1 00:00:02,489 --> 00:00:06,767 So I was in the drugstore trying to get a cold medication. You ever try this? 2 00:00:08,769 --> 00:00:10,282 It's an entire wall of medications. 3 00:00:10,449 --> 00:00:14,158 "All right, all right, okay. What the hell am I...? 4 00:00:14,329 --> 00:00:18,607 This is quick-acting, but this is long-lasting. 5 00:00:19,249 --> 00:00:22,161 When do I need to feel good? Now or later?" 6 00:00:22,329 --> 00:00:23,967 It's a tough question. 7 00:00:24,129 --> 00:00:26,768 Then the commercials on TV show you what's wrong with the guy. 8 00:00:26,929 --> 00:00:30,444 They always show you the problems. They show you the human body... 9 00:00:30,729 --> 00:00:33,118 ...which is usually this guy: 10 00:00:34,969 --> 00:00:36,163 No face, mouth open. 11 00:00:36,329 --> 00:00:39,401 This is how drug companies see the public. 12 00:00:40,209 --> 00:00:42,325 And he's always in, like, a certain pain. 13 00:00:42,489 --> 00:00:44,798 Like, red, wavy lines are going through him... 14 00:00:44,969 --> 00:00:48,518 ...or he's glowing. Parts of him are on fire sometimes. 15 00:00:48,689 --> 00:00:50,520 Lightning is attacking him. 16 00:00:51,089 --> 00:00:53,649 I never had a doctor say, "Are you having pain? 17 00:00:53,809 --> 00:00:56,084 Are you having any lightning with the pain?" 18 00:01:04,569 --> 00:01:06,525 How did you get fleas? 19 00:01:06,689 --> 00:01:10,398 My cousin's imbecile dog was outside and they got in his carpet. 20 00:01:10,569 --> 00:01:13,481 Maybe you could get yourself a little bow tie flea collar. 21 00:01:13,649 --> 00:01:14,843 That's real funny. 22 00:01:15,369 --> 00:01:17,599 So are you coming to the party? 23 00:01:18,489 --> 00:01:20,639 I'd go, but Long Island, it's so far out. 24 00:01:20,809 --> 00:01:22,367 It smacks of desperation. 25 00:01:22,529 --> 00:01:23,928 Everyone's gonna be saying: 26 00:01:24,089 --> 00:01:26,284 "You came all the way out from Manhattan for this?" 27 00:01:26,449 --> 00:01:28,679 - You know, Ava's gonna be there. - Who? 28 00:01:28,849 --> 00:01:30,601 The nice one that works in my office. 29 00:01:31,409 --> 00:01:34,128 - I'll drive! - Oh, well, now you're talking. 30 00:01:34,289 --> 00:01:35,563 Supposed to be a good party. 31 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,284 Well, what does that mean? Good dip? 32 00:01:38,929 --> 00:01:40,681 No. There'll be girls there. 33 00:01:40,849 --> 00:01:42,362 There's girls everywhere! 34 00:01:42,529 --> 00:01:44,520 I go out and there's girls in the elevator. 35 00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:47,567 They're in cafeterias, subways. So what? 36 00:01:47,729 --> 00:01:49,959 There's a hundred different things here. 37 00:01:50,729 --> 00:01:53,197 What's the difference between these two? 38 00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:55,561 - You got propylparaben? - Got it. 39 00:01:56,129 --> 00:01:57,642 You got isobutane 30? 40 00:01:57,809 --> 00:01:59,481 I got isobutane 20. 41 00:02:01,089 --> 00:02:03,808 You got sorbitan sesquioleate? 42 00:02:03,969 --> 00:02:05,561 - Got it. - I have aloe. 43 00:02:05,729 --> 00:02:07,720 You got aloe? I love aloe. 44 00:02:07,889 --> 00:02:09,288 Where do they make yours? 45 00:02:09,449 --> 00:02:10,928 - Jersey. - White Plains. 46 00:02:13,849 --> 00:02:16,283 Girls. There's girls right here in the store. 47 00:02:17,649 --> 00:02:20,402 Look. Look. There's one over there. Look. 48 00:02:20,809 --> 00:02:22,128 There's another one. 49 00:02:22,689 --> 00:02:24,964 As soon as I walk outside, there'll be girls. 50 00:02:25,569 --> 00:02:26,888 What's the matter? 51 00:02:27,049 --> 00:02:29,040 I gave her a 20, she gave me change for a 10. 52 00:02:29,209 --> 00:02:32,599 Are you sure? Oh, boy. Here we go. 53 00:02:32,769 --> 00:02:35,044 Excuse me. I gave you a $20 bill... 54 00:02:35,209 --> 00:02:36,927 ...and you only gave me change for a 10. 55 00:02:37,089 --> 00:02:39,728 - You gave me a 10. - I'm positive I gave you a 20. 56 00:02:39,889 --> 00:02:41,481 I know what you gave me. 57 00:02:41,649 --> 00:02:43,048 You owe me $10. 58 00:02:43,209 --> 00:02:44,358 Will you please step aside? 59 00:02:44,529 --> 00:02:46,121 - Next! - All right, all right. 60 00:02:46,289 --> 00:02:48,849 Let's just examine the situation for a second. 61 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:52,400 Who, in this situation, would be more likely to make a mistake? 62 00:02:52,809 --> 00:02:56,563 Me, who had access to my wallet, knew exactly what was in there... 63 00:02:56,729 --> 00:02:57,957 - ... or you? - You. 64 00:02:58,529 --> 00:03:00,759 No, no, no. See, you're not really listening. 65 00:03:00,929 --> 00:03:03,124 - What's the problem here? - There's no problem. 66 00:03:03,289 --> 00:03:04,802 She just owes me $10. That's all. 67 00:03:04,969 --> 00:03:07,244 - He's claiming short. - Let's just take it outside. 68 00:03:07,409 --> 00:03:09,639 Oh, so you don't believe me either?! 69 00:03:09,809 --> 00:03:12,528 - Come on. Let's go. - All right. You haven't won. 70 00:03:12,689 --> 00:03:15,123 You may think you've won, but you haven't won. Know why? 71 00:03:15,289 --> 00:03:16,961 It's not over. This is not over. 72 00:03:17,129 --> 00:03:20,201 I'm not forgetting what's happening here. You have my $10. 73 00:03:20,369 --> 00:03:23,202 I will get it back. All right. Don't worry. 74 00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:25,405 And it's not over. I'm going now. 75 00:03:25,569 --> 00:03:28,242 Goodbye. I will be back. 76 00:03:35,289 --> 00:03:37,166 Well, don't stand here. Let's walk in. 77 00:03:37,329 --> 00:03:38,478 Blend in. Blend in. 78 00:03:38,649 --> 00:03:41,083 No, let's survey first. Camp here. 79 00:03:41,249 --> 00:03:42,762 Ava. 80 00:03:44,289 --> 00:03:46,723 What could possess anyone to throw a party? 81 00:03:46,889 --> 00:03:50,438 I mean, to have a bunch of strangers treat your house like a hotel room. 82 00:03:50,609 --> 00:03:54,841 - Guess who just sold 129 West 81 st. - Oh, no, you didn't. 83 00:03:55,009 --> 00:03:56,522 - Get out! When? - Yesterday. 84 00:03:56,889 --> 00:03:58,607 - I don't believe it. - Ask Mark. 85 00:03:58,769 --> 00:04:01,329 Mark, is this true? 86 00:04:04,649 --> 00:04:09,325 Yeah, this has got "disaster" written all over it. 87 00:04:09,489 --> 00:04:13,801 How did I let you talk me into this? I must have been out of my mind. 88 00:04:13,969 --> 00:04:15,880 Listen, let's keep an eye on each other. 89 00:04:16,049 --> 00:04:18,768 In case one of us gets in a bad conversation... 90 00:04:18,929 --> 00:04:22,365 ...we should have a signal so the other one can get us out of it. 91 00:04:23,169 --> 00:04:25,364 - How old are you? - Thirty-six. 92 00:04:26,209 --> 00:04:27,608 What's the signal? 93 00:04:28,809 --> 00:04:31,721 How about this: chicken wing. 94 00:04:32,089 --> 00:04:34,523 No, no, no. I got a better one: 95 00:04:34,689 --> 00:04:36,202 Head-patting. 96 00:04:37,009 --> 00:04:38,601 Whatever you want. 97 00:04:42,529 --> 00:04:44,565 You came all the way out from Manhattan for this? 98 00:04:44,729 --> 00:04:46,447 Yeah. Yeah, I did. 99 00:04:47,369 --> 00:04:49,360 So, what do you do? 100 00:04:52,649 --> 00:04:55,561 - I'm a comedian. - Are you? 101 00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:58,562 Let me ask you something. Where do you get your material? 102 00:04:58,729 --> 00:05:01,323 - I hear a voice. - What kind of voice? 103 00:05:01,489 --> 00:05:05,323 A man's voice. But he speaks in German, so I have to get it translated. 104 00:05:06,729 --> 00:05:08,640 How come you keep tapping your head? 105 00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:10,128 It's a nervous tick. 106 00:05:10,289 --> 00:05:11,927 I'm on L-dopa. 107 00:05:12,329 --> 00:05:15,844 On the other hand, you take a guy like George Washington Carver. 108 00:05:16,009 --> 00:05:19,240 The man devoted his whole life to the peanut. 109 00:05:19,409 --> 00:05:22,481 Imagine having so much passion for something. 110 00:05:24,049 --> 00:05:26,768 You know, people tell me I'm a funny guy. 111 00:05:29,729 --> 00:05:32,482 I've often wondered if he ever worked with the pecan. 112 00:05:33,329 --> 00:05:35,081 Yeah. Me too. 113 00:05:35,249 --> 00:05:39,242 Now, is that considered a nut? I know the cashew is a legume. 114 00:05:42,929 --> 00:05:44,999 - How's it going? - Great. How about you? 115 00:05:45,729 --> 00:05:47,367 I can't believe what's happening here. 116 00:05:47,529 --> 00:05:49,440 She hasn't taken her hands off me all night. 117 00:05:49,609 --> 00:05:52,362 She was always friendly around the office, but that was it. 118 00:05:52,529 --> 00:05:54,485 - How do you account for this? - I don't know. 119 00:05:54,649 --> 00:05:56,685 Maybe a safe fell on her head. 120 00:05:57,809 --> 00:05:59,481 Well, she obviously liked you all along. 121 00:05:59,649 --> 00:06:01,241 No. I would have picked up on it. 122 00:06:01,409 --> 00:06:04,719 I can always tell. Women always somehow let you know. 123 00:06:04,889 --> 00:06:07,244 With me, they could torture me, I wouldn't tell them. 124 00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:09,479 I try to make them think I don't like them. 125 00:06:09,649 --> 00:06:11,844 Then they think, "Oh, this guy's not even looking. 126 00:06:12,009 --> 00:06:13,920 He must have something going for him." 127 00:06:14,089 --> 00:06:16,045 Anyway, I'm ready to go. 128 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,518 - Now? - Well, if not now, when? 129 00:06:19,249 --> 00:06:22,082 - Give me a half-hour. - Okay. Half-hour. 130 00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:26,083 Peanut brittle, peanut butter, peanut oil... 131 00:06:26,249 --> 00:06:27,568 Can I talk to you for a second? 132 00:06:27,729 --> 00:06:29,401 Oh, excuse me. 133 00:06:31,049 --> 00:06:35,406 What have you been doing? I've been smacking myself senseless. 134 00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:37,881 People think I'm a mental patient. 135 00:06:38,569 --> 00:06:39,888 Hey, I was dying over there. 136 00:06:40,129 --> 00:06:42,085 This guy's going off on the peanut. 137 00:06:42,249 --> 00:06:43,841 Now, pay attention. 138 00:06:44,089 --> 00:06:46,205 Yeah, I think I've seen you in a club. 139 00:06:46,369 --> 00:06:49,088 - You talk about everyday things, right? - Right. 140 00:06:49,249 --> 00:06:51,319 Yeah. I remember you. 141 00:06:53,809 --> 00:06:55,640 I wonder what happened to my fiancé. 142 00:06:56,169 --> 00:06:57,488 I know he's here somewhere. 143 00:06:57,969 --> 00:07:00,483 Ellen, have you seen my fiancé? 144 00:07:00,649 --> 00:07:02,605 - He's upstairs. - Are you going upstairs? 145 00:07:02,769 --> 00:07:05,158 Tell my fiancé I'm looking for him. 146 00:07:05,329 --> 00:07:09,322 I have lost my fiancé, the poor baby. 147 00:07:11,809 --> 00:07:13,800 Maybe the dingo ate your baby. 148 00:07:17,329 --> 00:07:18,557 What? 149 00:07:18,969 --> 00:07:22,006 The dingo ate your baby. 150 00:07:30,089 --> 00:07:31,238 You ready? 151 00:07:31,849 --> 00:07:32,998 Listen, I... 152 00:07:33,169 --> 00:07:34,761 ...have a tremendous favour to ask. 153 00:07:34,929 --> 00:07:36,123 I do favours. 154 00:07:36,689 --> 00:07:39,157 - I think something's happening here. - What? 155 00:07:39,729 --> 00:07:41,321 I think she wants me to take her home. 156 00:07:43,169 --> 00:07:46,286 - What should I do? - Go. What can you do? 157 00:07:46,729 --> 00:07:48,685 - What about you and Elaine? - We'll get a ride. 158 00:07:48,849 --> 00:07:50,999 - You're sure? - We'll be fine. What did she say? 159 00:07:51,569 --> 00:07:52,843 She told me she- 160 00:07:55,089 --> 00:07:57,808 She told me she wants me to make love to her. 161 00:07:59,169 --> 00:08:01,478 - What? She said that? - Yeah. 162 00:08:02,209 --> 00:08:04,598 - Get out of here. - I swear. 163 00:08:06,129 --> 00:08:07,482 - What did you say? - I... 164 00:08:08,009 --> 00:08:10,728 - Oh, I can't. - Come on. What did you say? 165 00:08:10,889 --> 00:08:12,800 - Please, it's, it's... - What? 166 00:08:13,769 --> 00:08:15,248 "I..." 167 00:08:17,009 --> 00:08:18,761 "I..." 168 00:08:21,049 --> 00:08:23,404 "I long for you." 169 00:08:23,689 --> 00:08:25,327 - "I long for you"? - I was so shocked... 170 00:08:25,489 --> 00:08:29,641 - ... I was lucky I said anything. - It's okay. That's not bad. 171 00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:33,245 I don't like when a woman says "Make love to me."It's intimidating. 172 00:08:33,409 --> 00:08:36,845 The last time a woman said that to me, I wound up apologizing to her. 173 00:08:37,569 --> 00:08:39,048 - Really? - That's a lot of pressure. 174 00:08:39,209 --> 00:08:42,599 "Make love to me." What am I, in the circus? 175 00:08:42,769 --> 00:08:44,566 - What if I can't deliver? - Oh, come on. 176 00:08:44,729 --> 00:08:46,287 I can't perform under pressure. 177 00:08:46,689 --> 00:08:49,840 That's why I never play anything for money. I choke. 178 00:08:50,009 --> 00:08:52,045 I could choke tonight. 179 00:08:52,209 --> 00:08:54,086 And she works in my office. Can you imagine? 180 00:08:54,249 --> 00:08:56,524 If she goes around telling everyone what happened... 181 00:08:56,689 --> 00:08:59,328 Maybe I should cancel. I have a very bad feeling about this. 182 00:08:59,489 --> 00:09:04,517 - George, you're thinking too much. - I know, I know. I can't stop it. 183 00:09:05,969 --> 00:09:09,325 Well, right now I'm reading manuscripts for Pendant Publishing. 184 00:09:09,489 --> 00:09:12,049 Pendant? Those bastards. 185 00:09:12,209 --> 00:09:14,404 Excuse me. 186 00:09:16,929 --> 00:09:19,568 Listen, George is going home with this Ava from his office. 187 00:09:19,889 --> 00:09:21,481 Really? 188 00:09:21,689 --> 00:09:23,407 What a world. 189 00:09:24,209 --> 00:09:27,087 - So we can go now. - No, he's taking the car. 190 00:09:27,889 --> 00:09:30,687 - What are we gonna do for a ride? - I don't know. 191 00:09:32,129 --> 00:09:35,201 - You don't know? - Maybe Kramer can come pick us up. 192 00:09:36,369 --> 00:09:39,566 Great. Oh, this is great. How could you let him take the car? 193 00:09:39,729 --> 00:09:42,323 There's nothing I could do. It's part of the code. 194 00:09:43,089 --> 00:09:46,798 All plans between men are tentative. 195 00:09:47,089 --> 00:09:50,240 If one man should suddenly have an opportunity to pursue a woman... 196 00:09:50,409 --> 00:09:53,446 ...it's like these two guys never met each other ever in life. 197 00:09:53,609 --> 00:09:56,442 This is the male code. 198 00:09:56,729 --> 00:09:59,527 And it doesn't matter how important the arrangements are. 199 00:09:59,689 --> 00:10:02,522 Most of the time, they screw up a space shuttle mission, it's because... 200 00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:05,522 ...one of the astronauts met someone on his way to the launch pad. 201 00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:07,884 They hold that countdown. 202 00:10:08,049 --> 00:10:09,801 He's leaning against the rocket: 203 00:10:09,969 --> 00:10:13,598 "So when I get back, what do you say we get together for some Tang?" 204 00:10:14,529 --> 00:10:16,997 Oh, look at what she's wearing. You see what she's wearing? 205 00:10:17,169 --> 00:10:18,363 Yeah, yeah, all right. 206 00:10:18,529 --> 00:10:20,679 I can't believe she's walking around in that. 207 00:10:20,849 --> 00:10:23,079 - Just don't make a scene. - Hey, is that real fur? 208 00:10:23,249 --> 00:10:25,126 - Oh, boy. - It better be. 209 00:10:25,289 --> 00:10:26,961 Or my ex-husband owes me an explanation. 210 00:10:27,129 --> 00:10:28,357 Good night. 211 00:10:28,689 --> 00:10:30,884 You don't care that innocent, defenceless animals... 212 00:10:31,049 --> 00:10:32,482 ...are tortured so you look good? 213 00:10:32,649 --> 00:10:34,401 Could we talk about this some other time? 214 00:10:34,569 --> 00:10:36,685 - Are you a vegetarian? - Here we go. 215 00:10:36,849 --> 00:10:38,760 Yeah. I eat fish occasionally. 216 00:10:38,929 --> 00:10:40,328 - So you're a hypocrite. - Hey! 217 00:10:40,489 --> 00:10:42,878 I've eaten frogs, so nobody's perfect. 218 00:10:43,049 --> 00:10:44,198 Anyway... 219 00:10:44,369 --> 00:10:47,566 - Talk to me when you stop eating fish. - Fish don't feel any pain. 220 00:10:47,729 --> 00:10:49,640 How do you know? Do you communicate with fish? 221 00:10:49,809 --> 00:10:51,686 Well, they're not kept in little cages. 222 00:10:51,849 --> 00:10:53,601 - Ever seen a goldfish? - Goldfish! 223 00:10:53,769 --> 00:10:55,964 Yeah. Yeah, I've seen goldfish. They're not unhappy. 224 00:10:56,129 --> 00:10:57,881 Right. Swim around a bowl for two weeks... 225 00:10:58,049 --> 00:11:00,358 ...and get flushed down the toilet. That's a good life. 226 00:11:00,529 --> 00:11:01,962 Oh, yeah. That's right. 227 00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:04,518 Go ahead. Go ahead. Maybe you can run over a squirrel! 228 00:11:04,689 --> 00:11:08,045 Yeah, well, that's why we're here in America. 229 00:11:08,449 --> 00:11:11,043 - You're beautiful. - Call Kramer. 230 00:11:11,209 --> 00:11:12,801 All right. 231 00:11:12,969 --> 00:11:15,199 Excuse me. This is your party, right? 232 00:11:15,369 --> 00:11:17,963 - No. I just live here. - Can I use your phone? 233 00:11:18,129 --> 00:11:19,357 What's in it for me? 234 00:11:19,529 --> 00:11:21,645 - A bigger bill. - Go for it. 235 00:11:25,649 --> 00:11:27,207 Kram, Sein. 236 00:11:27,369 --> 00:11:28,961 What are you doing? 237 00:11:29,409 --> 00:11:31,559 Well, I'm stuck out here on Long Island. 238 00:11:31,729 --> 00:11:33,924 What are your thoughts about taking a ride? 239 00:11:34,089 --> 00:11:35,647 You're sure? 240 00:11:35,809 --> 00:11:38,846 Okay, but don't leave me hanging here. 241 00:11:39,009 --> 00:11:40,727 Okay, great. Let me give you directions. 242 00:11:48,209 --> 00:11:50,325 You sure you don't need any help? 243 00:11:50,489 --> 00:11:52,445 No, not really. 244 00:11:52,609 --> 00:11:54,565 I'm sure he'll be here any minute. 245 00:11:54,729 --> 00:11:56,287 I want them out of here. 246 00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:59,686 - Call him again. - I called. What should I do? 247 00:12:00,449 --> 00:12:02,246 We really appreciate this. 248 00:12:03,169 --> 00:12:04,966 It's 2:00 in the morning. 249 00:12:05,129 --> 00:12:06,926 Oh, you got the Civil War book. 250 00:12:07,089 --> 00:12:11,640 I saw some of that show. It was wonderful. 251 00:12:11,809 --> 00:12:14,767 620 million people died. 252 00:12:14,929 --> 00:12:16,078 Thousand. 253 00:12:16,249 --> 00:12:18,809 Thousand! 620,000. 254 00:12:18,969 --> 00:12:21,164 The horror. The horror! 255 00:12:21,329 --> 00:12:23,718 The wife keeps giving us dirty looks. 256 00:12:23,889 --> 00:12:26,767 Are you sure you gave him the right directions? 257 00:12:26,929 --> 00:12:28,726 - You sure there's nothing we can do? - No! 258 00:12:28,889 --> 00:12:30,925 I am not going to bed with them in our house. 259 00:12:31,089 --> 00:12:32,317 This is ridiculous. 260 00:12:32,489 --> 00:12:36,198 You know, a friend of my father's used to live right around here. 261 00:12:36,849 --> 00:12:38,362 Mike Wichter. 262 00:12:40,489 --> 00:12:42,127 He sold plastic straws. 263 00:12:42,289 --> 00:12:43,438 You know the ones? 264 00:12:43,609 --> 00:12:45,122 You could bend them. 265 00:12:47,249 --> 00:12:52,198 Have you noticed? People don't use straws as much as they used to. 266 00:12:52,369 --> 00:12:55,122 You know, it doesn't look as if your friend is coming. 267 00:12:55,289 --> 00:12:56,278 Oh, he's coming. 268 00:12:56,449 --> 00:12:59,725 Maybe you should take a look at a train schedule. 269 00:13:01,689 --> 00:13:03,327 That's him. 270 00:13:03,729 --> 00:13:05,447 I'm going to bed! 271 00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:07,722 - Thanks a lot. - Thanks. 272 00:13:08,249 --> 00:13:09,887 Great party. 273 00:13:12,569 --> 00:13:14,764 - Hey, how you doing? - Look who's here. 274 00:13:16,569 --> 00:13:17,968 - I'm sorry. - Hey, it's okay. 275 00:13:18,129 --> 00:13:20,245 I had the directions on the seat right next to me. 276 00:13:20,409 --> 00:13:22,206 They flew out the window. 277 00:13:23,049 --> 00:13:24,607 Then how did you find the place? 278 00:13:24,769 --> 00:13:27,078 Well, I knew the exit on the Long Island Expressway... 279 00:13:27,249 --> 00:13:31,686 ...and I thought that the address was 8713 Riviera Drive. 280 00:13:31,849 --> 00:13:33,885 So I drove around... 281 00:13:34,049 --> 00:13:36,404 ...knocking on everybody's doors that had those numbers. 282 00:13:36,569 --> 00:13:41,245 8317, 7813, 3718, 1837... 283 00:13:42,009 --> 00:13:44,125 Finally, I hit it. 8173. 284 00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:48,078 Anyway, thanks a lot for letting us stay here, Steve. I really owe you one. 285 00:13:48,249 --> 00:13:49,443 No problem. 286 00:13:49,609 --> 00:13:51,406 And if you're ever in the city... 287 00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:53,799 ...you wanna come to a comedy club, whatever. 288 00:13:53,969 --> 00:13:55,880 Hey, I might take you up on that. 289 00:13:56,049 --> 00:13:58,244 Here's my address and number. 290 00:13:58,409 --> 00:13:59,967 And, really, thanks again. 291 00:14:01,409 --> 00:14:02,603 Well, you better zip up. 292 00:14:03,089 --> 00:14:05,239 I couldn't get the top on the convertible up. 293 00:14:07,529 --> 00:14:11,158 - But it's cold out. - Wait till we get on the Expressway. 294 00:14:16,049 --> 00:14:19,359 George, I've been sick all week. Elaine was too. 295 00:14:19,529 --> 00:14:22,362 Eighty miles an hour, 40 degree temperature for 50 minutes. 296 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,201 Do the math. 297 00:14:25,249 --> 00:14:26,967 Yeah, maybe I will get out. 298 00:14:27,129 --> 00:14:30,246 But let me just stop off at the drugstore first. 299 00:14:30,409 --> 00:14:33,321 Meet me down there in 15 minutes, then we'll go do something. 300 00:14:33,489 --> 00:14:34,968 Yeah, Selwyn's. 301 00:14:35,129 --> 00:14:36,323 Okay, bye. 302 00:14:41,329 --> 00:14:44,048 - Who is it? - Mr. Pocatillo! 303 00:14:44,209 --> 00:14:47,519 - Who? - You don't recognize my voice? 304 00:14:48,449 --> 00:14:51,202 - Jerry, baby! - Do I know you? 305 00:14:51,609 --> 00:14:54,919 - Boy, this comedy's frying your brain. - I'm sorry... 306 00:14:55,089 --> 00:14:57,967 See, this is the kind of lasting impression I make on people. 307 00:14:58,129 --> 00:15:01,599 - Oh, okay. - You said if I was ever in the city. 308 00:15:02,209 --> 00:15:03,642 I'm in the city! 309 00:15:03,809 --> 00:15:06,084 You certainly are. 310 00:15:07,249 --> 00:15:08,364 What's going on? 311 00:15:08,529 --> 00:15:11,965 I'm just waiting for a lift back. He won't be ready until 11. 312 00:15:12,169 --> 00:15:13,568 I figured I'd give you a break... 313 00:15:13,729 --> 00:15:16,368 ...see what it's like to hang out with someone in show business. 314 00:15:16,529 --> 00:15:20,283 Listen, I'm really sorry, but I'm just on my way out to meet a friend. 315 00:15:20,529 --> 00:15:23,407 Oh, come on. You can come up with something better than that. 316 00:15:23,569 --> 00:15:25,605 No, really, I just got off the phone with him. 317 00:15:26,489 --> 00:15:28,127 I understand. 318 00:15:28,689 --> 00:15:31,078 Look, you can hang out here if you want. 319 00:15:32,329 --> 00:15:33,728 Don't be so enthusiastic. 320 00:15:33,929 --> 00:15:36,807 - No, it's... - I'm not gonna steal anything. 321 00:15:36,969 --> 00:15:39,324 No, of course not. Just... 322 00:15:39,489 --> 00:15:41,161 ...close the door when you leave. 323 00:15:41,329 --> 00:15:44,241 - I think I can do that. - Really, I'm sorry. 324 00:15:44,409 --> 00:15:45,637 Maybe another time. 325 00:15:46,049 --> 00:15:47,607 Yeah. Let's have lunch. 326 00:15:48,929 --> 00:15:51,204 The guy's in my house right now. 327 00:15:51,369 --> 00:15:54,759 What a mistake that party was. I never should've gone. 328 00:15:54,929 --> 00:15:57,238 - Yeah, me either. - Oh, come on. 329 00:15:57,809 --> 00:16:00,846 What "come on"? Have you ever dated a woman that worked in your office? 330 00:16:01,129 --> 00:16:04,678 - I never had a job. - Know that anxiety you feel on a date? 331 00:16:04,849 --> 00:16:07,682 That's what I have every day now. My worst nightmare's come true. 332 00:16:07,849 --> 00:16:09,567 Every day is a date. 333 00:16:09,729 --> 00:16:13,642 That's one of Dante's nine stages of hell, isn't it? 334 00:16:13,809 --> 00:16:15,765 Ava was one of the reasons I used to like work. 335 00:16:15,929 --> 00:16:17,248 She was a friend. 336 00:16:17,409 --> 00:16:20,640 Now we sleep together and suddenly I don't know how to talk to her. 337 00:16:20,809 --> 00:16:23,039 Every time I go to the bathroom, I pass her desk. 338 00:16:23,209 --> 00:16:26,246 I have to plan little patter. I spend half my day writing. 339 00:16:26,409 --> 00:16:29,162 Then afterwards I sit in my office and analyse how it went. 340 00:16:29,329 --> 00:16:32,765 If it was a good conversation, I don't go to the bathroom the rest of the day. 341 00:16:32,929 --> 00:16:35,159 I see her laughing and talking with other people. 342 00:16:35,329 --> 00:16:37,399 They're all so loose and relaxed. I think: 343 00:16:37,569 --> 00:16:40,322 "That used to be me. I wanna go back there again." 344 00:16:40,489 --> 00:16:43,049 - What are you gonna do? - I have no choice. 345 00:16:43,209 --> 00:16:44,688 I'm quitting. 346 00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:50,803 The party, Long Island. 347 00:16:51,089 --> 00:16:52,966 - Kramer, right? - Yeah. 348 00:16:53,129 --> 00:16:55,404 - Hey, what are you doing here? - Waiting for my ride. 349 00:16:55,569 --> 00:16:57,799 - Where's Jerry? - He split. 350 00:16:57,969 --> 00:16:59,960 Let me ask you something. 351 00:17:00,129 --> 00:17:03,041 Is there anything to drink in here? Or is that a stupid question? 352 00:17:04,249 --> 00:17:06,046 Jerry, he doesn't have anything. 353 00:17:07,249 --> 00:17:09,160 But I might have something. 354 00:17:11,089 --> 00:17:12,920 I'm gonna get this. This looks good. 355 00:17:13,969 --> 00:17:16,483 - How much is that? - $9.60. 356 00:17:17,009 --> 00:17:18,681 $9.60? 357 00:17:19,569 --> 00:17:20,684 Give it to me. 358 00:17:20,849 --> 00:17:22,202 - Why? - Don't worry, I got it. 359 00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:24,525 - What do you mean, you got it? - I got it. 360 00:17:24,689 --> 00:17:28,045 Since when are you treating me to medicine? What are you doing? 361 00:17:28,489 --> 00:17:31,447 - You're stealing this, aren't you? - I'm not stealing. They owe me $10. 362 00:17:31,609 --> 00:17:33,247 - They stole from me. - You're a lunatic. 363 00:17:33,409 --> 00:17:35,081 I have to. It's a matter of honour. 364 00:17:35,649 --> 00:17:37,207 What do you say to a person like you? 365 00:17:37,409 --> 00:17:38,888 Just walk. You don't even know me. 366 00:17:41,209 --> 00:17:42,483 Excuse me. 367 00:17:44,369 --> 00:17:45,563 What do you got there? 368 00:17:46,929 --> 00:17:50,126 - What? - What do you got in your shirt? 369 00:17:54,769 --> 00:17:56,646 - I was gonna pay for this. - Come with me. 370 00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:59,004 Where are you taking me? I was gonna pay for it. 371 00:17:59,169 --> 00:18:01,637 - Don't think I remember you? - What are you talking about? 372 00:18:01,809 --> 00:18:03,481 I know who you are! I was watching you. 373 00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:05,799 What are you gonna do? You gonna call the police? 374 00:18:05,969 --> 00:18:08,039 - Come on! - Where-! 375 00:18:09,049 --> 00:18:12,200 Can I still buy this or is this evidence now? 376 00:18:12,369 --> 00:18:14,599 So I'm chasing these doves down the street... 377 00:18:14,769 --> 00:18:17,488 ...and she's screaming at the top of her lungs... 378 00:18:17,649 --> 00:18:20,083 ...and then when the magician comes back from Europe... 379 00:18:20,249 --> 00:18:22,126 ...two of them turn brown! 380 00:18:22,289 --> 00:18:25,201 Well, I followed the instructions! 381 00:18:30,889 --> 00:18:32,925 They turned brown! 382 00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:38,605 - Brown! - Brown! 383 00:18:45,809 --> 00:18:49,484 So let me ask you something. You know any women we could call? 384 00:18:49,649 --> 00:18:51,321 Not really. 385 00:18:51,849 --> 00:18:54,079 Maybe we should call one of those escort services. 386 00:18:54,249 --> 00:18:55,318 Yeah. 387 00:18:55,729 --> 00:18:59,165 I saw one of them advertised before on the cable station. 388 00:18:59,329 --> 00:19:01,081 555-LOVE. 389 00:19:02,929 --> 00:19:04,681 - Are you in on this? - Oh, no, no. 390 00:19:04,849 --> 00:19:07,409 I got a girl in the next building. 391 00:19:10,929 --> 00:19:14,365 Now, I want my money, mister! And I ain't leaving till I get it. 392 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:19,480 Now, I am through playing games with you. 393 00:19:19,649 --> 00:19:21,321 I got things to do. 394 00:19:22,849 --> 00:19:24,646 Oh, Jerry, Jerry. 395 00:19:24,809 --> 00:19:26,401 Look who's here. It's Jerry. 396 00:19:26,569 --> 00:19:27,718 What the hell-? 397 00:19:27,889 --> 00:19:31,086 - Jerry, this is Patti. - Nice to meet you. 398 00:19:31,249 --> 00:19:32,921 A pleasure to make your acquaintance. 399 00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:34,442 What the hell is going on here? 400 00:19:34,609 --> 00:19:36,839 I don't know, but I gotta do this more often. 401 00:19:39,689 --> 00:19:41,645 There's my ride, finally. 402 00:19:41,809 --> 00:19:44,642 I'm not gonna go anywhere until I get the rest of my money. 403 00:19:44,889 --> 00:19:48,279 See you, Jer, and tell Kramer thanks. I'll call him tomorrow. 404 00:19:48,449 --> 00:19:49,723 Oh, Kramer. 405 00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:51,766 Yeah, he's a hoot. 406 00:19:53,489 --> 00:19:54,968 Goodbye, my dear. 407 00:19:57,529 --> 00:20:01,807 Weekend of the 26th, come on out. We're having another party. 408 00:20:03,449 --> 00:20:04,643 I ain't leaving. 409 00:20:05,409 --> 00:20:07,843 - Patti. - You got anything to drink? 410 00:20:08,889 --> 00:20:11,881 - All right, how much does he owe you? - $50. 411 00:20:13,209 --> 00:20:15,006 Fifty dollars... 412 00:20:19,529 --> 00:20:21,485 - Is this your apartment? - Yeah, but- 413 00:20:21,649 --> 00:20:25,483 - You're under arrest for solicitation. - Oh, wait a second. I... 414 00:20:26,569 --> 00:20:27,968 I have chicken soup. 415 00:20:30,449 --> 00:20:31,643 Is that real fur? 416 00:20:31,809 --> 00:20:33,561 - Oh, boy. - Oh, boy. 417 00:20:36,489 --> 00:20:39,083 You had Sergeant Chadway? Me too. 418 00:20:39,449 --> 00:20:41,758 - He was a nice guy. - Oh, great guy. 419 00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:44,840 Was there a redheaded guy there? 420 00:20:45,009 --> 00:20:46,761 - The one with the long sideburns? - Yeah! 421 00:20:46,929 --> 00:20:48,408 - Where does he come off? - I know. 422 00:20:48,569 --> 00:20:50,924 There's no call for that kind of attitude. 423 00:20:51,569 --> 00:20:53,924 One of the guys in my cell threw a piece of gum at him. 424 00:20:54,089 --> 00:20:56,319 We all hated him. 425 00:20:57,169 --> 00:20:59,399 There's two types of favours: big favour, small favour. 426 00:20:59,569 --> 00:21:01,639 You can measure the size of the favour... 427 00:21:01,809 --> 00:21:06,405 ...by the pause that a person takes after they ask you to "do me a favour." 428 00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:09,921 Small favour, small pause: "Do me a favour? Hand me that pencil." 429 00:21:10,089 --> 00:21:11,363 No pause at all. 430 00:21:11,529 --> 00:21:14,123 Big favours are: "Could you do me a favour?" 431 00:22:02,289 --> 00:22:04,280 Subtitles by SDI Media Group