1 00:00:04,390 --> 00:00:07,541 I think people think of their office as a stationery store with Danish. 2 00:00:07,710 --> 00:00:09,826 You know what I mean? You wanna get your pastry... 3 00:00:09,990 --> 00:00:11,946 ...your envelopes, your supplies... 4 00:00:12,110 --> 00:00:14,943 ...your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home. 5 00:00:15,430 --> 00:00:17,022 Why do people that work in offices... 6 00:00:17,190 --> 00:00:20,227 ...have pictures of their family on their desk facing them? 7 00:00:20,470 --> 00:00:22,426 Do they forget that they're married? 8 00:00:22,590 --> 00:00:25,309 Do they go, "5:00. Time to hit the bars and pick up hookers. 9 00:00:25,470 --> 00:00:27,381 Hold it a second. 10 00:00:27,550 --> 00:00:30,064 I got a wife and three kids. I better get home. 11 00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:31,549 I completely forgot." 12 00:00:38,350 --> 00:00:41,740 - She hasn't told her father yet? - We're supposed to tell him tonight. 13 00:00:41,910 --> 00:00:44,822 - What do you mean, "we're"? - Susan wants me to be there. 14 00:00:44,990 --> 00:00:47,185 You're meeting the father for the first time? 15 00:00:47,350 --> 00:00:51,423 - Yeah. - You'll make quite an impression... 16 00:00:51,590 --> 00:00:54,058 ...when you tell him how you burned his cabin down. 17 00:00:55,350 --> 00:00:57,580 I didn't burn it down. Kramer did. 18 00:00:57,750 --> 00:01:00,947 I mean, the whole thing is ironic. Think of it. 19 00:01:01,110 --> 00:01:04,022 The guy's nice enough to give you a box of very fine Cuban cigars- 20 00:01:04,190 --> 00:01:05,589 - I know what happened. - No, wait. 21 00:01:05,750 --> 00:01:08,708 - Then you dump them off onto Kramer. - I know. 22 00:01:08,870 --> 00:01:12,863 Who proceeds to burn the man's cabin down... 23 00:01:13,030 --> 00:01:16,306 ...with one of those very same cigars. 24 00:01:16,830 --> 00:01:19,025 It's very comical. 25 00:01:19,910 --> 00:01:21,741 Maybe we shouldn't start writing today. 26 00:01:21,910 --> 00:01:23,104 I got a lot on my mind. 27 00:01:23,270 --> 00:01:25,420 We've put this off long enough. Today's the day. 28 00:01:25,590 --> 00:01:27,467 I wonder how Susan's father's gonna react. 29 00:01:27,630 --> 00:01:29,860 What's the worst he can do? So you burn a house down. 30 00:01:30,030 --> 00:01:31,224 Come on. 31 00:01:31,430 --> 00:01:33,102 Not even a house. It's like a cabin. 32 00:01:33,270 --> 00:01:34,783 We could build a cabin like that. 33 00:01:34,950 --> 00:01:37,510 Well, maybe not us, but two men could. 34 00:01:39,510 --> 00:01:40,738 BICs? What, did you get BICs? 35 00:01:40,910 --> 00:01:42,741 What, you got a problem with the pen, now? 36 00:01:42,910 --> 00:01:44,628 I like a Rolling Writer. They're smooth. 37 00:01:44,790 --> 00:01:47,099 All right, let's just get to work. 38 00:01:47,630 --> 00:01:49,700 NBC pilot. Seinfeld Project. 39 00:01:49,870 --> 00:01:53,021 Act 1, Scene A. 40 00:01:53,190 --> 00:01:55,829 So you're gonna sit there? 41 00:01:56,470 --> 00:01:57,664 Let me explain to you... 42 00:01:57,830 --> 00:02:00,344 ...one of the key elements involved in the writing process. 43 00:02:00,510 --> 00:02:01,943 Because it may seem outwardly... 44 00:02:02,110 --> 00:02:04,829 ...that the pen and the paper and the chair play a large role. 45 00:02:05,150 --> 00:02:10,224 But they're all somewhat incidental to the actual using of the brain. 46 00:02:10,470 --> 00:02:13,303 Okay, so just- Just park yourself. 47 00:02:13,470 --> 00:02:15,506 All right. Act 1, Scene A. 48 00:02:15,670 --> 00:02:18,059 - Drink? - No. No drink. 49 00:02:19,590 --> 00:02:23,299 - All right. Here we go. - Act 1, Scene A. 50 00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:31,909 - Weren't you supposed to call Elaine? - Yes. 51 00:02:38,230 --> 00:02:39,902 Hi, is Elaine there? 52 00:02:40,070 --> 00:02:41,583 Oh, hi, Sandra. 53 00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:43,579 Yeah, I can hold. 54 00:02:43,750 --> 00:02:47,345 Every time I call, I gotta chitchat with her assistant for, like, 20 minutes. 55 00:02:47,510 --> 00:02:49,626 Oh, hi, Sandra. Listen, I'm at a pay phone. 56 00:02:49,790 --> 00:02:51,746 There's a lot of people waiting to use it. 57 00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:54,629 I'll be off in a minute! 58 00:02:54,790 --> 00:02:56,542 Yeah, could you put me through to Elaine? 59 00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:58,985 Okay, thanks. 60 00:02:59,550 --> 00:03:02,018 Are you thinking of ideas? 61 00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:04,062 Is there any way I can get you directly? 62 00:03:04,230 --> 00:03:07,586 Every time I call, Sandra bends my ear for, like, 20 minutes. 63 00:03:07,750 --> 00:03:08,944 So we're on for later? 64 00:03:09,150 --> 00:03:11,220 Yeah, I'll come by after work. 65 00:03:11,390 --> 00:03:14,109 Hey, I got a rubber-pencil thing happening here. 66 00:03:15,390 --> 00:03:16,539 I gotta go. I gotta go. 67 00:03:16,710 --> 00:03:18,462 Sandra? Sandra? 68 00:03:18,630 --> 00:03:20,029 Can you come here for a second? 69 00:03:20,710 --> 00:03:22,109 - Okay. Let's go. - Here we go. 70 00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:24,226 - You got it? Here we go. - Yeah. 71 00:03:25,310 --> 00:03:26,538 Okay, how about this: 72 00:03:26,710 --> 00:03:30,066 I'm in my apartment. You come in. 73 00:03:30,230 --> 00:03:32,107 It's beautiful. 74 00:03:33,270 --> 00:03:35,181 And what do I say? 75 00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:43,341 Could you do me a favour? 76 00:03:43,510 --> 00:03:44,989 When my friends call... 77 00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:47,989 ...could you not talk to them for too long? 78 00:03:48,630 --> 00:03:50,268 Why, did Jerry say something? 79 00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:51,863 No. No. 80 00:03:52,030 --> 00:03:53,258 He must've said something. 81 00:03:53,430 --> 00:03:54,749 Oh, no, he didn't say anything. 82 00:03:54,910 --> 00:03:56,263 - I can't work for you. - Oh, God. 83 00:03:56,430 --> 00:03:59,149 - I can't. I'm leaving. - No, Sandra... 84 00:03:59,310 --> 00:04:01,346 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I really am. 85 00:04:01,510 --> 00:04:04,308 Listen, Jerry's under a lot of pressure right now. 86 00:04:04,470 --> 00:04:07,064 It's very hard being a stand-up comedian. 87 00:04:07,230 --> 00:04:09,949 Sometimes they don't laugh. 88 00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:15,178 - All right, let's get going. - All right, let's go to work. 89 00:04:15,350 --> 00:04:16,578 - Let's go. - Okay. 90 00:04:16,910 --> 00:04:19,583 - Hey. - We're in the middle of something. 91 00:04:19,750 --> 00:04:22,218 - We're trying to do a little work here. - Yeah, come on. 92 00:04:22,390 --> 00:04:23,618 What's with you? 93 00:04:23,790 --> 00:04:25,906 - No more golf. - Why? 94 00:04:26,270 --> 00:04:29,182 Remember I told you about the pro at the Westchester Country Club... 95 00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:32,148 ...who's letting me play every time I gave him those Cuban cigars? 96 00:04:32,310 --> 00:04:35,029 - Yeah. - Yeah, well, I lost them all in the fire! 97 00:04:38,630 --> 00:04:42,543 Hey, George, maybe you can ask Susan's father for some more. 98 00:04:42,710 --> 00:04:43,904 What are you, crazy? 99 00:04:44,070 --> 00:04:47,187 I can't ask the guy for more cigars after you burned down his cabin. 100 00:04:47,350 --> 00:04:49,181 What's one thing got to do with another? 101 00:04:50,230 --> 00:04:51,424 Kramer, please. 102 00:04:51,590 --> 00:04:53,660 Well, I can't go back to the public courses now. 103 00:04:53,830 --> 00:04:56,139 I can't. I won't. 104 00:04:56,310 --> 00:04:58,426 I mean, you know what that's like? It's crowded. 105 00:04:58,590 --> 00:05:00,706 The grass has big brown patches in it. 106 00:05:00,870 --> 00:05:02,189 They don't rake the sand traps. 107 00:05:02,350 --> 00:05:05,183 Not to mention the calibre of people you have to play with. 108 00:05:05,630 --> 00:05:08,463 I can't help you. You're gonna have to get them someplace else. 109 00:05:08,630 --> 00:05:10,541 Where? They're Cubans. 110 00:05:11,390 --> 00:05:13,824 - You know what? I should take off. - What? 111 00:05:13,990 --> 00:05:16,663 I gotta go to Susan's parents' house for dinner. 112 00:05:16,830 --> 00:05:19,424 I wanna shower first, and I wanna leave plenty of time. 113 00:05:19,590 --> 00:05:21,626 You got four hours. What about the script? 114 00:05:21,990 --> 00:05:23,708 I think we got a bite on it. 115 00:05:28,950 --> 00:05:31,828 Doesn't George look like your sister Sara? 116 00:05:35,110 --> 00:05:36,702 A slight resemblance. 117 00:05:37,510 --> 00:05:39,307 Her son's a podiatrist, you know. 118 00:05:39,750 --> 00:05:43,709 Oh, I have tremendous respect for people who work with feet. 119 00:05:43,870 --> 00:05:46,589 I mean, to dedicate yourself to the foot... 120 00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:50,780 You're toiling in virtual anonymity. I mean... 121 00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:55,181 How are you enjoying those cigars I gave you? 122 00:05:56,230 --> 00:05:58,619 Oh, the cigars. 123 00:05:58,790 --> 00:06:01,258 I'm sucking them down. 124 00:06:01,430 --> 00:06:03,819 I'm puffing my brains out, yeah. 125 00:06:03,990 --> 00:06:06,220 You know, those cigars are made special for Castro. 126 00:06:07,190 --> 00:06:09,181 I did not know that. 127 00:06:09,350 --> 00:06:10,624 Weird. Wild. 128 00:06:11,870 --> 00:06:15,545 - What? - He's doing Johnny Carson, Daddy. 129 00:06:15,830 --> 00:06:17,502 I didn't care much for his jokes. 130 00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:21,468 - Daddy never laughs. - Oh, well, so what? 131 00:06:21,630 --> 00:06:23,541 Laughter. What is that? 132 00:06:23,710 --> 00:06:27,100 I mean, what is the point of opening your mouth and going: 133 00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:30,068 What is that? 134 00:06:32,510 --> 00:06:34,580 You know, you can't get those cigars anywhere. 135 00:06:34,750 --> 00:06:37,344 You and your cigars. 136 00:06:37,510 --> 00:06:39,705 Wear some more lipstick. 137 00:06:42,350 --> 00:06:45,547 Daddy, there's- There's something that we have to talk to you about. 138 00:06:45,710 --> 00:06:48,702 Oh, I forgot to ask you: how'd you like the cabin? 139 00:06:49,310 --> 00:06:51,505 Oh, the- The cabin. 140 00:06:51,670 --> 00:06:53,262 Well... 141 00:06:56,710 --> 00:06:58,348 After we get off the phone you tell her? 142 00:06:58,510 --> 00:07:00,421 Of course she knows it was me who complained. 143 00:07:00,590 --> 00:07:02,467 Now I'm responsible for this woman quitting. 144 00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:05,588 - Oh, this is unbelievable. - I know. 145 00:07:05,750 --> 00:07:08,389 I screwed up. It's all my fault. 146 00:07:08,550 --> 00:07:11,348 - Would you call her? - Oh, dial the number. 147 00:07:14,470 --> 00:07:15,903 How could you do this? 148 00:07:16,070 --> 00:07:17,981 I was just trying to help you. 149 00:07:18,150 --> 00:07:20,869 Trying to help me. 150 00:07:21,830 --> 00:07:23,468 Hello. Sandra. 151 00:07:23,630 --> 00:07:25,188 Hi, this is Jerry Seinfeld. 152 00:07:25,350 --> 00:07:28,706 Listen, I wanted to tell you there's been a terrible misunderstanding. 153 00:07:28,870 --> 00:07:30,588 See, I told Elaine... 154 00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:33,742 ...that it was a real treat talking to you on the phone. 155 00:07:33,910 --> 00:07:37,107 And she thought I was being sarcastic because I'm a comedian, and all. 156 00:07:37,270 --> 00:07:40,546 She thought, I think, "Yeah, it's a real treat talking to her on the phone." 157 00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:43,782 But I was really being sincere. 158 00:07:43,950 --> 00:07:46,259 No, of course I like you. 159 00:07:46,790 --> 00:07:48,382 Tonight? 160 00:07:51,870 --> 00:07:53,019 Hold on a second. 161 00:07:53,190 --> 00:07:55,385 - She wants to have a drink with me. - Just go. Go. 162 00:07:55,550 --> 00:07:57,188 - Oh, I don't- - Go. 163 00:07:57,350 --> 00:07:59,545 Yeah, I think I can. 164 00:08:00,270 --> 00:08:01,908 Yeah, I know where that is. 165 00:08:02,070 --> 00:08:05,506 Okay. I'll see you there. Okay, bye. 166 00:08:05,670 --> 00:08:07,581 Now I gotta have a drink with her. 167 00:08:07,750 --> 00:08:09,502 The cabin. 168 00:08:10,230 --> 00:08:11,663 Well... 169 00:08:12,710 --> 00:08:14,940 Susan? 170 00:08:15,110 --> 00:08:17,419 - About the cabin- - I love that place. 171 00:08:17,590 --> 00:08:21,026 My father built that cabin in 1947. 172 00:08:21,190 --> 00:08:24,466 My mother was recuperating from impetigo at the time... 173 00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:28,305 ...and Dad thought it would be a good idea to get her out into the fresh air. 174 00:08:28,470 --> 00:08:30,108 She died there the following winter. 175 00:08:33,030 --> 00:08:35,180 And Dad passed away 10 years later to the day. 176 00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:38,705 His last words to me were: 177 00:08:39,230 --> 00:08:41,425 "Cherish the cabin." 178 00:08:44,870 --> 00:08:48,226 Not, "Take care of your sister." She's a paraplegic. 179 00:08:49,750 --> 00:08:52,867 But, "Cherish the cabin." 180 00:08:53,030 --> 00:08:56,067 And I have, for 45 years. 181 00:08:56,390 --> 00:09:00,349 It's often been a sanctuary for me. 182 00:09:01,190 --> 00:09:03,750 Kind of like Superman's Fortress of Solitude. 183 00:09:04,390 --> 00:09:05,982 What? 184 00:09:06,430 --> 00:09:07,909 Superman. 185 00:09:08,070 --> 00:09:10,868 He built a Fortress of Solitude up at the North Pole... 186 00:09:11,030 --> 00:09:14,227 ...to, you know, sort of get away from it all. 187 00:09:14,790 --> 00:09:17,748 When I go, I'm passing it on to her. 188 00:09:17,910 --> 00:09:22,188 Well, I'll take a hotel any day. 189 00:09:22,350 --> 00:09:23,669 - Daddy? - Yes. 190 00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:25,980 Daddy, about the cabin. 191 00:09:26,630 --> 00:09:30,020 Look, Henry, I spilled wine on me. 192 00:09:30,190 --> 00:09:32,943 - What about it? - Well, the thing is... 193 00:09:33,110 --> 00:09:36,386 - What? What is it? - Well, the cabin is kind of... 194 00:09:36,550 --> 00:09:39,110 - George? - Burned. 195 00:09:41,030 --> 00:09:43,305 - Burned? - There was a fire, and it- 196 00:09:43,470 --> 00:09:44,869 Burned. 197 00:09:45,830 --> 00:09:49,379 - The cabin burned? - Yeah, burned. 198 00:09:49,550 --> 00:09:52,223 Burned? 199 00:09:52,390 --> 00:09:53,539 Was anything found? 200 00:09:53,710 --> 00:09:56,622 Was it all burned to the ground? Did they find anything? 201 00:09:56,790 --> 00:09:59,350 - No. Nothing. - Nothing? 202 00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:04,109 But, you know, Mr. Ross, if you look at the whole situation... 203 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,738 ...what with it being your cigars and everything... 204 00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:08,707 ...it's really rather ironic. 205 00:10:08,870 --> 00:10:11,828 One might even say, in a sense, comical. 206 00:10:14,070 --> 00:10:16,709 Really. Think about it. 207 00:10:16,870 --> 00:10:19,338 - I can't believe you said that. - What? 208 00:10:19,510 --> 00:10:21,660 How could you say something like that to me? 209 00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:24,139 What? You were the one who was talking dirty. 210 00:10:24,310 --> 00:10:25,663 I was just trying to keep up. 211 00:10:25,830 --> 00:10:29,379 - That was a weird thing to say. - Why? It didn't mean anything. 212 00:10:29,550 --> 00:10:31,984 I was trying to join in so you wouldn't feel embarrassed. 213 00:10:32,150 --> 00:10:36,143 - Oh, I think you're really sick. - I'm not sick. 214 00:10:36,350 --> 00:10:38,261 You said much sicker things than me. 215 00:10:39,270 --> 00:10:41,181 - I'm leaving. - You're making too much of this. 216 00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:42,499 Excuse me. 217 00:10:42,670 --> 00:10:44,581 - Let me walk you to a cab. - That's okay. 218 00:10:44,750 --> 00:10:47,059 The main thing is that this is just between us. 219 00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:49,869 - And that'll be the end of it. - Oh, really? 220 00:10:50,030 --> 00:10:52,590 I mean, people, they're not interested in things like this. 221 00:10:52,750 --> 00:10:55,139 They don't wanna hear about it. They really don't. 222 00:10:58,790 --> 00:11:00,746 So we're drinking and talking. 223 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,185 And so she starts rubbing my leg. 224 00:11:03,350 --> 00:11:06,148 Wow, what did you do? 225 00:11:06,310 --> 00:11:08,619 Have you ever told a woman to stop touching your leg? 226 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:12,065 - Yeah. Right. - I know it's the wrong thing to do. 227 00:11:12,230 --> 00:11:15,381 She works in Elaine's office. But I can't get that hand off my leg. 228 00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:18,781 I'm looking at the hand thinking, "That hand should not be on my leg." 229 00:11:18,950 --> 00:11:22,499 But I can't make my brain to get my mouth to say the words: 230 00:11:22,670 --> 00:11:24,069 "Would you mind?" 231 00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:27,901 Yet women have no problem getting the hand off. How do they do that? 232 00:11:28,070 --> 00:11:30,459 I don't know. They're working on a whole other level. 233 00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:34,307 - All right, so go ahead. - So then we go back to my apartment. 234 00:11:36,550 --> 00:11:38,302 So we're fooling around there. 235 00:11:38,470 --> 00:11:40,381 You know, it's getting a little passionate. 236 00:11:40,550 --> 00:11:43,587 And she starts with the dirty talking. 237 00:11:43,750 --> 00:11:46,310 All right, all right. Hold on. 238 00:11:46,470 --> 00:11:48,381 Time out. 239 00:11:50,070 --> 00:11:53,824 - What did she say? - You know. The usual. 240 00:11:53,990 --> 00:11:55,901 No, I don't know. How do I know the usual? 241 00:11:56,070 --> 00:11:59,062 - Typical things. - What's typical? Give me typical. 242 00:12:00,990 --> 00:12:03,265 She says... 243 00:12:17,350 --> 00:12:18,942 That's very dirty. 244 00:12:19,110 --> 00:12:21,829 That's absolutely filthy. 245 00:12:21,990 --> 00:12:24,060 And then she starts talking about her panties. 246 00:12:24,350 --> 00:12:26,818 I'm gonna need some water here. 247 00:12:28,270 --> 00:12:29,828 So I said something. 248 00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:31,503 Okay, what did you say? 249 00:12:31,670 --> 00:12:34,548 Now, bear in mind, I am just trying to keep up. 250 00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:36,746 - Of course. - Okay. 251 00:12:36,910 --> 00:12:40,027 So she's talking about her panties. 252 00:12:40,190 --> 00:12:42,021 So... 253 00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:44,183 So I said: 254 00:12:44,350 --> 00:12:47,342 "You mean, the panties your mother laid out for you." 255 00:12:59,390 --> 00:13:03,349 "The panties your mother laid out for you"? 256 00:13:03,510 --> 00:13:05,865 - What does that mean? - I don't know. 257 00:13:07,670 --> 00:13:08,864 It just popped out. 258 00:13:09,030 --> 00:13:12,067 - Well, how did she react? - She flipped out. Just left. 259 00:13:12,230 --> 00:13:13,583 Well, that's not offensive. 260 00:13:13,750 --> 00:13:16,025 It's abnormal, but it's not offensive. 261 00:13:16,190 --> 00:13:19,227 Look, the main thing is I don't want Elaine to know about any of this. 262 00:13:19,390 --> 00:13:21,028 I mean, especially the pantie remark. 263 00:13:21,190 --> 00:13:23,988 I mean, it's embarrassing. She'd never let me hear the end of it. 264 00:13:24,190 --> 00:13:25,748 What if this girl says something? 265 00:13:25,910 --> 00:13:27,423 She will. She's going back to work. 266 00:13:27,590 --> 00:13:30,058 I talked her into it. How stupid was that. 267 00:13:30,670 --> 00:13:32,900 So Susan's father took that news pretty hard, huh? 268 00:13:33,070 --> 00:13:35,584 Yeah. He went into the bedroom and started sobbing. 269 00:13:35,750 --> 00:13:38,628 - Guess he didn't see the humour in it. - Yeah. 270 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,265 - Let's go. We got a lot of work to do. - All right. 271 00:13:43,430 --> 00:13:45,546 - Big workday. - That's right. 272 00:13:46,630 --> 00:13:47,779 - Okay. - Let's go. 273 00:13:47,950 --> 00:13:49,144 - Right now. - Let's do it. 274 00:13:49,310 --> 00:13:50,948 - Okay. - All right. 275 00:13:51,510 --> 00:13:54,786 - What do you got? - I got, you enter, you go, "Hi." 276 00:13:54,950 --> 00:13:56,781 And I go, "Hello." 277 00:13:58,030 --> 00:14:00,863 Now, we need something here. 278 00:14:01,830 --> 00:14:03,422 - Oh, hey. - Kramer! Hey! 279 00:14:03,590 --> 00:14:05,865 - Buddy! - You guys are working. I'll come back. 280 00:14:06,030 --> 00:14:07,383 - No, no! Come on. - No, no! 281 00:14:07,590 --> 00:14:09,626 No, you guys should get back to work. 282 00:14:09,790 --> 00:14:12,179 - Don't leave. We're taking a break. - Oh, yeah? 283 00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:14,910 George, did you talk to that guy about getting more cigars? 284 00:14:15,590 --> 00:14:17,148 I told you. I'm not gonna do that. 285 00:14:17,310 --> 00:14:19,380 Okay. Well... 286 00:14:19,550 --> 00:14:22,747 I guess I'm just gonna have to take matters into my own hands, huh? 287 00:14:22,910 --> 00:14:24,389 All right. I'll see you guys. 288 00:14:24,550 --> 00:14:27,462 Where are you going? Don't run off like that. 289 00:14:37,190 --> 00:14:38,828 Okay... 290 00:14:42,390 --> 00:14:45,188 - I need to talk to someone. - Well, what is this about? 291 00:14:45,350 --> 00:14:47,818 Well, it's a very private matter, but extremely urgent. 292 00:14:48,550 --> 00:14:50,620 - Are you an American? - Oh, yeah. 293 00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:52,064 I see. 294 00:14:52,230 --> 00:14:54,027 - Excuse me. - Okay. 295 00:14:58,470 --> 00:15:00,540 - Okay, let's get going. - Let's get focused here. 296 00:15:00,710 --> 00:15:04,225 Come on, now. Come on, let's get it together. 297 00:15:05,350 --> 00:15:06,624 - Yeah? - It's Elaine. 298 00:15:06,790 --> 00:15:08,542 Come on up. 299 00:15:11,270 --> 00:15:13,147 All right, you know what we should do? 300 00:15:13,310 --> 00:15:15,346 We should go to the movies. 301 00:15:15,510 --> 00:15:17,626 - Get away from the script for a while. - We should. 302 00:15:17,790 --> 00:15:21,146 I just have to go over to the Rosses' and drop off Susan's sunglasses. 303 00:15:21,310 --> 00:15:23,426 - Come with me? - Yeah. Does she live with them? 304 00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:24,784 No, no. 305 00:15:24,950 --> 00:15:28,863 - Hey, nice going, Jerome Seinfeld. - What? 306 00:15:29,550 --> 00:15:32,223 I just got a message from Sandra. She's coming back to work. 307 00:15:32,510 --> 00:15:34,341 Well, then you've just gotta fire her. 308 00:15:34,510 --> 00:15:36,865 Don't even think about it. There's no two ways about it. 309 00:15:37,230 --> 00:15:40,427 - Why, what happened? Did you talk? - Talk? Did I talk? I- 310 00:15:40,590 --> 00:15:43,309 You're darn right I talked to her. We talked up a storm. 311 00:15:43,470 --> 00:15:45,506 I've concluded, from the basis of those talks... 312 00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:48,059 ...that this isn't anybody you should be talking to. 313 00:15:48,230 --> 00:15:50,460 - You really think I should fire her? - Oh, yeah. 314 00:15:50,630 --> 00:15:54,623 In fact, if George and I weren't so busy working, I'd do it myself. 315 00:16:06,470 --> 00:16:07,744 What is your name, señor? 316 00:16:07,910 --> 00:16:09,104 Kramer. 317 00:16:09,270 --> 00:16:12,182 So Señor Kramer, what is this about? 318 00:16:13,750 --> 00:16:15,547 - Cigars. - Cigars? 319 00:16:16,070 --> 00:16:18,425 - Cigars. - What about cigars? 320 00:16:18,950 --> 00:16:20,588 See, here, I- 321 00:16:20,750 --> 00:16:22,866 I saved one of the cigar rings. 322 00:16:24,870 --> 00:16:28,306 - You mean, one of these. - Yeah, yeah. That's them. 323 00:16:28,470 --> 00:16:32,099 Okay, so I'd like to buy a couple of boxes of those from you. 324 00:16:32,270 --> 00:16:35,421 You realize, of course, these are illegal in your country. 325 00:16:36,110 --> 00:16:37,828 Well, illegal, huh? 326 00:16:39,950 --> 00:16:43,499 I like that jacket. 327 00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:53,422 - Hi! - Hi. How are you? 328 00:16:53,590 --> 00:16:54,784 - Hey, Jerry. - Hi. 329 00:16:54,950 --> 00:16:56,542 I thought you guys were working today. 330 00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:58,868 - Just taking a little break. - Yeah. 331 00:16:59,030 --> 00:17:01,908 - Oh, here's your sunglasses. - Oh, thanks. Come on in for a second. 332 00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:05,267 This is my brother Ricky. He's home from college for the weekend. 333 00:17:05,430 --> 00:17:07,307 Hey, there, young fella. 334 00:17:07,470 --> 00:17:09,267 - What's your major? - I don't have one. 335 00:17:09,830 --> 00:17:11,582 Well, you should always consider podiatry. 336 00:17:11,950 --> 00:17:13,463 Nothing wrong with the feet. 337 00:17:13,630 --> 00:17:15,109 And this is my aunt, Sara. 338 00:17:16,550 --> 00:17:18,222 He doesn't look like me. 339 00:17:19,910 --> 00:17:21,980 Sara, what do you have on your wheels? 340 00:17:22,150 --> 00:17:23,947 Nothing. They're clean. 341 00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:25,782 Ricky, did you wipe her wheels off? 342 00:17:25,950 --> 00:17:29,226 - Yes. - Well, they're filthy. 343 00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:33,069 It's just a matter of common courtesy. 344 00:17:34,310 --> 00:17:37,985 You come in the house, you wipe your wheels. 345 00:17:39,030 --> 00:17:40,827 Excuse me. 346 00:17:41,350 --> 00:17:42,544 Hello, Raymond. 347 00:17:42,710 --> 00:17:44,905 The man from the insurance company dropped this off. 348 00:17:45,070 --> 00:17:47,664 Said it was the only thing left from the remains of the fire. 349 00:17:47,830 --> 00:17:49,661 Oh, thank you. 350 00:17:50,230 --> 00:17:52,698 Wow, I've never seen this before. 351 00:17:52,870 --> 00:17:54,098 Oh, they're letters. 352 00:17:54,470 --> 00:17:56,586 - Here. - Oh, sure. 353 00:17:57,150 --> 00:18:01,666 From- From John Cheever! 354 00:18:04,870 --> 00:18:06,349 "Dear Henry... 355 00:18:06,510 --> 00:18:09,149 ...last night with you was bliss. 356 00:18:09,310 --> 00:18:11,187 I fear my... 357 00:18:12,150 --> 00:18:15,745 ...orgasm has left me a cripple. 358 00:18:15,910 --> 00:18:19,300 I don't know how I shall ever get back to work. 359 00:18:19,470 --> 00:18:22,746 I love you madly, John. 360 00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:26,148 P.S. Loved the cabin." 361 00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:33,381 - Well, we really should be... - Yeah, look at the time. 362 00:18:33,550 --> 00:18:36,064 ...heading out. You know, it's a time... 363 00:18:36,230 --> 00:18:37,788 The box! 364 00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,429 My letters! Give me that! 365 00:18:40,950 --> 00:18:42,144 Who told you to open it? 366 00:18:42,310 --> 00:18:43,584 Who's John? Who's John?! 367 00:18:43,750 --> 00:18:45,581 - I knew it. - I wanna know who John is! 368 00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:47,900 John Cheever? Dad! You and John Cheever? 369 00:18:48,070 --> 00:18:51,824 Yes. Yes, he was the most wonderful person I've ever known. 370 00:18:52,550 --> 00:18:54,302 And I loved him deeply. 371 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:57,018 In a way you could never understand. 372 00:19:04,270 --> 00:19:06,943 Well, we really should be heading out. 373 00:19:07,110 --> 00:19:09,066 Jerry hates to miss the coming attractions. 374 00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:11,221 - Yeah, and because of the time. - Yeah. 375 00:19:11,390 --> 00:19:14,427 Time is what he's indicating there. 376 00:19:14,590 --> 00:19:18,185 Anyway, onward and upward. 377 00:19:21,190 --> 00:19:22,339 - Here we go. - Let's go. 378 00:19:22,510 --> 00:19:23,829 - Come on, now. - Right now. 379 00:19:23,990 --> 00:19:25,821 - You and me. No fooling. - You got it. 380 00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:28,823 - All right, what do you got? - I got, you come in, you say, "Hi." 381 00:19:28,990 --> 00:19:31,265 And then I say, "Hello." 382 00:19:32,550 --> 00:19:34,381 - All right. So we need something. - Yeah. 383 00:19:35,310 --> 00:19:37,949 How about this: I say, "How's it going?" 384 00:19:39,110 --> 00:19:41,908 "How's it going?"Beautiful. 385 00:19:42,630 --> 00:19:44,825 - Come on. We were just on a roll now. - All right. 386 00:19:44,990 --> 00:19:46,742 - Did you get that line? - "How's it going?" 387 00:19:46,910 --> 00:19:49,663 - Did you write it down? - I'm writing it."How's it going?" 388 00:19:50,470 --> 00:19:52,062 - Real good! - What? 389 00:19:52,390 --> 00:19:55,427 You know how much money you cost me today? $429. 390 00:19:55,590 --> 00:19:57,979 - What? How? - I got Sandra transferred... 391 00:19:58,150 --> 00:19:59,822 ...to another office upstairs, okay. 392 00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:02,948 So she blabs to Lippman about my long-distance calls to Europe! 393 00:20:03,110 --> 00:20:06,307 - What calls? - I made a friend when I was in Europe. 394 00:20:06,470 --> 00:20:09,507 And we've been in touch, and Sandra told Lippman! 395 00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:11,906 Did she say anything else to you? 396 00:20:12,710 --> 00:20:14,826 Anything else? What do you mean, "anything else"? 397 00:20:15,110 --> 00:20:16,702 So she just left the office... 398 00:20:16,870 --> 00:20:19,589 ...didn't say a word to you about anything? 399 00:20:19,910 --> 00:20:23,186 - Yeah. - Beautiful. 400 00:20:24,270 --> 00:20:25,908 Why is that beautiful? 401 00:20:26,070 --> 00:20:27,503 Oh, no. Not beautiful. 402 00:20:27,670 --> 00:20:29,262 It's $429! 403 00:20:29,430 --> 00:20:31,261 Hey, look, I'm gonna pay for that. 404 00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:33,864 - No, no. - No, I insist. 405 00:20:34,030 --> 00:20:36,180 I was the one that encouraged you to fire her. 406 00:20:36,350 --> 00:20:37,988 - The whole thing was all my- - Okay. 407 00:20:38,150 --> 00:20:39,663 Fault. 408 00:20:39,830 --> 00:20:41,821 Do you smell smoke? 409 00:20:45,710 --> 00:20:48,383 Oh, hey! Hey, Jer, I want you to meet my new friends here. 410 00:20:48,550 --> 00:20:51,269 This is Luis, Jorge and Umberto. 411 00:20:51,430 --> 00:20:53,546 - Hey. - How you doing? Nice to meet you. 412 00:20:53,710 --> 00:20:56,349 Yeah, we're heading up to Westchester. Gonna hit the links. 413 00:20:56,510 --> 00:20:59,104 - Yeah. - Hey, isn't that your...? 414 00:20:59,270 --> 00:21:01,101 Oh, yeah. Okay. We're going. All right. 415 00:21:08,950 --> 00:21:10,144 Hey, what are you reading? 416 00:21:10,630 --> 00:21:13,702 The Falconer, by John Cheever. It's really excellent. 417 00:21:14,390 --> 00:21:16,904 John Cheever. You ever read any of his stuff? 418 00:21:17,070 --> 00:21:20,426 Yeah, I'm familiar with some of his writing. You know. 419 00:21:22,790 --> 00:21:25,509 Look, we gotta get back to work. We just had a big breakthrough. 420 00:21:25,670 --> 00:21:27,422 - Okay. I'll leave you two alone. - Okay. 421 00:21:27,590 --> 00:21:28,739 Maybe I'll visit my mother. 422 00:21:28,910 --> 00:21:33,347 She just bought me some new panties, and they're all laid out for me. 423 00:21:46,950 --> 00:21:49,339 There's this whole talking-during-sex business. 424 00:21:49,510 --> 00:21:51,102 I mean, what are we doing here? 425 00:21:51,270 --> 00:21:52,942 The question is... 426 00:21:53,110 --> 00:21:55,226 ...does the talking really improve the sex? 427 00:21:55,390 --> 00:21:56,823 Or is the sex act now... 428 00:21:56,990 --> 00:21:59,265 ...just there to spice up the conversation? 429 00:21:59,510 --> 00:22:02,786 Eventually, I'm sure people will get too lazy even for phone sex. 430 00:22:02,950 --> 00:22:05,544 They'll start having phone machine sex. 431 00:22:05,950 --> 00:22:09,579 "Yeah, I want you really bad. Just leave it on the tape." 432 00:22:11,110 --> 00:22:13,908 Then, I guess, the phone company will come out with sex-waiting. 433 00:22:14,070 --> 00:22:15,867 That'll be the new thing. 434 00:22:16,030 --> 00:22:17,986 "Yeah, hold on, honey. I got another call. 435 00:22:18,150 --> 00:22:19,378 Oh, hi, baby. One second. 436 00:22:19,550 --> 00:22:22,269 Honey, I've gotta take this. 437 00:22:22,430 --> 00:22:24,386 Yeah, I've got sex-waiting on the other line... 438 00:22:24,550 --> 00:22:26,586 ...and I've got to take this." 439 00:22:32,910 --> 00:22:33,899 Subtitles by SDl Media Group