1 00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:09,519 Are we... are we gonna put it back when we're done with it? 2 00:00:09,544 --> 00:00:11,927 Why? The only thing of value on it is the secret treasure map. 3 00:00:11,952 --> 00:00:13,793 The rest is just instructions for running a country, 4 00:00:13,818 --> 00:00:15,153 And I'm pretty sure they're online. 5 00:00:15,178 --> 00:00:16,305 It just feels a little wrong... 6 00:00:16,329 --> 00:00:18,134 Morty, are you gonna be a [bleep] america nerd. 7 00:00:18,159 --> 00:00:19,270 Or are you gonna be cool. 8 00:00:19,295 --> 00:00:21,052 And steal the constitution with grandpa? 9 00:00:23,845 --> 00:00:25,623 Here, hold this while I crack the hermetic seal. 10 00:00:25,648 --> 00:00:28,716 W-Why not just use this again? 11 00:00:28,741 --> 00:00:29,741 [ Ding! ] 12 00:00:34,821 --> 00:00:36,599 Morty! You just destroyed the map. 13 00:00:36,624 --> 00:00:39,269 And activated the giant assassin hidden in the statue of liberty! 14 00:00:39,294 --> 00:00:40,477 I'm sorry... w-wait, what? 15 00:00:40,502 --> 00:00:42,606 It was a trojan horse, morty. Never trust the french. 16 00:00:42,631 --> 00:00:44,338 Alright, fun's fun, but now the federal government's. 17 00:00:44,363 --> 00:00:46,134 Gonna be pissed again. Way to go. 18 00:00:46,158 --> 00:00:47,469 And on america's birthday. 19 00:00:47,493 --> 00:00:49,205 Or whatever the [bleep] thanksgiving is. 20 00:00:49,229 --> 00:00:57,229 ♪♪ 21 00:00:57,637 --> 00:01:05,637 ♪♪ 22 00:01:06,046 --> 00:01:14,046 ♪♪ 23 00:01:14,394 --> 00:01:22,394 ♪♪ 24 00:01:22,868 --> 00:01:24,113 Seal team leader: Rick and morty! 25 00:01:24,138 --> 00:01:25,646 You are under arrest and surrounded. 26 00:01:25,671 --> 00:01:27,014 By an anti-portal shimmer! 27 00:01:27,039 --> 00:01:28,442 Come out with your hands up! 28 00:01:28,467 --> 00:01:30,468 Well, happy thanksgiving to me. 29 00:01:30,493 --> 00:01:32,941 Can't wait to see what a "shimmer" does to my prostate. 30 00:01:32,966 --> 00:01:35,053 Dad, can you please just end whatever this is... 31 00:01:35,078 --> 00:01:36,778 I understand you're upset, mr. President. 32 00:01:36,803 --> 00:01:38,187 It's honestly all morty's fault. 33 00:01:38,211 --> 00:01:40,647 But in the meantime, you really want to keep your army. 34 00:01:40,672 --> 00:01:42,902 Of pointlessly camouflaged eagle scouts off my lawn. 35 00:01:42,927 --> 00:01:44,770 Don't tell me what I want, you anti-american. 36 00:01:44,795 --> 00:01:46,057 Piece of [bleep] you terrorist! 37 00:01:46,082 --> 00:01:47,599 You know, you use that word so much. 38 00:01:47,624 --> 00:01:49,045 It's lost all meaning, mr. P. 39 00:01:49,070 --> 00:01:50,913 It's like, at this point, what's a terrorist? 40 00:01:50,938 --> 00:01:52,438 It's a guy you don't like. Big deal. 41 00:01:52,463 --> 00:01:53,796 Hoo-rah! 42 00:01:55,896 --> 00:01:57,606 [ Screaming ] 43 00:01:58,073 --> 00:01:59,405 Told you to stand down. 44 00:01:59,430 --> 00:02:01,454 You just lost two soldiers over here. Good men. 45 00:02:01,479 --> 00:02:03,504 Might be time to look at the terrorist in the mirror. 46 00:02:03,529 --> 00:02:04,480 You want a war?! 47 00:02:04,504 --> 00:02:06,833 I'll put your outer-space ass in a goddamn phantom zone. 48 00:02:06,858 --> 00:02:08,739 With a bar of kryptonite soap around your neck. 49 00:02:08,764 --> 00:02:10,419 You're done, sanchez! You hear me? 50 00:02:10,443 --> 00:02:12,148 Oof. He's really pissed this time. 51 00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:13,556 Why don't you guys just [bleep] and get it over with. 52 00:02:13,580 --> 00:02:14,823 Okay, well thank you, summer, 53 00:02:14,847 --> 00:02:16,292 But I think I've got a better option. 54 00:02:16,316 --> 00:02:17,626 Dad, no. Ehh... 55 00:02:17,650 --> 00:02:19,161 Hands are tied, sweetie. 56 00:02:19,185 --> 00:02:20,763 I have to turn myself into a turkey and trick the president. 57 00:02:20,787 --> 00:02:22,698 Into giving me a presidential turkey pardon. 58 00:02:22,722 --> 00:02:24,901 Again? How many times have you done this? 59 00:02:24,925 --> 00:02:26,435 I don't know, jerry, how many years have I lived here? 60 00:02:26,459 --> 00:02:27,904 Careful how you answer that. 61 00:02:27,928 --> 00:02:29,838 Geez, rick, y'know, y-you've done this a lot. 62 00:02:29,862 --> 00:02:31,774 Don't you think the president might see it coming this time? 63 00:02:31,798 --> 00:02:34,577 He probably will, morty. That's all part of the dance. 64 00:02:34,601 --> 00:02:35,912 In the past, I've inserted myself. 65 00:02:35,936 --> 00:02:38,046 Into the potential turkey pardonee population. 66 00:02:38,070 --> 00:02:39,515 By brainwashing the presidential turkey wrangler. 67 00:02:39,539 --> 00:02:41,049 Prior to the ceremony. 68 00:02:41,073 --> 00:02:43,385 But this time, the turkey wrangler's been euthanized. 69 00:02:43,409 --> 00:02:44,520 And the turkeys will be transported. 70 00:02:44,544 --> 00:02:46,188 By armored military vehicles. 71 00:02:46,212 --> 00:02:49,725 Vehicles manufactured by ghost corporations that I control. 72 00:02:49,749 --> 00:02:52,261 - Which we have audited. - Allowing me access to... 73 00:02:52,285 --> 00:02:53,662 - Central computers... - To track the... 74 00:02:53,686 --> 00:02:56,064 Real armored transports, which he can never... 75 00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:57,333 Totally track and sneak aboard. 76 00:02:57,357 --> 00:02:58,935 And even if he does, he'll be on a truck. 77 00:02:58,959 --> 00:03:01,403 Full of turkeys and fully armed marines. 78 00:03:01,427 --> 00:03:03,339 Who won't recognize me because the human eye. 79 00:03:03,363 --> 00:03:05,073 Is inherently face blind to turkeys. 80 00:03:05,097 --> 00:03:08,010 President: Fortunately, those marines won't have human eyes. 81 00:03:08,034 --> 00:03:09,612 They'll have turkey eyes. 82 00:03:09,636 --> 00:03:11,547 Jesus ever-loving christ, why don't you two. 83 00:03:11,571 --> 00:03:13,482 Just [bleep] and get it over with? 84 00:03:13,506 --> 00:03:15,351 Careful, dwayne. You're only vice president. 85 00:03:15,375 --> 00:03:17,085 Because I need 10% of the white vote. 86 00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:19,755 There's a giant french assassin attacking new york, 87 00:03:19,779 --> 00:03:21,958 And you're using the war room to measure dicks. 88 00:03:21,982 --> 00:03:24,160 With your alcoholic sci-fi boyfriend? 89 00:03:24,184 --> 00:03:25,628 Rick sanchez is more dangerous. 90 00:03:25,652 --> 00:03:27,696 Than some steam-powered french bitch, 91 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:29,766 And new york can handle its own global emergencies. 92 00:03:29,790 --> 00:03:32,390 General? Initiate operation deep gobble. 93 00:03:34,460 --> 00:03:35,437 [ Cellphone vibrates ] 94 00:03:35,461 --> 00:03:37,239 Coop, not on thanksgiving. 95 00:03:37,263 --> 00:03:38,574 It's what I trained for, mary lo... 96 00:03:38,598 --> 00:03:40,376 It ain't our fight. Baby. 97 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,979 That little race car driver you got bakin' in your belly. 98 00:03:43,003 --> 00:03:44,913 What world you want him rearin' up in? 99 00:03:44,937 --> 00:03:47,516 One where some... Spiky-haired doctor who. 100 00:03:47,540 --> 00:03:49,585 In a lab coat can change the color of the sky? 101 00:03:49,609 --> 00:03:52,188 Or a world where he can fill his pickup with hot dogs. 102 00:03:52,212 --> 00:03:53,589 And drive it to a jukebox. 103 00:03:53,613 --> 00:03:56,058 Full of our demographic's current favorite music? 104 00:03:56,082 --> 00:03:57,593 Obviously the latter, but... 105 00:03:57,617 --> 00:03:59,862 Well, that world, mary lou, the one with those meals, 106 00:03:59,886 --> 00:04:03,199 Vehicles, and songs people in this 30-mile area prefer... 107 00:04:03,223 --> 00:04:05,067 That world needs a few good men. 108 00:04:05,091 --> 00:04:06,602 In a secret pentagon lab. 109 00:04:06,626 --> 00:04:08,270 Turning into turkeys. 110 00:04:08,294 --> 00:04:10,462 You come back without feathers, coop. 111 00:04:12,365 --> 00:04:14,232 God, I love this country. 112 00:04:15,836 --> 00:04:17,013 Hoooo-ah! 113 00:04:17,037 --> 00:04:19,615 ♪ I got a pregnant girl and a pickup truck ♪ 114 00:04:19,639 --> 00:04:21,617 ♪ I got one by choice and the other by luck ♪ 115 00:04:21,641 --> 00:04:25,954 ♪ but now it's time to turn into a turkey ♪ 116 00:04:25,978 --> 00:04:28,290 ♪ I hope there can be peace one day ♪ 117 00:04:28,314 --> 00:04:30,359 ♪ till then, I pray my dna ♪ 118 00:04:30,383 --> 00:04:31,894 ♪ gets backed up ♪ 119 00:04:31,918 --> 00:04:34,162 General green: These pills contain tracking chips. 120 00:04:34,186 --> 00:04:36,499 That identify each of you as individuals. 121 00:04:36,523 --> 00:04:39,502 That will be important later. 122 00:04:39,526 --> 00:04:41,904 ♪ Gobble, gobble ♪ 123 00:04:41,928 --> 00:04:44,240 ♪ gobble, gobble ♪ 124 00:04:44,264 --> 00:04:48,644 ♪ when I turn into a turkey ♪ 125 00:04:48,668 --> 00:04:53,838 ♪♪ 126 00:04:54,741 --> 00:04:56,585 Alright, boys, search every bird. 127 00:04:56,609 --> 00:04:59,188 If sanchez is here, I wanna hear you gobblin'. 128 00:04:59,212 --> 00:05:00,523 Let me look at you, scum. 129 00:05:00,547 --> 00:05:01,924 Get outta here, you wobbleneck. 130 00:05:01,948 --> 00:05:04,660 Sarge, this... this ain't like the simulation, man. 131 00:05:04,684 --> 00:05:06,595 - I don't like it. - Keep it together, martinez. 132 00:05:06,619 --> 00:05:07,930 Eyes are on the ground, sir. 133 00:05:07,954 --> 00:05:10,266 No sign of einstein. Stay frosty, gentlemen. 134 00:05:10,290 --> 00:05:13,736 I want this pardoning pipeline airtight. 135 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,604 Sir! We have hacked the garage door. 136 00:05:15,628 --> 00:05:17,406 We are in. Eyes on the bogey. 137 00:05:17,430 --> 00:05:18,941 Or you've got eyes on a robot. 138 00:05:18,965 --> 00:05:21,277 All due respect, sir, I know flesh when I see it! 139 00:05:21,301 --> 00:05:24,012 Those flesh-covered [burps] robots should buy us some time. 140 00:05:24,036 --> 00:05:26,348 The pardonable turkeys should be on that truck. 141 00:05:26,372 --> 00:05:28,484 Ship, go stealth. 142 00:05:28,508 --> 00:05:31,153 Rodriguez, fincher. Get eyes on that. 143 00:05:31,177 --> 00:05:33,355 Huh. Turkey marines. 144 00:05:33,379 --> 00:05:34,957 The president came to play. 145 00:05:34,981 --> 00:05:35,958 Jam those two radios. 146 00:05:35,982 --> 00:05:37,159 Ship: Confirmed. 147 00:05:37,183 --> 00:05:38,917 [ Radio static ] ah! Geez! 148 00:05:48,394 --> 00:05:50,106 Fincher, rodriguez, come in! 149 00:05:50,130 --> 00:05:51,774 Copy, copy, tango, all good. 150 00:05:51,798 --> 00:05:54,643 Just a couple of branches on the roof. 151 00:05:54,667 --> 00:05:56,445 Don't ever turn your radio off again. 152 00:05:56,469 --> 00:05:58,046 - We will not surrender. - We will never surrender. 153 00:05:58,070 --> 00:05:59,648 - We will not surrender. - Oh, yeah? 154 00:05:59,672 --> 00:06:01,773 Bring in the david blaine box. 155 00:06:03,543 --> 00:06:05,254 Damn, is that a david blaine box? 156 00:06:05,278 --> 00:06:07,656 I told you we should have just gone to my parents' house. 157 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,658 No, you didn't. Well, I didn't say it out loud, 158 00:06:09,682 --> 00:06:11,127 But it should be well known by now. 159 00:06:11,151 --> 00:06:12,861 That I'd always rather be there. 160 00:06:12,885 --> 00:06:14,196 - Oh, god, oh no! - Aw, geez, rick! 161 00:06:14,220 --> 00:06:16,332 Sir, we've got rick and morty inside the box! 162 00:06:16,356 --> 00:06:17,800 Then that confirms it. Sir? 163 00:06:17,824 --> 00:06:20,669 No david blaine box can hold rick sanchez. 164 00:06:20,693 --> 00:06:22,070 Scan the turkey truck! 165 00:06:22,094 --> 00:06:23,139 Huh. That's weird. 166 00:06:23,163 --> 00:06:25,407 Id chips for fincher and rodriguez are glitching. 167 00:06:25,431 --> 00:06:26,542 Sanchez... 168 00:06:26,566 --> 00:06:28,344 I'll deal with this bastard myself. 169 00:06:28,368 --> 00:06:29,545 Sir, don't be a cowboy. 170 00:06:29,569 --> 00:06:31,280 You can't get re-elected dead. 171 00:06:31,304 --> 00:06:32,881 System is calibrated, sir. 172 00:06:32,905 --> 00:06:34,683 That pill contains a tracking chip that will identify... 173 00:06:34,707 --> 00:06:36,953 I know, it'll be important later! 174 00:06:36,977 --> 00:06:38,354 Do it. 175 00:06:38,378 --> 00:06:41,045 [ Screams ] 176 00:06:41,381 --> 00:06:42,758 Reporter: Moments from now, 177 00:06:42,782 --> 00:06:44,916 The president will be pardoning a turkey... 178 00:06:47,387 --> 00:06:48,831 Home stretch, morty. 179 00:06:48,855 --> 00:06:50,766 Here comes dip [bleep] right on schedule. 180 00:06:50,790 --> 00:06:53,502 Nothing can go wrong now. 181 00:06:53,526 --> 00:06:54,703 Morty: Jesus, is that... Oh [bleep] 182 00:06:54,727 --> 00:06:55,838 The president has the upper hand. 183 00:06:55,862 --> 00:06:57,306 G-grandpa [bleep] up. Sunglasses on. 184 00:06:57,330 --> 00:06:59,375 Act like a turkey. What? Wha... are you scared? 185 00:06:59,399 --> 00:07:00,999 Act like a turkey! 186 00:07:03,203 --> 00:07:04,781 That's rodriguez and fincher, sir. 187 00:07:04,805 --> 00:07:07,516 It's rick and morty, you useless [bleep] stump humper! 188 00:07:07,540 --> 00:07:10,252 Sorry, don't tell 10% of your friends I called you that. 189 00:07:10,276 --> 00:07:11,253 Mr. President. 190 00:07:11,277 --> 00:07:13,055 Sanchez, admit it. You lose. 191 00:07:13,079 --> 00:07:15,057 Say it and I'll let your loser ass go. 192 00:07:15,081 --> 00:07:16,392 [ Exhales ] 193 00:07:16,416 --> 00:07:18,194 Did you just try to spit in my face with no saliva gland? 194 00:07:18,218 --> 00:07:20,396 Just pardon me, dick. Why the hell would I? 195 00:07:20,420 --> 00:07:22,198 Oh, I dunno, 'cause if I move to canada, 196 00:07:22,222 --> 00:07:23,465 They'll be the best country! 197 00:07:23,489 --> 00:07:25,334 I'll peck your goddamn eyes out! 198 00:07:25,358 --> 00:07:26,602 Ow! Hey! 199 00:07:26,626 --> 00:07:28,270 Shit! My plume! 200 00:07:28,294 --> 00:07:30,206 Hey, back off! 201 00:07:30,230 --> 00:07:32,741 Blueberries! We got blueberries down! 202 00:07:32,765 --> 00:07:34,743 Hold your positions, it's a feeding frenzy! 203 00:07:34,767 --> 00:07:36,012 I-I can't see. 204 00:07:36,036 --> 00:07:37,146 I mean, I can see. 205 00:07:37,170 --> 00:07:41,750 270 degrees... It's too many degrees! 206 00:07:41,774 --> 00:07:43,886 Sir, we are losing the mental game down here. 207 00:07:43,910 --> 00:07:45,021 General green: Keep it together, soldier! 208 00:07:45,045 --> 00:07:47,011 Potus is still in that pen... 209 00:07:53,653 --> 00:07:55,764 We just lost new york to France! 210 00:07:55,788 --> 00:07:57,166 Pull out the president right now! 211 00:07:57,190 --> 00:07:59,301 Gobble tango... I want potus out of that pen! 212 00:07:59,325 --> 00:08:02,104 That is an order! Locate the president's chip! 213 00:08:02,128 --> 00:08:03,439 Roger, roger. 214 00:08:03,463 --> 00:08:04,773 There he is, I got him. 215 00:08:04,797 --> 00:08:07,065 Let's go, boys! Let's fly out the eagle! 216 00:08:08,869 --> 00:08:09,846 Hey, that's not me! 217 00:08:09,870 --> 00:08:13,649 Package is secure. Pull us out. 218 00:08:13,673 --> 00:08:17,053 Computer: Reinjecting subject dna. 219 00:08:17,077 --> 00:08:19,677 [ All scream ] 220 00:08:24,284 --> 00:08:27,396 Hoppin' jehovah, you look like five pounds of shit. 221 00:08:27,420 --> 00:08:28,731 In a whore's lunchbox. 222 00:08:28,755 --> 00:08:30,733 You alright, mr. President? 223 00:08:30,757 --> 00:08:32,401 Yes. I am... 224 00:08:32,425 --> 00:08:33,669 The president. 225 00:08:33,693 --> 00:08:36,138 Clean his ass up and get him to the war room. 226 00:08:36,162 --> 00:08:37,540 Hey! Gobble squad! 227 00:08:37,564 --> 00:08:39,208 You got the wrong guy, you morons! 228 00:08:39,232 --> 00:08:40,342 [ Gobbling ] 229 00:08:40,366 --> 00:08:42,611 Look at this dumb piece of [bleep]. Gobbling away. 230 00:08:42,635 --> 00:08:44,280 Get back in there! 231 00:08:44,304 --> 00:08:47,283 Alright boys, you heard the vp. Pardon is tits up. 232 00:08:47,307 --> 00:08:48,907 Pack up and ship out! 233 00:08:51,511 --> 00:08:53,689 As for you, sanchez... 234 00:08:53,713 --> 00:08:55,513 Bon appétit. 235 00:08:57,984 --> 00:08:59,762 Where is this elevator going? 236 00:08:59,786 --> 00:09:02,164 Where all the unchosen turkeys go. 237 00:09:02,188 --> 00:09:03,922 The feeding chamber. 238 00:09:05,458 --> 00:09:07,303 [ Creature roars ] 239 00:09:07,327 --> 00:09:08,771 What the [bleep] is that? 240 00:09:08,795 --> 00:09:10,907 Not what... Who. 241 00:09:10,931 --> 00:09:13,976 The only thing to fear is... Me! 242 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,377 How the [bleep] does the white house. 243 00:09:15,401 --> 00:09:17,246 Have a cloned spider of fdr? 244 00:09:17,270 --> 00:09:18,847 It's no clone, it's fdr. 245 00:09:18,871 --> 00:09:20,382 He was a guinea pig for the polio vaccine. 246 00:09:20,406 --> 00:09:22,719 We asked ourselves "what walks the most?" 247 00:09:22,743 --> 00:09:24,520 "We?" you're taking credit for this? 248 00:09:24,544 --> 00:09:27,790 The office comes with baggage, morty. 249 00:09:27,814 --> 00:09:28,991 Rick, I'm afraid to die! 250 00:09:29,015 --> 00:09:30,326 You won't have to be for long, morty! 251 00:09:30,350 --> 00:09:31,727 We're due to return to human form any second! 252 00:09:31,751 --> 00:09:32,995 Then what? 253 00:09:33,019 --> 00:09:34,731 Then we just have to not get eaten by the spider! 254 00:09:34,755 --> 00:09:36,399 Oh, so in other words, be afraid to die? 255 00:09:36,423 --> 00:09:38,267 Morty, if winning an argument is that important to you, 256 00:09:38,291 --> 00:09:39,201 You were never alive! 257 00:09:39,225 --> 00:09:42,070 Time for a new deal... Murder! 258 00:09:42,094 --> 00:09:44,140 President: I'm sick of hearing how iconic you were! 259 00:09:44,164 --> 00:09:47,876 Try having an historical administration after facebook. 260 00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:51,013 Goes online, you old-timey bitch! 261 00:09:51,037 --> 00:09:53,549 Morty, tear open that panel! 262 00:09:53,573 --> 00:09:55,752 How's this for a fireside chat? 263 00:09:55,776 --> 00:09:58,887 [ Screaming ] 264 00:09:58,911 --> 00:10:00,222 Woof. You just killed fdr. 265 00:10:00,246 --> 00:10:01,757 He was a monster, though. 266 00:10:01,781 --> 00:10:03,492 Don't mythologize him. He was a politician. 267 00:10:03,516 --> 00:10:05,762 Speaking of, you kind of saved our bacon there, 268 00:10:05,786 --> 00:10:07,029 So I'll make you a deal. 269 00:10:07,053 --> 00:10:09,098 You pardon us and I'll make you human. 270 00:10:09,122 --> 00:10:10,232 Wrong turkey. 271 00:10:10,256 --> 00:10:12,223 Man, the face blindness is real. 272 00:10:14,060 --> 00:10:15,904 I'd like these... Men... 273 00:10:15,928 --> 00:10:17,573 Turned back into humans, please. 274 00:10:17,597 --> 00:10:19,241 Uh, yes, of course, mr. President. 275 00:10:19,265 --> 00:10:21,577 But I thought we already rehumanized. 276 00:10:21,601 --> 00:10:22,779 All the turkified marines. 277 00:10:22,803 --> 00:10:25,914 I'd like these men turned back into humans. 278 00:10:25,938 --> 00:10:26,983 I am the president. 279 00:10:27,007 --> 00:10:28,250 Yes, sir. Uh, sure thing. 280 00:10:28,274 --> 00:10:32,789 Increase their strength by 1,000%. 281 00:10:32,813 --> 00:10:34,991 But... That wouldn't be human. 282 00:10:35,015 --> 00:10:39,261 Turkeys have always been more than human. 283 00:10:39,285 --> 00:10:42,687 Okay, uh, so right there, now I'm starting to... 284 00:10:43,890 --> 00:10:48,404 I am selling new york to France. 285 00:10:48,428 --> 00:10:51,674 And giving all of the money to congress. 286 00:10:51,698 --> 00:10:53,142 [ Cheering ] 287 00:10:53,166 --> 00:10:54,543 Now that's how you do it! 288 00:10:54,567 --> 00:10:56,334 He became president today. 289 00:10:56,969 --> 00:10:58,747 [ Gasping, murmuring ] 290 00:10:58,771 --> 00:11:00,016 That's right, murmur! 291 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:01,484 And when you're done, get me some pants. 292 00:11:01,508 --> 00:11:04,152 If you're the president, who the hell have we been. 293 00:11:04,176 --> 00:11:06,489 Governing the country with for the last three hours? 294 00:11:06,513 --> 00:11:08,224 An impostor, you good for nothing idiot! 295 00:11:08,248 --> 00:11:10,292 You humanized the wrong turkey! 296 00:11:10,316 --> 00:11:11,494 It's possible. 297 00:11:11,518 --> 00:11:13,696 We shouldn't leave anything to chance. 298 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:17,633 Wouldn't want congress working with the wrong president. 299 00:11:17,657 --> 00:11:20,236 A very good point, mr. President. 300 00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:22,038 Do we believe this fine feathered, 301 00:11:22,062 --> 00:11:24,440 Collaborative gentleman to be our commander-in-chief? 302 00:11:24,464 --> 00:11:27,844 Or are we gonna let "mr. Cash bar at the christmas party". 303 00:11:27,868 --> 00:11:29,111 Stay in office? 304 00:11:29,135 --> 00:11:31,980 All in favor of turkey president? 305 00:11:32,004 --> 00:11:33,181 You can't be serious. 306 00:11:33,205 --> 00:11:34,517 You think he cares about america? 307 00:11:34,541 --> 00:11:36,853 Is that why this is happening to you? 308 00:11:36,877 --> 00:11:40,456 Because you cared about america? 309 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:42,658 Guards, these men are... 310 00:11:42,682 --> 00:11:43,726 Oh, what is the word? 311 00:11:43,750 --> 00:11:45,127 Uh, terrorists. 312 00:11:45,151 --> 00:11:48,130 Okay, screw this. Go, go, sanchez laser fists. 313 00:11:48,154 --> 00:11:51,067 Oh [bleep] I was a turkey for a while, wasn't I? 314 00:11:51,091 --> 00:11:52,869 Okay, guy's pretty strong. 315 00:11:52,893 --> 00:11:54,692 Mary todd lincoln! 316 00:11:57,697 --> 00:11:59,675 Who's dead weight now, bitch? 317 00:11:59,699 --> 00:12:03,268 ♪♪ 318 00:12:05,104 --> 00:12:07,283 You should regain feeling in your ass in a minute. 319 00:12:07,307 --> 00:12:08,885 Sorry my turrets blew up your motorcycle. 320 00:12:08,909 --> 00:12:10,553 Just give me some goddamn clothes. 321 00:12:10,577 --> 00:12:12,689 Must suck to have your only safe haven be my house. 322 00:12:12,713 --> 00:12:14,090 Y-you want your regular outfit. 323 00:12:14,114 --> 00:12:15,491 Or should we dress you like a terrorist? 324 00:12:15,515 --> 00:12:17,493 I don't need to be here, and I'm still the president. 325 00:12:17,517 --> 00:12:19,428 Oh, glad to hear it. That means you can give me that pardon. 326 00:12:19,452 --> 00:12:21,097 Or... or I could put you out with the trash. 327 00:12:21,121 --> 00:12:23,099 What is your problem?! Why do you hate this country? 328 00:12:23,123 --> 00:12:25,167 I hate every country in the universe, brother! 329 00:12:25,191 --> 00:12:26,435 They're job placement programs. 330 00:12:26,459 --> 00:12:28,036 For the politicians that invent them... 331 00:12:28,060 --> 00:12:29,438 Okay, fight club. 332 00:12:29,462 --> 00:12:31,908 I get paid to protect the sidelines you sit on! 333 00:12:31,932 --> 00:12:33,709 You get paid to make sports metaphors! 334 00:12:33,733 --> 00:12:35,043 I clean your litterbox! 335 00:12:35,067 --> 00:12:37,179 So your little nerd paws don't have to touch. 336 00:12:37,203 --> 00:12:39,315 Another nerd's nerdy poopies while you're flexing. 337 00:12:39,339 --> 00:12:41,450 Your grody little edge lord anus all over it! 338 00:12:41,474 --> 00:12:43,652 Guys, maybe you're both right and both wrong. 339 00:12:43,676 --> 00:12:45,121 Both: Shut up, morty! 340 00:12:45,145 --> 00:12:46,923 You little bitch, you destroyed the constitution. 341 00:12:46,947 --> 00:12:48,324 You're the biggest booger eater here! 342 00:12:48,348 --> 00:12:51,059 Do not talk to my son that way. 343 00:12:51,083 --> 00:12:52,328 Sorry, mrs. Smith. 344 00:12:52,352 --> 00:12:53,930 The two of you are ruining thanksgiving. 345 00:12:53,954 --> 00:12:55,264 Together. 346 00:12:55,288 --> 00:12:56,665 And you can both either come to the table. 347 00:12:56,689 --> 00:12:58,134 And eat food with my family. 348 00:12:58,158 --> 00:13:01,404 Or you can keep doing what you're doing at the corner bar. 349 00:13:01,428 --> 00:13:03,539 Bars actually suck at thanksgiving. 350 00:13:03,563 --> 00:13:05,874 Dorothy: I'm still trying to sort through this. 351 00:13:05,898 --> 00:13:07,543 One of you wishes you had the personal quality. 352 00:13:07,567 --> 00:13:09,278 Known as courage. 353 00:13:09,302 --> 00:13:11,213 But the other two of you want actual vital organs? 354 00:13:11,237 --> 00:13:13,816 This charlie kaufman reboot of "wizard of oz". 355 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:15,284 Is destroying itself. 356 00:13:15,308 --> 00:13:16,619 That's why I need a brain! 357 00:13:16,643 --> 00:13:20,088 I'm doing a terrible job writing this! 358 00:13:20,112 --> 00:13:22,625 Pass the potatoes. 359 00:13:22,649 --> 00:13:24,493 Thank you. Mm-hmm. 360 00:13:24,517 --> 00:13:25,962 Good green beans, mom. 361 00:13:25,986 --> 00:13:28,164 The turkey's raw, dad. Shit's potato bunz. 362 00:13:28,188 --> 00:13:30,232 Sorry, summer, the united states enclosed us. 363 00:13:30,256 --> 00:13:32,635 In a shimmer bubble that scrambled my oven timer. 364 00:13:32,659 --> 00:13:35,171 So I guess elections do have consequences. 365 00:13:35,195 --> 00:13:38,040 Eat my ass, jerry. I've seen your irs records. 366 00:13:38,064 --> 00:13:40,176 You can blame me once you have taxable income. 367 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,978 [ laughs ] yes, jerry is a piece of [bleep]. 368 00:13:42,002 --> 00:13:43,712 I agree. [ News fanfare plays ] 369 00:13:43,736 --> 00:13:45,514 Um, guys? What's that? 370 00:13:45,538 --> 00:13:47,783 Paula, as you can see, president curtis has enacted. 371 00:13:47,807 --> 00:13:50,118 A plan to turn all turkeys in america. 372 00:13:50,142 --> 00:13:51,520 Into hybrid super soldiers. 373 00:13:51,544 --> 00:13:53,456 The move has 100% approval from congress. 374 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,858 Following its third pay raise in six hours. 375 00:13:55,882 --> 00:13:56,859 Back to you. 376 00:13:56,883 --> 00:14:01,129 ♪♪ 377 00:14:01,153 --> 00:14:02,999 My god, the bastard's unhinged! 378 00:14:03,023 --> 00:14:04,801 There won't be a single bird left in do! 379 00:14:04,825 --> 00:14:07,536 Oh, wow, wiping out a native population on thanksgiving? 380 00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:10,072 That's never happened before. What did you just say? 381 00:14:10,096 --> 00:14:11,874 Well, I-I associated thanksgiving with genocide. 382 00:14:11,898 --> 00:14:14,076 It's what young people do. I wasn't trying to... 383 00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:15,611 The crypt of the new world. 384 00:14:15,635 --> 00:14:18,014 That could be our one chance to turn this thing around. 385 00:14:18,038 --> 00:14:19,281 You know about the crypt? 386 00:14:19,305 --> 00:14:20,949 Ugh, so the treasure's already gone. 387 00:14:20,973 --> 00:14:23,219 Wait, is that why you were stealing the constitution? 388 00:14:23,243 --> 00:14:24,487 You old fart dick. 389 00:14:24,511 --> 00:14:26,222 The crypt of the new world isn't a treasure. 390 00:14:26,246 --> 00:14:27,956 But it might be our only hope. Come on. 391 00:14:27,980 --> 00:14:30,026 But isn't the crypt underneath do? 392 00:14:30,050 --> 00:14:31,694 The turkey president's got an army. 393 00:14:31,718 --> 00:14:33,429 An actual army. And an air force. 394 00:14:33,453 --> 00:14:34,697 And marines... slow down, morty. 395 00:14:34,721 --> 00:14:36,365 Walk us through every military service. 396 00:14:36,389 --> 00:14:37,433 Does somebody have a pen? 397 00:14:37,457 --> 00:14:38,901 We've got something more powerful. 398 00:14:38,925 --> 00:14:40,503 Than every army in the world. 399 00:14:40,527 --> 00:14:42,771 Well, no, we don't, but with the right speech, 400 00:14:42,795 --> 00:14:44,640 We could get a handful of well-trained hillbillies. 401 00:14:44,664 --> 00:14:46,498 Eh, it worked against the british. I'm in. 402 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,378 Birds replacin' people. 403 00:14:49,402 --> 00:14:51,780 What would johnny cash or dale earnhardt say? 404 00:14:51,804 --> 00:14:54,182 He'd say "it's time to walk the line". 405 00:14:54,206 --> 00:14:56,184 Or "drive very fast between two of them." 406 00:14:56,208 --> 00:14:57,986 We don't serve your kind here. 407 00:14:58,010 --> 00:14:59,522 Oh, my god, are you serious? 408 00:14:59,546 --> 00:15:01,057 Read the sign. 409 00:15:01,081 --> 00:15:02,191 He's my boss, marvin. 410 00:15:02,215 --> 00:15:03,259 It's okay. 411 00:15:03,283 --> 00:15:05,862 Mistrusting presidents is a patriotic duty. 412 00:15:05,886 --> 00:15:07,463 And that guy on tv isn't me. 413 00:15:07,487 --> 00:15:09,866 He's a turkey infused with my dna. 414 00:15:09,890 --> 00:15:11,890 I'll be damned. 415 00:15:14,227 --> 00:15:15,604 Well, I'm racist. 416 00:15:15,628 --> 00:15:17,940 You better not be here to take my man again. 417 00:15:17,964 --> 00:15:19,675 - Mary lou. - I'm poor! 418 00:15:19,699 --> 00:15:20,809 And pregnant! 419 00:15:20,833 --> 00:15:21,944 With a poor person! 420 00:15:21,968 --> 00:15:23,279 And I need you. 421 00:15:23,303 --> 00:15:24,881 And 10% of your baby. 422 00:15:24,905 --> 00:15:28,684 Now, look, I know it's gonna take more than some speech. 423 00:15:28,708 --> 00:15:30,352 But what is a speech? 424 00:15:30,376 --> 00:15:32,221 Isn't it just a question? 425 00:15:32,245 --> 00:15:34,022 And isn't that a question too? 426 00:15:34,046 --> 00:15:35,558 Speeches are words. 427 00:15:35,582 --> 00:15:36,693 Repeated words. 428 00:15:36,717 --> 00:15:38,094 Listed words. 429 00:15:38,118 --> 00:15:39,896 Repeated lists of repeated words. 430 00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:41,430 None of that matters. 431 00:15:41,454 --> 00:15:42,831 You know what does matter? 432 00:15:42,855 --> 00:15:45,033 Me. Asking you. 433 00:15:45,057 --> 00:15:47,570 "Will you do what I say?" 434 00:15:47,594 --> 00:15:49,705 Just two questions, chief. 435 00:15:49,729 --> 00:15:52,909 Lock? And load? 436 00:15:52,933 --> 00:15:54,042 They're rhetorical, sir! 437 00:15:54,066 --> 00:15:55,244 Lock and load! 438 00:15:55,268 --> 00:15:56,913 [ Cheering ] 439 00:15:56,937 --> 00:16:04,937 ♪♪ 440 00:16:05,077 --> 00:16:07,656 Sir, we've got rick and morty coming in what appears to be. 441 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:09,658 An unlicensed "star wars" at-at. 442 00:16:09,682 --> 00:16:12,261 Or as the millennials say, a-t, a-t. 443 00:16:12,285 --> 00:16:13,596 So it begins. 444 00:16:13,620 --> 00:16:14,597 Gobblers! 445 00:16:14,621 --> 00:16:16,198 Tonight, we rise! 446 00:16:16,222 --> 00:16:18,867 [ Gobbles ] 447 00:16:18,891 --> 00:16:24,140 ♪♪ 448 00:16:24,164 --> 00:16:25,597 Aww, geez, geez, geez. 449 00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:29,278 Nice driving, sanchez. 450 00:16:29,302 --> 00:16:31,013 Wire's down, pen is clear. 451 00:16:31,037 --> 00:16:32,414 You know the goddamn rules! 452 00:16:32,438 --> 00:16:33,682 If you see something clucking or pecking, 453 00:16:33,706 --> 00:16:35,273 Put a buckshot in its panties. 454 00:16:38,645 --> 00:16:40,957 [ Roars ] 455 00:16:40,981 --> 00:16:48,981 ♪♪ 456 00:16:49,189 --> 00:16:51,767 Jesus christ! T-they got johnson! 457 00:16:51,791 --> 00:16:53,302 He got off easy. 458 00:16:53,326 --> 00:16:55,093 Cooper: Hold off the bastards! 459 00:16:56,929 --> 00:16:57,840 What now, rick? 460 00:16:57,864 --> 00:16:59,575 Time to turn up the broiler. 461 00:16:59,599 --> 00:17:01,043 [ Roars ] 462 00:17:01,067 --> 00:17:06,048 ♪♪ 463 00:17:06,072 --> 00:17:07,383 Whoa, I-is that... 464 00:17:07,407 --> 00:17:09,641 The crypt of the new world. 465 00:17:10,877 --> 00:17:14,857 The treasure you were after is this country's oldest secret. 466 00:17:14,881 --> 00:17:19,017 One disguised by centuries of thanksgiving folklore. 467 00:17:21,554 --> 00:17:24,000 Is that... A turkey dinosaur? 468 00:17:24,024 --> 00:17:25,401 America's original rulers. 469 00:17:25,425 --> 00:17:28,737 Merciless beasts, grazing on the flesh of cowering humans. 470 00:17:28,761 --> 00:17:31,674 Then, in the 15th century, a vessel crashed. 471 00:17:31,698 --> 00:17:32,475 Two vessels, really. 472 00:17:32,499 --> 00:17:35,411 On board... our saviors. 473 00:17:35,435 --> 00:17:38,881 Sanchez, pull that lever at the same time I do. 474 00:17:38,905 --> 00:17:46,905 ♪♪ 475 00:17:47,914 --> 00:17:49,025 [ all growl ] 476 00:17:49,049 --> 00:17:51,159 Oh [bleep] they're gonna fight! 477 00:17:51,183 --> 00:17:52,695 Morty: No, wait, they love each other! 478 00:17:52,719 --> 00:17:54,430 They were at war when they arrived, 479 00:17:54,454 --> 00:17:56,833 But they united over their hatred of turkeys. 480 00:17:56,857 --> 00:17:59,101 And what they love even more than each other. 481 00:17:59,125 --> 00:18:00,837 Is kicking turkey butt. 482 00:18:00,861 --> 00:18:01,704 Gentlemen! 483 00:18:01,728 --> 00:18:04,195 Ba'ruka dar tin'in yo-tei! 484 00:18:07,734 --> 00:18:10,713 Coooooooooorn! 485 00:18:10,737 --> 00:18:16,185 ♪♪ 486 00:18:16,209 --> 00:18:17,653 It's working! 487 00:18:17,677 --> 00:18:20,211 Come on, sanchez, let's power down the humanizer ray. 488 00:18:24,951 --> 00:18:26,328 Whose side are we on? 489 00:18:26,352 --> 00:18:28,720 I don't know, but we've done enough to pay for college. 490 00:18:29,956 --> 00:18:31,600 Look, we're almost there. 491 00:18:31,624 --> 00:18:34,470 Sorry, my turn for a surprise. 492 00:18:34,494 --> 00:18:36,539 Damn, this guy loves arriving from the shadows. 493 00:18:36,563 --> 00:18:39,007 Look around. You can't beat our ancient warriors. 494 00:18:39,031 --> 00:18:42,411 Can't I? My kind has always dealt with predators. 495 00:18:42,435 --> 00:18:44,480 That's why we sleep in trees. 496 00:18:44,504 --> 00:18:47,816 And that's why, in the wild, we fly. 497 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:49,818 ♪♪ 498 00:18:49,842 --> 00:18:51,820 Now you must choose... 499 00:18:51,844 --> 00:18:54,490 Fight me, or stop that weapon from turning. 500 00:18:54,514 --> 00:18:57,960 All of america's turkeys into a new master race. 501 00:18:57,984 --> 00:18:59,562 You dumb dip [bleep], there's three of us, 502 00:18:59,586 --> 00:19:00,897 And two of us are spacemen. 503 00:19:00,921 --> 00:19:02,699 Obviously they're gonna save america. 504 00:19:02,723 --> 00:19:04,166 And bring that monument home, 505 00:19:04,190 --> 00:19:06,102 And I'm gonna kick your ass. 506 00:19:06,126 --> 00:19:07,369 Oh, and, sanchez? 507 00:19:07,393 --> 00:19:08,704 You got your pardon. Aw. 508 00:19:08,728 --> 00:19:10,839 Shut up, morty. Come on. 509 00:19:10,863 --> 00:19:12,308 Let's go, bitch. 510 00:19:12,332 --> 00:19:14,132 So be it. 511 00:19:15,936 --> 00:19:17,379 Is it true what turkey man said? 512 00:19:17,403 --> 00:19:18,647 That turkeys sleep in trees? 513 00:19:18,671 --> 00:19:19,716 Who the hell cares, morty? 514 00:19:19,740 --> 00:19:21,584 Let's just [burps] deactivate this [bleep] 515 00:19:21,608 --> 00:19:23,452 Calibrating. [ gobbles ] 516 00:19:23,476 --> 00:19:25,588 Targeting all american turkeys. 517 00:19:25,612 --> 00:19:27,123 Oh, my god, they gave it a voice? 518 00:19:27,147 --> 00:19:29,792 Who is this for? We're in space. 519 00:19:29,816 --> 00:19:31,594 Geez, rick, I-I-I guess them? 520 00:19:31,618 --> 00:19:32,929 Morty, use this carefully. 521 00:19:32,953 --> 00:19:34,530 Crack the humanizer core and cut the blue wire. 522 00:19:34,554 --> 00:19:35,798 You hear me? Blue wire. 523 00:19:35,822 --> 00:19:37,266 Wha... why don't we just blow it up? 524 00:19:37,290 --> 00:19:38,601 It's a national monument, [bleep] nut! 525 00:19:38,625 --> 00:19:39,868 We just got pardoned. 526 00:19:39,892 --> 00:19:41,826 You really wanna do this again next year? 527 00:19:42,495 --> 00:19:46,675 [ Both grunting ] 528 00:19:46,699 --> 00:19:48,076 You forgot something, turkey man. 529 00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:50,613 No matter what you got people to believe, 530 00:19:50,637 --> 00:19:52,881 I'm still the goddamn president. 531 00:19:52,905 --> 00:19:56,285 And you forget, in the one day I've had your job, 532 00:19:56,309 --> 00:19:58,554 I've learned 10 times as much. 533 00:19:58,578 --> 00:20:00,222 I've underestimated you. 534 00:20:00,246 --> 00:20:02,091 For the last time. 535 00:20:02,115 --> 00:20:06,763 ♪♪ 536 00:20:06,787 --> 00:20:08,965 Rick, they're not exactly primary colors! 537 00:20:08,989 --> 00:20:10,967 A-are... are we cool with, like, t-turquoise? 538 00:20:10,991 --> 00:20:13,302 Are you kidding me, morty? Just cut the damn thing! 539 00:20:13,326 --> 00:20:14,436 [ Gobbles ] 540 00:20:14,460 --> 00:20:17,840 Oh, shit, oh [bleep]... 541 00:20:17,864 --> 00:20:20,242 Targets acquired. Activating weapon. 542 00:20:20,266 --> 00:20:23,379 Oh, shit! Oooooooh! 543 00:20:23,403 --> 00:20:25,181 Heritage destroyed. 544 00:20:25,205 --> 00:20:26,471 Morty! 545 00:20:28,608 --> 00:20:30,809 God damn it, you had one job! 546 00:20:36,949 --> 00:20:38,795 [ Groans ] 547 00:20:38,819 --> 00:20:39,862 I beat you. 548 00:20:39,886 --> 00:20:42,130 Look at me, you turkey ass bitch. 549 00:20:42,154 --> 00:20:43,599 [ laughs ] 550 00:20:43,623 --> 00:20:45,334 Wait, why are you... 551 00:20:45,358 --> 00:20:47,136 Is that a wishbone? 552 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:49,271 I wish to explode. 553 00:20:49,295 --> 00:20:51,874 [ laughs ] 554 00:20:51,898 --> 00:20:56,012 ♪♪ 555 00:20:56,036 --> 00:20:57,746 Man: The berlin wall has come down. 556 00:20:57,770 --> 00:20:59,081 Man #2: It's called the playstation. 557 00:20:59,105 --> 00:21:01,017 The winner is... "shakespeare in love." 558 00:21:01,041 --> 00:21:02,685 - Playstation 2. - Hurricane katrina. 559 00:21:02,709 --> 00:21:04,687 - Slams louisiana... - Playstation 3. 560 00:21:04,711 --> 00:21:06,155 - This is maroon five... - Playstation 4. 561 00:21:06,179 --> 00:21:10,026 - The cubbies win! - I want a playstation 5. 562 00:21:10,050 --> 00:21:11,093 [ Gasping ] 563 00:21:11,117 --> 00:21:12,695 I wasn't sure when to pull you out. 564 00:21:12,719 --> 00:21:14,963 I-I assumed you were running through your whole life. 565 00:21:14,987 --> 00:21:16,164 Yes. 566 00:21:16,188 --> 00:21:17,966 And what a life it was. 567 00:21:17,990 --> 00:21:21,504 Gentlemen, thank you once again for saving this nation. 568 00:21:21,528 --> 00:21:23,572 Slloosh garg blurrg. 569 00:21:23,596 --> 00:21:24,841 I don't speak googa. 570 00:21:24,865 --> 00:21:27,243 The cia only taught me your activation phrase. 571 00:21:27,267 --> 00:21:28,577 But if I could say anything... 572 00:21:28,601 --> 00:21:32,404 I'd say give america one more chance. 573 00:21:34,474 --> 00:21:38,054 Kalaak 'ha benben prilo garg. 574 00:21:38,078 --> 00:21:40,612 Oh, my god, they're gonna fight. Th-they're really gonna fight. 575 00:21:41,681 --> 00:21:43,726 - Aw, they love each other! - Never gets old. 576 00:21:43,750 --> 00:21:45,194 I'll never get tired of that. 577 00:21:45,218 --> 00:21:47,463 So... After those aliens discovered america... 578 00:21:47,487 --> 00:21:49,065 They went into hibernation, 579 00:21:49,089 --> 00:21:52,601 Leaving us the technology we used to lead the free world. 580 00:21:52,625 --> 00:21:54,803 That and also to do stuff like slavery. 581 00:21:54,827 --> 00:21:56,739 I always thought we were... More special than that. 582 00:21:56,763 --> 00:21:58,741 Like we invented everything and did everything. 583 00:21:58,765 --> 00:22:00,342 And that's why we own everything. 584 00:22:00,366 --> 00:22:02,478 Now I-I-I-I don't know what to feel. 585 00:22:02,502 --> 00:22:04,413 Feel thankful, morty. 586 00:22:04,437 --> 00:22:06,082 Feel thankful. 587 00:22:06,106 --> 00:22:14,090 ♪♪ 588 00:22:14,114 --> 00:22:21,898 ♪♪ 589 00:22:21,922 --> 00:22:29,906 ♪♪ 590 00:22:29,930 --> 00:22:37,513 ♪♪ 591 00:22:37,537 --> 00:22:39,515 I know, baby. 592 00:22:39,539 --> 00:22:42,518 Coop, honey, should we get lucky charms or kibble bibbitz? 593 00:22:42,542 --> 00:22:44,253 You know we can't afford either. 594 00:22:44,277 --> 00:22:47,123 Baby, the president owes you. You saved him. 595 00:22:47,147 --> 00:22:48,725 Ain't his fault our insurance got cut. 596 00:22:48,749 --> 00:22:50,126 They gotta build missiles. 597 00:22:50,150 --> 00:22:53,451 Ugh, fine, just... can y'all hold jakey for a second? 598 00:22:55,622 --> 00:22:59,602 [ High-pitched ringing ] 599 00:22:59,626 --> 00:23:01,426 [ Jakey crying ] 600 00:23:03,563 --> 00:23:04,873 Bag boy: What the hell's he doin? 601 00:23:04,897 --> 00:23:06,008 Deli guy: I think he's foraging. 602 00:23:06,032 --> 00:23:07,744 Crazy bastard thinks he's a turkey. 603 00:23:07,768 --> 00:23:10,078 Well, I refuse to pay for this man's health care. 604 00:23:10,102 --> 00:23:14,739 ♪♪ 605 00:23:16,309 --> 00:23:17,609 Did you get any of that?