1 00:00:03,929 --> 00:00:05,362 There's no easy way to break up. 2 00:00:05,569 --> 00:00:07,685 When you start dating, they should give you... 3 00:00:07,849 --> 00:00:09,646 ..."Get out of Relationship Free" cards. 4 00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:12,243 You know? So you could just go up to the person... 5 00:00:12,409 --> 00:00:14,001 ...and go, "Here you go. I'm sorry. 6 00:00:14,169 --> 00:00:16,763 I'll grab the tennis racket. Don't even bother to get up. 7 00:00:16,929 --> 00:00:18,681 Have a good one. Sorry." 8 00:00:18,849 --> 00:00:21,921 Which is fine, unless the person you're in the relationship with... 9 00:00:22,089 --> 00:00:25,126 ...has a "Eight More Months of Guilt, Torture and Pain"card. 10 00:00:25,569 --> 00:00:27,639 "Hold it. I got a little something for you." 11 00:00:33,369 --> 00:00:34,643 - We're dead. - We're not dead. 12 00:00:34,809 --> 00:00:36,083 - We are dead. - Come on. 13 00:00:36,249 --> 00:00:38,240 We got all day tomorrow to think of a story. 14 00:00:38,409 --> 00:00:41,128 All day tomorrow? We had a month to come up with something. 15 00:00:41,289 --> 00:00:42,722 We didn't do anything. 16 00:00:42,969 --> 00:00:44,766 So we'll do it tomorrow. 17 00:00:44,929 --> 00:00:47,966 Let me ask you: when's the last time you went skiing? 18 00:00:48,129 --> 00:00:50,962 - About six years ago. - I think you can take the lift ticket... 19 00:00:51,129 --> 00:00:52,608 ...off your jacket now. 20 00:00:53,209 --> 00:00:55,245 Women like skiers. 21 00:00:55,409 --> 00:00:57,843 So what? You can't meet anybody. You're with Susan. 22 00:00:58,889 --> 00:01:00,766 Yeah. Right. 23 00:01:01,769 --> 00:01:03,248 See those two women over there? 24 00:01:03,409 --> 00:01:06,446 I almost dated the one on the right. She's in the closet business. 25 00:01:06,609 --> 00:01:08,327 Closet business? 26 00:01:08,489 --> 00:01:11,128 - What's the closet business? - What is it your business? 27 00:01:12,009 --> 00:01:14,807 - I'm interested. - She reorganizes your closet... 28 00:01:14,969 --> 00:01:17,802 ...and shows you how to maximize your closet space. 29 00:01:17,969 --> 00:01:19,243 She looked into my closet. 30 00:01:19,409 --> 00:01:22,207 You thought she was good-looking. This was a way to meet her. 31 00:01:22,849 --> 00:01:24,965 - Yeah. - Yeah. So, what happened? 32 00:01:25,129 --> 00:01:27,438 She mentioned she had a boyfriend. Then it hit me: 33 00:01:27,609 --> 00:01:29,998 What do I need more closet space for? 34 00:01:31,289 --> 00:01:33,883 - Hi, Marla. - Jerry. 35 00:01:34,049 --> 00:01:35,323 - George, Marla. - Marla. 36 00:01:35,489 --> 00:01:37,002 George. Jerry, Stacy. 37 00:01:37,169 --> 00:01:38,648 - Stacy. George, Stacy. - Jerry. 38 00:01:38,809 --> 00:01:40,288 - Stacy. - George. 39 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,407 George. 40 00:01:44,569 --> 00:01:47,447 Jerry, Marla. Stacy. 41 00:01:50,329 --> 00:01:54,288 - So how was your trip to Berlin? - Trip to Berlin? 42 00:01:54,449 --> 00:01:56,485 Remember, that's why you put off the closets. 43 00:01:56,649 --> 00:01:59,846 - You said you were going to Berlin. - Oh, right, right. 44 00:02:00,009 --> 00:02:02,728 The Wall had just come down. You told me you wanted to be... 45 00:02:02,889 --> 00:02:04,163 ...part of the celebration. 46 00:02:04,329 --> 00:02:07,446 Yes, yes, I did, but you know, I was watching it on CNN... 47 00:02:07,609 --> 00:02:12,046 ...and they covered it so well, I thought, why knock my brains out? 48 00:02:12,209 --> 00:02:13,642 You know, my boyfriend went. 49 00:02:13,809 --> 00:02:16,004 - Really? - Yes, I told him all about you going... 50 00:02:16,169 --> 00:02:18,319 ...and he got all excited and decided to go. 51 00:02:18,489 --> 00:02:21,083 - Oh, did he like it? - I don't know. He never came back. 52 00:02:21,529 --> 00:02:24,202 Anyway, we met with NBC about a month ago, and they... 53 00:02:24,369 --> 00:02:26,963 ...gave us the green light to go ahead and write a pilot. 54 00:02:27,129 --> 00:02:28,926 We got a big meeting with them tomorrow. 55 00:02:29,089 --> 00:02:31,842 They gotta approve the story before we can write it. 56 00:02:32,009 --> 00:02:36,127 Wow. What a great job. A writer. 57 00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:38,883 Not a bad way to earn a buck. 58 00:02:39,049 --> 00:02:40,323 Sounds great. 59 00:02:40,489 --> 00:02:42,366 Well, I'll tell you, Stacy... 60 00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:44,884 ...it's a lot of hard work. 61 00:02:45,049 --> 00:02:47,483 But it comes fairly easy to me. 62 00:02:48,289 --> 00:02:51,440 Some people write symphonies. This is my gift. 63 00:02:56,809 --> 00:02:59,642 - So you gonna go out with her? - I might. 64 00:03:00,089 --> 00:03:02,557 - What about Susan? - What? I'm not married. 65 00:03:02,729 --> 00:03:04,799 I'm not allowed to go out with somebody else? 66 00:03:04,969 --> 00:03:06,322 - Depends. - Depends on what? 67 00:03:06,489 --> 00:03:08,525 - On many factors. - Like what? 68 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,681 Well, how long you've been seeing her. 69 00:03:11,849 --> 00:03:14,317 What's your phone-call frequency? Are you on a daily? 70 00:03:14,489 --> 00:03:17,322 No. Semi-daily. Four, five times a week. 71 00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:21,038 Saturday nights, do you ask her out, or is the date implied? 72 00:03:21,209 --> 00:03:22,562 - Implied. - She got anything... 73 00:03:22,729 --> 00:03:24,003 ...in your medicine cabinet? 74 00:03:24,609 --> 00:03:26,918 Might be some moisturizer. 75 00:03:28,529 --> 00:03:30,360 Let me ask you this: 76 00:03:30,529 --> 00:03:33,202 Is there any Tampax in your house? 77 00:03:38,089 --> 00:03:39,886 Yeah. 78 00:03:40,409 --> 00:03:42,206 - I'll tell you what you got here. - Yeah? 79 00:03:42,369 --> 00:03:43,643 You got a girlfriend. 80 00:03:43,809 --> 00:03:46,642 Oh, no, no. What-? Are you sure, a girlfriend? 81 00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:49,801 I'm looking at a guy in a semi-daily, with Tampax in his house... 82 00:03:49,969 --> 00:03:52,244 ...and an implied date on Saturday night. 83 00:03:52,409 --> 00:03:55,765 - I would like to help you out, but- - Do you believe my luck? 84 00:03:55,929 --> 00:03:57,760 The first time I have a good answer to... 85 00:03:57,929 --> 00:03:59,965 ..."What do you do?" and I have a girlfriend. 86 00:04:00,289 --> 00:04:02,678 You don't need a girlfriend when you can answer that. 87 00:04:02,849 --> 00:04:05,044 That's what you say in order to get girlfriends. 88 00:04:05,209 --> 00:04:08,918 Once you can get girlfriends, you just want more girlfriends. 89 00:04:09,089 --> 00:04:12,081 You're gonna make a very good father someday. 90 00:04:12,569 --> 00:04:14,719 Well, it's not fair, Jerry. It's just not fair. 91 00:04:14,889 --> 00:04:16,720 That's it. I'm getting out of this thing. 92 00:04:16,929 --> 00:04:19,124 Break up with her. But you know what this means. 93 00:04:19,289 --> 00:04:21,280 - No, what? - The script, the pilot, TV show. 94 00:04:21,449 --> 00:04:23,041 - That's all over. - What do you mean? 95 00:04:23,209 --> 00:04:25,245 Figure it out. She's one of the executives... 96 00:04:25,409 --> 00:04:28,207 ...that makes the decision whether to pick up the show. 97 00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:30,360 She's one of our biggest fans. 98 00:04:30,529 --> 00:04:32,759 You drop her, you think they're gonna pick us up? 99 00:04:32,929 --> 00:04:35,887 Oh, right. Oh, no! Man. 100 00:04:36,329 --> 00:04:38,365 You know, it's a very interesting situation. 101 00:04:38,529 --> 00:04:41,123 Here you have a job that could help you get girls. 102 00:04:41,289 --> 00:04:42,927 But you also have a relationship. 103 00:04:43,089 --> 00:04:45,922 But if you get rid of the relationship so you can get girls... 104 00:04:46,089 --> 00:04:47,886 ...you lose the job. 105 00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:51,801 - You see the irony? - Yeah, yeah. I see the... 106 00:04:53,049 --> 00:04:54,323 All right, what about this? 107 00:04:54,489 --> 00:04:56,764 What if I could find a way to break up with her... 108 00:04:56,929 --> 00:04:59,648 ...so she'll still like me, and it doesn't affect the deal? 109 00:04:59,809 --> 00:05:01,242 - Yeah. - Wait, wait. Hear me out. 110 00:05:01,409 --> 00:05:04,003 Hear me out. Don't dismiss this. You're quick to dismiss. 111 00:05:04,169 --> 00:05:05,727 Don't dismiss. 112 00:05:07,409 --> 00:05:09,969 She's got a big crush on David Letterman. A big crush. 113 00:05:10,129 --> 00:05:11,642 She talks about him all the time. 114 00:05:12,289 --> 00:05:14,803 Suppose I go up to David Letterman. 115 00:05:14,969 --> 00:05:18,484 He works at NBC. I work at NBC. 116 00:05:18,649 --> 00:05:20,048 I explain my situation. 117 00:05:20,209 --> 00:05:23,121 He agrees to meet her. They go out. They fall madly in love... 118 00:05:23,289 --> 00:05:26,087 ...and she dumps me for David Letterman. 119 00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:29,958 - This is your plan? - No, no, I'm just thinking. 120 00:05:30,129 --> 00:05:32,245 I don't think you are. 121 00:05:39,329 --> 00:05:40,921 Well, let me tell you what I see. 122 00:05:41,169 --> 00:05:43,808 Please. And be brutal. I have no closet sensitivity. 123 00:05:44,809 --> 00:05:48,688 - Are you very fussy about your pants? - I don't think I am. 124 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,521 Because I have a very radical idea. 125 00:05:50,689 --> 00:05:52,327 - Can you handle it? - Try me. 126 00:05:52,809 --> 00:05:55,687 Here's what I'm proposing. We'll eliminate all this. 127 00:05:55,849 --> 00:06:00,604 The hangers, the bar, the shelves, and in its place, install a series of hooks. 128 00:06:00,889 --> 00:06:02,766 We'll put everything on hooks. 129 00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:04,521 - Everything? - Everything. 130 00:06:04,689 --> 00:06:07,647 The shirts, pants, sports jackets, pyjamas. 131 00:06:07,809 --> 00:06:10,198 We can get 80 hooks on here. 132 00:06:10,489 --> 00:06:12,286 You're quite mad, you know. 133 00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:18,039 Oh, I don't believe this. 134 00:06:18,529 --> 00:06:20,008 Hey. Well, what are you doing? 135 00:06:20,169 --> 00:06:22,000 I'm watching The Bold and the Beautiful. 136 00:06:22,169 --> 00:06:23,568 - No. - Wait, wait. 137 00:06:23,729 --> 00:06:25,526 - This is not a good time. - Five minutes. 138 00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:27,486 What did you give your TV to George for? 139 00:06:27,649 --> 00:06:31,039 Because I've been watching too much. It was an addiction. I couldn't stop. 140 00:06:31,209 --> 00:06:32,801 It was destroying my brain cells. 141 00:06:33,969 --> 00:06:35,880 Yeah, but now you're in here all the time. 142 00:06:36,049 --> 00:06:37,767 - Well- Whoa. - Marla, Kramer. 143 00:06:37,969 --> 00:06:39,721 Hello. 144 00:06:41,409 --> 00:06:44,287 - Go out. It's nice out. - There's nothing out there for me. 145 00:06:44,449 --> 00:06:46,246 - There's weather. - I don't need weather. 146 00:06:46,409 --> 00:06:47,728 Weather doesn't do it for me. 147 00:06:47,889 --> 00:06:49,880 I'm telling George to give you your TV back. 148 00:06:50,049 --> 00:06:52,404 No, no. I don't want it back. 149 00:06:52,569 --> 00:06:54,525 Are you gonna watch the Knick game tonight? 150 00:06:54,689 --> 00:06:56,600 - I don't know. - Will you tape it? 151 00:06:56,769 --> 00:06:59,920 - Kramer. - Oh, yeah. 152 00:07:06,889 --> 00:07:09,198 So your boyfriend never came back from Berlin. 153 00:07:09,369 --> 00:07:11,883 - Never came back. - Oh, you must have been devastated... 154 00:07:12,049 --> 00:07:13,323 ...being left for a wall. 155 00:07:13,489 --> 00:07:16,925 Well, it was about to end anyway. 156 00:07:17,089 --> 00:07:19,603 There was this problem. 157 00:07:20,249 --> 00:07:21,682 Excuse me one second. 158 00:07:21,849 --> 00:07:23,123 - Yeah. - It's me. 159 00:07:23,289 --> 00:07:25,245 Come on up. 160 00:07:25,409 --> 00:07:27,320 That's Elaine. She's just a friend of mine. 161 00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:29,241 I don't know what she's doing here now. 162 00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:31,248 I'm sorry. 163 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:33,923 - What? - I didn't get it. 164 00:07:37,729 --> 00:07:39,640 So you were saying there was this problem. 165 00:07:39,809 --> 00:07:42,164 Well, he wanted me to move in with him. 166 00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:44,240 - Snapple? - No, thanks. 167 00:07:45,449 --> 00:07:48,759 - Go on. - Well, I wouldn't move in, because- 168 00:07:48,929 --> 00:07:50,840 - Yes? - Well, because- 169 00:07:51,009 --> 00:07:54,319 - Yeah? - Well, because I'm a... 170 00:07:54,489 --> 00:07:55,888 ...virgin. 171 00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:57,722 Hello. 172 00:07:59,209 --> 00:08:01,518 Hi. Marla, Elaine. 173 00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:03,327 Sorry, I didn't know you had company. 174 00:08:03,489 --> 00:08:06,481 - I wanted to return your tape. - Oh, thanks a lot. Two weeks late. 175 00:08:06,649 --> 00:08:10,642 Now it cost me $35 to see Havana. 176 00:08:12,849 --> 00:08:14,965 I'm sorry. I really am. I just kept forgetting. 177 00:08:15,129 --> 00:08:17,165 - I should be going. - No, no, no. I'm leaving. 178 00:08:17,329 --> 00:08:18,762 I like that thing in your hair. 179 00:08:18,929 --> 00:08:20,521 Yeah? This woman was selling them... 180 00:08:20,689 --> 00:08:22,725 ...at this crazy party I was at last night. 181 00:08:23,209 --> 00:08:24,801 You'll appreciate this. Snapple? 182 00:08:24,969 --> 00:08:26,687 No, thanks. 183 00:08:28,089 --> 00:08:30,728 I was talking to this guy, and I just happened to throw... 184 00:08:30,889 --> 00:08:35,599 ...my purse on the sofa. And my diaphragm goes flying out. 185 00:08:38,129 --> 00:08:41,121 So I just froze, you know: 186 00:08:41,289 --> 00:08:43,883 Staring at my diaphragm, you know? It's just lying there. 187 00:08:44,049 --> 00:08:46,040 So this woman who sold me this hair thing... 188 00:08:46,209 --> 00:08:48,643 ...she grabbed it before the guy noticed, so I mean... 189 00:08:48,809 --> 00:08:50,959 ...big deal, right? 190 00:08:51,129 --> 00:08:53,689 So I carry around my diaphragm. Who doesn't? 191 00:08:53,849 --> 00:08:55,726 I mean, like, it's a big, big secret... 192 00:08:55,889 --> 00:08:57,880 ...that women carry around their diaphragms. 193 00:08:59,369 --> 00:09:02,327 You never know when you're gonna need it. 194 00:09:07,729 --> 00:09:09,401 I should be going. 195 00:09:09,569 --> 00:09:13,357 - So we'll talk about the hooks then. - Yes. 196 00:09:15,449 --> 00:09:19,158 - What, was it something I said? - She's a virgin. She just told me. 197 00:09:19,329 --> 00:09:22,844 - Well, I didn't know. - Well, it's not like spotting a toupee. 198 00:09:27,009 --> 00:09:28,761 Well, you think I should say something? 199 00:09:28,929 --> 00:09:30,521 Should I say something, apologize? 200 00:09:30,689 --> 00:09:32,725 - Was I being anti-virgin? - No, no. 201 00:09:32,889 --> 00:09:34,959 - I mean- - Because I'm not anti-virgin. 202 00:09:35,129 --> 00:09:38,644 - I'm gonna- I'll be right back. - Don't- Elaine. Elaine. 203 00:09:38,809 --> 00:09:40,879 - Yeah? - It's George. 204 00:09:42,009 --> 00:09:44,728 - She's a virgin? - A virgin. 205 00:09:46,129 --> 00:09:47,847 - What are you gonna do? - I don't know. 206 00:09:48,009 --> 00:09:51,206 I'm very attracted to her. That accent is so sexy. 207 00:09:51,369 --> 00:09:53,599 I don't think I could do it. 208 00:09:53,769 --> 00:09:56,442 They always remember the first time. 209 00:09:56,609 --> 00:09:59,169 I don't wanna be remembered. I wanna be forgotten. 210 00:09:59,609 --> 00:10:02,487 You need a little pioneer spirit. You don't have any of that... 211 00:10:02,649 --> 00:10:04,446 ...Lewis and Clark in you. 212 00:10:05,289 --> 00:10:08,247 You know, sometimes those guys don't make it back. 213 00:10:11,489 --> 00:10:13,002 - I'm really hungry. - Yeah, me too. 214 00:10:13,169 --> 00:10:15,080 We gotta get something. I don't wanna go... 215 00:10:15,249 --> 00:10:17,160 ...on an empty stomach. Let's get Chinese. 216 00:10:17,329 --> 00:10:19,923 - Wanna order? - All right, then we gotta get work done. 217 00:10:20,089 --> 00:10:22,967 Let me just call Kramer. See if he wants anything. 218 00:10:23,969 --> 00:10:25,561 Hey. We're ordering Chinese food. 219 00:10:25,729 --> 00:10:27,560 If you want anything, let me know what... 220 00:10:27,729 --> 00:10:30,766 ...and I'll order it... 221 00:10:30,929 --> 00:10:32,920 ...for you. 222 00:10:33,489 --> 00:10:36,003 - I'm in. Let's go for it. - All right. What do you want? 223 00:10:36,289 --> 00:10:37,563 - I don't care. - All right. 224 00:10:37,729 --> 00:10:39,560 Let's get a couple of dishes and share. 225 00:10:39,729 --> 00:10:41,242 - All right. - What are you getting? 226 00:10:41,409 --> 00:10:43,843 - I think I'm gonna get a chow fun. - What's a chow fun? 227 00:10:44,009 --> 00:10:45,727 It's a broad noodle. 228 00:10:45,889 --> 00:10:48,926 - What do you mean "a broad noodle"? - It's a big, flat noodle. 229 00:10:49,209 --> 00:10:51,518 Well, I don't want a big, flat noodle. 230 00:10:52,769 --> 00:10:56,159 - What kind of noodle do you want? - Who says I want a noodle? 231 00:10:56,329 --> 00:10:58,718 I'm getting the chow fun. You don't have to have any. 232 00:10:58,889 --> 00:11:02,086 I'll get the pea pods, and you can't have any of my pea pods. 233 00:11:02,249 --> 00:11:04,683 - Fine. - And get extra MSG. 234 00:11:08,009 --> 00:11:12,924 Look, Marla, this whole sex thing is totally overrated. 235 00:11:13,489 --> 00:11:15,605 Now, the one thing you've gotta be ready for... 236 00:11:15,769 --> 00:11:19,921 ...is how the man changes into a completely different person... 237 00:11:20,089 --> 00:11:21,568 ...five seconds after it's over. 238 00:11:22,569 --> 00:11:24,685 I mean, something happens to their personality. 239 00:11:24,849 --> 00:11:26,760 It's really quite astounding. It's like... 240 00:11:26,929 --> 00:11:30,365 ...they committed a crime and wanna flee the scene before police get there. 241 00:11:31,849 --> 00:11:34,238 - So they just leave? - Yeah. Pretty much, yeah. 242 00:11:34,409 --> 00:11:38,846 Well, the smart ones start working on their getaway stories during dinner. 243 00:11:39,009 --> 00:11:41,523 How, you know, they gotta get up early tomorrow. 244 00:11:41,689 --> 00:11:43,441 It's always about being up early. 245 00:11:43,609 --> 00:11:45,406 They all turn into farmers suddenly. 246 00:11:46,729 --> 00:11:49,004 It must be really good to put up with all that. 247 00:11:53,409 --> 00:11:55,604 Let's go. We don't have time before the meeting. 248 00:11:55,769 --> 00:11:57,248 The food. What happened to Ping? 249 00:11:57,409 --> 00:11:59,684 Don't worry, he'll be here. We only got two hours. 250 00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:03,125 We need to come up with one good idea, we can get through this meeting. 251 00:12:03,529 --> 00:12:05,485 There's your food. 252 00:12:05,649 --> 00:12:07,162 Hey, what about this? 253 00:12:07,329 --> 00:12:10,321 I'm in a car accident. The motorist is uninsured. 254 00:12:10,489 --> 00:12:12,127 - You with me? - Yeah. 255 00:12:12,369 --> 00:12:13,802 My car's totalled. 256 00:12:13,969 --> 00:12:16,358 It's all his fault. Now, he has absolutely no money. 257 00:12:16,529 --> 00:12:18,724 There is no way that he could pay me. 258 00:12:18,889 --> 00:12:21,039 So the judge decrees... 259 00:12:21,209 --> 00:12:22,722 ...that he becomes my butler. 260 00:12:24,249 --> 00:12:25,807 - Your butler? - Right. 261 00:12:25,969 --> 00:12:29,006 He cooks my food, cleans my house, does my shopping, there you go. 262 00:12:29,169 --> 00:12:30,568 That's your program. 263 00:12:31,169 --> 00:12:32,443 - What about me? - Don't worry. 264 00:12:32,609 --> 00:12:34,565 We find something for you. 265 00:12:36,849 --> 00:12:39,124 That's the stupidest idea I ever heard. 266 00:12:39,289 --> 00:12:42,247 Sentenced to be a butler. 267 00:12:43,289 --> 00:12:45,484 - Ping, what happened? - There was an accident. 268 00:12:45,649 --> 00:12:47,321 Head hurts. 269 00:12:47,489 --> 00:12:51,084 - Head really hurts. - What happened? 270 00:12:51,329 --> 00:12:54,321 Marla and I went out for coffee, and I was crossing the street. 271 00:12:54,489 --> 00:12:57,322 He was biking towards me, so I got out of the way in time. 272 00:12:57,489 --> 00:12:59,400 He ran into a parked car, hit his head... 273 00:12:59,569 --> 00:13:00,968 ...and everything went flying. 274 00:13:01,129 --> 00:13:03,165 Something happened to the food? 275 00:13:03,729 --> 00:13:05,003 Could only save one bag. 276 00:13:05,169 --> 00:13:07,285 Should I call an ambulance? Wanna see a doctor? 277 00:13:07,449 --> 00:13:09,041 I'll get some ice. 278 00:13:09,209 --> 00:13:11,848 The pea pods? All you saved was the pea pods? 279 00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:13,801 - Hey, you got the food? - Yeah, here. 280 00:13:13,969 --> 00:13:15,766 Man, what took you so long? Hey, Ping. 281 00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:17,960 - Kramer. - Yeah. 282 00:13:18,689 --> 00:13:20,759 - Where's yours? - He dropped it. 283 00:13:20,929 --> 00:13:23,727 Oh, that's too bad. 284 00:13:23,889 --> 00:13:26,722 You should slow down. It's dangerous to go that fast. 285 00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:29,005 No, no, I have green light. You jaywalk. 286 00:13:29,169 --> 00:13:30,966 - Are you watching Oprah? - I did not. 287 00:13:31,129 --> 00:13:32,562 You're giving him back that TV. 288 00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:34,526 - Yes, you jaywalk. - No, I don't want it. 289 00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,327 Jaywalker. I can slap a suit on you. 290 00:13:36,489 --> 00:13:37,763 - What? - We've got work to do. 291 00:13:37,929 --> 00:13:40,363 - What about the meeting? - An hour with Patrick Swayze. 292 00:13:45,609 --> 00:13:47,565 A month and a half we had. We did nothing. 293 00:13:47,729 --> 00:13:50,163 We put it off until today. We couldn't do anything... 294 00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:52,604 ...because Elaine runs to apologize to a virgin... 295 00:13:52,769 --> 00:13:55,920 ...crosses against the light and knocks over a Chinese delivery boy. 296 00:13:56,089 --> 00:13:58,762 Now we're gonna make fools of ourselves. We got nothing. 297 00:13:58,929 --> 00:14:02,319 You're not even in show business. I got a reputation. 298 00:14:02,489 --> 00:14:04,923 You're dragging me into the sewer with you. 299 00:14:05,089 --> 00:14:07,205 I've been on TV, buddy boy. 300 00:14:07,369 --> 00:14:11,408 You know how fast word spreads in show business? Just like that: 301 00:14:11,569 --> 00:14:14,561 One bad impression, you're out of the business! 302 00:14:14,769 --> 00:14:16,646 Let's postpone it. Let's get out of here. 303 00:14:16,809 --> 00:14:18,083 What? They know we're here. 304 00:14:18,249 --> 00:14:21,764 I'll fake an illness. My back! My back! I can't move my back! 305 00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:23,248 No, no. Would you get up? 306 00:14:23,409 --> 00:14:25,639 - I could do this, Jerry. - No. 307 00:14:25,809 --> 00:14:28,198 All right, I'll tell them that my sister died. 308 00:14:28,369 --> 00:14:30,360 My poor sister died. 309 00:14:30,529 --> 00:14:33,248 She was standing on the street, and then she was laughing... 310 00:14:33,409 --> 00:14:35,764 ...and then they shot her! 311 00:14:35,929 --> 00:14:38,045 That's the kind of a sick city we're living in! 312 00:14:38,209 --> 00:14:39,881 They shoot you for laughing! 313 00:14:40,049 --> 00:14:42,609 I must go and comfort my poor family. Jerry, come on. 314 00:14:42,769 --> 00:14:46,045 Take me home so I can comfort my- My poor family. 315 00:14:46,529 --> 00:14:48,087 - What? - That's David Letterman. 316 00:14:48,249 --> 00:14:50,001 I just saw David Letterman walk by. 317 00:14:50,969 --> 00:14:52,846 Be right back. 318 00:14:53,009 --> 00:14:54,806 Mr. Seinfeld, they're ready for you now. 319 00:14:58,409 --> 00:15:02,368 Yes, I was very wise to hitch my wagon to his star. 320 00:15:06,929 --> 00:15:08,203 - Hey, Jerry. - Hi. 321 00:15:08,369 --> 00:15:09,961 How you doing? Nice to see you all. 322 00:15:10,129 --> 00:15:13,041 - Hello, Jerry. I'm Rita Kirson. - Oh, nice to meet you. 323 00:15:13,209 --> 00:15:15,404 - Where's Russell? - He had to go to L.A. 324 00:15:15,569 --> 00:15:17,366 There's a problem on the set at Blossom. 325 00:15:17,689 --> 00:15:21,364 Oh, poor Blossom. 326 00:15:21,529 --> 00:15:23,326 Anyway, he asked me to sit in for him. 327 00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:27,001 - Where's George? - He ran to talk to David Letterman. 328 00:15:27,169 --> 00:15:29,842 - David Letterman's on the floor? - Yeah, he just walked by. 329 00:15:31,809 --> 00:15:34,562 I think we should get started, anyway. 330 00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:36,720 Yeah. Good idea. 331 00:15:36,889 --> 00:15:39,005 - So how are you guys coming along? - Good. Good. 332 00:15:39,169 --> 00:15:41,319 We've got a number of ideas. 333 00:15:41,489 --> 00:15:42,808 Good. 334 00:15:45,409 --> 00:15:47,206 Have you been to a Chinese restaurant... 335 00:15:47,369 --> 00:15:50,088 ...and they say five minutes for a table, and you wind up... 336 00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:52,365 ...waiting there for 30 minutes? 337 00:15:52,569 --> 00:15:55,447 Well, we thought it would be very funny... 338 00:15:55,609 --> 00:15:57,088 ...to do an entire show... 339 00:15:57,249 --> 00:15:59,558 ...where all you're doing is waiting for the table. 340 00:16:02,369 --> 00:16:05,202 Because we've all been in that situation. 341 00:16:06,849 --> 00:16:10,080 You know, you're- You're waiting, and you're hungry... 342 00:16:10,249 --> 00:16:13,127 ...and you bump into somebody you know. 343 00:16:17,489 --> 00:16:20,367 - When is Russell coming back? - So that's the idea? 344 00:16:21,649 --> 00:16:23,162 Well, no. That's one. 345 00:16:23,329 --> 00:16:24,603 We have many others. 346 00:16:24,769 --> 00:16:26,361 We have an idea where- 347 00:16:28,369 --> 00:16:31,805 I- I get into an accident with a guy who has no insurance... 348 00:16:31,969 --> 00:16:34,244 ...and the judge sentences him to be my butler. 349 00:16:37,769 --> 00:16:40,158 You know, and he cooks. He has to cook for me. 350 00:16:40,329 --> 00:16:41,887 And cleans my house... 351 00:16:42,049 --> 00:16:44,119 ...and he's doing my shopping, you know. 352 00:16:45,049 --> 00:16:48,439 And I'm walking around with one of those big neck-collar things. 353 00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:51,320 Those collars are funny. 354 00:16:51,489 --> 00:16:54,481 You see somebody in one of those, you start laughing immediately. 355 00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:57,607 Are you telling them the butler story? 356 00:16:57,769 --> 00:16:59,919 Is that beautiful or what? 357 00:17:00,089 --> 00:17:01,568 Hey, I'm sorry I'm late. 358 00:17:01,929 --> 00:17:03,487 Russell? 359 00:17:04,889 --> 00:17:06,845 - I'm Rita Kirson. - Oh, Rita. 360 00:17:07,009 --> 00:17:08,601 Hey, Mr. Schirmack. How are you? 361 00:17:08,769 --> 00:17:12,000 Good to see you, Stu and Jay. Always a pleasure. Hi, sweetie. 362 00:17:12,169 --> 00:17:14,763 Yeah, yeah, that butler idea, that's beautiful, isn't it? 363 00:17:14,929 --> 00:17:16,362 Is that a killer? 364 00:17:16,529 --> 00:17:18,804 - I thought I was getting the butler. - Don't worry. 365 00:17:18,969 --> 00:17:21,039 We'll find something for you. 366 00:17:28,409 --> 00:17:31,685 So Letterman didn't spark to your idea, huh? 367 00:17:32,049 --> 00:17:34,483 He said there was nothing he could do and next time... 368 00:17:34,649 --> 00:17:36,958 ...I should probably break the Prozacs in half. 369 00:17:37,249 --> 00:17:39,399 Hey, wanna hold it down. I'm watching JEOPARD Y! 370 00:17:39,569 --> 00:17:41,878 Would you give him back the TV? 371 00:17:42,089 --> 00:17:44,284 By the way, Susan called for you a minute ago. 372 00:17:44,449 --> 00:17:47,361 I'll bet they're probably doing somersaults about us over there. 373 00:17:47,529 --> 00:17:50,327 You think they get butler stories like that every day? 374 00:17:52,849 --> 00:17:55,921 Who is Joseph Cotten? Giddyup. 375 00:17:56,489 --> 00:17:58,525 - Helo? - Yeah, hi, it's me. It's Georgie boy. 376 00:17:58,689 --> 00:18:00,725 - What's going on? - What's going on? 377 00:18:00,889 --> 00:18:03,005 What's going on? I'l tel you what's going on. 378 00:18:03,169 --> 00:18:04,761 I'm fired. 379 00:18:04,929 --> 00:18:06,203 Fired, why? 380 00:18:06,369 --> 00:18:07,768 Because you kissed me. 381 00:18:07,929 --> 00:18:09,999 You kissed me, you stupid idiot. 382 00:18:10,169 --> 00:18:13,002 Rita caled Russel, and he fired me over the phone. 383 00:18:13,649 --> 00:18:15,401 What is pi? 384 00:18:15,569 --> 00:18:17,844 Giddyup again. I'm killing, man. 385 00:18:18,249 --> 00:18:20,479 But I didn't- I had no idea- I didn't realize. 386 00:18:20,649 --> 00:18:24,324 You didn't realize? How could you not realize? You're stupid. 387 00:18:24,489 --> 00:18:27,049 You are a stupid, stupid man. 388 00:18:27,209 --> 00:18:29,200 I just feel terrible. This is just terrible. 389 00:18:29,369 --> 00:18:31,599 What is the cha-cha? 390 00:18:31,769 --> 00:18:33,043 Yes, indeed. 391 00:18:33,809 --> 00:18:36,004 I'l speak to you later. 392 00:18:39,009 --> 00:18:41,477 This is great. He fired her! 393 00:18:41,649 --> 00:18:44,880 This is incredible. He fired her! I'm out, baby! I'm out! 394 00:18:45,049 --> 00:18:47,847 - Why'd he fire her? - Because I kissed her in the meeting! 395 00:18:48,009 --> 00:18:50,159 Russell found out. He fired her over the phone! 396 00:18:50,329 --> 00:18:52,718 Finally, my stupidity pays off! 397 00:18:52,889 --> 00:18:56,245 What is "Here Come De Judge"? "Here Come De Judge"! 398 00:18:57,209 --> 00:19:00,167 You can't break up. Her life is shattered. You got her fired. 399 00:19:00,329 --> 00:19:03,719 You gotta be there for her. You gotta wait until she gets another job. 400 00:19:03,889 --> 00:19:06,449 - Another job? - A couple of interviews. 401 00:19:06,609 --> 00:19:09,203 Oh, this is unbelievable. 402 00:19:09,369 --> 00:19:11,360 I'm stuck. 403 00:19:11,529 --> 00:19:13,281 Every time I think I'm out... 404 00:19:13,449 --> 00:19:15,804 ...they pull me back in. 405 00:19:23,049 --> 00:19:25,643 Are you going to want to leave after it's over? 406 00:19:25,809 --> 00:19:27,322 You know, if we have sex. 407 00:19:28,049 --> 00:19:30,438 What, leave? Where, why? 408 00:19:30,809 --> 00:19:33,039 You know, the apartment. 409 00:19:33,329 --> 00:19:36,924 - Why would I? This is my apartment. - Well, what if it was my apartment? 410 00:19:37,089 --> 00:19:39,000 Who gave you this idea I would wanna leave? 411 00:19:39,569 --> 00:19:42,561 Well, Elaine said men like to leave after it's over. 412 00:19:42,729 --> 00:19:45,118 I wouldn't put stock in anything Elaine has to say... 413 00:19:45,289 --> 00:19:47,678 ...about relationships. She comes from a broken home. 414 00:19:47,849 --> 00:19:51,239 I mean that literally. A tree fell on the roof and cracked the structure. 415 00:19:51,409 --> 00:19:54,446 Her parents got along beautifully, but the house was in bad shape. 416 00:19:55,449 --> 00:19:57,007 Maybe I should be going. 417 00:19:59,569 --> 00:20:01,605 - And what else did you say to her? - Nothing. 418 00:20:01,769 --> 00:20:03,885 I was just giving her the straight dope. 419 00:20:04,169 --> 00:20:07,206 More like a dope was giving it to her straight. 420 00:20:07,369 --> 00:20:10,122 Another cup of coffee with you, she'll wind up in a convent. 421 00:20:10,409 --> 00:20:13,207 Listen, there was a lot more I could've told her, believe me. 422 00:20:13,369 --> 00:20:15,599 And leaving after sex? Did I leave with you? 423 00:20:15,769 --> 00:20:17,805 You might have, if I had stayed. 424 00:20:18,969 --> 00:20:21,244 So you know what, I got served with papers today. 425 00:20:21,409 --> 00:20:25,527 Ping is suing me. I need your virgin as a witness, so you better be nice to her. 426 00:20:25,689 --> 00:20:26,963 I was trying to be. 427 00:20:27,489 --> 00:20:29,366 Look at George. He lucked out, huh? 428 00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:32,841 You're not kidding. Who figured Susan would break up with him? 429 00:20:33,009 --> 00:20:34,601 - They had a good thing going. - Yeah. 430 00:20:34,769 --> 00:20:36,725 Since she met him, she's been vomited on... 431 00:20:36,889 --> 00:20:38,720 ...her family cabin's been burned down... 432 00:20:38,889 --> 00:20:42,484 ...learned her father's a homosexual and got fired from a high-paying job. 433 00:20:43,289 --> 00:20:46,520 Yeah, they had a real good thing going. 434 00:20:47,089 --> 00:20:48,727 What do I do? 435 00:20:49,729 --> 00:20:52,038 Well, actually, I'm a writer. 436 00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:56,646 In fact, I'm writing a comedy pilot for NBC right now. 437 00:20:57,369 --> 00:20:59,166 A sitcom? 438 00:20:59,329 --> 00:21:02,639 How can you write that crap? 439 00:21:02,809 --> 00:21:05,881 Carol. This guy's writing a sitcom. 440 00:21:06,049 --> 00:21:07,926 A sitcom? 441 00:21:12,969 --> 00:21:14,322 A sitcom. 442 00:21:14,489 --> 00:21:15,922 Can you imagine? 443 00:21:16,089 --> 00:21:19,399 And he actually tried to use it to hit on me. 444 00:21:19,569 --> 00:21:23,323 In ancient tribal cultures, they would actually sacrifice a virgin. 445 00:21:23,489 --> 00:21:26,959 I mean, they would find some girl that had never been with anybody... 446 00:21:27,129 --> 00:21:30,724 ...and throw her into a volcano. There's a first date you'll never forget. 447 00:21:31,129 --> 00:21:34,519 She winds up in heaven, talking with Chuck Woolery, so... 448 00:21:34,809 --> 00:21:39,280 "Tell me, Lisa, how did the date end?" "Not well, Chuck. Not well." 449 00:21:39,449 --> 00:21:43,408 "Well, if you'd like to be thrown into a volcano again, we'll pay for it." 450 00:22:31,529 --> 00:22:33,520 Subtitles by SDl Media Group