1 00:00:02,089 --> 00:00:03,841 It seems the way they design the car alarms... 2 00:00:05,329 --> 00:00:09,117 ...is so that the car will behave as if it was a nervous, hysterical person. 3 00:00:09,289 --> 00:00:13,282 Anyone goes near it, anyone disturbs it, it's: 4 00:00:13,449 --> 00:00:16,282 Lights flashing on and off, acting all crazy. 5 00:00:16,449 --> 00:00:19,043 Not everyone wants to draw that much attention to themselves. 6 00:00:19,209 --> 00:00:21,803 Wouldn't it be nice to have a car alarm that was more subtle? 7 00:00:21,969 --> 00:00:24,961 Maybe just, you know, somebody tries to break in, and it goes: 8 00:00:30,249 --> 00:00:31,967 "Excuse me?" 9 00:00:32,409 --> 00:00:35,082 I would like a car alarm like that. 10 00:00:40,929 --> 00:00:42,442 Do you believe this? 11 00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:44,167 Car was parked right out front. 12 00:00:44,329 --> 00:00:47,082 - Was the alarm on? - I don't know. I guess it was on. 13 00:00:47,249 --> 00:00:51,242 I don't know my alarm sound. I'm not tuned into it like it's my son. 14 00:00:51,689 --> 00:00:54,408 I don't understand. How do these thieves start the car? 15 00:00:54,569 --> 00:00:57,720 - They cross the wires or something. - Cross the wires? 16 00:00:57,889 --> 00:01:00,039 I can't even make a pot of spaghetti. 17 00:01:00,209 --> 00:01:02,404 - Hey. - They stole my car. 18 00:01:02,569 --> 00:01:04,639 - Who did? - They did. 19 00:01:04,809 --> 00:01:06,606 Was it more than just one? 20 00:01:06,769 --> 00:01:08,248 What should I do? Call the police? 21 00:01:08,809 --> 00:01:10,959 What are they gonna do? 22 00:01:11,569 --> 00:01:15,118 You know, I'd better call the car-phone company, cancel my service. 23 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,800 Maybe you should call your car phone. 24 00:01:17,969 --> 00:01:19,880 Yeah. 25 00:01:20,049 --> 00:01:22,165 He's probably driving it right now. 26 00:01:22,329 --> 00:01:25,207 Wait a minute. Call the car phone. See what happens. 27 00:01:25,369 --> 00:01:27,087 - Are you serious? - Yeah, go ahead. Call. 28 00:01:27,249 --> 00:01:30,002 I don't even know if I remember the number. 29 00:01:31,009 --> 00:01:33,284 What do I say if he picks up? 30 00:01:33,449 --> 00:01:35,201 - Helo. - Hello. 31 00:01:35,369 --> 00:01:40,523 - Is this 555-8383? - I have no idea. 32 00:01:40,689 --> 00:01:42,839 - Can I ask you a question? - Sure. 33 00:01:43,089 --> 00:01:46,206 - Did you steal my car? - Yes, I did. 34 00:01:48,129 --> 00:01:50,085 - You did? - I did. 35 00:01:50,249 --> 00:01:53,924 - But that's my car. - I didn't know it was yours. 36 00:01:54,089 --> 00:01:57,684 - What are you gonna do with it? - I don't know. Drive around. 37 00:01:57,849 --> 00:02:01,239 - Then can I have it back? - No, I'm gonna k eep it. 38 00:02:01,409 --> 00:02:04,446 Let me talk to him. Give it, give it, give it. 39 00:02:06,489 --> 00:02:08,366 - Hello. - Yeah, who's this? 40 00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:09,962 - Kramer. - Helo, Kramer. 41 00:02:10,129 --> 00:02:13,838 Listen, there's a pair of gloves in the glove compartment. 42 00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:15,408 Wait, hold it. 43 00:02:17,129 --> 00:02:19,040 - Brown ones? - Yeah. 44 00:02:19,209 --> 00:02:21,882 Could you mail those to me? Or bring them by my building. 45 00:02:22,049 --> 00:02:25,280 - It's 129 West 81 st Street. -129... Okay. 46 00:02:25,449 --> 00:02:29,078 All right, thanks a lot. Here's Jerry. 47 00:02:31,929 --> 00:02:33,362 Gloves. 48 00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:35,281 - Hello. - Jerry. 49 00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:40,526 Yeah. Let me ask you a question. How do you cross those wires? 50 00:02:40,689 --> 00:02:42,725 I didn't cross any wires. The k eys were in it. 51 00:02:42,889 --> 00:02:47,724 Sid left the keys in the car. All right, I gotta go. Drive carefully. 52 00:02:48,129 --> 00:02:52,088 Hey, Jerry, when's the last time you had a tune-up? Because I can't find- 53 00:02:52,249 --> 00:02:55,002 - Sid left the keys in the car. - Who's Sid? 54 00:02:55,169 --> 00:02:57,364 Guy in the neighbourhood. He parks cars on the block. 55 00:02:57,529 --> 00:02:59,724 - What do you mean? - He moves them from side to side... 56 00:02:59,889 --> 00:03:02,278 - ... so you don't get a ticket. - You pay him for that? 57 00:03:02,529 --> 00:03:05,327 - Yeah. Like 50 bucks a month. - How many people does he do it for? 58 00:03:05,489 --> 00:03:08,925 - The whole block, 40, 50 cars. - He only works three hours a day. 59 00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:13,002 He makes a fortune. He's been doing that for years, right, Jerry? 60 00:03:13,489 --> 00:03:14,763 Could anybody do that? 61 00:03:14,929 --> 00:03:18,080 - Hey, Sid. What happened? - I'm sorry, Jerry. 62 00:03:18,249 --> 00:03:19,841 Maybe I'm too old for this stuff. 63 00:03:20,009 --> 00:03:21,647 You left the keys in the car? 64 00:03:21,809 --> 00:03:24,323 Well, they're making that Woody Allen movie on the block... 65 00:03:24,489 --> 00:03:27,242 ...and all those people and trucks everywhere... 66 00:03:27,409 --> 00:03:29,604 ...and when I saw him, I must've been distracted. 67 00:03:29,769 --> 00:03:31,839 - You know I'm in that movie. - You're what? 68 00:03:32,009 --> 00:03:34,125 - Yeah, I'm an extra. - How'd you get that? 69 00:03:34,289 --> 00:03:37,565 Well, I was just watching them film yesterday, and some guy asked me. 70 00:03:37,729 --> 00:03:41,005 - Right out of the clear blue sky? - Clear blue sky. 71 00:03:41,169 --> 00:03:44,127 - Why didn't they ask me? - I got a quality. 72 00:03:44,289 --> 00:03:49,158 - Hey, Jerry, you got insurance, right? - Yeah, but no car. I'll have to rent one. 73 00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:51,843 I'm going to visit my sister in Virginia next Wednesday... 74 00:03:52,009 --> 00:03:53,761 ...for a week, so I can't park it. 75 00:03:53,929 --> 00:03:55,567 - This Wednesday? - No, next Wednesday. 76 00:03:55,729 --> 00:03:56,923 Week after this Wednesday. 77 00:03:57,089 --> 00:04:00,320 But the Wednesday two days from now is the next Wednesday. 78 00:04:01,129 --> 00:04:03,643 If I meant this Wednesday, I would've said this Wednesday. 79 00:04:03,809 --> 00:04:06,482 It's the week after this Wednesday. 80 00:04:08,369 --> 00:04:10,758 Sid, who's gonna move the cars while you're away? 81 00:04:10,929 --> 00:04:13,397 Whoever wants to move them. What do I care who moves them? 82 00:04:13,569 --> 00:04:15,161 They can move themselves if they want. 83 00:04:15,329 --> 00:04:17,445 Maybe I could move them until you get back. 84 00:04:17,609 --> 00:04:21,284 What's a young man like you want to move cars for? You don't work? 85 00:04:21,449 --> 00:04:23,405 I'm in a transition phase right now. 86 00:04:23,689 --> 00:04:26,442 Well, if you want to move the cars, move the cars. 87 00:04:26,609 --> 00:04:30,124 - Just don't forget to take the keys out. - All right. 88 00:04:32,849 --> 00:04:36,524 Hello. Yeah, the defroster's the one on the bottom. 89 00:04:36,689 --> 00:04:38,919 Just slide it all the way over. 90 00:04:39,809 --> 00:04:41,003 You're welcome. 91 00:04:41,169 --> 00:04:43,888 I'm in awe of his intellect. When he talks, it sounds like... 92 00:04:44,049 --> 00:04:47,644 - ... he's reading from one of his novels. - Owen March. I never heard of him. 93 00:04:47,969 --> 00:04:51,279 - Well, he's not a baseball player. - Yeah, that's true. 94 00:04:51,449 --> 00:04:55,328 - It sounds like it's going pretty good. - Yeah. Well, there is one little problem. 95 00:04:55,489 --> 00:04:57,923 - What's that? - He's 66 years old. 96 00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:00,523 Next, please. 97 00:05:00,689 --> 00:05:02,441 Go. Go. She- 98 00:05:02,609 --> 00:05:04,122 Go. Come on. 99 00:05:04,289 --> 00:05:05,768 Can I help you? Name, please. 100 00:05:05,929 --> 00:05:11,322 Seinfeld. I made a reservation for a midsize, and she's a small. 101 00:05:12,329 --> 00:05:15,002 - I'm kidding around, of course. - Yes. 102 00:05:15,169 --> 00:05:16,761 Okay, let's see here. 103 00:05:16,929 --> 00:05:21,127 - Sixty-six years old? - Yeah, well, he's in perfect health. 104 00:05:21,289 --> 00:05:23,962 He works out. He's vibrant. You'd really like him. 105 00:05:24,129 --> 00:05:28,042 Why do people always say that? I hate everybody. Why would I like him? 106 00:05:28,209 --> 00:05:30,518 Could you go out with a 66-year-old woman? 107 00:05:30,689 --> 00:05:34,568 Well, I'll tell you, she would have to be really vibrant. 108 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,478 So vibrant she'd be spinning. 109 00:05:39,969 --> 00:05:42,358 I'm sorry. We have no midsize available at the moment. 110 00:05:42,529 --> 00:05:44,645 I made a reservation. Do you have my reservation? 111 00:05:44,809 --> 00:05:47,562 Yes, we do. Unfortunately, we ran out of cars. 112 00:05:48,049 --> 00:05:50,768 But the reservation keeps the car here. 113 00:05:50,929 --> 00:05:53,045 That's why you have the reservation. 114 00:05:53,209 --> 00:05:56,918 - I know why we have reservations. - I don't think you do. 115 00:06:00,249 --> 00:06:02,922 If you did, I'd have a car. 116 00:06:03,089 --> 00:06:04,966 See, you know how to take the reservation. 117 00:06:05,129 --> 00:06:08,485 You just don't know how to hold the reservation. 118 00:06:08,649 --> 00:06:13,404 And that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. 119 00:06:13,569 --> 00:06:17,084 Anybody can just take them. 120 00:06:17,369 --> 00:06:20,042 Let me speak with my supervisor. 121 00:06:20,209 --> 00:06:22,564 Well, here we go. 122 00:06:22,729 --> 00:06:24,640 The supervisor. 123 00:06:24,809 --> 00:06:26,561 - Know what she's saying over there? - What? 124 00:06:26,729 --> 00:06:29,607 "Hey, Marge, see those two people? They think I'm talking to you. 125 00:06:29,769 --> 00:06:33,045 So you pretend like you're talking to me. Okay, now you start talking." 126 00:06:33,209 --> 00:06:36,519 "You mean like this? So it looks like I'm saying something, but I'm not." 127 00:06:36,689 --> 00:06:38,884 "Say something else, and they won't yell at me... 128 00:06:39,049 --> 00:06:41,324 ...because they thought I was checking with you." 129 00:06:41,489 --> 00:06:43,878 "Okay, I think that's enough. See you later." 130 00:06:44,049 --> 00:06:46,688 I'm sorry. My supervisor says there's nothing we can do. 131 00:06:47,129 --> 00:06:49,962 Yeah, it looked like you were in a real conversation over there. 132 00:06:50,289 --> 00:06:52,564 Well, we do have a compact if you would like that. 133 00:06:52,729 --> 00:06:54,606 - Fine. - All right. 134 00:06:54,769 --> 00:06:58,318 Well, we have a blue Ford Escort for you, Mr. Seinfeld. 135 00:06:58,489 --> 00:07:00,957 - Would you like insurance? - Yeah, give me the insurance... 136 00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:04,121 ...because I am gonna beat the hell out of this thing. 137 00:07:07,769 --> 00:07:10,442 Please fill this out. 138 00:07:11,009 --> 00:07:13,159 Do you think I'm making a big mistake? 139 00:07:13,329 --> 00:07:15,718 If you enjoy being with him, that's what's important. 140 00:07:15,889 --> 00:07:20,041 I love being with him. I mean, I like being with him. 141 00:07:20,209 --> 00:07:22,848 It's okay being with him. 142 00:07:23,969 --> 00:07:27,086 - I just don't enjoy being with him. - Well, that's what important. 143 00:07:27,249 --> 00:07:29,285 I'm meeting him for lunch at Chadway's. 144 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:32,759 Do I have to break up face to face, or can I just do it over the phone? 145 00:07:32,929 --> 00:07:34,920 - How many times have you been out? - Seven. 146 00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:36,961 Face to face. 147 00:07:37,129 --> 00:07:39,006 Seven dates is a face-to-face breakup? 148 00:07:39,169 --> 00:07:42,047 If it was six, I could've let you go. 149 00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:46,126 But seven, I'm afraid, is over the limit. 150 00:07:46,289 --> 00:07:49,281 Unless, of course, there was no sex. 151 00:07:54,089 --> 00:07:56,478 How's the pasta over there? 152 00:07:59,089 --> 00:08:00,727 What is going on out there? 153 00:08:00,889 --> 00:08:03,084 I need a bucket of water. I got a car overheating. 154 00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:04,682 I got an alarm that won't go off. 155 00:08:04,849 --> 00:08:06,999 I'm pressing one. I'm pressing two. Nothing. 156 00:08:07,169 --> 00:08:09,160 What do I do? Help me. Help me. 157 00:08:17,009 --> 00:08:18,761 They were supposed to do my scene today. 158 00:08:18,929 --> 00:08:20,282 - Today? - Yeah. 159 00:08:20,449 --> 00:08:23,998 They said they wanted me to walk down the block carrying this bag of groceries. 160 00:08:24,169 --> 00:08:28,162 So I start to walk, and I trip. And the grocery bag goes flying... 161 00:08:28,329 --> 00:08:31,366 - ... and Woody starts laughing. - He was laughing? 162 00:08:31,529 --> 00:08:34,680 Oh, yeah. He was drinking something. It started to come out of his nose. 163 00:08:34,849 --> 00:08:37,317 - So then what? - Well, I got a line in the movie! 164 00:08:37,489 --> 00:08:39,684 - Get out! - That's great. 165 00:08:41,849 --> 00:08:43,567 You got a line in a Woody Allen movie? 166 00:08:44,049 --> 00:08:47,644 - Pretty good, huh? - You're in the movie? 167 00:08:48,329 --> 00:08:51,241 - Is he in the scene? - Yeah, it's me and him. 168 00:08:51,409 --> 00:08:53,286 I might have a new career on my hands, huh? 169 00:08:53,449 --> 00:08:56,441 You mean "a career." 170 00:08:58,489 --> 00:09:01,003 - So was Mia Farrow there? - I didn't see him. 171 00:09:03,569 --> 00:09:06,561 - What's your line? - Well, okay, I'm there with Woody... 172 00:09:06,729 --> 00:09:10,119 ...you know. I'm at this bar, and, you know, it's Woody Allen. 173 00:09:10,289 --> 00:09:12,598 - Did I mention that? - We got it. We got it. 174 00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:15,761 And I'm sitting there with Woody, and I turn to him and I go: 175 00:09:15,929 --> 00:09:19,080 Boy, these pretzels are making me thirsty. 176 00:09:20,689 --> 00:09:24,967 - Is that how you're gonna say it? - No, no. I'm working on it. 177 00:09:25,609 --> 00:09:26,962 Do it like this. 178 00:09:27,129 --> 00:09:30,758 - These pretzels are making me thirsty. - No. 179 00:09:30,929 --> 00:09:35,923 - These pretzels are making me thirsty. - No, no. See, that's no good. 180 00:09:36,089 --> 00:09:38,284 You don't know how to act. 181 00:09:38,449 --> 00:09:40,405 These pretzels... 182 00:09:41,329 --> 00:09:43,047 ...are making me thirsty! 183 00:09:46,609 --> 00:09:49,806 - That was no good? - I didn't say anything. 184 00:09:49,969 --> 00:09:52,278 All right, I'm gonna go break up with Owen. 185 00:09:52,449 --> 00:09:56,362 What was wrong with that? I had a different interpretation. 186 00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:58,645 Do you know anything about this pretzel guy? 187 00:09:58,809 --> 00:10:00,640 Maybe he's been in the bar a long time... 188 00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:03,721 ...and he's really depressed because he has no job, and no woman... 189 00:10:03,889 --> 00:10:05,641 ...and he's parking cars for a living! 190 00:10:05,809 --> 00:10:09,119 All right! All right! Shut up! Shut up! 191 00:10:09,289 --> 00:10:14,443 I hear you! I'm coming down! These pretzels are making me thirsty! 192 00:10:15,729 --> 00:10:17,447 Yeah! 193 00:10:22,809 --> 00:10:24,162 Oh, my God. 194 00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:26,841 Call an ambulance. 195 00:10:27,009 --> 00:10:29,318 Boy, he took it hard. 196 00:10:31,569 --> 00:10:33,321 We were walking down the block... 197 00:10:33,489 --> 00:10:36,287 ...I was about to break up with him, then he started to twitch. 198 00:10:36,449 --> 00:10:39,885 Yes, I need an ambulance at 129 West 81 st Street, Apartment 5A. 199 00:10:40,049 --> 00:10:42,119 - Tell them to hurry. Hurry! - It's an ambulance. 200 00:10:44,449 --> 00:10:47,043 I don't know, but he's unconscious. 201 00:10:47,409 --> 00:10:50,048 These pretzels are making me thirsty. 202 00:10:52,049 --> 00:10:53,926 These pretzels are making me thirsty. 203 00:10:54,089 --> 00:10:55,920 - Kramer. - What happened here? 204 00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,557 I don't know. What should we do? We called an ambulance. 205 00:10:58,729 --> 00:11:01,323 - Anyone know first aid? - Do something with the extremities. 206 00:11:01,489 --> 00:11:03,241 - What extremities? - What's an extremity? 207 00:11:03,409 --> 00:11:05,240 You raise the feet, get blood to the head. 208 00:11:05,409 --> 00:11:07,320 You raise the head, get blood to the feet. 209 00:11:07,489 --> 00:11:09,957 Okay, what about a cold compress? They always do that. 210 00:11:10,129 --> 00:11:11,767 - I don't have a washcloth. - Use a paper towel. 211 00:11:11,929 --> 00:11:14,568 - You can't put that on his head. - What about a big sponge? 212 00:11:14,729 --> 00:11:16,640 - How you gonna hold it on there? - Use a belt. 213 00:11:16,809 --> 00:11:20,199 No, no, no. That'll- It'll drip all over him. 214 00:11:20,369 --> 00:11:22,564 - Should we walk him around? - I've seen them do that. 215 00:11:22,729 --> 00:11:25,163 - That's for a drug overdose. - Maybe that's what he's got. 216 00:11:25,329 --> 00:11:27,843 No, I just had lunch with him. He didn't leave the table. 217 00:11:28,009 --> 00:11:30,728 Well, he could've dropped acid when you weren't looking. 218 00:11:31,729 --> 00:11:33,560 He is not a drug addict. 219 00:11:33,729 --> 00:11:36,482 Maybe he's diabetic. He might just need a cookie or something. 220 00:11:36,649 --> 00:11:38,958 - A cookie! - Can you give him a cookie? 221 00:11:39,129 --> 00:11:42,201 - How's he gonna chew it? - Move his teeth. Worked for my uncle. 222 00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,963 The sugar revived him. 223 00:11:47,209 --> 00:11:49,325 Careful, you're getting crumbs all over him. 224 00:11:49,649 --> 00:11:52,368 I've got him chewing, but I don't think he's gonna swallow. 225 00:11:52,529 --> 00:11:55,521 Let's put a few cookies in a blender and he could drink it. 226 00:11:55,689 --> 00:11:58,283 - Cookies don't liquefy. - They do. You can liquefy a cookie. 227 00:11:58,449 --> 00:12:00,838 - I'll get the blender. - I don't have a blender. 228 00:12:01,009 --> 00:12:03,443 - You've got a blender. - I'd know if I had a blender. 229 00:12:03,609 --> 00:12:06,282 Where is the ambulance?! 230 00:12:13,449 --> 00:12:16,361 Hello, yes. I called for an ambulance like 35 minutes ago. 231 00:12:16,529 --> 00:12:18,406 I can't believe what's going on out here. 232 00:12:18,569 --> 00:12:21,561 This is an emergency. What's taking so long? 233 00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:23,640 Wait a second. Maybe that's them. 234 00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:25,083 - Hello. - Paramedics. 235 00:12:25,249 --> 00:12:27,888 Come on up. Okay, they're here. 236 00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:32,558 He seems to be breathing. 237 00:12:34,769 --> 00:12:37,647 You know, I've got to tell you, he's a pretty good-looking guy. 238 00:12:37,809 --> 00:12:39,003 I know. 239 00:12:39,169 --> 00:12:41,763 Those eyebrows could use a trimming. You ever mention that? 240 00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,681 Almost. 241 00:12:43,849 --> 00:12:46,283 I mean, because, come on, they're running wild there. 242 00:12:46,889 --> 00:12:49,642 - It's not an easy thing to bring up. - Yeah, that's true. 243 00:12:49,809 --> 00:12:51,959 You should see his bathrobe, man. It's all silk. 244 00:12:52,129 --> 00:12:54,802 Yeah. Does he wear slippers. I bet he wears slippers. 245 00:12:54,969 --> 00:12:58,279 - He does. How'd you know that? - I could tell. 246 00:13:00,049 --> 00:13:01,767 What happened? What took you so long? 247 00:13:01,929 --> 00:13:03,965 We got here 20 minutes ago, but we couldn't move. 248 00:13:04,129 --> 00:13:06,927 The intersection is gridlocked. I've never seen anything like it. 249 00:13:07,089 --> 00:13:10,445 Finally we make the turn, and this guy who was triple-parking cars... 250 00:13:10,609 --> 00:13:14,124 - ... slammed into us with a blue Escort. - Blue Escort? 251 00:13:14,289 --> 00:13:16,519 - That's my rent-a-car! - Oh, man. 252 00:13:16,689 --> 00:13:17,804 What happened to the car? 253 00:13:17,969 --> 00:13:21,200 I'm sorry. You don't know what's going on out there! 254 00:13:21,369 --> 00:13:22,358 Who's he? 255 00:13:22,529 --> 00:13:24,087 - This guy I'm seeing. - What happened? 256 00:13:24,249 --> 00:13:28,037 - We don't know. - Who put cookies in his mouth? 257 00:13:28,209 --> 00:13:31,087 - Cookies? - You're not supposed to do that. 258 00:13:31,249 --> 00:13:33,888 - So how'd you hit the car? - I was moving it across the street. 259 00:13:34,049 --> 00:13:36,961 I looked up and I saw Woody Allen. I got all distracted. 260 00:13:37,129 --> 00:13:40,565 - It's not even my car. It's a rental. - What are you doing out there? 261 00:13:40,729 --> 00:13:42,845 You're holding up the production of the movie. 262 00:13:43,009 --> 00:13:45,125 We can't shoot, and Woody, he's really mad at you. 263 00:13:45,289 --> 00:13:47,564 Woody mentioned me? What did he say? 264 00:13:47,729 --> 00:13:51,199 He said, "Who's the moron who's got the street all screwed up?" 265 00:13:51,649 --> 00:13:53,287 Should I apologize to Woody? 266 00:13:54,569 --> 00:13:55,968 All right, I'll tell you what. 267 00:13:56,129 --> 00:13:59,280 Next time I talk to him, maybe I'll bring it up. 268 00:13:59,729 --> 00:14:01,720 I'll feel him out. 269 00:14:02,289 --> 00:14:05,964 What do you think first aid was like hundreds of years ago? 270 00:14:06,129 --> 00:14:07,960 I mean, they had no medicine, no drugs... 271 00:14:08,129 --> 00:14:11,678 ...no technology, no equipment. Basically, they were there first. 272 00:14:11,849 --> 00:14:14,647 That was it. That was the whole first aid. They sit with you. 273 00:14:14,809 --> 00:14:16,800 That's all they could do. "Can you help me?" 274 00:14:16,969 --> 00:14:20,006 "No, we can't help you, but we were the first ones here. 275 00:14:20,169 --> 00:14:23,320 Did you see our truck? 'First aid. ' That's our motto. 276 00:14:23,489 --> 00:14:25,047 We show up before anybody." 277 00:14:25,209 --> 00:14:27,086 You didn't say you didn't know how to drive. 278 00:14:27,249 --> 00:14:30,241 - Should've mentioned that. - Well, I know how to drive. 279 00:14:30,409 --> 00:14:32,206 Then how did all those cars get damaged? 280 00:14:32,369 --> 00:14:35,645 Why are people calling me up, screaming on the phone? 281 00:14:35,809 --> 00:14:38,607 - Most of them cancelled out on me. - Can I get anybody anything? 282 00:14:38,769 --> 00:14:40,646 Moving cars from one side to the other... 283 00:14:40,809 --> 00:14:43,881 ...don't take no more sense than putting on a pair of pants. 284 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:48,008 My question to you is: Who's putting your pants on? 285 00:14:48,249 --> 00:14:51,207 - I put my pants on, Sid. - I don't believe you. 286 00:14:51,369 --> 00:14:53,439 You can put your pants on, you can move cars. 287 00:14:53,609 --> 00:14:56,521 I don't want to get into a big dispute about the pants. 288 00:14:56,689 --> 00:14:58,805 Who's gonna send money to my sister in Virginia? 289 00:14:58,969 --> 00:15:00,766 Her little boy needs surgery on his foot. 290 00:15:01,129 --> 00:15:05,407 He'll be walking around with a limp, because you can't park a few cars. 291 00:15:05,809 --> 00:15:07,322 Maybe I could call my father. 292 00:15:08,369 --> 00:15:12,282 - Hey, you seen the paper yet? - Interestingly enough, no... 293 00:15:12,449 --> 00:15:15,361 ...inasmuch as it is my paper. 294 00:15:15,529 --> 00:15:17,008 There's an article on that writer. 295 00:15:17,169 --> 00:15:20,559 "Owen March, prominent author and essayist, suffered a stroke yesterday... 296 00:15:20,729 --> 00:15:23,243 ...in the Upper West Side apartment of a friend." 297 00:15:23,409 --> 00:15:25,798 That's the guy that was here. You're the friend. 298 00:15:26,129 --> 00:15:30,361 Thanks."The extent of the damage would've been far less severe... 299 00:15:30,529 --> 00:15:33,487 ...had paramedics been able to reach him sooner." 300 00:15:34,849 --> 00:15:37,409 - Oh, Lord. - "The commotion also delayed... 301 00:15:37,569 --> 00:15:40,686 ...production of a Woody Allen movie that was shooting up the block. 302 00:15:41,129 --> 00:15:43,279 A spokeswoman for the legendary filmmaker... 303 00:15:43,449 --> 00:15:45,804 ...said that Mr. Allen was extremely agitated... 304 00:15:45,969 --> 00:15:50,440 ...and wondered if his days of shooting movies in New York were over." 305 00:15:50,649 --> 00:15:51,968 Five seconds. 306 00:15:52,129 --> 00:15:55,724 Jerry, I was five seconds away from breaking up with him. 307 00:15:55,889 --> 00:16:00,440 Five seconds! The next words out of my mouth were, "Owen, it's over." 308 00:16:00,609 --> 00:16:03,965 - Can he communicate? - Yeah. Well, he nods. 309 00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:05,721 And I think he understands me. 310 00:16:05,889 --> 00:16:07,959 He seems to enjoy it when I read to him. 311 00:16:09,609 --> 00:16:11,725 All right, she's free. 312 00:16:14,009 --> 00:16:16,364 Hi, I called before. My car got smashed. 313 00:16:16,529 --> 00:16:19,202 So listen. What should I do? If I break up with him now... 314 00:16:19,369 --> 00:16:23,567 ...it'll look like I'm abandoning him. I'll be ostracized from the community. 315 00:16:23,729 --> 00:16:25,799 What community? There's a community? 316 00:16:25,969 --> 00:16:27,288 Of course there's a community. 317 00:16:27,449 --> 00:16:30,088 All these years, I'm living in a community, I had no idea. 318 00:16:30,249 --> 00:16:34,925 Sir, the estimate on the damage to your car is $2866. 319 00:16:35,089 --> 00:16:38,081 - I got the insurance and everything- - Yes, now, in your report... 320 00:16:38,249 --> 00:16:40,922 ...you said you weren't the driver at the time of the accident. 321 00:16:41,089 --> 00:16:42,681 Somebody else was driving it. 322 00:16:42,849 --> 00:16:46,762 All right, well, sir, you're only covered for when you're driving the car. 323 00:16:46,929 --> 00:16:49,159 What's that? 324 00:16:49,329 --> 00:16:52,685 - You're not covered for other drivers. - Other drivers? 325 00:16:52,849 --> 00:16:55,727 Your whole business is based on other drivers. It's a rented car. 326 00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:58,198 That's who's driving it. Other drivers. 327 00:16:58,369 --> 00:17:00,200 Doesn't my credit card cover me? 328 00:17:00,369 --> 00:17:02,883 - Not that particular one. - I got a hundred cards. 329 00:17:03,049 --> 00:17:05,643 Here, here. Pick a card. Take any card you want. 330 00:17:05,809 --> 00:17:07,401 Go ahead. Whichever one. I don't care. 331 00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:11,528 - If you had read the rental agreement- - Did you see the size of that document? 332 00:17:11,689 --> 00:17:14,328 It's like the Declaration of Independence. Who's gonna read that? 333 00:17:14,489 --> 00:17:18,038 Mr. Seinfeld, as it stands right now, you are not covered for that damage... 334 00:17:18,209 --> 00:17:22,521 ...and there is absolutely nothing that can be done about that. 335 00:17:23,329 --> 00:17:26,560 These pretzels are making me thirsty. 336 00:17:34,089 --> 00:17:36,398 It's good, isn't it? 337 00:17:36,969 --> 00:17:39,005 Yankee bean. 338 00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:42,164 Why Yankee bean, huh? 339 00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:45,446 Don't they have beans in the South? 340 00:17:45,609 --> 00:17:48,646 I mean, if you order Yankee bean in the South, are they offended? 341 00:17:52,129 --> 00:17:55,519 Yank ee bean. Yank ee bean. 342 00:17:56,129 --> 00:18:02,045 I lik e my Yank ee bean. 343 00:18:10,649 --> 00:18:12,207 Owen... 344 00:18:17,329 --> 00:18:19,923 ...I think we have to talk. 345 00:18:20,089 --> 00:18:23,081 I mean, I have to talk. 346 00:18:23,409 --> 00:18:28,529 It would be nice if we could, but, you know, whatever. 347 00:18:31,249 --> 00:18:35,925 Don't get me wrong. I like coming here and feeding you... 348 00:18:36,089 --> 00:18:39,559 ...and cleaning a little, and paying your bills. 349 00:18:39,729 --> 00:18:42,960 I mean, that's good stuff. Good stuff. 350 00:18:45,009 --> 00:18:49,446 I have a wonderful time when I'm with you. Wonderful! 351 00:18:50,449 --> 00:18:53,725 But at this point in my life, I'm not really sure... 352 00:18:53,889 --> 00:18:58,405 ...that I'm ready to make a commitment to one person. 353 00:18:58,569 --> 00:19:01,766 I'm just not really sure that we have enough in common. 354 00:19:01,929 --> 00:19:04,568 I mean, for example: 355 00:19:04,729 --> 00:19:07,880 I like running in the park... 356 00:19:08,049 --> 00:19:09,482 ...bicycling... 357 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:14,200 ...roller-skating, tennis and skiing... 358 00:19:14,369 --> 00:19:16,678 And, well... 359 00:19:16,849 --> 00:19:19,886 I'm gonna be brutally honest with you now. 360 00:19:20,169 --> 00:19:23,844 It's a bitch to get here. It's two subways. 361 00:19:24,009 --> 00:19:27,081 I have to transfer at 42nd Street to take the double-R. 362 00:19:28,769 --> 00:19:32,398 Anyway, I mean, this doesn't mean we can't be friends. 363 00:19:34,729 --> 00:19:37,641 These pretzels are making me thirsty. 364 00:19:43,089 --> 00:19:45,159 Can you die from an odour? 365 00:19:45,889 --> 00:19:48,881 I mean, if you were locked in a vomitorium for two weeks... 366 00:19:49,049 --> 00:19:53,167 - ... could you die from the odour? - An overdose of odour. Good question. 367 00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:55,804 Do I smell? 368 00:19:56,969 --> 00:20:00,359 No, no, no. I was just down at the 42nd Street subway today. 369 00:20:00,529 --> 00:20:02,884 It is disgusting. 370 00:20:03,049 --> 00:20:05,802 Guess who I bumped into? Owen. 371 00:20:05,969 --> 00:20:08,847 - He's all right? - Yeah, he's almost fully recovered. 372 00:20:09,009 --> 00:20:11,728 Told me he was just using me for sex. 373 00:20:13,969 --> 00:20:15,197 - Let me get that. - I got it. 374 00:20:15,369 --> 00:20:17,644 - Please. - Let me. I smashed your car. 375 00:20:17,809 --> 00:20:19,367 It cost you over $2000. 376 00:20:19,529 --> 00:20:22,441 Yeah, a cup of coffee should cover it. 377 00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:27,006 - Oh, man. - What are you doing here? 378 00:20:27,169 --> 00:20:28,363 I got fired from the movie. 379 00:20:28,529 --> 00:20:30,121 - Get out of here. What? - What? 380 00:20:30,289 --> 00:20:32,803 Well, you know, they were going to shoot it today. 381 00:20:32,969 --> 00:20:36,279 We rehearsed it twice, and then Woody yells, "Action." 382 00:20:36,449 --> 00:20:37,802 I turn to him and I say: 383 00:20:37,969 --> 00:20:39,880 "These pretzels are making me thirsty." 384 00:20:40,049 --> 00:20:42,324 - Right. - Then I took a swig of beer... 385 00:20:42,489 --> 00:20:46,118 ...and I slammed the glass down on the bar, and it shattered. 386 00:20:47,529 --> 00:20:51,317 Well, one of the pieces must've hit Woody... 387 00:20:51,969 --> 00:20:54,085 ...and he started crying. 388 00:20:54,249 --> 00:20:57,366 And he yells out, "I'm bleeding," and he runs off. 389 00:20:57,529 --> 00:21:01,681 Anyway, this woman, she came up to me, and she says, "You're fired." 390 00:21:02,129 --> 00:21:04,120 Boy, I really nailed that scene. 391 00:21:09,329 --> 00:21:10,842 Oh, wait a- 392 00:21:11,889 --> 00:21:15,040 Oh, for crying out loud. 393 00:21:23,529 --> 00:21:25,918 The best part of a relationship is when you're sick. 394 00:21:26,249 --> 00:21:28,843 The best part of being sick is when you're in a relationship. 395 00:21:29,009 --> 00:21:30,920 But if I got married, you know those vows... 396 00:21:31,089 --> 00:21:33,319 ...for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse. 397 00:21:33,489 --> 00:21:36,208 All I need is the sickness. That is the most important one. 398 00:21:36,369 --> 00:21:40,362 "Do you take this man in sickness?" 399 00:21:40,529 --> 00:21:42,121 That's the time I need somebody there. 400 00:21:42,289 --> 00:21:44,325 The rest of the time, go out, have a ball. 401 00:21:44,489 --> 00:21:47,447 But if I get the sniffles, you better be there. 402 00:22:00,289 --> 00:22:02,280 Subtitles by SDl Media Group