1
00:00:03,536 --> 00:00:06,004
With a serial killer,
it's safest to be a neighbor.
2
00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:09,175
They never kill the neighbor.
The neighbor survives to do...
3
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:12,175
...the interview afterwards, right?
"He was kind of quiet."
4
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,575
These neighbors,
they're never disturbed...
5
00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:17,181
...by the sounds of murdering.
Just stereo.
6
00:00:17,384 --> 00:00:19,181
Chain saws, people screaming, fine.
7
00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:21,684
Just keep the music down.
8
00:00:22,055 --> 00:00:24,250
And women who fall in love
with the killer.
9
00:00:24,424 --> 00:00:28,224
They write to him in prison. Here's
a woman that's hard to disappoint.
10
00:00:28,495 --> 00:00:30,258
She's only upset
when she finds out...
11
00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:32,591
...he's stopped killing people.
And she goes:
12
00:00:32,799 --> 00:00:36,394
"You know, sometimes I feel like I don't
even know who you are anymore."
13
00:00:42,675 --> 00:00:45,007
No. Eight years
isn't such a long streak.
14
00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:48,443
-It isn't?
-No. I haven't vomited in 13 years.
15
00:00:49,816 --> 00:00:53,877
-Get out.
-Not since June 29th, 1980.
16
00:00:54,087 --> 00:00:55,850
You remember the date?
17
00:00:56,056 --> 00:01:01,926
Yes. Because my previous vomit
was also June 29th, 1972.
18
00:01:02,095 --> 00:01:05,622
That's why during the '80 vomit
I was yelling to George:
19
00:01:05,832 --> 00:01:10,201
"Can you believe it?
I'm vomiting on June 29th again."
20
00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:13,401
When Joel told me he hadn't
thrown up in eight years...
21
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:16,599
...I was wondering if he was normal.
-No, Elaine, he's normal.
22
00:01:16,843 --> 00:01:19,437
Your boyfriend is normal.
He just has the same name...
23
00:01:19,612 --> 00:01:21,944
...as one of the worst serial killers
in history.
24
00:01:23,716 --> 00:01:25,946
Oh, Jer, I gotta go. I gotta go.
25
00:01:26,119 --> 00:01:27,746
-Hi.
-Hey.
26
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,889
We just saw your boyfriend
at a bus stop.
27
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,388
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah. What's his name?
28
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:34,457
-Joel.
-Joel what?
29
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,092
Rifkin.
30
00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:40,455
-Rifkin? Joel Rifkin?
-Yeah. It's just a coincidence...
31
00:01:40,633 --> 00:01:42,464
...obviously.
-Guess you better...
32
00:01:42,635 --> 00:01:44,296
...keep on his good side.
33
00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:47,103
Very funny. That's very funny.
34
00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:50,401
Yeah, I wouldn't sleep
with my back to him if I were you.
35
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,737
Yeah. Well, that's
enough of that. Enough.
36
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,608
If you smell anything
decaying in his car's trunk...
37
00:01:55,815 --> 00:01:58,079
Look, this is my boyfriend
we're talking about.
38
00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:00,980
He's a gentleman. He's good-looking,
he's a good shaver.
39
00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:04,920
And he hasn't thrown up in eight years,
so just shut up about him. Shut up!
40
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,858
The whole city is talking
about this monster, Joel Rifkin.
41
00:02:11,030 --> 00:02:12,861
And I am dating a Joel Rifkin.
42
00:02:13,032 --> 00:02:17,935
-But you like your Joel Rifkin.
-Yeah. I wish he had a different name.
43
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,765
Ask him to change it.
44
00:02:19,939 --> 00:02:22,601
You can't ask a person
to change their name.
45
00:02:22,775 --> 00:02:25,107
-Why not?
-Would you change yours?
46
00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:27,336
If someone asked me nicely.
47
00:02:28,181 --> 00:02:29,512
I'm Claude Seinfeld.
48
00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:33,617
Hey, how many people
did Rifkin strangle, 18?
49
00:02:33,786 --> 00:02:35,151
Yeah, 18 strangles.
50
00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:37,448
You know why Rifkin
was a serial killer?
51
00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:39,649
Because he was adopted.
52
00:02:41,794 --> 00:02:43,785
Just like Son of Sam was adopted.
53
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,864
So apparently, adoption leads
to serial killing.
54
00:02:50,870 --> 00:02:53,304
Joel and I have an extra ticket
to the Giants game.
55
00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:54,963
-I'll go.
-Okay.
56
00:02:56,509 --> 00:03:00,240
-I'll leave a ticket for you at will call.
-Yeah!
57
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:04,139
Should I have asked George?
58
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,648
Hey, did you hear George
got back with Karen?
59
00:03:06,819 --> 00:03:08,650
-Karen?
-Risotto.
60
00:03:08,988 --> 00:03:10,853
I feel full after the risotto.
61
00:03:11,090 --> 00:03:14,719
-Oh, the risotto broad.
-Yeah.
62
00:03:14,994 --> 00:03:17,986
He's got a good thing with her.
I'm doubling with them tonight.
63
00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:20,556
-You don't like double dates.
-George does.
64
00:03:20,733 --> 00:03:23,031
He feels it's a good
personality showcase.
65
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,194
He likes a date to see him
with a friend...
66
00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:27,896
...so she gets a window
into his non-date personality.
67
00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:31,833
I've looked through that window and
screamed at him to shut the blinds.
68
00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:35,877
He feels he's funnier, more relaxed.
69
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:38,847
-And you're taking..?
-Jodi, the masseuse.
70
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,213
-Hey, did you get a massage yet?
-No.
71
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:44,618
How many times do I have to go out
with her before I get a massage?
72
00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:48,518
Jerry, she gives massages all day. She
doesn't want to give them on dates.
73
00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:52,061
Yeah, I know. She just wants
to have sex.
74
00:03:52,265 --> 00:03:53,630
So what?
75
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,360
It's like going to Idaho
and eating carrots.
76
00:03:56,703 --> 00:04:00,434
I like carrots, but I'm in Idaho,
I want a potato.
77
00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:07,369
So I go into this clothing store,
and the saleswoman is wearing this...
78
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:09,070
...low-cut thing.
79
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,410
So I said to her,
"Can I ask you a question?
80
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:15,281
When you put on a top like that,
what's your thought process?
81
00:04:15,521 --> 00:04:17,648
What's going on in your mind?"
82
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:19,585
That is so funny.
83
00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:24,959
-You listening to this?
-Yeah, I heard you.
84
00:04:25,231 --> 00:04:27,722
Boy, my neck is killing me.
85
00:04:28,234 --> 00:04:30,634
It's right in this spot.
Very tender over here.
86
00:04:30,803 --> 00:04:32,600
So, what did she say?
87
00:04:32,805 --> 00:04:35,968
Well, nothing.
I didn't actually say that.
88
00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:38,741
You just said you said it.
89
00:04:38,911 --> 00:04:41,539
Sweetheart, I was exaggerating.
90
00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:44,410
I'm learning a lot
about you tonight, George.
91
00:04:44,584 --> 00:04:46,279
I've never seen you like this.
92
00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:51,080
It's like somebody's
pulling on wires back here.
93
00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:54,320
It's like, you never see
a really attractive woman...
94
00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:56,155
...getting a traffic ticket.
95
00:04:56,329 --> 00:04:59,821
How can you say that?
My sister got a ticket last week.
96
00:04:59,999 --> 00:05:02,763
Are you saying she's not attractive?
97
00:05:03,202 --> 00:05:06,000
Obviously, these are not
hard-and-fast rules.
98
00:05:06,205 --> 00:05:08,765
Darling, the tea is getting
a little cold, sweetheart.
99
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,000
-Can we go?
-So soon?
100
00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:13,611
-Yeah. Good seeing you again, Karen.
-Yeah.
101
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,873
-Nice meeting you, Karen.
-Yeah, I'll call about that massage.
102
00:05:17,116 --> 00:05:18,640
-Yeah.
-Let's do this again soon.
103
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,683
Yeah.
104
00:05:24,357 --> 00:05:28,316
-I strained my neck last night.
-Really, how?
105
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:31,019
I tried brushing my teeth
by holding the brush...
106
00:05:31,197 --> 00:05:33,825
...and moving my head
from side to side.
107
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:35,990
It didn't work.
108
00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:39,065
So, what's the deal
with your friend George?
109
00:05:39,238 --> 00:05:40,671
No deal. Why?
110
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:44,105
What was all that "attractive women
not getting tickets" nonsense?
111
00:05:44,310 --> 00:05:47,643
Well, he was just showcasing
his non-date personality.
112
00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:50,342
How can you hang out with him?
113
00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:53,974
Yeah, sometimes
it really makes me tense.
114
00:05:55,254 --> 00:05:57,313
Did you see
the way that he was eating?
115
00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:59,481
Yeah, he's disgusting.
116
00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:02,926
I have to tell you,
I really don't like him.
117
00:06:03,129 --> 00:06:06,098
-Yeah, me either.
-It's just I hate that type.
118
00:06:06,265 --> 00:06:08,165
He's a bad seed.
119
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:13,502
Now, you, however, you, I like.
120
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:18,374
-What are you doing?
-What do you think I'm doing?
121
00:06:21,247 --> 00:06:24,683
-So, what do you think?
-Really enjoyed it.
122
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:26,715
-Jodi's nice.
-She's very nice.
123
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,651
Let's discuss this later.
124
00:06:29,856 --> 00:06:32,347
You think she liked me?
She seemed to like me.
125
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:38,289
-I was personable, don't you think?
-You were extremely personable.
126
00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:41,398
Because I thought I picked up
a little something.
127
00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:44,229
I'm very good at this.
Did you pick up anything?
128
00:06:44,437 --> 00:06:49,067
-I didn't pick up anything.
-The second time I sent noodles back...
129
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,873
...I thought she made a face.
130
00:06:52,211 --> 00:06:53,769
I didn't see a face.
131
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:56,742
I thought I saw a face.
132
00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:59,783
-What is the difference?
-No difference. I could care less.
133
00:06:59,952 --> 00:07:03,888
-She's Jerry's girlfriend.
-George, instead of talking about this...
134
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,183
...we could be... You know.
135
00:07:08,327 --> 00:07:09,988
So you think she liked me?
136
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,069
-What are you doing?
-Massaging your neck.
137
00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:27,569
Of course. Massaging.
138
00:07:28,247 --> 00:07:29,737
Boning up on football?
139
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:32,417
Yeah. Yeah. You know what?
140
00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:36,316
There are a lot of players
named Deion these days.
141
00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:39,314
What a cool name, Deion.
142
00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:42,017
If I were gonna change my name,
I'd go with Deion.
143
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:44,997
Deion Benes?
144
00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:46,926
Well, as a woman,
it makes no sense.
145
00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:50,935
But I mean...
Well, let's say I was you.
146
00:07:51,103 --> 00:07:53,333
And I decided I was gonna
change my name...
147
00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:55,872
For no real reason whatsoever.
148
00:07:56,175 --> 00:07:58,666
Deion Rifkin.
149
00:08:00,513 --> 00:08:03,539
That is so cool.
150
00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:06,384
Deion Rifkin?
151
00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:09,051
Well, maybe you're not
the Deion type.
152
00:08:09,255 --> 00:08:13,817
Okay, then let's see, let's see,
what do we got? Oh, oh, oh, O.J.
153
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:17,759
O.J. Rifkin. Oh, you don't even use
a name. It's just initials.
154
00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:21,127
Oh, please, please, change your name
to O.J. It would be so great.
155
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,666
Elaine, what is going on?
156
00:08:27,039 --> 00:08:30,475
-She stayed over?
-Yeah.
157
00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:34,971
-Sex wasn't so good?
-No. Sex was fabulous.
158
00:08:35,648 --> 00:08:39,516
-So?
-I want the massage.
159
00:08:40,786 --> 00:08:42,686
-Did you ask her?
-I put her hands there.
160
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:45,585
She just pulls it away immediately.
She's not into it.
161
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:48,350
-Why not?
-I guess because it's her job.
162
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:51,088
It's very frustrating.
163
00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:55,192
So we had a good time,
the four of us.
164
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:56,995
-Yeah.
-We all got along.
165
00:08:57,169 --> 00:08:59,660
-Everyone seemed very pleasant.
-Yeah.
166
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:02,397
-What did Jodi say?
-She had a good time.
167
00:09:02,608 --> 00:09:04,508
-Is that it?
-Pretty much.
168
00:09:05,511 --> 00:09:08,844
She say anything about..?
169
00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:11,346
-What?
-No, no. It's all right. Great.
170
00:09:11,517 --> 00:09:12,882
She had a good time.
171
00:09:13,953 --> 00:09:16,080
Yeah.
172
00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:18,586
-You hesitated.
-I was blowing on the coffee.
173
00:09:18,824 --> 00:09:20,553
She didn't like me.
174
00:09:21,861 --> 00:09:24,557
It's not like you'll be spending
a lot of time with her.
175
00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:26,129
So she doesn't like me?
176
00:09:26,365 --> 00:09:28,356
No.
177
00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:32,570
-She said that?
-Yes.
178
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,905
-She told you she doesn't like me?
-Yes.
179
00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:38,743
-What were her exact..?
-"I don't like him."
180
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,615
Why didn't she like me?
181
00:09:45,851 --> 00:09:48,115
-Not everybody likes everybody.
-I wasn't nice?
182
00:09:48,354 --> 00:09:51,653
-You were very nice.
-I bent over backwards for that woman!
183
00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:55,258
-Was it what I said about her sister?
-It has nothing to do with her.
184
00:09:55,461 --> 00:09:58,396
I don't even know her sister!
But if she's getting tickets...
185
00:09:58,564 --> 00:10:00,794
...she's not that good-looking!
186
00:10:03,002 --> 00:10:04,663
You vomited in 1987.
187
00:10:04,870 --> 00:10:06,735
Oh, no. That was the dry heaves.
188
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:08,770
-Jodi.
-Hi, Jerry.
189
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:13,241
-Hey!
-What are you doing here?
190
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:16,938
-I was giving Kramer a massage.
-Kramer.
191
00:10:18,484 --> 00:10:20,008
Gotta run, I have an appointment.
192
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:21,983
-Let me take your table.
-That's okay.
193
00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:23,621
Please. I love to help people.
194
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:27,350
This is what I do.
Come on, I'm going this way.
195
00:10:27,526 --> 00:10:29,153
I'll see you tonight.
196
00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:35,126
Hey! I am looser than creamed corn.
197
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:38,293
Who told you to get a massage?
I haven't gotten one from her!
198
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:41,929
Oh, you don't know
what you're missing, buddy.
199
00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:44,109
No one hails a cab like me.
200
00:10:44,276 --> 00:10:46,176
My hailing technique is unmatched.
201
00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:48,438
See, I get the wrist going
side to side and:
202
00:10:48,614 --> 00:10:51,447
Cabs are crashing into themselves
to just pick me up.
203
00:10:51,617 --> 00:10:54,711
All right, here we go.
Let me get the door.
204
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,548
Feminists aside,
I know women like the door-holding.
205
00:10:57,723 --> 00:11:01,284
Here we are. Alrighty. Good. Okay.
206
00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:03,018
Let's get together again soon.
207
00:11:03,195 --> 00:11:05,390
-Say hello to your sister.
-You've never met.
208
00:11:05,564 --> 00:11:09,660
Whatever. If I wasn't involved right
now, I wouldn't mind being set up.
209
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:12,998
Something tells me
she's a knockout!
210
00:11:13,205 --> 00:11:15,196
But first, she sets
the mood perfectly...
211
00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:19,400
...with this New Age music
played over ocean sounds.
212
00:11:19,578 --> 00:11:21,739
Then she lays you out on this table.
213
00:11:22,314 --> 00:11:27,877
And she proceeds to rub oil
over your entire body.
214
00:11:28,087 --> 00:11:31,989
And she rubs long and deep.
215
00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:34,683
Jerry, she rubs with love.
216
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:41,489
Every muscle she touches
just oozes...
217
00:11:42,068 --> 00:11:44,366
...beneath those silky, soft fingers.
218
00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:47,369
You can scarcely
contain yourself, buddy.
219
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,565
-So you had a good time, huh?
-Oh, yeah.
220
00:11:49,742 --> 00:11:52,040
-Enjoyed yourself?
-Very much.
221
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:55,374
All right, now, you listen,
and you listen good!
222
00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:57,248
-What?
-The massages are out!
223
00:11:57,416 --> 00:11:59,577
-What..?
-They're out!
224
00:11:59,752 --> 00:12:02,687
-Why?
-If I can't get one, you're not!
225
00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:06,984
Wait a minute. I need my massages.
Can't you see I'm burned out?
226
00:12:10,796 --> 00:12:15,563
-I'm sorry, Kramer.
-Why, why? Look, I paid for her!
227
00:12:16,869 --> 00:12:19,133
Don't you ever
talk about her like that!
228
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:23,002
-Yeah, but why?!
-Final!
229
00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:29,137
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Giants Stadium.
230
00:12:29,381 --> 00:12:31,747
-Oh, you have photos in your wallet?
-Yeah.
231
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:34,818
-Why, is that weird?
-No, it's normal.
232
00:12:35,054 --> 00:12:39,457
You're very normal.
You're totally normal.
233
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:44,457
-Who's this?
-That's my mother.
234
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,823
Oh, yeah. I see the resemblance.
235
00:12:47,032 --> 00:12:49,933
-No, there's no resemblance.
-Yeah, there is. Right here...
236
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:52,332
Elaine, I was adopted.
237
00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:56,141
Oh, that's nice.
238
00:12:56,342 --> 00:13:00,438
Oh, the game's about to start.
I wonder where your friend Kramer is.
239
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:07,680
Yeah, a ticket for Kramer?
240
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:11,781
-Here it is. I need some ID.
-Oh, yeah.
241
00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:19,586
-You know, I forgot my wallet.
-Well, I can't give it to you then.
242
00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:22,593
-Are you kidding me?
-I'm afraid not.
243
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:27,171
Come on, just look at me.
Now tell me I'm not Kramer.
244
00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:31,667
-I'm sorry. I need proof.
-Look, I'll drive out here tomorrow...
245
00:13:31,844 --> 00:13:33,311
...and I'll show you the ID.
246
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,379
I got nothing to do all day.
247
00:13:35,614 --> 00:13:38,014
Neither do I.
248
00:13:38,184 --> 00:13:40,049
But without ID...
249
00:13:40,219 --> 00:13:43,279
...I need confirmation
from the person who left the ticket.
250
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:45,719
Where's a phone?
251
00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:51,654
Ladies and gentlemen,
may I have your attention, please.
252
00:13:52,131 --> 00:13:56,568
Would Joel Rifkin
report to the stadium office.
253
00:13:56,735 --> 00:13:59,966
Joel Rifkin, telephone.
254
00:14:00,239 --> 00:14:03,106
Who would be calling me here?
255
00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:06,804
He's not the murderer.
256
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,182
Oh, God.
257
00:14:18,157 --> 00:14:21,251
-What's the matter with you?
-Jerry, I need another massage.
258
00:14:21,493 --> 00:14:23,859
You just had one.
What do you need another one for?
259
00:14:24,063 --> 00:14:26,725
Because of the Giant game.
I told you, it went overtime.
260
00:14:26,899 --> 00:14:29,390
You know those seats.
They're very unforgiving.
261
00:14:29,635 --> 00:14:32,433
-Oh, please.
-And then the game-winning field goal...
262
00:14:32,638 --> 00:14:37,735
...went over the net and into the crowd,
and I dove over three rows.
263
00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:40,173
My back, it's killing me.
264
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:43,045
It's killing me, Jerry!
265
00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:46,910
-Well, did you get the ball?
-Oh, I got the ball.
266
00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:49,281
I never caught a foul ball
at a baseball game.
267
00:14:49,521 --> 00:14:52,046
Well, it's quite a thrill.
268
00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:55,250
-Well, get somebody else.
-Nobody does it like she does.
269
00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:57,588
-She's the best.
-Tonight's the night.
270
00:14:57,763 --> 00:15:00,197
I'm getting one. No ifs, ands or buts.
271
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:04,563
-Well, what about my massage?
-Ask Newman.
272
00:15:07,873 --> 00:15:10,740
So I lugged that table,
that big, heavy massage table...
273
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,673
...all the way down to the cab!
274
00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:16,271
-You ever see one of those things?
-Of course.
275
00:15:16,815 --> 00:15:18,783
Well, I don't know.
Maybe you haven't.
276
00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:21,249
You know. Not everybody's seen
a massage table.
277
00:15:21,453 --> 00:15:23,114
You think I've never
had a massage?
278
00:15:23,322 --> 00:15:26,758
Anyway, I don't even get a thank you.
I don't get it.
279
00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:30,122
George, frankly, I'm getting
a little tired of hearing about her.
280
00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:32,456
I wanna know what I did
to this woman.
281
00:15:32,731 --> 00:15:34,460
You got a little thing for her?
282
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:37,999
No, no. She's going out
with a friend of mine.
283
00:15:38,203 --> 00:15:40,637
It's only courteous
to try and like each other.
284
00:15:40,839 --> 00:15:43,569
What's the difference?
Who cares if she doesn't like you.
285
00:15:43,742 --> 00:15:45,835
Does everybody in the world
have to like you?
286
00:15:46,078 --> 00:15:50,447
Yes. Yes. Everybody has to like me.
I must be liked.
287
00:15:53,085 --> 00:15:57,419
Of course I support your decision
to change your name.
288
00:15:57,990 --> 00:16:03,326
After the Giant game, I realized
that this problem isn't going away.
289
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,529
Well, listen,
I just want you to know...
290
00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:09,132
...that I was more than willing
to stick it out with Joel Rifkin.
291
00:16:09,335 --> 00:16:11,997
Sure.
292
00:16:14,006 --> 00:16:16,474
-Okay, you got your list?
-Yeah, yeah. Ten names.
293
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:19,042
-Great.
-Okay, and if somebody objects...
294
00:16:19,244 --> 00:16:20,711
...you can just veto it.
-Okay.
295
00:16:20,879 --> 00:16:24,042
Okay, you start.
What's your first choice?
296
00:16:24,683 --> 00:16:26,810
-Stuart.
-No. Second choice.
297
00:16:27,953 --> 00:16:29,477
Stuart's no good?
298
00:16:30,055 --> 00:16:33,491
I have never met a normal guy
named Stuart.
299
00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:38,553
Okay. My second choice is Todd.
300
00:16:39,264 --> 00:16:41,528
Todd.
301
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,461
No. Veto.
302
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,364
All right.
303
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,337
Hey, I think you're gonna like
my third choice.
304
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:50,634
-Oh, great.
-Alex.
305
00:16:52,311 --> 00:16:56,407
I gotta tell you, I have
a bad association with the name Alex.
306
00:16:56,715 --> 00:17:01,049
-Bad association?
-In college, I sat next to an Alex...
307
00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:03,347
...in art history.
He always drank coffee...
308
00:17:03,522 --> 00:17:06,013
...and after every sip, he would go:
309
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,028
I mean, every two seconds:
310
00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:14,290
And he would take, like, 40 sips,
and after every one:
311
00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:17,197
I had to drop the class.
312
00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:21,764
-Hey.
-Hi.
313
00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:24,272
I was running late,
and I didn't have a chance...
314
00:17:24,443 --> 00:17:26,502
...to drop off my stuff
before I came over.
315
00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:28,543
Oh, no problem. That's fine.
316
00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:31,113
What's with this music?
317
00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:33,841
It's New Age music.
318
00:17:34,019 --> 00:17:36,214
Sounds of the forest.
319
00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:37,855
I find it soothing.
320
00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:41,726
Look at this. What do you know?
A massage table.
321
00:17:42,127 --> 00:17:44,618
This is great.
322
00:17:44,830 --> 00:17:47,594
-What are you doing?
-Just checking it out.
323
00:17:47,766 --> 00:17:50,132
Look at how this thing is made.
324
00:17:50,335 --> 00:17:53,771
Can I tell you something?
That's a hell of a piece of equipment.
325
00:17:53,972 --> 00:17:59,535
-Actually, I should get a new one.
-Nonsense. This one's fine.
326
00:17:59,878 --> 00:18:03,541
-So where do you wanna go?
-Go? Why go anywhere?
327
00:18:04,983 --> 00:18:07,110
That feels good.
328
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,153
Yeah, that's...
329
00:18:10,355 --> 00:18:12,585
That's good.
330
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:22,328
Yeah, that's nice.
That's very nice.
331
00:18:22,501 --> 00:18:25,561
No. No, this isn't good.
I can't do this.
332
00:18:25,737 --> 00:18:27,398
Why? What's wrong?
333
00:18:27,573 --> 00:18:30,064
-I can't.
-No. Yes, you can.
334
00:18:30,242 --> 00:18:32,472
-No, I can't.
-Yes. Come on, I know...
335
00:18:32,644 --> 00:18:34,134
...it's something you wanna do.
336
00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:42,283
You know what?
337
00:18:42,654 --> 00:18:44,121
I should go talk to her.
338
00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:47,352
Nothing confrontational.
Just two adults sitting down...
339
00:18:47,526 --> 00:18:48,959
...trying to clear the air.
340
00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:51,785
I know if I could spend
some time alone with her...
341
00:18:52,431 --> 00:18:54,695
-I've got to. I've got to.
-You're going now?
342
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:56,629
Well, I think I can still catch her.
343
00:18:56,902 --> 00:18:59,666
All right, George, I have had
just about enough of this.
344
00:18:59,905 --> 00:19:03,170
-What are you talking about?
-I am talking about you and Jodi.
345
00:19:03,342 --> 00:19:05,310
You're completely
obsessed with her.
346
00:19:05,944 --> 00:19:08,435
I know. I know.
347
00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:10,975
Who is more important to you,
her or me?
348
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:14,608
I like you, she doesn't.
Who you gonna pick?
349
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:22,320
I'm sorry, Karen. I care for you...
350
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:24,928
...but I can't stand
when someone doesn't like me.
351
00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:29,191
-Well, now I hate you!
-That, I'm used to.
352
00:19:29,935 --> 00:19:32,563
-Ned?
-What is wrong with Ned?
353
00:19:34,039 --> 00:19:39,067
Ned's a guy who buys
irregular underwear. Next.
354
00:19:41,079 --> 00:19:44,674
-Ellis.
-Ellis? You might as well go with Alex.
355
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:48,752
-It's the same thing.
-Ellis and Alex aren't even close.
356
00:19:48,987 --> 00:19:51,251
-Next!
-Oh, what's the point?
357
00:19:51,456 --> 00:19:55,483
-Now, no, come on!
-Okay. Okay.
358
00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:58,889
Remy.
359
00:20:00,399 --> 00:20:02,424
Remy Rifkin?
360
00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:05,263
Should I get a beret?
361
00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:08,032
Oh, Stuart's a lot better.
362
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:12,007
Little Stuart Rifkin
likes to go shopping with his mother.
363
00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:16,904
What do you mean, no?
364
00:20:17,115 --> 00:20:18,707
No means no.
365
00:20:18,917 --> 00:20:21,010
Who you kidding?
You come to my apartment...
366
00:20:21,186 --> 00:20:25,589
...with your table and your little oils.
I'm not supposed to expect anything?
367
00:20:25,991 --> 00:20:28,016
You're a massage teaser.
368
00:20:29,761 --> 00:20:32,696
Listen, I massage who I want
when I want.
369
00:20:32,864 --> 00:20:35,992
I don't submit to forcible massage.
370
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,739
-I'm getting out of here.
-Fine, go.
371
00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:56,610
Jerry, could you excuse us
for a few minutes, please?
372
00:20:56,788 --> 00:20:59,450
-What for?
-We need to talk.
373
00:20:59,625 --> 00:21:01,923
-You need to talk?
-We have nothing to talk about.
374
00:21:02,127 --> 00:21:04,823
Look, it's no secret
what's going on between us.
375
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:08,058
She doesn't like me.
Now, Jerry, if you don't mind...
376
00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:12,226
George, anything you have to say
to her, you can say in front of me.
377
00:21:15,774 --> 00:21:17,765
Jerry...
378
00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:21,003
...this woman hates me so much...
379
00:21:21,179 --> 00:21:23,613
...I'm starting to like her.
380
00:21:24,416 --> 00:21:27,852
-What?
-She just dislikes me so much...
381
00:21:28,553 --> 00:21:31,249
...it's irresistible.
382
00:21:31,456 --> 00:21:34,789
-I can see that.
-I'm getting out of here.
383
00:21:35,260 --> 00:21:38,252
-Don't call me.
-Don't worry.
384
00:21:39,865 --> 00:21:44,097
A woman that hates me this much
comes along once in a lifetime.
385
00:21:45,570 --> 00:21:47,663
You're a lucky guy.
386
00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:49,702
I gotta go after her.
387
00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:51,308
George.
388
00:21:52,077 --> 00:21:54,136
I wouldn't push for the massage.
389
00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:57,979
Jodi!
390
00:22:07,292 --> 00:22:11,058
Swedes are big massagers. They like
Swedish meatballs, Swedish massage.
391
00:22:11,229 --> 00:22:14,164
They like having meat in their hands,
these people.
392
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:16,563
But it's weird.
They have a high suicide rate.
393
00:22:16,735 --> 00:22:18,726
They're always rubbing
each other's necks.
394
00:22:18,904 --> 00:22:21,168
For a neutral country,
they seem kind of tense.
395
00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:24,506
I don't like the idea of
a professional massage.
396
00:22:24,710 --> 00:22:28,237
I don't want people touching me
that don't wanna have sex with me.
397
00:22:28,413 --> 00:22:31,177
You get me all loosened up,
juices flowing, then:
398
00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:34,615
"That's it. Okay, you're done."
399
00:22:34,820 --> 00:22:36,981
Like having chocolate
rubbed over your face.
400
00:22:37,155 --> 00:22:41,387
You wanna go, "Excuse me.
I think you missed a spot."