1
00:00:02,089 --> 00:00:03,283
So I went to a fashion show.

2
00:00:04,809 --> 00:00:06,800
The concept of modelling
is counterproductive...

3
00:00:06,969 --> 00:00:08,084
...to the fashion industry.

4
00:00:08,249 --> 00:00:10,922
Because when these women
are around, who's looking at clothes?

5
00:00:11,089 --> 00:00:13,762
I didn't notice any of the clothes.
We're all applauding. Yeah.

6
00:00:13,929 --> 00:00:16,397
What are we applauding?
"There's great-looking women here.

7
00:00:16,569 --> 00:00:17,638
This is great.

8
00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:20,562
I'm glad I'm here with all
these great-looking women."

9
00:00:20,769 --> 00:00:21,758
Anybody can design a shirt.

10
00:00:21,929 --> 00:00:26,081
It takes talent to get all these girls
in one spot. That's talent.

11
00:00:26,529 --> 00:00:28,997
What is this goofy walk
that the models do?

12
00:00:29,169 --> 00:00:31,558
You know this walk
that they do down the runway?

13
00:00:31,729 --> 00:00:33,003
Like they have to go somewhere.

14
00:00:33,169 --> 00:00:36,559
They're walking like they're really
on the way somewhere.

15
00:00:36,729 --> 00:00:39,402
Then they get to the end,
and it's like:

16
00:00:39,569 --> 00:00:41,878
"Well, I guess I'll just go back."

17
00:00:47,329 --> 00:00:49,320
I loved her, Jerry. I loved her.

18
00:00:49,489 --> 00:00:50,683
No, you didn't.

19
00:00:51,409 --> 00:00:55,402
- And she loved me. She really did.
- No, she didn't.

20
00:00:57,529 --> 00:01:01,488
What am I gonna do now?
I can't live without Susan.

21
00:01:01,649 --> 00:01:05,164
I gotta get her back. How?
How am I gonna to get her back?

22
00:01:05,329 --> 00:01:07,968
Not only didn't you love her,
you didn't even like her!

23
00:01:09,649 --> 00:01:12,527
- Who says?
- You did!

24
00:01:13,969 --> 00:01:17,006
A beautiful, successful, intelligent
woman's in love with me.

25
00:01:17,169 --> 00:01:20,559
And I throw it all away.
Oh, boy.

26
00:01:20,729 --> 00:01:23,243
Now I'll spend the rest
of my life living alone.

27
00:01:23,409 --> 00:01:25,969
I'll sit in my disgusting
little apartment...

28
00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:29,007
...watching basketball games,
eating Chinese takeout...

29
00:01:29,169 --> 00:01:32,923
...walking around with no underwear
because I'm too lazy to do the laundry.

30
00:01:34,369 --> 00:01:36,121
You walk around
with no underwear?

31
00:01:37,489 --> 00:01:39,366
What do you do when
you run out of laundry?

32
00:01:39,529 --> 00:01:41,599
I do a wash.

33
00:01:44,169 --> 00:01:46,080
Who am I gonna meet
that's better than her?

34
00:01:46,249 --> 00:01:48,080
No one, Jerry.
No one's better than her.

35
00:01:48,249 --> 00:01:50,604
When you were with her,
you said you couldn't stand her.

36
00:01:50,769 --> 00:01:52,600
I loved her.

37
00:01:52,769 --> 00:01:54,760
You said going up the steps
to her apartment...

38
00:01:54,929 --> 00:01:56,487
...was like being taken to a cell.

39
00:01:56,649 --> 00:01:59,880
I would give anything to be going
up those stairs again.

40
00:02:00,049 --> 00:02:01,767
I gotta call her. Should I call her?

41
00:02:01,929 --> 00:02:03,647
I don't know if that's
such a good idea.

42
00:02:03,809 --> 00:02:06,084
- Why?
- You need some professional advice.

43
00:02:06,249 --> 00:02:08,604
Why don't you go see
Elaine's friend? She's a therapist.

44
00:02:08,769 --> 00:02:11,237
I'm not gonna see that nut doctor
she went to Europe with.

45
00:02:11,409 --> 00:02:14,242
No, no. Elaine, what's the name
of that friend of yours...

46
00:02:14,409 --> 00:02:16,206
...that's a therapist? The woman.

47
00:02:16,369 --> 00:02:18,041
- Dana Foley.
- Right. Dana Foley.

48
00:02:18,209 --> 00:02:20,040
- She any good?
- Yeah, she's terrific.

49
00:02:20,209 --> 00:02:22,200
Why? You thinking of going?

50
00:02:23,249 --> 00:02:24,762
Tia? Who's that?

51
00:02:26,129 --> 00:02:27,721
It's that model I met on the plane.

52
00:02:31,009 --> 00:02:32,761
She sent you a Christmas card?

53
00:02:33,849 --> 00:02:36,283
And we're going out Saturday night.

54
00:02:36,449 --> 00:02:40,601
My darling, Susan. My darling!

55
00:02:40,769 --> 00:02:42,919
- What are you doing?
- Date with Fred.

56
00:02:43,089 --> 00:02:46,047
- The religious guy?
- He's not that religious.

57
00:02:47,089 --> 00:02:48,841
Let us pray.

58
00:02:50,729 --> 00:02:52,685
- You got any Double Crunch?
- Yeah.

59
00:02:52,849 --> 00:02:54,441
Kramer, should I call Susan?

60
00:02:54,609 --> 00:02:56,839
Now, what does the little man
inside you say?

61
00:02:57,009 --> 00:02:59,648
See, you gotta listen
to the little man.

62
00:03:00,609 --> 00:03:03,885
- My little man doesn't know.
- The little man knows all.

63
00:03:04,049 --> 00:03:06,358
My little man's an idiot.

64
00:03:08,089 --> 00:03:09,283
See, she was clever.

65
00:03:09,449 --> 00:03:12,486
She put her picture on her card.
I never do anything like that.

66
00:03:12,649 --> 00:03:14,685
You want a picture on a card.
I can do that.

67
00:03:14,849 --> 00:03:18,444
She kept such a nice, clean
apartment. She was so sanitary.

68
00:03:18,609 --> 00:03:21,282
No. I was thinking out loud.
I don't want my picture on a card.

69
00:03:21,449 --> 00:03:23,485
I'll take it.
I'll take care of everything.

70
00:03:23,649 --> 00:03:25,640
She made a big breakfast
every Sunday.

71
00:03:25,809 --> 00:03:27,720
I don't know what
she put in those eggs.

72
00:03:28,329 --> 00:03:31,446
You come on over. I'll have my
cereal, and I'll take your picture.

73
00:03:31,609 --> 00:03:33,167
Really? Can you take a picture?

74
00:03:33,329 --> 00:03:35,524
He takes good pictures.
He's got equipment there.

75
00:03:35,689 --> 00:03:37,042
- All right.
- Yeah.

76
00:03:37,209 --> 00:03:39,962
- I don't know about that outfit, though.
- What's wrong with it?

77
00:03:40,129 --> 00:03:42,006
Well, we'll have to improvise.

78
00:03:45,369 --> 00:03:47,405
Oh, hey

79
00:03:47,729 --> 00:03:50,402
If you happen to see

80
00:03:51,089 --> 00:03:54,161
The most beautiful girl

81
00:03:54,769 --> 00:03:57,442
Who walk ed out on me

82
00:03:58,369 --> 00:04:01,759
Tel her I'm sorry

83
00:04:02,929 --> 00:04:06,922
Tel her I need my baby

84
00:04:08,049 --> 00:04:10,199
Won't you tel her

85
00:04:11,249 --> 00:04:13,717
That I love her?

86
00:04:15,569 --> 00:04:17,799
- Oh, hey-
- George.

87
00:04:18,609 --> 00:04:21,442
I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to ask you to leave.

88
00:04:23,569 --> 00:04:26,845
So I'm thinking of putting in
a tropical-fish tank right here.

89
00:04:27,009 --> 00:04:28,965
Are sure you're ready
for that kind of commitment?

90
00:04:29,809 --> 00:04:32,801
Well, if it doesn't work out,
I can flush them down the toilet.

91
00:04:32,969 --> 00:04:34,288
That's horrible.

92
00:04:34,449 --> 00:04:35,928
What's the perfume you're wearing?

93
00:04:36,089 --> 00:04:38,398
Oh, I completely forgot.
I want you to see this.

94
00:04:38,569 --> 00:04:41,481
That Calvin Klein ad I was telling
you about came out today.

95
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:43,401
- What is that smell?
- It's here somewhere.

96
00:04:43,569 --> 00:04:46,720
- It smells like the beach.
- Exactly.

97
00:04:46,889 --> 00:04:49,767
- Oh, my God. Is that the new perfume?
- Yeah.

98
00:04:49,929 --> 00:04:53,968
I can't believe this. My neighbour had
the idea for this perfume last year.

99
00:04:54,129 --> 00:04:57,326
He met with a Calvin Klein executive.
I can't believe they stole his idea.

100
00:04:57,489 --> 00:05:01,038
- Are you sure?
- And you're the model for this perfume?

101
00:05:03,329 --> 00:05:05,365
That's him. He just came home.

102
00:05:05,529 --> 00:05:07,281
I'll lock the door.

103
00:05:07,729 --> 00:05:09,242
Hey.

104
00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:11,483
Hey.

105
00:05:12,009 --> 00:05:14,364
Hey, how you doing?

106
00:05:17,089 --> 00:05:18,920
Yeah, I'll see you later.

107
00:05:19,089 --> 00:05:22,081
I just wanted to borrow
your DustBuster.

108
00:05:23,369 --> 00:05:25,485
All right, come on in.

109
00:05:26,529 --> 00:05:28,360
- Just wait over here.
- What?

110
00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:30,281
Just wait here,
and I'll get it for you.

111
00:05:30,769 --> 00:05:33,078
- Kramer, this is Tia.
- Hello.

112
00:05:39,809 --> 00:05:41,640
- How tall are you?
-5'10".

113
00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:44,198
Let's see. Come on. Back to back.

114
00:05:44,929 --> 00:05:46,647
- No, Kramer!
- What?

115
00:05:46,809 --> 00:05:49,004
What's the matter? I wanted
to see how tall she was.

116
00:05:49,169 --> 00:05:52,639
You're tall. She's tall. I'm tall.
What's the difference? We're all tall.

117
00:05:52,809 --> 00:05:54,242
- What's that?
- What?

118
00:05:54,409 --> 00:05:57,003
- That smell. What's that smell?
- What smell?

119
00:05:57,729 --> 00:06:00,482
It's very familiar. I can't put
my finger on it. It's familiar.

120
00:06:00,649 --> 00:06:03,083
Oh, they're all the same.
Here. Now, if you'll excuse us.

121
00:06:03,249 --> 00:06:04,841
- Okay. I'll see you tomorrow.
- Yeah.

122
00:06:05,009 --> 00:06:06,761
- Nice meeting you.
- Nice meeting you too.

123
00:06:08,289 --> 00:06:10,280
Yeah, I'll see you later.

124
00:06:11,889 --> 00:06:13,481
That was close.

125
00:06:13,649 --> 00:06:15,401
The beach!

126
00:06:16,289 --> 00:06:18,928
You smell like the beach.
What's that perfume you're wearing?

127
00:06:19,089 --> 00:06:21,478
- It's Ocean by Calvin Klein.
- Calvin Klein?

128
00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:24,368
No. No, that's my idea.
They stole my idea.

129
00:06:24,529 --> 00:06:27,202
I had the idea of a cologne that
made you smell like the beach.

130
00:06:27,369 --> 00:06:29,121
I know. Look at this.

131
00:06:31,889 --> 00:06:34,198
That's you. What is going on here?

132
00:06:34,369 --> 00:06:36,883
The jerk! He laughs at me.
Then he steals my idea!

133
00:06:37,049 --> 00:06:38,323
I could've been a millionaire.

134
00:06:38,489 --> 00:06:41,447
I could have been
a fragrance millionaire, Jerry.

135
00:06:42,249 --> 00:06:43,887
They're not gonna
get away with this.

136
00:06:48,569 --> 00:06:52,687
Hello, George. Come in, come in.
I've heard an awful lot about you.

137
00:06:52,849 --> 00:06:55,409
- Please sit down.
- Well, hello.

138
00:06:55,729 --> 00:06:58,163
Specifically, the reason
that I'm here-

139
00:06:58,329 --> 00:07:01,207
I don't know what
Elaine told you, but...

140
00:07:01,369 --> 00:07:04,167
...I broke up with my girlfriend
a couple of weeks ago.

141
00:07:04,329 --> 00:07:06,923
Actually, she broke up
with me, and-

142
00:07:07,089 --> 00:07:09,478
Well, I was the cause of it, and...

143
00:07:09,649 --> 00:07:12,402
I just wanted to find out from you...

144
00:07:12,569 --> 00:07:13,888
What's with this thing?

145
00:07:14,049 --> 00:07:17,166
- So she broke up with you.
- Yeah, and...

146
00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:19,966
Why won't this go down?

147
00:07:20,129 --> 00:07:22,006
It's all right. Don't worry about it.

148
00:07:22,169 --> 00:07:23,488
So why'd she break up with you?

149
00:07:23,649 --> 00:07:26,117
What is with this damn zipper?

150
00:07:26,289 --> 00:07:29,087
It doesn't matter. Fix it later.
Tell me about your girlfriend.

151
00:07:29,609 --> 00:07:32,407
It's stuck on a piece of cloth here.

152
00:07:32,569 --> 00:07:33,763
I can't get the cloth out.

153
00:07:33,929 --> 00:07:35,760
- It doesn't matter-
- This is a new jacket.

154
00:07:35,929 --> 00:07:38,807
Boy, this really burns me up.

155
00:07:39,649 --> 00:07:42,686
George. George, look at me.

156
00:07:42,969 --> 00:07:44,687
Okay, forget about the zipper.

157
00:07:46,849 --> 00:07:48,282
What's your girlfriend's name?

158
00:07:49,649 --> 00:07:51,879
- Susan.
- Okay, we're getting somewhere.

159
00:07:53,329 --> 00:07:58,801
It's just so frustrating. It's a
brand-new jacket for crying out loud.

160
00:08:06,209 --> 00:08:09,246
So Fred and I are gonna do volunteer
work for that church on Amsterdam.

161
00:08:09,409 --> 00:08:12,640
Volunteer work. See, that's what I love
about the holiday season.

162
00:08:12,809 --> 00:08:14,481
That's the true spirit
of Christmas.

163
00:08:14,649 --> 00:08:18,039
People being helped
by people other than me.

164
00:08:19,569 --> 00:08:22,208
That makes me feel good inside.

165
00:08:22,849 --> 00:08:25,647
Oh, look at what we have here.

166
00:08:25,809 --> 00:08:28,448
A Christmas card from Lainey.

167
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:32,281
Thank you. You didn't have to
go to that trouble.

168
00:08:32,449 --> 00:08:34,758
It was no trouble.
My assistant did the whole thing.

169
00:08:34,929 --> 00:08:37,727
- How'd the picture come out?
- Oh, you know. It's a picture.

170
00:08:37,889 --> 00:08:40,449
Oh, look at that. Looks good.
Kramer did a good job.

171
00:08:40,689 --> 00:08:42,600
Yeah, well, how hard is it
to take a picture?

172
00:08:44,889 --> 00:08:47,642
- What?
- Did you look at this picture carefully?

173
00:08:47,929 --> 00:08:49,078
Carefully?

174
00:08:49,249 --> 00:08:54,118
Because I'm not sure,
and correct me if I'm wrong...

175
00:08:54,289 --> 00:08:57,008
...but I think I see a nipple.

176
00:09:00,849 --> 00:09:03,602
- What?
- Here, take a look. What is that?

177
00:09:03,769 --> 00:09:05,760
Oh, my God!

178
00:09:06,649 --> 00:09:08,640
That's my nipple!

179
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:12,637
- That's what I thought.
- That's my nipple! My nipple's exposed!

180
00:09:13,169 --> 00:09:16,161
I sent this card
to hundreds of people.

181
00:09:16,649 --> 00:09:21,404
My parents. My boss.
Nana and Papa.

182
00:09:21,569 --> 00:09:24,129
- Didn't you look at the picture?
- Oh, God, I didn't notice.

183
00:09:24,289 --> 00:09:27,599
What am I gonna do? You know,
your whole life, you go through...

184
00:09:27,769 --> 00:09:30,806
...painstaking efforts to hide
your nipple, and then boom.

185
00:09:30,969 --> 00:09:33,881
Suddenly hundreds of people
get their own personal shot of it.

186
00:09:34,689 --> 00:09:36,361
Hey.

187
00:09:37,609 --> 00:09:39,884
- Have you seen the card?
- What card?

188
00:09:40,049 --> 00:09:43,007
- My Christmas card.
- Yeah. Of course, I took it.

189
00:09:43,169 --> 00:09:45,000
Did you notice
anything unusual about it?

190
00:09:45,169 --> 00:09:47,637
- No.
- Well, come here and take a look.

191
00:09:48,809 --> 00:09:50,606
- Yeah, so?
- So, what's that?

192
00:09:50,809 --> 00:09:53,004
- That's a nipple.
- Right.

193
00:09:57,329 --> 00:10:01,481
- Oh, great. Didn't you see that?
- No, I didn't notice it.

194
00:10:01,649 --> 00:10:03,799
It's because you made me wear
that stupid shirt.

195
00:10:03,969 --> 00:10:06,324
Well, maybe no one noticed it.
You didn't notice it.

196
00:10:06,489 --> 00:10:09,720
- Let's see if Newman sees it.
- No, I don't want him looking.

197
00:10:09,889 --> 00:10:11,959
What's the difference?
Everybody else has it.

198
00:10:12,129 --> 00:10:13,448
Give me that.

199
00:10:13,609 --> 00:10:16,840
Oh, my God, I sent one to the
super in my building, my mailman.

200
00:10:17,009 --> 00:10:18,408
My 10-year-old little nephew.

201
00:10:18,569 --> 00:10:23,723
Sister Mary Catherine, Father Chelios.
Oh, my God, Fred. I sent one to Fred.

202
00:10:24,369 --> 00:10:26,758
- Okay, what is it?
- Here.

203
00:10:26,929 --> 00:10:29,887
Take a look at this card. Tell me
if you notice anything unusual.

204
00:10:30,049 --> 00:10:32,563
Yeah, your nipple's showing.

205
00:10:34,169 --> 00:10:35,522
Okay, thanks.

206
00:10:35,689 --> 00:10:36,838
- Anything else?
- No.

207
00:10:37,009 --> 00:10:38,965
All right. See you later.

208
00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:43,238
What? So what?

209
00:10:43,529 --> 00:10:45,281
It's a nipple.

210
00:10:45,609 --> 00:10:49,648
It's a little brown,
circular protuberance.

211
00:10:50,009 --> 00:10:51,806
What's the big deal?

212
00:10:51,969 --> 00:10:54,767
Everybody's got them.
Look, I got them.

213
00:10:55,209 --> 00:10:57,598
- I got them too.
- Look at this.

214
00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:01,247
Everybody's got them.

215
00:11:01,809 --> 00:11:05,165
See, it's kind of gotta little piece of
cloth that's stuck underneath and-

216
00:11:05,329 --> 00:11:06,921
Well, can you pull it up a bit?

217
00:11:07,729 --> 00:11:10,323
Well, here you hold it.
Wait, hold it. Hold it.

218
00:11:10,489 --> 00:11:12,923
Damn it. I can't move it.

219
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,841
God, I've never seen
a zipper so stubborn.

220
00:11:15,569 --> 00:11:16,763
Damn it. I almost had it.

221
00:11:16,929 --> 00:11:18,726
Okay. Wait, that'll separate it.

222
00:11:18,889 --> 00:11:20,447
- Let me try.
- Take it off the track.

223
00:11:20,609 --> 00:11:22,839
You're gonna rip it.
You're gonna rip it.

224
00:11:27,209 --> 00:11:29,006
I'm afraid we're
gonna have to stop now.

225
00:11:30,609 --> 00:11:32,042
Okay.

226
00:11:33,169 --> 00:11:36,161
My mother is gonna pay
for the session.

227
00:11:37,569 --> 00:11:39,480
Oh, is this Elaine?

228
00:11:39,649 --> 00:11:40,968
Yeah.

229
00:11:58,009 --> 00:11:59,488
No!

230
00:12:00,689 --> 00:12:02,566
No!

231
00:12:02,729 --> 00:12:04,481
No. Oh, no.

232
00:12:11,169 --> 00:12:14,286
I've called every day for four days.
She hasn't returned one call.

233
00:12:14,849 --> 00:12:17,283
Was it a scratch...

234
00:12:17,889 --> 00:12:19,686
...or a pick?

235
00:12:20,769 --> 00:12:22,122
It was a scratch.

236
00:12:22,289 --> 00:12:24,803
Hey, it's me.

237
00:12:26,289 --> 00:12:29,326
Don't you think I know the difference
between a pick and a scratch?

238
00:12:32,929 --> 00:12:34,282
- Yeah.
- It's me.

239
00:12:34,449 --> 00:12:35,723
Come on up.

240
00:12:35,889 --> 00:12:39,723
Was there any
nostril penetration?

241
00:12:41,369 --> 00:12:43,564
There may have been some
incidental penetration...

242
00:12:43,729 --> 00:12:47,085
...but from her angle, she was
in no position to make the call.

243
00:12:47,889 --> 00:12:51,359
So let's say, in her mind,
she witnessed a pick.

244
00:12:51,529 --> 00:12:54,248
- Okay, so then what?
- Is that so unforgivable?

245
00:12:54,409 --> 00:12:55,967
Is that like breaking
a commandment?

246
00:12:56,129 --> 00:12:58,723
Did God say to Moses,
"Thou shalt not pick"?

247
00:12:58,889 --> 00:13:01,801
I guarantee you
Moses was a picker.

248
00:13:02,769 --> 00:13:06,557
You wander through the desert
for 40 years with that dry air.

249
00:13:10,889 --> 00:13:14,484
You telling me you're not gonna have
occasion to clean house a little?

250
00:13:15,689 --> 00:13:18,123
Let me ask you something.
If you were dating somebody...

251
00:13:18,289 --> 00:13:20,757
...and she did that, would you
continue going out with her?

252
00:13:20,929 --> 00:13:23,284
No. That's disgusting.

253
00:13:25,409 --> 00:13:28,207
You cannot believe
what I am going through.

254
00:13:28,369 --> 00:13:30,883
That card is plastered
all over the office.

255
00:13:31,049 --> 00:13:33,165
Everybody's calling me "Nip."

256
00:13:34,889 --> 00:13:38,404
Yeah, that's my new nickname
at the office. Nip.

257
00:13:38,569 --> 00:13:40,639
These guys keep asking
me out for drinks.

258
00:13:40,809 --> 00:13:43,243
Not only that. Fred, you know,
the guy I told you about...

259
00:13:43,409 --> 00:13:45,240
...he hasn't called me in three days.

260
00:13:45,409 --> 00:13:48,003
- Oh, hey.
- Hey.

261
00:13:48,169 --> 00:13:50,364
How come I didn't get
a Christmas card?

262
00:13:50,529 --> 00:13:52,520
Everybody else got one.

263
00:13:52,689 --> 00:13:54,759
Jerry got one. Kramer got one.

264
00:13:54,929 --> 00:13:58,239
I thought we were good friends. I don't
get a Christmas card. I don't get it.

265
00:13:58,409 --> 00:14:01,367
You want a Christmas card? You want
a Christmas card? All right, here.

266
00:14:01,529 --> 00:14:03,201
Here's your Christmas card.

267
00:14:14,049 --> 00:14:15,926
You got any Double Crunch?

268
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,080
Yeah, I think I do.

269
00:14:23,569 --> 00:14:25,639
- What's that perfume?
- It's the ocean.

270
00:14:25,809 --> 00:14:27,845
That's mine. That's my smell.

271
00:14:28,009 --> 00:14:31,001
Jerry, get that model to get me an
appointment with Calvin Klein.

272
00:14:31,169 --> 00:14:32,761
I can't. She won't return my calls...

273
00:14:32,929 --> 00:14:34,999
...because she caught me
in a pick at a light.

274
00:14:36,169 --> 00:14:39,047
- I thought you said it was a scratch.
- That's not what she thinks.

275
00:14:39,209 --> 00:14:42,406
Call her agency. Maybe she's been
out of town and didn't get the calls.

276
00:14:42,569 --> 00:14:43,888
Get it.

277
00:14:44,409 --> 00:14:46,001
All right.

278
00:14:46,249 --> 00:14:48,809
I'll call the agency.

279
00:14:53,889 --> 00:14:55,004
Hello.

280
00:14:55,169 --> 00:14:57,080
I'm trying to get in touch
with Tia Van Kamp.

281
00:14:57,249 --> 00:14:59,240
Do you know if she's been in town?

282
00:14:59,409 --> 00:15:01,047
Oh, really?

283
00:15:01,209 --> 00:15:03,086
- Well, thank you very much.
- What?

284
00:15:03,249 --> 00:15:05,968
She has been in town.
She's at Calvin Klein right now.

285
00:15:06,129 --> 00:15:08,245
Let's go.

286
00:15:11,729 --> 00:15:14,163
It'll be different this time.
I promise.

287
00:15:14,329 --> 00:15:16,638
I promise difference.
I'm committed to difference.

288
00:15:16,809 --> 00:15:19,687
I need someone a little more stable.

289
00:15:19,849 --> 00:15:22,522
I'm not stable? I'm like a rock.

290
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:26,568
I take these glasses off, you can't tell
the difference between me and a rock.

291
00:15:26,729 --> 00:15:29,926
I put these glasses on a rock, you
know what jumps into people's minds?

292
00:15:30,089 --> 00:15:31,966
Costanza.

293
00:15:32,169 --> 00:15:34,763
- People don't change.
- I change. I change.

294
00:15:34,929 --> 00:15:37,045
Two weeks ago,
I tried a soft-boiled egg.

295
00:15:37,209 --> 00:15:41,919
Never liked it before. Now, I'm dunking
a piece of toast in there and loving it.

296
00:15:42,369 --> 00:15:44,929
I'm not a soft-boiled egg.

297
00:15:45,489 --> 00:15:48,162
And I am not a piece of toast.

298
00:15:48,329 --> 00:15:50,763
I just don't think that we have
anything in common.

299
00:15:50,929 --> 00:15:52,920
That's okay. That's good.

300
00:15:53,089 --> 00:15:56,047
You think Louis Pasteur and
his wife had anything in common?

301
00:15:56,209 --> 00:15:59,884
He was in the fields all day
with the cows and the milk...

302
00:16:00,049 --> 00:16:03,724
...examining the milk, delving into milk,
consumed with milk.

303
00:16:03,889 --> 00:16:05,959
Pasteurization. Homogenization.

304
00:16:06,129 --> 00:16:09,804
And she was in the kitchen, killing
cockroaches with a boot on each hand.

305
00:16:10,609 --> 00:16:12,804
Why were there
so many cockroaches?

306
00:16:12,969 --> 00:16:15,927
Because there was a lot of cake
lying around the house...

307
00:16:16,089 --> 00:16:20,367
...just sitting there with all the excess
milk from the all experiments.

308
00:16:23,449 --> 00:16:25,405
- And they got along?
- Yes. Yes.

309
00:16:25,969 --> 00:16:27,561
She didn't know
about pasteurization.

310
00:16:27,729 --> 00:16:31,563
He didn't know about fumigation.
But they made it work.

311
00:16:33,769 --> 00:16:35,839
- You can't go in.
- I want to talk to Calvin.

312
00:16:36,009 --> 00:16:37,237
- Let me talk to Calvin.
- Wait.

313
00:16:37,409 --> 00:16:39,400
- I just want to talk to Calvin.
- Kramer?

314
00:16:39,569 --> 00:16:41,127
- Oh, Tia, hi.
- Who are you?

315
00:16:41,289 --> 00:16:42,722
I'm here to talk about the ocean.

316
00:16:43,289 --> 00:16:45,325
Oh, yes, Kramer.

317
00:16:45,489 --> 00:16:49,084
I think I know something about this.
Would you excuse us, Tia?

318
00:16:49,649 --> 00:16:51,799
- I don't want any trouble, Calvin.
- Neither do I.

319
00:16:53,409 --> 00:16:55,081
Hello. There you are.

320
00:16:55,249 --> 00:16:56,682
Hello. What are you doing here?

321
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:59,238
I had to talk to you.
You haven't returned my calls.

322
00:16:59,569 --> 00:17:01,446
Well, I've been busy.

323
00:17:01,609 --> 00:17:04,919
I thought we had a good time. The only
explanation I could come up with is...

324
00:17:05,089 --> 00:17:07,728
...you think that you caught me...

325
00:17:08,849 --> 00:17:10,123
I'd rather not talk about this.

326
00:17:10,289 --> 00:17:12,962
But I was clearly
on the outer edge of the nostril.

327
00:17:13,129 --> 00:17:15,245
- I know what I saw.
- But there was no pick.

328
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,161
I did not pick. There was no pick.

329
00:17:17,329 --> 00:17:20,844
- I gotta go.
- No. No pick.

330
00:17:21,009 --> 00:17:22,283
Now here's the scoop, Calvin.

331
00:17:22,449 --> 00:17:26,761
I came in here last January
to talk to one of your flunkies.

332
00:17:26,929 --> 00:17:28,203
Interesting face.

333
00:17:29,929 --> 00:17:32,489
And when I told him my idea
about the beach cologne...

334
00:17:32,649 --> 00:17:34,082
...you know, he laughed at me.

335
00:17:34,249 --> 00:17:37,321
You're very lithe, aren't you?
Very graceful.

336
00:17:38,129 --> 00:17:39,642
Well, yeah.

337
00:17:42,369 --> 00:17:44,007
- Sit down.
- All right.

338
00:17:47,889 --> 00:17:50,357
You're very lean. But muscular.

339
00:17:50,529 --> 00:17:54,363
You know, I try to take care of myself.
I watch what I eat.

340
00:17:54,529 --> 00:17:57,168
Just recently, I cut out fructose.

341
00:17:57,329 --> 00:18:00,287
I think you're spectacular.

342
00:18:04,609 --> 00:18:08,397
I told you, Fred. My friend's
next-door neighbour took it.

343
00:18:08,569 --> 00:18:09,888
So, what happened?

344
00:18:10,049 --> 00:18:13,439
Well, I- I must have missed a button.
I forgot to button it.

345
00:18:13,609 --> 00:18:16,999
I really don't see how you could
miss a button like that.

346
00:18:17,169 --> 00:18:18,602
Oh, you've never missed a button?

347
00:18:20,569 --> 00:18:22,560
- Yeah.
- It's your sister, Gail.

348
00:18:22,729 --> 00:18:25,448
Oh, God. My nephew.

349
00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:27,401
Hi, Gail.

350
00:18:27,569 --> 00:18:28,718
Yeah.

351
00:18:28,889 --> 00:18:30,925
Yes, Gail, I know how old he is.

352
00:18:31,089 --> 00:18:33,398
Hey, Nip, you need
that manuscript, or can I take it?

353
00:18:33,569 --> 00:18:37,198
Take it. Take it.
And stop calling me Nip.

354
00:18:37,929 --> 00:18:40,204
It was an accident.

355
00:18:42,009 --> 00:18:45,001
Well, it's gotta be somewhere.
Look under his mattress.

356
00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:06,765
About the focus group? I have nothing
to do with the focus group.

357
00:19:09,489 --> 00:19:11,286
Oh, yeah.

358
00:19:14,449 --> 00:19:16,724
He's sexual...

359
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:19,403
...athletic and without a trace
of self-consciousness.

360
00:19:20,009 --> 00:19:21,806
His buttocks are sublime.

361
00:19:22,449 --> 00:19:25,247
His pectorals could use some work.
Get him into the weight room.

362
00:19:25,409 --> 00:19:29,288
No. Let's get him in the studio today.
We could send these out immediately.

363
00:19:33,329 --> 00:19:35,889
You've done it again, C.K.

364
00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:39,246
And what if I did do it? Even though
I admit to nothing and never will.

365
00:19:39,409 --> 00:19:40,967
What does that make me?

366
00:19:41,129 --> 00:19:44,838
I'm not just defending myself, but all
those pickers who have been caught.

367
00:19:45,449 --> 00:19:47,246
Each and every one of them...

368
00:19:47,409 --> 00:19:52,483
...who has to suffer the shame and
humiliation because of people like you.

369
00:19:52,649 --> 00:19:57,245
Are we not human?
If we pick, do we not bleed?

370
00:19:59,249 --> 00:20:02,286
I am not an animal.

371
00:20:02,449 --> 00:20:06,761
I did not bare myself deliberately,
but I tell you, I wish now that I had.

372
00:20:06,929 --> 00:20:10,239
Because it is not me
that has been exposed, but you.

373
00:20:10,409 --> 00:20:13,879
For I have seen the nipple
on your soul!

374
00:20:16,489 --> 00:20:18,844
So the minute I started up the steps
to her apartment...

375
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:20,522
...I knew I made a terrible mistake.

376
00:20:22,009 --> 00:20:23,886
Going back with her.

377
00:20:24,169 --> 00:20:26,558
So we're in her apartment.
She goes into the bathroom.

378
00:20:26,729 --> 00:20:30,324
I'm cursing myself.
Now how do I get out of there?

379
00:20:30,489 --> 00:20:32,639
And then it hits me
like a bolt of lightning.

380
00:20:33,809 --> 00:20:35,640
The pick.

381
00:20:37,489 --> 00:20:38,922
- The pick?
- The pick?

382
00:20:39,249 --> 00:20:42,844
She comes out of the bathroom,
I'm in up to my wrist.

383
00:20:44,849 --> 00:20:47,682
You should've seen
the look on her face.

384
00:20:47,849 --> 00:20:50,204
I think I've seen that look.

385
00:20:51,289 --> 00:20:54,167
Hey, I got the magazine.
The underwear ad came out.

386
00:20:54,329 --> 00:20:56,160
Hey, Calvin Klein!

387
00:20:56,329 --> 00:21:00,083
- Hey, you look great!
- Neat.

388
00:21:00,249 --> 00:21:02,399
Boy, they really
worked on your pectorals.

389
00:21:02,569 --> 00:21:05,163
- Well.
- Your buttocks are spectacular.

390
00:21:05,329 --> 00:21:07,399
- Oh, my.
- What?

391
00:21:07,569 --> 00:21:11,323
Well, I'm not sure...

392
00:21:11,569 --> 00:21:14,766
...but I think I see your...

393
00:21:15,009 --> 00:21:16,681
The human body
is a lot of maintenance.

394
00:21:16,849 --> 00:21:20,239
A lot of showering, a lot of shaving,
a lot of cleaning, a lot of clipping...

395
00:21:20,409 --> 00:21:23,321
...a lot of checking. If your body
was a car, you wouldn't buy it.

396
00:21:23,489 --> 00:21:26,242
It's too much upkeep.
It's a pain.

397
00:21:26,409 --> 00:21:28,969
But women definitely go
to the absolute extreme.

398
00:21:29,129 --> 00:21:33,486
To me, it's amazing the way women
take care of all the hair on their bodies.

399
00:21:33,649 --> 00:21:35,560
One of the
great mysteries to me...

400
00:21:35,729 --> 00:21:38,607
...is the fact that a woman
could pour hot wax on her legs...

401
00:21:38,769 --> 00:21:43,559
...rip the hair out by the root
and still be afraid of a spider.

402
00:22:31,249 --> 00:22:33,240
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