1 00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:03,758 What's new at school? 2 00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:05,384 - Nothing. - Nothing! 3 00:00:05,464 --> 00:00:07,387 Oh, uh, one of the lunch ladies died. 4 00:00:07,466 --> 00:00:09,389 They found her in the gym with, like, two holes in her neck 5 00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:11,141 and all the blood drained out of her. 6 00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:12,972 Good lord! Who does something like that? 7 00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:15,433 Obviously a vampire. W-W-Where's the pepper? 8 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,268 Wait, what?! Vampires are real'?! 9 00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:20,230 Yes, Summer, vampires are real. Who knew? 10 00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:22,986 Oh, right, all humanity, for hundreds of years, now. 11 00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:24,362 Yeah, Summer, it's a big universe. 12 00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:26,284 Get used to it. R-Right, Rick? 13 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,532 Well, what are we going to do?! 14 00:00:27,611 --> 00:00:29,534 We're gonna live our lives until we die. 15 00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:31,536 Possibly by vampire. More likely auto accident 16 00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:34,164 or heart disease, but possibly vampire. 17 00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:37,167 Grandpa Rick, couldn't you, like, use your superknowledge 18 00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,999 to turn yourself into a teenager and come to our school 19 00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:42,551 and help us hunt the vampire down? 20 00:00:42,626 --> 00:00:44,219 Um -- Wow. 21 00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:46,547 Yeah, pretty specific pitch, Summer. 22 00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:49,383 I probably could turn myself into a teenager 23 00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:52,265 and hang out in the zit-covered, hormone-addled, 24 00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:54,312 low-stakes assworld that is high school. 25 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:56,015 But here's my reverse-ask -- 26 00:00:56,098 --> 00:00:58,817 Why in the fuck would I ever do that, ever? 27 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,111 And how dare you even ask me that? 28 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,984 And why aren't you more ashamed of yourself? 29 00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,191 - Dad! - Be ashamed of yourself, sweetie. 30 00:01:05,274 --> 00:01:07,072 Jerry! Do you know what you just said to our daughter? 31 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:09,118 Sor-ry! I wasn't paying attention. 32 00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:11,572 To a conversation about vampires?! 33 00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:14,249 Clearly, I didn't know it was about vampires, 34 00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:16,076 because I wasn't paying attention, 35 00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:17,581 which you would know, 36 00:01:17,661 --> 00:01:19,413 if you ever paid attention to me! 37 00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:21,419 Oh, here we go, right to the victim role. 38 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,091 Am I a victim, Beth, 39 00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:24,884 or am I married to a mean, unfair monster 40 00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:26,177 that always hurts me?! 41 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,176 Jesus Christ! Will you fix your marriage... 42 00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:31,259 or get a divorce already? 43 00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:35,346 Well, we tried a couples' therapist. 44 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:36,976 That's Earth therapy. 45 00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:38,682 You might as well ask a horse to fix a merry-go-round. 46 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:41,735 I mean, he'll try his best, but mostly, he's just gonna get horrified. 47 00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:44,605 I know about a place off-planet with a 100% success rate. 48 00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:47,157 Well, we want to make it work, if we can. 49 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:48,609 It's just -- - Then it's settled. 50 00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:50,114 No need to pack. - Oh! 51 00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:51,615 Let's go, go, go, go! [ door opens, closes ] 52 00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:54,699 Do you think Mom and Dad are, you know, 53 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,158 gonna get a divorce? 54 00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:57,993 I think it's okay to dream, Morty. 55 00:01:58,076 --> 00:02:01,797 I'm gonna go make some wooden stakes. 56 00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:03,757 ♪♪ 57 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:11,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 58 00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:29,491 ♪♪ 59 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:36,369 I booked you for a two-day intensive at Nuptia Four, 60 00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:39,122 the galaxy's most successful couples' counseling institute. 61 00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:40,669 They could save the marriage of a dog 62 00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:42,291 and a bar of dark chocolate. 63 00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:43,668 They could save the marriage 64 00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:45,374 of a porn star and a porn star. 65 00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:47,084 Well, I know I'm ready to try whatever it takes. 66 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:48,760 Which clearly implies that I'm not. 67 00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:50,212 It's not a competition, Beth. 68 00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:52,093 Oh is that how you're gonna try to win, 69 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,095 by implying I'm competitive? - If the shoe fits. 70 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,926 - My shoe fits up your ass. - You wish! 71 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,852 RICK: Okay, have fun. See ya Thursday! 72 00:02:58,095 --> 00:02:59,517 JERRY: Oh! 73 00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,519 Jerk. - Don't insult my father. 74 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:03,521 He's the reason our kids are only half-stupid. 75 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,227 Ha! You just called yourself -- 76 00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:06,436 Oh. 77 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,113 - Beth and Jerry Smith? - Yes. 78 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,690 I'm Glaxo Slimslom. 79 00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:11,696 Welcome to Nuptia Four. 80 00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:14,244 Your marriage can rest easy now. 81 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,791 Jerry, go ahead and sit there and put this on. 82 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,539 This machine isolates the part of the subject's brain 83 00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:24,838 containing all perceptions of its romantic partner. 84 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,959 And we will now render Jerry's perception of Beth 85 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:31,420 with artificial biological life. 86 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,716 - [growl ] - GLAXO: Interesting. 87 00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:37,722 What the hell is that?! Take that back! 88 00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:39,553 You do not think that about me! 89 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,388 I didn't do anything! They scanned it out of my brain. 90 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,144 Can I take it back? 91 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,691 There's nothing to regret. 92 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,814 We're dealing with unconscious, unhealthy thoughts. 93 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:48,440 Beth. 94 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,773 Now, we scan for Beth's perceptions of Jerry. 95 00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:53,484 - Scan hard. He's dead to me. - Everything's dead to you. 96 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,069 - What? - Nothing. 97 00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:01,120 [whimper] 98 00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:02,746 Read it and weep, bitch. 99 00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:04,453 [ Crying ] Does everybody see what I mean? 100 00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,755 I think we all see what you both mean. 101 00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,332 [ Bell rings] 102 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,338 Any leads on the vampire? 103 00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:11,839 No, Summer! I mean, you know, 104 00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:14,012 I think it might be time that we just l-let it go. 105 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,760 Oh, so, now, you're too cool for this, 106 00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,261 just because Grandpa Rick is? 107 00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,308 It's not that, it's just that the universe 108 00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:21,603 is a little too big to care about something so small. 109 00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:24,022 Aah! - What up, my Helsings? 110 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,940 Who wants to hunt a vampire? Ha ha ha! 111 00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:27,605 Rick? How -- How did you -- 112 00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:29,277 Yeah, I got bored and then, I remembered, 113 00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:31,320 this morning, how I blew Summer off, and I thought, 114 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,069 "Hey, why are you such a grumpy douche, Rick? 115 00:04:33,148 --> 00:04:34,616 Go to the garage, transfer your mind 116 00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:36,318 into a younger clone of yourself, 117 00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:38,153 and get embroiled in some youthful hijinks. 118 00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:39,909 What's the BFD?" So here I am. 119 00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:42,032 I'm Tiny Rick! - O-O-Okay. 120 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,662 Well, it's good you're here, Rick. 121 00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:44,914 I was pretty sure we didn't have what it takes 122 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,503 to deal with a bloodsucker on our own. 123 00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:47,921 Don't short-sell yourself, Summer. 124 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,964 You got everything it takes. But it'll still be fun... 125 00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:52,710 to do this as a fucking team, motherfucker. Tiny Rick! 126 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,637 Yeah! Oh, my god, Toby Matthews! 127 00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:57,931 Hey, Toby. I'm Tiny Rick. I'm new. 128 00:04:58,173 --> 00:05:00,141 Hey oh -- Go easy on me. Ha ha. Just kiddin'. 129 00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:02,595 Hey, I like your straightforward style 130 00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:04,429 and that lab coat's pretty cool. 131 00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:05,810 Summer. 132 00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,687 He knows my name! 133 00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,063 Why wouldn't he? You're great! 134 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,610 But, listen, just be careful. 135 00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:12,062 We can't rule anybody out as the vampire, 136 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,364 not even the dreamboats. 137 00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:15,611 Stop, Tiny Rick. 138 00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:17,658 Huntin' a vampire with my grandkids! 139 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:20,237 Fuck! Tiny Ri-i-ck! 140 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,163 GLAXO: The next step is to watch your mythologues 141 00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:25,334 interact together and, uh -- big surprise -- 142 00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:27,786 It's never pretty. - [ laughter] 143 00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:30,497 Here we have Garrrh and Zharbidar Gloompfschs, 144 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:32,423 or, should I say, here we have the way 145 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,797 Garrrh and Zharbidar perceive each other. 146 00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,970 [roaring] 147 00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:38,589 [chuckling ] As we can all see, 148 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,800 this is hardly the real Garrrh and Zharbidar. 149 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,509 Which is good, because the relationship 150 00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:45,220 in their heads is not only ugly, 151 00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:47,556 it's unsustainable. [beep] 152 00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:48,606 [ Roar] 153 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,559 [growling ] 154 00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:53,566 You may already be learning something important -- 155 00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:55,818 All of these relationships are different, 156 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:58,821 none of them are real, and none of them work. 157 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:02,450 We are not the monsters we sometimes see each other as, 158 00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:06,250 because we are real and we are functional. 159 00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:09,419 That's what makes us better than them. 160 00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:12,247 We can find solutions. 161 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:13,627 We can adapt. 162 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,880 We can communicate. - [growl] 163 00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:19,680 And, most importantly, 164 00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:23,759 we can work together. 165 00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:27,145 SUMMER: Well, it was a tough adventure, but it paid off -- 166 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,188 Our school is vampire-free! 167 00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:31,983 Man, who would've suspected Coach Feratu? 168 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,901 You did great, guys. Couldn't have done it without ya. 169 00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:35,695 You know, we -- w-we should be proud of ourselves. 170 00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:38,023 We killed a vampire and a gym teacher. 171 00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:40,275 Ha ha ha. Talk about two-for-one, right?! 172 00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,156 So, how, exactly, is your old body living 173 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,612 in there, Grandpa Rick? 174 00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,163 Oh, you know, hyperbaric quantum fluid, 175 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,161 [ burp]... that kind of thing. It preserves living tissue. 176 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,208 Not that there was much to preserve. 177 00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:52,003 Look at that mummy! Ha! Ha ha! 178 00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:54,456 And I guess it's time for me to get back inside the old-timer. 179 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,416 Oh, my god. Toby Matthews is asking... 180 00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:58,422 if my parents are still out of town 181 00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:00,094 and if we can have a party! 182 00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:02,089 All right, way to go, Summer! What did I tell you? 183 00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:05,468 Ohh! He's asking if Tiny Rick will be here. 184 00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:07,177 Well, you know what, Summer? 185 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,933 Tell him Tiny Rick will be here! 186 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:10,639 And tell him to bring some brews! 187 00:07:10,722 --> 00:07:12,975 For real? Y-Y-Y-You would stay as Tiny Rick, 188 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,776 just so we can have a party? 189 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,524 Hell, yeah! What's one more night? 190 00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:19,072 And who can have fun with this old bastard hanging around, huh? 191 00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:21,692 [ Iaughter ] Wubby lubby doob doob! 192 00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,448 - Whoo! - Tiny Rick! 193 00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:24,527 [growl ] 194 00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:28,414 Moving on. Now, we have Beth and Jerry Smith 195 00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:30,413 from the planet E-Arth. 196 00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:32,460 - My heart is pounding. - This is gonna be great. 197 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:34,458 The E-Arth relationships are simpler. 198 00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:37,131 It's a primitive planet, so their dysfunctions are oh -- 199 00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,921 W-Wait, what? What's going on? 200 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,673 Where are the Smith mythologues? 201 00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:43,050 [suspenseful music plays] 202 00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:46,849 JERRY: Oh, my god. 203 00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:48,427 - [ shriek ] - [ gasp ] 204 00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:49,853 Aah! Aah! 205 00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,977 - Oh, my god. - Secure the cell! 206 00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,933 Aaaah! [slice] 207 00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:57,485 Uh, hey! You know what's fun? Our gift shop. 208 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,358 Why don't we proceed in an orderly -- 209 00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:00,609 [growl ] 210 00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:02,236 [whimpering] 211 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,487 Oh, dear god, no. 212 00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:06,820 They're codependent! Run! 213 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:07,904 [roaring] 214 00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:09,990 Oh! 215 00:08:10,073 --> 00:08:11,700 [ Crickets chirp ] [chatting ] 216 00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,535 [rock music plays] 217 00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:15,746 [ laughter ] 218 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,627 Oh, yeah, yeah, you really know how 219 00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:19,834 to sport that color blue. - Really? 220 00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:21,839 - You're looking real good. - Oh, my god. 221 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:23,920 - Hey, Morty. - Oh, hey -- hey, Jessica. 222 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:27,508 So, is Tiny Rick your brother or cousin, or...? 223 00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,558 No, my grandpa just transferred his consciousness 224 00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,978 into a clone of himself so he could be in our high school. 225 00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:33,350 Cool. 226 00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,478 Hey, Tiny Rick's playing guitar. 227 00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:36,729 All right, everybody. 228 00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:38,481 This next one's coming straight from the heart. 229 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,562 Making the lyrics up right off the top of my head. 230 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,022 ♪ Let me out ♪ 231 00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:45,405 ♪ What you see is not the same person as me ♪ 232 00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:46,575 ♪ My life's a lie ♪ 233 00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:47,994 ♪ I'm not who you're looking at ♪ 234 00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:50,163 ♪ Let me out, set me free ♪ 235 00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:52,123 ♪ I'm really old; this isn't me ♪ 236 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:57,580 ♪ My real body's slowly dyin' in a vat ♪ 237 00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,289 ♪ ls anybody listening' ♪ 238 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,170 ♪ Can anyone understand? ♪ 239 00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:04,844 ♪ Stop lookin' at me like that and actually help me ♪ 240 00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:05,920 ♪ Help me! ♪ 241 00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:07,756 ♪ Help me; I'm gonna die! ♪ 242 00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:09,682 Tiny Rick! Thanks, everybody! 243 00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:10,884 [ Cheering ] This guy's amazing! 244 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:11,889 - I love Tiny Rick! - Bad. Ass. 245 00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:14,767 [ Hooting ] - Yeah! 246 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,774 [ Snarl ] 247 00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:19,943 [ Hiss] 248 00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:22,737 [screaming in distance] 249 00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:23,813 [ Rattle ] 250 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:24,898 Aah! 251 00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,284 [ominous music plays] 252 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,448 [growl ] 253 00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:34,874 Huh? 254 00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:36,622 What the fuck? 255 00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:38,624 Yeah, I know! What kind of operation are you running? 256 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:41,422 Us?! What the hell kind of relationship do you have?! 257 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:42,795 Oh, right, blame this on us. 258 00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:46,094 Okay, uh, I can and I am! 259 00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:49,764 Your demonized mythologizations of each other are cooperating. 260 00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:53,093 - Isn't that good? - No. No! It's bad! 261 00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:56,225 You have the single worst marriage I've ever witnessed. 262 00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:58,064 It shouldn't exist! 263 00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:00,141 You should never, ever, ever, have gotten together 264 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,899 and I do not understand how, or why, 265 00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:04,945 you would ever stay together. 266 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:06,273 Aaah! 267 00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:07,820 Well, this is just bad couples' therapy. 268 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:09,196 Totally. 269 00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:12,119 [ Panting ] 270 00:10:12,195 --> 00:10:14,289 [suspenseful music plays] 271 00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:17,159 - Wait for us! - There's only room for one more. 272 00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:18,994 I'm a therapist. I'll talk to them. 273 00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:21,830 They're not therapists. Go, go, go! 274 00:10:21,913 --> 00:10:23,961 There's gotta be a way to contact my dad. 275 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,917 Let's find a control room or something. 276 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:29,004 [suspenseful music plays] 277 00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,135 [ Creak ] 278 00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:32,966 JERRY: Beth! You'll want to see this. 279 00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:35,518 - What is it? - It's a small, hinged panel... 280 00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:38,267 with a tiny amount of space behind it. 281 00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:40,223 If you can find one, too, 282 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:43,526 we should be safe for hours, maybe days! 283 00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:45,979 You stay put, Jerry. 284 00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:48,315 I'll send help, if I make it. 285 00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:50,283 You don't want to find your own little hatch? 286 00:10:50,525 --> 00:10:53,119 Jerry, I believe that, if you hide by yourself, 287 00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:55,413 you might survive and I believe I, 288 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,582 by myself, have a shot of getting out of here, 289 00:10:57,657 --> 00:11:00,410 but the two of us, together? 290 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:01,870 I don't know. 291 00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:03,876 Look, maybe the shrink was right. 292 00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:06,208 Good luck. 293 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,210 [ Roar] 294 00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:10,466 All right, now, you listen to me. 295 00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:11,671 Oh! Or don't. 296 00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:13,722 Hey! Don't! Please! 297 00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,095 [hissing] 298 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,722 [whining] 299 00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,269 Oh, god, oh, god, Oh, god! 300 00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:20,142 Now, I know I've said, in the past, 301 00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:21,973 that math is important -- And it is! -- 302 00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:24,434 But I also think that, one day, you'll all look back 303 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:28,112 on being in high school with Tiny Rick and Morty, 304 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:31,192 who I hear had a great party last night. 305 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:34,574 So, class dismissed. You've got the day off! 306 00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:36,825 All right! Good work, Mr. Goldenfold! 307 00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,782 Yeah, get outside. Read a book. 308 00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,287 Put on some sunscreen, Danielle! 309 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,039 Hey, what's up, Summer? Ooh, nice top. 310 00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:44,041 Thanks. Tiny Rick, you think you might be 311 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,747 getting back into your old body tonight? 312 00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,753 No can do. Tonight's the big dance. 313 00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:50,210 And Marty's bringing Jessica. He needs his tiny wing man. 314 00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:52,011 - BOTH: Tiny Rick! - [ laughs ] 315 00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:54,680 Okay, but if not tonight, when? 316 00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,224 I don't know. When I feel like it? 317 00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,222 Damn, girl! You need to chill out! 318 00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:00,395 This whole thing was your idea, in the first place, 319 00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:02,230 and, now, you're trying to rush it along. 320 00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:04,057 Yeah, and you know what? I like high school. 321 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,858 I like hanging out. Tiny Rick! 322 00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:08,653 But what if the you that likes it isn't you? 323 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,321 [ Iaughter] ~ Oh! 324 00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:11,989 BOTH: Oh, Summer! 325 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,783 It's just Rick in a younger body. 326 00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,155 What's the -- What's -- What's -- What's -- 327 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,487 What's the -- What's the problem? 328 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,242 Look at his art, Morty. 329 00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:21,074 I've got an emo streak. Part of what makes me so rad. 330 00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:23,706 Why does it say "help me Morty and Summer!"? 331 00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:26,038 Come on, Summer, that's the title of the art. 332 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,168 Why was Knight Rider called Knight Rider? 333 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,501 The car's name was Kitt. Nobody rode Michael Knight. 334 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,211 You're overthinking it, Summer. I'm Tiny Rick! 335 00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:35,217 Grandpa, I think that, when you put your mind 336 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:36,889 into this body's young brain, 337 00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:38,512 it did what young brains do -- 338 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,138 It shoved the bad thoughts into the back 339 00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:41,970 and put a wall around them. 340 00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:44,272 But those bad thoughts are the real Rick. 341 00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:46,065 The fact that you're old, 342 00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:47,813 the fact that we're all going to die one day, 343 00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,644 the fact that the universe is so big, 344 00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:52,355 nothing in it matters -- those facts are who you are. 345 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,315 So you're trapped in there and you can only come out 346 00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,993 in the form of Tiny Rick's teen angst! 347 00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:59,412 Well, Summer, I hear 348 00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:01,785 Toby Matthews isn't into psycho chicks. 349 00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:03,457 Can't think of anyone that is. 350 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:06,123 I'll see you motherfuckers at the dance! Tiny Rick! 351 00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:07,829 Morty, you have to help me! 352 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,835 Summer, he's happy! I'm happy! 353 00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:11,632 I-l-ls that why you're doing this, 354 00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:13,210 you don't want me and Rick to be happy? 355 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,216 - No. - Then get your shit together! 356 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,923 Get it all together and put it in a backpack. 357 00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:20,725 All your shit, so it's together. 358 00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,220 And if you gotta take it somewhere, 359 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,680 take it somewhere, you know? 360 00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:26,230 Take it to the shit store and sell it 361 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,559 o-or put it in a shit museum. I don't care what you do! 362 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,234 You just gotta get it together. 363 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,313 Get your shit together. 364 00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:36,899 [slug wailing] 365 00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:40,328 [ Gasping ] Get back! 366 00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:43,031 [ Fart] - Wait, for real? 367 00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,161 [whimpers] 368 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,493 You're how Beth sees me? 369 00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:49,496 Oh, my god. Turn around! 370 00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,339 I said turn around! 371 00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:53,587 How can Beth have these thoughts about me?! 372 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:56,260 That judgmental monster bitch! 373 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,054 I'm not taking this. 374 00:13:58,129 --> 00:13:59,472 I want to know where my wife is. 375 00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:01,512 You are going to help me. 376 00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,806 No! Nobody's doing that! 377 00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:06,604 [growling ] 378 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,602 Stay. 379 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:11,434 - What do you want? - Jerrys. 380 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:14,487 You want Jerry? I don't even want Jerry. 381 00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:17,278 I want Jerrys. 382 00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:18,859 [whimpering] 383 00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:20,488 An army. 384 00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:22,954 [ Iaughs] An army of Jerrys. 385 00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:26,624 The value of his subservience is wasted on you. 386 00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,873 I will use it to dominate the universe. 387 00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:31,670 Ah ha ha. Boy, Jerry must think I'm pretty stupid, 388 00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:33,293 for you to be this stupid. 389 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,920 Wouldn't it make more sense 390 00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:36,922 to put my dumbass husband in this chair, 391 00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:38,924 so you can make an army of your badass self? 392 00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:40,505 [ Iaughs ] 393 00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,511 There could never be more than one of me. 394 00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:45,560 I'm the strongest, smartest being alive 395 00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:48,555 because Jerry thinks you're that much stronger 396 00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:51,900 and smarter than you are! 397 00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:54,318 Okay, ouch. 398 00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:59,111 ♪♪ 399 00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:02,911 Oh, hey h-hey-y! Morty, Jessica, what's up? 400 00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,453 Check out the new dance I made up. 401 00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:06,497 It's called "Ooh let me out!" 402 00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:08,495 ♪ Let me out, Let me out ♪ 403 00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:10,497 ♪ This is not a dance ♪ 404 00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,499 ♪ I'm beggin' for help, I'm screamin' for help ♪ 405 00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:14,501 ♪ Please come let me out ♪ 406 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,503 ♪ Let me out, Let me out ♪ 407 00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,505 ♪ This is not a dance ♪ 408 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,507 ♪ I'm beggin' for help, I'm screamin' for help ♪ 409 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,429 ♪ Please come let me out ♪ 410 00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:25,179 ♪ I'm dyin' in a vat in the gara-a-ge ♪ 411 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,477 [ cheering ] - Awesome! 412 00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:29,350 Okay, that last part was really weird. 413 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,102 Maybe Summer's on to something here. 414 00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,432 I don't know. It was fun. 415 00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:33,767 You want to slow dance? 416 00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,528 Tiny Rick, hey, great dancing as usual. 417 00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,233 Moment of your time? 418 00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:44,068 Tiny Rick, this conversation 419 00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:45,904 is gonna break my heart wide open. 420 00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:47,534 You're a great student and the fact that 421 00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:49,365 you're an 80-Year-Old man in a clone body, 422 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,042 it never bothered me. 423 00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,369 But this here is another matter. 424 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,329 You recognize this? 425 00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:56,210 We got a tip it was in your locker. 426 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,212 Yeah, now, because the gym coach was a vampire, 427 00:15:58,291 --> 00:15:59,964 the school board is embarrassed 428 00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:01,635 and won't take it public, However, 429 00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:03,300 they can't have students killin' teachers. 430 00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,302 I gotta expel you for this one, TR. 431 00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:07,429 I'm sorry. 432 00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:10,349 I just got expelled, Summer! 433 00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:13,227 Oh! So I guess there's no need to stay young. 434 00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,229 My top! - Screw your top! 435 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,060 You ratted on me?! I'm Tiny Rick! 436 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,020 Fine! Yes! Because I love you... 437 00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:20,980 and I'm trying to save your life! 438 00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:23,407 High school is my life! 439 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,406 Summer Smith is a fucking psycho nerd 440 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,533 and she just got me kicked out of school! 441 00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:30,456 ALL: [gasp ] 442 00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:32,909 [thud] 443 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,414 Boo! 444 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:35,916 Summer, I thought you were cool! 445 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,622 I'm sorry, okay? 446 00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:39,673 How can you be such a bitch? 447 00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:41,418 Oh, my god, Morty. 448 00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,674 Your sister crossed Tiny Rick? 449 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,638 Talk about self-destructive. 450 00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:47,431 Yeah. 451 00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:51,348 JERRY: Hey, Jerry-Lover! 452 00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,475 How about a taste of the real thing? 453 00:16:53,554 --> 00:16:55,556 - [ roar ] - Jerry! 454 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,517 Ah. Ah. Ah. 455 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,898 Ah ah ah ah ah aah aah. 456 00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:04,907 Not on my watch. 457 00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,905 That's it! 458 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,032 Beth, it's me, your husband! 459 00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:11,034 I'm here to save you. 460 00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,536 Or my name isn't Jerry Smith! 461 00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:15,084 - Aha! - Yes! 462 00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,536 Jerry Smith! 463 00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:17,916 - Yeah, here. - Aha! 464 00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:19,713 Okay, fair enough. 465 00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:21,082 [ominous music plays] 466 00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,758 [ Door creaks open ] 467 00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:28,677 Say goodnight, old man. 468 00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,345 [gasp] 469 00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:31,676 What the hell are you doing?! - Put it down! 470 00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:33,644 Summer, you bitch! 471 00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,721 Don't talk to her that way! She's your granddaughter! 472 00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:38,191 I don't need a granddaughter! I'm Tiny Ri-i-ck! 473 00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:40,189 She's my sister! And if Tiny Rick is 474 00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:42,270 gonna be an asshole to my sister, then, 475 00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:44,355 you know, y-y-you may as well be old again. 476 00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:46,065 You think you're tough, huh, Morty? 477 00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:47,525 What are you gonna do? I'm Tiny Rick. 478 00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:49,281 I'm the coolest kid in your school. 479 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:51,408 How are you gonna just make me do whatever you say, huh? 480 00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:53,581 I'm gonna do what real Rick would do if he was here -- 481 00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,624 I'm gonna kick your ass! 482 00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,043 Ohhhh! 483 00:17:57,118 --> 00:17:58,119 [grunting ] 484 00:17:58,202 --> 00:18:00,580 Rick, I know you're in there! 485 00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:02,210 I know you're trying to get out! 486 00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:04,964 That's it, Morty! Hold him down! 487 00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:07,010 [ Ballad ] ♪ Drink up, baby ♪ 488 00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:09,631 I Stay up all night I 489 00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:12,638 Listen to it, Tiny Rick. Listen to Elliott Smith. 490 00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:14,139 Ugh! No! 491 00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:15,686 Feel what he's feeling. 492 00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:18,935 Ugh! Noooooooo! God! 493 00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:20,399 ♪ That you'll never see ♪ 494 00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:22,476 Oh, god, what is life? 495 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:25,109 How can someone so talented die so young'? 496 00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:26,939 What is being young? 497 00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:29,526 I'm not young. I'm old. I'm -- I'm gonna die. 498 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,202 My body isn't real. 499 00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,120 Morty! Summer! It's me! 500 00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:34,742 It's Rick! Regular Rick! 501 00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:36,699 Rick! How do we get you back into your body? 502 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:37,908 Okay, listen carefully. 503 00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:39,994 There's a set of diodes on the vat's control panel, 504 00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,203 a blue one and a red one. 505 00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:43,289 Oh, god, what kind of world is this? I didn't ask to be born. 506 00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:46,125 I need you to connect the blue one to my left temple 507 00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:48,176 and the red one to -- Why doesn't anyone really like me? 508 00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:50,175 - Focus, Grandpa! - Just put the stupid wires on my head! 509 00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:51,972 I hate being a teenager! 510 00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:01,808 Ugh! Arrgghh! 511 00:19:04,727 --> 00:19:07,196 Ah! Uhhhhh! 512 00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:09,569 Jerry, you can't bend metal. 513 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,651 Then make a me that can! - How can I do that... 514 00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:14,362 while I'm watching you totally fail to bend metal? 515 00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:15,913 Good Old Beth! 516 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,956 The mind of a robot and the heart of an insect! 517 00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:19,784 Don't talk that way about her! 518 00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:21,915 What? 519 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:24,292 Oh, it hurts! 520 00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:25,589 Oh, god. 521 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:29,923 Stop. 522 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:33,677 This representation displeases me. 523 00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:35,474 Aaah! 524 00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:41,810 Good lord. How did you...? 525 00:19:42,056 --> 00:19:43,683 Well, I had a feeling that, in your mind, 526 00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,518 the ideal version of me is one smart enough 527 00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:47,274 to see you as... 528 00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:48,855 a goddess. 529 00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:51,233 Not such a stupid worm now, are you? 530 00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:53,943 Honey, when it comes to the subject of your ego, 531 00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,994 I'm Stephen fucking Hawkinson. 532 00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:58,539 Ugh, it's -- Never mind. 533 00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:00,332 I love you. 534 00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:03,833 [ Processing, powering up] 535 00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:05,663 [ buzz ] 536 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,879 - Rick! - Pants! 537 00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,002 Holy shit! Thanks, kids. 538 00:20:11,085 --> 00:20:13,133 You figured it out. Well, Summer did. 539 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,214 Kind of weird that you were that willing 540 00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:17,299 to sell my existence out for some trim, Morty. 541 00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:18,851 - What?! - Pants! 542 00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:20,811 But listen -- I forgive you both because you know what? 543 00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:22,729 I learned, today, something important -- 544 00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:24,432 The teenage mind is its own worst enemy. 545 00:20:24,515 --> 00:20:25,732 Oh, I also learned this... 546 00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:27,606 [ beeping ] 547 00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:30,689 Operation Phoenix is not the fallback I thought it would be. 548 00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:32,444 I guess it's back to the drawing board. 549 00:20:32,523 --> 00:20:35,367 Oh, my god! 550 00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:38,242 - Oh, my god. - Put some pants on! 551 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,492 Put pants on. 552 00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,449 Grandpa's back, baby! 553 00:20:41,532 --> 00:20:42,658 Grandpa's -- [buzz] 554 00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,585 Oh, man, I gotta pick up your parents. 555 00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:46,503 They have been blowin' me up. 556 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:47,705 One last swing for the road! 557 00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:49,335 Aaaaaaaaaaah! 558 00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:50,837 For the love of god, get dressed! 559 00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:55,471 So, what do you think? You wanna... 560 00:20:55,546 --> 00:20:57,219 keep this marriage going a while longer? 561 00:20:57,298 --> 00:21:00,723 At least until Morty has graduated high school. 562 00:21:00,801 --> 00:21:02,428 Oh. Mm. 563 00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:04,559 [moaning lightly] 564 00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:06,766 Aha, you see? What did I tell you two? 565 00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:08,146 It worked. 566 00:21:08,225 --> 00:21:09,727 You know what, Rick? I guess, in a way -- 567 00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:11,938 Already lost interest. Get in the car. 568 00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:13,485 I've been inside a kid all day and, now, 569 00:21:13,564 --> 00:21:15,032 I can feel my bones scraping each other. 570 00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:17,235 Uh, just so you're prepared, 571 00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:19,241 there's a bunch of dead mes in the garage. 572 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,665 Huh! Sounds like our stories were connected by a theme. 573 00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:24,913 - [ Iaughter] - Not really, Jerry. 574 00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:28,292 Probably a cosmetic connection your mind mistakes for thematic. 575 00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:29,792 Oh. 576 00:21:29,872 --> 00:21:31,874 Old Rick! Ruinin' everything! 577 00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:33,630 ♪♪ 578 00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:05,165 [ squeaking ] 579 00:22:05,241 --> 00:22:07,084 [ominous music plays] 580 00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:08,911 - Master. - Speak. 581 00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:12,089 Coach Feratu's presence was discovered by the humans. 582 00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:14,417 He has been destroyed. - No bother. 583 00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:16,093 The mortals shall soon -- 584 00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:17,294 I'm sorry, what did you say his name was? 585 00:22:17,378 --> 00:22:19,221 - Coach Feratu. - Coach Feratu. 586 00:22:19,296 --> 00:22:21,549 That was his real name, like his actual vampire name? 587 00:22:21,632 --> 00:22:23,680 No no no no. His vampire name was Balik Alistane. 588 00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:25,386 Why the fuck would he name himself 589 00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:27,221 after a famous vampire movie? Was he doing a bit? 590 00:22:27,304 --> 00:22:28,556 I do not know, your unholiness. 591 00:22:28,639 --> 00:22:30,266 Jesus fucking Christ. 592 00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:32,818 From now on, no more of this clever-name bullshit. 593 00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:34,486 When a vampire is pretending to be a human, 594 00:22:34,562 --> 00:22:35,779 they can just call themselves 595 00:22:35,855 --> 00:22:37,607 Alan Jefferson or something like that. 596 00:22:37,690 --> 00:22:38,987 It's crazy, right? 597 00:22:39,066 --> 00:22:40,363 I mean, am I being an asshole? 598 00:22:40,442 --> 00:22:41,989 Okay, I feel like everybody in the room 599 00:22:42,069 --> 00:22:43,241 is looking at me like I'm the buzzkill. 600 00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:44,321 I'm not? 601 00:22:44,405 --> 00:22:47,784 Good. Okay. Great. [ hiss ] 602 00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:49,289 [screaming ] 603 00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:50,790 Did you get any of that? 604 00:22:50,870 --> 00:22:52,793 It's-a good-a show! 604 00:22:53,305 --> 00:22:59,215 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/7r99v Help other users to choose the best subtitles