1 00:00:03,769 --> 00:00:04,963 A friend's getting married. 2 00:00:05,129 --> 00:00:08,439 The bachelor party and bridal shower are the same day, so it's conceivable... 3 00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,327 ...that while she's getting lingerie... 4 00:00:10,489 --> 00:00:13,287 ...he'll be at a nude bar watching a dancer in the same outfit. 5 00:00:14,289 --> 00:00:16,519 That is possible. 6 00:00:16,689 --> 00:00:18,759 But the difference between single and married... 7 00:00:18,929 --> 00:00:20,248 ...is the form of government. 8 00:00:20,409 --> 00:00:23,242 You see, when you're single you're the dictator of your own life. 9 00:00:23,409 --> 00:00:24,524 I have complete power. 10 00:00:24,689 --> 00:00:27,806 When I give the order to fall asleep on the sofa with the TV on... 11 00:00:27,969 --> 00:00:30,358 ...no one can overrule me. 12 00:00:31,089 --> 00:00:34,923 When you're married you are part of a vast decision-making body. 13 00:00:35,089 --> 00:00:36,886 Before anything's done, there are meetings. 14 00:00:37,049 --> 00:00:38,880 Committees have to study the situation. 15 00:00:39,049 --> 00:00:41,165 And this is if the marriage works. 16 00:00:41,329 --> 00:00:42,921 That's what so painful about divorce: 17 00:00:43,089 --> 00:00:45,444 You've been impeached. You weren't even the president. 18 00:00:52,129 --> 00:00:54,768 Hey, is it my imagination, or do really good-looking women... 19 00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:57,397 ...walk a lot faster than everybody else? 20 00:00:57,569 --> 00:00:59,400 We don't walk that fast. 21 00:00:59,569 --> 00:01:03,005 - No, seriously. - Seriously, we don't. 22 00:01:04,409 --> 00:01:06,479 The better-looking they are, the faster they go. 23 00:01:06,649 --> 00:01:08,480 I see them on the street zooming around. 24 00:01:08,649 --> 00:01:11,322 They're a blur. It's like they got a motor on their ass. 25 00:01:13,569 --> 00:01:16,641 Hey, Jerry, come on, let's go. We're gonna miss the previews. 26 00:01:16,809 --> 00:01:17,958 What's the big hurry? 27 00:01:18,129 --> 00:01:20,597 How we getting to Scott Drake's party on Saturday night? 28 00:01:20,769 --> 00:01:23,203 Oh, Drake's party. I forgot to buy a present. 29 00:01:23,369 --> 00:01:24,768 What, I gotta buy a present now? 30 00:01:24,929 --> 00:01:26,760 Of course you do. It's an engagement party. 31 00:01:26,929 --> 00:01:29,124 It never ends, this present stuff. 32 00:01:29,329 --> 00:01:31,126 Engagement present. Then they get married. 33 00:01:31,289 --> 00:01:32,563 You gotta get them something. 34 00:01:32,729 --> 00:01:34,048 Then a baby. Another present. 35 00:01:34,209 --> 00:01:36,165 Then the baby starts getting their presents. 36 00:01:36,329 --> 00:01:37,648 I don't even like Drake. 37 00:01:37,809 --> 00:01:39,447 - Don't like the Drake? - Hate the Drake. 38 00:01:39,609 --> 00:01:41,964 - I love the Drake. - How could you not like the Drake? 39 00:01:42,129 --> 00:01:44,120 - Who's the Drake? - Who's the Drake? 40 00:01:44,289 --> 00:01:46,280 The Drake is good. 41 00:01:46,969 --> 00:01:48,322 So, what are you gonna get him? 42 00:01:48,489 --> 00:01:50,445 You know, I haven't even met the fiancée. 43 00:01:50,609 --> 00:01:52,645 Oh, whatever! 44 00:01:53,969 --> 00:01:55,880 Elaine, look. I drew this triangle freehand. 45 00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:58,279 It's a doodle. It's perfect. 46 00:01:59,289 --> 00:02:00,688 So what? That's easy. 47 00:02:00,849 --> 00:02:02,362 Easy? 48 00:02:07,409 --> 00:02:10,242 Hi. Hey, have you gotten a present yet for the Drake? 49 00:02:10,409 --> 00:02:12,206 - No, no, not yet. - You like the Drake? 50 00:02:12,369 --> 00:02:14,200 I love the Drake. 51 00:02:14,809 --> 00:02:17,004 I'm looking forward to meeting the "Drakette." 52 00:02:17,169 --> 00:02:19,046 I'm lukewarm about the Drakette. 53 00:02:19,209 --> 00:02:21,803 Boy, that's a nice triangle. 54 00:02:23,049 --> 00:02:25,279 It's isosceles. 55 00:02:25,609 --> 00:02:28,362 Isosceles. You know, I love the name "Isosceles." 56 00:02:28,529 --> 00:02:31,168 If I had a kid, I would name him Isosceles. 57 00:02:31,329 --> 00:02:33,968 Isosceles Kramer. 58 00:02:34,329 --> 00:02:37,127 Hey, you know what, maybe we should all chip in for the gift. 59 00:02:37,289 --> 00:02:39,280 - The chip-in. - Hey, pretty good idea? 60 00:02:39,449 --> 00:02:41,485 - Yeah. - The chip-in. Definitely. 61 00:02:41,649 --> 00:02:44,038 Let's go to that mall in Lynbrook before the party. 62 00:02:44,209 --> 00:02:47,406 - We'll take your car. It's got room. - No, no. My car's not running. 63 00:02:47,969 --> 00:02:49,243 What about your father's car? 64 00:02:49,409 --> 00:02:51,479 No. Out of the question. I was over there today. 65 00:02:51,649 --> 00:02:53,924 He's got the good spot in front of the good building. 66 00:02:54,089 --> 00:02:56,444 I know he's not gonna want to move. 67 00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:59,077 - Are you serious? - You don't know what it means to him. 68 00:02:59,249 --> 00:03:02,127 Once he gets it, he doesn't go out for weeks. 69 00:03:02,329 --> 00:03:04,445 How about this: You put your car in the good spot. 70 00:03:04,609 --> 00:03:07,203 That'll hold the good spot, and we can get the good car. 71 00:03:07,369 --> 00:03:09,758 - Good thinking. - Good to meet you. 72 00:03:10,449 --> 00:03:13,805 - So, what are we gonna get him? - Anything we want. We're chipping in. 73 00:03:13,969 --> 00:03:16,039 I like this area. I could live out here. 74 00:03:16,209 --> 00:03:18,848 Yeah, we ought to all get a house and live together out here. 75 00:03:19,009 --> 00:03:20,965 That's a good idea. Tell you what, chuckles... 76 00:03:21,129 --> 00:03:23,723 ...I'll give you permission to sublet my room right now. 77 00:03:24,249 --> 00:03:26,126 Look at this. There's no spaces here. 78 00:03:26,769 --> 00:03:28,361 - Excuse me. You getting out? - No. 79 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:31,039 Why don't you take the handicapped spot? 80 00:03:32,009 --> 00:03:34,125 - You think? - No, no. We'll find a space. 81 00:03:34,289 --> 00:03:37,008 - There's spaces in the other lot. - I don't wanna walk that far. 82 00:03:37,169 --> 00:03:39,080 What if a handicapped person needs it? 83 00:03:39,249 --> 00:03:41,809 - No, come on, they don't drive. - Yes, they do. 84 00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:45,445 Have you ever seen a handicapped person pull into a space and park? 85 00:03:45,689 --> 00:03:47,247 The space is there, they must drive. 86 00:03:47,409 --> 00:03:50,606 No, they don't. If they could drive, they wouldn't be handicapped. 87 00:03:50,769 --> 00:03:52,999 So if you can drive, you're not handicapped? 88 00:03:53,169 --> 00:03:55,399 We're not gonna be long. We gotta get to the party. 89 00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:58,527 I got news for you: Handicapped people don't even want to park there. 90 00:03:58,689 --> 00:04:00,759 They want to be treated just like everybody else. 91 00:04:00,929 --> 00:04:02,726 That's why those spaces are always empty. 92 00:04:02,889 --> 00:04:05,357 He's right. It's the same thing with the feminists. 93 00:04:05,529 --> 00:04:07,520 They want everything to be equal. Everything. 94 00:04:07,689 --> 00:04:09,600 But when the check comes, where are they? 95 00:04:11,129 --> 00:04:13,040 What does that mean? 96 00:04:13,649 --> 00:04:14,923 Yeah. 97 00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:17,000 - All right, I'm pulling in. - Go ahead, George. 98 00:04:17,169 --> 00:04:20,400 - George! - Come on. It's five minutes. 99 00:04:22,289 --> 00:04:23,881 Don't forget where the car is parked. 100 00:04:24,049 --> 00:04:26,404 - Don't worry. - We'll remember. 101 00:04:29,289 --> 00:04:30,927 Do you believe the deal we got on this? 102 00:04:31,089 --> 00:04:33,728 - A big-screen TV at that price? - What a sale, huh? 103 00:04:33,889 --> 00:04:36,198 And how about that store delivering it tonight. 104 00:04:36,369 --> 00:04:38,007 We're gonna be swimming in thank-yous. 105 00:04:38,169 --> 00:04:39,568 Why did I get the veggieburger? 106 00:04:39,729 --> 00:04:42,926 You got a veggieburger, so I got one. It's like eating a loaf of crumbs. 107 00:04:43,089 --> 00:04:45,557 No one's gonna have a better gift than this big-screen TV. 108 00:04:45,729 --> 00:04:47,401 Good for them. Love the Drake. 109 00:04:47,569 --> 00:04:50,845 Got to love the Drake. 110 00:04:54,449 --> 00:04:56,201 Hey, what's going on over here? 111 00:04:56,369 --> 00:04:57,802 There must have been an accident. 112 00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:01,998 What's going on? 113 00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:04,364 Some jerk parked in the handicapped spot... 114 00:05:04,529 --> 00:05:07,248 ...so this woman in a wheelchair had to wheel up this incline. 115 00:05:07,409 --> 00:05:11,368 Halfway up, her batteries gave out, and she rolled backwards into the wall. 116 00:05:11,929 --> 00:05:13,681 Had to take her to Saint Elizabeth's. 117 00:05:13,849 --> 00:05:15,407 - Is she okay? - I don't know. 118 00:05:15,569 --> 00:05:17,878 We're just waiting for the owner of this car to show up. 119 00:05:18,049 --> 00:05:19,880 He may not get out alive. 120 00:05:20,049 --> 00:05:23,405 Taking up a handicapped spot. He's gonna pay. 121 00:05:23,569 --> 00:05:26,037 Sons of bitches. 122 00:05:26,209 --> 00:05:29,440 Well, good luck finding them. Him. Whatever. 123 00:05:29,609 --> 00:05:32,601 I'd like to get my hands on him myself, but I gotta take off. 124 00:05:32,769 --> 00:05:34,282 We're gonna get you, you coward! 125 00:05:36,009 --> 00:05:38,648 - They'll kill us. - You happy? Are you happy now? 126 00:05:38,809 --> 00:05:40,879 - How long you think they'll be here? - Don't know. 127 00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:42,402 What about the party, the Drake? 128 00:05:42,569 --> 00:05:44,560 - Oh, screw the Drake! - I love the Drake. 129 00:05:44,729 --> 00:05:46,481 Let's just take a bus back into the city. 130 00:05:46,649 --> 00:05:47,877 I can't leave the car here. 131 00:05:48,049 --> 00:05:50,279 - Why not? - It's my father's car. 132 00:05:50,449 --> 00:05:52,201 - Let's smash it! - Yeah! 133 00:05:52,369 --> 00:05:54,360 Hey, hey! Leave the car alone! 134 00:05:54,529 --> 00:05:57,726 All right, let's get out of here. We gotta figure something out. 135 00:05:58,929 --> 00:06:00,840 What are we gonna do? How will we get out? 136 00:06:01,009 --> 00:06:03,045 Even if we go to the car and they're not there... 137 00:06:03,209 --> 00:06:04,767 ...how do we know they're not hiding? 138 00:06:04,929 --> 00:06:07,966 They have to give up some time. They can't stay out there all night. 139 00:06:08,129 --> 00:06:09,642 What are we, John Dillinger? 140 00:06:09,809 --> 00:06:12,004 How did this get to be the crime of the century? 141 00:06:12,169 --> 00:06:15,639 It's not like we stuck a broomstick in her spokes and she went flying. 142 00:06:16,569 --> 00:06:19,129 What I don't get is, just because the batteries went dead... 143 00:06:19,289 --> 00:06:22,201 ...you'd think she'd be able to roll it up the hill with her hands. 144 00:06:22,369 --> 00:06:23,563 You'd think. 145 00:06:23,729 --> 00:06:26,038 Batteries have gone dead before. Aren't they prepared? 146 00:06:26,209 --> 00:06:28,325 You know, most of them don't even have batteries. 147 00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,719 Must have been a rich, spoiled handicapped person... 148 00:06:30,889 --> 00:06:32,447 ...who didn't want to do any work. 149 00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:34,998 Just wanted to sit in her wheelchair and take it easy. 150 00:06:35,169 --> 00:06:37,319 - Yeah. - Well, I'm sorry. 151 00:06:37,489 --> 00:06:40,367 Our big-screen TV is probably arriving just about now. 152 00:06:40,529 --> 00:06:42,042 How we getting out? We need a plan. 153 00:06:42,289 --> 00:06:44,757 I got it. We'll give the keys to Elaine. 154 00:06:44,929 --> 00:06:46,442 - Me? - Yeah. 155 00:06:46,609 --> 00:06:48,918 You're a woman. Men won't hit a woman. 156 00:06:49,089 --> 00:06:50,602 Oh, they won't? 157 00:06:50,769 --> 00:06:52,805 Not if they don't know you. 158 00:06:53,169 --> 00:06:55,000 I'm not going for this. Kramer should go. 159 00:06:55,169 --> 00:06:56,488 You know, it was all his idea. 160 00:06:56,649 --> 00:06:58,526 No chance in hell. 161 00:06:58,689 --> 00:07:00,486 What if we created some sort of diversion? 162 00:07:00,649 --> 00:07:02,446 What if we went over and started screaming: 163 00:07:02,609 --> 00:07:04,884 "There's the guy that took the handicapped spot." 164 00:07:05,049 --> 00:07:07,483 When they run the other direction, we'll jump in the car. 165 00:07:07,649 --> 00:07:09,162 - That's good. - Let's give it a try. 166 00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:11,684 If that doesn't work, we'll give them Kramer. 167 00:07:27,209 --> 00:07:29,165 Oh, my God. 168 00:07:44,689 --> 00:07:47,726 You know, a lot of these scratches will buff right out. 169 00:07:52,569 --> 00:07:55,641 Eight years I had that car, not a scratch on it. 170 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,242 Eight years. 171 00:07:57,409 --> 00:07:59,365 - Two crack. - Three dot. 172 00:07:59,529 --> 00:08:03,204 Beautiful Mercury. I special ordered that bench seat. 173 00:08:03,369 --> 00:08:05,803 Dad, this other car cut us off. 174 00:08:05,969 --> 00:08:08,437 They had swastikas all over it. 175 00:08:08,609 --> 00:08:11,521 They were hurling racial epithets at us. 176 00:08:11,689 --> 00:08:14,408 - I could have been killed. - I told you not to give it to him. 177 00:08:14,569 --> 00:08:17,037 - Three crack. - Four bam. 178 00:08:17,209 --> 00:08:19,643 You know, my insurance doesn't even cover this. 179 00:08:19,809 --> 00:08:21,242 The whole thing is a total loss. 180 00:08:21,409 --> 00:08:23,400 The important thing is he didn't get hurt. 181 00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:25,082 No, it isn't. 182 00:08:26,769 --> 00:08:28,361 So, what are you doing now, Georgie? 183 00:08:28,529 --> 00:08:32,442 - North. - I'm writing a pilot for NBC. 184 00:08:32,609 --> 00:08:35,077 - Where the hell's my paper? - You're writing a pilot? 185 00:08:35,249 --> 00:08:38,127 With his friend Jerry Seinfeld, the comedian. 186 00:08:38,289 --> 00:08:39,722 So, what's it about? 187 00:08:40,409 --> 00:08:45,085 Well, Jerry's car gets hit and the other driver doesn't have any insurance... 188 00:08:45,249 --> 00:08:47,558 ...so the judge sentences him to be Jerry's butler. 189 00:08:47,729 --> 00:08:49,640 - It's the same situation. - Exactly. 190 00:08:49,809 --> 00:08:52,198 Frank, maybe you ought to make him your butler. 191 00:08:53,529 --> 00:08:55,087 Flower. 192 00:08:55,249 --> 00:08:58,605 Every time you're with that Kramer something happens. 193 00:08:58,769 --> 00:09:01,806 - He's a real troublemaker. - He didn't have anything to do with it. 194 00:09:01,969 --> 00:09:04,278 He's all together crazy, that one. 195 00:09:04,449 --> 00:09:07,486 And Jerry I used to think was nice. 196 00:09:07,649 --> 00:09:10,243 I don't know what happened to him. Nine bam. 197 00:09:10,409 --> 00:09:12,127 - One dot. - Two crack. 198 00:09:12,289 --> 00:09:14,519 - Three bam. - Mahjongg. 199 00:09:16,769 --> 00:09:18,043 So it was a good party, huh? 200 00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:21,167 You're welcome. You're welcome. They loved the TV. Loved it. 201 00:09:21,329 --> 00:09:22,478 Yeah. 202 00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:24,321 Wait. I'll ask her. That's a great idea. 203 00:09:24,489 --> 00:09:27,686 Drake wants to know if we'll come out to Mineola since we missed the party. 204 00:09:27,849 --> 00:09:29,123 - Get something to eat. - Sure. 205 00:09:29,289 --> 00:09:31,245 Sure. Okay. 206 00:09:31,409 --> 00:09:33,320 Don't worry, I'm taking my car. 207 00:09:33,809 --> 00:09:36,118 Okay. All right, we'll see you later. Bye. 208 00:09:36,289 --> 00:09:37,483 The Drake is great. 209 00:09:38,049 --> 00:09:40,609 He's so nice. Man, I'm really happy for them. 210 00:09:40,769 --> 00:09:42,760 Yeah. Well, I don't know if I'm happy for them. 211 00:09:42,929 --> 00:09:46,205 I'm glad they're happy, but frankly it doesn't do anything for me. 212 00:09:50,129 --> 00:09:51,403 - Yes? - It's me. 213 00:09:51,569 --> 00:09:53,321 Come on up. 214 00:09:54,769 --> 00:09:56,282 Hey. 215 00:09:59,249 --> 00:10:00,841 I just came from Saint Elizabeth's. 216 00:10:01,009 --> 00:10:02,567 Saint Elizabeth's Hospital? Why? 217 00:10:03,089 --> 00:10:05,603 Well, the handicapped woman, I went to see her. 218 00:10:05,769 --> 00:10:07,088 - You went to see her? - Yeah. 219 00:10:07,249 --> 00:10:09,001 Wow, what happened? 220 00:10:09,169 --> 00:10:11,205 I'm in love. 221 00:10:13,169 --> 00:10:14,363 - What? - Yeah. 222 00:10:14,529 --> 00:10:17,441 She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. 223 00:10:17,609 --> 00:10:19,565 I love her, Jerry. I mean, I really love her. 224 00:10:19,729 --> 00:10:21,242 I'm gonna ask her to marry me. 225 00:10:21,409 --> 00:10:24,606 She's got everything I've always wanted in another human being. 226 00:10:24,769 --> 00:10:26,760 Except for the walking. 227 00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:31,368 What's the difference. You don't go out that much. 228 00:10:33,089 --> 00:10:34,408 - I'm glad you're here. - Why? 229 00:10:34,569 --> 00:10:36,525 We gotta go out, we gotta buy a wheelchair. 230 00:10:36,689 --> 00:10:37,883 A wheelchair? What for? 231 00:10:38,049 --> 00:10:40,005 I went to the hospital today. I saw the woman. 232 00:10:40,169 --> 00:10:42,603 The wheelchair is totalled. We gotta get her another one. 233 00:10:43,249 --> 00:10:44,443 Doesn't she have collision? 234 00:10:44,609 --> 00:10:47,726 George, I'm in love with her. 235 00:10:48,529 --> 00:10:50,645 Look, my father works for the United Volunteers. 236 00:10:50,809 --> 00:10:53,118 - Maybe he can get her one. - No. She needs it now. 237 00:10:53,289 --> 00:10:55,484 What about these two? Aren't they gonna chip in? 238 00:10:55,649 --> 00:10:57,640 Hey, we told you not to park there. 239 00:10:57,809 --> 00:10:59,367 Can't we just fix the old one? 240 00:10:59,529 --> 00:11:01,918 All right, all right. Fine, George, don't chip in. 241 00:11:02,089 --> 00:11:03,727 But some day we'll be driving along... 242 00:11:03,889 --> 00:11:07,165 ...we're gonna look out the window, see her crawling along Fifth Avenue. 243 00:11:07,329 --> 00:11:10,287 - Is that what you want? - All right! All right! 244 00:11:10,449 --> 00:11:12,360 We'll buy a wheelchair. 245 00:11:12,529 --> 00:11:16,488 Wheelchairs. Engagement presents. It never ends! 246 00:11:20,649 --> 00:11:23,288 This is our best model, the Cougar 9000. 247 00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:25,724 It's the Rolls-Royce of wheelchairs. 248 00:11:26,569 --> 00:11:30,926 This is like you're almost glad to be handicapped. 249 00:11:34,169 --> 00:11:35,807 So, now, what's this got? 250 00:11:35,969 --> 00:11:39,359 It's got inductive joystick, dynamic braking, flip-up arms. 251 00:11:39,529 --> 00:11:40,678 It's fully loaded. 252 00:11:41,249 --> 00:11:45,083 I put Stephen Hawking in one of these two months ago, he's loving it. 253 00:11:45,969 --> 00:11:49,086 It's rated number one by Hospital Supply and Prosthetic Magazine. 254 00:11:49,249 --> 00:11:52,002 - How much? - Sixty-two hundred. 255 00:11:53,209 --> 00:11:56,201 Do you have something a little more... 256 00:11:56,369 --> 00:11:58,325 ...less expensive? 257 00:12:01,089 --> 00:12:03,887 - Hi! How you doing? - Hey, Drake. 258 00:12:04,049 --> 00:12:05,767 - Hi, Drake! - Hi, Allison. 259 00:12:05,929 --> 00:12:07,567 There's the TV. Elaine, look at this. 260 00:12:07,729 --> 00:12:09,447 Oh, my God, this is fantastic. 261 00:12:09,609 --> 00:12:12,169 So tell me, were you guys just blown away or what? 262 00:12:12,329 --> 00:12:14,604 Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's fantastic. 263 00:12:14,769 --> 00:12:16,680 I am gonna make good use of this. 264 00:12:16,849 --> 00:12:20,603 I'm watching every Super Bowl here. Every big fight. 265 00:12:20,769 --> 00:12:24,603 Oh, man, there is nothing like a really big TV, huh? 266 00:12:24,769 --> 00:12:26,521 So, where are we eating? 267 00:12:26,689 --> 00:12:30,284 - Well, actually, Jerry- - I'm really hungry. 268 00:12:30,449 --> 00:12:32,201 We just broke up. 269 00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:45,644 - When did this happen? - About 20 minutes ago. 270 00:12:49,649 --> 00:12:52,766 Hey, I am really sorry about this, guys. 271 00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:58,682 - Hell of a picture on this thing. - Crystal clear. 272 00:13:00,929 --> 00:13:02,203 They know how to make them. 273 00:13:04,249 --> 00:13:05,728 Drake? 274 00:13:06,129 --> 00:13:09,041 Are there any good Italian restaurants around here? 275 00:13:10,209 --> 00:13:13,804 Gagliano's. That's pretty good. 276 00:13:14,769 --> 00:13:16,919 - Well, we should... - Get moving. Yeah. 277 00:13:17,089 --> 00:13:20,206 Hey, Drake, whatever happens, I'm sure it'll be for the best. 278 00:13:20,369 --> 00:13:23,725 Yeah. Take it easy. Bye-bye, Allison. 279 00:13:25,809 --> 00:13:27,561 The remote. 280 00:13:29,329 --> 00:13:33,481 Okay, I'm just gonna put it on top of the television... 281 00:13:33,649 --> 00:13:35,879 Oh, God! 282 00:13:38,529 --> 00:13:41,168 This one's about 8 years old. Not a scratch on it. 283 00:13:41,329 --> 00:13:42,557 It was owned by some lady... 284 00:13:42,729 --> 00:13:45,118 ...who only used it to go to the kitchen to feed her cats. 285 00:13:45,649 --> 00:13:47,401 - But this will get you around? - Oh, sure. 286 00:13:47,569 --> 00:13:49,878 It just doesn't have any of the frills of the Cougar. 287 00:13:50,049 --> 00:13:52,517 - Like what? - For example, your tremor-damping. 288 00:13:52,689 --> 00:13:55,408 - Now, what's that? - It helps to control the direction... 289 00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:58,288 ...regardless of the operator's tremors or "spasticity." 290 00:13:58,449 --> 00:14:00,963 - Well, is it all right if I try it? - Hop in. 291 00:14:02,329 --> 00:14:04,285 Oh, yeah. 292 00:14:06,289 --> 00:14:08,200 I tell you... 293 00:14:08,729 --> 00:14:12,358 ...when I see someone enjoying themselves like that... 294 00:14:12,529 --> 00:14:15,441 ...it reminds me of why I got into this business in the first place. 295 00:14:15,609 --> 00:14:17,406 How much? 296 00:14:17,569 --> 00:14:19,685 How about $240? 297 00:14:20,209 --> 00:14:21,642 - We'll take it. - We'll take it. 298 00:14:23,729 --> 00:14:27,642 - Drake gave her the TV? - Gave her all the gifts. He felt guilty. 299 00:14:28,009 --> 00:14:31,001 Well, she can't keep it. It's not fair. That's our TV. 300 00:14:31,169 --> 00:14:33,000 I know it is! 301 00:14:35,129 --> 00:14:37,643 Boy, I'm really starting to dislike the Drake. 302 00:14:37,969 --> 00:14:39,800 Hate the Drake! 303 00:14:40,729 --> 00:14:42,526 Maybe the whole thing was a scam. 304 00:14:42,809 --> 00:14:45,323 Anybody can just get engaged, get presents, and keep them. 305 00:14:45,489 --> 00:14:48,720 Maybe they're on the way to Chicago to do the whole thing all over again. 306 00:14:49,649 --> 00:14:51,207 They don't know anybody in Chicago. 307 00:14:51,369 --> 00:14:55,203 Don't worry, they'll make friends fast with that nice TV. 308 00:14:56,689 --> 00:14:58,122 - Hey. - Hey. Guess what? 309 00:14:58,289 --> 00:14:59,483 The Drake broke up. 310 00:14:59,809 --> 00:15:01,561 The Drake broke up! 311 00:15:01,729 --> 00:15:03,208 That's fantastic! 312 00:15:03,369 --> 00:15:06,406 We'll get the TV back. Help defray some of the cost of the wheelchair. 313 00:15:06,569 --> 00:15:09,242 - I don't know about defraying. - Why? 314 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,559 We're not getting that TV. 315 00:15:11,729 --> 00:15:13,765 What? The engagement's off. We get the TV back. 316 00:15:13,929 --> 00:15:15,078 That's business. 317 00:15:15,249 --> 00:15:17,001 The Drakette took it. 318 00:15:17,169 --> 00:15:18,921 She can't take it. 319 00:15:19,089 --> 00:15:20,681 It's not hers. It's theirs. 320 00:15:20,849 --> 00:15:24,159 Once there's no theirs, there's no hers. It should be ours. 321 00:15:24,689 --> 00:15:26,088 Well, she has it. 322 00:15:26,969 --> 00:15:30,200 I told you the Drake was bad. I hate the Drake! 323 00:15:32,369 --> 00:15:33,404 Maybe we should call her. 324 00:15:33,729 --> 00:15:36,402 - Oh, come on. Who's gonna call? - You are. 325 00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:39,322 What? Why is it me who always has to do these things? 326 00:15:39,489 --> 00:15:41,480 Because that's your thing. 327 00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,002 Calling people I hardly know... 328 00:15:43,169 --> 00:15:45,160 ...and demanding they return expensive gifts? 329 00:15:45,329 --> 00:15:46,887 That's my thing? 330 00:15:47,889 --> 00:15:49,686 Yeah, that's your thing. 331 00:15:51,609 --> 00:15:53,998 All right. Give me the phone. 332 00:15:54,849 --> 00:15:57,158 That's my thing. 333 00:16:00,529 --> 00:16:03,089 You know, I'm thinking about getting a yo-yo. 334 00:16:03,489 --> 00:16:04,842 - Really? - Yeah. 335 00:16:05,009 --> 00:16:06,840 I could see that. 336 00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:12,884 - Helo? - Allison. Hi, this is Elaine. 337 00:16:13,049 --> 00:16:14,926 I gave al the gifts to charity. 338 00:16:15,089 --> 00:16:17,967 Oh, okay. Well, thanks a lot. 339 00:16:18,129 --> 00:16:19,767 Sorry again about you and the Drake. 340 00:16:19,929 --> 00:16:22,443 - I hate the Drak e. - Everybody does. 341 00:16:22,609 --> 00:16:24,600 Bye-bye. 342 00:16:24,769 --> 00:16:29,320 - She gave it to charity. - Charity? That's appalling. 343 00:16:29,809 --> 00:16:33,119 How could anybody be so selfish and inconsiderate. 344 00:16:33,969 --> 00:16:36,199 Hey. Well, I gave her the wheelchair. 345 00:16:36,369 --> 00:16:38,280 You should have seen the look on her face. 346 00:16:38,449 --> 00:16:41,805 Then she told me the old wheelchair wasn't any good anyway. 347 00:16:41,969 --> 00:16:46,326 So you see, George, the whole incident was a God blessing. Yeah. 348 00:16:47,529 --> 00:16:51,078 - You mean a blessing in disguise? - Yeah. 349 00:16:53,089 --> 00:16:54,807 I would also like to take this time... 350 00:16:54,969 --> 00:16:58,757 ...to personally thank our gracious host, Frank Costanza... 351 00:16:58,969 --> 00:17:02,803 ...who earned the Silver Circle Award and is our unanimous choice... 352 00:17:02,969 --> 00:17:06,086 ...for the United Volunteer representative of the month. 353 00:17:06,689 --> 00:17:11,888 Due to his tireless effort, he has personally raised over $22,000. 354 00:17:12,049 --> 00:17:14,517 And that's a lot of wheelchairs. 355 00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:20,205 On behalf of the United Volunteers of New York, we thank you. 356 00:17:20,369 --> 00:17:22,599 Thank you very much. 357 00:17:22,769 --> 00:17:24,202 Mr. Costanza? 358 00:17:24,369 --> 00:17:26,121 - Yes? - You're under arrest. 359 00:17:26,289 --> 00:17:27,847 Under arrest? What for? 360 00:17:28,009 --> 00:17:30,364 Reckless endangerment of public safety... 361 00:17:30,529 --> 00:17:33,407 ...in violation of traffic code 342-A. 362 00:17:34,289 --> 00:17:38,202 - What's that? - Parking in a handicap spot. 363 00:17:38,609 --> 00:17:40,122 Let's go. 364 00:17:40,289 --> 00:17:42,519 George! George! 365 00:17:45,009 --> 00:17:47,523 Your father got arrested. For what? 366 00:17:47,689 --> 00:17:50,123 Parking in a handicapped spot. 367 00:17:50,289 --> 00:17:53,406 Right in the middle of his United Volunteer's meeting. 368 00:17:53,569 --> 00:17:56,925 When he got back, he chased after me with a baseball bat. 369 00:17:57,649 --> 00:17:58,923 Holy... 370 00:17:59,089 --> 00:18:01,887 Between the car being totalled, the towing charge and the fine... 371 00:18:02,049 --> 00:18:03,880 ...there's no way I could ever pay him back. 372 00:18:04,049 --> 00:18:05,323 So, what are you gonna do? 373 00:18:06,049 --> 00:18:08,404 I agreed to become his butler. 374 00:18:10,249 --> 00:18:11,477 What? 375 00:18:13,529 --> 00:18:15,884 - What's the matter? - It's over. 376 00:18:17,009 --> 00:18:20,445 - What's over? - Me and Lola. 377 00:18:21,009 --> 00:18:23,079 - Who we bought the wheelchair for? - She dumped me. 378 00:18:23,249 --> 00:18:24,762 - She dumped you? - She dumped me. 379 00:18:24,929 --> 00:18:27,079 She rolled right over me. 380 00:18:29,169 --> 00:18:32,206 Said I was a hipster doofus. 381 00:18:32,369 --> 00:18:33,961 Am I a hipster doofus? 382 00:18:34,609 --> 00:18:35,837 - No. - No. 383 00:18:36,009 --> 00:18:37,522 Said I'm not good-looking enough. 384 00:18:37,689 --> 00:18:40,999 Not good-looking. Jerry, look at me. Look at my face. 385 00:18:41,169 --> 00:18:44,047 Am I beautiful? George, am I beautiful? 386 00:18:47,649 --> 00:18:50,163 - You're very attractive. - Yeah. 387 00:18:50,329 --> 00:18:53,366 She says she doesn't want to see me again. Told me to drop dead! 388 00:18:53,529 --> 00:18:56,965 - Drop dead. - Boy, even I never heard that one. 389 00:18:57,129 --> 00:18:58,881 She's pretty rough. 390 00:18:59,049 --> 00:19:02,644 Well, we just blew $240 on a wheelchair. 391 00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:06,438 - $240 bucks? - Well, it was slightly used. 392 00:19:06,609 --> 00:19:08,486 Used? 393 00:19:18,649 --> 00:19:21,368 I don't think you did such a good job on these. 394 00:19:24,209 --> 00:19:26,279 - What? - Supposed to see your face there. 395 00:19:27,489 --> 00:19:29,639 Do you see your face in there? 396 00:19:34,169 --> 00:19:35,488 Yeah. 397 00:19:36,849 --> 00:19:39,204 Oh, really? 398 00:19:41,009 --> 00:19:43,569 How about that. Went right down a hill? 399 00:19:44,049 --> 00:19:47,644 Okay. All right. Bye. 400 00:19:47,809 --> 00:19:51,085 George, forget about the shoes. I want you to do something for me. 401 00:19:51,249 --> 00:19:53,809 This handicapped woman had an accident. 402 00:19:53,969 --> 00:19:57,598 Somebody gave her a used wheelchair with defective brakes. 403 00:19:57,769 --> 00:19:59,839 Sons of bitches! 404 00:20:00,009 --> 00:20:02,842 Pick up this big-screen TV and deliver it to her. 405 00:20:03,009 --> 00:20:05,284 - Big-screen TV. - You think you can handle it? 406 00:20:09,329 --> 00:20:12,605 - Yes? - Hi, we're from the United Volunteers. 407 00:20:12,769 --> 00:20:14,566 We've come to pick up the TV. 408 00:20:14,729 --> 00:20:16,845 Great, it's right over there. 409 00:20:17,009 --> 00:20:18,761 It's a big one. 410 00:20:24,449 --> 00:20:26,758 - Who's got the receipt? - I do. 411 00:20:26,929 --> 00:20:29,363 - Will they give us cash? - That's their policy. 412 00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:32,441 I hate this mall. There are never any spaces here. 413 00:20:32,609 --> 00:20:34,565 Why don't you park in front of the hydrant? 414 00:20:34,729 --> 00:20:38,927 - What if there's a fire? - Now what are the chances of that? 415 00:20:49,129 --> 00:20:54,249 The handicapped parking spot is the mirage of the parking desert. 416 00:20:54,409 --> 00:20:57,003 Do you know that feeling? You see it there in the distance. 417 00:20:57,169 --> 00:20:59,524 You can't believe your eyes. It's too good to be true. 418 00:20:59,689 --> 00:21:01,281 It's a big wide spot by the entrance. 419 00:21:01,449 --> 00:21:03,724 Somehow everybody missed it. 420 00:21:07,569 --> 00:21:13,280 What is the handicapped parking situation at the Special Olympics? 421 00:21:16,009 --> 00:21:20,605 They must have to just stack, like, a hundred cars into those two spots. 422 00:21:20,769 --> 00:21:23,203 How else are they gonna do it? 423 00:21:29,889 --> 00:21:30,878 Subtitles by SDl Media Group