1 00:00:02,169 --> 00:00:04,603 There's no way that moving in with your parents... 2 00:00:06,209 --> 00:00:08,769 ...is a sign that your life is right on track. 3 00:00:08,929 --> 00:00:11,079 There's no way that you could fake this even. 4 00:00:11,249 --> 00:00:13,922 "Things are great. I met a terrific girl, I got a great job... 5 00:00:14,089 --> 00:00:16,364 ...and if everything goes according to plan... 6 00:00:16,529 --> 00:00:19,919 ...I'm gonna be moving back in with my parents soon." 7 00:00:21,169 --> 00:00:23,239 It's like getting busted on a parole violation... 8 00:00:23,409 --> 00:00:25,161 ...and thrown back into the slammer. 9 00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:29,004 "In the opinion of the board, you need further rehabilitation, I'm afraid." 10 00:00:29,849 --> 00:00:33,000 And you go back into that little room of yours, you feel so huge. 11 00:00:33,169 --> 00:00:36,047 It's like you could take your bed and just crush it in your hands. 12 00:00:36,209 --> 00:00:38,279 You can hold your parents between your fingers. 13 00:00:38,449 --> 00:00:40,917 "Why was I so afraid of you people when I was growing up?" 14 00:00:45,769 --> 00:00:48,408 - I can't believe this. - It won't be for that long. 15 00:00:48,569 --> 00:00:51,288 How can I do this? How can I move back in with those people? 16 00:00:51,449 --> 00:00:53,565 Please, tell me. They're insane, you know that. 17 00:00:53,729 --> 00:00:55,799 Hey, my parents are as crazy as your parents. 18 00:00:55,969 --> 00:00:57,800 How can you compare your parents to mine? 19 00:00:57,969 --> 00:01:01,882 My father has never thrown anything out ever. 20 00:01:02,969 --> 00:01:07,406 My father wears his sneakers in the pool. Sneakers. 21 00:01:07,569 --> 00:01:11,323 My mother has never set foot in a natural body of water. 22 00:01:14,129 --> 00:01:16,040 Listen carefully. 23 00:01:17,169 --> 00:01:19,319 My mother has never laughed. 24 00:01:19,489 --> 00:01:24,517 Ever. Not a giggle, not a chuckle, not a tee-hee. 25 00:01:24,689 --> 00:01:27,157 Never went, "Ha." 26 00:01:27,329 --> 00:01:29,399 - A smirk? - Maybe. 27 00:01:29,569 --> 00:01:32,641 - And I'm moving back in there. - I'll lend you the money for the rent. 28 00:01:32,809 --> 00:01:35,721 No, no, no. Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex. 29 00:01:35,889 --> 00:01:37,800 It just completely changes the relationship. 30 00:01:39,889 --> 00:01:41,641 - Hey. - Hey. 31 00:01:41,809 --> 00:01:43,162 All right, I'm ready. 32 00:01:43,329 --> 00:01:46,844 I still don't understand. Why do you want to move back with your parents? 33 00:01:47,009 --> 00:01:51,048 I don't want to. I'm out of money. I got $714 in the bank. 34 00:01:51,209 --> 00:01:54,087 - Well, move in here. - What's that? 35 00:01:54,929 --> 00:01:56,601 Why doesn't he just move in here? 36 00:01:56,769 --> 00:01:59,647 Yeah, I'll move in with him. He doesn't let you use the toilet. 37 00:01:59,809 --> 00:02:02,039 You can move in with me if you want. 38 00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:06,441 Thank you. I... 39 00:02:06,609 --> 00:02:08,725 That might not work out. 40 00:02:10,729 --> 00:02:15,120 Careful. Careful with the suitcases. We just painted. 41 00:02:15,289 --> 00:02:17,325 - Hello, Mrs. Costanza. - Hello, Kramer. 42 00:02:17,489 --> 00:02:19,400 - Close the door. - I gotta bring in more stuff. 43 00:02:19,569 --> 00:02:22,561 - More stuff? How much is there? - There's more. 44 00:02:23,889 --> 00:02:26,278 - So how are you, Jerry? - Fine, Mrs. Costanza. 45 00:02:26,449 --> 00:02:30,283 - Hey, I got a terrific joke for you. - I'm not interested. 46 00:02:31,849 --> 00:02:33,521 No, no. It's really funny. 47 00:02:33,689 --> 00:02:36,522 - There's these two guy- - Tell it to the audience. 48 00:02:37,889 --> 00:02:39,880 Here, I made some bologna sandwiches. 49 00:02:40,049 --> 00:02:42,005 Bologna? Nobody eats bologna anymore. 50 00:02:42,169 --> 00:02:44,524 What are you talking about? Have a sandwich. 51 00:02:44,689 --> 00:02:46,919 - No, thanks. - Oh, stop it. 52 00:02:47,089 --> 00:02:49,808 - You don't want one, Kramer? - No, thanks. 53 00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:52,199 I think you're all a little touched in the head. 54 00:02:52,369 --> 00:02:55,167 You're so worried about your health? You're young men. 55 00:02:55,329 --> 00:02:58,685 - I really don't eat it. - What will I do with these sandwiches? 56 00:02:58,849 --> 00:03:01,807 Will you take them home, give them to someone in your building? 57 00:03:03,369 --> 00:03:07,408 I don't feel comfortable handing out bologna sandwiches in the building. 58 00:03:07,569 --> 00:03:11,084 - All right. That's it. Anything else? - No, that's it. 59 00:03:12,809 --> 00:03:15,846 - I gotta go move the car. - Well, I guess we'll be going. 60 00:03:16,569 --> 00:03:18,764 - What, you're going? - Yeah. 61 00:03:21,009 --> 00:03:23,159 Well, what are you doing later? 62 00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:25,638 Elaine and I are having dinner with Kramer and his new girlfriend. 63 00:03:25,809 --> 00:03:27,720 - Really? - Yeah. You can't believe this woman. 64 00:03:27,889 --> 00:03:30,403 She's one of these low-talkers. You can't hear a word. 65 00:03:30,569 --> 00:03:33,129 You're always going, "Excuse me? What was that?" 66 00:03:33,289 --> 00:03:35,200 - Maybe I'll meet you. - No, George. 67 00:03:35,369 --> 00:03:38,520 We're going out to eat tonight with your father. 68 00:03:40,689 --> 00:03:41,963 Okay. 69 00:03:43,649 --> 00:03:46,368 - I'll talk to you later. - Yeah, take it easy. 70 00:03:56,329 --> 00:03:58,445 Oh, my God. 71 00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:05,487 - Yeah? - I had this idea for a pizza place... 72 00:04:05,649 --> 00:04:08,209 - ... where you make your own pie. - Right. 73 00:04:08,369 --> 00:04:09,927 - You remember? - That was a good one. 74 00:04:10,089 --> 00:04:11,568 Well... 75 00:04:15,369 --> 00:04:16,518 - What's that? - Excuse me? 76 00:04:21,889 --> 00:04:24,039 - Yeah? Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah. 77 00:04:26,809 --> 00:04:29,243 You know that Leslie's in the clothing business? 78 00:04:29,409 --> 00:04:30,603 She's a designer. 79 00:04:30,769 --> 00:04:34,318 She's come up with a new one that'll be the big new look in men's fashions. 80 00:04:34,489 --> 00:04:37,049 It's, like, a puffy shirt. 81 00:04:37,209 --> 00:04:39,769 Well, yeah, it's all puffy. 82 00:04:39,929 --> 00:04:41,248 Like the pirates used to wear. 83 00:04:42,289 --> 00:04:44,086 - Oh, a puffy shirt. - Puffy. 84 00:04:44,249 --> 00:04:47,878 Yeah. See, I think people wanna look like pirates. 85 00:04:48,049 --> 00:04:49,323 It's the right time for it. 86 00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:53,164 To be all puffy and devil-may-care, you know. 87 00:04:54,889 --> 00:04:56,163 Yeah. 88 00:04:58,849 --> 00:05:01,079 That's true. 89 00:05:03,409 --> 00:05:06,128 I'll be right back. 90 00:05:14,889 --> 00:05:17,005 Jerry's gonna be on the Today show on Friday. 91 00:05:17,169 --> 00:05:20,684 - Yeah, that's right. - Yep. He's promoting... 92 00:05:20,849 --> 00:05:22,282 ...a benefit for Goodwill. 93 00:05:22,449 --> 00:05:25,725 You know, they clothe the poor and the homeless. 94 00:05:25,889 --> 00:05:27,686 - And the indigent. - And the indigent, yeah. 95 00:05:27,849 --> 00:05:31,967 I do volunteer work for them. I set the whole thing up and got Jerry to do it. 96 00:05:37,329 --> 00:05:38,967 - Sure. Yeah. - Oh, yeah. 97 00:05:39,129 --> 00:05:40,767 Yeah. Yep. 98 00:05:44,809 --> 00:05:46,242 Yep. 99 00:05:46,529 --> 00:05:48,804 Yep, yep. 100 00:05:50,929 --> 00:05:52,999 Maybe you should take a civil-service test. 101 00:05:53,169 --> 00:05:57,242 - I'm not taking a civil-service test. - Look at this, George. 102 00:05:57,409 --> 00:05:58,888 You ever seen a silver dollar? 103 00:05:59,769 --> 00:06:01,487 Yes, I've seen a silver dollar. 104 00:06:01,649 --> 00:06:03,560 Why don't you wanna take a civil-service test? 105 00:06:03,729 --> 00:06:06,721 To do what? Work in the post office? Is that what you want me to do? 106 00:06:06,889 --> 00:06:12,122 Would you believe when I was 18 I had a silver-dollar collection? 107 00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:15,883 I don't understand. You get job security. 108 00:06:16,049 --> 00:06:19,086 - You get a paycheck every week. - I'm a college graduate. 109 00:06:19,249 --> 00:06:20,602 You want me to be a mailman? 110 00:06:20,769 --> 00:06:23,841 You know, I couldn't bring myself to spend one of these. 111 00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:26,318 I got some kind of a... 112 00:06:26,489 --> 00:06:27,842 ...phobia. 113 00:06:30,769 --> 00:06:33,158 - So, what are you gonna do? - I don't know. 114 00:06:33,329 --> 00:06:36,526 I do know that I have some kind of a talent, something to offer. 115 00:06:36,689 --> 00:06:38,361 I just don't know what it is yet. 116 00:06:38,529 --> 00:06:43,649 I bet that collection would be worth a lot of money today. 117 00:06:47,729 --> 00:06:49,799 Oh, my God. 118 00:06:52,169 --> 00:06:54,285 I don't like this waiter. 119 00:06:55,409 --> 00:06:57,161 Look at him. 120 00:06:57,489 --> 00:06:59,525 He sees us. 121 00:06:59,689 --> 00:07:01,805 Doesn't wanna come over. 122 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:05,159 I need some air. 123 00:07:05,649 --> 00:07:09,642 - George, where you going? - I got a lot of thinking to do. 124 00:07:13,049 --> 00:07:15,085 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm terribly sorry. 125 00:07:15,249 --> 00:07:17,365 Look what you've done. You've spilled my bag. 126 00:07:17,529 --> 00:07:19,645 - Here, let me help you. - No, no. It's all right. 127 00:07:19,809 --> 00:07:22,198 It's just that I'm here with my parents... 128 00:07:22,369 --> 00:07:24,803 ...and my mother wants me to take a civil-service test... 129 00:07:24,969 --> 00:07:27,881 ...and to tell you the truth, I don't even think I'd pass it. 130 00:07:28,969 --> 00:07:30,448 What? 131 00:07:32,929 --> 00:07:35,568 - Your hands. - What about them? 132 00:07:37,569 --> 00:07:39,719 They're quite exquisite. 133 00:07:40,489 --> 00:07:42,127 They are? 134 00:07:42,289 --> 00:07:44,519 Extraordinary. 135 00:07:44,689 --> 00:07:46,680 Have you ever done any hand modelling? 136 00:07:47,289 --> 00:07:49,325 Hand modelling? No. 137 00:07:49,849 --> 00:07:51,760 Here's my card. 138 00:07:51,929 --> 00:07:53,487 Why don't you... 139 00:07:53,649 --> 00:07:55,560 ...give me a call? 140 00:08:03,449 --> 00:08:04,643 I don't get it. 141 00:08:06,129 --> 00:08:07,323 Me neither. 142 00:08:07,489 --> 00:08:09,764 - What is it? - I don't know. 143 00:08:09,929 --> 00:08:12,443 - They're hands. - This woman set me up for a job. 144 00:08:12,609 --> 00:08:13,883 Well, what about my hands? 145 00:08:14,049 --> 00:08:16,688 I don't see how your hands are any better than my hands. 146 00:08:16,849 --> 00:08:18,282 What, are you kidding? 147 00:08:18,449 --> 00:08:20,724 The knuckles are all out of proportion. 148 00:08:20,889 --> 00:08:24,120 You got hair there. Where do you get off comparing your hands to mine? 149 00:08:25,009 --> 00:08:27,159 This is a one-in-a-million hand. 150 00:08:27,849 --> 00:08:31,319 That's what comes from avoiding manual labour your whole life. 151 00:08:33,809 --> 00:08:36,004 This is it. It's happened to me, Jerry. 152 00:08:36,169 --> 00:08:39,764 I was sitting in the restaurant, the two nutjobs were talking. 153 00:08:39,929 --> 00:08:41,203 I couldn't take it anymore. 154 00:08:41,369 --> 00:08:43,803 I get up from the table, and... I bop into this woman. 155 00:08:43,969 --> 00:08:45,561 It's just like in the movies. 156 00:08:46,049 --> 00:08:47,880 - Hey. - Hey. 157 00:08:48,369 --> 00:08:50,929 - Hey, George. - Hey. 158 00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:54,682 - Are you crazy?! Are you crazy?! - What? What? 159 00:08:54,849 --> 00:08:58,888 - You could've damaged my hands! - What? It's just a toy. 160 00:08:59,049 --> 00:09:00,926 George has become a hand model. 161 00:09:01,089 --> 00:09:02,841 - A hand model? - Yes. 162 00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:05,398 Really? Let me see your hands. 163 00:09:05,569 --> 00:09:08,447 You can look at them, but do not touch them. 164 00:09:11,169 --> 00:09:12,841 Let's see. 165 00:09:13,049 --> 00:09:15,404 Oh, those are nice. 166 00:09:15,569 --> 00:09:17,639 You know, I never noticed this before. 167 00:09:17,809 --> 00:09:19,322 They're smooth. 168 00:09:19,489 --> 00:09:20,922 Creamy. 169 00:09:21,089 --> 00:09:24,126 Delicate yet masculine. 170 00:09:25,289 --> 00:09:27,484 All right. I gotta get going. 171 00:09:29,489 --> 00:09:30,683 Oven mitts? 172 00:09:33,529 --> 00:09:35,520 It's all I could find. 173 00:09:36,369 --> 00:09:39,406 - Would you mind getting the door? - All right. 174 00:09:41,329 --> 00:09:43,240 - Thank you very much. - Yep. 175 00:09:46,769 --> 00:09:48,600 You won't believe what's up with Leslie. 176 00:09:48,769 --> 00:09:51,237 Since you agreed to wear the puffy shirt on Today... 177 00:09:51,409 --> 00:09:54,879 ...she's getting all these orders from boutiques and department stores. 178 00:09:56,289 --> 00:09:58,041 Since I what? 179 00:09:58,929 --> 00:10:02,080 - Agreed to wear the puffy shirt. - What are you talking about? 180 00:10:02,609 --> 00:10:06,284 You said that you would agree to wear the puffy shirt on the Today show. 181 00:10:17,329 --> 00:10:19,240 - This? - Yeah. 182 00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:23,247 - I agreed to wear this? - Yeah, yeah. 183 00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:25,443 Well, when did I do that? 184 00:10:25,649 --> 00:10:27,719 When we went to dinner the other night. 185 00:10:27,889 --> 00:10:29,959 What, are you crazy? 186 00:10:30,409 --> 00:10:32,764 What were you talking about when I went to the bathroom? 187 00:10:32,929 --> 00:10:35,159 I don't know. I couldn't understand a word she said. 188 00:10:35,329 --> 00:10:37,240 - I was just nodding. - There you go. 189 00:10:38,009 --> 00:10:39,283 Where I go? 190 00:10:39,449 --> 00:10:42,088 You mean she was asking me to wear this ridiculous shirt... 191 00:10:42,249 --> 00:10:45,639 - ... on national TV, and I said yes? - Yes, yes. You said it. 192 00:10:45,809 --> 00:10:48,448 I didn't know what she was talking about. I couldn't hear her. 193 00:10:48,609 --> 00:10:53,239 - Well, she asked you. - I can't wear this puffy shirt on TV. 194 00:10:53,409 --> 00:10:55,639 I mean, look at it. It looks ridiculous. 195 00:10:56,129 --> 00:10:57,562 Well, you gotta wear it now. 196 00:10:57,729 --> 00:10:59,242 All those stores are stocking it... 197 00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,718 ...based on the condition you'll wear this on the show. 198 00:11:01,889 --> 00:11:04,449 The factory in New Jersey is already making them. 199 00:11:04,609 --> 00:11:06,918 They're making these? 200 00:11:07,089 --> 00:11:08,522 Yes, yes. 201 00:11:08,689 --> 00:11:10,725 This pirate trend she's come up with, Jerry... 202 00:11:10,889 --> 00:11:12,686 This is gonna be the new look for the '90s. 203 00:11:12,849 --> 00:11:14,601 You're gonna be the first pirate. 204 00:11:14,769 --> 00:11:17,124 But I don't wanna be a pirate. 205 00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:26,047 I knew it. I knew it. I always knew you had beautiful hands. 206 00:11:26,209 --> 00:11:27,403 I used to tell people- 207 00:11:27,569 --> 00:11:30,083 Frank, didn't I use to talk about his hands? 208 00:11:30,249 --> 00:11:32,638 Who the hell did you ever mention his hands to? 209 00:11:32,809 --> 00:11:34,606 I mentioned his hands to plenty of people. 210 00:11:34,769 --> 00:11:36,043 You never mentioned them to me. 211 00:11:37,329 --> 00:11:39,604 Hand me an emery board. 212 00:11:41,129 --> 00:11:45,645 I always talk about your hands, how they're so soft and milky white. 213 00:11:45,809 --> 00:11:49,643 - No, you never said milky white. - I said milky white! 214 00:11:53,569 --> 00:11:55,400 Scissor. 215 00:11:57,129 --> 00:11:59,848 Don't hand them to me with the point facing out! 216 00:12:00,009 --> 00:12:01,647 - I'm sorry. - You're sorry? 217 00:12:01,809 --> 00:12:04,642 I'll try to be more careful. 218 00:12:05,249 --> 00:12:07,479 I hope so. 219 00:12:11,009 --> 00:12:12,761 Georgie- 220 00:12:14,409 --> 00:12:17,321 Georgie, would you like some Jell-O? 221 00:12:17,489 --> 00:12:19,798 Why'd you put the bananas in there? 222 00:12:19,969 --> 00:12:23,359 - George likes the bananas! - So let him have bananas on the side! 223 00:12:23,529 --> 00:12:27,920 All right, please. Please, I cannot have this constant bickering. 224 00:12:28,929 --> 00:12:32,365 Stress is very damaging to the epidermis. 225 00:12:33,729 --> 00:12:35,765 I have an important photo session in the morning. 226 00:12:35,929 --> 00:12:37,965 My hands have got to be in tiptop shape. 227 00:12:38,129 --> 00:12:41,485 So, please, keep the television down and the conversation to a minimum. 228 00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:45,598 But, Georgie, what about the Jell-O? 229 00:12:46,609 --> 00:12:47,803 I'll take it in my room. 230 00:12:53,529 --> 00:12:55,326 Yeah, come in. 231 00:12:55,489 --> 00:12:57,400 Wanted to let you know he's got five minutes. 232 00:12:57,569 --> 00:12:59,241 Yep, yep. 233 00:13:01,009 --> 00:13:03,398 Jerry, five minutes. 234 00:13:11,569 --> 00:13:14,129 Now, that's a great-looking shirt. 235 00:13:14,289 --> 00:13:17,326 Aye, captain. Yeah. 236 00:13:17,489 --> 00:13:19,957 See, I'm glad I ironed it. It's perfect. 237 00:13:20,129 --> 00:13:22,927 Look at it. It's fantastic. 238 00:13:23,089 --> 00:13:25,728 Kramer, how am I gonna wear this? I can't wear this. 239 00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:28,528 Hey, this looks better than anything you own. 240 00:13:28,689 --> 00:13:33,080 In two months' time, everybody's gonna be wearing the pirate look. 241 00:13:36,209 --> 00:13:38,677 - Yeah. - Hi, Kramer. I just saw Bryant Gumbel. 242 00:13:38,849 --> 00:13:41,647 - He said he might help at the benefit. - Great. 243 00:13:48,889 --> 00:13:52,245 - What is that? - It's the puffy shirt. Look at it, huh? 244 00:13:52,409 --> 00:13:54,286 What do you think? Is it cool or what? 245 00:13:55,529 --> 00:13:58,566 - Why are you wearing this now? - Why am I wearing it now? 246 00:13:58,729 --> 00:14:00,799 I'll tell you why I'm wearing it now. 247 00:14:00,969 --> 00:14:03,403 Because the low-talker asked me to, that's why. 248 00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:08,048 And I said yes. Do you know why? Because I couldn't hear her. 249 00:14:09,489 --> 00:14:11,719 When did she-? When did she ask you this? 250 00:14:11,889 --> 00:14:13,880 At dinner, when Kramer went to the bathroom. 251 00:14:14,049 --> 00:14:15,960 - I didn't hear anything. - Of course not! 252 00:14:16,129 --> 00:14:18,689 Nobody hears anything when this woman speaks. 253 00:14:19,769 --> 00:14:21,407 Well, you can't wear that on the show. 254 00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:23,082 - Elaine, you wanna stop it? - What-? 255 00:14:24,009 --> 00:14:26,398 What? No, Jerry, you are promoting a benefit... 256 00:14:26,569 --> 00:14:30,528 ...to clothe homeless people. 257 00:14:32,089 --> 00:14:34,603 You can't come out dressed like that. 258 00:14:34,769 --> 00:14:36,885 You're all puffed up. 259 00:14:37,729 --> 00:14:39,959 You look like the Count of Monte Cristo. 260 00:14:40,329 --> 00:14:42,763 I have to wear it. The woman has orders for this shirt... 261 00:14:42,929 --> 00:14:44,840 - ... based on me wearing it on TV. - Yeah. 262 00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,681 They're producing them as we speak. 263 00:14:46,849 --> 00:14:49,727 Yeah, but you're supposed to be a compassionate person... 264 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,641 ...that cares about poor people. 265 00:14:51,809 --> 00:14:54,846 You look like you're gonna swing in on a chandelier. 266 00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:01,519 Okay, let's go. 267 00:15:02,129 --> 00:15:04,040 Is that what you're wearing? 268 00:15:06,409 --> 00:15:08,525 I've never seen hands like these before. 269 00:15:08,689 --> 00:15:11,078 They're so soft and milky white. 270 00:15:11,249 --> 00:15:13,638 You know whose hands they remind me of? 271 00:15:13,809 --> 00:15:16,960 Ray McKigney. 272 00:15:17,129 --> 00:15:18,847 - Ray. - He was it. 273 00:15:19,409 --> 00:15:20,558 Who was he? 274 00:15:20,729 --> 00:15:22,720 The most exquisite hands you've ever seen. 275 00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:24,208 Oh, he had it all. 276 00:15:24,849 --> 00:15:26,202 What happened to him? 277 00:15:30,689 --> 00:15:34,125 Tragic story, I'm afraid. 278 00:15:34,289 --> 00:15:36,803 He could've had any woman in the world... 279 00:15:36,969 --> 00:15:40,518 ...but none could match the beauty of his own hand. 280 00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:44,238 And that became his one true love. 281 00:15:48,889 --> 00:15:51,847 - You mean... - Yes. 282 00:15:52,009 --> 00:15:55,922 He was not master of his domain. 283 00:15:59,449 --> 00:16:01,360 - But how...? - The muscles... 284 00:16:01,529 --> 00:16:04,043 ...became so strained with overuse... 285 00:16:04,209 --> 00:16:07,246 ...that eventually the hand locked into a deformed position... 286 00:16:07,409 --> 00:16:09,286 ...and he was left with nothing but a claw. 287 00:16:11,089 --> 00:16:13,557 He travelled the world seeking a cure. 288 00:16:13,729 --> 00:16:17,642 Acupuncturists, herbalists, swamis. 289 00:16:17,809 --> 00:16:19,083 Nothing helped. 290 00:16:20,209 --> 00:16:23,326 Towards the end, his hands became so frozen... 291 00:16:23,489 --> 00:16:25,320 ...he was unable to manipulate utensils... 292 00:16:25,489 --> 00:16:29,562 ...and was dependent on Cub Scouts to feed him. 293 00:16:29,849 --> 00:16:34,127 I hadn't seen another pair of hands like Ray McKigney's until today. 294 00:16:34,289 --> 00:16:36,359 You are his successor. 295 00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:40,363 I only hope you have a little more self-control. 296 00:16:44,569 --> 00:16:46,958 You don't have to worry about me. 297 00:16:47,369 --> 00:16:49,599 I won a contest. 298 00:16:55,249 --> 00:16:57,968 Okay, let's get to work. 299 00:17:01,209 --> 00:17:04,519 Back now, 7:46. On Tuesday the 19th, here in New York... 300 00:17:04,689 --> 00:17:06,839 ...there'll be a benefit for Goodwill Industries... 301 00:17:07,009 --> 00:17:10,001 ...a used-clothing organization that provides services to the needy. 302 00:17:10,169 --> 00:17:12,205 One of the performers will be Jerry Seinfeld. 303 00:17:12,369 --> 00:17:14,599 - Jerry, good morning. - Thank you, Bryant. 304 00:17:14,769 --> 00:17:18,478 Speaking of clothing, that is a very, very unusual shirt you have on. 305 00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:21,081 Yeah. 306 00:17:22,689 --> 00:17:24,759 You're all kind of- Kind of puffed up. 307 00:17:24,929 --> 00:17:27,966 - Yeah, it's a puffy shirt. - You look kind of like a pirate. 308 00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:30,968 Like a pirate. 309 00:17:31,129 --> 00:17:34,485 Anyway, you know, we're hoping to raise enough money- 310 00:17:34,649 --> 00:17:38,244 Do you know-? You know- Look, I'm sorry, it's just a very unusual shirt. 311 00:17:38,409 --> 00:17:41,481 It could be a whole new look for you. You could put a patch over an eye. 312 00:17:41,649 --> 00:17:45,324 - You could be the pirate comedian. - Yeah. 313 00:17:46,129 --> 00:17:49,280 - Will you wear the puffy shirt at the-? - Look, it's not my shirt. 314 00:17:49,449 --> 00:17:51,405 - Whose shirt is it? - What's the difference? 315 00:17:51,569 --> 00:17:52,843 I agreed to wear it. 316 00:17:53,009 --> 00:17:56,081 It's a puffy shirt. I feel ridiculous in it. 317 00:17:56,249 --> 00:17:59,719 I think it's the stupidest shirt I've ever seen, to be perfectly honest with you. 318 00:17:59,889 --> 00:18:02,039 You bastard! 319 00:18:02,529 --> 00:18:05,168 - Did you hear that? - That I heard. 320 00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:10,008 All right, a little to the left. 321 00:18:10,169 --> 00:18:11,761 Little higher. Good, perfect. 322 00:18:11,929 --> 00:18:13,965 - Like that? - Just like that. Hold it. Good. 323 00:18:14,129 --> 00:18:17,326 Okay, let me get one more. One more. Good. 324 00:18:17,489 --> 00:18:19,286 That's it. You're done. 325 00:18:19,449 --> 00:18:21,121 - That's it? - That's it. 326 00:18:21,289 --> 00:18:23,405 And here's your check. 327 00:18:23,569 --> 00:18:25,844 Thank you very much. It was an honour. 328 00:18:26,009 --> 00:18:27,601 Thank you. 329 00:18:31,609 --> 00:18:34,999 It was great working with you. Your hands are beautiful. 330 00:18:37,089 --> 00:18:39,444 Thank you very much. 331 00:18:39,609 --> 00:18:41,201 You know, I was wondering... 332 00:18:41,369 --> 00:18:44,566 ...if you're not doing anything later, maybe you'd like to get together. 333 00:18:56,409 --> 00:18:58,320 You ruined me! You ruined my career! 334 00:18:58,529 --> 00:19:00,918 Oh, just keep your voice down, everyone can hear you. 335 00:19:01,089 --> 00:19:02,408 Well, I don't give a damn! 336 00:19:02,569 --> 00:19:05,481 If you talked this loud to begin with, I wouldn't be in this costume. 337 00:19:06,049 --> 00:19:09,007 Hey, hey. You can't believe this. Look at this check. 338 00:19:09,169 --> 00:19:11,603 They said I had the most beautiful hands they ever saw... 339 00:19:11,769 --> 00:19:15,603 ...except for this McKigney guy. This girl gave me her number. I got it all. 340 00:19:15,769 --> 00:19:17,407 I'm busting. Jerry, I'm busting. 341 00:19:17,569 --> 00:19:19,685 I've never noticed your hands before, let me see. 342 00:19:19,849 --> 00:19:21,646 All right. 343 00:19:22,969 --> 00:19:24,846 Yeah. Real nice. 344 00:19:28,409 --> 00:19:29,558 Nice shirt. 345 00:19:31,969 --> 00:19:34,563 What is this? Is this what you wore on the show? 346 00:19:34,729 --> 00:19:37,721 - Yeah. - Have you completely lost your mind? 347 00:19:37,889 --> 00:19:39,561 - Hey. - Who's dressing you? 348 00:19:39,729 --> 00:19:41,879 You look like a complete idiot. 349 00:19:42,049 --> 00:19:43,323 I wouldn't wipe my- 350 00:19:51,809 --> 00:19:54,164 - You ready? - Yeah. 351 00:19:58,209 --> 00:19:59,961 Hot, hot. 352 00:20:00,769 --> 00:20:04,887 - I'm sorry. - McKigney had a few good years. 353 00:20:05,409 --> 00:20:07,001 How do you forget to turn off an iron? 354 00:20:07,169 --> 00:20:09,603 I was excited Jerry was putting on the puffy shirt. 355 00:20:09,769 --> 00:20:12,158 My whole life is ruined because of the puffy shirt. 356 00:20:12,329 --> 00:20:16,083 It didn't do me any good either. That benefit was the worst show I ever did. 357 00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:18,638 Some of those heckles were really uncalled for. 358 00:20:18,809 --> 00:20:22,165 "Avast ye, matey"? What the hell does that mean? 359 00:20:22,329 --> 00:20:24,047 "Twenty degrees off the starboard side. 360 00:20:24,209 --> 00:20:27,007 It's a Spanish galleon." There's no comeback for that. 361 00:20:28,129 --> 00:20:30,518 Well, it got me fired from the benefit committee. 362 00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:33,408 You know, all those stores cancelled out on her. 363 00:20:33,569 --> 00:20:35,002 She's finished. 364 00:20:35,169 --> 00:20:37,285 - We're finished. - Really? What happened? 365 00:20:37,449 --> 00:20:41,601 I just can't be with someone whose life is in complete disarray. 366 00:20:43,729 --> 00:20:47,358 - What happened to all the shirts? - They gave them to Goodwill. 367 00:20:48,769 --> 00:20:51,488 Puffy shirt. Puffy shirt. 368 00:20:55,729 --> 00:20:58,721 Can you spare a little change for an old buccaneer? 369 00:21:00,729 --> 00:21:03,482 You know, it's really not a bad-looking shirt. 370 00:21:12,769 --> 00:21:17,365 Why do we always have to say, "Excuse me"... 371 00:21:17,529 --> 00:21:19,360 ...when we can't hear what someone's saying? 372 00:21:19,529 --> 00:21:22,123 Why are we so guilty and so-? "Excuse me. 373 00:21:22,289 --> 00:21:25,645 Pardon me. I'm sorry." Why can't, just once, I go: 374 00:21:25,809 --> 00:21:28,243 "Nope. Not loud enough"? 375 00:21:28,409 --> 00:21:30,320 Why can't I do that? 376 00:21:31,889 --> 00:21:34,847 Just once I would like to have the guts... 377 00:21:35,249 --> 00:21:36,762 ...you know, to make that judgment. 378 00:21:36,929 --> 00:21:40,046 Someone mumbles something, and you go, "Your fault. 379 00:21:40,209 --> 00:21:43,565 I'm not sorry, because it's your fault." 380 00:21:53,089 --> 00:21:55,080 Subtitles by SDl Media Group