1 00:00:03,569 --> 00:00:05,958 My parents had two arguments while driving... 2 00:00:06,129 --> 00:00:08,689 ...over either how fast my father was going... 3 00:00:08,849 --> 00:00:10,840 ...or how much gas was left in the tank. 4 00:00:11,009 --> 00:00:13,842 My father had a standard defence for either one of these. 5 00:00:14,009 --> 00:00:18,287 It was always, "That's because you're looking at it from an angle. 6 00:00:19,769 --> 00:00:22,727 If you were over here- It looks from where you're sitting... 7 00:00:22,889 --> 00:00:26,086 ...it looks like I'm doing 90 on empty. 8 00:00:26,929 --> 00:00:28,840 But that's because you're over there. 9 00:00:29,209 --> 00:00:32,963 If you were over here, you'd know I'm in the driveway with a full tank." 10 00:00:38,129 --> 00:00:41,166 George and I went up to NBC and told them the idea for the series. 11 00:00:41,329 --> 00:00:43,968 - We're waiting to sign the contract. - They liked the idea? 12 00:00:44,129 --> 00:00:46,438 - Yeah. - What, you got leather seats here? 13 00:00:46,609 --> 00:00:49,362 - Since when is George a writer? - What writer? It's a sitcom. 14 00:00:49,529 --> 00:00:52,043 This is exciting. When are you gonna sign the contract? 15 00:00:52,209 --> 00:00:53,562 Soon. There's a few problems. 16 00:00:53,729 --> 00:00:55,640 I wanna tell you, that meal was the worst. 17 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,607 What do you expect? It's airline food. 18 00:00:57,769 --> 00:00:59,043 They give you that fish. 19 00:00:59,209 --> 00:01:00,722 How could you eat fish on a plane? 20 00:01:00,889 --> 00:01:03,528 She puts up a stink every time I have a piece of meat. 21 00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:04,963 What kind of problems? 22 00:01:05,329 --> 00:01:07,718 Well, George doesn't think $13,000 is enough money. 23 00:01:07,889 --> 00:01:09,242 What? He's not even working. 24 00:01:09,489 --> 00:01:12,367 George is right. Those people will try to get away with murder. 25 00:01:12,529 --> 00:01:14,281 Believe me, they're all crooks. 26 00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:17,327 - Jerry, I want you to sign that contract. - We're gonna sign it. 27 00:01:17,489 --> 00:01:20,049 George is out with the woman from NBC right now. 28 00:01:20,929 --> 00:01:25,207 So I'm afraid we're gonna have to pass. 29 00:01:26,369 --> 00:01:29,281 - You're passing? - Well, it's much too low. 30 00:01:29,969 --> 00:01:33,006 Are you and Jerry in agreement on this? 31 00:01:33,289 --> 00:01:36,599 Yeah, we've talked. I believe I can speak for the both of us on this. 32 00:01:37,369 --> 00:01:41,282 You know, because this is your first show, it's a pretty standard deal. 33 00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:44,358 - Standard? - Yeah. 34 00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:46,566 Is Ted Danson's deal standard? 35 00:01:46,729 --> 00:01:48,720 - Ted Danson? - You know, the guy from Cheers. 36 00:01:48,889 --> 00:01:51,164 Yeah, I know who he is. 37 00:01:51,329 --> 00:01:54,207 You're not Ted Danson. 38 00:01:55,009 --> 00:01:57,159 I didn't say I was Ted Danson. 39 00:01:57,329 --> 00:02:00,924 - All right, I'll tell Russell tomorrow. - You tell Russell. 40 00:02:01,209 --> 00:02:03,882 Oh, before I forget. 41 00:02:06,689 --> 00:02:10,364 Cuban cigars. It's a present from my father. 42 00:02:10,889 --> 00:02:12,925 Do I have to write him a note or something? 43 00:02:13,089 --> 00:02:15,762 - I'm sure he'd appreciate that. - What would I say in it? 44 00:02:15,929 --> 00:02:18,204 You're a writer. You'll think of something. 45 00:02:18,449 --> 00:02:23,921 Oh, yeah. I'm a writer. I forgot. 46 00:02:25,009 --> 00:02:26,840 Were you waiting long at the gate? 47 00:02:27,009 --> 00:02:29,159 I don't even know. 48 00:02:29,329 --> 00:02:31,445 Where's that watch we bought you? 49 00:02:31,729 --> 00:02:33,082 Oh... 50 00:02:33,249 --> 00:02:35,319 That's it for this piece of junk. I've had it. 51 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,923 - Is it the one your parents gave you? - It never works. 52 00:02:38,089 --> 00:02:39,886 It's being fixed. 53 00:02:40,049 --> 00:02:43,325 I got a guarantee on that watch. Give it to me. I'll take it back. 54 00:02:43,489 --> 00:02:45,320 - It's at the jeweller. - Send me the bill. 55 00:02:45,489 --> 00:02:46,763 I'm not sending it. 56 00:02:46,929 --> 00:02:49,921 That watch was a gift. You shouldn't have to pay for it. 57 00:02:50,089 --> 00:02:52,159 - That's $18.50. - Here, I got it. 58 00:02:52,329 --> 00:02:54,718 What are you talking about? It's my car. Let me pay. 59 00:02:54,889 --> 00:02:56,242 - No, no, put it away. - Dad. 60 00:02:56,409 --> 00:02:58,400 - Stop it. - I have money. I make money. 61 00:02:58,569 --> 00:03:02,198 - Yeah, yeah, you make money. - You don't think I make money. 62 00:03:02,369 --> 00:03:04,837 - I don't think that. - Yes. That's what you both think. 63 00:03:05,009 --> 00:03:06,761 - I'm paying. - Dad, I'm paying. 64 00:03:06,929 --> 00:03:08,203 - Get out. - You're not paying. 65 00:03:08,369 --> 00:03:11,088 - Jerry, do not do this. - No, no. 66 00:03:11,249 --> 00:03:13,717 Over my dead body, Jerry. I'm telling you right now... 67 00:03:13,889 --> 00:03:15,163 ...you're not gonna do it. 68 00:03:19,729 --> 00:03:22,118 Boy, you got a lot of stuff here. 69 00:03:22,489 --> 00:03:24,525 - Dad, what are you doing? - Nothing, nothing. 70 00:03:24,689 --> 00:03:26,566 Leave it. What about your back? 71 00:03:26,729 --> 00:03:29,084 - Morty, what are you doing? - All right, all right. 72 00:03:29,249 --> 00:03:31,080 You come here to see a back specialist... 73 00:03:31,249 --> 00:03:33,638 ...and you're lifting heavy suitcases. 74 00:03:33,809 --> 00:03:35,561 Hey, Morty. 75 00:03:36,169 --> 00:03:38,808 Hey, Mr. Kramer. 76 00:03:39,529 --> 00:03:42,123 - Hey, Mrs. Seinfeld. - Kramer, hi. 77 00:03:42,769 --> 00:03:44,043 What happened to you? 78 00:03:44,209 --> 00:03:46,564 Oh, some guy kicked me in the side of the head. 79 00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:49,164 - What guy? - Crazy Joe Davola. 80 00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:51,479 - Why? - Well, I was having this party... 81 00:03:51,649 --> 00:03:55,562 ...and I didn't invite him, and then Jerry tipped him off. 82 00:03:57,569 --> 00:04:00,766 Why did you tell this guy that Kramer didn't invite him to his party? 83 00:04:00,929 --> 00:04:03,318 I didn't know he wasn't invited. 84 00:04:03,489 --> 00:04:06,447 Hey, these are very comfortable pants. 85 00:04:06,609 --> 00:04:08,804 You know what I paid for these, Jerry? 86 00:04:08,969 --> 00:04:11,244 - So why did you say anything? - It was a mistake. 87 00:04:11,409 --> 00:04:14,287 They're good around the house, and they're good for outside. 88 00:04:15,209 --> 00:04:17,484 - Are you okay? - Oh, yeah, yeah. 89 00:04:17,649 --> 00:04:19,685 I was little off last week, huh, Jerry? 90 00:04:19,849 --> 00:04:22,886 But the doctor says it's just a slight concussion. 91 00:04:23,049 --> 00:04:24,846 What's the matter with this Davola guy? 92 00:04:25,009 --> 00:04:26,727 He's got, like, a chemical imbalance. 93 00:04:26,889 --> 00:04:29,119 - He needs to be on medication. - Oh, yeah, yeah. 94 00:04:29,289 --> 00:04:31,245 He's after Jerry now. 95 00:04:32,169 --> 00:04:34,000 - Kramer. - He's what? 96 00:04:34,169 --> 00:04:36,364 - He's joking. - He's after you? 97 00:04:36,529 --> 00:04:37,803 - No. - Why's he after you? 98 00:04:37,969 --> 00:04:39,368 He's not after me. 99 00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:42,043 Morty, do you hear this? Some crazy guy is after Jerry. 100 00:04:42,209 --> 00:04:44,769 - I'll make a few phone calls. - Who you gonna call? 101 00:04:44,929 --> 00:04:46,203 What are you worried about? 102 00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:48,200 I wanna know what you did to this guy. 103 00:04:48,369 --> 00:04:50,758 - I didn't do anything. - You must've done something. 104 00:04:50,929 --> 00:04:52,442 No, he just doesn't like me. 105 00:04:52,889 --> 00:04:56,359 Doesn't like you? How could anyone not like you? 106 00:04:56,729 --> 00:04:59,323 - I know, it seems impossible. - Doesn't- 107 00:04:59,489 --> 00:05:01,081 Doesn't like you? How could that be? 108 00:05:01,249 --> 00:05:03,399 Ma, this may be hard for you to understand... 109 00:05:03,569 --> 00:05:06,641 ...but I'm sure there are many people who do not like me. 110 00:05:06,809 --> 00:05:09,198 Jerry, don't say that. 111 00:05:10,089 --> 00:05:11,727 - It's true. - No, it isn't. 112 00:05:11,889 --> 00:05:15,120 It's not true. You're a wonderful, wonderful boy. 113 00:05:15,289 --> 00:05:17,849 Everybody likes you. It's impossible not to like you. 114 00:05:18,009 --> 00:05:19,283 Morty? 115 00:05:19,449 --> 00:05:22,282 Maybe some people don't like him. I can see that. 116 00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:25,683 - Kramer? - Yeah, I like him. 117 00:05:26,329 --> 00:05:28,684 Hey, Jerry, what time you got? 118 00:05:29,969 --> 00:05:32,119 I haven't got my watch on. It's being fixed. 119 00:05:32,489 --> 00:05:34,241 When are you getting it back? 120 00:05:35,809 --> 00:05:38,164 - Next week. - Next week? 121 00:05:38,329 --> 00:05:40,559 How come it's taking so long? 122 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,840 I said, how come it's taking so long? 123 00:05:45,009 --> 00:05:48,524 I don't know. They're backed up. 124 00:05:49,169 --> 00:05:52,081 Wait a minute. Where did you take it? 125 00:05:53,329 --> 00:05:55,081 - Where did I take it? - Yeah. 126 00:05:55,409 --> 00:05:59,243 Where did I take it? 127 00:06:00,769 --> 00:06:03,363 To that place on Columbus... 128 00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:06,407 ...and 85th, okay? 129 00:06:06,569 --> 00:06:08,525 What, Jimmy Sherman? 130 00:06:10,209 --> 00:06:11,483 - Yeah. - Yeah, I know the guy. 131 00:06:11,649 --> 00:06:12,923 I take my stuff in there. 132 00:06:13,089 --> 00:06:15,205 I can get your watch back by tomorrow morning. 133 00:06:15,369 --> 00:06:17,883 No, I don't want you to say anything to him. 134 00:06:18,049 --> 00:06:20,040 I'd be happy to. He's a friend of mine. 135 00:06:20,209 --> 00:06:22,120 I'd like to follow the regular procedures. 136 00:06:22,289 --> 00:06:24,280 I don't want any special treatment. 137 00:06:24,449 --> 00:06:27,282 Hey, I'm gonna get that watch back for you by tomorrow, buddy. 138 00:06:27,449 --> 00:06:30,600 - Bring me the receipt. - I'll get that too. 139 00:06:34,889 --> 00:06:36,368 Be right back. 140 00:06:40,049 --> 00:06:43,166 Look, there's no watch. I threw it in the garbage can on the street. 141 00:06:43,409 --> 00:06:45,798 My parents gave it to me, but I didn't like it. 142 00:06:45,969 --> 00:06:48,005 So don't mention it again, okay? 143 00:06:48,169 --> 00:06:49,443 - Yeah, all right. - All right. 144 00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:50,883 Wait, wait- 145 00:06:51,569 --> 00:06:53,002 Well, no- 146 00:06:55,809 --> 00:06:57,686 What was that about? 147 00:06:57,849 --> 00:06:59,362 Oh, no... 148 00:06:59,729 --> 00:07:02,197 ...he's got my calamine lotion. 149 00:07:04,929 --> 00:07:07,807 I told him not to return it. If he needs it, he should keep it. 150 00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:11,803 He's got a thing on his ankle. 151 00:07:14,369 --> 00:07:16,883 How could anyone not like him? 152 00:07:24,689 --> 00:07:27,761 Hi. Morty Seinfeld. I have a 2:00 appointment. 153 00:07:27,929 --> 00:07:30,921 Yes, Mr. Seinfeld. Would you please fill this out? 154 00:07:31,089 --> 00:07:33,728 All this? This whole thing? 155 00:07:33,889 --> 00:07:35,686 It's gonna take me 45 minutes. 156 00:07:36,369 --> 00:07:38,758 I know, it's very long. 157 00:07:39,809 --> 00:07:42,687 Look at this. It's a book. 158 00:07:43,649 --> 00:07:46,561 "Employer's address." Why do they need this? 159 00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:48,328 I never had a back problem... 160 00:07:48,489 --> 00:07:51,287 ...until that night I slept on the convertible sofa. 161 00:07:51,449 --> 00:07:54,600 - My back was fine. - Oh, it's not the sofa. 162 00:07:54,769 --> 00:07:58,159 You stick up for that sofa like I'm criticizing a person. 163 00:07:58,329 --> 00:08:00,365 We got it from Sullivan's. It's a good store. 164 00:08:00,529 --> 00:08:04,841 Well, one day somebody's gonna sleep on that thing, and we'll get sued. 165 00:08:05,169 --> 00:08:07,000 I hope this doctor knows what he's doing. 166 00:08:07,649 --> 00:08:09,367 Leo says he's the best there is. 167 00:08:09,529 --> 00:08:10,848 Leo. 168 00:08:11,009 --> 00:08:12,920 I'm listening to Leo now. 169 00:08:13,089 --> 00:08:16,479 You're lucky he got you this. You know what the waiting list is? 170 00:08:16,649 --> 00:08:19,402 Well, if he fixes my back, I'll be happy. 171 00:08:19,569 --> 00:08:23,687 Have you ever had a sexually transmitted disease? 172 00:08:23,849 --> 00:08:25,567 That's it. 173 00:08:26,609 --> 00:08:30,522 Here, you got my name, you got my address. That's enough. 174 00:08:30,769 --> 00:08:33,966 Julie, you wanna take him back? 175 00:08:37,889 --> 00:08:40,119 You what? You passed? 176 00:08:40,289 --> 00:08:42,519 How could you do that? 177 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,645 Jerry, my young friend... 178 00:08:46,529 --> 00:08:50,807 ...you're so naive. You are so, so naive. 179 00:08:50,969 --> 00:08:52,527 You know about a few things. 180 00:08:52,689 --> 00:08:54,122 You know about comedy... 181 00:08:54,289 --> 00:08:56,678 ...a little bit about relationships, some baseball... 182 00:08:56,849 --> 00:09:01,320 ...but you're so far out of your element here, you're embarrassing yourself. 183 00:09:01,489 --> 00:09:03,957 Now, listen to me. I'm negotiating. 184 00:09:04,129 --> 00:09:07,166 Negotiation. This is what you do in business. 185 00:09:07,329 --> 00:09:09,763 Let me explain to you what you just did. 186 00:09:09,929 --> 00:09:13,842 There are literally hundreds of people trying to get pilot deals with them. 187 00:09:14,009 --> 00:09:19,129 They go with maybe five, okay? If we pass, that's it. 188 00:09:19,289 --> 00:09:20,642 They go to the next show. 189 00:09:21,529 --> 00:09:24,089 I'm scared. 190 00:09:24,329 --> 00:09:27,844 Oh, they're not gonna do the show. 191 00:09:28,489 --> 00:09:31,561 We're lucky they're even interested in the idea in the first place. 192 00:09:31,729 --> 00:09:34,687 We got a show about nothing. 193 00:09:35,529 --> 00:09:36,803 With no story. 194 00:09:36,969 --> 00:09:40,200 Do you think they're going, "Maybe we should give those two guys... 195 00:09:40,369 --> 00:09:44,999 ...who have no experience and no idea, more money"? 196 00:09:45,969 --> 00:09:50,997 Oh, what are we gonna do? I'm shaking. I'm shaking. 197 00:09:51,169 --> 00:09:52,921 - I think you're wrong. - We'll just see. 198 00:09:53,089 --> 00:09:54,363 - Yes, we will. - Yes, we will. 199 00:09:54,529 --> 00:09:55,803 - I just said that. - I know. 200 00:09:55,969 --> 00:09:57,243 - Good for you. - Good for you. 201 00:09:57,409 --> 00:10:00,003 - You repeating everything? - You repeating everything? 202 00:10:00,169 --> 00:10:02,524 - Well, George is an idiot. - Well, George- 203 00:10:08,369 --> 00:10:09,643 All right. 204 00:10:09,809 --> 00:10:12,482 All right. Let's go already! 205 00:10:14,969 --> 00:10:18,678 They keep you in here a year. They don't give a damn. 206 00:10:18,849 --> 00:10:20,840 I could die in here. 207 00:10:22,849 --> 00:10:25,761 Excuse me. Excuse me! What's going on? 208 00:10:25,929 --> 00:10:28,318 I'm in here 20 minutes. Can somebody please help me? 209 00:10:29,489 --> 00:10:32,765 - Quiet. Everyone can hear you. - I've been waiting 20 minutes. 210 00:10:32,929 --> 00:10:34,521 Well, the doctor must be busy. 211 00:10:34,689 --> 00:10:37,601 Well, why do they make appointments for if they can't keep them? 212 00:10:38,129 --> 00:10:41,758 Look, if I did that in my business, I wouldn't have made a nickel. 213 00:10:44,009 --> 00:10:45,727 Hello, Mr. Seinfeld. 214 00:10:46,009 --> 00:10:48,762 - I thought you forgot about me. - We didn't forget. 215 00:10:49,809 --> 00:10:51,561 - What's wrong? - The Velcro. 216 00:10:51,729 --> 00:10:54,880 I can't stand Velcro. That tearing sound. 217 00:10:55,049 --> 00:10:58,405 I used to be in raincoats. I refused to put that in any of my lines. 218 00:10:58,569 --> 00:11:02,448 Okay, Mr. Seinfeld, please come this way. We need some x-rays. 219 00:11:03,569 --> 00:11:06,322 - Leave all my stuff here? - Leave it. 220 00:11:09,289 --> 00:11:11,484 Oh, hey, by the way... 221 00:11:11,649 --> 00:11:14,482 ...do you want a box of Cuban cigars? 222 00:11:15,129 --> 00:11:17,802 I smoked one last night. I got nauseous. 223 00:11:18,409 --> 00:11:20,365 No, I don't want them. 224 00:11:21,449 --> 00:11:24,885 I'll take it. No, I'll take it. What is it? 225 00:11:25,529 --> 00:11:27,042 - Here you go. - What, cigars? 226 00:11:27,209 --> 00:11:28,483 - Yeah, Cubans. - Oh, yeah? 227 00:11:28,649 --> 00:11:31,527 Yeah, the kind that Castro smoked. You can't buy them anywhere. 228 00:11:31,689 --> 00:11:33,122 Castro, huh? 229 00:11:42,049 --> 00:11:43,960 - Yeah? - Federal Express. 230 00:11:44,129 --> 00:11:47,007 Federal Express? Come on up. 231 00:11:47,169 --> 00:11:49,967 Federal Express? I'm not expecting a package. 232 00:11:50,129 --> 00:11:53,007 You know what you just did? You let a burglar in the building. 233 00:11:54,129 --> 00:11:56,438 - You think so? - Federal Express? Of course. 234 00:11:56,609 --> 00:11:58,247 That's the oldest trick in the book. 235 00:11:58,409 --> 00:12:00,684 It might not be a burglar. It could be a murderer. 236 00:12:01,329 --> 00:12:03,843 So you wanna just abolish all home-package delivery? 237 00:12:04,009 --> 00:12:07,240 Yes, it's dangerous. 238 00:12:07,689 --> 00:12:09,168 Wait. 239 00:12:14,249 --> 00:12:16,365 - Who is it? - Federal Express. 240 00:12:16,529 --> 00:12:18,247 Okay. 241 00:12:28,329 --> 00:12:30,559 Hi, Kramer. 242 00:12:31,289 --> 00:12:33,439 Oh, God. I thought you were in California. 243 00:12:33,609 --> 00:12:36,681 - Well, I came back for you. - Oh, shut up. 244 00:12:36,849 --> 00:12:38,123 - I missed you. - Really? 245 00:12:38,289 --> 00:12:40,325 - You really missed me? - Yeah. 246 00:12:40,489 --> 00:12:41,808 Me too, miss. I miss. 247 00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:44,529 Yeah, big missing going on around here. 248 00:12:44,689 --> 00:12:46,247 Hey, I'm gonna get a match. 249 00:12:46,409 --> 00:12:48,161 Oh, God. Whose suitcase is this? 250 00:12:48,329 --> 00:12:50,889 My parents'. My father came up to see a back specialist. 251 00:12:51,049 --> 00:12:54,519 Oh, God. It's probably from sleeping on that sofa. 252 00:12:55,889 --> 00:12:57,561 - Boy, you look really great. - Yeah. 253 00:12:57,729 --> 00:13:00,846 - You lie. - No, no, you really look great. 254 00:13:01,009 --> 00:13:03,079 So tell us about the trip. How's Dr. Reston? 255 00:13:03,249 --> 00:13:04,841 Oh, he's fine. 256 00:13:05,009 --> 00:13:07,762 - Things are good? - Yeah, you know. 257 00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:11,563 - What? - Did you see that? 258 00:13:11,729 --> 00:13:13,481 Yeah, I saw it. 259 00:13:15,569 --> 00:13:18,037 - What? - It's a tell. You got a tell. 260 00:13:18,729 --> 00:13:20,287 What tell? What's a tell? 261 00:13:20,449 --> 00:13:23,486 When you ask about their relationship and they touch their face... 262 00:13:23,649 --> 00:13:25,287 ...you know it's not going too well. 263 00:13:25,449 --> 00:13:27,565 Go ahead. Ask me how it's going with somebody. 264 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:32,525 - How's it going with Alice? - Good, going good. 265 00:13:33,529 --> 00:13:37,488 The higher up on the face you go, the worse the relationship is getting. 266 00:13:37,649 --> 00:13:41,847 You know, it's like: Pretty good. Not bad. I gotta get out. 267 00:13:45,329 --> 00:13:48,366 - How high did I go? - You almost did the nose. 268 00:13:51,409 --> 00:13:56,199 Are you eating my peanut butter out of the jar with your disgusting fingers? 269 00:13:56,929 --> 00:13:58,601 This is a sickening display. 270 00:13:58,929 --> 00:14:01,159 What, I'm not eating bread now. I'm off bread. 271 00:14:01,329 --> 00:14:03,843 You're off bread. 272 00:14:04,049 --> 00:14:06,722 - So, what happened? Is it over? - No, not quite. 273 00:14:06,889 --> 00:14:09,608 - Why not? - He was my psychiatrist, you know. 274 00:14:09,769 --> 00:14:11,964 I mean, he knows all my patterns. 275 00:14:12,129 --> 00:14:14,962 He knows in relationships I always find some reason to leave. 276 00:14:15,129 --> 00:14:17,643 So he says, as my doctor, he can't allow me do this... 277 00:14:17,809 --> 00:14:20,448 ...so he's not letting me leave. 278 00:14:21,729 --> 00:14:25,005 - What do you mean, not letting you? - He has this power over me, okay? 279 00:14:25,169 --> 00:14:28,400 He has this way of manipulating every little word that I say. 280 00:14:28,569 --> 00:14:31,163 He's like a Svenjolly. 281 00:14:32,609 --> 00:14:34,600 Svengali. 282 00:14:34,769 --> 00:14:37,283 - What did I say? - Svenjolly. 283 00:14:38,289 --> 00:14:40,678 Svenjolly? I did not say, Svenjolly. 284 00:14:40,849 --> 00:14:42,680 - George? - Svenjolly. 285 00:14:44,369 --> 00:14:46,758 I don't see how I could've said, Svenjolly. 286 00:14:47,129 --> 00:14:50,326 Maybe he's got, like, a cheerful mental hold on you. 287 00:14:52,689 --> 00:14:55,487 - I can't find a match anywhere. - You know what you should do? 288 00:14:55,649 --> 00:14:58,686 Tell this guy you're seeing somebody else. That's the easiest way. 289 00:14:58,849 --> 00:15:00,521 It's not gonna work with this guy. 290 00:15:00,689 --> 00:15:03,522 You just tell him an old boyfriend's come back into your life. 291 00:15:03,689 --> 00:15:05,008 I don't think so. 292 00:15:05,329 --> 00:15:07,399 - Nice try. - Took a shot. 293 00:15:07,689 --> 00:15:09,486 This is a good cigar. 294 00:15:22,449 --> 00:15:24,041 So when do I get to see the doctor? 295 00:15:24,209 --> 00:15:27,121 He'll be in with the x-rays in a few minutes. 296 00:15:27,289 --> 00:15:29,166 You can get dressed. 297 00:15:37,209 --> 00:15:40,997 He stole my wallet. The bum stole my wallet. 298 00:15:41,809 --> 00:15:45,484 My wallet's gone! My wallet's gone! 299 00:15:46,209 --> 00:15:48,245 I had my wallet in my back pocket. It's gone. 300 00:15:48,409 --> 00:15:50,127 - Are you sure? - Yes, I'm sure. 301 00:15:50,289 --> 00:15:53,565 I get my x-rays. Somebody takes my wallet. Is that the operation? 302 00:15:53,729 --> 00:15:56,641 Mr. Seinfeld, I'm Dr. Dembrow. I've been going over your x-rays. 303 00:15:56,809 --> 00:15:59,687 I'm not interested in the x-rays. I want my money back. 304 00:15:59,849 --> 00:16:02,761 Somebody stole my wallet. I had $225 in there. 305 00:16:02,929 --> 00:16:05,318 - I don't see how that happened. - Oh, you don't see. 306 00:16:05,489 --> 00:16:08,526 You don't see. Well, it happened. Believe me. 307 00:16:08,689 --> 00:16:10,919 - What's going on? - They stole my wallet. 308 00:16:11,089 --> 00:16:13,239 - What? - Yeah, while I was in getting x-rayed. 309 00:16:13,409 --> 00:16:15,639 Mr. Seinfeld, I am sorry about your wallet. 310 00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:17,720 Would you like me to look over the x-rays? 311 00:16:17,889 --> 00:16:20,961 - What kind of joint you running here? - All right. 312 00:16:21,129 --> 00:16:22,528 Fine. 313 00:16:23,329 --> 00:16:25,285 At least you could've heard your diagnosis. 314 00:16:25,449 --> 00:16:28,043 I'm not interested in his diagnosis. He's a bum. 315 00:16:28,209 --> 00:16:30,120 You came from Florida to see him. 316 00:16:30,449 --> 00:16:34,124 I wanna know what kind of office this is where you can't leave your pants. 317 00:16:34,289 --> 00:16:36,041 You tell me. 318 00:16:38,969 --> 00:16:42,166 I'm sorry, but there's somebody else. 319 00:16:46,209 --> 00:16:48,882 Well, it's nothing I planned on happening, you know. 320 00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:51,165 It just kind of happened. 321 00:16:52,049 --> 00:16:55,246 - Tell me about him. - Well, there's not really much to tell. 322 00:16:55,409 --> 00:16:57,969 You know, he's just a guy, really. 323 00:16:58,129 --> 00:17:01,565 - Yes, well, I assume he's a guy. - Right. 324 00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:03,799 And you've known him how long? 325 00:17:04,369 --> 00:17:07,725 Years. Many years. 326 00:17:07,889 --> 00:17:12,041 We've been close friends, and then recently, something just, you know... 327 00:17:12,209 --> 00:17:13,927 ...happened. 328 00:17:14,929 --> 00:17:17,807 - You mean sexually? - Yeah, yeah. 329 00:17:18,489 --> 00:17:20,445 Sexually. 330 00:17:27,529 --> 00:17:28,962 I think your... 331 00:17:29,289 --> 00:17:32,520 Excuse me. Yes? 332 00:17:32,809 --> 00:17:34,959 Oh, yes, Bobo. 333 00:17:35,129 --> 00:17:37,324 No, it's just east of Madison. 334 00:17:37,489 --> 00:17:41,687 Around 4 will be fine. All right, Bobo, see you then. 335 00:17:43,849 --> 00:17:46,079 I'm sorry. Where were we? 336 00:17:46,409 --> 00:17:50,448 Well, I was just telling you about this other guy. 337 00:17:50,769 --> 00:17:53,647 Elaine, do you remember your dream... 338 00:17:53,809 --> 00:17:56,607 ...where you had a sexual encounter with a Chinese woman? 339 00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:02,406 Yeah, yeah. 340 00:18:03,369 --> 00:18:04,848 Elaine, I'm concerned about you. 341 00:18:05,129 --> 00:18:08,280 Oh, no. Don't concern yourself with me, because I'm good. 342 00:18:08,449 --> 00:18:12,522 I'm very good. I mean, I'm really very, very good. 343 00:18:12,689 --> 00:18:14,168 Elaine... 344 00:18:14,769 --> 00:18:16,760 ...have you been urinating a lot again? 345 00:18:22,729 --> 00:18:24,526 No. 346 00:18:24,689 --> 00:18:26,919 And how often have you been seeing... 347 00:18:27,249 --> 00:18:29,285 I'm sorry. What is his name? 348 00:18:29,449 --> 00:18:31,804 - His name? - Yes, his name. 349 00:18:31,969 --> 00:18:35,006 - Well, what's the difference? - Are you afraid to tell me his name? 350 00:18:35,369 --> 00:18:38,042 No, I just don't really see how that's relevant. 351 00:18:38,209 --> 00:18:41,440 It doesn't matter if you don't see how. I see how. 352 00:18:42,089 --> 00:18:43,920 His name. 353 00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:46,205 I don't even know. You wanna know his name? 354 00:18:46,369 --> 00:18:48,758 I'll tell you his name. His name is... 355 00:18:48,929 --> 00:18:50,521 ...Kramer. 356 00:18:52,489 --> 00:18:53,888 Kramer. 357 00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:56,005 Is that his first name or his last name? 358 00:18:56,169 --> 00:19:00,128 You know, I'm really uncomfortable talking about this. 359 00:19:00,289 --> 00:19:02,405 - Elaine, I want you to do me a favour. - What? 360 00:19:02,729 --> 00:19:05,118 I want you to tell this young man to give me a call. 361 00:19:05,289 --> 00:19:08,520 - It's very important that I speak to him. - Oh, no, no, I can't do that. 362 00:19:09,129 --> 00:19:12,041 - You can do it, and you will do it. - No, I can't. 363 00:19:12,329 --> 00:19:14,399 You can, and you will. 364 00:19:15,369 --> 00:19:18,839 Okay. Okay, yeah, I'll have Kramer give you a call. 365 00:19:20,329 --> 00:19:22,320 So you didn't even let the doctor treat you? 366 00:19:22,489 --> 00:19:24,798 I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. 367 00:19:24,969 --> 00:19:27,005 Why did you leave your wallet in your pants? 368 00:19:27,169 --> 00:19:30,127 What are you talking about? What, was I supposed to hide it? 369 00:19:30,289 --> 00:19:32,041 - You could've taken it with you. - Yeah. 370 00:19:32,209 --> 00:19:35,406 I'll be lying on an x-ray table with my wallet in my mouth. 371 00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:37,847 - Hello. - Hello. 372 00:19:38,009 --> 00:19:39,408 Hi, Uncle Leo. 373 00:19:40,449 --> 00:19:42,917 I just spoke to Dr. Dembrow's son. 374 00:19:43,089 --> 00:19:45,284 He said they almost had to call the police. 375 00:19:45,569 --> 00:19:49,118 What? I'm the one who should've called the police. They stole my wallet. 376 00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:52,201 You know how hard it was for me to get that appointment for you? 377 00:19:52,369 --> 00:19:55,884 You can't just walk in on this guy. He did me a personal favour. 378 00:19:56,049 --> 00:19:59,041 - All right, Leo. - And you walked out without paying. 379 00:19:59,209 --> 00:20:01,769 How was I supposed to pay? I didn't have my wallet. 380 00:20:01,929 --> 00:20:04,284 Well, I hope you send him a check. 381 00:20:04,449 --> 00:20:06,599 - What for? - What for? 382 00:20:06,769 --> 00:20:08,680 This man was nice enough to see you. 383 00:20:08,849 --> 00:20:11,044 He did me a personal favour. 384 00:20:11,209 --> 00:20:14,758 That's the second time you said personal favour. Why do you say that? 385 00:20:14,929 --> 00:20:17,159 - I said it once. - Twice. 386 00:20:17,329 --> 00:20:18,921 And Dembrow doesn't even know you. 387 00:20:19,089 --> 00:20:22,240 His son happens to live on your floor. 388 00:20:23,649 --> 00:20:27,403 Leo, where did you get that watch? 389 00:20:27,929 --> 00:20:29,681 You know where I got this? 390 00:20:30,409 --> 00:20:33,287 I found it in the garbage can. 391 00:20:33,689 --> 00:20:35,247 It kept terrible time. 392 00:20:35,409 --> 00:20:39,322 I brought it over to Jimmy Sherman right here on 85th and Columbus. 393 00:20:39,489 --> 00:20:42,765 Gave it to me back the next day, works great. 394 00:20:42,929 --> 00:20:47,081 What kind of an idiot throws away a perfectly good watch? 395 00:20:47,249 --> 00:20:49,604 Doesn't that watch look like the one we gave Jerry? 396 00:20:50,129 --> 00:20:52,768 Hey, where's the waiter? Dad, let's have some red meat. 397 00:20:52,929 --> 00:20:55,727 - Let's live a little. - Let me see that. 398 00:20:56,129 --> 00:20:58,927 Could we continue this another time? 399 00:21:04,249 --> 00:21:06,365 Don't you hate "to be continueds"on TV? 400 00:21:06,529 --> 00:21:09,646 It's horrible when you sense the "to be continued"coming, you know. 401 00:21:09,809 --> 00:21:12,403 You're watching the show. You're into the story. 402 00:21:12,569 --> 00:21:15,003 There's five minutes left, and you realize: 403 00:21:15,169 --> 00:21:19,447 "Hey, they can't make it. Timmy's still stuck in the cave. 404 00:21:19,609 --> 00:21:22,282 There's no way they wrap this up in five minutes." 405 00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:26,442 I mean, the whole reason you watch a TV show is because it ends. 406 00:21:26,609 --> 00:21:31,285 If I wanted a long boring story with no point to it, I have my life. 407 00:21:31,449 --> 00:21:35,761 A comedian can't do that, see? I can't go, "A man walks into a bar with a pig. 408 00:21:35,929 --> 00:21:38,124 Can you come back next week?"