1 00:00:02,209 --> 00:00:04,325 We never should have landed a man on the moon. 2 00:00:05,929 --> 00:00:09,160 It's a mistake. Now everything is compared to that one accomplishment. 3 00:00:09,329 --> 00:00:12,401 Everybody goes, "I can't believe they can land a man on the moon... 4 00:00:12,569 --> 00:00:14,161 ...and taste my coffee." 5 00:00:14,329 --> 00:00:16,923 We would've been happier if we hadn't landed on the moon. 6 00:00:17,089 --> 00:00:20,206 We'd go, "They can't make a prescription bottle that'll open easily? 7 00:00:20,369 --> 00:00:25,284 I'm not surprised they couldn't land on the moon. Things make perfect sense." 8 00:00:25,729 --> 00:00:28,641 Neil Armstrong should've said, "That's one small step for man... 9 00:00:28,809 --> 00:00:32,848 ...one giant leap for every whining, complaining SOB on the Earth." 10 00:00:38,889 --> 00:00:41,608 Hey, do you believe I got "Happy New Year'd"today? 11 00:00:41,769 --> 00:00:43,043 It's February. 12 00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:45,928 I once got "Happy New Year'd"in March. 13 00:00:46,089 --> 00:00:48,603 - It's disgusting. - It's pathetic. 14 00:00:49,649 --> 00:00:51,446 - Hey, is it cold out? - Really cold. 15 00:00:51,609 --> 00:00:54,885 - Scary cold? - What's your definition of scary cold? 16 00:00:55,649 --> 00:00:56,923 Hi. 17 00:01:02,009 --> 00:01:03,761 That. 18 00:01:04,449 --> 00:01:07,521 What is that? 19 00:01:07,769 --> 00:01:09,600 - What? - When did you get that? 20 00:01:09,769 --> 00:01:13,045 This week. My father got a deal from a friend of his. 21 00:01:13,209 --> 00:01:15,040 It's Gore-Tex. 22 00:01:15,329 --> 00:01:16,808 You know about Gore-Tex? 23 00:01:17,209 --> 00:01:19,245 You like saying Gore-Tex, don't you? 24 00:01:19,409 --> 00:01:22,845 Look at you. You can't even turn around in that thing. 25 00:01:23,049 --> 00:01:24,323 Look at this. 26 00:01:25,969 --> 00:01:28,085 Hey, George, can you feel this? Can you-? 27 00:01:29,449 --> 00:01:32,009 All right, all right! Knock it off. 28 00:01:32,329 --> 00:01:33,921 Come on, let's go. 29 00:01:34,089 --> 00:01:37,206 We should stop off on the way and get a bottle of wine or something. 30 00:01:37,369 --> 00:01:38,882 What for? 31 00:01:39,049 --> 00:01:42,086 These people invited us for dinner. We have to bring something. 32 00:01:42,409 --> 00:01:43,842 Why? 33 00:01:44,369 --> 00:01:46,724 Because it's rude otherwise. 34 00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:49,844 You mean just going there because I'm invited... 35 00:01:50,009 --> 00:01:51,362 - ... that's rude? - Yes. 36 00:01:51,529 --> 00:01:54,248 You're telling me, instead of them being happy to see me... 37 00:01:54,409 --> 00:01:56,798 ...they'll be upset because I didn't bring anything. 38 00:01:56,969 --> 00:01:58,243 You see what I'm saying? 39 00:01:58,409 --> 00:02:00,639 The fabric of society is very complex, George. 40 00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:04,567 I don't even drink wine. I drink Pepsi. 41 00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:06,801 You can't bring Pepsi. 42 00:02:07,529 --> 00:02:08,803 Why not? 43 00:02:09,249 --> 00:02:10,523 Because we're adults. 44 00:02:11,329 --> 00:02:14,082 What, you're telling me that wine is better than Pepsi? 45 00:02:14,249 --> 00:02:16,763 No way wine is better than Pepsi. 46 00:02:16,929 --> 00:02:19,204 George, I don't think we wanna walk in there... 47 00:02:19,369 --> 00:02:22,361 ...and put a big plastic jug of Pepsi in the middle of the table. 48 00:02:22,529 --> 00:02:25,601 I don't like the idea that any time there's a dinner invitation... 49 00:02:25,769 --> 00:02:27,760 ...there's this annoying little chore. 50 00:02:27,929 --> 00:02:30,489 You're getting to be an annoying little chore yourself. 51 00:02:32,489 --> 00:02:34,400 All right, let's go. Who's driving? 52 00:02:34,569 --> 00:02:37,288 You are. I can't get that thing in my car. 53 00:02:39,689 --> 00:02:42,078 Where's the heat in this car? Come on. Warm me up. 54 00:02:42,249 --> 00:02:44,763 - It's cold. Give us a little squeeze. - Get off of me. 55 00:02:44,929 --> 00:02:47,966 Get off of- Get off of me. 56 00:02:48,849 --> 00:02:50,646 You're comfortable up there, bubble boy. 57 00:02:50,809 --> 00:02:53,926 Oh, yeah. You wish you had this coat. 58 00:02:54,089 --> 00:02:56,478 I was just thinking, the four of us can't show up... 59 00:02:56,649 --> 00:02:59,117 - ... with just one bottle of wine. - Oh, here we go. 60 00:02:59,289 --> 00:03:01,120 - What? - Why don't we get them a couch. 61 00:03:01,289 --> 00:03:04,008 We'll rent a U-Haul. We'll bring them a nice sectional. 62 00:03:04,169 --> 00:03:07,366 We should bring some cake. Will you stop off at the bakery? 63 00:03:07,529 --> 00:03:10,521 Why don't you just get some Ring Dings from the liquor store. 64 00:03:10,689 --> 00:03:11,963 Ring Dings? 65 00:03:12,209 --> 00:03:14,484 Ring Dings are better than anything at a bakery. 66 00:03:14,649 --> 00:03:16,002 I like Ring Dings. 67 00:03:16,169 --> 00:03:18,319 George, you can't show up at someone's house... 68 00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:20,684 ...with Ring Dings and Pepsi. 69 00:03:20,849 --> 00:03:23,488 Hey, your lights are on! 70 00:03:24,649 --> 00:03:27,209 It's a funeral procession. 71 00:03:28,689 --> 00:03:31,328 I got news for you. I show up with Ring Dings and Pepsi... 72 00:03:31,489 --> 00:03:32,763 ...I'm the hit of the party. 73 00:03:32,929 --> 00:03:35,159 People would be coming up, "Between you and me... 74 00:03:35,329 --> 00:03:37,968 ...I'm really excited about the Ring Dings and the Pepsi." 75 00:03:38,129 --> 00:03:41,326 What are we, Europeans, with the Beaujolais and the chardonnay? 76 00:03:41,729 --> 00:03:44,118 Oh, Kramer, that's the bakery. Stop here. Stop here. 77 00:03:44,289 --> 00:03:45,688 - All right. - Okay, let me out. 78 00:03:45,849 --> 00:03:47,601 - You, whatever your name is. - Jerry. 79 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,043 Yeah, Jerry. Come with me. 80 00:03:49,209 --> 00:03:51,518 We'll get the wine, pick you up here in 10 minutes? 81 00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:52,963 - Yeah. - All right. 82 00:03:56,969 --> 00:03:58,561 I love the smell of bakeries. 83 00:03:58,729 --> 00:04:00,799 Look, Elaine, the black-and-white cookie. 84 00:04:00,969 --> 00:04:02,721 I love the black-and-white. 85 00:04:03,049 --> 00:04:06,644 Two races of flavour living side by side in harmony. 86 00:04:06,809 --> 00:04:08,925 It's a wonderful thing, isn't it? 87 00:04:09,089 --> 00:04:12,001 You know, I often wonder what you'll be like when you're senile. 88 00:04:13,329 --> 00:04:16,639 - I'm looking forward to it. - Yeah. It'll be a very smooth transition. 89 00:04:16,809 --> 00:04:18,242 Thank you. 90 00:04:18,409 --> 00:04:19,842 All right. What are we getting? 91 00:04:20,329 --> 00:04:22,240 Chocolate babka. That's their specialty. 92 00:04:22,729 --> 00:04:25,118 - Love that babka. - Yeah, yeah. 93 00:04:25,289 --> 00:04:27,519 But listen. Elaine, when we get up to the door... 94 00:04:27,689 --> 00:04:29,361 ...you hold the cake box. 95 00:04:29,809 --> 00:04:31,083 - Why? - I don't know. 96 00:04:31,249 --> 00:04:34,559 Just standing there with a box, holding it by the little string... 97 00:04:35,529 --> 00:04:38,919 - You think it's effeminate? - It's a tad dainty. 98 00:04:40,329 --> 00:04:42,285 Oh, we forgot to pick a number. 99 00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:45,247 See, that's not fair. We were here ahead of all these people. 100 00:04:46,049 --> 00:04:47,960 You think I should go and ask her for hers? 101 00:04:48,129 --> 00:04:50,165 - No, forget it. - No, no, no. It's not fair. 102 00:04:50,329 --> 00:04:53,401 Just because they have a ticket doesn't mean they were here first. 103 00:04:53,569 --> 00:04:55,719 We were ahead of them and them and her. 104 00:04:55,889 --> 00:04:58,642 Come on, let's just go ask them. Come on. 105 00:04:59,729 --> 00:05:01,287 Excuse me. 106 00:05:02,049 --> 00:05:03,641 Well, I'm not finding a spot here. 107 00:05:04,649 --> 00:05:05,923 What do you wanna do? 108 00:05:06,089 --> 00:05:07,363 - Just double-park. - No. 109 00:05:07,529 --> 00:05:09,360 - Why not? - I'll get a ticket. 110 00:05:09,529 --> 00:05:11,440 What if somebody wants to get out of here? 111 00:05:11,609 --> 00:05:14,248 People get spaces this good, they never give them up. 112 00:05:14,409 --> 00:05:16,525 That's a fallacy. 113 00:05:16,689 --> 00:05:17,963 All right, I tell you what. 114 00:05:18,249 --> 00:05:20,479 Go into the store, and I'll wait in the car. 115 00:05:20,649 --> 00:05:23,163 Why don't you go into the store, I'll wait in the car? 116 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:25,207 Because I've got the coat. 117 00:05:25,369 --> 00:05:29,920 - I can sit in the car and not get cold. - I'll leave the car heater running. 118 00:05:30,089 --> 00:05:33,286 - Does the heater work in this car? - No. 119 00:05:34,569 --> 00:05:37,845 There's a spot right in front of the liquor store. You see? You see? 120 00:05:41,209 --> 00:05:44,007 - But we were here ahead of you. - How do I know that? 121 00:05:44,169 --> 00:05:45,602 Well, we saw you come in. 122 00:05:45,769 --> 00:05:48,488 - Well, that's easy for you to say. - Oh, yeah, right. 123 00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:49,923 That's something I do. 124 00:05:50,089 --> 00:05:53,126 I make up stories to get ahead in lines at bakeries. 125 00:05:53,289 --> 00:05:55,405 Forty-six. 126 00:05:57,209 --> 00:05:59,325 Wait. Wait a second. 127 00:05:59,489 --> 00:06:01,047 Are you Barbara Benedict? 128 00:06:01,609 --> 00:06:03,167 Yes. 129 00:06:03,649 --> 00:06:05,128 Oh, my God. 130 00:06:05,329 --> 00:06:07,206 I don't- I know you. 131 00:06:07,369 --> 00:06:09,121 I'm- I'm Elaine Benes. 132 00:06:09,289 --> 00:06:12,406 Do you remember? We met at Linda van Grak's baby shower. 133 00:06:12,649 --> 00:06:14,321 I'm on my way over there right now. 134 00:06:14,569 --> 00:06:16,560 Yeah, me too. 135 00:06:16,729 --> 00:06:20,324 - You're Jerry, right? - David. 136 00:06:23,889 --> 00:06:27,598 - Well, this is a little awkward, isn't it? - Yes, it is. 137 00:06:29,849 --> 00:06:32,488 You know, we were here ahead of you. 138 00:06:32,849 --> 00:06:36,080 - You're not getting my number. - So you still don't believe us. 139 00:06:36,249 --> 00:06:38,558 - Forty-seven. - That's us. 140 00:06:38,729 --> 00:06:41,118 Oh, okay, fine. Fine. Go ahead. But listen. 141 00:06:41,289 --> 00:06:43,007 As soon as I get there... 142 00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:46,161 ...I'm gonna tell everyone what a jerk you are. 143 00:06:46,329 --> 00:06:50,447 I'll be there ahead of you and I'll be telling them what a jerk you are. 144 00:06:51,049 --> 00:06:53,438 I'll have the chocolate babka. 145 00:06:54,969 --> 00:06:57,244 You're lucky, Mrs. Benedict. It's our last one. 146 00:07:02,049 --> 00:07:05,086 All right, what are we getting? It's hot in here. 147 00:07:05,889 --> 00:07:08,767 What do you say we get a Mouton Cadet? 148 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,885 - What's that? - It's a Bordeaux. 149 00:07:11,049 --> 00:07:14,086 Robust, bold, very dry... 150 00:07:14,249 --> 00:07:17,878 ...as opposed to a Beaujolais, which is richer and fruitier. 151 00:07:19,489 --> 00:07:23,448 - All right, here's one. Twelve dollars. - Twelve dollars? 152 00:07:23,689 --> 00:07:27,318 We should've gone to the bakery. They're not getting no 12-dollar cake. 153 00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:29,684 I'll pay you back later. I don't have my wallet. 154 00:07:37,729 --> 00:07:40,527 - Why not? - I don't like to carry my wallet. 155 00:07:40,689 --> 00:07:43,920 My osteopath says that it's bad for my spine. 156 00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:46,045 Throws my hips off-kilter. 157 00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:50,477 Throws your hips off-kilter. 158 00:07:51,009 --> 00:07:53,921 - So where's your money? - I never take it. 159 00:07:54,089 --> 00:07:56,649 - So, what do you do? - Oh, I get by. 160 00:07:59,369 --> 00:08:00,643 See you later. 161 00:08:00,809 --> 00:08:02,879 - See you later. - See you later. 162 00:08:03,089 --> 00:08:05,205 That's the last babka. They got the last babka. 163 00:08:05,369 --> 00:08:07,803 I know. They're going in first with the last babka. 164 00:08:07,969 --> 00:08:09,721 - That was our babka. - Can't beat babka. 165 00:08:09,889 --> 00:08:11,686 We had that babka. 166 00:08:11,849 --> 00:08:13,248 They're gonna be heroes. 167 00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:16,481 So, what now? If we can't get the babka, the whole thing's useless. 168 00:08:16,769 --> 00:08:19,522 - Well, how about a carrot cake? - Carrot cake? 169 00:08:19,689 --> 00:08:23,523 Why is that a cake? You don't make carrots into a cake, I'm sorry. 170 00:08:24,169 --> 00:08:26,729 - Black Forest? - Black Forest? Too scary. 171 00:08:26,889 --> 00:08:28,481 You're in the forest. 172 00:08:30,409 --> 00:08:32,639 - Hey, how about a napoleon? - Napoleon? 173 00:08:32,809 --> 00:08:35,926 Who's he to have a cake? He was a ruthless warmonger. 174 00:08:36,089 --> 00:08:37,363 Might as well get a Mengele. 175 00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:42,237 That was our babka. We had that babka. 176 00:08:42,409 --> 00:08:45,048 - What's this one? - That? Cinnamon babka. 177 00:08:46,409 --> 00:08:48,479 Another babka? 178 00:08:49,769 --> 00:08:52,329 There's chocolate, and there's cinnamon. 179 00:08:52,489 --> 00:08:53,968 Well, we gotta get the cinnamon. 180 00:08:54,129 --> 00:08:57,758 Yeah, but they got the chocolate. We'll be going in with lesser babka. 181 00:08:57,929 --> 00:08:59,328 I beg your pardon. 182 00:08:59,489 --> 00:09:02,367 Cinnamon takes a back seat to no babka. 183 00:09:02,889 --> 00:09:06,325 People love it. It should be on tables in restaurants with salt and pepper. 184 00:09:06,489 --> 00:09:08,684 Someone says, "This is so good. What's in this?" 185 00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:12,842 The answer comes back, "Cinnamon, cinnamon,"again and again. 186 00:09:13,049 --> 00:09:16,200 Lesser babka? I think not. 187 00:09:17,249 --> 00:09:19,046 Forty-nine. 188 00:09:20,729 --> 00:09:22,162 I'll have a cinnamon babka. 189 00:09:22,449 --> 00:09:24,326 And a black-and-white cookie for me. 190 00:09:24,649 --> 00:09:26,128 Peace. 191 00:09:29,289 --> 00:09:30,563 That'll be 13.05. 192 00:09:31,449 --> 00:09:32,723 All right, here you go. 193 00:09:32,889 --> 00:09:35,449 A hundred. I can't change that. 194 00:09:35,689 --> 00:09:39,443 - You can't? All right, let's go. - Wait a second. 195 00:09:39,609 --> 00:09:40,883 I can get change. 196 00:09:44,969 --> 00:09:46,880 Hey, anybody got change for a hundred? 197 00:09:47,049 --> 00:09:48,641 Are you crazy? What are you doing? 198 00:09:48,809 --> 00:09:50,401 - You're gonna get us killed. - What? 199 00:09:50,609 --> 00:09:53,601 Don't go shouting we got a $100 bill. People will be all over us. 200 00:09:53,769 --> 00:09:55,680 Let's buy something and we'll get change. 201 00:09:55,849 --> 00:09:58,124 I am not buying something just to get change. 202 00:09:58,289 --> 00:10:01,326 George, there's a newsstand right over there. Now, come on. 203 00:10:06,289 --> 00:10:09,804 - What are we doing? - Just get some gum or something. 204 00:10:12,849 --> 00:10:14,601 Pack of gum. Here you go. 205 00:10:15,289 --> 00:10:17,564 What, it's a hundred? I can't change a hundred. 206 00:10:17,969 --> 00:10:20,529 - Why not? - You gotta buy more than that. 207 00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:22,967 Here. Get a newspaper. 208 00:10:23,129 --> 00:10:25,006 - Newspaper. - Not enough. 209 00:10:26,609 --> 00:10:28,281 Clark Bar. 210 00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:33,649 - Clark Bar. - Keep going. 211 00:10:33,889 --> 00:10:35,766 - I'm up to $2 here. - Here. 212 00:10:35,929 --> 00:10:39,968 - George, get a Penthouse Forum. - I'm not getting a Penthouse Forum. 213 00:10:40,129 --> 00:10:42,359 No, that'll make great dinner-party conversation. 214 00:10:42,689 --> 00:10:44,680 We'll read the letters at the dinner table. 215 00:10:44,849 --> 00:10:47,204 - Oh, that's nice. - You ever read one of these? 216 00:10:47,369 --> 00:10:49,166 It's not real. They're all made up. 217 00:10:49,329 --> 00:10:51,001 Oh, it's real. 218 00:10:51,449 --> 00:10:54,361 You know, then there's an unusual number of people having sex... 219 00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:56,759 ...with amputees. 220 00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:04,601 Penthouse Forum. 221 00:11:04,769 --> 00:11:07,647 Newspaper, gum, Clark Bar. 222 00:11:11,569 --> 00:11:12,843 Six seventy-five. 223 00:11:13,009 --> 00:11:16,365 Oh, great. All right, with the wine, I'm in over $20 now. 224 00:11:19,009 --> 00:11:21,398 - Big coat. Big coat! - Yes. 225 00:11:21,609 --> 00:11:23,998 I'm sorry. It's a new coat. 226 00:11:25,049 --> 00:11:27,085 It's Gore-Tex. 227 00:11:28,489 --> 00:11:31,003 We better be careful with that thing. 228 00:11:31,249 --> 00:11:33,160 You'll start a war. 229 00:11:34,729 --> 00:11:37,004 See, the key to eating a black-and-white cookie... 230 00:11:37,169 --> 00:11:39,888 ...is you wanna get some black and some white in each bite. 231 00:11:40,049 --> 00:11:42,927 Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. 232 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:46,839 And yet still somehow, racial harmony eludes us. 233 00:11:47,569 --> 00:11:49,685 If people would only look to the cookie... 234 00:11:49,849 --> 00:11:51,487 ...all our problems would be solved. 235 00:11:52,169 --> 00:11:55,320 Well, your views on race relations are just fascinating. 236 00:11:55,489 --> 00:11:58,799 You really should do an op-ed piece for The Times. 237 00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:00,840 Look to the cookie, Elaine. 238 00:12:01,009 --> 00:12:02,442 Look to the cookie. 239 00:12:04,369 --> 00:12:06,439 What is this? 240 00:12:06,609 --> 00:12:07,962 What? 241 00:12:08,129 --> 00:12:09,403 It's a hair. 242 00:12:10,769 --> 00:12:12,168 Take it back. Get another one. 243 00:12:12,329 --> 00:12:15,685 - No, we're late. I'll take it off. - Get another one. It'll take a second. 244 00:12:15,849 --> 00:12:17,248 All right, all right. 245 00:12:18,369 --> 00:12:19,688 - Excuse me. - Hey, hey. 246 00:12:19,849 --> 00:12:22,921 - I'm on line here. - No, no, we just bought this. 247 00:12:23,089 --> 00:12:25,478 You sold us a cake with a hair on it. 248 00:12:25,649 --> 00:12:27,002 You have to take a number. 249 00:12:27,529 --> 00:12:30,089 We waited 15 minutes for this. 250 00:12:30,369 --> 00:12:33,486 You sell me a cake with a hair on it... 251 00:12:33,649 --> 00:12:35,640 ...and then you want me to wait? 252 00:12:35,809 --> 00:12:37,720 What are you doing? You're gonna wait now? 253 00:12:37,889 --> 00:12:39,800 I'm not gonna eat a cake with a hair on it. 254 00:12:39,969 --> 00:12:41,641 It was a little hair. I took it off. 255 00:12:41,809 --> 00:12:44,039 A little hair? Do you think that makes it better? 256 00:12:44,209 --> 00:12:46,518 - What if it's your hair? - What if it's your hair? 257 00:12:46,689 --> 00:12:50,125 What is wrong with my hair? Nobody takes better care of their hair than me. 258 00:12:50,289 --> 00:12:52,041 You can serve dinner on my head. 259 00:12:52,209 --> 00:12:55,963 You use that misty herbal rainwater crap they sell in the health food store. 260 00:12:56,129 --> 00:12:58,802 I use Prell, the hard stuff. 261 00:12:59,089 --> 00:13:01,649 Hundred proof, takes your roots out. 262 00:13:02,169 --> 00:13:05,320 Okay, fine. We'll just wait till she calls the number. 263 00:13:05,849 --> 00:13:07,567 Maybe we should forget about the cake. 264 00:13:07,729 --> 00:13:09,799 No. I'm bringing cake. 265 00:13:12,449 --> 00:13:16,567 All right, we got the wine. Aren't we lucky? We got wine. 266 00:13:17,649 --> 00:13:20,561 Imagine if we didn't bring the wine. We'd be shunned by society. 267 00:13:20,729 --> 00:13:23,721 Outcasts. "Where's your wine? Get out!" 268 00:13:25,729 --> 00:13:28,323 "I know this is gonna sound like a crazy fantasy... 269 00:13:28,489 --> 00:13:31,640 ...but every word of this story is true. 270 00:13:31,809 --> 00:13:34,039 A few weeks ago, my girlfriend mentioned to me... 271 00:13:34,209 --> 00:13:37,007 ...how attractive she thought our new neighbour, Linda, was." 272 00:13:37,169 --> 00:13:38,682 Look- Look at this. 273 00:13:39,089 --> 00:13:41,967 Somebody double-parked and blocked us in. 274 00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:45,003 Does anybody know whose car that is? 275 00:13:45,809 --> 00:13:48,721 Maybe there's a note on it. Oh, brother. 276 00:13:48,889 --> 00:13:50,322 No. No note. 277 00:13:50,489 --> 00:13:53,049 - Can you believe this? - "Of course, I noticed her too... 278 00:13:53,209 --> 00:13:55,439 ...with those ample breasts and pouty lips. 279 00:13:55,649 --> 00:13:58,527 I don't have to tell you she was a knockout." 280 00:14:01,529 --> 00:14:04,362 I really cannot comprehend how stupid people can be sometimes. 281 00:14:04,529 --> 00:14:07,282 - Can you comprehend it? - No, I can't comprehend it. 282 00:14:07,449 --> 00:14:10,600 We can put a man on the moon, but we're still basically very stupid. 283 00:14:10,769 --> 00:14:13,761 The guy whose car this is could be the guy that built the rocket. 284 00:14:13,929 --> 00:14:16,159 - See what I'm saying? - He could build the rocket. 285 00:14:16,329 --> 00:14:19,162 He's still stupid for double-parking and blocking somebody in. 286 00:14:19,329 --> 00:14:22,401 You understand my point about building rockets and double-parking? 287 00:14:22,569 --> 00:14:26,278 On one hand, he's smart with rockets. On the other, he's dumb with parking. 288 00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:27,802 It's cold out here, huh? 289 00:14:27,969 --> 00:14:30,881 Maybe it's not stupidity. Maybe it's just a blatant disregard... 290 00:14:31,049 --> 00:14:32,528 ...for basic human decency. 291 00:14:32,689 --> 00:14:34,168 This is how dictators start. 292 00:14:34,329 --> 00:14:37,287 Think Mussolini would circle the block six times for a spot? 293 00:14:37,449 --> 00:14:38,723 How about Idi Amin, huh? 294 00:14:38,889 --> 00:14:42,279 If I was running for office, I'd ask for the death penalty for double-parkers. 295 00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:46,124 If this is allowed to go on, this is not a society. This is anarchy! 296 00:14:46,289 --> 00:14:48,519 - Are those shoes comfortable? - No, not really. 297 00:14:48,689 --> 00:14:52,125 - They look comfortable. - That's why I got them, but they're not. 298 00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:56,646 Why couldn't we take the hair off and go? 299 00:14:56,809 --> 00:14:59,198 - No. That's out of the question. - Why? 300 00:14:59,369 --> 00:15:03,328 Because I had a bad experience with a hair when I was younger. 301 00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:07,248 - What happened? - I'd rather not talk about it. 302 00:15:08,209 --> 00:15:10,359 - You can't tell me? - All right. 303 00:15:12,529 --> 00:15:15,680 I once found a hair in my farina, and I freaked out. 304 00:15:16,369 --> 00:15:18,564 You found a hair in your farina? 305 00:15:18,729 --> 00:15:20,003 Yeah. 306 00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:21,443 - What happened? - I screamed: 307 00:15:21,609 --> 00:15:24,328 "There's a hair in my farina. There's a hair in my farina." 308 00:15:24,489 --> 00:15:26,764 I ran out of the house. I was running and running. 309 00:15:26,929 --> 00:15:28,840 I was little, but I could run really fast. 310 00:15:29,009 --> 00:15:30,601 And I- I just kept running and... 311 00:15:30,769 --> 00:15:34,398 ...they found me three hours later collapsed at a construction site. 312 00:15:36,849 --> 00:15:39,204 - Whose hair was it? - My mother's. 313 00:15:39,729 --> 00:15:41,082 - Fifty-eight. - That's us. 314 00:15:41,249 --> 00:15:42,523 Oh, good. 315 00:15:46,089 --> 00:15:49,081 You sold us a hair with a cake around it. 316 00:15:49,969 --> 00:15:51,721 We'd like another one. 317 00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:57,760 Oh, that's lovely. That's what you wanna see, yeah. 318 00:15:58,769 --> 00:16:01,681 Yeah, you wanna trade your hair for some phlegm. 319 00:16:02,889 --> 00:16:05,722 You win the pennant with that trade. Hair for phlegm. 320 00:16:05,889 --> 00:16:08,357 - Here you are. - Okay. All right... 321 00:16:08,529 --> 00:16:10,167 ...we got the cake now. 322 00:16:10,329 --> 00:16:12,320 Where is George and Kramer? 323 00:16:14,729 --> 00:16:16,685 Hey, double-parker! 324 00:16:17,489 --> 00:16:18,808 Show yourself! 325 00:16:18,969 --> 00:16:21,608 Come on out, I'm freezing. 326 00:16:22,529 --> 00:16:23,848 We are really late now. 327 00:16:24,009 --> 00:16:26,364 - We're in big trouble. Big trouble. - Why? 328 00:16:26,529 --> 00:16:28,042 You know, Elaine. 329 00:16:28,209 --> 00:16:30,120 What about her? 330 00:16:30,769 --> 00:16:32,725 I'm a little scared of her. 331 00:16:33,289 --> 00:16:35,120 - You're scared of Elaine? - Yes. 332 00:16:35,289 --> 00:16:36,563 Why? 333 00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:38,367 Did you ever see her lose her temper? 334 00:16:38,529 --> 00:16:40,599 I was once late because I bought a Panama hat. 335 00:16:40,769 --> 00:16:43,727 She pulled it down so hard my head came right through the top. 336 00:16:43,889 --> 00:16:46,005 Let's go inside the liquor store. I'm freezing. 337 00:16:46,169 --> 00:16:50,287 - Why don't you wear a heavier coat? - I wanted to look good for the party. 338 00:16:51,729 --> 00:16:54,289 Hey, hey, hey. That's great. That's very nice. 339 00:16:54,449 --> 00:16:56,360 We been waiting 20 minutes for you people. 340 00:16:56,529 --> 00:17:01,319 - You think you're Mussolini? - Back off, puffball, it's not my car! 341 00:17:03,729 --> 00:17:05,606 I wasn't talking to you. 342 00:17:05,769 --> 00:17:07,361 I'm going in. 343 00:17:09,489 --> 00:17:12,287 Wait till I get my hands on that George. 344 00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:17,045 I am gonna pull that big hood over his little head... 345 00:17:17,609 --> 00:17:19,247 ...tie the strings... 346 00:17:19,409 --> 00:17:21,559 ...and suffocate him. 347 00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:24,559 You remember that Panama hat? 348 00:17:25,009 --> 00:17:26,965 That was nothing. 349 00:17:27,609 --> 00:17:29,361 What? 350 00:17:29,529 --> 00:17:32,521 - What's the matter with you? - I don't know. I don't feel so good. 351 00:17:32,689 --> 00:17:34,008 What's wrong? 352 00:17:34,169 --> 00:17:35,966 My stomach. 353 00:17:36,569 --> 00:17:38,639 I think it was that cookie. 354 00:17:39,409 --> 00:17:41,320 - The black-and-white? - Yeah. 355 00:17:41,689 --> 00:17:43,486 Not getting along? 356 00:17:45,969 --> 00:17:49,120 I think I got David Duke and Farrakhan down there. 357 00:17:49,929 --> 00:17:52,204 If we can't look to the cookie, where can we look? 358 00:17:52,369 --> 00:17:54,325 My stomach. I feel like I'm gonna throw up. 359 00:17:54,929 --> 00:17:56,999 - Wait. What about your vomit streak? - I know. 360 00:17:57,169 --> 00:18:00,366 I haven't thrown up since June 29, 1980. 361 00:18:06,809 --> 00:18:08,959 - Sorry. - Sorry? 362 00:18:09,129 --> 00:18:10,926 You almost took my toe off. 363 00:18:11,089 --> 00:18:13,478 Why don't you watch what you're doing, you lunatic. 364 00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:19,087 Jerry, I think he broke my toe. 365 00:18:19,249 --> 00:18:20,841 Where-? Where you going? 366 00:18:21,649 --> 00:18:24,038 Fourteen years down the drain. 367 00:18:24,209 --> 00:18:26,518 You think chickens have individual personalities? 368 00:18:26,689 --> 00:18:28,042 I don't know. 369 00:18:28,209 --> 00:18:30,006 Could you tell five chickens apart... 370 00:18:30,169 --> 00:18:33,639 ...just by the way they acted? Or would they all be walking around: 371 00:18:34,609 --> 00:18:38,158 If they have individual personalities, I'm not sure we should be eating them. 372 00:18:38,929 --> 00:18:40,760 What's the matter with you? 373 00:18:41,009 --> 00:18:43,079 Can I help you guys with anything? 374 00:18:43,569 --> 00:18:45,321 No, no. We bought the wine here before. 375 00:18:45,489 --> 00:18:47,400 We're blocked in by some car double-parked. 376 00:18:47,569 --> 00:18:49,287 Just waiting for the guy to pull out. 377 00:18:49,569 --> 00:18:52,163 Well, wait outside. This isn't a hang out. 378 00:18:52,729 --> 00:18:55,846 - But my friend here has hypothermia. - Hypothermia. 379 00:18:56,009 --> 00:18:57,488 All right, guys. 380 00:18:57,649 --> 00:18:59,480 Take it outside. 381 00:19:07,089 --> 00:19:08,522 You're paying for these. 382 00:19:15,489 --> 00:19:18,401 - How was it? - Good as it gets. 383 00:19:19,169 --> 00:19:20,682 You know, that coat was Gore-Tex. 384 00:19:20,849 --> 00:19:23,568 It's worth a hell of a lot more than that cheap chardonnay. 385 00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:26,846 You know I'm freezing? I'm definitely freezing. 386 00:19:27,009 --> 00:19:28,362 I can't stop shaking. 387 00:19:28,529 --> 00:19:30,759 I'm cold too. At least you got a coat. 388 00:19:30,929 --> 00:19:32,681 Let's get in the car. 389 00:19:37,449 --> 00:19:40,009 Oh, my God. That's Saddam Hussein, the dictator. 390 00:19:40,169 --> 00:19:42,239 I told you. I told you. 391 00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:44,846 I wouldn't walk around without a coat. 392 00:19:45,009 --> 00:19:47,239 You'll catch your death of cold. So long. 393 00:19:49,169 --> 00:19:50,602 Can I get you anything else? 394 00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:54,399 - Oh, no, thanks. - How about a nice box of scram? 395 00:19:59,769 --> 00:20:01,805 Somebody double-parked. We couldn't help it. 396 00:20:01,969 --> 00:20:04,608 Might've been Saddam Hussein. We're not sure. 397 00:20:04,769 --> 00:20:07,078 He had a British accent, though. 398 00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:08,841 What-? What happened to you? 399 00:20:09,649 --> 00:20:12,641 Somebody put a cane on my foot... 400 00:20:13,249 --> 00:20:15,479 ...just like the one I'm gonna put up your- 401 00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:17,446 Hey, what happened to your coat? 402 00:20:17,609 --> 00:20:20,442 And what is that smell? What, are you drunk? 403 00:20:20,689 --> 00:20:23,647 - I had to give it to the liquor store guy. - What for? 404 00:20:23,809 --> 00:20:25,959 I spilled some chardonnay. 405 00:20:26,369 --> 00:20:28,439 So, what did you get? 406 00:20:28,849 --> 00:20:31,568 - Cinnamon babka. - Cinnamon? 407 00:20:31,729 --> 00:20:33,845 - Why didn't you get chocolate? - George. 408 00:20:34,009 --> 00:20:35,727 What? What? What? 409 00:20:45,569 --> 00:20:47,241 Here. Here's your cake. 410 00:20:47,409 --> 00:20:48,683 And your wine. 411 00:20:48,849 --> 00:20:50,885 - See you. - See you. 412 00:21:01,609 --> 00:21:03,042 I heard a weatherman say... 413 00:21:03,209 --> 00:21:06,121 ...that 75 percent of your body heat... 414 00:21:06,289 --> 00:21:08,644 ...is actually lost through the top of the head. 415 00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:12,085 Which sounds like you could go skiing naked if you got a good hat. 416 00:21:14,729 --> 00:21:18,244 But no hat makes a statement quite like the hat with the flaps. 417 00:21:18,409 --> 00:21:20,559 The hat with the flaps... 418 00:21:20,729 --> 00:21:24,517 ...makes a statement that no other hat makes. 419 00:21:24,689 --> 00:21:26,998 This hat says to the world: 420 00:21:27,169 --> 00:21:29,319 "I would rather have the heat in my skull... 421 00:21:29,489 --> 00:21:32,640 ...than anything society could possibly offer me." 422 00:21:33,329 --> 00:21:35,684 In fact, if you're on trial for a serious crime... 423 00:21:35,849 --> 00:21:38,238 ...and your lawyer recommends the insanity defence... 424 00:21:38,409 --> 00:21:40,479 ...this is the hat to wear. 425 00:21:40,649 --> 00:21:43,038 Your lawyer should really insist. He should just go: 426 00:21:43,209 --> 00:21:46,918 "Your Honour, the defence rests." 427 00:21:53,089 --> 00:21:55,080 Subtitles by SDl Media Group