1 01:28:29,561 --> 01:28:31,756 So I'm on line at the supermarket. 2 01:28:34,041 --> 01:28:35,269 Two women in front of me. 3 01:28:35,961 --> 01:28:39,670 One of them, her total was $8. The other, $3. 4 01:28:41,201 --> 01:28:44,398 They both, of course, choose to pay by the use of the check. 5 01:28:46,641 --> 01:28:49,758 Fact is, if it is a woman in front of you that's writing out the check... 6 01:28:49,921 --> 01:28:51,434 ...you'll not be waiting long. 7 01:28:51,601 --> 01:28:53,796 I have noticed that women are very fast with checks. 8 01:28:53,961 --> 01:28:56,794 You know, because they write out so many checks. 9 01:28:56,961 --> 01:28:59,759 The keys, they can never find. They don't know where that is. 10 01:29:01,241 --> 01:29:03,357 But the checkbook, they got that. 11 01:29:03,521 --> 01:29:05,034 They never fumble for the checkbook. 12 01:29:05,201 --> 01:29:06,714 The checkbook comes out of a holster. 13 01:29:06,881 --> 01:29:08,837 "Who do I make it out to? 14 01:29:11,121 --> 01:29:12,998 There's my ID." 15 01:29:20,481 --> 01:29:23,871 There's something about a check, that, to a man, is not masculine. 16 01:29:24,041 --> 01:29:26,839 I don't know exactly what it is. I think, to a man... 17 01:29:27,001 --> 01:29:28,878 ...a check is like a note from your mother. 18 01:29:29,041 --> 01:29:31,760 "I don't have any money, but if you'll contact these people... 19 01:29:32,681 --> 01:29:36,151 ...I'm sure they'll stick up for me. If you could just trust me this one time. 20 01:29:36,321 --> 01:29:38,710 I don't have any money, but I have these. 21 01:29:39,961 --> 01:29:41,838 I wrote on these. 22 01:29:42,361 --> 01:29:44,921 Is this of any value at all?" 23 01:29:53,681 --> 01:29:54,875 What's that one? 24 01:29:55,041 --> 01:29:57,191 Cocoon II, The Return. 25 01:29:57,361 --> 01:29:59,158 I guess they didn't like it up there. 26 01:29:59,441 --> 01:30:01,318 Maybe they came back for Chinese food. 27 01:30:01,481 --> 01:30:03,392 You know, Maureen Stapleton gets a craving... 28 01:30:03,561 --> 01:30:05,836 ...she's probably screaming at those aliens: 29 01:30:06,001 --> 01:30:07,912 "I gotta have a lo mein." 30 01:30:10,561 --> 01:30:13,359 Okay, what are we doing here? I have seen everything. 31 01:30:13,521 --> 01:30:15,113 Oh, yeah? 32 01:30:15,721 --> 01:30:18,281 I don't believe you've seen this. 33 01:30:18,441 --> 01:30:21,319 - Oh, lovely. - Yeah. 34 01:30:21,761 --> 01:30:24,559 What do you think their parents think? 35 01:30:24,721 --> 01:30:27,394 "So, what's your son doing now, Dr. Stevens?" 36 01:30:27,561 --> 01:30:30,712 "Oh, he's a public fornicator." 37 01:30:31,121 --> 01:30:33,476 "Yes, he's a fine boy." 38 01:30:35,121 --> 01:30:37,954 You know, this would be a really funny gift for Pamela's birthday. 39 01:30:38,521 --> 01:30:39,920 Pamela. Do I know her? 40 01:30:40,081 --> 01:30:42,470 Yeah, you met her when we were going out. 41 01:30:42,641 --> 01:30:44,871 Oh, yeah, right. 42 01:30:45,921 --> 01:30:48,071 You have no idea who I'm talking about, do you? 43 01:30:48,241 --> 01:30:49,993 No. 44 01:30:50,161 --> 01:30:53,915 Blond hair, remember? Glasses. 45 01:30:54,641 --> 01:30:57,997 Have you totally blocked out the entire time we were a couple? 46 01:30:58,521 --> 01:31:00,671 - Riverside Drive. - Right. 47 01:31:01,041 --> 01:31:04,033 In fact... No. Never mind. 48 01:31:05,841 --> 01:31:07,433 Well, what is it? 49 01:31:08,081 --> 01:31:10,754 A bunch of people are getting together tomorrow at some bar... 50 01:31:10,921 --> 01:31:12,434 ...for her birthday, but... 51 01:31:12,601 --> 01:31:15,115 You don't want to go to that. No. Okay. 52 01:31:16,041 --> 01:31:18,953 Wait a second. Wait a second. 53 01:31:19,121 --> 01:31:21,032 We could work out a little deal here. 54 01:31:21,681 --> 01:31:24,434 - What little deal? - I will go to that... 55 01:31:24,601 --> 01:31:27,434 ...you go with me to the little family wedding I have on Saturday. 56 01:31:27,721 --> 01:31:28,870 A wedding? 57 01:31:29,041 --> 01:31:33,319 - Have you lost it, man? - My parents are coming in for this. 58 01:31:33,481 --> 01:31:35,199 - They're coming in? - Yeah, tomorrow. 59 01:31:35,361 --> 01:31:37,477 Hey, did your father ever get that hair weave? 60 01:31:37,761 --> 01:31:38,955 No, no. 61 01:31:39,121 --> 01:31:41,476 Still doing the big sweep across. 62 01:31:42,401 --> 01:31:43,720 Why does he do that? 63 01:31:43,881 --> 01:31:45,314 Doesn't think anyone can tell. 64 01:31:49,121 --> 01:31:51,351 So, come on, do we have a deal? 65 01:31:51,521 --> 01:31:52,715 A wedding? 66 01:31:52,881 --> 01:31:55,270 There's a lot of people to mock. 67 01:31:57,121 --> 01:31:59,589 - All right. What the hell. - Great. 68 01:31:59,761 --> 01:32:04,073 When you're dead, you're dead. That's it. You're not going anywhere. 69 01:32:10,241 --> 01:32:12,755 - Come on, let's go. - Was I supposed to bring something? 70 01:32:12,921 --> 01:32:14,639 - You could have. - I met her one time. 71 01:32:14,801 --> 01:32:17,235 - It is not necessary. - Then what did you say that for? 72 01:32:17,401 --> 01:32:19,437 - Hi. - Hi, Pamela. 73 01:32:19,601 --> 01:32:21,831 - You remember Jerry? - Yes, we met. 74 01:32:22,001 --> 01:32:24,879 - Happy birthday. - Thanks. 75 01:32:25,041 --> 01:32:27,111 Everybody, this is Jerry and Elaine. 76 01:32:27,281 --> 01:32:28,475 - Hi. - Hi. 77 01:32:28,641 --> 01:32:30,836 I didn't bring anything. 78 01:32:31,361 --> 01:32:34,239 - I put you two right here. - Oh, okay. 79 01:32:35,561 --> 01:32:37,870 I'm sorry. I didn't know what- You know. 80 01:32:38,601 --> 01:32:40,796 Nobody's told me anything about this... 81 01:32:41,761 --> 01:32:44,195 How big a tip you think it would take to get him to stop? 82 01:32:44,681 --> 01:32:45,830 I'm in for 5. 83 01:32:46,001 --> 01:32:47,434 I'll supply the hat. 84 01:32:48,161 --> 01:32:50,436 What do we have here? 85 01:32:50,601 --> 01:32:52,990 Why don't you relax, and take your jacket off. 86 01:32:53,161 --> 01:32:55,595 I can't. I have a tendency to get chilly. 87 01:32:56,241 --> 01:32:57,913 How masculine. 88 01:32:58,081 --> 01:33:02,154 Plus I'm wearing short sleeves. I don't want to expose my tattoos. 89 01:33:03,401 --> 01:33:05,631 She's unbelievable. 90 01:33:05,801 --> 01:33:09,714 - Hey, this guy says he know Bricker. - Oh, you know Bricker? From where? 91 01:33:09,881 --> 01:33:11,234 What's going on here? 92 01:33:11,401 --> 01:33:14,120 Got to be her boyfriend. She's too good to be alone. 93 01:33:14,281 --> 01:33:16,431 What's the difference? I can't manoeuvre anyway... 94 01:33:16,601 --> 01:33:17,795 ...with Elaine next to me. 95 01:33:17,961 --> 01:33:20,714 - How do you know Pamela? - Friend of a friend. 96 01:33:21,041 --> 01:33:22,918 - And you? - We went to law school together. 97 01:33:23,401 --> 01:33:24,720 Oh, Jerry. 98 01:33:24,881 --> 01:33:28,032 Oh, no. Not now. 99 01:33:29,281 --> 01:33:31,397 I had this dream last night, and you were in it. 100 01:33:31,561 --> 01:33:32,710 - Really? - Yeah. 101 01:33:32,921 --> 01:33:35,116 Oh, God, I gotta get out of this. 102 01:33:35,441 --> 01:33:38,001 You were you, but you weren't you. 103 01:33:38,801 --> 01:33:40,359 - No kidding? - Yeah. 104 01:33:40,521 --> 01:33:43,558 Why is this happening? Please mak e her stop. 105 01:33:43,721 --> 01:33:46,713 I think- I think we were in my house where I grew up... 106 01:33:46,881 --> 01:33:49,600 ...and you were standing there. You were looking out the window. 107 01:33:49,761 --> 01:33:51,479 This is brutal. 108 01:33:51,641 --> 01:33:55,919 And then you turned around, and you had these wooden teeth. 109 01:33:56,641 --> 01:33:58,552 How do you like that? 110 01:33:58,721 --> 01:34:00,393 Can I turn now? Is this over? 111 01:34:01,121 --> 01:34:04,591 No, I can't. I can't. I'm stuck. 112 01:34:05,321 --> 01:34:07,152 Jerry, are you listening to me? 113 01:34:07,321 --> 01:34:08,549 Yes. I heard you. 114 01:34:08,721 --> 01:34:11,758 Elaine, what's the name of that jewellery store you took me to that time? 115 01:34:12,201 --> 01:34:14,271 Thank you, Pamela. 116 01:34:14,441 --> 01:34:15,430 So, you're a lawyer? 117 01:34:15,721 --> 01:34:17,791 Sagman, Bennett, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taff. 118 01:34:18,241 --> 01:34:22,120 Sagman, Bennett, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taff. 119 01:34:23,361 --> 01:34:25,636 Of course, they handled my tattoo-removal lawsuit. 120 01:34:25,801 --> 01:34:27,678 - Oh, that was you. - Imagine. 121 01:34:27,841 --> 01:34:29,274 Spelling "mom"with two O's. 122 01:34:29,801 --> 01:34:31,439 That's very funny. 123 01:34:31,601 --> 01:34:33,796 - What do you do? - Comedian. 124 01:34:34,001 --> 01:34:36,151 Really? That explains it. 125 01:34:36,641 --> 01:34:40,873 Sagman, Bennett, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taff. 126 01:34:41,201 --> 01:34:42,475 You ready? 127 01:34:42,641 --> 01:34:44,791 We gotta run. Happy birthday. 128 01:34:45,001 --> 01:34:47,151 - Bye, everyone. - Thanks for coming. 129 01:34:47,321 --> 01:34:49,198 - Bye. - Bye. 130 01:34:49,361 --> 01:34:50,953 I can't believe it. I got nothing. 131 01:34:51,641 --> 01:34:53,199 I don't even know her name. 132 01:34:53,361 --> 01:34:57,240 Sagman, Bennett, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taff. 133 01:35:03,921 --> 01:35:05,593 That wasn't so bad, really. 134 01:35:06,801 --> 01:35:08,359 You know... 135 01:35:09,641 --> 01:35:11,677 ...you could use a little work on your manners. 136 01:35:12,321 --> 01:35:14,277 Why? What did I do? 137 01:35:14,521 --> 01:35:17,513 Well, I just don't appreciate these little courtesy responses... 138 01:35:17,681 --> 01:35:21,640 - ... like I'm selling you aluminium siding. - I was listening. 139 01:35:21,801 --> 01:35:25,157 No. You couldn't wait to get back to your little conversation. 140 01:35:25,321 --> 01:35:29,030 No. You were talking about the dream you had... 141 01:35:29,201 --> 01:35:31,795 - ... where you had wooden teeth. - No! 142 01:35:31,961 --> 01:35:33,792 No! You had wooden teeth! 143 01:35:33,961 --> 01:35:36,998 You had wooden teeth. I didn't have them, you did. 144 01:35:37,161 --> 01:35:39,595 All right, so I had wooden teeth. So what? 145 01:35:39,761 --> 01:35:42,275 So- So nothing. Nothing. 146 01:35:45,481 --> 01:35:46,800 Apparently Plato... 147 01:35:46,961 --> 01:35:50,192 ...who came up with the concept of the platonic relationship... 148 01:35:50,361 --> 01:35:52,397 ...was pretty excited about it. 149 01:35:54,161 --> 01:35:57,915 He named it after himself. He said, "Yeah, I got this new thing. 150 01:35:58,281 --> 01:36:00,192 Platonic. 151 01:36:00,361 --> 01:36:03,239 My idea, my name. Calling it after myself. 152 01:36:05,081 --> 01:36:06,514 What I do is... 153 01:36:06,681 --> 01:36:08,353 ...I go out with the girls... 154 01:36:08,521 --> 01:36:09,749 ...I talk with them... 155 01:36:09,921 --> 01:36:11,240 ...don't do anything... 156 01:36:11,401 --> 01:36:13,073 ...and go right home. 157 01:36:13,401 --> 01:36:15,357 What do you think? 158 01:36:15,921 --> 01:36:18,151 I think it's going to be big." 159 01:36:19,401 --> 01:36:21,232 I bet you other guys in history tried... 160 01:36:21,401 --> 01:36:24,632 ...getting relationships named after them, but it didn't work. 161 01:36:24,961 --> 01:36:27,634 I bet you there were guys that tried to do it. Just went: 162 01:36:27,801 --> 01:36:30,679 "Hi, my name's Rico. 163 01:36:30,841 --> 01:36:33,071 Would you like to go to bed immediately? 164 01:36:33,841 --> 01:36:36,355 Hey, it's a 'riconic' relationship." 165 01:36:40,801 --> 01:36:43,110 - Hey. - There he is. 166 01:36:43,281 --> 01:36:45,317 This is what I like. See? 167 01:36:45,481 --> 01:36:48,678 You come home, your parents are in your bed. 168 01:36:50,761 --> 01:36:53,321 You know, Jerry, we don't have to do this. 169 01:36:53,481 --> 01:36:55,870 What are you talking about? I love having you here. 170 01:36:56,401 --> 01:36:59,279 - Tomorrow, we'll go to a hotel. - Ma, will you stop? 171 01:36:59,441 --> 01:37:01,272 No. Why should we take over your apartment? 172 01:37:01,441 --> 01:37:03,432 I don't care. I'm sleeping next door. 173 01:37:03,601 --> 01:37:05,034 Your friend Kramer doesn't mind? 174 01:37:05,201 --> 01:37:06,759 No. He's making a bouillabaisse. 175 01:37:08,081 --> 01:37:10,641 So, Dad, let me ask you a question. 176 01:37:10,801 --> 01:37:13,361 How many people work at these big law offices? 177 01:37:13,521 --> 01:37:15,591 - Depends on the firm. - Yeah, but if you called... 178 01:37:15,761 --> 01:37:18,434 ...and described someone, you think they would know who it was? 179 01:37:18,761 --> 01:37:20,399 What's the matter, you need a lawyer? 180 01:37:21,001 --> 01:37:24,471 I met someone. I know where she works, but I don't know her name. 181 01:37:24,641 --> 01:37:26,597 Why don't you ask someone who was at the party? 182 01:37:26,961 --> 01:37:29,680 No. The only one I could ask is Elaine. I can't ask her. 183 01:37:29,841 --> 01:37:33,356 - Why not? - Because it's complicated. 184 01:37:33,521 --> 01:37:35,591 There's some tension there. 185 01:37:35,761 --> 01:37:37,433 He used to go with her. 186 01:37:37,601 --> 01:37:39,080 - Which one is she? - From Maryland. 187 01:37:39,241 --> 01:37:42,039 She brought the chocolate-covered cherries you didn't like. 188 01:37:42,201 --> 01:37:45,352 Oh, yeah. Very alert. Warm person. 189 01:37:45,521 --> 01:37:46,954 Oh, yeah, she's great. 190 01:37:47,121 --> 01:37:49,112 So how come nothing materialized there? 191 01:37:49,281 --> 01:37:52,512 Well, it's a tough thing to talk about. 192 01:37:54,961 --> 01:37:57,919 - I don't know. - I know what it was. 193 01:37:58,081 --> 01:38:00,641 You don't know what it was. 194 01:38:00,801 --> 01:38:02,280 So what was it? 195 01:38:03,121 --> 01:38:05,316 Well, we fight a lot for some reason. 196 01:38:05,761 --> 01:38:08,229 - Oh, well. - Oh, well. 197 01:38:08,921 --> 01:38:11,913 And there was a little problem with the physical chemistry. 198 01:38:18,801 --> 01:38:21,520 Well, I think she's a very attractive girl. 199 01:38:22,001 --> 01:38:23,434 She is. She absolutely is. 200 01:38:23,601 --> 01:38:25,478 I can see if there was a weight problem... 201 01:38:25,641 --> 01:38:26,994 No, it's not that. 202 01:38:27,161 --> 01:38:28,560 It wasn't all one-sided. 203 01:38:29,001 --> 01:38:32,073 You know you can't be so particular. Nobody's perfect. 204 01:38:32,241 --> 01:38:34,436 - I know, I know. - You know, Jerry... 205 01:38:34,601 --> 01:38:36,239 ...good thing I wasn't so particular. 206 01:38:36,601 --> 01:38:38,557 Idiot. 207 01:38:39,321 --> 01:38:43,030 - Who you looking for, Sophia Loren? - That's got nothing to do with it. 208 01:38:43,761 --> 01:38:46,150 How about Loni Anderson? 209 01:38:46,641 --> 01:38:48,711 Where do you get Loni Anderson? 210 01:38:48,881 --> 01:38:50,792 Why, what's wrong with Loni Anderson? 211 01:38:50,961 --> 01:38:52,997 I like Elaine more than Loni Anderson. 212 01:38:53,161 --> 01:38:55,721 What are you two talking about? 213 01:38:55,881 --> 01:38:57,792 Look, Elaine just wasn't the one. 214 01:38:58,161 --> 01:38:59,674 And this other one's the one? 215 01:38:59,841 --> 01:39:03,880 - I don't know. Maybe. - So ask Elaine there for the number. 216 01:39:04,041 --> 01:39:05,759 I can't. She'll get upset. 217 01:39:05,921 --> 01:39:07,957 I never talk about other women with her... 218 01:39:08,121 --> 01:39:10,840 - ... especially this one tonight. - How could you still see her... 219 01:39:11,001 --> 01:39:13,595 - ... if you're not interested? - We're friends. 220 01:39:13,761 --> 01:39:16,195 Doesn't sound like you're friends. If you were friends... 221 01:39:16,361 --> 01:39:18,716 ...you'd ask her for the number. 222 01:39:18,881 --> 01:39:21,441 - Do you know where this one works? - Oh, yeah. 223 01:39:21,601 --> 01:39:22,954 So go up to the office. 224 01:39:23,121 --> 01:39:24,600 Up to her office? 225 01:39:24,761 --> 01:39:26,080 Go to the building. 226 01:39:26,241 --> 01:39:27,879 She goes out to lunch, doesn't she? 227 01:39:28,441 --> 01:39:30,796 - I guess. - So you stand in the lobby... 228 01:39:30,961 --> 01:39:34,158 ...by the elevator and wait for her to come down for lunch. 229 01:39:34,881 --> 01:39:37,031 You mean stake out the lobby? 230 01:39:37,601 --> 01:39:40,957 Morty, that's ridiculous. Just ask Elaine for the number. 231 01:39:41,121 --> 01:39:43,077 He doesn't want to ask Elaine for the number. 232 01:39:43,241 --> 01:39:45,471 So you got him standing by the elevator like a dope. 233 01:39:45,641 --> 01:39:48,838 - What happens when he sees her? - He pretends he bumped into her. 234 01:39:51,441 --> 01:39:54,797 You know what? This is not that bad an idea. 235 01:40:08,961 --> 01:40:12,317 - What does she look like? - I don't know. It's hard to say. 236 01:40:13,041 --> 01:40:14,599 What actress does she remind you of? 237 01:40:15,121 --> 01:40:16,315 Loni Anderson. 238 01:40:18,161 --> 01:40:19,355 Loni Anderson? 239 01:40:19,521 --> 01:40:22,319 What, there's something wrong with Loni Anderson? 240 01:40:22,481 --> 01:40:24,870 Hey, listen, thanks again for running over here. 241 01:40:25,041 --> 01:40:27,714 Yeah, sure. I was showing a condo on 48th Street. 242 01:40:27,881 --> 01:40:30,349 Besides, you think I want to miss this? 243 01:40:32,081 --> 01:40:35,073 - I'm a little nervous. - Yeah. Me too. 244 01:40:36,161 --> 01:40:38,516 If I see her, what do I say I'm doing in the building? 245 01:40:38,801 --> 01:40:40,519 To see me. I work in the building. 246 01:40:41,121 --> 01:40:42,474 What do you do? 247 01:40:43,481 --> 01:40:45,199 I'm an architect. 248 01:40:46,041 --> 01:40:47,394 You're an architect? 249 01:40:48,081 --> 01:40:49,594 I'm not? 250 01:40:52,601 --> 01:40:54,751 I don't see architecture coming from you. 251 01:40:58,041 --> 01:41:00,839 I suppose you could be an architect. 252 01:41:01,001 --> 01:41:03,231 I never said that I was the architect. 253 01:41:03,401 --> 01:41:05,835 - Just something else. - She's not even going to ask. 254 01:41:06,001 --> 01:41:07,798 If we see her, which is remote. 255 01:41:07,961 --> 01:41:09,997 What do you want me to say, I just wandered in? 256 01:41:10,361 --> 01:41:12,716 We're having lunch with a friend. He works here. 257 01:41:13,401 --> 01:41:14,914 What is his name? 258 01:41:15,681 --> 01:41:18,036 Burt Har... 259 01:41:18,201 --> 01:41:20,635 ...binson. Burt Harbinson. 260 01:41:20,801 --> 01:41:22,598 - Burt Harbinson. - Right. 261 01:41:22,761 --> 01:41:25,480 - It sounds made-up. - No good? 262 01:41:25,881 --> 01:41:27,473 All right. 263 01:41:27,641 --> 01:41:29,518 Art... 264 01:41:29,841 --> 01:41:31,718 ...Core. 265 01:41:32,201 --> 01:41:33,759 Art Core. 266 01:41:34,281 --> 01:41:36,158 Velay. 267 01:41:37,081 --> 01:41:38,912 - Corevelay? - Yeah, right. 268 01:41:39,081 --> 01:41:40,878 Well, what does he do? 269 01:41:42,041 --> 01:41:43,759 He's an importer. 270 01:41:43,921 --> 01:41:45,752 Just imports? No exports? 271 01:41:45,921 --> 01:41:48,071 He's an importer-exporter, okay? 272 01:41:51,721 --> 01:41:53,279 Did Elaine ever call you back? 273 01:41:53,441 --> 01:41:55,955 No. I guess she's still mad. 274 01:41:56,281 --> 01:41:58,875 I don't understand. You never talk to her about other women? 275 01:41:59,041 --> 01:42:00,315 Never. 276 01:42:02,881 --> 01:42:04,997 Wait a second. That's her. 277 01:42:05,161 --> 01:42:06,640 On the right. 278 01:42:08,361 --> 01:42:10,477 I forgot who I am. Who am I? 279 01:42:11,121 --> 01:42:13,191 You're you. We're having lunch with Art Corevelay. 280 01:42:13,361 --> 01:42:15,750 - Vandalay. - Corevelay. 281 01:42:15,921 --> 01:42:18,435 Let me be the architect. I can do it. I can do it. 282 01:42:18,801 --> 01:42:20,996 Hey, hey... 283 01:42:21,361 --> 01:42:22,635 Pamela's birthday party. 284 01:42:23,281 --> 01:42:26,318 - Didn't I see you there? Jerry. - Sure. Hi. 285 01:42:28,881 --> 01:42:30,792 - This is George. I'm sorry. - Vanessa. 286 01:42:30,961 --> 01:42:32,474 Nice to meet you. 287 01:42:32,641 --> 01:42:35,109 Sagman, Bennett, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taff. 288 01:42:35,601 --> 01:42:37,478 That's right. What are you doing here? 289 01:42:38,361 --> 01:42:40,477 Meeting a friend for lunch. Works in the building. 290 01:42:40,641 --> 01:42:42,120 Yeah, Art Vandalay. 291 01:42:42,281 --> 01:42:43,714 Oh, really? 292 01:42:43,881 --> 01:42:45,030 Which company? 293 01:42:45,441 --> 01:42:48,399 - I don't know. He's an importer. - I don't really know... 294 01:42:48,561 --> 01:42:50,358 - Importer. - And exporter. 295 01:42:50,521 --> 01:42:53,115 He's an importer-exporter. 296 01:42:53,761 --> 01:42:54,955 I'm... 297 01:42:55,121 --> 01:42:57,271 I'm an architect. 298 01:42:59,361 --> 01:43:01,636 Really? Well, what do you design? 299 01:43:04,521 --> 01:43:06,432 Railroads. 300 01:43:07,121 --> 01:43:08,998 I thought engineers do that. 301 01:43:09,401 --> 01:43:11,596 They can. 302 01:43:11,881 --> 01:43:14,076 I'm sorry you had to leave so early the other night. 303 01:43:14,241 --> 01:43:16,835 Me too. My cousin had to go back to Boston. 304 01:43:17,001 --> 01:43:20,516 - Oh, that guy was your cousin. - Yeah. 305 01:43:20,681 --> 01:43:22,433 - And that woman was your- - Friend. 306 01:43:24,681 --> 01:43:27,434 I'll just get a paper. 307 01:43:28,721 --> 01:43:30,473 So... 308 01:43:30,841 --> 01:43:32,513 ...do you date immature men? 309 01:43:33,521 --> 01:43:35,716 Almost exclusively. 310 01:43:44,001 --> 01:43:45,639 I have no letters. 311 01:43:49,641 --> 01:43:52,314 Ma, will you go already? 312 01:43:54,961 --> 01:43:57,475 - What are you doing? - I just want to see something. 313 01:43:57,641 --> 01:44:00,314 You can't look in there. We're playing. 314 01:44:01,601 --> 01:44:02,795 - Hi. - Hi. 315 01:44:02,961 --> 01:44:05,714 - Good evening, Mr. Kramer. - Hey, Morty. 316 01:44:05,921 --> 01:44:07,559 - Salad dressing? - Look. 317 01:44:07,721 --> 01:44:09,677 - "Quo."Is that a word? - Maybe. 318 01:44:09,841 --> 01:44:12,150 - Will you challenge it? - Ma, you can't look up words... 319 01:44:12,321 --> 01:44:14,551 ...in the dictionary. Dad, she's cheating. 320 01:44:14,721 --> 01:44:16,518 "Quo"? That's not a word. 321 01:44:17,521 --> 01:44:20,035 - You're such a stickler. - Well, put something down. 322 01:44:20,201 --> 01:44:22,635 You're taking 20 minutes on this. 323 01:44:22,801 --> 01:44:25,679 So Uncle Mac and Artie, they're all coming here before the wedding? 324 01:44:25,841 --> 01:44:27,069 They'll be here at 2:00. 325 01:44:27,761 --> 01:44:31,310 Oh, Elaine called. She said she'd be here at 2:30 and she says: 326 01:44:31,481 --> 01:44:35,190 "Hope your meeting went well with Art Vandalay." 327 01:44:39,281 --> 01:44:41,841 - She said what? - Just what I said. Here. 328 01:44:45,481 --> 01:44:47,153 She knows. 329 01:44:47,321 --> 01:44:50,996 Oh, I am such a jackass. 330 01:44:51,161 --> 01:44:54,153 - She knows what? - She knows the whole stupid thing. 331 01:44:54,321 --> 01:44:56,152 Vanessa and the elevator. 332 01:44:56,361 --> 01:44:58,431 No, no, that won't do. He may have a Z. 333 01:44:58,601 --> 01:45:00,273 So how did she find out? 334 01:45:00,441 --> 01:45:03,751 Because Vanessa probably told Pamela... 335 01:45:04,721 --> 01:45:07,519 ...and Pamela probably told Elaine. 336 01:45:07,921 --> 01:45:10,435 So, what are you, afraid of her? 337 01:45:10,601 --> 01:45:13,035 Yes. Yes, I am. 338 01:45:13,361 --> 01:45:16,034 - What else did she say on the phone? - Whatever I wrote down. 339 01:45:17,361 --> 01:45:20,034 Yeah, but what was the tone in her voice? How did she sound? 340 01:45:20,561 --> 01:45:22,279 Who am I, Rich Little? 341 01:45:23,601 --> 01:45:26,479 Well, she can't be too mad. 342 01:45:26,641 --> 01:45:29,519 - She's still coming to the wedding. - Yeah, but now I'm nervous. 343 01:45:29,681 --> 01:45:31,672 Oh, stop it. 344 01:45:36,281 --> 01:45:39,591 - "Quone"? - Thirty, 31, 32- 345 01:45:39,761 --> 01:45:41,194 "Quone"? 346 01:45:41,361 --> 01:45:43,921 No, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to challenge that. 347 01:45:44,081 --> 01:45:46,311 No, you don't have to challenge that. That's a word. 348 01:45:46,481 --> 01:45:48,711 - That's a definite word. - I am challenging. 349 01:45:48,881 --> 01:45:51,236 "Quone."To "quone"something. 350 01:45:54,801 --> 01:45:56,200 I'm not playing with you anymore. 351 01:45:57,121 --> 01:45:58,759 "Quone's"not a word. 352 01:45:58,921 --> 01:46:01,037 No good. Sorry. There it is. 353 01:46:01,561 --> 01:46:02,880 Get it off. 354 01:46:03,361 --> 01:46:05,033 Why did you make me put that down? 355 01:46:05,201 --> 01:46:07,999 No. We need a medical dictionary. 356 01:46:08,161 --> 01:46:11,153 Like a patient gets difficult, you quone him. 357 01:46:14,001 --> 01:46:17,118 You want some funny material? You ought to come down to where I work. 358 01:46:17,281 --> 01:46:20,193 There's a sitcom. 359 01:46:20,361 --> 01:46:23,478 You must have quite a time down there. 360 01:46:24,481 --> 01:46:27,279 - We got plenty of time. - Sorry. I am just waiting for someone. 361 01:46:27,441 --> 01:46:30,956 Watch what you say to this guy. He'll put it in his next act. 362 01:46:31,681 --> 01:46:33,353 - Yeah, yeah. - Jerry, did I tell you... 363 01:46:33,521 --> 01:46:35,751 ...that I'm writing a book, an autobiography? 364 01:46:35,921 --> 01:46:37,354 Yeah, you mentioned it. 365 01:46:37,521 --> 01:46:40,115 It's based on all my experiences. 366 01:46:40,641 --> 01:46:42,472 That's perfect. 367 01:46:42,641 --> 01:46:44,313 - Could you excuse me one second? - Sure. 368 01:46:44,481 --> 01:46:46,199 - I'm sorry. - Sure. 369 01:46:51,881 --> 01:46:54,156 How do you do? Jerry Seinfeld. 370 01:46:54,321 --> 01:46:55,879 Oh, how do you do? Elaine Benes. 371 01:47:00,321 --> 01:47:02,152 You want to do this now, or you wanna wait? 372 01:47:02,321 --> 01:47:03,754 Oh, no, let's do it now. 373 01:47:03,921 --> 01:47:05,957 The whole elevator business, let me just explain. 374 01:47:06,121 --> 01:47:08,237 - Okay. - Jerry, are you going with us? 375 01:47:08,401 --> 01:47:11,598 - No, I'm gonna take my car. - That's why I brought the wagon. 376 01:47:11,761 --> 01:47:14,116 Why the hell did I bring the wagon? 377 01:47:14,641 --> 01:47:16,711 Anyway, you know why I didn't ask you? 378 01:47:16,881 --> 01:47:20,840 I mean, I felt so uncomfortable, and you were so annoyed in the cab. 379 01:47:21,001 --> 01:47:23,799 Well, Jerry, I never saw you flirt with anyone before. 380 01:47:23,961 --> 01:47:26,031 It was quite the spectacle. 381 01:47:26,201 --> 01:47:27,873 Jerry, we'll see you there. Bye, Elaine. 382 01:47:28,041 --> 01:47:29,997 Oh, bye. Good to see you. 383 01:47:30,161 --> 01:47:31,514 Oh, we didn't meet. 384 01:47:31,681 --> 01:47:33,990 Sorry. Elaine, this is my cousin, Artie Levine. 385 01:47:34,161 --> 01:47:35,913 - Levine. - Artie. 386 01:47:36,081 --> 01:47:38,641 Artie! Come on. 387 01:47:40,001 --> 01:47:41,229 Yeah, Levine. 388 01:47:41,441 --> 01:47:44,239 And I'm Jerry Cougar Mellencamp. 389 01:47:46,641 --> 01:47:50,316 Anyway, I admit it was a fairly ridiculous thing to do... 390 01:47:50,481 --> 01:47:53,757 ...but I mean, obviously we have a little problem here. 391 01:47:53,921 --> 01:47:55,115 Yeah, obviously. 392 01:47:55,281 --> 01:47:58,751 If we're gonna be friends, we gotta be able to talk about other people. 393 01:47:58,921 --> 01:48:00,877 - Couldn't agree more. - Good. 394 01:48:01,641 --> 01:48:03,757 - Good. - Good. 395 01:48:05,081 --> 01:48:07,037 Great. 396 01:48:07,481 --> 01:48:10,439 Great? Where do you get great? 397 01:48:11,161 --> 01:48:14,870 It's great to talk about... 398 01:48:16,321 --> 01:48:17,754 - ... other people. - Guys. 399 01:48:17,921 --> 01:48:21,231 - Yeah. - Yeah. 400 01:48:21,561 --> 01:48:22,960 Well, anybody specific? 401 01:48:24,001 --> 01:48:25,673 No. 402 01:48:25,921 --> 01:48:27,912 - A general guy. - Oh, really? 403 01:48:28,081 --> 01:48:30,800 - Elaine Marie Benes. - What? 404 01:48:30,961 --> 01:48:32,553 No, it's not a big deal. 405 01:48:32,721 --> 01:48:34,313 No, that's great. That's terrific. 406 01:48:34,481 --> 01:48:36,199 - No, we just met. - Doesn't matter. 407 01:48:36,601 --> 01:48:39,752 What's the young man's name? I would like to meet him. 408 01:48:40,921 --> 01:48:42,240 I don't think so. 409 01:48:42,401 --> 01:48:44,596 Well, what does he do? Is he an artisan... 410 01:48:44,761 --> 01:48:47,594 ...a craftsman, a labourer of some sort? 411 01:48:47,761 --> 01:48:50,639 - Wall Street. - High finance. 412 01:48:50,801 --> 01:48:53,110 Bulls, bears, people from Connecticut. 413 01:48:55,761 --> 01:48:57,672 And he happens to be pretty good-looking. 414 01:48:59,121 --> 01:49:00,474 All right, sir. 415 01:49:01,841 --> 01:49:04,071 And he's hilarious. 416 01:49:04,561 --> 01:49:07,359 - Now that's not fair. - You know. 417 01:49:07,521 --> 01:49:09,113 So where did you meet this guy? 418 01:49:09,841 --> 01:49:12,150 I staked out his health club. 419 01:49:12,641 --> 01:49:14,120 When you're on a stakeout... 420 01:49:14,281 --> 01:49:17,114 ...do you find it's better to stand up against the wall... 421 01:49:17,281 --> 01:49:20,353 ...or kind of crouch down behind a big plant? 422 01:49:21,721 --> 01:49:23,757 You know, I think that... 423 01:49:24,361 --> 01:49:27,114 ...even if you've had a relationship with someone... 424 01:49:27,281 --> 01:49:30,353 ...or, let's say, especially if you've had a relationship with someone... 425 01:49:30,521 --> 01:49:33,035 ...and you try and become friends afterwards... 426 01:49:33,201 --> 01:49:34,714 ...it's very difficult. Isn't this? 427 01:49:34,881 --> 01:49:38,669 It's hard because you know each other so well. 428 01:49:38,841 --> 01:49:40,638 You know? You know all each other's tricks. 429 01:49:40,801 --> 01:49:43,110 It's like two magicians trying to entertain each other. 430 01:49:43,281 --> 01:49:46,796 You know, one goes, "Look, a rabbit." The other goes, "So?" 431 01:49:48,281 --> 01:49:50,476 "I believe that's your card." 432 01:49:51,441 --> 01:49:56,117 "Look, why don't we just saw each other in half and call it a night, okay?" 433 01:50:28,721 --> 01:50:30,712 Subtitles by SDI Media Group