1 00:00:02,129 --> 00:00:03,847 It's amazing to me that people move... 2 00:00:05,449 --> 00:00:07,360 ...thousands of miles away to another city. 3 00:00:07,529 --> 00:00:09,724 They think nothing of it. They get on a plane. 4 00:00:09,889 --> 00:00:11,766 They live there now. 5 00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:14,045 Just a thousand miles- I'm living over there. 6 00:00:14,209 --> 00:00:17,007 You know, pioneers- It took years to cross the country. 7 00:00:17,169 --> 00:00:21,003 Now people will move thousands of miles just for one season. 8 00:00:21,169 --> 00:00:23,125 I don't think any pioneers did that. 9 00:00:23,289 --> 00:00:25,484 "Yeah, it took us a decade to get there... 10 00:00:25,649 --> 00:00:27,207 ...and we stayed for the summer. 11 00:00:27,369 --> 00:00:30,008 It was nice. It had a pool. The kids loved it. 12 00:00:30,169 --> 00:00:33,320 And then we left about 10 years ago, and we just got back. 13 00:00:33,489 --> 00:00:35,605 We had a great summer. It took us 20 years... 14 00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:37,680 ...and now our lives are over." 15 00:00:42,729 --> 00:00:44,959 - Kramer was on Murphy Brown? - Yeah. 16 00:00:45,129 --> 00:00:46,528 - Are you sure? - Yeah. 17 00:00:47,409 --> 00:00:49,240 Murphy Brown, the TV show? 18 00:00:49,409 --> 00:00:51,400 Come on, will you? 19 00:00:51,569 --> 00:00:56,359 Kramer was on Murphy Brown? That son of a gun. 20 00:00:56,529 --> 00:00:58,724 - It's something, isn't it? - With Candice Bergen. 21 00:00:58,889 --> 00:01:01,084 - I know. - I've always liked her. 22 00:01:01,249 --> 00:01:02,807 Remember her in Carnal Knowledge? 23 00:01:02,969 --> 00:01:05,403 - Sure. - She show her breasts in that? 24 00:01:05,929 --> 00:01:08,079 She's not really the naked type. 25 00:01:08,489 --> 00:01:10,161 I can't believe I missed Kramer. 26 00:01:10,569 --> 00:01:12,161 He asked me to go with him. 27 00:01:12,569 --> 00:01:14,719 - He did? - Yeah. I turned him down. 28 00:01:14,929 --> 00:01:17,648 - Why didn't you tell me? - He asked me to keep it a secret. 29 00:01:17,809 --> 00:01:19,481 - You can't keep a secret. - I know. 30 00:01:19,649 --> 00:01:22,482 This was a record. My previous record was when Jodi Hirsch... 31 00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:24,924 ...asked me not to tell anybody we slept together. 32 00:01:25,089 --> 00:01:27,398 I kept a lid on that for about 28 seconds. 33 00:01:27,849 --> 00:01:30,283 - Well, you've come a long way. - I've matured. 34 00:01:30,449 --> 00:01:32,360 The Tonight Show called and they want me... 35 00:01:32,529 --> 00:01:35,726 ...to do the show on the 28th. They're giving me free tickets to L.A. 36 00:01:35,889 --> 00:01:37,368 You wanna go? 37 00:01:37,529 --> 00:01:38,928 A free ticket? 38 00:01:39,329 --> 00:01:41,445 Yeah. In fact, we could track down Kramer. 39 00:01:41,609 --> 00:01:44,328 I always felt bad about the way he left. That was a mess. 40 00:01:44,489 --> 00:01:46,923 I never should've taken back those keys. 41 00:01:47,089 --> 00:01:49,557 - What about accommodations? - All taken care of. 42 00:01:49,929 --> 00:01:52,204 Is there a meal allowance? 43 00:01:52,369 --> 00:01:54,121 What about seat assignments? 44 00:01:54,289 --> 00:01:57,087 Could I have the kosher meal? I hear the kosher meal is good. 45 00:01:57,249 --> 00:02:00,002 And I need clothes. I gotta get a haircut. 46 00:02:00,329 --> 00:02:02,604 And I have to refill my allergy medication. 47 00:02:03,329 --> 00:02:05,559 Do I need a hat? I need a hat, don't I? 48 00:02:05,849 --> 00:02:08,841 Could we do the Universal tour? They have that Backdraft exhibit. 49 00:02:09,009 --> 00:02:10,488 Now, that looks very cool to me. 50 00:02:10,649 --> 00:02:14,927 See, my acting technique- My personal acting technique... 51 00:02:15,289 --> 00:02:18,326 ...is working with colour. Imagining colour... 52 00:02:18,529 --> 00:02:21,123 ...and then finding the emotional, vibrational mood... 53 00:02:21,289 --> 00:02:22,768 ...connected to the colour. 54 00:02:23,169 --> 00:02:25,808 If you look through my scripts you'll see that my lines... 55 00:02:25,969 --> 00:02:29,359 ...have a special colour. So I don't memorize the language. 56 00:02:29,529 --> 00:02:33,681 I memorize colour. This way, I can go through red, yellow, green, blue. 57 00:02:33,849 --> 00:02:36,886 And you have a full palette of emotions. 58 00:02:37,049 --> 00:02:38,448 Hey. 59 00:02:38,689 --> 00:02:40,839 Didn't I tell you to get out of here? 60 00:02:41,009 --> 00:02:42,283 - Did you? - Let's go. 61 00:02:42,449 --> 00:02:44,360 - I was just- - Yeah, you were just nothing. 62 00:02:44,529 --> 00:02:46,121 Come on, let's go. 63 00:02:46,409 --> 00:02:48,127 We'll talk about this a little later. 64 00:02:48,289 --> 00:02:50,359 - Let's go. - Are you an actor? 65 00:02:51,609 --> 00:02:53,440 See you, Mike! 66 00:03:12,649 --> 00:03:15,561 - Murphy Brown. - Yeah, Candice Bergen, please. 67 00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:17,447 Who's caling, please? 68 00:03:17,609 --> 00:03:19,884 Well, just tell her that it's Kramer. 69 00:03:21,329 --> 00:03:24,207 All right, I'll- I'll call her at home. 70 00:03:25,809 --> 00:03:28,198 Here. Go ahead. It's all yours. 71 00:03:28,929 --> 00:03:32,399 - Hello, Kramer. - Oh, Helene. How are you? 72 00:03:32,849 --> 00:03:36,080 I haven't worked since 1934. How do you think I am? 73 00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:38,240 Well, that's only... 74 00:03:38,729 --> 00:03:41,607 - Fifty-eight years. - It was a Three Stooges short. 75 00:03:41,769 --> 00:03:43,043 "Sappy Pappies." 76 00:03:43,209 --> 00:03:45,439 I played Mr. Sugarman's secretary, remember? 77 00:03:45,609 --> 00:03:47,565 Right, yeah. That was a Shemp, right? 78 00:03:47,729 --> 00:03:49,799 No, no. Curly. 79 00:03:49,969 --> 00:03:52,164 The boys played three sailors who find a baby. 80 00:03:52,329 --> 00:03:55,048 The baby's been kidnapped, and the police think they did it. 81 00:03:55,489 --> 00:03:57,286 - Right. - Of course, they didn't do it. 82 00:03:57,449 --> 00:03:59,565 The police have made an awful mistake. 83 00:03:59,729 --> 00:04:01,799 Moe hits Curly with an axe. 84 00:04:01,969 --> 00:04:04,483 - The Stooges catch the kidnappers. - Right. 85 00:04:04,649 --> 00:04:06,480 - But it's too late. - Really? 86 00:04:06,649 --> 00:04:09,243 - The baby's dead. - Really? 87 00:04:09,409 --> 00:04:12,526 The boys are sent to death row and are executed. 88 00:04:12,689 --> 00:04:14,520 Well, I don't remember that part. 89 00:04:14,689 --> 00:04:16,441 I play Mr. Sugarman's secretary. 90 00:04:16,609 --> 00:04:18,918 Oh, yeah, yeah. You were very good. 91 00:04:19,089 --> 00:04:22,126 It was sad for a Three Stooges, what with the dead baby... 92 00:04:22,289 --> 00:04:24,678 ...and the Stooges being executed and all. 93 00:04:24,849 --> 00:04:27,841 Yeah, well, that was an unusual choice for the Stooges. 94 00:04:28,289 --> 00:04:31,361 Would you like to buy me a fat-free frozen yoghurt at the store? 95 00:04:31,529 --> 00:04:33,645 Well, you know, I can't right now, you know. 96 00:04:33,809 --> 00:04:35,083 I got a very big meeting. 97 00:04:35,249 --> 00:04:37,638 I got these people interested in my movie treatment. 98 00:04:37,809 --> 00:04:39,720 So we'll have to make it another time. 99 00:04:39,889 --> 00:04:42,483 No! No, no, don't go up there, Kramer. They'll hurt you. 100 00:04:42,649 --> 00:04:45,641 You'll never make it in this town. You're too sensitive, like me. 101 00:04:45,809 --> 00:04:48,369 Helene, you're wrong. You know, I'm not that sensitive. 102 00:04:48,729 --> 00:04:52,358 I was engaged to Mickey Rooney. He left me at the altar. 103 00:04:52,769 --> 00:04:54,327 Kramer. 104 00:04:54,489 --> 00:04:56,764 Kramer! 105 00:05:03,849 --> 00:05:05,885 - What is this? - What? 106 00:05:06,049 --> 00:05:08,927 We're going on a two-day trip. What are you, Diana Ross? 107 00:05:10,249 --> 00:05:13,559 I happen to dress based on mood. 108 00:05:14,769 --> 00:05:17,363 But you essentially wear the same thing all the time. 109 00:05:17,529 --> 00:05:19,804 Seemingly. Seemingly. 110 00:05:20,049 --> 00:05:23,405 But within that basic framework, there are many subtle variations... 111 00:05:23,569 --> 00:05:25,924 ...only discernible to an acute observer... 112 00:05:26,089 --> 00:05:28,523 ...that reflect the many moods, the many shades... 113 00:05:28,689 --> 00:05:30,884 ...the many sides of George Costanza. 114 00:05:31,049 --> 00:05:34,246 - What mood is this? - This is "morning mist." 115 00:05:38,849 --> 00:05:41,204 What do you figure? Twenty? 116 00:05:41,369 --> 00:05:43,803 - Twenty-one? - Close enough. 117 00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:45,880 Forensics ought to be able to nail it down. 118 00:05:46,129 --> 00:05:47,801 - No ID? - No ID. 119 00:05:47,969 --> 00:05:51,359 - No witnesses? - Just the trees, Johnny. 120 00:05:51,529 --> 00:05:53,485 Just the trees. 121 00:05:54,209 --> 00:05:55,847 Pretty young thing. 122 00:05:56,489 --> 00:05:57,922 She was. 123 00:05:58,089 --> 00:05:59,568 Not anymore. 124 00:06:00,049 --> 00:06:01,846 Somebody saw to that. 125 00:06:02,009 --> 00:06:03,886 Sure did, Johnny. 126 00:06:04,249 --> 00:06:06,319 Damn shame too. 127 00:06:06,729 --> 00:06:08,162 What do you make of it? 128 00:06:08,329 --> 00:06:09,842 I don't know. 129 00:06:11,249 --> 00:06:13,080 But I don't like it. 130 00:06:18,369 --> 00:06:20,519 Look at this guy. He's like a cat burglar. 131 00:06:20,689 --> 00:06:24,443 He thinks if he goes through real slow, the machine won't detect him. 132 00:06:24,649 --> 00:06:27,322 I've always been nervous about going through these things. 133 00:06:27,489 --> 00:06:29,719 I'm afraid I'm gonna step into another dimension. 134 00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:31,720 Just go. 135 00:06:34,409 --> 00:06:35,728 I made it. 136 00:06:35,889 --> 00:06:38,198 Empty your pockets, please. 137 00:06:38,609 --> 00:06:41,077 Walk through again, please. 138 00:06:41,249 --> 00:06:43,080 Are you sure you don't have metal on you? 139 00:06:43,249 --> 00:06:46,559 - Bracelets, rings, anklets? - Anklets? No. 140 00:06:46,729 --> 00:06:48,321 - A lot of men wear anklets. - Really? 141 00:06:48,489 --> 00:06:50,798 - Yeah. - What do you have in your bag, sir? 142 00:06:51,049 --> 00:06:52,528 - My bag? - Step over here, please. 143 00:06:52,689 --> 00:06:55,249 - Over here? - Do you have a knife in the bag? 144 00:06:55,569 --> 00:06:57,241 A knife? 145 00:06:57,569 --> 00:06:59,605 Open the bag, please. 146 00:07:02,969 --> 00:07:04,766 - What's this? - Moisturizer. 147 00:07:05,249 --> 00:07:06,967 For your wife? 148 00:07:07,169 --> 00:07:09,125 No. I... 149 00:07:09,369 --> 00:07:11,041 I use it. 150 00:07:11,729 --> 00:07:14,004 Spread your arms and legs, please. 151 00:07:16,889 --> 00:07:20,677 Ladies and gentlemen, I implore you. 152 00:07:21,889 --> 00:07:23,561 Have a good trip. 153 00:07:24,329 --> 00:07:25,603 - All right. - That's it? 154 00:07:25,769 --> 00:07:27,043 - That's it. - All right. 155 00:07:27,209 --> 00:07:28,483 Come on, Jerry, let's go. 156 00:07:29,489 --> 00:07:32,447 - What was that all about? - I must have iron-rich blood. 157 00:07:32,609 --> 00:07:34,361 - Here we go. L.A. - The coast. 158 00:07:34,529 --> 00:07:35,803 La-la land. 159 00:07:35,969 --> 00:07:38,039 - I got the window seat, right? - Who said that? 160 00:07:38,209 --> 00:07:39,767 - I called it. - Oh, no. 161 00:07:39,929 --> 00:07:43,285 It seems to me that the closest thing we have to royalty in America... 162 00:07:43,449 --> 00:07:45,838 ...are the people that get to ride in those carts... 163 00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:47,402 ...through the airport. 164 00:07:47,569 --> 00:07:50,003 Don't you hate these things? They come out of nowhere. 165 00:07:50,169 --> 00:07:53,400 Beep-beep."Cart people. Look out. Cart people. Look out." 166 00:07:53,569 --> 00:07:55,958 We all scurry out of the way like worthless peasants. 167 00:07:57,009 --> 00:07:58,920 "It's cart people. 168 00:07:59,089 --> 00:08:01,159 I hope we didn't slow you down. 169 00:08:01,329 --> 00:08:05,447 Wave to the cart people, Timmy. They're the best people in the world." 170 00:08:05,849 --> 00:08:08,238 You know, if you're too fat, slow and disoriented... 171 00:08:08,409 --> 00:08:12,038 ...to get to your gate on time, you're not ready for air travel. 172 00:08:12,209 --> 00:08:14,677 I hate the people that get onto the moving walkway... 173 00:08:14,849 --> 00:08:16,840 ...and then just stand there. 174 00:08:17,009 --> 00:08:18,965 Like it's a ride. 175 00:08:19,129 --> 00:08:22,838 "Excuse me, there's no animated pirates or bears along the way here. 176 00:08:23,009 --> 00:08:26,160 Do your legs work at all?" 177 00:08:43,409 --> 00:08:44,922 Yeah, I'm here for the audition. 178 00:08:45,089 --> 00:08:47,478 Which audition? The music video, the horror movie... 179 00:08:47,649 --> 00:08:49,480 ...the exercise tape, or the infomercial? 180 00:08:52,209 --> 00:08:55,246 Let's see. Well... 181 00:09:30,169 --> 00:09:32,125 You scream good. 182 00:09:32,809 --> 00:09:34,322 You too. 183 00:09:39,569 --> 00:09:43,005 - So can I keep this treatment? - Oh, yeah, yeah. I got 20 copies. 184 00:09:43,169 --> 00:09:45,558 Because I can show it to my manager. 185 00:09:45,729 --> 00:09:48,118 He has connections with West German television money. 186 00:09:48,289 --> 00:09:51,486 Yeah, they're trying to put together a miniseries for me on Eva Braun. 187 00:09:51,649 --> 00:09:53,685 I mean, think about it. Is that a great idea? 188 00:09:53,849 --> 00:09:57,125 We know nothing about Eva Braun, only that she was Hitler's girlfriend. 189 00:09:57,289 --> 00:09:59,484 What was it like having sex with Adolf Hitler? 190 00:09:59,649 --> 00:10:02,846 What do you wear in a bunker? What did her parents think of Hitler... 191 00:10:03,009 --> 00:10:05,477 - ... as a potential son-in-law? - Wait, hold on. 192 00:10:05,969 --> 00:10:08,199 Look who's over there. Don't look, don't look. 193 00:10:08,369 --> 00:10:10,121 It's Fred Savage. 194 00:10:10,729 --> 00:10:13,197 - Big deal. - He'd be perfect for my movie. 195 00:10:14,249 --> 00:10:16,365 This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. 196 00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:22,197 I gotta go over there. I gotta give him a copy of my treatment. 197 00:10:22,369 --> 00:10:23,927 Why are you breathing so hard? 198 00:10:24,089 --> 00:10:26,125 I'm just a little nervous. 199 00:10:26,289 --> 00:10:28,564 Okay, I gotta relax. 200 00:10:29,769 --> 00:10:32,806 All right. Wish me luck, huh? 201 00:10:38,609 --> 00:10:40,361 Hey. Oh, did I frighten you? 202 00:10:40,529 --> 00:10:42,838 I'm not crazy. I look weird, but I'm just like you. 203 00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:45,648 I'm just a regular guy trying to make it in this business. 204 00:10:46,009 --> 00:10:48,079 I really like your work. The... 205 00:10:48,249 --> 00:10:50,001 - Thank you. - I can't remember the name. 206 00:10:50,209 --> 00:10:52,325 - My mind's a blank. I'm nervous. - That's okay. 207 00:10:52,489 --> 00:10:53,763 - You know... - Just relax. 208 00:10:53,929 --> 00:10:56,045 Okay, yeah. But I got- 209 00:10:56,529 --> 00:10:58,565 Stupid table. I'm not normally like this. 210 00:10:58,729 --> 00:11:01,368 Usually I'm cool and charming. I don't mean to bother you. 211 00:11:01,529 --> 00:11:04,362 It's fate that you're here at the same time as me. 212 00:11:04,529 --> 00:11:06,247 It's fate. You can't avoid your fate. 213 00:11:06,409 --> 00:11:08,525 I got this treatment I think you'd be great in. 214 00:11:08,689 --> 00:11:10,725 - I'll give it to you. - Yeah, okay. Thank you. 215 00:11:10,889 --> 00:11:12,641 Excuse me. Oh, wait. Are you going now? 216 00:11:12,809 --> 00:11:14,128 - Bye. - Wait, wait. 217 00:11:18,729 --> 00:11:22,404 Yeah, that's Kramer. K-R-A-M-E-R. 218 00:11:23,529 --> 00:11:26,726 I don't know, wavy. George, how would you describe Kramer's hair? 219 00:11:27,169 --> 00:11:28,841 - Curly. - Wavy. 220 00:11:29,169 --> 00:11:31,364 - What did you ask me for? - Yeah. I'll hold on. 221 00:11:31,529 --> 00:11:34,123 George, did you see a piece of paper on the nightstand... 222 00:11:34,289 --> 00:11:36,803 - ... like, crumpled up like a napkin? - No. 223 00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:39,962 Because I had three jokes on it. They were perfectly worded... 224 00:11:40,129 --> 00:11:41,801 ...just the way I wanted to have it. 225 00:11:41,969 --> 00:11:43,721 I can't find it. 226 00:11:43,889 --> 00:11:45,288 Hello? 227 00:11:45,449 --> 00:11:47,246 Hey, a shoe-buffing machine. 228 00:11:47,489 --> 00:11:50,367 I don't know, 6'3"? George, how tall is Kramer? 229 00:11:50,529 --> 00:11:52,724 You got your own shampoo, conditioner... 230 00:11:52,889 --> 00:11:56,325 Body lotion, Jerry, body lotion. 231 00:11:56,489 --> 00:11:59,481 - About 6'3". - A shower cap. 232 00:12:00,649 --> 00:12:02,526 Come in. 233 00:12:05,529 --> 00:12:07,406 Hello. I have more towels. 234 00:12:07,689 --> 00:12:12,205 Oh, good, good. Come in, come in. Welcome. I'm George. 235 00:12:12,409 --> 00:12:14,559 - Hello. - Hi. And this is Jerry... 236 00:12:14,729 --> 00:12:17,323 ...over there on the phone. That's Jerry. And you are...? 237 00:12:17,489 --> 00:12:19,957 - Lupe. - Lupe. That's very nice. 238 00:12:20,129 --> 00:12:22,438 Are you gonna be making the bed in the morning? 239 00:12:22,729 --> 00:12:24,242 - Oh, yes. - Fine, excellent. 240 00:12:24,409 --> 00:12:26,400 Could you do me a favour? 241 00:12:26,569 --> 00:12:29,402 Could you not tuck the blankets in? 242 00:12:29,569 --> 00:12:31,400 Because I can't sleep all tucked in. 243 00:12:31,569 --> 00:12:33,161 - Oh, yes, yes. - Yes. 244 00:12:33,329 --> 00:12:35,399 I like to just be able to take the blankets... 245 00:12:35,569 --> 00:12:38,163 ...and swish them and swirl them. You know what I mean? 246 00:12:38,329 --> 00:12:41,719 You know, I don't like them all tucked in. I just don't. 247 00:12:41,889 --> 00:12:45,564 I like to have a lot of room. I like to have my toes pointed up in the air. 248 00:12:45,729 --> 00:12:48,038 I just like to scrunch up the blankets. 249 00:12:48,209 --> 00:12:50,803 Yes, yes. It's too tight to sleep. 250 00:12:50,969 --> 00:12:53,164 Exactly. You know what I'm talking about, right? 251 00:12:53,369 --> 00:12:55,485 Yes. It's too tight. 252 00:12:56,369 --> 00:12:59,202 - Him too? - You want your blankets tucked in? 253 00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,167 - What? - Want your blankets tucked in? 254 00:13:01,329 --> 00:13:03,365 - What blankets? - When Lupe makes up the beds. 255 00:13:03,529 --> 00:13:05,485 I don't know. Whatever they do. 256 00:13:05,649 --> 00:13:07,241 I tuck in, yes? 257 00:13:07,409 --> 00:13:09,240 Tuck in. Tuck in. 258 00:13:09,409 --> 00:13:12,845 All right. So that's one tuck and one no-tuck. 259 00:13:13,049 --> 00:13:14,926 - Okay. - Yes. One second, sweetheart. 260 00:13:15,329 --> 00:13:17,240 Jerry, it'd be easier if you didn't tuck. 261 00:13:17,649 --> 00:13:20,038 Excuse me. Fine. You don't want me to tuck... 262 00:13:20,209 --> 00:13:22,165 ...put me down for a no-tuck. 263 00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:24,166 It's two no-tucks. 264 00:13:24,609 --> 00:13:28,045 Hang on a second. You know what? Changed my mind. Make it a tuck. 265 00:13:28,529 --> 00:13:31,839 - You just said you weren't tucking. - I'm tucking. 266 00:13:32,129 --> 00:13:35,883 Hello? Hello? They hung up on me. 267 00:13:36,089 --> 00:13:37,841 They don't know where Kramer is anyway. 268 00:13:38,009 --> 00:13:42,446 Alrighty. So that's one tuck and one no-tuck. You got that? 269 00:13:44,009 --> 00:13:47,001 Excuse me. Did you see a piece of paper on the nightstand here... 270 00:13:47,169 --> 00:13:49,160 ...earlier today, crumpled up like a napkin? 271 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:52,480 Oh, yes, yes. I throw away when we clean the room. 272 00:13:52,649 --> 00:13:54,480 - Oh, okay. Thanks. - Thank you. 273 00:13:54,649 --> 00:13:57,117 Thank you. All right, Lupe, bye-bye now. 274 00:13:57,289 --> 00:13:58,722 - Bye. - Bye-bye. 275 00:13:58,889 --> 00:14:01,119 I can't believe she threw that out. 276 00:14:01,609 --> 00:14:05,045 I had the perfect wording of a joke I was gonna do about the airport. 277 00:14:05,209 --> 00:14:08,121 I was gonna do it on The Tonight Show. Now I can't remember it. 278 00:14:08,289 --> 00:14:10,280 What did you want? You left it on the table. 279 00:14:10,449 --> 00:14:12,485 They're not supposed to throw everything out. 280 00:14:12,649 --> 00:14:16,005 Hey, hey! It's not Lupe's fault. 281 00:14:16,169 --> 00:14:18,160 - You shouldn't have left it out. - All right. 282 00:14:18,329 --> 00:14:20,604 Get your thing together and let's get out of here. 283 00:14:20,769 --> 00:14:24,523 All right. Now, what mood am I in? What mood am I-? 284 00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:26,759 - You shouldn't have tucked. - I like it tucked. 285 00:14:26,929 --> 00:14:29,318 Nobody tucks anymore. 286 00:14:47,729 --> 00:14:49,128 - Hey, lieutenant? - Yeah. 287 00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:51,484 This was found on her person. 288 00:14:51,649 --> 00:14:53,446 On her person? 289 00:14:53,969 --> 00:14:57,644 - What kind of expression is that? - I don't know, sir. Police lingo. 290 00:14:57,809 --> 00:14:59,083 Oh, yeah? 291 00:14:59,969 --> 00:15:01,448 What's your name, son? 292 00:15:01,929 --> 00:15:04,204 - Ross. - Ross. 293 00:15:04,369 --> 00:15:07,088 - You see that person there, Ross? - Yes, sir. 294 00:15:07,249 --> 00:15:08,602 She's dead. 295 00:15:08,769 --> 00:15:10,282 - Have you got that? - Yes, sir. 296 00:15:10,449 --> 00:15:11,723 Good. 297 00:15:11,969 --> 00:15:14,358 Get out before you find yourself on transit patrol... 298 00:15:14,529 --> 00:15:17,726 ...writing tickets to senior citizens with fake bus passes. 299 00:15:17,889 --> 00:15:19,368 Yes, sir. 300 00:15:24,849 --> 00:15:27,409 I think we just caught a break. 301 00:15:30,449 --> 00:15:32,280 This is very exciting. 302 00:15:32,489 --> 00:15:35,401 You're on The Tonight Show. NBC. Who else is on the show? 303 00:15:35,569 --> 00:15:37,719 - I don't know. - You might meet a celebrity. 304 00:15:37,889 --> 00:15:39,720 I can't believe she threw out my napkin. 305 00:15:39,889 --> 00:15:42,801 What are you worried about? You know it. 306 00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:46,399 - You're gonna be all right here? - Yeah. Go about your business. 307 00:15:46,569 --> 00:15:49,481 - I'll just wander around. - All right. Don't wander too far. 308 00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:54,279 - I'll meet you back here in 15 minutes. - Go, go. Don't worry about me. 309 00:16:05,849 --> 00:16:07,123 Hey. 310 00:16:08,049 --> 00:16:09,801 Corbin Bernsen. 311 00:16:10,329 --> 00:16:11,921 How you doing? 312 00:16:13,649 --> 00:16:17,961 - Big fan. Big fan. - Thank you. 313 00:16:20,369 --> 00:16:22,929 - Hey, you grew a beard, huh? - Yeah. 314 00:16:23,089 --> 00:16:26,445 Yeah. Yeah, I'm doing a movie during my hiatus. 315 00:16:26,769 --> 00:16:28,566 Hey, you know... 316 00:16:28,769 --> 00:16:32,205 Do I have a case for you guys to do on L.A. Law. 317 00:16:33,049 --> 00:16:34,402 Really. 318 00:16:36,009 --> 00:16:39,684 So mind you, at this point, I'm only going out with her two, three weeks. 319 00:16:39,889 --> 00:16:43,962 So she goes out of town, and she asks me to feed her cat. 320 00:16:44,929 --> 00:16:50,799 So, at this time, there's a lot of stuff going on in my life... 321 00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:54,803 ...and it slips my mind for a few days. 322 00:16:54,969 --> 00:16:57,437 Maybe a week. Not even a week. Five, six days. 323 00:16:57,609 --> 00:16:59,486 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, what happened? 324 00:16:59,649 --> 00:17:03,437 Well, it's the damnedest thing. 325 00:17:03,649 --> 00:17:05,799 The cat dies. 326 00:17:07,169 --> 00:17:11,082 So she comes back. She finds the cat, lying on the carpet, stiff as a board. 327 00:17:11,249 --> 00:17:13,968 - So you killed the cat? - That's what she says. 328 00:17:14,129 --> 00:17:16,438 I say, "Listen... 329 00:17:16,609 --> 00:17:20,318 It was an old cat. It died of natural causes." 330 00:17:20,489 --> 00:17:24,767 So get this. Now she tells me that I gotta buy her a brand-new cat. 331 00:17:25,289 --> 00:17:28,087 I say, "Listen, honey, first of all... 332 00:17:28,329 --> 00:17:31,878 ...it was a pretty old cat. I'm not gonna buy you a brand-new cat... 333 00:17:32,049 --> 00:17:33,801 ...to replace an old dying cat. 334 00:17:33,969 --> 00:17:36,164 And second of all, I go out to the garbage... 335 00:17:36,329 --> 00:17:38,604 ...I find you a new cat in 15 seconds." 336 00:17:38,769 --> 00:17:42,603 I say, "You show me an autopsy report that says this cat died of starvation... 337 00:17:42,769 --> 00:17:44,919 ...I spring for a new cat." 338 00:17:45,129 --> 00:17:48,007 So she says something to me, like, I don't know... 339 00:17:48,169 --> 00:17:51,241 "Get the hell out of here." And she breaks up with me. 340 00:17:52,369 --> 00:17:55,645 Now, don't you think that would be a great case on L.A. Law? 341 00:17:59,409 --> 00:18:01,445 I don't wanna tell you how to run your show- 342 00:18:01,609 --> 00:18:02,928 No, of course not. 343 00:18:03,089 --> 00:18:05,557 It's enough with the bar already, you know? 344 00:18:05,969 --> 00:18:08,119 Have they thought about changing the setting? 345 00:18:08,289 --> 00:18:09,563 Doubt it. I doubt it. Yeah. 346 00:18:09,729 --> 00:18:11,720 People do meet in places besides a bar. 347 00:18:11,889 --> 00:18:13,322 Well, yeah, they do. 348 00:18:13,489 --> 00:18:15,878 What about a rec room, huh? 349 00:18:16,049 --> 00:18:19,041 - Or a community centre. - You ought to write one of those. 350 00:18:19,209 --> 00:18:21,439 I'll bring it up with the producers. I gotta... 351 00:18:21,609 --> 00:18:24,681 Fabulous. I'll think about that, George. Thank you. 352 00:18:25,489 --> 00:18:27,161 - How's it going? - Great, great. 353 00:18:27,329 --> 00:18:30,685 I actually just had two meaningful, intelligent conversations... 354 00:18:30,849 --> 00:18:32,680 ...with Corbin Bernsen and George Wendt. 355 00:18:32,849 --> 00:18:35,568 - Really? - Yeah. Not fan talk. Not gushing. 356 00:18:35,729 --> 00:18:38,926 You know? Actual conversation. I was incredibly articulate. 357 00:18:39,969 --> 00:18:42,608 You got toilet paper on your heel there. 358 00:18:47,369 --> 00:18:49,678 It's The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. 359 00:18:49,849 --> 00:18:52,807 Tonight Jay welcomes Corbin Bernsen, George Wendt... 360 00:18:52,969 --> 00:18:55,483 ...and comedian, Jerry Seinfeld. 361 00:18:57,289 --> 00:19:00,679 Oh, yeah. People are always trying to give me a great case for L.A. Law. 362 00:19:00,849 --> 00:19:03,363 Just a few seconds ago, right outside in the hallway... 363 00:19:03,529 --> 00:19:06,089 ...this nut, some sick nut comes up to me... 364 00:19:06,249 --> 00:19:09,719 ...and says he was supposed to watch this girl's cat... 365 00:19:09,889 --> 00:19:13,086 ...while she was away out of town. Anyway, he forgets to feed the cat. 366 00:19:13,249 --> 00:19:15,922 The cat dies, starves to death. He kills the cat. 367 00:19:16,089 --> 00:19:17,966 Refuses to get her a new one. 368 00:19:18,129 --> 00:19:20,438 Won't give her any money, won't pay her. 369 00:19:20,609 --> 00:19:22,998 And he wants Arnie Becker to represent him. Nice guy. 370 00:19:23,169 --> 00:19:25,160 Yeah, that'd make a great case for L.A. Law. 371 00:19:25,569 --> 00:19:27,241 Thanks a lot. 372 00:19:28,809 --> 00:19:32,802 He's a very handsome man. Passionate, intense. 373 00:19:33,609 --> 00:19:36,123 But troubled, strange. 374 00:19:36,289 --> 00:19:38,803 I think he may be in love with me. 375 00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:42,882 Of course, there's nothing abnormal about that. I have many suitors. 376 00:19:43,169 --> 00:19:45,399 It's funny, because even after all these years... 377 00:19:45,569 --> 00:19:49,448 ...we still get people giving us advice how to improve the show. 378 00:19:49,609 --> 00:19:52,601 Actually, a few moments ago, I ran into a nut back there... 379 00:19:52,769 --> 00:19:55,044 ...who said that maybe we should think about... 380 00:19:55,209 --> 00:19:57,769 ...you know, not doing the show in a bar. 381 00:20:02,289 --> 00:20:05,565 So that's when I said, "Hey, Kramer, dude... 382 00:20:05,729 --> 00:20:08,038 ...you ever kill a man before?" 383 00:20:08,329 --> 00:20:11,127 And he said, "What do you think, junior? 384 00:20:11,329 --> 00:20:15,242 These hands have been soaking in Ivory Liquid?" 385 00:20:15,409 --> 00:20:17,479 That guy you talked to, what did he look like? 386 00:20:17,649 --> 00:20:21,244 - Short little bald guy with glasses. - That's the same guy I talked to. 387 00:20:21,409 --> 00:20:23,400 Never ends, does it? 388 00:20:23,929 --> 00:20:28,798 So I'm going through the airport, and I put my bag on that little... 389 00:20:28,969 --> 00:20:31,642 The... The conveyor belt. 390 00:20:37,489 --> 00:20:39,684 Issue an arrest warrant. Put out an APB. 391 00:20:39,849 --> 00:20:41,885 Let's pick up this... 392 00:20:42,129 --> 00:20:43,642 ...Kramer. 393 00:20:45,169 --> 00:20:48,366 - I was terrible. - What, are you crazy? You were fine. 394 00:20:48,529 --> 00:20:50,599 I couldn't remember what I was trying to say. 395 00:20:50,769 --> 00:20:52,885 - That whole thing about the... - Conveyor belt. 396 00:20:53,049 --> 00:20:55,722 Yeah. Because she threw out my napkin. 397 00:20:56,369 --> 00:20:58,564 I can't believe- You're blaming Lupe? 398 00:20:58,729 --> 00:21:02,085 Yes. Lupe. I'm blaming Lupe. 399 00:21:03,249 --> 00:21:05,319 There's been a break... 400 00:21:05,489 --> 00:21:09,004 ...in the so-caled Smog Stranglings. Police have just released a photo... 401 00:21:09,169 --> 00:21:12,081 ...of the suspect being sought in connection with the slaying. 402 00:21:12,249 --> 00:21:16,208 He is known only as Kramer. 403 00:21:20,689 --> 00:21:22,805 Talk show hosts never seem to have any idea... 404 00:21:22,969 --> 00:21:24,925 ...how much time is left in the show. 405 00:21:25,089 --> 00:21:27,478 They're always looking off-camera: "Do we have time? 406 00:21:27,649 --> 00:21:29,048 How are we doing on time? 407 00:21:29,209 --> 00:21:31,882 Anybody know what the time is? What's the time?" 408 00:21:32,049 --> 00:21:34,563 You never see Magnum P.I. go, "Should I strangle him... 409 00:21:34,729 --> 00:21:36,447 ...or are we gonna take a break here? 410 00:21:36,609 --> 00:21:39,328 Can you stay for another beating? I'll bop him in the head. 411 00:21:39,489 --> 00:21:41,081 We'll do a commercial, come back... 412 00:21:41,249 --> 00:21:43,365 ...I'll drive the car real fast. Stay with us."