1 00:00:03,889 --> 00:00:05,800 At the health club, people are working out... 2 00:00:05,969 --> 00:00:07,846 ...and they're training, getting in shape... 3 00:00:08,009 --> 00:00:11,888 ...but strangely, nobody's really getting in shape for anything. 4 00:00:12,049 --> 00:00:14,768 The only reason that you're getting in shape... 5 00:00:14,929 --> 00:00:17,443 ...is that so you can get through the workout. 6 00:00:18,729 --> 00:00:20,765 So we're working out... 7 00:00:20,929 --> 00:00:25,241 ...so that we'll be in shape for when we have to do our exercise. 8 00:00:25,729 --> 00:00:27,242 This is the whole thing. 9 00:00:27,409 --> 00:00:30,003 The other thing I don't get is why we're so careful... 10 00:00:30,169 --> 00:00:34,128 ...about locking up our dirty towels and smelly jockstraps. 11 00:00:34,729 --> 00:00:40,679 What exactly is the black market on these disgusting gym clothes? 12 00:00:40,849 --> 00:00:43,204 I'll give my car to any guy in front of a restaurant... 13 00:00:43,369 --> 00:00:45,644 ...because he's got a short red jacket. 14 00:00:45,809 --> 00:00:47,208 "He must be the valet guy." 15 00:00:47,369 --> 00:00:49,644 But my stinking, putrefied gym clothes... 16 00:00:49,809 --> 00:00:51,561 ...I got one of these locks... 17 00:00:51,729 --> 00:00:54,368 ...you could put a bullet through it and it won't open. 18 00:00:54,529 --> 00:00:56,008 That stuff is safe. 19 00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:04,118 Wide open! I was wide-open underneath. 20 00:01:04,289 --> 00:01:06,245 I had three inches on that guy. 21 00:01:06,409 --> 00:01:07,967 See, you two were hogging the ball. 22 00:01:08,129 --> 00:01:10,245 Me? It wasn't me. I never even saw the ball. 23 00:01:10,409 --> 00:01:11,683 All you do is dribble. 24 00:01:11,849 --> 00:01:15,159 I have to dribble. If I give it to you, you just shoot. You're a chucker. 25 00:01:15,329 --> 00:01:16,728 - Oh, I'm a chucker. - That's right. 26 00:01:16,889 --> 00:01:18,607 Every time you get the ball, you shoot. 27 00:01:18,769 --> 00:01:19,997 I can't believe you called me a chucker. 28 00:01:20,169 --> 00:01:22,603 No way I'm a chucker! I do not chuck. Never chuck! 29 00:01:22,769 --> 00:01:25,488 Never have chucked! Never will chuck! No chuck! 30 00:01:26,369 --> 00:01:27,882 You chuck. 31 00:01:28,609 --> 00:01:31,362 - Kramer, am I a chucker? - Oh, you're a chucker. 32 00:01:32,649 --> 00:01:34,526 My God, I'm a chucker. 33 00:01:34,689 --> 00:01:39,160 - All these years, you never told me? - It's not an easy thing to bring up. 34 00:01:40,649 --> 00:01:43,880 Hey, you know, this is the first time we ever saw each other naked? 35 00:01:46,689 --> 00:01:48,441 Believe me, I didn't see anything. 36 00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,327 Oh, you didn't sneak a peek? 37 00:01:51,169 --> 00:01:53,603 - No. Did you? - Yeah, I snuck a peek. 38 00:01:53,769 --> 00:01:55,964 - Why? - Why not? 39 00:01:56,129 --> 00:01:57,448 What about you, George? 40 00:01:59,209 --> 00:02:00,528 Yeah, I... 41 00:02:01,649 --> 00:02:03,207 ...snuck a peek. 42 00:02:03,369 --> 00:02:06,759 But it was so fast, I didn't see anything. It was just a blur. 43 00:02:06,929 --> 00:02:08,521 I made a conscious effort not to look. 44 00:02:08,689 --> 00:02:10,919 There's certain information I just don't wanna have. 45 00:02:11,489 --> 00:02:12,968 Okay... 46 00:02:13,489 --> 00:02:15,127 I gotta go meet Newman. 47 00:02:15,729 --> 00:02:18,368 - I'll see you later. Have a good one. - All right. 48 00:02:19,169 --> 00:02:20,363 Yeah. 49 00:02:22,849 --> 00:02:24,168 Look at this guy. 50 00:02:24,849 --> 00:02:27,317 Does he have to stretch in here? 51 00:02:28,329 --> 00:02:29,557 - You know who that is? - Who? 52 00:02:29,729 --> 00:02:31,242 That's Keith Hernandez. 53 00:02:32,169 --> 00:02:34,524 Keith Hernandez, the baseball player? 54 00:02:34,929 --> 00:02:36,760 Yeah, that's him. 55 00:02:36,929 --> 00:02:39,204 - Are you sure? - Positive. 56 00:02:39,369 --> 00:02:42,122 Wow! Keith Hernandez! 57 00:02:42,289 --> 00:02:44,007 - He's such a great player. - Yeah. 58 00:02:44,169 --> 00:02:46,364 He's a real smart guy too. He's a Civil War buff. 59 00:02:46,529 --> 00:02:49,168 Wow, I'd love to be a Civil War buff. 60 00:02:51,369 --> 00:02:53,724 What do you have to do to become a buff? 61 00:02:54,529 --> 00:02:56,565 So Biff wants to be a buff? 62 00:02:57,089 --> 00:02:59,557 Well, sleeping less than 18 hours a day would be a start. 63 00:03:03,009 --> 00:03:04,920 I only got two weeks left of unemployment. 64 00:03:05,089 --> 00:03:07,967 I gotta prove I've been looking for a job to get an extension. 65 00:03:08,769 --> 00:03:10,282 Hey, should we say something to him? 66 00:03:10,449 --> 00:03:13,122 Oh, I'm sure he loves to hear from fans in the locker room. 67 00:03:13,289 --> 00:03:15,484 Well, he could say hello to me. I wouldn't mind. 68 00:03:16,249 --> 00:03:18,046 He's Keith Hernandez. 69 00:03:18,209 --> 00:03:20,279 You're Jerry Seinfeld. 70 00:03:25,809 --> 00:03:27,640 - So? - What, you're comparing yourself... 71 00:03:27,809 --> 00:03:29,128 ...to Keith Hernandez? 72 00:03:29,289 --> 00:03:31,928 The guy's a baseball player, Jerry, baseball! 73 00:03:32,089 --> 00:03:34,842 I know what he is. I recognized him. You didn't even notice him. 74 00:03:35,009 --> 00:03:37,887 What, you're making some wisecracks in a nightclub? 75 00:03:39,529 --> 00:03:44,045 The guy was in game six, two runs down, two outs, facing elimination! 76 00:03:44,209 --> 00:03:45,403 Excuse me. 77 00:03:45,569 --> 00:03:47,639 I don't want to disturb you. I'm Keith Hernandez. 78 00:03:47,809 --> 00:03:50,926 And I just want to tell you what a big fan I am. I love your comedy. 79 00:03:56,129 --> 00:03:58,279 - Really? - I've always wanted to do what you do. 80 00:03:58,449 --> 00:04:01,407 Do what I do?! You're one of my favorite ballplayers of all time! 81 00:04:01,569 --> 00:04:02,843 Mine too. 82 00:04:04,769 --> 00:04:07,727 - I love that bit about Jimmy Olsen. - Really? 83 00:04:08,209 --> 00:04:09,847 Thank you. 84 00:04:10,929 --> 00:04:12,965 You know, Keith, what I've always wondered is... 85 00:04:13,129 --> 00:04:15,723 ...with all these ball clubs flying around all season... 86 00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:18,449 ...wouldn't you think there'd be a plane crash? 87 00:04:23,609 --> 00:04:25,247 Are you performing in New York now? 88 00:04:25,409 --> 00:04:27,525 At this club on the East Side. You should come in. 89 00:04:27,689 --> 00:04:30,806 But think about it: 26 teams, 162 games a season. 90 00:04:30,969 --> 00:04:34,359 You'd think eventually, an entire team would just get wiped out. 91 00:04:37,649 --> 00:04:38,923 I live on the East Side. 92 00:04:39,089 --> 00:04:40,283 I'll give you my number... 93 00:04:40,449 --> 00:04:42,360 ...and just tell me whenever you want to go. 94 00:04:42,529 --> 00:04:45,168 - Or maybe just get together for coffee. - Oh, that'd be great. 95 00:04:46,089 --> 00:04:48,523 Well, it's only a matter of time. 96 00:04:49,529 --> 00:04:51,247 Who's this chucker? 97 00:04:56,369 --> 00:04:58,929 It's been three days, and he hasn't called. 98 00:04:59,209 --> 00:05:00,608 Well, maybe you should call him. 99 00:05:00,769 --> 00:05:02,361 I can't. I can't. 100 00:05:02,529 --> 00:05:06,044 - Why not? - I just feel like he should call me. 101 00:05:06,209 --> 00:05:07,437 What's the difference? 102 00:05:07,609 --> 00:05:10,362 You don't understand, Elaine. I don't want to be overanxious. 103 00:05:10,529 --> 00:05:14,204 If he wants to see me, he has my number. He should call. 104 00:05:16,209 --> 00:05:19,645 God, look at this ashtray. I hate cigarettes. 105 00:05:20,409 --> 00:05:21,762 I can't stand these guys. 106 00:05:21,929 --> 00:05:24,523 You give your number to them, and then they don't call. 107 00:05:25,889 --> 00:05:27,322 Why do they do that? 108 00:05:27,969 --> 00:05:29,607 I'm sorry, honey. 109 00:05:31,409 --> 00:05:34,367 I mean, I really thought he liked me. We were getting along. 110 00:05:34,529 --> 00:05:36,520 He came over to me. I didn't go over to him. 111 00:05:36,689 --> 00:05:39,408 - I know. - Why did he come over to me? 112 00:05:39,569 --> 00:05:42,606 I mean, here I meet this great guy, this ballplayer... 113 00:05:42,769 --> 00:05:44,680 - ... best guy I ever met. - Yeah. I know. 114 00:05:44,849 --> 00:05:48,808 Well, that's it. I'm never giving my number out to another guy again. 115 00:05:48,969 --> 00:05:52,962 I've given my number out to guys, and it takes them a month to call. 116 00:05:54,209 --> 00:05:56,598 Good. Good. Well, if he's calling in a month... 117 00:05:56,769 --> 00:05:58,600 ...he's got a prayer. 118 00:06:00,649 --> 00:06:03,482 You know, maybe he's been busy. Maybe he's been out of town. 119 00:06:03,649 --> 00:06:05,799 Oh, what, they don't have phones out of town? 120 00:06:06,329 --> 00:06:08,763 I love how people say they're too busy."Too busy." 121 00:06:08,929 --> 00:06:10,920 Pick up a phone! 122 00:06:11,089 --> 00:06:13,728 Takes two minutes. How can you be too busy? 123 00:06:14,209 --> 00:06:18,282 - Why don't you just go and call him? - I can't call here. It's a coffee shop. 124 00:06:18,449 --> 00:06:21,964 - I mean, what am I gonna say to him? - Just ask if he wants to get together. 125 00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:23,962 For what, dinner? 126 00:06:25,049 --> 00:06:26,528 Dinner's good. 127 00:06:27,049 --> 00:06:31,327 Don't you think that's coming on a little too strong? Isn't that, like, a turnoff? 128 00:06:31,729 --> 00:06:34,038 Jerry, he's a guy. 129 00:06:36,289 --> 00:06:38,405 I know, but this is all very confusing. 130 00:06:38,769 --> 00:06:42,045 When you're in your 30s, it's very hard to make a new friend. 131 00:06:42,209 --> 00:06:45,246 Whatever the group is you've got now, that's who you're going with. 132 00:06:45,409 --> 00:06:47,923 You're not interviewing, not looking at any new people. 133 00:06:48,089 --> 00:06:51,161 You're not interested in seeing any applications. 134 00:06:51,329 --> 00:06:53,797 They don't know the places. They don't know the foods. 135 00:06:53,969 --> 00:06:55,527 They don't know the activities. 136 00:06:55,689 --> 00:06:58,920 If I meet a guy at a club or a gym: "Hey, look, I'm sure you're very nice. 137 00:06:59,089 --> 00:07:02,286 You seem to have a lot of potential. We're just not hiring right now." 138 00:07:02,449 --> 00:07:03,564 When you're a kid... 139 00:07:03,729 --> 00:07:06,880 ...you can be friends with anybody. Remember when you're a little kid... 140 00:07:07,049 --> 00:07:10,121 ...what are the qualifications? "If someone's in front of my house... 141 00:07:10,289 --> 00:07:12,678 ...that's my friend. They're my friend. That's it. 142 00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:15,488 Are you a grownup? No? Great. Come on in! 143 00:07:15,649 --> 00:07:19,005 Let's jump up and down on my bed!" And if you have anything in common: 144 00:07:19,169 --> 00:07:22,605 "You like cherry soda? I like cherry soda! We'll be best friends!" 145 00:07:28,209 --> 00:07:31,201 You only have two more weeks before your benefits run out. 146 00:07:31,689 --> 00:07:34,283 Yes, and I was hoping, perhaps, to get... 147 00:07:34,449 --> 00:07:36,804 ...a 13-week extension, if that's possible. 148 00:07:37,169 --> 00:07:39,205 So where have you been looking for work? 149 00:07:39,369 --> 00:07:41,121 You know what I've discovered, Mrs. Sokol? 150 00:07:41,489 --> 00:07:43,366 It's not so much the looking... 151 00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:44,678 ...as the listening. 152 00:07:44,849 --> 00:07:47,682 I listen for work. As I'm looking... 153 00:07:47,849 --> 00:07:50,682 ...and listening- I'm also looking. You cannot discount looking. 154 00:07:50,849 --> 00:07:52,760 It's a combination. It's looking. And listening. 155 00:07:52,929 --> 00:07:56,160 Listening. And looking. But you must look. 156 00:07:56,329 --> 00:07:58,524 Can you be specific about any of these companies? 157 00:07:58,729 --> 00:08:00,799 Specific. Let's see... 158 00:08:00,969 --> 00:08:02,880 I've walked in and out of so many buildings. 159 00:08:03,049 --> 00:08:04,448 They all blend in together. 160 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,122 Just give me one name. 161 00:08:06,609 --> 00:08:08,122 One name. Absolutely. 162 00:08:09,049 --> 00:08:10,641 Let's see, there's... 163 00:08:10,809 --> 00:08:12,003 Vandalay Industries. 164 00:08:12,169 --> 00:08:14,558 I just saw them. I got very close there. Very close. 165 00:08:14,729 --> 00:08:16,640 What type of company is that? 166 00:08:17,169 --> 00:08:19,080 Latex. Latex manufacturing, Mrs. Sokol. 167 00:08:19,809 --> 00:08:23,199 - And you interviewed there? - Yes, for a sales position. 168 00:08:23,369 --> 00:08:24,722 Latex salesman. 169 00:08:24,889 --> 00:08:28,643 The selling of latex and latex-related products. 170 00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:31,800 They just wouldn't give me a chance. Damn it! 171 00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:35,200 Now I'm going to need an address and a phone number for this... 172 00:08:35,369 --> 00:08:36,518 ...Vandalay company. 173 00:08:37,009 --> 00:08:38,442 You like gum? 174 00:08:38,609 --> 00:08:41,760 Because I have a friend in the gum business. I got a gum guy! 175 00:08:41,929 --> 00:08:44,887 I make one phone call, have boxes of gum delivered right to your door. 176 00:08:45,049 --> 00:08:46,641 The address? 177 00:08:48,009 --> 00:08:49,681 The address is... 178 00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,440 Jose Jimenez. Do you recognize that? 179 00:08:55,449 --> 00:08:58,327 - No. - Jose Jimenez. 180 00:08:59,489 --> 00:09:01,764 Very funny. Really, he's very funny. 181 00:09:01,929 --> 00:09:03,567 The address. 182 00:09:06,089 --> 00:09:07,886 Vandalay is... 183 00:09:08,049 --> 00:09:11,598 ...129 West 81 st Street. It's a very small industry, Vandalay. 184 00:09:11,769 --> 00:09:13,521 It's why I wanted to work for them. 185 00:09:13,689 --> 00:09:15,520 A phone number. 186 00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:18,283 That's... KL5... 187 00:09:18,849 --> 00:09:20,885 ...8383. Are you planning on calling them soon? 188 00:09:21,049 --> 00:09:23,199 Because they have very strange hours. 189 00:09:23,369 --> 00:09:24,597 As soon as I'm done with you. 190 00:09:25,609 --> 00:09:27,327 Sure. Well... 191 00:09:27,489 --> 00:09:29,639 You know, I'll check in with you next week. 192 00:09:29,809 --> 00:09:33,324 I gotta run now because I got a full plate this afternoon. 193 00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:37,277 - Okay. - All right. Really good to... 194 00:09:43,209 --> 00:09:44,198 He'll call you back! 195 00:09:44,369 --> 00:09:45,688 It's a par five. 196 00:09:45,849 --> 00:09:47,487 So, you know, I step up to the tee... 197 00:09:47,649 --> 00:09:50,959 ...and I hit a beautiful drive right down the middle of the fairway. 198 00:09:51,129 --> 00:09:53,484 - I mean, you know my hook, right? - Elaine? 199 00:09:53,889 --> 00:09:55,402 How about this shirt? Is this okay? 200 00:10:00,969 --> 00:10:03,324 Jerry, he's a guy. 201 00:10:05,289 --> 00:10:07,757 Well, it's a dogleg left, so I play the hook. 202 00:10:07,929 --> 00:10:10,159 Wait, hold on. There's another call. 203 00:10:11,249 --> 00:10:12,841 - Jerry! Jerry! - George? 204 00:10:13,009 --> 00:10:15,398 - Kramer, put Jerry on! - I'm in the middle of something. 205 00:10:15,569 --> 00:10:17,799 - Call back. - Kramer, no-! 206 00:10:18,009 --> 00:10:20,477 So the ball takes off, and I'm waiting for it to turn. 207 00:10:27,769 --> 00:10:28,997 Would you-! 208 00:10:31,489 --> 00:10:33,957 All right. Well, I'll talk to Jerry. Yeah. 209 00:10:35,169 --> 00:10:36,648 Hey, that was Michael and Carol. 210 00:10:36,809 --> 00:10:38,686 She's wondering when we'll go see the baby. 211 00:10:38,849 --> 00:10:41,807 - See the baby. Again with the baby. - Who are they? 212 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:45,081 A guy who used to live in the building keeps calling us to see the baby. 213 00:10:45,249 --> 00:10:48,366 "You gotta see the baby. When are you gonna see the baby?" 214 00:10:48,529 --> 00:10:50,008 Can't they just send us a tape? 215 00:10:50,169 --> 00:10:52,729 Maybe if you wait a few months, it won't be a baby anymore. 216 00:10:52,889 --> 00:10:55,562 - Then you won't have to see it. - Because he'll be all grown-up. 217 00:10:55,729 --> 00:10:57,003 Yeah... 218 00:10:58,369 --> 00:11:00,644 Hey, Kramer, what do you think of this shirt? 219 00:11:06,169 --> 00:11:07,363 It's too busy. 220 00:11:07,529 --> 00:11:09,759 You're trying too hard to make an impression on him. 221 00:11:09,929 --> 00:11:12,124 - You're not being yourself. - What guy? 222 00:11:12,289 --> 00:11:15,679 I know he's just a guy, but I really like him. 223 00:11:16,369 --> 00:11:18,246 Who are you talking about? 224 00:11:19,089 --> 00:11:20,841 Keith... Hernandez. 225 00:11:21,009 --> 00:11:22,886 Keith Hernandez? 226 00:11:23,529 --> 00:11:25,645 Keith Hernandez! 227 00:11:27,089 --> 00:11:29,319 Do me a favor, would you? Would you change lanes? 228 00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:31,525 You gotta get out of this lane. This lane stinks. 229 00:11:31,689 --> 00:11:34,362 They're all double-parked. Get out, I'm begging you. 230 00:11:34,529 --> 00:11:35,723 Please. Please! 231 00:11:40,809 --> 00:11:42,128 You know what? 232 00:11:42,729 --> 00:11:43,878 Bad mistake. My mistake. 233 00:11:44,049 --> 00:11:46,244 Go back. Your lane was better. Forget this lane. 234 00:11:46,409 --> 00:11:49,287 This lane stinks. Go back to your lane. Go ahead. Bad mistake. 235 00:11:49,649 --> 00:11:53,119 Go! Go! Go! Make this light! Make this light! Oh, man! 236 00:11:53,489 --> 00:11:55,127 That's it! Get out! 237 00:11:55,289 --> 00:11:57,325 - What do you mean, get out? - Get out of the cab! 238 00:11:57,489 --> 00:11:59,161 What? I'm not getting out of this cab. 239 00:11:59,329 --> 00:12:02,207 No! No! You cannot throw me out! 240 00:12:02,369 --> 00:12:04,599 No! Get... 241 00:12:04,769 --> 00:12:06,441 Hello, Newman. 242 00:12:06,609 --> 00:12:07,837 I hate Keith Hernandez. 243 00:12:08,009 --> 00:12:10,728 - Hate him! - I despise him. 244 00:12:10,889 --> 00:12:12,925 - Why? - Why? I'll tell you why. 245 00:12:13,089 --> 00:12:14,488 - Let me tell her. - No, you can't- 246 00:12:14,649 --> 00:12:16,321 - You always tell. - All right, tell it. 247 00:12:16,489 --> 00:12:18,445 - Just tell it. - All right. 248 00:12:19,609 --> 00:12:22,999 June 14th, 1987, Mets-Phillies. 249 00:12:23,169 --> 00:12:26,286 We're enjoying a beautiful afternoon in the right-field stands... 250 00:12:26,449 --> 00:12:28,644 ...when a crucial Hernandez error opens the door... 251 00:12:28,809 --> 00:12:31,767 ...to a five-run Phillies ninth. Cost the Mets the game! 252 00:12:31,929 --> 00:12:34,727 Our day was ruined. 253 00:12:35,049 --> 00:12:37,961 There was a lot of people waiting by the players' parking lot. 254 00:12:38,129 --> 00:12:39,562 Now we're coming down the ramp. 255 00:12:39,729 --> 00:12:41,447 Newman was in front of me. 256 00:12:41,609 --> 00:12:43,565 Hernandez was coming toward us. 257 00:12:43,729 --> 00:12:48,678 As he passes us, Newman turns and says, "Nice game, pretty boy." 258 00:12:51,129 --> 00:12:53,359 Hernandez continued past us up the ramp. 259 00:12:53,529 --> 00:12:56,521 Then, a second later, something happened... 260 00:12:56,689 --> 00:13:00,398 ...that changed us in a very deep and profound way... 261 00:13:00,569 --> 00:13:02,287 ...from that day forward. 262 00:13:02,529 --> 00:13:04,520 - What was it? - He spit on us! 263 00:13:06,889 --> 00:13:09,244 And I screamed out, "I'm hit!" 264 00:13:10,689 --> 00:13:15,046 Then I turned, and the spit ricocheted off him, and it hit me. 265 00:13:17,889 --> 00:13:19,481 What a story. 266 00:13:19,649 --> 00:13:22,288 Unfortunately, the immutable laws of physics contradict... 267 00:13:22,449 --> 00:13:24,679 ...the whole premise of your account. 268 00:13:24,849 --> 00:13:27,409 Allow me to reconstruct this, if I may, for Ms. Benes... 269 00:13:27,569 --> 00:13:30,037 ...as I've heard this story a number of times. 270 00:13:30,209 --> 00:13:33,042 Newman, Kramer, if you'll indulge me. 271 00:13:33,689 --> 00:13:35,520 According to your story... 272 00:13:35,689 --> 00:13:38,567 ...Hernandez passes you and starts walking up the ramp. 273 00:13:38,729 --> 00:13:40,959 Then you say you were struck... 274 00:13:41,689 --> 00:13:43,361 ...on the right temple. 275 00:13:44,209 --> 00:13:46,803 The spit then proceeds to ricochet... 276 00:13:46,969 --> 00:13:50,882 ...off the temple, striking Newman between the third and the fourth rib. 277 00:13:53,489 --> 00:13:55,161 The spit then came off the rib... 278 00:13:55,329 --> 00:13:58,526 ...made a right turn, hitting Newman in the right wrist... 279 00:14:00,049 --> 00:14:02,358 ...causing him to drop his baseball cap. 280 00:14:04,329 --> 00:14:07,366 The spit then splashed off the wrist, pauses... 281 00:14:07,529 --> 00:14:09,485 ...in midair, mind you... 282 00:14:10,769 --> 00:14:15,399 ...makes a left turn and lands on Newman's left thigh. 283 00:14:17,289 --> 00:14:20,326 That is one magic loogie. 284 00:14:28,209 --> 00:14:30,086 Well, that's the way it happened. 285 00:14:30,809 --> 00:14:33,039 What happened to your head when you got hit? 286 00:14:33,209 --> 00:14:34,927 Well, my head... 287 00:14:35,089 --> 00:14:36,841 ...went back, to the left. 288 00:14:37,009 --> 00:14:39,523 - Say that again. - Back and to the left. 289 00:14:40,249 --> 00:14:42,240 Back and to the left. 290 00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:46,082 Back and to the left. 291 00:14:46,689 --> 00:14:48,008 So, what are you saying? 292 00:14:48,169 --> 00:14:49,807 I'm saying... 293 00:14:49,969 --> 00:14:53,439 ...that the spit could not have come from behind. 294 00:14:54,489 --> 00:14:56,798 That there had to have been a second spitter. 295 00:15:04,569 --> 00:15:06,685 Behind the bushes, on the gravely road. 296 00:15:07,409 --> 00:15:09,639 If the spitter was behind you, as you claim... 297 00:15:09,809 --> 00:15:13,279 ...that would've caused your head to pitch forward. 298 00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:18,077 So the spit could've only come from the front and to the right. 299 00:15:18,249 --> 00:15:21,161 But that's not what they would have you believe. 300 00:15:22,409 --> 00:15:23,842 I'm leaving. 301 00:15:24,329 --> 00:15:25,478 Jerry's a nut. 302 00:15:26,609 --> 00:15:28,008 Wait, wait, wait. 303 00:15:28,529 --> 00:15:31,566 The sad thing is, we may never know the real truth. 304 00:15:38,609 --> 00:15:40,804 Did anybody call asking for Vandalay Industries? 305 00:15:40,969 --> 00:15:43,722 - No, what happened to you? - All right, listen closely: 306 00:15:43,889 --> 00:15:46,119 I was at the unemployment office. 307 00:15:46,289 --> 00:15:49,486 I told them I was very close to getting a job with Vandalay Industries... 308 00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:52,368 ...and I gave them your phone number. So when the phone rings... 309 00:15:52,529 --> 00:15:54,918 ...you have to answer, "Vandalay Industries." 310 00:15:55,089 --> 00:15:57,284 - I'm Vandalay Industries? - Right. 311 00:15:57,449 --> 00:15:59,565 - What is that? - You're in latex. 312 00:15:59,729 --> 00:16:01,287 - Latex? - Right. 313 00:16:01,449 --> 00:16:04,122 - What do I do with latex? - I don't know! You manufacture it! 314 00:16:04,369 --> 00:16:08,203 - Right here in this little apartment? - And what do I say about you? 315 00:16:08,369 --> 00:16:10,678 You're considering hiring me for your latex salesman. 316 00:16:11,169 --> 00:16:13,683 - I'll hire you as my latex salesman? - Right. 317 00:16:13,849 --> 00:16:16,363 I don't think so. 318 00:16:17,929 --> 00:16:19,601 Why would I do that? 319 00:16:19,769 --> 00:16:22,203 Because I asked you to. 320 00:16:22,369 --> 00:16:24,519 If you think I'm looking for someone to just sit... 321 00:16:24,689 --> 00:16:27,567 ...pushing papers around, you can forget it. 322 00:16:27,729 --> 00:16:30,562 I've got enough headaches just trying to manufacture the stuff. 323 00:16:33,449 --> 00:16:35,087 - Yeah? - It's Keith. 324 00:16:35,249 --> 00:16:36,568 All right, we're coming down. 325 00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:38,003 Keith Hernandez? 326 00:16:38,169 --> 00:16:40,558 - Yeah. Come on, Elaine, let's go. - Where are you going? 327 00:16:40,729 --> 00:16:42,287 They're giving me a ride downtown. 328 00:16:42,449 --> 00:16:45,168 You know, there had to have been a second spitter. Who was it? 329 00:16:45,329 --> 00:16:46,478 Who had the motive? 330 00:16:46,649 --> 00:16:49,721 That's what I've been trying to figure out the past five years. 331 00:16:49,889 --> 00:16:51,800 What the hell are you two talking about? 332 00:16:53,489 --> 00:16:55,878 - That was really fun. Thanks. - Yeah, it really was. 333 00:16:56,809 --> 00:16:58,481 Should I shak e his hand? 334 00:16:59,569 --> 00:17:00,968 Well... 335 00:17:01,129 --> 00:17:02,801 You want to catch a movie this weekend? 336 00:17:02,969 --> 00:17:04,960 Have you seen JFK? 337 00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:08,201 No, I haven't. 338 00:17:09,009 --> 00:17:10,920 This week end. Wow! 339 00:17:11,689 --> 00:17:13,645 Sure. That would be great. 340 00:17:14,289 --> 00:17:17,804 Damn. I was too overanxious. He must have noticed that. 341 00:17:18,609 --> 00:17:20,042 I mean, if you want to. 342 00:17:20,209 --> 00:17:23,042 - Well, how about this Friday? - Yeah, Friday's okay. 343 00:17:24,009 --> 00:17:26,648 Go ahead, shak e his hand. I'm Jerry Seinfeld. 344 00:17:26,809 --> 00:17:28,845 I've been on The Tonight Show. 345 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,040 Well, good night. 346 00:17:32,209 --> 00:17:33,483 Good night. 347 00:17:33,809 --> 00:17:35,686 Oh, Jer, by the way... 348 00:17:35,849 --> 00:17:37,601 ...the woman we gave a ride to earlier... 349 00:17:37,809 --> 00:17:38,958 - Elaine. - Yeah. 350 00:17:39,169 --> 00:17:41,763 - What's her story? - I don't know. We used to go out. 351 00:17:42,369 --> 00:17:45,008 Would you mind if I gave her a call? 352 00:17:45,169 --> 00:17:47,524 - For a date? - Yeah. 353 00:17:47,689 --> 00:17:49,281 Oh, no... 354 00:17:49,449 --> 00:17:51,041 Go ahead. 355 00:17:51,209 --> 00:17:52,688 You got a pen? 356 00:17:52,849 --> 00:17:54,202 You sure you don't mind? 357 00:18:04,809 --> 00:18:06,128 So then we went to dinner. 358 00:18:06,289 --> 00:18:08,041 - Who paid? - We split it. 359 00:18:08,209 --> 00:18:09,642 Split it. Pretty good. 360 00:18:09,929 --> 00:18:13,080 - Did you talk about game six? - No. I gotta wait until it's the right time. 361 00:18:16,609 --> 00:18:17,883 - Yeah? - It's Elaine. 362 00:18:18,049 --> 00:18:19,402 Come on up. 363 00:18:19,569 --> 00:18:20,968 So then what? 364 00:18:21,569 --> 00:18:23,082 Nothing. Then he took me home. 365 00:18:23,409 --> 00:18:25,161 Shake his hand? 366 00:18:26,449 --> 00:18:27,802 Yeah. 367 00:18:27,969 --> 00:18:29,800 What kind of a shake does he have? 368 00:18:30,289 --> 00:18:31,563 Good shake. Perfect shake. 369 00:18:31,729 --> 00:18:33,879 Single pump, not too hard. 370 00:18:34,049 --> 00:18:38,088 Didn't have to prove anything, but firm enough to know he was there. 371 00:18:38,249 --> 00:18:40,001 So... 372 00:18:40,169 --> 00:18:42,125 ...you're gonna see him again? 373 00:18:44,329 --> 00:18:46,604 He asked me if I was doing anything Friday night. 374 00:18:47,569 --> 00:18:49,366 The weekend! 375 00:18:50,769 --> 00:18:53,078 So then, as I was getting out of the car- 376 00:18:53,249 --> 00:18:54,602 - Hi! - Oh, hi, Elaine. 377 00:18:54,769 --> 00:18:55,963 Hi, Elaine. 378 00:18:56,129 --> 00:18:57,960 So how was your date? 379 00:18:59,569 --> 00:19:01,719 What date? It's a guy. 380 00:19:01,889 --> 00:19:04,483 So you know... He called me. 381 00:19:04,729 --> 00:19:06,526 - Already? - Keith called you? 382 00:19:08,809 --> 00:19:10,686 This guy really gets around. 383 00:19:13,809 --> 00:19:17,722 - Do you mind? - No, I don't mind. Why should I mind? 384 00:19:18,209 --> 00:19:19,722 What did he say? 385 00:19:19,889 --> 00:19:21,720 He asked me out for Saturday night. 386 00:19:22,209 --> 00:19:23,483 - You going? - No. 387 00:19:23,649 --> 00:19:25,799 - I told him I was busy. - Oh, really? 388 00:19:25,969 --> 00:19:27,880 So we're going out Friday. 389 00:19:33,969 --> 00:19:36,039 - Friday? - Yeah. 390 00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:38,122 He's going out with you on Friday? 391 00:19:38,849 --> 00:19:42,046 - Yeah? - He's supposed to see me on Friday. 392 00:19:43,969 --> 00:19:46,358 - I didn't know. - We made plans! 393 00:19:47,049 --> 00:19:49,609 - Well- I'll cancel it. - No, don't cancel it. 394 00:19:50,809 --> 00:19:53,721 Well, this is a little awkward, isn't it? 395 00:19:53,889 --> 00:19:55,720 Well, frankly, it is. 396 00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:59,404 I've never seen you jealous before. 397 00:19:59,569 --> 00:20:01,560 Well, you're not even a fan. I was at game six. 398 00:20:01,729 --> 00:20:02,923 You didn't even watch it. 399 00:20:03,089 --> 00:20:04,841 Wait a second. Wait a minute. 400 00:20:05,009 --> 00:20:07,569 Are you jealous of him or are you jealous of me? 401 00:20:14,849 --> 00:20:17,238 Any Hennigan's around here? 402 00:20:23,329 --> 00:20:24,842 Vandalay Industries. 403 00:20:27,329 --> 00:20:29,638 Kell Varnsen speaking. 404 00:20:30,609 --> 00:20:32,201 May we help you? 405 00:20:32,769 --> 00:20:34,919 Oh, hi, Keith. No, I was just joking around. 406 00:20:36,249 --> 00:20:37,887 No, no, I don't mind at all. 407 00:20:38,049 --> 00:20:41,280 - No, no, no. I can cancel. - Sure. We'll do something next week. 408 00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:43,201 No, it's no problem at all. 409 00:20:43,369 --> 00:20:45,758 Okay. Take it easy. 410 00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:48,889 That was Keith. We're gonna do something next week. 411 00:20:49,329 --> 00:20:51,047 Hey, what are you doing Friday night? 412 00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:53,564 Friday night? Nothing. Now. 413 00:20:54,369 --> 00:20:55,688 Want to come to see the baby? 414 00:20:56,209 --> 00:20:59,884 Oh, fasten your seat belts. We're going to see the baby. 415 00:21:00,529 --> 00:21:02,963 If you don't see the baby now, you're never gonna see her. 416 00:21:03,129 --> 00:21:05,927 - All right, I'll go. - All right. All right. 417 00:21:17,569 --> 00:21:18,843 I'll get it. 418 00:21:20,289 --> 00:21:21,847 Hello. 419 00:21:22,489 --> 00:21:23,888 What-delay Industries? 420 00:21:24,049 --> 00:21:25,368 - No! - Vandalay! 421 00:21:25,529 --> 00:21:26,757 Say Vandalay! 422 00:21:26,929 --> 00:21:29,079 No, you're way, way, way off! 423 00:21:29,249 --> 00:21:31,809 Yeah, that's the right number, but this is an apartment. 424 00:21:31,969 --> 00:21:34,119 - No, say- - Vandalay! Say- 425 00:21:34,729 --> 00:21:36,208 Vandalay Industries! 426 00:21:37,049 --> 00:21:39,119 Yeah, no problem, no problem. 427 00:21:44,649 --> 00:21:47,004 How did you know who they wanted?! 428 00:21:54,489 --> 00:21:57,481 And you want to be my latex salesman. 429 00:22:04,529 --> 00:22:05,803 Just sign here, please. 430 00:22:05,969 --> 00:22:08,722 I know who it was too. It was the guy that interviewed me. 431 00:22:08,889 --> 00:22:11,528 He was very threatened by me. Why else wouldn't he hire me? 432 00:22:11,689 --> 00:22:15,079 - I could sell latex like that. - Just sign that. 433 00:22:23,489 --> 00:22:26,083 - Who is this? - It's my daughter. 434 00:22:27,169 --> 00:22:29,444 This is your daughter? 435 00:22:30,209 --> 00:22:32,040 My God! 436 00:22:32,209 --> 00:22:34,279 My God! 437 00:22:34,449 --> 00:22:37,805 I hope you don't mind my saying, she is breathtaking. 438 00:22:39,609 --> 00:22:41,440 You think so? 439 00:22:42,609 --> 00:22:45,169 Would you take this picture away from me? Just take it away. 440 00:22:45,329 --> 00:22:47,559 Get it out of here. Take it away, and put it away. 441 00:22:47,729 --> 00:22:49,799 Let me just sign this and go. 442 00:22:49,969 --> 00:22:51,163 You know... 443 00:22:51,329 --> 00:22:53,399 ...she doesn't even have a boyfriend. 444 00:22:54,289 --> 00:22:56,200 Okay. Okay. 445 00:22:56,649 --> 00:22:58,765 Who do you think you're talking to? 446 00:22:58,929 --> 00:23:01,238 You trying to make a joke, Mrs. Sokol? It's not funny. 447 00:23:01,409 --> 00:23:02,603 I can tell you that. 448 00:23:03,089 --> 00:23:04,442 I'm serious. She doesn't. 449 00:23:05,129 --> 00:23:07,962 You know, it's one thing to not give me the extension. 450 00:23:08,129 --> 00:23:11,201 But to tease and to torture me like this... 451 00:23:11,369 --> 00:23:12,768 ...there's no call for that. 452 00:23:13,489 --> 00:23:15,207 Would you like her phone number? 453 00:23:18,889 --> 00:23:22,040 Mrs. Sokol, I don't know what to say. 454 00:23:22,209 --> 00:23:26,919 - Where should I sign this thing? - No, no, no, no. Don't worry about it. 455 00:23:28,489 --> 00:23:29,968 Unemployment, it's a tough thing. 456 00:23:30,129 --> 00:23:33,087 Even if you get a job after you've been unemployed... 457 00:23:33,249 --> 00:23:36,480 ...they take unemployment out of your check every week... 458 00:23:36,649 --> 00:23:39,482 ...and show it to you in that little box. 459 00:23:40,329 --> 00:23:43,765 How good can it be for your confidence that every paycheck... 460 00:23:43,929 --> 00:23:46,921 ...has the word "unemployment" on it? 461 00:23:47,609 --> 00:23:49,964 Can't get it out of your mind! You just got the job! 462 00:23:50,129 --> 00:23:52,359 They're already getting ready for you to be laid off. 463 00:23:52,529 --> 00:23:54,360 I have a friend who's unemployed. 464 00:23:54,529 --> 00:23:56,247 He's collecting unemployment insurance. 465 00:23:56,409 --> 00:24:01,927 This guy has never worked this hard in his life to keep this thing going. 466 00:24:02,449 --> 00:24:07,239 He's down there every week waiting on the lines and getting interviewed... 467 00:24:07,409 --> 00:24:10,287 ...and making up all these lies about looking for jobs. 468 00:24:10,449 --> 00:24:15,728 If they had any idea the effort and energy that he is expending... 469 00:24:15,889 --> 00:24:19,006 ...to avoid work, I'm sure they'd give him a raise. I'm sure of it. 470 00:24:19,369 --> 00:24:21,963 The guy is doing a tremendous job... 471 00:24:22,129 --> 00:24:23,482 ...not working. 472 00:24:26,049 --> 00:24:28,324 So tell me more about this game six. 473 00:24:28,489 --> 00:24:31,287 Well, there was two outs, bottom of the tenth. 474 00:24:31,449 --> 00:24:34,088 We're one out away from losing the series. 475 00:24:41,529 --> 00:24:43,599 Hello. How are you? 476 00:24:45,249 --> 00:24:47,683 So, what do you think? 477 00:24:48,369 --> 00:24:49,961 Do you love her? 478 00:24:50,129 --> 00:24:52,484 Yes, I do love her. 479 00:24:53,089 --> 00:24:55,887 You have a very nice place here. 480 00:24:56,049 --> 00:24:57,960 So who do you think she looks like? 481 00:24:58,129 --> 00:24:59,562 Lyndon Johnson. 482 00:25:00,569 --> 00:25:03,003 What? Lyndon Johnson? 483 00:25:03,169 --> 00:25:04,318 He's joking. 484 00:25:04,489 --> 00:25:07,799 No, I'm not joking. She looks like Lyndon Johnson. 485 00:25:07,969 --> 00:25:11,279 Jerry, I can't believe it took you so long to see the baby. 486 00:25:11,449 --> 00:25:14,680 I kept saying to Michael, "When is Jerry going to see the baby?" 487 00:25:14,929 --> 00:25:16,362 I was saying the same thing. 488 00:25:17,009 --> 00:25:18,886 Take a picture. Michael, get the camera. 489 00:25:19,089 --> 00:25:22,320 - You don't have to take a picture. - I don't know where it is. 490 00:25:22,489 --> 00:25:25,287 It's in the bottom drawer of our dresser. 491 00:25:25,449 --> 00:25:27,041 Hurry up! 492 00:25:28,209 --> 00:25:29,881 He's such an idiot. 493 00:25:31,649 --> 00:25:34,038 Jerry, you want to pick her up? 494 00:25:34,209 --> 00:25:35,961 - I better not. - I'll pick her up. 495 00:25:36,129 --> 00:25:37,608 No! 496 00:25:38,929 --> 00:25:41,648 Thank you for a wonderful time, George. 497 00:25:41,809 --> 00:25:43,003 Glad you enjoyed it. 498 00:25:43,169 --> 00:25:46,286 I haven't had a Big Mac in a long time. 499 00:25:46,449 --> 00:25:48,201 Billions and billions. 500 00:25:49,529 --> 00:25:51,326 Would you like to come up? 501 00:25:52,489 --> 00:25:54,286 Would I like to come up? 502 00:25:54,449 --> 00:25:57,122 I would love to come up. 503 00:25:57,289 --> 00:25:58,802 I'm... I'm fighting not to. 504 00:25:58,969 --> 00:26:00,527 Fighting. 505 00:26:01,369 --> 00:26:03,246 Unfortunately, I... 506 00:26:03,409 --> 00:26:07,721 ...have to get an early start tomorrow. Gotta get up and hit that pavement. 507 00:26:07,889 --> 00:26:10,449 But it's Saturday. All the offices are closed. 508 00:26:11,569 --> 00:26:14,447 I got me an appointment with a hardware store. 509 00:26:14,609 --> 00:26:17,043 I'm not saying I want to do it for the rest of my life... 510 00:26:17,209 --> 00:26:19,086 ...but hardware fascinates me. 511 00:26:19,249 --> 00:26:21,558 Wouldn't you love to make a key? 512 00:26:24,409 --> 00:26:26,479 Will you call me as soon as you get home? 513 00:26:28,569 --> 00:26:30,685 - Tonight? - Yes. 514 00:26:30,849 --> 00:26:35,240 Will I call you when I get home? What do you think? 515 00:26:36,809 --> 00:26:39,721 You kill me. You really kill me. 516 00:26:41,409 --> 00:26:42,922 Well, good night. 517 00:26:48,449 --> 00:26:51,247 It was an accident. Right, Jerry? It was an accident. 518 00:26:51,409 --> 00:26:53,798 Oh, she's gonna be all right. 519 00:26:54,849 --> 00:26:57,317 Here, baby. Here. Here, baby. 520 00:26:57,489 --> 00:27:00,208 Baby, baby, baby. Who's the baby? 521 00:27:00,689 --> 00:27:02,202 I have a friend who's got a baby. 522 00:27:03,249 --> 00:27:05,080 "Gotta see the baby. 523 00:27:05,329 --> 00:27:09,163 You've got to come over and see the baby." 524 00:27:11,089 --> 00:27:14,365 Nobody ever wants you to come over and see their grandfather, do they? 525 00:27:14,529 --> 00:27:17,407 "You've got to see my grandfather. You've got to see him. 526 00:27:17,569 --> 00:27:19,400 He's so cute. 527 00:27:19,569 --> 00:27:25,007 168 pounds, 4 ounces. I love them when they're this age. 528 00:27:25,169 --> 00:27:26,522 He's 1000 months. 529 00:27:26,689 --> 00:27:30,364 You know, the mid-80s is such a good time for the grand-people. 530 00:27:30,529 --> 00:27:32,201 The mid-80s, you gotta see them. 531 00:27:32,369 --> 00:27:35,008 He went to the bathroom by himself today." 532 00:27:36,929 --> 00:27:39,921 You know what's tough about seeing people when they have a baby... 533 00:27:40,089 --> 00:27:43,206 ...is that you have to match their level of enthusiasm. 534 00:27:43,369 --> 00:27:45,439 You know what I mean? They're always so excited. 535 00:27:45,609 --> 00:27:47,122 "What do you think of him?" 536 00:27:47,289 --> 00:27:49,166 I'd like to meet a couple that goes: 537 00:27:49,329 --> 00:27:52,526 "You know, we're not that happy with him, frankly. 538 00:27:52,689 --> 00:27:55,965 I think we really made a big mistake. We should have got an aquarium. 539 00:27:56,129 --> 00:27:58,768 You want him? We don't even want him. You want him?" 540 00:28:01,409 --> 00:28:04,367 Thanks for a nice evening. This was really fun. 541 00:28:04,529 --> 00:28:06,008 Yeah, it was. 542 00:28:06,769 --> 00:28:09,761 Gosh, should I kiss her good night? 543 00:28:10,489 --> 00:28:12,798 Is he going to try and kiss me? 544 00:28:13,529 --> 00:28:16,327 - I love Cajun cooking. - Really? 545 00:28:16,489 --> 00:28:18,286 You know, my mom's one-quarter Cajun. 546 00:28:18,449 --> 00:28:21,247 Oh, my father's half-drunk. 547 00:28:24,289 --> 00:28:26,280 Maybe they should get together. 548 00:28:27,009 --> 00:28:28,488 Go ahead. Kiss her. 549 00:28:28,649 --> 00:28:30,924 I'm a basebal player, damn it. 550 00:28:32,049 --> 00:28:33,607 What's he waiting for? 551 00:28:33,769 --> 00:28:35,646 I thought he was a cool guy. 552 00:28:37,169 --> 00:28:40,923 Come on. I won the MVP in '79. I can do whatever I want to. 553 00:28:43,849 --> 00:28:46,124 Wel, this is getting awkward. 554 00:28:47,329 --> 00:28:49,797 Well, good night. 555 00:28:49,969 --> 00:28:51,197 Good night. 556 00:28:56,689 --> 00:28:58,998 Who does this guy think he is? 557 00:28:59,169 --> 00:29:01,160 I'm Keith Hernandez. 558 00:29:04,009 --> 00:29:05,158 Who else? 559 00:29:05,849 --> 00:29:07,726 Mookie. Mookie was there. 560 00:29:07,889 --> 00:29:09,481 You know him? 561 00:29:10,289 --> 00:29:12,928 Well, I don't know him. I know who he is. 562 00:29:13,889 --> 00:29:16,084 He's such a great guy. You should meet him. 563 00:29:16,249 --> 00:29:19,639 - He's the one who got that hit- - I know. He got the hit in game six! 564 00:29:21,569 --> 00:29:22,888 So then what happened? 565 00:29:23,809 --> 00:29:25,083 Nothing. Then he took me home. 566 00:29:27,129 --> 00:29:29,279 So did you two... 567 00:29:31,729 --> 00:29:32,923 ...have...? 568 00:29:34,449 --> 00:29:36,121 What? 569 00:29:37,489 --> 00:29:39,161 You know. 570 00:29:39,809 --> 00:29:40,924 Milk? 571 00:29:43,729 --> 00:29:46,687 - No. - Cookies? 572 00:29:48,289 --> 00:29:49,881 Did he kiss you good night? 573 00:29:50,449 --> 00:29:51,802 I don't know. 574 00:29:52,969 --> 00:29:54,721 What do you mean, you don't know? 575 00:29:55,249 --> 00:29:58,321 All right. He kissed me, okay? 576 00:29:58,489 --> 00:29:59,968 Well, what kind of a kiss? 577 00:30:00,129 --> 00:30:04,122 Was it a peck? Was it a kiss? Was it a long make-out thing? 578 00:30:05,009 --> 00:30:07,000 Between a peck and a make-out. 579 00:30:08,369 --> 00:30:10,246 So you like him. 580 00:30:10,729 --> 00:30:12,845 I don't understand. Before you were jealous of me. 581 00:30:13,009 --> 00:30:14,362 Now you're jealous of him? 582 00:30:14,529 --> 00:30:17,168 I'm jealous of everybody. 583 00:30:22,449 --> 00:30:23,768 Hello. 584 00:30:23,929 --> 00:30:25,885 Oh, hi. What's happening? 585 00:30:27,009 --> 00:30:28,237 What? 586 00:30:31,409 --> 00:30:32,603 Sure. 587 00:30:34,289 --> 00:30:35,483 Yeah, okay. 588 00:30:35,649 --> 00:30:38,288 Then... I'll see you then. 589 00:30:38,449 --> 00:30:39,677 Yeah, yeah. Okay. 590 00:30:39,849 --> 00:30:40,998 Bye. 591 00:30:41,769 --> 00:30:43,964 - Who was that? - That was Keith. 592 00:30:45,009 --> 00:30:48,126 - What's going on? - He wants me to help him move. 593 00:30:49,129 --> 00:30:51,438 Help him move? 594 00:30:51,609 --> 00:30:52,928 Move what? 595 00:30:53,089 --> 00:30:55,603 You know, furniture. 596 00:30:57,209 --> 00:30:58,847 So, what did you say? 597 00:30:59,009 --> 00:31:01,364 I said, yes, but I don't feel right about it. 598 00:31:01,529 --> 00:31:03,804 I mean, I hardly know the guy. 599 00:31:03,969 --> 00:31:06,688 That's a big step in a male relationship. 600 00:31:06,849 --> 00:31:09,647 The biggest. That's like going all the way. 601 00:31:12,329 --> 00:31:14,843 And you feel you're not really ready for- 602 00:31:15,009 --> 00:31:16,681 Well, we went out one time. 603 00:31:16,849 --> 00:31:19,568 Don't you think that's coming on a little too strong? 604 00:31:20,649 --> 00:31:22,287 Hey. 605 00:31:24,209 --> 00:31:25,722 What's going on? 606 00:31:26,369 --> 00:31:28,564 Keith Hernandez just asked me to help him move. 607 00:31:29,009 --> 00:31:30,283 What? 608 00:31:31,169 --> 00:31:32,887 Well, you hardly know the guy. 609 00:31:36,169 --> 00:31:37,807 What a nerve! 610 00:31:37,969 --> 00:31:40,847 You see? Wasn't I right about this guy? Didn't I tell you? 611 00:31:41,289 --> 00:31:43,166 Oh, you're not gonna do it, are you? 612 00:31:44,289 --> 00:31:47,361 - I said, yes. - You said yes?! 613 00:31:47,809 --> 00:31:50,528 Don't you have any pride or self-respect? 614 00:31:50,689 --> 00:31:53,886 I mean, how can you prostitute yourself like this? 615 00:31:54,049 --> 00:31:56,119 Are you gonna start driving him to the airport? 616 00:31:56,529 --> 00:31:58,360 I'm not driving him to the airport. 617 00:31:58,529 --> 00:32:00,247 Oh, boy. I don't know. 618 00:32:00,769 --> 00:32:03,078 - Kramer, do me a favor, would you? - What? 619 00:32:03,249 --> 00:32:04,602 Don't mention it to anybody. 620 00:32:04,769 --> 00:32:07,078 I wish you never mentioned it to me. 621 00:32:18,049 --> 00:32:20,358 I had a great time tonight, Carrie. 622 00:32:20,529 --> 00:32:22,599 And I will call you as soon as I get home. 623 00:32:22,769 --> 00:32:24,361 Don't bother. 624 00:32:25,369 --> 00:32:26,563 Bother? What kind of bother? 625 00:32:26,729 --> 00:32:29,084 I would prefer it if you didn't. 626 00:32:29,609 --> 00:32:32,760 - Why? Is anything wrong? - It's over, buddy. Done. 627 00:32:32,929 --> 00:32:37,559 Finished. So long. Goodbye. Adios. Sayonara. 628 00:32:38,609 --> 00:32:40,486 - Why? - I've been thinking about it. 629 00:32:40,649 --> 00:32:42,685 You got no job. You got no prospects. 630 00:32:42,849 --> 00:32:44,840 You're like Biff Loman. 631 00:32:46,929 --> 00:32:48,806 I went to the hardware store interview. 632 00:32:48,969 --> 00:32:51,244 You think I'm going to spend my life with somebody... 633 00:32:51,409 --> 00:32:54,401 ...because he can get me a deal on a box of nails? 634 00:32:55,369 --> 00:32:56,927 I thought we were a team. 635 00:32:57,569 --> 00:33:00,037 If I ever need a drill bit, I'll call you. 636 00:33:00,209 --> 00:33:01,881 Carrie, could you do me a favor? 637 00:33:02,049 --> 00:33:04,358 Could you not mention this to your mother? 638 00:33:06,969 --> 00:33:09,164 You know, I hate to brag... 639 00:33:10,049 --> 00:33:12,847 ...but I did win 11 straight Gold Gloves. 640 00:33:13,009 --> 00:33:15,477 I wouldn't have brought it up, but since you mentioned it. 641 00:33:15,969 --> 00:33:17,641 I didn't mention it. 642 00:33:18,409 --> 00:33:20,286 Well, I won them anyway. 643 00:33:20,809 --> 00:33:22,925 Well, so what? I mean... 644 00:33:23,089 --> 00:33:25,159 ...you played first base. 645 00:33:25,329 --> 00:33:27,684 I mean, they always put the worst player at first base. 646 00:33:27,849 --> 00:33:30,568 That's where they put me, and I stunk. 647 00:33:31,529 --> 00:33:35,602 Elaine, you don't know the first thing about first base. 648 00:33:36,329 --> 00:33:39,719 Well, I know something about getting to first base... 649 00:33:39,889 --> 00:33:42,403 ...and I know you'll never be there. 650 00:33:42,769 --> 00:33:44,680 The way I figure it, I've already been there. 651 00:33:44,849 --> 00:33:47,841 And I plan on rounding second tonight at around 11:00. 652 00:33:49,529 --> 00:33:53,124 Well, I'd watch the third-base coach if I were you... 653 00:33:53,289 --> 00:33:56,201 ...because I don't think he's waving you in. 654 00:33:59,929 --> 00:34:01,920 You know, I hate to say this... 655 00:34:02,089 --> 00:34:04,728 ...but I really think that we're hitting it off. 656 00:34:04,889 --> 00:34:07,722 - Get it? Get it? - Clever. 657 00:34:10,609 --> 00:34:12,918 - What are you doing? - What's that? 658 00:34:13,489 --> 00:34:15,480 - You smoke? - Yeah. 659 00:34:16,529 --> 00:34:18,360 I didn't know you smoked. 660 00:34:19,649 --> 00:34:21,128 Is that a problem? 661 00:34:26,449 --> 00:34:28,485 She likes him. I mean, she really likes him. 662 00:34:28,649 --> 00:34:30,446 - How do you know? - Who wouldn't like him? 663 00:34:30,609 --> 00:34:31,962 I like him, and I'm a guy. 664 00:34:32,649 --> 00:34:35,004 I suppose he's an attractive man. 665 00:34:35,169 --> 00:34:38,127 Forget that. He's a ballplayer. MVP, 1979. 666 00:34:38,289 --> 00:34:41,918 I'm making wisecracks in some nightclub. This guy was in game six. 667 00:34:42,329 --> 00:34:44,126 They're a perfect match. They go together. 668 00:34:44,289 --> 00:34:46,928 Like one of these brother and sister couples that look alike. 669 00:34:47,089 --> 00:34:50,445 I hate those couples. I could never be one of those couples. 670 00:34:50,609 --> 00:34:53,328 There are no bald women around, you know. 671 00:34:55,849 --> 00:34:58,886 I know this sounds a little arrogant, but I never thought she'd find... 672 00:34:59,049 --> 00:35:01,517 ...someone she liked better than me. But, you know... 673 00:35:01,689 --> 00:35:03,964 ...I guess I had my chance. And that's that. 674 00:35:04,129 --> 00:35:05,801 You know what I'd like to do? 675 00:35:06,289 --> 00:35:09,042 I'd really like to have sex with a tall woman. 676 00:35:09,209 --> 00:35:12,997 I mean really tall, like a giant. Like 6'5". 677 00:35:13,849 --> 00:35:15,043 Really? 678 00:35:15,209 --> 00:35:17,359 What was the tallest woman you ever slept with? 679 00:35:17,529 --> 00:35:19,042 I don't know, 6'3". 680 00:35:19,209 --> 00:35:21,848 Wow! God! 681 00:35:22,769 --> 00:35:25,329 See, this is all I think about: sleeping with a giant. 682 00:35:26,609 --> 00:35:28,361 It's my life's ambition. 683 00:35:28,529 --> 00:35:32,044 So I guess it's fair to say you've set different goals for yourself than... 684 00:35:32,209 --> 00:35:34,928 ...say, Thomas Edison, Magellan, these type of people. 685 00:35:35,089 --> 00:35:37,159 Magellan? You like Magellan? 686 00:35:37,329 --> 00:35:40,685 Oh, yeah. My favorite explorer. Around the world. Come on. 687 00:35:41,049 --> 00:35:43,563 - Who do you like? - I like de Soto. 688 00:35:44,249 --> 00:35:46,558 - De Soto? What did he do? - Discovered the Mississippi. 689 00:35:46,769 --> 00:35:49,158 Oh, like they wouldn't have found that anyway. 690 00:35:51,729 --> 00:35:54,038 All right. I gotta go down to the unemployment office. 691 00:35:54,209 --> 00:35:56,677 - You want to take a walk? - No, I got some stuff to do. 692 00:35:56,849 --> 00:35:59,727 I gotta meet Keith at my apartment at 3. I'm helping him move. 693 00:36:00,089 --> 00:36:01,488 What? 694 00:36:02,369 --> 00:36:05,247 The guy asked you to help him move? Wow! 695 00:36:05,409 --> 00:36:08,560 - I know. Isn't that something? - Why doesn't he just pay a mover? 696 00:36:08,729 --> 00:36:12,358 He's got some valuable antiques. He's worried they'll break something. 697 00:36:13,129 --> 00:36:15,165 Soon he'll have you driving him to the airport. 698 00:36:15,329 --> 00:36:17,797 I'm not driving him to the airport! 699 00:36:22,329 --> 00:36:24,684 I gave. I gave everything I could, Mrs. Sokol. 700 00:36:24,849 --> 00:36:27,568 - Nothing was good enough for her. - Sign here, please. 701 00:36:27,729 --> 00:36:30,368 I don't know who she's looking for. I don't know. 702 00:36:30,529 --> 00:36:33,805 I'll tell you, she's very particular, your daughter. Very particular. 703 00:36:33,969 --> 00:36:36,039 Is she looking for some big hotshot businessman? 704 00:36:36,209 --> 00:36:38,643 Well, I've got my pride too. I'm not gonna beg her. 705 00:36:38,809 --> 00:36:41,482 All right. Just sign it. People are waiting. 706 00:36:48,249 --> 00:36:49,443 You like baseball? 707 00:36:51,009 --> 00:36:52,681 That was autographed by the '86 Mets. 708 00:36:52,849 --> 00:36:54,760 I saw every inning that year. 709 00:36:55,729 --> 00:36:59,802 It's funny, because I happen to be very good friends with... 710 00:36:59,969 --> 00:37:01,925 ...Keith Hernandez. 711 00:37:02,089 --> 00:37:04,649 You know Keith Hernandez. 712 00:37:04,809 --> 00:37:06,162 Know him? 713 00:37:06,969 --> 00:37:08,925 Would you... like to meet him? 714 00:37:09,369 --> 00:37:11,485 Oh, come on. Come on. 715 00:37:12,009 --> 00:37:14,842 I can produce Keith Hernandez, right here... 716 00:37:15,489 --> 00:37:16,763 ...within the hour. 717 00:37:17,009 --> 00:37:18,442 All right. 718 00:37:18,969 --> 00:37:20,846 You got one hour. 719 00:37:22,249 --> 00:37:24,319 All right, Mrs. S. 720 00:37:25,089 --> 00:37:28,923 I and my good pal Keith Hernandez... 721 00:37:29,329 --> 00:37:30,967 ...will be right back. 722 00:37:44,569 --> 00:37:47,208 129 West 81 st Street, and hurry. 723 00:37:50,009 --> 00:37:51,408 Or not. 724 00:37:56,809 --> 00:37:59,198 You better bring your gloves. It's freezing out there. 725 00:37:59,369 --> 00:38:03,248 It shouldn't take too long. I'd say maybe, oh, four hours. 726 00:38:04,889 --> 00:38:07,961 Really, Jerry, there's not that much. First, we got the bedroom. 727 00:38:08,129 --> 00:38:10,120 We got two dressers and the bed. 728 00:38:10,769 --> 00:38:13,567 - Is there a box spring? - What's that? 729 00:38:13,729 --> 00:38:15,720 - A box spring? - Yeah, there's a box spring. 730 00:38:15,889 --> 00:38:19,245 But it's attached to the headboard, and we'll have to take that apart. 731 00:38:19,409 --> 00:38:20,888 Then we got the couch. 732 00:38:21,049 --> 00:38:24,121 - Is that a sectional? - Yeah, 12 pieces. 733 00:38:24,289 --> 00:38:27,884 - A marble coffee table. - Is that a thick marble? 734 00:38:28,529 --> 00:38:30,599 Three inches thick. Got it in Italy. 735 00:38:30,769 --> 00:38:34,318 But the big problem is gonna be the convertible sofa. 736 00:38:34,489 --> 00:38:36,161 When you move it, it tends to open up... 737 00:38:36,329 --> 00:38:38,763 ...so it's going to be difficult getting it downstairs. 738 00:38:39,569 --> 00:38:41,241 Stairs? 739 00:38:41,889 --> 00:38:45,802 - There's no elevator? - No, it's a brownstone. Three floors. 740 00:38:50,169 --> 00:38:52,160 - I'm sorry, I can't do this. - What? 741 00:38:52,329 --> 00:38:54,889 I can't do it! I can't! It's too soon. 742 00:38:55,049 --> 00:38:57,040 I don't know you. 743 00:38:57,729 --> 00:39:01,438 I can't help you move, I'm sorry. I can't! I just can't. 744 00:39:10,289 --> 00:39:12,519 - Hello. - Hello. 745 00:39:14,049 --> 00:39:15,767 Oh, you don't remember me. 746 00:39:17,969 --> 00:39:19,880 - No. Should I? - Yeah, yeah, you should... 747 00:39:20,049 --> 00:39:21,960 ...because I certainly remember you. 748 00:39:23,169 --> 00:39:24,921 Let me refresh your memory. 749 00:39:25,329 --> 00:39:29,242 June 14th, 1987. 750 00:39:29,409 --> 00:39:32,526 Mets-Phillies. You made a big error. Cost the Mets the game. 751 00:39:32,689 --> 00:39:34,839 Then you're coming up the parking lot ramp. 752 00:39:35,009 --> 00:39:37,398 You said, "Nice game, pretty boy." 753 00:39:38,169 --> 00:39:41,400 - You remember. - And then you spit on us. 754 00:39:41,569 --> 00:39:43,366 - Hey, I didn't spit at you. - Yeah, right. 755 00:39:43,529 --> 00:39:46,282 - No, no. Then who was it? - Look, the way I remember it... 756 00:39:46,449 --> 00:39:49,361 ...I was walking up the ramp. I was upset about the game. 757 00:39:49,529 --> 00:39:51,406 That's when you caled me "pretty boy." 758 00:39:51,569 --> 00:39:54,288 Hey, that tick ed me off. I was turning to say something... 759 00:39:54,769 --> 00:39:56,361 ...and as I turned around... 760 00:39:56,649 --> 00:39:59,641 ...I saw Roger McDowel behind the bushes... 761 00:39:59,849 --> 00:40:01,965 ...over by that gravelly road. 762 00:40:06,289 --> 00:40:09,406 Anyway, he was talking to someone, and they were pointing at you. 763 00:40:09,569 --> 00:40:11,525 I tried to scream out, but it was too late. 764 00:40:11,689 --> 00:40:13,168 It was already on its way. 765 00:40:13,409 --> 00:40:14,524 I told you. 766 00:40:16,689 --> 00:40:20,967 - It was McDowel. - But why? Why McDowel? 767 00:40:22,209 --> 00:40:24,677 Maybe because we were sitting in the right-field stands... 768 00:40:24,849 --> 00:40:27,124 ...cursing at him in the bullpen all game. 769 00:40:27,729 --> 00:40:30,607 He must have caught a glimpse of us when I poured that beer on his head. 770 00:40:32,449 --> 00:40:35,088 - It was McDowell. - Oh, boy. 771 00:40:36,049 --> 00:40:39,405 - Look, Keith, we're sorry. - Yeah, I couldn't be sorrier. 772 00:40:39,569 --> 00:40:41,605 Guys, don't worry about it. 773 00:40:41,769 --> 00:40:44,681 - Well, I guess I better get going. - What are you doing? 774 00:40:44,849 --> 00:40:47,238 - I gotta move. - You want any help? 775 00:40:48,049 --> 00:40:50,119 - I'd love some. You sure? - I'd love to help you. 776 00:40:50,289 --> 00:40:51,517 Yeah, me too! 777 00:40:51,689 --> 00:40:53,600 Okay, guys. We got to be careful of one thing. 778 00:40:53,769 --> 00:40:56,966 Some of the stuff is very fragile We'll have to handle it like a baby. 779 00:40:57,129 --> 00:40:58,847 Hey, no sweat. 780 00:41:11,009 --> 00:41:12,203 Hello. 781 00:41:12,369 --> 00:41:14,929 Oh, hi, Elaine. What's going on? 782 00:41:15,089 --> 00:41:16,681 No, he just left. 783 00:41:16,849 --> 00:41:18,328 You broke up with him? 784 00:41:18,489 --> 00:41:20,047 Me too! 785 00:41:21,849 --> 00:41:23,521 What happened? 786 00:41:23,689 --> 00:41:27,807 Oh, smoking. You know, you're like going out with C. Everett Koop. 787 00:41:28,649 --> 00:41:30,924 Me? No. I couldn't go through with it. 788 00:41:31,089 --> 00:41:33,125 I just didn't feel ready. 789 00:41:33,289 --> 00:41:35,166 So, what are you doing now? 790 00:41:35,609 --> 00:41:36,928 Oh, great idea. Okay. 791 00:41:37,089 --> 00:41:38,807 I'll meet you there in, like, 30 minutes. 792 00:41:38,969 --> 00:41:40,561 Okay, bye. 793 00:41:41,329 --> 00:41:43,399 Keith! Keith! 794 00:41:43,569 --> 00:41:46,925 - What happened? Where's Keith? - You just missed him. He just left. 795 00:41:47,969 --> 00:41:49,800 What do you need him for? 796 00:41:50,369 --> 00:41:53,520 Keith! Keith! Up here! 797 00:41:53,689 --> 00:41:55,247 Look, could you do me a favor? 798 00:41:55,409 --> 00:41:57,639 I need you to go to the unemployment office with me! 799 00:41:58,329 --> 00:41:59,728 I- I'm Jerry's friend! 800 00:41:59,889 --> 00:42:01,720 The guy from the locker room! 801 00:42:01,889 --> 00:42:03,447 I'm the chucker! 802 00:42:03,609 --> 00:42:05,600 It'll take five minutes! 803 00:42:05,769 --> 00:42:08,681 Wait! Wait! 804 00:42:21,329 --> 00:42:22,682 Well, Biff... 805 00:42:25,169 --> 00:42:26,522 ...what's next? 806 00:42:27,689 --> 00:42:28,838 I don't know. 807 00:42:31,009 --> 00:42:32,681 Excuse me. 808 00:42:32,849 --> 00:42:34,441 I was walking behind you, and you... 809 00:42:35,089 --> 00:42:36,761 ...dropped your wallet. 810 00:42:40,209 --> 00:42:43,281 When you're moving, your whole world becomes boxes. 811 00:42:43,449 --> 00:42:46,521 That's all you think about, is boxes. Where are there boxes? 812 00:42:46,689 --> 00:42:49,567 You just wander down the street, going in and out of stores. 813 00:42:49,729 --> 00:42:52,721 "Are there boxes here? Have you seen any boxes?" 814 00:42:52,889 --> 00:42:56,165 I mean, you can't even talk to people because you can't concentrate. 815 00:42:56,329 --> 00:42:59,321 "Shut up! I'm looking for boxes!" 816 00:42:59,929 --> 00:43:02,966 So after a while, you become really into it. You can smell them. 817 00:43:03,129 --> 00:43:04,642 You walk into a store: 818 00:43:04,809 --> 00:43:06,800 "There's boxes here. 819 00:43:06,969 --> 00:43:10,757 Don't tell me you don't have boxes. Damn it! I can smell them!" 820 00:43:11,849 --> 00:43:12,998 You become, like, obsessed. 821 00:43:13,169 --> 00:43:16,206 "I love the smell of cardboard in the morning." 822 00:43:16,369 --> 00:43:19,486 At a funeral, everyone's crying around. You're looking at the casket: 823 00:43:19,649 --> 00:43:21,321 "That's a nice box. 824 00:43:22,049 --> 00:43:25,121 Does anybody know where that guy got that box? 825 00:43:25,289 --> 00:43:27,439 When he's done with it, you think I could get that? 826 00:43:27,609 --> 00:43:29,645 It's got some nice handles on it." 827 00:43:29,969 --> 00:43:34,042 And that's what death is, really. It's the last big move of your life. 828 00:43:34,209 --> 00:43:35,642 The hearse is like the van. 829 00:43:35,809 --> 00:43:37,322 The pallbearers are close friends. 830 00:43:37,489 --> 00:43:40,686 The only ones you could really ask to help you with a big move like that. 831 00:43:40,849 --> 00:43:42,885 And the casket is that great, perfect box... 832 00:43:43,049 --> 00:43:44,846 ...you've been looking for your whole life. 833 00:43:45,049 --> 00:43:47,722 The only problem is once you find it, you're in it. 834 00:44:32,969 --> 00:44:34,960 Subtitles by SDl Media Group