1 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:04,639 Most men like working on things. 2 00:00:06,849 --> 00:00:10,080 Tools, objects, fixing things. This is what men enjoy doing. 3 00:00:10,489 --> 00:00:13,686 Ever noticed if a guy's in his driveway working on something with tools... 4 00:00:13,849 --> 00:00:15,840 ...how all the other men in the neighbourhood... 5 00:00:16,009 --> 00:00:18,398 ...are magnetically drawn to this activity? 6 00:00:18,569 --> 00:00:21,879 They just come wandering out of the house like zombies. 7 00:00:23,249 --> 00:00:27,447 Men- It's true. Men hear a drill, it's like a dog whistle. Just: 8 00:00:29,409 --> 00:00:31,400 They go running up to the living-room curtain. 9 00:00:31,569 --> 00:00:35,039 "Honey, I think Jim's working on something over there." 10 00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:37,043 So they run over to the guy. 11 00:00:37,209 --> 00:00:38,847 They don't actually help the guy. 12 00:00:39,009 --> 00:00:43,127 No. They just want to hang around the area... 13 00:00:43,289 --> 00:00:46,520 ...where work is being done. 14 00:00:47,929 --> 00:00:50,363 That's what men want to do. 15 00:00:50,529 --> 00:00:52,724 We want to watch the guy. We want to talk to him. 16 00:00:52,889 --> 00:00:55,608 We want to ask him dumb questions. You know... 17 00:00:57,369 --> 00:00:59,678 "What are you using, a Phillips head?" 18 00:01:00,889 --> 00:01:02,845 You know, we feel involved. 19 00:01:03,009 --> 00:01:05,045 That's why when they have construction sites... 20 00:01:05,209 --> 00:01:07,518 ...they have to have those wood panel fences around it. 21 00:01:07,689 --> 00:01:10,362 That's just to keep the men out. 22 00:01:10,529 --> 00:01:12,121 They cut those little holes for us... 23 00:01:12,289 --> 00:01:14,803 ...so we can see what the hell is going on. 24 00:01:14,969 --> 00:01:18,723 But if they don't cut those holes, we are climbing those fences. 25 00:01:18,889 --> 00:01:22,484 Right over there."What are you using, the steel girders down here?" 26 00:01:23,609 --> 00:01:25,964 Yeah, that'll hold. 27 00:01:38,329 --> 00:01:39,682 I had to say something. 28 00:01:40,529 --> 00:01:41,723 Had to say something. 29 00:01:41,889 --> 00:01:44,528 Everything was going so well. I had to say something. 30 00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:46,247 I don't think you did anything wrong. 31 00:01:46,409 --> 00:01:49,845 I told her I liked her. Why? 32 00:01:50,009 --> 00:01:51,488 Why did I tell her I like her? 33 00:01:52,289 --> 00:01:55,759 I have this sick compulsion to tell women how I feel. 34 00:01:55,929 --> 00:01:57,601 I like you. I don't tell you. 35 00:01:57,769 --> 00:01:59,725 We can only thank God for that. 36 00:02:00,649 --> 00:02:03,880 I'm out of the picture. I am out of the picture. 37 00:02:04,369 --> 00:02:06,200 Matter of time now. 38 00:02:06,369 --> 00:02:10,248 - You're imagining this. Really. - Oh, no. No, no. 39 00:02:12,969 --> 00:02:14,925 I'll tell you when it happened too. 40 00:02:15,089 --> 00:02:18,877 It's when that floss came flying out of my pocket. 41 00:02:19,049 --> 00:02:21,005 What floss? When? 42 00:02:21,169 --> 00:02:23,205 In the lobby, during the intermission of the play. 43 00:02:23,369 --> 00:02:25,803 I was buying her one of those containers of orange drink. 44 00:02:25,969 --> 00:02:27,766 For $5. 45 00:02:27,929 --> 00:02:29,760 I reach into my pocket to pay for it. I look down. 46 00:02:29,929 --> 00:02:32,682 There's this piece of green floss hanging from my fingers. 47 00:02:32,849 --> 00:02:35,488 - Mint. - Of course. 48 00:02:35,649 --> 00:02:39,767 So I'm looking at it. I look up and see she's looking at it. 49 00:02:39,929 --> 00:02:41,647 Our eyes lock. 50 00:02:43,049 --> 00:02:44,846 It was a horrible moment. I just... 51 00:02:47,089 --> 00:02:50,320 So let me get this straight. She saw the floss. 52 00:02:50,489 --> 00:02:53,447 You panicked, and you told her you liked her. 53 00:02:53,609 --> 00:02:55,201 If I didn't put floss in my pocket... 54 00:02:55,369 --> 00:02:59,328 ...I'd be crawling around her bedroom right now, looking for my glasses. 55 00:02:59,489 --> 00:03:03,448 - You sure the floss was the catalyst? - Yes, I am. 56 00:03:03,609 --> 00:03:06,601 You don't think it might have had anything to do with that? 57 00:03:07,249 --> 00:03:08,921 What, you don't like this? 58 00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:12,001 Looks like your belt is digesting a small animal. 59 00:03:13,209 --> 00:03:17,760 They got a cure for cancer. See, it's all big business. 60 00:03:18,369 --> 00:03:20,678 Oh, hey! Jerry just walked in. 61 00:03:20,849 --> 00:03:22,521 Hi, George! 62 00:03:23,409 --> 00:03:25,445 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take my number. 63 00:03:25,609 --> 00:03:30,000 It's 555-8643. 64 00:03:30,569 --> 00:03:32,161 Okay. Here he is. 65 00:03:33,009 --> 00:03:34,442 - Who is it? - Take it. 66 00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:37,883 - Who is it? - It's for you. 67 00:03:39,409 --> 00:03:40,683 Hello? 68 00:03:40,889 --> 00:03:43,403 Oh, hi, Joel. 69 00:03:43,569 --> 00:03:46,402 No. I was out of town. I just got back. 70 00:03:46,569 --> 00:03:49,800 Kramer doesn't know anything. He's just my next-door neighbour. 71 00:03:49,969 --> 00:03:52,927 Nothing much. Tuesday? 72 00:03:53,649 --> 00:03:57,403 Tuesday, no. I'm meeting somebody. 73 00:03:58,169 --> 00:04:00,046 Wednesday? 74 00:04:00,329 --> 00:04:04,038 Wednesday's okay. All right. 75 00:04:04,209 --> 00:04:06,769 I'm a little busy right now. Can we talk Wednesday morning? 76 00:04:06,929 --> 00:04:08,442 Okay. Yeah. 77 00:04:08,609 --> 00:04:11,077 Right. Thanks. Bye. 78 00:04:11,249 --> 00:04:13,240 Why do you put me on the phone with him? 79 00:04:13,409 --> 00:04:15,479 I hate just being handed a phone. 80 00:04:15,649 --> 00:04:17,799 Well, it's your phone. He wanted to talk to you. 81 00:04:17,969 --> 00:04:19,925 Maybe I didn't want to talk to him. 82 00:04:20,089 --> 00:04:21,920 - Well, why not? - He bothers me. 83 00:04:22,089 --> 00:04:24,125 I don't answer the phone anymore because of him. 84 00:04:24,289 --> 00:04:26,598 He's turned me into a screener. 85 00:04:27,729 --> 00:04:29,481 Now I gotta see him on Wednesday. 86 00:04:29,649 --> 00:04:32,163 What? I thought we had tickets to the Knick game Wednesday. 87 00:04:32,369 --> 00:04:33,643 We got seats behind the bench. 88 00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:36,085 - What happened? We're not going? - We're going. 89 00:04:36,249 --> 00:04:38,205 That's next Wednesday. 90 00:04:40,049 --> 00:04:42,438 - Who is this guy? - His name's Joel Horneck. 91 00:04:42,609 --> 00:04:45,169 He lived, like, three houses down from me when I grew up. 92 00:04:45,329 --> 00:04:48,207 He had a Ping-Pong table. We were friends. 93 00:04:48,369 --> 00:04:52,647 Should I suffer the rest of my life because I like to play Ping-Pong? 94 00:04:52,809 --> 00:04:54,959 I was 10! 95 00:04:55,489 --> 00:04:58,561 I would've been friends with Stalin if he had a Ping-Pong table. 96 00:05:01,489 --> 00:05:04,128 He's so self-involved. 97 00:05:07,249 --> 00:05:09,285 That's for me. 98 00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:11,642 Kramerica Industries. 99 00:05:12,209 --> 00:05:13,562 Hi, Mark. 100 00:05:13,929 --> 00:05:17,001 No, no. Forget that. I got a better idea. 101 00:05:17,169 --> 00:05:19,160 A pizza place where you make your own pie. 102 00:05:19,329 --> 00:05:20,921 Can you conduct your business... 103 00:05:21,089 --> 00:05:24,525 - ... elsewhere? - No, I'm talking about a whole chain. 104 00:05:25,049 --> 00:05:26,607 Yeah. 105 00:05:28,849 --> 00:05:31,602 I don't know why you bother with this Ping-Pong guy, I tell you. 106 00:05:31,769 --> 00:05:32,963 I don't bother with him. 107 00:05:33,129 --> 00:05:36,007 He's been calling me for seven years. I never called him once. 108 00:05:36,209 --> 00:05:38,723 He's got the attention span of a 5-year-old. 109 00:05:38,929 --> 00:05:40,328 Sometimes I sit there... 110 00:05:40,489 --> 00:05:43,242 ...and I make up things just to see if he's paying attention. 111 00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:45,764 I don't understand why you spend time with this guy. 112 00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:48,045 What can I do, break up with him? 113 00:05:48,209 --> 00:05:51,246 Tell him, "I don't think we're right for each other." 114 00:05:51,409 --> 00:05:53,127 It's a guy. 115 00:05:53,369 --> 00:05:55,246 At least with a woman there's a precedent. 116 00:05:55,409 --> 00:05:57,286 The relationship goes sour, you end it. 117 00:05:57,449 --> 00:06:01,647 No, no, no. You have to approach this as if he was a woman. 118 00:06:01,809 --> 00:06:04,118 - Just break up with him? - Absolutely. 119 00:06:04,289 --> 00:06:07,281 - You just tell him the truth. - The truth? 120 00:06:10,529 --> 00:06:14,124 No. As a guy, I don't know how I can break up with another guy. 121 00:06:14,289 --> 00:06:16,120 You know? I don't know how to say: 122 00:06:16,289 --> 00:06:18,928 "Bill, I feel I need to see other men." 123 00:06:19,649 --> 00:06:21,526 Know what I mean? There is nothing I can do. 124 00:06:21,689 --> 00:06:23,964 I have to wait for someone to die. 125 00:06:24,529 --> 00:06:26,918 I think that's the only way out of this relationship. 126 00:06:27,089 --> 00:06:28,283 It could be a long time. 127 00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:32,481 See the great thing about guys is that we can become friends... 128 00:06:32,649 --> 00:06:34,765 ...based on almost nothing. 129 00:06:34,929 --> 00:06:39,002 Just two guys will just become friends just because they're two guys. 130 00:06:39,169 --> 00:06:41,729 That's almost all we need to have in common. 131 00:06:41,889 --> 00:06:45,484 Because sports and women is really all we talk about. 132 00:06:45,649 --> 00:06:48,641 If there was no sports and no women, the only thing guys would say is: 133 00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:50,879 "So, what's in the refrigerator?" 134 00:06:54,009 --> 00:06:57,638 So my shrink wants me to bring my mother in for a session. 135 00:06:57,809 --> 00:06:59,640 I mean, this guy is a brilliant man. 136 00:06:59,809 --> 00:07:01,401 Lenny Bruce used to go to him... 137 00:07:01,569 --> 00:07:03,241 ...and I think, Geraldo. 138 00:07:05,809 --> 00:07:08,039 I read the Lenny Bruce biography. I thought it was... 139 00:07:08,209 --> 00:07:09,722 Hey, hey, hey! We're starving here! 140 00:07:09,889 --> 00:07:12,198 - ... interesting... - We've been waiting here 10 minutes. 141 00:07:12,369 --> 00:07:13,802 ...that he would... 142 00:07:16,209 --> 00:07:18,279 So I'm thinking about going to Iran this summer. 143 00:07:18,449 --> 00:07:20,360 You know, I have to eat. 144 00:07:24,689 --> 00:07:26,725 I mean, I'm hypoglycaemic. 145 00:07:27,889 --> 00:07:30,847 Anyway, the Hezbollah has invited me to perform. 146 00:07:35,849 --> 00:07:39,125 - It's their annual terrorist luncheon. - Yeah. 147 00:07:39,609 --> 00:07:41,486 I'm gonna do it in Farsi. 148 00:07:42,649 --> 00:07:44,367 Do you think I need a haircut? 149 00:07:44,529 --> 00:07:45,803 Are you ready? 150 00:07:45,969 --> 00:07:48,358 Yeah, I'll have the egg salad on whole wheat. 151 00:07:48,529 --> 00:07:51,805 Hey, let me ask you a question. This turkey sandwich here... 152 00:07:51,969 --> 00:07:53,960 ...is that real turkey or is it a turkey roll? 153 00:07:54,129 --> 00:07:55,721 I don't want that processed turkey. 154 00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,601 I hate it. 155 00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:59,088 I think it's real turkey. 156 00:07:59,649 --> 00:08:03,085 - Is there a real bird in the back? - No, there's no bird, but- 157 00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:05,809 How do you know for sure? Why don't you do me a favour. 158 00:08:05,969 --> 00:08:09,006 Why don't you go in the back and find out, okay? 159 00:08:11,289 --> 00:08:12,927 Unbelievable. 160 00:08:16,169 --> 00:08:18,364 How can you talk to someone like that? 161 00:08:19,089 --> 00:08:22,047 Look, what are you saying? What, you like turkey roll? 162 00:08:23,089 --> 00:08:26,286 Listen, Joel. There's something I have to tell you. 163 00:08:27,009 --> 00:08:28,522 Wait. 164 00:08:28,689 --> 00:08:31,157 You'll never guess who I ran into. 165 00:08:31,329 --> 00:08:33,479 - Howard Metro. - Howard Metro. 166 00:08:33,649 --> 00:08:36,721 He asked me if I still saw you. I said, "Sure, I see him all the time. 167 00:08:36,889 --> 00:08:40,928 We're still great friends." Anyway, Howard says hello. 168 00:08:43,729 --> 00:08:45,526 Listen, Joel. 169 00:08:46,809 --> 00:08:48,800 I don't think we should see each other anymore. 170 00:08:50,089 --> 00:08:51,363 What? 171 00:08:51,689 --> 00:08:53,884 This friendship, it's not working. 172 00:08:54,129 --> 00:08:56,006 Not working? What are you talking about? 173 00:08:57,009 --> 00:08:59,682 We're just not suited to be friends. 174 00:09:00,129 --> 00:09:02,768 - But how can you say that? - Look, you're a nice guy. 175 00:09:02,929 --> 00:09:05,284 It's just that we don't have anything in common. 176 00:09:05,449 --> 00:09:07,326 Wait. What did I do? 177 00:09:07,489 --> 00:09:09,525 Tell me what- I want to know what I did. 178 00:09:09,689 --> 00:09:12,999 You didn't do anything. It's not you. It's me. 179 00:09:14,529 --> 00:09:15,848 It's- This is very difficult. 180 00:09:16,009 --> 00:09:18,603 Look, I know I call you too much. Right? I mean, I know. 181 00:09:18,769 --> 00:09:21,567 - You're a very busy guy. - No, it's not that. 182 00:09:22,369 --> 00:09:25,486 You're one of the few people I can talk to. 183 00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:28,117 Look, come on. Now, that's not true. 184 00:09:28,289 --> 00:09:30,120 I always tell everybody about you. 185 00:09:30,289 --> 00:09:33,008 I tell everybody to go see his show! 186 00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:37,242 I mean, I'm your biggest fan. 187 00:09:37,409 --> 00:09:39,684 - I know, I know. - I mean, you're my best friend. 188 00:09:40,529 --> 00:09:42,759 Best friend? I've never been to your apartment. 189 00:09:42,929 --> 00:09:45,489 I cannot believe that this is happening! I can't believe it. 190 00:09:45,649 --> 00:09:49,005 Okay, okay, forget it. It's okay. I didn't mean it. 191 00:09:49,169 --> 00:09:50,887 - Didn't mean what? - What I said. 192 00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:54,280 - I've been under a lot of stress. - Oh, you've been under a lot of stress. 193 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:59,001 Look, just- Can we just forget the whole thing ever happened? 194 00:09:59,169 --> 00:10:01,444 I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I took it out on you. 195 00:10:01,609 --> 00:10:05,284 We're still friends. We're still friends. Still friends. 196 00:10:06,769 --> 00:10:10,603 Okay, look. I tell you what. I got Knick tickets. This Wednesday. 197 00:10:10,769 --> 00:10:13,158 Great seats behind the bench. You want to come with me? 198 00:10:13,329 --> 00:10:14,921 Come on. 199 00:10:15,089 --> 00:10:16,408 Tonight? 200 00:10:16,929 --> 00:10:20,205 No, next Wednesday. If it was tonight, I would've said tonight. 201 00:10:22,049 --> 00:10:24,119 You really want me to go? 202 00:10:26,009 --> 00:10:27,328 Yes. 203 00:10:30,569 --> 00:10:33,242 - Okay. - Here, take these. 204 00:10:34,089 --> 00:10:36,478 Okay. Great. That would be- 205 00:10:36,649 --> 00:10:39,038 That'd be great. So... 206 00:10:39,209 --> 00:10:41,165 - ... next Wednesday. - Next Wednesday. 207 00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:44,959 Say, where is that waitress? Hey! 208 00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:04,759 She calls me up at the office. She says, "We have to talk." 209 00:11:05,649 --> 00:11:08,800 The four worst words in the English language. 210 00:11:09,489 --> 00:11:12,526 That or, "Whose bra is this?" 211 00:11:12,689 --> 00:11:14,407 That is worse. 212 00:11:14,609 --> 00:11:16,679 So we order lunch, and we're talking. 213 00:11:16,849 --> 00:11:18,805 Finally, she blurts out how it's not working. 214 00:11:18,969 --> 00:11:20,163 Really. 215 00:11:20,329 --> 00:11:23,082 So, I'm thinking, as she's saying this, I'm thinking, "Great. 216 00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:25,888 The relationship's over, but the egg salad's on the way." 217 00:11:26,049 --> 00:11:28,927 So now I have a decision. Do I walk or do I eat? 218 00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:30,886 You ate. 219 00:11:31,729 --> 00:11:34,038 Sat there for 20 minutes, chewing. 220 00:11:34,209 --> 00:11:36,928 Staring at each other in a defunct relationship. 221 00:11:37,089 --> 00:11:39,762 Someone says, "Get out of my life." 222 00:11:39,929 --> 00:11:42,284 And that doesn't affect your appetite? 223 00:11:42,649 --> 00:11:44,162 Have you ever had their egg salad? 224 00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,968 - It is unbelievable. - It's unbelievable. 225 00:11:47,129 --> 00:11:49,643 Tell you what else is unbelievable. I picked up the check. 226 00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:51,879 She didn't even offer. She ended it. 227 00:11:52,049 --> 00:11:55,041 The least she could do is send me off with a sandwich. 228 00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:58,717 How much could you possibly have in there? 229 00:11:58,889 --> 00:12:00,322 Look, it's my money. 230 00:12:00,489 --> 00:12:02,764 All right? What should I do, throw it out the window? 231 00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:05,319 I know a guy who took his vacation on his change. 232 00:12:05,489 --> 00:12:07,525 Yeah? Where'd he go? To an arcade? 233 00:12:09,009 --> 00:12:10,522 That's funny. You're a funny guy. 234 00:12:10,929 --> 00:12:12,806 Come on, move up. 235 00:12:12,969 --> 00:12:14,482 Great. Ewing's hurt. 236 00:12:14,649 --> 00:12:15,968 How long is he gonna be out? 237 00:12:16,129 --> 00:12:19,087 Well, a couple days at the most, but... 238 00:12:19,249 --> 00:12:21,285 - Oh, God. - I got scared there for a second. 239 00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:22,643 The Knicks without Ewing. 240 00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:25,482 Listen, George. A little problem with the game. 241 00:12:25,649 --> 00:12:27,526 - What about it? - The thing is, yesterday... 242 00:12:27,689 --> 00:12:29,919 ...I kind of... 243 00:12:30,689 --> 00:12:35,240 - What? - I gave your ticket to Horneck. 244 00:12:41,009 --> 00:12:42,522 - You what? - Yeah. 245 00:12:42,689 --> 00:12:45,157 I'm sorry. I had to give it to Horneck. 246 00:12:46,769 --> 00:12:47,997 No. 247 00:12:51,489 --> 00:12:52,888 My ticket? 248 00:12:53,049 --> 00:12:55,688 - You gave my ticket to Horneck? - Come on. Go ahead. Move up. 249 00:12:55,849 --> 00:12:57,328 What did you give him my ticket for? 250 00:12:57,489 --> 00:12:59,161 You didn't see him. It was horrible. 251 00:12:59,329 --> 00:13:01,399 Oh, come on, Jerry. I can't believe this! 252 00:13:01,569 --> 00:13:03,241 - I had to do it. - Oh, please. 253 00:13:03,409 --> 00:13:05,843 Can you change this into bills? 254 00:13:06,009 --> 00:13:07,681 I'm sorry, sir, we can't do that. 255 00:13:07,849 --> 00:13:09,328 Do you want to go with him? 256 00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:11,480 - You go, I don't mind. - I'm not going with him! 257 00:13:11,649 --> 00:13:13,241 I don't even know the guy! 258 00:13:13,569 --> 00:13:15,127 Look, they did this for me before. 259 00:13:15,289 --> 00:13:18,087 Look, I can give you these, and you can roll them yourself. 260 00:13:18,329 --> 00:13:20,763 You want me to roll 6000 of these? 261 00:13:20,929 --> 00:13:23,238 What, should I quit my job? 262 00:13:23,689 --> 00:13:26,487 No, I do not like the bank. I've heard the expression: 263 00:13:26,649 --> 00:13:29,880 "Laughing all the way to the bank." I've never seen anyone actually do it. 264 00:13:32,009 --> 00:13:33,283 And those bank lines. 265 00:13:34,129 --> 00:13:36,165 I hate it when there's nobody on the line at all. 266 00:13:36,329 --> 00:13:38,524 You now that part? You go to the bank, it's empty... 267 00:13:38,689 --> 00:13:41,647 ...and you still have to go through the little maze. 268 00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:44,757 "Could you get some cheese for me? I'm almost at the front. 269 00:13:44,929 --> 00:13:47,568 I'd like a reward for this, please." 270 00:13:48,089 --> 00:13:49,920 - Thirty-two, 33- - George. 271 00:13:50,089 --> 00:13:53,240 Not now, 33... 272 00:13:53,409 --> 00:13:56,242 - Thirty... - Could you stop the counting? 273 00:13:59,409 --> 00:14:01,877 - What? - Can I make it up to you? 274 00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:03,402 I'll give you $50 for the jug. 275 00:14:03,569 --> 00:14:05,400 Oh, yeah, sure. Keep your money. 276 00:14:05,569 --> 00:14:07,560 Well, then I'm not gonna go to the game either. 277 00:14:07,729 --> 00:14:10,084 Okay, I'll give him both tickets. 278 00:14:10,249 --> 00:14:12,285 Go. Go! 279 00:14:16,809 --> 00:14:19,198 I- No, I don't want to go. 280 00:14:19,409 --> 00:14:22,526 - He was really crying? - I had to give him a tissue. 281 00:14:22,689 --> 00:14:25,647 In fact, let me call his machine now, and I'll make up some excuse... 282 00:14:25,809 --> 00:14:28,118 ...why I can't go to the game either. 283 00:14:28,329 --> 00:14:31,241 Wait. Wait a minute. As long as you're gonna lie to the guy... 284 00:14:31,409 --> 00:14:35,084 ...why don't you tell him that you lost both of the tickets. Then we can go. 285 00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:37,444 George, the man wept. 286 00:14:38,969 --> 00:14:40,197 Hey, guys. 287 00:14:40,369 --> 00:14:44,044 Man, I'm telling you, this pizza idea is really gonna happen. 288 00:14:46,649 --> 00:14:49,482 This is the thing where you go and you have to make your own pizza? 289 00:14:49,649 --> 00:14:50,843 We give you the dough. 290 00:14:51,009 --> 00:14:54,206 You smash it. You pound it. You fling it up in the air. 291 00:14:54,369 --> 00:14:57,088 And then you get to put your sauce and sprinkle your cheese. 292 00:14:57,249 --> 00:15:00,685 And then, you slide it into the oven. 293 00:15:02,849 --> 00:15:04,487 You have to know how to do that. 294 00:15:04,649 --> 00:15:08,119 You can't have people shoving their arms into a 600-degree oven! 295 00:15:08,289 --> 00:15:10,962 - It's all supervised. - Oh, well... 296 00:15:11,129 --> 00:15:12,528 All of it! 297 00:15:13,369 --> 00:15:15,724 - You want to invest? - My money's tied up in change. 298 00:15:15,889 --> 00:15:17,447 You know, look. I'm telling you. 299 00:15:17,609 --> 00:15:20,362 People, they really want to make their own pizza pie. 300 00:15:20,569 --> 00:15:23,641 I have to say something, with all due respect. 301 00:15:23,809 --> 00:15:26,721 I just never- I can't imagine anyone... 302 00:15:26,889 --> 00:15:29,562 ...in any walk of life, under any circumstance... 303 00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:32,368 ...wanting to make their own pizza pie. 304 00:15:32,529 --> 00:15:34,406 - But that's me. - Well, okay. 305 00:15:34,569 --> 00:15:36,480 - That's you. - I'm just saying. 306 00:15:36,649 --> 00:15:39,721 I just wanted to check with you guys. This business is going to be big. 307 00:15:39,889 --> 00:15:41,720 I just want to- Okay. 308 00:15:44,769 --> 00:15:48,478 One day, you'll beg me to make your own pie. 309 00:15:54,209 --> 00:15:57,121 Hi, Joel. This is Jerry. I hope you get this before you- 310 00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:59,519 Oh, hi, Joel. Oh, you just came in. 311 00:15:59,689 --> 00:16:04,126 Listen, I can't make it to the game tonight. 312 00:16:04,289 --> 00:16:06,439 I have to tutor my nephew. 313 00:16:06,609 --> 00:16:09,123 Yeah, he's got an exam tomorrow. 314 00:16:09,289 --> 00:16:11,245 Geometry. 315 00:16:11,689 --> 00:16:13,805 You know, trapezoid, rhombus. 316 00:16:13,969 --> 00:16:17,598 Anyway, listen, you take the tickets. They're at the will-call window. 317 00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:22,399 And I'm really sorry. Have a good time. We'll talk next week, okay? Yeah. 318 00:16:22,569 --> 00:16:24,878 Yeah. I don't- Fine. 319 00:16:25,049 --> 00:16:26,801 Fine, bye. 320 00:16:29,009 --> 00:16:30,158 "Trapezoid"? 321 00:16:30,329 --> 00:16:33,127 I know. I'm really running out of excuses with this guy. 322 00:16:33,289 --> 00:16:35,678 I need some kind of excuse Rolodex. 323 00:16:42,409 --> 00:16:45,367 Come on. Let's go do something. I don't want to just sit around here. 324 00:16:45,529 --> 00:16:47,087 - Wanna get something to eat? - Where? 325 00:16:47,489 --> 00:16:49,366 I don't care. I'm not hungry. 326 00:16:50,689 --> 00:16:52,600 We could go to one of those cappuccino places. 327 00:16:52,769 --> 00:16:54,566 They let you just sit there. 328 00:16:54,729 --> 00:16:56,685 What are we gonna do there, talk? 329 00:16:57,569 --> 00:16:59,400 We can talk. 330 00:16:59,569 --> 00:17:01,321 I'll go if I don't have to talk. 331 00:17:03,249 --> 00:17:04,762 Then we'll just sit there. 332 00:17:05,209 --> 00:17:07,928 Okay, I'm gonna check my machine first. 333 00:17:12,289 --> 00:17:14,757 "Picking someone up at airport, jury duty... 334 00:17:14,929 --> 00:17:18,683 - ... waiting for cable company." - Okay, just hand that over, please. 335 00:17:18,849 --> 00:17:21,124 - What is this? - It's a list of excuses. 336 00:17:21,289 --> 00:17:25,202 It's for that guy Horneck, who's at the game tonight with my tickets. 337 00:17:25,369 --> 00:17:28,884 I have that list now, so in case he calls, I just consult it... 338 00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:30,687 ...and I don't have to see him. 339 00:17:33,369 --> 00:17:35,087 - God. - I need it. 340 00:17:37,009 --> 00:17:38,761 - What are you doing? - I got some for you. 341 00:17:38,929 --> 00:17:41,079 - Oh, I don't need any more. - No, no, no. 342 00:17:41,249 --> 00:17:43,205 These are good. Listen, listen. 343 00:17:43,369 --> 00:17:46,122 "You ran out of underwear, you can't leave the house." 344 00:17:47,049 --> 00:17:48,198 Very funny. 345 00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,448 How about you've been diagnosed... 346 00:17:51,609 --> 00:17:55,238 ...as a multiple personality? You're not even you. 347 00:17:55,409 --> 00:17:57,206 You're Dan. 348 00:17:57,369 --> 00:17:58,563 I'm Dan. 349 00:17:58,729 --> 00:18:02,927 - Can I have my list back, please? - Here. Here. 350 00:18:03,409 --> 00:18:06,242 Jerry Seinfeld, I cannot believe you are doing this. 351 00:18:06,409 --> 00:18:08,365 This is absolutely infantile. 352 00:18:10,969 --> 00:18:14,439 - What can I do? - Deal with it. Be a man. 353 00:18:14,609 --> 00:18:16,008 Oh, no. 354 00:18:18,249 --> 00:18:21,400 That's impossible. I'd rather lie to him the rest of my life... 355 00:18:21,569 --> 00:18:23,366 ...than go through that again. 356 00:18:23,529 --> 00:18:24,678 He was crying. 357 00:18:25,169 --> 00:18:28,445 Tears, accompanied by mucus. 358 00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:31,242 You made a man cry? 359 00:18:32,009 --> 00:18:33,408 I never made a man cry. 360 00:18:33,569 --> 00:18:37,278 I even kicked a guy in the groin once, and he didn't cry. 361 00:18:37,529 --> 00:18:39,360 I got the cab. 362 00:18:41,369 --> 00:18:43,564 A couple of tough monkeys. 363 00:18:46,009 --> 00:18:47,601 Hi, Elaine. 364 00:18:47,769 --> 00:18:49,327 Hey, you missed a great game tonight. 365 00:18:49,489 --> 00:18:50,763 - Game? - Knick game. 366 00:18:50,929 --> 00:18:53,966 Horneck took me. We're sitting two rows behind the bench. 367 00:18:54,129 --> 00:18:56,199 We were getting hit by sweat! 368 00:18:57,649 --> 00:18:59,560 Wait. How does Horneck know you? 369 00:18:59,729 --> 00:19:02,118 Last week, when I, you know, gave you the phone. 370 00:19:02,289 --> 00:19:03,961 He's really into my pizza place idea. 371 00:19:04,129 --> 00:19:06,404 - This is too much. - Wait. What pizza place idea? 372 00:19:06,569 --> 00:19:08,321 Oh, no. 373 00:19:08,529 --> 00:19:10,281 You get to make your own pie. 374 00:19:11,009 --> 00:19:14,524 That sounds like a great idea. It would be fun. 375 00:19:14,689 --> 00:19:16,281 - Kramer! - Yeah! 376 00:19:16,449 --> 00:19:17,882 Perfect. 377 00:19:18,049 --> 00:19:19,402 Hey! 378 00:19:20,489 --> 00:19:22,923 Okay, who wants meat loaf? 379 00:19:23,569 --> 00:19:25,002 - No, thanks. - No, no. 380 00:19:25,169 --> 00:19:27,080 It's gonna be hot in a minute. 381 00:19:27,689 --> 00:19:30,249 So I thought you were tutoring your nephew. 382 00:19:30,609 --> 00:19:33,521 - We finished early. - I'll bet. 383 00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:37,764 So are you going to introduce me to your nephew? 384 00:19:37,929 --> 00:19:40,648 Elaine Benes, this is Joel Horneck. 385 00:19:40,809 --> 00:19:43,243 Whoa, Nelson. 386 00:19:43,409 --> 00:19:45,525 This is Elaine. 387 00:19:45,689 --> 00:19:48,920 - I thought you guys split up. - We're still friends. 388 00:19:49,929 --> 00:19:51,203 So... 389 00:19:51,569 --> 00:19:54,641 Thanks again for those tickets, But next week, I'm gonna take you. 390 00:19:54,809 --> 00:19:57,164 How about next Tuesday night? Why don't you come along. 391 00:19:57,529 --> 00:20:02,603 Oh, no, no. Tuesday's no good because we've got choir practice. 392 00:20:02,889 --> 00:20:04,527 Right. 393 00:20:04,689 --> 00:20:06,407 - Forgot about choir. - Yeah. 394 00:20:06,569 --> 00:20:08,719 We're- We're doing that evening... 395 00:20:08,889 --> 00:20:11,084 ...of Eastern European national anthems. 396 00:20:11,249 --> 00:20:12,523 Right. You know... 397 00:20:12,689 --> 00:20:15,157 ...the wall being down and everything. 398 00:20:16,369 --> 00:20:19,486 Well, what about Thursday night? I mean, they're playing the Sonics. 399 00:20:20,409 --> 00:20:25,164 Thursday is not good because we've gotta get to the hospital... 400 00:20:25,329 --> 00:20:28,560 ...to see if we qualify as those organ donors. 401 00:20:28,729 --> 00:20:30,447 I should really try something like that. 402 00:20:30,609 --> 00:20:33,282 You really should. 403 00:20:33,809 --> 00:20:36,642 Well, let's just take a look here. 404 00:20:36,809 --> 00:20:38,288 Forty-one home games. 405 00:20:38,449 --> 00:20:40,644 Let's see, Saturday night we got the Mavericks. 406 00:20:40,809 --> 00:20:43,164 If you don't like the Mavericks, next Tuesday, Lakers. 407 00:20:43,329 --> 00:20:44,842 I mean, you gotta like Magic, right? 408 00:20:45,009 --> 00:20:47,569 Now, let's see. On the road, on the road, on the road... 409 00:20:47,729 --> 00:20:49,481 Back, back on the 14th. 410 00:20:49,649 --> 00:20:52,686 They play the Bulls. You can't miss Air Jordan... 411 00:20:53,449 --> 00:20:56,759 I've come to the conclusion that there are certain friends in your life... 412 00:20:56,929 --> 00:20:59,841 ...that they're just always your friends, and you have to accept it. 413 00:21:00,009 --> 00:21:02,762 You see them. You don't want to see them. You don't call them. 414 00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:04,442 They call you. 415 00:21:04,609 --> 00:21:06,725 You don't call back, they call again. 416 00:21:08,089 --> 00:21:10,000 The way to get through talking with people... 417 00:21:10,169 --> 00:21:11,761 ...you have nothing in common with... 418 00:21:11,929 --> 00:21:14,523 ...is to pretend you're hosting your own little talk show. 419 00:21:14,689 --> 00:21:17,283 This is what I do. Pretend there's a little desk around you. 420 00:21:17,449 --> 00:21:20,885 There's a little chair over there, and you interview them. 421 00:21:21,049 --> 00:21:22,926 The only problem is, there's no way to say: 422 00:21:23,089 --> 00:21:25,922 "Hey, it's been great having you on the show. 423 00:21:26,089 --> 00:21:27,317 We're out of time." 424 00:22:02,849 --> 00:22:04,840 Subtitles by SDI Media Group