1 00:00:03,809 --> 00:00:05,925 Parents like to drag kids to historical sights. 2 00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:08,444 I remember going to Colonial Williamsburg... 3 00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:11,203 ...and you see the supposedly authentic blacksmith there. 4 00:00:11,369 --> 00:00:13,678 He's got the three-cornered hat, knickers... 5 00:00:13,849 --> 00:00:15,168 ...and the Def Leppard shirt. 6 00:00:16,809 --> 00:00:19,448 My parents took me to the Amish country, which to a kid... 7 00:00:19,609 --> 00:00:22,646 ...to see a bunch of people that have no cars, no TV, no phone... 8 00:00:22,809 --> 00:00:24,879 ...they go, "So what? Neither do I." 9 00:00:25,049 --> 00:00:27,847 So it's the whole community that's been grounded. 10 00:00:28,009 --> 00:00:29,965 That's the way they should punish the kids. 11 00:00:30,129 --> 00:00:32,165 "All right, get up to your room. I've had it. 12 00:00:32,329 --> 00:00:34,320 You are Amish, young man. 13 00:00:34,489 --> 00:00:37,287 For the rest of this weekend. Did you hear me? Amish. 14 00:00:37,449 --> 00:00:40,247 Don't come down till you make some noodles and raise a barn." 15 00:00:45,729 --> 00:00:47,321 They have a guide. He takes you... 16 00:00:47,489 --> 00:00:50,287 ...shows you the battlefield, gives you a bit of the history. 17 00:00:50,449 --> 00:00:52,167 How far is Gettysburg? I'd like to go. 18 00:00:52,329 --> 00:00:54,126 - About three hours. - Tommy, you're on. 19 00:00:54,289 --> 00:00:56,359 - Gotta go. - Have a good set. 20 00:00:59,609 --> 00:01:02,328 What did they do for toilet paper in the Civil War? 21 00:01:04,249 --> 00:01:07,002 Wonder what toilet paper was like in the 1860s. 22 00:01:07,169 --> 00:01:10,047 Did they-? Did they carry it in rolls in their duffel bags? 23 00:01:10,329 --> 00:01:13,002 Everything with you comes down to toilet paper. 24 00:01:13,649 --> 00:01:15,048 - What? - That's always... 25 00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:18,042 ...the first question with you. Why is that always your focus? 26 00:01:18,889 --> 00:01:20,641 - Then what did they do? - I don't know. 27 00:01:20,809 --> 00:01:23,482 Maybe they gave out big loose clumps to all the soldiers. 28 00:01:24,449 --> 00:01:27,566 It would be nice if there was some sort of historical record of it. 29 00:01:27,729 --> 00:01:31,085 They should have a toilet-paper museum. Would you like that? 30 00:01:31,249 --> 00:01:34,366 So we could see all the toilet-paper advancements through the ages. 31 00:01:34,609 --> 00:01:36,122 Toilet paper during the Crusades. 32 00:01:36,289 --> 00:01:39,042 The development of the perforation. The first six-pack. 33 00:01:40,209 --> 00:01:41,767 Excuse me, Jerry. 34 00:01:41,929 --> 00:01:44,648 I'm Stu Schirmack. I'm from NBC. 35 00:01:44,809 --> 00:01:46,640 - Could we speak for a few moments? - Sure. 36 00:01:46,809 --> 00:01:49,039 - Hi. Jay Crespi. - Hello. 37 00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:52,440 - C-R-E-S-P-I. - That's right. 38 00:01:52,609 --> 00:01:54,486 I'm unbelievable at spelling last names. 39 00:01:54,649 --> 00:01:56,480 - Give give me a last name. - I'm not- 40 00:01:56,649 --> 00:01:59,117 George. 41 00:01:59,609 --> 00:02:01,998 All right. All right. 42 00:02:03,049 --> 00:02:04,846 First of all... 43 00:02:05,289 --> 00:02:06,688 ...that was a terrific show. 44 00:02:06,849 --> 00:02:08,202 - Thank you very much. - And- 45 00:02:08,369 --> 00:02:11,327 I just wanted to let you know that we've been discussing you... 46 00:02:11,489 --> 00:02:15,482 ...at some of our meetings, and we'd be very interested in doing something. 47 00:02:15,649 --> 00:02:18,482 - Really? - So if you had an idea for, like... 48 00:02:18,649 --> 00:02:22,483 ...a TV show for yourself, well, we'd just love to talk about it. 49 00:02:23,169 --> 00:02:24,841 I'd be very interested in that. 50 00:02:25,009 --> 00:02:26,522 Well, here. 51 00:02:26,689 --> 00:02:30,284 Why don't you give us a call, and maybe we can develop a series. 52 00:02:30,649 --> 00:02:32,287 Okay. Great. Thanks. 53 00:02:32,449 --> 00:02:34,360 - It was very nice meeting you. - Thank you. 54 00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:37,043 - Nice meeting you. - Nice meeting you. 55 00:02:38,649 --> 00:02:41,561 - What was that all about? - They said they were interested in me. 56 00:02:42,169 --> 00:02:44,399 - For what? - You know, TV show. 57 00:02:45,409 --> 00:02:47,764 - Your own show? - Yeah, I guess so. 58 00:02:48,449 --> 00:02:50,917 They want you to do a TV show? 59 00:02:51,289 --> 00:02:54,486 They want me to come up with an idea. I mean, I don't have any ideas. 60 00:02:55,129 --> 00:02:59,008 Come on. How hard is that? Look at all the junk that's on TV. 61 00:02:59,289 --> 00:03:01,007 You want an idea? Here's an idea. 62 00:03:01,169 --> 00:03:04,878 You coach a gymnastics team in high school, and you're married. 63 00:03:05,049 --> 00:03:08,883 Your son is not interested in gymnastics, and you're pushing him. 64 00:03:09,169 --> 00:03:11,239 Why should I care if my son's into gymnastics? 65 00:03:11,409 --> 00:03:14,924 - You're the teacher. It's only natural. - But gymnastics is not for everybody. 66 00:03:15,129 --> 00:03:17,768 - I know, but he's your son. - So what? 67 00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:21,762 All right, forget that idea. 68 00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:24,439 It's not for you. 69 00:03:24,649 --> 00:03:26,162 Okay, okay. I got it. 70 00:03:26,329 --> 00:03:28,604 You run an antique store. 71 00:03:28,769 --> 00:03:31,203 - Yeah. And? - And people come into the store... 72 00:03:31,369 --> 00:03:33,883 ...and you get involved in their lives. 73 00:03:34,249 --> 00:03:37,559 What person who runs an antique store gets involved in people's lives? 74 00:03:38,129 --> 00:03:39,960 - Why not? - So someone comes in... 75 00:03:40,129 --> 00:03:44,407 ...to buy an old lamp, and suddenly I'm getting them out of a jam. 76 00:03:44,969 --> 00:03:46,561 I could see if I was a pharmacist. 77 00:03:46,729 --> 00:03:49,084 A pharmacist knows what's wrong with everybody. 78 00:03:49,249 --> 00:03:50,887 Antiques are very popular right now. 79 00:03:51,049 --> 00:03:53,199 - No, they're not. They used to be. - Oh, sure. 80 00:03:53,369 --> 00:03:56,008 - Like you know. - Oh, like you do. 81 00:03:58,809 --> 00:04:01,369 And you're the manager of the circus. 82 00:04:01,529 --> 00:04:04,168 - The circus? - Oh, come on. This is a great idea. 83 00:04:04,329 --> 00:04:07,127 Look at the characters. You got all these freaks in the show. 84 00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:08,642 A woman with a moustache. 85 00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:11,483 Who wouldn't tune in to see a woman with a moustache? 86 00:04:11,649 --> 00:04:16,040 You got the tallest man in the world. A guy who's just a head. 87 00:04:16,729 --> 00:04:18,003 - I don't think so. - Look... 88 00:04:18,169 --> 00:04:21,047 ...the show isn't about the circus. It's about watching freaks. 89 00:04:21,209 --> 00:04:23,120 I don't think the network would go for it. 90 00:04:23,289 --> 00:04:25,519 - Why not? - I'm not pitching a show about freaks. 91 00:04:25,689 --> 00:04:28,726 Oh, come on, Jerry. You're wrong. People, they wanna watch freaks. 92 00:04:28,889 --> 00:04:30,527 This is a "can't miss." 93 00:04:30,689 --> 00:04:33,123 - Kramer. - Hello, Newman. 94 00:04:34,249 --> 00:04:36,240 I got the helmet. Go get the radar detector. 95 00:04:36,449 --> 00:04:39,202 Okay. I'll be back in a second. You guys coming to my party? 96 00:04:39,369 --> 00:04:41,246 - Yeah. Sure. - Of course. 97 00:04:42,649 --> 00:04:44,560 - What's this about? - We're making a trade. 98 00:04:44,729 --> 00:04:47,960 I'm giving him my motorcycle helmet. He's giving me his radar detector. 99 00:04:48,129 --> 00:04:51,724 - I didn't know you have a motorcycle. - Well, my girlfriend had one. 100 00:04:51,889 --> 00:04:53,527 You have a girlfriend? 101 00:04:53,689 --> 00:04:55,407 I had a girlfriend. 102 00:04:55,569 --> 00:04:57,241 And she was pretty wild. 103 00:04:58,569 --> 00:05:01,925 - I don't remember you with a girl. - Nevertheless. 104 00:05:03,729 --> 00:05:05,560 This is a pretty bad deal for Kramer. 105 00:05:05,729 --> 00:05:09,119 A radar detector's worth much more than that helmet. You're cheating him. 106 00:05:09,289 --> 00:05:11,598 - Don't say anything. - All right. 107 00:05:11,769 --> 00:05:14,442 Hey, you know you're getting gypped over here. 108 00:05:16,209 --> 00:05:17,847 Really. 109 00:05:18,009 --> 00:05:19,283 Hey. We had a deal. 110 00:05:19,449 --> 00:05:21,758 Are you reneging out of the deal? Are you reneging? 111 00:05:21,929 --> 00:05:23,840 - That's a renege. - Stop saying "reneging." 112 00:05:24,049 --> 00:05:26,643 - Well, you're reneging. - Okay, okay. I'm not reneging. 113 00:05:26,809 --> 00:05:28,367 All right. Give it to me. 114 00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:30,281 - All right, let go. - Come on. 115 00:05:31,569 --> 00:05:33,958 - Let go on three. - Give me that. Just give me that! 116 00:05:34,129 --> 00:05:35,926 - Three. - Here. 117 00:05:36,089 --> 00:05:38,159 Idiots. 118 00:05:39,009 --> 00:05:41,045 Thanks, buddy. So long. 119 00:05:42,889 --> 00:05:45,244 - Does that thing work? - No. 120 00:05:47,929 --> 00:05:49,328 I got a postcard from Elaine. 121 00:05:49,489 --> 00:05:51,207 - Really? - Yeah. They're in London now. 122 00:05:51,369 --> 00:05:53,280 They'll be back in a few weeks. 123 00:05:53,449 --> 00:05:56,168 I can't believe she got involved with her shrink. 124 00:05:56,889 --> 00:05:58,641 What about the TV show? Got anything? 125 00:05:58,809 --> 00:06:00,686 No. Nothing. 126 00:06:00,929 --> 00:06:02,681 Why don't they have salsa on the table? 127 00:06:03,609 --> 00:06:05,008 What do you need salsa for? 128 00:06:05,289 --> 00:06:08,087 Salsa is now the number-one condiment in America. 129 00:06:08,249 --> 00:06:09,523 Do you know why? 130 00:06:09,689 --> 00:06:11,327 Because people like to say "salsa." 131 00:06:13,369 --> 00:06:14,643 Do you have any salsa? 132 00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:17,403 We need more salsa. Where is the salsa? No salsa? 133 00:06:18,209 --> 00:06:20,723 You know, it must be impossible for a Spanish person... 134 00:06:20,889 --> 00:06:22,720 ...to order seltzer and not get salsa. 135 00:06:24,089 --> 00:06:26,649 I wanted seltzer, not salsa. 136 00:06:26,849 --> 00:06:28,885 Don't you know the difference between them? 137 00:06:29,049 --> 00:06:31,199 You have the seltzer after the salsa. 138 00:06:32,089 --> 00:06:34,808 This should be the show. This is the show. 139 00:06:35,289 --> 00:06:36,881 - What? - This. 140 00:06:37,049 --> 00:06:38,641 Just talking. 141 00:06:38,809 --> 00:06:40,845 Yeah. Right. 142 00:06:42,809 --> 00:06:45,562 No, I'm really serious. I think that's a good idea. 143 00:06:45,729 --> 00:06:47,799 Just talking? Well, what's the show about? 144 00:06:48,369 --> 00:06:49,688 It's about nothing. 145 00:06:51,529 --> 00:06:53,884 - No story? - No, forget the story. 146 00:06:54,049 --> 00:06:57,280 - You gotta have a story. - Who says you gotta have a story? 147 00:06:57,449 --> 00:07:00,759 Remember when we were waiting for that table in that Chinese restaurant? 148 00:07:00,929 --> 00:07:03,045 That could be a TV show. 149 00:07:04,009 --> 00:07:06,159 And who's on the show? Who are the characters? 150 00:07:06,489 --> 00:07:07,808 I could be a character. 151 00:07:08,289 --> 00:07:10,849 - You? - Yeah. You base a character on me. 152 00:07:11,009 --> 00:07:13,842 So on the show there's a character named George Costanza? 153 00:07:14,009 --> 00:07:17,399 Yeah. What? There's something wrong with that? I'm a character. 154 00:07:17,569 --> 00:07:20,800 People are always saying to me, "You know, you're quite a character." 155 00:07:21,849 --> 00:07:23,441 And who else is on the show? 156 00:07:23,689 --> 00:07:26,044 Elaine could be a character. Kramer. 157 00:07:26,649 --> 00:07:28,765 Now, he's a character. 158 00:07:28,929 --> 00:07:31,363 So everybody I know is a character on the show. 159 00:07:31,529 --> 00:07:32,803 Right. 160 00:07:32,969 --> 00:07:35,164 - And it's about nothing. - Absolutely nothing. 161 00:07:35,609 --> 00:07:37,839 So you're saying I go into NBC and tell them... 162 00:07:38,009 --> 00:07:40,079 ...I got this idea for a show about nothing. 163 00:07:40,409 --> 00:07:41,728 We go into NBC. 164 00:07:42,049 --> 00:07:44,085 We? Since when are you a writer? 165 00:07:44,409 --> 00:07:47,242 What writer? We're talking about a sitcom. 166 00:07:49,329 --> 00:07:50,648 You wanna go with me to NBC? 167 00:07:50,849 --> 00:07:52,362 We really got something here. 168 00:07:52,529 --> 00:07:53,803 - What do we got? - An idea. 169 00:07:53,969 --> 00:07:55,800 - What idea? - An idea for the show. 170 00:07:55,969 --> 00:07:59,484 - I still don't know what the idea is. - It's about nothing. 171 00:07:59,889 --> 00:08:01,561 - Right. - Everybody's doing something. 172 00:08:01,729 --> 00:08:03,606 We'll do nothing. 173 00:08:03,889 --> 00:08:06,926 We go into NBC, tell them we got an idea for a show about nothing. 174 00:08:07,089 --> 00:08:08,727 - Exactly. - "What's your show about?" 175 00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:10,800 - I say, "Nothing." - There you go. 176 00:08:11,529 --> 00:08:13,167 I think you may have something here. 177 00:08:15,849 --> 00:08:17,760 So the show would be about my real life... 178 00:08:17,929 --> 00:08:21,001 ...and one of the characters would be based on you. 179 00:08:21,689 --> 00:08:23,202 No, I don't think so. 180 00:08:23,369 --> 00:08:25,200 What do you mean, you don't you think so? 181 00:08:25,369 --> 00:08:27,087 - I don't like it. - I don't understand. 182 00:08:27,249 --> 00:08:29,365 - What don't you like? - I don't like the idea... 183 00:08:29,529 --> 00:08:32,168 - ... of a character based on me. - Why not? 184 00:08:32,329 --> 00:08:34,479 I don't know. It just doesn't sit well. 185 00:08:34,969 --> 00:08:37,039 There's gotta be a character based on you. 186 00:08:37,209 --> 00:08:40,121 - That's your problem. - I don't know what the big deal is. 187 00:08:40,289 --> 00:08:41,927 You can do it on one condition. 188 00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:44,045 - Whatever you want. - I get to play Kramer. 189 00:08:44,209 --> 00:08:47,007 - You can't play Kramer. - I am Kramer. 190 00:08:47,169 --> 00:08:48,443 But you can't act. 191 00:08:52,209 --> 00:08:54,484 - Okay, fine, we'll use Newman. - Newman? 192 00:08:54,649 --> 00:08:57,641 - Use me for what? - Nothing. What do you want? 193 00:08:57,849 --> 00:09:00,409 Well, you'll never guess what happened to me today. 194 00:09:00,569 --> 00:09:03,800 I was driving home on the Palisades Parkway... 195 00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:08,568 ...when I look in the rearview mirror, and what did I see? 196 00:09:08,729 --> 00:09:10,685 The fuzz. And it's funny... 197 00:09:10,849 --> 00:09:15,877 ...because my new radar detector was on, but I didn't hear a thing. 198 00:09:16,049 --> 00:09:18,847 - Isn't that strange? - Yeah, that's strange. 199 00:09:19,009 --> 00:09:23,002 Because the radar detector, as I understand it, detects radar! 200 00:09:23,169 --> 00:09:25,285 With a series of beeps and flashing lights. 201 00:09:25,449 --> 00:09:27,485 But for some reason, I didn't hear a thing... 202 00:09:27,649 --> 00:09:29,560 ...except for the sound of a police siren. 203 00:09:29,849 --> 00:09:31,919 Well, that's queer, huh? 204 00:09:32,609 --> 00:09:33,883 I want my helmet back! 205 00:09:34,049 --> 00:09:36,438 You give me back my helmet, and pay for that ticket! 206 00:09:36,609 --> 00:09:39,442 Oh, yeah, yeah. You better think again, MoJumbo. 207 00:09:41,449 --> 00:09:43,201 You gave me a defective detector. 208 00:09:43,369 --> 00:09:44,848 - Jerry? - Buyer beware. 209 00:09:45,049 --> 00:09:46,528 Are you gonna give me my helmet? 210 00:09:46,689 --> 00:09:49,408 No, we had a deal. There's no guarantees in life. 211 00:09:49,649 --> 00:09:51,162 No, but there's karma, Kramer. 212 00:09:51,329 --> 00:09:53,047 Karma Kramer? 213 00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:55,243 And one more thing: 214 00:09:55,409 --> 00:09:57,286 I'm not coming to your party! 215 00:10:02,009 --> 00:10:04,079 Salsa, seltzer. 216 00:10:04,889 --> 00:10:06,163 Do you have any salsa? 217 00:10:06,329 --> 00:10:08,559 No, not seltzer, salsa. 218 00:10:09,929 --> 00:10:12,727 - What's the matter? - Nothing. 219 00:10:13,169 --> 00:10:14,568 You sure? 220 00:10:14,729 --> 00:10:16,959 - You look a little pale. - No, I'm fine. I'm good. 221 00:10:17,129 --> 00:10:18,721 Fine. Very good. 222 00:10:18,889 --> 00:10:21,608 - What, are you nervous? - No, I'm not nervous. I'm very good. 223 00:10:23,129 --> 00:10:25,199 - I can't do this. I can't do this. - What? 224 00:10:25,369 --> 00:10:27,485 I can't. I've tried. I'm here. It's impossible. 225 00:10:27,649 --> 00:10:29,844 - This was your idea. - What idea? 226 00:10:30,009 --> 00:10:33,240 I just said something. I didn't know you were gonna listen to me! 227 00:10:33,569 --> 00:10:35,127 Don't worry about it. 228 00:10:35,449 --> 00:10:37,405 They're just TV executives. 229 00:10:37,569 --> 00:10:40,447 They're men with jobs, Jerry! 230 00:10:41,529 --> 00:10:43,440 They wear suits and ties. 231 00:10:43,609 --> 00:10:46,646 They're married. They have secretaries! 232 00:10:46,809 --> 00:10:48,800 - I told you not to come. - I need some water. 233 00:10:48,969 --> 00:10:50,243 I gotta get some water. 234 00:10:50,409 --> 00:10:53,128 - They'll give us water in there. - Really? 235 00:10:55,129 --> 00:10:56,960 That's pretty good. 236 00:11:01,049 --> 00:11:03,688 - Oh, God, it's Joe Davola. - Who? 237 00:11:03,849 --> 00:11:05,646 This guy's a writer. He's a total nut. 238 00:11:05,809 --> 00:11:07,845 I think he goes to the same shrink as Elaine. 239 00:11:09,889 --> 00:11:11,925 Oh, God, he saw me. 240 00:11:12,409 --> 00:11:15,606 - Hello, Jerry. - Hey, Joe! 241 00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,083 How you doing? 242 00:11:17,249 --> 00:11:19,717 You're under no obligation to shake my hand. 243 00:11:20,809 --> 00:11:23,039 Oh, no. Just a custom. 244 00:11:23,209 --> 00:11:25,769 That's my friend, George. 245 00:11:26,169 --> 00:11:27,761 You look good. 246 00:11:27,929 --> 00:11:29,362 Why shouldn't I look good? 247 00:11:30,369 --> 00:11:32,644 No. No reason. You do the karate, right? 248 00:11:33,209 --> 00:11:35,040 Yeah, you wanna hit me? 249 00:11:35,209 --> 00:11:37,769 - What are you doing here? - I dropped a script off. 250 00:11:38,809 --> 00:11:40,128 Good for you. 251 00:11:47,209 --> 00:11:48,767 Well. 252 00:11:48,929 --> 00:11:51,602 - You don't have to say anything. - No... 253 00:11:51,769 --> 00:11:54,647 - Hey, I guess I'll see you Sunday night. - Why? 254 00:11:54,809 --> 00:11:56,561 Kramer's party. 255 00:11:56,729 --> 00:12:01,280 - Kramer's having a party? - No. No, he's not having a party. 256 00:12:01,609 --> 00:12:05,158 He's doing something. I don't know. It's nothing. He's not doing anything. 257 00:12:05,849 --> 00:12:07,965 I thought Kramer and I were very close friends. 258 00:12:08,129 --> 00:12:11,405 No, I'm sure you are. I'm sure you're very close friends. 259 00:12:11,569 --> 00:12:13,400 Very close. 260 00:12:14,289 --> 00:12:16,280 Give my best to Hinckley. 261 00:12:21,769 --> 00:12:23,760 - What was that? - I can't believe what I did. 262 00:12:23,929 --> 00:12:26,648 I didn't know Kramer didn't invite him. I gotta call Kramer. 263 00:12:27,009 --> 00:12:28,408 They're ready for you. 264 00:12:28,569 --> 00:12:30,605 Okay. Okay. Look. 265 00:12:30,769 --> 00:12:32,964 - You- You do all the talking. Okay? - Oh, relax! 266 00:12:33,129 --> 00:12:35,689 - Who are they? - Yeah. 267 00:12:35,849 --> 00:12:37,840 - They're not better than me. - Of course not. 268 00:12:38,009 --> 00:12:39,488 - Who are they? - They're nobody. 269 00:12:39,649 --> 00:12:41,128 - What about me? - What about you? 270 00:12:41,289 --> 00:12:43,245 - Why them? Why not me? - Why not you? 271 00:12:43,409 --> 00:12:45,240 - I'm just as good as them. - Better. 272 00:12:45,409 --> 00:12:47,479 - You really think so? - No. 273 00:13:03,609 --> 00:13:07,761 The bit- The bit I really liked was where the parakeet flew into the mirror. 274 00:13:07,929 --> 00:13:09,647 That was funny. 275 00:13:12,289 --> 00:13:14,723 The parakeet in the mirror. That is a good one, Stu. 276 00:13:14,889 --> 00:13:17,357 Yeah. One of my favourites. 277 00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:23,485 What about you, George? Have you written anything we might know? 278 00:13:26,369 --> 00:13:28,724 Well, possibly. I... 279 00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:32,445 I wrote an off-Broadway show. 280 00:13:32,609 --> 00:13:34,565 La Cocina. 281 00:13:34,729 --> 00:13:36,879 Actually, it was off-off Broadway. 282 00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:42,123 It was a comedy about a Mexican chef. 283 00:13:43,249 --> 00:13:44,967 It was- It was very funny. 284 00:13:45,129 --> 00:13:48,326 There was one great scene with the chef. 285 00:13:48,489 --> 00:13:50,559 What was his name? 286 00:13:50,809 --> 00:13:53,198 - Pepe. - Oh, Pepe. Yes, Pepe. 287 00:13:53,369 --> 00:13:55,166 And he was making tamales. 288 00:13:55,329 --> 00:13:57,160 Oh, he actually cooked on the stage? 289 00:13:57,529 --> 00:14:01,317 No, no, he mimed it. That's what was so funny about it. 290 00:14:02,849 --> 00:14:04,999 So, what have you two come up with? 291 00:14:05,169 --> 00:14:07,205 We thought about this in a variety of ways... 292 00:14:07,369 --> 00:14:11,123 - ... but the basic idea is I play myself- - May I? 293 00:14:11,689 --> 00:14:13,327 Go ahead. 294 00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:17,842 I think I can sum up the show for you with one word: 295 00:14:18,809 --> 00:14:20,527 Nothing. 296 00:14:21,369 --> 00:14:23,405 - Nothing? - Nothing. 297 00:14:23,689 --> 00:14:25,008 What does that mean? 298 00:14:25,329 --> 00:14:29,004 The show is about nothing. 299 00:14:30,809 --> 00:14:33,039 - It's not about nothing. - No, it's about nothing. 300 00:14:33,209 --> 00:14:35,279 Well, maybe in philosophy. 301 00:14:35,449 --> 00:14:36,848 But even nothing is something. 302 00:14:37,129 --> 00:14:39,165 Mr. Dalrymple, your niece is on the phone. 303 00:14:39,329 --> 00:14:43,402 - I'll call back. - D-A-L-R-I-M-P-E-L. 304 00:14:43,569 --> 00:14:45,366 Not even close. 305 00:14:46,169 --> 00:14:48,524 - Is that with a Y? - No. 306 00:14:51,329 --> 00:14:54,241 - What's the premise? - As I was saying, I would play myself... 307 00:14:54,409 --> 00:14:56,604 ...as a comedian living in New York... 308 00:14:56,769 --> 00:14:59,488 ...and I have a friend and a neighbour and an ex-girlfriend. 309 00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:02,368 - Which is all true. - But nothing happens on the show. 310 00:15:02,529 --> 00:15:03,962 You see, it's just like life. 311 00:15:04,129 --> 00:15:08,122 You know, you eat, you go shopping, you read, you eat... 312 00:15:08,289 --> 00:15:11,406 - ... you read, you go shopping. - You read? 313 00:15:11,569 --> 00:15:13,639 You read on the show? 314 00:15:13,809 --> 00:15:17,518 Well, I don't know about the reading. We didn't discuss the reading. 315 00:15:19,409 --> 00:15:21,127 All right, tell me about the stories. 316 00:15:21,289 --> 00:15:23,200 - What kind of stories? - Oh, no. No stories. 317 00:15:23,369 --> 00:15:24,882 No stories? 318 00:15:25,209 --> 00:15:27,325 - So, what is it? - What did you do today? 319 00:15:28,409 --> 00:15:31,685 - I got up and came to work. - There's a show. That's a show. 320 00:15:32,489 --> 00:15:33,922 How is that a show? 321 00:15:34,089 --> 00:15:36,649 Well, maybe something happens to you on the way to work. 322 00:15:36,809 --> 00:15:39,767 No. No! No! Nothing happens! 323 00:15:39,929 --> 00:15:41,806 Well, something happens. 324 00:15:41,969 --> 00:15:44,927 - Well, why am I watching it? - Because it's on TV. 325 00:15:45,969 --> 00:15:47,243 Not yet. 326 00:15:51,169 --> 00:15:53,399 Okay, look. 327 00:15:53,569 --> 00:15:56,402 If you wanna just keep doing the same old thing... 328 00:15:56,569 --> 00:15:59,925 ...then maybe this idea is not for you. 329 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:04,805 I, for one, am not going to compromise my artistic integrity. 330 00:16:04,969 --> 00:16:07,039 And I'll tell you something else: 331 00:16:07,249 --> 00:16:10,321 This is the show, and we're not gonna change it. 332 00:16:11,449 --> 00:16:13,121 Right? 333 00:16:16,289 --> 00:16:17,927 How about this? 334 00:16:18,089 --> 00:16:20,125 I manage a circus. 335 00:16:26,289 --> 00:16:28,439 I don't even wanna talk about it anymore. 336 00:16:29,609 --> 00:16:31,281 What were you thinking? 337 00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:32,928 What was going on in your mind? 338 00:16:33,489 --> 00:16:35,161 Artistic integrity. 339 00:16:35,329 --> 00:16:37,160 Well, where did you come up with that? 340 00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:40,241 You're not artistic, and you have no integrity. 341 00:16:41,169 --> 00:16:44,559 You really need some help. A regular psychiatrist couldn't even help you. 342 00:16:44,729 --> 00:16:46,765 You need to go to, like, Vienna or something. 343 00:16:46,969 --> 00:16:50,200 You know what I mean? You need to get involved at the university level. 344 00:16:50,369 --> 00:16:52,758 Like where Freud studied, and have people looking... 345 00:16:52,929 --> 00:16:55,318 ...and checking up on you. That's the kind you need. 346 00:16:55,489 --> 00:16:58,720 Not the once-a-week for 80 bucks. No. You need a team. 347 00:16:59,449 --> 00:17:02,202 A team of psychiatrists, working round the clock... 348 00:17:02,369 --> 00:17:04,405 ...thinking about you, having conferences. 349 00:17:04,569 --> 00:17:07,766 Observing you, like the way they did with the Elephant Man. 350 00:17:07,929 --> 00:17:11,478 That's what I'm talking about. That's the only way you're gonna get better. 351 00:17:14,929 --> 00:17:17,648 I thought the woman was kind of cute. 352 00:17:18,529 --> 00:17:21,282 Hold it. I really wanna be clear about this. 353 00:17:21,449 --> 00:17:24,043 Are you talking about the woman in the meeting? 354 00:17:24,489 --> 00:17:26,320 Is that the woman you're talking about? 355 00:17:26,489 --> 00:17:28,798 Yeah. I thought I might give her a call. 356 00:17:30,329 --> 00:17:33,480 I don't meet that many women. I meet, like, three women a year. 357 00:17:33,649 --> 00:17:36,038 I mean, we've been introduced. She knows my name. 358 00:17:36,249 --> 00:17:38,717 - It's completely inappropriate. - Why? 359 00:17:38,929 --> 00:17:41,807 Maybe she liked me. I mean, she- She was looking right at me. 360 00:17:42,489 --> 00:17:43,922 I think she was impressed. 361 00:17:44,089 --> 00:17:47,081 We had good eye contact through the whole meeting. 362 00:17:47,689 --> 00:17:51,568 - Oh, I forgot to call Kramer. - Wait a minute, let me call Susan. 363 00:17:51,729 --> 00:17:54,562 - No, this is more important. - She might leave work any minute. 364 00:17:54,729 --> 00:17:57,289 I gotta warn him that I told Joe Davola about his party. 365 00:17:57,449 --> 00:17:58,882 No! 366 00:18:05,769 --> 00:18:07,521 What is it? 367 00:18:07,889 --> 00:18:10,847 I was just thinking about this patient of mine. 368 00:18:11,129 --> 00:18:12,403 What? 369 00:18:12,569 --> 00:18:15,447 Just wondering if he's taking his medication. 370 00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:19,319 Come on. We're on vacation. 371 00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:25,678 Well, we were standing in the waiting area there... 372 00:18:25,849 --> 00:18:28,044 ...and you know how Davola is. He's all... 373 00:18:30,289 --> 00:18:32,598 - Yeah? - It's George. 374 00:18:33,409 --> 00:18:36,048 And so I felt very uncomfortable with him... 375 00:18:36,209 --> 00:18:39,121 ...and, you know, I just blurted out something about your party. 376 00:18:39,969 --> 00:18:42,722 - Back up a second. - I didn't know you didn't invite him. 377 00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:44,163 Why would I invite him? 378 00:18:44,329 --> 00:18:46,047 - Well, I just assumed that- - Assumed? 379 00:18:46,289 --> 00:18:49,087 Never assume anything. I don't want that nut in my house. 380 00:18:49,249 --> 00:18:50,762 You know he's on medication. 381 00:18:51,329 --> 00:18:54,446 - Well, hello. Oh, hello. - Hello. 382 00:18:54,609 --> 00:18:57,203 You remember Susan from NBC. 383 00:18:57,369 --> 00:19:00,361 - Of course. How are you? - Fine. Good to see you. 384 00:19:00,529 --> 00:19:03,202 - This is Kramer. - Hello. 385 00:19:04,089 --> 00:19:05,886 All right, go ahead, Susan. Tell him. 386 00:19:06,049 --> 00:19:08,005 - Tell me what? - Well, I- 387 00:19:08,209 --> 00:19:09,688 I'm sorry. Excuse me one second. 388 00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,123 - Hello? - Hi... 389 00:19:11,289 --> 00:19:14,087 ...would you be interested in switching to TMI long distance? 390 00:19:14,249 --> 00:19:15,523 I- I can't talk right now. 391 00:19:15,689 --> 00:19:18,487 Why don't you give me your home number, and I'll call later? 392 00:19:18,649 --> 00:19:20,446 I'm sorry. We're not alowed to do that. 393 00:19:20,689 --> 00:19:22,964 I guess you don't want people calling you at home. 394 00:19:23,129 --> 00:19:25,882 - No. - Well, now you know how I feel. 395 00:19:31,489 --> 00:19:33,764 - So go ahead. Tell him. - Well- 396 00:19:34,249 --> 00:19:35,921 Kramer, are you drinking that milk? 397 00:19:36,889 --> 00:19:39,722 - Yeah. - What's the expiration date on that? 398 00:19:41,009 --> 00:19:42,965 September third. 399 00:19:43,129 --> 00:19:45,245 - The third? - The third? 400 00:19:57,249 --> 00:19:59,763 Never should have brought her up there. 401 00:20:00,129 --> 00:20:02,006 Should have known better. 402 00:20:02,169 --> 00:20:04,558 I should have seen it coming. I didn't see it coming. 403 00:20:05,689 --> 00:20:08,249 I think she saw it coming. 404 00:20:09,929 --> 00:20:13,001 You know, she was behind the idea. She was gonna champion the show. 405 00:20:13,169 --> 00:20:15,558 I was bringing her up to tell you, and she liked me. 406 00:20:15,929 --> 00:20:20,366 Look, just because Kramer vomited on her doesn't mean the deal is dead. 407 00:20:21,169 --> 00:20:22,488 What are you, crazy? 408 00:20:22,649 --> 00:20:25,117 It's a traumatic thing to be thrown up on. 409 00:20:25,409 --> 00:20:27,525 Vomiting is not a deal-breaker. 410 00:20:27,689 --> 00:20:29,645 If Hitler had vomited on Chamberlain... 411 00:20:29,809 --> 00:20:32,004 ...he still would have given him Czechoslovakia. 412 00:20:32,169 --> 00:20:33,443 Chamberlain. 413 00:20:33,609 --> 00:20:37,443 You could hold his head in the toilet, he'd still give you half of Europe. 414 00:20:39,489 --> 00:20:40,808 What happened to you? 415 00:20:41,489 --> 00:20:42,763 Davola came after me. 416 00:20:43,209 --> 00:20:44,688 What? Davola? 417 00:20:44,849 --> 00:20:47,568 See, this guy is crazy. I can't believe this. What happened? 418 00:20:47,729 --> 00:20:50,323 Can I get coffee? You know, I was walking home... 419 00:20:50,529 --> 00:20:53,760 I had to pick up my helmet from the shop. I had to get a new strap. 420 00:20:53,929 --> 00:20:57,126 So I had it on, and I was checking the strap out to make sure it fit. 421 00:20:57,329 --> 00:21:00,958 And suddenly, I feel this kick hit me on the side of the head. 422 00:21:01,209 --> 00:21:05,521 It knocks me down. I look up, and it's Crazy Joe Davola. 423 00:21:05,849 --> 00:21:08,568 And he says, "That's what I think of your party." 424 00:21:09,169 --> 00:21:12,605 - Boy, that is some kick. - Newman's helmet, it saved my life. 425 00:21:12,769 --> 00:21:15,203 - Look at that. - Wow, Newman's helmet. 426 00:21:16,329 --> 00:21:17,887 I got bad news for you, buddy. 427 00:21:18,049 --> 00:21:19,482 Davola says you're next. 428 00:21:19,969 --> 00:21:21,243 Me? Why? 429 00:21:21,689 --> 00:21:23,122 He doesn't like you. 430 00:21:23,289 --> 00:21:26,281 What does he want from me? I didn't do anything. 431 00:21:26,489 --> 00:21:30,084 See, this is all Elaine's fault. She took off to Europe with his psychiatrist. 432 00:21:30,249 --> 00:21:32,843 He can't get his medication. Now I got some nut after me. 433 00:21:33,169 --> 00:21:34,727 Pass the cream. 434 00:21:35,409 --> 00:21:37,047 Wait a second. 435 00:21:38,209 --> 00:21:39,688 All right. 436 00:21:47,289 --> 00:21:48,688 When you vomit on somebody... 437 00:21:48,849 --> 00:21:50,965 ...it is a social faux pas... 438 00:21:51,129 --> 00:21:53,643 ...from which there is really no recovery. 439 00:21:53,969 --> 00:21:57,518 At that point, there's really very little you can say to the person. 440 00:21:57,689 --> 00:22:00,328 There's no Hallmark cards that cover this occasion. 441 00:22:00,609 --> 00:22:03,521 There's no vomit sympathy-card section of the store, you know. 442 00:22:03,769 --> 00:22:06,329 "You wear it well." You know, there's no words... 443 00:22:06,489 --> 00:22:08,400 ...that really capture, you know... 444 00:22:08,569 --> 00:22:09,888 "Next time, lunch is on me." 445 00:22:10,049 --> 00:22:14,964 There's no, really, way to phrase the sentiment. 446 00:22:22,369 --> 00:22:24,519 Where the hell did I put it? 447 00:22:26,849 --> 00:22:28,999 - Where did I put it? - What are you looking for? 448 00:22:29,169 --> 00:22:31,364 The remote. The remote. I can't find the remote. 449 00:22:31,529 --> 00:22:33,485 Did I-? I lost it. Did you take it? 450 00:22:33,649 --> 00:22:35,446 - Did you put it someplace? - No, no, no. 451 00:22:35,609 --> 00:22:37,247 All right, what is this? 452 00:22:37,529 --> 00:22:41,044 - What is what? - All right, very funny. I get it. 453 00:22:41,249 --> 00:22:42,807 - You're in a weird mood. - Come on. 454 00:22:42,969 --> 00:22:44,448 Go to your apartment and fix it. 455 00:22:44,609 --> 00:22:46,406 - Fix what? - Your pants! 456 00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:51,837 What is this? Why do I got one pant leg on for? 457 00:22:52,009 --> 00:22:56,639 Don't you know? Look at your face. You only shaved the right side of your face. 458 00:22:57,129 --> 00:22:59,518 - What is this, a joke? - No joke. What? A joke? 459 00:22:59,689 --> 00:23:01,680 You think this is funny? 460 00:23:02,009 --> 00:23:04,921 Well, look at your face in the mirror. 461 00:23:07,129 --> 00:23:08,403 - Yeah? - It's George. 462 00:23:08,569 --> 00:23:10,048 Come on up. 463 00:23:11,449 --> 00:23:14,168 - I don't believe this. - You didn't know you were doing this? 464 00:23:14,329 --> 00:23:16,559 - No, I swear. - I'll bet this is from that kick... 465 00:23:16,729 --> 00:23:20,085 ...from Crazy Joe Davola. You better see a doctor and get some x-rays. 466 00:23:21,849 --> 00:23:23,168 Just the man I'm looking for. 467 00:23:23,329 --> 00:23:24,603 - Me? - Yeah. Here you go. 468 00:23:24,769 --> 00:23:26,600 - What's this? - A dry-cleaning bill. 469 00:23:26,769 --> 00:23:28,441 - From that woman at NBC? - Yeah. 470 00:23:28,609 --> 00:23:32,124 - Dry cleaning bill for what? - For vomiting on her vest. 471 00:23:32,889 --> 00:23:35,119 Oh, come on, George. I didn't do that on purpose. 472 00:23:35,329 --> 00:23:37,399 - I shouldn't have to pay. - Neither should I. 473 00:23:37,569 --> 00:23:39,525 Jerry left the milk in the refrigerator. 474 00:23:39,689 --> 00:23:41,281 - Yeah, it's your milk. - He drank it. 475 00:23:41,449 --> 00:23:42,768 - I didn't know. - All right. 476 00:23:42,929 --> 00:23:44,647 Well, we should all chip in, I guess. 477 00:23:44,809 --> 00:23:46,720 - Yeah. - How much was it to clean the vest? 478 00:23:46,889 --> 00:23:48,447 Eighteen dollars. 479 00:23:48,609 --> 00:23:50,964 Can you get vomit out of suede? 480 00:23:52,329 --> 00:23:54,638 - I don't know. - Yo-Yo Ma! 481 00:23:57,409 --> 00:23:59,320 What? Yo-Yo Ma? 482 00:24:00,369 --> 00:24:02,041 What about him? 483 00:24:02,209 --> 00:24:04,882 - You just said, "Yo-Yo Ma." - What's Yo-Yo Ma? 484 00:24:05,049 --> 00:24:06,323 He's a cellist. 485 00:24:06,489 --> 00:24:08,400 You should see a doctor today. 486 00:24:08,569 --> 00:24:10,207 All right. Let's go. Six dollars. 487 00:24:10,369 --> 00:24:12,200 I can't believe she sent a cleaning bill. 488 00:24:12,369 --> 00:24:13,688 I know. 489 00:24:13,849 --> 00:24:15,965 And it doesn't really bode well for the show. 490 00:24:16,129 --> 00:24:19,326 Forget about the show. We should take the idea to a different network. 491 00:24:19,489 --> 00:24:20,968 Oh, yeah. Right. 492 00:24:21,129 --> 00:24:23,848 Like anybody's ever gonna do this. 493 00:24:24,009 --> 00:24:25,647 How did you get me to go with that? 494 00:24:25,809 --> 00:24:28,448 A show about nothing. 495 00:24:31,169 --> 00:24:33,683 It was a good idea. Susan liked it. 496 00:24:33,849 --> 00:24:36,966 And if he hadn't vomited all over her, we'd be writing it right now. 497 00:24:47,489 --> 00:24:49,047 What are you doing? 498 00:24:49,209 --> 00:24:51,769 What's wrong with you? What are you doing? Give me that. 499 00:24:52,089 --> 00:24:56,128 Go to your apartment and lie down. I'll make an appointment for a doctor. 500 00:24:59,089 --> 00:25:00,761 Hello? Oh, hi, I'm sorry. 501 00:25:00,929 --> 00:25:03,124 No, that's my neighbour. He's not quite himself. 502 00:25:03,289 --> 00:25:05,041 He got kicked in the head. 503 00:25:05,369 --> 00:25:07,758 What? Really? You're kidding. 504 00:25:07,929 --> 00:25:11,478 Today? Yeah, sure. We could make it. Two o'clock? 505 00:25:11,649 --> 00:25:13,241 Yeah, we could do that. 506 00:25:13,489 --> 00:25:15,241 Okay. Great. Thanks a million. 507 00:25:15,409 --> 00:25:16,683 Okay. Bye. 508 00:25:16,849 --> 00:25:18,362 - What? - NBC. 509 00:25:18,649 --> 00:25:20,526 They wanna have another meeting. 510 00:25:20,729 --> 00:25:23,004 They wanna have another meeting? 511 00:25:23,169 --> 00:25:25,922 They wanna buy it! They wanna buy it! What did I tell you? 512 00:25:26,089 --> 00:25:27,761 We'll be rich! What are we gonna get? 513 00:25:27,929 --> 00:25:30,045 - Fifty, 60 thousand. - I don't know about 60. 514 00:25:30,209 --> 00:25:32,359 Oh, it's gotta be 50. 515 00:25:32,569 --> 00:25:34,525 You know how much Ted Danson makes? 516 00:25:34,689 --> 00:25:37,078 Ted Danson. How are you comparing us to Ted Danson? 517 00:25:37,249 --> 00:25:40,878 - I didn't say we're Ted Danson. - You did. You said we're Ted Danson. 518 00:25:41,089 --> 00:25:44,968 - You know, I think he wears a piece. - Yeah, don't worry. He can afford it. 519 00:25:47,369 --> 00:25:48,961 - What time do you have? - Five till. 520 00:25:49,129 --> 00:25:52,724 See, I'm 10 minutes slow again. That's it for this piece of junk. I've had it. 521 00:25:52,889 --> 00:25:55,084 - The one your parents gave you? - It never works. 522 00:25:55,249 --> 00:25:57,285 We're supposed to be there. Let's take a cab. 523 00:25:57,449 --> 00:25:59,485 We'll be a little late. I'm not taking a cab. 524 00:25:59,649 --> 00:26:01,367 - I'll pay for it. - It's not the money. 525 00:26:01,529 --> 00:26:05,442 What is it you object to? The comfort? The speed? The convenience? 526 00:26:06,329 --> 00:26:07,887 Jerry! 527 00:26:08,049 --> 00:26:09,846 - Uncle Leo! - Hello! 528 00:26:10,009 --> 00:26:11,806 Hello there. How you doing? 529 00:26:11,969 --> 00:26:15,120 - How are you? How's Mom and Dad? - Good. Fine. 530 00:26:15,289 --> 00:26:18,406 Are you getting to be too much of a big shot now to give me a call? 531 00:26:18,649 --> 00:26:20,401 I don't hear from you anymore. 532 00:26:20,569 --> 00:26:22,480 Oh, no, I've been kind of busy, that's all. 533 00:26:22,649 --> 00:26:24,560 You know where I just came from? 534 00:26:24,729 --> 00:26:27,084 - Danny Barber. - Oh, sure. Danny. 535 00:26:27,249 --> 00:26:28,762 He was in the pyjama business. 536 00:26:28,929 --> 00:26:30,521 Remember, I got my pyjamas for free. 537 00:26:30,689 --> 00:26:32,327 I'd come over and give you pyjamas. 538 00:26:32,489 --> 00:26:33,763 Oh, yeah, yeah. I remember. 539 00:26:34,089 --> 00:26:37,240 Funny thing is, I can't wear them. I get too hot. 540 00:26:37,409 --> 00:26:39,127 I sleep in my underwear and a T-shirt. 541 00:26:39,289 --> 00:26:43,840 If it gets too hot, I just take the T-shirt off. Anyway, Danny says to me: 542 00:26:44,009 --> 00:26:46,159 - "You need any pyjamas?" - I'm sorry, Uncle Leo. 543 00:26:46,329 --> 00:26:48,718 I really gotta get going. 544 00:26:49,409 --> 00:26:52,560 Well, you gotta get going, so go. 545 00:26:52,729 --> 00:26:54,720 We got a meeting with the president of NBC. 546 00:26:54,929 --> 00:26:57,648 - Nobody got a gun to your head. - Yeah. I'm really sorry. 547 00:26:57,809 --> 00:26:59,083 Go. Really, I understand. 548 00:26:59,249 --> 00:27:01,365 You got an appointment. Go to your appointment. 549 00:27:01,529 --> 00:27:03,520 - I'm sorry. Really. - You know... 550 00:27:03,769 --> 00:27:06,442 ...I know plenty of people in Hollywood too. 551 00:27:07,129 --> 00:27:08,881 Sorry. Really. 552 00:27:24,409 --> 00:27:27,924 - Yeah? - Come on, are you ready? Let's go. 553 00:27:30,489 --> 00:27:32,002 - For what? - What's with you? 554 00:27:32,169 --> 00:27:34,000 I just talked to you 15 minutes ago. 555 00:27:34,529 --> 00:27:36,121 - About what? - The courthouse. 556 00:27:36,289 --> 00:27:39,087 You gotta go with me to court. I'm contesting the ticket. 557 00:27:39,249 --> 00:27:41,843 - I can't. I'm going to the doctor's later. - You gotta go. 558 00:27:42,009 --> 00:27:44,000 You're my alibi. You have to take the stand. 559 00:27:44,169 --> 00:27:46,364 - Well, I can't. - Let me remind you of something. 560 00:27:46,529 --> 00:27:49,362 You wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for me and my helmet. 561 00:27:49,529 --> 00:27:51,838 I saved your life. You would be dead! 562 00:27:52,009 --> 00:27:55,001 You would cease to exist. You'd be gone for the rest of eternity. 563 00:27:55,169 --> 00:27:57,205 Can you begin to comprehend what that means? 564 00:27:57,369 --> 00:28:00,566 Shut up! I'll get my coat. 565 00:28:00,809 --> 00:28:02,481 Don't step on anything. 566 00:28:05,809 --> 00:28:08,448 There are many things that I think you can point to... 567 00:28:08,609 --> 00:28:11,442 ...as proof that the humans are not smart. 568 00:28:11,769 --> 00:28:15,648 But my personal favourite would have to be that we had to invent the helmet. 569 00:28:15,809 --> 00:28:17,447 What happened was we were involved... 570 00:28:17,609 --> 00:28:20,567 ...in a lot of activities that were cracking our heads. 571 00:28:20,729 --> 00:28:24,404 We chose not to avoid doing these activities, but instead... 572 00:28:24,569 --> 00:28:26,480 ...to come up with some sort of device... 573 00:28:26,649 --> 00:28:30,483 ...to help us continue enjoying our head-cracking lifestyles: 574 00:28:30,649 --> 00:28:31,923 The helmet. 575 00:28:32,129 --> 00:28:33,881 Not enough people were wearing them... 576 00:28:34,049 --> 00:28:36,165 ...so we had to come up with the helmet law... 577 00:28:36,329 --> 00:28:39,048 ...which is even stupider. The idea behind the helmet law... 578 00:28:39,209 --> 00:28:42,645 ...is to preserve a brain whose judgment is so poor... 579 00:28:42,809 --> 00:28:46,802 ...it does not even try to stop the cracking of the head it's in. 580 00:28:48,729 --> 00:28:52,119 Did you see the look on his face? Did you see how insulted he was? 581 00:28:52,289 --> 00:28:54,439 What could I do? What are we supposed to do? 582 00:28:54,609 --> 00:28:55,883 You can't leave. 583 00:28:56,049 --> 00:28:59,121 There's no excuse good enough to justify walking away... 584 00:28:59,289 --> 00:29:01,519 ...from a conversation with one of my relatives. 585 00:29:02,009 --> 00:29:04,682 I didn't shave this morning. I don't feel like myself. 586 00:29:05,329 --> 00:29:09,641 You could be a fireman on a fire truck on the way to a fire. 587 00:29:09,809 --> 00:29:12,323 You bump into one of my relatives, "Sorry, Uncle Leo... 588 00:29:12,489 --> 00:29:16,084 ...there's a building full of people burning down. I do have to be running." 589 00:29:16,409 --> 00:29:21,437 He'll go, "Go. Go ahead. Go to your fancy fire. 590 00:29:21,889 --> 00:29:25,120 If that's what you have to do." 591 00:29:25,449 --> 00:29:28,407 - Look at this. - Why didn't you shave this morning? 592 00:29:28,569 --> 00:29:31,129 Because I shaved yesterday in the afternoon. 593 00:29:31,289 --> 00:29:32,768 - Why? - Because of the day before. 594 00:29:32,929 --> 00:29:34,647 It's a long story. 595 00:29:34,809 --> 00:29:36,162 I can't get back on schedule. 596 00:29:37,969 --> 00:29:39,766 Is that Joe Davola? 597 00:29:39,929 --> 00:29:42,124 It's not him! 598 00:29:43,049 --> 00:29:44,960 I can't live like this. I'm being stalked. 599 00:29:45,129 --> 00:29:46,847 Mr. Seinfeld. They're ready for you. 600 00:29:48,009 --> 00:29:50,045 Mr. Seinfeld. What about Mr. Costanza? 601 00:29:50,209 --> 00:29:51,927 I'm not here? 602 00:29:52,249 --> 00:29:53,523 All right. You promised. 603 00:29:53,689 --> 00:29:56,408 You're gonna be a little more flexible on the nothing idea. 604 00:29:56,569 --> 00:29:59,447 - Just a little. - All right. A little. 605 00:30:01,489 --> 00:30:03,207 Okay. You all set? You got your story? 606 00:30:03,369 --> 00:30:04,643 - No. - When he stopped me... 607 00:30:04,809 --> 00:30:08,768 ...I told him I was rushing because my friend was about to commit suicide. 608 00:30:08,929 --> 00:30:11,682 You're that friend. All we need is a reason... 609 00:30:11,849 --> 00:30:14,124 ...why you were gonna commit suicide. 610 00:30:16,529 --> 00:30:18,520 I never had an air conditioner. 611 00:30:20,449 --> 00:30:22,485 No. That's no reason to kill yourself. 612 00:30:22,689 --> 00:30:24,839 Why? It gets hot at night. You can't sleep. 613 00:30:25,049 --> 00:30:26,687 You ever try to sleep in a hot room? 614 00:30:26,849 --> 00:30:29,602 I sleep in a really hot room. I don't wanna kill myself. 615 00:30:29,809 --> 00:30:32,403 I've slept in really hot rooms and wanted to kill myself. 616 00:30:32,569 --> 00:30:36,084 No, no, that's not gonna work. Something else. 617 00:30:37,849 --> 00:30:40,886 I was never able to become a banker. 618 00:30:42,409 --> 00:30:45,207 Banker! So you're killing yourself... 619 00:30:45,369 --> 00:30:49,248 ...because your dreams of becoming a banker have gone unfulfilled. 620 00:30:49,409 --> 00:30:52,003 You- You- You can't live without being a banker. 621 00:30:52,169 --> 00:30:55,286 Yeah, yeah. If I can't be a banker, I don't wanna live. 622 00:30:55,449 --> 00:30:58,168 - You must be a banker! - Must be a banker! 623 00:30:58,449 --> 00:31:00,360 Okay, we'll go with the banker story. 624 00:31:08,089 --> 00:31:11,843 Story is the foundation of all entertainment. 625 00:31:12,249 --> 00:31:16,561 You must have a good story. Otherwise, it's just masturbation. 626 00:31:23,969 --> 00:31:26,199 People really have to care about the characters. 627 00:31:26,489 --> 00:31:28,241 Care? Forget about care. Love. 628 00:31:28,409 --> 00:31:30,161 They have to love them. Otherwise... 629 00:31:30,329 --> 00:31:31,921 - ... why tune in? - Wouldn't tune in. 630 00:31:32,089 --> 00:31:34,159 - Would they tune in? - No tune. 631 00:31:34,969 --> 00:31:37,403 We like to look at a show as if it were an EKG. 632 00:31:37,569 --> 00:31:40,606 You have your highs and your lows. And it goes up and down. 633 00:31:40,769 --> 00:31:43,044 This show will be like a heart attack. 634 00:31:43,209 --> 00:31:46,042 Just a huge, massive coronary. 635 00:31:46,209 --> 00:31:48,677 So, what you said last week about no story... 636 00:31:48,849 --> 00:31:50,680 ...you're a little flexible on that now. 637 00:31:51,449 --> 00:31:56,682 Is that what I said, "no story"? Because Jerry had to tell me later. 638 00:31:56,849 --> 00:31:58,487 He couldn't believe it. 639 00:31:58,649 --> 00:32:01,800 I said- I said, "Get out of here. No story? 640 00:32:01,969 --> 00:32:04,164 Is that what I said?" 641 00:32:08,489 --> 00:32:11,367 Well, I informed him that he was exceeding the speed limit... 642 00:32:11,529 --> 00:32:14,760 ...and that's when he told me that he was racing home... 643 00:32:14,929 --> 00:32:17,841 ...because his friend was about to commit suicide. 644 00:32:18,409 --> 00:32:19,683 And then what happened? 645 00:32:19,849 --> 00:32:21,441 He became very loud and hysterical. 646 00:32:21,609 --> 00:32:24,328 He was flailing his arms about as he told the story... 647 00:32:24,489 --> 00:32:26,525 ...and then he threw himself on the ground... 648 00:32:26,689 --> 00:32:28,486 ...and he grabbed me around the legs... 649 00:32:28,649 --> 00:32:31,880 ...and he begged me to let him go. And when I refused... 650 00:32:32,049 --> 00:32:34,847 ...that's when he began to scream, "My friend's going to die. 651 00:32:35,009 --> 00:32:36,283 My friend's going to die." 652 00:32:39,129 --> 00:32:43,247 I don't know how you guys feel, but we would like to be in business with you. 653 00:32:43,409 --> 00:32:45,445 - We'd like to be in business. - Love to. 654 00:32:45,609 --> 00:32:47,088 - We'll do business. - Business. 655 00:32:47,249 --> 00:32:49,319 - Let's have business. - This is business. 656 00:32:49,489 --> 00:32:53,528 Would it be possible to get a copy of La Cocina? 657 00:32:55,929 --> 00:32:57,840 Your off-Broadway play. 658 00:33:00,289 --> 00:33:01,688 Gee, you know... 659 00:33:01,849 --> 00:33:04,079 It's- It's the damndest thing. I- 660 00:33:04,249 --> 00:33:07,446 I moved recently, and my files disappeared. 661 00:33:07,609 --> 00:33:10,760 Now I- I don't know if they fell off the truck... 662 00:33:10,929 --> 00:33:13,443 ...or if there was some foul play, but let me tell you: 663 00:33:13,609 --> 00:33:15,565 I am not through with that moving company. 664 00:33:15,729 --> 00:33:17,560 That's my vow to you. 665 00:33:17,769 --> 00:33:20,283 Well, I got a feeling about you two. 666 00:33:20,689 --> 00:33:22,122 And even more than that... 667 00:33:22,289 --> 00:33:24,678 ...I place great confidence in this lady's judgment. 668 00:33:24,849 --> 00:33:26,248 - Good judgment. - Good judgment. 669 00:33:26,409 --> 00:33:30,163 - That's a pile of judgment. - Yes. Yes, judgment with earrings on. 670 00:33:30,529 --> 00:33:33,726 So let's make a pilot. 671 00:33:36,849 --> 00:33:38,919 I had gone up to Westchester. 672 00:33:39,449 --> 00:33:41,121 I go every Tuesday. 673 00:33:41,289 --> 00:33:44,008 I do charity work with the blind... 674 00:33:44,209 --> 00:33:47,679 ...in my spare time for the Lighthouse. 675 00:33:47,849 --> 00:33:52,445 I was in the middle of a game of Parcheesi with an old blind man... 676 00:33:52,609 --> 00:33:55,521 ...and I excused myself to call my friend... 677 00:33:55,689 --> 00:33:57,805 ...as he was very depressed lately... 678 00:33:57,969 --> 00:34:00,722 ...because he never became a banker. 679 00:34:01,369 --> 00:34:03,087 I don't understand. 680 00:34:03,249 --> 00:34:06,161 You see, it had been his lifelong dream to be a banker, and he- 681 00:34:06,329 --> 00:34:08,604 Just the day before, he was turned down by a bank. 682 00:34:08,769 --> 00:34:10,885 I believe it was the Manufacturers Hanover... 683 00:34:11,049 --> 00:34:13,119 ...on Lexington and 40th Street. 684 00:34:13,289 --> 00:34:15,849 That was the third bank in two weeks to turn him down... 685 00:34:16,009 --> 00:34:19,604 ...so I was- I was a little concerned. I wanted to see how he was doing. 686 00:34:19,769 --> 00:34:22,602 Well, Your Honour, he was barely audible... 687 00:34:22,769 --> 00:34:24,885 ...but I- I distinctly recall him saying- 688 00:34:25,049 --> 00:34:26,641 Hey, Yo-Yo Ma. 689 00:34:29,929 --> 00:34:33,638 So I sped home to save my friend's life, and I was stopped for speeding. 690 00:34:33,809 --> 00:34:36,642 Yes, I admit I was speeding... 691 00:34:36,809 --> 00:34:39,277 ...but it was to save a man's life. 692 00:34:39,449 --> 00:34:40,723 A close friend. 693 00:34:40,889 --> 00:34:44,564 An innocent person who wanted nothing more out of life than to love... 694 00:34:44,729 --> 00:34:46,959 ...to be loved and to be a banker. 695 00:34:47,609 --> 00:34:49,361 So then he didn't kill himself? 696 00:34:49,689 --> 00:34:51,008 No, sir, he did not. 697 00:34:51,169 --> 00:34:53,205 But only by the grace of God. 698 00:34:53,369 --> 00:34:57,248 He is in the courtroom today, sitting right over there! 699 00:34:57,609 --> 00:35:01,363 And he can corroborate my entire testimony. 700 00:35:04,169 --> 00:35:06,888 See! Told you! I told you! 701 00:35:08,969 --> 00:35:10,721 - Now all we gotta do is write it. - Yes! 702 00:35:10,889 --> 00:35:12,880 How are we gonna do that? 703 00:35:13,769 --> 00:35:15,760 - Hey! Congratulations. - Thanks. 704 00:35:15,929 --> 00:35:17,362 - Thank you. Thanks. - Thank you. 705 00:35:17,569 --> 00:35:19,400 You know, I thought you were mad at me. 706 00:35:19,569 --> 00:35:21,639 Mr. Seinfeld, you have a telephone call. 707 00:35:22,009 --> 00:35:25,001 Phone call? Who knows I'm here? 708 00:35:26,489 --> 00:35:29,367 Hello? Mom? 709 00:35:30,009 --> 00:35:32,079 How did you know I was here? 710 00:35:32,249 --> 00:35:35,764 Oh, I was not rude to him. That is baloney! 711 00:35:37,649 --> 00:35:40,766 I couldn't talk. I had a meeting. 712 00:35:40,929 --> 00:35:45,764 I don't know. He- He went off on some thing about pyjamas. 713 00:35:45,969 --> 00:35:49,564 When you sent me the bill, I thought the show didn't have a chance. 714 00:35:49,729 --> 00:35:52,243 Oh, it was only vomit. 715 00:35:53,169 --> 00:35:55,444 Anyway, I would like to pay for the dry cleaning. 716 00:35:55,609 --> 00:35:57,600 - Oh, no, no. It's okay. - Oh, no, no, no. 717 00:35:57,769 --> 00:35:59,680 We all chipped in. We have the money. 718 00:36:01,409 --> 00:36:03,240 Well, it was $18. 719 00:36:03,769 --> 00:36:08,047 - Okay, $18. There it is. There you go. - All right. 720 00:36:08,209 --> 00:36:11,007 So maybe we could get together this weekend. 721 00:36:11,329 --> 00:36:13,206 - Yeah. Call me. - All right. Great. 722 00:36:13,369 --> 00:36:14,802 - Bye. - Bye. Thanks. 723 00:36:14,969 --> 00:36:16,288 Bye. 724 00:36:16,969 --> 00:36:19,767 I can't believe she took the money. 725 00:36:21,649 --> 00:36:22,923 Why? 726 00:36:23,089 --> 00:36:25,000 I offered to pay. She should have said no. 727 00:36:25,169 --> 00:36:27,046 She did. You insisted. 728 00:36:27,369 --> 00:36:31,362 This is what the pilot should be about. Vomiting on somebody's vest. 729 00:36:31,529 --> 00:36:33,121 How much are we gonna get for this? 730 00:36:33,289 --> 00:36:36,122 - Oh, I- I don't know. - We gotta get 50. Gotta get 50. 731 00:36:36,289 --> 00:36:38,928 We'll go. You call your manager. Maybe they made an offer. 732 00:36:39,089 --> 00:36:41,444 - Okay. - All right, let's go, let's go. 733 00:36:42,969 --> 00:36:44,561 Thirteen thousand? 734 00:36:44,849 --> 00:36:46,123 Thirteen thousand. 735 00:36:46,369 --> 00:36:48,280 - Apiece? - No, for both. 736 00:36:48,449 --> 00:36:52,408 That's insulting. Ted Danson makes $800,000 an episode. 737 00:36:52,569 --> 00:36:54,958 - Would you stop with the Ted Danson? - Well, he does. 738 00:36:55,129 --> 00:36:56,528 - You're nuts. - I'm sorry. 739 00:36:56,689 --> 00:36:59,806 I can't live knowing that Ted Danson makes that much more than me. 740 00:36:59,969 --> 00:37:01,322 - Who's he? - He's somebody. 741 00:37:01,489 --> 00:37:02,763 - And me? - You're nobody. 742 00:37:02,929 --> 00:37:04,965 - Why him? Why not me? - He's good. You're not. 743 00:37:05,129 --> 00:37:07,563 - I'm better than him. - You're worse. 744 00:37:07,729 --> 00:37:09,845 Much, much worse. 745 00:37:11,369 --> 00:37:12,722 - There's Davola. - What? Where? 746 00:37:12,889 --> 00:37:15,528 - Where? - Outside. I just saw him outside. 747 00:37:21,809 --> 00:37:23,242 What is it? 748 00:37:23,689 --> 00:37:26,157 Oh, it's this patient. 749 00:37:26,809 --> 00:37:28,288 Again? 750 00:37:28,449 --> 00:37:30,167 I'm fairly certain. 751 00:37:30,329 --> 00:37:33,685 I forgot to leave him an extra prescription for his medication. 752 00:37:33,849 --> 00:37:37,046 Well, so he can live without his Valium for a couple of days. 753 00:37:37,209 --> 00:37:39,928 No, you don't understand. 754 00:37:40,089 --> 00:37:42,159 He could be dangerous. 755 00:37:45,169 --> 00:37:46,761 Go outside and see if he's there. 756 00:37:46,929 --> 00:37:48,726 I can't go. He knows we're friends. 757 00:37:48,889 --> 00:37:52,848 Well, what am I supposed to do? I gotta take Kramer to the doctor. 758 00:37:53,129 --> 00:37:55,927 - Tell the cop. - Good idea. 759 00:38:00,729 --> 00:38:02,003 Excuse me, officer. 760 00:38:02,249 --> 00:38:05,605 There's a guy outside, and he's a nutjob, and he's waiting to beat me up. 761 00:38:05,769 --> 00:38:08,761 If you could just walk me outside and wait till I get into a cab. 762 00:38:09,449 --> 00:38:11,917 Yeah, all right. Just- Just let me get a muffin. 763 00:38:12,489 --> 00:38:14,002 Thanks. 764 00:38:19,889 --> 00:38:22,278 He's gonna get a muffin. Then he'll walk us outside. 765 00:38:22,449 --> 00:38:25,282 This is a great way to go through life, isn't it? 766 00:38:25,449 --> 00:38:27,599 Hey, he's looking at the menu now. 767 00:38:28,009 --> 00:38:30,477 What's he looking at the menu for? 768 00:38:31,009 --> 00:38:33,125 I thought you said he was gonna get a muffin. 769 00:38:40,409 --> 00:38:42,047 What are you doing? 770 00:38:43,449 --> 00:38:45,724 - What? - What, you're ordering food now? 771 00:38:45,889 --> 00:38:48,244 Yeah. Yeah, I decided to get a sandwich. 772 00:38:48,409 --> 00:38:50,001 What happened to the muffin? 773 00:38:50,409 --> 00:38:51,683 I got a little hungry. 774 00:38:52,249 --> 00:38:53,762 All of a sudden you get hungry? 775 00:38:54,209 --> 00:38:56,325 Yeah. You got a problem with that? 776 00:38:56,489 --> 00:38:57,763 No. 777 00:38:57,929 --> 00:39:00,318 Enjoy your lunch. 778 00:39:03,209 --> 00:39:05,165 You know, a muffin can be very filling. 779 00:39:10,129 --> 00:39:13,644 - He's getting a sandwich now. - I thought he was gonna have a muffin. 780 00:39:13,809 --> 00:39:16,118 All of a sudden, he gets hungry. 781 00:39:16,569 --> 00:39:19,367 - You know, a muffin can be very filling. - I know. 782 00:39:21,369 --> 00:39:23,724 Mr. Kramer... 783 00:39:24,369 --> 00:39:25,961 ...you heard the testimony so far. 784 00:39:26,129 --> 00:39:28,518 Would you please tell the court, in your own words... 785 00:39:28,689 --> 00:39:31,761 ...what happened on the afternoon of September 1 Oth? 786 00:39:32,089 --> 00:39:34,284 What do you mean, "in my own words"? 787 00:39:34,449 --> 00:39:35,848 Whose words are they gonna be? 788 00:39:36,489 --> 00:39:38,161 You know what I mean. 789 00:39:38,689 --> 00:39:41,362 - I was very upset that day. - And why was that? 790 00:39:41,969 --> 00:39:44,688 - Would you let me say-? Let me talk. - All right. Go ahead. 791 00:39:44,849 --> 00:39:46,282 - All right. - Okay. 792 00:39:48,329 --> 00:39:51,560 I was very upset that day because I could never become a banker. 793 00:39:52,249 --> 00:39:55,764 And this failure to become a banker... 794 00:39:56,089 --> 00:39:59,320 ...was eating at you. Eating, eating, eating at you inside. 795 00:40:00,049 --> 00:40:01,448 Yeah. 796 00:40:03,409 --> 00:40:07,118 It was your family that pushed you into banking. It was their dream for you. 797 00:40:07,289 --> 00:40:09,086 - Mr. Newman? - I'm trying to establish... 798 00:40:09,249 --> 00:40:13,288 ...Mr. Kramer's fragile emotional state. My entire case depends on it. 799 00:40:13,449 --> 00:40:14,848 Continue. 800 00:40:15,049 --> 00:40:17,688 - As you were saying, Mr. Kramer? - What was the question? 801 00:40:17,969 --> 00:40:20,642 You're telling how your parents pushed you into banking. 802 00:40:21,329 --> 00:40:23,160 Well, my father, when I was a kid... 803 00:40:23,329 --> 00:40:24,921 ...he took me to the bank... 804 00:40:25,089 --> 00:40:28,286 ...and he lifted me up, and he pointed to the teller, and he said: 805 00:40:28,449 --> 00:40:30,519 "Sonny boy, take a good look at him. 806 00:40:30,689 --> 00:40:32,839 That's gonna be you someday." 807 00:40:33,369 --> 00:40:38,318 But you never became a banker, did you, Mr. Kramer? 808 00:40:38,489 --> 00:40:41,162 Why? Why did you fail? 809 00:40:41,329 --> 00:40:43,047 I don't know. 810 00:40:43,209 --> 00:40:44,688 Because you hated your father... 811 00:40:44,849 --> 00:40:46,919 ...and you would do anything to displease him! 812 00:40:47,089 --> 00:40:48,408 Isn't that true? 813 00:40:48,689 --> 00:40:52,045 - Could you get to the speeding? - Yes, I intend to, Your Honour. 814 00:40:52,209 --> 00:40:55,042 And then, on the afternoon of September 1 Oth... 815 00:40:55,209 --> 00:40:57,643 ...you received a phone call, did you not? 816 00:40:58,209 --> 00:41:00,165 Phone call? 817 00:41:01,129 --> 00:41:03,199 Yes, a phone call. 818 00:41:03,529 --> 00:41:04,803 From who? 819 00:41:05,369 --> 00:41:06,961 - From me. - From you? 820 00:41:07,209 --> 00:41:09,564 Yes, from me! From me! I called you, remember? 821 00:41:09,729 --> 00:41:12,084 - You called me? - Yes, I called you, you idiot! 822 00:41:12,249 --> 00:41:13,762 Because you were going to... 823 00:41:13,929 --> 00:41:15,681 - You were going to... Remember? - What? 824 00:41:15,849 --> 00:41:17,362 You were gonna- You were gonna- 825 00:41:17,529 --> 00:41:19,201 You were gonna do something... 826 00:41:20,569 --> 00:41:22,560 ...to yourself. You were gonna do something. 827 00:41:22,729 --> 00:41:25,368 Remember the banking! The banking! It wasn't working out. 828 00:41:25,649 --> 00:41:27,401 I'm afraid I'm gonna have to call- 829 00:41:27,609 --> 00:41:28,962 - Yes, a banker! - What banker? 830 00:41:29,129 --> 00:41:30,642 You're a banker! 831 00:41:31,649 --> 00:41:33,241 - Your Honour- - That's enough, Mr. - 832 00:41:33,409 --> 00:41:35,286 Mr. Kramer is obviously very distraught. 833 00:41:35,449 --> 00:41:37,519 - I'm distraught? - You shut up! 834 00:41:40,569 --> 00:41:42,878 I demand a recess so that I can take him outside... 835 00:41:43,049 --> 00:41:44,687 ...and help him regain his composure. 836 00:41:44,849 --> 00:41:46,726 That'll be $75. 837 00:41:46,889 --> 00:41:50,006 What's the matter with you, you jerk? We had it all worked out! 838 00:41:55,529 --> 00:41:57,008 Is he out there? Do you see him? 839 00:41:57,289 --> 00:41:58,642 I'm not sure. 840 00:41:59,009 --> 00:42:01,159 Well, either you see him or you don't. 841 00:42:02,449 --> 00:42:04,280 All right, I don't. 842 00:42:06,729 --> 00:42:08,720 What is he doing? 843 00:42:09,049 --> 00:42:10,482 Is he getting coffee? 844 00:42:11,449 --> 00:42:13,963 I think he's getting coffee. 845 00:42:14,129 --> 00:42:16,199 What's with this guy? 846 00:42:19,489 --> 00:42:20,968 Did you just order coffee? 847 00:42:22,809 --> 00:42:24,800 - Yeah. - This is really too much. 848 00:42:24,969 --> 00:42:27,199 - What is your problem? - I'm sitting over there... 849 00:42:27,369 --> 00:42:29,360 ...waiting for you to finish for 20 minutes. 850 00:42:29,529 --> 00:42:32,089 Now you're drinking coffee. That's another 10 minutes. 851 00:42:32,649 --> 00:42:35,288 Well, you're just gonna have to wait. 852 00:42:35,809 --> 00:42:37,720 You never said anything about the banking. 853 00:42:37,889 --> 00:42:39,766 - You're off your rocker! - Hey, you guys. 854 00:42:39,929 --> 00:42:41,328 - Hey. - What are you doing here? 855 00:42:41,489 --> 00:42:43,286 - Why are you here? - Is Davola outside? 856 00:42:43,489 --> 00:42:44,763 - Davola? - Yeah. 857 00:42:44,929 --> 00:42:46,647 - I didn't see him. - Crazy Joe Davola? 858 00:42:46,809 --> 00:42:49,369 - Jerry, yours is $11. - Eleven dollars? For what? 859 00:42:49,529 --> 00:42:50,928 Muffin, sandwich and coffee. 860 00:42:52,529 --> 00:42:54,963 Hey, NBC okayed our idea. We're gonna make the pilot. 861 00:42:55,169 --> 00:42:56,443 The circus freak show? 862 00:42:56,689 --> 00:42:58,168 - No. - A pilot? 863 00:42:58,329 --> 00:43:01,480 What do you make for something like that? Fifty, 60 thousand? 864 00:43:02,209 --> 00:43:04,439 What's the difference? The money's not important. 865 00:43:05,849 --> 00:43:07,760 - Hey, Newman, is that your red car? - Yeah. 866 00:43:07,929 --> 00:43:09,681 - I think you're getting a ticket. - Run. 867 00:43:09,849 --> 00:43:11,760 - Go! Go! Go! - Hey, what are you doing? 868 00:43:11,929 --> 00:43:14,318 It's after 6:00! You can't give me a ticket! 869 00:43:14,489 --> 00:43:16,878 You're not gonna get away with this. I'll fight this. 870 00:43:17,049 --> 00:43:19,643 - I've got witnesses. - I saw the whole thing. 871 00:43:20,089 --> 00:43:21,886 This would be a good idea for the pilot. 872 00:43:22,049 --> 00:43:23,880 Get out of here. The vomiting is funnier. 873 00:43:24,089 --> 00:43:25,363 Oh, like you know. 874 00:43:25,529 --> 00:43:26,803 No. You do. 875 00:43:26,969 --> 00:43:30,006 Many states now have traffic school when you have an infraction. 876 00:43:30,169 --> 00:43:32,080 I went to traffic school. I didn't mind it. 877 00:43:32,249 --> 00:43:33,682 I felt bad for the instructor. 878 00:43:33,849 --> 00:43:38,001 This guy goes to traffic school every day, no matter how he drives. 879 00:43:38,169 --> 00:43:40,364 What is his incentive to not speed? 880 00:43:40,729 --> 00:43:43,163 He's going to traffic school, anyway. 881 00:43:43,769 --> 00:43:46,488 Why not get a racecar, do 200 miles an hour down the street? 882 00:43:46,649 --> 00:43:49,607 Cop stops you."Where you going?" "Traffic school.""Go ahead. 883 00:43:49,769 --> 00:43:51,805 And you better hurry. You really need it." 884 00:43:52,649 --> 00:43:55,880 The punishment should be, instead of traffic school or traffic court... 885 00:43:56,049 --> 00:43:57,846 ...just traffic. 886 00:43:58,009 --> 00:44:01,684 They sentence you to 100 hours of traffic. 887 00:44:01,849 --> 00:44:03,805 Five people drive all around you... 888 00:44:03,969 --> 00:44:06,403 ...at five miles an hour wherever you go. 889 00:44:06,569 --> 00:44:09,129 You're on your way to Vegas. There isn't a car in sight. 890 00:44:09,889 --> 00:44:11,800 Come on, move it.