1 00:00:02,209 --> 00:00:03,528 I had glasses when I was 10. 2 00:00:04,889 --> 00:00:06,766 Anybody beat that? Anybody got them younger? 3 00:00:06,929 --> 00:00:08,681 - Seven. - Seven? 4 00:00:09,049 --> 00:00:10,482 Two? 5 00:00:14,209 --> 00:00:17,360 Anybody born with glasses? Come out... 6 00:00:17,529 --> 00:00:19,918 Actually come out of the birth canal and go: 7 00:00:20,089 --> 00:00:23,047 "That was a hell of a delivery, I'll tell you that. 8 00:00:26,089 --> 00:00:28,239 Can I clean these? 9 00:00:28,769 --> 00:00:30,919 Does anybody have one of those little cloths? 10 00:00:31,089 --> 00:00:33,649 I was just born. They're a little... 11 00:00:33,809 --> 00:00:35,288 A little smudgy." 12 00:00:41,649 --> 00:00:43,799 - Fantastic. - I told you. How good is this? 13 00:00:43,969 --> 00:00:45,322 - It's good. - How good? 14 00:00:45,489 --> 00:00:46,478 - Very good. - I know. 15 00:00:46,649 --> 00:00:49,527 They put real blueberries in this. What kind did you get? 16 00:00:49,689 --> 00:00:52,078 Coffee. They grind up the coffee beans and put it in! 17 00:00:52,249 --> 00:00:54,444 Let me test-taste that. 18 00:00:59,329 --> 00:01:02,287 - And it's non-fat. - How could this not have any fat? 19 00:01:02,449 --> 00:01:04,087 - It's too good. - You wanna taste mine? 20 00:01:04,569 --> 00:01:06,560 - Oh, you wanna taste mine. - No, I don't. 21 00:01:06,729 --> 00:01:09,846 If you wanna taste mine, you don't have to offer me some of yours. 22 00:01:10,169 --> 00:01:12,239 All right, let's just forget it. 23 00:01:12,609 --> 00:01:14,486 Kramer's gonna clean up on this place. 24 00:01:14,649 --> 00:01:16,287 - What do you mean? - He invested in it. 25 00:01:16,449 --> 00:01:18,758 - No kidding? - We've been coming here every day. 26 00:01:18,929 --> 00:01:22,319 This is so f*****g good! 27 00:01:22,489 --> 00:01:24,002 Jerry! 28 00:01:24,769 --> 00:01:26,999 Oh, I'm sorry. 29 00:01:27,809 --> 00:01:29,561 - That's nice. - All right. 30 00:01:29,729 --> 00:01:32,766 We should get going, but I'm gonna get a little bit more, okay? 31 00:01:34,569 --> 00:01:37,322 - Oh, God, look who's here. - Who is it? 32 00:01:37,489 --> 00:01:40,208 This guy from my old neighbourhood, Lloyd Braun. 33 00:01:40,369 --> 00:01:44,078 He's a big adviser to Mayor Dinkins. He thinks he's so cool. 34 00:01:44,249 --> 00:01:45,762 Really? 35 00:01:47,049 --> 00:01:48,960 Hey, George. 36 00:01:49,129 --> 00:01:51,484 Hey, Lloyd! 37 00:01:52,129 --> 00:01:53,357 Hey! 38 00:01:53,529 --> 00:01:55,281 My friend Jerry. 39 00:01:55,809 --> 00:01:58,118 So I hear you're living back home now, or something? 40 00:02:00,369 --> 00:02:02,724 Yeah, there was a fire in my apartment. 41 00:02:02,889 --> 00:02:04,607 A fire. 42 00:02:05,089 --> 00:02:07,842 There's a lot of major chicks in this place, huh? 43 00:02:09,609 --> 00:02:11,520 Something wrong with your arm? 44 00:02:14,089 --> 00:02:16,080 Yeah, actually. 45 00:02:16,689 --> 00:02:20,921 I bumped my elbow on a desk and injured something... 46 00:02:21,089 --> 00:02:23,922 ...and now it sort of moves involuntarily. 47 00:02:25,529 --> 00:02:27,087 That's a bitch, huh? 48 00:02:27,409 --> 00:02:30,128 - So how are your parents doing? - Oh, pretty good. 49 00:02:32,889 --> 00:02:36,359 - This place does some business, huh? - Yeah, this is my first time here. 50 00:02:36,969 --> 00:02:38,925 Hey, she's a doll. 51 00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:40,603 Hi. 52 00:02:40,849 --> 00:02:43,363 - Hello. - Elaine, this is Lloyd. 53 00:02:43,529 --> 00:02:45,281 - Hi. - Hi. Very nice to meet you. 54 00:02:45,449 --> 00:02:46,802 Nice to meet you too. 55 00:02:49,329 --> 00:02:51,843 Boy, I'm really sorry I gotta run now. 56 00:02:53,529 --> 00:02:55,918 - Well, take it easy, huh, George? - Yeah, yeah. 57 00:02:56,089 --> 00:02:57,761 - Bye-bye. - Bye. 58 00:03:00,369 --> 00:03:03,406 - Boy, he is really cute. - He's a jerk. 59 00:03:03,569 --> 00:03:05,799 - He's gone, George. - All right, all right. 60 00:03:09,809 --> 00:03:11,401 So there were a lot of people there? 61 00:03:11,569 --> 00:03:13,639 That yogurt place- You're gonna make a fortune. 62 00:03:13,809 --> 00:03:16,482 - They're doing incredible business. - I told you to go in on it. 63 00:03:16,649 --> 00:03:19,607 - How did you know? - Well, I tasted it at the one downtown. 64 00:03:19,769 --> 00:03:21,646 It's got a remarkable texture. 65 00:03:21,809 --> 00:03:23,561 You'd never know it was non-fat. 66 00:03:27,009 --> 00:03:28,601 - Yeah? - Me. 67 00:03:30,049 --> 00:03:32,119 Hey, I had the show of my life last night. 68 00:03:32,289 --> 00:03:35,087 - I ad-libbed, like, 10 new minutes. - Yeah, but did you tape it? 69 00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:37,126 - Yeah. - Right there. I got it. 70 00:03:37,289 --> 00:03:38,927 I did this thing on the Ottoman Empire: 71 00:03:39,089 --> 00:03:42,286 What, was this a whole empire based on putting your feet up? 72 00:03:42,929 --> 00:03:45,648 I'm telling you, I got a whole new Tonight Show here. 73 00:03:47,849 --> 00:03:49,487 - Hi. - Hey. 74 00:03:49,649 --> 00:03:51,321 What's the matter? 75 00:03:51,489 --> 00:03:53,445 I was having lunch and I bit down on the fork. 76 00:03:53,809 --> 00:03:56,118 It's hard to believe with so much biting experience... 77 00:03:56,289 --> 00:03:58,484 ...a person could still make a mistake like that. 78 00:04:00,609 --> 00:04:02,361 - What? - You're getting heavy. 79 00:04:03,929 --> 00:04:07,365 - What? - You look like you put on 5... 80 00:04:07,529 --> 00:04:08,848 ...10 pounds. 81 00:04:10,169 --> 00:04:11,921 - Kramer! - I'll tell you something else... 82 00:04:12,089 --> 00:04:13,841 ...you're looking a little chunky yourself. 83 00:04:14,329 --> 00:04:15,318 - Me? - Yeah. 84 00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:18,083 - No. - Where's your bathroom scale? 85 00:04:23,089 --> 00:04:26,126 Oh, my God! I've gained 7 pounds! 86 00:04:26,449 --> 00:04:28,804 - I've gained 8! - I told you. 87 00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:31,881 I thought I'd put on a couple, but 7 pounds, how did I gain 7 pounds? 88 00:04:32,049 --> 00:04:34,119 - How did I gain 8? - I don't get it. 89 00:04:34,289 --> 00:04:37,281 I've been doing the same exercises. I haven't been eating different. 90 00:04:37,449 --> 00:04:38,802 Me either. 91 00:04:38,969 --> 00:04:40,880 Wait a second. Maybe it's that yogurt. 92 00:04:41,049 --> 00:04:44,598 - No, no. That's 100-percent non-fat. - How else could this have happened? 93 00:04:44,769 --> 00:04:46,919 - Maybe it's the Oreos. - I don't eat Oreos. 94 00:04:47,089 --> 00:04:49,887 You don't eat Oreos? The way you break them open... 95 00:04:51,329 --> 00:04:53,001 You're practically having sex with them. 96 00:04:53,169 --> 00:04:55,683 - What about me? - You? You're getting old. 97 00:04:56,369 --> 00:05:00,567 - Maybe your yogurt isn't so non-fat. - Oh, guess again, tubby. 98 00:05:02,249 --> 00:05:04,240 There's gotta be a way we can find that out. 99 00:05:04,409 --> 00:05:06,445 There must be a kind of lab that would do that. 100 00:05:06,929 --> 00:05:09,841 I've got it! I'll call the Food and Drug Administration. 101 00:05:12,849 --> 00:05:14,567 Hey, I'll tell you what, chubs. 102 00:05:14,729 --> 00:05:19,245 If that yogurt has fat in it, I will put myself on an all-yogurt diet... 103 00:05:19,409 --> 00:05:21,969 - ... for a week. - Well, let's start the insanity. 104 00:05:23,769 --> 00:05:25,168 Giddyup. 105 00:05:28,609 --> 00:05:31,282 "Tommy Tune is a very good dancer." 106 00:05:33,409 --> 00:05:35,684 You ever see Tommy Tune dance? 107 00:05:40,889 --> 00:05:42,959 - No. - I like tap-dancing. 108 00:05:43,129 --> 00:05:45,484 Tap-dancing. Anyone can tap-dance. It's those shoes. 109 00:05:45,649 --> 00:05:48,721 Are you kidding? They practice for years, those people. 110 00:05:49,209 --> 00:05:50,767 What's for supper? 111 00:05:51,769 --> 00:05:53,600 Somebody's at the door. 112 00:05:53,769 --> 00:05:55,088 Tommy Tune is very tall. 113 00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:58,767 That helps. It makes him lankier. 114 00:05:59,929 --> 00:06:02,762 - Lloyd! - Hello, Mrs. Costanza. 115 00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:05,284 Georgie, Lloyd Braun is here. 116 00:06:05,449 --> 00:06:08,327 - Hey, Lloyd! - What are you doing here? 117 00:06:08,489 --> 00:06:11,606 Well, I was just visiting my mother, so I thought I'd drop by, say hello. 118 00:06:11,889 --> 00:06:13,959 Georgie, come here and say hello. 119 00:06:14,129 --> 00:06:16,518 How you doing? I hear you're a big adviser for Dinkins. 120 00:06:16,729 --> 00:06:21,166 - That's right. Hey, George. - Hey, Lloyd. How's it going? 121 00:06:21,329 --> 00:06:23,445 I ran into George yesterday in the city. 122 00:06:27,289 --> 00:06:29,519 What's the matter with you? 123 00:06:30,529 --> 00:06:31,803 So how's the arm? 124 00:06:31,969 --> 00:06:34,085 - Oh, it's good. - What's the matter with your arm? 125 00:06:34,249 --> 00:06:36,558 - Nothing. - Yeah, his arm moves like this. 126 00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:40,085 Your arm moves like this? I've never seen your arm move like this. 127 00:06:40,249 --> 00:06:42,444 - Me either. - Well, it comes and goes. 128 00:06:42,609 --> 00:06:44,281 It's like some kind of... 129 00:06:44,449 --> 00:06:46,087 - ... a spasm. - Yeah. 130 00:06:46,369 --> 00:06:48,803 I asked Mr. Dinkins if he knew any good orthopaedists. 131 00:06:48,969 --> 00:06:52,803 He said he had the best. So I made an appointment for you. Dr. Dekter. 132 00:06:52,969 --> 00:06:55,608 Mayor Dinkins got an appointment for him? 133 00:06:55,769 --> 00:06:58,237 You mentioned George's name to Mayor Dinkins? 134 00:06:58,409 --> 00:07:00,923 You discussed George with the mayor of New York? 135 00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:05,680 Dinkins was talking about you. He was discussing you! 136 00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:08,000 You know, Lloyd, I've been to the doctor. 137 00:07:08,169 --> 00:07:09,807 - There's nothing they can do. - Hey! 138 00:07:09,969 --> 00:07:11,561 Mayor Dinkins set this up for you. 139 00:07:11,729 --> 00:07:13,959 You know what kind of a doctor he must be? 140 00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:16,245 All right. All right, I'll go. 141 00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:17,963 Well, that's great. 142 00:07:18,129 --> 00:07:21,360 And I'll be very interested to hear the diagnosis. 143 00:07:26,129 --> 00:07:28,882 Okay, well, we're coming down. All right. Okay. 144 00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:31,722 I got a place that can analyze it. It's in Brooklyn. 145 00:07:31,889 --> 00:07:34,005 - They said they could do it? - Yeah. It's 45 bucks. 146 00:07:34,169 --> 00:07:37,366 All right, let's go to the yogurt store and get a specimen. 147 00:07:40,049 --> 00:07:42,199 - Well, I hope you're satisfied. - What? 148 00:07:42,369 --> 00:07:45,361 Every word out of my son's mouth now is f**k, f**k, f**k. 149 00:07:48,249 --> 00:07:50,479 You know what he said to me five minutes ago? 150 00:07:50,689 --> 00:07:52,281 "Where's my f*****g cupcake?" 151 00:07:54,929 --> 00:07:56,601 Gee, I'm really sorry. 152 00:07:56,769 --> 00:07:59,408 He wants to be like you because you're a comedian. 153 00:07:59,569 --> 00:08:01,844 - Maybe you could talk to him. - I'd be happy to. 154 00:08:02,009 --> 00:08:03,203 Thank you. 155 00:08:03,369 --> 00:08:06,486 Mary, we've been eating a lot of your husband's yogurt... 156 00:08:06,649 --> 00:08:09,209 ...at the yogurt place. Does that have any fat in it? 157 00:08:09,369 --> 00:08:11,599 No f*****g way. 158 00:08:15,449 --> 00:08:20,079 - It was very nice seeing you again. - Oh, it was good seeing you. 159 00:08:21,649 --> 00:08:24,607 By the way, who was that gorgeous woman I saw you with the other day? 160 00:08:26,329 --> 00:08:28,684 - Just a friend of mine. - You must mean Elaine. 161 00:08:28,849 --> 00:08:31,158 - Isn't she adorable? - She is, she is. 162 00:08:31,329 --> 00:08:33,843 How about giving me her number? 163 00:08:34,009 --> 00:08:36,204 You know, Lloyd, I really don't have it. 164 00:08:36,369 --> 00:08:39,167 She works at Pendant Publishing. 165 00:08:39,569 --> 00:08:41,560 Elaine Benes. 166 00:08:41,729 --> 00:08:43,765 - Great. Thanks a lot. - Yeah. 167 00:08:43,929 --> 00:08:45,999 - Bye-bye. - Bye. 168 00:08:47,649 --> 00:08:52,165 Oh, that Lloyd Braun, he is something, isn't he? 169 00:08:54,889 --> 00:08:57,119 I wouldn't hear of it. I said, "Nice try, granny"... 170 00:08:57,289 --> 00:08:59,644 ...and I sent her to the back of the line. 171 00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:07,441 Hello, Newman. 172 00:09:08,889 --> 00:09:10,288 Hello, Jerry. 173 00:09:10,449 --> 00:09:13,839 Say, this yogurt is really something, huh? And it's non-fat! 174 00:09:14,009 --> 00:09:18,207 I've been waiting for something like this my whole life, and it's finally here! 175 00:09:20,409 --> 00:09:22,001 Hey, Seinfeld. 176 00:09:22,249 --> 00:09:25,207 I'd appreciate if you'd stop using obscenities around my son, huh? 177 00:09:25,369 --> 00:09:27,599 It was an accident. I'm gonna talk to him. 178 00:09:27,769 --> 00:09:30,602 I'll have a small plain vanilla in a cup to go. 179 00:09:31,329 --> 00:09:33,684 - That's non-fat, right? - That's right. 180 00:09:33,849 --> 00:09:34,884 I'm on a special diet. 181 00:09:35,049 --> 00:09:37,961 - The doctor said I can't have any fat. - Yeah, well, there is no fat. 182 00:09:38,129 --> 00:09:40,597 Hey, another round of strawberry for me and my friends! 183 00:09:45,089 --> 00:09:47,478 - Hurry, Jerry, hurry. - How's it doing? 184 00:09:47,649 --> 00:09:48,638 Not so good. 185 00:09:48,809 --> 00:09:50,845 You can't have this tested now. It's melting. 186 00:09:51,009 --> 00:09:53,364 - So what? - It changes the molecules. 187 00:09:53,529 --> 00:09:55,281 You don't know what you're talking about. 188 00:09:55,449 --> 00:09:58,725 Hey, fatso, I got a 90 in biology. 189 00:09:58,889 --> 00:10:01,403 You call me fatso again, you're gonna be walking back. 190 00:10:05,209 --> 00:10:07,928 Hi. I called earlier about getting the yogurt tested? 191 00:10:08,089 --> 00:10:10,967 Oh, right. Would you fill this out, please? 192 00:10:11,129 --> 00:10:13,848 - Does it matter if it's melted? - No. 193 00:10:16,889 --> 00:10:19,164 - This is gonna take a couple of days. - That's okay. 194 00:10:20,089 --> 00:10:21,408 Hello there. 195 00:10:22,969 --> 00:10:24,561 Hello. 196 00:10:25,449 --> 00:10:26,802 Test tubes. 197 00:10:26,969 --> 00:10:28,243 Cool. 198 00:10:28,449 --> 00:10:32,044 - What do you got there? - Actually, this is Mr. Giuliani's blood. 199 00:10:32,209 --> 00:10:34,598 We're doing a cholesterol workup on it. 200 00:10:34,769 --> 00:10:36,441 Okay, I'm done. 201 00:10:37,289 --> 00:10:41,282 - It was really nice meeting you. - Well, the pleasure's all mine. 202 00:10:45,129 --> 00:10:47,563 - You can't take that chemist out. - Why not? 203 00:10:47,729 --> 00:10:50,197 Because she's like the jury. She's gotta be sequestered. 204 00:10:50,369 --> 00:10:53,167 I'm not taking her out just to influence the results. 205 00:10:53,329 --> 00:10:56,321 - I think the whole thing stinks. - It smells. Smells bad. 206 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,968 - Smells really bad. - That's enough. 207 00:10:58,129 --> 00:10:59,357 - What? - With the smells. 208 00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:05,041 So he made an appointment for me to see Dinkins' doctor. 209 00:11:05,209 --> 00:11:07,404 He's just trying to humiliate me. 210 00:11:07,569 --> 00:11:11,323 And I have to go. If I don't go, he'll know I'm lying. 211 00:11:12,529 --> 00:11:15,362 What are you gonna do, sit in the doctor's office doing this? 212 00:11:15,529 --> 00:11:17,804 He's gonna think you're a mental patient. 213 00:11:18,849 --> 00:11:20,202 I don't care. 214 00:11:20,369 --> 00:11:22,439 Look, Lloyd doesn't know what he's up against. 215 00:11:22,609 --> 00:11:24,520 This is nothing to me. 216 00:11:24,689 --> 00:11:26,759 My whole life is a lie. 217 00:11:28,729 --> 00:11:30,128 - Hey. - Hey. 218 00:11:30,289 --> 00:11:31,802 So guess who called me. 219 00:11:31,969 --> 00:11:35,405 - Oh, don't tell me. Lloyd? - We're going out tomorrow night. 220 00:11:35,569 --> 00:11:38,879 All right, look, he's gonna ask you about my arm. 221 00:11:39,049 --> 00:11:41,165 So just tell him I banged it against a desk... 222 00:11:41,329 --> 00:11:43,445 ...and it's been moving involuntarily ever since. 223 00:11:43,609 --> 00:11:44,803 I can't say that. 224 00:11:45,489 --> 00:11:47,605 - Why not? - What if I like him? 225 00:11:47,769 --> 00:11:50,806 - I'm gonna start out lying to this guy? - So you're taking his side? 226 00:11:50,969 --> 00:11:52,687 No, but what if we get married? 227 00:11:52,849 --> 00:11:55,124 We'll always have that between us. 228 00:11:55,289 --> 00:11:57,484 Already you're marrying this guy? 229 00:11:57,649 --> 00:11:59,241 - You never know. - Believe me... 230 00:11:59,409 --> 00:12:02,401 - ... you're not gonna marry him. - What if we become a couple? 231 00:12:02,569 --> 00:12:05,766 Every time we see you, you're gonna be walking around going like this? 232 00:12:05,929 --> 00:12:07,487 Even you can't keep that up. 233 00:12:07,649 --> 00:12:09,446 Oh, I believe he can. 234 00:12:14,649 --> 00:12:15,968 - Hi. - Hi. 235 00:12:16,129 --> 00:12:19,485 - You know Jerry. - Of course. He's a funny f****r. 236 00:12:22,289 --> 00:12:23,483 See? 237 00:12:26,769 --> 00:12:30,079 Listen, Matthew, I want to explain something to you. 238 00:12:30,529 --> 00:12:35,045 Now, cursing is not something that most comedians do. 239 00:12:36,369 --> 00:12:39,805 - You did it. - That's true, but it was an accident. 240 00:12:39,969 --> 00:12:42,563 I haven't done it since, and I would never do it again. 241 00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,965 If you continue cursing, you'll never become... 242 00:12:45,129 --> 00:12:46,721 ...a comedian like me when you grow up. 243 00:12:48,329 --> 00:12:49,921 Excuse me one second. 244 00:12:53,729 --> 00:12:56,801 You know, Lloyd advises Dinkins on everything he does. 245 00:12:56,969 --> 00:13:00,325 - Yeah, yeah. Big adviser. - He tells him what soap to use. 246 00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:06,568 What the f**k are you doing, you little piece of s**t?! 247 00:13:15,409 --> 00:13:17,798 We don't want to disturb the security guard. 248 00:13:17,969 --> 00:13:19,243 Where's the lights? 249 00:13:20,369 --> 00:13:23,805 - How about this? - Yeah. 250 00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:25,641 A Bunsen burner. 251 00:13:35,449 --> 00:13:37,644 You want a taste? It's cappuccino. 252 00:13:42,609 --> 00:13:43,758 It's delicious. 253 00:13:44,049 --> 00:13:46,404 - I hear you. - Non-fat? 254 00:13:46,569 --> 00:13:47,763 Well... 255 00:13:48,089 --> 00:13:49,442 ...you tell me. 256 00:13:50,289 --> 00:13:51,802 Is the verdict in yet? 257 00:13:52,689 --> 00:13:54,327 No. 258 00:13:54,729 --> 00:13:56,003 Well... 259 00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,558 ...this is in case there's a tie. 260 00:14:11,649 --> 00:14:14,527 As far as I know, he bumped his arm into a door... 261 00:14:14,689 --> 00:14:16,725 ...and it's kind of got... 262 00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:21,360 ...this involuntary movement. It's some sort of a spasm. 263 00:14:22,849 --> 00:14:25,761 So anyway, you're a big adviser to Dinkins, huh? 264 00:14:25,929 --> 00:14:28,238 Yeah, yeah. It's coming right down the wire. 265 00:14:29,289 --> 00:14:31,405 Know what I would do if I was running for mayor? 266 00:14:31,569 --> 00:14:33,480 One of my campaign themes would be... 267 00:14:33,649 --> 00:14:37,198 ...that everybody should wear nametags to make the city friendlier. 268 00:14:37,369 --> 00:14:39,758 - Nametags, huh? - Everybody would know everybody. 269 00:14:39,929 --> 00:14:42,079 It would be like a small town. 270 00:14:42,369 --> 00:14:45,327 - Maybe I'll mention that to him. - Really? 271 00:14:47,569 --> 00:14:50,367 - You sure you don't want any yogurt? - No, I'm watching my weight. 272 00:14:50,769 --> 00:14:53,647 - Oh, it's non-fat. - Yeah, so they say. 273 00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:56,198 - Well, shall we go? - Yeah, okay. 274 00:15:05,609 --> 00:15:07,804 Three days he hasn't called me, and you know why? 275 00:15:07,969 --> 00:15:10,085 Because he thinks I'm too fat. 276 00:15:10,249 --> 00:15:11,568 - He said that? - No. 277 00:15:11,729 --> 00:15:14,482 But I saw the look on his face when he put his arm around me. 278 00:15:14,849 --> 00:15:18,762 Then we went to his apartment, and I sat on one of his chairs... 279 00:15:18,929 --> 00:15:20,123 ...and it broke. 280 00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:24,964 And he says, "Boy, you're a lot of woman." 281 00:15:28,049 --> 00:15:30,609 Hey, so hear anything on the yogurt? 282 00:15:30,769 --> 00:15:34,921 - No, but I expect to hear any time. - Well, I wouldn't get your hopes up. 283 00:15:35,089 --> 00:15:37,649 - Why do you say that? - No reason. 284 00:15:38,529 --> 00:15:40,360 Did you hear about that Dinkins? 285 00:15:40,529 --> 00:15:42,565 - What about him? - You didn't hear? 286 00:15:42,729 --> 00:15:46,847 He's proposing a plan where everyone in the city should wear nametags. 287 00:15:47,849 --> 00:15:49,601 - Nametags? - So people can go around... 288 00:15:49,769 --> 00:15:51,122 ...saying hello to one another. 289 00:15:51,289 --> 00:15:55,328 Oh, I see. So you go, "Hey, you know who I saw wilding today? Herb!" 290 00:15:55,489 --> 00:15:56,922 He's becoming a laughingstock! 291 00:15:57,089 --> 00:16:01,401 The Times has already stated it could cost him the election. Nametags! 292 00:16:04,769 --> 00:16:05,758 Hello? 293 00:16:06,409 --> 00:16:07,762 Yes. 294 00:16:08,889 --> 00:16:10,038 Yeah- 295 00:16:10,529 --> 00:16:11,962 Oh, really? 296 00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:14,565 Okay. Thank you very much. 297 00:16:14,729 --> 00:16:17,004 Bye-bye. Well... 298 00:16:17,249 --> 00:16:19,365 ...the yogurt verdict is in. 299 00:16:19,529 --> 00:16:21,201 Fat! 300 00:16:25,969 --> 00:16:27,800 The next morning, I woke up... 301 00:16:29,369 --> 00:16:32,042 ...and it was going like this. 302 00:16:32,649 --> 00:16:35,959 I can control it if I really concentrate... 303 00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:37,721 ...but otherwise- 304 00:16:39,849 --> 00:16:43,080 Yes, well, I'm going to have to be perfectly honest with you. 305 00:16:43,249 --> 00:16:45,001 - Please, doctor. - I've examined you... 306 00:16:45,169 --> 00:16:47,080 ...I've looked at your x-rays... 307 00:16:47,249 --> 00:16:50,241 ...and I find that there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. 308 00:16:54,769 --> 00:16:56,361 Really? 309 00:16:56,769 --> 00:16:57,997 - Nothing? - Nothing... 310 00:16:58,169 --> 00:17:00,319 ...that would indicate involuntary spasms. 311 00:17:02,849 --> 00:17:04,919 Well, it's kind of a mystery, isn't it? 312 00:17:05,489 --> 00:17:07,684 - No, not really. - How so? 313 00:17:07,849 --> 00:17:10,363 May I suggest the possibility that you're faking. 314 00:17:11,009 --> 00:17:12,362 Faking? 315 00:17:12,969 --> 00:17:15,164 What makes you think that I have time... 316 00:17:15,329 --> 00:17:17,684 ...to see doctors take x-rays, make appointments... 317 00:17:17,849 --> 00:17:19,885 ...when there's absolutely nothing wrong with me? 318 00:17:20,049 --> 00:17:22,244 What kind of a person would do a thing like that? 319 00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:25,128 I don't know what kind of person would do something like that. 320 00:17:25,289 --> 00:17:27,519 Obviously a very sick person. 321 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,363 A very immature person. 322 00:17:30,369 --> 00:17:34,123 A person who has no regard for wasting other people's valuable time. 323 00:17:34,449 --> 00:17:36,405 - Goodbye. - Now see here, doctor- 324 00:17:36,569 --> 00:17:38,366 I said, goodbye. 325 00:17:39,009 --> 00:17:40,158 Fine. 326 00:17:47,329 --> 00:17:49,559 Jerry, come on, look. Let's go to that yogurt store. 327 00:17:49,729 --> 00:17:53,119 I've been thinking about this. This has gotta be a massive conspiracy. 328 00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:55,166 Who knows how deep it goes? 329 00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:58,369 Hey, look, wait a second. Kramer, turn that up. 330 00:17:58,769 --> 00:18:01,237 Rudy Giuliani, who underwent a physicallast week... 331 00:18:01,409 --> 00:18:03,400 ...received some startling news today... 332 00:18:03,569 --> 00:18:07,164 ...when his cholesterol count turned out to be a whopping 375. 333 00:18:08,729 --> 00:18:12,358 What effect this wil have on the minds of the v oters remains to be seen. 334 00:18:12,529 --> 00:18:14,804 In another development, Mayor Dinkins has fired... 335 00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:17,961 ...his top adviser, Lloyd Braun, who was believed responsible... 336 00:18:18,129 --> 00:18:19,403 ...for the nametag fiasco. 337 00:18:19,569 --> 00:18:21,560 We now tak e you to Giuliani headquarters... 338 00:18:21,729 --> 00:18:24,163 ...where Rudy Giuliani is about to mak e a statement. 339 00:18:24,329 --> 00:18:27,366 It's hard to understand. I've been doing everything I normaly do. 340 00:18:27,529 --> 00:18:30,441 I've been watching my diet very carefuly, I exercise regularly. 341 00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:33,999 My only indulgence, I guess, would be that I eat a lot of frozen yogurt... 342 00:18:34,169 --> 00:18:35,488 ...but it's non-fat. 343 00:18:35,689 --> 00:18:41,559 Non-fat yogurt? Oh, my God. They got the Giuliani, and he doesn't know it! 344 00:18:41,729 --> 00:18:44,641 - Now look what you've done. - We've gotta do something. 345 00:18:44,809 --> 00:18:46,800 I'm calling Giuliani's headquarters. 346 00:18:48,049 --> 00:18:50,847 Nametags! Nametags! 347 00:18:51,009 --> 00:18:54,001 What kind of an idiot thinks anybody would be interested in that idea? 348 00:18:54,169 --> 00:18:57,639 I don't think it's so bad. People should wear nametags. 349 00:18:58,289 --> 00:18:59,881 Everyone would be a lot friendlier. 350 00:19:00,049 --> 00:19:02,688 "Hello, Sam." "How you doing, Joe?" 351 00:19:04,289 --> 00:19:07,406 Hey, your arm. It moved again. 352 00:19:08,249 --> 00:19:09,602 I thought you said it went away. 353 00:19:09,929 --> 00:19:12,568 I banged it on the desk in the doctor's office. 354 00:19:14,289 --> 00:19:15,438 Quiet! 355 00:19:15,649 --> 00:19:18,243 They're starting the press conference. 356 00:19:18,409 --> 00:19:21,446 My campaign staff has received some very disturbing information... 357 00:19:21,609 --> 00:19:24,806 ...regarding the fat content in yogurt being sold throughout the city. 358 00:19:26,129 --> 00:19:28,359 I pledge to you now that if I'm elected mayor... 359 00:19:28,529 --> 00:19:31,805 ...as my first order of business, I'l appoint a special task force... 360 00:19:31,969 --> 00:19:33,402 ...to investigate this matter. 361 00:19:33,569 --> 00:19:35,321 I promise you, my felow New York ers... 362 00:19:35,489 --> 00:19:38,128 ...that Mayor Giuliani wil do everything possible... 363 00:19:38,289 --> 00:19:42,077 ...to cleanse the city of this falsified non-fat yogurt. 364 00:19:43,129 --> 00:19:46,519 The old yogurt was so much better. Oh, this is terrible. 365 00:19:46,689 --> 00:19:48,759 - Oh, it stinks. - Mine too. 366 00:19:48,929 --> 00:19:50,760 - I got one more day. - I can't eat this. 367 00:19:50,929 --> 00:19:52,999 Hey, Jerry. 368 00:19:53,769 --> 00:19:56,488 Thanks a lot. I hope you're happy. 369 00:19:56,649 --> 00:20:00,085 - It had fat in it. It's not good for you. - I don't care! 370 00:20:00,529 --> 00:20:02,918 It was good! I was enjoying it. 371 00:20:03,089 --> 00:20:05,319 Had to interfere, couldn't leave well enough alone. 372 00:20:05,489 --> 00:20:08,049 I will get even with you for this. You can count on it. 373 00:20:08,689 --> 00:20:11,157 Hey, you guys, listen to this. Listen to this. 374 00:20:11,329 --> 00:20:14,287 "Apparently some blood spilled into Mr. Giuliani's test tube... 375 00:20:14,449 --> 00:20:16,121 ...causing his cholesterol count... 376 00:20:16,289 --> 00:20:19,361 ...to be 150 points higher than was initially reported. 377 00:20:19,529 --> 00:20:22,521 Ironically, the mishap, by bringing the non-fat-yogurt scandal... 378 00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:26,602 ...to the attention of the public, probably clinched the election for the Republican. 379 00:20:26,769 --> 00:20:29,488 It was the one issue which seemed to electrify the voters... 380 00:20:29,649 --> 00:20:31,765 ...and swept Giuliani into office." 381 00:20:31,929 --> 00:20:34,523 So in effect, the yogurt won him the election. 382 00:20:34,689 --> 00:20:36,964 I wonder what actually happened in that lab. 383 00:20:37,129 --> 00:20:39,199 Yeah. Me too. 384 00:20:40,649 --> 00:20:42,367 I can't eat this. 385 00:20:47,529 --> 00:20:50,805 Thanks for ruining my daddy's business, you fat f**k. 386 00:21:01,889 --> 00:21:04,528 There's nothing more fun than cursing when you're a kid. 387 00:21:04,689 --> 00:21:06,645 I mean, it's like getting the keys to the car. 388 00:21:06,809 --> 00:21:09,448 You're doing something you're not supposed to do. 389 00:21:09,609 --> 00:21:12,203 And there's nothing less fun than when you're an adult... 390 00:21:12,369 --> 00:21:14,803 ...and having to use those wholesome curses: 391 00:21:15,449 --> 00:21:16,723 Fudge! 392 00:21:18,529 --> 00:21:20,247 Sugar! 393 00:21:20,729 --> 00:21:22,720 Consarnit! 394 00:21:23,329 --> 00:21:25,559 What the hell is "consarnit"anyway? 395 00:21:25,729 --> 00:21:27,720 You stub your toe and say, "Consarnit"... 396 00:21:27,889 --> 00:21:30,198 ...you might as well say, "Yippee!" 397 00:21:31,449 --> 00:21:34,247 If you've been to a foreign country, the first thing you learn... 398 00:21:34,409 --> 00:21:35,728 ...are the curse words. Right? 399 00:21:35,889 --> 00:21:39,564 You travel halfway around the world to experience some exotic civilization... 400 00:21:39,729 --> 00:21:42,687 ...the first thing you ask is, "How do they say 'doodie' here?" 401 00:21:49,569 --> 00:21:50,558 Subtitles by SDl Media Group