1
00:00:04,169 --> 00:00:06,808
Good evening. Welcome to the show.
The extra buttons.

2
00:00:08,489 --> 00:00:10,161
Yeah.

3
00:00:11,729 --> 00:00:14,801
What kind of a sicko, really,
would save these...

4
00:00:14,969 --> 00:00:17,403
...have them in a huge file?

5
00:00:17,569 --> 00:00:20,561
Drawers that wide.
You know, you just...

6
00:00:22,369 --> 00:00:23,518
"Where the hell is that but-"

7
00:00:23,689 --> 00:00:27,762
I mean, is it that hard to get
black, round buttons...

8
00:00:27,929 --> 00:00:29,726
...that they make it
into a whole thing?

9
00:00:29,889 --> 00:00:31,447
Like this is such a great jacket.

10
00:00:31,609 --> 00:00:35,602
These buttons are so unique,
so one-of-a-kind.

11
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:38,078
You'll never find them.
We'll save you the trouble...

12
00:00:38,249 --> 00:00:41,286
...of knocking your brains out.
We know they're going to fall off too.

13
00:00:41,449 --> 00:00:44,009
That's the other point that
they're trying to make here.

14
00:00:49,969 --> 00:00:51,607
Everyone in my family's creative.

15
00:00:51,769 --> 00:00:54,886
And even though I'm working
as an accountant right now...

16
00:00:55,049 --> 00:00:58,280
...I'd really like to eventually
work exclusively...

17
00:00:58,449 --> 00:01:00,644
...on my papier-mâché hats.

18
00:01:04,329 --> 00:01:06,559
I don't understand.
Papier-mâché hats?

19
00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:11,002
What if it rains?

20
00:01:12,969 --> 00:01:15,164
They're art.
You hang them on the wall.

21
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:16,803
Art.

22
00:01:17,489 --> 00:01:20,322
It's my creative outlet,
one of my passions.

23
00:01:20,489 --> 00:01:21,763
Any money in it?

24
00:01:22,729 --> 00:01:25,004
"Who so belongs only to his age...

25
00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:28,798
...reverences only its popinjays
and mumbo jumbos."

26
00:01:29,889 --> 00:01:32,005
Of course. Right.

27
00:01:32,329 --> 00:01:35,685
- Thomas Carlyle, 1864.
- Tommy C.

28
00:01:41,289 --> 00:01:42,881
These are the receipts from '85.

29
00:01:43,209 --> 00:01:45,279
- And I'm gonna do '86.
- I'm sorry.

30
00:01:45,449 --> 00:01:48,919
I thought it was a legitimate charity.
I didn't know you'd get audited.

31
00:01:49,089 --> 00:01:51,284
I don't blame you. I blame myself.

32
00:01:51,449 --> 00:01:53,679
- No, blame me.
- Okay, I blame you.

33
00:01:53,849 --> 00:01:56,238
- No, no, don't blame me.
- What was I supposed to do?

34
00:01:56,409 --> 00:01:57,967
I was on my first date with Elaine.

35
00:01:58,129 --> 00:02:00,643
You come barging in here,
asking me to contribute money...

36
00:02:00,809 --> 00:02:03,369
...to a volcano relief fund
for Krakatoa.

37
00:02:03,529 --> 00:02:05,042
It was supposed to erupt.

38
00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:06,847
I find the whole thing embarrassing.

39
00:02:07,009 --> 00:02:09,000
Well, you know what
my feelings are about this.

40
00:02:09,169 --> 00:02:10,363
I don't even pay taxes.

41
00:02:10,529 --> 00:02:12,759
Yeah. That's easy when
you have no income.

42
00:02:14,809 --> 00:02:16,800
- Hi.
- Hi.

43
00:02:16,969 --> 00:02:20,245
Kramer, do me a favour, will you?

44
00:02:20,409 --> 00:02:23,207
If you insist on making pasta
in my apartment...

45
00:02:23,689 --> 00:02:27,477
...please don't put the tomato sauce
on the pasta while it's in the strainer.

46
00:02:27,649 --> 00:02:32,086
All the little squares have
hardened red sauce in them.

47
00:02:33,089 --> 00:02:34,886
What's so funny?

48
00:02:35,049 --> 00:02:38,246
Oh, I don't know. Kramer dating
your roommate, it's funny.

49
00:02:39,489 --> 00:02:41,241
It's a riot, Alice.

50
00:02:41,609 --> 00:02:43,042
When do you put the sauce on?

51
00:02:43,209 --> 00:02:44,767
Any other time.

52
00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:48,559
No, no, no. I like to strain the sauce.

53
00:02:48,929 --> 00:02:52,319
And I could really live without...

54
00:02:52,489 --> 00:02:56,960
...the tribal music and the make-out
sessions in the living room.

55
00:02:58,129 --> 00:02:59,528
Yeah, Tina likes the couch.

56
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:08,119
- What are you doing? What is all this?
- Oh, he's helping me sort my receipts.

57
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,688
I'm being audited.

58
00:03:09,849 --> 00:03:11,999
You're being audited? What for?

59
00:03:12,169 --> 00:03:15,400
Oh, I contributed money to a charity
that turned out to be fraudulent.

60
00:03:15,569 --> 00:03:18,561
- It's really very boring.
- When was this?

61
00:03:18,729 --> 00:03:20,959
A long, long time ago...

62
00:03:21,129 --> 00:03:24,166
...in a galaxy far, far away.

63
00:03:24,369 --> 00:03:29,397
I remember you donated to some
volcano thing on our first date.

64
00:03:29,609 --> 00:03:31,839
Volcano? Really?

65
00:03:32,289 --> 00:03:34,849
Oh, wait a minute.
Don't tell me that that was-

66
00:03:35,009 --> 00:03:36,761
Something to drink?

67
00:03:36,929 --> 00:03:38,726
What, did you think
that would impress me?

68
00:03:38,889 --> 00:03:40,163
You've got me all wrong.

69
00:03:40,529 --> 00:03:43,487
I was thinking only
of the poor Krakatoan.

70
00:03:43,649 --> 00:03:45,605
Like you'd make this donation
for 50 bucks...

71
00:03:45,769 --> 00:03:47,600
...and I'd start tearing my clothes off?

72
00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:50,363
Those brave Krakatoans...

73
00:03:51,129 --> 00:03:53,165
...east of Java...

74
00:03:53,329 --> 00:03:56,401
...who sacrificed so much,
for so long.

75
00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:58,207
Now you're being audited
because of it.

76
00:03:58,369 --> 00:04:00,599
- See, that's karma.
- No, that's Kramer.

77
00:04:04,689 --> 00:04:07,886
- So, what are you gonna do?
- It's all taken care of.

78
00:04:08,049 --> 00:04:09,277
How is that?

79
00:04:10,369 --> 00:04:12,803
An old friend of mine,
whom you may have met...

80
00:04:12,969 --> 00:04:15,529
...George Costanza,
has recently become intimate...

81
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:18,044
...with a female accountant
who was formerly...

82
00:04:18,209 --> 00:04:20,643
...a highly placed official
with a little outfit...

83
00:04:20,809 --> 00:04:23,767
...known as the IRS.

84
00:04:23,929 --> 00:04:26,841
And as we speak,
at this very moment...

85
00:04:27,369 --> 00:04:31,282
...he is handing over to her
all of my pertinent tax information...

86
00:04:31,569 --> 00:04:33,605
...and she has assured us...

87
00:04:33,929 --> 00:04:38,002
...that the matter is well within
her field of expertise.

88
00:04:39,449 --> 00:04:40,643
Why is she doing this?

89
00:04:40,809 --> 00:04:42,720
I don't know. It must be love.

90
00:04:43,369 --> 00:04:45,360
I don't think we should see
each other anymore.

91
00:04:46,729 --> 00:04:48,481
You're great...

92
00:04:48,809 --> 00:04:51,607
...but I'm riddled
with personal problems.

93
00:04:51,769 --> 00:04:53,999
- What's wrong? What did I do?
- Nothing. It's not you.

94
00:04:54,169 --> 00:04:57,957
It's me. I have a fear of commitment.

95
00:04:58,129 --> 00:05:00,927
- I don't know how to love.
- You hate my earrings, don't you?

96
00:05:01,609 --> 00:05:03,122
- No, no.
- And you didn't comment...

97
00:05:03,289 --> 00:05:04,483
...on the chopsticks.

98
00:05:04,649 --> 00:05:08,722
I love the chopsticks. I personally
prefer a fork, but they look very nice.

99
00:05:10,489 --> 00:05:13,208
You're not telling me the truth.
I must have done something.

100
00:05:14,209 --> 00:05:16,723
- I have a fear of intimacy. I-
- Don't give me clichés.

101
00:05:16,889 --> 00:05:18,527
I have a right to know.
What did I do?

102
00:05:18,689 --> 00:05:19,963
Nothing. It's not you.

103
00:05:20,129 --> 00:05:21,482
I want the truth!

104
00:05:21,649 --> 00:05:24,641
The truth? You want the truth?!

105
00:05:24,809 --> 00:05:26,401
It is your earrings!

106
00:05:26,569 --> 00:05:27,888
It is your chopsticks.

107
00:05:28,049 --> 00:05:30,563
But it's so much more.
You're pretentious.

108
00:05:31,009 --> 00:05:32,886
You call everyone by their full name.

109
00:05:33,049 --> 00:05:35,438
You called my doorman Sammy,
"Samuel."

110
00:05:35,609 --> 00:05:39,204
But you didn't even say Samuel.
You went "Samuel."

111
00:05:39,369 --> 00:05:40,961
Papier-mâché?

112
00:05:41,129 --> 00:05:43,484
What is papier-mâché?

113
00:05:44,809 --> 00:05:46,003
Keep going.

114
00:05:46,649 --> 00:05:49,402
I think I made my point.

115
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:52,447
I'm sorry if I was a little harsh.

116
00:05:53,449 --> 00:05:55,485
No. I asked for the truth.

117
00:05:56,169 --> 00:05:57,921
Thank you for being so honest.

118
00:05:59,049 --> 00:06:00,482
Can I...?

119
00:06:00,649 --> 00:06:04,358
- Can I walk you back to work?
- I really prefer to go alone.

120
00:06:05,969 --> 00:06:07,197
How much do I owe?

121
00:06:07,369 --> 00:06:08,768
Oh, please.

122
00:06:09,609 --> 00:06:11,839
Four dollars is fine.

123
00:06:12,569 --> 00:06:16,084
If this audit had happened to me and
I didn't have this woman to help me...

124
00:06:16,249 --> 00:06:19,798
...I would've killed this man. I would've
strangled him with my bare hands.

125
00:06:19,969 --> 00:06:21,925
- I don't blame you.
- Ever been through an audit?

126
00:06:22,089 --> 00:06:23,681
- No.
- It's hell.

127
00:06:23,849 --> 00:06:27,205
It's the financial equivalent
of a complete rectal examination.

128
00:06:27,369 --> 00:06:29,041
I would've killed this man.

129
00:06:29,209 --> 00:06:30,608
Torn him limb from limb.

130
00:06:30,769 --> 00:06:33,806
Ripped the flesh right off his bones.

131
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:37,603
- Yeah?
- It's George.

132
00:06:37,769 --> 00:06:39,043
Come on up.

133
00:06:39,849 --> 00:06:42,363
There he is, the man himself...

134
00:06:42,529 --> 00:06:44,326
...George Louis Costanza.

135
00:06:44,489 --> 00:06:46,719
Here I am, about to go
to the electric chair...

136
00:06:46,889 --> 00:06:49,449
...and my oldest friend
is dating the governor.

137
00:06:51,809 --> 00:06:54,562
My whole life has been
a complete waste of time.

138
00:06:54,889 --> 00:06:56,322
And there's so much more to go.

139
00:06:56,489 --> 00:06:59,162
Now I know what I'm supposed
to do. It is so simple.

140
00:06:59,329 --> 00:07:03,038
Tell the truth. That's all.
Just tell the truth.

141
00:07:03,209 --> 00:07:05,404
- You give her my tax papers?
- What?

142
00:07:05,569 --> 00:07:07,321
My papers?

143
00:07:08,849 --> 00:07:10,077
What?

144
00:07:10,249 --> 00:07:12,001
Oh, the papers.

145
00:07:12,449 --> 00:07:14,679
- You didn't give her the papers?
- No, I did.

146
00:07:14,849 --> 00:07:16,487
So?

147
00:07:18,529 --> 00:07:20,406
I broke up with her.

148
00:07:29,289 --> 00:07:31,359
- You what?
- I broke up with her.

149
00:07:31,529 --> 00:07:32,962
I'm being audited...

150
00:07:33,129 --> 00:07:35,689
- ... and you broke up with her?
- It's okay. It's fine.

151
00:07:35,849 --> 00:07:39,558
- She'll do it. I'm sure she'll still do it.
- Why? Why will she still do it?

152
00:07:39,729 --> 00:07:42,880
She hates you now. People don't
do you favours after you dump them.

153
00:07:43,049 --> 00:07:44,562
No, no. We left on good terms.

154
00:07:44,729 --> 00:07:46,560
How is that possible?

155
00:07:46,729 --> 00:07:50,039
Because I-
I told her the truth.

156
00:07:50,329 --> 00:07:52,445
- Oh, my God.
- Okay.

157
00:07:52,609 --> 00:07:54,725
- It's unheard of.
- She asked me to.

158
00:07:54,889 --> 00:07:56,117
So you lie.

159
00:07:56,289 --> 00:07:59,645
- What did you tell her?
- I told her that she was pretentious.

160
00:07:59,809 --> 00:08:01,162
Pretentious?

161
00:08:01,329 --> 00:08:04,799
The woman has my tax papers.
You told her she's pretentious?

162
00:08:04,969 --> 00:08:06,368
The IRS...

163
00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:08,804
...they're like the Mafia.
They take anything they want.

164
00:08:08,969 --> 00:08:11,278
How would you like it if
someone told you the truth?

165
00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:14,043
- What? What could they say?
- There are plenty of things to say.

166
00:08:14,209 --> 00:08:16,518
Like what? I'm bald?
What is it specifically?

167
00:08:16,689 --> 00:08:18,725
Is there an odour I'm not aware of?

168
00:08:19,049 --> 00:08:20,960
- George, please.
- Give me one.

169
00:08:21,329 --> 00:08:23,399
- You sure?
- Yes.

170
00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:25,082
Okay.

171
00:08:26,849 --> 00:08:29,204
You're extremely...

172
00:08:29,649 --> 00:08:31,321
...careful with money.

173
00:08:33,129 --> 00:08:34,482
I'm what?

174
00:08:34,649 --> 00:08:36,719
- Forget it.
- I'm cheap? You think I'm cheap?!

175
00:08:36,889 --> 00:08:39,278
How could you say that to me?
I can't believe this!

176
00:08:39,449 --> 00:08:41,758
- How could you say that to me?
- You asked me to.

177
00:08:41,929 --> 00:08:43,806
- You should've lied.
- So should you!

178
00:08:43,969 --> 00:08:46,039
Okay, wait a second.
What happened to my papers?

179
00:08:46,209 --> 00:08:48,723
- I'm not really working right now.
- I know.

180
00:08:48,889 --> 00:08:51,687
When I was working, I spent, baby!

181
00:08:53,609 --> 00:08:56,203
Yeah, I know.
Champagne, limos, cigars.

182
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,882
What happened to the papers?

183
00:08:58,049 --> 00:09:00,404
She put them in her pocketbook.
I guess she took them.

184
00:09:00,569 --> 00:09:04,562
- A pocketbook or a handbag?
- Is that relevant? She took them.

185
00:09:05,009 --> 00:09:07,000
Call her office.

186
00:09:07,169 --> 00:09:08,602
Give me the phone.

187
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:18,362
Yeah, hi, I'd like to speak to Patrice.

188
00:09:19,049 --> 00:09:20,607
What?

189
00:09:21,449 --> 00:09:23,326
Oh, really.

190
00:09:23,569 --> 00:09:26,037
Oh, okay. Thank you.

191
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,486
What? What?

192
00:09:30,409 --> 00:09:32,161
She never came back from lunch.

193
00:09:33,089 --> 00:09:34,920
This is no good.

194
00:09:36,489 --> 00:09:38,320
This is no good.

195
00:09:39,449 --> 00:09:41,360
Call her house.

196
00:09:46,409 --> 00:09:47,842
Hi. Are you okay?

197
00:09:48,369 --> 00:09:50,837
No, no. No-

198
00:09:55,689 --> 00:09:57,520
She hung up.

199
00:09:58,569 --> 00:10:00,127
Not good.

200
00:10:01,489 --> 00:10:04,003
All right, look,
there's nothing to be worried about.

201
00:10:04,169 --> 00:10:06,205
She's just a little annoyed right now.

202
00:10:06,369 --> 00:10:08,280
Tomorrow, I'll personally
go over there.

203
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:11,369
I'll apologize. I'll get the papers.

204
00:10:12,129 --> 00:10:14,848
Don't worry. Don't worry.

205
00:10:16,369 --> 00:10:18,246
Not good.

206
00:10:20,769 --> 00:10:23,203
Yeah, it's a windshield.

207
00:10:24,449 --> 00:10:27,168
I can see that. What's it for?

208
00:10:27,329 --> 00:10:29,240
I found it on the road.

209
00:10:33,649 --> 00:10:35,605
- Yeah?
- I just finished working out.

210
00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:38,522
- Are you busy?
- No. Come on up.

211
00:10:38,689 --> 00:10:41,886
Can you believe somebody
threw this out?

212
00:10:43,329 --> 00:10:46,207
I'm gonna make a coffee table
out of this and surprise Tina.

213
00:10:46,369 --> 00:10:48,519
Well, wouldn't it be invisible?

214
00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:51,761
I mean, what, are you gonna just
sense it's in front of the couch?

215
00:10:52,329 --> 00:10:53,967
Well...

216
00:11:02,489 --> 00:11:03,968
Hello.

217
00:11:04,369 --> 00:11:06,121
Hello.

218
00:11:08,249 --> 00:11:10,240
What's with you two?

219
00:11:11,529 --> 00:11:15,124
- You haven't told him?
- Told me what?

220
00:11:17,249 --> 00:11:19,683
Go ahead, tell him.

221
00:11:20,249 --> 00:11:22,046
I saw her naked.

222
00:11:28,209 --> 00:11:30,245
He saw me naked.

223
00:11:31,209 --> 00:11:34,087
Kramer saw me naked.

224
00:11:35,569 --> 00:11:36,888
Well, it was an accident.

225
00:11:37,049 --> 00:11:39,847
Who walks into a woman's bedroom
without knocking? I wanna know.

226
00:11:40,169 --> 00:11:42,160
I thought it was a closet.

227
00:11:43,729 --> 00:11:44,923
Completely naked?

228
00:11:45,129 --> 00:11:47,689
Completely naked.

229
00:11:48,489 --> 00:11:51,720
Jerry, how can I go on?

230
00:11:54,609 --> 00:11:58,397
All right, if it's gonna make you feel
any better, you can see me naked.

231
00:11:58,569 --> 00:12:00,161
No, thank you.

232
00:12:01,169 --> 00:12:03,080
- No, I want you to see me naked.
- No, no, no.

233
00:12:03,249 --> 00:12:04,477
- I wanna show you.
- No! Jerry!

234
00:12:04,649 --> 00:12:06,765
Hold it. Just a second.

235
00:12:06,929 --> 00:12:10,080
Let's not lose our heads here.

236
00:12:10,729 --> 00:12:12,924
Kramer, you know you're always
welcome in my home...

237
00:12:13,089 --> 00:12:15,398
...but as far as Mr. Johnson
is concerned...

238
00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:17,844
...that's another story.

239
00:12:20,329 --> 00:12:23,526
- What is this?
- It's a windshield.

240
00:12:23,849 --> 00:12:25,965
It's going to be
your new coffee table.

241
00:12:26,449 --> 00:12:29,600
I'm gonna kill myself on that thing.
You can't even see it.

242
00:12:29,769 --> 00:12:31,202
You'll sense it.

243
00:12:36,009 --> 00:12:38,477
Well? What happened?
Was she there?

244
00:12:38,649 --> 00:12:40,480
No. No, she wasn't.

245
00:12:40,649 --> 00:12:42,879
- You didn't get my papers?
- No, I didn't.

246
00:12:45,769 --> 00:12:47,168
Well, where is she?

247
00:12:48,169 --> 00:12:50,603
A mental institution.

248
00:12:51,529 --> 00:12:54,362
Why is it so difficult,
uncomfortable to be naked?

249
00:12:54,529 --> 00:12:56,485
It's because we have clothes on...

250
00:12:56,649 --> 00:13:00,119
...you can always make those little
adjustments, which people love to do.

251
00:13:00,289 --> 00:13:03,440
You feel like you're getting it together.
"Yeah, I look pretty good.

252
00:13:03,609 --> 00:13:05,725
Feeling good, looking good."

253
00:13:05,889 --> 00:13:10,087
But when you're naked, it's like-
It's so final. You're just, "Well...

254
00:13:10,249 --> 00:13:12,046
...that's it.

255
00:13:13,289 --> 00:13:15,166
There's nothing else I can do."

256
00:13:15,329 --> 00:13:18,241
That's why I like to wear
a belt when I'm naked.

257
00:13:18,409 --> 00:13:20,001
Because I feel
it gives me something.

258
00:13:20,169 --> 00:13:22,888
Some, you know,
"I'm naked, but, you know..."

259
00:13:23,489 --> 00:13:26,367
I'd like to get pockets to hang
off of the belt. That would be-

260
00:13:26,529 --> 00:13:28,360
Wouldn't that be the ultimate thing?

261
00:13:28,529 --> 00:13:31,521
To be naked
and still be able to do this.

262
00:13:31,689 --> 00:13:34,681
I think that would really help a lot.

263
00:13:37,449 --> 00:13:39,167
A mental institution?

264
00:13:39,329 --> 00:13:42,480
You know what they do in there?
Did you see Cuck oo's Nest?

265
00:13:42,729 --> 00:13:44,959
They put those electrodes
in your head.

266
00:13:45,129 --> 00:13:46,847
It's not really a mental institution.

267
00:13:47,009 --> 00:13:48,647
It's more like a depression clinic.

268
00:13:48,809 --> 00:13:52,165
She went out to Woodhaven and
checked herself in. I'm sick over this.

269
00:13:52,329 --> 00:13:54,240
- Who told you this?
- Her roommate.

270
00:13:54,409 --> 00:13:56,127
I've driven women
to lesbianism before...

271
00:13:56,289 --> 00:13:58,166
...but never to a mental institution.

272
00:14:01,729 --> 00:14:04,402
My friend Bob Sacamano
had shock treatments.

273
00:14:04,569 --> 00:14:07,686
But his synapses were so large,
had no effect.

274
00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:12,484
You know, I hate to raise
a crass financial concern...

275
00:14:12,649 --> 00:14:17,279
...but was there any information
as to the whereabouts of my papers?

276
00:14:18,209 --> 00:14:21,724
She put them in her pocketbook. She
probably took them out there with her.

277
00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:23,999
- So, what now?
- I don't know.

278
00:14:24,169 --> 00:14:25,363
Can we go out there?

279
00:14:25,609 --> 00:14:27,759
- Where?
- Woodhaven.

280
00:14:29,929 --> 00:14:31,282
We could.

281
00:14:31,929 --> 00:14:33,681
I'm very nervous about this.

282
00:14:33,929 --> 00:14:37,080
I've never spoken
to a mental patient before.

283
00:14:37,449 --> 00:14:40,009
My cousin Douglas
was in a place like this one time.

284
00:14:40,169 --> 00:14:43,764
Came over to my house for dinner,
there was no soda...

285
00:14:43,929 --> 00:14:45,920
...and he went berserk.

286
00:14:46,089 --> 00:14:48,728
He was screaming, "Where's
the Pepsi? Where's the Pepsi?"

287
00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:51,357
I should be in a place like this.

288
00:14:52,049 --> 00:14:53,721
I envy this woman.

289
00:14:54,169 --> 00:14:56,637
Get to wear slippers all day.

290
00:14:56,929 --> 00:14:59,045
Friends visit, they pity you.

291
00:14:59,769 --> 00:15:03,842
Pity's very underrated. I like it.
It's good.

292
00:15:04,169 --> 00:15:07,127
Plus, they give you those word-
association tests. I love those.

293
00:15:07,289 --> 00:15:09,359
They're great.
There's no wrong answer.

294
00:15:09,529 --> 00:15:12,168
- Potato.
- Tuberculosis.

295
00:15:13,129 --> 00:15:15,120
- Blanket.
- Leroy.

296
00:15:15,369 --> 00:15:18,202
- Grass.
- Tuberculosis.

297
00:15:21,769 --> 00:15:23,680
Oh, boy. Here she comes.

298
00:15:30,849 --> 00:15:32,123
Oh, my God.

299
00:15:37,769 --> 00:15:40,681
Oh, Kram...

300
00:15:50,209 --> 00:15:52,803
Kramer! Kramer, could you please...

301
00:15:52,969 --> 00:15:54,402
...put something on?

302
00:15:55,489 --> 00:15:57,764
Well... Oh, boy.

303
00:15:57,929 --> 00:16:00,159
Listen, you want some leftovers?

304
00:16:00,329 --> 00:16:03,446
I made some African food.
There's yambalas and sambusa.

305
00:16:03,809 --> 00:16:05,527
Sweetie.

306
00:16:05,769 --> 00:16:09,842
- Are you coming back to bed?
- Yeah, yeah. I'll be right there, babe.

307
00:16:12,329 --> 00:16:14,365
Hi, Elaine.

308
00:16:15,969 --> 00:16:18,722
What did you think
of the coffee table?

309
00:16:19,849 --> 00:16:21,601
It's invisible.

310
00:16:21,769 --> 00:16:23,043
So is everything cool or what?

311
00:16:23,209 --> 00:16:25,723
Yeah, you seem
a little bit dysfunctional.

312
00:16:27,209 --> 00:16:29,677
- Well...
- Come on, Elaine...

313
00:16:29,849 --> 00:16:31,441
...just tell us the truth.

314
00:16:32,969 --> 00:16:34,561
The truth?

315
00:16:34,729 --> 00:16:36,162
You want the truth?

316
00:16:37,409 --> 00:16:38,842
Who are you?

317
00:16:40,929 --> 00:16:43,523
This is my friend...

318
00:16:44,649 --> 00:16:46,401
...Jerry.

319
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,767
Why are you talking like that?

320
00:16:49,929 --> 00:16:52,079
And what do you want?

321
00:16:52,249 --> 00:16:53,648
Want? What could I possibly want?

322
00:16:53,809 --> 00:16:57,927
I just came because I heard so many
nice things about you from George.

323
00:16:58,249 --> 00:16:59,841
George thinks I'm pretentious.

324
00:17:00,569 --> 00:17:03,003
Pretentious. Who isn't pretentious?
I mean...

325
00:17:03,169 --> 00:17:06,844
...if everyone that was pretentious
was in a mental institution-

326
00:17:07,009 --> 00:17:09,921
Obviously,
this isn't a mental institution.

327
00:17:11,249 --> 00:17:14,719
You're trying to take it back because
you're feeling guilty I'm in here.

328
00:17:14,889 --> 00:17:16,959
- No, that's not it at all.
- Don't lie, George!

329
00:17:17,129 --> 00:17:18,244
I'm not a liar.

330
00:17:18,849 --> 00:17:20,123
We're cool. Everything's cool.

331
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:22,678
- No problem. We're good.
- Just chatting.

332
00:17:22,849 --> 00:17:24,168
Very friendly.

333
00:17:26,529 --> 00:17:28,281
Alrighty.

334
00:17:28,969 --> 00:17:31,039
No reason for us to raise our voices.

335
00:17:31,289 --> 00:17:33,484
I know what you said.
You can't change that.

336
00:17:33,649 --> 00:17:35,685
What I said.
I say stupid things all the time.

337
00:17:35,849 --> 00:17:37,999
I can't go two minutes
without saying something dumb.

338
00:17:38,169 --> 00:17:41,923
It's one stupid thing after another.

339
00:17:42,089 --> 00:17:44,649
So let me ask you, when you come
to one of these places...

340
00:17:44,809 --> 00:17:46,447
...do you bring your pocketbook?

341
00:17:47,329 --> 00:17:48,921
You should be the one criticizing me.

342
00:17:49,089 --> 00:17:51,603
I'm lucky to even know
someone like you.

343
00:17:52,089 --> 00:17:53,681
- Do you mean that?
- Of course.

344
00:17:53,849 --> 00:17:56,317
- I'm incapable of guile.
- He's never guiled.

345
00:17:57,289 --> 00:18:01,168
You know, some women keep a lot of
important papers in their pocketbooks.

346
00:18:01,329 --> 00:18:03,206
Like, for example...

347
00:18:03,369 --> 00:18:06,327
...someone else's
personal financial papers.

348
00:18:07,569 --> 00:18:08,763
Papers.

349
00:18:08,929 --> 00:18:11,807
Oh, Jerry. You're the Jerome
with the tax problem.

350
00:18:12,769 --> 00:18:14,646
You know,
after that date with George...

351
00:18:14,809 --> 00:18:17,448
...I got so cuckoo,
I threw out all your papers.

352
00:18:17,609 --> 00:18:19,998
So I'd love to help you,
but I'll just need the copies.

353
00:18:21,729 --> 00:18:23,367
There are no copies.

354
00:18:24,329 --> 00:18:25,648
So...

355
00:18:25,809 --> 00:18:28,243
...are you saying you want
to continue seeing me?

356
00:18:28,729 --> 00:18:30,720
Who makes copies?

357
00:18:31,889 --> 00:18:34,323
The truth is...

358
00:18:35,369 --> 00:18:36,563
...I think...

359
00:18:38,169 --> 00:18:41,605
...you make a very nice couple.

360
00:18:43,849 --> 00:18:45,760
Oh, Kramer.

361
00:18:57,049 --> 00:18:59,358
- Here, Kramer?
- No, no.

362
00:18:59,529 --> 00:19:01,599
Let's go to the couch.

363
00:19:04,729 --> 00:19:07,197
Yes, I'm trying to get
a copy of a receipt...

364
00:19:07,369 --> 00:19:10,406
...for a computer that I bought there.

365
00:19:11,849 --> 00:19:14,363
It was 1987.

366
00:19:14,889 --> 00:19:18,848
I remember I talked to a guy,
had, like, a maroon sport jacket...

367
00:19:19,009 --> 00:19:22,684
...and he might have had a toupee.
Oh, it was a weave?

368
00:19:23,689 --> 00:19:26,726
Okay, well, then I'll come by.

369
00:19:26,889 --> 00:19:28,117
Okay, bye.

370
00:19:28,529 --> 00:19:30,997
Anybody want to take a walk down
to 48th Street?

371
00:19:31,169 --> 00:19:33,524
I think I may have tracked
down another receipt.

372
00:19:34,009 --> 00:19:36,728
I can't. I got to go visit Tina
in the hospital.

373
00:19:36,889 --> 00:19:38,880
- George?
- I'm going to a poetry reading...

374
00:19:39,049 --> 00:19:40,277
...with Patrice.

375
00:19:40,449 --> 00:19:42,360
First-time poets.

376
00:19:42,529 --> 00:19:45,441
It's in a burnt-out building
down by the docks.

377
00:19:46,009 --> 00:19:47,761
It's supposed to be good.

378
00:19:51,449 --> 00:19:52,962
Are you going to the hospital now?

379
00:19:53,129 --> 00:19:55,643
- Yeah, I suppose I am.
- All right. Great, great.

380
00:19:55,809 --> 00:19:56,958
We'll share a cab.

381
00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:58,847
You going by 48th.
You can give me a ride.

382
00:19:59,009 --> 00:20:00,283
I'm getting in on that.

383
00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:02,246
- Yeah.
- You know you're chipping in.

384
00:20:02,409 --> 00:20:04,400
You're going that way anyway!

385
00:20:04,569 --> 00:20:06,366
Come on.

386
00:20:06,849 --> 00:20:10,000
I was audited last year.
I have been through an audit.

387
00:20:10,169 --> 00:20:13,081
At first, I thought, "Well,
IRS kind of sounds like Toys 'R' Us.

388
00:20:13,249 --> 00:20:16,321
Maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe they
have a sense of fun about it."

389
00:20:16,489 --> 00:20:19,083
You know?
But it's bad. It's an ordeal.

390
00:20:19,249 --> 00:20:21,968
And they don't do anything
to keep your spirits up...

391
00:20:22,129 --> 00:20:23,687
...through the ordeal.

392
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:26,528
I think they should take all
your receipts and put them...

393
00:20:26,689 --> 00:20:28,805
...in one of those big,
Lucite sweepstake drums...

394
00:20:28,969 --> 00:20:30,721
...and just kind of crank
it around there.

395
00:20:30,889 --> 00:20:34,120
Give you a feeling like you might win
something. You know what I mean?

396
00:20:34,289 --> 00:20:36,007
Then they can pull them out and go:

397
00:20:36,169 --> 00:20:39,764
"Oh, I'm sorry.
That's another illegal deduction...

398
00:20:39,929 --> 00:20:44,719
...but we do have some lovely
parting gifts for you. Jail."

399
00:21:30,529 --> 00:21:32,520
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group