1 00:00:02,129 --> 00:00:04,723 It's hard to find a store in a mall. They have a directory... 2 00:00:06,209 --> 00:00:09,519 ...but the problem with it is, even if you figure out where you are... 3 00:00:09,689 --> 00:00:11,247 ...and where you wanna go... 4 00:00:11,409 --> 00:00:14,446 ...you still don't really know, sometimes, which way to walk... 5 00:00:14,609 --> 00:00:16,839 ...because it's an upright map. 6 00:00:17,009 --> 00:00:20,524 If you had, like, suction-cup feet, then you could just walk right up on it. 7 00:00:20,689 --> 00:00:24,398 Then you could tell, you could be on it going, "All right, I'm here. 8 00:00:24,569 --> 00:00:26,366 I wanna go to the Gap. That's down there. 9 00:00:26,529 --> 00:00:28,042 All right, I'll just walk that way." 10 00:00:31,569 --> 00:00:35,244 But people would know. They would see you walking down the mall going: 11 00:00:36,169 --> 00:00:38,444 They'd go, "That's one of those suction-cup guys. 12 00:00:38,609 --> 00:00:42,318 I heard about that guy. He's never lost." 13 00:00:46,169 --> 00:00:47,488 One left. What a joke. 14 00:00:47,649 --> 00:00:49,924 - You can have this one. - That's not enough BTUs... 15 00:00:50,089 --> 00:00:52,523 ...for my living room. This was a waste of time. 16 00:00:52,689 --> 00:00:53,883 I didn't get one either. 17 00:00:54,049 --> 00:00:55,562 Why do I always have the feeling... 18 00:00:55,729 --> 00:00:58,243 ...everybody's doing something better than me on Saturdays? 19 00:00:58,409 --> 00:01:00,127 - This is what people do. - No, they don't. 20 00:01:00,289 --> 00:01:02,928 They're out on some big picnic, they're cooking burgers... 21 00:01:03,089 --> 00:01:05,000 ...making out on blankets. 22 00:01:05,169 --> 00:01:06,761 They're not at some mall in Jersey... 23 00:01:06,929 --> 00:01:10,285 ...watching their friends trying to find the world's cheapest air conditioner. 24 00:01:10,449 --> 00:01:13,521 You should see what my father used to do before he bought a new car. 25 00:01:13,689 --> 00:01:16,522 He'd go from state to state. He was away for weeks at a time. 26 00:01:16,689 --> 00:01:19,408 Like he's running for president and going through the primaries. 27 00:01:19,569 --> 00:01:21,287 We'd get phone calls from New Hampshire. 28 00:01:21,729 --> 00:01:23,526 We took a little ride, what's the big deal? 29 00:01:23,689 --> 00:01:25,805 At least you accomplished something. You got fish. 30 00:01:25,969 --> 00:01:27,004 Oh, big accomplishment. 31 00:01:27,169 --> 00:01:29,125 Fish. What do they do? 32 00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:31,803 - What do you do? - Hey, this way! 33 00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:35,561 Jerry, what time do you have? 34 00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:37,321 I have 5:00. 35 00:01:37,489 --> 00:01:40,481 - Always late. Always late. - You're not late. 36 00:01:40,649 --> 00:01:43,117 I told them to meet me in front of my building at 6: 15. 37 00:01:43,289 --> 00:01:46,087 - Who? - My parents. It's their anniversary. 38 00:01:46,249 --> 00:01:48,638 I'm taking them out to dinner and a show tonight. 39 00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:51,118 - Think we'll hit traffic? - Of course. It's rush hour. 40 00:01:51,289 --> 00:01:53,280 - Isn't it the other way? - There's no other way. 41 00:01:53,449 --> 00:01:55,041 Everybody goes every way all the time. 42 00:01:55,209 --> 00:01:58,087 - But it's Saturday. - You got the picnic and burger traffic. 43 00:01:58,249 --> 00:02:00,717 - There's picnic traffic? - As my grandfather used to say: 44 00:02:00,889 --> 00:02:02,925 "Sometimes even a picnic's no picnic." 45 00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:07,844 I always get myself in this position. Can't be on time. Gotta rush. 46 00:02:08,689 --> 00:02:10,361 What's the matter? 47 00:02:13,649 --> 00:02:15,002 I have to go to the bathroom. 48 00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:17,399 Why do they hide the bathrooms in these malls? 49 00:02:18,769 --> 00:02:21,203 - You want me to help you with that? - No, I got it. 50 00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:27,367 What do you think, Georgie boy? 51 00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:31,246 Did I need that pointed out for me? 52 00:02:31,409 --> 00:02:34,401 What is that gonna do for me? How does that help me, to see her? 53 00:02:34,569 --> 00:02:36,958 I'm trying to live my life. Don't show me that. 54 00:02:37,129 --> 00:02:38,926 Well, if you like her, go and talk to her. 55 00:02:39,089 --> 00:02:41,478 Yeah, women love to get approached in parking garages. 56 00:02:41,649 --> 00:02:45,164 I'll go up and say, "Hi, how you doing? Would you like a glass of white wine?" 57 00:02:45,329 --> 00:02:48,287 You get within 15 feet, she'd have her finger on the Mace button. 58 00:02:48,449 --> 00:02:50,724 That was a guy. 59 00:02:50,889 --> 00:02:53,244 - That was a guy? - Where's the car? 60 00:02:53,409 --> 00:02:55,081 Well, I thought it was here. 61 00:02:55,249 --> 00:02:57,444 You don't know where we parked? 62 00:02:58,769 --> 00:03:02,079 - Oh, this is great. - Look, I thought it was Green 22. 63 00:03:02,249 --> 00:03:04,319 I remember Orange. I thought it was Orange. 64 00:03:05,009 --> 00:03:07,364 - I didn't pay attention. - This is just what I need. 65 00:03:07,529 --> 00:03:08,962 I'm sure it's right around here. 66 00:03:09,129 --> 00:03:11,199 Yeah, it looks familiar. I remember the elevator. 67 00:03:11,369 --> 00:03:15,203 There's elevators all over! Everything looks the same! 68 00:03:15,369 --> 00:03:18,122 We're like rats in some experiment. 69 00:03:18,449 --> 00:03:21,168 It's over there. I know where it is. 70 00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,529 - It's black, right? - Well, it's dark brown. 71 00:03:24,689 --> 00:03:26,998 In a parking lot, you write it down. How hard is that? 72 00:03:27,169 --> 00:03:28,522 There it is. 73 00:03:28,689 --> 00:03:30,088 No, no. 74 00:03:30,249 --> 00:03:32,126 That's a Toyota. 75 00:03:34,169 --> 00:03:37,002 - I thought it was... - Hey, didn't we come in over there? 76 00:03:38,849 --> 00:03:41,204 I thought we came in over there. 77 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:44,767 How long can fish live in one of these plastic bags? 78 00:03:44,929 --> 00:03:47,159 I don't know. Maybe two hours. 79 00:03:48,009 --> 00:03:49,647 You better find this car. 80 00:03:49,809 --> 00:03:51,322 Let's try this way. 81 00:03:51,489 --> 00:03:54,447 I really have to go to the bathroom. 82 00:03:55,089 --> 00:03:57,887 Why don't you just go behind one of these cars. 83 00:03:58,449 --> 00:04:01,600 - Why? There's nobody around. - I'll wait. 84 00:04:01,769 --> 00:04:05,159 You hold it in like that, you can cause a lot of damage to your bladder. 85 00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:07,047 That's what happens to truck drivers. 86 00:04:07,209 --> 00:04:09,120 They hold it in all the time and eventually... 87 00:04:09,289 --> 00:04:12,087 - ... it starts to come out involuntarily. - All right. 88 00:04:12,529 --> 00:04:17,319 Jerry, are you aware that adult diapers are a $600-million-a-year industry? 89 00:04:17,489 --> 00:04:20,686 Maybe I should just go any time I get the urge, like you, wherever I am. 90 00:04:20,849 --> 00:04:24,046 There's too much urinary freedom in this society. I'm proud to hold it in. 91 00:04:24,209 --> 00:04:25,358 It builds character. 92 00:04:25,529 --> 00:04:27,406 - Is that it? - No. 93 00:04:28,209 --> 00:04:30,086 Hey! Watch it! 94 00:04:30,689 --> 00:04:32,122 Maniac. 95 00:04:35,009 --> 00:04:36,681 You sure you don't want help with that? 96 00:04:36,849 --> 00:04:39,204 I'm gonna put it down behind that car. 97 00:04:39,729 --> 00:04:42,197 Worried somebody's gonna pee on it? 98 00:04:47,409 --> 00:04:50,879 - It's Purple 23. Remember that. - Oh, I got it. 99 00:04:51,049 --> 00:04:54,837 That I'm supposed to remember. Where the car is, that's insignificant. 100 00:04:55,249 --> 00:04:57,240 I think they're labouring. 101 00:04:57,409 --> 00:05:00,321 Look at this place! It's huge! 102 00:05:03,249 --> 00:05:05,319 All right, let me say this to you: 103 00:05:05,489 --> 00:05:09,801 If I am not in front of my building at 6: 15, when my parents get there... 104 00:05:09,969 --> 00:05:12,529 ...they're gonna put me on an aggravation instalment plan... 105 00:05:12,689 --> 00:05:14,805 ...that will compound, with interest, for decades. 106 00:05:14,969 --> 00:05:16,482 Parents never forget a foul-up. 107 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:19,163 I once left my jacket on a bus when I was 14. 108 00:05:19,329 --> 00:05:22,241 I was flying to Chicago, last week, on a plane: 109 00:05:22,409 --> 00:05:24,081 "Make sure you hang on to your jacket." 110 00:05:24,249 --> 00:05:25,648 There's no way you can call them? 111 00:05:25,809 --> 00:05:28,607 - Yeah, I'll call them on their car phone. - What would it take... 112 00:05:28,769 --> 00:05:31,647 - ... for his parents to get a car phone? - Hypnosis by aliens. 113 00:05:31,809 --> 00:05:34,642 - Where the hell is this car, Kramer? - We need a system. 114 00:05:34,809 --> 00:05:36,037 Well, it's gotta be here. 115 00:05:36,209 --> 00:05:38,439 Why are they using so many colours? 116 00:05:38,609 --> 00:05:41,248 The numbers go up to 40. 117 00:05:41,489 --> 00:05:43,923 Maybe it's not on this level. 118 00:05:45,689 --> 00:05:47,759 - What? - There's four different levels. 119 00:05:47,929 --> 00:05:49,681 Maybe we're on the wrong level. 120 00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:52,841 - How long was the escalator ride up? - It felt like a couple of levels. 121 00:05:53,009 --> 00:05:55,045 You should always bring a pad and a pen. 122 00:05:55,209 --> 00:05:57,803 I can't carry a pen. I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum. 123 00:05:57,969 --> 00:05:59,288 I got a pen. 124 00:05:59,449 --> 00:06:01,599 Where is the bathroom in this mall? 125 00:06:01,769 --> 00:06:04,203 There's 600 stores, I didn't see one bathroom. 126 00:06:04,369 --> 00:06:05,768 What is this, like, a joke? 127 00:06:05,929 --> 00:06:09,604 Don't they consult with a urologist when they build one of these places? 128 00:06:12,409 --> 00:06:14,445 - What's with you? - My ear itches. 129 00:06:14,609 --> 00:06:17,248 Don't you dare talk to me like that, you hear me? 130 00:06:17,409 --> 00:06:21,163 I told you, I don't care! You'll have to wait! 131 00:06:21,329 --> 00:06:23,797 Hey, hey, is that really necessary? 132 00:06:23,969 --> 00:06:25,880 Why don't you mind your own business. 133 00:06:26,049 --> 00:06:29,280 Well, I think hitting a defenceless child is my business. 134 00:06:29,449 --> 00:06:31,440 - You're ugly. - What? 135 00:06:31,609 --> 00:06:33,406 - You're ugly. - You are. 136 00:06:33,569 --> 00:06:35,560 - You are. - That's what you think. 137 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,924 That's what I know. 138 00:06:42,089 --> 00:06:45,479 - I found it! - He's got it! 139 00:06:47,329 --> 00:06:50,207 - No, no, no. - All right, that's it. 140 00:06:50,369 --> 00:06:53,998 From now on, no more calling out "I found it"unless we're sitting in it. 141 00:06:54,169 --> 00:06:56,160 Jerry, look at my fish. 142 00:06:56,329 --> 00:06:58,718 - His eyes look a little cloudy. - See? 143 00:06:58,889 --> 00:07:00,845 Oh, those are your eyes. 144 00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,801 Oh, they are gonna be furious. 145 00:07:02,969 --> 00:07:04,641 - Who's got the tickets? - I do. 146 00:07:04,809 --> 00:07:06,037 I thought you knew this mall. 147 00:07:06,209 --> 00:07:08,359 - You said you'd been here. - It was easy last time. 148 00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:10,759 Okay, my fish are dying right in front of me. 149 00:07:10,929 --> 00:07:14,001 We've gotta get someone to drive us around to us help look for the car. 150 00:07:14,169 --> 00:07:16,603 No one's gonna do that. 151 00:07:17,489 --> 00:07:18,888 Excuse me. Hi. 152 00:07:19,049 --> 00:07:23,247 We can't seem to find our car. I was wondering if it would be possible... 153 00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:26,924 ...to drive us around the garage for five minutes so we can look. 154 00:07:27,089 --> 00:07:28,727 Sorry. 155 00:07:28,889 --> 00:07:31,562 - Just five minutes. - Can't do it. 156 00:07:32,209 --> 00:07:34,598 We're not skinheads. 157 00:07:38,489 --> 00:07:41,640 Excuse me. I can't seem to find my car. 158 00:07:41,809 --> 00:07:44,243 Do you think you could drive me-? 159 00:07:44,409 --> 00:07:49,688 Oh, that's funny? Is that funny? Hey, tell me if you think this is funny: 160 00:07:49,849 --> 00:07:52,841 These fish are dying. 161 00:07:53,609 --> 00:07:55,839 In an hour they'll be belly-up! 162 00:07:57,089 --> 00:07:59,080 Excuse me. 163 00:07:59,329 --> 00:08:01,285 Excuse me. 164 00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:05,005 Hey, sorry to have disturbed you. Terribly sorry. 165 00:08:05,169 --> 00:08:08,286 But the fish will be dead! You do know that? 166 00:08:08,449 --> 00:08:10,758 They can't live in plastic. 167 00:08:10,929 --> 00:08:14,205 That's not me talking, that's science! 168 00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:17,167 It's amazing how shopping makes me have to go. 169 00:08:17,329 --> 00:08:20,048 How does my bladder know I'm in a department store? 170 00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,279 Why don't you just go. 171 00:08:22,449 --> 00:08:24,007 No, I can't. 172 00:08:24,169 --> 00:08:27,081 - Don't you get tired of following rules? - You think I'm too cautious? 173 00:08:27,249 --> 00:08:30,207 Why be uncomfortable if you don't have to? 174 00:08:30,369 --> 00:08:33,281 - It's organic. - Organic. So is Buddy Hackett. 175 00:08:33,449 --> 00:08:35,679 - Buddy Hackett? - He's a comedian. 176 00:08:35,889 --> 00:08:37,083 I know. 177 00:08:37,649 --> 00:08:41,005 - All right, all right. - Hey, you can go over here. 178 00:08:42,569 --> 00:08:44,605 I can manage. 179 00:08:46,649 --> 00:08:48,446 George! 180 00:08:57,769 --> 00:08:58,963 - Okay, let's go. - But- 181 00:08:59,129 --> 00:09:00,482 Come on. 182 00:09:00,649 --> 00:09:02,765 Kramer. 183 00:09:07,289 --> 00:09:10,326 I'm telling you, I've had this condition since I was 11 years old. 184 00:09:10,649 --> 00:09:12,765 I've been in and out of hospitals my whole life. 185 00:09:12,929 --> 00:09:14,840 I have no control over it. 186 00:09:15,009 --> 00:09:17,398 Doctors have told me that when I feel it... 187 00:09:17,569 --> 00:09:19,525 ...the best thing to do is just release it. 188 00:09:19,689 --> 00:09:21,281 Otherwise... 189 00:09:21,449 --> 00:09:22,802 ...I could die. 190 00:09:23,489 --> 00:09:24,968 Do you hear what I'm saying to you? 191 00:09:25,129 --> 00:09:28,758 I'm telling you that if I don't go, I could die. 192 00:09:28,929 --> 00:09:31,489 Die! Is it worth dying for? 193 00:09:31,649 --> 00:09:35,039 - That's up to you. - Oh, so you don't care if I die. 194 00:09:35,209 --> 00:09:38,679 What I care about is the sanitary condition of the parking facility. 195 00:09:38,849 --> 00:09:40,885 Why would I do it unless I was in mortal danger? 196 00:09:41,049 --> 00:09:43,085 - I know it's against the law. - I don't know. 197 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:47,003 Because I could get "uromysitisis" poisoning and die, that's why. 198 00:09:48,929 --> 00:09:50,999 You think I enjoy living like this? 199 00:09:51,169 --> 00:09:53,842 The shame? The humiliation? 200 00:09:54,009 --> 00:09:56,239 You know, I've been issued a public urination pass... 201 00:09:56,409 --> 00:09:58,161 ...by the city because of my condition. 202 00:09:58,329 --> 00:10:01,719 Unfortunately, my little brother ran out of the house with it this morning. 203 00:10:01,929 --> 00:10:04,762 Him and his friends are probably peeing all over the place. 204 00:10:04,929 --> 00:10:07,887 Jerry! 205 00:10:08,329 --> 00:10:11,605 Jerry! 206 00:10:11,769 --> 00:10:13,566 Unbelievable. 207 00:10:13,729 --> 00:10:15,845 I'm never gonna get out of here. 208 00:10:16,209 --> 00:10:17,847 Guy goes to pee, he never comes back. 209 00:10:18,009 --> 00:10:19,601 It's like a science-fiction story. 210 00:10:20,529 --> 00:10:22,520 Maybe he went to one of the other levels. 211 00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:24,600 - I'm gonna look for him. - Now you're gonna go? 212 00:10:24,769 --> 00:10:26,566 - Be back in five minutes. - If you go now... 213 00:10:26,729 --> 00:10:30,244 ...we'll find the car, Jerry will show up and we'll never find you! 214 00:10:30,409 --> 00:10:32,286 I'll be right back. 215 00:10:33,809 --> 00:10:37,006 What's the difference? We'll all be dead eventually. 216 00:10:37,809 --> 00:10:39,879 Does that bother you? 217 00:10:40,649 --> 00:10:42,207 Yeah, it bothers me. 218 00:10:42,369 --> 00:10:45,645 - Doesn't it bother you? - Not at all. 219 00:10:45,969 --> 00:10:48,199 Now, that bothers me even more than dying bothers me. 220 00:10:48,369 --> 00:10:50,246 Because people like you live to be 120... 221 00:10:50,409 --> 00:10:52,047 ...because you're not bothered by it. 222 00:10:52,209 --> 00:10:53,927 How can it not bother you? 223 00:10:54,089 --> 00:10:58,367 Well, I once saw this thing on TV with people who are terminally ill. 224 00:10:58,529 --> 00:11:00,759 Every one of them believed that the secret of life... 225 00:11:00,929 --> 00:11:02,601 ...is just to live every moment. 226 00:11:02,769 --> 00:11:04,521 Yeah, I've heard that. 227 00:11:04,689 --> 00:11:08,682 Meanwhile, I'm here with you in a parking garage in Jersey. 228 00:11:09,529 --> 00:11:11,406 That's a nice jacket. Where'd you get that? 229 00:11:11,569 --> 00:11:14,641 Some guy left it over at my mother's house. 230 00:11:14,809 --> 00:11:18,518 First of all, you don't even know, technically, that I went. 231 00:11:18,689 --> 00:11:20,008 That's for starters. 232 00:11:20,169 --> 00:11:22,842 I mean, I could have been pouring a bottle of water out there. 233 00:11:23,569 --> 00:11:26,447 - I know what you did. - Oh, really? Do you? Well... 234 00:11:26,609 --> 00:11:28,918 ...it just so happens that I did pour water out. 235 00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:32,684 I had a bottle of very tepid water and I poured it out. 236 00:11:32,849 --> 00:11:34,441 I could see how you made a mistake... 237 00:11:34,609 --> 00:11:38,648 ...because pouring water out sounds very much like a person urinating. 238 00:11:38,809 --> 00:11:40,845 And, you know, when you think about it... 239 00:11:41,009 --> 00:11:44,206 ...it's really quite an amusing case of mistaken identity. 240 00:11:44,369 --> 00:11:45,961 And that's all it is. 241 00:11:46,129 --> 00:11:48,962 And now he's gone. I'm sure he's looking for the car. 242 00:11:49,129 --> 00:11:51,245 Five minutes, that's all. I just wanna find him. 243 00:11:51,409 --> 00:11:54,048 - I can't do it. - But why? Why can't you do it? 244 00:11:54,209 --> 00:11:55,608 I can't. 245 00:11:55,769 --> 00:11:58,203 That's not a reason, "You can't." You just don't want to. 246 00:11:58,609 --> 00:11:59,928 That's right. 247 00:12:00,089 --> 00:12:01,841 But why? Why don't you want to? 248 00:12:02,609 --> 00:12:04,201 I don't know. 249 00:12:05,009 --> 00:12:08,001 Well, wouldn't you get any satisfaction out of helping someone out? 250 00:12:08,169 --> 00:12:10,763 No, I wouldn't. 251 00:12:17,169 --> 00:12:19,285 All right. All right. 252 00:12:19,449 --> 00:12:22,247 I... I want to apologize. 253 00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:23,762 I was frightened. 254 00:12:23,929 --> 00:12:26,045 I said crazy things, I obviously offended you... 255 00:12:26,209 --> 00:12:28,279 ...I insulted your intelligence. 256 00:12:28,449 --> 00:12:31,521 The uromysitisis, the water bottle... 257 00:12:31,689 --> 00:12:33,407 ...I made all that up. 258 00:12:33,569 --> 00:12:35,764 And now I'm gonna tell you the truth. 259 00:12:37,329 --> 00:12:39,684 Today my parents are celebrating... 260 00:12:39,849 --> 00:12:43,205 ...their 50th- Well, I'm jumping ahead here. 261 00:12:43,369 --> 00:12:45,758 Their 47th wedding anniversary. 262 00:12:45,929 --> 00:12:49,126 And we made plans to spend the evening together. 263 00:12:49,289 --> 00:12:52,201 They're meeting me in front of my building at 6: 15. 264 00:12:52,369 --> 00:12:54,280 What I haven't told you... 265 00:12:54,569 --> 00:12:57,003 ...or anyone else, for that matter... 266 00:12:58,129 --> 00:13:00,404 ...is that my father's been in a Red Chinese prison... 267 00:13:00,569 --> 00:13:02,685 ...for the past 14 years. 268 00:13:03,129 --> 00:13:04,926 I mean, the guy had a fat fetish. 269 00:13:05,089 --> 00:13:08,445 The inspector never dated a woman under 250 pounds. 270 00:13:08,609 --> 00:13:12,204 - Really. - What did he do with all that fat? 271 00:13:12,369 --> 00:13:14,325 Does he just jump up and down on it? 272 00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:17,162 Or does he gouge it like Killer Kowalski? 273 00:13:17,329 --> 00:13:19,638 - Who's Killer Kowalski? - He was a wrestler. 274 00:13:19,809 --> 00:13:21,242 He would get down on his knees... 275 00:13:21,409 --> 00:13:23,525 ...and he'd grab ahold of someone's stomach... 276 00:13:23,689 --> 00:13:25,088 ...and squeeze it till they gave. 277 00:13:25,249 --> 00:13:28,286 Hey, hey, hey. I have to go to the bathroom. 278 00:13:28,449 --> 00:13:30,007 Why don't you just go. 279 00:13:30,209 --> 00:13:32,165 What, here? 280 00:13:32,849 --> 00:13:34,999 You and Jerry. It's... 281 00:13:36,609 --> 00:13:37,962 Okay. 282 00:13:38,369 --> 00:13:40,758 All right, I'm gonna go down this row. 283 00:13:52,689 --> 00:13:56,238 What? What did I do? I didn't do anything. 284 00:13:56,409 --> 00:13:59,799 Kramer! Kramer! 285 00:14:00,529 --> 00:14:06,161 What? Don't you believe me? It's their 47th anniversary. 286 00:14:06,449 --> 00:14:08,041 You know, this is gonna kill them. 287 00:14:08,209 --> 00:14:10,279 You're aware of that? Kill them. 288 00:14:10,449 --> 00:14:12,121 On the biggest night of their life. 289 00:14:12,289 --> 00:14:14,849 Your folks have an anniversary today too? 290 00:14:17,769 --> 00:14:20,283 Was your father also in a Red Chinese prison? 291 00:14:20,809 --> 00:14:22,128 Red Chinese prison? 292 00:14:24,409 --> 00:14:27,207 George! 293 00:14:27,449 --> 00:14:30,009 George! 294 00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:32,842 Jerry! 295 00:14:34,009 --> 00:14:37,319 Jerry! 296 00:14:38,009 --> 00:14:39,886 You know when you're walking with someone... 297 00:14:40,049 --> 00:14:42,961 ...and you assume that they know where the car is? 298 00:14:43,129 --> 00:14:47,407 And you're fine until you see them do this move. Once they do this: 299 00:14:51,529 --> 00:14:54,919 When they look back from where they came from... 300 00:14:55,089 --> 00:14:56,238 No, you're in bad shape now. 301 00:14:56,409 --> 00:14:59,719 Nobody that knows where they're going does that. 302 00:14:59,889 --> 00:15:03,848 Pilots on planes don't open the cockpit door and go: 303 00:15:06,009 --> 00:15:07,362 Well, what happened was... 304 00:15:07,529 --> 00:15:10,646 ...my father was staying with one of China's great military leaders... 305 00:15:10,809 --> 00:15:13,403 ...General Chang, who, by the way, came up with the recipe... 306 00:15:13,569 --> 00:15:16,720 ...for General Chang's chicken. The one with red pepper and orange peel... 307 00:15:16,889 --> 00:15:19,039 - ... at Szechwan Gardens? - I eat it all the time. Spicy. 308 00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:21,200 Apparently, General Chang is a flamboyant man. 309 00:15:21,369 --> 00:15:24,247 Complete failure as a general, but a hell of a cook. 310 00:15:25,449 --> 00:15:26,928 Look at this. 311 00:15:27,089 --> 00:15:29,523 Look at this. Will you look at this? 312 00:15:29,689 --> 00:15:33,364 He doesn't have enough with the Mercedes, he has to have two spaces. 313 00:15:33,529 --> 00:15:36,566 I tell you, you know what I'd like to do? I'd like to spit on it. 314 00:15:36,729 --> 00:15:38,481 I would like to see that. 315 00:15:38,649 --> 00:15:41,482 - Should I? Should I do it? - Teach him a lesson he'll never forget. 316 00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,879 - Who does he think he is? - Someone's gotta stop him. 317 00:15:44,049 --> 00:15:47,166 - It's against the law, isn't it? - Well, it certainly should be. 318 00:15:48,049 --> 00:15:49,607 Okay. 319 00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:55,042 This is some machine. 320 00:15:55,209 --> 00:15:57,404 Leave it to the Germans. 321 00:15:58,409 --> 00:16:00,320 Let me ask you something. 322 00:16:00,489 --> 00:16:02,957 What do they get for a tune-up on this? 323 00:16:05,809 --> 00:16:07,367 - Jerry! - Elaine! 324 00:16:07,529 --> 00:16:08,723 Where have you been? 325 00:16:08,889 --> 00:16:11,323 - I was arrested for urinating. - Me too. 326 00:16:11,489 --> 00:16:13,719 - You what? - I have uromysitisis. 327 00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:15,368 It's very serious, you know. 328 00:16:15,529 --> 00:16:17,247 Jerry, look at my fish. 329 00:16:17,609 --> 00:16:21,318 - Is he...? - No, but he's not looking good. 330 00:16:22,609 --> 00:16:25,203 Please. We can't find our car. 331 00:16:25,369 --> 00:16:28,805 Please, just drive us around the parking lot to find our car. 332 00:16:28,969 --> 00:16:31,039 - My fish are dying. - Sorry. Can't do it. 333 00:16:31,209 --> 00:16:33,882 I can see not caring what happens to us. We're human. 334 00:16:34,049 --> 00:16:37,325 But what about the fish? The fish? 335 00:16:37,489 --> 00:16:38,808 Sorry. 336 00:16:39,089 --> 00:16:40,727 That's right, go. 337 00:16:40,889 --> 00:16:42,607 Go home to your dumbbells. 338 00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:47,365 Go work on your pecs and your lats. We're all really impressed. 339 00:16:47,529 --> 00:16:49,599 Yeah, that's right. You heard me. 340 00:16:49,769 --> 00:16:54,001 - You got a problem with that? - Elaine, shut up. 341 00:16:54,169 --> 00:16:57,241 Don't worry, I'm packing heat. 342 00:16:57,649 --> 00:16:59,128 Hey, hey. Where's Kramer? 343 00:16:59,289 --> 00:17:01,041 - I don't know. - I thought he was with you. 344 00:17:01,209 --> 00:17:03,120 Oh, see? See? I knew this was gonna happen. 345 00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:04,961 Look at the time. All right, that's it. 346 00:17:05,129 --> 00:17:07,085 Did we look over there? We check that side? 347 00:17:07,249 --> 00:17:09,809 - We came in over there. - We didn't come in over there. 348 00:17:09,969 --> 00:17:11,687 - Where's Kramer? - Look at these cars... 349 00:17:11,849 --> 00:17:13,248 ...they all look exactly alike. 350 00:17:17,009 --> 00:17:18,806 The fumes. 351 00:17:18,969 --> 00:17:20,288 I can't breathe. 352 00:17:20,449 --> 00:17:23,361 I'm having trouble breathing. 353 00:17:27,449 --> 00:17:30,009 Hey, George, there she is again. 354 00:17:31,009 --> 00:17:32,761 What are you doing? You're killing me. 355 00:17:33,449 --> 00:17:35,724 Ask her to drive us around. There's your opening. 356 00:17:38,369 --> 00:17:40,405 That is an opening. 357 00:17:42,369 --> 00:17:45,281 Excuse me. I'm really... 358 00:17:45,449 --> 00:17:47,041 See, what happened... 359 00:17:47,209 --> 00:17:50,804 - ... my friend forgot where he parked... - Sure, I'll drive you around. 360 00:17:51,329 --> 00:17:52,682 - You will? - Sure. 361 00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:54,438 Thank you. Thank you. 362 00:17:54,609 --> 00:17:58,124 We're late and my parents are waiting for me and we're stuck here. 363 00:17:58,289 --> 00:18:01,167 Well, I wouldn't wanna get lost in here. It smells like a toilet. 364 00:18:01,329 --> 00:18:03,638 - People are such animals. - You're telling me. 365 00:18:03,809 --> 00:18:05,128 Filthy pigs. 366 00:18:05,809 --> 00:18:07,640 It's a brown Ford. 367 00:18:07,809 --> 00:18:10,323 This has happened to me too. It's very frustrating. 368 00:18:10,929 --> 00:18:14,001 I've asked several people. They wouldn't even answer me. 369 00:18:14,169 --> 00:18:16,558 I'm happy to do it. 370 00:18:17,649 --> 00:18:18,923 I'm Michele. 371 00:18:19,409 --> 00:18:22,845 Hi, Michele. I'm George. 372 00:18:31,809 --> 00:18:35,279 - Get out! - But I didn't mean anything by it. 373 00:18:35,449 --> 00:18:40,045 I don't even know L. Ron Hubbard. I didn't know you were with that group. 374 00:18:40,209 --> 00:18:41,961 What about my fish? 375 00:18:42,129 --> 00:18:45,087 Boy, those Scientologists, they can be pretty sensitive. 376 00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:46,967 I'll say. 377 00:18:47,129 --> 00:18:49,848 What is it? The car! 378 00:18:50,009 --> 00:18:51,806 - The car! - The car! 379 00:18:51,969 --> 00:18:56,247 - The car! - I can't believe it! 380 00:18:56,409 --> 00:18:59,879 Kramer. Kramer's not here. I knew it. 381 00:19:00,049 --> 00:19:01,687 I knew it. I knew this would happen. 382 00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:04,966 - Kramer! Kramer! - Kramer! 383 00:19:05,609 --> 00:19:08,043 Kramer! 384 00:19:14,769 --> 00:19:16,361 Hey, look. 385 00:19:16,609 --> 00:19:19,077 Boy, I had a hell of a time finding that air conditioner. 386 00:19:19,249 --> 00:19:20,762 You know I looked everywhere? 387 00:19:20,929 --> 00:19:23,727 I completely forgot where I hid it. 388 00:19:23,889 --> 00:19:25,481 You know where it was? 389 00:19:25,649 --> 00:19:29,358 - Purple 23. - Right. Purple 23. 390 00:19:29,529 --> 00:19:31,087 I could have used you. 391 00:19:31,249 --> 00:19:33,683 Sometimes it's good to write those things down. 392 00:19:33,849 --> 00:19:36,522 Oh, boy. What time is it? 393 00:19:36,689 --> 00:19:38,327 7:45. 394 00:19:40,049 --> 00:19:42,517 Well, at least there'll be no traffic. 395 00:19:43,489 --> 00:19:44,842 Right. 396 00:19:45,969 --> 00:19:47,561 Oh, boy. 397 00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:52,759 - What time does that play start? -8:00. 398 00:19:54,329 --> 00:19:55,648 Well, that could be a problem. 399 00:19:56,889 --> 00:19:59,084 Where's your little bag of... 400 00:20:01,129 --> 00:20:03,643 All right, let's giddyup. 401 00:20:25,249 --> 00:20:27,319 See, the problem with the mall garage... 402 00:20:27,489 --> 00:20:30,879 ...is that everything looks the same. 403 00:20:31,089 --> 00:20:33,080 They try to differentiate it. 404 00:20:33,249 --> 00:20:36,286 They put up different colours, different numbers, different letters. 405 00:20:36,449 --> 00:20:38,440 What they need to do is name the levels like: 406 00:20:38,609 --> 00:20:40,645 "Your mother's a whore." You know what I mean? 407 00:20:40,809 --> 00:20:42,367 You would remember that. 408 00:20:42,529 --> 00:20:45,487 You'd go, "I know, I'm parked at 'My father's an abusive alcoholic.' 409 00:20:45,649 --> 00:20:47,526 I know where I parked." 410 00:21:31,289 --> 00:21:33,280 Subtitles by SDl Media Group