you something? - Morty, no offense, 370 00:17:23,450 --> 00:17:25,317 but a drawing of me you made when you were 8 371 00:17:25,318 --> 00:17:27,132 isn't gonna make make me feel like less of an accident. 372 00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:30,093 That, out there? That's my grave. 373 00:17:30,738 --> 00:17:31,906 Wait, what? 374 00:17:31,907 --> 00:17:35,922 On one of our adventures, Rick and I basically destroyed the whole world. 375 00:17:35,923 --> 00:17:38,706 So we bailed on that reality, and we came to this one. 376 00:17:38,732 --> 00:17:41,185 Because in this one, the world wasn't destroyed. 377 00:17:41,186 --> 00:17:43,011 And in this one, we were dead. 378 00:17:43,012 --> 00:17:46,923 So we came here, a-a-and we buried ourselves, and we took their place. 379 00:17:46,924 --> 00:17:50,002 And every morning, Summer, I eat breakfast, 380 00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:52,944 20 yards away from my own rotting corpse. 381 00:17:52,945 --> 00:17:55,122 So, you're not my brother? 382 00:17:55,123 --> 00:17:57,677 I'm better than your brother. I'm a version of your brother 383 00:17:57,678 --> 00:17:59,771 you can trust when he says, "Don't run". 384 00:17:59,772 --> 00:18:03,237 Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere... 385 00:18:03,238 --> 00:18:06,538 ...everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV. 386 00:18:09,237 --> 00:18:13,529 Mrs. Sullivan always planned to leave everything to her cats. 387 00:18:13,899 --> 00:18:17,014 But sometimes, plans need a helping paw. 388 00:18:19,148 --> 00:18:23,320 What are the kitties to do, but buckle together and work as a team. 389 00:18:23,321 --> 00:18:26,233 Mrs. Sullivan, I, uh... please forgive me for being forward. 390 00:18:26,234 --> 00:18:28,292 But your eyes are so beautiful! 391 00:18:29,377 --> 00:18:31,273 Wait, this is an actual movie? 392 00:18:31,274 --> 00:18:34,097 This fall... sparks will fly! 393 00:18:35,833 --> 00:18:37,918 Mrs... Oh... Sullivan... 394 00:18:38,395 --> 00:18:40,568 Between one guy, who can't get a break... 395 00:18:40,569 --> 00:18:42,915 There's something about you, Mrs. Sullivan. 396 00:18:42,916 --> 00:18:45,959 ...and 9 cats who break all the rules. 397 00:18:47,021 --> 00:18:51,202 Last Will and Testa-meow: Weekend at Dead Cat Lady's House 2. 398 00:18:51,203 --> 00:18:53,357 Well, somebody in Hollywood just lost their job. 399 00:18:53,358 --> 00:18:55,926 Written and directed by Jerry Smith. 400 00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:58,273 I wrote and directed that? What am I, nuts? 401 00:18:58,274 --> 00:19:01,816 Hey Morty, you just missed a preview for your Dad's "Citizen Kane". 402 00:19:01,817 --> 00:19:02,829 Doesn't matter. 403 00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:05,706 Hey, if your, uh, mother and I had to split custody... 404 00:19:05,707 --> 00:19:07,998 - ...who would you guys choose? - Doesn't matter. 405 00:19:07,999 --> 00:19:11,147 Breaking News: Academy Award-winning actor Jerry Smith 406 00:19:11,173 --> 00:19:13,636 is leading police on a slow-speed pursuit 407 00:19:13,637 --> 00:19:16,106 after suffering an apparent breakdown. 408 00:19:16,107 --> 00:19:18,045 - Don't even think about it. - Come on, Jer- 409 00:19:18,046 --> 00:19:19,294 Are you kidding me, Jerry? 410 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,263 It's just a bunch of dumb tabloid crap. 411 00:19:21,264 --> 00:19:23,669 It's my life, and we're watching it. 412 00:19:25,246 --> 00:19:28,791 You did it, Beth. You really nailed it. 413 00:19:29,117 --> 00:19:33,433 You're a surgeon. A human surgeon. 414 00:19:33,459 --> 00:19:35,431 Yay... you win. 415 00:19:36,141 --> 00:19:37,805 Where the hell am I going? 416 00:19:38,298 --> 00:19:40,109 What are you asking me for Jerry? 417 00:19:40,135 --> 00:19:42,134 I'm sitting here trying to figure out 418 00:19:42,135 --> 00:19:44,075 why the cops don't just take you out. 419 00:19:44,101 --> 00:19:45,913 They got a clear shot to your head. 420 00:19:45,914 --> 00:19:48,278 I can't believe our tax dollars pay for this. 421 00:19:56,488 --> 00:19:59,224 Jerry? Jerry Smith? 422 00:20:00,285 --> 00:20:03,214 Beth Sanchez, I have been in love with you since high school. 423 00:20:03,215 --> 00:20:06,520 I hate acting, I hate cocaine, I hate Kristen Stewart. 424 00:20:06,521 --> 00:20:08,265 I wish you hadn't gotten that abortion, 425 00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:11,067 and I never stopped thinking about what might've been. 426 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:41,052 Hey, Ball Fondlers? Huh? Ball Fondlers? 427 00:20:41,053 --> 00:20:43,813 - Yeah, I could go for some Ball Fondlers. - Yeah, Ball Fondlers. 428 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:21,113 Ha-ha, Hamster-in-Butt-World Weather is done, 429 00:21:21,139 --> 00:21:22,569 and now it's sports time, coming up. 430 00:21:22,570 --> 00:21:24,452 - Oh, hello there! - Good day to you, Miss. 431 00:21:24,453 --> 00:21:27,583 So the hamsters live inside the rectums of those people? 432 00:21:27,584 --> 00:21:29,581 Yeah, sweetie, that's where they live. 433 00:21:29,607 --> 00:21:31,118 Well, how does that work? 434 00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:33,319 I mean, do the butts look like little apartments inside? 435 00:21:33,342 --> 00:21:36,158 Yeah! And can they like, leave the butt, and walk around on their own? 436 00:21:36,159 --> 00:21:38,815 Look, I don't know! I'm watching the same thing you guys are. 437 00:21:38,816 --> 00:21:42,195 Grandpa Rick, if they leave the butt, and the person wanders off... 438 00:21:42,196 --> 00:21:44,246 How would they find their butt person again? 439 00:21:44,247 --> 00:21:46,525 I don't know, Summer! I can't even hear the TV! 440 00:21:46,526 --> 00:21:48,210 All right, that's it. We're just gonna go there, 441 00:21:48,211 --> 00:21:50,626 so you idiots can ask your stupid questions all day. 442 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:52,832 Ooh! Family vacation! 443 00:21:56,757 --> 00:22:01,758 Translated back from Portuguese by paulo loppes 444 00:22:01,783 --> 00:22:07,783 Corrections by TPBfan Tweaking by XhmikosR 445 00:22:07,808 --> 00:22:13,808 www.addic7ed.com 446 00:22:14,305 --> 00:22:20,175 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/4u28h Help other users to choose the best subtitles