1 00:00:02,449 --> 00:00:05,202 I'm always in traffic with the lane expert. 2 00:00:05,369 --> 00:00:08,839 Do you know this type of person? Constantly re-evaluating... 3 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,045 ...their lane choice. Never quite sure: 4 00:00:12,569 --> 00:00:15,288 "Is this the best lane for me, for my life?" 5 00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:18,043 They're always a little bit ahead. "Can I get in over there? 6 00:00:18,209 --> 00:00:19,437 Can I get ahead of you?" 7 00:00:19,609 --> 00:00:22,328 Yeah, come on over here, pal. We're zooming over here. 8 00:00:22,489 --> 00:00:24,923 This is the secret lane, nobody knows about it. 9 00:00:25,489 --> 00:00:28,526 The ultimate- I think the ultimate psychological test of traffic... 10 00:00:28,689 --> 00:00:31,203 ...is the total dead stop. Not even rolling... 11 00:00:31,369 --> 00:00:34,759 ...and you look out the window, you see gum clearly. 12 00:00:35,729 --> 00:00:38,960 But we know that in the future, traffic will get even worse than that. 13 00:00:39,129 --> 00:00:42,326 What will happen? Will it start moving backwards? Is that possible? 14 00:00:42,489 --> 00:00:47,085 That someday we'll be going, "Boy, this is some really bad traffic now. 15 00:00:47,249 --> 00:00:50,798 This is really bad. 16 00:00:50,969 --> 00:00:54,962 I'm gonna try and get off, and get back on going the other way." 17 00:00:59,769 --> 00:01:02,329 - She can't kill me, right? - No, of course not. 18 00:01:02,489 --> 00:01:04,241 - People break up all the time. - Every day. 19 00:01:04,409 --> 00:01:06,240 It just didn't work out. What can I do? 20 00:01:06,409 --> 00:01:09,128 I wanted to love her. I tried to love her. I couldn't. 21 00:01:09,289 --> 00:01:10,324 You tried. 22 00:01:10,489 --> 00:01:14,198 I'd be looking at her face, I'd go, "Come on. Love her. Love her." 23 00:01:14,369 --> 00:01:16,405 - Did you tell her you loved her? - I had no choice. 24 00:01:16,569 --> 00:01:18,799 She squeezed it out of me. 25 00:01:18,969 --> 00:01:22,245 She'd tell me she loved me. All right, so at first, I'd just look at her. 26 00:01:22,409 --> 00:01:25,401 I'd go, "Oh, really?" 27 00:01:25,569 --> 00:01:29,039 Or, "Boy, that's- That's something." 28 00:01:29,209 --> 00:01:31,404 But eventually, you have to come back with: 29 00:01:31,569 --> 00:01:34,686 "Well, I love you."You know, you can only hold out for so long. 30 00:01:34,849 --> 00:01:36,965 - You're a human being. - I didn't even ask her out. 31 00:01:37,129 --> 00:01:39,324 She asked me out first. She called me up. 32 00:01:39,489 --> 00:01:42,640 What was I supposed to do, say no? I can't do that to someone. 33 00:01:42,809 --> 00:01:45,881 - You're too nice a guy. - I am. I'm a nice guy. 34 00:01:46,049 --> 00:01:48,358 And then she seduced me. 35 00:01:48,529 --> 00:01:51,282 We're in my apartment, I'm on the couch, she's on the chair. 36 00:01:51,449 --> 00:01:53,519 I get up to go to the bathroom, I come back... 37 00:01:53,689 --> 00:01:54,963 ...she's on the couch. 38 00:01:55,129 --> 00:01:57,484 What am I supposed to do? Not do anything? 39 00:01:57,649 --> 00:01:59,207 I couldn't. I would've insulted her. 40 00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:02,566 - You're flesh and blood. - I had nothing to do with any of this. 41 00:02:02,729 --> 00:02:04,685 I met all her friends. 42 00:02:04,849 --> 00:02:07,124 I didn't want to meet them. I kept trying to avoid it. 43 00:02:07,289 --> 00:02:09,007 I knew it would only get me in deeper. 44 00:02:09,169 --> 00:02:11,967 But they were everywhere. They kept popping up all over the place. 45 00:02:12,129 --> 00:02:15,838 "This is Nancy, Susan, Amy, my cousin, my brother, my father." 46 00:02:16,009 --> 00:02:18,762 - It's like I'm in quicksand here. - I told you when I met her. 47 00:02:18,929 --> 00:02:21,124 My back is killing me. 48 00:02:21,289 --> 00:02:23,405 You gotta go to my chiropractor. He's the best. 49 00:02:23,569 --> 00:02:26,367 - Everybody's guy is the best. - I'll make an appointment for you. 50 00:02:26,529 --> 00:02:29,760 - We'll go together. - Please, they don't do anything. 51 00:02:29,929 --> 00:02:33,399 Do I have to break up with her in person? Can't I do it over the phone? 52 00:02:33,569 --> 00:02:36,447 - I have no stomach for these things. - Do it like a Band-Aid. 53 00:02:36,609 --> 00:02:38,361 One motion, right off! 54 00:02:39,129 --> 00:02:41,723 - Hi. - Hi. 55 00:02:42,649 --> 00:02:44,765 - What are you doing? - I'm letting you in. 56 00:02:44,929 --> 00:02:47,921 No, I don't want to sit in back. I'll be left out of the conversation. 57 00:02:48,089 --> 00:02:49,761 - No, you won't. - Yes, I will, George. 58 00:02:49,929 --> 00:02:52,568 I'll have to stick my chin on top of the seat. 59 00:02:52,729 --> 00:02:55,163 - Okay. - Why can't you sit in the middle? 60 00:02:55,329 --> 00:02:58,639 Please. It doesn't look good. Boy, boy, girl. 61 00:02:58,809 --> 00:03:00,720 I think you're afraid to sit next to a man. 62 00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:03,323 You're a little homophobic, aren't you? 63 00:03:03,489 --> 00:03:05,525 Is it that obvious? 64 00:03:06,129 --> 00:03:07,881 - Hello, Jerry. - Hello. 65 00:03:08,049 --> 00:03:10,358 - Did you get a haircut? - Nope. Shower. 66 00:03:10,929 --> 00:03:12,647 So where are we eating? 67 00:03:12,809 --> 00:03:15,607 Tell me if you think this is strange. There's this guy... 68 00:03:15,769 --> 00:03:18,806 ...who lives in my building who I was introduced to a couple years ago. 69 00:03:18,969 --> 00:03:21,403 He's a teacher or something. 70 00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:24,686 Anyway, after we met, whenever we'd run into each other in the street... 71 00:03:24,849 --> 00:03:26,362 ...or in the lobby, or whatever... 72 00:03:26,529 --> 00:03:29,726 ...we would stop and chat a little bit. Nothing much. Little pleasantries. 73 00:03:29,889 --> 00:03:31,845 He's a nice guy. He's got a family. 74 00:03:32,009 --> 00:03:33,840 Then after a while, I noticed there was... 75 00:03:34,009 --> 00:03:38,048 ...no more stopping, just saying hello and continuing on our way. 76 00:03:38,809 --> 00:03:40,800 And then the verbal hellos stopped... 77 00:03:40,969 --> 00:03:44,405 ...and we just went into these little sort of nods of recognition. 78 00:03:44,569 --> 00:03:48,164 So fine, I figure, that's where this relationship is finally gonna settle. 79 00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:49,523 Polite nodding. 80 00:03:50,169 --> 00:03:52,080 Then one day... 81 00:03:52,249 --> 00:03:54,160 ...he doesn't nod. 82 00:03:54,329 --> 00:03:55,728 Like I don't exist? 83 00:03:55,889 --> 00:03:57,845 He went from nods to nothing. 84 00:03:59,689 --> 00:04:02,999 Now there's this intense animosity whenever we pass. 85 00:04:03,169 --> 00:04:06,047 I mean, it's like we really hate each other. It's based on nothing. 86 00:04:06,209 --> 00:04:07,927 A relationship is an organism. 87 00:04:08,089 --> 00:04:09,807 You created this thing... 88 00:04:09,969 --> 00:04:13,200 ...and then you starved it, so it turned against you. 89 00:04:13,369 --> 00:04:15,121 Same thing happened in The Blob. 90 00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:18,406 I think you absolutely have to say something to this guy. Confront him. 91 00:04:18,569 --> 00:04:19,558 - Really? - Yes. 92 00:04:19,729 --> 00:04:22,641 - Would you do that? - If I was a different person. 93 00:04:24,649 --> 00:04:26,162 Hello? 94 00:04:26,329 --> 00:04:28,206 Hello, is Glen there? 95 00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:32,362 I'm sorry. Is this 805-555-3234? 96 00:04:32,529 --> 00:04:37,045 Yes, I know I have the wrong number. I want to know if I dialled wrong or- 97 00:04:37,969 --> 00:04:40,085 Why do people do that? 98 00:04:45,529 --> 00:04:47,281 Come on up. 99 00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:49,883 Oh, it's you again. See? 100 00:04:50,049 --> 00:04:52,279 If you'd answered me, I wouldn't have had to do this. 101 00:04:52,449 --> 00:04:55,919 That's two long-distance calls I've made to you. Why can't you-? 102 00:04:56,089 --> 00:04:58,683 Why? Why do they just hang up like that? 103 00:04:58,849 --> 00:05:00,805 Thank you very much. 104 00:05:04,129 --> 00:05:06,643 - Taste this. - No, I just had a sandwich. 105 00:05:06,809 --> 00:05:08,720 - No, taste it. - I don't want cantaloupe now. 106 00:05:08,889 --> 00:05:11,449 - You never had it like this before. - I only eat cantaloupe- 107 00:05:11,609 --> 00:05:15,124 - Jerry, this is great cantaloupe. - All right. 108 00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:19,600 - It's very good. It's good. - It's good, huh? 109 00:05:19,769 --> 00:05:22,920 I got it at Joe's, 49 cents a pound. 110 00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:25,842 That's practically half than what you pay at the supermarket. 111 00:05:26,009 --> 00:05:27,647 I don't know why you don't go to Joe's. 112 00:05:27,809 --> 00:05:29,527 It's too far. 113 00:05:31,369 --> 00:05:34,406 It's three blocks further. You could use my shopping cart. 114 00:05:35,249 --> 00:05:37,046 I'm not pulling a shopping cart. 115 00:05:37,209 --> 00:05:38,688 Am I supposed to wear a kerchief... 116 00:05:38,849 --> 00:05:40,680 ...put stockings on rolled below my knee? 117 00:05:40,849 --> 00:05:42,885 The other thing is, if you don't like anything... 118 00:05:43,049 --> 00:05:45,961 - ... he takes it back. - I don't return fruit. 119 00:05:46,129 --> 00:05:47,323 Fruit's a gamble. 120 00:05:47,489 --> 00:05:49,207 I know that going in. 121 00:05:58,329 --> 00:05:59,808 I did it! It's over. 122 00:05:59,969 --> 00:06:02,563 - You did it? What happened? - I told her, in the kitchen. 123 00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:05,926 Which was risky, because it's near all the knives. 124 00:06:06,609 --> 00:06:09,169 I started with the word "listen." I said: 125 00:06:09,729 --> 00:06:12,687 "Listen, Marlene."The next thing I know, I'm in the middle of it. 126 00:06:12,849 --> 00:06:15,647 There's this voice inside me going, "You're doing it." 127 00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:19,006 Then she started to cry, and I weakened a little bit. 128 00:06:19,169 --> 00:06:21,524 I almost relented, but the voice, Jerry, the voice said: 129 00:06:21,689 --> 00:06:24,408 "Keep going. Keep going. You're almost out." 130 00:06:24,569 --> 00:06:26,287 It's like I was making a prison break. 131 00:06:26,449 --> 00:06:27,802 I'm heading for the wall. 132 00:06:27,969 --> 00:06:31,723 And I trip and twist my ankle and they throw that light on you. You know? 133 00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:36,204 Somehow I get through the crying and I keep running. 134 00:06:36,369 --> 00:06:37,882 Then the cursing started. 135 00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:40,005 She's firing at me from the guard towers. 136 00:06:40,169 --> 00:06:42,842 "Son of a-"Bang! "Son of a-"Boom! 137 00:06:43,009 --> 00:06:45,239 I get to the top of the wall, the front door... 138 00:06:45,409 --> 00:06:46,922 ...I open it up, I'm one foot away. 139 00:06:47,089 --> 00:06:50,161 I take one last look around the penitentiary, and I jump! 140 00:06:50,769 --> 00:06:52,725 See? Never as bad as you imagine. 141 00:06:53,129 --> 00:06:54,323 I like that Marlene. 142 00:06:55,049 --> 00:06:56,721 What's her number? 143 00:06:57,209 --> 00:06:59,439 Yeah, no, I- I don't think so. 144 00:07:01,369 --> 00:07:03,599 Could you stop that smacking? 145 00:07:03,769 --> 00:07:05,839 George, I want you to taste this cantaloupe. 146 00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:08,239 - No, thank you. - It's the best cantaloupe I've had. 147 00:07:08,409 --> 00:07:09,967 - No, really. - I'll get you a piece. 148 00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:13,246 - Jerry, tell him how good it is. - Very good cantaloupe. 149 00:07:16,249 --> 00:07:18,126 So that's it. You're out. 150 00:07:19,849 --> 00:07:22,363 Except for one small problem. 151 00:07:23,089 --> 00:07:26,126 I left some books in her apartment. 152 00:07:26,289 --> 00:07:27,961 So? Go get them. 153 00:07:28,129 --> 00:07:31,644 No, I can't go back there. Jerry, it's so awkward. 154 00:07:31,809 --> 00:07:34,198 It could be dangerous, sexually. Something could happen. 155 00:07:34,369 --> 00:07:36,883 I'd be right back where I started from. 156 00:07:37,049 --> 00:07:38,767 So forget about the books. 157 00:07:38,929 --> 00:07:41,079 - Did you read them? - Well, yeah. 158 00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:43,606 What do you need them for? 159 00:07:44,169 --> 00:07:45,761 I don't know. They're books. 160 00:07:45,929 --> 00:07:47,965 What is this obsession people have with books? 161 00:07:48,129 --> 00:07:50,484 They put them in their houses like they're trophies. 162 00:07:50,649 --> 00:07:52,640 What do you need it for after you read it? 163 00:07:52,809 --> 00:07:54,322 They're my books. 164 00:07:54,689 --> 00:07:56,964 So you want me to get the books, is that it? 165 00:08:01,129 --> 00:08:02,960 So it must have been 95 degrees that night... 166 00:08:03,129 --> 00:08:07,008 ...and everyone's standing around the pool with little drinks in their hands. 167 00:08:07,169 --> 00:08:10,161 I was wearing my old jeans and T-shirt. 168 00:08:10,329 --> 00:08:12,923 I don't know, I was just in one of those moods... 169 00:08:13,089 --> 00:08:18,243 ...so I said to myself, "Marlene, just do it."And I jumped in. 170 00:08:18,409 --> 00:08:21,401 As I'm getting out, I feel all these eyes on me. 171 00:08:21,569 --> 00:08:24,561 So I look up, and everyone is just staring at me. 172 00:08:26,489 --> 00:08:27,922 So, what did you do? 173 00:08:28,089 --> 00:08:30,808 Well, nothing. It's no skin off my hide if people like to look. 174 00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:33,164 I just didn't see what the big attraction was. 175 00:08:33,849 --> 00:08:36,841 Well, I have a general idea what it was. 176 00:08:37,009 --> 00:08:38,647 I could take a guess. 177 00:08:39,609 --> 00:08:41,042 Hey, you know, Jerry... 178 00:08:41,209 --> 00:08:43,564 ...just because George and I don't see each other... 179 00:08:43,729 --> 00:08:46,368 ...doesn't mean we shouldn't stay friends. 180 00:08:47,969 --> 00:08:49,243 No. 181 00:08:50,009 --> 00:08:52,523 Good enough. I'm really glad we got that settled. 182 00:08:54,609 --> 00:08:55,803 Great. 183 00:08:58,209 --> 00:08:59,483 I don't know how this happened. 184 00:08:59,649 --> 00:09:01,685 Jerry, it's not my fault. 185 00:09:02,049 --> 00:09:03,880 No, it's not your fault. 186 00:09:04,049 --> 00:09:05,926 "Books, books, I need my books." 187 00:09:08,209 --> 00:09:11,281 Have you reread those books yet, by the way? 188 00:09:12,409 --> 00:09:14,877 The great thing, when you read Moby Dick the second time... 189 00:09:15,049 --> 00:09:17,847 ...Ahab and the whale become good friends. 190 00:09:19,849 --> 00:09:22,158 It's not like Marlene's a bad person or anything... 191 00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:25,207 ...but, my God, we've had three lunches and a movie... 192 00:09:25,369 --> 00:09:27,041 ...and she never stops calling. 193 00:09:27,449 --> 00:09:31,124 And it's those meaningless, purposeless, blather calls. 194 00:09:31,289 --> 00:09:33,359 She never asks if I'm busy or anything. 195 00:09:33,529 --> 00:09:37,204 I just pick up the phone and she's in the middle of a sentence. 196 00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:38,643 It's standard. 197 00:09:38,809 --> 00:09:40,242 Has she left you a message... 198 00:09:40,409 --> 00:09:42,843 ...where she uses up the whole machine? 199 00:09:43,009 --> 00:09:46,968 You know, sometimes she'll go, "Hello, Jerry?" 200 00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:50,326 And I'll go, "Oh, hi, Marlene." 201 00:09:50,489 --> 00:09:52,605 And then it's, "Jerry... 202 00:09:52,769 --> 00:09:54,760 - ... I don't know sometimes." - "Know sometimes." 203 00:09:55,809 --> 00:09:58,403 What about trying to get off the phone? 204 00:09:59,809 --> 00:10:01,765 You can't. It's impossible. 205 00:10:01,929 --> 00:10:04,921 There's no break in the conversation where you can go: 206 00:10:05,089 --> 00:10:06,647 "All right, then." 207 00:10:06,809 --> 00:10:10,722 You know, it just goes on and on without a break in the wall. 208 00:10:10,889 --> 00:10:12,686 I mean, I've gotta put a stop to this. 209 00:10:13,209 --> 00:10:16,565 Just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion. Right off! 210 00:10:18,169 --> 00:10:19,602 She is sexy, though. 211 00:10:19,769 --> 00:10:22,602 - Don't you think? - Yeah. 212 00:10:22,769 --> 00:10:24,168 Yeah, she is. 213 00:10:25,689 --> 00:10:27,680 - Mr. Costanza? - Yeah? 214 00:10:27,849 --> 00:10:29,487 The doctor will see you now. 215 00:10:29,649 --> 00:10:31,640 Yeah."Doctor." 216 00:10:35,649 --> 00:10:39,085 I'm gonna have to wait in that little room all by myself, aren't I? 217 00:10:40,009 --> 00:10:41,567 I better take this. 218 00:10:41,729 --> 00:10:43,720 I hate the little room. 219 00:10:43,889 --> 00:10:46,483 Oh, hello, doctor. 220 00:10:47,609 --> 00:10:50,407 Waiting room. I hate when they make you wait in the room. 221 00:10:50,569 --> 00:10:52,048 Because it says waiting room. 222 00:10:52,209 --> 00:10:53,801 There's no chance of not waiting... 223 00:10:55,009 --> 00:10:58,888 ...because they call it the waiting room. They're gonna use it. 224 00:10:59,049 --> 00:11:00,767 It's all set up for you to wait. 225 00:11:00,929 --> 00:11:02,965 You sit there and you got your little magazine. 226 00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:06,007 You pretend you read it, but you're really looking at other people. 227 00:11:08,649 --> 00:11:11,288 You know, you're thinking about them. Things like: 228 00:11:11,449 --> 00:11:13,599 "I wonder what he's got." 229 00:11:17,369 --> 00:11:19,599 And, "Soon as she goes, I'm getting her magazine." 230 00:11:21,129 --> 00:11:24,087 Then they finally call you, and it's a very exciting moment. 231 00:11:24,249 --> 00:11:25,602 They finally call you. 232 00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:28,442 You stand up and kind of look around at the other people. 233 00:11:28,609 --> 00:11:32,602 "Well, I guess I've been chosen. 234 00:11:33,449 --> 00:11:35,679 I'll see you all later." 235 00:11:35,849 --> 00:11:38,886 You think you're gonna see the doctor, but you're not, are you? No. 236 00:11:39,049 --> 00:11:41,005 You're going into the next waiting room. 237 00:11:41,169 --> 00:11:43,125 The littler waiting room. 238 00:11:44,649 --> 00:11:48,244 But if they are doing some sort of medical thing to you... 239 00:11:48,409 --> 00:11:51,526 ...you want to be in the smallest room that they have. I think. 240 00:11:51,689 --> 00:11:55,159 You don't want to be in the largest room that they have. 241 00:11:55,329 --> 00:11:57,968 You ever see these operating theatres that they have... 242 00:11:58,129 --> 00:11:59,847 ...with, like, stadium seating? 243 00:12:00,009 --> 00:12:01,647 You don't want them doing anything... 244 00:12:01,809 --> 00:12:05,324 ...that makes other doctors go, "I have to see this. 245 00:12:05,489 --> 00:12:07,923 Are you kidding? Are they gonna really do that to him? 246 00:12:08,089 --> 00:12:10,683 Are there seats? Can we get in?" 247 00:12:11,129 --> 00:12:12,881 Do they scalp tickets to these things? 248 00:12:13,049 --> 00:12:15,802 "I got two for the Winslow tumour. I got two." 249 00:12:22,369 --> 00:12:23,927 So how was it? 250 00:12:24,089 --> 00:12:27,047 I was in there for two minutes. He didn't do anything. 251 00:12:27,209 --> 00:12:29,200 Touch this, feel that. 75 bucks. 252 00:12:31,289 --> 00:12:32,608 Well, it's a first visit. 253 00:12:33,009 --> 00:12:34,442 What's 75 bucks? 254 00:12:34,609 --> 00:12:36,281 What, am I seeing Sinatra in there? 255 00:12:37,809 --> 00:12:41,006 Am I being entertained? I don't understand this. 256 00:12:41,169 --> 00:12:42,397 I'm only paying half. 257 00:12:43,649 --> 00:12:45,241 - You can't do that. - Why not? 258 00:12:45,409 --> 00:12:47,240 He's a doctor. You gotta pay what he says. 259 00:12:47,409 --> 00:12:50,287 No, no, no. I pay what I say. 260 00:12:55,849 --> 00:12:57,521 You feeling weird? 261 00:12:57,689 --> 00:12:58,883 No. 262 00:12:59,049 --> 00:13:00,880 I'm fine. 263 00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:04,886 - Nothing really happened. - Yeah. 264 00:13:05,289 --> 00:13:06,881 I know. 265 00:13:07,049 --> 00:13:09,244 We just kissed a little. 266 00:13:09,849 --> 00:13:11,077 People kiss. 267 00:13:11,729 --> 00:13:13,242 Yeah. 268 00:13:14,849 --> 00:13:16,407 Well... 269 00:13:18,769 --> 00:13:20,566 Night. 270 00:13:29,169 --> 00:13:31,046 Good night. 271 00:13:39,609 --> 00:13:41,042 - Hey. - Hey. 272 00:13:41,209 --> 00:13:43,200 - I got it. This time I got it. - All right. 273 00:13:43,369 --> 00:13:46,042 Hips. See, it's all in the hips. 274 00:13:46,209 --> 00:13:48,723 Gotta come through with the hips first. 275 00:13:52,649 --> 00:13:54,799 That is out there. 276 00:13:54,969 --> 00:13:56,721 Definitely. 277 00:13:56,889 --> 00:13:59,039 - Joe's? - No. Supermarket. 278 00:13:59,729 --> 00:14:00,957 Well, is it good? 279 00:14:01,129 --> 00:14:04,644 - It's... It's okay. - Let me taste that. 280 00:14:05,329 --> 00:14:06,808 See? That stinks. 281 00:14:10,169 --> 00:14:12,763 - You can't eat that. Take that back. - I'm not taking it back. 282 00:14:12,929 --> 00:14:14,999 - I'll take it back. - I don't care about it. 283 00:14:15,169 --> 00:14:18,002 You should care. Cantaloupe like this should be out of circulation. 284 00:14:18,169 --> 00:14:20,842 All right. Take it back. 285 00:14:25,689 --> 00:14:27,520 - No. - Leave a message. I'l cal you back. 286 00:14:27,929 --> 00:14:30,807 Jerry, have you ever tak en a bath in the dark? 287 00:14:32,529 --> 00:14:35,282 I'm not talking into the soap right now. 288 00:14:35,449 --> 00:14:37,519 Cal me back. 289 00:14:38,329 --> 00:14:40,001 Who was that? 290 00:14:40,169 --> 00:14:42,000 - Marlene. - Mar- 291 00:14:44,289 --> 00:14:45,563 - Marlene. - Yeah. 292 00:14:45,729 --> 00:14:48,527 I took her home one night. We started up a little in the car. 293 00:14:48,689 --> 00:14:50,884 - I thought you were getting rid of her. - I was. 294 00:14:51,049 --> 00:14:53,643 But she's got me, like, hypnotized or something. 295 00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:55,606 - Does George know? - No. He'd go nuts. 296 00:14:55,769 --> 00:14:57,805 Yeah, no kidding. 297 00:14:58,369 --> 00:15:00,564 I feel terrible. 298 00:15:06,329 --> 00:15:08,285 I've seen her a couple of times since then... 299 00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:11,486 ...and I know I can't go any further, but... 300 00:15:11,649 --> 00:15:15,198 She's got this psychosexual hold over me. I just want her. 301 00:15:15,369 --> 00:15:17,121 I can't breathe. It's like a drug. 302 00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:20,245 Psychosexual. 303 00:15:23,289 --> 00:15:25,280 I don't know how I'm gonna tell him. 304 00:15:25,449 --> 00:15:27,917 Man, I don't understand people. 305 00:15:28,089 --> 00:15:31,399 Why would George want to deprive you of pleasure? 306 00:15:31,569 --> 00:15:33,082 Is it just me? 307 00:15:33,249 --> 00:15:35,479 It's partially you, yeah. 308 00:15:36,009 --> 00:15:37,237 You're his friend. 309 00:15:37,409 --> 00:15:39,400 Better that she should sleep with someone else? 310 00:15:39,569 --> 00:15:42,367 Some jerk that he doesn't even know? 311 00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:44,879 - He can't kill me, right? - You're a human being. 312 00:15:45,169 --> 00:15:47,683 She called me. I never called her. She started it. 313 00:15:47,849 --> 00:15:50,841 - You're flesh and blood. - I'm a nice guy. 314 00:15:51,129 --> 00:15:52,881 - Hi. - Hi, Elaine. 315 00:15:53,249 --> 00:15:55,524 My little airplane lamp. 316 00:15:56,249 --> 00:15:59,764 You have the slowest elevator in the entire city. 317 00:15:59,929 --> 00:16:02,568 That's hard to get used to when you're on so many fast ones. 318 00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:05,197 Apartment elevators are always slower than offices... 319 00:16:05,369 --> 00:16:07,405 ...because you don't have to be home on time. 320 00:16:07,569 --> 00:16:10,879 - Unless you're married to a dictator. - Yeah. 321 00:16:11,049 --> 00:16:12,767 Because they'd be very demanding people. 322 00:16:12,929 --> 00:16:14,806 Right. Exactly. 323 00:16:16,729 --> 00:16:19,607 I imagine at some point somebody's gonna offer me some cantaloupe? 324 00:16:19,769 --> 00:16:21,361 No. No good. 325 00:16:23,449 --> 00:16:26,521 Well, you know what they say, lucky in love, unlucky with fruit. 326 00:16:26,689 --> 00:16:29,283 Well, I'm taking this back. 327 00:16:31,689 --> 00:16:37,002 So I had what you might call a little encounter this morning. 328 00:16:37,169 --> 00:16:38,966 Really? That guy who stopped saying hello? 329 00:16:39,129 --> 00:16:40,323 - Yes. - You talk to him? 330 00:16:40,489 --> 00:16:42,207 Yes. I spotted him getting his mail. 331 00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:45,600 At first I was just gonna walk on by but then I thought, "No, no. 332 00:16:45,769 --> 00:16:47,999 - Do not be afraid of this man." - Right. 333 00:16:48,169 --> 00:16:50,967 So I walked up behind him, tapped him on the shoulder and said: 334 00:16:51,129 --> 00:16:53,165 "Hi, remember me?" 335 00:16:53,329 --> 00:16:55,399 And he furrows his brow... 336 00:16:55,569 --> 00:16:58,003 ...as if he's really trying to figure it out. 337 00:16:58,169 --> 00:17:01,366 So I said to him- I said, "You little phoney. 338 00:17:01,529 --> 00:17:03,008 You know exactly who I am." 339 00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:06,520 - You said, "You little phoney"? - I did. I most certainly did. 340 00:17:07,009 --> 00:17:13,005 And he goes, "Oh, yeah, you're Jeanette's friend. We did meet once." 341 00:17:13,169 --> 00:17:16,081 I said, "How do you go from that to totally ignoring a person... 342 00:17:16,249 --> 00:17:18,001 - ... when they walk by?" - This is amazing. 343 00:17:18,489 --> 00:17:23,563 And he says, "Look, I just didn't want to say hello anymore, all right?" 344 00:17:23,729 --> 00:17:27,278 And I said, "Fine. I didn't want to say hello anymore either. 345 00:17:27,449 --> 00:17:31,203 But I just wanted you to know that I'm aware of it." 346 00:17:32,609 --> 00:17:35,123 You are the queen of confrontation. 347 00:17:35,289 --> 00:17:37,405 You're my new hero. 348 00:17:38,049 --> 00:17:41,837 You've inspired me. I'm gonna call George about something right now. 349 00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:46,089 This cantaloupe stinks. 350 00:17:52,049 --> 00:17:53,482 I don't care. 351 00:17:53,649 --> 00:17:55,879 - You're kidding. - No, I don't care. 352 00:17:56,049 --> 00:17:57,607 - You mean that? - Absolutely. 353 00:17:57,769 --> 00:17:59,521 - You don't care? - No. 354 00:17:59,689 --> 00:18:02,328 - How could you not care? - I don't know, but I don't. 355 00:18:02,489 --> 00:18:04,445 Actually, I'm almost happy to hear it. 356 00:18:05,849 --> 00:18:09,080 - I thought you'd be upset. - I guess I should be, but I'm not. 357 00:18:09,529 --> 00:18:11,565 Am I a bad person? Did I do something terrible? 358 00:18:11,729 --> 00:18:13,879 You're a fine person. You're a humanitarian. 359 00:18:14,049 --> 00:18:15,368 She's very sexy. 360 00:18:15,529 --> 00:18:19,522 - That voice. She's driving me crazy. - I know. I know. 361 00:18:19,689 --> 00:18:21,441 I can see her tonight and you don't care? 362 00:18:21,609 --> 00:18:24,601 See her tonight. See her tomorrow. Go, knock yourself out. 363 00:18:24,769 --> 00:18:27,920 - She's too crazy for me. - All right. As long as you're okay. 364 00:18:28,089 --> 00:18:30,603 - I can't stop thinking about it. - I'm okay. I'm fine. 365 00:18:30,769 --> 00:18:33,602 I'm wonderful. I never felt better in my whole life. 366 00:18:33,769 --> 00:18:35,441 Good. 367 00:18:36,209 --> 00:18:37,403 I'll tell you what. 368 00:18:37,569 --> 00:18:40,003 You don't have to pay the $35 I gave the chiropractor... 369 00:18:40,169 --> 00:18:41,761 ...for the rest of your bill. 370 00:18:41,929 --> 00:18:43,726 You paid that crook? 371 00:18:43,889 --> 00:18:46,164 - I had to. - He didn't do anything, Jerry. 372 00:18:46,329 --> 00:18:49,685 - It's a scam. Who told you to do that? - It was embarrassing to me. 373 00:18:50,009 --> 00:18:51,647 I was trying to make a point. 374 00:18:51,809 --> 00:18:54,607 Why don't you make a point with your own doctor? 375 00:18:55,409 --> 00:18:56,922 What's wrong? 376 00:18:57,089 --> 00:19:00,001 - I think I swallowed a fly. - Oh, God. 377 00:19:00,529 --> 00:19:02,042 I swallowed a fly! 378 00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:03,968 What do I do? 379 00:19:04,129 --> 00:19:06,199 What can happen? 380 00:19:11,049 --> 00:19:13,199 So you want to come up for a few minutes? 381 00:19:14,289 --> 00:19:17,201 I'm sorry, Jerry. I just don't think this is gonna work. 382 00:19:18,129 --> 00:19:19,403 Really? 383 00:19:19,569 --> 00:19:21,207 - I thought- - I know. 384 00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:22,848 I'm sorry. 385 00:19:25,249 --> 00:19:27,763 I just didn't expect it from the way you've been acting. 386 00:19:27,929 --> 00:19:30,807 Are you sure you want to talk about this? I sure don't. 387 00:19:30,969 --> 00:19:33,324 Of course I want to talk about it. 388 00:19:33,809 --> 00:19:35,242 Well, okay. 389 00:19:35,409 --> 00:19:38,242 I guess things changed for me on Tuesday night. 390 00:19:38,409 --> 00:19:41,606 Tuesday night? What happened Tuesday night? 391 00:19:41,769 --> 00:19:44,044 I saw your act. 392 00:19:46,929 --> 00:19:49,238 My act? What does that have to do with anything? 393 00:19:49,649 --> 00:19:52,288 Well, to be honest... 394 00:19:52,449 --> 00:19:54,519 ...it just didn't make it for me. 395 00:19:54,689 --> 00:19:57,283 It's just so much fluff. 396 00:19:58,289 --> 00:19:59,847 I can't believe this. 397 00:20:00,009 --> 00:20:02,648 What are you saying? You didn't like my act? 398 00:20:02,809 --> 00:20:04,037 So that's it? 399 00:20:04,209 --> 00:20:07,167 I can't be with someone if I don't respect what they do. 400 00:20:07,609 --> 00:20:09,804 You're a cashier. 401 00:20:10,769 --> 00:20:14,079 Look, Jerry, it just wasn't my kind of humour. 402 00:20:15,129 --> 00:20:18,166 You can't go by the audience. It was late, they were terrible. 403 00:20:18,689 --> 00:20:20,520 I heard the material. 404 00:20:21,489 --> 00:20:22,922 I have other stuff. 405 00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:25,398 You should come see me on the weekend. 406 00:20:27,449 --> 00:20:32,159 Women need to like the job of the guy they're with. 407 00:20:32,329 --> 00:20:35,162 If they don't like the job, they don't like the guy. 408 00:20:35,329 --> 00:20:37,638 Men know this. 409 00:20:37,809 --> 00:20:42,929 Which is why we make up the phoney, bogus names for the jobs we have. 410 00:20:43,089 --> 00:20:46,206 "Right now, I'm the regional management supervisor. 411 00:20:46,369 --> 00:20:48,485 I'm in development, research, consulting." 412 00:20:49,649 --> 00:20:53,881 Men, on the other hand, if they are physically attracted to a woman... 413 00:20:54,049 --> 00:20:57,166 ...are not that concerned with her job, are we? 414 00:20:57,329 --> 00:20:58,557 Men don't really care. 415 00:20:58,729 --> 00:21:02,244 Men just go, "Really, slaughterhouse? That where you work? Interesting. 416 00:21:02,409 --> 00:21:05,799 You got a big cleaver, just lopping their heads off? Sounds great. 417 00:21:05,969 --> 00:21:08,529 Listen, why don't you shower up... 418 00:21:09,169 --> 00:21:11,763 ...and we'll get some burgers and catch a movie." 419 00:21:59,569 --> 00:22:01,560 Subtitles by SDI Media Group