1 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:04,002 Every mall has a Hoffritz in it. 2 00:00:05,489 --> 00:00:08,322 That's got to be a scary place to work. I don't know how you feel. 3 00:00:08,489 --> 00:00:10,445 Do you want to stand there having people going: 4 00:00:10,609 --> 00:00:13,043 "I need knives. I need more knives. 5 00:00:13,209 --> 00:00:15,120 Do you have any bigger knives? 6 00:00:15,289 --> 00:00:17,757 I'd like a bigger knife. A big, long, sharp knife. 7 00:00:17,929 --> 00:00:20,489 That's what I'm in the market for. I like them really sharp. 8 00:00:20,649 --> 00:00:22,480 Do you have one with hooks and gouges... 9 00:00:22,649 --> 00:00:25,288 ...and blades that are kind of serrated? 10 00:00:25,449 --> 00:00:27,917 That's the kind of knife I'm looking for. 11 00:00:28,209 --> 00:00:30,723 I need one I can throw. I need one I can hack away with. 12 00:00:30,889 --> 00:00:33,039 Do you have anything like that?" 13 00:00:42,569 --> 00:00:44,321 Like you know what you're talking about. 14 00:00:44,489 --> 00:00:45,683 Oh, no. You do? 15 00:00:46,249 --> 00:00:48,968 Well, what do you think, they put the statue on a giant raft... 16 00:00:49,129 --> 00:00:52,007 ...and a tugboat pulled it all the way from France? 17 00:00:53,689 --> 00:00:55,202 Think they brought it in pieces... 18 00:00:55,369 --> 00:00:58,008 ...and screwed it together like a coffee table? 19 00:00:58,169 --> 00:01:00,967 What's going on? It's a little early for a Christmas party. 20 00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:03,768 - Why'd France give that to us anyway? - It was a gift. 21 00:01:03,929 --> 00:01:05,601 Countries just exchange gifts like that? 22 00:01:05,769 --> 00:01:07,839 If they like each other. 23 00:01:08,129 --> 00:01:10,359 - There's Elaine. - See that guy she's talking with? 24 00:01:10,529 --> 00:01:12,759 - That's her new boyfriend. - Really? 25 00:01:12,929 --> 00:01:14,681 He works here in the office? 26 00:01:14,849 --> 00:01:17,602 They're having a little fling, so don't say anything to anyone. 27 00:01:19,049 --> 00:01:22,246 Who am I gonna tell, my mother? Like I have nothing better to talk about. 28 00:01:22,409 --> 00:01:24,081 You don't. 29 00:01:25,449 --> 00:01:27,041 He's a recovering alcoholic. 30 00:01:27,409 --> 00:01:30,207 - Really? - He's been off the wagon two years. 31 00:01:30,569 --> 00:01:33,208 - "Off the wagon"? - I think it's "off the wagon." 32 00:01:34,089 --> 00:01:36,000 I think it's "on the wagon." 33 00:01:36,169 --> 00:01:39,206 Jerry, George, what are you doing here? 34 00:01:39,369 --> 00:01:41,121 What am I doing here? 35 00:01:42,729 --> 00:01:46,642 My God! My watch! You found my watch. 36 00:01:46,809 --> 00:01:49,164 Keep your hands to yourself if you know what's good for you. 37 00:01:49,409 --> 00:01:51,525 - Where'd you find it? - Under the sofa cushion. 38 00:01:51,769 --> 00:01:55,284 - You stopped by just to give it to me? - It's your Christmas present. 39 00:01:57,129 --> 00:01:59,768 - I thought I'd never find it. - Today's your lucky day. 40 00:02:00,049 --> 00:02:01,880 No, today is your lucky day. 41 00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:04,882 - It would be my first one. - You want to work here? 42 00:02:05,049 --> 00:02:07,005 - What? - Yeah. One of the readers just left. 43 00:02:07,169 --> 00:02:09,080 There's a job opening. 44 00:02:09,249 --> 00:02:11,001 Dick, this is Jerry. And this is George. 45 00:02:11,169 --> 00:02:13,399 - Hi. Nice to meet you. - Is this the guy? 46 00:02:13,769 --> 00:02:15,407 "The guy"? 47 00:02:17,609 --> 00:02:19,645 - Dick. - How can you just get it? 48 00:02:19,809 --> 00:02:21,640 My boss said to find someone. I'm in charge. 49 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,765 All you have to do is meet him. Come on. 50 00:02:23,929 --> 00:02:25,920 - No, come on. Hold my drink. - Cranberry juice? 51 00:02:26,089 --> 00:02:28,398 And vodka. Come on. 52 00:02:29,129 --> 00:02:31,518 I got the cranberry juice. 53 00:02:32,329 --> 00:02:34,001 So... 54 00:02:34,169 --> 00:02:36,524 - ... you're Jerry. - So... 55 00:02:36,689 --> 00:02:38,441 ...I'm Jerry. 56 00:02:39,169 --> 00:02:41,160 So have you ever done this kind of work before? 57 00:02:42,289 --> 00:02:46,441 Well, you know, book reports, that kind of stuff. 58 00:02:50,409 --> 00:02:53,128 - Who do you read? - I like Mike Lupica. 59 00:02:54,369 --> 00:02:55,722 Mike Lupica? 60 00:02:55,889 --> 00:02:58,562 He's a sportswriter for the Daily News. 61 00:02:58,729 --> 00:03:01,687 - I find him very insightful. - No, I mean authors. 62 00:03:05,089 --> 00:03:06,727 Well... 63 00:03:06,889 --> 00:03:10,404 ...a lot of good ones. Lot of good ones. 64 00:03:10,569 --> 00:03:12,082 I don't even wanna mention anybody... 65 00:03:12,249 --> 00:03:14,558 ...because I'm afraid I'm gonna leave somebody out. 66 00:03:14,729 --> 00:03:16,959 - Name a couple. - Who do I like? 67 00:03:17,529 --> 00:03:22,080 I like Art Vandalay. 68 00:03:23,209 --> 00:03:26,201 - Art Vandalay? - He's an obscure writer. 69 00:03:26,369 --> 00:03:29,088 Beatnik, you know, from the village. 70 00:03:29,449 --> 00:03:30,882 What's he written? 71 00:03:31,049 --> 00:03:32,880 Venetian Blinds. 72 00:03:33,609 --> 00:03:36,521 I got news for you. I'm funnier than you are. 73 00:03:36,689 --> 00:03:39,157 Why don't we get together New Year's, watch some football? 74 00:03:39,329 --> 00:03:41,718 - Where's my drink? - There. So how'd it go? 75 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,720 I think he's impressed. 76 00:03:46,729 --> 00:03:48,560 No, no, this is just cranberry juice. 77 00:03:52,089 --> 00:03:54,080 I think maybe Dick picked up yours. 78 00:03:54,729 --> 00:03:56,162 Dick? 79 00:03:56,649 --> 00:04:00,562 He can't drink. He's an alcoholic. I told you to hold it. 80 00:04:00,729 --> 00:04:03,482 I didn't know you meant hold it. I thought you meant hold it. 81 00:04:05,129 --> 00:04:07,689 One drink like that, and he could fall right off the wagon. 82 00:04:07,849 --> 00:04:09,282 Told you. 83 00:04:14,209 --> 00:04:16,564 I never feel comfortable in the women's department. 84 00:04:16,729 --> 00:04:20,404 I feel like I'm just a little too close to trying on a dress. 85 00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:22,641 Do I really have to buy her something? 86 00:04:22,809 --> 00:04:26,484 The woman got you a job. Least you could do is buy her a gift. 87 00:04:26,649 --> 00:04:28,162 How about this? 88 00:04:28,329 --> 00:04:31,127 - What is that, cashmere? - Yeah. She loves cashmere. 89 00:04:31,289 --> 00:04:32,642 Who doesn't like cashmere? 90 00:04:32,809 --> 00:04:35,642 Find me one person that doesn't like cashmere. It's too expensive. 91 00:04:36,049 --> 00:04:39,325 Wow, look at this. It's $85, marked down from 600. 92 00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:42,877 - Excuse me, miss? - Yes. 93 00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:45,165 How come this sweater's only $85? 94 00:04:45,329 --> 00:04:47,524 Oh, here. This is why. 95 00:04:48,129 --> 00:04:50,962 - What? I don't see anything. - See this red dot? 96 00:04:51,129 --> 00:04:52,881 - Oh, yeah. - Oh, it's damaged. 97 00:04:53,049 --> 00:04:55,005 It's not really damaged. 98 00:04:55,169 --> 00:04:56,761 Wow. $85? 99 00:04:56,929 --> 00:04:59,363 There's no exchanges on this. 100 00:04:59,889 --> 00:05:02,164 - Think she'd care about the dot? - It's hard to say. 101 00:05:02,329 --> 00:05:04,160 I don't think she'd notice. Can you see it? 102 00:05:04,329 --> 00:05:06,320 - Well, I can see it. - But you know where it is. 103 00:05:06,489 --> 00:05:10,562 - What do you want me to do, not look? - Pretend you didn't know it was there. 104 00:05:10,729 --> 00:05:12,481 - Can you see it? - It's hard to pretend... 105 00:05:12,649 --> 00:05:15,527 - ... because I know where it is. - Can't you take an overview? 106 00:05:15,689 --> 00:05:17,088 You want me to take an overview? 107 00:05:17,249 --> 00:05:18,841 I see a cheap man holding a sweater... 108 00:05:19,009 --> 00:05:22,206 ...trying to get away with something. That's my overview. 109 00:05:25,209 --> 00:05:29,282 - Yeah, so? - He's acting very strangely. 110 00:05:29,449 --> 00:05:31,599 I think he started drinking again. 111 00:05:31,769 --> 00:05:34,329 - Oh, boy. Can you smell it? - No, I can't smell it. 112 00:05:34,489 --> 00:05:36,764 If you can't smell it, then he hasn't been drinking. 113 00:05:36,929 --> 00:05:39,682 - You don't always smell from a drink. - Yes, you do. 114 00:05:39,849 --> 00:05:42,363 What about one drink? Would you smell from one drink? 115 00:05:42,529 --> 00:05:44,201 Yes, you would. 116 00:05:47,049 --> 00:05:48,277 - I'll prove it. - How? 117 00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:50,167 - Would you do me a favour? - Okay. 118 00:05:50,329 --> 00:05:52,718 Would you take a drink, and let us smell you? 119 00:05:53,529 --> 00:05:56,168 You can smell me without the drink. 120 00:05:56,969 --> 00:05:58,846 No, no. 121 00:05:59,569 --> 00:06:03,357 I suspect that this guy I'm seeing might be drinking, but I can't smell it. 122 00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:05,963 - Come on. - Okay. Well, what am I drinking? 123 00:06:06,129 --> 00:06:09,121 I got a bottle of Scotch my uncle gave me. Hennigan's. 124 00:06:09,289 --> 00:06:12,167 It's been there two years. I've been using it as a paint thinner. 125 00:06:17,329 --> 00:06:18,842 All right. 126 00:06:24,209 --> 00:06:27,406 - I don't smell anything. - We're too close to the bottle. 127 00:06:30,169 --> 00:06:31,363 - Yeah? - It's George. 128 00:06:31,529 --> 00:06:34,919 - Come on up. - That is damn good Scotch. 129 00:06:36,049 --> 00:06:38,517 I could do a commercial for this stuff. 130 00:06:41,489 --> 00:06:44,367 Boy, that Hennigan goes down smooth... 131 00:06:45,009 --> 00:06:47,477 ...and afterwards, you don't even smell. 132 00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:52,358 That's right, folks. I just had three shots of Hennigan's, and I don't smell. 133 00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:55,763 Imagine, you can walk around drunk all day. 134 00:06:55,929 --> 00:06:59,604 That's Hennigan's, the no-smell, no-tell Scotch. 135 00:07:00,849 --> 00:07:03,602 - Hello, everybody. - Hey, George, come here. 136 00:07:03,769 --> 00:07:06,203 I'm gonna tell you what I think. 137 00:07:06,369 --> 00:07:08,883 I know you don't care what I think, but I'm gonna tell you. 138 00:07:09,289 --> 00:07:12,645 I think that you are terrific. 139 00:07:13,089 --> 00:07:14,727 That's all. 140 00:07:17,329 --> 00:07:18,887 Thank you. 141 00:07:21,129 --> 00:07:23,848 - Hey, what's that? - It's an early Christmas present. 142 00:07:24,009 --> 00:07:25,522 - A Christmas present? - That's right. 143 00:07:25,689 --> 00:07:27,281 - For who? - For you. 144 00:07:28,209 --> 00:07:29,608 Get out of here. 145 00:07:30,409 --> 00:07:32,843 Say you got a big job interview and you're nervous. 146 00:07:33,009 --> 00:07:34,920 Throw back a couple of shots of Hennigan's... 147 00:07:35,089 --> 00:07:38,161 ...and you'll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time. 148 00:07:38,329 --> 00:07:41,287 And because it's odourless, why, it'll be our little secret. 149 00:07:44,289 --> 00:07:45,278 Kramer. 150 00:07:46,569 --> 00:07:48,560 Yeah. That'll do. 151 00:07:50,849 --> 00:07:55,286 Oh, George, this is beautiful. Is this cashmere? 152 00:07:55,449 --> 00:07:59,203 - Of course it's cashmere. - Oh, I love cashmere. 153 00:07:59,369 --> 00:08:01,519 - Who doesn't? - Oh, my God. 154 00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:03,805 George, this must have cost a fortune. 155 00:08:04,049 --> 00:08:05,926 Money. 156 00:08:06,129 --> 00:08:08,643 Jerry, how could you let him spend so much? 157 00:08:08,809 --> 00:08:10,242 I tried to stop him. 158 00:08:11,689 --> 00:08:15,443 I couldn't. He just wants to make people happy. 159 00:08:16,209 --> 00:08:19,804 George, this is one of the nicest things anyone has ever given me. 160 00:08:19,969 --> 00:08:22,961 Good. Good. Listen, take it off. You're gonna wear it out already. 161 00:08:23,129 --> 00:08:24,926 It's for special occasions, this thing. 162 00:08:27,369 --> 00:08:29,929 What's that red dot on your sweater? 163 00:08:34,129 --> 00:08:35,357 - What? - Listen, take it off. 164 00:08:35,529 --> 00:08:37,599 I'm getting hot just looking at it. 165 00:08:37,769 --> 00:08:40,237 What is this? It's like a red dot. 166 00:08:40,409 --> 00:08:42,479 What? What red dot? What are you talking about? 167 00:08:42,649 --> 00:08:46,119 Jerry, come here for a second. Do you see anything here? 168 00:08:46,809 --> 00:08:48,481 I don't know. 169 00:08:49,169 --> 00:08:50,568 I don't know. 170 00:08:52,129 --> 00:08:54,359 - What don't you know? - I don't know. 171 00:08:55,689 --> 00:08:58,249 Well, do you see it, or don't you? 172 00:08:59,729 --> 00:09:01,208 Say that again. 173 00:09:01,769 --> 00:09:04,078 Do you see it, or don't you? 174 00:09:04,249 --> 00:09:09,039 Do I see it or don't I? That's the question. 175 00:09:23,769 --> 00:09:25,441 Now, what did you ask me again? 176 00:09:39,289 --> 00:09:41,678 You're still here? You're a dynamo. 177 00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:45,285 - I can't believe I get paid for this. - God. 178 00:09:47,089 --> 00:09:48,442 I'll see you tomorrow. 179 00:09:55,449 --> 00:09:57,121 - How you doing? - Hello. 180 00:10:07,689 --> 00:10:11,887 You had sex with the cleaning woman on your desk? 181 00:10:12,409 --> 00:10:14,559 Who are you? How did you do that? 182 00:10:15,689 --> 00:10:16,963 Hennigan's. 183 00:10:17,929 --> 00:10:18,918 Hennigan's? 184 00:10:19,089 --> 00:10:23,002 I was sitting there in the office, and the cleaning woman comes in. 185 00:10:23,169 --> 00:10:25,967 I've always been attracted to cleaning women. 186 00:10:26,689 --> 00:10:29,999 Cleaning women, chambermaids... 187 00:10:30,249 --> 00:10:33,207 Yeah, chambermaids, I'm attracted to them too. 188 00:10:33,769 --> 00:10:35,839 - Why is that? - It's a woman in your room. 189 00:10:39,049 --> 00:10:41,802 - So go ahead. - So... 190 00:10:41,969 --> 00:10:47,362 ...she starts vacuuming, back and forth, back and forth... 191 00:10:47,529 --> 00:10:49,759 ...her hips swivelling... 192 00:10:49,929 --> 00:10:51,999 ...her breasts... 193 00:10:52,489 --> 00:10:54,366 Convulsing? 194 00:10:55,049 --> 00:10:58,007 - Convulsing? - I don't know. I'm trying to help you. 195 00:10:58,329 --> 00:11:00,126 So then I asked her if she wanted a drink. 196 00:11:00,289 --> 00:11:03,201 - You don't drink. - I couldn't think of anything else to say. 197 00:11:03,369 --> 00:11:07,123 - So you started drinking. - So we started drinking, and... 198 00:11:07,289 --> 00:11:09,484 I don't know if it was the alcohol or the ammonia... 199 00:11:09,649 --> 00:11:12,561 ...but the next thing I knew, she was mopping the floor with me. 200 00:11:15,609 --> 00:11:17,884 - And how was it? - The sex was okay... 201 00:11:18,049 --> 00:11:20,483 ...but I threw up from the Hennigan's. 202 00:11:22,569 --> 00:11:24,844 Good thing the cleaning lady was there. 203 00:11:29,769 --> 00:11:30,997 Dick was fired. 204 00:11:31,169 --> 00:11:34,684 You mean to tell me, I put that drink six inches over to the right... 205 00:11:34,849 --> 00:11:37,682 - ... and this wouldn't have happened? - You knew he was an alcoholic. 206 00:11:37,849 --> 00:11:40,079 - Why'd you put the drink down? - What are you saying? 207 00:11:40,569 --> 00:11:42,241 - I'm not saying anything. - Yes, you are. 208 00:11:42,409 --> 00:11:44,718 - What could I be saying? - You must be saying something. 209 00:11:44,889 --> 00:11:46,641 If I was, I would have said it. 210 00:11:46,809 --> 00:11:48,003 - Say it. - I said it. 211 00:11:48,169 --> 00:11:49,841 - What did you say? - Nothing. 212 00:11:51,729 --> 00:11:54,197 It's exhausting being with you. 213 00:11:56,009 --> 00:11:57,158 - Yeah. - It's George. 214 00:11:57,329 --> 00:11:59,445 - Come on up. - Hey. 215 00:12:00,009 --> 00:12:01,283 Let me ask you something. 216 00:12:01,449 --> 00:12:04,361 Did George buy that sweater knowing the red dot was on it... 217 00:12:04,529 --> 00:12:06,406 ...because it was cheaper? 218 00:12:07,049 --> 00:12:10,883 - Okay. You just gave me the answer. - No, I didn't. 219 00:12:11,569 --> 00:12:14,322 Yes, you did. Yes, you did. I saw your expression. 220 00:12:14,489 --> 00:12:17,765 I didn't have an expression. I have a deviated septum. 221 00:12:17,929 --> 00:12:19,647 I have to- 222 00:12:20,129 --> 00:12:22,040 I have to open my mouth sometimes to breathe. 223 00:12:23,089 --> 00:12:24,920 How much did he save? 224 00:12:25,609 --> 00:12:30,888 Frankly, I am shocked that you could ask such a question of me. 225 00:12:31,049 --> 00:12:34,325 If I- The only surprise was how you could even think of that. 226 00:12:34,489 --> 00:12:37,128 That's what you were seeing. 227 00:12:39,689 --> 00:12:41,361 I have to talk to you. 228 00:12:41,529 --> 00:12:43,759 This cleaning woman's turning the screws on me. 229 00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:45,965 She's pushing for this whole relationship thing. 230 00:12:46,129 --> 00:12:48,768 She keeps calling me. She's threatening to go to the boss. 231 00:12:48,929 --> 00:12:51,204 I could lose my job. I gotta keep her quiet. 232 00:12:51,409 --> 00:12:53,923 Elaine's in the bathroom. She's wise to the red-dot thing. 233 00:12:54,089 --> 00:12:56,728 She's asking me all kinds of questions about it. 234 00:12:58,889 --> 00:13:00,561 - Did you tell her anything? - No. 235 00:13:00,729 --> 00:13:03,004 - You swear? - I'm not swearing. I don't wanna swear. 236 00:13:03,169 --> 00:13:04,363 - Come on, swear. - No. 237 00:13:04,529 --> 00:13:06,565 - Oh, you told her, didn't you? - No. 238 00:13:06,729 --> 00:13:10,881 Hey, George, did you buy that sweater knowing the red dot was on it... 239 00:13:11,049 --> 00:13:13,438 ...because you could get it at a discount? 240 00:13:13,609 --> 00:13:15,247 What? 241 00:13:15,849 --> 00:13:18,044 - Did I what? - You did, didn't you? 242 00:13:18,649 --> 00:13:21,686 Elaine, I'm shocked. I'm shocked. 243 00:13:21,849 --> 00:13:26,206 Here I go out, in the spirit of the season and spend all my savings... 244 00:13:26,369 --> 00:13:29,839 ...to buy you the most beautiful Christmas sweater I have ever seen... 245 00:13:30,009 --> 00:13:32,569 ...to show my appreciation to you at Christmas... 246 00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:35,368 ...and this is the thanks I get at Christmas. 247 00:13:37,489 --> 00:13:39,798 - Well, Jerry told me that you did. - You told her? 248 00:13:39,969 --> 00:13:42,483 How could you tell her? What kind of friend are you? 249 00:13:42,649 --> 00:13:46,119 I didn't tell her, you stupid idiot. She tricked you. 250 00:13:50,249 --> 00:13:52,638 Elaine, you don't understand. 251 00:13:53,129 --> 00:13:56,644 I had a 103 temperature when I bought that sweater. 252 00:13:56,889 --> 00:13:59,528 I was so dizzy, I was seeing red dots everywhere. 253 00:13:59,929 --> 00:14:02,238 I thought everything in the store had a red dot on it. 254 00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:05,685 I couldn't distinguish one red dot from the other. 255 00:14:06,249 --> 00:14:07,762 I couldn't afford anything. 256 00:14:07,929 --> 00:14:11,604 I have nothing. I haven't worked for a really long time. 257 00:14:11,769 --> 00:14:14,078 I mean, look, I have no clothes. 258 00:14:14,249 --> 00:14:15,682 Look at what I'm wearing. 259 00:14:15,849 --> 00:14:17,726 It was just a little red dot. 260 00:14:17,889 --> 00:14:20,039 A little red dot. 261 00:14:24,329 --> 00:14:28,800 - This is for you. - Oh, Georgie, you bought this for me? 262 00:14:29,249 --> 00:14:31,046 Oh, I knew you cared for me. 263 00:14:31,209 --> 00:14:34,087 As you care for me, which is why it's very important... 264 00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:37,207 ...that you never breathe a word to anyone about... 265 00:14:37,369 --> 00:14:40,964 You know? What with Clarence Thomas and everything. 266 00:14:41,929 --> 00:14:44,238 - Okay. Can I open it now? - Yes, of course. Go ahead. 267 00:14:44,409 --> 00:14:47,207 My guess is you're gonna like this very much. 268 00:14:50,569 --> 00:14:53,606 - Is that cashmere? - Of course it's cashmere. 269 00:14:53,769 --> 00:14:56,363 Oh, a cashmere sweater. 270 00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,406 Oh, Georgie Porgie. 271 00:14:58,569 --> 00:15:00,560 Just a little something for Christmas. 272 00:15:02,249 --> 00:15:07,960 When I was a little girl in Panama, a rich American came to our town. 273 00:15:08,129 --> 00:15:11,644 And he was wearing the softest, most beautiful sweater. 274 00:15:11,809 --> 00:15:15,518 I said, "What do you call this beautiful fabric?" 275 00:15:16,169 --> 00:15:17,648 And he said: 276 00:15:17,809 --> 00:15:20,642 "They call it cashmere." 277 00:15:22,009 --> 00:15:26,878 I repeated the word. "Cashmere, cashmere"... 278 00:15:27,049 --> 00:15:29,119 ...and I asked him if I could have it... 279 00:15:29,489 --> 00:15:30,968 ...and he said: 280 00:15:31,129 --> 00:15:33,359 "No. Get away from me." 281 00:15:33,529 --> 00:15:36,805 And he started to walk away. 282 00:15:36,969 --> 00:15:39,039 Oh, but I grabbed onto his leg... 283 00:15:39,209 --> 00:15:41,120 ...screaming for him to give me the sweater... 284 00:15:41,289 --> 00:15:43,359 ...and he dragged me through the streets. 285 00:15:43,529 --> 00:15:45,679 And then he kicked me with the other foot... 286 00:15:45,849 --> 00:15:48,158 ...and he threw some change at me. 287 00:15:48,329 --> 00:15:51,480 But I didn't want the change, Georgie. 288 00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:56,038 I wanted the cashmere. 289 00:15:59,009 --> 00:16:01,239 I had a feeling you would like it. 290 00:16:01,409 --> 00:16:04,128 - I'm going to try it on. - No. Don't try it on now. Try it later. 291 00:16:04,289 --> 00:16:07,201 Oh, look, it fits beautiful. 292 00:16:07,369 --> 00:16:10,167 All right, take it off. You're gonna ruin it. 293 00:16:10,729 --> 00:16:12,481 What's this? 294 00:16:14,409 --> 00:16:16,047 I was in a men's room the other day. 295 00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:20,088 They had the hand blower instead of the paper towels. You know this thing? 296 00:16:20,249 --> 00:16:21,967 I like the hand blower, I have to say. 297 00:16:22,129 --> 00:16:25,519 Takes a little bit longer, but I feel when you're in a room... 298 00:16:25,689 --> 00:16:29,204 ...with a revolting stench, you want to spend as much time as you can. 299 00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:33,123 The only stench is coming from you. 300 00:16:33,289 --> 00:16:34,608 Oh, well, wait a second. 301 00:16:34,769 --> 00:16:37,567 I believe we have a heckler, ladies and gentlemen. 302 00:16:37,729 --> 00:16:39,367 Dick, I don't know what your problem is. 303 00:16:39,529 --> 00:16:41,520 It's not my fault you're back on the wagon. 304 00:16:41,689 --> 00:16:43,645 It's "off the wagon." 305 00:16:43,809 --> 00:16:47,245 In the old days, how do you think they got the alcohol from town to town? 306 00:16:49,769 --> 00:16:51,600 - I don't know. - On a wagon. 307 00:16:52,169 --> 00:16:56,128 Don't you think they broke into a couple of those bottles along the way? 308 00:16:56,289 --> 00:16:58,644 You can't drink on a wagon. It's too bumpy. 309 00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:01,243 They had smooth trails. What about the Cumberland Gap? 310 00:17:01,409 --> 00:17:03,445 What the hell do you know about wagons? 311 00:17:03,609 --> 00:17:06,077 I know enough not to get on them. 312 00:17:08,769 --> 00:17:11,203 I'm gonna get right to the point. 313 00:17:11,529 --> 00:17:14,362 It's come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman... 314 00:17:14,529 --> 00:17:18,238 ...have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. 315 00:17:19,529 --> 00:17:20,723 Is that correct? 316 00:17:24,889 --> 00:17:26,959 - Who said that? - She did. 317 00:17:28,489 --> 00:17:30,081 Was that wrong? 318 00:17:30,849 --> 00:17:32,885 Should I not have done that? 319 00:17:33,049 --> 00:17:34,880 I gotta plead ignorance on this thing... 320 00:17:35,049 --> 00:17:37,244 ...because if anyone had said anything to me... 321 00:17:37,409 --> 00:17:41,288 ...when I started here that that sort of thing was frowned upon... 322 00:17:42,169 --> 00:17:44,399 You know, because I've worked in a lot of offices... 323 00:17:44,569 --> 00:17:47,845 ...and I tell you, people do that all the time. 324 00:17:48,969 --> 00:17:50,766 You're fired. 325 00:17:51,489 --> 00:17:53,684 Well, you didn't have to say it like that. 326 00:17:53,849 --> 00:17:56,079 I want you out of here by the end of the day. 327 00:18:07,049 --> 00:18:09,882 What about the whole Christmas-spirit thing? Any flexibility there? 328 00:18:10,049 --> 00:18:11,562 No. 329 00:18:13,409 --> 00:18:15,161 Oh, wait, wait, wait. 330 00:18:16,689 --> 00:18:19,123 She wanted me to give you this. 331 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:32,885 You had sex on your desk with the cleaning woman. 332 00:18:33,769 --> 00:18:35,487 You never had sex in the office before? 333 00:18:35,849 --> 00:18:38,568 No. I once made out with someone, but that's it. 334 00:18:38,729 --> 00:18:40,720 Okay. All right. So you made out. 335 00:18:40,889 --> 00:18:43,119 - Well, that's not sex. - Kissing is sex. 336 00:18:43,489 --> 00:18:45,366 Kissing is not sex. 337 00:18:45,529 --> 00:18:47,679 - George. - Jerry. 338 00:18:47,849 --> 00:18:51,922 Hey, did Jerry leave that drink next to Dick's on purpose? 339 00:18:52,329 --> 00:18:54,001 - No. - George? 340 00:18:54,169 --> 00:18:55,602 Over here. 341 00:18:57,249 --> 00:18:58,477 What are you doing here? 342 00:18:58,649 --> 00:19:01,004 I'm taking the kid out to dinner to cheer him up. 343 00:19:01,169 --> 00:19:04,127 Hey, Jerry, when do you consider sex has taken place? 344 00:19:05,249 --> 00:19:07,046 I would say... 345 00:19:07,209 --> 00:19:09,279 ...when the nipple makes its first appearance. 346 00:19:15,169 --> 00:19:20,641 So George told me that you left the drink next to Dick's on purpose. 347 00:19:21,609 --> 00:19:23,281 Nice try. 348 00:19:26,489 --> 00:19:30,038 So guess who heckled me at the club last night. 349 00:19:31,609 --> 00:19:34,328 Merry Christmas! 350 00:19:34,489 --> 00:19:36,605 - Oh, my God, that's Dick. - Dick? 351 00:19:36,769 --> 00:19:38,122 Dick! 352 00:19:39,609 --> 00:19:41,918 It's Cape Fear. 353 00:19:42,689 --> 00:19:44,600 Hide. Hide under the desk. 354 00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,122 - Move over. - Get off of me. 355 00:19:48,289 --> 00:19:51,008 - I have no room. - My foot's sticking out. 356 00:19:51,169 --> 00:19:53,205 Shut up. He's coming. 357 00:20:09,849 --> 00:20:11,202 Is that cashmere? 358 00:20:12,329 --> 00:20:13,842 Of course it's cashmere. 359 00:20:17,929 --> 00:20:19,123 What's this? 360 00:20:23,369 --> 00:20:26,725 But, in a way, I think I inadvertently turned this guy into an alcoholic. 361 00:20:26,889 --> 00:20:28,447 I hate being around alcoholics. 362 00:20:28,609 --> 00:20:31,999 They're either saying how much they love you or how much they hate you. 363 00:20:32,769 --> 00:20:34,805 Those are the two statements that scare me most. 364 00:20:34,969 --> 00:20:37,961 But I think he's okay now because I don't know how he feels about me. 365 00:20:38,129 --> 00:20:41,201 - He's finally off the wagon. - You mean on the wagon. 366 00:20:41,369 --> 00:20:42,563 Don't get smart. 367 00:21:31,609 --> 00:21:33,600 Subtitles by SDl Media Group