1 00:00:02,209 --> 00:00:04,200 You can tell the best year of your father's life. 2 00:00:05,529 --> 00:00:08,760 Because they freeze that clothing style and just ride it out to the end. 3 00:00:08,929 --> 00:00:10,840 It's not like they don't continue shopping. 4 00:00:11,009 --> 00:00:13,569 It's just they somehow manage to find new old clothes. 5 00:00:13,929 --> 00:00:16,489 Every father is like this fashion time capsule. 6 00:00:16,649 --> 00:00:18,605 It's like they should be on a pedestal... 7 00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:22,045 ...with someone next to them going, "This was 1965." 8 00:00:22,609 --> 00:00:24,520 To me, the worst thing is shopping for pants. 9 00:00:24,689 --> 00:00:26,202 I hate undressing in the little room. 10 00:00:26,369 --> 00:00:28,963 What men need is a place to shop where you go in... 11 00:00:29,129 --> 00:00:32,565 ...check your pants at the door and walk around in your underwear. 12 00:00:32,729 --> 00:00:35,562 That would be best. Then you'd really have to lie to the salesman. 13 00:00:35,729 --> 00:00:38,004 "Need some help?" "No, just getting some air." 14 00:00:43,569 --> 00:00:46,367 How would you describe the smell in this house? 15 00:00:46,929 --> 00:00:48,681 Dandruff? 16 00:00:49,169 --> 00:00:51,888 Yeah, that's part of it. Kasha? 17 00:00:53,169 --> 00:00:56,559 - There's some kasha. - Yeah. Dandruff, kasha, mothballs... 18 00:00:56,729 --> 00:00:58,606 ...cheap carpeting. It's potpourri, really. 19 00:00:59,729 --> 00:01:01,845 - All right, let's go. Come on. - You're going? 20 00:01:02,009 --> 00:01:05,399 Yeah. We shouldn't have bowled that last game. I'm gonna be late. 21 00:01:05,769 --> 00:01:07,168 These aren't candies, are they? 22 00:01:08,289 --> 00:01:11,201 Did you use those? These are guest soaps. 23 00:01:11,369 --> 00:01:13,007 Well, I'm a guest. 24 00:01:13,369 --> 00:01:15,564 Now my parents are gonna know I had people over. 25 00:01:15,729 --> 00:01:16,844 You're not allowed? 26 00:01:17,009 --> 00:01:19,807 I can't have any parties while they're out of town. 27 00:01:19,969 --> 00:01:21,687 This is a party? 28 00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:25,159 Not anymore. Come on, get your ball. We're leaving. Let's go. 29 00:01:26,809 --> 00:01:29,528 - Who put this cup on the new table? - I was having coffee. 30 00:01:29,689 --> 00:01:32,283 - I put it on the coffee table. - But you didn't use a coaster! 31 00:01:32,449 --> 00:01:34,121 You left a stain! 32 00:01:35,369 --> 00:01:37,519 Whoa, boy, there's always one at every party, huh? 33 00:01:37,689 --> 00:01:39,725 Come on. 34 00:01:39,889 --> 00:01:42,198 - What's the big rush? - I'm having people over. 35 00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:44,485 - Who? - The girls, for poker night. 36 00:01:44,649 --> 00:01:47,038 You know, Joanne, Renee, Winona- 37 00:01:47,209 --> 00:01:48,608 Winona's gonna be there? 38 00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:51,079 Yeah. And she broke up with the vitamin guy. 39 00:01:51,249 --> 00:01:53,922 - Really? - I'll put in a good word for you. 40 00:01:54,089 --> 00:01:56,045 Thanks. Because I would really like- 41 00:01:56,249 --> 00:01:59,241 - All right! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - This not coming out. 42 00:01:59,409 --> 00:02:02,765 - Just put a coffee-table book over it. - My parents don't read. 43 00:02:02,929 --> 00:02:04,999 They'll wonder what a book is doing on the table. 44 00:02:05,169 --> 00:02:08,366 Hey. You know what would make a great coffee-table book? 45 00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:11,521 A coffee-table book about coffee tables. 46 00:02:12,329 --> 00:02:13,682 Get it? 47 00:02:14,369 --> 00:02:16,803 - Got it. Come on, let's go. - Wait. Not so fast. 48 00:02:16,969 --> 00:02:19,244 Jerry, you gotta take me to get this thing refinished. 49 00:02:19,409 --> 00:02:21,320 - Now? - Yes, now. It'll take a few days... 50 00:02:21,489 --> 00:02:24,049 ...and my parents will be back. I gotta have it before then. 51 00:02:24,369 --> 00:02:26,485 Jerry, you promised you'd get me home by 7. 52 00:02:26,649 --> 00:02:29,004 - We'll take the subway. - That'll get you home in time. 53 00:02:29,169 --> 00:02:31,524 - The subway? From Queens? - Jerry, I'm gonna get my coat. 54 00:02:31,689 --> 00:02:33,645 I'm sorry, Elaine, I'll make it up to you. 55 00:02:33,809 --> 00:02:36,039 I need something to read on the subway. 56 00:02:36,209 --> 00:02:38,848 - Here, read this. - TV Guide? 57 00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:46,005 Like a history of coffee tables. Celebrities and their coffee tables. 58 00:02:46,169 --> 00:02:49,878 It's a natural. This is a story that must be told. 59 00:02:50,449 --> 00:02:52,485 So you're gonna talk to your boss about it, huh? 60 00:02:52,649 --> 00:02:55,004 - First thing in the morning. - Yes indeed. 61 00:02:55,169 --> 00:02:58,366 - Next stop, Queensborough P/aza. - Queensborough Plaza. 62 00:02:58,769 --> 00:03:01,841 This stop is famous for its gyros. You want one? 63 00:03:02,169 --> 00:03:04,763 How will you get something and get back on the train in time? 64 00:03:04,929 --> 00:03:07,204 Well, they got a stand right out on the platform. 65 00:03:07,369 --> 00:03:09,280 The gyros are cooked, wrapped and ready to go. 66 00:03:09,449 --> 00:03:11,405 Three dollars, no change. 67 00:03:11,569 --> 00:03:13,161 - You want one? - No, thanks. 68 00:03:13,329 --> 00:03:15,445 All right. But no bites. 69 00:03:21,729 --> 00:03:23,401 Highlighter? 70 00:03:23,569 --> 00:03:25,560 - Excuse me? - To highlight the programs... 71 00:03:25,729 --> 00:03:27,606 ...you plan to watch. 72 00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:32,361 - Look, really, I'm just trying to read. - Fine, okay. 73 00:03:32,529 --> 00:03:35,089 It's just I've never seen... 74 00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:38,207 ...a beautiful lady reading the Guide... 75 00:03:39,649 --> 00:03:42,607 ...so far away from a TV. 76 00:03:43,089 --> 00:03:44,920 You must really like television. 77 00:03:47,169 --> 00:03:48,204 Elaine! 78 00:03:53,969 --> 00:03:56,802 Guess your boyfriend will have to catch the next train. 79 00:03:57,609 --> 00:04:00,646 - He's not my boyfriend. - He's not? 80 00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:02,202 Interesting. 81 00:04:06,489 --> 00:04:08,366 Maybe I should get Elaine something. 82 00:04:08,569 --> 00:04:10,446 - Why? - Well, I didn't drive her home. 83 00:04:10,609 --> 00:04:12,520 Plus, I give her a gift in front of Winona... 84 00:04:12,689 --> 00:04:15,203 - ... how does that hurt me? - Can't hurt you. 85 00:04:15,569 --> 00:04:17,525 What about this thing? 86 00:04:19,169 --> 00:04:20,568 The Indian? 87 00:04:20,729 --> 00:04:22,720 Yeah, you know, kind of a peace offering. 88 00:04:22,889 --> 00:04:24,527 It's cute. 89 00:04:24,689 --> 00:04:28,364 Well, I can have the table ready for you on Monday. 90 00:04:28,529 --> 00:04:30,599 All right, but no later. My parents are coming back. 91 00:04:30,849 --> 00:04:32,965 They left you home alone, huh? 92 00:04:38,289 --> 00:04:42,328 Okay, see, on this particular Tuesday... 93 00:04:43,249 --> 00:04:47,242 ...you could have watched six hours of Lucy. 94 00:04:47,929 --> 00:04:51,080 There's I Love Lucy... 95 00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:53,888 ...The Lucy Show... 96 00:04:54,049 --> 00:04:55,880 ...Here's Lucy. 97 00:04:59,729 --> 00:05:01,560 It's my stop. 98 00:05:03,049 --> 00:05:04,801 Bye-bye. 99 00:05:05,649 --> 00:05:07,605 Hey, miss, you forgot this. 100 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:14,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 101 00:05:16,529 --> 00:05:19,680 They don't make these anymore. The work is all done by hand. 102 00:05:19,849 --> 00:05:22,283 It takes years and years. Sylvia. 103 00:05:22,449 --> 00:05:24,599 For crying out loud, you're 45 minutes late. 104 00:05:24,769 --> 00:05:26,407 Yeah, yeah. 105 00:05:26,569 --> 00:05:28,764 Is that your car out there? 106 00:05:29,809 --> 00:05:32,243 - No, it's his. - Oh, nice. 107 00:05:32,409 --> 00:05:34,525 You guys are obviously from Manhattan. 108 00:05:36,209 --> 00:05:38,564 Well, he is. I live around the corner. 109 00:05:38,729 --> 00:05:40,048 Really? 110 00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:43,246 I didn't think any cool guys lived in this neighbourhood. 111 00:05:45,009 --> 00:05:46,761 Well, they do now. 112 00:05:48,609 --> 00:05:50,600 The neighbourhood's changing. 113 00:05:50,769 --> 00:05:52,964 - All right, I'll take it. - Smart choice. 114 00:05:53,569 --> 00:05:56,641 You bought the Indian? Oh, you guys have great taste. 115 00:05:56,809 --> 00:05:58,686 Well, we're collectors. 116 00:05:59,409 --> 00:06:02,560 We see objects of great beauty... 117 00:06:03,609 --> 00:06:05,281 ...and we must have them. 118 00:06:11,689 --> 00:06:14,442 Bluffed you out, jack. Pair of deuces. 119 00:06:17,449 --> 00:06:19,804 - Who is it? - It's Jerry. 120 00:06:23,369 --> 00:06:25,644 - Jerry. - Surprise! 121 00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:28,448 What is this? 122 00:06:28,609 --> 00:06:31,726 Well, I felt bad about this afternoon, so I got you something. 123 00:06:31,889 --> 00:06:34,528 Oh, you did? Do you guys all know Jerry? 124 00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:36,805 - Hi, Jerry. - Hi. Hi, Winona. 125 00:06:38,609 --> 00:06:40,042 Nice to see you again. 126 00:06:40,369 --> 00:06:42,360 - Elaine, is it your birthday? - No. 127 00:06:42,529 --> 00:06:44,360 I don't need a reason to give gifts. 128 00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:47,441 It's my nature. I love to make people happy. 129 00:06:47,609 --> 00:06:49,964 Oh, that is so sweet. 130 00:06:50,129 --> 00:06:51,528 - Are you ready? - Yeah. 131 00:06:56,209 --> 00:06:58,040 It's a cigar-store Indian. 132 00:07:01,609 --> 00:07:03,201 Read the card. 133 00:07:06,689 --> 00:07:08,281 That's very nice. Thank you very much. 134 00:07:08,449 --> 00:07:12,044 - Read it out loud. - I don't think so. 135 00:07:13,249 --> 00:07:15,638 We had a little fight this afternoon. 136 00:07:15,809 --> 00:07:19,563 "Let's bury the hatchet. We smokem peace pipe." 137 00:07:19,729 --> 00:07:21,720 You know, it's late. I really should go. 138 00:07:21,889 --> 00:07:24,403 I don't blame you, Winona. I- 139 00:07:31,569 --> 00:07:35,278 Are you out of your mind? 140 00:07:35,569 --> 00:07:36,888 It's kitschy. 141 00:07:37,169 --> 00:07:40,525 Winona is a Native American. 142 00:07:41,329 --> 00:07:42,842 She is? 143 00:07:45,449 --> 00:07:48,202 You've got very unusual taste. 144 00:07:49,809 --> 00:07:51,640 I hope prune juice is all right. 145 00:07:55,449 --> 00:07:58,839 - It's the only thing that was chilled. - Oh, that's fine. 146 00:07:59,009 --> 00:08:02,046 I'm sorry about that lock on the liquor cabinet. 147 00:08:02,209 --> 00:08:05,565 The combination must have just flown out of my head. 148 00:08:05,729 --> 00:08:07,321 It's a mental block. 149 00:08:07,489 --> 00:08:10,447 Is this your son in the bubble bath? 150 00:08:11,009 --> 00:08:13,000 No, that's me. 151 00:08:14,489 --> 00:08:16,366 You don't see too many guys your age... 152 00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:19,362 ...who keep baby pictures of themselves around. 153 00:08:19,529 --> 00:08:20,962 I like it. 154 00:08:21,129 --> 00:08:24,087 It's consistent with the rest of the house. 155 00:08:24,289 --> 00:08:26,120 Yes, it is consistent. 156 00:08:26,329 --> 00:08:29,526 I've tried to maintain a consistent feel throughout the house. 157 00:08:29,689 --> 00:08:33,318 - What is this we're listening to? - The Ray Conniff Singers. 158 00:08:37,649 --> 00:08:40,402 What's that smell? Kasha? 159 00:08:43,329 --> 00:08:45,638 It's a potpourri. May I...? 160 00:08:46,129 --> 00:08:48,597 May I show you the master bedroom? 161 00:08:51,369 --> 00:08:54,361 - Who is it? - Winona, it's Jerry Seinfeld. 162 00:08:55,529 --> 00:08:56,882 Yeah? 163 00:08:57,409 --> 00:08:59,525 Listen, I rea/y fe/t bad about what happened. 164 00:08:59,689 --> 00:09:01,964 I'd really like to apologize. Could I come up? 165 00:09:02,369 --> 00:09:03,882 I'll come down. 166 00:09:06,409 --> 00:09:08,718 - I came by to get my ball. - It's right over there. 167 00:09:08,889 --> 00:09:10,163 Yeah, thanks. 168 00:09:10,329 --> 00:09:12,047 Yeah, it's got the magic grip. 169 00:09:12,209 --> 00:09:14,518 How do you think I bowled that 220 today, huh? 170 00:09:14,889 --> 00:09:16,208 Yo. 171 00:09:16,969 --> 00:09:19,767 - Where did this come from? - Do you want it? 172 00:09:20,049 --> 00:09:21,687 - I can have this? - Yeah. 173 00:09:21,849 --> 00:09:25,478 - You wanna lug it uptown, it's yours. - Oh, I'll lug. 174 00:09:26,929 --> 00:09:29,079 It's just that it's a very sensitive issue for me. 175 00:09:29,249 --> 00:09:32,321 And well it should be. I think if you spent any time with me at all... 176 00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:35,162 ...you'd see I'm very sensitive to these matters as well. 177 00:09:35,329 --> 00:09:37,399 You wouldn't be hungry by any chance, would you? 178 00:09:37,569 --> 00:09:38,684 I could go for a bite. 179 00:09:38,849 --> 00:09:41,602 Do you like Chinese food? I went to a Szechwan restaurant... 180 00:09:41,769 --> 00:09:44,203 ...in this neighbourhood. I don't remember the address. 181 00:09:44,369 --> 00:09:46,837 Excuse me, you must know where the Chinese restaurant is. 182 00:09:47,009 --> 00:09:48,840 Why must I know? Because I'm Chinese? 183 00:09:49,009 --> 00:09:51,477 You think I know where all the Chinese restaurants are? 184 00:09:51,649 --> 00:09:54,686 Oh, ask honourable Chinaman for location of restaurant. 185 00:09:54,849 --> 00:09:57,807 I thought because you're the mailman you would know the neighbourhood. 186 00:09:57,969 --> 00:10:02,838 Oh, hello, American Joe, which way to hamburgerlhot-dog stand? 187 00:10:04,209 --> 00:10:06,120 - I didn't know- - You know what, it's late. 188 00:10:06,289 --> 00:10:08,757 - I should probably just go home. - I had no idea- 189 00:10:09,489 --> 00:10:11,844 Hey, Jerry, look what I got. 190 00:10:21,369 --> 00:10:22,438 He- 191 00:10:28,289 --> 00:10:30,041 - Looks pretty good. - Yeah, did a good job. 192 00:10:30,209 --> 00:10:33,281 - I don't think they'll be able to tell. - You know, I don't get it. 193 00:10:33,449 --> 00:10:36,839 I'm not allowed to ask a Chinese person where a Chinese restaurant is? 194 00:10:37,009 --> 00:10:39,523 I mean, aren't we all getting a little too sensitive? 195 00:10:39,689 --> 00:10:43,045 Somebody asks me which way is Israel, I don't fly off the handle. 196 00:10:47,649 --> 00:10:51,244 - Anyway, what's the status with...? - Well, she kind of calmed down. 197 00:10:51,409 --> 00:10:52,842 I'm gonna see her tonight. 198 00:10:53,009 --> 00:10:55,125 - Oh, great. - Yeah. But I'm a little uncomfortable. 199 00:10:55,289 --> 00:10:57,245 - I'm afraid to make another mistake. - Come on. 200 00:10:57,409 --> 00:10:58,603 Hello, hello. 201 00:10:59,609 --> 00:11:02,123 - Hey, you're home. - Hello, Georgie. 202 00:11:04,569 --> 00:11:06,924 - The house looks very nice. - Yeah, huh? 203 00:11:07,089 --> 00:11:08,522 - Where's the mail? - Hello, Jerry. 204 00:11:08,689 --> 00:11:10,407 - Hello. - So how was the trip? 205 00:11:10,569 --> 00:11:11,968 Oh, your father. 206 00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:17,280 Is there anything wrong with getting a receipt at a tollbooth? 207 00:11:17,809 --> 00:11:19,720 I'm going upstairs. 208 00:11:20,449 --> 00:11:23,839 This stack should be bigger. Where's the TV Guide? 209 00:11:25,649 --> 00:11:28,368 - What TV Guide? - I'm missing TV Guide. 210 00:11:28,529 --> 00:11:31,089 Volume 41, number 31. 211 00:11:33,369 --> 00:11:35,087 Elaine took it to read on the subway. 212 00:11:35,249 --> 00:11:37,365 - Elaine took it? - I didn't know she took it. 213 00:11:37,529 --> 00:11:38,757 Well, it's two weeks old. 214 00:11:38,929 --> 00:11:40,806 How could you let her take the TV Guide?! 215 00:11:41,169 --> 00:11:42,921 He collects them. 216 00:11:44,689 --> 00:11:47,203 You collect TV Guide? 217 00:11:47,369 --> 00:11:48,563 The nerve of that woman. 218 00:11:48,729 --> 00:11:51,482 Walking into my house, stealing my collectibles. 219 00:11:51,649 --> 00:11:53,640 Oh, my God! 220 00:11:54,329 --> 00:11:57,082 This was in our bed. 221 00:11:57,249 --> 00:11:58,568 What is this? 222 00:11:58,729 --> 00:12:00,367 A prophylactic rubber? 223 00:12:06,209 --> 00:12:09,087 What is this doing on my bed? 224 00:12:14,369 --> 00:12:16,360 I don't know. 225 00:12:18,329 --> 00:12:20,001 I'll see you later. 226 00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,678 You were having sex on our bed? 227 00:12:28,969 --> 00:12:30,288 Yes. 228 00:12:31,009 --> 00:12:34,445 Who told you you could have sex in our bed? 229 00:12:34,609 --> 00:12:37,885 - Well, my bed is too small. - Your bed is too small? 230 00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:40,688 I'm gone two weeks, and you turn our house... 231 00:12:40,849 --> 00:12:42,885 ...into Bourbon Street? 232 00:12:43,209 --> 00:12:44,562 Where am I going to sleep? 233 00:12:45,489 --> 00:12:48,049 - What are you talking about? - I can't sleep in there. 234 00:12:48,209 --> 00:12:50,200 - Of course you can. - I can't. 235 00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:52,121 I can't! 236 00:12:55,049 --> 00:12:56,368 That's it. 237 00:12:56,529 --> 00:12:58,201 You're grounded. 238 00:13:01,689 --> 00:13:04,044 You can't ground me. I'm a grown man. 239 00:13:04,969 --> 00:13:06,607 You wanna live here... 240 00:13:06,769 --> 00:13:10,364 ...you respect the rules of our house. You're grounded! 241 00:13:13,249 --> 00:13:14,921 So where are we gonna go eat? 242 00:13:15,089 --> 00:13:16,841 I thought we'd eat at the Gentle Harvest. 243 00:13:17,009 --> 00:13:18,965 I love that place, but it's usually so crowded. 244 00:13:19,129 --> 00:13:21,802 - Can we get a table? - Oh, don't worry. I made reser- 245 00:13:24,169 --> 00:13:26,046 - You made what? - I... 246 00:13:26,609 --> 00:13:29,806 I arranged for the appropriate accommodations. 247 00:13:32,049 --> 00:13:33,846 And then... 248 00:13:34,569 --> 00:13:37,447 ...Knick tickets. Floor seats. 249 00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:41,124 - How did you get these? - Got them on the street from a scal- 250 00:13:43,329 --> 00:13:44,682 From who? 251 00:13:46,969 --> 00:13:48,721 One of those guys. 252 00:13:49,169 --> 00:13:51,000 - What guys? - You know, the guys... 253 00:13:51,169 --> 00:13:53,637 ...that they sell the tickets to the sold-out events. 254 00:13:53,849 --> 00:13:56,727 Wait a second. You've got the Mark McEwen TV Guide. 255 00:13:57,169 --> 00:14:00,445 - That's Al Roker. - They're both chubby weathermen. 256 00:14:00,609 --> 00:14:03,646 I get Dom DeLuise and Paul Prudhomme mixed up too. 257 00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:05,481 - Could I have this? - Sure, take it. 258 00:14:05,649 --> 00:14:06,843 Thanks. 259 00:14:07,009 --> 00:14:10,604 So Winona had the TV Guide. Told you I'd make it up to you. 260 00:14:11,249 --> 00:14:13,922 - Mr. Costanza was pretty mad, huh? - Yeah. 261 00:14:14,089 --> 00:14:16,478 You almost ruined his life's work. 262 00:14:17,969 --> 00:14:20,881 - He collects these? - Yeah. 263 00:14:24,049 --> 00:14:26,722 All right, well, I will personally go out to Queens... 264 00:14:26,889 --> 00:14:30,006 ...and deliver his Al Roker TV Guide to him. 265 00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:31,966 What did you do with the one you took? 266 00:14:32,369 --> 00:14:33,802 I don't know. 267 00:14:40,449 --> 00:14:42,280 - Oh, hey. - Hi. 268 00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:45,327 Yeah. Elaine, what did-? What did he say, huh? 269 00:14:45,489 --> 00:14:48,003 - What did who say? - Your boss. 270 00:14:48,169 --> 00:14:50,683 Didn't you tell him about the coffee-table book? 271 00:14:53,449 --> 00:14:58,045 - Yeah, you didn't tell him, did you? - Kramer, it is such a dumb idea. 272 00:14:58,209 --> 00:15:00,200 - I'd be totally embarrassed- - Wait a minute- 273 00:15:00,369 --> 00:15:03,679 - I would be embarrassed to bring it up. - I thought it was a pretty good idea. 274 00:15:03,849 --> 00:15:05,885 It's about coffee tables, it's on a coffee table. 275 00:15:06,049 --> 00:15:09,962 Yeah, right. And on the cover is a built-in coaster. 276 00:15:13,249 --> 00:15:15,240 - All right, I'm gonna go. - Where are you going? 277 00:15:15,409 --> 00:15:18,685 I'm gonna go to the cigar stores. I'm gonna see if I can sell that Indian. 278 00:15:18,849 --> 00:15:20,919 - My Indian? - I think it's worth something. 279 00:15:21,089 --> 00:15:22,647 It's kitschy. 280 00:15:27,729 --> 00:15:32,849 How do you just walk into a house and take a TV Guide? 281 00:15:34,449 --> 00:15:37,327 How does she expect you to watch TV? 282 00:15:37,489 --> 00:15:39,844 Am I just supposed to turn it on... 283 00:15:40,049 --> 00:15:43,405 ...and wander aimlessly around the dial? 284 00:15:45,169 --> 00:15:47,478 Hello. Is Elaine home? 285 00:15:47,649 --> 00:15:49,002 Elaine Benes? 286 00:15:49,209 --> 00:15:51,086 Oh, she's my son's friend. 287 00:15:51,249 --> 00:15:53,399 And she's not welcome in this house. 288 00:15:54,129 --> 00:15:58,008 Because I made her this very special gift, okay? 289 00:15:58,169 --> 00:16:01,764 It's a bouquet of paper from her TV Guide. 290 00:16:01,929 --> 00:16:04,841 That's my TV Guide, ripped to shreds! 291 00:16:05,009 --> 00:16:07,079 - She gave that to you? - Hey... 292 00:16:07,249 --> 00:16:10,366 ...is that The Twi/ight Zone you're watching? 293 00:16:11,049 --> 00:16:14,758 - Yeah. - Oh, this is a good one. 294 00:16:17,489 --> 00:16:20,003 Next stop, Queensborough P/aza. 295 00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:22,042 Gyro. 296 00:16:34,809 --> 00:16:37,277 I like your place. It's very unassuming. 297 00:16:37,449 --> 00:16:39,599 Well, why would I assume? I never assume. 298 00:16:39,769 --> 00:16:41,680 It leads to assumptions. 299 00:16:42,449 --> 00:16:45,168 Oh, by the way, that TV Guide I gave you, I need it back. 300 00:16:45,529 --> 00:16:47,167 - Why? - I'm doing a report... 301 00:16:47,329 --> 00:16:50,480 ...on minorities in the media, and I wanted to use the Al Roker interview. 302 00:16:50,649 --> 00:16:53,561 It's too late. I gave it to Elaine to give to George's father. 303 00:16:53,729 --> 00:16:56,607 Jerry, I really need it back. It is mine. 304 00:16:56,769 --> 00:17:00,398 You can't give something and then take it back. I mean, what are you, a-? 305 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:03,317 What? 306 00:17:04,369 --> 00:17:07,839 - A person that... - A person that what? 307 00:17:08,009 --> 00:17:10,921 Well, a person that gives something and then they're dissatisfied... 308 00:17:11,089 --> 00:17:14,047 ...and they wish they had never given it to the person... 309 00:17:14,209 --> 00:17:18,282 - ... that they originally gave it to. - You mean, like an Indian giver? 310 00:17:18,529 --> 00:17:20,759 I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with that term. 311 00:17:37,609 --> 00:17:40,362 I like the special fall preview issues the best. 312 00:17:41,289 --> 00:17:44,008 Those. I've been saving those from the beginning. 313 00:17:45,769 --> 00:17:48,363 These are worth, like, a lot of money. 314 00:17:49,729 --> 00:17:51,799 - Oh, hello, Elaine. - Hello. 315 00:17:51,969 --> 00:17:54,688 Elaine. Hello. 316 00:17:56,489 --> 00:17:58,207 You look scrumptious. 317 00:18:00,009 --> 00:18:01,488 Why'd you take my TV Guide? 318 00:18:01,649 --> 00:18:05,119 I'm so sorry about that, Mr. Costanza. But look, look. 319 00:18:05,289 --> 00:18:08,440 - I brought you another one. - I made this for you. 320 00:18:10,049 --> 00:18:11,482 Thank you. 321 00:18:11,649 --> 00:18:13,446 What is this? You got stains all over it. 322 00:18:13,609 --> 00:18:15,122 What the hell did you do? 323 00:18:15,369 --> 00:18:19,044 - Hey, you can't talk to her like that. - I'll talk to her any way I want. 324 00:18:19,209 --> 00:18:20,801 Come on, Elaine. Let's go. 325 00:18:22,249 --> 00:18:24,205 My coffee table! 326 00:18:25,889 --> 00:18:29,518 I don't understand. How can you have a cigar store without an Indian? 327 00:18:29,689 --> 00:18:31,247 It's unseemly. 328 00:18:31,409 --> 00:18:34,082 - I'll give you a box of coronas for it. - Forget it. 329 00:18:34,249 --> 00:18:37,605 Excuse me, are you selling this Indian? 330 00:18:37,769 --> 00:18:40,806 - Oh, yeah. Yeah. - I'm just redecorating my office... 331 00:18:40,969 --> 00:18:43,563 ...in a southwestern motif, and this would be perfect. 332 00:18:43,729 --> 00:18:46,562 - Give you $500 for it? - Giddyup. 333 00:18:46,729 --> 00:18:49,482 Yeah? Could you help me bring it up to my office? 334 00:18:49,649 --> 00:18:51,719 I'm right next door. Pendant Publishing. 335 00:18:52,369 --> 00:18:55,998 Pendant Publishing. Giddyup again. 336 00:18:58,729 --> 00:19:01,766 Mr. Lippman, I'm sorry. I was in Queens- 337 00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:04,798 - Kramer. - Yeah. Hi, Elaine. 338 00:19:05,169 --> 00:19:06,761 What are you doing in here with that? 339 00:19:06,929 --> 00:19:09,238 Well, it's a business transaction. 340 00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:11,969 Listen, petty cash just had 1 Os and 20s. 341 00:19:12,129 --> 00:19:13,881 - Go ahead. Count it. - Yeah. 342 00:19:14,049 --> 00:19:15,960 I'm sure it's all here. 343 00:19:16,129 --> 00:19:18,643 I was just admiring your coffee table out in the hall. 344 00:19:18,809 --> 00:19:20,208 You like that, huh? 345 00:19:20,369 --> 00:19:22,200 I had that custom-made for me in Santa Fe. 346 00:19:22,369 --> 00:19:25,327 - You mind if I use it in my book? - What book? 347 00:19:25,489 --> 00:19:28,447 Well, I'm doing a coffee-table book on coffee tables. 348 00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:31,364 About coffee tables? 349 00:19:31,529 --> 00:19:33,326 That's fantastic. 350 00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:36,319 - Who's your publisher? - I'm still shopping it around. 351 00:19:36,689 --> 00:19:38,247 Yeah? You see? 352 00:19:38,409 --> 00:19:41,924 This is the kind of idea you should be coming in with. 353 00:19:42,089 --> 00:19:45,286 What the hell do you do around here all day anyway? 354 00:19:45,449 --> 00:19:50,921 - Well, I read manuscripts- - The Indian really completes the room. 355 00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:52,761 Don't you think? 356 00:19:56,489 --> 00:19:59,561 I know this coffee table. It's George Costanza's. 357 00:19:59,729 --> 00:20:01,401 It's mine. I'm his mother. 358 00:20:01,769 --> 00:20:05,159 Oh, I haven't seen George for a while. He must be working very hard. 359 00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:07,081 George doesn't work. 360 00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:08,887 He's a bum. 361 00:20:09,529 --> 00:20:11,645 That's why he lives at home with us. 362 00:20:11,889 --> 00:20:13,402 He does? 363 00:20:15,169 --> 00:20:17,967 I don't know why we think of this. We just could call TV Guide. 364 00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:19,482 I don't know. 365 00:20:19,649 --> 00:20:21,958 Well, it's going to make Mr. Costanza very happy. 366 00:20:22,209 --> 00:20:23,608 I guess. 367 00:20:23,769 --> 00:20:26,283 - What's the matter? - What do you think is the matter? 368 00:20:26,449 --> 00:20:30,237 I've been assigned to work on Kramer's coffee-table book. 369 00:20:30,449 --> 00:20:32,599 It is a good idea, Elaine. 370 00:20:32,769 --> 00:20:35,078 Next stop, Queensborough P/aza. 371 00:20:35,249 --> 00:20:37,444 - Do you want a gyro? - I don't think so. 372 00:20:42,769 --> 00:20:44,282 Elaine! 373 00:20:46,129 --> 00:20:49,246 Well, I guess your boyfriend's gonna have to catch the next train. 374 00:20:49,569 --> 00:20:52,527 - He's not my boyfriend. - He's not? 375 00:20:52,689 --> 00:20:54,168 Interesting. 376 00:21:07,649 --> 00:21:10,447 I was always excited as a kid when that new TV Guide would come. 377 00:21:10,609 --> 00:21:12,361 When that front cover is nice and flat... 378 00:21:12,529 --> 00:21:15,123 ...it seems like there's good, fresh TV shows. 379 00:21:15,289 --> 00:21:17,644 Then as the week goes by, you start to hate the TV. 380 00:21:17,809 --> 00:21:20,277 All the shows stink. Everything's getting all crumpled... 381 00:21:20,449 --> 00:21:22,917 ...and ripped from being sat on, thrown across the room. 382 00:21:23,089 --> 00:21:25,523 TV Guide's always thrown, never handed to another person. 383 00:21:25,729 --> 00:21:28,323 It's the world's most thrown reading material. 384 00:21:28,489 --> 00:21:31,322 "Where's the TV Guide? " "There it is." 385 00:21:32,449 --> 00:21:34,758 In the back of the TV Guide, they have a phone number. 386 00:21:34,929 --> 00:21:37,397 Ninety-five cents a minute, they'll give you the answers... 387 00:21:37,569 --> 00:21:40,208 ...to the TV Guide crossword puzzle. 388 00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:43,762 My question is if you can't do the TV Guide crossword puzzle... 389 00:21:43,929 --> 00:21:46,921 ...where are you coming across 95 cents? 390 00:21:53,649 --> 00:21:55,640 Subtitles by SDl Media Group 390 00:21:56,305 --> 00:22:02,299 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from OpenSubtitles.org