1 00:00:02,209 --> 00:00:03,801 At a hospital, the treatment is to lie in a bed. 2 00:00:05,129 --> 00:00:07,404 Whatever's wrong with a human being, lie down. 3 00:00:07,569 --> 00:00:10,641 Doctor never says, "Well, your condition isn't as bad as we thought. 4 00:00:10,809 --> 00:00:14,279 We want you to kind of lean against a doorjamb for seven to 10 days. 5 00:00:14,449 --> 00:00:16,201 See how that feels." 6 00:00:16,369 --> 00:00:18,599 Always a bed. Unless you go to the emergency room... 7 00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:21,237 ...then it's a chair. You've been shot, stabbed, run over: 8 00:00:21,409 --> 00:00:22,762 "Have a seat." 9 00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:27,847 There's always an interesting cultural, ethnic mix to the hospital staff. 10 00:00:28,009 --> 00:00:29,727 It's like a local news team in there. 11 00:00:29,889 --> 00:00:32,687 The doctor's the anchorman. He's got white hair, he's in charge. 12 00:00:32,849 --> 00:00:34,760 The nurse is the feature reporter, you know. 13 00:00:34,929 --> 00:00:38,604 You listen to her, but it's always, "And now, back to your doctor." 14 00:00:38,769 --> 00:00:40,760 The orderlies come in with food and bedpans. 15 00:00:40,929 --> 00:00:43,045 That's like your sports and weather. 16 00:00:48,369 --> 00:00:51,042 Then the baby's head comes out, and I'm screaming. 17 00:00:51,209 --> 00:00:53,245 My brother, who's videotaping, turns green. 18 00:00:53,409 --> 00:00:55,445 His eyes roll up in his head, and he blacks out. 19 00:00:55,609 --> 00:00:57,247 He drops the camera, the camera breaks. 20 00:00:57,409 --> 00:01:00,128 And then the placenta comes flying out. 21 00:01:02,369 --> 00:01:05,725 - And then a doctor says- - Hey, thanks. That's enough. 22 00:01:05,889 --> 00:01:09,564 Will you look at that kid. Sucking away like there's no tomorrow. 23 00:01:09,729 --> 00:01:12,527 Suck, suck, suck. 24 00:01:12,689 --> 00:01:14,281 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 25 00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:17,566 - Look at that, Jerry, look at that. - Yeah, I looked. I saw it. 26 00:01:18,009 --> 00:01:20,967 - Does this make you uncomfortable? - No, no. 27 00:01:21,129 --> 00:01:22,562 Uncomfortable? Not at all. 28 00:01:22,729 --> 00:01:25,641 My friend's wife's breasts are out. Why would I be uncomfortable? 29 00:01:25,809 --> 00:01:27,367 Look at him. 30 00:01:27,529 --> 00:01:29,565 - So how long do they do this? - Year or two. 31 00:01:30,129 --> 00:01:31,801 No break? 32 00:01:33,009 --> 00:01:35,603 - After that comes the weaning. - After sucking comes weaning? 33 00:01:35,769 --> 00:01:37,680 - First sucking, then weaning. - You gotta wean. 34 00:01:37,849 --> 00:01:39,521 - Gotta wean. - Must wean. 35 00:01:43,849 --> 00:01:47,080 - What about that spot I got, huh? - Yeah. I saw the spot. 36 00:01:47,249 --> 00:01:48,602 You open the door to the car... 37 00:01:48,769 --> 00:01:51,806 ...you walk right into the hospital. You can't beat that spot. 38 00:01:52,689 --> 00:01:55,522 I am on a roll. Yeah. 39 00:01:55,689 --> 00:01:57,566 I'm just willing these great parking spots. 40 00:01:57,729 --> 00:01:59,287 George. 41 00:02:00,849 --> 00:02:03,204 Maybe the baby would like to see the spot. 42 00:02:03,369 --> 00:02:06,281 A positive, uplifting message to start his life out with, huh? 43 00:02:06,449 --> 00:02:10,408 You can still get a great spot in this city if you apply yourself. 44 00:02:10,569 --> 00:02:12,161 Where's Kramer? Shouldn't he be here? 45 00:02:12,329 --> 00:02:14,604 - Did you give him the room number? - Yeah, 1397. 46 00:02:14,769 --> 00:02:17,237 1937. 47 00:02:18,249 --> 00:02:20,319 1937, 1937. 48 00:02:20,489 --> 00:02:22,764 Excuse me. Do you know where the elevator is? 49 00:02:22,929 --> 00:02:26,717 Yeah, it's right around the corner there. 1937. 50 00:02:37,009 --> 00:02:38,920 Oh, God! 51 00:02:39,569 --> 00:02:41,685 It's a pig-man. 52 00:02:42,209 --> 00:02:44,518 A pig-man! 53 00:02:45,649 --> 00:02:48,766 So anyway, Jerry, Elaine, we have something we wanna ask you. 54 00:02:48,929 --> 00:02:51,568 You gotta look. I pulled it in perfectly equidistant... 55 00:02:51,729 --> 00:02:54,687 - ... from the car in front and behind. - Would you shut up, George? 56 00:02:54,849 --> 00:02:57,409 I'm taking a cab home. I can't take this anymore. 57 00:02:57,569 --> 00:02:59,799 You were saying, Stan. I'm sorry about this. 58 00:02:59,969 --> 00:03:01,925 Myra and I would like you and Elaine... 59 00:03:02,089 --> 00:03:04,205 ...to be the godparents of Steven. 60 00:03:05,489 --> 00:03:07,639 - Me? A godfather? - Yes. 61 00:03:08,729 --> 00:03:11,243 Never go against the family, Elaine. 62 00:03:12,729 --> 00:03:13,957 What? 63 00:03:14,129 --> 00:03:17,166 Hey, I just saw a pig-man. A pig-man. 64 00:03:17,609 --> 00:03:20,123 He was sleeping, and then he woke up and he looked at me... 65 00:03:20,289 --> 00:03:23,326 ...and he made this horrible sound, this: 66 00:03:26,529 --> 00:03:28,167 Kramer, what are you talking about? 67 00:03:28,329 --> 00:03:31,719 I'm talking about a pig-man. I walked in the wrong room, and there he was. 68 00:03:31,889 --> 00:03:35,484 - A pig-man? - A pig-man. Half pig, half man. 69 00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:36,923 That's great, Kramer. 70 00:03:37,089 --> 00:03:40,365 Anyway, tell us what's involved in being a godparent. 71 00:03:40,529 --> 00:03:42,520 Elaine, never ask me about my business. 72 00:03:43,689 --> 00:03:45,680 Godfather? 73 00:03:46,529 --> 00:03:48,759 The most important thing is you help with the bris. 74 00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:50,885 - The bris? - A bris? 75 00:03:51,049 --> 00:03:53,324 - You mean, circumcision? - Yeah. 76 00:03:54,009 --> 00:03:56,443 I would advise against that. 77 00:03:57,409 --> 00:03:58,762 Kramer, it's a tradition. 78 00:03:58,929 --> 00:04:02,046 So was sacrificing virgins to appease the gods... 79 00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:05,804 - ... but we don't do that anymore. - Well, maybe we should. 80 00:04:06,609 --> 00:04:07,803 Hey... 81 00:04:07,969 --> 00:04:10,483 ...why are all those people milling around my car? 82 00:04:10,649 --> 00:04:13,766 - I don't know. - Maybe they're admiring your spot. 83 00:04:13,929 --> 00:04:17,319 - They're looking up. - Hey, there's a guy up on the roof. 84 00:04:18,129 --> 00:04:20,882 That's the guy I told where the elevator was. 85 00:04:22,769 --> 00:04:25,920 Oh, God, I hope he doesn't jump- Oh, my God! 86 00:04:28,529 --> 00:04:30,281 My car! 87 00:04:30,449 --> 00:04:33,088 My car! 88 00:04:35,889 --> 00:04:39,086 A mohel? What the hell is a mohel? 89 00:04:39,249 --> 00:04:42,207 A mohel is the person that performs a circumcision. 90 00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:44,644 Well, where am I gonna find a mohel? 91 00:04:44,809 --> 00:04:47,084 Motels, models... 92 00:04:47,729 --> 00:04:50,004 How do you find a mohel? 93 00:04:50,529 --> 00:04:52,759 Finding a mohel's easy. Any idiot can find a mohel. 94 00:04:52,929 --> 00:04:55,489 I have to hold the baby while they do it. 95 00:04:55,649 --> 00:04:58,288 That's a tough job. How would you like that? 96 00:04:58,569 --> 00:05:00,287 Hey, Jerry, you ever seen one? 97 00:05:01,049 --> 00:05:03,404 - Oh, you mean, that wasn't...? - Yeah. 98 00:05:03,569 --> 00:05:06,561 - No, you? - Yeah. 99 00:05:07,769 --> 00:05:09,441 What'd you think? 100 00:05:11,289 --> 00:05:13,598 It had no face, no personality. 101 00:05:18,129 --> 00:05:20,768 It was like a Martian. 102 00:05:21,409 --> 00:05:24,003 - But, hey, you know, that's me. - Hey. 103 00:05:24,849 --> 00:05:26,282 Well, I got the estimate. 104 00:05:26,449 --> 00:05:28,963 It'll cost more to repair the roof than the car is worth. 105 00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:31,689 I'm going over and seeing that hospital administrator today. 106 00:05:31,849 --> 00:05:34,363 Someone is gonna pay for this, and it's not gonna be me! 107 00:05:34,529 --> 00:05:37,248 - Oh, you're screwed. - I know. 108 00:05:38,769 --> 00:05:42,205 Swan dives from 20 floors up, lands right on top. 109 00:05:42,369 --> 00:05:44,678 What, do I got a bull's-eye up there? 110 00:05:44,849 --> 00:05:47,363 He couldn't move over two feet, huh? 111 00:05:47,529 --> 00:05:51,204 Land on the sidewalk, it's city property. 112 00:05:51,649 --> 00:05:53,879 Well, I have to interview a mohel. 113 00:05:54,049 --> 00:05:56,199 How about our little Elaine, huh? 114 00:05:56,369 --> 00:05:58,758 Attended the finest schools on the eastern seaboard... 115 00:05:58,929 --> 00:06:02,558 ...equestrian competitions, debutante balls. Look at her now. 116 00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:05,243 Interviewing mohels. 117 00:06:06,129 --> 00:06:07,926 Yeah! 118 00:06:09,889 --> 00:06:11,368 - What's the matter? - You all right? 119 00:06:11,529 --> 00:06:14,999 Don't ever question my instincts, because my instincts are honed. 120 00:06:15,169 --> 00:06:17,558 - Look at that. Look, look. - What now? 121 00:06:17,729 --> 00:06:20,448 "Hospital receives grant to conduct DNA research. 122 00:06:20,609 --> 00:06:23,965 Government funds genetic research at area hospital."Yeah, so? 123 00:06:24,129 --> 00:06:26,927 Pig-man, baby, pig-man. 124 00:06:27,449 --> 00:06:30,407 If I have to hear about this pig-man one more time- 125 00:06:30,569 --> 00:06:33,003 Hey, I'm telling you, the pig-man is alive. 126 00:06:33,169 --> 00:06:36,445 The government's been experimenting with pig-men since the '50s. 127 00:06:36,609 --> 00:06:38,918 Just because the hospital's conducting DNA research... 128 00:06:39,089 --> 00:06:41,125 ...doesn't mean they're creating mutant pig-men. 129 00:06:41,289 --> 00:06:45,123 Jerry, will you wake up to reality? It's a military thing. 130 00:06:45,289 --> 00:06:49,043 They're probably creating a whole army of pig warriors. 131 00:06:51,929 --> 00:06:55,205 I'll tell you something. I wish there were pig-men. 132 00:06:55,369 --> 00:06:59,248 Get a few pig-men walking around, suddenly I'm looking a lot better. 133 00:06:59,409 --> 00:07:03,527 If someone wanted to fix me up, they could say, "At least he's no pig-man." 134 00:07:03,689 --> 00:07:06,362 Believe me, there'd be plenty of women going for these pig-men. 135 00:07:06,769 --> 00:07:09,841 Whatever the deformity, there's always some group attracted to it. 136 00:07:10,289 --> 00:07:12,803 "That little tail really turns me on." 137 00:07:12,969 --> 00:07:14,846 That's just about enough. 138 00:07:15,009 --> 00:07:17,569 - This doesn't interest you? - Oh, no, it's fascinating... 139 00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:19,082 ...but could you do me a favour? 140 00:07:19,529 --> 00:07:20,678 Could you tape... 141 00:07:20,849 --> 00:07:24,000 ...the rest of the "pig-men and the women who love them"discussion? 142 00:07:24,169 --> 00:07:26,808 And I'll listen to it the next time I'm here. 143 00:07:26,969 --> 00:07:28,607 I gotta go find a mohel. 144 00:07:28,769 --> 00:07:32,000 You know, you should call that off, Elaine. It's a barbaric ritual. 145 00:07:32,929 --> 00:07:38,128 Perhaps one day when the pig-men roam free, it will be stopped, Kramer. 146 00:07:38,289 --> 00:07:41,565 Until then, off with their heads. 147 00:07:43,609 --> 00:07:47,045 - Kramer, isn't it a question of hygiene? - It's a myth. 148 00:07:47,409 --> 00:07:49,001 Besides, it makes sex more pleasurable. 149 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:52,206 Yeah. So how does that help me? 150 00:07:52,369 --> 00:07:54,758 - George, you ever see one? - Yeah, my roommate in college. 151 00:07:54,929 --> 00:07:56,760 Yeah, what'd you think? 152 00:07:57,409 --> 00:07:59,161 I got used to it. 153 00:08:01,409 --> 00:08:03,877 All right, I wanna see the pig-man. Show me the pig-man. 154 00:08:04,049 --> 00:08:06,563 Don't worry, I'll show you. And you'll never be the same. 155 00:08:06,729 --> 00:08:08,685 Maybe he's just a guy with a nose like this: 156 00:08:08,849 --> 00:08:12,205 A lot of people have a nose like this. They're not necessarily pig-men. 157 00:08:12,369 --> 00:08:14,519 Believe me, Jerry, somewhere in this hospital... 158 00:08:14,689 --> 00:08:17,123 ...the anguished oink of pig-man cries out for help. 159 00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:20,440 Yeah, well, if I hear an anguished oink, I'm out of here. 160 00:08:20,609 --> 00:08:22,201 I don't see any pig-men. 161 00:08:22,529 --> 00:08:25,646 I see human, human, human. 162 00:08:25,809 --> 00:08:26,958 - Wait a second. - What? 163 00:08:27,129 --> 00:08:29,165 Oh, it's George. 164 00:08:29,969 --> 00:08:32,802 The administrator's on the third floor. I'll meet you at the car. 165 00:08:32,969 --> 00:08:36,166 Wait, George. You got room in the car for the pig-man, huh? 166 00:08:36,329 --> 00:08:38,445 The pig-man can take the bus. 167 00:08:38,609 --> 00:08:41,806 George, if the pig-man had a car, he would give you a ride. 168 00:08:42,769 --> 00:08:45,567 How do you know? What if the pig-man had a two-seater? 169 00:08:45,729 --> 00:08:48,004 Be realistic, George. 170 00:08:50,129 --> 00:08:54,600 I'll tell you what, if pig-man shows up, we'll squeeze him in. 171 00:08:54,929 --> 00:08:56,362 - I'll see you later. - Yeah. 172 00:08:56,529 --> 00:08:59,407 - Mr. Costanza, come in, come in. - Thank you. 173 00:08:59,569 --> 00:09:02,845 It's been a very trying couple of days around the hospital. 174 00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:05,569 Doctors, patients, everyone... 175 00:09:05,729 --> 00:09:08,641 ...just grief-stricken over this unfortunate occurrence. 176 00:09:08,809 --> 00:09:10,606 Well, I join them in their grief. 177 00:09:11,329 --> 00:09:15,720 Horrible thing. Flew right past the children's wing. 178 00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:19,848 All the sick children in the playroom, looking out the window... 179 00:09:20,009 --> 00:09:22,284 ...just traumatized by the incident. 180 00:09:22,449 --> 00:09:25,919 Apparently they thought he was flying. You know how children are. 181 00:09:26,089 --> 00:09:29,161 "Oh, look, a man is flying. A man is flying!" 182 00:09:29,329 --> 00:09:31,604 And then splat. 183 00:09:32,009 --> 00:09:34,204 That's where I come in. 184 00:09:34,369 --> 00:09:36,439 On "splat." 185 00:09:36,609 --> 00:09:40,204 You see, Mrs. Sweedler- Or is it Hospital Administrator Sweedler? 186 00:09:40,369 --> 00:09:43,600 - Mrs. Sweedler is fine. - Mrs. Sweedler. Thank you very much. 187 00:09:43,769 --> 00:09:48,843 You see, this tragedy has affected me in a very... 188 00:09:49,009 --> 00:09:50,488 A very personal way. 189 00:09:50,649 --> 00:09:54,085 - How is that? - Yes, well, you see... 190 00:09:54,249 --> 00:09:56,126 ...the deceased... 191 00:09:56,289 --> 00:09:58,280 ...landed on my car. 192 00:09:58,449 --> 00:10:03,921 The splat, as it were, actually occurred on the roof of my car. 193 00:10:04,089 --> 00:10:07,320 Now, of course, I can't help but feel that... 194 00:10:07,489 --> 00:10:11,277 ...had it been a convertible, this whole tragedy might have been averted. 195 00:10:11,449 --> 00:10:14,407 But I've never really been the kind of guy to buy a convertible... 196 00:10:14,569 --> 00:10:17,720 ...what with the baldness and everything. 197 00:10:18,289 --> 00:10:21,645 Well, I have known bald men who owned convertibles. 198 00:10:21,809 --> 00:10:23,367 They wore a hat. 199 00:10:23,529 --> 00:10:28,045 Yes, but then everything's all pulled down, and it's- Anyway. 200 00:10:28,209 --> 00:10:31,326 The damage, unfortunately... 201 00:10:31,489 --> 00:10:33,957 ...has marred an otherwise fine automobile... 202 00:10:34,129 --> 00:10:36,802 ...rendering it virtually undrivable. 203 00:10:37,449 --> 00:10:39,167 Yes, well, that is a shame. 204 00:10:39,329 --> 00:10:43,038 Yes. A shame. That is exactly how I would put it. 205 00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:47,487 Now, Mrs. Sweedler, with all due discretion and sensitivity... 206 00:10:47,649 --> 00:10:50,925 ...and taking in the whole scope of the situation... 207 00:10:51,089 --> 00:10:53,398 ...I just can't help but think... 208 00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:57,562 ...that the hospital is somehow responsible for compensating... 209 00:10:57,729 --> 00:11:03,599 ...the other still-living victim of this horrendous, horrendous tragedy. 210 00:11:04,249 --> 00:11:05,967 - Mr. Costanza. - Yes. 211 00:11:06,129 --> 00:11:09,565 A man plummeted tragically to his ultimate demise... 212 00:11:09,729 --> 00:11:12,846 - Yes. - ... and you greedily, callously... 213 00:11:13,009 --> 00:11:15,125 ...want to profit from it? 214 00:11:15,409 --> 00:11:17,445 Well, profit... 215 00:11:17,609 --> 00:11:22,558 I think you'll see from the estimate that I'm not really profiting that much. 216 00:11:23,129 --> 00:11:25,085 It might be a little high, but... 217 00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:28,958 Get out. Get out now. Get out of my office! 218 00:11:31,489 --> 00:11:33,400 - Should I just leave-? - Get out! 219 00:11:34,929 --> 00:11:36,760 This is it. 220 00:11:45,249 --> 00:11:46,443 Wait, excuse me. 221 00:11:47,049 --> 00:11:49,517 What happened to the guy that was in there before? 222 00:11:49,689 --> 00:11:53,477 - I don't know what you're talking- - No, you know. He had this: 223 00:11:54,409 --> 00:11:55,728 - He was... - No. 224 00:11:55,889 --> 00:11:57,481 This doesn't look familiar to you? 225 00:11:57,649 --> 00:12:01,847 - Sir- - Look, I know what's going on. 226 00:12:02,009 --> 00:12:04,398 The oink, oink. 227 00:12:04,569 --> 00:12:06,605 Yes, if you'll excuse me, I have some patients- 228 00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:08,043 Listen, you little quack. 229 00:12:08,209 --> 00:12:11,679 There was a half man, half pig in that room over there. Now, where is he? 230 00:12:11,849 --> 00:12:13,328 - Where is he?! - Half what? 231 00:12:13,489 --> 00:12:16,242 You know what I mean! Pork. Sausage. 232 00:12:16,409 --> 00:12:18,684 "That's all, folks." 233 00:12:19,329 --> 00:12:23,083 I think he's been released. 234 00:12:24,529 --> 00:12:25,882 Good. 235 00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:28,358 - He's lying! - All right, enough of this. 236 00:12:28,529 --> 00:12:31,521 - I gotta go find George. - All right, you go ahead. 237 00:12:31,689 --> 00:12:33,247 Kramer. 238 00:12:39,009 --> 00:12:40,806 - Where's the mohel? - He'll be here. 239 00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:42,766 - He's late already. - Relax. 240 00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,489 You'd think you were getting whacked. 241 00:12:46,529 --> 00:12:48,485 I don't know why he asked me to be godfather. 242 00:12:48,649 --> 00:12:51,004 We're not close. Because we're on the softball team... 243 00:12:51,169 --> 00:12:54,206 ...I'm pitcher, he's catcher, he thinks we have a special relationship? 244 00:12:54,369 --> 00:12:56,803 I thought pitchers and catchers had a special rapport. 245 00:12:56,969 --> 00:13:00,518 Maybe in hardball, with all the signals, but I'm just lobbing it in. 246 00:13:00,689 --> 00:13:01,838 We don't have conferences. 247 00:13:02,009 --> 00:13:04,443 He doesn't come out to the mound and encourage me. 248 00:13:04,609 --> 00:13:08,045 What about me? I just watched a few games with her in the stands. 249 00:13:08,209 --> 00:13:11,201 Don't they have friends? They're level-jumping on our friendship. 250 00:13:11,369 --> 00:13:13,325 Yes, it is level-jumping. 251 00:13:18,609 --> 00:13:20,520 So... 252 00:13:20,689 --> 00:13:22,088 ...you been to a bris before? 253 00:13:23,049 --> 00:13:24,687 No. 254 00:13:25,169 --> 00:13:26,966 I've been to a few of them. 255 00:13:27,729 --> 00:13:31,688 If you start to get woozy later, which is quite common... 256 00:13:31,849 --> 00:13:34,443 ...stay close to me. I'll get you through it. 257 00:13:34,609 --> 00:13:37,123 I'm a cardiologist. I think I'll manage. 258 00:13:39,329 --> 00:13:40,967 We're not talking about a manicure. 259 00:13:41,129 --> 00:13:43,120 Imagine, this is gonna be his first memory... 260 00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:46,281 ...of his parents just standing there while some stranger... 261 00:13:46,449 --> 00:13:50,920 ...cuts off a piece of his manhood and then serves a catered lunch. 262 00:13:51,089 --> 00:13:53,319 - Myra? - She'll be okay. 263 00:13:54,049 --> 00:13:56,324 - Kramer, what's the matter with you? - Me? 264 00:13:56,489 --> 00:13:58,445 - Oh, that's the mohel. - He's here. 265 00:13:59,849 --> 00:14:00,998 It's about time. 266 00:14:01,169 --> 00:14:02,363 - Hi. - Hello. 267 00:14:02,529 --> 00:14:04,167 - Hello, I'm the mohel. - Oh, hello. 268 00:14:04,329 --> 00:14:06,399 It's very nice to meet you all. 269 00:14:06,569 --> 00:14:08,685 What was that? Jeez, it scared the hell out of me! 270 00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:11,966 I mean, my God, I almost had a heart attack! 271 00:14:12,129 --> 00:14:14,563 Okay, I'm fine, I'm fine. Anyway... 272 00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:18,278 ...we're here to perform the mitzvah of the bris. 273 00:14:19,209 --> 00:14:21,723 Is the baby gonna cry like that? Is that how he cries... 274 00:14:21,889 --> 00:14:25,438 ...with that loud, sustained, squealing cry? That could pose a problem. 275 00:14:25,609 --> 00:14:27,247 Do have any control over your child? 276 00:14:27,409 --> 00:14:30,207 This would be the time to exercise it, when baby is crying... 277 00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:34,681 ...in that high-pitched squealing tone that can drive you insane! 278 00:14:37,289 --> 00:14:39,849 - Did you find the place all right? - Did I find it all right? 279 00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:41,806 Could you send me to a more dangerous area? 280 00:14:41,969 --> 00:14:43,721 I'm dreading walking back to the subway... 281 00:14:43,889 --> 00:14:46,005 ...someone shouldn't smack me and steal my bag. 282 00:14:46,169 --> 00:14:49,479 Because I'll be lying there, and people will spit on me and empty my pockets. 283 00:14:49,649 --> 00:14:53,961 I'll be lying in the gutter like a bum, a dog, a mutt, a mongrel, an animal! 284 00:14:54,129 --> 00:14:56,484 God forbid anybody should help me or call an ambulance. 285 00:14:56,649 --> 00:14:59,641 That's too much trouble, to pick up a phone and press a few buttons. 286 00:14:59,809 --> 00:15:01,720 What's the point? 287 00:15:03,049 --> 00:15:05,404 Oh, yeah. 288 00:15:05,569 --> 00:15:07,639 Darling, you see where that glass is? 289 00:15:07,809 --> 00:15:09,322 See how the glass is near the edge? 290 00:15:09,489 --> 00:15:11,400 You've got the whole table to put the glass. 291 00:15:11,569 --> 00:15:16,279 Why you chose the absolute edge so half the glass is hanging off the table. 292 00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:19,646 You breathe, and it falls over. Then you've got broken glass on the carpet. 293 00:15:19,809 --> 00:15:24,087 Embedded in the carpet fibres, deep in the shag, broken glass. 294 00:15:24,249 --> 00:15:26,285 Bits of broken glass you can never get up. 295 00:15:26,449 --> 00:15:27,723 Can't get it up with a vacuum. 296 00:15:27,889 --> 00:15:29,959 Even on your knees with a magnifying glass... 297 00:15:30,129 --> 00:15:32,643 ...you'll never get all the pieces. You think you got it. 298 00:15:32,809 --> 00:15:34,527 Two years later, you're barefoot... 299 00:15:34,689 --> 00:15:36,680 ...you step on broken glass and kill yourself! 300 00:15:36,849 --> 00:15:40,205 Is that what you want? I don't think that's what you want. Do you? 301 00:15:45,289 --> 00:15:47,678 He's very highly recommended, so... 302 00:15:48,049 --> 00:15:49,801 You're holding the baby? 303 00:15:49,969 --> 00:15:52,005 - No, no. - Hello. Who's holding the baby? 304 00:15:52,169 --> 00:15:54,763 - Who's holding the baby?! - Jerry is. Jerry, do you wanna...? 305 00:15:54,929 --> 00:15:56,328 Yeah. I'm holding the baby. 306 00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:59,799 - Okay, go. - I'm going. All right, I am. I'm going. 307 00:15:59,969 --> 00:16:01,641 - Don't push me. - Okay, you sit there. 308 00:16:01,809 --> 00:16:03,765 Now I need the baby. Bring me the baby. 309 00:16:03,929 --> 00:16:05,965 I need the baby! 310 00:16:06,609 --> 00:16:10,397 - No, I'm not gonna let them. - What are you doing? Come back! 311 00:16:12,369 --> 00:16:16,123 People, people. Compose yourself. This is a bris! 312 00:16:16,289 --> 00:16:18,678 We're performing a bris here, not a burlesque show. 313 00:16:18,849 --> 00:16:23,161 This is not a school play. This is not a baggy-pants farce. This is a bris! 314 00:16:23,329 --> 00:16:25,001 A sacred, ancient ceremony... 315 00:16:25,169 --> 00:16:28,206 ...symbolizing the covenant between God and Abraham. 316 00:16:28,369 --> 00:16:30,200 Or something. 317 00:16:31,249 --> 00:16:33,888 No, don't touch anything. Don't touch a thing. 318 00:16:34,489 --> 00:16:37,208 I could have been a kosher butcher like my brother. 319 00:16:37,369 --> 00:16:40,486 The money's good. It's got a union with benefits. 320 00:16:40,649 --> 00:16:42,207 And cows don't have families. 321 00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:45,327 You make a mistake with a cow, you move on with your life. 322 00:16:46,609 --> 00:16:48,361 Anyway. 323 00:16:54,609 --> 00:16:57,487 - Hurry up, George. Step on it! - All right, all right. 324 00:16:57,649 --> 00:16:59,560 That damn mohel! He circumcised my finger. 325 00:16:59,729 --> 00:17:02,607 - The mohel circumcised my finger. - You flinched. 326 00:17:02,769 --> 00:17:05,237 Flinched? I did not flinch. George, did I flinch? 327 00:17:05,409 --> 00:17:08,287 Oh, how would he know? He blacked out. He fainted. 328 00:17:08,449 --> 00:17:10,121 It was very traumatic. 329 00:17:10,289 --> 00:17:13,247 Last thing I remember was you flinching. Then everything went black. 330 00:17:13,409 --> 00:17:15,639 Who's got tissues? I need more tissues. 331 00:17:15,809 --> 00:17:17,640 Look at this thing. It's my phone finger! 332 00:17:17,809 --> 00:17:20,721 - Careful. You're getting blood all over. - What about the baby? 333 00:17:20,889 --> 00:17:23,562 The baby's fine. They took him to the hospital as a precaution. 334 00:17:23,729 --> 00:17:25,367 But look at me. I'm the one who's hurt! 335 00:17:25,529 --> 00:17:28,202 Will you stop it? You're just gonna need a few stitches. 336 00:17:28,369 --> 00:17:30,280 A few stitches? I've never had stitches. 337 00:17:30,729 --> 00:17:32,526 I'll be deformed. I can't live with that. 338 00:17:32,689 --> 00:17:34,486 Goes against my personality. It's not me. 339 00:17:34,649 --> 00:17:37,959 Hey, look at that. Boy, are you lucky! 340 00:17:38,129 --> 00:17:40,040 Another great spot in front of the hospital. 341 00:17:40,209 --> 00:17:42,848 In an emergency yet! How lucky are you, huh? 342 00:17:43,009 --> 00:17:46,479 Is that unbelievable? How unbelievable is that, huh? 343 00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:48,799 Come on, give it to me. Give it to me. 344 00:17:51,169 --> 00:17:54,002 - I've never seen a mohel like that. - That was a one-in-a-million mohel. 345 00:17:54,169 --> 00:17:55,568 - I said I'm sorry. - Look at this. 346 00:17:55,729 --> 00:17:59,517 - You'll be okay. I'll see you later, huh? - Where is he going? 347 00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:02,524 I'm gonna look for a bathroom. 348 00:18:04,809 --> 00:18:06,686 Well, if it isn't Shaky the Mohel. 349 00:18:06,849 --> 00:18:09,488 Nice circumcision, but it's not supposed to be a finger. 350 00:18:09,649 --> 00:18:12,322 Circumcision was perfect. That was your fault. You flinched! 351 00:18:12,489 --> 00:18:15,162 Oh, who made you a mohel? You get your degree from a matchbook? 352 00:18:15,329 --> 00:18:17,320 You see? He flinched again. 353 00:18:17,489 --> 00:18:19,081 Nice. You picked a hell of a mohel! 354 00:18:19,249 --> 00:18:21,763 One more peep, and I'll slice you like a smoked sturgeon. 355 00:18:21,929 --> 00:18:24,682 - Oh, don't threaten me, butcher boy. - Butcher boy? 356 00:18:24,849 --> 00:18:26,407 Yeah, what was this? 357 00:18:26,569 --> 00:18:28,321 What was this? What was this, huh? 358 00:18:28,689 --> 00:18:30,680 Careful, Jerry, the mohel's got a knife! 359 00:18:30,849 --> 00:18:32,760 Hey, what's going on out here? 360 00:18:32,929 --> 00:18:34,920 You should be ashamed of yourself, both of you. 361 00:18:35,089 --> 00:18:37,808 - Blood. - Oh, how's the baby? 362 00:18:37,969 --> 00:18:40,802 - There's nothing wrong with the baby. - The circumcision went fine. 363 00:18:40,969 --> 00:18:44,086 Thank God the flincher didn't harm the baby. 364 00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:46,558 I'll get you for this. This is my business, my life! 365 00:18:46,729 --> 00:18:48,765 No one ruins it for me, no one! 366 00:18:48,929 --> 00:18:50,487 Here's my card. 367 00:18:50,649 --> 00:18:52,958 Get out of my way! 368 00:19:04,369 --> 00:19:06,166 I can't do it. 369 00:19:06,329 --> 00:19:10,766 Look what they did to my boy. They massacred my boy. 370 00:19:10,929 --> 00:19:15,923 You really do the worst Godfather I've ever heard. You're not even close. 371 00:19:17,329 --> 00:19:19,240 Oh, that's the flicks. 372 00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:21,286 It's a '76 Chevy Impala. 373 00:19:21,449 --> 00:19:24,009 They stole it right in front of the hospital. 374 00:19:24,409 --> 00:19:27,082 I saw the guy drive off in it. 375 00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:30,719 Well, he's about 5 feet tall... 376 00:19:30,889 --> 00:19:32,641 ...hairless... 377 00:19:32,809 --> 00:19:35,039 ...pink complexion. 378 00:19:35,209 --> 00:19:37,518 Looks like a pig. 379 00:19:37,689 --> 00:19:39,520 Yeah, all right, thank you. Thank you. 380 00:19:40,369 --> 00:19:41,688 Yeah. 381 00:19:42,289 --> 00:19:45,645 So any word from the pig-man? 382 00:19:45,809 --> 00:19:47,640 - No. - No. 383 00:19:47,809 --> 00:19:50,721 And he's not a pig-man, is he? 384 00:19:50,889 --> 00:19:55,087 No, he's not. He's just a fat little mental patient. 385 00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:57,757 Myra. Stan. 386 00:19:58,129 --> 00:19:59,881 - Don't touch him. - What's the matter? 387 00:20:00,049 --> 00:20:03,041 You're out, Jerry. Out as godfather. You too, Elaine. You're both out. 388 00:20:03,209 --> 00:20:06,724 - But I didn't do any- - No buts. We've made up our minds. 389 00:20:07,369 --> 00:20:11,328 We want Kramer. He showed us how much he cares about Steven. 390 00:20:13,889 --> 00:20:17,040 Don't ever go against the family, Jerry. 391 00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,368 Godfather. 392 00:20:24,529 --> 00:20:26,918 - Godfather. - Yes. 393 00:20:41,409 --> 00:20:44,719 To me, what's really amazing, that for every job that there is in the world... 394 00:20:44,889 --> 00:20:46,686 ...there's someone willing to do it. 395 00:20:46,849 --> 00:20:49,488 Someone goes, "I will stand in the tunnel breathing exhaust... 396 00:20:49,649 --> 00:20:52,368 ...watching the cars go by, making sure everything's okay." 397 00:20:52,529 --> 00:20:56,408 Someone goes, "I will work behind the elephant with the big shovel." 398 00:20:56,569 --> 00:20:58,799 Doctors go, "Yes, I will confine myself... 399 00:20:58,969 --> 00:21:01,961 ...to one particularly objectionable part of the human body... 400 00:21:02,129 --> 00:21:06,327 ...all day, every day. I will do it." 401 00:21:06,569 --> 00:21:10,448 I think people that are unemployed are not really unable to find work... 402 00:21:10,609 --> 00:21:12,406 ...they're just easily disgusted. 403 00:21:12,569 --> 00:21:15,561 "Yes, I'm starving, and my family has no clothing or shelter... 404 00:21:15,729 --> 00:21:18,163 ...but I'm not cleaning that up." 405 00:21:25,249 --> 00:21:26,238 Subtitles by SDl Media Group