1 00:00:02,769 --> 00:00:05,727 I was watching women in the department store trying on clothes. 2 00:00:05,889 --> 00:00:08,005 And I notice that they do it differently from men. 3 00:00:08,289 --> 00:00:11,918 Women don't try on the clothes, they get behind the clothes. 4 00:00:13,849 --> 00:00:15,919 They take a dress off the rack... 5 00:00:16,089 --> 00:00:19,320 ...and they hold it up against themself. 6 00:00:19,489 --> 00:00:21,161 They can tell something from this. 7 00:00:21,329 --> 00:00:24,560 They stick one leg way out. 8 00:00:24,729 --> 00:00:28,608 They need to know, "If someday I'm one-legged at a 45-degree angle... 9 00:00:28,769 --> 00:00:30,566 ...what am I gonna wear?" 10 00:00:31,289 --> 00:00:34,201 You never see a man do that, see a guy take a suit off the rack... 11 00:00:34,369 --> 00:00:38,044 ...put his head in the neck, go, "What about this suit? I'll get it. Looks fine. 12 00:00:38,209 --> 00:00:40,928 Put some shoes by the bottom of the pants. I want to make sure. 13 00:00:41,089 --> 00:00:44,001 Perfect. Now, what if I'm walking? Move the shoes, move the shoes. 14 00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:46,808 Move the shoes." 15 00:00:53,889 --> 00:00:55,117 What are you doing? 16 00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:57,120 All right. All right. 17 00:00:57,289 --> 00:00:59,962 What's the matter with that? What about that one? 18 00:01:00,129 --> 00:01:02,484 Robert Vaughn, The Helsinki Formula? 19 00:01:04,449 --> 00:01:06,405 He was good in Man From U.N. C.L.E. 20 00:01:06,569 --> 00:01:10,357 Guess whose birthday is coming up soon. 21 00:01:10,529 --> 00:01:14,522 I know. I know. I'm having my root canal the same week. 22 00:01:14,689 --> 00:01:19,160 I hope you got a good oral surgeon, because that can be very serious. 23 00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:23,844 Hey, lookit. Naked people. 24 00:01:26,009 --> 00:01:28,284 No, I don't want to see the naked people. 25 00:01:28,809 --> 00:01:30,959 Been a while? 26 00:01:32,569 --> 00:01:35,481 I have a vague recollection of doing something with someone... 27 00:01:35,649 --> 00:01:37,719 ...but it was a long, long time ago. 28 00:01:38,689 --> 00:01:41,522 I think my last time was in Rochester. 29 00:01:41,889 --> 00:01:44,642 My hair was a lot shorter. 30 00:01:44,809 --> 00:01:46,959 I remember that it's a good thing. 31 00:01:49,089 --> 00:01:52,559 And someday, I hope to do it again. 32 00:02:01,369 --> 00:02:02,597 What? 33 00:02:02,769 --> 00:02:04,282 What? 34 00:02:04,769 --> 00:02:07,044 - What was that look? - What look? 35 00:02:07,649 --> 00:02:08,968 The look you just gave me. 36 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,767 - I gave a look? - Yes. 37 00:02:11,489 --> 00:02:13,878 - What kind of a look? - I know that look. 38 00:02:14,049 --> 00:02:16,404 - So, what was it? - Why should I tell you? 39 00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:19,402 Well, you're the big look expert. 40 00:02:19,809 --> 00:02:21,242 I want to see how smart you are. 41 00:02:22,049 --> 00:02:25,485 Trust me. I know the look. 42 00:02:30,209 --> 00:02:31,437 - So? - What? 43 00:02:31,609 --> 00:02:33,804 - What about the look? - I don't know. 44 00:02:34,729 --> 00:02:37,402 - You got something on your mind? - No. 45 00:02:37,569 --> 00:02:39,958 Things pop into your head. 46 00:02:40,289 --> 00:02:41,722 You? 47 00:02:41,889 --> 00:02:43,800 Things occur to me from time to time. 48 00:02:43,969 --> 00:02:45,800 Yeah. Me too. 49 00:02:49,209 --> 00:02:53,248 Well, you can't expect to just forget the past completely. 50 00:02:53,409 --> 00:02:55,001 Well, no, of course not. 51 00:02:55,489 --> 00:02:57,559 I mean, it's something we did. 52 00:02:57,729 --> 00:02:59,765 Probably about... 53 00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:01,282 ...what, 25 times. 54 00:03:01,769 --> 00:03:03,680 Thirty-seven. 55 00:03:06,689 --> 00:03:10,159 Yeah, we pretty much know what we're doing in there. 56 00:03:11,969 --> 00:03:14,961 - We know the terrain. - No big surprises. 57 00:03:15,129 --> 00:03:16,767 Nope. 58 00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:24,883 - What do you think? - I don't know. What do you think? 59 00:03:25,769 --> 00:03:27,566 Well, it's something to consider. 60 00:03:27,809 --> 00:03:30,767 - Yeah. - I mean, let's say... 61 00:03:31,249 --> 00:03:32,443 ...what if... 62 00:03:32,609 --> 00:03:34,406 - ... we did? - What if? 63 00:03:34,569 --> 00:03:36,924 Is that, like, the end of the world or something? 64 00:03:37,089 --> 00:03:39,649 - Certainly not. - Why shouldn't we be able to do that... 65 00:03:39,809 --> 00:03:42,277 - ... once in a while if we want to? - I know. 66 00:03:42,449 --> 00:03:44,405 I mean, really, what is the big deal? 67 00:03:44,569 --> 00:03:46,002 We go in there... 68 00:03:46,169 --> 00:03:49,559 ...we're in there for a while, then we come back out here. 69 00:03:49,889 --> 00:03:51,288 That's not complicated. 70 00:03:51,449 --> 00:03:53,280 It's almost stupid if we didn't. 71 00:03:53,449 --> 00:03:56,327 - It's moronic. - Absurd. 72 00:03:58,729 --> 00:04:00,082 Course... 73 00:04:01,369 --> 00:04:05,203 ...I guess maybe some little problems could arise. 74 00:04:05,369 --> 00:04:06,563 There are always a few. 75 00:04:06,729 --> 00:04:08,720 I mean, if anything happened... 76 00:04:08,889 --> 00:04:12,928 ...and we couldn't be friends the way we are now, that would really be bad. 77 00:04:13,089 --> 00:04:17,287 - Devastating. - Because this is very good. 78 00:04:19,449 --> 00:04:21,280 And that would be good. 79 00:04:21,449 --> 00:04:23,405 That would be good too. 80 00:04:24,289 --> 00:04:27,008 The idea is to combine the this... 81 00:04:27,169 --> 00:04:29,000 ...and the that. 82 00:04:29,409 --> 00:04:31,684 But this cannot be disturbed. 83 00:04:31,929 --> 00:04:34,602 Yeah, we just want to take this... 84 00:04:34,769 --> 00:04:37,567 ...and add that. 85 00:04:40,569 --> 00:04:43,037 But of course, we'd have to figure out a way... 86 00:04:43,209 --> 00:04:46,087 ...to avoid the things that cause the little problems. 87 00:04:46,249 --> 00:04:48,968 Maybe some rules or something. 88 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,608 For example: 89 00:04:52,249 --> 00:04:55,400 Now I call you whenever I'm inclined, and vice versa. 90 00:04:55,569 --> 00:04:58,800 But if we did that, we might feel... 91 00:04:58,969 --> 00:05:01,085 ...a certain obligation to call. 92 00:05:01,249 --> 00:05:03,319 Well, why should that be? 93 00:05:03,769 --> 00:05:05,760 I have an idea. 94 00:05:05,929 --> 00:05:09,717 No calls the day after that. 95 00:05:09,889 --> 00:05:11,288 Beautiful. 96 00:05:11,489 --> 00:05:12,683 Let's make it a rule. 97 00:05:12,849 --> 00:05:14,567 All right, sir. 98 00:05:17,089 --> 00:05:19,887 - Now, here's another little rule. - Yeah. 99 00:05:20,129 --> 00:05:21,721 When we see each other now... 100 00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:23,800 ...we retire to our separate quarters. 101 00:05:23,969 --> 00:05:27,006 But sometimes when people get involved with that... 102 00:05:27,169 --> 00:05:29,399 ...they feel pressure... 103 00:05:29,569 --> 00:05:31,844 ...to sleep over. 104 00:05:32,409 --> 00:05:34,127 When that... 105 00:05:34,289 --> 00:05:35,768 ...is not really sleep. 106 00:05:38,209 --> 00:05:42,202 Sleep is separate from that, and I don't see... 107 00:05:42,369 --> 00:05:47,397 ...why sleep got all tied up and connected... 108 00:05:47,969 --> 00:05:49,402 ...with that. 109 00:05:49,809 --> 00:05:55,247 Okay, okay, rule number two: Spending the night is optional. 110 00:05:57,249 --> 00:05:59,638 Well, now we're getting somewhere. 111 00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:04,167 Good. 112 00:06:04,769 --> 00:06:08,000 - What about the kiss good night? - Tough one. 113 00:06:08,529 --> 00:06:10,247 Your call. 114 00:06:10,849 --> 00:06:12,043 It's bourgeois. 115 00:06:12,209 --> 00:06:13,722 Fine. 116 00:06:15,329 --> 00:06:16,603 Well. 117 00:06:18,289 --> 00:06:19,642 Well. 118 00:06:24,929 --> 00:06:26,203 You ready? 119 00:06:28,129 --> 00:06:29,562 Ready. 120 00:06:36,889 --> 00:06:38,288 So you think you can handle this? 121 00:06:38,449 --> 00:06:40,360 Definitely. 122 00:06:45,809 --> 00:06:47,322 - Hey. - Hey. 123 00:06:48,169 --> 00:06:50,399 - Got the paper? - Not yet. 124 00:06:50,569 --> 00:06:52,082 - No paper. - I haven't been out yet. 125 00:06:52,409 --> 00:06:54,798 Well, what's taking you so long? 126 00:07:04,529 --> 00:07:05,962 Oh, yeah. 127 00:07:09,769 --> 00:07:11,327 What's the deal with Aquaman? 128 00:07:12,249 --> 00:07:15,161 Could he go on the land, or was he just restricted to water? 129 00:07:15,809 --> 00:07:17,845 No, I think I saw him on land a couple times. 130 00:07:20,169 --> 00:07:22,524 So how's the job situation going? 131 00:07:22,689 --> 00:07:23,883 Still looking. 132 00:07:24,049 --> 00:07:26,517 Pretty bad out there. What about you? 133 00:07:26,689 --> 00:07:28,805 Nothing much. I slept with Elaine last night. 134 00:07:33,089 --> 00:07:35,762 Oxygen. I need some oxygen. 135 00:07:35,929 --> 00:07:38,079 - This is major. - I thought you'd like that. 136 00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:39,887 Oh, this is huge! 137 00:07:40,049 --> 00:07:43,325 - I know. - All right, okay. Let's go. Details. 138 00:07:43,489 --> 00:07:45,002 No, I can't give details. 139 00:07:45,369 --> 00:07:47,325 - You what? - I can't give details. 140 00:07:47,889 --> 00:07:49,402 No details? 141 00:07:50,089 --> 00:07:51,807 I'm not in the mood. 142 00:07:53,689 --> 00:07:55,725 You ask me here to have lunch... 143 00:07:55,889 --> 00:07:57,720 ...tell me you slept with Elaine... 144 00:07:57,889 --> 00:08:00,881 ...and then say you're not in the mood for details. 145 00:08:01,049 --> 00:08:03,040 Now, you listen to me. 146 00:08:03,609 --> 00:08:06,282 I want details, and I want them right now. 147 00:08:06,449 --> 00:08:08,758 I don't have a job, I have no place to go. 148 00:08:08,929 --> 00:08:12,205 You're not in the mood? Well, you get in the mood! 149 00:08:13,969 --> 00:08:16,358 All right. Okay. 150 00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:18,201 We were in my apartment, watching TV. 151 00:08:18,369 --> 00:08:19,927 - Where you sitting? - On the couch. 152 00:08:20,089 --> 00:08:21,408 - Next to each other? - Separate. 153 00:08:21,569 --> 00:08:22,968 - Time? - Around 11. 154 00:08:23,129 --> 00:08:24,926 Okay, go ahead. 155 00:08:25,849 --> 00:08:28,238 So she's flipping around the TV... 156 00:08:28,409 --> 00:08:30,843 ...and she gets to the naked station. 157 00:08:31,169 --> 00:08:34,639 See, that's why I don't have cable, because of that naked station. 158 00:08:34,809 --> 00:08:37,881 If I had that in my house, I would never turn it off. 159 00:08:38,089 --> 00:08:39,841 I wouldn't sleep. I wouldn't eat. 160 00:08:40,009 --> 00:08:41,920 Eventually, firemen would break through the door. 161 00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:45,843 They'd find me in my pyjamas with drool coming down my face. 162 00:08:46,009 --> 00:08:48,079 All right, so you're watching the naked station. 163 00:08:48,689 --> 00:08:50,202 And then... 164 00:08:50,369 --> 00:08:53,884 ...somehow we started talking about, "What if we had sex?" 165 00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:57,519 Boy, these are really bad details. 166 00:08:58,049 --> 00:09:01,359 It pains me to say this, but I may be getting too mature for details. 167 00:09:01,689 --> 00:09:03,407 I hate to hear this. 168 00:09:04,009 --> 00:09:06,477 Any kind of growth really irritates me. 169 00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:10,684 - I'll tell you, it was really passionate. - Better than before? 170 00:09:10,849 --> 00:09:13,807 She must have taken some kind of seminar or something. 171 00:09:15,209 --> 00:09:18,281 This is all too much. So, what are you feeling? 172 00:09:18,449 --> 00:09:20,599 What's going on? Are you, like, a couple again now? 173 00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:23,158 - Not exactly. - "Not exactly."What does that mean? 174 00:09:23,969 --> 00:09:27,359 Well, we've tried to arrange a situation... 175 00:09:27,529 --> 00:09:29,997 ...where we'll be able to do this once in a while... 176 00:09:30,169 --> 00:09:31,397 ...and still be friends. 177 00:09:39,489 --> 00:09:40,842 What? 178 00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:44,440 Where are you living? 179 00:09:44,769 --> 00:09:47,408 Are you here? Are you on this planet? 180 00:09:47,569 --> 00:09:50,242 It's impossible. It can't be done. 181 00:09:50,409 --> 00:09:53,640 Thousands of years, people have tried to have their cake and eat it too. 182 00:09:53,809 --> 00:09:57,085 So all of a sudden, the two of you are gonna come along and do it. 183 00:09:57,409 --> 00:09:59,161 Where do you get the ego? 184 00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:02,845 No one can do it. It can't be done. 185 00:10:03,009 --> 00:10:05,079 I think we've worked out a system. 186 00:10:05,249 --> 00:10:08,002 You know what you're like? You're like a pathetic gambler. 187 00:10:08,169 --> 00:10:10,478 One of these losers in Las Vegas who keeps thinking... 188 00:10:10,649 --> 00:10:12,879 ...he's gonna come up with a way to win at blackjack. 189 00:10:13,049 --> 00:10:17,600 No, this is very advanced. We've designed a set of rules. 190 00:10:17,769 --> 00:10:22,126 That we can maintain the friendship by avoiding all the relationship pitfalls. 191 00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:24,086 All right, all right. Tell me the rules. 192 00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:25,728 Okay. 193 00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:28,928 No calls the next day. 194 00:10:30,849 --> 00:10:34,364 So you have the sex, next day, you don't have to call. 195 00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:36,681 That's pretty good. 196 00:10:39,169 --> 00:10:41,205 - Go ahead. - You ready for the second one? 197 00:10:41,369 --> 00:10:43,883 I have to tell you, I'm very impressed with the first one. 198 00:10:45,249 --> 00:10:47,479 Spending the night: 199 00:10:47,809 --> 00:10:49,003 Optional. 200 00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:52,407 No. No. You see? You got greedy. 201 00:10:52,849 --> 00:10:54,680 No, that's the rule. It's optional. 202 00:10:54,849 --> 00:10:57,238 I know less about women... 203 00:10:58,249 --> 00:10:59,807 ...than anyone in the world. 204 00:10:59,969 --> 00:11:04,599 But the one thing I do know is, they're not happy if you don't spend the night. 205 00:11:04,769 --> 00:11:08,921 It could be a hot, sweaty room with no air conditioning... 206 00:11:09,089 --> 00:11:12,240 ...and all they have is a little Army cot this wide. 207 00:11:12,409 --> 00:11:14,445 You're not going anywhere. 208 00:11:14,969 --> 00:11:18,006 - I think you're wrong. - I hope I am. 209 00:11:20,769 --> 00:11:22,680 - Is this yours or the roommate's? - Roommate's. 210 00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:25,727 - Would she mind? - She keeps track of everything. 211 00:11:25,889 --> 00:11:28,449 Well, that's too bad, because I'm taking it. 212 00:11:28,609 --> 00:11:30,122 Oh, thanks. 213 00:11:30,289 --> 00:11:31,563 Well... 214 00:11:32,849 --> 00:11:34,567 ...guess I'll get going. 215 00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:39,041 I got that root canal tomorrow morning. It'll be easy if I go home. 216 00:11:39,209 --> 00:11:40,403 Fine. Go ahead. 217 00:11:40,569 --> 00:11:42,605 I don't understand. Is there a problem? 218 00:11:44,729 --> 00:11:46,685 I'm getting the impression there's a problem. 219 00:11:48,209 --> 00:11:50,359 - Just go. - I'm having surgery tomorrow. 220 00:11:50,529 --> 00:11:53,965 - Surgery! You're going to the dentist! - You said it could be very serious. 221 00:11:54,409 --> 00:11:56,365 Okay. So fine, go. 222 00:11:56,529 --> 00:11:58,121 What happened to the rules? Remember? 223 00:11:58,289 --> 00:11:59,802 Sleeping over was optional. 224 00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:02,688 - It's my house, it's my option! - It has nothing to do with that! 225 00:12:02,849 --> 00:12:05,727 - Of course it does. - Hi. 226 00:12:05,889 --> 00:12:07,038 - Hi. - Hl. 227 00:12:07,209 --> 00:12:09,040 - Hi, Jerry. - Hi. 228 00:12:09,369 --> 00:12:11,007 Such a great improv class tonight. 229 00:12:11,169 --> 00:12:13,046 Really? 230 00:12:13,209 --> 00:12:14,562 I had this improv... 231 00:12:15,249 --> 00:12:16,648 ...where I pretended... 232 00:12:16,809 --> 00:12:19,482 ...I was working in one of those booths in an amusement park... 233 00:12:19,649 --> 00:12:22,641 ...where you shoot water in the clown's mouth and blow up the balloon. 234 00:12:23,969 --> 00:12:27,245 Tina, could you excuse us for just one second? 235 00:12:28,609 --> 00:12:29,803 Yeah. 236 00:12:29,969 --> 00:12:31,482 I'll excuse you. 237 00:12:37,409 --> 00:12:39,479 - What are you doing? - I can't go if you're mad. 238 00:12:39,929 --> 00:12:41,760 I'm not mad. 239 00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,157 You seem a little mad. 240 00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:46,480 No, Jerry, I'm fine. Really, it's okay. 241 00:12:46,649 --> 00:12:48,367 So you're okay with everything? 242 00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,368 Definitely. 243 00:12:50,529 --> 00:12:52,087 Are you? 244 00:12:52,249 --> 00:12:53,728 Definitely. 245 00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:57,002 Well... 246 00:12:57,569 --> 00:12:59,127 - ... good night. - Good ni- 247 00:12:59,289 --> 00:13:00,802 - What are you doing? - What? 248 00:13:01,409 --> 00:13:03,001 The rules. 249 00:13:03,489 --> 00:13:06,879 Hey, who took my cake? 250 00:13:12,729 --> 00:13:14,765 What about jewellery? That's a nice birthday gift. 251 00:13:14,929 --> 00:13:17,363 Oh, no, I have to be very careful here. 252 00:13:17,529 --> 00:13:21,442 I don't want to send the wrong message. Not after the other night. 253 00:13:21,609 --> 00:13:23,281 - Maybe I'll get her some jewellery. - No. 254 00:13:23,449 --> 00:13:25,360 You can't get her anything better than me. 255 00:13:25,529 --> 00:13:27,679 Whatever I spend, you have to spend half. 256 00:13:28,049 --> 00:13:29,607 What am I supposed to get, a bazooka? 257 00:13:29,769 --> 00:13:33,125 You don't understand. I'm in a very delicate position. 258 00:13:33,289 --> 00:13:36,998 Whatever I give her, she'll be bringing in experts from all over the country... 259 00:13:37,169 --> 00:13:39,046 ...to interpret the meaning behind it. 260 00:13:41,369 --> 00:13:44,122 What does she need? Maybe there's something that she needs. 261 00:13:44,769 --> 00:13:47,602 I think I heard her say something about a bench. 262 00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,362 A bench? 263 00:13:50,529 --> 00:13:52,281 - What kind of a bench? - I don't know. 264 00:13:52,449 --> 00:13:55,566 - She mentioned a bench. - What, like at a bus stop? 265 00:13:57,089 --> 00:13:59,478 - I don't know. - Like a park bench? 266 00:13:59,649 --> 00:14:00,923 I have no idea. 267 00:14:01,089 --> 00:14:04,320 - Who puts a bench in the house? - Forget the bench! 268 00:14:05,569 --> 00:14:08,129 I got it. You want something nice? What about a music box? 269 00:14:08,449 --> 00:14:11,327 No, too relationship-y. 270 00:14:11,489 --> 00:14:15,243 I mean, she opens it up, she hears that "Lara's Theme,"I'm dead. 271 00:14:18,089 --> 00:14:20,603 Okay, what about a nice frame... 272 00:14:20,769 --> 00:14:23,044 ...with a picture of another guy in it? 273 00:14:23,409 --> 00:14:26,207 The frame says, "I care for you, but if you want to get serious... 274 00:14:26,369 --> 00:14:28,724 ...perhaps you'd be interested in someone like this." 275 00:14:29,929 --> 00:14:31,123 Nice-looking fellow. 276 00:14:31,289 --> 00:14:33,598 - What about candleholders? - Too romantic. 277 00:14:33,769 --> 00:14:36,329 - Lingerie? - Too sexual. 278 00:14:36,489 --> 00:14:38,320 - Waffle maker? - Too domestic. 279 00:14:39,809 --> 00:14:41,640 Bust of Nelson Rockefeller? 280 00:14:42,489 --> 00:14:44,081 Too gubernatorial. 281 00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:48,601 Let's work on the card. 282 00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,686 I had to buy a gift for someone. 283 00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:53,079 The hardest part is that card. The card is a killer. 284 00:14:53,249 --> 00:14:55,205 I never know what it's supposed to say. 285 00:14:55,369 --> 00:14:58,679 And it's getting so tough, because the relationships are so complicated... 286 00:14:58,849 --> 00:15:02,524 ...greeting-card companies now put out cards that are blank... 287 00:15:02,689 --> 00:15:04,281 ...on the inside. Nothing. 288 00:15:04,449 --> 00:15:06,679 No message. It's like the card company says: 289 00:15:06,849 --> 00:15:08,680 "We give up. You think of something." 290 00:15:08,849 --> 00:15:12,683 You know? "For 75 cents, I don't want to get involved." 291 00:15:14,649 --> 00:15:16,924 - Maybe you won't like it. - How could I not like it? 292 00:15:17,089 --> 00:15:19,478 - Of course I'll like it. - You could not like it. 293 00:15:19,649 --> 00:15:22,527 Just the fact that you remembered means everything. 294 00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:23,963 Of course I remembered. 295 00:15:24,129 --> 00:15:26,723 You reminded me every day for two months. 296 00:15:27,529 --> 00:15:29,167 Oh, the card. 297 00:15:44,369 --> 00:15:46,439 - Cash? - What do you think? 298 00:15:48,569 --> 00:15:49,843 You got me cash? 299 00:15:50,169 --> 00:15:53,400 This way, I figure you could go out and get yourself whatever you want. 300 00:15:53,569 --> 00:15:54,968 No good? 301 00:15:55,129 --> 00:15:56,562 Who are you, my uncle? 302 00:15:56,729 --> 00:16:00,165 Hey. Come on, it's $182 there. I don't think that's anything to sneeze at. 303 00:16:04,689 --> 00:16:06,680 Let me see the card. 304 00:16:12,129 --> 00:16:16,964 "To a wonderful girl, a great pal... 305 00:16:17,129 --> 00:16:19,199 ...and more." 306 00:16:21,809 --> 00:16:23,037 Hey. 307 00:16:23,689 --> 00:16:27,807 Elaine, I'm glad you're here. Stay right here. I'm gonna be right back. Stay. 308 00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:32,042 "Pal"? You think I'm your pal? 309 00:16:32,209 --> 00:16:34,200 I said, "and more." 310 00:16:38,089 --> 00:16:39,681 I am not your pal. 311 00:16:39,849 --> 00:16:43,080 What's wrong with pal? Why is everybody so down on pal? 312 00:16:43,249 --> 00:16:46,798 - Hey. - Oh, what is this? 313 00:16:46,969 --> 00:16:49,642 - You got me something? - Yeah. Yeah, open it. 314 00:16:50,289 --> 00:16:52,280 Kramer! 315 00:16:53,249 --> 00:16:56,321 The bench! You got me the bench that I wanted! 316 00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:03,401 - That's pretty good, huh? - Great. 317 00:17:03,569 --> 00:17:06,288 You remember when she mentioned it? I made a mental note of it. 318 00:17:06,769 --> 00:17:08,361 Well, goody for you. 319 00:17:08,529 --> 00:17:10,884 Yeah. See, I'm very sensitive about that. 320 00:17:11,049 --> 00:17:14,962 I mean, someone's birthday comes up, I keep my ears open. 321 00:17:15,329 --> 00:17:16,762 So, what did you get her? 322 00:17:18,769 --> 00:17:20,122 182 bucks. 323 00:17:21,289 --> 00:17:23,086 Cash? 324 00:17:23,569 --> 00:17:26,163 You've gotta be kidding. What kind of gift is that? 325 00:17:26,329 --> 00:17:29,127 That's like something her uncle would give her. 326 00:17:30,929 --> 00:17:34,842 "Think where man's glory most begins and ends... 327 00:17:35,009 --> 00:17:39,082 ...and say my glory was I had such a friend." 328 00:17:40,209 --> 00:17:42,040 Yeats. 329 00:17:43,169 --> 00:17:45,125 Oh, Kramer. 330 00:17:49,249 --> 00:17:51,888 Could you excuse us, please? 331 00:17:52,049 --> 00:17:53,277 What? 332 00:17:53,449 --> 00:17:54,723 We're talking. 333 00:17:54,889 --> 00:17:57,801 Oh, the relationship. 334 00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:08,922 You know, we never had one fight before this deal. 335 00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:10,238 - I know. - Never. 336 00:18:10,409 --> 00:18:12,798 - Ever. - We got along beautifully. 337 00:18:12,969 --> 00:18:14,607 - Like clams. - It was wonderful. 338 00:18:14,769 --> 00:18:16,202 A pleasure. 339 00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:20,602 So I think we should forget the whole deal and go back to being friends. 340 00:18:23,969 --> 00:18:25,322 I can't do it. 341 00:18:26,049 --> 00:18:27,562 You what? 342 00:18:28,889 --> 00:18:30,800 I can't do that. 343 00:18:32,049 --> 00:18:34,119 You mean, it's: 344 00:18:35,649 --> 00:18:37,560 No this? 345 00:18:38,649 --> 00:18:40,605 No that. 346 00:18:43,649 --> 00:18:45,207 No this or that. 347 00:18:45,369 --> 00:18:46,802 Oh, boy. 348 00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:51,401 What do you want? 349 00:18:51,569 --> 00:18:53,799 This, that and the other. 350 00:18:54,929 --> 00:18:56,726 Oh, sure. Of course. You're entitled. 351 00:18:56,889 --> 00:18:59,403 Who doesn't want this, that and the other? 352 00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:01,766 You. 353 00:19:02,369 --> 00:19:03,802 Well... 354 00:19:07,009 --> 00:19:08,203 Those birthdays. 355 00:19:08,369 --> 00:19:11,202 I told you, they're relationship killers. 356 00:19:11,369 --> 00:19:15,681 If a relationship's having any problems whatsoever, a birthday brings it out. 357 00:19:15,849 --> 00:19:17,760 I never should have made up those rules. 358 00:19:18,689 --> 00:19:21,487 What is it about sex that just disrupts everything? 359 00:19:21,649 --> 00:19:23,367 Is it the touching? Is it the nudity? 360 00:19:24,129 --> 00:19:25,926 It can't be the nudity. 361 00:19:26,089 --> 00:19:28,762 I never got into these terrible fights and misunderstandings... 362 00:19:28,929 --> 00:19:31,045 ...when I was changing before gym class. 363 00:19:32,889 --> 00:19:34,880 This means I can't see her anymore either. 364 00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:38,678 - Why? - It's breakup by association. 365 00:19:40,929 --> 00:19:44,046 Besides, she's mad at me anyway because of my birthday present. 366 00:19:44,769 --> 00:19:46,361 Why? What did you wind up giving her? 367 00:19:47,089 --> 00:19:49,080 Ninety-one dollars. 368 00:19:53,009 --> 00:19:54,761 Sorry about that. 369 00:19:55,169 --> 00:19:57,125 So, what are you gonna do? 370 00:19:58,049 --> 00:20:01,678 If I call her, there's no joking around anymore. This is pretty much it. 371 00:20:02,529 --> 00:20:04,042 So maybe this should be it. 372 00:20:04,609 --> 00:20:07,362 - Could be it. - She seems like an it. 373 00:20:07,529 --> 00:20:09,724 She's as it as you get. 374 00:20:09,929 --> 00:20:13,524 Imagine bumping into her on the street in five years with a husband. 375 00:20:13,689 --> 00:20:16,567 And she tells me that he's a sculptor. They live in Vermont. 376 00:20:17,089 --> 00:20:18,727 We'd have to kill him. 377 00:20:19,409 --> 00:20:21,445 We'd get caught. I'd get the chair. 378 00:20:22,009 --> 00:20:24,443 I'd go to prison as your accomplice. 379 00:20:25,009 --> 00:20:27,523 Have to wear that really heavy denim. 380 00:20:28,209 --> 00:20:32,885 The cafeteria, with the guy who slops the mashed potatoes onto your plate. 381 00:20:33,729 --> 00:20:36,038 Go to the bathroom in front of hundreds of people. 382 00:20:36,209 --> 00:20:37,642 Plus... 383 00:20:37,809 --> 00:20:39,003 ...you know what else. 384 00:20:40,289 --> 00:20:42,086 You better call her. 385 00:20:44,969 --> 00:20:45,958 - Hey. - Hey. 386 00:20:46,129 --> 00:20:47,801 - You got the paper yet? - Yeah. 387 00:20:47,969 --> 00:20:49,800 Well, where is it? 388 00:20:51,689 --> 00:20:53,600 - Hey, you done with that? - No. 389 00:20:53,769 --> 00:20:56,078 Well, you're not reading it now. 390 00:20:56,609 --> 00:20:58,645 All right, you can take it, but I want it back. 391 00:20:58,809 --> 00:21:00,037 Yeah, yeah. 392 00:21:02,689 --> 00:21:04,247 So... 393 00:21:04,409 --> 00:21:06,445 ...what are you guys gonna do today? 394 00:21:07,049 --> 00:21:08,641 This and... 395 00:21:09,609 --> 00:21:10,803 ...that. 396 00:21:11,209 --> 00:21:13,245 And the other. 397 00:21:14,529 --> 00:21:18,283 Boy, I really liked the two of you much better when you weren't a couple. 398 00:21:28,889 --> 00:21:32,564 Why is commitment such a big problem for a man? 399 00:21:32,729 --> 00:21:34,367 I think that for some reason... 400 00:21:34,529 --> 00:21:38,078 ...when a man is driving down that freeway of life... 401 00:21:38,249 --> 00:21:40,809 ...the woman he's involved with is like an exit. 402 00:21:40,969 --> 00:21:43,688 But he doesn't want to get out. He wants to keep driving. 403 00:21:43,849 --> 00:21:46,921 The woman is like, "Look. Gas, food, lodging. That's our exit. 404 00:21:47,089 --> 00:21:48,920 That's everything we need to be happy. 405 00:21:49,089 --> 00:21:52,001 Get out, here, now!" 406 00:21:52,849 --> 00:21:54,760 But the man focuses on the sign underneath... 407 00:21:54,929 --> 00:21:58,001 ...that says, "Next exit, 27 miles." And he thinks, "I can make it." 408 00:22:02,969 --> 00:22:03,958 Subtitles by SDI Media Group