1 00:00:03,849 --> 00:00:07,478 I don't belong to a health club. I have a limit on naked men I see in one day. 2 00:00:07,649 --> 00:00:09,207 Zero. 3 00:00:09,369 --> 00:00:11,087 That's it. 4 00:00:11,249 --> 00:00:14,127 What is with the high level of security at health clubs, you know? 5 00:00:14,329 --> 00:00:16,559 The picture IDs. Security guards. Signing in and out. 6 00:00:16,729 --> 00:00:18,321 What is this, the Kremlin? 7 00:00:18,489 --> 00:00:22,801 I mean, the people with a membership go twice a year. Who's breaking in? 8 00:00:23,609 --> 00:00:27,443 Is this a big problem, people stealing exercise? 9 00:00:27,609 --> 00:00:30,601 And what if they catch the person? What then? They run. It's aerobic. 10 00:00:30,769 --> 00:00:32,646 Makes it even worse. 11 00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:41,519 - Hi, Jerry. - Oh, hi, Sidra. 12 00:00:41,689 --> 00:00:43,725 I last about 10 minutes on the StairMaster. 13 00:00:43,889 --> 00:00:47,564 Unless someone's stretching in front of me in a leotard, then I can go an hour. 14 00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:50,284 - Really? - That's why it's called the StairMaster. 15 00:00:50,449 --> 00:00:52,360 You get up there and you stare. 16 00:00:52,689 --> 00:00:56,204 Well, I'm done. I think I'm gonna go take a sauna. 17 00:00:56,369 --> 00:00:57,722 I'll see you Thursday night? 18 00:00:57,889 --> 00:00:59,242 - Thursday night. - Okay. 19 00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:02,808 Good workout? 20 00:01:02,969 --> 00:01:05,085 Tremendous workout. 21 00:01:05,929 --> 00:01:08,841 - It's a pretty girl. - Tremendous girl. 22 00:01:09,009 --> 00:01:11,967 - She the one you went out with? - Yeah. I really like her. 23 00:01:12,129 --> 00:01:15,405 You know, they're fake. 24 00:01:17,489 --> 00:01:20,049 - What? Don't say that. - No. They're fake. 25 00:01:20,209 --> 00:01:22,120 - How do you know? - I can tell. 26 00:01:22,289 --> 00:01:24,849 You know how you always brag how you can spot a lesbian? 27 00:01:25,689 --> 00:01:28,522 I'm not bragging. I happen to have a very keen lesbian eye. 28 00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:30,919 Hi, how you doing? 29 00:01:31,089 --> 00:01:33,478 Oh, right. 30 00:01:33,649 --> 00:01:37,244 Come on. Don't you think they seem just a bit too perfect? 31 00:01:37,409 --> 00:01:39,320 Yes, they do. 32 00:01:40,849 --> 00:01:43,568 I never knew you were into breasts. Thought you were a leg man. 33 00:01:43,729 --> 00:01:48,280 Leg man? Why would I be a leg man? I don't need legs. I have legs. 34 00:01:50,009 --> 00:01:51,840 Have you seen her naked in the locker room? 35 00:01:52,009 --> 00:01:53,761 - No. - Then I can't accept your testimony. 36 00:01:53,929 --> 00:01:55,203 Maybe if you'd seen her naked. 37 00:01:55,369 --> 00:01:57,485 - I don't wanna see her naked. - Well, I do. 38 00:01:57,649 --> 00:01:59,526 Well, that's your problem. 39 00:01:59,689 --> 00:02:02,522 Look, you made the allegation. The least you could do is follow up. 40 00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:06,604 Jerry, what am I gonna do? Go in there and spy on her in the sauna? 41 00:02:06,769 --> 00:02:10,398 Yes. Go in there. Do a little investigative journalism. 42 00:02:10,569 --> 00:02:11,718 I need to know. 43 00:02:11,889 --> 00:02:14,847 But a few more dates, you can find out for yourself. 44 00:02:15,009 --> 00:02:16,681 Don't be so sure. Look at George. 45 00:02:16,849 --> 00:02:19,409 He's on his ninth date with Betsy. Still hasn't got anywhere. 46 00:02:19,569 --> 00:02:20,763 What's his problem? 47 00:02:20,929 --> 00:02:22,999 Every time he makes a move something screws up. 48 00:02:23,169 --> 00:02:24,887 Their last date they were on the couch... 49 00:02:25,049 --> 00:02:27,244 - ... but she was on his wrong side. - Wrong side? 50 00:02:27,409 --> 00:02:30,765 Yeah, she was on his right side. He can't make a move with his left hand. 51 00:02:30,929 --> 00:02:32,157 Can't go left. 52 00:02:33,169 --> 00:02:34,443 - He can't go left? - No. 53 00:02:34,609 --> 00:02:37,169 I'm lefty. Can't go right. 54 00:02:37,649 --> 00:02:39,367 What about women? They go left or right? 55 00:02:39,529 --> 00:02:41,724 No, we just play defence. 56 00:03:03,409 --> 00:03:05,001 Could I ask you a question? 57 00:03:06,169 --> 00:03:08,205 Would you mind switching seats? 58 00:03:10,049 --> 00:03:16,284 Actually, I'd really prefer to sit here. I don't hear very well out of this ear. 59 00:03:17,369 --> 00:03:20,839 I always try to sit to the right of people. 60 00:03:21,769 --> 00:03:23,566 I'll shout. 61 00:03:24,849 --> 00:03:27,238 Well, I really think I feel more comfortable here. 62 00:03:27,409 --> 00:03:29,081 Come on, come on. 63 00:03:29,249 --> 00:03:30,887 - Come on, really. Come on. - George, I- 64 00:03:31,049 --> 00:03:33,199 - Now, come on. - No, I really- 65 00:03:39,529 --> 00:03:42,123 See, now is that so bad? 66 00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:43,722 What? 67 00:03:45,409 --> 00:03:46,922 - Oh, I- - The machine will get it. 68 00:03:47,089 --> 00:03:48,238 No, it's not on. 69 00:03:48,409 --> 00:03:51,082 - They'll call back. - George, what if it's an emergency? 70 00:03:51,249 --> 00:03:53,809 In the whole world right now there's maybe three emergencies. 71 00:03:53,969 --> 00:03:56,802 Why would you think on this planet that you're one of those three? 72 00:03:56,969 --> 00:03:59,563 George, please. 73 00:04:01,889 --> 00:04:03,607 Hello. 74 00:04:03,929 --> 00:04:05,123 What? 75 00:04:05,289 --> 00:04:07,519 Oh, my God. 76 00:04:08,169 --> 00:04:11,002 All right, maybe four. 77 00:04:13,489 --> 00:04:15,639 Boy, I'm realy sweating. 78 00:04:15,809 --> 00:04:19,245 Good sweat. Beads of sweat. Sweating bulets. 79 00:04:19,729 --> 00:04:21,162 Look at her. 80 00:04:21,329 --> 00:04:24,048 I don't need to see her nak ed to know those aren't real. 81 00:04:24,209 --> 00:04:26,439 I mean, why'd she even tie the towel around her? 82 00:04:26,609 --> 00:04:29,077 She's got a rack on her chest. 83 00:04:31,409 --> 00:04:34,606 Oh, God. Sidra's taking the towel off. 84 00:04:37,169 --> 00:04:38,761 Doctor. 85 00:04:38,929 --> 00:04:40,123 That's it. 86 00:04:40,289 --> 00:04:42,757 I knew it. I knew it. They're definitely fak e. 87 00:04:42,929 --> 00:04:45,124 So when's the funeral? 88 00:04:46,409 --> 00:04:47,683 Oh, well. 89 00:04:47,849 --> 00:04:52,923 Aunt Clarice was so ill I guess it was really a blessing. 90 00:05:01,169 --> 00:05:04,002 Yeah, I'll fly home as soon as I can. 91 00:05:09,729 --> 00:05:13,847 Okay. You too. Get some sleep. 92 00:05:20,929 --> 00:05:22,362 - You're sure? - Positive. 93 00:05:22,529 --> 00:05:25,202 This chick's playing with Confederate money. 94 00:05:25,369 --> 00:05:27,087 Then that's it. That's the end of that. 95 00:05:27,249 --> 00:05:29,319 - What? Just because that? - Just because of that? 96 00:05:29,489 --> 00:05:32,561 It's like finding out Mickey Mantle corked his bat. 97 00:05:34,049 --> 00:05:37,007 You've dated women with nose jobs. What's the difference? 98 00:05:37,169 --> 00:05:41,924 You don't touch the nose. You don't aspire to reach the nose. 99 00:05:42,089 --> 00:05:44,205 You don't unhook anything to get to a nose... 100 00:05:44,369 --> 00:05:47,884 ...and no man has ever tried to look up a woman's nostrils. 101 00:05:50,929 --> 00:05:53,079 You've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you? 102 00:05:53,249 --> 00:05:54,568 Well, I take it very seriously. 103 00:05:55,569 --> 00:05:59,801 Sometimes when I think you're the shallowest man I've ever met... 104 00:05:59,969 --> 00:06:03,325 ...you somehow manage to drain a little more out of the pool. 105 00:06:04,769 --> 00:06:06,964 - Hey. - Hey. 106 00:06:08,529 --> 00:06:09,757 - Hey. - Hey. 107 00:06:09,929 --> 00:06:12,489 You know, I do kind of wonder what fake breasts feel like. 108 00:06:12,649 --> 00:06:14,526 Well, I know what they feel like. 109 00:06:14,689 --> 00:06:15,883 You? How do you know? 110 00:06:16,049 --> 00:06:18,688 Well, I lived in Los Angeles for three months. 111 00:06:18,849 --> 00:06:21,727 - I thought you hated Los Angeles. - No, I do. 112 00:06:21,889 --> 00:06:24,357 Just miss the warm weather, you know? 113 00:06:24,689 --> 00:06:26,645 Oh, man, I wish I could get away. 114 00:06:26,809 --> 00:06:29,164 Real busy now, down at the office? 115 00:06:29,449 --> 00:06:32,009 No. You know who I saw at the health club? 116 00:06:32,169 --> 00:06:34,080 Salman Rushdie. 117 00:06:34,249 --> 00:06:36,843 - No. - Yeah, right. 118 00:06:37,009 --> 00:06:38,283 Salman Rushdie. 119 00:06:38,449 --> 00:06:41,122 Well, I could see that. You got five million Moslems after you. 120 00:06:41,289 --> 00:06:43,359 You wanna stay in pretty good shape. 121 00:06:44,489 --> 00:06:45,638 I know what the problem is. 122 00:06:46,329 --> 00:06:48,797 I like her too much. That's why I can't make a move. 123 00:06:48,969 --> 00:06:52,848 - You put her on a pedestal. - I put them on a dental chair. 124 00:06:53,289 --> 00:06:55,519 He puts them on a dental chair. 125 00:06:55,729 --> 00:06:58,926 I'm not her boyfriend. I wanna be her boyfriend. 126 00:07:00,729 --> 00:07:03,084 It's like a sauna in here. 127 00:07:08,009 --> 00:07:09,488 - That's funny. - You're a funny guy. 128 00:07:09,649 --> 00:07:11,446 Never heard that before. 129 00:07:12,089 --> 00:07:13,681 So you going to the funeral? 130 00:07:13,849 --> 00:07:15,441 - You think I should? - Are you kidding? 131 00:07:15,609 --> 00:07:17,918 It's a golden opportunity to advance the relationship. 132 00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:20,523 She's crying. You put your arm around her and console her. 133 00:07:20,689 --> 00:07:22,407 You're the consolation guy. 134 00:07:22,569 --> 00:07:26,847 - I'm the consolation guy. - Consolation guy is big. 135 00:07:27,569 --> 00:07:29,480 Her aunt dying is the best thing for you. 136 00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:32,117 It's like 10 dates in one shot. 137 00:07:32,809 --> 00:07:35,960 This confers upon you instant boyfriend status. 138 00:07:36,129 --> 00:07:37,608 The family's there. 139 00:07:37,769 --> 00:07:41,603 You're taking care of things. You're getting sandwiches. You're the rock. 140 00:07:41,769 --> 00:07:44,044 It's in Detroit, though. It's an expensive flight. 141 00:07:44,209 --> 00:07:47,201 Why don't you get a "death in the family"fare? 142 00:07:47,369 --> 00:07:48,848 What? 143 00:07:50,449 --> 00:07:53,327 Go to the airlines. Tell them that you have a death in the family... 144 00:07:53,489 --> 00:07:55,764 ...they give you 50 percent off the fare. 145 00:07:55,929 --> 00:07:57,157 - Really? - In fact... 146 00:07:57,329 --> 00:08:00,480 ...listen, I'll go with you. We'll tell them there's a death in my family. 147 00:08:00,649 --> 00:08:02,685 You buy the ticket. I'll split it. 148 00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:06,922 Then I'll get the bonus miles and you'll get to Detroit for a quarter of the price. 149 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:13,126 Boy, I'm getting a good sweat here. Great sweat. Good beads. Nice beads. 150 00:08:14,009 --> 00:08:19,083 Oh, look who's here. Silicon Valey. 151 00:08:19,809 --> 00:08:23,882 Oh, so anyway. We go out on one date, and he asks me out for a second... 152 00:08:24,049 --> 00:08:26,517 ...and then out of nowhere he calls me, cancels the date... 153 00:08:26,689 --> 00:08:29,078 ...and says he doesn't wanna see me again. 154 00:08:30,129 --> 00:08:32,689 Sorry. I couldn't help overhearing. 155 00:08:32,849 --> 00:08:35,488 - Oh, that's okay. - Did he give you a reason? 156 00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:38,447 Yeah. He's going back to his old girlfriend. 157 00:08:39,049 --> 00:08:40,198 Really? 158 00:08:40,369 --> 00:08:42,246 Said she's mentally ill. 159 00:08:45,129 --> 00:08:48,405 He's one of those guys who is obsessed with neatness and order. 160 00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:52,847 Everything has gotta be just so. He would have made a great Nazi. 161 00:08:56,809 --> 00:08:58,686 Hey, does he ever talk about Superman? 162 00:08:58,849 --> 00:09:03,001 - Yes. How did you know? - I know the type. 163 00:09:03,169 --> 00:09:05,125 - Oh, so you can relate? - Oh, yeah. 164 00:09:05,289 --> 00:09:08,964 You know, I've seen you around the club. My name's Sidra. This is Marcy. 165 00:09:09,129 --> 00:09:11,643 - Oh, hi. I'm Elaine. - Hi. 166 00:09:17,969 --> 00:09:21,279 Anyway, I stood up to shake her hand and suddenly I lost my balance... 167 00:09:21,449 --> 00:09:24,202 - ... and I fell right into her. - You fell on her? 168 00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,122 I touched them. 169 00:09:27,889 --> 00:09:29,083 You what? 170 00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:32,806 I touched them. 171 00:09:32,969 --> 00:09:34,118 You touched them? 172 00:09:34,289 --> 00:09:37,042 I needed them to help me break my fall. 173 00:09:37,329 --> 00:09:40,844 If it hadn't been for them, I could have really injured myself. 174 00:09:43,609 --> 00:09:44,598 Anyway... 175 00:09:45,409 --> 00:09:46,603 ...they're real. 176 00:09:48,449 --> 00:09:50,121 Excuse me. 177 00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,846 I think they might be real. 178 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:56,046 Oh, what do you know? You have no breast-touching experience. 179 00:09:56,209 --> 00:09:59,406 - I've touched mine. - So have I. 180 00:10:00,249 --> 00:10:02,524 Oh, right, I forgot. 181 00:10:05,409 --> 00:10:08,367 Anyway, touching two breasts doesn't make you an expert. 182 00:10:09,049 --> 00:10:15,079 All right. Anyway, I think they're real, and if they are, they are spectacular. 183 00:10:16,809 --> 00:10:19,403 What are you doing to me? 184 00:10:23,009 --> 00:10:24,237 You see... 185 00:10:24,409 --> 00:10:27,242 ...my friend here, his aunt passed away last- 186 00:10:27,409 --> 00:10:28,922 Oh, I'm very sorry. 187 00:10:29,089 --> 00:10:34,288 I saw her last week. She looked healthy and peaceful but she knew. 188 00:10:34,449 --> 00:10:36,485 You poor thing. 189 00:10:37,169 --> 00:10:40,525 You don't think you could buy the ticket yourself? Oh, no, okay. 190 00:10:40,689 --> 00:10:44,523 - I couldn't- - No, please. There, there. You sit. 191 00:10:44,689 --> 00:10:46,919 I'll purchase the ticket for you. 192 00:10:47,089 --> 00:10:48,363 You're a good friend. 193 00:10:48,969 --> 00:10:52,757 I understand you offer a 50-percent-off bereavement fare? 194 00:10:52,929 --> 00:10:57,480 Yes. You have to pay the full fare now then return to one of our counters... 195 00:10:57,649 --> 00:11:01,688 ...with a copy of the death certificate, and we'll refund half your fare. 196 00:11:04,049 --> 00:11:05,960 The death certificate? 197 00:11:06,129 --> 00:11:10,122 Yes, we do need documentation or people could take advantage. 198 00:11:10,289 --> 00:11:14,282 What kind of a sick person would do a thing like that? 199 00:11:14,449 --> 00:11:16,121 I know but it happens. 200 00:11:16,289 --> 00:11:21,488 You want my friend to ask his uncle, a man who lost his wife of 44 years... 201 00:11:21,649 --> 00:11:24,368 ...for a death certificate to save a few bucks on a flight? 202 00:11:24,529 --> 00:11:27,566 That would be $387 round trip. 203 00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:30,960 - You'll need my frequent flyer number. - Yes. 204 00:11:34,049 --> 00:11:35,721 I don't know. One minute they're fake... 205 00:11:35,889 --> 00:11:38,198 ...the next they're real. I don't know what to believe. 206 00:11:38,369 --> 00:11:42,044 Hey, of the two of us, I'm the only one who's touched them. 207 00:11:44,049 --> 00:11:46,279 Well, you were grabbing onto them to save your life. 208 00:11:46,449 --> 00:11:48,360 If you were drowning and I threw you a life preserver... 209 00:11:48,529 --> 00:11:50,838 ...you think you could tell me if it was an inflatable? 210 00:11:51,009 --> 00:11:53,398 I wouldn't have said anything if I'd known you'd stop seeing her. 211 00:11:53,569 --> 00:11:57,482 I don't mind a phony personality but I gotta draw the line somewhere. 212 00:11:58,489 --> 00:12:00,525 - Hey. - Hey. 213 00:12:00,689 --> 00:12:03,078 - George off to Detroit? - Yep. And in two days... 214 00:12:03,249 --> 00:12:05,319 ...I'm off to Puerto Rico. 215 00:12:05,969 --> 00:12:07,561 Hey, Kramer, by the way... 216 00:12:07,729 --> 00:12:11,244 ...I saw that guy at the health club. That is not Salman Rushdie. 217 00:12:11,809 --> 00:12:13,162 Wrong. 218 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,288 - There's Sidra. - There's Salman. 219 00:12:17,449 --> 00:12:18,962 - Where? - Talking to that woman. 220 00:12:19,129 --> 00:12:21,404 - To Sidra? - If that's Sidra, she's talking to Salman. 221 00:12:21,569 --> 00:12:23,844 - I don't think that's Salman. - I don't think they're real. 222 00:12:24,009 --> 00:12:26,284 - If that's Rushdie, they're real. - If they're real, that's Rushdie. 223 00:12:26,449 --> 00:12:28,804 - I gotta know. I'm talking to Sidra. - I gotta know. I'm talking to Salman. 224 00:12:30,929 --> 00:12:33,648 Like a sauna in here, huh? 225 00:12:35,969 --> 00:12:39,166 Feel like I'm back at the desert. 226 00:12:42,409 --> 00:12:45,321 - You've lived in the desert? - Oh, yeah. I've- 227 00:12:45,489 --> 00:12:48,322 I spent a little time in the Mideast. 228 00:12:49,489 --> 00:12:51,445 You ever been to the Mideast? 229 00:12:51,609 --> 00:12:55,238 - Yes, I've been there. - Look, my name's Kramer. 230 00:12:55,769 --> 00:12:56,963 - Sal Bass. - Yeah. 231 00:12:57,129 --> 00:12:59,006 - Pleased to meet you, Kramer. - Yeah. 232 00:12:59,569 --> 00:13:01,719 So... 233 00:13:02,529 --> 00:13:04,759 ...what kind of work do you do? 234 00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:07,246 I'm a writer. 235 00:13:09,849 --> 00:13:13,524 - Have you met my boyfriend, George? - No. 236 00:13:13,689 --> 00:13:16,567 George, this is Aunt May and Father Jessup. 237 00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:18,640 Oh, and that's my brother, Timmy. 238 00:13:18,809 --> 00:13:21,369 This is my boyfriend, George. 239 00:13:21,529 --> 00:13:24,089 Oh, George, how nice of you to come all this way. 240 00:13:24,249 --> 00:13:29,198 Well, I'm the boyfriend. Otherwise, what's the point of being the boyfriend. 241 00:13:29,369 --> 00:13:32,805 This is where you have to be when you're the boyfriend. 242 00:13:33,329 --> 00:13:35,797 Betsy, dear, have you had anything to eat? 243 00:13:35,969 --> 00:13:39,120 - I'm not very hungry. - They have some very nice snacks. 244 00:13:39,289 --> 00:13:42,201 I'm about to get myself a snack. 245 00:13:42,369 --> 00:13:44,803 Oh, no. You sit right here. 246 00:13:44,969 --> 00:13:47,608 I will get you a nice snack. 247 00:13:51,449 --> 00:13:53,804 This is my... 248 00:13:54,009 --> 00:13:56,569 ...third wake this month. 249 00:13:56,729 --> 00:13:58,287 Never gets any easier. 250 00:13:58,449 --> 00:14:01,646 Well, losing a loved one is- 251 00:14:01,809 --> 00:14:03,959 I mean, forget about it. 252 00:14:12,489 --> 00:14:14,081 You- 253 00:14:14,929 --> 00:14:17,727 You seem to be of great comfort to Betsy. We're very appreciative. 254 00:14:17,889 --> 00:14:19,880 Comfort "schmomfort." 255 00:14:21,529 --> 00:14:25,727 Listen, Father, can I ask you a question? 256 00:14:26,089 --> 00:14:28,603 In a terrible time like this... 257 00:14:28,769 --> 00:14:31,806 ...who would I get the death certificate from? 258 00:14:33,529 --> 00:14:36,362 - Oh, Jerry. - Oh, how can you be so sure? 259 00:14:36,529 --> 00:14:41,444 Jerry, are you blind? He's a writer. He said his name was Sal Bass. 260 00:14:41,609 --> 00:14:42,837 Bass, Jerry. 261 00:14:43,009 --> 00:14:45,967 Instead of salmon, he went with bass. 262 00:14:46,129 --> 00:14:49,121 He just substituted one fish for another. 263 00:14:49,729 --> 00:14:53,722 Look, you idiot, first of all, it's "Salman,"not "salmon." 264 00:14:53,889 --> 00:14:56,528 Jerry, Jerry, you're missing the big picture. 265 00:14:56,689 --> 00:14:59,044 All right. Maybe it is, but listen, I gotta get ready... 266 00:14:59,209 --> 00:15:01,165 ...Sidra's coming over so if you don't mind- 267 00:15:01,329 --> 00:15:04,685 - What, did you ask her? - I'm gonna find out tonight. 268 00:15:04,849 --> 00:15:06,680 Yes. 269 00:15:08,489 --> 00:15:10,764 Why do you need a death certificate? 270 00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:14,758 Well, Dr. Allenwood... 271 00:15:15,169 --> 00:15:18,047 ...I was hoping to compile an... 272 00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:23,363 ...admittedly rudimentary scrapbook of her life. 273 00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:27,240 Something that Betsy could have and hold on to. 274 00:15:27,889 --> 00:15:29,959 Well, I suppose I could make a copy of it. 275 00:15:30,129 --> 00:15:31,562 Oh, that would be wonderful. 276 00:15:32,169 --> 00:15:35,400 - Well, it's nice meeting you, George. - Likewise. 277 00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,407 What are you doing? 278 00:15:52,489 --> 00:15:54,719 - What? - Did-? 279 00:15:54,889 --> 00:15:56,845 Did you just double dip that chip? 280 00:15:57,889 --> 00:15:59,686 - Excuse me? - You double dipped the chip. 281 00:15:59,849 --> 00:16:02,079 Double dipped? What are you talking about? 282 00:16:02,249 --> 00:16:05,446 You dipped the chip. You took a bite... 283 00:16:05,609 --> 00:16:07,645 ...and you dipped again. 284 00:16:09,609 --> 00:16:11,884 - So? - It's like putting your whole mouth... 285 00:16:12,049 --> 00:16:13,960 ...right in the dip. 286 00:16:15,209 --> 00:16:20,647 From now on, when you take a chip just take one dip and end it. 287 00:16:23,769 --> 00:16:26,886 Well, I'm sorry, Timmy... 288 00:16:27,529 --> 00:16:29,008 ...but I don't dip that way. 289 00:16:29,169 --> 00:16:30,887 - Oh, you don't, huh? - No. 290 00:16:31,049 --> 00:16:33,768 You dip the way you wanna dip... 291 00:16:33,929 --> 00:16:35,567 ...I'll dip the way I wanna dip. 292 00:16:35,729 --> 00:16:37,242 - Give me the chip. - Hey, hey, hey! 293 00:16:37,409 --> 00:16:38,603 Give me the chip. 294 00:16:39,729 --> 00:16:43,085 I don't know what I'm doing here. I must be crazy. 295 00:16:55,249 --> 00:16:57,888 - Hey, you mind switching seats? - Why? 296 00:16:58,049 --> 00:17:02,088 I don't know. I like sitting to the left of people. Makes me feel like I'm driving. 297 00:17:02,969 --> 00:17:05,244 Okay. 298 00:17:11,889 --> 00:17:13,845 - How you doing? - Good. 299 00:17:14,009 --> 00:17:15,840 - How you doing? - Good. 300 00:17:16,009 --> 00:17:17,840 Feel good. 301 00:17:19,649 --> 00:17:22,083 You know that Jayne Mansfield had some big breasts. 302 00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:28,323 Really big- 303 00:17:28,489 --> 00:17:31,526 Huge. Just coming out the top of her dress. They were choking her. 304 00:17:32,849 --> 00:17:35,807 - I hear that's how she died. - Yeah. 305 00:17:37,649 --> 00:17:39,480 Have you noticed that women today are-? 306 00:17:39,649 --> 00:17:41,480 You know, they seem bigger. 307 00:17:42,009 --> 00:17:44,045 - A lot of women are having them done. - Really? 308 00:17:44,209 --> 00:17:46,518 - Yeah. - How do you like that? 309 00:17:46,689 --> 00:17:49,328 A lot of people ask me if I've had mine done. 310 00:17:49,489 --> 00:17:51,764 You know people. 311 00:17:52,049 --> 00:17:54,279 Gets a little tiring. It's none of their business. 312 00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:56,838 Oh, the nerve. 313 00:17:57,729 --> 00:18:00,846 You know some people have asked me if you've done that. 314 00:18:01,449 --> 00:18:02,723 And what do you tell them? 315 00:18:03,409 --> 00:18:05,798 Whatever you want me to tell them. 316 00:18:06,529 --> 00:18:09,646 Well, I think you'll find out soon enough. 317 00:18:16,649 --> 00:18:18,446 - Aren't you gonna get that? - No. 318 00:18:18,609 --> 00:18:21,328 - Well, what if it's an emergency? - Oh, there's no emergency. 319 00:18:21,489 --> 00:18:24,686 Jerry. Come on. It's an emergency. 320 00:18:26,569 --> 00:18:28,287 Excuse me. 321 00:18:29,369 --> 00:18:31,041 All right. 322 00:18:31,209 --> 00:18:32,767 What is it? You're interrupting. 323 00:18:32,929 --> 00:18:37,127 I'm packing for Puerto Rico. I need to borrow your bathing suit. 324 00:18:37,609 --> 00:18:39,725 This is an emergency? You need a bathing suit? 325 00:18:39,889 --> 00:18:41,117 Well, I like yours. 326 00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:46,118 I don't know, my bathing suit? That's a little familiar. 327 00:18:46,289 --> 00:18:49,520 I don't want your boys down there. 328 00:18:54,889 --> 00:18:57,005 What's the matter with my boys? 329 00:18:57,169 --> 00:19:00,605 Your boys should stay in their neighbourhood. 330 00:19:02,089 --> 00:19:05,240 - All right, come on. - All right. It's in the top drawer. 331 00:19:05,409 --> 00:19:07,559 - Hurry up. - Hey. 332 00:19:07,849 --> 00:19:10,443 - Hi, Jer. - Hi, Elaine. 333 00:19:10,609 --> 00:19:14,045 - Oh, hi, Sidra. - Hi. Elaine? 334 00:19:17,769 --> 00:19:19,680 - What are you doing here? - Looking for Kramer. 335 00:19:20,249 --> 00:19:21,443 - What's going on? - She was just... 336 00:19:21,609 --> 00:19:23,884 ...showing me pictures of places in Puerto Rico. 337 00:19:24,049 --> 00:19:26,438 - When you two went down there. - Oh, yeah. All right. 338 00:19:26,609 --> 00:19:28,679 - Well, just- - You know, these- 339 00:19:28,849 --> 00:19:30,202 - Yeah, yeah. - All right. 340 00:19:34,969 --> 00:19:36,243 So where were we? 341 00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:39,526 - I was just leaving. - Right. You were leaving. 342 00:19:39,689 --> 00:19:42,408 I can't believe you sent a woman into the sauna to do that? 343 00:19:42,569 --> 00:19:44,287 That was an accident. 344 00:19:44,449 --> 00:19:47,327 I think you're both mentally ill. 345 00:19:54,289 --> 00:19:59,363 And by the way, they're real and they're spectacular. 346 00:20:00,129 --> 00:20:03,917 Stop it, George. Get out. Get out! I never wanna see you again. 347 00:20:04,089 --> 00:20:06,922 - Go back to New York. - Get out. 348 00:20:09,329 --> 00:20:13,641 All right, sir. Now all I need is a death certificate and you'll be on your way. 349 00:20:14,289 --> 00:20:17,326 Well, you see what happened was... 350 00:20:18,009 --> 00:20:23,766 ...the doctor, the very same doctor that was attending my late aunt suffered... 351 00:20:23,929 --> 00:20:26,079 ...an untimely stroke... 352 00:20:26,249 --> 00:20:29,764 ...and lost the use of his right hand so... 353 00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:33,478 ...obviously I was unable to get the death certificate. 354 00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:36,527 However, I do have this. 355 00:20:37,649 --> 00:20:40,368 What's this? - A picture of me next to the coffin. 356 00:20:41,929 --> 00:20:43,567 - Nice try. - Not even close, huh? 357 00:20:43,729 --> 00:20:45,162 No. 358 00:20:49,329 --> 00:20:52,366 The cosmetic surgery procedures that are available to people today- 359 00:20:52,529 --> 00:20:54,281 Liposuction. Are you familiar with this? 360 00:20:54,449 --> 00:20:56,485 This is a fat-sucking machine. 361 00:20:56,649 --> 00:20:59,243 Now, you know, somewhere, somebody is working on a way... 362 00:20:59,409 --> 00:21:01,684 ...that this thing could go into a restaurant. 363 00:21:01,849 --> 00:21:03,999 And you could just order it off the menu. 364 00:21:04,169 --> 00:21:06,125 Give me the cheesecake, crank me up to nine... 365 00:21:06,289 --> 00:21:08,484 ...and put a scoop of ice cream on the side. 366 00:21:29,409 --> 00:21:31,400 Subtitles by SDl Media Group