1 00:00:02,369 --> 00:00:03,688 I never really understood... 2 00:00:05,169 --> 00:00:06,841 ...the importance of the conductor. 3 00:00:07,009 --> 00:00:10,604 Between you and me, what the hell is this guy doing? 4 00:00:10,769 --> 00:00:14,557 Do you really need somebody waving a stick in your face... 5 00:00:14,729 --> 00:00:17,766 ...to play the violin? Does that really help you out? 6 00:00:18,249 --> 00:00:21,047 I could see how we need him at the beginning, okay? 7 00:00:21,249 --> 00:00:22,648 Tap, tap, tap. 8 00:00:22,929 --> 00:00:25,807 "Start. " Okay. I could see how you need that. 9 00:00:25,969 --> 00:00:29,166 But once we're going, okay. Once it's all happening... 10 00:00:29,329 --> 00:00:30,967 ...what do we need him for then? 11 00:00:31,129 --> 00:00:35,998 I don't see the cellist looking up, " I'm confused. I don't know what to do. " 12 00:00:36,169 --> 00:00:39,047 And the conductor goes, " Do this. Like this... " 13 00:00:39,209 --> 00:00:41,803 "Oh, okay, thank you. Thank you very much. " 14 00:00:46,929 --> 00:00:48,840 Why try anymore? There's no sense to it. 15 00:00:49,009 --> 00:00:50,965 I'll never meet anybody. I should accept it. 16 00:00:51,129 --> 00:00:53,245 - Oh, yes, you will. - No, I won't. 17 00:00:53,489 --> 00:00:55,719 Yeah, maybe you won't. 18 00:00:56,049 --> 00:00:59,837 It's hard enough to meet a woman you dislike, much less like. 19 00:01:01,889 --> 00:01:03,845 - Are my nostrils getting bigger? - No. 20 00:01:04,009 --> 00:01:07,922 See, why must it be so difficult? Why all this tension and hostility? 21 00:01:08,089 --> 00:01:12,048 Why can't I just walk up to a woman and say, " Hi, I'm George. 22 00:01:12,209 --> 00:01:14,120 How are you?" Is that so terrible? 23 00:01:14,489 --> 00:01:16,241 H- H- Hi. 24 00:01:16,769 --> 00:01:18,600 Hi. Hi. 25 00:01:21,889 --> 00:01:23,720 - There's no men out there. - I know. 26 00:01:23,889 --> 00:01:27,598 The problem is that the good ones know they're good. 27 00:01:27,769 --> 00:01:29,043 They know they're in demand. 28 00:01:29,209 --> 00:01:32,326 They're not interested in confining themselves to one person. 29 00:01:32,489 --> 00:01:34,719 I hate the good ones. 30 00:01:34,889 --> 00:01:36,038 Is Jerry a good one? 31 00:01:36,209 --> 00:01:39,121 That's a good question. I think he thinks he is. 32 00:01:40,689 --> 00:01:42,361 The mediocre ones are available... 33 00:01:42,529 --> 00:01:44,406 ...but so insecure about not being a good one... 34 00:01:44,569 --> 00:01:46,605 ...that they always go, " I'm not good enough for you. 35 00:01:46,769 --> 00:01:51,240 What are you doing with me?" Eventually I just go, "You're right." 36 00:01:53,249 --> 00:01:55,717 Maybe you need somebody between good and mediocre. 37 00:01:55,889 --> 00:01:57,686 No, maybe I need somebody who has nothing. 38 00:01:57,849 --> 00:02:01,762 Somebody who just appreciates being with me because he's so desperate. 39 00:02:05,449 --> 00:02:08,600 It's gotten to the point where I'm flirting with operators on the phone. 40 00:02:10,249 --> 00:02:12,444 I almost made a date with one. 41 00:02:12,609 --> 00:02:14,042 Oh, so there's still hope. 42 00:02:14,289 --> 00:02:17,520 I don't want hope. Hope is killing me. 43 00:02:18,129 --> 00:02:20,563 My dream is to become hopeless. 44 00:02:20,729 --> 00:02:21,923 The hopeless don't care. 45 00:02:22,089 --> 00:02:24,762 When you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive. 46 00:02:25,489 --> 00:02:28,686 - So hopelessness is the key. - It's my only hope. 47 00:02:29,169 --> 00:02:31,524 You see, I wouldn't really mind so much... 48 00:02:31,689 --> 00:02:33,247 ...but I feel badly for my mother. 49 00:02:33,409 --> 00:02:35,843 If my mother weren't around, it wouldn't be so bad. 50 00:02:36,009 --> 00:02:39,922 But, I'm telling you, if I'm not married by the time I'm 40, I'll have to kill her. 51 00:02:40,129 --> 00:02:43,201 Because it's the only fair thing to do. 52 00:02:43,929 --> 00:02:45,726 I just couldn't put her through that. 53 00:02:47,089 --> 00:02:48,727 At least you're not bitter. 54 00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:51,368 Who says I'm not bitter? 55 00:02:51,529 --> 00:02:54,601 - Aren't you too young to be bitter? - No, you can be young and bitter. 56 00:02:55,369 --> 00:02:58,805 Just maybe not as bitter as I'll be 10 years from now. 57 00:02:59,249 --> 00:03:01,001 But I'm bitter. 58 00:03:01,409 --> 00:03:04,048 Anyway, don't tell anyone. 59 00:03:05,209 --> 00:03:08,121 Don't worry. Your bitterness is safe with me. 60 00:03:08,649 --> 00:03:11,561 Okay. Order me a piece of cake. 61 00:03:11,929 --> 00:03:13,601 I'm gonna go throw up. 62 00:03:20,209 --> 00:03:21,403 Look at my hands. 63 00:03:21,649 --> 00:03:22,968 Look. 64 00:03:23,809 --> 00:03:25,162 Filthy from the paper. 65 00:03:25,569 --> 00:03:29,323 They should give you a Wet-Nap when you buy one, like at those rib joints. 66 00:03:30,609 --> 00:03:33,123 - What did you do last night? - Went out with George. You? 67 00:03:33,289 --> 00:03:34,927 Went out with Cynthia. 68 00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:36,443 What did you talk about? 69 00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:40,642 Oh, you know, the usual. The Federal Reserve, the rain forest. 70 00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:45,280 Cynthia felt we should nuke the rain forest. 71 00:03:45,449 --> 00:03:48,441 Get rid of it in one fell swoop so we could eliminate it... 72 00:03:48,609 --> 00:03:50,486 ...as a subject of conversation. 73 00:03:51,569 --> 00:03:54,163 - What about you? - We brushed on that. 74 00:03:56,449 --> 00:03:59,088 Actually, George was in rare form. 75 00:03:59,249 --> 00:04:01,558 He just can't find anybody. 76 00:04:01,729 --> 00:04:03,242 I know. Cynthia too. 77 00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:05,798 - She's really given up. - George too. 78 00:04:11,049 --> 00:04:13,358 - Yeah, right. - Yeah, right. 79 00:04:15,969 --> 00:04:18,722 - I've never fixed anybody up. - Me neither. 80 00:04:18,889 --> 00:04:22,279 And I am not about to start with George. 81 00:04:24,729 --> 00:04:27,243 Well, why wouldn't you start with George? 82 00:04:27,409 --> 00:04:28,967 You think she's too good for George? 83 00:04:29,249 --> 00:04:31,001 I didn't say "too good," did I? 84 00:04:31,169 --> 00:04:33,319 - You implied it. - I didn't say it. 85 00:04:33,489 --> 00:04:35,241 If you think she's too good for George... 86 00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:38,287 ...you are dead wrong. Dead wrong. 87 00:04:39,569 --> 00:04:41,082 Who is she? 88 00:04:41,329 --> 00:04:43,559 - Who is he? - He's George. 89 00:04:44,049 --> 00:04:46,279 - She's Cynthia. - So what? 90 00:04:47,369 --> 00:04:49,519 What, you don't think she's beautiful? 91 00:04:50,089 --> 00:04:51,841 What's with the eyebrows? 92 00:04:54,089 --> 00:04:56,842 You know what your problem is? Your standards are too high. 93 00:04:57,049 --> 00:04:58,562 I went out with you. 94 00:05:03,089 --> 00:05:06,047 That's because my standards are too low. 95 00:05:08,849 --> 00:05:12,319 And by the way, women kill for eyebrows like that. 96 00:05:12,489 --> 00:05:16,368 Do you know that? Women pluck their real eyebrows... 97 00:05:16,529 --> 00:05:19,407 ...out of their head one by one... 98 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:22,925 ...until they're bald, Jerry, bald above the eyes. 99 00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:26,286 And then they paint in these eyebrows to look like that. 100 00:05:26,449 --> 00:05:28,644 Well, let me tell you something about George. 101 00:05:28,809 --> 00:05:30,765 He is fast. 102 00:05:31,049 --> 00:05:33,279 He can run like the wind. 103 00:05:33,529 --> 00:05:34,757 And he's strong. 104 00:05:34,929 --> 00:05:37,887 I've seen him lift 100 pounds over his head without even knowing it. 105 00:05:38,329 --> 00:05:41,321 You wouldn't know it to look at him, but George can bait a hook. 106 00:05:41,649 --> 00:05:43,799 - He can really do that? - Come on, let's do it. 107 00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:45,561 I think they'll really get along. 108 00:05:45,729 --> 00:05:49,404 - What, are you into this? - Yeah, come on, it's a good match. 109 00:05:49,569 --> 00:05:52,322 Wait. They'll be telling us how their dates went. 110 00:05:52,489 --> 00:05:54,047 Are we gonna share that information? 111 00:05:54,209 --> 00:05:55,562 Naturally. 112 00:05:57,169 --> 00:06:00,718 We're going to tell each other everything? Every secret? 113 00:06:01,009 --> 00:06:02,203 Everything. 114 00:06:03,009 --> 00:06:05,603 - What if it worked out? - Yeah, right 115 00:06:08,609 --> 00:06:10,361 Out of the question. 116 00:06:10,609 --> 00:06:12,042 Out of the question. 117 00:06:12,329 --> 00:06:15,401 - Why? - No. I'm not going to do that. 118 00:06:15,649 --> 00:06:18,243 It's one step away from personal ads. 119 00:06:18,929 --> 00:06:20,362 Then prostitutes. 120 00:06:20,529 --> 00:06:23,885 No! No! I am not going down that road. 121 00:06:29,209 --> 00:06:31,086 What does she look like? 122 00:06:32,369 --> 00:06:33,961 - She's good-looking. - How good-looking? 123 00:06:34,129 --> 00:06:35,881 - Very good-looking. - Really good-looking? 124 00:06:36,049 --> 00:06:38,404 - Really very good-looking. - Would you take her out? 125 00:06:38,809 --> 00:06:40,367 - Yes, I would. - You hesitated. 126 00:06:40,529 --> 00:06:44,124 - What hesitate? I didn't hesitate. - Something's up. You hesitated. 127 00:06:44,289 --> 00:06:46,439 I'm telling you, she's good-looking. 128 00:06:47,289 --> 00:06:49,519 - What about the body? - Good body. Nice body. 129 00:06:49,689 --> 00:06:51,645 - How nice? - Nice. Pretty nice. 130 00:06:51,849 --> 00:06:55,080 - Really good? - Really very nice and good. 131 00:07:00,569 --> 00:07:03,037 - What about personality? - Good personality. 132 00:07:05,329 --> 00:07:07,081 Funny. Bright. 133 00:07:07,249 --> 00:07:09,126 I don't want anyone smarter than me. 134 00:07:09,289 --> 00:07:12,122 How could she be smarter than you? 135 00:07:15,089 --> 00:07:18,081 All right, let's see. Let's see. What else? What else? 136 00:07:18,369 --> 00:07:20,087 What does she do? 137 00:07:20,489 --> 00:07:22,241 First of all, what does he do? 138 00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:24,047 He was in real estate. 139 00:07:24,209 --> 00:07:26,439 He's not working right now. 140 00:07:26,609 --> 00:07:29,123 Oh! He's not working? No. No. No. 141 00:07:29,289 --> 00:07:31,041 How come he's not working? 142 00:07:31,209 --> 00:07:33,962 Well, I mean, he got fired. 143 00:07:34,129 --> 00:07:35,323 Why did he get fired? 144 00:07:39,609 --> 00:07:43,238 Oh, right. Well... 145 00:07:43,409 --> 00:07:46,446 He tried to... poison his boss. 146 00:07:46,609 --> 00:07:48,281 Excuse me? 147 00:07:48,849 --> 00:07:53,559 It's such a long story. Seriously, he just had some problems at work. 148 00:07:53,729 --> 00:07:55,685 - Is he nuts? - No, no, no. 149 00:07:55,849 --> 00:07:59,000 He's a really, really funny guy. 150 00:07:59,249 --> 00:08:00,523 What does he look like? 151 00:08:01,049 --> 00:08:03,722 - Pardon? - What does he look like? 152 00:08:05,009 --> 00:08:07,477 Well, he's got a lot of character in his face. 153 00:08:07,649 --> 00:08:11,085 He's short. He's stocky. 154 00:08:11,249 --> 00:08:12,443 He's fat. 155 00:08:12,609 --> 00:08:14,327 Is that what you're saying, that he's fat? 156 00:08:14,609 --> 00:08:15,758 Powerful. 157 00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:21,606 He is so powerful. He can lift 100 pounds right up over his head. 158 00:08:21,849 --> 00:08:24,204 And, what else? What else? 159 00:08:24,369 --> 00:08:26,758 Oh, right, well... 160 00:08:26,929 --> 00:08:31,207 He's, he's kind of- Just kind of- Losing his hair. 161 00:08:31,449 --> 00:08:34,168 - He's bald? - No. 162 00:08:34,409 --> 00:08:37,321 No, no, no. He's not bald. 163 00:08:37,489 --> 00:08:39,241 He's balding. 164 00:08:39,529 --> 00:08:42,441 - So he will be bald? - Yeah. 165 00:08:42,849 --> 00:08:45,966 - What kind of hair? - You know, long, dark hair. 166 00:08:46,129 --> 00:08:47,528 Flowing? 167 00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:49,923 Flowing? 168 00:08:50,329 --> 00:08:54,208 Is it flowing? I like flowing, cascading hair. 169 00:08:54,449 --> 00:08:57,680 Thick, lustrous hair is important to me. 170 00:09:03,569 --> 00:09:05,321 "Thick, lustrous hair is important to me." 171 00:09:05,489 --> 00:09:06,842 - Is that what you said? - Right. 172 00:09:07,009 --> 00:09:08,567 Just clarifying. 173 00:09:09,729 --> 00:09:11,765 Let me ask you this. 174 00:09:16,049 --> 00:09:20,088 If you stick your hand in the hair, is it easy to get it out? 175 00:09:23,569 --> 00:09:24,888 Do you want to get it out? 176 00:09:25,049 --> 00:09:27,404 Or do you want to not be able to get it out? 177 00:09:28,169 --> 00:09:30,922 - I'd like to be able to get it out. - I think you'll get it out. 178 00:09:31,849 --> 00:09:33,202 What about the skin? 179 00:09:33,369 --> 00:09:35,485 I need a good cheek. I like a good cheek. 180 00:09:36,249 --> 00:09:38,001 She's got a fine cheek. 181 00:09:38,249 --> 00:09:39,728 Is there a pinkish hue? 182 00:09:42,609 --> 00:09:46,648 - A pinkish hue? - Yes, a rosy glow. 183 00:09:47,209 --> 00:09:49,120 There's a hue. 184 00:09:49,929 --> 00:09:53,319 She's got great eyebrows. Women kill to have her eyebrows. 185 00:09:55,209 --> 00:09:56,927 Who cares about eyebrows? 186 00:09:59,809 --> 00:10:02,118 Is she sweet? I like sweet. 187 00:10:02,529 --> 00:10:05,123 But not too sweet. You could throw up from that. 188 00:10:08,409 --> 00:10:10,445 I don't think you'll throw up. 189 00:10:11,729 --> 00:10:13,924 She likes to throw up. 190 00:10:20,209 --> 00:10:22,518 - Has he ever been married? - No. 191 00:10:23,329 --> 00:10:24,967 Has he been close? 192 00:10:25,489 --> 00:10:28,367 He once spent a weekend with a woman. 193 00:10:31,729 --> 00:10:34,197 He didn't really try to poison his boss. 194 00:10:34,489 --> 00:10:36,127 Yeah, he did. 195 00:10:40,489 --> 00:10:42,525 We had an incredible phone conversation. 196 00:10:42,689 --> 00:10:44,327 We talked for, like, 20 minutes. 197 00:10:44,489 --> 00:10:47,242 I threw away my notes in the middle of the call. 198 00:10:49,809 --> 00:10:51,959 I thought she had a great voice timbre. 199 00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:53,482 Is it "timbre" or "tambre"? 200 00:10:53,649 --> 00:10:56,607 - I think it's tambre. - Why'd I think timbre? 201 00:10:56,769 --> 00:10:58,202 She could do voice-overs. 202 00:10:58,369 --> 00:10:59,882 You didn't tell me about her voice? 203 00:11:00,049 --> 00:11:02,927 - I didn't notice the voice. - It's mellifluous. 204 00:11:04,049 --> 00:11:05,562 So, Saturday night. 205 00:11:05,729 --> 00:11:07,879 She had to be impressed by that conversation. 206 00:11:08,049 --> 00:11:10,802 It was a great performance. I am unbelievable on the phone. 207 00:11:10,969 --> 00:11:15,485 On the date, they should just have two phones on the table at the restaurant. 208 00:11:16,369 --> 00:11:18,007 - Hi. - Hi! 209 00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:22,046 - Out we go Saturday night. - I know. 210 00:11:22,209 --> 00:11:26,248 - So, what did she say? - You're getting together Saturday night. 211 00:11:27,809 --> 00:11:29,800 - That's it? - Yeah. 212 00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:33,286 - She didn't mention the conversation? - No. 213 00:11:35,209 --> 00:11:37,120 See? I don't get that. 214 00:11:37,889 --> 00:11:41,040 We had a relaxed, stimulating, great conversation. She doesn't mention it? 215 00:11:41,209 --> 00:11:42,403 - Why not mention it? - What? 216 00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:44,082 She could have mentioned it. 217 00:11:44,249 --> 00:11:47,400 All right. All right. I'll go on the date, but that's that. 218 00:11:52,689 --> 00:11:54,600 You know my friend Bob Sacamano? 219 00:11:54,769 --> 00:11:58,921 - The guy from Jersey. - He just got a job at a condom factory. 220 00:12:00,049 --> 00:12:02,005 Look at this. He gave me a gross. 221 00:12:05,409 --> 00:12:08,481 - What will you do with all of them? - Oh, well... 222 00:12:13,929 --> 00:12:15,408 Take some, Jerry. Grab them. 223 00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:18,288 No, thanks. They look like they came out of a cereal box. 224 00:12:18,449 --> 00:12:21,566 Come on, Elaine, here. Take half a bag. 225 00:12:22,489 --> 00:12:24,605 Half a bag? 226 00:12:24,849 --> 00:12:27,079 What am I, a hooker? 227 00:12:28,689 --> 00:12:30,839 Anyway, they look kind of cheap. 228 00:12:32,009 --> 00:12:34,000 I'll take one. 229 00:12:37,809 --> 00:12:39,288 It's possible. 230 00:12:40,569 --> 00:12:44,118 The problem with the condom is still buying them. 231 00:12:44,289 --> 00:12:48,521 I think we should have, like, a secret signal with the druggist. 232 00:12:48,689 --> 00:12:51,283 You walk into the store, go to the counter. He looks at you. 233 00:12:51,449 --> 00:12:53,167 And if you go like this: 234 00:12:55,089 --> 00:12:57,444 He puts them in the bag for you. That's it. 235 00:12:57,809 --> 00:13:01,040 Show up there with your little shaving cream, your little toothpaste. 236 00:13:01,209 --> 00:13:02,642 " How are you today?" 237 00:13:05,969 --> 00:13:08,358 " Have a nice day." "You too." 238 00:13:10,689 --> 00:13:13,408 So where are they? It's 11:45. They should be back by now. 239 00:13:13,569 --> 00:13:16,129 - What did they do? - I think they went out to dinner. 240 00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:18,479 Oh, wait. I got another call. That must be him. 241 00:13:18,649 --> 00:13:20,287 - Hello. - It's me. I just got home. 242 00:13:20,449 --> 00:13:21,802 Hold on. 243 00:13:22,249 --> 00:13:25,002 - It's George. He just got home. - Yeah. I got Cynthia on the line. 244 00:13:25,169 --> 00:13:28,923 - I'll call you back when I'm done. - Remember our pact: full disclosure. 245 00:13:29,089 --> 00:13:30,681 Of course. 246 00:13:31,249 --> 00:13:32,523 Yeah, go ahead. 247 00:13:33,249 --> 00:13:35,683 I'm gonna tell you, but I made a pact with Cynthia. 248 00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:37,805 We swore we wouldn't tell you and Elaine. 249 00:13:37,969 --> 00:13:40,039 - You can tell. I'll vault it. - It's in the vault? 250 00:13:40,209 --> 00:13:43,167 I'm locking the vault. What? Come on. 251 00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:47,088 - We had sex. - Oh, my God, you had sex? 252 00:13:47,249 --> 00:13:48,967 - How did that happen? - I don't know. 253 00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,721 I closed my eyes and made a move. 254 00:13:50,889 --> 00:13:52,163 - At your apartment? - Yeah. 255 00:13:52,329 --> 00:13:54,206 - She didn't stay over? - No. She left. 256 00:13:54,369 --> 00:13:56,929 Listen, you can't mention any of this to Elaine. 257 00:13:57,089 --> 00:13:59,683 Cynthia will kill me. We made a deal. 258 00:14:00,129 --> 00:14:01,323 Oh, my God. 259 00:14:01,489 --> 00:14:03,639 He was uncomfortable because it was our first time. 260 00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:06,881 So he felt he'd perform better if we did it in the kitchen. 261 00:14:07,049 --> 00:14:08,721 - What? - He says the kitchen... 262 00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:10,641 ...is the most sociable room in the house. 263 00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,037 And he was serious. 264 00:14:12,569 --> 00:14:15,208 - So how was it? - How good could it be? 265 00:14:15,369 --> 00:14:17,519 My head was on a hot plate. 266 00:14:18,289 --> 00:14:19,881 I got another call. Must be Jerry. 267 00:14:20,049 --> 00:14:23,359 - Oh, don't you tell him any of this. - Yeah, okay. 268 00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:27,157 - Hello? - So, what did she say? 269 00:14:27,329 --> 00:14:30,127 - What did he have to say? - He said he had a good time. 270 00:14:30,529 --> 00:14:32,599 - Her too. - Oh, good. 271 00:14:32,849 --> 00:14:34,282 - Anything else? - No. 272 00:14:34,729 --> 00:14:36,799 - You? - No. 273 00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,439 - You sure? - Yeah. 274 00:14:40,049 --> 00:14:42,609 - You? - Yeah. 275 00:14:44,249 --> 00:14:46,888 All right, well... 276 00:14:47,569 --> 00:14:49,639 I guess everything is under control. 277 00:14:49,809 --> 00:14:52,004 Yeah. Okay then. 278 00:14:52,169 --> 00:14:53,443 Alrighty. 279 00:14:53,729 --> 00:14:55,128 - Good night. - Good night. 280 00:14:58,769 --> 00:15:01,920 I left three messages. I can't believe this woman. 281 00:15:02,089 --> 00:15:05,479 We have sex, she leaves 10 minutes later, then I never hear from her again. 282 00:15:05,649 --> 00:15:07,287 What kind of a person does this? 283 00:15:07,529 --> 00:15:11,602 She used me. I feel cheap and violated. 284 00:15:15,969 --> 00:15:18,483 - I'm gonna do something about this. - What are you gonna do? 285 00:15:18,649 --> 00:15:20,560 Never mind. Disgraceful. 286 00:15:20,729 --> 00:15:25,484 Leaves you sitting there on the kitchen floor like some kind of roach trap. 287 00:15:25,929 --> 00:15:27,965 Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. 288 00:15:28,129 --> 00:15:30,245 Sir. Whatever. 289 00:15:30,809 --> 00:15:32,606 She's not gonna get away with this. 290 00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:36,239 I keep racking my brain to try to figure out what I did. 291 00:15:36,409 --> 00:15:38,161 I was smart. I was funny. 292 00:15:38,329 --> 00:15:40,240 I made great small talk with the waitress... 293 00:15:40,409 --> 00:15:42,877 ...so she could see I could relate to the commoners. 294 00:15:43,049 --> 00:15:44,721 I'm a man of the people. 295 00:15:45,009 --> 00:15:46,442 - I'm gonna call her. - Don't call. 296 00:15:46,609 --> 00:15:49,362 - No, I'm calling her. - No, Jerry, I don't want you to. 297 00:15:49,529 --> 00:15:51,565 - Get away from me. - Give me the phone. 298 00:15:51,729 --> 00:15:54,687 - You wanna fight me? - Jerry, I'm gonna kill you. 299 00:15:54,849 --> 00:15:56,680 Hey, hey, hey! 300 00:15:56,849 --> 00:15:58,567 Hey, come on, Jerry, George. Stop it. 301 00:15:58,769 --> 00:16:00,282 I'll just call her when you leave. 302 00:16:00,449 --> 00:16:01,643 It's none of your business! 303 00:16:01,809 --> 00:16:03,959 - It is so my business. - Give me that! 304 00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:05,881 Stop it, boys! 305 00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:10,687 I don't want another word from either of you. 306 00:16:10,849 --> 00:16:12,965 - Tell him- - Hey, hey, hey! 307 00:16:15,089 --> 00:16:18,877 The next one of you that opens your mouth, you'll have to deal with me. 308 00:16:20,849 --> 00:16:23,522 I bet I know what this is about. It's about a woman, isn't it? 309 00:16:23,849 --> 00:16:25,328 - Yeah, but- - You see! 310 00:16:25,489 --> 00:16:27,320 This is exactly what they want to do to you. 311 00:16:27,489 --> 00:16:29,241 They play one against the other. 312 00:16:29,449 --> 00:16:31,326 You can't let them manipulate you like that. 313 00:16:31,489 --> 00:16:32,842 - But, Kramer- - No, no, no! 314 00:16:33,009 --> 00:16:34,727 I want you guys to shake hands. 315 00:16:34,969 --> 00:16:37,563 Come on, there are plenty women out there for all of us. 316 00:16:37,809 --> 00:16:38,958 Shake. 317 00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:41,001 Yes! You see? 318 00:16:41,169 --> 00:16:43,842 Isn't that better than fighting? Animosity? 319 00:16:44,009 --> 00:16:46,887 You wanna fight with somebody, you fight with me. 320 00:16:48,409 --> 00:16:52,288 By the way, those condoms I gave you? They're defective. Don't use them. 321 00:16:58,769 --> 00:16:59,918 - What? - Yeah. 322 00:17:00,089 --> 00:17:01,920 - Defective? - Defective. 323 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:04,398 How could you give me a defective condom? 324 00:17:05,729 --> 00:17:07,560 I didn't even know they were defective. 325 00:17:07,729 --> 00:17:09,799 - Didn't think you'd use them. - What do you mean-?! 326 00:17:11,009 --> 00:17:12,158 Take it easy. 327 00:17:12,329 --> 00:17:14,206 Just spread out! 328 00:17:22,569 --> 00:17:25,402 Don't worry. If anything was wrong, she'd have called you. 329 00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:28,642 I missed my period. 330 00:17:29,489 --> 00:17:30,842 Oh, my God! 331 00:17:31,089 --> 00:17:34,684 I am very worried. I am never late. 332 00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:36,681 But he used a condom, right? 333 00:17:36,849 --> 00:17:39,602 I know, but these things aren't always foolproof. 334 00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:42,765 Oh, no. 335 00:17:44,449 --> 00:17:45,723 What? 336 00:17:45,889 --> 00:17:47,242 Was it blue? 337 00:17:49,009 --> 00:17:51,079 Yeah. How'd you know? 338 00:17:52,369 --> 00:17:54,087 Just a hunch. 339 00:17:58,769 --> 00:18:02,967 It says "twist-off." Twist off! Twist! Off! 340 00:18:04,689 --> 00:18:06,725 Oh, hi. Soda? 341 00:18:07,449 --> 00:18:08,962 No, thanks. 342 00:18:09,969 --> 00:18:11,527 So tell me. 343 00:18:11,689 --> 00:18:15,318 What's the problem with your little flaky friend? She doesn't return calls? 344 00:18:16,249 --> 00:18:18,126 Who are you to talk about her like that? 345 00:18:18,289 --> 00:18:20,166 She'll call him when she's good and ready. 346 00:18:20,369 --> 00:18:22,280 - You don't even know her. - Oh, I know her. 347 00:18:22,529 --> 00:18:23,757 I know her type. 348 00:18:24,369 --> 00:18:26,439 Her type? What type? 349 00:18:26,609 --> 00:18:28,088 The type that doesn't return calls. 350 00:18:28,249 --> 00:18:31,400 I knew we shouldn't have done it. It was a bad idea. I told you. 351 00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:34,402 You told me? You pushed this whole thing on me. 352 00:18:34,569 --> 00:18:35,843 It was your idea. 353 00:18:36,009 --> 00:18:38,239 I was just helping your bitter, twisted friend. 354 00:18:38,689 --> 00:18:39,963 She's not bitter. 355 00:18:40,129 --> 00:18:41,881 Bitter's a judgment call. She's twisted. 356 00:18:42,049 --> 00:18:45,325 Twisted? God, I did you a favour! 357 00:18:45,489 --> 00:18:48,287 You said they had a good time. What else are you keeping from me? 358 00:18:48,449 --> 00:18:51,088 - Are you calling me a liar? - I'm calling you one if you are. 359 00:18:51,249 --> 00:18:53,080 - Are you? - Get your finger out of my face. 360 00:18:53,249 --> 00:18:55,285 - Get yours out. - I don't care. 361 00:18:55,449 --> 00:18:57,804 Get out! Out! Out! Out! 362 00:18:57,969 --> 00:19:00,563 Hey, hey, hey! Come on, stop it! 363 00:19:00,729 --> 00:19:02,640 Come on. Break it up! 364 00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:04,637 Hey, hey! 365 00:19:05,209 --> 00:19:07,086 What's the matter with you? 366 00:19:08,169 --> 00:19:12,685 Now, don't you two see that you're in love with each other? 367 00:19:15,049 --> 00:19:17,165 I mean, why can't you face that already? 368 00:19:17,329 --> 00:19:20,048 You're running around looking for something not even there... 369 00:19:20,209 --> 00:19:23,281 ...when everything you dream of is right here in front of you. 370 00:19:23,449 --> 00:19:25,246 Now why can't you admit that? 371 00:19:25,929 --> 00:19:28,762 By the way, when you see George, give him these. These'll work. 372 00:19:30,689 --> 00:19:33,726 I knew those condoms were defective! 373 00:19:34,209 --> 00:19:36,928 How did you know they were defective?! 374 00:19:37,209 --> 00:19:41,361 Because! Because she missed her period! 375 00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:43,959 She missed her period? 376 00:19:47,249 --> 00:19:49,001 Oh, my God! 377 00:19:49,409 --> 00:19:51,127 I can't believe it. 378 00:19:51,569 --> 00:19:54,003 I'm a father! I did it! 379 00:19:54,169 --> 00:19:55,682 My boys can swim! 380 00:19:55,849 --> 00:19:59,808 I can do it! I can do it! I'm a father! 381 00:20:04,689 --> 00:20:07,487 So he shows up. He's all out of breath. He's dishevelled. 382 00:20:07,649 --> 00:20:11,847 And tells me that whatever happens, whatever I decide is fine with him... 383 00:20:12,449 --> 00:20:13,848 ...and I could depend on him... 384 00:20:14,009 --> 00:20:17,126 ...and that he'd support me in whatever way I need. 385 00:20:17,449 --> 00:20:20,009 Elaine, I was speechless. 386 00:20:20,489 --> 00:20:23,640 Wow. Wow. You see? You think you know somebody. 387 00:20:23,809 --> 00:20:27,358 I said to him, " I really appreciate this, but I just got my period." 388 00:20:27,529 --> 00:20:29,121 - Yeah. - So I asked him to come in- 389 00:20:29,289 --> 00:20:30,608 - Hi. - Oh, hi. 390 00:20:30,769 --> 00:20:34,842 Sorry we're late. We got so hung up in traffic. I'm sorry. 391 00:20:35,689 --> 00:20:37,645 - What happened? - Acting. 392 00:20:40,409 --> 00:20:42,764 - Very mature. - Thank you. 393 00:20:43,649 --> 00:20:45,082 - Hi, Cynthia. - Hi. 394 00:20:45,249 --> 00:20:47,524 This is a great place to sit you got here. 395 00:20:47,769 --> 00:20:49,919 Best seat in the house. Right next to the kitchen. 396 00:20:50,089 --> 00:20:52,000 Oh, stop it. Stop it. 397 00:20:54,569 --> 00:20:57,402 - So, what are these? - We ordered appetizers. Start eating. 398 00:20:57,969 --> 00:20:59,402 Oh, fabulous. 399 00:21:02,609 --> 00:21:04,520 This is good. Oh, this is good. 400 00:21:05,409 --> 00:21:07,479 Is that salt on this? 401 00:21:08,049 --> 00:21:09,767 Is there salt on this? 402 00:21:10,009 --> 00:21:11,806 But have you ever fixed anybody up? 403 00:21:11,969 --> 00:21:13,800 Why do we do it? Why? 404 00:21:14,289 --> 00:21:15,881 You thought they'd have a good time... 405 00:21:16,049 --> 00:21:18,005 ...and a little power trip for you, isn't it? 406 00:21:18,729 --> 00:21:19,957 Now you're playing God. 407 00:21:20,129 --> 00:21:23,087 Of course, God was the first person to fix people up. 408 00:21:23,249 --> 00:21:25,080 He fixed up Adam and Eve. 409 00:21:25,249 --> 00:21:27,046 I'm sure he said to Adam, " No, she's nice. 410 00:21:27,209 --> 00:21:32,522 She's- Yes, she's very free about her body. 411 00:21:32,689 --> 00:21:34,759 Doesn't really wear much. 412 00:21:34,929 --> 00:21:38,080 She was going out with a snake. I think that's over, though." 413 00:22:25,009 --> 00:22:27,000 Subtitles by SDl Media Group