1 00:00:02,129 --> 00:00:04,085 The transplant, the hair plug... 2 00:00:05,609 --> 00:00:08,760 ...is really quite amazing. Hair on your shower soap yesterday... 3 00:00:08,929 --> 00:00:10,920 ...can be in your head tomorrow. 4 00:00:11,089 --> 00:00:12,408 How do they do the transplant? 5 00:00:12,569 --> 00:00:14,764 Did they have the guy take a shower, get his soap... 6 00:00:14,929 --> 00:00:16,282 ...rush it in by helicopter? 7 00:00:16,449 --> 00:00:19,486 You know, keep the soap alive on the soap-support system? 8 00:00:20,209 --> 00:00:21,847 Then eventually move it over? 9 00:00:22,009 --> 00:00:25,001 "We got the hairs, but I think we lost the Zest." 10 00:00:25,529 --> 00:00:27,838 Sometimes the body rejects the transplant... 11 00:00:28,009 --> 00:00:30,887 ...with organs. Is it possible that a head could reject... 12 00:00:31,049 --> 00:00:32,448 ...a hair transplant? 13 00:00:32,609 --> 00:00:35,567 The guy's just standing around. Suddenly: 14 00:00:38,289 --> 00:00:40,678 It lands in someone's frozen yoghurt. 15 00:00:44,969 --> 00:00:47,358 You see, the gaskets that you have here... 16 00:00:47,529 --> 00:00:49,167 ...are asymmetrical. 17 00:00:49,329 --> 00:00:52,048 - Really? - So I took off the motor relay... 18 00:00:52,209 --> 00:00:56,361 ...on the compressor because you've got some discoloration. 19 00:00:56,529 --> 00:00:58,759 - Oh, whatever you have to do. - I was working... 20 00:00:58,929 --> 00:01:00,521 ...with one mount at a time. 21 00:01:00,689 --> 00:01:02,725 You know, because you don't want to disturb... 22 00:01:02,889 --> 00:01:06,279 - ... the position of the compressor. - No, you don't. 23 00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:10,803 Hey, what are you listening to? 24 00:01:10,969 --> 00:01:12,163 My show from last night. 25 00:01:12,329 --> 00:01:14,968 - Oh, you taped it? - Yeah, I was doing some new material. 26 00:01:15,129 --> 00:01:17,324 Did you ever do that thing on the toes that I said? 27 00:01:18,369 --> 00:01:21,645 You know, how, like, the big toe is, like, the captain of the toes. 28 00:01:21,809 --> 00:01:24,528 But sometimes the toe next to the big toe gets so big... 29 00:01:24,689 --> 00:01:26,441 ...that there's, like, a power struggle. 30 00:01:26,609 --> 00:01:28,679 And the second toe assumes control of the foot. 31 00:01:28,849 --> 00:01:30,919 - The coup d'é-toe. - Yeah. 32 00:01:31,969 --> 00:01:33,288 - Did you do it? - Yeah. 33 00:01:33,449 --> 00:01:34,928 - So? - Nothing. 34 00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:37,208 Nothing at all. 35 00:01:37,369 --> 00:01:38,882 - I need the phone. - Who you calling? 36 00:01:39,049 --> 00:01:40,448 China. 37 00:01:41,329 --> 00:01:42,728 - China? - Yeah, I'll pay for it. 38 00:01:42,889 --> 00:01:44,447 - What for? - What for? 39 00:01:44,609 --> 00:01:46,998 I'll tell you what for. For hair. 40 00:01:47,769 --> 00:01:50,124 - Hair? - The Chinese have done it, my friend. 41 00:01:50,649 --> 00:01:52,844 - The Chinese have done it. - Done what? 42 00:01:53,009 --> 00:01:55,807 - Discovered the cure for baldness. - Did you see that last night? 43 00:01:55,969 --> 00:01:58,961 It was on CNN. This Chinese doctor, Zang Zhao... 44 00:01:59,129 --> 00:02:00,482 ...has cured baldness. 45 00:02:00,649 --> 00:02:02,924 - What's this? - Oh, I just got it. 46 00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:04,681 Spector gave it to me. 47 00:02:04,849 --> 00:02:06,601 He's giving everything away. 48 00:02:06,769 --> 00:02:09,203 He's becoming a minimalist. 49 00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:11,568 Is that the guy who likes fat women? 50 00:02:11,729 --> 00:02:13,082 Yeah. 51 00:02:13,249 --> 00:02:16,798 Doesn't the fat fetish conflict with the minimalism? 52 00:02:18,689 --> 00:02:22,204 You. You should have watched that report on CNN last night. 53 00:02:22,369 --> 00:02:24,519 I did. I'm trying to call China. 54 00:02:24,689 --> 00:02:26,361 You can't call China now. 55 00:02:26,529 --> 00:02:28,838 It's like, what, 3:00 in the morning there. 56 00:02:29,009 --> 00:02:31,079 - Oh, my God. - What? 57 00:02:32,049 --> 00:02:34,358 Oh, God. 58 00:02:35,529 --> 00:02:36,962 Man. 59 00:02:38,089 --> 00:02:40,080 Oh, brother. 60 00:02:41,129 --> 00:02:43,245 I can't believe what I'm hearing. 61 00:02:43,409 --> 00:02:45,479 This woman's talking to me on my tape recorder... 62 00:02:45,649 --> 00:02:46,798 ...while I was on stage. 63 00:02:47,409 --> 00:02:48,967 This is wild. 64 00:02:49,129 --> 00:02:51,085 I never heard anything like this. Listen. 65 00:02:51,249 --> 00:02:54,286 I want to slide my tongue around you lik e a s- 66 00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:58,042 Oh, my God. 67 00:02:58,209 --> 00:03:00,165 - Let me hear. - Wait, wait, wait. 68 00:03:01,489 --> 00:03:03,719 - Who is this woman? - I don't know. I have no idea. 69 00:03:03,889 --> 00:03:05,607 I was just listening, and she came on. 70 00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:08,078 This is like a Penthouse letter. 71 00:03:09,009 --> 00:03:10,886 - Why can't I meet women like this? - Come on. 72 00:03:11,049 --> 00:03:12,880 Wait! Wait! 73 00:03:14,289 --> 00:03:17,008 - Where was the tape recorder? - Back of the room, on the ledge. 74 00:03:17,169 --> 00:03:19,205 She must have been sitting right in front of it. 75 00:03:19,369 --> 00:03:21,007 - My God. - All right, come on. 76 00:03:21,169 --> 00:03:23,399 - It's my turn. - All right. All right. All right. 77 00:03:23,569 --> 00:03:26,288 - How you gonna find out who this is? - Good question. 78 00:03:26,449 --> 00:03:28,087 Where's the volume? 79 00:03:31,289 --> 00:03:33,007 What do the Chinese have to gain... 80 00:03:33,169 --> 00:03:35,478 ...by faking a cure for baldness? 81 00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:38,117 If it was real, they'd never let it out of the country. 82 00:03:38,289 --> 00:03:39,483 Imagine no baldness. 83 00:03:39,649 --> 00:03:41,685 It would be like a nation of supermen. 84 00:03:42,209 --> 00:03:43,528 - Hi, boys. - Hello. 85 00:03:43,689 --> 00:03:45,805 - Hello. - What's happening? 86 00:03:45,969 --> 00:03:48,119 Tell her. I want to hear her reaction. 87 00:03:49,049 --> 00:03:51,483 This woman left this sexy message on Jerry's tape- 88 00:03:51,649 --> 00:03:53,128 Not that, you idiot! 89 00:03:53,289 --> 00:03:55,325 - What? - The Chinese! 90 00:03:55,489 --> 00:03:57,002 The Chinese bald cure! 91 00:03:57,169 --> 00:03:59,637 - Oh, I thought you meant that- - No, I meant the bald cure. 92 00:03:59,809 --> 00:04:01,640 We were talking about the bald cure! 93 00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:02,958 What did she say? 94 00:04:03,769 --> 00:04:05,168 Seinfeld. 95 00:04:05,849 --> 00:04:07,362 Hey, is that Beder? 96 00:04:07,529 --> 00:04:09,167 I can't believe it. 97 00:04:09,329 --> 00:04:11,240 Get me a cup of decaf. 98 00:04:11,769 --> 00:04:13,680 So did you hear this message? 99 00:04:13,849 --> 00:04:16,158 Man, it was unbelievable. 100 00:04:17,049 --> 00:04:18,607 - Really? - I can't get over it. 101 00:04:19,689 --> 00:04:21,122 Sexy? 102 00:04:21,289 --> 00:04:23,723 This woman drove us out of our minds. 103 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:25,959 Like, how did she sound? 104 00:04:26,129 --> 00:04:29,724 She had this throaty, sexy kind of whisper. 105 00:04:30,129 --> 00:04:32,848 Really? Like... Like: 106 00:04:33,889 --> 00:04:35,083 Jerry... 107 00:04:35,249 --> 00:04:38,844 ...I want to slide my tongue around you like a snake. 108 00:04:50,809 --> 00:04:53,164 Oh, my God. 109 00:04:53,809 --> 00:04:55,208 You? 110 00:04:55,369 --> 00:04:57,325 You? 111 00:04:58,049 --> 00:04:59,880 That was you! 112 00:05:00,049 --> 00:05:02,119 - How did you-? - I stopped in the club to see him. 113 00:05:02,289 --> 00:05:04,200 I was standing in the back while he was on. 114 00:05:04,369 --> 00:05:06,599 There was this tape recorder there. 115 00:05:06,769 --> 00:05:08,407 And I got this impulse. 116 00:05:13,729 --> 00:05:15,845 - What? - No, nothing. Nothing. 117 00:05:17,369 --> 00:05:19,246 Now listen, promise me you won't tell him. 118 00:05:19,409 --> 00:05:21,001 I want to have a little fun with this. 119 00:05:21,409 --> 00:05:24,446 I had no idea you were filled with such... 120 00:05:25,009 --> 00:05:27,079 ...sexuality. 121 00:05:28,889 --> 00:05:30,117 Oh, that was nothing. 122 00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:31,881 So listen, what about this bald thing? 123 00:05:32,049 --> 00:05:35,246 Some bald thing, a bald thing. I don't know. It's nothing. 124 00:05:36,209 --> 00:05:37,642 - Remember Beder? - Beder? 125 00:05:37,809 --> 00:05:39,128 Yeah, you remember Beder. 126 00:05:39,289 --> 00:05:41,359 I told you he went to the track that one time... 127 00:05:41,529 --> 00:05:43,087 ...and he was yelling at this jockey. 128 00:05:43,249 --> 00:05:46,480 And the jockey got off the horse and started chasing him. 129 00:05:47,169 --> 00:05:50,366 So listen. What about this girl on your tape recorder? 130 00:05:50,529 --> 00:05:52,326 Oh, Elaine. 131 00:05:53,969 --> 00:05:58,281 What do you think an enraptured female fan of mine might say? 132 00:05:58,689 --> 00:06:00,247 I don't know. 133 00:06:00,409 --> 00:06:03,719 She went on in some detail about certain activities... 134 00:06:03,889 --> 00:06:06,801 ...illegal in some states, for consenting adults. 135 00:06:06,969 --> 00:06:09,005 Things you would know very little about. 136 00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:11,239 - Oh, really? - Well... 137 00:06:11,409 --> 00:06:13,559 ...this type of thing is very common... 138 00:06:13,729 --> 00:06:15,879 ...when you're in show business. 139 00:06:16,849 --> 00:06:18,282 So, what? You gonna ask her out? 140 00:06:18,449 --> 00:06:20,201 No, she didn't leave her name or number. 141 00:06:20,369 --> 00:06:22,325 Bummer. Okay. 142 00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:24,526 Good luck finding her. I'm taking off. 143 00:06:24,849 --> 00:06:26,919 - Where are you going? - Home. 144 00:06:27,329 --> 00:06:28,523 What are you going home for? 145 00:06:30,129 --> 00:06:31,244 I just came from the gym- 146 00:06:31,409 --> 00:06:33,843 - Unless I can shower at your place. - Sure. 147 00:06:40,089 --> 00:06:41,408 Oh, my God. 148 00:06:43,889 --> 00:06:45,641 Oh, man. 149 00:06:45,809 --> 00:06:47,003 I don't get it. 150 00:06:47,169 --> 00:06:50,286 Why would a woman do that and then leave no way to get in touch with her? 151 00:06:50,449 --> 00:06:52,246 Maybe she realized she couldn't have you... 152 00:06:52,409 --> 00:06:55,082 ...and jumped off the George Washington Bridge. 153 00:06:55,769 --> 00:06:57,202 Yes. Operator. 154 00:06:57,369 --> 00:06:58,927 Beijing. 155 00:07:00,369 --> 00:07:03,247 - Why are you doing this? - Why do I do anything? 156 00:07:03,409 --> 00:07:04,808 For women. 157 00:07:04,969 --> 00:07:06,925 Elaine, have you ever gone out with a bald man? 158 00:07:07,089 --> 00:07:09,284 - No. - Know what that makes you? A baldist. 159 00:07:10,449 --> 00:07:12,121 Oh, this I need. 160 00:07:12,289 --> 00:07:15,804 Hello, is this the hair restoration clinic? 161 00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:18,119 Yeah, yeah. Does anyone speak English? 162 00:07:18,289 --> 00:07:20,041 You're taping. 163 00:07:20,209 --> 00:07:22,279 Just be yourselves. 164 00:07:22,449 --> 00:07:24,679 Oh, okay. 165 00:07:26,009 --> 00:07:27,886 Well, we're talking with Elaine Benes... 166 00:07:28,049 --> 00:07:29,801 ...adult film star... 167 00:07:31,449 --> 00:07:32,928 ...on the set of her new picture... 168 00:07:33,089 --> 00:07:35,398 ...Elaine Does the Upper West Side. 169 00:07:37,489 --> 00:07:39,798 Hi, how you doing? 170 00:07:39,969 --> 00:07:42,358 Well, I'm doing fine. 171 00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:44,997 Do you speak English? English! 172 00:07:45,169 --> 00:07:47,160 Oh, here's the director, Jerry Seinfeld. 173 00:07:47,329 --> 00:07:49,320 Jerry, you discovered Elaine Benes. 174 00:07:49,489 --> 00:07:51,002 Well, yes I did. That's true. 175 00:07:51,169 --> 00:07:54,445 Couple of guys I knew in the Coast Guard told me about her. 176 00:07:56,209 --> 00:08:00,043 And I sensed that she had the anger and intensity... 177 00:08:00,209 --> 00:08:03,042 ...that I needed to make this film work. 178 00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:05,002 English! 179 00:08:05,729 --> 00:08:07,003 Does anybody speak English? 180 00:08:07,169 --> 00:08:08,363 Nobody speaks English. 181 00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:11,248 So, what scene are you getting ready to shoot now, Elaine? 182 00:08:11,409 --> 00:08:14,560 In this scene, my co-star, who's right over here... 183 00:08:14,729 --> 00:08:17,482 Follow me. Is George Costanza. 184 00:08:17,649 --> 00:08:19,719 And he plays an airline pilot... 185 00:08:19,889 --> 00:08:21,322 ...who's just returned from Rome. 186 00:08:21,489 --> 00:08:24,845 And I'm about to show him how much I've missed him. 187 00:08:25,849 --> 00:08:27,726 That's my Chinese food. 188 00:08:29,369 --> 00:08:31,724 So, George, is this your first movie with Elaine? 189 00:08:33,009 --> 00:08:34,488 I don't know. 190 00:08:36,529 --> 00:08:40,442 So, Elaine, in your movies, is the sex real, or is it simulated? 191 00:08:40,609 --> 00:08:42,759 Oh, it's always simulated... 192 00:08:42,929 --> 00:08:44,408 ...except with George. 193 00:08:44,569 --> 00:08:46,446 That's in my contract. 194 00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,042 Al right, Kramer. That's enough. 195 00:08:48,209 --> 00:08:50,279 That's enough. Yeah, hello? 196 00:08:50,449 --> 00:08:51,643 Yeah, hello? 197 00:08:51,809 --> 00:08:53,083 English! 198 00:08:53,249 --> 00:08:54,762 Does anyone speak English? 199 00:08:54,929 --> 00:08:56,442 - How much do I owe you? - $15.90 200 00:08:56,609 --> 00:08:58,884 - $15.90? - Excuse me? 201 00:08:59,049 --> 00:09:01,324 - Do you speak Chinese? - Chinese? Yeah. 202 00:09:01,489 --> 00:09:02,888 Oh, look! 203 00:09:03,049 --> 00:09:06,121 I'm on with Beijing at the hair restoration clinic. 204 00:09:06,289 --> 00:09:07,722 Could you talk to them for me... 205 00:09:07,889 --> 00:09:10,119 ...and tell them I'd like to place an order? 206 00:09:20,689 --> 00:09:23,249 They've got a billion people over there. He found a relative. 207 00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:27,560 If you send money, they send cream. 208 00:09:27,729 --> 00:09:29,003 They send me. All right. 209 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,682 Ask them, does it really work? 210 00:09:34,089 --> 00:09:36,842 They say you grow hair. Look like Stalin. 211 00:09:39,569 --> 00:09:41,958 Ask them, are there any side effects? 212 00:09:44,729 --> 00:09:46,606 Impotence. 213 00:09:48,849 --> 00:09:52,205 Oh, funny. He's a funny guy, yeah. 214 00:09:52,369 --> 00:09:54,360 Get a money order from the Bank of China. 215 00:09:54,529 --> 00:09:56,326 Be here three days after they get check. 216 00:09:56,489 --> 00:09:57,922 All right, thank you. Thank you. 217 00:10:17,649 --> 00:10:19,128 Excuse me. 218 00:10:20,169 --> 00:10:21,318 Kind of an expensive call. 219 00:10:23,649 --> 00:10:25,128 Thanks for driving me home. 220 00:10:25,289 --> 00:10:26,642 What did I do to deserve this? 221 00:10:26,809 --> 00:10:28,288 You do plenty. 222 00:10:29,369 --> 00:10:32,645 So, what are you doing? You're- You're going in. 223 00:10:32,809 --> 00:10:34,640 Well, yeah. I guess so. 224 00:10:34,809 --> 00:10:36,527 Why, you want to do something? 225 00:10:37,169 --> 00:10:40,639 Yeah, I don't- I don't know. What? 226 00:10:43,129 --> 00:10:44,357 There's really nothing to do. 227 00:10:44,529 --> 00:10:47,043 Yeah, no. There's- There's nothing. 228 00:10:47,209 --> 00:10:49,006 Can you think of anything? 229 00:10:50,529 --> 00:10:52,201 No, no. Not really. 230 00:10:52,809 --> 00:10:54,686 I am up for anything. 231 00:10:54,849 --> 00:10:56,680 Really? 232 00:11:00,049 --> 00:11:01,960 I have to say... 233 00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:04,848 ...you were really good doing that porno thing. 234 00:11:05,009 --> 00:11:06,761 You're- You're talented. 235 00:11:06,929 --> 00:11:08,647 I was just kidding around. 236 00:11:09,649 --> 00:11:12,209 That thing you said about the sex not being simulated... 237 00:11:14,449 --> 00:11:15,723 That was really funny. 238 00:11:17,209 --> 00:11:19,484 Yeah, that was fun. 239 00:11:22,409 --> 00:11:24,764 So I'll speak to you through Jerry and everything. 240 00:11:24,929 --> 00:11:26,567 Okay. 241 00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:28,924 - Thanks a lot for the ride. - Yeah, anytime. 242 00:11:38,289 --> 00:11:39,802 Thanks a million. I appreciate this. 243 00:11:39,969 --> 00:11:41,880 You're sure this was the woman at the table... 244 00:11:42,049 --> 00:11:44,199 ...where I had my tape recorder? 245 00:11:44,369 --> 00:11:46,041 Okay, great. 246 00:11:46,209 --> 00:11:48,040 Thanks, again. Bye. 247 00:11:50,089 --> 00:11:53,604 Who do these women think they're dealing with? 248 00:11:55,449 --> 00:11:58,282 Did she think she was gonna leave this incredibly erotic message... 249 00:11:58,449 --> 00:12:00,485 ...on my tape, and I was just gonna let it go? 250 00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:03,727 Not bloody likely. 251 00:12:04,969 --> 00:12:06,118 What is that? 252 00:12:06,289 --> 00:12:08,359 - It's my cockney accent. - No, no. That's no good. 253 00:12:09,489 --> 00:12:10,763 Let's hear yours. 254 00:12:10,929 --> 00:12:13,159 Not bloody likely. 255 00:12:16,449 --> 00:12:19,043 That's the worst cockney accent I ever heard in my life. 256 00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,559 Hey, Georgie boy, guess what I got. 257 00:12:22,729 --> 00:12:24,447 Guess what I got. 258 00:12:24,609 --> 00:12:25,803 Oh, is that the bald stuff? 259 00:12:25,969 --> 00:12:27,561 From China. All the way from China. 260 00:12:27,729 --> 00:12:29,162 Wait, wait. Let me get the camera. 261 00:12:29,329 --> 00:12:33,083 No, don't get the camera. We don't need the camera. 262 00:12:33,249 --> 00:12:35,638 I know you're sceptical, but I believe in the Chinese. 263 00:12:35,809 --> 00:12:37,003 Yes, I am sceptical. 264 00:12:37,649 --> 00:12:40,038 Why do you have to be so suspicious of everyone? 265 00:12:40,209 --> 00:12:42,245 This is a great man, Zang Zhao. 266 00:12:42,409 --> 00:12:44,127 He wants to help bald people. 267 00:12:44,289 --> 00:12:46,928 Wait, wait. Let's videotape your head for the before picture. 268 00:12:47,089 --> 00:12:48,761 So we can watch how it grows and stuff. 269 00:12:49,009 --> 00:12:50,965 - Here, sit down. - All right. 270 00:12:56,049 --> 00:12:58,085 All right, lean back. 271 00:12:59,969 --> 00:13:01,721 A little bit to the right. 272 00:13:01,889 --> 00:13:03,880 Now make sure you get this area here. 273 00:13:04,049 --> 00:13:05,767 - That's where he needs help. - All right. 274 00:13:07,849 --> 00:13:09,965 Well, he's a happy camper, huh? 275 00:13:10,129 --> 00:13:13,326 Happy camper. Yeah, I don't hear that expression enough. 276 00:13:13,849 --> 00:13:15,407 Remember that guy who took my jacket? 277 00:13:15,569 --> 00:13:17,082 The one I found at my mother's house? 278 00:13:17,449 --> 00:13:18,598 - Yeah. - My mother told me... 279 00:13:18,769 --> 00:13:20,407 ...that he got arrested for mail fraud. 280 00:13:20,569 --> 00:13:22,287 - No kidding. - Yeah, he's in jail. 281 00:13:22,449 --> 00:13:24,326 What about the jacket? He take it with him? 282 00:13:24,489 --> 00:13:26,764 That's what I intend to find out. 283 00:13:30,049 --> 00:13:31,960 Well, you can see it. 284 00:13:32,129 --> 00:13:34,120 Are you gonna walk around like that? 285 00:13:34,569 --> 00:13:35,797 And it stinks. 286 00:13:35,969 --> 00:13:37,368 Can you smell that? 287 00:13:37,529 --> 00:13:39,326 You stink. 288 00:13:41,449 --> 00:13:43,405 How long are you supposed to leave it on for? 289 00:13:43,569 --> 00:13:45,127 All day. 290 00:13:48,529 --> 00:13:50,804 - Hello? - Helo, it's Elaine Marie Benes. 291 00:13:50,969 --> 00:13:52,448 - Well, hello. - Helo. 292 00:13:52,609 --> 00:13:54,122 Did you find out who that woman was? 293 00:13:54,289 --> 00:13:56,120 Yes, I got her number. 294 00:13:56,289 --> 00:13:58,245 - Hey, is that Elaine? - Yeah. 295 00:13:58,409 --> 00:14:00,081 Hi, Elaine! 296 00:14:00,529 --> 00:14:03,726 So I guess you figure you're in for a pretty wild night. 297 00:14:03,889 --> 00:14:05,083 Well, as I said... 298 00:14:05,249 --> 00:14:08,127 ...this type of thing is very common in show business. 299 00:14:08,769 --> 00:14:11,237 Wel, listen, I'm at Arlene's. You want me to stop by? 300 00:14:11,409 --> 00:14:12,762 - Sure. - Okay, bye. 301 00:14:12,929 --> 00:14:14,408 Bye. 302 00:14:14,889 --> 00:14:16,845 - Did she say "hello"? - What? Oh, I don't know. 303 00:14:17,729 --> 00:14:21,324 What do you mean? She heard me say hello. Did she say hello back? 304 00:14:21,489 --> 00:14:23,480 I don't know. Who keeps track of hellos? 305 00:14:23,649 --> 00:14:26,846 Isn't it polite to say hello when somebody says hello? 306 00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:30,368 She's coming up. 307 00:14:30,529 --> 00:14:32,520 - Elaine's coming up? - Yeah, why? What's wrong? 308 00:14:35,169 --> 00:14:37,763 - Where are you going? - Nowhere, nowhere. I'll be right out. 309 00:14:38,569 --> 00:14:40,480 How often do you cut your toenails? 310 00:14:43,929 --> 00:14:46,568 I would say every two and a half to eight weeks. 311 00:14:48,689 --> 00:14:50,919 Because the other night I was sleeping with Marion... 312 00:14:51,089 --> 00:14:53,967 ...and I rolled over, and I cut her ankle with my big toe. 313 00:14:55,409 --> 00:14:57,639 The big toe, the captain. 314 00:14:58,289 --> 00:15:00,644 - What? - The captain of the toes. 315 00:15:05,329 --> 00:15:06,762 - Hello? - Jerry? 316 00:15:06,929 --> 00:15:08,157 - Yeah. - Jerry, listen. 317 00:15:08,329 --> 00:15:10,524 I got too much to do. I can't come over. Forget it. 318 00:15:10,689 --> 00:15:11,883 Oh, okay, too bad. 319 00:15:12,049 --> 00:15:13,960 So when are you gonna cal her? 320 00:15:14,129 --> 00:15:16,404 As soon as I get off the phone with you. 321 00:15:16,569 --> 00:15:19,037 - Good luck. - Okay. 322 00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:20,927 - Bye. - Bye. 323 00:15:21,649 --> 00:15:24,721 - What happened? You took it off? - Yeah. That was enough. 324 00:15:25,609 --> 00:15:26,758 That's it? You gave up? 325 00:15:26,929 --> 00:15:28,760 No, I'm working on a system. Who was that? 326 00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:32,046 That was Elaine. She changed her mind. She's not coming over. 327 00:15:38,649 --> 00:15:41,527 - Helo? - Hello, is this Alisha? 328 00:15:41,689 --> 00:15:44,283 - Yes. - This is Jerry Seinfeld. 329 00:15:53,649 --> 00:15:55,241 - So? - I don't get this woman. 330 00:15:55,409 --> 00:15:58,640 We're having a great time, couple of laughs. Everything's nice. 331 00:15:58,809 --> 00:16:00,527 End of the night, I go in for contact. 332 00:16:00,689 --> 00:16:02,281 I get the pullback. 333 00:16:02,689 --> 00:16:06,125 This woman, she said the filthiest things I ever heard in my life. 334 00:16:06,849 --> 00:16:08,646 And I get the pullback. 335 00:16:11,089 --> 00:16:12,238 - Yeah? - It's George. 336 00:16:12,409 --> 00:16:13,967 Come on up. 337 00:16:14,289 --> 00:16:15,722 What is he doing here now? 338 00:16:15,889 --> 00:16:17,800 So you blew it? 339 00:16:19,249 --> 00:16:20,921 She must be psychotic or something. 340 00:16:21,089 --> 00:16:23,205 Let me have the number. 341 00:16:23,369 --> 00:16:24,848 I'm not giving you the number. 342 00:16:25,009 --> 00:16:26,761 I know how to handle these psychotics. 343 00:16:32,529 --> 00:16:34,167 Sheriff. 344 00:16:36,849 --> 00:16:38,680 What's with the hat? 345 00:16:40,529 --> 00:16:42,281 Boy, you stink. 346 00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:45,924 - What are you doing here now? - I have to talk to you. 347 00:16:46,089 --> 00:16:47,886 Let's take a look here, see what we got. 348 00:16:50,609 --> 00:16:52,201 Wait a second. 349 00:16:52,849 --> 00:16:55,204 I think I see something here, George. 350 00:16:55,369 --> 00:16:59,408 - Let's go to the videotape. - Oh, Kramer. No, no. 351 00:17:01,409 --> 00:17:02,922 - What's up? - I can't tell you now. 352 00:17:03,089 --> 00:17:04,841 - He'll be back in 10 seconds. - Start it. 353 00:17:05,009 --> 00:17:06,158 - I can't. - Oh, come on. 354 00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:09,321 He'll be over there for a half-hour. He gets lost over there. 355 00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:11,685 - Come on. What is this about? - All right. 356 00:17:14,129 --> 00:17:15,562 I've become attracted to Elaine. 357 00:17:17,329 --> 00:17:18,808 All right. 358 00:17:20,769 --> 00:17:22,361 - Sit down. - Could we do this later? 359 00:17:22,529 --> 00:17:24,440 No, I got the tape right here. 360 00:17:24,609 --> 00:17:26,520 Kramer, let's do this later. 361 00:17:26,689 --> 00:17:28,042 Okay, now... 362 00:17:28,769 --> 00:17:31,124 This is the tape that we made earlier. 363 00:17:32,169 --> 00:17:33,648 And I think... 364 00:17:33,809 --> 00:17:36,448 ...that I see a couple of buds... 365 00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:39,965 ...right here. 366 00:17:40,129 --> 00:17:41,767 - Really? You think? - Yeah. 367 00:17:41,929 --> 00:17:44,568 Kramer, I would like to talk to George for a minute, please. 368 00:17:44,729 --> 00:17:46,367 - About what? - It's kind of private. 369 00:17:46,529 --> 00:17:48,167 Like the big toe captain? What? 370 00:17:48,329 --> 00:17:51,241 - Oh, so you're doing my bit? - I'm not doing the bit! 371 00:17:51,729 --> 00:17:53,481 All right. Okay, all right. 372 00:17:53,649 --> 00:17:56,038 I'm gonna take a look at this, huh? 373 00:18:01,049 --> 00:18:02,528 - Does she know? - No. 374 00:18:02,689 --> 00:18:05,283 - How did it happen? - I can't say. 375 00:18:05,449 --> 00:18:07,724 - Well, why can't you say? - Because I promised her. 376 00:18:07,889 --> 00:18:10,119 - I thought you said she doesn't know. - She doesn't. 377 00:18:10,289 --> 00:18:12,598 - So how can you promise her? - Because she asked me to. 378 00:18:12,769 --> 00:18:14,839 What is this, an Abbott and Costello routine? 379 00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:18,606 All right, you really want to know? 380 00:18:19,489 --> 00:18:22,128 It all started when she told me... 381 00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:24,764 ...that she was the voice on your tape recorder. 382 00:18:25,369 --> 00:18:26,438 What? Elaine? 383 00:18:26,609 --> 00:18:29,965 Yeah. She made me promise not to tell. It was supposed to be a joke. 384 00:18:30,129 --> 00:18:32,040 - That was Elaine? - Yeah, let me hear. 385 00:18:32,209 --> 00:18:35,326 - Wait a second! Give me a second- - You heard it 50 times already- 386 00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:37,957 She's my ex-girlfriend. I think I have precedence. 387 00:18:43,889 --> 00:18:45,561 - Yeah? - Hi, it's Elaine. 388 00:18:45,729 --> 00:18:47,765 Is this a bad time? 389 00:18:48,049 --> 00:18:49,277 Yeah. 390 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,881 Don't tell her I told you! She'll kill me! 391 00:18:52,049 --> 00:18:54,199 Okay, I promise! 392 00:19:01,369 --> 00:19:03,087 Oh, man. 393 00:19:03,929 --> 00:19:05,760 Oh, God. 394 00:19:06,369 --> 00:19:08,644 Oh, brother. 395 00:19:11,329 --> 00:19:15,481 - What's the matter? - I got a pain in my side... 396 00:19:16,369 --> 00:19:17,961 - ... from, you know- - Hi, George. 397 00:19:18,129 --> 00:19:19,847 Hi, how you doing? 398 00:19:21,049 --> 00:19:23,358 Something stinks in here. 399 00:19:28,129 --> 00:19:29,323 What are you doing here? 400 00:19:30,089 --> 00:19:33,001 I was the one who talked into your tape recorder. 401 00:19:33,169 --> 00:19:34,887 I know. George told me. 402 00:19:39,089 --> 00:19:42,126 - You told him? - He threatened me. 403 00:19:43,369 --> 00:19:45,758 Where did you come up with all that stuff? 404 00:19:45,929 --> 00:19:48,159 - Oh, that was nothing. - Elaine... 405 00:19:49,729 --> 00:19:51,526 - I have to tell you something. - George, no. 406 00:19:51,689 --> 00:19:53,247 - No, no. - George, I'm telling you- 407 00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:54,762 What is it? 408 00:19:54,929 --> 00:19:56,647 I'm very attracted to you. 409 00:19:57,329 --> 00:19:58,523 I found a hair! 410 00:19:59,609 --> 00:20:00,803 Yes! 411 00:20:00,969 --> 00:20:03,324 Okay, come here. Come here. Take a look at this. 412 00:20:03,489 --> 00:20:07,243 Ever since I found out that you left the message on Jerry's tape recorder- 413 00:20:10,529 --> 00:20:13,202 - That was you? - It was a joke. 414 00:20:13,569 --> 00:20:15,878 Wait. 415 00:20:16,369 --> 00:20:18,758 Oh, my God. 416 00:20:19,289 --> 00:20:21,120 Oh, yeah. 417 00:20:22,249 --> 00:20:25,161 Elaine, I can't believe that that is you. 418 00:20:32,369 --> 00:20:33,882 I think I'll get going. 419 00:20:34,049 --> 00:20:35,721 Stick around a while. 420 00:20:35,889 --> 00:20:38,278 - It's early. - We'll order Chinese. 421 00:20:42,369 --> 00:20:45,167 Give me the tape. Give me the tape. 422 00:20:52,609 --> 00:20:54,725 A woman left a message on my phone machine... 423 00:20:54,889 --> 00:20:56,527 ...with kind of a breathy voice. 424 00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:59,840 No matter what a woman says, if it's in that breathy voice, you know... 425 00:21:00,009 --> 00:21:00,998 "You have cancer." 426 00:21:01,169 --> 00:21:02,966 "Really?" 427 00:21:04,529 --> 00:21:06,201 Sounds pretty good. 428 00:21:07,929 --> 00:21:10,238 The stewardess could lean over and whisper in my ear: 429 00:21:10,409 --> 00:21:11,762 "Would you put on your seat belt. 430 00:21:11,929 --> 00:21:14,921 We're about to go into a mountain." 431 00:21:15,089 --> 00:21:17,080 I'd go, "Really, so what are you doing later... 432 00:21:17,249 --> 00:21:20,082 ...by the ruptured remains of the fuselage? 433 00:21:20,249 --> 00:21:23,047 How about some peanuts over by the black box? 434 00:21:23,729 --> 00:21:24,923 I'll meet you there." 435 00:21:30,449 --> 00:21:31,438 Subtitles by SDl Media Group