1 00:00:02,209 --> 00:00:03,483 I love these nature shows. 2 00:00:05,089 --> 00:00:06,966 It's amazing how you can always relate. 3 00:00:07,129 --> 00:00:09,518 You're watching the African dung beetle and going: 4 00:00:09,689 --> 00:00:12,044 "Boy, his life is a lot like mine." 5 00:00:12,449 --> 00:00:15,247 You always root for whichever animal is the star of the show. 6 00:00:15,409 --> 00:00:17,877 Like, if it's the antelope, and a lion's chasing it... 7 00:00:18,049 --> 00:00:21,928 ...you go, "Run, antelope, run. Use your speed. Get away." 8 00:00:22,329 --> 00:00:24,047 Then next week it's the lion... 9 00:00:24,209 --> 00:00:27,042 ...and then you go, "Get the antelope. Eat him. Bite his ass! 10 00:00:27,209 --> 00:00:29,165 Trap him. Don't let him use his speed." 11 00:00:34,929 --> 00:00:37,443 Well, did he bring it up in the meeting? 12 00:00:37,609 --> 00:00:39,565 Elaine, see this T-shirt? 13 00:00:39,729 --> 00:00:43,085 Six years, I've had this T-shirt. It's my best one. 14 00:00:43,249 --> 00:00:46,286 I call him Golden Boy. 15 00:00:46,969 --> 00:00:48,448 Yeah. I'm on the phone here. 16 00:00:48,609 --> 00:00:51,726 Golden Boy's always the first shirt I wear out of the laundry. Here. 17 00:00:51,889 --> 00:00:53,959 Touch Golden Boy. 18 00:00:54,169 --> 00:00:56,285 No, thanks. Yeah. Yeah, I'll hold. 19 00:00:56,449 --> 00:00:58,917 But, see, look at the collar. It's fraying. 20 00:00:59,089 --> 00:01:01,478 Golden Boy is slowly dying. 21 00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:03,726 Each wash brings him one step closer. 22 00:01:03,889 --> 00:01:05,800 That's what makes it such a tragic figure. 23 00:01:05,969 --> 00:01:07,607 Why don't you just let Golden Boy... 24 00:01:07,769 --> 00:01:10,237 - ... soak in the sink with some Woolite. - No. 25 00:01:10,409 --> 00:01:11,842 The reason he's the iron man... 26 00:01:12,009 --> 00:01:14,125 ...is because he goes out and plays every game. 27 00:01:14,289 --> 00:01:16,200 Wash, spin, rinse, spin. 28 00:01:16,369 --> 00:01:19,520 If you take that away from him, you break his spirit. 29 00:01:19,689 --> 00:01:21,407 Yeah. 30 00:01:21,569 --> 00:01:24,037 What? He is? 31 00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:26,359 Oh, that's fantastic. I'm so excited. 32 00:01:26,529 --> 00:01:28,759 Yes, I'm excited. Okay. Okay, I'll be in soon. 33 00:01:28,929 --> 00:01:31,318 Yeah, yeah, I'm coming. I'm coming. Okay, bye. 34 00:01:31,489 --> 00:01:35,038 - Yuri Testikov, the Russian writer. - The guy who was in the gulag? 35 00:01:35,209 --> 00:01:38,201 Yeah. Pendant's publishing his new book and I'm gonna work on it. 36 00:01:38,369 --> 00:01:41,725 Lippman and I are gonna go to the airport and pick him up in a limousine. 37 00:01:42,289 --> 00:01:44,359 You wanna borrow Golden Boy? 38 00:01:44,769 --> 00:01:47,488 Do you know what this means? It's like working with Tolstoy. 39 00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:50,243 I read an unbelievable thing about Tolstoy the other day. 40 00:01:50,409 --> 00:01:52,798 Did you know the original title for War and Peace... 41 00:01:52,969 --> 00:01:54,448 ...was War-What is it Good For? 42 00:01:57,329 --> 00:01:59,638 No, I'm not kidding, Elaine. It's true. 43 00:01:59,809 --> 00:02:01,720 His mistress didn't like the title... 44 00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,959 ...and insisted he change it to War and Peace. 45 00:02:04,129 --> 00:02:07,883 - But it's a line from that song. - That's where they got it from. 46 00:02:08,649 --> 00:02:11,083 - Really? - I'm not joking. 47 00:02:13,969 --> 00:02:16,688 You can't handle the truth. 48 00:02:17,769 --> 00:02:19,168 What? 49 00:02:19,729 --> 00:02:22,766 I'm working on my Jack Nicholson. 50 00:02:23,049 --> 00:02:25,483 You can't handle the truth. 51 00:02:28,329 --> 00:02:29,808 - What is this, your mail? - Yeah. 52 00:02:29,969 --> 00:02:32,847 I grabbed it on the way out. I don't want my mother reading it. 53 00:02:33,009 --> 00:02:34,283 Your alumni magazine. 54 00:02:34,449 --> 00:02:36,724 - Your mother reads your mail? - Yeah. 55 00:02:36,889 --> 00:02:40,438 - What do you mean, like postcards? - No. Anything. 56 00:02:41,009 --> 00:02:43,239 - She doesn't open. - She'll open. 57 00:02:43,849 --> 00:02:46,124 You've caught your mother opening envelopes? 58 00:02:46,289 --> 00:02:47,847 - Yes. - What does she say? 59 00:02:48,009 --> 00:02:50,045 "I was curious." 60 00:02:50,769 --> 00:02:54,239 - Isn't that against the law? - Maybe I can get her locked up. 61 00:02:55,569 --> 00:02:58,288 Hey, Jerry, you're in the alumni magazine. Listen to this: 62 00:02:58,449 --> 00:03:00,360 "Jerry Seinfeld has appeared... 63 00:03:00,529 --> 00:03:02,838 ...on David Letterman and The Tonight Show... 64 00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:06,844 ...and he did a pilot for NBC called Jerry... 65 00:03:07,009 --> 00:03:08,965 ...that was not picked up." 66 00:03:11,409 --> 00:03:14,048 Georgie, how come there's not anything about you in here? 67 00:03:14,209 --> 00:03:16,439 He can't handle the truth. 68 00:03:17,689 --> 00:03:20,761 All right, this is too much fun. I gotta get back to work. 69 00:03:25,849 --> 00:03:27,123 You all right? 70 00:03:27,289 --> 00:03:28,688 Yeah. 71 00:03:28,849 --> 00:03:30,202 - Sorry. - It's okay. 72 00:03:30,369 --> 00:03:32,519 Yeah. Oh, hey, wait, wait. 73 00:03:33,489 --> 00:03:36,287 Maybe you could use this. 74 00:03:36,569 --> 00:03:38,002 Yeah. 75 00:03:38,169 --> 00:03:40,205 It's an electronic organizer. 76 00:03:40,689 --> 00:03:42,759 - What? - Yeah. 77 00:03:42,929 --> 00:03:44,521 - What-? - Yeah, here. 78 00:03:44,689 --> 00:03:46,122 Yeah. You know... 79 00:03:46,289 --> 00:03:49,486 ...for phone numbers, addresses, keep appointments, everything. 80 00:03:49,649 --> 00:03:51,765 Yeah, it's got an alarm that beeps. 81 00:03:51,929 --> 00:03:54,124 Oh, I can't believe this, Kramer. 82 00:03:54,289 --> 00:03:57,440 I've been wanting to get one of these things. Are you sure that-? 83 00:03:58,849 --> 00:04:00,441 - Sure you can't use this thing? - No. 84 00:04:00,609 --> 00:04:02,839 I got all my appointments right up here. 85 00:04:03,849 --> 00:04:06,727 - Where'd you get this? - The bank. I opened a new account. 86 00:04:08,609 --> 00:04:10,918 Hey, did you see that whale thing on TV last night? 87 00:04:11,089 --> 00:04:12,363 No. 88 00:04:12,529 --> 00:04:14,042 I am such a huge whale fan. 89 00:04:14,209 --> 00:04:15,801 These marine biologists showed... 90 00:04:15,969 --> 00:04:18,642 ...how they communicate with the squeaks and the squeals. 91 00:04:18,809 --> 00:04:20,527 - What a fish. - It's a mammal. 92 00:04:20,689 --> 00:04:23,283 Whatever. Hey, new tape recorder? 93 00:04:23,449 --> 00:04:25,326 Yeah, I got it from the bank. 94 00:04:25,489 --> 00:04:26,842 - Hey. - Hey. 95 00:04:27,009 --> 00:04:30,240 Who wants to have some fun? 96 00:04:30,489 --> 00:04:31,888 - I do. - I do. 97 00:04:32,049 --> 00:04:36,281 Now, are you just saying that, or do you really wanna have fun? 98 00:04:36,449 --> 00:04:37,802 I really wanna have fun. 99 00:04:37,969 --> 00:04:40,005 I'm just saying I wanna have some fun. 100 00:04:41,129 --> 00:04:44,087 Right now, there are 600 Titleists... 101 00:04:44,249 --> 00:04:48,527 ...that I got from the driving range in the trunk of my car. 102 00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:51,762 Why don't we drive out to Rockaway... 103 00:04:51,929 --> 00:04:53,647 ...and hit them... 104 00:04:53,809 --> 00:04:55,845 ...into the ocean! 105 00:04:56,049 --> 00:04:59,724 Now picture this. We find a nice, sweet spot between the dunes... 106 00:04:59,889 --> 00:05:03,006 ...we take out our drivers, we tee up, and: 107 00:05:03,489 --> 00:05:06,287 That ball goes sailing up into the sky... 108 00:05:06,449 --> 00:05:09,759 ...holds there for a moment, and then: 109 00:05:14,289 --> 00:05:16,200 - You wanna get some lunch? - Yeah. 110 00:05:16,369 --> 00:05:18,678 Let me stop by the cash machine, and I'll meet you. 111 00:05:18,849 --> 00:05:20,680 Yeah, I'm gonna get a paper. 112 00:05:21,649 --> 00:05:23,799 - Keep your head down. - Yeah. 113 00:05:27,609 --> 00:05:29,281 Cash advance? Yes. 114 00:05:29,449 --> 00:05:32,282 No. Balance inquiry? 115 00:05:32,449 --> 00:05:33,882 No. 116 00:05:34,449 --> 00:05:36,326 Receipt? No. 117 00:05:36,489 --> 00:05:39,083 Processing, processing. 118 00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:43,122 I won. 119 00:05:43,889 --> 00:05:45,481 Jerry? 120 00:05:45,969 --> 00:05:47,527 - Yeah. - It's Diane. 121 00:05:47,689 --> 00:05:50,442 - Diane DeConn from Queens College. - Oh, Diane. 122 00:05:50,609 --> 00:05:52,201 - How are you? - Good. 123 00:05:52,369 --> 00:05:54,121 - Good. - How long has it been? 124 00:05:54,289 --> 00:05:55,802 Since college. 125 00:05:56,249 --> 00:05:58,126 I've seen you on TV. You're doing great. 126 00:05:58,289 --> 00:06:00,757 - Yeah, plugging along. - I got the alumni magazine. 127 00:06:00,929 --> 00:06:02,282 What ever happened to George? 128 00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:04,201 I notice I never see his name in there. 129 00:06:04,369 --> 00:06:05,927 Well, he's kind of modest. 130 00:06:06,489 --> 00:06:09,401 He was always such a goof-off. I mean, did he ever get anywhere? 131 00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:12,447 - Sure. - Yeah? What field? 132 00:06:13,489 --> 00:06:14,842 Marine biology. 133 00:06:15,449 --> 00:06:16,928 George is a marine biologist? 134 00:06:17,169 --> 00:06:18,761 Yeah. Pretty damn good one too. 135 00:06:19,649 --> 00:06:20,923 I can't believe it. 136 00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:24,001 - I would never have thought. - Yeah. He's specializing in whales. 137 00:06:24,169 --> 00:06:27,559 He's working on lowering the cholesterol level in whales. 138 00:06:27,729 --> 00:06:30,004 All that blubber. It's quite unhealthy. 139 00:06:30,169 --> 00:06:32,842 It's the largest mammal on Earth, but as George says... 140 00:06:33,009 --> 00:06:34,408 ...they don't have to be. 141 00:06:37,009 --> 00:06:38,681 Diane DeConn? 142 00:06:38,849 --> 00:06:40,487 You saw Diane DeConn? 143 00:06:40,649 --> 00:06:42,560 - Something, huh? - How did she look? 144 00:06:42,729 --> 00:06:44,685 She looked great. 145 00:06:45,249 --> 00:06:46,762 She asked about you. 146 00:06:46,929 --> 00:06:48,760 She asked about me? What did she say? 147 00:06:49,649 --> 00:06:51,321 "How's George?" 148 00:06:52,289 --> 00:06:55,247 George? She said George? 149 00:06:55,409 --> 00:06:56,683 She remembered my name. 150 00:06:57,009 --> 00:06:59,159 Diane DeConn remembered my name. 151 00:06:59,329 --> 00:07:00,921 She was the "it"girl. 152 00:07:02,129 --> 00:07:05,405 She asked for your number. I think she's gonna get in touch with you. 153 00:07:08,329 --> 00:07:10,001 Okay, I'm telling you right now... 154 00:07:10,169 --> 00:07:13,366 ...if you're kidding, I'm not gonna be able to be your friend anymore. 155 00:07:13,529 --> 00:07:15,326 I'm serious about that. You got that? 156 00:07:15,489 --> 00:07:17,719 - I got no problem with that. - Good. 157 00:07:17,889 --> 00:07:20,642 Because if this is a lie, if this is a joke... 158 00:07:20,809 --> 00:07:24,279 ...if this is your idea of some cute little game, we're finished. 159 00:07:24,889 --> 00:07:26,447 Expect a call. 160 00:07:27,409 --> 00:07:29,400 Oh, my God, he's not kidding. 161 00:07:29,769 --> 00:07:31,043 Now... 162 00:07:31,209 --> 00:07:33,120 ...I should tell you... 163 00:07:36,689 --> 00:07:39,408 ...that at this point... 164 00:07:39,809 --> 00:07:43,199 ...she's under the impression that you're a... 165 00:07:44,049 --> 00:07:46,722 - A what? - A marine biologist. 166 00:07:52,089 --> 00:07:54,603 - A marine biologist? - Yes. 167 00:07:55,089 --> 00:07:56,442 Why am I a marine biologist? 168 00:07:58,529 --> 00:08:00,838 I may have mentioned it. 169 00:08:01,809 --> 00:08:03,800 But I'm not a marine biologist. 170 00:08:04,169 --> 00:08:05,921 Yes, I know that. 171 00:08:06,489 --> 00:08:07,842 So? 172 00:08:08,129 --> 00:08:10,199 Why, you don't think it's a good job? 173 00:08:10,369 --> 00:08:12,883 I didn't even know it was a job. 174 00:08:14,289 --> 00:08:16,928 Oh, it's a fascinating field. 175 00:08:17,409 --> 00:08:19,240 Well, what if she calls me? 176 00:08:19,409 --> 00:08:21,798 What am I supposed to say? 177 00:08:24,529 --> 00:08:25,803 Algae. 178 00:08:26,009 --> 00:08:27,840 Obviously plankton. 179 00:08:28,849 --> 00:08:30,760 I don't know what else I could tell you. 180 00:08:30,929 --> 00:08:33,318 I just got back from a trip to the Galàpagos Islands. 181 00:08:33,489 --> 00:08:34,763 I was living with turtles. 182 00:08:35,889 --> 00:08:38,449 We have got you in a very nice hotel. 183 00:08:38,609 --> 00:08:40,600 I don't know how you like to work... 184 00:08:40,769 --> 00:08:43,567 ...but I can arrange for an office if you like. 185 00:08:43,729 --> 00:08:46,243 - I work in hotel. Is better. - In the hotel. 186 00:08:46,409 --> 00:08:48,559 Away from all your little petty bickerings... 187 00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:50,765 ...and interference. 188 00:08:50,929 --> 00:08:54,285 You know, Tolstoy used to write in the village square. 189 00:08:54,449 --> 00:08:56,007 The faces inspired him. 190 00:08:56,409 --> 00:08:59,242 He did not need inspiration. 191 00:08:59,409 --> 00:09:02,606 God spoke through his pen. 192 00:09:02,929 --> 00:09:04,521 - That is so true. - Yes. 193 00:09:04,689 --> 00:09:08,159 Although, one wonders if War and Peace would have been... 194 00:09:08,329 --> 00:09:11,878 ...as highly acclaimed, had it been published under its original title... 195 00:09:12,049 --> 00:09:14,517 ...War-What is it Good For? 196 00:09:14,969 --> 00:09:16,288 - What? - Yeah. 197 00:09:16,449 --> 00:09:19,009 Mr. Lippman, it was his mistress who insisted... 198 00:09:19,169 --> 00:09:21,558 - ... that he call it War and Peace. - Elaine, Elaine. 199 00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,082 War-What is it Good For? 200 00:09:23,249 --> 00:09:26,525 Absolutely nothing Say it again 201 00:09:26,689 --> 00:09:29,203 - Elaine. - It's a song. They took it from Tolstoy. 202 00:09:29,369 --> 00:09:31,121 - No. Elaine. - War... 203 00:09:31,289 --> 00:09:33,598 - ... What is it Good For? - It's her sense of humour. 204 00:09:33,769 --> 00:09:35,999 - No, it's not. That is true. - What is that noise? 205 00:09:36,169 --> 00:09:38,399 - No, it's not. - That noise! 206 00:09:38,569 --> 00:09:41,720 What is that noise? It's travelling up my spine, into my brain. 207 00:09:41,889 --> 00:09:45,325 - It's coming from your purse. - It must be my new organizer. 208 00:09:45,489 --> 00:09:46,842 - That noise. - Turn it off. 209 00:09:47,009 --> 00:09:49,477 - Right. I think it's this- - I cannot stand it. 210 00:09:49,649 --> 00:09:51,241 - It's the button at the top. - Okay. 211 00:09:51,409 --> 00:09:54,207 - Will you turn it off? - Not the- The one at the top. 212 00:09:54,369 --> 00:09:55,643 Give it to me. 213 00:10:07,649 --> 00:10:08,923 I did it for you. 214 00:10:09,089 --> 00:10:11,000 I don't know why you had to tell her that. 215 00:10:11,169 --> 00:10:14,479 You put me in a very difficult position. Marine biologist. 216 00:10:14,649 --> 00:10:16,924 I'm very uncomfortable with this whole thing. 217 00:10:17,089 --> 00:10:19,523 I would think it's right up your alley. 218 00:10:19,689 --> 00:10:21,168 Well, it's not up my alley. 219 00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:23,797 It's one thing if I make it up, I know what I'm doing. 220 00:10:23,969 --> 00:10:25,880 I know my alleys. 221 00:10:26,449 --> 00:10:29,168 You got me in the Galàpagos Islands living with the turtles. 222 00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:30,842 I don't know where the hell I am. 223 00:10:31,449 --> 00:10:33,883 You came in the other day with all that whale stuff... 224 00:10:34,049 --> 00:10:35,641 ...the squeaking and the squealing. 225 00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:38,084 Look, why couldn't you make me an architect? 226 00:10:38,249 --> 00:10:40,809 You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect. 227 00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,765 Well, I'm supposed to see her tomorrow. 228 00:10:44,929 --> 00:10:46,760 I'm gonna tell her what's going on. 229 00:10:46,969 --> 00:10:49,927 I mean, maybe she just likes me for me. 230 00:10:50,289 --> 00:10:51,563 - Hey. - Hey. 231 00:10:51,729 --> 00:10:53,321 You want these? 232 00:10:54,009 --> 00:10:55,840 I don't want them. 233 00:10:57,489 --> 00:11:00,322 - Why? - I stink! 234 00:11:00,849 --> 00:11:02,123 I can't play. 235 00:11:02,289 --> 00:11:05,326 The ball is just sitting there, Jerry, and I can't hit it. 236 00:11:05,489 --> 00:11:08,208 I only hit one really good ball that went way out there. 237 00:11:08,369 --> 00:11:11,725 - Well, what happened? - I have no concentration. 238 00:11:13,529 --> 00:11:17,158 - What's wrong with your-? - Sand. I can't get rid of the sand. 239 00:11:17,329 --> 00:11:22,164 Look at this. Look, there's still some in here. It won't go away. 240 00:11:22,329 --> 00:11:26,242 - Look, I even got sand in the pockets. - You're getting it all over the floor. 241 00:11:29,969 --> 00:11:31,402 Hello. 242 00:11:31,569 --> 00:11:34,402 Yeah. Yes, it is. 243 00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,082 Really? 244 00:11:36,729 --> 00:11:38,924 Could you hold on a second? Hey, listen to this. 245 00:11:39,089 --> 00:11:41,603 A woman found an electronic organizer. My name's in it. 246 00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:44,203 - She wants help finding the owner. - How'd she find it? 247 00:11:44,369 --> 00:11:47,406 She's walking down the street and it hit her in the head. 248 00:11:52,689 --> 00:11:54,725 So I am walking along... 249 00:11:54,889 --> 00:11:57,323 ...minding my own business, when all of a sudden... 250 00:11:57,489 --> 00:11:59,639 ...this thing comes flying out of nowhere... 251 00:11:59,809 --> 00:12:02,881 ...and clonks me right on the head. Yeah. 252 00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:05,239 - So they took me to the hospital. - Yeah. 253 00:12:05,409 --> 00:12:08,685 Yeah. And they put me in this thing that feels like a coffin... 254 00:12:08,849 --> 00:12:10,919 ...for 45 minutes. 255 00:12:11,089 --> 00:12:14,399 You ever been in one of those things? You could go berserk in there. 256 00:12:14,569 --> 00:12:16,207 - Well, you have insurance. - I wish. 257 00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:18,678 - Unbelievable. - Yeah. 258 00:12:18,849 --> 00:12:21,204 - What is with this thing? - It never shuts up. 259 00:12:21,369 --> 00:12:23,929 So anyway, you could see why I would be interested... 260 00:12:24,089 --> 00:12:26,080 - ... in finding this person. - Absolutely. 261 00:12:26,289 --> 00:12:28,519 You should not have to pay for that. 262 00:12:28,689 --> 00:12:32,079 - Stop it. Stop it! - Let me look at this thing. 263 00:12:32,249 --> 00:12:35,480 Somebody told me they thought they saw it come out of a limousine. 264 00:12:35,649 --> 00:12:39,403 Typical rich people using the world for their personal garbage can. 265 00:12:39,649 --> 00:12:43,688 Boy, am I lucky your name came up. I just pushed a button. 266 00:12:43,849 --> 00:12:46,602 I wanna know what my name's doing in this creep's organizer. 267 00:12:46,769 --> 00:12:48,043 - Yeah. - Who do I know... 268 00:12:48,209 --> 00:12:51,201 ...who would have even been in a limousine yesterday? 269 00:12:55,969 --> 00:12:58,529 - Oh, hey. - Hey. Great organizer you gave me. 270 00:12:58,689 --> 00:13:00,042 You liked it, huh? 271 00:13:00,209 --> 00:13:02,006 It wouldn't stop beeping in the car... 272 00:13:02,169 --> 00:13:04,364 ...so Testikov threw it out the window. 273 00:13:05,089 --> 00:13:06,727 I transferred everything in there. 274 00:13:06,889 --> 00:13:09,961 I threw out my old book. I'm lost now, Kramer. 275 00:13:10,929 --> 00:13:14,683 - What? What is it? - The sand. It's everywhere. 276 00:13:15,089 --> 00:13:17,080 Okay, I'll see you later. 277 00:13:17,809 --> 00:13:19,879 - Oh, there you are. - There you are. 278 00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:21,323 - So? - So? 279 00:13:21,489 --> 00:13:25,004 - What do you have to say for yourself? - What do you have to say for yourself? 280 00:13:25,169 --> 00:13:27,683 Why should I say anything for myself? 281 00:13:28,289 --> 00:13:30,120 War-What is it Good For? 282 00:13:33,329 --> 00:13:35,081 Who told you? 283 00:13:36,289 --> 00:13:37,961 Yuri Testikov... 284 00:13:38,129 --> 00:13:41,758 ...the Russian writer. Hello? 285 00:13:42,849 --> 00:13:44,601 You told Testikov... 286 00:13:46,289 --> 00:13:48,245 ...that Tolstoy wanted to name his book... 287 00:13:48,409 --> 00:13:50,877 ...War-What is it Good For? 288 00:13:52,969 --> 00:13:54,721 And do you know what happened? 289 00:13:55,089 --> 00:13:58,047 - Can I take a guess? - Oh, please. 290 00:13:58,249 --> 00:14:02,481 Oh, I don't know. He threw your organizer out the window? 291 00:14:02,649 --> 00:14:04,719 What? How do you know that? 292 00:14:04,929 --> 00:14:07,284 - Because I know who has it. - How did you find it? 293 00:14:07,449 --> 00:14:10,759 The woman who got hit with it found my name, called me, and we met. 294 00:14:10,969 --> 00:14:13,483 - Where is it? Give it to me. - I don't have it. 295 00:14:13,849 --> 00:14:15,567 - Why not? - She's not returning it... 296 00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:18,289 ...until she gets the money back for the hospital bill. 297 00:14:18,449 --> 00:14:21,247 But I didn't do it. Testikov did it. He should pay for it. 298 00:14:21,409 --> 00:14:23,969 How much is Testikov getting from Pendant for this book? 299 00:14:24,129 --> 00:14:26,643 - One million. - Well, that's a start. 300 00:14:27,209 --> 00:14:28,961 Then, of course, with evolution... 301 00:14:29,129 --> 00:14:30,881 ...the octopus lost the nostrils... 302 00:14:31,049 --> 00:14:33,768 ...and took on the more familiar look that we know today. 303 00:14:33,929 --> 00:14:35,203 - Really? - Yeah. 304 00:14:35,369 --> 00:14:38,645 But if you still look closely, you can see a little bump... 305 00:14:38,809 --> 00:14:40,845 ...where the nose used to be. 306 00:14:41,489 --> 00:14:43,559 But enough about fish. 307 00:14:43,729 --> 00:14:45,560 I can discuss other things, you know. 308 00:14:45,729 --> 00:14:47,082 Architecture. 309 00:14:47,609 --> 00:14:49,645 - You know what room Testikov's in? - Yeah... 310 00:14:49,809 --> 00:14:52,960 ...308. I'm crazy for doing this. 311 00:14:53,129 --> 00:14:55,723 Well, you want your organizer back, don't you? 312 00:14:55,889 --> 00:14:57,800 Why are you so interested? 313 00:14:57,969 --> 00:15:00,529 - You wanna take her out? - When Superman saves someone... 314 00:15:00,689 --> 00:15:03,283 ...nobody asks if he's trying to hit on her. 315 00:15:03,449 --> 00:15:06,247 - Well, you're not Superman. - Well, you're not Lois Lane. 316 00:15:08,049 --> 00:15:10,961 - You got the tape recorder? - Yeah. You sure you wanna do this? 317 00:15:11,129 --> 00:15:13,563 I gotta get Testikov on tape. If this woman ends up... 318 00:15:13,729 --> 00:15:17,199 ...in the New England Journal of Medicine, I'm not gonna pay for it. 319 00:15:17,369 --> 00:15:19,405 Oh, here she comes. 320 00:15:20,289 --> 00:15:21,563 - Hi. - Hi. 321 00:15:21,729 --> 00:15:23,003 Elaine, this is Corinne. 322 00:15:23,169 --> 00:15:25,319 - Hello. - Hi. You got the organizer? 323 00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:30,081 Let's go. We'll meet you in 10 minutes, hopefully with the money. 324 00:15:31,089 --> 00:15:33,319 Your parents must be so proud of you, George. 325 00:15:33,489 --> 00:15:35,684 Oh, they're busting. 326 00:15:36,889 --> 00:15:39,039 What are those people doing over there? 327 00:15:42,489 --> 00:15:45,447 What? Come in. Come in, Miss Benes. 328 00:15:45,609 --> 00:15:48,999 That is, if you can spare a minute from your busy schedule. 329 00:15:49,169 --> 00:15:51,683 Now do you bring guest for my entertainment? 330 00:15:51,849 --> 00:15:53,646 Yeah, this is my friend Jerry. 331 00:15:53,809 --> 00:15:55,208 He accompanied me. 332 00:15:55,369 --> 00:15:57,963 Single women in a big city can be dangerous, so... 333 00:15:58,129 --> 00:16:02,884 That's why I wear these sneakers. In case of any trouble, zip, I'm gone. 334 00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:06,564 Yeah, yeah. The sneakers. All the Americans with the sneakers. 335 00:16:06,729 --> 00:16:08,799 You're always running from something. 336 00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:10,607 Yeah, yeah. Well, sit. Stop running. 337 00:16:11,409 --> 00:16:14,048 Two minutes, I give you latest manuscript. 338 00:16:14,969 --> 00:16:16,800 Oh, Rimsky. 339 00:16:16,969 --> 00:16:19,403 Great, great book, if I may say so, sir. 340 00:16:19,569 --> 00:16:21,958 I almost read the whole thing. 341 00:16:24,249 --> 00:16:26,717 - What? - If you can't turn that thing off... 342 00:16:26,889 --> 00:16:28,561 ...I'll have to ask you to leave. 343 00:16:28,729 --> 00:16:32,039 - I'm waiting for two people. - Well, you can wait for them outside. 344 00:16:32,209 --> 00:16:33,722 Yeah, I guess I'd better. 345 00:16:33,889 --> 00:16:37,006 I wouldn't wanna take any attention away from the hookers. 346 00:16:37,769 --> 00:16:40,681 All right. All right. Out. Out. 347 00:16:41,009 --> 00:16:43,807 Whatever you say, Crowell. 348 00:16:47,569 --> 00:16:48,843 What's going on over here? 349 00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:50,647 There's a beached whale. She's dying. 350 00:16:50,809 --> 00:16:53,164 Is anyone here a marine biologist? 351 00:16:58,529 --> 00:17:00,042 Here is latest draft. 352 00:17:00,209 --> 00:17:03,007 I see you next week, same time, same day. 353 00:17:03,169 --> 00:17:04,887 - On time, please. - Okay. 354 00:17:05,049 --> 00:17:07,244 It was nice meeting you. You're a real pleasure. 355 00:17:07,409 --> 00:17:09,206 Yeah, yeah. 356 00:17:11,089 --> 00:17:13,967 Oh, by the way, Mr. Testikov... 357 00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:18,243 ...do you remember the other day when we were in the limo and... 358 00:17:18,409 --> 00:17:22,880 ...my organizer started making noise, and you threw it out the window? 359 00:17:23,049 --> 00:17:24,448 Yes. How can I forget? 360 00:17:25,649 --> 00:17:29,881 Well, would you believe that it actually hit somebody in the head? 361 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:31,960 Right in the head. 362 00:17:33,529 --> 00:17:35,167 What is that noise? 363 00:17:35,609 --> 00:17:37,247 That's nothing. 364 00:17:37,409 --> 00:17:39,718 - And anyway- - What's going on? 365 00:17:40,329 --> 00:17:42,285 - That noise. - No, no. That's my purse. 366 00:17:42,449 --> 00:17:44,485 - That noise. - No. Get off my purse. 367 00:17:44,649 --> 00:17:46,560 - It's a recorder! - No, that's- Radio. 368 00:17:46,729 --> 00:17:48,128 You are spying on me. 369 00:18:08,969 --> 00:18:10,766 - Save the whale. - You've got to do it. 370 00:18:10,929 --> 00:18:12,840 Save the whale, George. 371 00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:14,488 For me. 372 00:18:31,249 --> 00:18:33,843 So I started to walk into the water. 373 00:18:35,049 --> 00:18:36,880 I won't lie to you, boys. 374 00:18:37,129 --> 00:18:38,801 I was terrified. 375 00:18:39,489 --> 00:18:42,526 But I pressed on. And as I made my way past the breakers... 376 00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:44,520 ...a strange calm came over me. 377 00:18:44,689 --> 00:18:47,601 I don't know if it was divine intervention... 378 00:18:47,769 --> 00:18:49,805 ...but I tell you, Jerry, at that moment... 379 00:18:50,489 --> 00:18:52,207 ...I was a marine biologist. 380 00:18:54,249 --> 00:18:56,763 George, I've just been reading this thing in the paper. 381 00:18:56,929 --> 00:18:59,568 - It's unbelievable. - I know. I was just telling the story. 382 00:18:59,729 --> 00:19:01,560 Well, come on, George. Finish the story. 383 00:19:03,369 --> 00:19:06,042 The sea was angry that day, my friends. 384 00:19:08,529 --> 00:19:11,362 Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. 385 00:19:17,529 --> 00:19:20,202 I got about 50 feet out, when suddenly... 386 00:19:20,369 --> 00:19:23,167 ...the great beast appeared before me. 387 00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:26,207 I tell you, he was 10 stories high if he was a foot. 388 00:19:27,089 --> 00:19:30,126 As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. 389 00:19:30,289 --> 00:19:32,166 I said, "Easy, big fella." 390 00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:37,161 And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized... 391 00:19:37,329 --> 00:19:39,285 ...something was obstructing its breathing. 392 00:19:39,449 --> 00:19:42,646 From where I was standing, I could see into the eye of the great fish. 393 00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,601 - Mammal. - Whatever. 394 00:19:46,009 --> 00:19:47,806 - What did you do next? - Well, then... 395 00:19:47,969 --> 00:19:50,722 ...from out of nowhere, a huge tidal wave lifted me... 396 00:19:50,889 --> 00:19:53,801 ...tossed me like a cork, and I found myself on top of him... 397 00:19:53,969 --> 00:19:56,529 ...face to face with the blowhole. 398 00:19:56,689 --> 00:19:59,601 I could barely see from the waves crashing down upon me... 399 00:19:59,769 --> 00:20:01,885 ...but I knew something was there. 400 00:20:02,049 --> 00:20:03,607 So I reached my hand in... 401 00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:07,318 ...felt around, and pulled out the obstruction. 402 00:20:26,609 --> 00:20:27,962 What is that, a Titleist? 403 00:20:32,049 --> 00:20:33,926 A hole in one, huh? 404 00:20:42,929 --> 00:20:46,478 - The crowd must have gone wild. - Oh, yes, yes. 405 00:20:47,089 --> 00:20:49,284 Yes, Jerry. They were all over me. 406 00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:51,405 It was like Rocky I. 407 00:20:53,169 --> 00:20:54,568 Diane came up to me... 408 00:20:55,289 --> 00:20:57,166 ...threw her arms around me... 409 00:20:57,329 --> 00:20:58,682 ...kissed me. 410 00:20:59,569 --> 00:21:02,641 We both had tears streaming down our faces. 411 00:21:03,289 --> 00:21:05,644 I never saw anyone so beautiful. 412 00:21:06,569 --> 00:21:09,481 It was at that moment that I decided to tell her... 413 00:21:09,649 --> 00:21:12,607 ...that I was not a marine biologist. 414 00:21:13,329 --> 00:21:14,603 What did she say? 415 00:21:14,769 --> 00:21:17,602 Told me to go to hell and I took the bus home. 416 00:21:17,769 --> 00:21:19,839 All right. Let's go. 417 00:21:21,249 --> 00:21:23,046 - What, are you in a bad mood? - No. 418 00:21:23,209 --> 00:21:25,200 Got my laundry back. 419 00:21:25,769 --> 00:21:28,761 - Golden Boy? - He didn't make it. 420 00:21:30,929 --> 00:21:32,248 - I'm sorry. - Yeah. 421 00:21:32,769 --> 00:21:34,725 This is Golden Boy's son... 422 00:21:34,929 --> 00:21:36,282 ...Baby Blue. 423 00:21:37,969 --> 00:21:40,278 - What's with you? - This sand. 424 00:21:40,529 --> 00:21:42,281 - It's everywhere. - Yep. 425 00:21:48,729 --> 00:21:50,720 Subtitles by SDl Media Group