1 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:04,878 Give me an explanation why the pharmacist has to be... 2 00:00:07,489 --> 00:00:10,765 ...two and a half feet up above everybody else. 3 00:00:11,089 --> 00:00:14,718 What the hell is he doing he can't be on the floor with you and me? 4 00:00:14,889 --> 00:00:18,598 Brain surgeons, airline pilots, nuclear physicists, we're on the same level. 5 00:00:18,929 --> 00:00:21,966 Oh, no, he's gotta be two and a half feet up. 6 00:00:22,129 --> 00:00:25,485 "Look out, everybody, I'm working with pills. 7 00:00:25,809 --> 00:00:27,720 Spread out, give me some room." 8 00:00:28,249 --> 00:00:30,888 The only hard part of his whole job that I could see... 9 00:00:31,089 --> 00:00:33,808 ...is typing everything onto that little, tiny label. 10 00:00:34,289 --> 00:00:36,849 And has to try and get all the words on there... 11 00:00:37,009 --> 00:00:40,445 ...keep the little piece of paper in the roller of the typewriter. 12 00:00:40,609 --> 00:00:43,567 Oh, no. He's gotta be two and a half feet up. 13 00:00:43,729 --> 00:00:47,847 "Yeah, I'd like to get this prescription filled." 14 00:00:48,009 --> 00:00:51,365 "All right. You wait down there. 15 00:00:51,649 --> 00:00:53,241 Only I'm allowed up here." 16 00:00:59,569 --> 00:01:01,764 - Where'd you meet her? - I met her on an elevator. 17 00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:04,648 On an elevator? You met a woman on an elevator? 18 00:01:04,809 --> 00:01:07,562 - Impossible, right? - You got less than 60 seconds. 19 00:01:07,729 --> 00:01:10,084 That's like dismantling a time bomb. 20 00:01:10,449 --> 00:01:13,088 - What got into you? - I don't know. She was so beautiful... 21 00:01:13,249 --> 00:01:14,967 ...it was a pure reflex. The words... 22 00:01:15,129 --> 00:01:17,962 - ... just came out of my mouth. - Wow. What did you say? 23 00:01:19,729 --> 00:01:23,244 You know, I'm the one responsible for those crop circles in England. 24 00:01:25,609 --> 00:01:27,804 - Can you believe I did that? - What did she say? 25 00:01:27,969 --> 00:01:29,960 What crop circles? 26 00:01:31,729 --> 00:01:34,004 - Not a good sign. - Not everybody knows... 27 00:01:34,169 --> 00:01:37,161 ...what the crop circles are. You know what the crop circles are? 28 00:01:37,329 --> 00:01:39,399 Crop circles? Why don't you buy something? 29 00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:41,328 You got something in your teeth. 30 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,487 - What? - It's green. 31 00:01:43,649 --> 00:01:47,642 Oh, man, spinach. I've been walking around like this all afternoon. 32 00:01:47,809 --> 00:01:51,438 - You bump into anybody you knew? - I had a job interview. 33 00:01:51,849 --> 00:01:54,124 - How did it go? - Take a guess. 34 00:01:54,289 --> 00:01:57,326 Well, Mr. Costanza, we have nothing available at the present time... 35 00:01:57,489 --> 00:01:59,684 ...but should anything open up, we'll be in touch. 36 00:02:00,089 --> 00:02:01,886 Okay, thanks. 37 00:02:03,009 --> 00:02:04,681 You don't need a job. You got Audrey. 38 00:02:04,849 --> 00:02:06,601 Yeah. Right. 39 00:02:07,329 --> 00:02:09,240 - What's the matter? - No. Nothing. 40 00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:11,999 - What? - You won't think I'm a bad person? 41 00:02:12,329 --> 00:02:13,808 Too late for that. 42 00:02:13,969 --> 00:02:17,723 Because, believe me, I would only say this to you and maybe a psychiatrist. 43 00:02:18,089 --> 00:02:19,602 What is it? 44 00:02:19,769 --> 00:02:21,202 Well... 45 00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,606 Her nose is a little big. 46 00:02:26,249 --> 00:02:27,568 Yeah, she's got a big nose. 47 00:02:28,689 --> 00:02:31,044 I mean, big would even be okay. 48 00:02:31,569 --> 00:02:32,797 It's beyond big. 49 00:02:34,249 --> 00:02:36,046 It's a schnoz. 50 00:02:36,849 --> 00:02:38,760 I'm aware that my own physical dimensions... 51 00:02:38,929 --> 00:02:41,568 - ... are a little short of perfection. - A little. 52 00:02:41,769 --> 00:02:43,964 Who am I to be thinking about someone's nose? 53 00:02:44,129 --> 00:02:48,202 I should be grateful someone like her looks at me. I have no job, nothing. 54 00:02:48,849 --> 00:02:50,646 But I have to say, I think about the nose. 55 00:02:51,169 --> 00:02:54,764 I don't wanna think about it, I don't ask to think about it, but I think about it. 56 00:02:54,929 --> 00:02:58,888 I go to bed, I tell myself, "Don't think about the nose."I think about it. 57 00:02:59,089 --> 00:03:01,967 I look at her, I see the nose. 58 00:03:02,889 --> 00:03:05,244 Stop being so concerned with looks. 59 00:03:12,809 --> 00:03:16,358 - Have you said anything to her? - No. Could never do that. 60 00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:18,565 The ironic thing is, if she had a smaller nose... 61 00:03:18,729 --> 00:03:22,802 ...I never could've dated her. She'd be out of my league with a smaller nose. 62 00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:26,361 And I really like her. I know that. 63 00:03:26,529 --> 00:03:28,485 And I know one other thing: 64 00:03:28,969 --> 00:03:31,005 I'm not getting past that nose. 65 00:03:32,529 --> 00:03:34,201 All right, shut up. Here they come. 66 00:03:34,809 --> 00:03:37,403 How can I not think about it? Look at the size of this thing. 67 00:03:39,249 --> 00:03:43,322 My mother's going out with this guy who leaves a jacket in her house. 68 00:03:43,489 --> 00:03:47,607 She gives to me. Well, two years later, he shows up and takes it back. 69 00:03:47,969 --> 00:03:51,484 Now he's in prison. Got arrested for mail fraud. 70 00:03:51,929 --> 00:03:56,445 So, Elaine, go over to the apartment, tell the landlord you're his daughter... 71 00:03:56,609 --> 00:03:58,361 ...and you wanna bring him the jacket. 72 00:03:58,529 --> 00:04:00,997 Won't the landlord know I'm not the daughter? 73 00:04:01,169 --> 00:04:03,558 No, he's never met her. She's in California. 74 00:04:04,689 --> 00:04:08,045 - Are you coming with me? - Yeah, I have to. I'm your fiancé. 75 00:04:10,449 --> 00:04:12,007 Peter Von Nostrand. 76 00:04:12,169 --> 00:04:14,205 Why don't you just commit yourself already? 77 00:04:15,449 --> 00:04:17,087 What is so special about this jacket? 78 00:04:17,249 --> 00:04:19,444 - No, you don't wanna know. - God... 79 00:04:19,609 --> 00:04:23,568 He believes it possesses some extraordinary power over women. 80 00:04:23,729 --> 00:04:25,481 What's that splotch on your hand? 81 00:04:25,649 --> 00:04:28,482 I got stamped at the reggae lounge last night. 82 00:04:28,649 --> 00:04:31,959 I'm going back there tonight. I'm not gonna pay another cover charge. 83 00:04:33,369 --> 00:04:34,688 You didn't wash all day? 84 00:04:35,009 --> 00:04:38,046 Yeah, I washed. Just not the hand. 85 00:04:39,809 --> 00:04:42,642 You wouldn't believe the women at this club. Man. 86 00:04:42,929 --> 00:04:45,648 It's amazing how many beautiful women live in New York. 87 00:04:45,849 --> 00:04:47,726 I actually find it kind of intimidating. 88 00:04:47,889 --> 00:04:50,608 You're as pretty as any of them. Just need a nose job. 89 00:04:56,969 --> 00:04:59,563 - Kramer! - What? What? 90 00:04:59,729 --> 00:05:01,799 How could you say something like that? 91 00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:04,199 What do you mean? I just said she needs a nose job. 92 00:05:04,369 --> 00:05:07,167 No, no. There's nothing wrong with her nose. 93 00:05:07,329 --> 00:05:10,048 - God, I'm so sorry, Audrey. - Oh, it's okay. 94 00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:13,485 - What did you have to say that for? - I was just trying to help out. 95 00:05:14,289 --> 00:05:18,441 Yeah, well, you can kiss that jacket goodbye, Mr. Von Nausen. 96 00:05:20,329 --> 00:05:22,365 You see what happens when you try to be nice? 97 00:05:23,889 --> 00:05:25,925 But what would the world be like... 98 00:05:26,129 --> 00:05:28,245 ...if people said whatever they were thinking... 99 00:05:28,889 --> 00:05:31,084 ...all the time, whenever it came to them? 100 00:05:31,409 --> 00:05:34,446 How long would a blind date last? 101 00:05:34,609 --> 00:05:36,520 About 13 seconds, I think. 102 00:05:36,929 --> 00:05:39,682 "Sorry, your rear end is too big." "Okay, your breath stinks." 103 00:05:39,849 --> 00:05:42,807 "See you later. No problem. Goodbye." "Okay, thank you very much." 104 00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:46,287 Elaine said I can stay with her another month till Tina gets back. 105 00:05:47,249 --> 00:05:48,682 What are you thinking about? 106 00:05:49,569 --> 00:05:51,287 Thinking? Nothing. 107 00:05:51,449 --> 00:05:53,644 What could I possibly be thinking? 108 00:05:54,009 --> 00:05:56,477 You look like you've got something on your mind. 109 00:05:56,649 --> 00:06:00,528 Yeah, right. I wish I had something on my mind. 110 00:06:05,409 --> 00:06:06,762 So how about that Kramer? 111 00:06:07,329 --> 00:06:09,320 Yeah, how about him? 112 00:06:09,489 --> 00:06:13,118 - The way he just says stuff. - He sure does. 113 00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:15,086 Yeah, yeah. 114 00:06:15,929 --> 00:06:17,920 Yeah, he's quite a character. 115 00:06:18,889 --> 00:06:21,005 So, what did you think? 116 00:06:21,369 --> 00:06:22,722 About the pizza? 117 00:06:23,369 --> 00:06:25,599 No. About the nose job. 118 00:06:26,249 --> 00:06:29,366 Oh, the nose job. Yeah... 119 00:06:29,649 --> 00:06:31,082 I don't know. I- 120 00:06:31,689 --> 00:06:35,398 - Well, what did you think? - Well, I've thought about it... 121 00:06:35,649 --> 00:06:38,288 - ... but I don't know. - Yeah. 122 00:06:40,289 --> 00:06:43,406 You know, not that I care one way or the other... 123 00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:47,244 ...but these doctors today do amazing things. If you were so inclined. 124 00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:51,886 - And again, I'm not suggesting. - I know. They're good. 125 00:06:52,049 --> 00:06:53,641 Peter Jennings had one. 126 00:06:53,809 --> 00:06:55,879 - Really? - Probably. They all do. 127 00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:58,961 In my high school, half my graduating class had them. 128 00:06:59,129 --> 00:07:01,404 Of course, I'm from Long Island, so... 129 00:07:05,329 --> 00:07:07,559 It's really nothing. It's like going to the dentist. 130 00:07:08,289 --> 00:07:11,486 - I hate the dentist. - It's a cleaning. 131 00:07:13,249 --> 00:07:14,921 So you really think I should do this. 132 00:07:15,609 --> 00:07:19,568 If it makes you happy. I don't focus on these things. 133 00:07:21,329 --> 00:07:23,047 I will tell you this, though. 134 00:07:24,169 --> 00:07:26,160 Unfortunately... 135 00:07:26,329 --> 00:07:28,923 ...we live in a very superficial society. 136 00:07:30,169 --> 00:07:31,807 I don't condone it... 137 00:07:32,889 --> 00:07:34,117 ...but it's a fact of life. 138 00:07:35,449 --> 00:07:37,280 Well, maybe I should. 139 00:07:37,809 --> 00:07:40,846 - What the hell? - Now you talked her into a nose job? 140 00:07:41,009 --> 00:07:44,046 - Me? I didn't say anything. - You encouraged her to get one. 141 00:07:44,209 --> 00:07:46,928 - I didn't encourage. No encourage. - "Peter Jennings had one"? 142 00:07:47,609 --> 00:07:48,837 It's possible. 143 00:07:49,129 --> 00:07:52,485 - You should accept her for who she is. - No, George is right. 144 00:07:52,649 --> 00:07:54,924 - I wanna get one. - I think it's a mistake. 145 00:07:55,089 --> 00:07:56,681 Me too. Really. 146 00:07:58,169 --> 00:08:00,046 Unless you'd really like one, then... 147 00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:05,046 I'm going straight to hell. 148 00:08:06,209 --> 00:08:07,403 No two ways about it. 149 00:08:07,569 --> 00:08:10,242 It might not be hell, but you're gonna run into bad dudes. 150 00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:14,764 Get the check. She takes the bandages off at 4:00. 151 00:08:14,929 --> 00:08:16,521 We have time. 152 00:08:17,489 --> 00:08:19,525 It's exciting. She's gonna have a new face. 153 00:08:20,049 --> 00:08:23,564 - It is exciting. - Not as exciting as Miss Crop Circles. 154 00:08:24,289 --> 00:08:27,087 Please, please. Isabel? 155 00:08:27,249 --> 00:08:30,446 She is the most despicable woman I have ever met in my life. 156 00:08:30,609 --> 00:08:34,284 I have never been so repulsed by someone mentally... 157 00:08:34,449 --> 00:08:37,964 ...and so attracted to them physically at the same time. 158 00:08:38,129 --> 00:08:41,644 It's like my brain is facing my penis in a chess game. 159 00:08:46,289 --> 00:08:47,881 And I'm letting him win. 160 00:08:48,329 --> 00:08:50,923 You're not letting him win. He wins till you're 40. 161 00:08:51,089 --> 00:08:54,525 - Then what? - He still wins, but it's not a blowout. 162 00:08:56,689 --> 00:08:58,122 She wants to be an actress. 163 00:08:58,289 --> 00:09:02,043 She makes me read these moronic acting scenes with her, and I do it. 164 00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:06,925 Because I'm so addicted to the sex, I'm helpless. I'll do anything. 165 00:09:07,169 --> 00:09:09,319 So, finally, Kramer comes in the other day. 166 00:09:09,769 --> 00:09:11,805 I don't want to see this woman anymore... 167 00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:14,437 ...but I haven't got the willpower to throw out her number. 168 00:09:14,609 --> 00:09:16,247 Please help me. 169 00:09:17,089 --> 00:09:18,442 Help me. 170 00:09:23,169 --> 00:09:24,363 I'm proud of you. 171 00:09:26,929 --> 00:09:29,648 So I'm never gonna see her again. I'm going cold turkey. 172 00:09:29,809 --> 00:09:31,128 Good for you. 173 00:09:32,529 --> 00:09:35,089 I'll tell you, the sex... 174 00:09:36,489 --> 00:09:38,923 I was like an animal. 175 00:09:39,089 --> 00:09:41,159 I mean, it was just completely uninhibited. 176 00:09:42,089 --> 00:09:46,446 It's like going to the bathroom in front of a lot of people, and not caring. 177 00:09:50,929 --> 00:09:52,840 It's not like that at all. 178 00:09:57,209 --> 00:09:59,200 How do you even know the jacket is there? 179 00:10:00,049 --> 00:10:01,323 Well, I don't. I'm guessing. 180 00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:04,847 Okay, look, Audrey, before you take the bandage off... 181 00:10:05,249 --> 00:10:08,082 ...just remember, I was the one that encouraged you to do this. 182 00:10:08,289 --> 00:10:11,964 Now that you're gonna be a great beauty, let's not forget how this began. 183 00:10:12,129 --> 00:10:14,404 - If you listened to your friend Elaine- - George. 184 00:10:14,729 --> 00:10:16,082 - Yeah? - Enough. 185 00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:17,648 - Right, enough. - Are we ready? 186 00:10:17,809 --> 00:10:19,606 Come on, let's get this show on the road. 187 00:10:19,809 --> 00:10:22,198 - You sure you want us here for this? - Yes. 188 00:10:22,529 --> 00:10:25,805 - Shouldn't a doctor do it? - No, he said I could do it. 189 00:10:25,969 --> 00:10:27,721 Okay, here goes. 190 00:10:27,889 --> 00:10:31,404 This is very exciting. Very exciting. It's like watching a birth. 191 00:10:36,049 --> 00:10:37,801 It looks good. 192 00:10:38,769 --> 00:10:41,237 - Great job. - You got butchered. 193 00:10:48,289 --> 00:10:50,280 Head hurt. No, I'm good. I'm fine. 194 00:10:50,529 --> 00:10:52,406 Let's put him over here. 195 00:10:53,489 --> 00:10:55,559 - Where are you going? - To that doctor. 196 00:10:55,769 --> 00:10:57,600 Wait, wait, wait! I'll go with you. 197 00:11:07,089 --> 00:11:08,841 How you feeling? 198 00:11:09,809 --> 00:11:12,403 Too much salt in my diet. 199 00:11:13,209 --> 00:11:15,564 - Can I get you anything? - I'm good. 200 00:11:16,049 --> 00:11:18,279 You sure? Anything. 201 00:11:20,329 --> 00:11:21,762 No. 202 00:11:25,169 --> 00:11:27,603 Boy, it really didn't come out too well, did it? 203 00:11:27,889 --> 00:11:31,199 No, it didn't. No, it didn't. 204 00:11:32,289 --> 00:11:33,688 It's, like, all dented. 205 00:11:35,249 --> 00:11:36,967 Seems to be. 206 00:11:39,529 --> 00:11:41,520 Well, I'm sure they'll be able to fix it. 207 00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:46,445 You can't stop modern science. Can't stop it. Can't stop science. 208 00:11:46,609 --> 00:11:49,487 Can't be stopped. No way, no how. Science just marches- 209 00:11:49,649 --> 00:11:51,605 Shut up, George. 210 00:11:53,649 --> 00:11:55,844 - Shut up? - Yeah. 211 00:11:57,929 --> 00:11:59,487 Interesting. 212 00:12:02,369 --> 00:12:04,360 Come on, Kramer. Seriously, give me her number! 213 00:12:04,529 --> 00:12:06,042 - I threw it out. - You're lying. 214 00:12:06,209 --> 00:12:08,359 - You've got it. I want the number. - I threw it out. 215 00:12:08,569 --> 00:12:10,560 - Give it to me. - You said not to. 216 00:12:10,729 --> 00:12:13,323 - You made me promise. - I changed my mind. I want it. 217 00:12:13,489 --> 00:12:15,366 You said no matter what, I'm not to give it to you. 218 00:12:15,529 --> 00:12:17,599 - I was lying. Give it to me. - You told me not to. 219 00:12:17,769 --> 00:12:20,567 - I want the number! - All right! You want it? Yeah! 220 00:12:20,969 --> 00:12:24,041 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah. Yeah, look at you. 221 00:12:24,329 --> 00:12:26,240 Look at what you've sunk to. 222 00:12:26,409 --> 00:12:27,728 Look at what you've become. 223 00:12:28,009 --> 00:12:30,921 Look in the mirror, because you need help, Jerry. You need help. 224 00:12:31,409 --> 00:12:35,084 Because I can't stand by and do it anymore. It's turning my stomach. 225 00:12:35,249 --> 00:12:38,559 I can't stand around here watching you destroy yourself! 226 00:12:38,729 --> 00:12:41,004 It's eating me up inside! 227 00:12:52,049 --> 00:12:56,998 The doctor said they need to build the lateral wall of the septum. Over here. 228 00:12:57,209 --> 00:12:58,437 Yeah. 229 00:12:58,609 --> 00:13:01,282 - You see this paranasal sinus cavity? - Oh, I got it. 230 00:13:01,449 --> 00:13:05,806 See how it's collapsed? That's what's causing this huge dent. 231 00:13:05,969 --> 00:13:08,244 Yeah. Rough, rough. 232 00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:11,525 So anyway, you know what I was thinking about? 233 00:13:12,049 --> 00:13:13,277 What? 234 00:13:13,449 --> 00:13:16,202 Remember we talked about taking a trip together? 235 00:13:16,409 --> 00:13:20,482 - We did? - We talked about going to Hawaii. 236 00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:23,045 - Hawaii? - Anyway, I think it would be great... 237 00:13:23,209 --> 00:13:25,677 ...to get away after all this. 238 00:13:26,289 --> 00:13:27,722 Well, you- 239 00:13:29,849 --> 00:13:32,204 You know, Hawaii could be a little tricky now. 240 00:13:32,369 --> 00:13:35,088 There's high-pressure winds down there this time of year. 241 00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:38,241 There's a lot of debris constantly flying around, a lot of... 242 00:13:38,409 --> 00:13:40,445 ...wood and lava. 243 00:13:40,809 --> 00:13:42,288 It could be dangerous. 244 00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:45,925 - I never heard that. - Oh, yeah. My friend lived there, so... 245 00:13:46,249 --> 00:13:48,683 We could go to the Caribbean. 246 00:13:49,729 --> 00:13:52,607 I have to tell you something. You couldn't get me on a plane now. 247 00:13:52,889 --> 00:13:54,766 I get those FAA reports directly. 248 00:13:54,969 --> 00:13:57,802 My uncle sends them to me. He used to be a pilot, so... 249 00:13:58,329 --> 00:14:00,047 Big investigation in the... 250 00:14:00,689 --> 00:14:05,080 What's the word there? Offing. It's in the offing. 251 00:14:05,409 --> 00:14:10,767 But you shouldn't let that stop you from going. You could go. I don't mind. 252 00:14:11,649 --> 00:14:13,526 - George? - Yeah. 253 00:14:13,849 --> 00:14:15,919 I don't think this is working. 254 00:14:17,009 --> 00:14:21,924 Ever since you came back from the Army, you've changed. 255 00:14:22,689 --> 00:14:27,240 I swear, Nelson, I don't even know who you are anymore. 256 00:14:27,489 --> 00:14:29,480 I'm Nelson. 257 00:14:30,769 --> 00:14:34,284 - That's not the line, Jerry. - All right, all right, I'm sorry. 258 00:14:35,569 --> 00:14:39,562 Nothing's changed, Elma. I just need more time. 259 00:14:41,129 --> 00:14:45,281 I swear, Nelson, sometimes at night when you're not around... 260 00:14:46,049 --> 00:14:49,485 ...I just go crazy thinking about you. 261 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,368 Well, you just need to relax. 262 00:14:53,129 --> 00:14:54,767 Maybe a hobby. Bowling is fun. 263 00:14:55,849 --> 00:14:59,398 Yeah, bowling's good, if you're really gross and ugly. 264 00:15:00,049 --> 00:15:02,438 Uh-oh. My organs are playing chess again. 265 00:15:02,609 --> 00:15:06,443 I'm getting tired of this. What do you say we play one for all the marbles? 266 00:15:06,609 --> 00:15:09,965 Oh, brain, what are you doing? You cannot beat me. 267 00:15:10,129 --> 00:15:13,485 Do you have any idea who you're dealing with? Forget about it. 268 00:15:13,649 --> 00:15:15,082 I can't take her anymore. 269 00:15:15,249 --> 00:15:18,764 - I hate reading her little acting scenes. - Oh, so what? 270 00:15:18,929 --> 00:15:20,647 So you read from a little play. 271 00:15:20,809 --> 00:15:24,165 You can't put up with that for an hour to make me happy? You're so selfish. 272 00:15:24,329 --> 00:15:25,921 Give me one hour. 273 00:15:26,369 --> 00:15:29,167 Then I will take over. You won't have to think for the rest of the night. 274 00:15:29,329 --> 00:15:30,682 What about tomorrow morning? 275 00:15:30,849 --> 00:15:34,285 Do you have any idea what that's like for me? Do you care? 276 00:15:34,449 --> 00:15:35,882 No, you don't care. 277 00:15:36,049 --> 00:15:39,485 So long as you get to do whatever it is you do. 278 00:15:39,649 --> 00:15:42,083 - You disgust me. - Oh, go read a book. 279 00:15:42,249 --> 00:15:45,127 Enough chatter. Let's play. 280 00:15:45,969 --> 00:15:48,802 I'm only doing this because you took Audrey to the hospital. 281 00:15:49,009 --> 00:15:52,206 Yeah. Yeah. Okay, now, you're clear? You got everything? 282 00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,882 - Yeah. - Wait, wait, wait. 283 00:15:55,449 --> 00:15:56,677 Here. 284 00:15:57,129 --> 00:16:00,360 - What do I need this for? - Because we're engaged. 285 00:16:01,009 --> 00:16:03,079 We're engaged? 286 00:16:03,449 --> 00:16:05,121 Kramer, this is too big. 287 00:16:05,609 --> 00:16:08,806 - It's my mom's. - Hello! 288 00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:13,247 Oh, hi. I'm Wanda Pepper. I'm Albert Pepper's daughter. 289 00:16:13,409 --> 00:16:15,877 My father asked me to pick up his jacket for him. 290 00:16:16,049 --> 00:16:18,279 Hello, Miss Pepper. It's a pleasure to meet you. 291 00:16:18,529 --> 00:16:20,759 And you must be Professor Von Nostrand. 292 00:16:20,929 --> 00:16:22,123 Yes. Yes, I am. 293 00:16:22,889 --> 00:16:26,404 I've read your book, professor, and I was quite intrigued by it. 294 00:16:26,889 --> 00:16:29,722 - Yes, well, it's very intriguing. - Tell me... 295 00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:33,006 ...is it your contention that Shakespeare was an impostor? 296 00:16:33,169 --> 00:16:34,602 - My contention? - Your contention. 297 00:16:34,769 --> 00:16:37,761 - Well, yes, that's my contention. - I heard him contend that. 298 00:16:38,089 --> 00:16:39,920 It's too bad about your father. 299 00:16:40,089 --> 00:16:43,684 - It was a frame-up. - A fine man. He spoke often of you. 300 00:16:43,849 --> 00:16:46,079 He's very proud of the work you're doing. 301 00:16:46,449 --> 00:16:50,078 - We're all proud of the work I'm doing. - Yes, she does fine work. 302 00:16:50,289 --> 00:16:54,601 Your father gave me strict orders not to turn the jacket over to anyone... 303 00:16:54,769 --> 00:16:57,329 ...but I suppose I can make an exception in your case. 304 00:16:57,489 --> 00:16:59,559 - The closet's this way. - How kind of you. 305 00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:02,761 You know, your father has a very extensive wardrobe. 306 00:17:02,929 --> 00:17:04,521 Yes. 307 00:17:08,689 --> 00:17:11,078 What's the matter, fella? You look a little tired. 308 00:17:12,049 --> 00:17:13,960 Nelson, don't you see? 309 00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,559 You are a part of me. 310 00:17:18,289 --> 00:17:19,961 And I... 311 00:17:20,569 --> 00:17:23,083 I am a part of you. 312 00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:25,162 She's killing me. 313 00:17:31,449 --> 00:17:32,848 That's your move? 314 00:17:33,009 --> 00:17:35,648 - Yeah. - Well, that's trouble, my friend. 315 00:17:35,809 --> 00:17:37,561 That's big trouble. 316 00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:39,202 Checkmate. 317 00:17:41,809 --> 00:17:44,369 Getting weak. Losing power. 318 00:17:45,049 --> 00:17:48,200 You haven't seen the last of me. I'll be back. 319 00:17:48,689 --> 00:17:52,318 You're nothing without me. Nothing. 320 00:17:54,329 --> 00:17:56,047 Little punk. 321 00:17:58,569 --> 00:18:01,720 Isabel, I don't think this is working. 322 00:18:05,609 --> 00:18:08,282 Daddy certainly does have an extensive wardrobe. 323 00:18:08,449 --> 00:18:13,159 He is a fine dresser. I don't have to tell you he's quite popular with the ladies. 324 00:18:13,409 --> 00:18:16,719 My father? Really? I had no idea. 325 00:18:16,889 --> 00:18:18,117 They're crazy about him. 326 00:18:18,289 --> 00:18:21,645 One in particular came around about two years ago. 327 00:18:22,209 --> 00:18:24,928 Looked a lot like you, professor. Could have been your mother. 328 00:18:25,329 --> 00:18:27,479 What was her name again? 329 00:18:27,969 --> 00:18:30,119 Carter? Kramer. That's it. 330 00:18:30,409 --> 00:18:33,481 Babs Kramer. Nasty woman. 331 00:18:33,649 --> 00:18:35,799 Many a night I had to throw her on the street... 332 00:18:35,969 --> 00:18:38,358 - ... drunken stumblebum. - You don't say. 333 00:18:38,529 --> 00:18:41,760 - I found it! - She walked around here half-naked... 334 00:18:41,929 --> 00:18:45,080 ...sucking Colt 45 from a can. 335 00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:49,162 Her big, fat stomach hanging out, orthopaedic hose up to her knees... 336 00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:51,047 ...screaming down the hall: 337 00:18:51,209 --> 00:18:53,962 "Come back to bed, Albert, you big hairy ape! 338 00:18:54,129 --> 00:18:57,724 And bring back that box of Danish!" 339 00:18:59,209 --> 00:19:01,803 - So I grabbed the guy by the collar. - Yeah, and I yelled out: 340 00:19:01,969 --> 00:19:04,324 "Kramer, Kramer, you're killing him." 341 00:19:04,889 --> 00:19:07,403 - So I assume the jig was up. - Yeah, pretty much. 342 00:19:07,569 --> 00:19:09,241 But look. 343 00:19:09,569 --> 00:19:11,002 Yes. 344 00:19:12,209 --> 00:19:15,007 - Hi. Here are your keys. - Hi. Thank you. 345 00:19:15,169 --> 00:19:17,080 - Hello. - Audrey. 346 00:19:18,249 --> 00:19:21,241 My God, you look incredible. I can't believe it. 347 00:19:21,969 --> 00:19:24,961 Well, it was his doctor. He was wonderful. 348 00:19:25,249 --> 00:19:27,001 So will I see you later tonight? 349 00:19:27,529 --> 00:19:29,485 Not sure. 350 00:19:31,369 --> 00:19:33,883 Well, I'll check you guys out later. 351 00:19:34,609 --> 00:19:36,440 - Ready? - I didn't wash. 352 00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:38,440 Neither did I. 353 00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:41,324 We're off to the reggae lounge. 354 00:19:48,329 --> 00:19:51,958 My nose, my nose. My kingdom for a nose. 355 00:19:52,569 --> 00:19:56,881 Isn't she beautiful? Her nose is in such perfect proportions... 356 00:19:57,049 --> 00:19:59,563 ...to the rest of her face. She's breathtaking. 357 00:19:59,729 --> 00:20:02,118 - Who would have thought, she's-? - Elaine... 358 00:20:02,649 --> 00:20:04,207 ...shut up. 359 00:20:05,809 --> 00:20:08,562 The technical term for a nose job is...? 360 00:20:08,769 --> 00:20:11,681 - Rhinoplasty. - Rhinoplasty. 361 00:20:12,369 --> 00:20:15,486 Rhino. Okay? 362 00:20:16,529 --> 00:20:21,319 Do we really need to insult the person at this moment of their lives? 363 00:20:21,489 --> 00:20:24,401 They know they have a big nose. That's why they're coming in. 364 00:20:24,569 --> 00:20:27,925 Do they really need the abuse of being compared to a rhinoceros... 365 00:20:28,129 --> 00:20:30,199 ...on top of everything else? 366 00:20:30,569 --> 00:20:32,799 When someone has a hair transplant, they don't go: 367 00:20:32,969 --> 00:20:36,200 "We're going to perform a cue ball-ectomy on you, Mr. Johnson. 368 00:20:36,929 --> 00:20:40,478 We're going to attempt to remove the skinheadia... 369 00:20:40,649 --> 00:20:43,880 ...of your chromedomus, which is what we- 370 00:20:44,049 --> 00:20:46,483 The technical term..." 371 00:21:31,369 --> 00:21:33,360 Subtitles by SDl Media Group