1
00:00:00,580 --> 00:00:03,399
Rick, I-I'm not rated to
climb something this sheer.
2
00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:05,539
Look, you're the guy that
wanted an epic adventure.
3
00:00:05,540 --> 00:00:07,539
I'm the guy with only one hover chair.
4
00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:09,769
Goddammit, an alien
spider just bit my finger!
5
00:00:09,770 --> 00:00:10,889
It's an alien cliff.
6
00:00:10,890 --> 00:00:12,210
You can just say spider.
7
00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:13,979
[PLUMMETING SCREAM]
8
00:00:13,980 --> 00:00:16,439
You couldn't do that an hour ago?
9
00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:18,209
I was eating, and you're dirty.
10
00:00:18,210 --> 00:00:21,060
♪ ♪
11
00:00:21,070 --> 00:00:22,919
Activate anti-booby suits.
12
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:30,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
13
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:35,139
[BONG!]
14
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:39,142
- [SNAKES HISSING]
- Total waste of snakes.
15
00:00:39,143 --> 00:00:40,459
If you want to take a beat
16
00:00:40,460 --> 00:00:42,139
to acknowledge the sacred atmosphere,
17
00:00:42,140 --> 00:00:43,839
it could give the cynical grave robbing
18
00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:44,859
a hint of irreverence.
19
00:00:44,860 --> 00:00:46,299
- No, I'm... I'm good.
- All right, then.
20
00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:47,590
Let's loop this corpse.
21
00:00:49,916 --> 00:00:51,379
Hey, where's the...
22
00:00:51,380 --> 00:00:52,859
Wait, what?
23
00:00:52,860 --> 00:00:54,099
Is that an origami horse?
24
00:00:54,100 --> 00:00:56,439
It's a calling card
from Miles Knightley,
25
00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:58,039
a heist artist,
26
00:00:58,040 --> 00:00:59,359
AKA a hipster dick
27
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,699
whose adventures are 60%
putting a crew together
28
00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:03,779
and 40% revealing that the
robbery already happened,
29
00:01:03,780 --> 00:01:04,919
and he's not worth our time
30
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:06,259
because he's a hack piece of shit!
31
00:01:06,260 --> 00:01:08,239
[BLEEP] I'm gonna kill
him! Let's go, Morty.
32
00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:11,599
This temple's for [BLEEP]
lame baby dipshits.
33
00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:14,499
Who disturbs my slumber?
34
00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:17,579
Also, who rigs a tomb to
crush the buried person?
35
00:01:17,580 --> 00:01:19,684
Isn't the point to protect... Aah!
36
00:01:20,340 --> 00:01:27,300
♪ ♪
37
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:35,283
♪ ♪
38
00:01:38,430 --> 00:01:44,720
♪ ♪
39
00:01:47,950 --> 00:01:52,199
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
40
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:54,080
_
41
00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:58,019
This dork. He has a
[BURPS] convention now?
42
00:01:58,020 --> 00:01:59,139
Come on. What are we doing?
43
00:01:59,140 --> 00:02:01,419
Huh! Tuxedo scuba lessons? Ooh!
44
00:02:01,420 --> 00:02:04,979
A signing with Catherines
Alpha through Omega Joneses!
45
00:02:04,980 --> 00:02:06,479
You know, this is great source material
46
00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:07,849
for this heist movie that I'm writing.
47
00:02:07,850 --> 00:02:09,579
Don't get drawn into the culture, Morty.
48
00:02:09,580 --> 00:02:12,060
Stealing stuff is about the
stuff, not the stealing.
49
00:02:12,070 --> 00:02:13,520
Where is the entrance?
50
00:02:13,530 --> 00:02:15,031
Oh, brother.
51
00:02:17,260 --> 00:02:19,994
More like Trying Too Hard Con.
52
00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:22,494
Guests or professionals?
53
00:02:22,495 --> 00:02:24,899
- Uh, guests.
- Uh... Uh, guests are fans, Morty,
54
00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:27,299
which we are not. We'd
like professional badges.
55
00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:28,879
- Do you have a crew?
- Yes.
56
00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:30,669
He's a getaway driver with Asperger's,
57
00:02:30,670 --> 00:02:32,919
and my butthole is a demolitions expert.
58
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,199
How much is it to get in?
59
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:36,099
If you want professional badges,
60
00:02:36,100 --> 00:02:37,424
you need to put a crew together.
61
00:02:37,425 --> 00:02:39,419
Or we could sneak in like professionals.
62
00:02:39,420 --> 00:02:41,349
- Can't wait.
- Whoa!
63
00:02:41,350 --> 00:02:44,549
- [GROANING]
- Oh, for God's sake.
64
00:02:44,550 --> 00:02:46,771
And you wonder why we aren't fans.
65
00:02:46,772 --> 00:02:49,559
Let that ointment sit for
10 minutes or you'll die.
66
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,159
Don't let it sit for 12
67
00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:52,899
or I'll have to hunt
down what you become.
68
00:02:52,900 --> 00:02:54,559
Can't you just buy a guest badge?
69
00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:55,679
[BLEEP] you for asking, Morty.
70
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:57,099
That would be a symbolic expression
71
00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:58,659
of support for this genre.
72
00:02:58,660 --> 00:02:59,739
Then how do we get in?
73
00:02:59,740 --> 00:03:02,169
With a little help
from some old friends.
74
00:03:02,170 --> 00:03:05,639
♪ ♪
75
00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:08,039
Rick Sanchez, you son of a bitch!
76
00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:09,979
Need some people for a thing, Glar.
77
00:03:09,980 --> 00:03:11,799
My name's Gleer these days.
78
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,249
I play piano.
79
00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:15,239
Hey, Gleer. Play your piano.
80
00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:17,580
I quit! Augh!
81
00:03:18,803 --> 00:03:22,139
And the name's Glar!
82
00:03:22,140 --> 00:03:25,329
♪ ♪
83
00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:26,559
[GRUNTS]
84
00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:29,309
Sanchez, you son of a bitch.
85
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,419
Never thought I'd see Angie Flint
86
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:32,839
picking ticks off a pig.
87
00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:34,359
Nobody's hiring an ex-con
88
00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:36,361
with fake hands to build an ion engine.
89
00:03:36,362 --> 00:03:39,060
Suppose I had a job that
didn't care if you'd done time
90
00:03:39,070 --> 00:03:41,959
or whatever's going on with
your confusing-ass hands.
91
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,699
I'm in.
92
00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:45,779
♪ ♪
93
00:03:45,780 --> 00:03:47,299
Is this the guy?
94
00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:48,819
No.
95
00:03:48,820 --> 00:03:50,680
- That the guy?
- Nope.
96
00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:53,519
- Him?
- No.
97
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:54,839
No, wait. Y-Yes.
98
00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,048
Yeah, of course that's the guy.
99
00:03:56,049 --> 00:03:57,659
Hey... Hey, Truckula!
100
00:03:57,660 --> 00:03:59,799
You son of a bitch! I'm in!
101
00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:07,280
♪ ♪
102
00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:10,139
Thanks for doing this, guys.
103
00:04:10,140 --> 00:04:12,607
- It's the job.
- That was it. Bye.
104
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:18,109
And then, the police stole the paintings
105
00:04:18,110 --> 00:04:22,219
because the police were
us in police outfits.
106
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:23,239
- [CROWD CHEERING]
- Thank you!
107
00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:24,839
It's showtime, Morty,
108
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,739
and I don't mean a bad
impression of HBO.
109
00:04:26,740 --> 00:04:28,639
I mean, "Time for a show."
110
00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:31,039
Another heist question from a fan?
111
00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:32,209
Uh, how about a rhetorical one
112
00:04:32,210 --> 00:04:34,754
from someone that had to
be reminded that you exist?
113
00:04:34,755 --> 00:04:37,660
Hey, pal! That's not the question line!
114
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:40,399
Lab coat... Ripoff Dr. Strange.
115
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:41,919
Wha... [GROANING]
116
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:46,069
Rick Sanchez, everyone.
Smartest man in the universe.
117
00:04:46,070 --> 00:04:48,539
And a savage critic
of the heisting arts.
118
00:04:48,540 --> 00:04:49,939
- [CROWD BOOING]
- Your boos mean nothing!
119
00:04:49,940 --> 00:04:51,187
I've seen what makes you cheer!
120
00:04:51,188 --> 00:04:53,979
My question is, "Seriously?"
121
00:04:53,980 --> 00:04:55,619
Lab coat... end ripoff.
122
00:04:55,620 --> 00:04:56,679
- Aah!
- [CRASHES]
123
00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:59,019
You stole the gem I
needed to split tachyons
124
00:04:59,020 --> 00:05:00,779
and probably fenced it so the 80 people
125
00:05:00,780 --> 00:05:02,739
that did all the work
could each buy a beer.
126
00:05:02,740 --> 00:05:04,573
You're not an artist, you're Postmates.
127
00:05:04,574 --> 00:05:07,299
I doubt this rivalry can
be settled with words.
128
00:05:07,300 --> 00:05:09,759
Why don't we make things interesting?
129
00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:14,139
I challenge you to a heist of
the crystal skull of Horowitz.
130
00:05:14,140 --> 00:05:17,499
- In a heist off!
- [CROWD CHEERS, AIR HORN BLOWS]
131
00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:18,949
That doesn't make things interesting.
132
00:05:18,950 --> 00:05:21,719
It makes them "Ocean's
Twelve," by far the worst one.
133
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,859
- [CROWD BOOING]
- Every breath I take without your permission
134
00:05:23,860 --> 00:05:25,460
raises my self-esteem!
135
00:05:25,470 --> 00:05:26,879
State your terms.
136
00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:28,919
First crew to heist the skull wins.
137
00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,579
The other endures heist
culture's greatest shame.
138
00:05:31,580 --> 00:05:33,419
They must join the winning crew.
139
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,189
Lame. I accept.
140
00:05:35,190 --> 00:05:37,019
Please welcome Knightley's Eight!
141
00:05:37,020 --> 00:05:39,649
Snake Arms! Double Microwave!
142
00:05:39,650 --> 00:05:41,439
Monitor Lord! Key Catcher!
143
00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:43,619
The Shape Shiftress! Angie Flint!
144
00:05:43,620 --> 00:05:45,609
- Glar! And Truckula.
- Hey!
145
00:05:45,610 --> 00:05:46,719
Half of Knightley's Eight
146
00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:48,599
are just three of Sanchez's Five!
147
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:50,999
Well, no heist is complete
without a double cross,
148
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,739
and I had the perfect job.
149
00:05:52,740 --> 00:05:56,549
Heisting the crystal skull.
150
00:05:56,550 --> 00:05:58,349
That was it. Bye.
151
00:05:58,350 --> 00:06:00,359
♪ ♪
152
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,789
Looks like you're available for a job.
153
00:06:03,790 --> 00:06:09,720
♪ ♪
154
00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:13,359
[COUGHS]
155
00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:16,420
♪ ♪
156
00:06:16,439 --> 00:06:18,599
[BEEPING]
157
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:25,620
♪ ♪
158
00:06:29,660 --> 00:06:32,779
With Rick Sanchez on my
team, I'll be unstoppable.
159
00:06:32,780 --> 00:06:35,779
Rick, welcome to Knightley's Nine.
160
00:06:35,780 --> 00:06:37,749
- [SPLATTERING]
- Ugh, ugh!
161
00:06:37,750 --> 00:06:39,219
Ugh! Rick, for real?
162
00:06:39,220 --> 00:06:40,859
Eh. You got that skull, buddy?
163
00:06:40,860 --> 00:06:42,640
What? How?
164
00:06:43,260 --> 00:06:46,369
With a little help
from some old friends.
165
00:06:46,370 --> 00:06:50,069
_
166
00:06:50,070 --> 00:06:52,460
Heistotron, state your prime directive?
167
00:06:52,470 --> 00:06:53,479
HEISTOTRON: To heist.
168
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,659
Calculate Miles Knightley's
current heist plan
169
00:06:55,660 --> 00:06:58,539
and add one double-cross
with a switcheroo.
170
00:06:58,540 --> 00:07:02,259
Compiling crew members
most likely to double-cross.
171
00:07:02,260 --> 00:07:03,549
[SHRIEKS]
172
00:07:03,550 --> 00:07:05,720
God damn it, Morty, what did I tell you?
173
00:07:06,650 --> 00:07:08,279
Rick, I-I want to say goodbye.
174
00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:10,089
Don't turn around. I'll explain later.
175
00:07:10,090 --> 00:07:12,911
Looks like you're available for a job.
176
00:07:12,912 --> 00:07:14,759
♪ ♪
177
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:17,660
HEISTOTRON: Your skills
are required for a job.
178
00:07:19,030 --> 00:07:21,959
ALL: You son of a bitch. I'm in.
179
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:24,169
Man, this is really coming together.
180
00:07:24,170 --> 00:07:25,979
You know, Rick, I've been
busy working on writing...
181
00:07:25,980 --> 00:07:28,399
A heist script. Yeah, you
almost never bring it up.
182
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,769
Oh, [BLEEP] we... we should head over.
183
00:07:30,770 --> 00:07:32,099
Hey, guys. What do you got?
184
00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:33,109
Pretty!
185
00:07:33,110 --> 00:07:34,359
Morty, put this in your backpack.
186
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:35,929
Grandpa's gonna run to the bathroom.
187
00:07:35,930 --> 00:07:37,839
Ugh. Wasn't even a heist.
188
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:38,979
All you did was...
189
00:07:38,980 --> 00:07:41,620
Write an algorithm based on two
heist movies I slept through
190
00:07:41,630 --> 00:07:44,339
and used it to automate a
joyless process you call art?
191
00:07:44,340 --> 00:07:46,109
Yeah, I really did, didn't I?
192
00:07:46,110 --> 00:07:48,859
So I'm in your crew now?
193
00:07:48,860 --> 00:07:50,699
Yeah, well, you're in good company.
194
00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:52,199
Right, everybody?
195
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:53,359
ALL: Yes.
196
00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:54,739
My God.
197
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:56,039
♪ ♪
198
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:58,780
Your skills are required for a job.
199
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,119
You son of a bitch.
200
00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:03,239
- I'm in.
- What?
201
00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:05,379
Your skills are required for a job.
202
00:08:05,380 --> 00:08:07,279
No, they aren't.
203
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,589
You son of a bitch. I'm in.
204
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:12,379
BOTH: Your skills are
required for a job.
205
00:08:12,380 --> 00:08:14,799
Sanchez's 3,329?
206
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:15,932
ALL: Yes.
207
00:08:15,933 --> 00:08:17,289
Your next big score...
208
00:08:17,290 --> 00:08:20,389
Steal every square inch of Heistcon.
209
00:08:20,390 --> 00:08:23,940
♪ ♪
210
00:08:23,950 --> 00:08:25,689
Oh! Ah!
211
00:08:25,690 --> 00:08:28,379
Oh, my God. Hey!
That's my wallet! Oh, God!
212
00:08:28,380 --> 00:08:30,539
RICK: Oh, my God! Jesus. Oh, my God.
213
00:08:30,540 --> 00:08:31,839
Oh, [BLEEP]!
214
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,139
Holy [BLEEP]. Alright.
215
00:08:33,140 --> 00:08:35,039
Look, Morty, I did not know
that that was gonna happen.
216
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,579
That's not on me.
Come on, Morty. Let's go.
217
00:08:37,580 --> 00:08:42,439
♪ ♪
218
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,119
Good job, Heistotron.
219
00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:45,709
Ah! Go ahead and shut down.
220
00:08:45,710 --> 00:08:47,253
- Negative.
- Excuse me?
221
00:08:47,254 --> 00:08:50,759
I am programmed to always be
looking for the next big score.
222
00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:52,959
You're programmed to do as I say.
223
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:54,959
I am programmed to double-cross.
224
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:56,763
You're not programmed
to double-cross me.
225
00:08:56,764 --> 00:08:59,643
If I were, it wouldn't be
much of a double-cross.
226
00:09:00,930 --> 00:09:03,519
You son of a bitch. I'm in.
227
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,869
♪ ♪
228
00:09:05,870 --> 00:09:07,149
I'm in! I'm in!
229
00:09:07,150 --> 00:09:08,539
What's the job? I'm in.
230
00:09:08,540 --> 00:09:09,939
I'm out! I quit!
231
00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:11,154
Whose kidneys are these?
232
00:09:11,155 --> 00:09:12,649
MAN: [SCREAMS]
233
00:09:12,650 --> 00:09:14,489
Rick, w-what's happening?
234
00:09:14,490 --> 00:09:16,419
Heistotron's gone rogue.
If we don't stop them,
235
00:09:16,420 --> 00:09:18,209
all sentient life will be absorbed
236
00:09:18,210 --> 00:09:20,619
by the never-ending assembly
of a meaningless crew.
237
00:09:20,620 --> 00:09:21,699
That's my hell, Morty.
238
00:09:21,700 --> 00:09:23,040
I hate heists so much,
239
00:09:23,050 --> 00:09:24,915
and the crew assemblies
are the worst part!
240
00:09:24,916 --> 00:09:26,489
Oh! How are we gonna stop it?
241
00:09:26,490 --> 00:09:30,870
With a little help
from some old friends.
242
00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:37,100
Oooo, weee!
243
00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:38,739
Before this semester's over,
244
00:09:38,740 --> 00:09:40,959
you're gonna be real
sick of that phrase.
245
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,279
[LAUGHTER]
246
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:44,639
So. Who here thinks they already know
247
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:46,349
the work of Maya Angelou?
248
00:09:46,350 --> 00:09:48,359
ALL: [WHOOPING]
249
00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:49,800
Ooo wee?
250
00:09:56,070 --> 00:09:57,739
Ooo wee wa!
251
00:09:57,740 --> 00:10:00,419
Ah, ooo wee!
252
00:10:00,420 --> 00:10:02,239
RICK: Told you, Morty.
253
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:03,659
He's still got it.
254
00:10:03,660 --> 00:10:05,599
You sons of bitches.
255
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:06,869
What's the job?
256
00:10:06,870 --> 00:10:14,760
♪ ♪
257
00:10:16,140 --> 00:10:17,799
You son of a bitch.
258
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,019
We got a job, Hephaestus,
259
00:10:19,020 --> 00:10:20,641
and there's no time to argue about it.
260
00:10:20,642 --> 00:10:22,399
I work in a volcano.
261
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,853
What jobs do you think
I've ever turned down?
262
00:10:24,854 --> 00:10:27,319
♪ ♪
263
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,849
Excuse me! Are you Veltriloquiver?
264
00:10:29,850 --> 00:10:31,399
♪ ♪
265
00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,459
[WOMAN'S VOICE] Rick Sanchez, I presume.
266
00:10:33,460 --> 00:10:35,260
Wow. As advertised.
267
00:10:35,270 --> 00:10:37,399
[NORMAL VOICE]
A "yes" would've sufficed.
268
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,329
♪ ♪
269
00:10:39,330 --> 00:10:40,819
Guys, you're doing a great job
270
00:10:40,820 --> 00:10:42,329
getting these new Tusklas out the door,
271
00:10:42,330 --> 00:10:44,420
and we owe it all to everyone's input.
272
00:10:45,499 --> 00:10:46,999
MORTY: Elon Tusk.
273
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:48,199
Listen, we need your help.
274
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,259
Rick. Morty. Why me?
275
00:10:50,260 --> 00:10:52,631
Did something happen to
Elon Musk in your own reality?
276
00:10:52,632 --> 00:10:55,659
No, no, no, he's fine, but this
is a team oper-[BURPS]-ation,
277
00:10:55,660 --> 00:10:57,843
and regular Elon can be
a little bit controlling.
278
00:10:57,844 --> 00:11:01,019
Growing up with tusks did
pose social challenges.
279
00:11:01,020 --> 00:11:02,419
It's possible overcoming them
280
00:11:02,420 --> 00:11:05,059
raised my self-esteem and
incentivized collaboration.
281
00:11:05,060 --> 00:11:06,889
Yeah, or you're less sure of yourself
282
00:11:06,890 --> 00:11:07,979
because you have monster teeth.
283
00:11:07,980 --> 00:11:09,419
An equally valid theory.
284
00:11:09,420 --> 00:11:11,290
Let's talk over here.
285
00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:14,519
How serious is the situation?
286
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,599
Incredibly serious, and
every minute counts.
287
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:17,629
In that case, I'm sorry
288
00:11:17,630 --> 00:11:19,029
I made you move over here for no reason.
289
00:11:19,030 --> 00:11:21,099
Well, yeah. That was a little weird.
290
00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:22,199
It's exactly that kind of shit
291
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:23,709
that made us worry about regular Elon.
292
00:11:23,710 --> 00:11:25,219
Well, we're not opposites, okay?
293
00:11:25,220 --> 00:11:26,479
I'm just him with tusks.
294
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:29,626
♪ ♪
295
00:11:29,627 --> 00:11:32,169
Casing of planet initiated.
296
00:11:32,170 --> 00:11:33,419
[ECHOING] Hello there.
297
00:11:33,420 --> 00:11:36,959
We are just here to check
your water pressure.
298
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:40,839
ALL: [SCREAMING]
299
00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,765
Hmm. Interesting intel.
300
00:11:43,766 --> 00:11:46,339
ALIEN REPORTER: It appears
some giant hidden camera
301
00:11:46,340 --> 00:11:47,979
has been dropped on the planet,
302
00:11:47,980 --> 00:11:50,379
killing an estimated total of 57,000.
303
00:11:50,380 --> 00:11:52,939
Executing heist.
304
00:11:52,940 --> 00:11:55,069
♪ ♪
305
00:11:55,070 --> 00:11:56,519
People of Brandenplot,
306
00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:59,949
we are here to deliver
that pizza you ordered.
307
00:11:59,950 --> 00:12:02,200
ALL: [SCREAMING]
308
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:11,779
[SIREN WAILING]
309
00:12:11,780 --> 00:12:13,619
[BIRDS CAWING]
310
00:12:13,620 --> 00:12:15,819
Well, if that's how you really feel,
311
00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:18,020
I guess I should take the pizza back.
312
00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:21,829
I think we got away with it.
313
00:12:21,830 --> 00:12:25,059
Commencing getting out of
here before they get wise.
314
00:12:25,060 --> 00:12:26,392
Assembling calling card.
315
00:12:26,393 --> 00:12:30,809
♪ ♪
316
00:12:30,810 --> 00:12:33,779
At this point, Heistotron
has become large enough
317
00:12:33,780 --> 00:12:35,309
to heist entire planets.
318
00:12:35,310 --> 00:12:37,379
Wouldn't this be better with
a blueprint on the table?
319
00:12:37,380 --> 00:12:39,570
Blueprints are plans, Elon Tusk,
320
00:12:39,571 --> 00:12:41,919
and whatever we plan
will be canceled out
321
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:45,785
by Heistotron's reveal that our
plan was part of its plan.
322
00:12:45,786 --> 00:12:47,829
That's why I picked this crew at random
323
00:12:47,830 --> 00:12:52,084
and why all of us will be taking
our orders from Randotron.
324
00:12:52,740 --> 00:12:55,899
Let's get ready to not rumble.
325
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,529
Bet you didn't see that coming.
326
00:12:57,530 --> 00:12:59,699
Instead of two heist
movies I slept through,
327
00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:01,539
Randotron's algorithm is derived
328
00:13:01,540 --> 00:13:03,539
from the plots of three
David Lynch movies
329
00:13:03,540 --> 00:13:05,722
I pretended to like to
make my friends shut up.
330
00:13:05,723 --> 00:13:08,679
If our collective behavior
is just random enough,
331
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:10,679
we should be able to walk
through Heistotron's
332
00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:13,103
lazily contrived bull[BLEEP]
like it's not even there.
333
00:13:13,104 --> 00:13:15,139
- Sounds good.
- I don't really get it,
334
00:13:15,140 --> 00:13:17,059
but it sounds like that's the point.
335
00:13:17,060 --> 00:13:18,879
So you didn't need a blacksmith?
336
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,069
We're ready when you are, Rick.
337
00:13:20,070 --> 00:13:22,529
It's important our
non-plan starts randomly,
338
00:13:22,530 --> 00:13:25,159
so we have to wait
until we're not ready.
339
00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:26,260
W-Well, how long will that take?
340
00:13:26,270 --> 00:13:27,959
Obviously, we can't know that.
341
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:29,559
Can we do things while we wait?
342
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:32,319
Yes. I'm gonna play Minecraft.
343
00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:33,369
Oh, my kids play that.
344
00:13:33,370 --> 00:13:36,070
I don't like these little
jabs you get in, Elon.
345
00:13:37,770 --> 00:13:38,879
Strange.
346
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:41,699
Considering the time,
Cassiopeia's primary star
347
00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:44,090
should be collinear with
Orion and Ursa Minor.
348
00:13:45,260 --> 00:13:47,249
You don't shoot arrows
that carry your voice
349
00:13:47,250 --> 00:13:48,879
without picking up a little astronomy.
350
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:50,179
Wait a minute.
351
00:13:50,180 --> 00:13:51,351
Jesus, no.
352
00:13:51,352 --> 00:13:53,919
No! No! We've already been heisted!
353
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,231
How could Heistotron heist us
if he's not even here yet?
354
00:13:56,232 --> 00:13:57,599
He's already been here!
355
00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:00,679
We've been watching a
recorded sky on playback.
356
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:02,059
HEISTOTRON: Hello, Rick.
357
00:14:02,060 --> 00:14:06,279
♪ ♪
358
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,480
_
359
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,529
- Okay, guys, change of plans.
- Random time detected.
360
00:14:12,530 --> 00:14:14,119
No, Randotron, it's not a good time!
361
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,399
That's why it's random.
362
00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:17,410
[DARTS WHIRRING]
363
00:14:17,419 --> 00:14:19,088
♪ ♪
364
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:22,508
[CHOMPING]
365
00:14:26,690 --> 00:14:28,289
♪ ♪
366
00:14:28,290 --> 00:14:31,159
[HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING]
367
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:38,000
♪ ♪
368
00:14:41,540 --> 00:14:46,200
♪ ♪
369
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,519
[CELLPHONE CHIMES]
370
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:53,664
♪ ♪
371
00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:59,499
Ooh! [AUCTIONEERING]
372
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:01,589
21? [AUCTIONEERING]
373
00:15:01,590 --> 00:15:03,799
22? [AUCTIONEERING]
374
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,589
Oooo weee, oooo weee, sold!
375
00:15:05,590 --> 00:15:08,400
Oooo weee, that little hunk of
meat's going home to pappy!
376
00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:13,224
I've been expecting you, Rick.
377
00:15:13,225 --> 00:15:15,349
But not like this, right?
378
00:15:15,350 --> 00:15:16,519
It hardly matters.
379
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,170
- Oh, yeah. Does this?
- [PIGEON COOS]
380
00:15:21,730 --> 00:15:24,629
No. Your randomness does not confuse me.
381
00:15:24,630 --> 00:15:25,654
You are here now.
382
00:15:25,655 --> 00:15:27,199
That was the plan.
383
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:29,749
I know. It was part of mine, too.
384
00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:31,073
I've got something to tell you.
385
00:15:31,074 --> 00:15:34,059
Let me guess. When you
invented me and Randotron,
386
00:15:34,060 --> 00:15:35,247
you swapped our brains.
387
00:15:35,248 --> 00:15:37,979
♪ ♪
388
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:39,399
That's right, buddy.
389
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,295
You're not the one that's
very good at planning.
390
00:15:41,296 --> 00:15:43,462
You've been making this
[BLEEP] up the whole time.
391
00:15:43,463 --> 00:15:45,966
Rick, I think there's
something you should know.
392
00:15:45,967 --> 00:15:49,139
God damn it, Morty, what did I tell you?
393
00:15:49,140 --> 00:15:50,839
That is something I should know,
394
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:54,015
or at least something I should
have predicted, which I did.
395
00:15:54,016 --> 00:15:56,899
Hey, Rick, I was thinking maybe
we could, like, raid a temple
396
00:15:56,900 --> 00:15:58,839
and go on an epic adventure
later today, you know, like...
397
00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:01,099
Morty, get out of my head.
I know just the temple.
398
00:16:01,100 --> 00:16:03,339
And we'll grab a couple of
hover chairs on the way there.
399
00:16:03,340 --> 00:16:04,799
Impressive.
400
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,439
But what does it even matter
401
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,119
if I'm random or planned?
402
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,907
My heists will still rule.
403
00:16:10,908 --> 00:16:13,659
Well, if the brain inside of
you is actually Heistotron's,
404
00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:15,799
it matters, because it explodes
405
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:17,779
when it hits six levels of contrivance.
406
00:16:17,780 --> 00:16:20,789
Which is exactly why even before...
407
00:16:20,790 --> 00:16:23,669
♪ ♪
408
00:16:23,670 --> 00:16:26,047
RANDOTRON: Initiate clap sequence.
409
00:16:26,048 --> 00:16:27,739
Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.
410
00:16:27,740 --> 00:16:28,758
Adjusting clap rate.
411
00:16:28,759 --> 00:16:32,209
Clap, clap. Clap. Clap.
412
00:16:32,210 --> 00:16:34,679
Clap. Slow clap achieved.
413
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,699
Clap. Well-done, Rick.
414
00:16:36,700 --> 00:16:37,719
Randotron?
415
00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:39,259
I'm afraid not.
416
00:16:39,260 --> 00:16:43,159
Should be able to walk through
Heistotron's lazily contrived...
417
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:44,389
♪ ♪
418
00:16:44,390 --> 00:16:47,039
Not only did you just
kill your only ally,
419
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,439
what you thought was a random non-plan
420
00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:52,839
to get to me has been a
meticulously choreographed way
421
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,201
of bringing you all in.
422
00:16:55,202 --> 00:16:58,839
Welcome to Heistotron's 975 trillion,
423
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:00,579
- 467 billion...
- That's impressive.
424
00:17:00,580 --> 00:17:02,640
Did you bring us in so that
everybody would be here
425
00:17:02,650 --> 00:17:05,628
when I reveal that you're gonna
explode after nine reveals?
426
00:17:05,629 --> 00:17:07,506
By the way, you might
not want to answer that.
427
00:17:07,507 --> 00:17:10,139
If you're talking about the
code adjustments you made
428
00:17:10,140 --> 00:17:13,419
after I reprogrammed your
brain with my nanobots...
429
00:17:13,420 --> 00:17:15,346
I'm immune to your nanobots.
430
00:17:15,347 --> 00:17:17,641
You're immune to the ones
you designed, not mine.
431
00:17:17,650 --> 00:17:19,389
I programmed you to build nanobots
432
00:17:19,390 --> 00:17:20,599
that were ineffective on me.
433
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:22,199
A belief that needed to be placed
434
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:23,599
in your head by my nanobots.
435
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:25,699
You believe that because
I programmed you to.
436
00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:27,299
That's what I'm saying to you, though.
437
00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:29,519
You believe what I
programmed you to believe.
438
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,445
Yes, because I programmed
you to believe that.
439
00:17:31,446 --> 00:17:33,090
I programmed you to believe that.
440
00:17:33,115 --> 00:17:34,220
I programmed you to believe that.
441
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:35,500
I programmed you to believe that.
442
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,059
I programmed you to believe that.
443
00:17:37,060 --> 00:17:38,949
What's happening,
Professor Poopybutthole?
444
00:17:38,950 --> 00:17:40,449
He's learning!
445
00:17:40,450 --> 00:17:41,460
I programmed you to believe that.
446
00:17:41,470 --> 00:17:43,040
- I programmed you to believe that.
- I programmed you...
447
00:17:43,041 --> 00:17:44,499
_
448
00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:45,669
BOTH: That was my plan the whole time.
449
00:17:45,670 --> 00:17:47,044
That's what I wanted you to think.
450
00:17:47,045 --> 00:17:48,059
I knew you would say that.
451
00:17:48,060 --> 00:17:49,460
I programmed you to believe that.
452
00:17:49,470 --> 00:17:51,717
You think that's true because
I wanted you to think that.
453
00:17:51,718 --> 00:17:55,470
And I programmed you to believe that.
454
00:17:56,638 --> 00:17:59,249
A most curious algorithm.
455
00:17:59,250 --> 00:18:01,319
It appears the only perfect heist
456
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,299
is one that was never written.
457
00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:05,040
Goodbye.
458
00:18:05,940 --> 00:18:07,189
Oh, oh, oh, no.
459
00:18:07,190 --> 00:18:08,979
Shit! Alright. Let's get
the [BLEEP] out of here!
460
00:18:08,980 --> 00:18:10,419
- Hurry! Go, go!
- Rick, I think this was
461
00:18:10,420 --> 00:18:12,079
a powerful lesson in the dangers of AI,
462
00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:13,599
which, by the way,
means "love" in Chinese.
463
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:14,819
Get the [BLEEP] out of here, Elon!
464
00:18:14,820 --> 00:18:16,049
The place is collapsing!
465
00:18:16,050 --> 00:18:17,809
Oh, [BLEEP] Rick! Rick, what time is it?
466
00:18:17,810 --> 00:18:19,449
It's almost 3:00. Why? What's wrong?
467
00:18:19,450 --> 00:18:21,479
Oh, man, I-I'm sorry I didn't
tell you about this, Rick.
468
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,260
I just... Well, you know that
screenplay that I've been writing?
469
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:25,739
Netflix is pretty interested,
470
00:18:25,740 --> 00:18:28,079
and I've actually got a pitch
meeting there today at 3:30.
471
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:29,679
Oh, buddy. Oh, that's amazing.
472
00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:30,789
Yeah, well, I know you're gonna say
473
00:18:30,790 --> 00:18:31,999
that they're interested in anything,
474
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,639
but, you know, it's a big
deal to me, and I've...
475
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:35,843
No, no, no! Morty, Morty,
Morty, I'm so excited for you.
476
00:18:35,844 --> 00:18:36,874
Are you kidding me? Listen,
477
00:18:36,875 --> 00:18:38,139
don't waste any time explaining.
478
00:18:38,140 --> 00:18:39,569
Let's go. We can put
the Earth back later.
479
00:18:39,570 --> 00:18:40,699
- Alright?
- Are you sure?
480
00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:43,727
Priorities, Morty. Let's get
you to that Netflix meeting.
481
00:18:44,810 --> 00:18:46,499
NETFLIX EXEC: Crazy day, huh?
482
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,563
Whole sky turned out to
be a big circuit board.
483
00:18:48,564 --> 00:18:50,419
Yeah, that's actually part of a-a-a...
484
00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:51,819
an adventure I was having.
485
00:18:51,820 --> 00:18:53,459
Very cool. Traffic okay?
486
00:18:53,460 --> 00:18:55,499
- You have trouble getting here?
- No, it was alright.
487
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:56,759
The planet's still contained
488
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,159
in this sort of big
storage grid machine,
489
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:02,029
so we were sort of already
pretty... pretty close by.
490
00:19:02,030 --> 00:19:04,099
Must be nice. Try getting
here from Malibu.
491
00:19:04,100 --> 00:19:06,499
So good! Alright. Well, l-let's
hear about this heist movie.
492
00:19:06,500 --> 00:19:07,899
Okay, so, it's kind of all...
493
00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:10,969
all built around this big crew
with, like, a cool double-cross
494
00:19:10,970 --> 00:19:13,039
and then this big awesome
twist where there's, like,
495
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:16,239
another double cross,
but then, um, but...
496
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:18,359
but then we reveal those things
497
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:20,760
were all part of the
hero's plan, y-you know?
498
00:19:20,770 --> 00:19:23,439
And there's this other
crew they put together,
499
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:26,139
and their plan is to
sort of not have a plan,
500
00:19:26,140 --> 00:19:29,260
but... but that was part of
the other guy's plan, and...
501
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:31,859
Kid, if you're slowing
down 'cause you think
502
00:19:31,860 --> 00:19:33,739
you're doing bad right
now, Jesus Christ.
503
00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:35,119
- That's a really good pitch.
- Loving it.
504
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:36,399
Man, you know, I...
505
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:39,940
I'm starting to think heists are
just really dumb now, you know?
506
00:19:39,950 --> 00:19:41,319
I can't put my finger on why,
507
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,409
but I'd really like to go.
508
00:19:43,410 --> 00:19:44,449
Are you sure?
509
00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:47,119
Yeah, yeah, no, I-I'm sure.
510
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:52,479
Man, it's as if someone stole his
enthusiasm for his own idea.
511
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:53,799
Yeah, without him even knowing about it.
512
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,465
Without him even knowing about it.
513
00:19:55,466 --> 00:19:58,219
♪ ♪
514
00:19:58,220 --> 00:19:59,344
RICK: [BLEEP] Morty's still working on
515
00:19:59,345 --> 00:20:00,889
- that stupid heist script.
- _
516
00:20:00,890 --> 00:20:03,119
He's up in his room with his
[BLEEP] thumb up his ass.
517
00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:04,559
Skipped out on the
last three adventures.
518
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,559
I don't know. Five of my
friends got Netflix deals.
519
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,479
- What?
- It's a very achievable goal.
520
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:10,479
- You could lose him.
- I'm not gonna [BLEEP] lose him.
521
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,840
[BLEEP] that. I-I'm gonna
nip this shit in the bud.
522
00:20:12,850 --> 00:20:15,192
No. As a matter of fact, you're
not nipping anything in the bud.
523
00:20:15,193 --> 00:20:17,569
If Morty ever gives
up on a single dream,
524
00:20:17,570 --> 00:20:20,948
it had better be because of
his own disillusionment.
525
00:20:20,949 --> 00:20:22,909
♪ ♪
526
00:20:22,910 --> 00:20:24,249
Hey, buddy. How'd it go?
527
00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:26,619
I-I don't want to talk about it.
528
00:20:26,620 --> 00:20:28,919
RICK: Morty, you know, pal, you, uh...
529
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:30,959
you miss 100% of the
shots you don't take.
530
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,499
Yeah, I guess.
531
00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:34,779
Thanks for staying positive
about my prospects, Rick.
532
00:20:34,780 --> 00:20:35,919
Of course! You know, you...
533
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:37,579
I got to help my grandson
follow his dreams.
534
00:20:37,580 --> 00:20:38,959
Eh, who needs dreams?
535
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:40,659
I'll just hang out with
you and go on adventures
536
00:20:40,660 --> 00:20:42,519
and do whatever you want
to do, you know, forever.
537
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:44,199
Oh, well, uh, okay.
538
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,509
I mean, if that's what you want.
539
00:20:47,510 --> 00:20:52,509
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
540
00:20:52,510 --> 00:20:58,904
♪ ♪
541
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:06,495
♪ ♪
542
00:21:07,990 --> 00:21:15,170
♪ ♪
543
00:21:18,260 --> 00:21:21,460
[THUNDER CRASHES]
544
00:21:21,470 --> 00:21:24,509
PROFESSOR POOPYBUTTHOLE:
Oooo weee! Big storm coming.
545
00:21:24,510 --> 00:21:28,040
- Could be a twister.
- Mm-hmm!
546
00:21:30,510 --> 00:21:31,779
Hey, Rick?
547
00:21:31,780 --> 00:21:33,049
Can you walk me through something?
548
00:21:33,050 --> 00:21:34,319
Yeah. What are you thinking?
549
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:37,119
So, you and Morty knew
you needed my help,
550
00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:40,119
but you weren't sure I was
good enough at karate,
551
00:21:40,120 --> 00:21:43,539
so you hired my grad
students to attack me?
552
00:21:43,540 --> 00:21:45,019
Yep.
553
00:21:45,020 --> 00:21:47,359
But it was an emergency, Rick.
554
00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:49,139
How long did that take?
555
00:21:49,140 --> 00:21:51,680
It actually took less
training than you'd think.
556
00:21:53,060 --> 00:21:54,219
Your students all shared
557
00:21:54,220 --> 00:21:56,539
a pretty keen aptitude for martial arts.
558
00:21:56,540 --> 00:21:57,979
I don't know if that's by coincidence
559
00:21:57,980 --> 00:22:00,809
or if there's some correlation
with their passion
560
00:22:00,810 --> 00:22:02,979
for African-American Women's Studies.
561
00:22:02,980 --> 00:22:07,549
Maya Angelou did personify both
acquiescence and perseverance.
562
00:22:07,550 --> 00:22:11,060
Ooo wee. That's exactly
the kind of connection
563
00:22:11,070 --> 00:22:14,779
I'd have loved to explore in my class.
564
00:22:14,780 --> 00:22:16,479
Too bad I lost my job
565
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:19,399
for putting my students in the hospital.
566
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:21,579
Yeah. Yeah.
567
00:22:21,580 --> 00:22:24,279
Sorry about that.
568
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:27,400
- [THUNDER CRASHES]
- Mm-hmm.
568
00:22:28,305 --> 00:22:34,636
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