1 00:00:02,089 --> 00:00:03,363 What are lawyers really? 2 00:00:04,969 --> 00:00:08,518 To me, a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. 3 00:00:08,689 --> 00:00:10,884 We're all throwing the dice, playing the game... 4 00:00:11,089 --> 00:00:13,967 ...moving pieces around the board, but if there's a problem... 5 00:00:14,129 --> 00:00:17,758 ...the lawyer is the only person that has read the inside top of the box. 6 00:00:19,289 --> 00:00:22,201 I think one of the fun things for them is to say "objection." 7 00:00:22,369 --> 00:00:26,965 "Objection! Objection, Your Honour." 8 00:00:27,129 --> 00:00:30,804 "Objection,"of course, is the adult version of "afraid not." 9 00:00:35,289 --> 00:00:38,087 To which the judge can say two things: 10 00:00:38,249 --> 00:00:42,686 He can say "overruled,"which is the adult version of "afraid so." 11 00:00:43,489 --> 00:00:47,277 Or he can say "sustained," which is the adult version of "duh." 12 00:00:53,049 --> 00:00:55,279 So- So you're a lawyer. 13 00:00:55,729 --> 00:00:57,367 What kind of cases do you handle? 14 00:00:57,529 --> 00:01:01,317 Oh, everything. Divorce, patents, immigration and naturalization. 15 00:01:01,689 --> 00:01:04,965 What is that? Immigrants come over, you show them how to act natural? 16 00:01:07,329 --> 00:01:08,967 Are your friends as funny as you? 17 00:01:09,689 --> 00:01:12,647 No, they're not funny at all. No. I have no funny friends. 18 00:01:12,809 --> 00:01:15,721 I'm the funny one. El Clown-o. 19 00:01:16,209 --> 00:01:18,564 Look, I was nice enough to pick it up for you. 20 00:01:18,729 --> 00:01:20,845 Hey, I've been back four days. I want my mail. 21 00:01:21,009 --> 00:01:23,398 It's mostly bills, magazines and junk mail anyway. 22 00:01:23,569 --> 00:01:25,366 Elaine, that's what mail is. 23 00:01:25,529 --> 00:01:28,248 Without bills, magazines and junk mail, there is no mail. 24 00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:31,084 - Here's my card. - Oh, okay. Thank you. 25 00:01:31,249 --> 00:01:33,524 - Hey, good talking to you. - Nice meeting you. 26 00:01:36,489 --> 00:01:37,888 - Hi. - Hey, how you doing? 27 00:01:38,049 --> 00:01:39,880 You would not believe what just happened. 28 00:01:40,049 --> 00:01:43,041 I was waiting for you, and this woman was sitting at the counter. 29 00:01:43,209 --> 00:01:44,528 - The one who just left? - Yeah. 30 00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:47,840 And so we started talking and she's this lawyer, who's incredible. 31 00:01:48,009 --> 00:01:49,886 You know, everything I said was funny. 32 00:01:50,049 --> 00:01:53,246 She laughed at everything I said. She thinks I'm hilarious. 33 00:01:53,849 --> 00:01:55,885 You know, in a way, it was almost too good. 34 00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:59,405 I started so good, I can't go anyplace but down now, you know. 35 00:01:59,849 --> 00:02:01,407 I got no place to go. 36 00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,883 Yeah, well, guess it's all over. 37 00:02:05,409 --> 00:02:07,365 Hey, is that Babu? 38 00:02:07,769 --> 00:02:11,523 - It is. Hey, Babu! - Jerry. 39 00:02:11,689 --> 00:02:13,361 Look at you. You got the job. 40 00:02:13,529 --> 00:02:16,327 - Yes, they give me job, thanks to you. - I didn't do anything. 41 00:02:16,489 --> 00:02:19,447 No, you do everything. Get me job, get me place to live. 42 00:02:19,649 --> 00:02:20,923 - Come on. - You very good man. 43 00:02:21,089 --> 00:02:22,522 - Stop. - You did everything. 44 00:02:22,689 --> 00:02:24,884 I can never thank you enough for everything. 45 00:02:25,089 --> 00:02:27,080 You see, this is what I do with women. 46 00:02:27,249 --> 00:02:29,126 I start out too strong. 47 00:02:29,289 --> 00:02:31,962 Now I have to become real. That's when it all falls apart. 48 00:02:32,809 --> 00:02:35,607 What good is real? They don't want real. They want funny. 49 00:02:35,849 --> 00:02:38,238 - No, they don't. No. - Oh, yes, they do, Elaine. 50 00:02:38,409 --> 00:02:41,401 You gotta put on a show. You always gotta give them a big show. 51 00:02:41,569 --> 00:02:44,288 You always have to be on. Otherwise, why would they like me? 52 00:02:44,449 --> 00:02:47,600 They'd just go for a better-looking guy with more money. 53 00:02:49,449 --> 00:02:50,928 You mean that's true? I'm right? 54 00:02:51,209 --> 00:02:53,564 Okay, great. Well, I'm glad everything worked out. 55 00:02:53,729 --> 00:02:56,641 - Yes. Everything wonderful. - I'll see you around the building. 56 00:02:56,809 --> 00:02:58,925 I'll see you in the building. 57 00:02:59,409 --> 00:03:01,684 - Remember Babu Bhatt? - Who's he? 58 00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:04,040 Remember that guy, opened the restaurant... 59 00:03:04,209 --> 00:03:06,928 ...from the building last year and he wasn't doing so well? 60 00:03:07,089 --> 00:03:09,557 I told him he should make it into all-Pakistani. 61 00:03:09,729 --> 00:03:11,606 - It drove him out of business. - Right. 62 00:03:12,329 --> 00:03:14,445 So you going with me to the auto show Saturday? 63 00:03:14,609 --> 00:03:16,725 - Yeah. - Can you bring my mail then please? 64 00:03:16,889 --> 00:03:18,845 - What mail? - I picked up his mail... 65 00:03:19,009 --> 00:03:21,443 - ... while he was on the road. - Why didn't Kramer? 66 00:03:21,609 --> 00:03:24,169 Because he was at that baseball fantasy camp in Florida. 67 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,843 Oh, yeah, right. When's he coming back? 68 00:03:27,009 --> 00:03:30,638 - Monday, I think. - Kramer goes to a fantasy camp. 69 00:03:30,809 --> 00:03:33,323 His whole life is a fantasy camp. 70 00:03:33,489 --> 00:03:37,368 People should plunk down $2000 to live like him for a week. 71 00:03:37,569 --> 00:03:40,163 Do nothing, fall ass backwards in the money... 72 00:03:40,409 --> 00:03:42,400 ...mooch food and have sex without dating. 73 00:03:42,569 --> 00:03:44,525 That's a fantasy camp. 74 00:03:45,689 --> 00:03:48,601 If you're gonna go out with this lawyer, have dinner with us. 75 00:03:48,769 --> 00:03:51,442 Then you can go to the auto show with her if you want. 76 00:03:51,609 --> 00:03:53,918 Have a little company. Take the pressure off. 77 00:03:56,649 --> 00:03:59,004 He never heard of corduroy! 78 00:03:59,169 --> 00:04:01,205 Stop it, you're killing me! 79 00:04:02,049 --> 00:04:07,681 Never heard of corduroy. True story. True story. 80 00:04:08,769 --> 00:04:10,122 Funny. 81 00:04:13,129 --> 00:04:16,644 - No. No, I don't- I don't think so. - Why? 82 00:04:16,889 --> 00:04:19,687 Well, I think I'm better off going one-on-one. 83 00:04:19,969 --> 00:04:23,200 I don't know why you wanna play man-to-man when you could play zone. 84 00:04:24,769 --> 00:04:26,088 She might not be comfortable. 85 00:04:26,329 --> 00:04:28,445 Why? We're all very nice. We're very friendly. 86 00:04:28,609 --> 00:04:30,520 - We'll be funny. - No. No. 87 00:04:30,689 --> 00:04:32,725 It's not good. I don't think so. 88 00:04:33,049 --> 00:04:36,405 All right. If you change your mind, we'll wind up at Isabella's around 7. 89 00:04:36,569 --> 00:04:38,525 No. No Isabella's. I don't want to go. 90 00:04:38,689 --> 00:04:41,999 - Why? - No, it's too trendy. No Isabella's. 91 00:04:48,249 --> 00:04:49,728 Excellent. 92 00:04:50,209 --> 00:04:52,484 Like I really know what I'm talking about. 93 00:04:54,649 --> 00:04:57,038 Toasting makes me uncomfortable. 94 00:04:57,209 --> 00:04:58,801 But toast I love. 95 00:04:59,169 --> 00:05:01,922 Never start the day without a good piece of toast. 96 00:05:02,489 --> 00:05:05,367 In fact, let's toast to toast. 97 00:05:11,289 --> 00:05:14,122 Look who's here. Georgie boy. 98 00:05:14,569 --> 00:05:17,367 What are you doing here? You said you hated Isabella's. 99 00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:18,928 No, I talked him into it. 100 00:05:19,089 --> 00:05:20,522 What happened to the auto show? 101 00:05:20,689 --> 00:05:23,726 Oh, we're still going. Still going. Elaine, do the spokesmodel. 102 00:05:24,169 --> 00:05:25,966 The turbo quadramatic transmission... 103 00:05:26,129 --> 00:05:28,563 ...offers you the power and prestige to propel you... 104 00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:30,640 ...well into the 21 st century. 105 00:05:37,489 --> 00:05:38,763 Hi. 106 00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:41,649 - Hi. - Cheryl, this is Elaine and Jerry. 107 00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:43,083 Hi. Nice to meet you. 108 00:05:43,249 --> 00:05:46,241 - Would you like to join us? - No, no. They don't wanna join us. 109 00:05:46,409 --> 00:05:48,127 - No, it's okay. Don't be silly. - Okay. 110 00:05:48,289 --> 00:05:49,881 Why don't we put these together. 111 00:05:50,049 --> 00:05:53,724 You can't do that. They're round. It makes an eight, and it just... 112 00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,601 Jerry. Jerry, tell them that funny story you were telling me- 113 00:05:59,769 --> 00:06:01,680 No. No. 114 00:06:01,849 --> 00:06:05,683 No, George, it's so funny. We saw this cab driver's picture, right? 115 00:06:05,849 --> 00:06:07,407 You know, we should really order. 116 00:06:07,569 --> 00:06:10,641 The service is so slow here. By the time you get anything... 117 00:06:11,009 --> 00:06:13,728 Oh, Cheryl, can I ask you a legal question? 118 00:06:14,129 --> 00:06:16,006 - I'm being sued. - Oh, what happened? 119 00:06:16,929 --> 00:06:21,400 Well, I ran out to apologize to a virgin, and I crossed against the light... 120 00:06:22,569 --> 00:06:24,924 ...and I knocked over the delivery boy. 121 00:06:25,889 --> 00:06:29,677 - Was he Chinese? - Yeah. 122 00:06:29,849 --> 00:06:32,363 Is your-? Is your last name "Benes"? 123 00:06:32,529 --> 00:06:36,681 - How did you know? - Oh, God! Ping is my cousin. 124 00:06:36,849 --> 00:06:38,282 No. 125 00:06:38,449 --> 00:06:40,883 - That's so funny. - I'm handling his case. 126 00:06:41,169 --> 00:06:44,081 - What? You're Cheryl Fong? - That's right. 127 00:06:44,249 --> 00:06:45,523 - Oh, my God. - Oh, God. 128 00:06:45,689 --> 00:06:48,567 I can't believe it. This is such a coincidence. 129 00:06:48,729 --> 00:06:50,242 I know. 130 00:06:50,489 --> 00:06:51,808 Wow. Well, I- 131 00:06:51,969 --> 00:06:55,245 I guess you don't have any advice for me on how to win the case. 132 00:06:59,729 --> 00:07:01,640 Will you excuse me? I have to make a call. 133 00:07:03,049 --> 00:07:04,323 Tell Ping I said hello. 134 00:07:05,569 --> 00:07:08,720 Tell him you think you may have broken the case wide open. 135 00:07:13,369 --> 00:07:15,087 I can't believe it. 136 00:07:15,249 --> 00:07:17,160 What are you doing? What are you doing? 137 00:07:17,329 --> 00:07:19,684 - What? - This is not good. This is not good. 138 00:07:19,849 --> 00:07:22,044 - What? - I don't think it's such a great idea... 139 00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:23,927 - ... for you to sit here. - Why not? 140 00:07:24,089 --> 00:07:26,557 He thinks if you're funny, he might not look so funny. 141 00:07:26,729 --> 00:07:29,801 - Biff. - What? 142 00:07:29,969 --> 00:07:32,961 - You're not worried about that? - No, of course not. 143 00:07:33,129 --> 00:07:35,245 I mean, so what if I'm funny. Who cares? 144 00:07:35,409 --> 00:07:38,287 He thinks that if a woman sees a guy put on a better show... 145 00:07:38,449 --> 00:07:41,805 ...she'll walk out on his show, go see the other show. 146 00:07:42,289 --> 00:07:43,563 Well, should we leave? 147 00:07:43,729 --> 00:07:46,084 Well, maybe you don't have to be so funny. 148 00:07:46,249 --> 00:07:49,605 Would it kill you not to be so funny all the time? That's all I'm asking. 149 00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:51,122 This woman thinks I'm funny. 150 00:07:51,289 --> 00:07:53,359 Now you're gonna be funny, what am I gonna be? 151 00:07:53,529 --> 00:07:57,488 I'll be a short, bald guy with glasses who suddenly doesn't seem so funny. 152 00:07:58,689 --> 00:08:02,443 This is so ridiculous. Can we just go over there? 153 00:08:02,609 --> 00:08:05,169 Look, I don't have to be funny. I don't care. 154 00:08:05,329 --> 00:08:06,444 - You don't? - No way. 155 00:08:06,609 --> 00:08:08,201 It's completely under my control. 156 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:11,886 No, it's not. You cannot not be funny. 157 00:08:12,049 --> 00:08:13,801 Of course I can. Am I being funny now? 158 00:08:14,809 --> 00:08:16,162 A little. 159 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,320 Oh, this is funny? I'm being funny? 160 00:08:18,609 --> 00:08:19,883 Yeah. 161 00:08:20,049 --> 00:08:21,323 George, is this funny? 162 00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:23,248 It's funny. 163 00:08:25,089 --> 00:08:27,239 It wouldn't kill you to not be so funny either. 164 00:08:27,409 --> 00:08:28,842 What? What did I do? 165 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,328 - Hi. - Hi. 166 00:08:31,849 --> 00:08:33,168 Hello. 167 00:08:36,289 --> 00:08:37,802 Welcome back. 168 00:08:39,849 --> 00:08:43,205 I'm sorry. It was my aunt's birthday. She makes such a big deal about it. 169 00:08:43,529 --> 00:08:45,645 Well, nobody likes to get old, right? 170 00:08:45,809 --> 00:08:49,563 Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by... 171 00:08:50,689 --> 00:08:52,441 ...and how little we've grown. 172 00:08:53,329 --> 00:08:56,082 No matter how desperate we are that a better self will emerge... 173 00:08:56,249 --> 00:09:00,003 ...each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be. 174 00:09:00,849 --> 00:09:04,364 But for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives... 175 00:09:05,769 --> 00:09:07,725 ...this is who we are to the bitter end... 176 00:09:07,889 --> 00:09:10,528 ...inevitably, irrevocably. 177 00:09:11,609 --> 00:09:14,840 Happy birthday? No such thing. 178 00:09:17,489 --> 00:09:19,559 Funny guy, huh? 179 00:09:23,569 --> 00:09:25,480 Here, take it. I was glad to get rid of it. 180 00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:28,038 Well, thank you very much. It's about time. 181 00:09:28,809 --> 00:09:30,447 Oh, listen. So guess what. 182 00:09:30,769 --> 00:09:34,398 Cheryl convinced Ping to drop the case against me. 183 00:09:34,569 --> 00:09:36,082 Drop the case? 184 00:09:36,249 --> 00:09:38,444 Congratulations. That will save you some money. 185 00:09:38,609 --> 00:09:41,328 Yeah. No kidding. That lawyer was gonna charge me a fortune. 186 00:09:41,569 --> 00:09:45,642 Oh, great. Birth announcement from Arnie and Joy Harris. 187 00:09:47,969 --> 00:09:50,608 Hear that? Guess who's back. 188 00:09:53,689 --> 00:09:55,964 Thought you weren't coming back till Monday. 189 00:09:59,569 --> 00:10:02,288 Well, the camp ended a few days early. 190 00:10:04,009 --> 00:10:05,283 Why? 191 00:10:05,449 --> 00:10:06,928 Well, there was an incident. 192 00:10:08,049 --> 00:10:09,323 What happened? 193 00:10:09,489 --> 00:10:12,526 I punched Mickey Mantle in the mouth. 194 00:10:13,209 --> 00:10:14,608 - What? - Yeah, I punched him... 195 00:10:14,769 --> 00:10:16,361 ...they took him to the hospital... 196 00:10:16,529 --> 00:10:18,724 ...and then they cancelled the rest of the week. 197 00:10:18,889 --> 00:10:20,368 You punched who in the mouth? 198 00:10:20,529 --> 00:10:22,008 Mickey Mantle. 199 00:10:23,049 --> 00:10:25,961 - What happened? - You know, we were playing a game... 200 00:10:26,129 --> 00:10:28,848 ...and I was pitching. I was really throwing some smoke. 201 00:10:29,089 --> 00:10:31,080 And Joe Pepitone, he was up... 202 00:10:31,249 --> 00:10:33,717 ...and, man, that guy, he was crowding the plate. 203 00:10:33,889 --> 00:10:35,163 Wow, Joe Pepitone. 204 00:10:35,329 --> 00:10:38,002 Well, Joe Pepitone or not, I own the inside of that plate. 205 00:10:38,169 --> 00:10:41,047 So, you know, I throw one inside, you know. 206 00:10:41,209 --> 00:10:43,928 A little chin music right on his pants... 207 00:10:44,089 --> 00:10:46,967 ...because I gotta intimidate, you know, when I'm on the mound. 208 00:10:47,129 --> 00:10:49,962 Well, the next pitch, he's right back in the same place. 209 00:10:50,129 --> 00:10:52,768 So I had to plunk him. 210 00:10:53,849 --> 00:10:55,282 - You plunked him? - Oh, yeah. 211 00:10:55,449 --> 00:10:58,839 Well, he throws down his bat, he comes racing up to the mound. 212 00:10:59,009 --> 00:11:01,159 Next thing, both benches are cleared, you know. 213 00:11:01,329 --> 00:11:04,002 A brouhaha breaks out between the guys in the camp... 214 00:11:04,169 --> 00:11:05,443 ...and the Yankee players. 215 00:11:05,609 --> 00:11:08,407 I'm trying to get Moose Skowron off of one of my teammates... 216 00:11:08,569 --> 00:11:10,207 ...somebody pulls me from behind... 217 00:11:10,369 --> 00:11:13,008 ...and I turned around and I popped him. 218 00:11:13,169 --> 00:11:16,047 I looked down and whoa, man! It's Mickey. 219 00:11:17,809 --> 00:11:19,083 I punched his lights out. 220 00:11:19,569 --> 00:11:20,922 Wow, this is incredible. 221 00:11:21,289 --> 00:11:24,201 Leave me alone! You can't do this to me. 222 00:11:24,369 --> 00:11:26,644 - What's going on out there? - What are you doing? 223 00:11:26,809 --> 00:11:30,563 This is not right, people. You're making a very bad mistake. Very bad. 224 00:11:30,729 --> 00:11:32,845 Babu. I'll be right back. 225 00:11:33,009 --> 00:11:34,965 - Yeah, so... - Hank Bauer, he's screaming: 226 00:11:35,129 --> 00:11:38,326 "Mickey! What have you done with Mickey! You killed Mickey!" 227 00:11:39,769 --> 00:11:42,761 - So, what did you do? - Well, I got the hell out of there. 228 00:11:43,809 --> 00:11:45,208 They took Babu away. 229 00:11:45,489 --> 00:11:46,968 They took Babu away? 230 00:11:47,129 --> 00:11:49,689 Yeah, the immigration guy said his visa was expired. 231 00:11:49,849 --> 00:11:52,124 Poor Babu. Everything was going so well for him. 232 00:11:52,289 --> 00:11:53,927 He had an apartment, he had a job. 233 00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:56,478 - What a shame. - Jerry! 234 00:11:57,889 --> 00:11:59,607 Help me! 235 00:11:59,769 --> 00:12:05,082 I will, Babu! I will help you, Babu! Don't worry! 236 00:12:05,609 --> 00:12:07,884 Then Hank Bauer, you know, he's chasing me around. 237 00:12:08,049 --> 00:12:10,927 He trips over third base and knocks over Clete Boyer. 238 00:12:11,849 --> 00:12:13,123 What? 239 00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:16,243 - Well, this is interesting. - What is it? 240 00:12:16,409 --> 00:12:18,604 It's a letter from the Immigration Bureau. 241 00:12:18,769 --> 00:12:22,557 It's Babu's visa-renewal application form. 242 00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:25,959 They must have put it in my mailbox by mistake. 243 00:12:26,289 --> 00:12:28,678 Well, doesn't he need that? 244 00:12:37,569 --> 00:12:40,686 If you'd given me my mail last week, this never would have happened. 245 00:12:40,849 --> 00:12:43,044 You should have come to my house to pick it up. 246 00:12:43,209 --> 00:12:45,439 - Am I being funny now? - No, actually, you're not. 247 00:12:45,609 --> 00:12:48,077 See, I told you I wasn't funny all the time. 248 00:12:48,489 --> 00:12:50,605 Hey, George, look, I'm not funny now. 249 00:12:50,769 --> 00:12:54,364 No, and you weren't funny last night. You got us both so depressed... 250 00:12:54,529 --> 00:12:56,645 ...she asked me to drive her home after dinner. 251 00:12:56,809 --> 00:13:00,199 I need to get in touch with Cheryl. Babu needs a lawyer. His visa expired. 252 00:13:00,369 --> 00:13:01,643 Why her? There's a million lawyers. 253 00:13:01,809 --> 00:13:04,721 Yeah, but you said this is one of the things that her firm does. 254 00:13:04,889 --> 00:13:07,722 All right, but no funny business. Same deal as last night. 255 00:13:07,889 --> 00:13:10,767 - Will you stop it already. - Jerry, please. 256 00:13:10,929 --> 00:13:12,282 How long is this gonna go on? 257 00:13:13,129 --> 00:13:14,403 Till I'm comfortable. 258 00:13:14,569 --> 00:13:16,480 Well, when is that gonna be? 259 00:13:16,649 --> 00:13:18,446 After consummation. 260 00:13:19,089 --> 00:13:23,287 Consummation? I don't think you have enough material. 261 00:13:27,649 --> 00:13:31,039 I have a friend in the immigration department who owes me a big favour. 262 00:13:31,209 --> 00:13:32,688 You're very lucky. 263 00:13:37,209 --> 00:13:39,723 That's wonderful news. Thank you. 264 00:13:41,089 --> 00:13:43,205 You're a very serious person, aren't you? 265 00:13:45,009 --> 00:13:48,888 Well, with so many people in the world deprived and unhappy... 266 00:13:49,049 --> 00:13:52,678 ...it doesn't seem like it would be fair to be cheerful. 267 00:13:59,209 --> 00:14:00,767 I understand. 268 00:14:01,449 --> 00:14:02,723 I think that's curdled. 269 00:14:02,889 --> 00:14:04,720 I don't care. 270 00:14:07,569 --> 00:14:09,719 Do you ever laugh? 271 00:14:10,089 --> 00:14:13,968 Not really. Sometimes when I'm in the tub. 272 00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:17,959 That's so sad. 273 00:14:18,129 --> 00:14:20,723 - What do you do? - I'm a comedian. 274 00:14:22,769 --> 00:14:24,441 Oh, let me get that. 275 00:14:24,929 --> 00:14:26,647 You've been so helpful. 276 00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:32,358 Hey, we're gonna go see Babu now, right? 277 00:14:32,529 --> 00:14:34,406 Yeah, I'll just pay for this. 278 00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:36,560 I'm just gonna say hi to Cheryl. 279 00:14:36,729 --> 00:14:38,082 - Hi. - Hi. 280 00:14:38,249 --> 00:14:40,604 Listen, gosh, I wanted to thank you so much... 281 00:14:40,769 --> 00:14:42,839 ...for convincing Ping to drop the case. 282 00:14:43,009 --> 00:14:46,285 After we met, you were all so nice, I just couldn't go through with it. 283 00:14:46,449 --> 00:14:49,122 Between you and me, you would have paid through the nose. 284 00:14:51,729 --> 00:14:54,289 - You're kidding. - No, I'm not. 285 00:15:02,609 --> 00:15:05,646 - Babu. - Jerry! Jerry. Hello, Jerry. 286 00:15:05,809 --> 00:15:08,687 - You remember Elaine. - Yes, yes, of course. 287 00:15:09,329 --> 00:15:11,718 - Nice to meet you. - So nice of you both to come. 288 00:15:11,889 --> 00:15:15,484 - Oh, Babu. - No, you're both very kind. Very kind. 289 00:15:15,649 --> 00:15:18,163 - Oh, well, you know, we try. - We do what we can. 290 00:15:18,329 --> 00:15:20,445 - We do what we can. - See... 291 00:15:20,609 --> 00:15:23,328 ...the problem is, I never got my renewal form in the mail. 292 00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:27,880 - I was expecting it. - Yes. See, here's the thing, Babu. 293 00:15:28,049 --> 00:15:29,368 What happened was... 294 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:32,089 ...I was away for a couple of weeks doing comedy shows. 295 00:15:32,249 --> 00:15:34,240 The comedy shows, you're very funny man. 296 00:15:35,009 --> 00:15:38,445 Well, Elaine, here, was picking up my mail while I was away... 297 00:15:38,609 --> 00:15:40,645 ...because that little box can get very full. 298 00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:44,404 Yes. TV Guide, magazines, everything. I would have picked up your mail. 299 00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:47,367 - Your box is right next to mine. - I don't want to bother you. 300 00:15:47,529 --> 00:15:50,885 No bother. You get me job. You get me apartment, you very good man. 301 00:15:51,049 --> 00:15:53,517 Well, yesterday, after they took you away... 302 00:15:53,689 --> 00:15:56,123 ...I looked in my mail, and I noticed the mailman... 303 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:59,565 ...accidentally put your visa-renewal in my mailbox. 304 00:15:59,729 --> 00:16:01,720 - Come again? - I've been home for a week... 305 00:16:01,889 --> 00:16:04,847 ...and Elaine didn't give me my mail till yesterday... 306 00:16:05,009 --> 00:16:07,648 ...even though I asked her repeatedly for it. 307 00:16:07,809 --> 00:16:11,404 Yeah, but, Babu, he could have come to my house to pick it up. 308 00:16:11,569 --> 00:16:13,127 You had my visa application? 309 00:16:13,289 --> 00:16:14,768 - Not technically. - I kill you! 310 00:16:15,129 --> 00:16:16,767 - What about her? - I kill both of you! 311 00:16:16,929 --> 00:16:18,078 - Babu. - No Babu. 312 00:16:18,249 --> 00:16:20,604 No Babu. You're bad man. You're very bad man. 313 00:16:20,769 --> 00:16:22,043 You're very lazy, bad man. 314 00:16:22,209 --> 00:16:23,767 Babu, I'm gonna fix everything. 315 00:16:23,929 --> 00:16:26,284 I have a lawyer who knows someone in immigration. 316 00:16:26,449 --> 00:16:28,917 They'll straighten the thing out. The wheels are in motion. 317 00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:32,445 - Things are happening as we speak. - The wheels are in motion? 318 00:16:32,649 --> 00:16:34,924 The wheels are in motion. Things are happening. 319 00:16:38,569 --> 00:16:39,843 Jerry? 320 00:16:40,009 --> 00:16:41,283 I'm very attracted to him. 321 00:16:41,449 --> 00:16:44,043 You think the person you were talking to was him? 322 00:16:44,209 --> 00:16:48,521 That's not even close to him. He's funny. Jerry's funny. 323 00:16:48,769 --> 00:16:51,727 - He's never said anything funny. - He can't not be funny. 324 00:16:51,889 --> 00:16:56,758 No, no. He's dark and disturbed. 325 00:16:56,929 --> 00:16:59,489 Dark and disturbed? 326 00:16:59,649 --> 00:17:02,527 His whole life revolves around Superman and cereal. 327 00:17:03,129 --> 00:17:04,767 What kind of a friend are you? 328 00:17:04,929 --> 00:17:08,478 I convinced him to act like that so that you would think I was funnier. 329 00:17:08,649 --> 00:17:10,605 That's how disturbed I am. 330 00:17:10,769 --> 00:17:12,805 You want disturbed? That's disturbed. 331 00:17:12,969 --> 00:17:15,403 I mean, you can't find sickness like that anywhere. 332 00:17:15,569 --> 00:17:17,639 You think sickness like that grows on trees? 333 00:17:17,809 --> 00:17:19,879 Nobody is sicker than me. Nobody. 334 00:17:20,049 --> 00:17:22,119 He's pretending. I am the genuine article. 335 00:17:22,289 --> 00:17:24,803 You're telling me Jerry's whole thing was an act? 336 00:17:24,969 --> 00:17:28,200 And I put him up to it, because I'm sick. 337 00:17:28,369 --> 00:17:30,519 I'm the one that needs help. 338 00:17:32,449 --> 00:17:36,124 - I gotta go. - Well, should I call you later? 339 00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:39,645 - Please don't. - But- But I'm disturbed. 340 00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:44,963 I'm depressed. I'm inadequate. I got it all! 341 00:17:48,129 --> 00:17:50,802 So, what's up with Babu? How come he's not back? 342 00:17:50,969 --> 00:17:52,800 I don't know. I don't understand it. 343 00:17:52,969 --> 00:17:56,325 Cheryl was supposed to take care of it. He should be back by now. 344 00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:58,808 - Yeah? - George. 345 00:17:58,969 --> 00:18:00,925 - Come on up. - Babu. 346 00:18:01,369 --> 00:18:04,486 - Babu, what happened to you? - Babu must be back. 347 00:18:04,649 --> 00:18:06,765 - Well, where's Babu? - He is in Pakistan! 348 00:18:06,929 --> 00:18:08,885 - Who are you? - I am his brother. 349 00:18:09,049 --> 00:18:11,404 He knew a lawyer. It was all going to be fixed. 350 00:18:11,649 --> 00:18:13,446 The lawyer did everything they could. 351 00:18:13,609 --> 00:18:16,362 Then where is Babu? What happened to Babu? 352 00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,485 Show me Babu! 353 00:18:20,289 --> 00:18:22,086 - Snapple? - No. 354 00:18:23,969 --> 00:18:25,641 Too fruity. 355 00:18:29,849 --> 00:18:33,285 Hey, what happened? I thought Cheryl was gonna help Babu get his visa. 356 00:18:33,489 --> 00:18:35,241 - She didn't help him? - No. 357 00:18:35,409 --> 00:18:37,639 - Where is he? - He's in Pakistan. 358 00:18:38,489 --> 00:18:41,447 - Oh, boy - What do you mean, "Oh, boy"? 359 00:18:41,609 --> 00:18:45,887 Well, last night she told me that she liked you. 360 00:18:46,049 --> 00:18:48,119 Not you, the disturbed you. 361 00:18:48,889 --> 00:18:50,561 So I had to tell her the truth. 362 00:18:50,729 --> 00:18:52,924 You told her the truth? You got Babu deported! 363 00:18:53,089 --> 00:18:56,047 What do you mean I "got"? You didn't give him his visa application. 364 00:18:56,209 --> 00:18:57,528 Because she had my mail. 365 00:18:57,689 --> 00:19:00,999 I wouldn't have to get your mail if he didn't go to that fantasy camp. 366 00:19:01,169 --> 00:19:03,808 Well, I just came back from Mickey Mantle's restaurant. 367 00:19:03,969 --> 00:19:05,607 How could you go in there? 368 00:19:05,769 --> 00:19:08,363 Well, I had to. I had to apologize. 369 00:19:08,569 --> 00:19:10,878 I mean, I punched Mickey Mantle, my idol. 370 00:19:11,049 --> 00:19:13,005 It was eating me up inside! 371 00:19:13,529 --> 00:19:15,838 - What happened? - I got on my knees, and I went: 372 00:19:16,009 --> 00:19:17,442 "Go ahead, Mickey, hit me. 373 00:19:17,609 --> 00:19:20,487 I'm begging you, Mickey. Please, hit me. Come on, hit me. 374 00:19:20,649 --> 00:19:22,685 I love you, Mickey. I love you." 375 00:19:22,849 --> 00:19:24,123 So, what did he do? 376 00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:27,042 Well, the four of them, they picked me up by my pants... 377 00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:29,928 ...and they threw me outside, right into a horse. 378 00:19:32,569 --> 00:19:33,843 - Kramer. - Hey! 379 00:19:34,009 --> 00:19:36,159 Yeah. It's my Chinese food. 380 00:19:36,329 --> 00:19:38,285 Oh, Ping. Hi. 381 00:19:38,449 --> 00:19:41,680 Listen, thank you so much for dropping that lawsuit against me. 382 00:19:41,849 --> 00:19:43,805 - Not anymore. - What? 383 00:19:43,969 --> 00:19:46,722 Cheryl call me last night. Lawsuit back on. 384 00:19:46,889 --> 00:19:48,163 Why? 385 00:19:48,329 --> 00:19:50,559 She call you and your friends big liars. 386 00:19:50,729 --> 00:19:52,526 You think she nice girl? 387 00:19:52,689 --> 00:19:55,886 Wait till you see her in court. She's a shark! 388 00:19:56,049 --> 00:19:58,358 They call her "The Terminator." 389 00:19:58,529 --> 00:20:02,886 She never lose a case, and now you make her mad. 390 00:20:03,049 --> 00:20:05,165 She doubled the damages. 391 00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:08,526 Hasta la vista, baby. 392 00:20:14,289 --> 00:20:17,406 So his friend had the mail, but she did not give it to him. 393 00:20:17,649 --> 00:20:19,002 Then he came to visit me... 394 00:20:19,169 --> 00:20:22,798 ...said a lawyer would call and help. He said the wheels were in motion. 395 00:20:22,969 --> 00:20:26,166 But there was no motion. There was nothing. 396 00:20:26,329 --> 00:20:28,445 And so they sent me back here. 397 00:20:28,809 --> 00:20:30,925 This is a terrible story, Babu. 398 00:20:31,569 --> 00:20:32,968 What are you going to do? 399 00:20:33,129 --> 00:20:35,802 I'm going to save up every rupee... 400 00:20:35,969 --> 00:20:37,402 ...for someday... 401 00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:40,845 ...I will get back to America, and when I do... 402 00:20:41,009 --> 00:20:43,648 ...I will exact vengeance on this man. 403 00:20:43,889 --> 00:20:45,481 I cannot forget him. 404 00:20:45,649 --> 00:20:47,446 He haunts me. 405 00:20:47,729 --> 00:20:53,964 He's a very bad man. He's a very, very bad man. 406 00:20:54,409 --> 00:20:55,762 I am for open immigration... 407 00:20:55,929 --> 00:20:58,204 ...but that sign we have on the Statue of Liberty: 408 00:20:58,369 --> 00:21:01,441 "Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses." 409 00:21:01,609 --> 00:21:04,965 Can't we just say, "Hey, the door's open, we'll take whoever you got." 410 00:21:05,129 --> 00:21:08,678 Do we have to specify the "wretched refuse"? 411 00:21:08,849 --> 00:21:10,123 Why don't we just say: 412 00:21:10,289 --> 00:21:12,678 "Give us the unhappy, the sad, the slow, the ugly... 413 00:21:12,889 --> 00:21:15,449 ...people that can't drive, that have trouble merging... 414 00:21:15,609 --> 00:21:18,965 ...if they can't stay in their lane, don't signal, can't parallel park... 415 00:21:19,129 --> 00:21:22,041 ...if they're sneezing, if they're stuffed up, if they're clogged... 416 00:21:22,209 --> 00:21:25,645 ...if they have bad penmanship, don't return calls, if they have dandruff... 417 00:21:25,809 --> 00:21:30,121 ...food between their teeth, if they have bad credit, if they have no credit.... 418 00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,359 ...missed a spot shaving." In other words... 419 00:21:32,529 --> 00:21:36,044 ...any dysfunctional, defective slob... 420 00:21:36,209 --> 00:21:38,598 ...that you can somehow cattle prod onto a wagon... 421 00:21:38,769 --> 00:21:41,237 ...send them over, we want them. 422 00:22:31,489 --> 00:22:33,480 Subtitles by SDl Media Group